Goes Without Saying - summertime sadness: a mentally-ill girl summer

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

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Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Here's a show that we recommend. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

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This episode is all about summertime sadness and why we feel how why we all feel pressure to like thrive and live our best lives you know the drill but kind of ironically i would say this is kind of quite a sad episode we do cry both of us cry at the same time which is a lot about the same thing um quite a harrowing episode but also funny funny i think so funny funny i had a great time we both come out of it laughing same if you want to come on the ride on the journey on the roller coaster with us um then i hope you you're more than welcome enjoy it or just make of it what you will okay god what time do we call this i know late in the week first time ever better late than never that's what i always say also i don't know if you saw this but someone

sent a really cute message that was like i don't care when we get the episodes i'm just grateful that you're sharing your hearts with us so nice god so nice i could cry i won't but i really really could that is really sweet it does feel like that though thank you for being here to receive our hearts god knows why we're sending them out to you hoping someone's listening so how's it been past couple days it's been okay nothing really has happened i'm trying to think of anything fun i've got no like fun stories or anything have you okay um i thought i had one the other day but the only problem is i can't remember i've forgotten i can't remember oh well we had a nice day oh we did we did we had a really nice day we went to go see um what i always call chamber

of secrets philosopher stone this very niche underground art house movie it was great have you heard of it it was really good we had a great day it was really fun i do think they should have turned the speakers up slightly or you could even do it like a silent disco vibe and give everyone headphones it needed something like luckily we know that film inside out but it was a film that i like don't worry guys we'll we'll do it burst the volume up for you but i almost feel like if i was showing my kids that film for the first time i wouldn't be doing it absolutely not no. But for the purposes of us having a laugh and... It was fun. I'm not gonna lie, we did put it on our story and I

kind of thought you lot were gonna bombard us, but alack, there was no one to be seen. It was just the two of us. No one cares. We were all on our own. We did get messages being like oh my god, I missed you guys. I would have come. Guys, I'm not gonna lie. I thought it was our Kylie Jenner momentner moment but nobody came no one's coming harry we were all on our own

i'm still waiting for our kylie jenner moment i'm waiting for the moment where it's like oh my god i had a funny moment just this morning i um my dog got shit stuck to his bum it happens sometimes I don't know. Yeah. Do you guys have, does your, does that happen to your dog? Yeah, there's a word for it. Do you want to know the word? Oh, yeah. It's really disgusting.

Okay. I think when there is shit hanging off, I would say an animal's bum, but I think any bum. Oh. It's called a winnet, I've heard. I thought it was called, what's the word that they would say in school? Like a something head or something or like a turtle or like a turtle turtle heading is it i think if there's like shit hanging off a dog's bum i've heard to it before i'm googling now i've heard it being i'm googling the word i've heard it called a win it i don't mind but that isn't coming i don't think

that's great so i think that's quite nice yes a small piece of piece who's stuck to the head or around the anus well look let me tell you it wasn't a winner because it was fucking huge it was huge and it was smushing so like normally he doesn't like it so when he poos and it gets stuck to his bum i know you lot don't care but look it's hard go to another episode go listen to something else we make you wait three more days for this this also this just happened this morning you wouldn't have got this otherwise um my dog hates when he gets poo stuck to his bum does otto hate that um or he doesn't really care he doesn't notice he i think he he's got quite a smooth glide it doesn't i don't think it usually gets stuck around all right well i thought maybe ozzy had a bit of a tummy ache but this morning he pooed he did a nice poo whatever

walking along the street and then he pooed again and i thought oh god this is not gonna be good because as he stood up then he does this thing where he's like he's still squatting and he won't move he won't walk he'll just like keep squatting but like he's just like tensing yeah but he's like he's not yeah he does that he's just squatting because he can feel that there's poo on his ass so then when i go i try and grab it he gets furious obviously not with my bare hands by the way with the poop bag when i try and grab it yeah with my mouth when i try and grab it he he turns but he like folds in on himself and you know what he's like he starts attacking me he starts barking he starts biting the lot which is not embarrassing

at all it's completely fine it's exactly what i want to be doing at 8 a.m in the middle of the high street trying to wipe your dog's ass and it's the problem with this one today was that it was this sorry this is gonna upset you guys but it was very soft it was just smushing everywhere so like as i was trying to pull it i'm not grossed out by poo i'm not grossed out by like my dog's poo i guess but if you said to me oh i was doing a shit earlier and it was smushing around sloshing around all over the place then then yeah don't worry i probably would be grossed out yes but no a dog's poo but yeah no it was smushing around ever not everywhere but it was smushing around everywhere and i couldn't get it but he's refusing to walk and i was gonna just be like we're gonna have to walk you home but he wouldn't walk home so my trip to go and get coffee was ruined but also a lack i can't even

turn back home my trip to home is not looking viable either. So I had to just do what I could. Meanwhile, everyone's going, hi, oh, hi, smiling, hee, looking, oh, hi. What, just passes by? Just passes by. Oh, they were loving, they were eating it up. They were absolutely loving the show. And I thought, this is bad.

