Goes Without Saying - procrastination: the “gifted” kid to anxiety pipeline

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

adhd, anxiety and under-performance… is there anything these girls can’t do? in this episode of Goes Without Saying, sephy & wing offer their perspectives and strategies for dealing with deadline horrors and achievement anxiety. your perfectionism is quaking.join the conversation every monday.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/DwxFc6CVkz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying that you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi and this is Wing. I'm Wing. I was so sorry I stepped in your line. Line. The world's worst theatre production of all time. and Wing. I'm Sephi and this is Wing. I'm Wing, I was so sorry I stepped on your line. Line! The world's worst theatre production of all time. This episode is about procrastination, so we're talking about the pressures that we feel to be succeeding all the time, whether that's academic or just like fucking life shit. Why we always feel like we're kind of falling behind. We talk about school and academic

pressure deadlines how to beat the kind of i guess it's just pressure to not be lazy um it's a great episode if you feel a bit stuck like you're putting loads of pressure on yourself to do loads of shit so it's all fine just do whatever you want and listen to this episode maybe if you want to okay can we have a bit of a catch-up yeah let's catch up i know it's just been a week but everyone's curious to hear what's new with you new with me there's nothing really new with me why don't you start what's new with you nothing's really new for me either i don't know i just thought it might be nice to chat well one thing that's new that's my detriment yeah might be a detriment to the episode is i

was eating tacos the other day and i bit my tongue and now i have a mouth ulcer and it's one thing that's new that's my detriment yeah might be a detriment to the episode is i was eating tacos the other day and i bit my tongue and now i have a mouth ulcer and it really hurts and i've probably only had about i think eight mouth ulcers in my life i don't think they're a common occurrence so i'm in a lot of pain but whatever i know they're just a normal thing that everyone gets but i did say let's not record let's not record let's leave it we can wait but we can't not record for a mouth ulcer you don't have an ulcer but we can't so yeah she's gonna power through it i mean that would be quite dramatic but um well if you're in so much pain i think i just i think i've got a low pain tolerance i go on and on about these things when you're in pain yeah my friend was like i

can't talk to you when you're even mildly ill because you don't stop talking about i can't talk to you when you're like this horrendous but yeah that's literally the only thing that's new with me no anything new in your life like what's a little no honestly nothing i'm just happy to be here honestly you know what i will say this is my update is that so this topic i thought would be a really good one because this is me knowing the audience this is me i've been on the ground in the dms i've been reading what everyone's saying and everyone is struggling with stress exams deadlines yada yada this yada yada that and i thought we have never somehow i literally scrolled through the title and i was like god i haven't done a title on procrastination perfect amazing i already know what it's gonna be tell you later um so let's do it what an interesting combo that we have not had yet and i feel like especially i know that loads

people are at school or uni but also just in life it kind of never goes away procrastination right no it doesn't comes up in different ways like kind of you can procrastinate i'm currently procrastinating calling the doctors what for this is the thing you should give people no no no but just in life like do you get what i mean just little things like i need to ring this i need to my contact lines i need to switch do i mean like silly little things there's always about 10 things that everyone is putting off at any given moment i feel which is fucking shit it is shit yeah it's boring it's really annoying but it's just like god it would be nice to have a completely fresh slate have everything handled do you know what i mean it's like god constantly something a personal assistant something ticking away even that though

it's like that would stress me out more i'd be like god is my personal assistant happy working for me probably not like working conditions aren't good enough blah blah do you know what i mean like there's just more so it's never-ending stress on this earth love it but like fucking hell give me a break but also what's kind of quite sad about it is i could get it all done give me an hour and a half and i could probably get it all done but i still won't yeah i still won't this is the worst bit yeah it's true that's the bit that's like particularly tragic that it's like i could really handle this if i just had like a good hour it's actually embarrassing yeah it's mortifying i will spend my time on youtube instead like i won't do anything oh god it's sad outrageous it is outrageous it is okay well it's a good start, isn't it?

Did you procrastinate much at school and uni? Are you an academic procrastinator? I am an academic. I was going to say, it sounded like I said, are you an academic, by the way? I've been meaning to ask you if you're an academic. I am, in fact, an academic. Yeah, you are an academic, of course. Can I actually just say, speaking of being an academic, we have something to ask you guys little old you we and i think it's quite good to get it in at the

beginning so everyone this is for all the academics out there and all the little bookworms out there academics in the room how do you feel about a patreon book club because lots of people ask for a patron anyway which mixed feelings over here but i think a book club i think could be fun and i know lots of people were interested in like books and book chat and blah blah blah it could be quite cute what could we do i was thinking like a zoom like a monthly kind of thing like we'll read it together just cute vibes but if i think it's so fun if it's a no from you let us know if it's a yes from you let us know i need a general a general vibe how many people would come to a book club if we did it yeah what's the consensus because also people have been asking us for probably about six six months pushing to a year potentially about like yeah please start patreon please start patreon and we've always been like

no no no we don't like the idea of you guys paying for this content in any way and patrons always seem a little bit shit it's always kind of the content that you wouldn't put up like the idea of you guys paying for this content in any way and patrons always seem a little bit shit it's always kind of the content that you wouldn't put up like the excess content that you wouldn't put up on your instagram just throwing up on a patreon make people pay for it which just does not sit right with us but the idea of having like of giving you this extra content really specific books who doesn't love it learning fiction we love it well almost if you don't love it then you don't feel bad about missing the content because if you don't want to pay for it.

And that's absolutely fine. Yeah. But I do think that is quite a stunning way. I'd love to have that convo, book convo with everyone. What are we reading? We will read the same book every month. Yeah, it would be fun, right? Oh, it's dreamy.

