Going Deep with Chad and JT - DRAFT - The Best First Time Experiences | EP 343
Episode Date: May 22, 2024#goingdeepwithchadandjt #podcast #comedy Today we are joined by Chris and Strider to Draft the best first time experiences. Each list is very unique to each person depending on experience. They will ...HAVE to give a dank reasoning behind each one to get the judges approval. Today we have a LIVE chat voting on this and we also call Mr.Cream aka Aaron to see what his decision on who wins is!  LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW ON WHO YOU THINK WON!! We are live streaming a Fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://shop.chadandjt.com/ Come see us on Tour! JERSEY CITY AND ATLANTIC CITY are the next two stops!!!! http://www.chadandjt.com TEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Here is the Total Draft Standings: (s/o HandA on reddit)Chad: 7 wins JT: 7 wins Strider: 6 wins Chris Parr: 7 winsBrad Fuller: 1 Win (The Ultimate Champ)Joe Marrese: 0 Wins (THE PEOPLES CHAMP)
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up guys, welcome to the podcast.
We are, this was such a fun episode.
Banger.
Dude, a lot of good stories.
Brings me back, makes me want to watch American Pie.
It's a good movie.
Yeah.
I love it.
I remember the first time I saw it.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, dude.
That is a big first time.
Big first time and, dude, what's her name?
Shannon Elizabeth.
Shannon Elizabeth.
That was like my first movie boobies.
She was very hot.
Yeah, it was awesome. Dude, we're going to on the road this weekend and early next week we got atlanta first
we got jersey city this friday the 24th atlantic city after that very stoked gonna get some gabagool
lots of italian food we're coming to jersey uh and then then after that, we're going to be in Seattle on the 27th.
Two shows.
And then freaking Helium Comedy Club, Portland.
Two shows there as well.
It's going to be awesome.
We're going coast to coast.
Coast to coast.
Let's do it.
It's going to be sick.
So, guys, get your tickets at chatandjt.com.
So stoked for those.
Also, we have a new sponsor I'm super stoked on.
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this one is monumental because the chat's going to pick the winner.
Yeah, I think we should still call Aaron.
And it'll almost be like when college football was in that weird schizophrenic period
where they had the AP poll and the coaches poll that would determine who went to the natty.
Oh, yeah.
Was that early 2000s or was that a long stretch
yeah and actually it was the bcs poll and then a combination of the ap and coaches poll so who
picks the winner then uh we don't really know so both so what i don't understand the analogy
okay they had two polls they had two polls and that would determine who went to the national
championship actually back in the day in college football the national champion was picked by the media and by the
coaches but they didn't have a national championship game dumb really dumb dumb dumb dumb so we're in
that stage so they had they had two polls and then they're like kind of like well they said this is
it and they said that would happen sometimes so or like you'd even have people who are like well
we're national we should share it and the other people are like no no we want it outright like no no we're sharing it
and then i don't know okay i think you just kind of wait and just see who decides that's why they've
now created a playoff because that kind of settles okay there's an ultimate game with an ultimate
victor when when did this happen probably like six years ago they came up with the playoff oh wow so for about a century and a half it was just uh hey man it's kind of your opinion
so for like most of my life there are no playoffs that's correct playoffs are important this is my
dank ass wife is you're a premier league guy are you an arsenal guy yeah sorry because manchester
brought it home but but you knew that for weeks which like premier leagues is so fun but then like
with like certain seasons with like five weeks to go,
it's like mathematically that's the champ.
Yeah, it rarely comes down to the last day.
Yeah, kind of lame.
There's a lot of different things to win.
No, they won.
They bungled it like two months ago.
Like both teams were just on fire and they just got –
actually one of their former coaches coached a team
that kind of fucked them up this year. And those two games that they played against them was kind of the difference. teams were just on fire and they just got actually one of their former coaches coached a team that
kind of fucked them up this year and those two games that they played against them was kind of
the difference how the difference how crazy was it that this non-byron team won the german league
and went undefeated the whole way and then i've never heard of them dortmund it's only
it was the one i never even heard by a but they have a hot coach who used to be a player chubby alonzo let's go that's goodness that's what they got he was coached by ancelotti and what did they are
he's played the pitch at real he knows the game he played in he played in three of the four big
leagues he's played for several hall of fame coaches and was also like close to a hall of
fame player yeah and he was really good i'm gonna say
this right now and he would drop dimes with your great flow right now which when i saw you i'm like
that looks good but you brought donuts so it overpowered my energy thank you for bringing
donuts you have a sexy coach look right now you have a very sexy there's no higher compliment
than saying someone looks like a european soccer coach yeah because it's masculine but debonair
oh yes and like some of them still wear get
suited up but other ones go with the track suit look that's now across sports i like the suit
the suit's nice i like the suit i like when it's a turtleneck and then it's a sport coat on top
that's always nice like an assassin like i used to love when um who's the lombardi like lombardi
with his big coat on the sideline i think football coaches should go back tom landry had great style he wore like a top hat yeah yeah it went like to the it started going more sporty
in the 90s where they just or late 80s 90s where they were just wearing like the the decal wind
breaker and now with belichick it's just gone too far the belichick is the worst that's why it was
it was nice earlier in pep's career he would. He would look like a model.
He would have scars and shit.
But now he's just straight quarter zip, that kind of thing.
Maybe a turtleneck.
But yeah, I would like to see pro basketball.
I think it's fine.
I don't mind it.
Football, they got to do something.
I'm not loving the outfits right now.
Mike Nolan brought back the suit.
But he sucked at coaching. Right. That's also tough that's also basketball they should make the coaches wear a uniform like
in baseball with no shirt they should wear shirts like this did you see like they start working on
their arms more for sure chris i think you could rock a chain i think you should like uh like a
very simple like gold chain like yeah it's pretty wild to think about that do dudes that wear chains wake
up in the morning and put that on every day being like i'm gonna do this today or do you just always
leave it on i think they leave it on most times but i have no idea i've never been a chain guy i
was a puka shell guy for like when everybody else that summer in middle school i think you could
make chains cool i think you have you have the ability to pull it off but i'm glad that you
won't use that ability for that i don't know if i you don't want to be i just don't know if i'm a
chain guy i really don't chain guys are bad guys well dad wasn't i'm saying he could rebrand it
yeah he does have the power to be a good chain guy your dna chad we kind of need that deep in
there we need good but that's i think i see it on i think i see it on the jersey dudes and i'm like
good but that's i think i see it on i think i see it on the jersey dudes and i'm like i like those guys but i don't know if i'm one of them i think i'd feel like i would feel like a
poser is what i'm saying here's the thing nice enough guys but if you found out like your sister
was dating one of those dudes like you came over and it's like hey this is derrick and he's wearing
a fucking chain and a jersey you'd be like this ain't lasting it's like
the guy at our pizza shop on the corner dino it's hidden on my mom a lot whoa yeah dino he had a
chain we knew it dino but he was gay yeah we know another one who's straight too oh yeah do you
remember the christian rock guy dino that was big in orange county circa early 2000s i mean no
already performed did he play for switch to the? Dude, he at least sold the theater.
Oh really?
Like right outside on the grass.
No, yeah, they got that little amphitheater there.
That's kind of-
No, I don't ever-
Too big a word for what it was, but yeah.
Yeah.
There's like a park that had like a few like,
as like terraced steps that you could see on.
Remember when that kid shoved me
when we were on our way to Stadium Brewery
to get some Buffalo wings?
Because Roger, they were smoking weed
and Roger was like
drug free is the way to be and then he ran up and he's like what'd you say bitch
my neck did the you didn't even say it no but a lot of dudes hit you i stood i stood at the front
though i took it for roger beast general that's why you're the general yeah it was nice i mean
like it was it was it was nice for you to do that for him that was it wasn't
even like he was like the the guy's doing drugs like you're gonna smoke it out in the open don't
be so self-conscious about it you know what i mean like if you wanted someone if you can't take
a kid who's like four years younger than you making a comment you know like yeah maybe maybe
you should just like i don't know go behind the movie theater exactly exactly like i don't know your car
drive here like exactly go to your boxer car dude like a man exactly bro that segues nicely too
because we're drafting today guys and that was a first time i had gotten shoved for making fun of
someone for doing drugs experience but we've all had so many firsts in our lives yeah and that's what this draft is about we are drafting the best first and i got to give a lot of credit
to a stoker i'm sorry i forget your name dude but you were the effing man please write in and we'll
shout you out uh he came up to us at the tempe improv show i was like dude you guys should draft
best first so this will be the best first time experiences of your life and uh i don't know
it's a tough one i mean i i was writing down a ton and i was like i don't know what the best is
i think i'll find out today but i i don't know there is no like i know it's tough to decide
what the best is things that i love that i don't remember the first time I did it.
So then that doesn't qualify.
Like a lot of things when you're like really small.
But that's why they're not the best first.
And that's why they're not the best.
Right.
What did you find difficult about?
I think that where there's some things where it's like, I think it's, well there's it's subjective right very first time boning
couldn't have been a might not have been a great experience for some but it's also your first time
boning objectively is your first bone well so it will be colored by your experience for sure right
then you'll have to keep that in uh balance with how the rest of the world feels about these things.
Right.
And then there's certain like time periods where you're like, that was really sick.
But was it sicker than, I don't want to get too specific because of, you know, I don't want to show my cards too early.
Smart.
Very smart of you to do that.
Let's get into it.
I was going to let you keep talking, dude.
Just pick you apart, dude.
First nudge. Odds are evens, dude. Just pick you apart, dude. First nudge.
Odds are evens, guys.
First one.
Oh, yeah.
We might have to minus the chat for a little bit, Jake, just so they don't give us too many non-novel ideas.
One, two, three, shoot.
Okay, okay, okay.
One, two, three, shoot.
Wow, did we all switch it up yeah one two three shoot
oh i'm glad to go for it you know it's not bad all right yeah i don't know i don't know if i
want to go first i don't because it's like oh man i don't know i guess there's some the the reality
of almost picking first is getting to me all right one two three shoot all right oh christopher you guys
always always you guys all right you ready yeah paper rock scissors shoot oh yes yes i needed
pressure off well you know what okay here's my thing i have to take it it is the eponymous first
when people say what was your first time like yes they're referring to
this experience yes so i will go with the first time you make love very nice very well put your
first sex it is the it becomes this defining experience for so much of us i know for me
it took a long time to get there and the weight weight of it was huge. I was like, am I ever going to have my first time?
