Goes Without Saying - ruts, funks & depressive slumps: sad girl podcast check

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

they’re back and worse than ever! sephy & wing run their take on the ~content creator classic~: How to Get Out of a Funk, with enough wholesome vulnerability and niche dark references to sustain you for another month if they end up on an emergency break again… join the conversation every monday.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/j5HsjVCtgw Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Oh my god. Goes Without Saying. You're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm not going to keep youie and i'm not gonna keep you i'm just gonna let you get into it you'll hear about the episode you'll hear about everything

don't you worry so happy to be back thank you for listening we love you go take take one one okay okay elephant in the room we're back you me and the elephant I feel so nervous it's weird it's so weird I've completely forgotten that feeling of being like three two one like we're launching kind of an Elon Musk rocket into the sky like oh god hope it goes well I mean thank god we're not honestly I am so I've been buzzing to chat to you I've been so excited I I think on like week two of the break, I was like, oh, I'm really excited to like speak to them. And now since we took more and more weeks, I've been slowly getting more and more nervous.

So now I'm at the point where I'm like, oh God. Okay, hi guys. It's definitely, also we've been, can we say thanks? Because we've been charting the whole time. Do you know what's funny? That we are never on the charts when we're actually recording. We leave the podcast for a month and we start fucking going on all the charts sorry is apple and spotify trying

to tell us like leave you're better when you're not here my nan was really happy did i tell you that so we were chatting on the irish charts my nan was ecstatic she was over the moon why irish god knows it seems so arbitrary that it's irish it's like i didn't know we'd appeal to the irish you would hope so i would fucking hope so oh appeal to the masses not i would hope we wouldn't not appeal but specifically ireland i was like that is surprising because they've never been one of our because it's always australia new zealand america and uk yeah but there are a lot of irish people here hi guys top of the morning to you oh for fuck's sake and they all just left great but anyway my nan was really happy my nan was really like kind of couldn't believe what she was hearing when i said we're charting an island

which i totally get because i'm coming to her like a little scrap saying oh we're charting an island by the way and I look like I look like I wouldn't be charting an island I'll tell you that much also charting on what the Spotify Irish society and culture podcast chart oh she's got no clue I have to explain it like so it's kind of like radio that's what I say it's kind of like radio but less well paid yeah but absolutely less well paid and way more shit to be honest with way cooler listeners oh my god with way cooler listeners yeah can we get into the mess because i feel like i just need you know some things need to be addressed let's start unpacking the the shit present by present let's go uh-huh well hard to unpack really where to begin it's hardly a fucking kindle and a fucking what else do you get for christmas roller skates do

you know what i'm getting this year what are you getting you already know what you're getting for christmas well because i'm moving house and i was like fuck i need to get a mattress and i can't afford a mattress so i was like to my mom would you potentially consider getting an expensive present a mattress for my christmas and birthday present oh join yeah fair enough join did you often so sephie's birthday is the day it's her favorite day it's the worst fucking day for you on the calendar it's the it's the worst calendar day of the year why though 27th of december because no it's just i'm over it by that point the festivities are over so it's not christmas eve it's not christmas day it's not boxing day we're carrying on the party with sephie's birthday i think that's a good i hate it

i think it's fun but did you grow up having joint presents oh my god always always always always the idea that people get separate presents for their birthday is like god why could i not be born in june any month i always think june is good why like middle of the year just like good balance well it's my sister's birthday and she would get like because then it's like oh well you can get your roller skates in june but come christmas it's like oh you could be like can i get my tamagotchi right yeah well also different types of presents i guess if you get roller skates in june you're much more likely to use them get roller skates in june get roller

skates at christmas you can break your ankle so fucking true yeah let's leave it there anyway yeah anyway yeah that was way nicer to unpack the actual reality is not good i have to say look it's fine now i actually feel great as I say like when I say like I'm excited to record I really mean like I'm what I feel like I'm hearing your voice listening back do you know I mean like I feel like I'm just a part of this experience I've been really like I mean not for that for about 72 hours I've been itching to come back but before that I was like I can't face anything can't face another day where do we begin with the mess Sefi what do I say um I think so we took a two-week scheduled break you know it right that was already scheduled but then we started to add more weeks because

you weren't feeling good and that's fair no yeah I didn't really realize we had a break yeah we didn't feel the impact of the break which kind of gets rid of the whole point of the break so but i am feeling it i do i feel like i just i didn't have a break from the podcast i had a break like from the planet which actually you know what it was the right thing to do sounds quite nice yeah it was honestly needed and i think from now on look i know i've said i'm not fucking around anymore and i was fucking around back then but now really I mean it I'm not fucking around anymore because I cannot be fucking around anymore I'm taking this serious and I'm gonna do more to make sure we don't get to that point yeah anymore or just as minimal as possible yeah and also you felt bad the fucking hands up if you felt bad in the last two weeks yeah it's all fine you don't need to feel bad for feeling bad yeah I don't need to feel bad

feeling bad yeah I think them so I think what i've learned is that sometimes i think you really need to ride it out can i actually start with i'm gonna tie someone's point back to myself obviously oh wow so we asked so this we thought we'd be funny actually i hope you're finding it funny we thought this episode would be funny to come back and be like how to get out out of a rut, how to get out of a funk. I don't know if you guys have seen YouTube videos like that, but they're probably my most watched, which says a lot about me. But we asked on the story, like, how do you feel? Like, what are the warning signs that you're getting into a bit of a funk?