What are we reading? Yeah, really cute. And then we do it, yeah, a Zoom or something like that. Discuss it. We both give our thoughts. You guys give your thoughts on the book sounds good what are your thoughts on that please let us know also like book ideas would be really good because we kind of yeah we don't know what to start it with yeah we're gonna have to have a long old chat aren't we yeah and something neither of us have read before would be really good well i was thinking yeah okay i think it

would be good i know it's like we there's we've read stuff we go in i think it would be good i know it's like we've there's we've read stuff we go in blind yeah it would be good to go in together no no no i'm also thinking like what if we say oh let's read this book and then we read it's like fucking hell why on earth did we pick this do you know what i mean but i think that's funny first month we're like we're really sorry about the book the only thing more shit than a patreon book club is this book that we chose to read for the first month of our patreon book club okay well let us know what you think i hope people like that idea because it gives me shivers good to think about it yeah we're all discussing a book together wow yeah i think it's fun okay well i'm happy we got that out the way

right go on take it away procrastination you're an academic oh yeah so i'm an academic and in my studies i found that i am quite an academic procrastinator i definitely was with subjects i didn't like i was really quite good with subjects i do like um in like english obviously could could do that till the cows come home history i was particularly like i was always revising history yeah like really focused on the subjects i like but never never never like if it was maths my mum would have to like sit me down and be like you fucking do this now you little bitch you need to do you need to learn i think it's just the like it's when you put it doesn't matter what it is if you put it in the context of like pressure basically like you have to do this i remember once we were you because you did film and english and english and you were like i've got this film to watch i was like that's so

fun blah blah blah yeah but you were like yeah but it immediately makes it not fun when you know you have to do it under a time limit well and also it was in english and like doing both of them it was two films a week and two books a week that i would have to read it's like well that instantly strips the fun out of it because you're watching the film thinking I should be reading the book like it's you're endlessly yeah feeling like you're on the back foot oh my god I think that's also because I did a joint honours too and I feel like I don't know if it's just the way that was structured but I definitely had more work than everyone who didn't do a joint honours like of two oh my god it was like it was badly set up to be honest yeah whenever

i'd speak to people that did just english or just film they'd be like oh yeah no my modules kind of overlap so some of the readings is uh the readings from the other module as well and it's like yeah oh my god i feel like i'm just doing like i'm doing multiple dissertations over here some people don't even have one like this is a fucking joke it is bizarre i think maybe it was just structured badly or something because that is so dumb like now when i think of two books like two novels a week and two films a week i just think was that child abuse depends what they are also you were like 19 i was like 21 i'm calling child line they're like this girl won't leave us alone she keeps this grown woman keeps ringing us because her uni course is too demanding oh my god and it was like watch twilight it's like

not even bad that's the thing is it's like if you didn't have to if being if if watching twilight wasn't set as your film to watch and you had and you had a book to read you would procrastinate reading the book by watching twilight but because you have twilight to watch is that suddenly i don't want to do anything like fuck this no yeah it's unbearable we are also quite um we're quite avoiders i think we're quite escapees escape artists absolutely escape artists derren brown over here someone said that they procrastinate when they have anxiety and avoidance is a coping technique and i think you've hit the nail on the head there do you know what i kind of got from the dms and and their responses there are kind of two schools of thought schools of thought we're an

academic yeah we're academic there are two schools of thought here theory a is that everyone was saying or like camp a were saying that they use procrastination as like avoidance yeah and camp B was saying that there's like better things on yeah yeah and camp C was saying they've got ADHD kind of everyone's got ADHD as well so true so true also such a revival of like not even a revival or a renaissance but but just like suddenly having the awareness you've got the internet and also like an ability to look into, I don't know, like pay attention to who you are properly as an individual when that was never taken seriously as a kid.

It's like, oh my God. And now you can diagnose yourself with ADHD. It's like, Jesus, so many like powerful. Yeah, it's insane. Literally insane, Audrey. I'm actually joking. Don't cancel me for that. I'm clinically insane. Anyway anyway i'm also cancelled um someone said let me find it somebody said they procrastinate because of a fear of failure or success question mark oh and i thought so true

because lots of people are saying it's fear it's fear i'm scared to do it and it's not going to go well which i completely agree but then it's also like there are also those moments where you do something and it's like it hasn't always you haven't failed all the time you've done things that have been successful and i think sometimes i think initially people think why would i be scared of success what that doesn't even make sense yeah but have you ever had something go well and i don't know maybe it didn't make you feel the way that you thought it would make you feel or it didn't fix the things that you thought it would fix and yeah suddenly it's like you had so much riding on this thing being successful and then it happened and you

still felt like shit and it was never about the thing that's a scary place to be it's actually horrendous you're kind of the walls start crumbling down and it's like yeah i thought that was the answer everything you've ever known it's such a down and it's like yeah i thought that was the answer everything you've ever known it's such a weird feeling it's actually quite painful when you think it is because you're driving towards a thing your whole life tells you you're driving towards a thing you're driving to this like mystical land of success whatever that looks like that could look like fucking job a fucking like relationship goal like marriage or fucking buying a home or fucking any of the fucking shit okay

any of the shit that people say is successful yeah when you get there and it doesn't feed you and you realize fuck i'm still myself i thought i was going to transform into like this new beautiful kind of angel what the fuck it is so world shattering because it's like oh my god i've been chasing the wrong thing or kind of even if it does if you know if you know if it's amazing even if your job really does bring you a lot of happiness and it feeds you in its own way you suddenly realize like there are three other things that you absolutely hate about your life or there are other issues it wasn't just your job it's also x y and z and a b and c it just i think it's honestly a massive part of human nature

to find problems because you're constantly having to it's like survival instinct it's honestly a massive part of human nature to find problems because you're constantly having to it's like survival instinct it's like i need to fix things do you know what i mean adapt yeah it's also people always talk about like the goal post moving once they meet meet a marker of success the goal post moves and i just think that is so true and that's why i think it's really important to not live your life like you're kind of chasing this like carrot on the end of the stick that's just in front of you. Just chasing, chasing, chasing. And actually just be like, where am I now? Like, where am I now?

Am I happy? Because I do think you're trained just to be like, what's next? And then you get there. What's next? What's next? What's next? Yeah. Fucking chill.

Fucking chill. But it's so hard. It is so hard. Well, everything feeds into that as well. What do you think you're chasing at the moment? What's the carrot on the end of your stick at the moment if you don't mind sharing don't have to but i'm chasing a couple carrots i've got some carrots on the go i think okay yummy carrot salad delicious where's the donkey honestly you're a donkey on the edge

i'm chasing a few carrots yeah i think one of the carrots I'm chasing is like I think the Acast getting the money from Acast I'm chasing like okay I would love I would love us this to be really sustainable as a job for us and us to be able to do this and get like paid and live like quite a nice lifestyle from this I would love that that's one carrot I think I'm endlessly chasing the carrot of like self-acceptance that feels quite out of reach but that is just an endless carrot what does that look like self-acceptance i think it's just like being okay to just be like a mess the messy person that i am and not be like the perfect angel like i would just love to just be um okay with just the the absolute chaos that i am that's just like the endless fucking carrot

yeah carrot number three in the right in the corner coming up coming up strong around the back yeah is um you go to carrot number three carrot number three coming up who's gonna win the race um i think carrot three is just like enjoy your life that's nice which just it's just like actually enjoy your life get that carrot and just be like oh it's all nice yeah but at the moment it all just seems quite a lot what stops you from getting that carrot and the self-acceptance carrot what's getting in the way of these carrots pressure just pressure from myself i think or just pressure from like it feels i think the things that get away get in the way of feeling like you have a nice life feel like the mundane things of oh i've got kind of oh i've got

to call the doctors i've got to do these things. Actually, it's just like relaxing into, it will never feel settled. And can you just enjoy what it is? And what it is, is mess. I'm really obsessed with the idea of chaos at the moment. Yeah, it's been a while though. Been a while? Yeah, that you're into it.