So I thought, I'm going to have to pick him up and hope that it doesn't go on me and just bin what i've got in my hand and just try and hold him and carry him the whole way home sort of thing and this girl came up to me gorgeous girl probably about 19 20 years old beautiful she looked really nervous you thought i hate to be kylie jenner right i thought i hate to be kylie jenner right now but don't mind if I do that'll brighten my day really sweet girl she came up she said hi excuse me oh no I said hi hi hi hello yes are you asking for me yes hello she said could you tell me where eden perfumes is oh god yeah yeah it's just up there oh yeah it's really that bit um i watched bridget jones diary recently and it's really nice when the guy turns around he's like hi hi yeah it's me it's me it's like oh no you're on my wife's chair oh fuck most beautiful girls oh i literally thought of course you're in my demographic

you look exactly like the kind of girl you listen to but no and i just i was covered in shit i i don't blame her to be honest maybe if she did listen she probably thought i'm not gonna embarrass her and i'll just pretend i don't and she bottled it last minute and said where's eden perfumes or whatever anyway he didn't it's like oh um also it was probably about 20 it was like two years we were right outside eden perfumes god you were really in the lanes then this is happening on a busy street yeah we're in the middle of brighton oh bloody hell there was probably about 40 people around it was busy busy and i was trying to pull shit off his bike my bus pulls up every time i was piling out of the bus while i'm trying to get by the bin anyway seven minutes in not good we're all having a good time great time so summertime sadness hey summertime sadness let's do it okay

can't say i've ever experienced it myself um what are your thoughts on this my thoughts are um i think it's a great topic like that's my main thought i remember thinking like oh yeah because you messaged me saying what are your thoughts on the title summertime sadness yeah i was i had literally had the same thought of summertime sadness when i was swimming the other day in haleido swimming around i thought sometimes sadness yeah but then i don't know why i kind of thought oh i don't think we will like that well i kind of thought i had thought it before as well and i thought i don't think sephi will like that so maybe that's maybe we're doomed maybe this is foreshadowing it's gonna be a bad episode but i also was kind of like i didn't know guys i've just i've been having such a shit time

that i almost summertime set it felt a bit too on the nose it felt a bit too like fresh off the press do you know i mean like i'm i'm it's not like oh i can reflect on something that happened in the past it's very much my day to day and you don't want the rundown of my day to day you really honestly you don't but i guess i'm gonna give it to you anyway okay well i also i don't want you to talk about something you don't want to talk about absolutely not no no i won't i won't i'm just gonna go with the flow let's just have a combo i feel so i don't know what the hell i'm gonna say in this as well all i've been eating at the moment is marshmallows as you know oh yeah marshmallows and um oh you know what else happened we need to say sorry i know we're taking up the beginning now i know i know i know it's really

really bad but we've been missing you guys we need to fill you in and all the events we have congratulations are in order i've got no idea what this is ekin su and davide and the lionesses of course we have to give our thanks to everyone what is this thing we're doing now general news yeah general news and updates well that was i was quite moved by both of those winnings i was moved by one of those winnings i was watching the i watched it i watched Euros. I'm glad I didn't watch it. I heard everyone... I didn't even know it was on. Yeah.

I didn't even know it was a thing. Well, that's patriarchy for you. I know. But well done to them. I thought that was so good. Honestly, well done. And I was... And I can end up...

Yeah, I can end up... I can't even begin to witness this journey blossoming for months on end. You know who i'm a really big fan of and i haven't you are obviously yeah you know who i'm a really big fan of go on tasha she's great you heard me talking about the pie i really am quite in love with her actually she's great she definitely had her moments in the whole what bad moments do you think i've always been i've always

liked hers but i was annoyed with her when she kind of forgave andrew who i do think acted so appallingly but i do completely think they are quite compatible like i do actually think they're similar as people now but i really let's all remember as well you're getting an hour that's very highly edited of days and days and days worth of stuff you know it goes without saying because we come across mental in these 45 minutes and actually we're very normal boring people i'm very normal and stable and just completely fine um okay should we start sorry about the hold up let's do it okay do you have anything you want to start with um i can

okay this person said that they struggle with feeling happy feeling sad etc at times when you're quote unquote supposed to be happy like christmas on your birthday etc and i mean take it away for world's best answer right i mean everyone was kind of saying it but there is literally no other feeling like being feeling shit on a day that you have to kind of feel good on or like it's seen as a marker and like well your last birthday last time last year last year i'm 37 or whatever it is don't remind me you kind of have this idea last year i was thriving i had my dream job and i looked so good and blah blah whatever you want this year however i can't stop crying it's like yeah it's as if it as if there is like some comparison to be made as if it takes like almost wipes out all the