What, how do you get yourself out of it? Yada, yada, yada. You're slipping into the sunken place. The yadas are back, by the way. I didn't realise I was bringing them, but I have. They're still here. This person said, to be honest, I always feel like i'm in one and it's easy easier to recognize when it fades away for a while and i kind of think same and i thought that was a very like

unrepresented unrepresented not talked about perspective that i'm sure a lot of people don't relate to i'm sure but you who sent that in and i'm sure lots lot of people don't relate to i'm sure but you who sent that in and i'm sure lots of other people do i relate to that fully and this was kind of i was going back in my head of like shit like my mental health is so bad that it's not cute and relatable it's like actually a problem and i was literally thinking like people listening aren't gonna not like me but they're gonna be like a bit much now or like i was thinking like oh god nana's not gonna it's like not relatable do you know what i mean had to bring nana into it but just anyone i thought like this is not this is not normal

and i agree with you when you say like yeah everyone has bad times and whatever blah blah blah but these were bad times my crux yeah is that like if you have a if you have a mental health you're living with a mental health issue if you have a mental health you're living with a mental health issue you've got a mental health situation going on there are symptoms of that yeah and it's not just like oh i've got oh i've got anxiety but i always go to my seminars and i always i can go to the gym just fine and i can call people on the phone just fine and yada yada yada it's like no well maybe you can but you'll have you'll have symptoms and sometimes symptoms will come up they're not my those aren't my symptoms but for example if i can't live for a month or

i'm thinking like how can i live how can i live basically that is a symptom and to treat it like anything else is just gonna prolong it so yeah let's take it for what it is we're actually dealing with things over here and i'm just gonna do more to keep dealing anyway i don't know how you're gonna unpack me today but i just think one of the most fair enough symptoms of feeling depressed is my symptom is i don't want to speak into a microphone it's like yeah that's kind of fair enough that is kind of fair a fucking nah well i couldn't even think about it no and why should you have to and i also just like i want to make clear that there's there's a distinction there between that it's not that when i am feeling really really shit i'm like i don't

even care about the podcast i don't want to do it it's that it's the most to be honest the most important thing to me and it's so important to me people like the people who listen it's so important it's such a big deal and like it's so personal to me like it's very real that it just feels like well i can't i'm not going to compromise on that do you know what i mean like i can't do you know what i mean entirely literally entirely no i completely get it because it's like i don't want to get there's already this perfectionism thing going on that it's like i don't want to put out anything that is less than perfect when you're feeling shit it's like well i'm not going to give people that i'm not going

to give people that and you don't owe it know what everyone here is gonna message you being like take as much time as you want which is so fucking true god people sent nice messages people are nice people sent nice messages thank you thank you thank you thank you that's just how i want to start the episode just thanks that's all yeah just that's it and i i have i've been thinking about the space i've just been thinking about like i don't know i just hope it's clear that if you listen to this podcast and you like it i hope it's i hope you feel good here i hope you feel all right when you listen i hope you feel good about yourself that's all we want you to feel is like happier in yourself coming away if we could do anything because i know i think the majority i know sephie thinks the content's great but i think the

majority of what we say is really dumb and like silly. And I worry about the value of like what we're doing and blah, blah, blah. I just think if we can do one thing, I just really hope that when you come to this podcast and when you leave it, when you press play and when you press pause, you're feeling a bit better. And you might not, you might be feeling really angry. You might be even compelled to leave us a horrible DM. But I would urge you to please stop listening if you don't want to listen

and if you're and if you're enjoying the podcast i'm so fucking glad i also think we were kidding ourselves slightly with thinking that two weeks would be enough i do think we considering we've never really taken a break before that wasn't like a rebrand or like we're taking two weeks off to design a fucking like ridiculous thing that could not be done in a week we'd never been like okay we're gonna take two weeks off off off and i think we were kidding ourselves that two weeks is enough to kind of catch up and be fully renewed to start again because it just it relied on the fact that those two weeks would be perfectly relaxing so if anything happened in those two weeks yeah it's like oh fuck well i fucked up my break then and back in i go and i should be

like rejuvenated back to my um performing self now but actually a month do you feel refreshed i don't really i do feel i feel desperate to get back to it but i don't feel it comes and goes i can feel refreshed on the tuesday i feel oh god i can't do it on the wednesday like i think the thing we've kind of come to we're coming to a million different things a million different points you've got no idea yeah oh my god we really are you've got no idea what's going on it's mental it's getting yeah it's gone from bad to worse joking it's gone from bad to worse to better i think i think breaks are so necessary like and we need to keep allowing ourselves time in proportion we need to keep doing that but i also think one of the things that we've learned is that time doesn't like heal everything some

things it doesn't really matter how much time you take off yeah if there's stuff that you need to work on in that time time on its own doesn't equal like healed yeah i was gonna say i feel like when you said like i feel like we were kidding ourselves to think two weeks is enough it's kind of like i feel like for a while i was thinking god i was kidding myself to think that i could do this at all and it's really not about the podcast or anything it's about my relationship to my life if i'm gonna choose to be if i'm gonna be that self-critical nothing is gonna be sustainable so that's what needs to be worked on because it's like i could give or take a break to be if I'm going to be that self-critical nothing is going to be sustainable so that's what needs to be worked on because it's like I could give or take a break to be honest because