Yeah, I think for the last few years, like I'm really- It's your life phase, yeah. Yeah, just chaos. I think it's my personality. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe it's just, I really like chaos when it's like, I think that's just who you are. Because I think I'm always trying to control the chaos. I'm trying to control myself. It's like, no, just be mental. It's fine. Oh my God. What are your carrots slash carrot?

Well, now that you've said that, it's so, I think i'm an insane control freak yeah with myself so like i'm i think other people would describe me as very laid back like i'm laid back with people and like i don't give a shit about like i'm not putting pressure on anyone else to be a certain way i could kill it just whatever's good for you whatever don't care but me on the other hand i for some reason yeah i was gonna say i wouldn't really describe you as laid back. I'm a different story. No, like I'm like, it's insane. I'm just a control freak.

Control freak. Like can't let anything go. Can't let anyone else handle my shit. Like have to be doing it. Do you know what I mean? To my detriment, it's very silly. And it's embarrassing. Like it's fucking embarrassing actually. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's like you're a perfection silly and it's embarrassing like it's fucking embarrassing

actually it's not cute it's not funny it's like you're a perfectionist and that's embarrassing like pull yourself together no one fucking cares i think this is what's funny i think especially the term perfectionist is quite like because it's got the word perfected it's almost quite a desirable thing to be yeah but when you actually break down the behaviors of a perfectionist it is not desirable it's ruined my life nothing good has come from being a perfectionist at all it's only stopped me from doing things it is horrendous actually because that's also people were saying like i don't wanna i procrastinate things because i'm scared it won't be perfect like it won't live up to my expectations it's like yeah it stops you from living actually

absolutely it does that's why i think one of the best things that we did starting the podcast was just doing it and that was why i always kept saying and i was like breaking record about this and i still think it's true if you want to do anything in life you have to be especially if you don't want to do it publicly or like you want to well i guess anything you're going to do people might see it you have to be prepared to fail publicly you have to be prepared to not be perfect in public do you know how hard that is that is very hard guys doesn't sound good does it it's not ideal i'd much rather be perfect in public absolutely but like i and it's kind of the thing and i said

this months ago i don't even know when i said this but it's kind of the thing of prisoner of azkaban where harry's convinced that his dad is going to come and save him and gary oldman from the dementors gary oldman his name is serious black serious black goodness me harry's committee saying my dad's coming any minute now he's coming he's coming he's going to come and save us but it wasn't his dad it was him all along and hermione's going no one's coming harry no one's coming harry she actually doesn't even say nobody's coming, Harry. Which is quite funny because everyone says. That's what's so funny.

Yeah, it's really funny. Everyone says to me, nobody's coming, Harry. And I'm like, shit, he doesn't quite say that. Do you know what it is? It's Luke, I am your father. It's like, he doesn't say that. It's like the Mandela effect. It's like, we've got it wrong.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's exactly that. Yeah. But she basically says no one's coming he's not coming harry or whatever anyway she says something completely different she says something completely different i watched that scene like here it is here it is and i was like oh we got it wrong here it is the famous line it's like no it's not daniel radcliffe who says that it's literally wing from this random podcast but anyway but still nobody's coming harry

nobody's coming harry like no one's coming to pick you up and put you in your perfect position of where you want to be you're gonna have to you're gonna have to learn and you're gonna have to fuck it up and you're gonna have to like commit to being bad at something and and go for it it's really embarrassing i'm mortified every day of my life but what's the alternative i do nothing i rot in my bed doing that as well i waste away and boy will i we trust us we're doing that anyway i tell you yeah i'm multitasking yeah i've got my fingers in a lot of pies over here not every day embarrass yourself and push yourself to be the version of version of yourself you can be some days right in bed yeah

i think that's it i think that's it as well bye for this episode from me beep but that is kind of it right that's the gist yeah it is the maybe it's even the cracks it's the cracks okay speaking of rotting in bed our hobby um so you're decomposing slowly um this person said about procrastination that it's too much to do like they procrastinate when things are too much to deal with for their current mental state and lots of people are saying similar things about like if you're struggling with x y and z why on earth would you want to suddenly be doing whatever it's like yeah to be honest so true that resounds resounds heavily i just think that is not like i feel like it's a very isolating experience to feel like you can't keep up with the world

such a horrific feeling i remember saying that to you a few months ago i just can't keep up i just can't keep up yeah and you were like but what with it's like god i don't know my own expectations of myself question mark yeah it's such a horrific feeling to be like i feel like i'm essentially letting yourself down it's like i'm supposed to be here and i'm here yeah such a horrendous feeling and i do think that's so it when if you're struggling with like say a mental health issue and then it's like can you just go to the post office and do that it's like oh just fucking leave me alone leave me alone like it's such anything becomes so overwhelming so true can you just go down to the

shop and get some milk no honestly i'm feeling bad the last thing you want to do is mention my asos parcels that were meant to go back two months ago let's not talk about it don't even go there yeah don't even bring it up no don't even bring it up don't even look at them honestly don't bring it up i don't even have any and don't bring it up because I'll cry. Like the thought of having to go to a collect plus. Honestly, will they, won't they relationship with taking your parcels back on time? It's actually mortifying. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Nature. I've got a gay ro we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever.

I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere.

ACAST.com. But I think it's weird because when you're in that kind of place where you're feeling really overwhelmed, you're kind of operating from this illusion of it seems like everyone else is on top of it. Is like absolutely on top of things, yeah. Which statistically, it just can't be real that can't be right the amount of you that come forward come forward and held your hands up

and said look i'm procrastinating blah blah blah it's like yeah well then it's not adding up because from where you sit you look and see everyone else doing amazing things but apparently they're all struggling so what's the truth it's the bias against yourself that you think you're the biggest fucking fuck up in the whole world the bias against yourself i think is the thing that fucks everyone everyone everyone yeah it's that you think that you are failing and not only do you think you're failing you're not in like this big club of oh yeah we're all failing you're completely alone in that club that's what is the killer it is true you know what sucks as well is when like people will try and make out like you're in the club

together like we're failing together look i'm telling you when it comes down to it they will throw you under any fucking bus yeah to try and get two steps ahead because it's kind of like have you done the reading no i haven't done the reading oh thank god someone else hasn't done the reading you get in straight away hand up what i loved about wilson's first chapter was when he would speak about blah blah what the fuck is going on no you're on your own and that's why nobody's coming do you remember those people at school that would be like i haven't done any revision and then would get like no stars like you're a liar you're a liar i mean so what would you do what would I say I've done revision or not yeah like I don't know though because I think I think that can happen sometimes

where like well you're insecure and yeah I get it like yeah totally I actually have quite um I don't know if it's let me think if it's a good story go on it's a story I'll call it a story or does it make me sound arrogant look it's truth. I think we want to hear it. I mean, I really want to hear it now. This is my truth. Also, I think a lot of your stories make you sound a certain way. And it's just whatever. This is the truth.