progress you made during the year if you're sad on that one day you failed kind of your 23rd year or something oh my god 100 you know what those days are as well it's really the time when you do the whole i don't know why i'm crying yeah it's like oh i know why you're crying because it's your birthday you're overwhelmed you're reflecting you're i know why you're crying but it's really that thing of being like i don't know why i'm crying because you're looking around at 36 but last year last year i had 30 we're looking around all your presents everyone's being nice to you whatever maybe everyone's being shit who knows but it's your birthday and you're supposed to be feeling good which to me there's no faster way to feel bad than when i'm supposed to feel good i even i and i'm gonna get meta immediately yeah i do i even feel like i feel like i feel a kind of low-key version of that with this for example

you being like it's an hour every week where we speak i feel like it's almost the summation of your week goes into this thing yeah it's almost like you can be feeling absolutely fine the second it comes in front of you it's almost like oh god i've got to sum up who i am today or this week or like it's almost not that any pressure makes you a maniac instantly 100 that's completely it but with things like birthdays and christmas sure there's pressure on you and there is a societal pressure but also for me personally look a lot of the pressure i feel just comes from me i don't know about you guys i'm not pointing any fingers i'm just saying for me personally i am a fucking asshole and i am putting the pressure on me as much as yes everyone wants to have a nice christmas

for example i'm the one who's being like this outfit isn't right for christmas i need to my plans i ruined get a grip gee you're embarrassing pull yourself together you fucking freak christmas is a difficult one as well because that why would you want christmas in summertime don't know but christmas is a different one don't know how we got here but christmas is a specific occasion to me because almost oh there's a lot that goes into christmas isn't there and almost every family tradition and all of this stuff like there's so much that plays into it like for example the idea of being like finding an outfit for christmas that wouldn't even like there's no chance i'm

getting out of pajamas on christmas day yeah stunning but like so my dream christmas if it's all gone right is kind of almost this like incredibly cozy yeah day internal but for a lot of people it's almost like this drinking day where you get all ground and all that no it's just not that for me at all and i always think that sounds really delightful i would love to have a party christmas one year but it's very much like no makeup in your pajamas all day kind of thing um on your weak fit the pressures are different oh absolutely i'm one animal crossing i'm upstairs in my grandparent's bedroom playing yeah dreamy um but it's funny because almost like you're all putting a different aesthetic on it almost the pressure kind of is societal but it has to come from you slightly or just like the pressure that you that you put on yourself to have the day of your dreams

of dreams on this day but it's almost like that could look so different for everyone so you know it's fake yeah christmas is a hard one for me i love christmas i i love I love Christmas but I didn't get to have Christmas for a few well for for a while I guess and now I'm like my Christmas is very different so I just feel like it is a time when you're seeing everyone that's apparently really really happy and I hope that they are really really happy but for a lot of people there's so much i don't know that it can be a very it's a time of reflection there's a lot of weight that can come with it like are you not seeing someone this christmas are you not see oh my gosh i'm gonna be sick are you not seeing someone this christmas because they're not alive are you not seeing someone this christmas because they broke up like there's just a lot that goes

into like even if it's not like a trend like um almost a concrete thing like you're not seeing someone this year it could just be you feel shit exactly yeah and all of a sudden it's like well you can't be sad on christmas or yeah bring the day down come on everybody let's give it a go like in my house there's a real like let's not argue on christmas but it's like today i feel fucking fuming yeah why can't i have an argument on christmas yeah too right because you're gonna ruin the day because you're gonna ruin jesus's birthday so i couldn't do that to him after everything he's done for you after everything what an ungrateful little girl everything he did for you at easter and this is how you're gonna repay him on his birthday he died he died for you came back. And this is how you're going to repay him on his birthday. He died. He died for you.

Came back to life for me. And I'm going to argue about someone eating a turkey on Christmas. Am I kidding? Let's spin it to summertime then. Let's get this show on the road. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap.

Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Years before ACT UP, before HIV was discovered, before the history you know, there were people on the front lines of the fight against AIDS. Joe Sonnabin.

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ACAST.com I personally find summer hard because when I'm struggling in for example, even when I'm struggling at Christmas when I'm struggling and it's winter time when I'm struggling

and it's like cold outside, it's raining, whatever blah blah blah, I can kind of be a bit like, you know it's almost romantic, it's like cold outside it's raining whatever blah blah blah i can kind of be a bit like you know it's almost romantic it's like here i am living my miserable life but like i've got a film on and so does everyone else exactly like i'm just at home with the tea and so is everyone else but yeah and that's how it's supposed to be when you're miserable in the summer jesus christ like it actually to me fine at christmas i don't want to keep saying christmas at winter jesus i'm tech the horse with i'm being so festive let's just reuse this at christmas um when it's winter fine i might well i i'll, God, you're a shit human. Like you're a terrible excuse for human, blah, blah, blah.

