Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 220 - Anders Holm Joins (Part 1)
Episode Date: January 5, 2022What up stokers! Anders Holm joins us on the pod for the second time but for the first time in studio. It was a serious bro down and we ended up talking for five hours so we broke it up into two pods!... We also have our best manscaped submitted stories at the end! Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code GODEEP at mansacped.com- Send in your best manscaping stories to win a prize in next weeks episode! athleticgreens.com/GODEEP to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up guys, before we begin this podcast, I want to let you know once again that we
are brought to you by Manscaped.
Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed, for looking after our hogs, for
making sure that our dinks are looking fresh and clean because these are our favorite producers
of ball trimmers, Manscaped.
And the global leaders in below the waist grooming, they're leaving 2021 with new product.
Clean yourself into the new year with the ultra premium body wash also special offer alert use the code go deep for 20 off plus reshipping
manscaped.com four million men already trust manscaped time to join them let's start the show have you been to like amish country no uh i probably have driven through it but i haven't
like uh kicked it it's fucking sick dude yeah it's it's actually pretty cool did you guys see
them make those um those fireplaces no have you seen those commercials it's like uh it's like a portable fireplace that looks like
fire but it's not fire but the commercial is always like made by amish guys women i don't
know amish people did the horse and buggies haul ass yeah they fly they fucking like and
we were there last winter so like the horses you could see their breath you know they're just they're just trotting away and like and they fucking flew by us i was like jesus
like you were driving and the horse and buggy went past there well like we were like on the freeway
and they bolted past yeah dude yeah and were you guys driving slow because it was snowy and you
were kind of being cautious we were hauling ass yeah and they just fucking blew it did they hit
you with the bird like fuck out of here this is our country i mean one guy called me a bitch uh-huh yeah yeah
he's like you're a bitch you're a bitch you're a bitch chad kroger you're a bitch stay out of
my town he saw you on youtube during his room springer yeah he's like you're going to prank
me bitch such a cool name the room springer like for like their spring break i think it just fits yeah i feel like i i love that they have it
but also i want to just go you guys know you can do this all the time right you don't have to just
do it for a week yeah they should have more than one rum springer they should have like an every
five year re-dip rum springer every spring every spring rum spring hey it's rum springer they should have like an every five year re-dip rum springer every spring every
spring rum spring hey it's rum spring rum springer or whatever it's called and just you can while out
for three months yeah they probably have too many children at that point how young do they start
having i mean i don't want to get into like the weird intricacies of this culture because then
you're like are the women getting married at 15 and like
poke like having a bunch of kids by 20 already and dude i don't know yeah was it was it really
that cool now that you think about it dude i mean for me yeah no just kidding what was like the
the highlight because they're like carpenters i'm basing all of this on um kingpin the bowling movie such a good movie
top five comedy for sure 10 10 frames that's for quakers um i think the highlight was their
sandwiches they're sure right they had a great deli because i mean because they put some they're
like i don't know if they're like this at all but i'm gonna go with it they're like samurai in terms
of their level of precision with their day-to-day crafts i mean what else are they doing that's right so all their pleasure and all their
focus is just going into like how do i cut this turkey even finer right and they cut it fine
right they cut it fine fine fine i mean it's a fine cut of dirt like 1990s salt and pepper
fine like how they would describe men in the 90s i was listening to
touch it on the way over here yeah no joke fires me up are we rolling yeah oh great we can keep
all this in it great cool yeah i thought we were rolling yeah i was like i was like i was i was
like looking i was like are we i'm in my podcast voice i'm 15 kicked up yeah okay did i have did
you ever like churn ice cream or butter when you're in like grade school
no but like when i go to cold stone and i watch those forums oh dude i'm like wow how long and i
ask i'm like how long does that take to kind of not be sore at the end of the day and they say
it takes like a month i'm sure yeah dude i mean honestly there's nothing better than cold stone
it's good i love is that your go-to ice cream I love it. Is that your go-to ice cream spot?
No, I don't have a go-to ice cream spot.
You know, we go to like Salt and Straw, but I'm a milkshake guy.
Right.
So I just go to like, I just go to places to get a milkshake. Are you a basic flavors guy or an exotic flavors guy?
Well, it's interesting.
For milkshakes, you can do too much, you know?
Like if you go beyond what a cookies and
cream has in it uh all of a sudden you're clogging the straw it's too convoluted and then it's like
what are we doing here yeah um but there's a place in palm springs that i took my kids to
that i can't remember the name of but if you go and you yelp milkshakes palm springs this place is fucking insane and they
put all sorts of crazy shit into it but the milkshake itself is highly drinkable but like
on top of it there'll be like extra cookies or like some sort of like popcorn ball or whatever
the flavor you get right an entire fucking snickers bar will just be like in it dude nice
but they still give you that smooth viscosity exactly dude that's clutch is it the blenders they got good blenders they
gotta have like the steel cup blender you know what i mean where it's like it goes in it's like
the pole with the little circle yeah i had that at my mom's house flex, not to flex. That's a big flex, dude, but respect. Did you live like above a diner?
What's a diner?
Yeah.
Is that it?