It's the ultimate mission.
From age 10, maybe 11, 12 to whenever, that's all you're thinking about.
It's priority number one.
It guides everything, you know, makes you work harder in school.
Maybe you work less hard in school. Maybe you play more sports, you know makes you you work harder in school maybe you work less hard in
school maybe you played more sports you know you're talking about how you design your life
so that someone will want to have sex with you some could say your whole life is designed around
the pursuit a mission to get laid yeah smart it's it's it's all geared towards corking cooch unless unless you know you're of a different sexuality you know
and that's that's cool too that was yes corking whatever corking you know it's the dicking or
getting dicked right or you know yeah depending on who you are some kind of corking yeah scissoring
yeah scissoring yeah scissor me yeah so let's let's not say intercourse yeah i was gonna call
jake out for that very strange what do you what do you take a serial killer doing five although it's
for uh i think we'll probably do four for this one but we'll play it by ear
although his first scissor its own thing for sex no no no because i think for lesbians that is
their sex the history of this is so deep
pop culturally too many a great film dedicated to the idea of are we gonna have sex when are we
gonna have sex and it just seems to govern the young adolescent mind and and i still think it's
something you adults say like when did you lose yours when did you lose yours yeah for sure it's
also like when you're in it like high school it's also like you're aware of when other people lost theirs which is crazy it's like it can be it can be
public knowledge when somebody lost their virginity and it can spread like wildfire
which is crazy yeah when like the guy freshman year is like the first one to lose it and everyone's
like did you hear about ortega yeah i will say when when that guy did lose his virginity i asked him what it's like and he said
not as good as the real thing brother
a lot of wisdom in that when you're a 14 year old when you hear people start doing it
it blows your mind i i went to a boarding school dude one time i went by my buddy uh
maybe i
shouldn't out him even though everyone knew they were porking um but you weren't supposed to have
girls in your dorm room right but i walked by his dorm room and i heard just a boot and mud just
and i was like whoa that's what it sounds like dude i remember when you first had sex and then
you came over to my house and you regaled like 10
of us with the story and then at the end of the story strider was getting to like that he was
like dude so i'm in there i'm pumping you know we're going at it and then my dad popped out a
window and said oh really strider it was amazing he like heard the whole thing and then we're all like oh dude it was amazing dude listening through the
window i used to love that shout out dad if we were able to like have like a time machine to go
back to like not just the first time but first time your buddies like were recounting the first
time oh yeah it's nice it was awesome yeah it wasn't sleazy it was like it was important
information we were like we need news from the other side exactly dude there was this berlin wall and i was stuck in east germany
getting no ass these were fat yeah we needed facts dude uh everybody's first time good good
experience uh mine was i was pretty drunk and you know you know what's interesting about mine is i
went straight for 69 oh smart yeah yeah i was like we
and you were you're always really into noises too and you just brought up the noise you've stuck to
your guns yeah i mean i love b-hole in my face and you know i was like uh she's like do you want to
of course i wanted to have sex but i was like i kind of want 69 first yeah well that was the other
thing too when a guy found a girl who was open
to going into the sexual realm with him he's like let's explore every because guys would come back
and it almost be like it was almost like a treasure hunt it's like what you get it's like
i got bj i got i got fingering i got sex i touched her butt once like right it wasn't even about like
did it feel good we just be like tell us everything you did right yeah exactly yeah it was and it was like kind of like if you do something that's kind of like exotic
then you have a story i remember in college i did a shocker told the whole school yeah
she didn't appreciate it but i was the man very anthony kiedis yeah
all right so that's what i'm going with chris you're up with the two hole now i wish i got number one i know it's the perfect number one that's what you had to do
you know i'm gonna keep it in like the same age range mostly or like it feels like high school's
like it's where everyone's talking about yeah virginity i'm gonna say uh first high school
party smart bro smart smart smart the energy of going to a party at that
point or like because it's part of the sex where it's like are people going to be having sex yeah
are people going to be like drinking or like doing drugs who's going to be there who am i going to
see oh yeah it's just like the just there's nothing and that was just kind of high school
parties in general because like it's not like they happened all the time so whenever they did
it felt like dude this could be it this could be the greatest night of our life based on all the
movies that i watched growing up like one night party movies like this is gonna be so going to
the first one oh man and mine was jt threw a fucking rager and i was in eighth grade and i got
roger was there from uh from a previous story we went eighth graders roger puked all over my room
i got hammered i was doing well you know like i love you so much bro i was i mean in my head i was
up partying for eight hours i think in reality i was up for about two before i went down and it was
to this day i can't believe like the the old hundreds of people yeah it was 400 people the newspaper said it was
400 people the newspaper it's so yeah we got it right up in this maybe i'm biased because it was
like like the biggest high school party i went to and i wasn't in high school yet and it was my
first but i was like that sounds so sick my mind was blown it was it was so sick i did i put porn on all the tvs yeah it was so funny and like and it was just
it was cool because like i was like obviously like the youngest person there it was just fun
it was awesome it's amazing dude and then you become cooler because when you get to high school
you're like yeah and they're done yeah this guy's boning um dude i
remember my parents were gonna drop me off at that party and there was like seven cop cars outside
and they're like where's the house i was like just go around that cop car and then go um yeah keep
going up they're like these are a lot of people i'm like yeah the neighbors must be doing something
we get there and there's like dudes doing beer bongs in your front lawn my dad's like we're going
home we're able to go no i didn't get dropped off yeah i had to go home i called the cops on
not that one and i called the cops on my own party because i couldn't get these adult men
out of the house yeah and uh good guys we were at the gas station like months later i'm like
at fuck by oso jack we're filling up gas and there's a mike diamond plumber in there like
this hardcore looking dude like a one of these bald like looked like he's a member of the insane
clown posse and he just goes up he goes you jt par and we're like i was like about to run i was like oh
yeah i was like yeah that's him and i was about to leave and he goes sick party sorry about the
blood in your pool but that guy was talking shit he's like yeah no problem dude i was already out
i missed the whole fight man that was a great fight dude i heard I heard about it. It was like one on five.
Dude.
But he was like.
But the one.
But the one guy was.
Yeah.
They picked on his Muslim friend and he beat the hell out of these guys.
It was cool.
I remember one of my.
They fucked with John Wick, dude.
And he took him down.
Because John Wick loves high school parties.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best my favorite i remember
one i went to a high school party and uh i heard people boning again which is so mysterious to me
this guy who's like who's like kind of jacked
he's just observed in the attic
getting closer to busting down down periscope 110
approaching 110 down down well dude this guy was this guy was a beast and he like um it was almost
like that scene out of fight club where tyler durden's just you know pounding what's her face
yeah yeah yeah and uh and she's so like out of it she like falls off the bed
you know it like kind of happened like where he opened the door and she's so like out of it she like falls off the bed you know like kind of happened
like where he opened the door and she's like oh we had that too i was like whoa this guy really
gave it to her i had a party i was banging on a door my friend was there was a kid puking in the
bathroom and we had to get him out because he was like sick but someone else was having sex in the
bed and had locked the door with two girls our friend he actually passed away rest in peace brother and i was banging on the door i'm like open up open up
dude he opens the door he was like a crow magnum bro yeah he just has like heat emanating off his
body just like sweat and seems like what's up he looks pissed i'm like i'm like hey bro there's
someone freaking passed down the bathroom we got to get him and he's like all right moves out of
the way dude these two girls were in the bed just like like they
look like they'd really been through a physical ordeal like in a positive way but they were like
bone coma sorry about the bone coma
it's so funny because they were like in my head and stuff they were like screaming they were like in my head he's smoking a cigarette but i don't know if he was he was an animal dude he looked
45 i remember he was my freshman year like orientation class or whatever like when you
go before school starts and i was like this guy's 45 i'm like dude this guy he acted like it and
he had a big penis dude he had a legendary big penis when he brought you to get a fake ID in LA and he brought a knife and he was like, I'll
take care of this if it gets bad.
I'm like, you know, we can just pay these people.
Bro, one time.
Let's put the knife away.
He's like, dude, for a second there, I thought I was going to have to pull out my knife and
he flicked it out and showed it.
And I was like, nah, dude.
Just let him rob us.
Either we get him or we don't. Let's just go home. I don't, nah, dude. Just let them rob us. Like, either we get them or we don't.
But I don't need a knife fight.
Like, I am 15.
I've never been here before.
Amazing.
Yeah, first high school parties.
And dude, the thing about high school parties,
upperclassmen, they hold court.
And then you're always like, you're
wondering if the girl you have a crush on is going to be there.
And if you guys are going to finally have a yeah a little aside oh bro yeah getting
ready like she's gonna be here dude yeah like getting ready with your friend and then like
you know it was um and me and a buddy went it was like we're gonna be in high school next year
like it's at my house like we're gonna do this like we're so excited and yeah you know bit off a little bit more than we
could chew but it was a good night and you know so awesome i remember i had a high school party
where i i ended up hooking with this guy's sister who seemed unattainable i fingered her
dude it was so sick you did it bro this was in new jersey too i just see you walking home 10 feet tall oh dude we were
it was like this huge house in jersey and we were on the lawn and i was just like
oh dude that's amazing and the sprinklers were in the background like
just so stoked and then you get sprints and you're like run run run just waking up my buddy what's up
bros what about when it's
a bad high school party and it's just like 10 guys sitting around and one guy's just holding
court where the chicks and like one girl like one guy's girlfriend shows up with like her best
friend it's like cool and they're like arguing about where the best weed comes from they're
like you know actually oregon has the best dude remember when i try to be cool and talk about the
weed dude dude we were hanging out at our buddy Gavin's house.
He was like this cool dude.
He threw some sick ragers.
And there was these other kids that went to Dana, like the public school.
And these guys are like,
Dana Pills, dude.