But wow, in summer, it's so much stronger because it's just so apparent. You can't avoid the fact, like you might have FOMO in winter, but in summer it's ROMO. It's not fear of missing out. It's the reality of missing out. You are missing out.

It's fucking shit. And's really really hard it's almost like even it's almost written on your calendar essentially it's so like programmed even like the seasons of like you're working up to something summer thriving thriving light it's colorful it's bright there's like festivals it's stunning holidays woohoo especially like then it comes down and it's like now it's scarves and all the depressing weather in the winning in england it's like you're gonna waste a sunny day it's like jesus you get about 12 of those a year i mean i know climate change is on our side but we don't get a lot of sun we don't get a lot of warmth i don't think at least growing up that was the vibe and so when it's it's like, let's get out of that.

Let's go and woohoo, take the day on. But it's like, I can't leave bed. I can't get dressed today. I kind of really hate the sun, the pressure. Like I hate the vibe the sun brings. Okay. Which is a really dumb thing to say. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. She's bringing bad vibes i know but i think in england the sun brings out a huge level of desperation for people like it's almost like as soon as the sun comes out it's like everyone starts feeling like the clock go they're like right we're missing the day we're missing the day and everyone starts getting like this if they've spent the day inside it almost is like they have failed in life oh my

god guys can i i'm spending every day inside just for transparency i've been this is my this is how you know it's bad is i'm saying when i if i leave that for example if i leave the house with ozzy and he gets to go outside for a wee that is an amazing day for me when i say summertime sadness i'm very much in it at the moment and i feel like i get i think i'm getting a bit annoyed at the moment or like i'm finding annoyance in places where i didn't and what i mean by that is i almost think things have things have been normalized things have been hashtag normalized when they shouldn't be and yes it's normal to like feel shit every now and then whatever blah blah blah but if you are i'm just saying this because i would have needed someone to say it to me if you are not able to get up and you just feel like your existence is meaningless and you just should just die and you

can't leave the house because you're too ugly and revolting that's not normal and you should probably get some help the harry star was audio and he's like it's not normal and you should probably get some help do you know that what i'm talking about kind of it rings a bell well that's kind of how everyone talks to me these days is that's not normal you should probably get some help but it's true and i mean that in a nice way of like i'm hopefully most of you won't be feeling like that and the reality is yeah most of you won't be feeling like that and i don't want to make the people who do feel like that feel fucking weird and make you feel worse i just want to make it really clear that you don't have to live like that no one's expecting this from you and because i always feel like sorry this is me ranting now this is no okay go go for it

well just tell me to stop if it's i would never do that okay okay well i always feel like in my head it's like god every i've said this to you sephia 101 times you're probably sick of it i probably said it on the podcast i feel like or i felt like for a long time i kind of felt like oh everyone wants to die all the time and they're just better at not doing it than me not true apparently this is nice to me people don't feel like that so i kind of thought oh god like i'm just like really not cut out for this i'm really like i'm just fucked up like i almost i can't get on with it like what's wrong with me because i was taking people's word for it when they were saying oh we all feel like shit it's just life isn't it we just get on with it it's just we all just blah

blah i will personally have words of everyone i don't know i feel like that's supposed to maybe it's just how i took it i guess but it's not normal guys and if you need help you need you need to actually sort it out and i really but there's no shame in it either like there's no shame in so you can feel like fucking shit without it being a guilty thing and a shameful thing you can feel like fucking shit and with love well i think the i don't know if you can but like that is an added layer almost like i don't think there's any i think that's what you can feel like shit and then society or whatever or yourself all the the fucking things you've learned telling you it's hot outside yeah or that it's normal and you should get over it or oh everyone feels like that or just get over it blah blah blah

i think what you can go with love to the doctors and say i'm not feeling fucking right it doesn't need to be oh i i have to go and that's the means that i have failed i'm not gonna enjoy my summer whatever the fucking shit we put on it it can just be i feel like shit right now and with love i take myself to go and get better now yeah i just think it's just mind-blowing to me that people don't feel like this and i don't mean that in like i just i can't believe it do you find that liberating for them yeah it is but a bit both it's fucking annoying because i'm like fuck this fucking shit then fuck sake why that's fucking annoying and it's why i was so upset on my 25th birthday because i was like i've wasted so much of my life being so upset oh god i don't want to

get out of the site because it's supposed to be a fun episode who said it's supposed to be a fun episode well this is so much sadness but it's almost like this is guys this is real time like when you're listening to this i was crying like a couple of hours ago like that's more embarrassing no no no like it's like it's currently on the story that we're we're recording that's so funny um yeah it is it's shit because it's like fuck this is this is not nice but then it's also good because i just thought yeah everyone's really like a lot better at holding it together than me like everyone's suicidal and they're just not doing it so what's wrong with me then it's like oh no no like oh weird like alarm bell was like red flag actually but that's quite