I'm always thinking about it we were talking about this yesterday and like the way I see that is something that I read in my like little body dysmorphia book and it's the idea that it's not actually about like oh I'm not good enough on the podcast I'm not good enough not successful enough I'm not for me thin enough I'm not pretty enough I'm not clever enough not successful enough i'm not for me thin enough i'm not um pretty enough i'm not clever enough all of these things it's actually you have a bias against yourself so we'll actually never because we do have kind of completely a bias against ourselves or whatever or just like a feeling of inadequacy in life i guess whether we're fucking trending on spotify which we thought was out of our reach now we are that it still doesn't seem good enough we should

we're barking up the wrong tree we should be doing something else once we're fucking winning an oscar it's still the wrong thing we could be fucking working in the pub that i used to work in that was wrong as well because it's not actually about what we're doing it's about it's about a hatred of yourself we're not really doing that good in ourselves i'm never gonna be happy yeah i'm never gonna be happy with myself because i'm choosing to hate myself. And that's that's the majority of it. That's the fucking crux. It's not actually about anything external ever, really. It's about your relationship to how you think you fit in the world. So just a bit of light reading. Welcome back, guys. Welcome back. Happy to be back. I am really happy to be back, honestly.

Yeah, yeah. I really enjoyed the break as well. Like I enjoyed the break. I'm glad to be back. I just have awareness of... Everything. The fact you didn't enjoy the break, I think. I just think I have a huge awareness of

I wanted you to be refreshed and you're not refreshed. I did. I did enjoy the break. I didn't, but I did, whatever. Like it doesn't matter i'm over it it's it's just like i don't even it's so i could give a shit about break honestly yeah the main thing is that i hope you are feeling good and that i'm glad that everyone is being nice to us i'm glad that we have a we have nice people here yeah yeah same okay shall

we yeah let's do it shall we get into how to get out of a rut? Yeah, let's do it. So we asked on the story, how do you, I think, I don't know what we asked. How do you know when you're going into a rut? I only have got screenshots. I could log into Instagram, but I can't be arsed. And we were saying just before we started that some of them were actually a bit like kind of triggering because the ways that people know or like can recognise that they're falling into a rut are just elements of our lifestyle yeah and this is one that i just everyday living

this is one here that i particularly was quite triggered by someone said when they start obsessing over shows and books that give them nostalgia and that did trick me because I am so obsessed with, I guess, kind of nostalgia and like revisiting things I love. I get obsessed with like, I'm only watching kind of, I don't know, Harry Potter, for example. I'm literally going to watch Lord of the Rings and I'm in the Lord of the Rings world and I'm in that for like... Why are you acting like you don't know what the Lord of the Rings world is called? Go on. Indulge yourself. No, no but the whole there are many worlds there's many places you can go but which is your favorite rivendell my favorite my heart my lord of the rings fantasy yeah where are you living go on i'm a kind of i'm a special creature i think so i

i i'm the size of a hobbit because i want my kind of um romantic interest to be martin freeman as bilbo don't know if that's weird but i'm in the elven kingdom but i'm not actually an elf i'm more of like a magical you're not technically an elf yeah you're much more beautiful and much more powerful than now i'm kind of the queen among queens of the elves but i'm also could potentially be in a romantic relationship with martin freeman bill by baggins no i don't like saying bill makes it gross oh sorry forgive me oh that makes it gross not the fact that everyone's walking around with hairy claw feet

and they're all in little waistcoats that doesn't make it gross at all that everyone's in literally rags sometimes it's Aragorn but let's be real I do love Martin but so like I feel like I really really revisit things a lot and I I really get into shows and and movies and things but and then it's like oh god that's someone's rut that's someone's rut that's my life the way i live i live in your rut how does that make me feel it sounds about right yeah yeah true yeah i get that i do get that i think that's been a real trend as well over the pandemic. Everyone's been like re-watching things because I definitely, I have been at a point where I'm like,

if I am going to watch something new, I have to psych myself up. I have to hype myself up for watching something new. Oh my God. The idea of like entering into a new world. It's like, wait, what do you mean? I don't know the fucking rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, what do you mean? I need to have the exposition. Yeah. No, no. I want to know everyone's name before I go in. Yeah. What do you mean? I need to have the exposition. Yeah. No, no. I want to know everyone's name before I go in. Yeah. I've literally I've been watching fucking Shrek for two years. It's like we have to I'm sorry to say we have to move on for my own well-being. I have to leave the swamp. Yeah, no, it's true. Against my will drag me kicking and screaming. I'll go into some new fucking movie. It is weird, though, because I do recognize that as when i feel bad i do tend to go to things like hunger games things that i