And they're talking about like, this guy has this weed,
like this G13, whatever government shit, dude.
And they're passing it around, dude.
And I've never smoked weed, and I'm with JT.
And I smell it, and I'm like,
No, no. They're like passing it around dude and i've never smoked weed and i'm with jt and i smell it and like no no they go they're like uh they're like passing it around it's like everyone's smoking they go uh strider you want to smoke he goes no but let me smell it
yeah it's good and he handed it off and i was like that's smart It was a good move. Good social move. Also, that's the move you did for...
Like, you still do that.
With weed?
I don't like smoking weed.
Yeah, but you always grab it and you always sniff it.
I do kind of like the way it smells.
Do you think that's a nice cultural thing to do?
It's like if you were in an untouched tribe with the Narubi and they were like,
Hey, eat like our anteater bunghole.
And you'd be like, no, but I i'll smell it it's like a taste you're not fully participating but you're saying i respect
your culture i think that is true yeah it's like when you get the sign of the cross instead of
taking communion you're like i still respect which is mine first communion big for the next
kidding oh whoa that'd be interesting no no no you, no. You are up, though. And Dieter Bungle. Yeah, I don't know what they eat.
All right, those are two amazing picks.
Those would have been my picks.
Mine's a little bit somewhat adjacent,
also from the same age,
maybe slightly before,
because this is really for middle school for me,
but I'm going with Your First Crush.
Oh!
That is very good.
Dude, that's a great one.
So this could be sort of unrequited love but it's
like it's the first time where you're like dude i love what like you're like i love this girl dude
like you know you've never talked to her maybe like me you don't know anything but you're like
she's perfect you get excited like if you're going to the party or whatever like it fuels you
you don't you probably don't you probably never have sex if it's in my,
like if you're sharing the same experience with me,
never even kissed.
But my first crush,
she actually did become my middle school girlfriend in sixth grade.
Whoa, Danielle.
Her name was Danielle, exactly.
She's actually cousins with a famous comedian.
Technically, we never broke up.
She's got three kids and lives a great life.
Good for her.
But dude, I remember being like,
dude, asking my mom, like, mom, can you take me to salt creek beach because i knew like
she went to that beach because we talked about it and then like walk in the beach being like maybe
she'll be here dude i remember going to the grocery store like going out being like oh maybe
my crush will be around the best dude and then all famously we have the same crush sophomore year
um so yeah dude just that that idea it's powerful emotion it just it takes up so much of
your brain and the hit you get because you go you even though you go to the same school you'll go
like two days without talking to your crush oh yeah bro and you don't want to walk up and just
say hi like that seems totally it's lame outside what would be it would just be way too obvious
and people be like what the fuck are you doing yeah and then like once in a while you'd be in
class and it'd be magic and they'd be like yeah we're
assigning science groups the person across from you is your partner and you're like
yes dude exactly gross it's so awesome and then you just grew for an hour i remember i i had this
huge crush on this girl in like third and fourth grade and i remember one time we were driving and
we were driving by like fields like we were driving by farms and i was just picturing me and her just like running in the field and then making out just getting such a
little nice little boner bro the best time you do good things when no one's watching you're like if
she only knew i did that she would right yeah mine was younger than that i think mine was like
was like pre-k whoa and i remember during time, I had a dream where we got married.
Whoa.
That's awesome.
Was it the teacher?
Was it Shanti?
No, it was,
I don't even know if this is true,
but I always thought her name was Melissa,
but it's also been.
So long.
And like, I feel like I kind of remember what she looked like,
but like, I remember like,
I was like,
oh, it's a girl.
And then, yeah,
and I remember having that dream
it's amazing you're such a romantic too i love that you got you went straight to being like
we're married well also like that's all i that's all i thought like i didn't know i didn't even i
didn't even think kissing was on my radar yeah and you weren't like we fuck in a bar then i
yeah my motorcycle that'd be really an interesting dream if you were yeah yeah like i don't she wants
to tie me down but i'm a man of the road babe i gotta go see about a thing wow it's powerful dude the first crush that's awesome
me all right i got i'm staying in a similar realm this is just a magical moment that
you always remember and and also it can be nice it could be not but i think it's just when you first
do it it's that first kiss is just it's nice it's it's yeah so you get that tingly feeling
i actually i had to go with first sex because i just think culturally
it has such significance i would actually say the first kiss is more memorable.
Because the first time you have sex, you've probably done a bunch of other sexual stuff already.
It's kind of the culmination of what starts with the first kiss.
But that first kiss is the first time you really connect with the opposites.
It's the first time you're intimate in any way.
And I think it's kind of more special because of it. You feel lips for the first time you're like intimate in any way yeah and i i think that's it's kind of
a where you feel special because of it you feel lips for the first time it's like the it's it
blew my mind what also yeah yeah it doesn't feel as good as you think it's gonna feel or it felt
better to me oh it did yeah yeah her name was hannah she had she had full lips nice yeah yeah
although i'd hear about some i'd hear some horror stories but i remember this
kid kip he went in he's all yeah some people kiss too hard yeah bro no i was gonna say it was
probably me but i never got the review i was horrendous i was licking the hell out of her
i still do that sometimes i just get so damn excited
it is true it's nice well now that you know how to corral it
too it's kind of okay to get a full blast but like sometimes i can't sometimes i'm too horny i go bad
i'm horny right now yeah what do you want from me exactly yeah do you think more first times having
sex because i actually think sex is easier than people make it out to be right like while doing
it yeah while doing like people like
oh your first time's horrible the first time i had sex was actually i think for dudes it's way
different for girls i think it's like bad and painful yeah maybe it was that i was older too
so i i was like a little bit more mindful of that stuff but i think your first kiss is oh bro yeah
probably a disaster mine well mine was actually right mine was kind of like heartbreaking because
she's really hot but then i learned later it's like she did it based off a dare
you know mine was during a game of tracer all that yeah yeah i got she's yeah mine was like
wasn't known to me oh that's worse yeah so like my buddy's like bro he's like it was like i dared
her to do that that friend of yours is such a piece of shit.
He takes so much pleasure in, like, schadenfreude.
Yeah.
Seventh grade schadenfreuders are the biggest bitches in the world.
Yeah.
That's, that's, that's really, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Is that Kip?
Nod.
Did he have a chain necklace on?
Probably.
Dude, the guy, this guy probably does wear a chain.
Yep.
Yeah.
He went, he took a weird path.
Did you confront her about it
i never really saw her afterwards smart she was she's like distance yourself she went to another
doesn't deserve you yeah she went to another school and like how johnny depp says he'll never
look at amber heard again yeah she's like one of these girls at a different school had this
reputation of like being hot and i was like whoa yeah i i kissed hannah and then like i was like
yeah she's not like picking up the phone
and my buddy's like bro it's
you know it's cause it was based off
of dare and I was like fuck
oh man
I wouldn't be surprised if she got dared a couple times to kiss a dude
and she didn't do it so
oh dude thank you so much
that's what I'm saying too she could have been like no way
yeah both first for me
cause he's good looking but like I'm not gonna date him you know I don't even know the guy i'm not gonna pick up his phone calls afterwards
weird thing about my first kiss too is right after we kissed i asked her to 69 oh yeah smart yeah
consistent yeah i love it yeah i just always had that there are those girls too who are more
susceptible to being like hey i'll i dare you two bucks to like grab this dude's thing over his
jeans yeah and i think you really got to watch out that your kids don't become that person yeah
like i'm really gonna instill in my kids you don't have to say yes to a dare yeah yeah right you can
still be popular even if you don't do the dare you can pick truth yeah go true true make something up
yep that'll be a huge survive in advance yeah i
didn't even know that was allowed i was like if someone dares you to do something god you gotta
do it yeah okay all right my number two pick now it's kind of been picked a little bit but this one
had more significance for me because it was my first feeling of true party freedom where i was like this is like next level partying
it's my first college party big okay and because we came from the dorms right
and i was like kind of nervous but like i'd been to boarding school so i had been away from home
i was kind of nervous i was like his college can be his college can be sick i go to a house
is college gonna be sick i go to a house there's a keg there it's packed red solo cups everywhere heaven this dude hot dude tosses me a cup he's like fill it up i was like oh my god i was like
college is gonna be so sick so sick and it was and then you just fill up the cup you get hammered
and i like hooked up with this girl kind of like we just made out but then i was obsessed with her and i count yeah i like had one night where i just called her a bunch of times i
was just out of my mind 69 yeah i was just 69 69 and like people like dude you gotta ease up on the
69 let it happen naturally i was like fine fine um but uh yeah my first college party the end of my
i called my brother i was like dude college is unreal this is like he's like
yeah it's freedom right i was like bro it it was especially coming from boarding school too
yeah because boarding school is college with rules and this was like you could stay out as
long as you want you could sleep anywhere you could sleep with chicks yep yep you could get
hammered you could do all kinds of you know nefarious activities
you know with your nose yeah beautiful smelling butt smelling butt but so uh it's my first college
party was fucking it is sick the best it is next level dude it is next level partying where it just really it you you enter you know you enter professional
it's like you go from amateur to pro it's how i felt let's go all right i think i'm up right
yes sir i'm to go with probably,
we'll go with your first pet.
Oh, that's a nice one, dude.
Yeah, so like, you know, I remember we had a Dalmatian,
dog named Caviar, dude.
My family was into opulence and wealth growing up, dude.
So we named our dog Caviar.
Our second dog's name was Cognac.
That's interesting to me.
Very strange.
We named our dog after opulent things. So you guys like bantered about country clubs and all the time as our dogs had handicaps when we'd
ask what breed i got oh it's handicap is this but uh it prefers you know lamb chops raw with a mint
mint sauce but dude i think a first pet also introduced you to this concept of death maybe
it's a goldfish usually it's it's a dog, cat, people.
But I'm like, dude, I just remember loving that animal so much.
I remember it would give me licks and stuff.
Cognac, your dog?
That was Caviar.
I remember Caviar.
Caviar was my, sorry, Cognac was the second dog.
Caviar was our first dog, a Dalmatian.
Saw it get fucking hit by a car when I was five.