liberating and it is like in the fucking strangest most kind of weird way it's kind of liberating to realize oh i thought i had to live like this turns out i don't have to live like this and there is a way out of it yeah i hope so there is yeah well anyway that's where i'm coming from so i know that cuts out as i say a lot of the demographic because i'm sure most people listening are like yeah like sometimes i don't feel good or whatever but for the few people that are listening thinking oh yeah i've got something really wrong with me actually it's not normal and i should probably get some help yes you should get some help and i hope you're okay and also you're not the only one and i don't know it's just a real fucking thing no i think that's stunning

i think that's pretty much exactly what you'd need to hear if you were going through that it's what i would need to hear i guess yeah because i just think for me it's like oh i just thought everyone was really depressed and that was more confusing for me because i would be like for example looking around in summer being like huh trying to read between the lines like are you guys struggling or like what or like are we all feeling like shit or what it's like if i can't take my dog outside to wee because i don't want people to see me because i think i'm too ugly to leave the house that is unacceptable is that what it is that's a big part of it god i'm actually gonna cry at that like i'm actually crying at you think that way what the hell what the hell oh god

no i'm actually really crying at that what the fuck this is so this is pathetic. This is so sad. Sorry, guys. Sorry, everyone. Everyone's trying to have a nice Wednesday. Oh, my God. I'm making everyone listen to my shit. What the hell? I didn't know that.

Why are you crying? I just think that's really sad. I know. Tell me about it. It's so sad. No, I think that's really sad as well because it's almost like god i just i could like as in so many ways it's almost like i can't relate to what you're going through but i really like i mean you know my like i have really bad i think really bad body dysmorphia and i really fucking feel that like and i just

really hate the idea of you feeling like that but it's horrible and it ruins your summer because then it's like sorry i know you're probably crying now is this going out i think so as long as you're okay with it i just want to make it clear i don't guys i don't like the idea of you like putting this podcast on at the gym and then 20 minutes in someone's like properly crying too like i am sorry but i'm sorry about that i hope you're laughing as well with us but i'm not trying to reduce everyone to tears like just you're out and about in your life like you're on the tube like i'm sorry that we're doing this well i'm not sorry about sephie i'm sorry i'm doing this to you and thanks sephie for being so moved um but i'm sorry it's not moved i'm actually gutted i just find that really no i hate that i just i don't want you to feel that well i do all the time every day i hate that that literally

is so but that's the thing and also it's not normal can we just take another moment to just say we're not hashtag normalizing that it's not normal i don't want you guys to think yeah you shouldn't feel like that guys you shouldn't feel like that it's not normal and you shouldn't be missing out for example on your summer because you feel so shit it's not okay no like i even sorry i feel really embarrassed i got really like no no i'm sorry that i made you a bit oh i'm sorry not at all you didn't at all you didn't okay just some like from some of the messages as well that i was reading just like people like their summer stuff like body image stuff like i can't talk about it too much because it's too much too deep for me but god i just find it so sad like it's so sad wasting so much like and for

what i'm in i'm in therapy for it right right now and i've had and this is the i've had therapy for like for body's body dysmorphia throughout my whole like since i basically realized i got i had it until when i realized okay you're not just like you're not just like really hideous and can't handle it you actually kind of have a thing going on here and to see like for the first time in my life like I'm having therapy that I think is actually like working and I'm actually kind of she's hashtag doing the work and I'm believing that it's an issue in my mind not with my body blah blah blah yeah one percent of me believes that now yeah hold on to it yeah and i do with all of my but to see like so many of the thoughts that i have written down in the DMs and like was all the responses

for this like I get so scared for summer because it means I've got to wear a bikini like um it means I have to wear shorts blah blah blah it just makes me so sad to see all of these stunning people yeah having these thoughts that it's like wait we shouldn't be thinking about any of this we shouldn't be thinking about do we look good in a fucking Instagram picture? When you're at the fucking beach, you're at one of the best places you can be. You're literally on holiday. And what are you doing?

You're spending your time in front of a mirror trying to get a photo to what proved to a load of people that don't give a fuck that you look pretty. Fuck this, what are we doing? Can I tell you one fucking thing? The boys aren't doing this this is a way it's been designed to ruin women's lives and this makes me fucking fuming yeah i fucking bought it and i'm one of the smart ones in my life and i'm fucking living this shit of course you are

yeah i agree it's a fucking waste of time it is a way no it's literally like a colossal waste of life it's a shame it's a big shame and it's not fair but i actually see it as like it's like a it's politically unfair like it is absolutely to my core of my beliefs unfair that these stunning girls are wasting their lives yeah and if you weren't worrying about this shit okay you'd be fucking writing your fucking manifesto you'd be fucking yeah climbing the eiffel tower i don't know what you want to do in your life is that a thing yeah well it's fucked up yeah and i think that's a big as you it's a big it's what everyone's saying it's what everyone well in different ways lots of people are going through something similar