know inside out and that i say familiar things i already have a position in that world in my mind so i like i know i basically fucking live there rather than being like oh rather than being confronted with the real world and being unsafe yeah and i literally studied film at uni like i should be watching and i always have loved watching new films but it's like i never do that because i'm like well it's not saying i could um watch fucking game of thrones that i know inside out it's just like what but i think fantasy and like escape i think escapism is a big crutch for us like people use fucking drugs and sex and alcohol as a crutch we use panem yeah i'm using um fucking the swamp as a fucking crutch yeah and i was re-watching fleabag because my boyfriend hadn't seen it and we he went through

it in like two days and when we were watching i thought god she's she's using sex to crutch don't know if you've seen it but she's using sex to crutch and i thought she's making you look quite good maybe i should do that maybe i should start getting into like maybe i should start drinking basically i know it's bad but i kind of think is it just as bad as being sat on animal crossing for 12 hours oh my god it's fine absolutely well within reason but you get what i mean i'm not advertising any crutches i'm not advertising addiction i'm just saying i think some things are some addictions are much more normalized i.e i hate to bring it up but phones for example yeah i know

i'm a broken record here but it's my only personality now is being addicted to my phone and being fucking miserable about it it's embarrassing this ties into my whole thing of escapism though like i think both of us would say that we are addicted to escapism maybe in different forms but we are addicted to just like the feeling of not being here in many different ways and i do think lots and lots and lots of people were writing like i know i'm slipping into a rut when i'm looking spending like too much time indoors and things like that and it's like oh god god god god if i look at my behaviors when i'm stressed like i had quite a stressful day yesterday i don't even want to fucking look at my screen time it's bad i don't even want to fucking know did i leave the house i don't even know i don't think it takes a genius

to realize that yeah maybe you're not doing too well if you're staring at your phone all day yeah yeah and you're taking in god knows what you're taking in god knows what yeah it's really bad honestly i know it's like podcast about social media it's really bad honestly guys really bad it's really bad guys but it is really bad that's all i can be bothered to say it's just fucked i'm fucking deep in it i need to get out of it but it's true because you it's kind of especially again i don't keep talking about the pandemic god real broken record but you've spent a lot not you but one has been spending a lot of their lives online only the only way you exist in the minds of your friends for example is like the last picture you posted on instagram and that's a very dangerous line to be walking

the online it's honestly dangerous so when was the last when was your last rut when was your last funk when was my last rut yeah i think i was in i was calling it jokingly my flop era but it was a flop three days when i was dyeing my hair or bleaching my hair blonde oh yeah so we haven't even addressed that on here i wasn't myself so sephie's blonde now yeah no i'm they might have no idea yeah i'm blonde now wing needs to change wing needs to change the whole logo she needs to redesign this yeah don't even get me started on that fucking yeah i'm just not even going there but it was such an intense experience i think that i wasn't myself for i basically showed up at my sister's house

with a bag of bleach i was looking bad literally i showed up my sister's house with a bag of bleach. God, I was looking bad. Yeah, literally, I showed up at my sister's house, just been to a house viewing. Yeah, so it was all chaos. We were like, I had to fucking view a house, viewed that. And I'd said to my friend that I'd met at the house viewing, I'm about to bleach my whole head and showed her a bag full of bleach. Showed up at my sister's house and I basically said, I'm not leaving till I'm blonde. And you didn't really?

She's not a hairdresser at all. No. younger than me she's student in her student house I showed up to her poor friends thought I was mental basically it's not sephie from sephie nah it couldn't be she would never do something that mental and my poor sister honestly shout out to her she worked her ass off we had to do five bleaches on this she got ill halfway through she was so exhausted from my energy and it is blonde now but i mean it looks great for it i love it but like i did there were points in that where i thought i have ruined the best thing i had which was my hair your life yeah the only thing i liked about myself i've ruined yeah well that's why i think it's good that you did it i mean also one of us had to do it so i'm glad you took one for the team and had to go because you can't be a duo with both dark hair it just couldn't happen

the internet will not have it the patriarchy will simply not allow it wouldn't be allowed um and it looks great thanks but i think it's a brave thing for you to do because your hair is a big deal to you that's why i did it not as if it's not a big deal to everyone but you get what i mean that's why i did it though because it was such you have quite a strict uniform with your hair oh my god i'm the strictest that's what i mean yeah it's straight sleek black fringe keep it straight do not let there be one little kink in it which i think is why i was like fuck i've got to do this like i've got if i'm on some kind of journey of letting go of like my weird bizarre idea of what i should look like you've got to

lose the fucking dark hair right yeah um but there were many times in that where i thought i have fucking ruined everything i am a monster what have i done and now i've come times in that where i thought i have fucking ruined everything i am a monster what have i done and now i've come to a point where i liked it but those few days i literally did not have a single thought that wasn't about my hair like it was literally like who was i in those moments i was literally a walking brad mondo video it was a bad one oh it was it was biggest hair bleach fail ever not clickbait um and i think that was a rut that was a real moment where i was like like i came back to my house after like three days i came back at midnight in the dark under cloak in the dark yeah literally nobody look at