I remember it got in the hunt club down that hill, got hit a gardening truck the dog just wore it cruised around had a volleyball size
fucking bruise the rest of its life pretty sick oh yeah dog just fucking wore it kept cruising
around um but yeah dude i think just that the in loving that um first so and then now maybe having
the first pet that i own like my little dog sunny, Sonny did. It's a game changer.
Like I love,
I don't know if I can get both really the concept that I was going for with
this pick would be your first childhood pet,
but I like that.
Yeah.
What is,
how do you feel about your parrot?
Dude,
my mom's parrot.
Let the animal out.
Like there's bird people who treat their birds like fucking dogs,
and that's great, and that has a nice life.
Although my brother does a good job letting it out and feeding it and stuff,
but it's a bummer to talk about.
They're smart.
They're like three-year-olds.
They live in a cage.
It's terrible.
And one of your concerns is that the parrot will outlive.
The parrots live like 70 years.
Do they really?
Yeah.
Although this parrot might find a way to
jump off a balcony and die we know a dog that committed suicide because it had a bad life yeah
really yeah i mean look the dog never told us like it didn't leave a note but what did it do
i wasn't surprised sprinted straight into traffic. First chance it got. Yeah.
Was it the one in the garage?
Yeah.
He lived in a dark garage.
I think we've told this story before.
The only lady I ever saw is when I opened the fridge to grab a Gatorade.
So horrific.
I'd say we reminisce about this about every four to six months.
Oh, no.
And whenever I see my buddy's dog, it was, I'd say it up a hundred percent of the time i see him wow that's
uh yeah my first dog barry just black lab you take him on walks for the first time
i mean you're just snuggling you and your little kid you try to ride him like a horse
it's responsibility it's nice kids that have horses those are weird people
ours was a chocolate lab as well that we that we named blackie oh
yeah which probably i don't know today we'd probably swerve but at the time his coat was
black you were kids we were kids it was very literal the name kids give bad names and like
i didn't know that there might be a negative connotation because i didn't know what that
meant it's not the first time you get chased by the neighborhood dog oh dude yeah bro that rottweiler whose poo we stole stuff from down the street
that dog was a terrifying dog that actually brings me to my first time first time you steal a
rottweiler's poo to put it in your friend's girlfriend's car that you don't like so to
let her know you don't like her and make her car stink for a while that's a great first and then
find out that her dad's a cop and then your friend calls you and says you have to talk to her dad who's a cop
otherwise he'll get you i was saying you didn't have to talk to him but like it was probably smart
i didn't it's good good no i don't want to talk why would i want to talk to him he's probably
gonna yell at me i don't want to take this. I'm like, I'm not calling that guy.
All right.
Who's up, Chris? I'm sticking a similar time period.
I'm going to go first best friend.
Oh, very nice.
Sometimes still your best friend.
It can be.
Mine is not.
But he was a really cool guy.
He lived two houses up.
And we hung out all the time that's all i remember like the first
time i saw him like my mom was like it's like first day of school my mom was like and like i
saw this kid like you're coloring in an apple because our teacher loved apples whatever you
know yeah kindergarten says it and he was doing like brown or like purple like something that's
not and somebody's like apples aren't that color and he's going outside the lines and he just looks at me like so and i was like and i was like and
i'm sitting there watching like this kid's fucking weird like this kid's weird i knew that my mom
had told me like oh your neighbor one of our neighbors is in your class lo and behold it's
a weird kid meet him after and he's like kind of like huddled into his mom and i was like oh yeah i don't know
about this turns out he ruled and we hit it off and we're robbie yeah still talk to him oh you
guys are still boys no gtc funny i haven't talked to but gt's talked to him um yeah we hang out
sometimes yeah but i haven't seen him in is it the robbie i'm thinking of no not sm robbie different different
robbie but they both spelled the same way i.e i believe unless i unless i'm misremembering he
became a navy seal also like i'm sure for some people first best friend also means first betrayal
yeah not for me but like i think that's interesting about it's like sometimes it's like
some of these should have some positives but like also some my picks it like just like a negative one later because i think yeah sometimes you got to
balance out that list you start doing like pranks together i remember one time i yeah my buddy and
a lot of running yeah my first best friend and i we peed in a jamba juice cup and put it in the road
this car hits it and just showers the car with pee. He was so pissed. Yeah. Dude.
I was too scared to run away.
My friend ran away.
Oh, you froze?
Yeah, I froze.
And I'm like, oh.
And the guy scolded me.
It was awesome.
Yeah, we did, you know, ding dong ditching.
Yeah, ding dong ditching.
The best.
Did that.
You know, that's like, that was a first best friend activity.
Yeah.
Or just playing the same video game, switching off for 10 hours roller coaster tycoon or something oh yeah he was really good he had
roller coaster tycoon i played so much yeah and then at some point you go demented you're like
you know we could just send the people off yeah it's like what if we just yeah we did just one
loop and then just off and that's when we found out that they had an animation where it would, like, explode.
Like little flames coming off.
Like it was so sick.
People would puke.
Yeah.
They'd have no trash cans.
Yeah, you have to get trash cans.
You have to get janitors.
And no janitors to clean it up.
Yeah.
Yeah, you get a little demented.
It was pretty fun.
Twisted fucks.
Yeah.
All right. That was a beautiful one sorry that was a beautiful one so i'm gonna go with something that connects to my
first one and i'm gonna say your first child dude nice huge so hopefully this doesn't come about after the first time you have sex
and i'm in the middle of it too so i can't even really look backwards but it's uh i don't know
it's what people say it instantly changes you the things you don't want to change, you hold on to,
but you feel them change because they need to.
And then you get to see a human become a human.
It's pretty wild. That is huge.
Because they start not doing a lot.
Lazy blobs.
They're just blobs that suck resources.
And you love them.
And poop.
And you want to protect them.
But then as you see their eyes animate and their voices come through and their steps start, you say, oh, my God.
This is like a fool entity that is going to have a range of experiences, likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, disappointments.
They're going to supersede limitations.
They're going to be boxed in by
limitations and and their life could be bigger than yours which is it's awesome yeah you it's
the first time i've ever felt like it'd be cooler for them to be president than it would be for me
to be president wow like you transmute your greatest
hopes and ambitions into another thing but then you say but i love you anyways even if you don't
i was gonna say and then you said go down swinging but i will say that of course i will yeah it's
i've just never been so invested in like she turns her head and i'm like she's never done
that before that's the sickest thing i've ever seen in my life everything feels like a milestone
and it all feels special and it's even though it's just like doing regular stuff like when
she first was able to like grip something i'm like that's so fucking sick look at all the shit you
can do it it's like she can sit up now that happened like the last week we're like she's
just chilling sitting up and it was like beck and i are like jumping up and down being like
you're the best you're amazing and it's like all she's doing is sitting you know it's awesome
everything's amazing yeah this is kind of me cheating but it's like endless first it's awesome. Everything's amazing. Yeah. This is kind of me cheating, but it's like endless first.
It's loaded with first.
Yeah.
Everything they do is the first.
So it's like,
it's almost like how AI is teaching itself stuff.
This thing is just perpetuating first.
Yeah.
But I do have to check you.
That judges.
That's what I was going to say.
You do not get that.
You need to do this.
You only get the experience of you having your child first.
Dude,
how long am I talking about this? Immediately. I i go i thought about it earlier when chris was
talking i go it's kind of unlimited first and then you're stuck it's beautiful but yeah exactly
i felt that i was like i was like oh i'm kind of boxing these dudes in where like if they talk
shit they're talking shit about something you're not allowed to talk exactly but this is kind of bullshit yeah so that's the other nice thing about
having a kid is that it allows you to be sick in evil ways and uh protect it through the love of
yeah justifies everything like it really does for my kid i gotta bounce i gotta go
you see people on instagram they're like people like don't bring your kids to my wedding kids are annoying they're like do not call my kids annoying i'm like why are you
taking it so personal or politically when people are like i don't want people coming into our
country they're like but what about my kids future you're like all right relax yeah you're like you
open yourself up to hate for your own kids like because it is you it's you for sure but that's
another point that's a great pick all right i get one more pick
oh yeah you go back to back all right dude i'm doing look there's a lot of like
inebriated firsts yeah there's the first time you booze the first time i ever went into that realm i gotta go first time you do mushrooms
whoa dude i was with chris yeah you yeah your batch party you were it was on fire you made the
best face dude when we were all laughing when we were waterboarding our friend,
Reggie goes, we're waterboarding our friend.
And I just started dying laughing.
I see Chris go.
Dude, it was the best look.
It's fun.
It's fun.
It is crazy.
You are transported.
Like you, it's like booze.
We, or I may less so we,
but booze is like, it's like a feeling but then
mushrooms are like oh this is like i just hopped on a spaceship it's a portal yeah and and you know
it's a little over talked about these days yeah but like i was like 25 the first time i did it
we went on a hike in the malibu hills and i remember i was you're so afraid of it yeah
because people tell you oh it's a psychedelic You might find out dark things and you might never come back.
Yeah.
Like it feels like an epic hero's journey.
Yeah.
And you're like, what if I find out I'm a sick monster?
And then the first time I did, I went, when it hit me, I went, dude, you make mistakes.
You're kind of an idiot, but underneath it all, you're just a happy monkey.
And I started running like on all fours.
That was awesome.
And then there was a polo match happening in the Malibu Hills.
All these people in fine suits.
I took my clothes off and I just sprinted through it.
We like ran in.
Were you naked?
No, I was just like shirt off.
Just my shirt off.
And then I was just running.
And I had such good mushroom energy that people would stop me.
And they're like, what are you doing?
I go, you know, you can do whatever you want as long as you're yourself.
And you come into things fully. And went yeah man have fun and they loved it
and it it was like my best self and i i've had a lot of good experiences first time i was drunk
first time i smoked nothing like that where i was like oh i'm like i'm actually in my pureness right
now yeah i loved it the first time doing shrews was sick it was at the house in san juan it was
all my college buddies came out for spring break freshman year sick it was at the house in san juan it was all my college buddies
came out for spring break freshman year and it was most of our first times and man all it was
was just like i don't know what it was it was everything was about how it felt and so it's
just us just raiding the pantry for different materials to like rub in our hands around our
bodies shredded mini weeds pouring a lot we were in the jacuzzi in the pool
pouring a lot of sodas on our head
because of the fizz.