This actually did happen. I don't think anyone's going to think that can't be true. It's not even an arrogant vibe. Look, it happened. Well, have you told it before? No, never told this before. I said it to my mum after it happened to me. It was when I was in sixth form sixth form okay it was when everyone was applying

to unis like it was that it was that whole time um i went to quite a shit school i would say there were a few of us that were like okay we're gonna take the big leap we're gonna apply to oxford uni we're gonna do it i was not one of the people that was chosen to apply so all of the teachers kind of got a few people to pick like do you and say like do you maybe want to apply to oxford uni which you've got at oxford and cambridge and you've got to do um like an exam yeah you have to do it earlier you've got to do it before everyone else and you've got to do an exam i walked into the little office no one had asked me and i said i'm applying everyone said are you sure about that and i said i'm applying don't doubt me this is sephie's energy that balms me as well i said no

one's invited me this is exactly what i'm talking about i'm applying bitch i know i'm good enough i think this podcast is just a slow experience of you realizing like shit i am arrogant it's like a long process of you being like i'm not arrogant wait hang on i've got all this evidence that's telling me no here's the thing i think i was i've actually lost a lot i i was incredibly incredibly confident i've lost a lot of it but i was incredibly confident and i still kind of am well you should absolutely be confident but i think everyone everyone can go to fucking oxford it's fucking elitist bullshit but anyway i was like i can go i walked i walked into the office and said listen i'm going everyone said really no no before we were going into the exam i was

one of the only people applying from like for like English but some people were doing like science and things like that this girl walks up to me who didn't really love she was like one of the kind of popular gals um but she was like one of the smart like hard reviser gals no nothing wrong with that she came up to me and she was like so have you been revising like a lot for this and i was like no i haven't done any prep because i'm better than all of you bitch you were like no i don't believe in revising i'm just naturally amazing i believe in natural intelligence but no i just said i believe i don't think i really stand a chance anyway i'm just giving it a shot sort of thing like i'm just here to see if I get it.

That was a lie. You were lying though, weren't you? You were lying because you were thinking fuck off. I just more thought don't limit me school. I thought don't tell me what I can and cannot do. So true. I just thought don't limit me. I mean, that's very true.

And that is very, very true in schools that you don't pay for. You just get dumped in like a low set and they just don't give a shit and blah, blah, blah, blah. Teachers are amazing. Not saying they're not but i think the structure of kids being dumped into tax-funded schools is evil very very limiting so i went into the exam she was a little bitch she tried to spook me before that was the thing she tried to spook me she was like she did she tried to sabotage me she did i actually can't go and i thought you're trying to spook me you thought she had a plan because she i think she said something i can't exactly remember the exact wording but it was outrageous she said something like she was looking down on

you god like i think the people that do this like really revised for like months in advance that you should have maybe done something try to spook me trying to spook me then i was one of the only people that got an interview little bitch jesus bitch bitch bitch so that's my thing i and i always think that's the that's my experience with people being like oh should you revise should you not revise it's almost like or like talking about how much revision you did before an exam is just something you shouldn't do i actually think it's a social faux pas to talk about how much revision you've done before an exam's a social faux pas to talk about how much revision you've done before an exam right it's like don't talk about how much revision you've

done at the dinner table it's really insane to be walking into an exam be like you haven't done enough though why did you say that to me i think that time period where this is quite uk-based i think but probably works for lots of different people that time period where you are like the end of your teenage years i don't want to freak anyone out but you're coming to the end of your teenage years and people are starting to talk about university or starting to talk about options after education and i do think like that i mean it's quite significant wherever you land it's quite a significant shift for you it can really does set it can really set the tone for whatever comes next for you and i do feel like it's not even necessarily about a natural ability

or like what you've been told or whatever blah blah i think a lot of it comes down to like how much you want to tell people that you deserve better things i think that's what's weird though is whenever you're you explain to someone that you deserve better things than what they try to hand you it comes off socially as an arrogance or like that you think you're better than other people but it's like no i just think i am good enough to do this thing that you've allowed other people to do uh-huh i also had an ex well i had i had a time where um i did an access course after sixth form and before university and i came into it everyone was like so hard access courses are really really hard they're this this and this i did history and english literature and philosophy

and ethics and sociology and i was like i came in i also i came in late obviously and not just like 10 minutes late i came in like three weeks late no of course in character because i've been on holiday don't want to talk about it anyway and i also was too young you have to be at the time i don't know what it is now i don't know what the deal is now but you had to be i think over the age of at least 19 or 20 i think and i was 18 and i've convinced them basically to let me do it and also you had to pay like x amount of money and i convinced the woman to let me do it free of charge stunning anyway the hustler honestly a hustler winging it since day one got in there this girl who really didn't she didn't like my vibe which i get that's fine totally get that there's a lot of a lot of my vibe is not likeable it's okay even though i'm very sweet and nice

the vibes were off my vibes were off i get it because she turns up late and like look at her like she's like this kid and like whatever it's like hot girl from school think she's gonna waltz in here and stomp all over my access course absolutely not well actually i did and i came in and i was we were talking about like i don't know if you had to put down your own oh well it wouldn't have been predicted grades but it was kind of like where do you want to be going like what kind of grades do you want to be looking for? And I said, I'm going to get full marks on this course. I'm not going to miss a mark.