me and i was like god i have a whole life outside of bleaching my hair i didn't know i completely forgot yeah but that's not a rut to me because the energy is high i think a rut for me is mania yeah when i'm at my worst it's when i am obsessive and manic when i'm at my worst low energy is quite pleasant for me at times that's why you like me so much it's rare yeah yeah it really is because i'm hanging on to life by a thread is i'm just about moving well i was hanging on by one thread of my own hair you could use a bit of that energy maybe it wasn't a rut but that is kind of how i saw that was that was a very negative experience and there was a it was high energy but it was also just like oh my fuck i've ruined everything well you didn't that was the beautiful part of that story is that it ends perfectly

i don't know is that now it's looking great no well i just need to get used to it it's still not what i want but it's i'm getting there okay i'm getting there i'm working with it well there can be a million visions you know yeah exactly i'm just a whole adjustment yeah that was my most recent like kind of okay how am i going to get out of this like when does this end i'm guessing yours was oh you're not gonna ask me about mine well it's kind of oh i wonder what mine was do you want to discuss well look there's nothing really more for me to be said. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson.

And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Okay, let me find a thing. Oh, I like this one. I like this one a lot. Someone said that when they're in the rut they catch themselves criticizing other people oh and realize that i'm projecting my own negativity oh i love that i love it i love it love it resounding so resounding feel it resounding that is so fucking true shaking your earphones because that is i noticed that in myself i always

think i get that i always get it in the shower where i'm kind of faking arguments in my head like oh you're just such a fucking blah blah it's like god you hate yourself right now you fucking hate yourself right now yeah it's like what the fuck is going on here yeah yeah because you're picking flaws left right and center you're going uh that looked bad uh you're a fucking bitch uh you're fucking dumb it's like you're actually saying that to yourself yeah don't lie 100 you think you're a bitch you think you're dumb yeah it's a shame i've really been thinking recently about what we talk about all the time but just that like really women are bred as competition completely bred as competition and then all called bitches when they start yeah

seeing others as competition and it's really like frustrating that i think especially for us like i feel like i'm in a place and i know that sephian wing operates in a space where that is like really far away i think it's hard i have to remember sometimes that people not people think negatively about others but it's shock i'm shocked when i when people are judging because i'm like oh fuck i forgot that that's a big part of how the world works of life yeah and a huge part of how women are trained to communicate i think it's a women's problem i think it's a british problem but it's it's like a huge part of like female friendship is you you bond through your hatred of other people. It's like, that's fucked. Yeah. That's fucked.

Oh, God. Yeah. Bad. You find a common enemy. You gang together because you... Want to overthrow the queen bee. Or like, I always used to think this at school. It was so funny that you'd look around the groups of people

and I would always look around, for example, my friendship group and I'd be like, we might all really like each other's personalities but what is the coin it's a bit of a coincidence that we're all the same kind of level of like attractiveness like that's a coincidence isn't it that all of my friends the people who i think are so funny and stuff yeah we're all kind of seen we look as like pretty people why am i not really seeing the funniness in that boy over there who's kind of the like quote-unquote loser or like the stoner we work here in these weird disgusting like hierarchical patriarchal levels that's like is it really about your friend's personality or is it really about like the level of popularity they can bring to you and you align with that

feel like as you get older it gets darker because it doesn't in some in loads of ways i think it doesn't go away i think it just kind of morphs into something a bit more under the surface a bit more gross yeah which is a shame really i'm happy i brought that up but it's true i think it's just easy to forget i just i forget how much of the world is based in people people just pass judgment a lot especially i think when you go to like a really small town or like do you know what i mean god it's a story of my whole childhood people they'll be like oh my god did you see that girl she had blue hair it's like that was me honestly didn't even notice that was me with the blue hair do you know what i mean yeah oh my god

completely and i think that's something that i definitely have to train myself out of i think often when i get in a group of yeah girls sometimes i'm tempted to kind of perform the judging thing that is going on like if everyone's saying oh my god have you not seen that she's gained so much weight oh yeah it takes a huge thing even if that's one of the things you stand most against in your life is your whole mission in life well that's why you'd be doing it yeah that's the that's the crux it's so fucking hard to be like uh guys actually have you not heard of a thing it's called fat shaming or whatever well now you're the common enemy yeah now you've all made everyone feel like shit so now you're a fucking freak it takes a lot

but it's still worth doing oh oh gosh that's saying it's about saying that's saying it's not saying but i think so much of it is even like you don't even realize how normalized it is are people doing this to their own friends yeah to their best friends i i remember once um at school one of my friends was like i'm giving up bitching for lent oh my god oh my god oh my god what the hell that is so funny yeah i know it's like yeah that's when you know it's bad when you're giving up bitching for lent that's funny i think that's yeah she's an icon i know yeah that is iconic living legend that's so funny but also it's like i remember finding it quite inconvenient at the time it's like oh can you not give well i'm not giving it up i'm bored how am i supposed to make it through