The best part was when
Joey came out with a couple bananas
and was going, oh, dude, it's so sick!
And then all of us started mushing bananas
and then it turned into
eight sets of hands just going
like this, just rubbing bananas
together and we're all just
cackling laughing and it was i mean amazing dude it's been a i don't know if shrooms have ever hit
that hard again which is also it's like a lot of times with drugs i feel like the first time is
like the best the best and then you're trying to get back there you're always chasing you're not
gonna get back there so don't try yeah you know and there's some drugs that you just probably
shouldn't try because just don't do that but shrooms i'm definitely like it's nice don't do them safe
and be mindful and don't don't make it your whole life afterwards but that first time
it was awesome the doors get opened i might okay no there's something to say strider doing it he was
he got naked and then he grabbed a knife pretending like he was gonna chop off his feet
did you really yeah he was like oh no i'm untrue but like he was having a really good time
i was full naked just and there was some dude that i didn't know that very well and like i was
like afterwards i was like maybe i should have done that but my whole joke was like i'll cut
my dick off like i'm out of control dude my first time i was uh i went to see never back down in theaters that's awesome
yeah i was transported to orlando i was i was in the movie dude i was like i was looking i was
like oh my god there's amber heard and he's fucking. Dude. Just, I was just fighting dudes.
Bob Miller, dude.
Yeah.
And then my buddy's dad picked us up and it was hilarious.
I just was in the back giggling.
And then my buddy would just look back at me like.
And I'd be like.
That's a great experience.
See, the first time you're stoned in front of a friend's family member and you're trying
to keep it together.
Yeah.
Dude, when you're looking at your buddies and then when you look in the mirror you're like holy tomatoes yeah i remember i was
stoned at our friend robbie and ross's house and they didn't want their mom to know and i go
upstairs and she's i'm in the pantry she's like oh hey jt and i turn i'm like shocked and then i
looked down i'm like are you gonna eat those potato chips that's what's so funny about it
it's like it's like first time i'll probably i don't remember
exactly the first time i was in front of parents high but i'm pretty sure i ate like five balls of
cereal i'm like sitting in the kitchen just going like yeah i'm just you're a little quiet i'm just
hungry growing boys dude that's hilarious chris you're oh shit yeah check the list check the list dude you know
it's important to check the list dude i'm gonna go with something fuck oh shit i'm kind of between
two i want to go with something negative no i like it you know because i'll go with uh
know because i'll go with uh maybe i should do this later ah fuck it whatever first time getting fired dude whoa dude that's great it fucking sucks that's a really good one but you'll survive
yes you know and like you'll figure it out but like and it's probably gonna happen to most everyone at some point in
their life and like that's a really good one it sucks but like you'll learn a lot about yourself
it's almost more crushing than a breakup too yeah i think it's just it just depends you know but
like and it's i mean the first one of either is tough, but. That's a great first. I remember, I can remember, like, I can see myself after I first got fired.
You're just so bummed out.
Me and Andrew went to the park and worked out.
He's like, you'll be all right, man.
I just remember like staring up at the sky and I was like, maybe I can't do it.
It's the first time the world like tells you like, maybe this is true for athletes too,
who like get cut or something like that.
But it's like, it's the first time the world's like hey you might want this thing but you might not have
what it takes to get that right but that's also them getting fired yeah that's true it is the
same that's but yeah i don't it's kind of a bummer but like yeah it's just it's also it's very
meaningful and like you know i don't think anybody's really gonna forget it or i guess if
they do forget it it's because like you know it was probably funny yeah exactly i remember yeah
my old boss i was working for this dude who had a he was like i was an assistant and sam that was
first time i got so i got fired from that but before he fired me he was telling me about another
guy he he fired who tried to wrestle control of the company from him whoa and he he ended up winning the power
struggle and he remembers firing that guy and the guy just kind of took a beat looked around he was
like if i don't work here who am i whoa identity the guy had made his whole identity be in this
company and then he had built up in his head that he was going to take it over and that was going to
be how he defined to the world and then in real time it got snapped away from him and in my in real time my boss got
to watch him like kind of just be like holy shit i'm i'm i'm empty now i gotta fill everything back
up geez yeah that's big dude you guys never been fired huh i've never been fired i got that vibe yeah
dude that's a great pick though that's great fuck man i'm wrestling with a few you guys ever been
arrested no no yeah what jake yeah jake i'm about to start taking mma clean operations clean heists
never been caught
that was my other bummer of a one that I was deciding between
but I was like more people have probably been fired
than put in jail but jail also sucks
shout out Scotty Scheffler
dude
yeah Scotty Scheffler what a beast
alright shit there's a few
god damn dude
I might go with,
everyone kind of remembers this,
but your first car.
Dude, I wanted to pick that and I botched it.
It's like, you always remember what you had.
Maybe you inherited it.
It was the family car or you got something cool
and you fixed it up with your dad,
but it's freedom.
It's you're 16, you get your license.
And I remember the first time I drove my car uh i would listen
to uh that song big country by the band in a big country and uh just cruising down by like in and
out on avery driving to school and like getting to school and being like whoa i'm here and just
the freedom of it dude it's it's very american dude you know uh so yeah i think i think that
you nailed it it's the the most full experience of freedom you've had
yeah like you're like i can go anywhere like because before that you're like mom dad can you
take me over here at four o'clock and they're like well do you have a ride home and then you're like
oh i gotta coordinate this and like if your buddy can't pick you up if they can't take you
you're landlocked and then then you get a car bro you're not beholden
to anything you're calling your buddies too you're gonna dude i'll pick you up where you i'll pick
you up yeah dude and then you're stoked to pick people up soon that stuff goes away and we drive
too much but and you can go to a you can go to del taco yeah at four in the afternoon now yeah
and just go get a fucking double dell and fries exactly you can go on a date dude if you get you
can ask your what are you talking about i mean i never did i never did i never did theoretically good though yes i had the i was
empowered the potential is there if there's a girl's house to drive over to at two in the
morning i didn't know any but you could go i might have dropped a girl off at two in the
morning after she had sex with a buddy yes right exactly you're probably also like
dude my car is big enough i could totally i could totally lose my virginity in here if i needed to
yeah there's plenty of because the family cars the suburban dude and then you get it you burn a cd
because in our generation you burnt a cd and you fucking put it in you listen to your own music we
put on fucking oasis wonderwall roll the fucking windows down and just cruise.
Did you park your car at school?
Yeah.
Fucking park it, dude.
Your first parallel park.
Play Snake on your phone, getting a fender bender for the first time.
Yeah.
So sick.
Dare you pick up a chick?
Dare you do?
Ted.
Yeah.
We'll cruise to the river in Blaze. you drive next to your friend you guys drive slow
to hold up traffic behind you yeah we would do that dude on fucking antonio the best me and my
brother used to have one where i would i would put the e-brake on my car and i would turn on
the emergencies and we would get out and just say my car was broken like people would drive by would
be in the car they'd be like bad and you just be sitting but before they could like you they're
turning to be mad at you and you're just going oh i don't know the car's broken the car's broken
just hands and you just look panicked amazing dude there's so many different tricks you could do
in the car of just like fucking with people oh the best which is so i don't it just made the commute the 15 minute
drive home not long at all just so much more entertaining dude i remember one time we uh
we went through the taco bell drive through backwards
it just in reverse and they're like and you're like yeah i just want some cinnamon twist
when you're 16 you have the energy so far
like dude like it's not that i don't think that's funny you're like i just 16 you have the energy so fun like when you're in your 30s you're like
dude like it's not that i don't think that's funny you're like i just don't have the time
yeah yeah yeah i'm just trying to get the food my kid needs a cinnamon twist there's
there's no like frivolous fun here yeah it's like do i put this on my credit or debit
yeah doing voices at the at the box oh yeah i to risk that now. What if they fuck up my order?
Exactly.
Dude, I have a hot take about cars too.
I think a hundred years from now,
future society will look back at us driving cars
as reckless, as dangerous, and as badass
as we look at cowboys from the 80s.
That's for sure.
Like we are on the road doing 80 miles an hour
in these steel missiles missiles and we're all
just trusting that everybody else isn't going to bounce off of us and we're like yesterday some
lady almost swerved into my car oh yeah dude when i had my kids in there and i just she said she
gave me the finger i gave her the fact i said fuck you bitch and then i go right back to normal yeah
and then we're just doing that all the time yes on these crazy highways and people are dying all
the time and 16 year olds are out there those kids are idiots vin diesel is john wayne yeah you're right
vin diesel's john wayne and then your future societies will look at like census reports
like how many people died they're like a ton yeah and they just kept doing the highways
every year and they just kept so people drink and drive all the time they said 200 times before you
get caught and now they're on their phone and it's just absolute trust and we all the time they said 200 times before you get caught and now they're
on their phone and it's just absolute trust and we all just roll the dice bro i don't bad asses
uh all right it's my turn first car is a good one first car is a good one i meant to do that
instead of shroom i know maybe i didn't need to go negative for because i probably could
have gotten that later you wanted an emotionally balanced list.
That's fire, dude.
No, yeah.
Because it's like that's, there's so much meaning behind that where it's like, that's
where you learn to overcome things.
Which one?
The car fire.
First time getting fired.
Oh, yeah.
It's like, it's negative, but productive.
And that's what makes the other stuff good
is that you've been through the hard, man.
It ain't supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies, bro.
Dude, I just had a thought right here
and I'm just going to lay it out on the table.
Do you think when AI starts taking care of everything for us,
we can go back to living like we're in high school?
Oh.
Will AI be able to refurbish my body to still have those young
joints that's that's the tough part is my body just can't handle that much fast food now well
can we just be bionic bionic yeah if it's bionic it's for sure yeah if we're bionic and we're just
like all right let's go doorbell ditch you know we're like 60 that would be i mean i don't know as long as we still got
doorbells i'm doing it yeah dude do i have to go to football practice for four hours
dude that's crazy yeah maybe that sounds fun for like 45 minutes yeah but four hours i guess if
i'm bionic i could probably just freaking cruise the whole time yeah you just no no let's just go four guys i'm interrupting this podcast let you know once again that we are
on tour we're going to be in jersey city this friday the 24th atlantic city the 26th that's
saturday and then we're going to be in seattle uh on monday and Portland, Oregon, on Tuesday.