I'm going to get 100%. Wow. And because I was going to do that. And this girl was like, well, we all want to get 100%, Erin. And I was like, yeah, we all want to, dot, dot, dot. But some of us, dot, dot, dot, won't be able to dot dot dot don't limitly just don't limit me just because i look how do i get the mark as the arrogant one here because i got 100 and it came from a thing of like i came in saying look i'm gonna get 100 here because i know i am

because i've just done a levels and a levels are rough a levels are really really hard and also i've just been homeless and i have made it out with a fucking education and i'm gonna go to uni like i've got i i'm getting grades for oxbridge and i'm gonna go where i want to go like i am a powerful person i was quite like um i felt a bit free like i'd been emancipated like i was just liberated and i knew that i could my intelligence was like my superpower because everyone would look at me and think oh she's gonna be dumb because of the way that i looked so i knew that my intelligence was like this hidden weapon that i could fling out at the last minute yeah i'm smarter than you and your mom and i'm great and blah blah her mom's like huh i didn't have to say it but this girl was really fucking rude she was quite horrible to be honest

she was quite a mean girl and i proved her wrong and she she was quite horrible to be honest she was quite a mean girl and i proved her wrong and she she didn't get to go where she wanted to go at the end of the day because karma comes for people because i would actually say in that situation she was the arrogant one because she looked at me thought she knew me judged me straight off the bat i didn't come in judging anybody no but this is my point i don't i came in three weeks late and thought these guys are gonna be my best friends and we're going to have a great time. And it was fucking horrible. I was fine, but I did do amazing.

But this is my point. I don't think it's arrogant to say, I think I'm capable of more than what you think I'm capable of. Absolutely not. No, it's necessary, especially as a kid. If you don't have someone, it's so true. If you don't have someone backing you or like supporting you or volunteering you.

It has to be you. It has to come from you. It does have to be you, which to be honest is a lot to ask. Because I also think like, don't put yourself pressure, don't put pressure on yourself to do that at that age. Because I think a lot of it comes with age. Like it comes with learning. Oh my God, completely. Because also to advocate for yourself at that age and also in a room of, I guess at the access course, it was mainly adults.

I guess it was all adults to be the young one walking in and be like, no, I know what marks I'm capable of doing here. And then also in a school where you're basically putting yourself on a pedestal and you look like a bitch. It's like, it does take a lot to do that because you look like a fucking cunt, but it's like, well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be limited by you. I also knew that was my last shot. Like I knew that that was, it was a very real like moment for me where it's like well i'm sorry but i'm not gonna be limited by you i also knew that was my last shot like i knew that that was a it was a very real like moment for me where it's like there's a lot riding on this like i either have this or i don't and i really had to fight my way onto that

course and like really they only let me in because they knew that i would do well do i mean they that was the only reason i was allowed to do it just don't i think like you can do it do you mean like i'm giving i'm fisting everyone for some reason she's fisting me right now she's got a fist but i'm stuffing in turkey it's like come on like yeah if you you might not have a certain grade you might not have a certain person's belief in you but you absolutely do have an ability to get what you think you deserve absolutely don't be the reason that you're cut short because there's going to be a lot of reasons that you're not going to be able to get what you want in life life's constantly throwing obstacles and like negativity at you and constantly throwing doubt

at you don't be another obstacle in the way of what you think you should have in your life in your one life by the way one i don't i think there's only one of these things just one one teeny tiny short life it's like i'm absolutely walking in saying i'm gonna have to get what i want out of this situation you know why because nobody's coming harry it's me or no one it's basically walking into a room and being like by the way you're not better than me and everyone's annoyed everyone's annoyed uh actually sorry get back in your place no but i walked into the room saying hi guys and then she said uh you're you're blah, blah, blah, blah. And I thought, look, I'm not having that.

I'm not, that's not what I am. I'm a nice girl. Don't be mean. I don't like, I don't really like cold people. Do you not? No, I don't really like cold people. No. I think I'm quite warm person.

I'm naturally very warm. And I think sometimes I'll cool myself down a bit to kind of seem a bit more normal. But I'm naturally very warm. And I think when people are cold or like hostile i'm like jeez what the fuck is going on like huh but it's i take it personal do you know what i mean yeah i get that i definitely don't like um kind of rudeness just like when someone's having a bad day and it's clear that it's like okay that's gonna come out on me now like when you walk into a shop oh my god and order a coffee but then i and and they're rude i was gonna say but then i also get it because i think i've been the girl serving the coffee that's fucking rude because

i'm getting paid no fucking money and i'm gutted i'm annoyed yeah and i'm cold i've been standing up all day my feet hurt i've also been the rude girl someone said i struggled to face work i'm not passionate about so my entire minimum wage job laughing face and i just again think that that comes into the fact that we've normalized as a society let's not get into why it's been normalized that we all have to work shit jobs but the what that does you know that does to a person what is it like how many vasectomies he says snip snap snip snap but it's like do you know what that does to a person like and also not just working a job you don't want to work or working a minimum wage job but also applying for jobs i think this feeds quite nicely into the uni combo and this sort of thing i was saying to my friend

the other day because she was applying for jobs and she was like god i'm an idiot like it's taking me all day to apply for this job and i was like no no no no no i was like i think people have got it wrong that they think like you can whip out like three or four job applications in a day like two hours and you can do a job application it's like no no it's like a day two days three days spent on a job application that you're never gonna hear back from and that yeah they'll never they'll never message you again never they won't even say like thanks for applying we've gone for someone else but you just will never hear from them again it's like that was you did this for what yeah you did this for what and

you can just assume that it was never read it's like whether it was read or not i will never know but i assume that just went somewhere into the void gutting it is gutting it does a lot for i think it's weird that we are at a place socially where we don't acknowledge how detrimental that is for a lot of people's self-esteem when you've been told like that's from the minute you enter the education system you're smart you're gifted you're talented whatever or you're not throughout which is yeah like we're lucky we're on the end of you're smart you're gifted then we enter the world we're like oh are we smart and gifted but people that were told yeah you're shit you're shit you're shit you're shit throughout their whole lives that's the the bit that's like, this isn't fucking fair.

But you've been in the education system your whole life and then you come out and it's like, can someone please want, nobody wants me, huh? Last we picked, like nobody wants, it's so, so weird that it's like a bit of a taboo to acknowledge how painful it is. Because I think obviously there's a massive taboo and stigma around being unemployed

and that whole conversation in general and a whole class issue there as well, obviously. But it's just really sad that I think obviously there's a massive taboo and stigma around being unemployed and that whole conversation in general and a whole class issue there as well obviously but it's just really sad that I think it does so much more for someone's self-esteem than they can even have the awareness of because they're convinced that it almost acknowledge yeah it takes everyone else two hours to do a job application it takes me days it's like no it takes everyone the same amount of time you're just applying for a shitty company my friend was applying for jobs recently and she was also moving house and she was working and i was and she was saying i feel really bad about it like you could just see just massively lowering her self-esteem with each each rejection or each lack of rejection it's just fucking so upsetting each one with every cover letter don't even get me started on cover letters literally what a con and each one is