biology with that oh my god it's crazy isn't it i just think so much about your female like all fucking genders of friendship but i do think women's friendship particularly the way it's shown and the way we've learned to like bond with people is through elevating your sense of importance because you're trying to climb above others you're drowning and you're trying to use everyone else's head to keep you afloat now so now everyone else is drowning because you're trying to push your head above water we're doing well aren't we because look at her fucking scarf yeah it's like what what are we doing so sad how do you get out of that then yeah is this the episode yeah russ how do you get out of that see one month off we're back with a bang how do you get out of that how do you like how do you

get out of that how do you get out of that i think part of you just grows up grow up guys grow up grow up mate just getting annoyed i don't know if they do i don't know if people do grow up some people aren't growing out of that it's fine fine. No, I think part this way. Oh, sorry. Part of you grows up. Right. Because I think a part of you just naturally moves away from like the you kind of realise that that's like, okay, it's a childish behaviour and all of that. But then I think the other part of you, the anger gets displaced. You put the anger into something else. Put your anger into your husband, for example. Oh, your boss is so annoying now. it's no longer the girl you sit next to in pe it's your boss yeah your boss's wife is such a bitch yeah and then the other part of you i think is like

you need to take some responsibility for the fact that you feel good when you slag other people off when you're criticizing other people and looking for things that you can elevate yourself through by observing the downfalls of everyone else it's like okay we know what's going on here you know what i think i do i don't like pass judgment or like bitch on bitch about someone to make myself feel better but if someone else is bitching about someone i will help them bitch to make because i want in that moment i'm trying to be liked by them you want them to feel better i want them to yeah that is I want them to, yeah. That is fascinating.

Oh, I'll end up bitching anyway. Do you know what I mean? Not that I do often, but you guys get what I mean. I get it, yeah. I don't think I'm so much the person that is bitching. I think someone is bitching and I'll very easily forget my morals to try and win them still.

Fucking fraud. That's fascinating. I mean, I'm not so bad at that now, but like... No, no, no no it goes without saying yeah it doesn't come it doesn't come naturally to me i am judging myself too i think genuinely i'm judging myself too much it doesn't come naturally to me to judge it doesn't thank god i have a lot of other bad traits but i what comes naturally to me is to forget everything i've ever cared about to make someone else feel

happy that I don't give a shit about them yeah yeah you know what I mean it's like what I'm gonna kind of people please my way into the back of a KKK meeting I've said before it's like no just because I wanted to be liked it's like Jesus like I'm gonna I'm gonna murder children am I no like what where's the line wing where's the line like it's not what are you doing where like so that's my that's been my over the past 10 years i think i've really been trying to like stop stand up for my yeah that's so fast i've literally never thought of that it's i'm desperate for it's like stop trying to make people happy stop it silly girl stop compromising on things that you don't give a shit about or that you know to be not real do you know what i don't relate because i yeah don't understand the people pleasing urge no no i that's

why i think that's why i like you make people hate me love to cause a stir it does come quite naturally to you to cause so whereas i try to keep the fucking peace in the way that you're trying to work against that i think i'm trying to work against the opposite i think i learned that popular cool girls or like what's maybe like maybe I even learned that like what is seen as like a normal girl is someone that would like be like oh god blah blah blah and that's how you place yourself at the top of the hierarchy and also like I think I was just there's something in me that's just like slightly tailored to like see the negative in things which I'm always trying to work against I agree I always see the negative in things but which I'm always trying to work against. I agree. I always see the negative in things,

but I'm so self-obsessed that I'm just thinking about myself and I'd see the great in everyone else. It's just learned shit, isn't it? And we're all trying to unlearn different shitty things. Also, it's like, how do you actually feel when you're comparing yourself to someone else and criticising someone else?

You feel bad. Like you might feel the temporary high of being like, my God, well, she tripped over her graduation and I didn't, haha, she's a loser. someone else you feel bad like you might feel the temporary high of being like my god well she tripped over her graduation and i didn't haha she's a loser but you also might feel like god that makes me feel good does it like that's bleak that's fucking bleak it is bleak because also i don't think it does make them feel good i think it just passes the time it's just a hobby yeah it's a habit and i think that's look watch me pull this back i think that's a lot of what ruts and funks are about there we go lovely see lovely not all bad she knows what she's doing

we just it's so passive you're just in a you're just in bad habits i cheer in style i genuinely think most of life most of life and i think this is also the thing with being addicted to like the escapism of things and being addicted to just like your phone and all of these things it is just you are in a series of unfortunate habits really unfortunate events yeah that is one of the main things that i think that's why we create ridiculous things like new year where you can re redefine your habits and who you want to be and all of these things are like god i cannot wait fuck me that's what i'm getting from my moving house feeling oh i'm getting that tabula rasa feeling it's brewing amazing that is why we love these things where it's like i can redefine who