Get your tickets, chadandjt.com.
It's going to be a blast.
Also, we are doing this live, live on Twitch.
It's been so fun.
We're having people comment throughout the draft, or they're giving polls, live polls.
So it's having that fun interactions.
Twitch.tv slash chadandjt, go deep.
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back to the show boom all right my time. My time. My first. This one.
First girlfriend.
Nice, dude.
Where you're just with all your boys.
Like, yeah, this is Ashley.
This is my GF.
The best. I don't know, dude.
My girlfriend and I, we're going to the movies.
And then you just pull up to like an outlook over the city and just fucking.
It's the best, dude.
And then she starts touching your wiener
and you're you know playing with that little man in the boat and just
you start fingering her and you're just like oh man and you're like yeah dude she's gonna show
me tits tonight and you're just like yeah i don't know mom and dad i got a girlfriend so
yeah maybe uh whatever you call her on the phone
what's going on what's up what's up babe yeah cool how was class even though i saw you all day long
all right sick and then like you'll maybe she's got a younger brother or sister and you got to
babysit you're like whatever yeah we'll watch a movie you know order pizza we're responsible
yeah your family's like hey we have easter we have to go celebrate easter
and you're like i could be spending that time with my girlfriend true oh yeah then they go on
a family vacation over the summer you're like fuck dude yeah but it makes that much that time
with the boys that much richer yeah you first it's nice first girl first girlfriend came pretty late
so did mine my first girlfriend became my wife same yeah yeah let's go so it's like it sounds like uh high school shit and i'm like oh right do you guys feel like if
you lived your life in a million different like uh iterations that you guys would just be the
guy who married their first girlfriend every time i hope so i don't think so i think there's like if i was a little bit more confident i think i
could have had a girlfriend sooner yeah like it's i think if i go back with knowledge like do i have
the knowledge from this life or is it a fresh life i don't even know i think it's not i guess
what i'm wondering yeah it's a brand new fresh life there's got to be a version where i'm just like a little bit more forward yeah with chicks while sober same yeah i'm just wondering how much of it it's dna and
how much of it is just like oh i think it's plenty dna but i'm just like you know there's a thousand
of them like i gotta think like at least eight there's there's also one where i'm a dude who
wears a chain necklace you know oh so you think there's great variety in the-
Oh, right.
I think so.
In the run of you in different settings.
I guess it's like, where am I born?
You know?
True.
And then you also have to think, if in that setting, is everybody else different in that
setting?
And maybe the girl that I'd be more forward with in that life is actually a more reserved
version of herself.
And therefore, it also doesn't work.
Oh, but you're seeing the same girl in it. And it's that in it but you think you're seeing the same girl in the different i think
it's all the same people right is it oh it's the same like i think there's somewhere it's
the same people and there's somewhere it's different people okay then yeah then yeah
yeah it's gotta happen uh did i do two nope you're up do i yeah i do another one okay oh hell yeah
i won that one?
Sick.
Do you think in a different version of reality,
you could, like your bench would be less or more?
Always more.
So this is the weakest version of you. This is the weakest version.
I'm the biggest dork moron version of myself in this life, dude.
I suck.
My mushroom trip once sucked. I wanted to do car damn it car's huge i couldn't it's one that i forgot i also forgot you needed a drug in there
we needed we needed some kind of yeah i could have got it later the inebriation you know all
right my next one first concert oh that's huge first concert's big yeah that's on my list for sure where you just
like i remember my first concert where it's just like it was like it was rock or what was it it
was revolution oh no it was revolution ska and i remember just being like when they first started
jamming and i went like this i was like yeah dude when you first start doing that it's awesome yeah first concert sick live music
first time is sick especially when you see someone like huge like a huge pop star you're like whoa
they're like right there and they're doing the thing and uh yes yeah what up mine was late mine
was so i was late too summer after eighth grade before freshman year uh
dude that i met uh during summer camp of football ryan took me to dave matthews oh no and we had
separate seats from his parents so we were on the floor yeah people smoking weed around me that's
cool yeah it was it was uh it was awesome i i won't pick it now but my specific version
this was your first coachella oh i thought about doing first music festival too i mean
coachella was awesome that was similar to a mushroom trip you're like could we live like
this forever yeah dude it's like no you need ac yeah i'm soft i know i was at a festival a couple weeks ago in
daytona it was like the opposite coachella was like hard rock or like metal but like people
were camping out and i was like how do you do like you get to a certain age where you're like
how do you do that no yeah bro i remember but before in college i was doing coachella and like
i would sleep in and like on like a blanket on like the
desert i didn't i didn't care well because it's because you're more there for the community it's
less about like the shelter yeah you just know you're gonna be gross the whole time so that it
lets you let go a little bit yeah whereas like now like if i know there's a shower to get back
to i'm like i feel so much more gross whereas like if you're camping and you're just hanging
out there you're like this is just how we live yeah you know there's no way to escape the dust
so you just i'm still gonna shower tomorrow but like i'm okay going to bed covered in dirt yeah
it's awesome that's a good one is it my turn yes sir okay man let's see here. I'm going to go with... I might go with...
We're just doing four, right?
So I'm not going to bend if we make it fast.
I'm going to go with your first job.
A lot of times it's a summer job.
But just that feeling if you get your first paycheck.
And you always kind of remember it.
Sometimes your dad's like, you better fucking get a job.
Sometimes it's straight out of college if you made it,
and you got a salary gig, and that's cool.
But a lot of time it's like a coffee shop.
You're in the service industry,
which I do think it's important for everyone to work in the service industry
at some point to realize how much people suck.
It's very growing pains.
But, yeah, I think really uh does develop character and an
important thing so i think that first job also you know whether it works whether it's a hot dog
on a stick at the mall was yours the marriott my first job dude actually my first job was a page
in dc that was my very very first job which is actually wild and crazy yeah you're at the capital
i worked in the capital yeah that's so you lived in dc for a summer wow where
did you live did they had like dorm rooms on the real capitol hill yeah that's so that's pretty
sick did you want to get into politics not really it was just like something my parents made me do
like this is good for resume like right um interesting like some weird family friendship
but it was really cool you'd go in like tunnels under the ground but then my first like real real
job that i like applied for and got we were driving around looking at like i remember looking at like hollywood video and stuff and then the marriott
was like the first actual real job remember that's hilarious quote when we were we applied for like
our dads were getting a job so we applied for like five and to us that was like having a job
like we did a lot today yeah and then dude your dad walks up the driveway he goes did you guys
get a job today and strider's like we applied for five and then your dad dad walks up the driveway he goes did you guys get a job today and uh
strider's like we applied for five and then your dad goes success is the only thing that matters
and walked right past us it's amazing manny fudge is like i think we had like a basketball i just
dropped it we both put our shoulders down i was like god damn yeah it's hilarious it was really
funny but yeah did you like working at the marriott it was cool was hilarious. It was really funny.
But yeah, did you like working at the Marriott?
It was cool.
Dude, it was really fun. Like there was a lot of these Jamaican,
because the Marriott's an international company.
So a lot of Jamaican guys came over
and they were really cool guys.
And there was a lot of hot girls
that were a little bit older than us,
like college age,
that worked at the pool serving drinks.
And they would have like these parties together.
And me and our boy AJ worked there too.
None of us, we never got invited, dude.
We were like the dorks of the shift.
But there was one cool chef who would make me pina coladas and turkey burgers for like lunch.
And dude, I would have like an alcoholic pina colada while working.
It was pretty wild.
That's a nice Marriott too.
It's different now.
Isn't it a Ritz or something now?
That property, I don't know.
I haven't been.
It's the Dana Point one where everyone gets married.
By Doheny. Where Ferraro got married? Yeah. where ferraro got married yeah that's uh yeah marriott as far as i know
marriott shore cliffs or something like that yeah that's where we used to do mother's day
yeah yeah mothers they do they would do a big location big mother's day uh set up 10 slots
of tables out on that huge lawn they got a lot of spaces there yeah they do it's
a nice it's a big property is it me yep all right this is gonna be maybe it's too specific but uh
i'm gonna go first time you read the giver or animal farm oh that's so good because they're like books where you're like whoa this
is like dude like the giver like you're like you're like this book is deep and then with animal
farm it's a little different because it's like whoa this is like this is like about like russia
and like communism like it was they just both felt like monumental books for like, as a middle schooler, like
you're like, they just kind of open up your mind and it kind of just like, you just, you
just experience something different after reading these where you kind of feel like,
whoa, there's like this whole inner world that I've been exposed to.
And like, I feel smarter and like, I feel like I i've like i i you feel like you're becoming older
because you like understand what it's trying to at least the giver where it's like it's all about
like somebody feeling different things and how they need to pass it along it just feels i don't
know i just felt like if i like the kind of book that like people like for like the next couple
years i do that book was good like everybody kind of everybody has that experience or at least did
when i was growing up yeah there's that book where like i'm pretty sure all assigned reading
books my reading comprehension was like zero like i'd read it and i would be thinking other things
yeah maybe i had add like i don't know but then there are those few books that like blow your
mind you're like you could visualize it and you're like this is incredible and then there is like
these human themes in it so that's that's huge yeah yeah art
dude first time yeah it's kind of like it's like the first time really this is different this is
different from what i did before like this is like this is about something real and like and like big
and l and there's an elemental nature to it yeah because well before then everything's like bridges
to terabithia where the red fern grows they're all about death basically and long yeah and and
they're just getting long but it's it's basic primal concepts they're trying to get you
that one's the first time we're like oh this is changing the way i think of like the structures
of society right yeah right i guess it and both of them do deal with the structures of society
that's true that is that is a common common thing you're like questioning the american system right
are we doing it right right did we build did we is the way that we do it the right way and like it's like and even before that it's
like there are other ways that you can build societies and you can build them wrong yeah what
the fuck and when you're in like like when i was in like third grade we went to war with kosovo
there's no part of you in third grade that's like america's wrong you're just like sad that
americans might get hurt but everyone's waving the flag by the time he gets like eighth grade
is the first time and it kind of coincided with the war on terror and with iraq we're like
wait a second is american on in the right here right like yeah you might consider that
you could be making a mistake um uh yeah it becomes a morally relative universe
all right dude my first look i don't think i got this one so i'm just going straight from the heart
uber specific and you can dollars to donuts put this one against any of them i'm going
the first time you finger a chick yeah yeah dude huge it's amazing i mean it's a sex is great but you've already done a
bunch of stuff kissing's good but like are you even really connected to the person it can be a
pack and you move on the first time you're laying in a bed with a gal or sitting in the back of a
bus or you're probably doing it in a at a pool party and there's a hundred parents around
and you got to be sneaky deaky about it.