yeah it often peaks for a lot of people in summer it's incredibly hard to deal with and on top of that i think there's this kind of weird like false narrative that no one else is struggling with it and it's just on you yeah that's one of the worst bits isn't it like but then it comes in the two in the two waves of exactly what you're saying about on one hand you think you're the only one dealing with it and on the other hand it's been completely normalized that we all feel like shit exactly yes women have insecurity which really fucks me up actually i've actually got bone to pick with that narrative because it's kept me feeling like shit by telling you that it's normal for 10 years for probably longer than that that's not i'm actually pissed off more for me

fine for believing it but i could have done with someone being like hang on a minute yeah you're not normal mate you're a fucking freak go and take some no it's not you're not normal mate you're a fucking freak it's this isn't normal you deserve more exactly yes you deserve a lovely life yes exactly like you don't have to have this like this doesn't have to be the way that you live i'm sorry i'm dying at us is this this is content is it you lot are fucking weird mate this is your this is your favorite podcast is it you're fucking mental like people ask me often so i've just got a job as a waitress like there's a waitress i like this little vegan restaurant can we say that it's a stunning place

that you did talk about previously on the podcast as a stunning place yeah it's absolutely stunning i saw their hiring and i was like i have to work and i did actually get recognized by someone that i was serving like a few like a month ago hi absolutely stunning so great um and now everyone that walks in i'm like you know me right but they just ask where it never comes um and people ask me all the time or like if i'm going on a date they're always like what's your podcast called blah blah blah and as if i can tell people the name oh it's a bit fine this shit yeah you can't be dealing with this oh i'm going on this date let me listen to the girl's podcast and it's them crying no i can't let people know this no not only is she crying but her friend is a big red flag no no she's a walking talking red flag yeah they're mental oh god just

like they they need to not put this on the internet yeah you just need you need to be bought in once you're in i feel like you're in and it's okay and like look but it's like if this is the first episode you listen yeah god bless you god bless we aren't usually this emotional but we're fine we are fine okay well that feels good um sorry we were just saying that well i said i feel light as air and sephie said i feel light as air as well and i said you lot probably feel like shit but we feel amazing after that you lot aren't coping really with the news that your podcasters aren't doing well but we feel great yeah we feel okay yeah i feel good yeah yeah i feel good i feel i just feel um open just fine just straight up fine oh all right not open yeah i feel yeah yeah i'll be oh yeah i'm open i'm open and open yeah life is an open door what's the song oh love is an open door yeah yeah that's what i'm going to what's that i thought you were doing life is a highway

oh i'll let you know that's michael scott okay i love that scene so much sorry quick office that scene with where he's singing with holly in the car it's so good if you guys have she's in she's in only murders in the building is she yeah and she's really good i love her so much i think i look a bit like holly i just think there's a certain holliness to me no that's fair enough um but i have always loved holly so much because i kind of see a bit of myself in her um just putting out there no one's ever told me that i think she's like office worker and you're like hot chick no yeah it's not comparable no i don't see myself as office worker i don't see how i have as a kind of 45 year old yeah woman marrying what about her i think what i see from holly i don't know what it is i've always just quite related to her the eyes

it must be the it will in the eyes because i don't necessarily want to marry michael scott either spoiler for the office oh it's ruined we have to cut that no of course not it's quite important to me though that people don't have the office ruined for them like i find that a very important thing we'll just forget it just forget you heard just forget like i was talking about they're still hung up on all the crying we just did they're not listening to this yeah true okay i thought we could talk about something that a lot of people said which is this person said it quite nicely when summer was a perfect dream in your head and it turns to shit because i feel like it's all about when you've got this certain idea of

what it's going to be you've got all these plans i've said you can only be setting yourself up for failure okay lovely take it away no it's just a short thing but they said when things don't play out like a fairy tale and i kind of think it's the same thing like for me it's not necessarily a fairy tale because i don't usually like the narrative it's like a horror for women um but i would say like a kind of a hot movie a hot chick movie whatever it is kind of a chick flick when things don't play out exactly like um like a chris columbus film lost for stone if you will like i'm walking down the yorble steps i'm having my hermione moment victor crumb is there ron's jealous you know when things

aren't playing out how i want um i get upset fair enough and that's where the romanticize your romanticize your life kind of discourse has fucked me up slightly because I think I was always prone to... Putting too much pressure. Romanticising of just being... I'm just completely prone to the fantasy and not prone to reality in any way.