i am oh my god i'm not 23 anymore i'm 24 i can be a whole new person or i'm dyeing my hair blonde i'm gonna be a whole new person but it's all of these things it's like actually what it is is just your habits are not serving you they're bad they're bad bad bad habits and I've got a load of fucking bad habits me fucking too bad habits the worst I bite my nails for start you haven't been though no I haven't been biting my nails since I got acrylics that time yeah the day that I threw up on my date um since then i haven't bitten my nails so something changed that day amazing it worked out so on the note of kind of seeing the worst and everything being tailored towards seeing the negative and also on the note of ruts which is the title of this episode or funks right thank god it's on the note of rats thank god yeah someone

wrote in saying that they recognize that they're falling into a funk or a rut when they start to feel like they are having quote-unquote bad luck and they feel like of course bad things are happening to them oh don't tell ronda burn that she'll have a fucking field day oh she will go nuts it's all your fault by the way it's anti law of attraction i do think that is one of the main ways that you can tell that your like mindset is changing when it's like okay so i'm no longer seeing reality here or like if you're if the way you want to frame reality in like a happy mood is you wake out wake up out of bed and you notice there's like a blue sky and you think oh my god i'm like the perfect temperature right now blah blah blah i've got milk to have in my tea whatever when you start being like oh my god my

back fucking hurts fucking hell all my clothes are dirty it's when the same thing is happening but you're noticing like all of the shit yeah and i think that's when you can tell you're losing perspective that it's going bad because then you pick up your phone then you're straight on instagram the second you wake up then you're gonna trip over and stub your toe when you get out of bed like yeah then it starts ronda burning then ronda burns the cogs start turning and you're in the law of attraction hellhole that we created uh-huh yeah it's so true and i said i remember i said to you the other day i was like you're like how did you get out of it like what's happened how have you how are you getting out of this what's happened what the fuck has happened here what just happened just then honestly can't explain it but it's just

that also like i'm about to go downhill at any moment but it's just that right now oh i was in a long period the perspective was lost goes out. There was no perspective to be seen, just bad ones. And it was a long, endless period of, I actually was using the word pointless. You did? A lot? We had a bit of a joke, actually, about pointless. I said to Wing, how do you feel? And she just went, pointless, pointless, pointless.

And I said, pointless with Richard Osmond. It's like, what is this? You know his name. Yeah, it was pointless. That's how I felt. Pointless, pointless, empty, hopeless. I don't want to trigger anyone, but I felt bad. And all that happens is, for me, every time, all that happens,

and it is kind of just the sequence of life. You have times when you feel really, really bad and you don't have any good perspectives and you're feeling shit and you're pointless pointless pointless and then you have a small flicker of like oh the sky is blue and i have milk for my tea or whatever you said and then that goes away and it's pointless pointless again and then you have another flicker in a week's time yeah and it lasts an hour and that was a good hour and then you go back to pointless pointless and then slowly hopefully what happens is the blue sky milk for your tea moments get bigger and wider and take more time and the i've

got no perspective i've got no hope pointless pointless pointless moments are shrinking down they're taking up less of your time so then you're getting balanced back that is that's where i'm at i think that's a real by the way thanks for that's exactly what i need a fucking workload dumped i think you should cut that up and make a real well what am i okay i'll cut that all right yeah i can do that i think that's brilliant okay because i think that is that's fucking it that's the crux yeah that's the crux and that's why i wanted to talk about that girl's message at the beginning is like if i feel like i'm constantly in a phase which i'm constantly in a phase of struggling my mental health is that yeah because you're living with mental health issues and that looks like having expanses of time where you're not feeling good there will be flickers and moments where you are feeling good sometimes

they'll be absolutely fleeting fine i can't catch them sometimes they'll go for days months even but hopefully you can trust that the good times are going to come otherwise you actually won't make it and this is a note for me to self of like i'm touching wood actually of just remember that there will be flickers of goodness if you can hold on they're gonna come so you need to be ready don't sack it in or you can do what you want but i would like you to stay around don't suck it in you've got good things coming is that a real that's maybe not a real suddenly took it to the depths of hell that was great no i i'm gobsmacked because it's fucking great i'm gobsmacked i'm gobsmacked i'm hanging on your every word because that is exactly fucking it gobsmacked and i think when anyone is

in those kind of low fucking periods that genuinely feel like this will never end and it's not a cutesy relatable thing it's actually bad i remember when i was feeling bad like this was actually probably my rut low energy like after my granddad died i've already said it on the podcast whatever after my granddad died i was literally like fuck oh my god i didn't been preparing for it my whole life pretty much it happened right on cue um and fuck same sephi like when people say they deal with i use humor when i'm right on cue right on cue 85 i guess that's on cue don't say that because my nan is in her eight that's not okay yeah no i'm

gonna cut that out actually no no no leave it leave it um it's fine well you can do what you want but let's see what happens god unreliable narrator is you edson the most unreliable narrator after that i was in a low fucking period and i remember being like because i'd never really and i don't think i was depressed really and i don't think i was depressed then and i don't think i ever have been depressed i'm thank god not wired that way i'm wired in kind of the in an insane other way and i remember watching one of my favorite youtubers who i used to love at the time and i still kind of have a huge love him drew monson was friends with like the whole shane dawson crew problematic i know don't love shane anymore still love drew and i remember