The first time, look, you're going to miss.
You're going to think that the vagina
is right below the belly button.
It's not there.
It's way lower than you ever anticipated.
It's basically where the butthole is.
Yeah, it's the same like, oh, whoa.
Like you got to like extra reach.
And I would actually say of the experiences that
go wrong the most often and where the poor girl has to deal with incompetence this is the one
yeah that's probably the the most challenging because guys like all we've been doing up to
this point is playing sports and wrestling so for us exertion of force is the way to accomplish
something we're playing n64 yeah golden eye i really hit the button we're just breaking things and not taking care of things and so we get in there and we're like
all right it's squirt time she's gonna score and we're just and we think it's all about we think
it's all about entry and depth we have no idea that there's any kind of you know style or
sensitivity towards the clitoris and and it's just you're mangling out there but broski afterwards
you're like i'm kind of a guy i mean i i remember i saw my dad the next day and he's just you're mangling out there but broski afterwards you're like i'm kind of a guy
i mean i i remember i saw my dad the next day and he's like you want to get some breakfast i was
like yeah let's fucking do it yeah sure i'll try he bought the dt grabbed his pack of smokes
didn't wash your hands for a week dude you go back to your buddies you're like hey bro
smell my fingers yeah totally and also i remember the sense of it dude how wet it is and
then i was like oh yeah i was like every time oh yeah dude i was like i was like to my buddies i
was like dudes i felt the pearl i felt the pearl guys and i remember i was like captain jack i
remember i was like down there i was like that's the clit and i just rubbed it until she just squirted all over looking at these lists if you look at
jt's list you're like this dude's fucking pretty chill dude i was fucks i hope i can be like that
yeah he's got to just do a bunch of things that i never did you know what i mean you know the
first time you get reverse gang banged by a supermodel? Yeah, exactly.
You never forget, dude.
It is so heavy duty.
You got to take care of so many people.
The responsibility.
The first time you make
your first billion.
Three comma club.
First time you pull over
a cop, dude.
Yeah.
Or a piece.
First time you extract
a high profile
political prisoner
from an adversarial country. Oh, man. First time you negotiate a high profile political prisoner from an adversarial country
first time you negotiate a crisis managed kill
well because you remember it dude it's huge i'm so tempted to like just
there's two threes in here we're tied yeah whoa well let's do it overall let's have people vote
overall it doesn't have
to be aggregate on rounds sometimes you know you don't win every round but you win the fight you
know i think you that was a smart move at the end there you went with something that's like
you went specific and you went kind of like you're like no this is like mine i'm like it's kind of
like i think they're good picks but they're kind of generic but there's things in there where i'm like my first skeet did your first skeet where you know
oh the first time the load comes out yeah yeah why don't you change concert to first time your
load comes up i thought that was gonna come up i know that ain't big because i've been robbing
before that and this kid this kid he was telling he was bragging to everyone. He's like, yeah, I jack off.
It comes out.
I was like, oh, my God.
Yeah.
I didn't even have pubes yet.
And then I jacked off and I skied it.
And I was like.
Yeah, it's weird.
It works.
I remember I got scared.
I was like, whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, what do you think was bigger?
First time someone touched your wiener or first time you touched someone else's something?
I think when you touch someone else's something uh i think when you touch
someone else's something because you're in the secret garden i was born touching my shared
experience sure yeah i mean i was i was twirling that thing since i can remember that's like my
first memory what about first time you go tpn that's you i was gonna say if we went around i
was gonna say but chris kind of did it sleepovers dude i wanted to say that the first sleepovers
here i know it's so tough.
Juju came over.
I don't remember my first.
I went to my buddy's house.
I don't remember my first.
That's why I'm...
Oh, yours is when someone came over.
I'm thinking of when you went over to someone's house.
That's what I mean, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go both, I guess, work.
Your first porn.
Yeah.
Your first time...
Dana Jameson boat sex.
Yeah, that's all of it.
I remember the first time seeing...
Dude, you started with Casablanca.
First time seeing boobies, you like oh my god yeah oh fucking what up sorry sorry i thought you were gonna say fuck you know what's sick about first time with the sleepover is your first
sleepover is your first secret exchange oh oh yeah you're right secret that's that's when you
go who do you have a crush on who do you have i promise i won't tell and there's this trust bridge first all-nighter oh yeah sleepover at my place for like maybe my
birthday and like it was probably i was probably like in like sixth grade because it's hard to stay
up all night yeah yeah and we were like we were like crushing cereal at like 4 30 in the morning
like i think we're gonna to do it, guys.
Three of us and five other dudes were already passed out.
Dude, this is pretty sick.
First time you jump on a trampoline.
That is sick.
Pretty sick.
Oh, you know what's one that I wanted to do?
And I think of all the sporting events, it's the biggest.
Your first baseball game.
Yeah, baseball's huge.
Oh, nice.
I was going to do first time catching a fish.
That's sick.
I remember that one.
It was frigging sick. First time you put down a bull elk catching a fish. That's it. I remember that one. And like, it was frigging sick.
Dude.
First time you put down a bull elk with a 308.
Right.
Exactly.
Riding a bike.
When you're learning to ride a bike and you finally go on your own.
Huge.
First celebrity sighting.
That's always like.
Who'd you see?
Who's the.
From.
Lou Bega.
Adam's family.
Oh.
I wish Lou Bega.
No.
Christine.
Houston.
Christine.
No, dude. It might've been been arnold in sun valley hey we saw
arnold we saw him have we done this before we both realized that we've seen that we've like
separately seen arnold on my skates i was like oh my god he told us to chill we went dude can
we get an autograph he goes chillill amazing dude amazing he was just doing
batman and robin and come out oh you're right so we're working on a lot of levels there
dude first time i remember my first time hearing good stand-up
yeah i thought about that it was like true like being in the room for like
dude the first time i saw amazing improv yeah yeah amazing improv is like oh it's crazy like
jazz dude it's like it hits it's incredible right yeah except i like it misses 90 of the time yeah
but yeah i get that i get it's like jazz in that way first time first time you uh get a phone
yeah yeah and then what about first vote first time you vote I think it's pretty sick
I think it's cool
I was so fired up
I've never done dirty dude but
do you think you feel like the same like civic
like I'm part of the system
and I'm like this is our country
and it's sick
this is how we decide things
first time skydiving is sick
I sucked at it so
bad so much so much scientist pressure i knew i looked so unathletic and i was like i could never
have been a super badass guy like in the action movies not a halo jump guy i wish i was but then
i jumped out of an airplane and i was like i suck at this right yeah and don't you have to have a
dude with you the first time you go yeah it's chill dude that is a good call on first stand-up because like when we watched carlos mencia that time
in like seventh grade or like david spade even before that oh that was huge yeah his closing joke
yeah it's about jerking off yeah i can't jerk off it's an autopsy or can i yeah i'm watching like uh dave chapelle's first halo came in his dc i remember one one one
eye opening was uh listen to louis bit on flying and then it was uh yeah it just like opened up my
brain in like a weird way i was like whoa you can think like that he was a genius awesome
what about the first time you fly by yourself yeah flying by yourself
walking through the airport on a solo mission yeah and you're like i'm basically a hired
assassin yeah go anywhere and accomplish any task with extreme precision dude first trip first
spring break trip oh yeah yeah well like first trip abroad yeah Yeah. Yeah, that's a big one. First time you taste European coffee.
Oh.
First school dance.
Yeah, that's a big one.
That's big.
First freak dance.
That's big.
First freaking.
Freaking?
Oh, dude.
Born freakily.
Bro, freaking's legit.
When I visited you at Notre Dame, one of the best freak dancing experiences of my life.
I watched that.
That was awesome.
That was awesome.
Great freak.
That was awesome.
You had a better freak.
The Facebook parties?
Yeah. Yes, she was more freaky i think it was a solid freak but i've seen you freak better in mexico i think that was mexico that was your best freak that was probably me being my best
but my most memorable experience oh because she did the booty trick on you in indiana yeah it was
incredible but you did the and i didn't expect it i'm partying in tijuana i expect but here's the
thing when you were freaking that girl and tj first you did the neck move you pulled her hair
back and he sucked on her neck which was sick but the best part about it was you were freaking so
legit and there was so many people there watching you freak that literally the locals came up to
you and they said dude you can bone her upstairs yeah they did yeah and i was like i was a virgin
at the time i was like thank you so much well i'll take a beer to be freaking so good though that the peanut gallery gets involved that's true that's it
uh that's the first time you turn 21 first drink that's big yeah going to a bar the first time
first time legally first time you get your bj yeah bj is huge bj is chill dude
you're bj yeah bj's huge bj's chill dude but first time fingering a chick is so much more it's better it is better it's better
we're gracious lovers i was i was asking some friends for some suggestions last night and
caleb brought up that mom one time said to him like i love red velvet cake the first i always
used to love carrot cake but the first time i had red velvet cake the first i always used to love carrot cake but the first time i had
red velvet cake i said fuck carrot cake
your mom said yeah i didn't know that story so that's the first time you can eat
i was trying to think like if i could i just can't remember the first time i remember
and it's like and it's like yeah and there's been so many movies that i've enjoyed
that it's like hard to like be like the first i don't like the first time you know it's like
first time you watch clockwork orange that's a little bit like the giver animal farm yeah where
it's just unsettling what the hell is going on i don't like this first sushi first sushi don't
i spit it out i hated it i. I was like, fuck this.