asking you to do work for them as well like can you do four hours of work for me on this big thing and then we're going to talk about in the interview all of this shit and i was saying to her it's like so people always say oh applying for jobs in itself is a full-time job people also say oh moving house is pretty much a full-time job like looking for someone looking for houses someone is a full-time job and you're also doing a full-time job so you're pretty much doing three full-time jobs three full-time jobs and you need to call the doctors and on top of that your self your self-esteem is just being lowered lowered and you need to send your asos parcels back it's just

like yeah exactly it's like fucking hell but you're procrastinating fuck off watch some netflix you need to chill out you need to chill out you do yeah, yeah. It's honestly prescribed by Cephean Wing. Prescribed by the academics. You need to chill. Prescribed by two self-proclaimed academics. Self-proclaimed academics. Also, another bone to pick with society. But just in life in general. Going back to you being like,

no, I'm doing this fucking test or whatever. I'm doing well in the test and blah, blah, blah. All of these, well, not even small. All of these these things some of them are big like getting a degree for example or even finishing your a levels or doing one exam and having six more to go i feel like we don't normalize enough i'm gonna stop saying the word normalize because i know it's silly we don't encourage enough people celebrating good things that they've done. Yeah. No, we don't. As in like, you do your A-levels and then you're swept off to uni and it's like, oh, forget that.

Now you've got some reading to do. It's like, don't be happy about the fact that you've just done all your A-levels. It's like, fucking hell, you're traumatized and you've just done an amazing thing. It's like, can you celebrate that, please? Can we just have a minute? Do you know what's funny? I think it is celebrated, but there's a time limit on it. That I think you have two periods in your life

where people are happy to see you celebrate and that is one after you finish school and maybe between you go you're going to uni if you're following a traditional trajectory trajectory or after uni you've got a year both of those you can have a gap year either side of uni basically and i think people allow you like a summer they're like enjoy your summer have a great summer but then as soon as that ends people get funny but i still think even if say you were having a great summer and it was like oh she's having a summer she's having a summer he's like please god just give me one summer please but it's like i'm having a summer i'm having a summer and it rains that whole summer and then you see kind of your aunt and she's like oh like auntie auntie jess is here and she's like

oh what are you doing what are you doing like and you're like oh i auntie auntie jess is here and she's like oh what are you doing what are you doing like and you're like oh i'm just i'm having i'm taking some time to celebrate my wins yeah you're an arsehole but like if you're like oh i'm just i'm having a really good time to be honest i'm in no rush to get back to education i'm really hard on my a levels and blah blah yeah i worked really hard and i think i deserve a bit of time to just relax and like be free and just chill out yeah you're not gonna get a good reaction for that i think auntie jess is not happy to hear that to be honest she's jealous out of her eyeballs yeah she's so jealous she's pissed off yeah which is fair enough because we're all conditioned to think that life equals work and misery and life does not equal happiness life

does not equal liking yourself life does not equal liking yourself. Life does not equal any good thing for yourself. It has to be working for somebody else, making yourself miserable and then dying. That's what life is about apparently. But you might get kind of two weeks of like in the sun in like Mallorca a year if you're lucky. Or you might get a cinema trip on a Thursday night if you're really lucky.

Or maybe you get to go to a christmas party it's all for those moments that are like their designated fun areas fleeting happiness yeah so that you can go back to work and it's like it's really odd mentality like what happens if i want to have fun for the majority of my life is that like really unacceptable oh you're not allowed yeah no goes out saying you're not yeah it's completely unacceptable but it's like if some if auntie jess is saying congratulations on your a levels so happy for you and you say you know what thank you auntie jess i'm really happy for myself as well because i did really well in those a levels

and i really deserve some time off all of a sudden it's not congratulations at all it's commiserations it's shut the fuck up you arrogant little bitch outrageous like how dare you think you deserve to don't get too big for your boots now that's what's so upsetting do you know i mean just keep let's keep them small keep the children small keep the little girls in their boxes no but i think it's gendered i'm i really think it's gendered because it's i do think there's met with the difference of a boy saying i'm gonna enjoy some time and a girl saying i'm gonna enjoy some time and a girl saying i'm gonna enjoy some time yeah i do i just think there's um if little billy after his a level says oh yeah i'm gonna go to ibiza for a bit and then i'm gonna just like work for like deliveroo and shit and just like

smoke load of weed and just like chill out mate um chill out jess get out of the house no it's oh isn't your little Billy so sweet? Billy's allowed to just get on with his business. Oh, isn't he amazing? Live your life. Oh, he's young. He's young. Boys are we boys.

But Billy's little cousin, Margaret. She needs to be thinking about, you know, you're having kids in the next 10 years, Margaret. So don't do anything too crazy. Poor little Margaret. She's got a, yeah, she's not allowed just to work for delivery one because it's not hot for girls to ride by did you meet anybody at uni yeah fucking hell oh will you meet a lovely boyfriend there jesus pressures pressures pressures pressures yeah it's just too much it's a complete joke so there is definitely a difference there basically the world's quite bleak but no one really is allowed to have that much fun in

their life and that's where you have this idea of a midlife crisis but also allowed to you're not allowed to like yourself no no because i think that the just the notion of feeling like you have something to celebrate like of your own achievement is acknowledging that you might not be a piece of shit and that is not acceptable but it's a weird thing to do socially to be like i think i'm actually like all right or like i think i've done a good job on this or like i think i deserve to chill out it's so fucking interesting interesting isn't it because you can even see it on a basic level of someone being like oh my god i really like your outfit you then can choose the socially acceptable or the not socially acceptable version of that like Like you can be like, oh, thanks.

And what would kind of be socially acceptable is to be like, thanks. Oh, like my shoes are a bit like, oh, my trousers are a bit baggy, whatever. You can say, well, like my trousers don't fit right. Like you have to like say a bit of a shitty thing about yourself. Have to be self-deprecating, yeah. If you were saying, oh, thanks, I actually really like it. Yeah, no, I agree. It's cute, isn't it? It instantly gives a bit of a sour taste to everyone's mouth.

It's so odd. It's kind of the thing of like you feeling like, oh, I deserve a good thing. I deserve a nice thing. People project onto it what they feel like they don't deserve. Do you know what I mean? If you saying, you know what, I deserve tonight to just like order a Wagamama and like watch this thing that I want to watch. Someone else is projecting onto it.