drew saying because he really um like struggles with depression he was saying like it feels like it's never going to end and i remember being like but that's dumb you know it's gonna end you know it's gonna end of course you know that your mood changes like the fucking wind drew duh like of course when you feel depressed you know you're gonna feel good again and i remember when i was feeling really bad a few months ago i remember thinking i get what drew was saying 12 years ago 12 years ago i remembered that youtube video and i thought i know what drew means i don't particularly see an end to this i don't see how i'm gonna get out of this i now think i carry this

sadness forever and in a way i do but it's like i that was the first time where i thought okay i think i i think i get depression i think i get it i don't think i'm experiencing it but i think i get it yeah like in an emotional way not in a rational way um because obviously i can always rationalize it but i think i was like okay i can see it yeah goes without saying but yeah that was what i was gonna say yeah well i love it no no i love it don't second guess don't second guess i think that's a really interesting point it is because i find that fascinating truly i find it really i think it's honestly a blessing i know it's you wide you know whatever you said another insane way but i think it's just i think it's really interesting because it is it is the classic thing of when you're in when you're in anything you can be very convinced

because that's your perspective it's like yeah you can't see outside of your perspective because you're in that perspective yeah that's it that is your scope of the world and i just think that i don't know it hit you that time it just hit me that time but i think then it's like i often lose myself in like project and i think that what i'm loving is the project but actually what i'm loving or what i'm lost in is like a feeling of oh i'm unworthy without a creative output sort of thing i think that's what i when i say i'm wired in a different insane way it's like yeah no i don't often slip into low moods but i slip into i sort of start up a craft fair in my bedroom and it's like actually that is more what i can recognize as a rut like oh my god i'm going blonde um lizzie make me blonde or i'm

staying in your room it's like i get a bit nuts for like three days at a time where i'm like all i think about is this one thing um and it's like maybe it's not about the thing maybe it's about you feeling adequate without having a thing maybe it's about you feeling adequate without having a thing maybe it's about you yeah yeah literally that it's going well i like this i like this a lot i love it actually it's been very honest that's good are we is this us closing yeah yeah yeah i think we're at the end all right cool wow don't quite know what to say been a good app guys i think i hope yeah i hope you've liked it i'm really thank you for sticking around during the break and thank and just hi to everyone and thank you to everyone that found us

during the break because for some reason spotify decided just to launch us whilst we weren't putting anything out it's like at the worst time that's exactly what i needed way to put the pressure on to possibly thanks no but honestly i think i know it's really annoying to listen to but i just think it's really weird for us to be able to say like thank you for listening and like where it's genuine like there's actually people listening i think that will always be weird for us i agree because i still think i fit i feel a bit fake saying thank you yeah because i imagine nobody's listening and it's like oh am i performing podcast or am i embarrassing yeah look at me being pathetic with my shitty little thing yeah no one's listening literally nobody's listening harry it's like no they are everyone's in i they're having listening parties

in dublin in ireland we're playing in Temple Bar. Okay, let's go. Well, are we saying if you don't hear from us, assume the worst? I don't know. I don't want to say it. Okay. I think we come back from the break without saying it. We're not in that. Wow, so it's like that era's ended. We can maybe sprinkle it. No,

you can't sprinkle it. I think when it's gone, it's gone. Maybe let's just not say it for this one. It's just too dark for this one. Oh, it's actually a bit a bit too real yeah it's like you don't need to assume the worst it's like i'd want to let you know that the worst was happening i think we've given the worst throughout in a very calm way don't be worried yeah so let's maybe just do a nice ending okay or is that going in that can go in okay well how do we do a nice ending anyone got any ideas on like how would you like us to end like maybe we should end with a nice thing of just like we're at what how's your day going where are you like we can't open a big

question at the end how's your day going i don't like that as a format but kind of like if it's your morning hope it's a fabulous morning if it's your evening hope it's the best evening you've ever had i cover all bases we change it to if you don't hear from us if it's your morning have a fabulous morning if it's your morning, have a fabulous morning. If it's your evening, have a fabulous morning. Well, I want to be, no, I want them to feel good. I don't know what to say. We'll come up with something that's really good and we're going to hit them with it in

the next episode, I think. Or maybe just- I mean, bye would probably be fine, wouldn't it? Bye. No. I don't want to go. I don't want to go without thinking. Okay.

Okay. Well, we need to think of it right now. No, we can't think of it now. Look, they're getting sick of it. If you're not sick of us, then kind of like, kind of like you like, because now it's actually, it's like I'm branding it. Now we're brainstorming. But it's kind of, you survived that episode.

Let's see if you last through the next one. Like, you didn't mind that one. Hopefully next one will be better. That's kind of the end of a rollercoaster. It the ride can you survive next one i quite like that right yeah well if you stuck around through that i hope you'll come back next week that's kind of the gist of what i want to say yeah we'll come up with a nice soundbite for it next week but that's the gist we might not but yeah whatever the crux of it is thank you and we really And we really, really love you. Always.

Don't know you, but I love you. Isn't that crazy? Probably is crazy, but you know. Waving around like a girl all day. Right, let's go. Bye, you guys. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy.

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