And telling me to go even further into like... You're prone to reality. I'm not prone and i'm not compatible with reality either unfortunately so then i end up romanticizing things so much that when they inevitably flop i get really like well things didn't follow the script i must have done something really wrong and it's like you know what it reminds me of yeah the age-old legend of the ice cream shop which came about as us we were i remember we were walking along the level if you know it in brighton of an evening pretty dangerous pretty risky oh wow i nearly got hit in the face by firework in

the level did you yeah it's crazy place there it is actually it's a crazy place it's a real wonder for the senses it's very overstimulating if you like the smell of weed and piss like where's the eden perfume shorts tour just go to the level um we were walking along there i think we'd come out of the cinema or something oh it sounds great or we were going somewhere like for a night out i don't know We were walking along there. I think we'd come out of a cinema or something. Sounds great. Or we were going somewhere like for a night out. I don't know. But I thought it was a cinema vibe.

But I remember we were talking about some party that this guy was going to be there. And Sefi had, God bless her soul, an idea of what the conversation would be. And I said, you're going to a a fun play you're going to a party but you're treating it like it's office hours you're turning up with an essay and saying can you read this and revise it and follow the script please like you've turned up with an eight page exactly you've turned up with a thesis yeah and you're and the worst thing about that is you're

going to be upset when this little scrap doesn't know anything about your thesis and we're going to be gutted that he's gone on a whole different god knows what he's doing he's following a whole different script and we're going to take it personally we you and i in our joint life yeah and i'm sure you would have taken it quite personally as well i really did yeah but do you know what i think the thing with that is i did really relax into it and i now can quite clearly see some different outcomes that i've from from these situations and i do think every single time i've gone into a situation with a script of and i and i do think especially with men i definitely go in with how i because i've been so fucked up by the media and i have kind of images of how a romantic discussion should go an

argument i've got ideas of who i want people to be and they're not attainable i'll tell you that um so i kind of go in being like okay so he'll say this then i guess that i'll say that and then i guess that he'll say that and i've kind of by the end of it worked into such a narrow hole that can only have one outcome and the outcome is pretty much someone saying i think you might be the most beautiful person on the whole planet and i go i'm too good for you mate and i walk off can i also say you want this in but it is funny and i think the listener will love it that this is the same guy if you remember that seffy had a sexual encounter with and she was pretending that he was john snow yeah this is this is why i ruin everything that's how because i can't live not prone to reality

i was basically i was having sex with the guy that i had liked for months and even then i'm like he's not good enough let's make him john snow he's not john snow and even if i was having sex with john snow i'd probably go he's not john snow and even if i was having sex with john snow i'd probably go well he's not ned stark which i mean it's like it's always yeah you can always exactly i'm never gonna be happy with it basically you can always make yourself feel like shit oh absolutely doubt that even mid having sex with essentially the guy that you are in love with someone you're obsessed with yeah not good enough if you're not prone to reality you'll shoot yourself in the foot time to be in reality for a bit guys but it's also if you're if you're gonna keep piling on this bizarre pressure of and like

these insane standards of how you want your life to be have you not learned by now that you're just going to be disappointed and even if you're not disappointed you're going to be confused and and only if you not only you're confused i'm okay with myself being confused you're not disappointed you're going to be confused and and only not only you're confused i'm okay with myself being confused you're kind of confusing everyone else because one day you seem pretty keen the next day you're saying yeah sword you got a sword you're coming off bizarre actually more black kind of fur getting a giant um dire wolf do you have any pets what's your relationship like with your mum oh you don't have a mum you've got to maybe do like a northern accent

and you just end up turning everyone against you and mad but you end up setting your experiences to be you just have such a closed off view of what you want your life to be and it could still be all right but you're turning you're not going to be happy with that and you know my number one rule and well i've got a few rules but number one rule which i'm number one top of the list every day i break this rule don't fantasize about people you know it's the number one rule for me and i think if you have any similar traits to me which we sometimes get dms being like i'm just like seffy i feel like i've seen quite a few people being my friend is just like seffy if you and i don't

know what that means i don't know what that means and one day i'll figure it out but if you see any similar stuff in in me um my main advice to you would be don't fantasize about people you know. Can I take that step even more so and say maybe even for me personally, don't fantasize about real life shit. Not just people. Yeah, yeah.

Even situations like almost like you think you're lined up for this internship or this new job. Try and hold off on the fantasizing a little bit if you can be excited look forward to it it's so human to hope that you get something and you deserve it for sure but fuck me if i'd spin this situation over and over in my head and then don't get it i'm not gonna cope very well nobody's surprised no it's so true i haven't thought about that but it's so true like even like oh you're going to this party

and i do it so much with for example i'm doing it quite heavily with the new jordan peele film nope that is coming out i believe on the 12th of august in the uk i've got it on my calendar can't wait um see you at the cinemas if anyone's going on the 12th of august in the uk but in my calendar can't wait um see you at the cinemas if anyone's going on the night comes i'll see you there can't wait um but i have been thinking about this film so fucking much i can't wait my expectations are to be honest sky high they they are so high it's a joke um they're so high it's actually quite embarrassing and i was thinking to myself today i was sitting on the train thinking you need to lower your expectations she needs to because i

will be shattered i'll be shattered exactly yeah she won't cope she can't handle that it's so big in my identity how much i loved both of his films and so much so that's a movie by the way just everyone's confused it's a movie that by the way, just so everyone's confused. It's a movie that's coming out? It's a film. It's just a film. It's a film. It's just a film that's coming out. I loved Get Out so much.