You don't like sushi?
No, I do now, but when I was younger.
My family was like, try it.
You know, they're like, you try it.
You're going to like it.
Try it.
I had like a California roll.
I was like.
I feel like our parents were like feeding us sushi by the time my memories start.
Like I was already eating it.
So I never had a version.
You guys had a good palate.
Smart.
Good parenting in that.
First shart.
First shart.
Been there, brother.
Well, somebody put clogging it. I think I do remember the first time I clogged a toilet and like itart, been there, brother. Somebody put clog in it.
I think I do remember the first time I clogged a toilet
and it was terrifying.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, holy fuck.
This is so embarrassing.
Do we have a winner?
Let's go, chat.
Whoa, dude.
I went chalk. This is chalk, boys.
It's a really good list it is good
car in the three hole was nice you know what chris i think you have a sneaky great list
yeah totally party best friend is great getting fired yeah yeah blowing the mind yeah specific
you know midgeting yeah i was gonna say like first time a book opened your mind maybe if you
marketed it different yeah
but it's a good pick if you've read the giver you know what i'm talking about and also like
i assume they're gonna be reading the giver till the end of time like because it's just a good one
of those the giver really sticks out in my memory when he first feels pain when the sled breaks
and then when he has to absorb like human holocaust and stuff like that i i i can acutely
remember seeing that on the page i once i was going for something i liked my you know a party
romantic thing from your youth bad experience getting a bigger brain love it bro you guys all
had good but i get it fourth is fine all these fucking picks are great
striders is great i mean all the lists are good all right so let's can we call aaron real quick
i think aaron this is just more i just want to talk to aaron aaron's a beast see how he feels
about things dude first time you miss someone you're dating first time what you miss someone you're dating dude you feel the absence
oh dude calm can't wait to see you first time you miss your kids too
it's nice those ones are nice when you say goodbye to them the first time you're like i just don't
want to go it's don't it took me a little bit first couple months i was like well yeah because
you're also like it's like, look,
sometimes I want to hold my baby, but most of the time
when somebody's like, can I hold your baby? I'm like, fuck yeah.
I'll get plenty of holds later. Like, if anything
I need a break. I know I'm
going to get mine. Yeah, I'm going to get mine.
Like, I'm not worried about that.
I'll take
the rest right now.
First time doing lines?
Easy, easy. That could get the kiddos in trouble dude it's really
bad for you i had a really bad time did not enjoy it don't and it was a different era yeah now it's
like dangerous as fuck we weren't in the fentanyl era i know i don't i don't i don't come close to
that stuff yeah a lot of people die first time you see band of brothers dude i'm re-watching it now it's so
huge it gets better and better the more you watch i love it first tea bag that's huge yeah i remember
the first time i got tea bagged first reuben sandwich hey i put my wiener in your ear that
time is that what you're talking about yeah yeah that was pivotal moment then i made up a lie where
i was like dude you got a small wiener to get back at him yeah but i got you back he has a big wiener
though no no i had a back i got you back where i, he's got a small wiener to get back at him. Yeah, but I got you back. He has a big wiener, though. No, no, I had him back.
I got you back where I said, let's do a wiener off after school.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I was like, no way, dude.
Because you were telling me, people were coming up to me, and they're like, dude, Strider
says you have a little dick.
I'm like, where is he?
I'm like, after school today, you and me pull our dicks out in front of everyone.
Did Aaron pick up?
Yeah, yeah. Aaron! out in front of everyone is that did aaron pick up yeah yeah our first war zone dub oh
i remember that yeah tunnel up by fucking summit yeah dude fucking so we ended the game with like two kills but we got the dub eron it's nice to have you on we're talking about fingering we're talking about partying
we're talking about all kinds of firsts and it's firing us up right on i hope you can cream too
i hope so so what should we do should we read him the lists not give him the names
and then let him vote can we can we send me the list again so I can see it visually? Oh, that's pretty smart, dude. Yeah, and then, Aaron, we could talk about your first cream, too.
Oh, God.
I don't remember it.
You don't remember the first time you busted?
Because it was probably so fat, dude.
Took too much blood from your dome.
Oh, it might have been, too.
He might have been born busting.
True.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Oh, I was going to bend and be lame.
If we went fifth round, I was going to say first breath.
Because it's like life.
Would have gotten me punched in the shoulder.
Yeah.
That's crazy you were going to do that.
I know.
I would have had to tank it.
Dude, thank God we didn't go five.
I get that, though.
I love the history of that.
The old one.
Yes.
It's just setting.
Xena, Warrior, Princess.
It's very French of you to want to pick first breath.
Yes.
For me, my favorite first must be my first breath.
You cannot remember it, but it is the beginning.
It's the genesis of everything.
It animates all other firsts.
Imagine everything you have done.
You are breathing while it happens.
Exactly.
You cannot experience any other firsts if you're not breathing.
Unless you're a free diver.
But even then, it is the absence of breath that makes it valuable.
All right, so we got first sex, first child, first mushroom trip,
first time you finger a chick,
first high school party, first best friend,
first time getting fired,
first time you read The Giver or Animal Farm,
first crush, first pet, first car, first job,
first kiss, first college party,
first girlfriend, first concert.
Right on, right on.
Okay.
I have my fourth place.
Wow, that's quick.
Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious.
Yeah.
First high school party, first best friend, first time getting fired,
first time being the giver.
I've never even read the giver.
That's all I have to look forward to.
Okay.
So you're saying that's what place?
Last.
I couldn't be worse.
He said it's in his pretty obvious.
This list is disqualified.
Shit, man. Okay. this list is disqualified shit man okay
everyone else is pretty good
it would be a little harder to differentiate
between the rest of them
I'm gonna say
even though I have done
most of these things
I'm going to say first sex first child
is third place
this is pretty amazing
be honest Aaron how was your first time
fingering a chick
don't get me wrong
it was awesome
I've never heard Aaron laugh like that i've never heard i've never had a blast like yeah
you might need to rethink your list dude aaron just you know
i feel like i feel like he got taken back to where he was like he was back in that movie
theater and like there's a sneakiness to the first time it was like the scene in Ratatouille dude Where he tastes the fucking meal and he's like
First time in a movie theater
You mean first time on a rollercoaster
Mark Wahlberg in fear dude
Stay away from my daughter bro
As William Peterson
Yeah yeah
I mean those are all good don't get me wrong
I just think it's the other two kind of edge it
edging
I think
in terms of like
what's more memorable
honestly
I think
I think
second place is going to be
first kiss first college party because I don't think college place is going to be first kiss,
first college party.
Cause I don't think college party is that memorable.
And so I'm putting number one is first crush,
first pet,
first car,
first job.
You're totally in line with the chat vote.
Yeah.
Exact same as the chat vote,
Aaron.
Right on.
Well, finally we get along.
Last place was me. This is Chris. Oh, finally we get along. Last place was me.
This is Chris.
Oh, sorry, dude.
Third to last was me.
I agree with the way you've ordered it, Aaron. You crushed.
And then number two.
Did you win?
Number two is me.
Dude, I won, Aaron. Got the dub, dude.
You had a beautiful list, dude.
You know what's interesting is after the averages i think you have the top average it's no i don't you do no no no of all
drafts oh i might but i get last or first yeah but that average is out to like yeah something
wrong being all or nothing go bigger go or go home. Exactly, baby.
Get it, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
Go down swinging.
Aaron, it's nice chatting with you.
Good to hear you cream over the phone.
Can you tell us about the first time you fingered a chick?
Dude, I'm so curious.
Did you make her squirt?
Was it a roller coaster that had a loop?
No, I was literally just referencing fear.
Oh, cool. I copy copy he got it i was
picturing you on the ruler that one where you stand up and you turned into a did you remember
what song plays in fear when that happens it's it's the sundays cover wild horses that's right
by the stones bro huge um isn't that crazy fingering your girl is such a big deal you and me remember the first time we
watched someone finger a girl in a movie whoa dude yeah i mean do you remember the music
i remember more than yeah more than the first time i actually did it your crush list is because
he in the postman always rings twice no striders didn't last all time is he
probably yeah i get last a lot dude oh whoa but i also have a lot of dubs aaron we're looking at
average position and how many wins jt's average position 2.3 and then the next best is me at 2.5
dude jt you do that. That's quite nice.
I should have won a couple more of those, too.
You've won US Cities,
but I think I won that one.
I think it's kind of BS that my actor win
doesn't get counted.
Oh, that's true.
How come that doesn't count?
Yeah, it should be there.
Because Strider wasn't in it.
What do you mean? There's a null category.
Oh, I think it does get counted.
Let's see. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, should still count. Oh, I think it does get counted. Let's see.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
No, he's right.
It's not counted.
He's down a win.
And that could change his position to 2.2.
Dude, I was on a heater.
Movie dad, TV shows, warm.
I was on a heater.
Oh, bro, I remember that, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that heater. Animal appetizer villain.
Oh, that was one of the great runs in draft history
that was utterly dominant dude movie dad tv show and war movie that was a nice categories for you
big those you guys are throwing me some bones i just picture you in the post just catching the
ball and just drop stepping dude exactly not even needing the head fake just finishing dude chad you
really protected your turf on conspiracy that's right that was a big one sports was a huge
upset oh wait when was where was conspiracy this is oh dude i thought i did better wait sports is
wrong it's null how come it's null and i didn't win sports yeah there's this oh no sports that
was the one we did with aaron and berlina oh yeah yes yes yes yes oh we're different from sports yeah yep oh yeah
that was great that was huge all right aaron we love you dog all right love you too guys
all right later man well dude this is our first time drafting for the first time i think for a
first time in the city so true oh this wasn't sick first time yeah the first cut is the deepest dude um
all right is that yeah are we calling it that was sick chat thanks for tuning in thanks for voting
thanks for making your voices heard and uh guys great first uh i'm gonna i'm gonna think about that first finger for
a while thank you for that great heck dude thanks dude
if you need advice
these guys are really nice