Shit, I've got so much to do. I can't do that. Or like, oh, I'm doing this too much at the moment. I need to blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's all a projection of one. Like, do you know what I mean? As is life. But like, I think people celebrating their achievements

is a very personal, it's very ouchy. celebrating their achievements are very personal it's very ouchy it's very yikes it's very like it cuts i think for a lot of people because it's a sting it stings yeah i think a lot of people have a hook on that because it makes you look at yourself yourself exactly but that's why i think the bias against yourself is so important to look at yeah so true because realistically you see other people's um wins as a direct cut to you we're like oh god like why didn't i bake a cake that wasn't really delicious yeah why didn't i get into uni why didn't i get that grade or why didn't i get a compliment then blah blah blah but actually that's why you have to look at the bias because it's like you actually did get shit and you didn't

fucking get you did get good stuff but you just didn't acknowledge it you just didn't acknowledge you didn't celebrate it because you didn't even see it you just went oh no no but blah blah blah it's shit anyway not good enough on to the next goal post and that's because you've got a bias and all that person is doing when they actually celebrate themselves is saying yeah i fucking did it right there that's good good moment so do you think you're doing better at celebrating no the good things in your life do you think no no no no no no you think you're getting worse stayed the same bad better worse or stayed the same stayed the same stayed the same yeah asmr moment yeah no not good um yeah no not good not good it's so hard it's so fucking hard to be like

i actually really liked what i did there or like i really liked that thing that i said or i really thought i did it was a good friend there and she like that is i think it's really hard but that's just because i fucking hate myself that i'm like oh no you everything you do is a fuck up but it's such a joke yeah well no surprises there nobody moved yeah yeah do you think you're better at getting better at that yeah that's nice 100 yeah well if you come from the pits it's like jesus you can only go up like you you can there's only one way sure but sometimes you're in the pits and then you realize oh no i can go to the depths of hell but yeah i think if you're in the pits i i think it's just something that i've consciously thought about for like a long time. Because I think no one, even when people do celebrate you the way that you need to be celebrated,

it's so wanky, this fucking lingo that I'm talking in. Celebrate you. But I don't know how else to say it. No, I love it. Even when everyone else is giving you what you need or everyone else is giving you what you want or, you know, people in your life are telling you what you need to be told and someone on the internet told you what you wanted to hear and all of these things even when you have that it doesn't really matter because the only way it sinks in is when you give it to yourself

that's the only way it matters it is so fucking true it's so true it's so it's so true right everything i once desired from others i give give to myself now. A mantra. Is that what you're gonna say? No, no, no. But I've been thinking it like, just in the way that you think what's gonna feed you in life, or like you would potentially think that,

I hate to be talking about the podcast because I feel like we get too messed up sometimes on the podcast, but I'm gonna mention something we get on the Instagram quite a lot. You would potentially think, or like I remember showing my friend like RDMs, like I was on RDMs and replying to people and she looked and it was pretty much a sea of

people saying I love you guys I love you guys I love you guys I love you guys and she was like that must make you feel good and I thought about it for a second and I was like honestly it doesn't which is so fucking weird because it should and when i read them it makes me feel shocked first of all that these people feel like that and it's like wow i can i'm in the message and you're saying you love us wow it's amazing it's the fucking best thing in the world yeah it's insane but the problem is when you don't feel it yourself it feels completely unbelievable so it doesn't feed you the only thing that can feed you while something can be nice and flattering if you don't fully believe that in yourself it

it can only heat you for like a second like it doesn't do anything to you it just you fade back to your normal level the only times where i've ever been like god are we actually making quite a good podcast here or when i've thought within myself i've been walking around i've thought fuck we actually might have a good podcast here like i think i'm happy with that those are the only times i actually feel it yeah yeah it's never from an external thing even though those things are nice you have to give it to yourself you do have to give it to yourself i think we are we it's funny that we're like we're this we're different like do you know what i mean you and i i mean not like the listener's gonna be like who's different yeah what are you talking about i completely agree with you i completely not i like i completely

get that i i find it deeply fulfilling but i also think if someone says you blah blah blah it's like i don't necessarily believe you so okay here here it is for me and I'm sure actually this probably isn't different for you I don't know but here's how I would describe it is if someone says like I love you guys you are amazing you're the best just on the top of my head uh you're amazing I feel deeply fulfilled I feel deeply fulfilled. I feel love from head to toe. And I think this is purpose. This is life purpose. This is what I would want for my life to be.

It's like making this one girl in Surrey feel good for half an hour. See, that's, I agree. I agree. That's it. But what I don't then think, and I am amazing and I love the podcast. I don't necessarily, I don't then think and I am amazing and I love the podcast I don't necessarily I don't believe you but I believe the way that you feel and the way that you feel makes me makes my head explode with love like agreed I can't even explain yeah see it makes my head explode with shock yeah yeah for

sure it makes my head explode with no but I agree with you in the sense of i i think i completely agree with you that look you're not going to believe a word anybody says and i think as much as you can do all the learning and the unlearning and the growing and doing the work i do feel like you're always going to have those moments where you don't believe the nice things that people are saying to you because you just feel like shit and that's part of being human and i think let's not get lost in like trying to work our way around literally the human condition and i try and find loopholes of like i'm gonna do the work so i don't have to feel bad anymore it's like no no you're always gonna have moments where you think i am a piece of shit i don't have an amazing thing i'm horrible and this isn't this but like i

kind of i was thinking this like my boyfriend will give me anything I could ever want. Anything I could ever want. All the permission, all the love, all the support, all the whatever. And that really helps me live. But ultimately, I came to this earth on my own. And I can only give myself what I need. Because he could say whatever. And it'll go right over my head if I'm determined to have this bias against myself. I think that's it.

That's it. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. No i mean yeah yeah no that's it's completely it's completely fucking it and i don't think it's that you see the dms and like can't feel a thing i think it's that you have an idea in your head before you have a thing and you think oh my god if i had like loads of people listening like oh my god if i was that youtuber i would like never feel bad about myself because you're just constantly getting complimented like blah blah blah but you're not because you get to that place and suddenly it's still not good nice it's exactly the goalpost just moves because the bias against yourself comes with you everywhere you go you move to california but it's just a state of mind because everywhere you go you bring yourself that's not a

lie lana del rey lyric there so embarrassing so embarrassing but it's so true i was actually thinking that this morning i was walking around the park that i live near and i remember thinking i think i'm coming off quite depressed in this which is quite odd because it's not how i feel um but i as long as you're okay i don't think you're coming off depressed i'm fine honestly um i was walking around the park it's when when you start saying i'm fine just that's that's when it's hit the low is like when you can feel yourself trying to convince everyone that you're fine and like the more you say that you're fine the more you sound like you're not fine but you're not fine and you