And then I was even more... I was so surprised by how much I loved Us. And I'm just expecting to like triple my love for him with this film. I hate to say it. I do. I think it's going to be really good. Oh, so do I. I do think it's going to be really good.

So do I. But I think it's especially dangerous when it's like i know that nope to you is a life-changing thing but for example yeah going to a certain uni or like someone that you're talking to like you're dating someone and things like that it can really like fuck you up this is what i was gonna say before i started going on that nope but like for example going to a party i would really do it especially if we're going to for example examples of that guy um there would be so many parties i'd go to it's like right okay so if we don't kiss at this party if we don't have sex after this party blah blah blah then or if he doesn't ask me to go for dinner

soon like there'd always be a new goal post i'd be putting but it's like he's actually working off a very different script like you're yeah you've got it at this party you have got to he's got to ask you to go to dinner it becomes a formula that he's thinking oh i'm actually gonna do something that like what it doesn't matter yeah it doesn't even matter but if you're everything becomes revolved around this one person or end goal or thing or climax that isn't guaranteed the goals will come like i genuinely just think when it comes to like relationships blah blah blah you can put like and i do think dating is so something where you put kind of goal posts on things like even now i'm kind of in the early stages of talk with it you know when you're

talking you're talking to someone and it's approaching the point where it's like shall we go for a drink blah blah blah and i just don't want to do it for some reason the patriarchy is winning today i don't really want to do it she's not interested sorry and i'm thinking i'm thinking right now it will probably he'll send it say it in the next message he'll say should we go for a drink yeah but that's just me i've got no fucking idea what's going on in his day today all that i'm thinking is probably by the next message he'll do it and if he doesn't i'll be a bit like fuck sake it's always situations for me when you feel out of your depth or like it isn't clear where you stand for example you're waiting for a job to get back to you you don't know when they're going to get back to you by so your mind runs riot you're talking to someone

you've got no idea do they like you as much as you like them who knows your mind runs riot it's the situations where you're so unsure of yourself it's where your identity is and i wouldn't say that for this guy he's got no grip on me he would only hope to have some but it's where you you're if it could go either way is a bit of a make or break for you i think if you've got for example an internship or there's potential there's some there's something that's going to change about you it means a win or a loss to you then it becomes particularly like this needs to happen by this day or this needs to happen on my terms it's like so most of the time things don't happen when you want them to happen most of the time only very small occasions do things align up for your and they happen in ways that you didn't expect them

to happen for example always always always after all this time always when has anything ever happened to you that's like yeah that's exactly what i expected to happen um for me sometimes but not nothing exciting nothing i expect everything's always just a little bit and i like yeah fair enough i'm endlessly a bit surprised well the sooner we get used to that the sooner we can actually start enjoying our lives, that would be nice. That would be great. That sounds really good. It sounds great. Can we start that bit sooner? That sounds really good. Oh, right.

Well, shall we get this up then? This has been really weird. I think it's, for me, part of it is because I know it's going up now. So I'm like, oh, hi guys. Happy Wednesday. No, I think that's fine. That makes me feel a bit better

because we can't mull on it oh guys if we mull on this you'll never hear it if you're hearing this we did no mulling okay cool well well i honestly hope everyone's okay and i hope you're just having a decent summer yeah i really hope you are because you deserve it if you're not it's okay but i do hope you are because you deserve that good experience my genuine summer advice for everyone is i hope you can relax into the experience of enjoying and like pleasure and fun and all of these things and when you find yourself worrying about for example trying to control a situation or i don't like this photo so i'm gonna cry about it for fucking two hours which i did do the other day probably about four hours actually whatever it is whatever the fucking thing you're trying to control let's just admit we've got no fucking

control and it's actually a political and i'm being deadly serious when i say this with a touch of irony it's politically important to enjoy yourself as a woman it actually is oh it's a political act and we need to do it now get that on a t-shirt it's politically important to enjoy yourself as a woman and i mean it with every fucking fiber of i mean that's the best thing i've ever heard let's get it really good teffy i love that oh wow yeah i really i just i also liked the way you said it let's do it there was no mulling you were just speaking from the heart i've already forgotten what i said so i'd love to see it written down somewhere perfect all right let's go guys can you tell us if you like this episode

because i need some validation thanks i could do with some too thanks guys if you didn't like it please i wouldn't mind if you just kept it to yourself. They will, they will, they will. They won't tell us. They know the drill. Right, well, if you don't hear from us. If you don't hear from us, genuinely assume the worst. Fuck.

Fuck.