said i'm fine i'm not fine yeah so bad but yeah you're fine i'm fine i was walking around the park i was walking around the park and i was thinking i live in such a stunning area and it really is i moved to california and it's wasted on you it's just a state of mind it turns out everywhere you go you take yourself that's not a lie i was just thinking it's really that i think it's habits i think i grew up i don't know how i don't want to talk shit on anyone but i think i grew up in a household as a child where the way to live was to live in misery and to deny yourself of any happiness and that was just what life was about life was about misery same i also grew up with the misery house definitely relatable but it's really and look i think it's no fault of it's how like i don't want it it's it's no one's fault okay like especially alert i could go into it for i'm not gonna get into it but

growing up in a miserable household that may sound like a joke but if you grow up learning that like misery is normal it's like the natural base state is miserable and to make an effort to be yeah to make an effort to be happy is like weird and annoying yeah and and wrong it's like people that are happy are deluded yeah i think that's it yeah i think mine was like people that are happy it's like that's unrealistic yeah absolutely there's just not an option for you happiness not an option um i don't know where this is going i don't know where this is going i don't really know what's happened in this i feel like it's really quickly descended into like weirdness do you want to leave us on something wholesome yeah yeah yeah let's leave our wholesome

it's your turn i mean were you done with that story that didn't feel like a complete story um well the complete story is i grew up with it being really really normal for like for yeah for misery and just like low mood to be the neutral state and i think as i've gotten older i've kind of learned that i don't want that to be my neutral i want just like a general sense of contentment to be my neutral and then when i'm feeling low that will be a low mood not just what is seen as normal yeah i'm crying i'm not you'd know about how i was crying so it's like the one portion of an hour that i'm not crying in so i don't know i think it just takes i think for me anyway all i can speak is myself I am just I've kind of decided and I mean it in a very sincere way and not in like a hypothetical way I'm not saying it

in an abstract of like I'm choosing myself or like I have to love myself or all of these things I I am I've said that for ages but I think now I mean it and I mean it in a very tangible way. Like I have to bring some pride into way into the way that I'm choosing to live. Like, not like, oh, yeah, I'm on a self love journey. Not that I've ever said that. But like, oh, I'm just you know, this thing. Oh, I'm just trying to like not be a dick to myself. Yeah. But carrying a lot of shame around that, like as if it's an embarrassing thing to be nice to yourself. And i think i've had some very bleak times and like over the course of the break i had a horrible time and i think i just

kind of now i'm at a point where it's like look i am i have to very openly publicly wholeheartedly with pride commit to myself without being like it's embarrassing to like myself it's like this is the only option i've got so i'm gonna have to do it full force otherwise it's pointless it's like am i doing this or not am i committing to myself or not it's like am i gonna be nice to myself about oh you never took your asos parcels back well fuck it open them back up and put the clothes back on baby who fucking cares they look great anyway be nice to yourself yeah they look good who cares whatever like ever it's not even like no one's gonna be nice to you you have to be nice yourself it's like you know what i'm very lucky people are really nice to me generally and i and i also have to be nice to myself i agree because that's what matters otherwise i'm it stops

you from being it makes you a worse friend it makes you a worse partner it makes you a worse human on earth honestly yeah it really does i think this is one of the things that it's just fucking crude it's so fucking crucial we've been saying it pretty much since the day we fucking started this podcast but it takes so long to actually get it through into your thick thick skull um it's so impossible i'm not talking about your thick thick skull i'm talking about my thick thick skull and i'm also talking about wings thick thick skull yeah yeah um just all of us, thick skull. And I'm also talking about Wings' thick, thick skull. Yeah, yeah.

Just all of us. It's just like, God, why can you not even learn the most basic level, the most basic lesson that it's all kind of okay. Like if you have a bad fucking moment, it's fine. But the amount of punishment we give ourselves for just like, for example, not returning an ASOS parcel or like the moment that you slightly embarrassed yourself or said something a bit weird or something it's like the amount of punishment that has to come with that that you've learned yeah it's so insane so true to the point

that when people give you a nice thing they say a nice thing to you your learned response is to give yourself a punishment on top of that resounding so heavy it's all i have for you it's all i have for you today stunning all right well let's get out of here then do we have a wholesome thing was that wholesome enough it's definitely like an interesting take on wholesome definitely new for wholesome but i think it works maybe i'll just try one more thing i in me I've got something it's not wholesome though and I also don't want to step on yours but I think this is an interesting thing it just kind of carries on the pod which I know everyone was just about to leave sorry everyone's putting their shoes on um everyone's started packing their bags yeah I along with my thing of like whatever

along with just my thoughts recently one of my thoughts really it's been a bit of a perspective thing that i'm trying to hold on to i feel like i came to the earth with a very warped sense of like my right to be here like i feel like i kind of came here i was like oh god like kind of head down like don't make a scene don't do anything like everyone else in my mind has a right to be here everyone else's existence is much more valid in the earth apart from me for some reason i don't get that same right to be here. Everyone else's existence is much more valid in the earth. Apart from me, for some reason, I don't get that same right to be here. And I think I've been thinking recently,

like this earth and this experience is as much mine as it is anybody else's. And I'm going to have fun to explore that. It's a shock. That is actually a shocking realisation when you realise it. You don't have more entitlement to the earth than I do. It's an equal playing field here. I mean, it's actually the opposite of an equal playing field here i mean it's

actually the opposite of an equal playing field it's really not but but in in terms of worth it is yeah exactly totally in terms of opportunity and all of these things it's not but in terms of your worth and your your right your worthiness of being here your personal right yeah you breathe the same air as everyone else your entitlement to this planet i'll leave you with that what's yours no no i just always used to think that with um i always used to put it on beyonce for some reason i was like i have the same right to be here as beyonce as a perfect person someone that i see i don't really have many feelings about beyonce but i guess i could see her as the epitome of humanity worthiness as a human I guess she's the best we've got yeah when I was about 15 I used to think that yeah it's like if you think that I

think I probably saw a thing I actually I know I saw a thing that was like you have the same amount of hours in your day as Beyonce yeah I've seen the same thing yeah classic classic fucking thing that would go around like tumblr back in the day but you actually not only have the same amount of hours in the day as beyonce which is some kind of pressuring thing to say to someone i don't really know yeah but also you have the same right to life as beyonce which is quite stunning quite layered beyonce as a black woman and yeah obviously there's a lot playing into that goes without saying just you have a right to be here take your time set your pace do what you want don't be the obstacle to your own happiness

preventing you from getting what you want exactly don't be the obstacle to your own happiness that's stunning don't be the obstacle to your own happiness that's the motto for this one that's nice uh-huh and if you find yourself being the obstacle to your own happiness that's okay yeah we all have those times everybody has those days oh honestly i think my personality is an obstacle course for my to my happiness total wipe out over here so so so true crafts almost not just an obstacle course an obstacle course for well-groomed dogs. That's cute. Okay. So if you don't hear from us, assume the worst.