No, no.
Yeah, we would make those milkshakes and yeah, it was the best.
I was at a steakhouse the other night and I wanted, you know how people act like big
shots when they're at a dinner and they'd be like, let me smell the wine and all that
stuff.
Always, yeah.
But you got to do it.
It's part of the ritual.
But I was going to say, I was going to order a pina colada and say, let me see your blender
first and make them bring the blender to the table.
Dude, nice.
But you didn't.
It's all just what could have happened.
Yeah.
Isn't that most of life?
The like.
The fantasy of what could happen.
Right.
Yeah.
I think about that all the time.
What stops?
We just don't want to be a jerk to the other people because oftentimes our fantasies would
require a lot of work from others.
Right.
A lot of my fantasies require a dance number and I just don't,
I haven't worked up to that.
Right.
You know,
I just,
you know,
it's just me breaking out and dance,
but I just don't have anything choreographed yet.
Well,
think about all the stuff you've done in your life so far.
You'll get it,
dude.
I see you guys and like how you attack.
Dude.
Thank you.
You'll get it.
Are you for real right now? I don't know. I think I'm just trying to be like supportive like you attack. Dude, thank you. You'll get it. Are you for real right now?
I don't know.
I think I'm just trying to be supportive like you guys are.
No, no.
I'm just talking about you.
What are you fucking talking about?
Dance number?
No, I don't.
But I was watching.
This is how old I am.
I'm scrolling on Instagram the other day,
and House of High or some some basketball
uh good account fee was like that solid account they had a was it greg odom that super tall dude
who's out of the nba already but he was like seven two athletic and he just kept getting hurt yeah so
there's a video of this old lady going hey do you play basketball and he was like super nice to this old lady he was like i i used to
and then like the caption was like can you imagine what greg odom could have done if he'd still been
playing and never got hurt and i'm like how about we take that saddle off him right and just
maybe he's gonna be an amazing coach maybe he's's going to go like start some nonprofit for kids and basket.
Like who fucking cares what he would have been like,
he probably wonders and we wonder,
and we can wonder,
of course,
everyone can do what they want,
but like,
take it easy.
Just the dude's not playing anymore.
That's almost the most popular sports documentary genre is like,
what could have been like Marcuscus dupree or like bo
jackson i mean even though they had illustrious careers but just compared to what we expected
we're like penny had a good one yeah penny's a good one yeah and you're just like oh man like
this guy could have we almost like that more than the the incredible ones because it's like i don't
know but it's also fucking weird because don't we all have that documentary maybe that's what it is we relate
to it we all could have been the greatest like what if hey what if i like uh mr destiny the sick
jim belushi movie yeah he's like if i just hit that baseball in high school yeah it would change
his life forever it's like cool all right yeah but let's just let greg odom move on man he's lucky in a lot of ways
because he had like a dick pic come out did he yeah he sent it to someone and they leaked it
was it his dick was big yeah there's no doubt in my mind that it would be his dick was really big
do you think i was almost like thank god he'll yeah he'll be okay because i was like his nba
career is getting cut short he's found out in like three minutes because he just doesn't have the mobility right but every day
when he goes back into the locker room he's like it's not all bad yeah he's hogging well do you
think that if his career hadn't been cut short his dick would be bigger i do believe that i do
believe success makes your dick bigger yeah you'll get some girth i don't know if it would have been
longer but you might thicken up a little bit yeah yeah you know you got more blood pumping throughout your body yeah right a
good nice sort of uh well-pronounced bellend for sure yeah man i you know i always like to describe
um a long dick um no i'm serious if a dick is long i'm serious too it has slack oh dude that's so true you know
what i mean like yeah like if your dick doesn't have slack to it it's not long if it's not like
a line on a fishing pole that you could kind of reel in and tense up if you can't basically it's
this if you whip it up or whip it down if all of it comes at the same time, you don't have slack.
If some of it comes later with that motion, you have slack.
Like a rubber bat when you swing them.
Yes, exactly.
So if that action causes your dick to arrive at two or three different moments, you have slack.
You're hogging.
Can I ask you something you when did you realize
this when did you make this kind of uh this was a workaholics writer's room where i was just like
yeah that guy's dick has slack wow and did people look at you and they're like you know i got i had
to step it out a little bit you know what do you mean right like i had to explain it a little more
oh really yeah kind of like how i just stepped it out here. Because you're like, yeah, okay, slack.
But I'm like, no, no, no.
Like, that's how you know.
Right.
You know?
I assume.
I never thought about it that way.
I don't know.
I don't know.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Long dick.
Did you guys get pretty wild in the writer's room sometimes with your idea tangents?
Oh, I mean, the day was 85% tangent you know what i mean but then what like
what what people and myself we like to do is go hey fuck that story you just told about high
school or whatever like can't that could be blake you know or like that could be me uh at this
business conference that we go to we have that embarrassing story
so like you know it always helps when people tell like not that i'm a guy who's like what's the real
thing that would happen because a lot of times that's boring for me personally i do like things
to be a little heightened um but if you can take someone's real story and then kind of uh
saddle it with a little bit more of an exciting backdrop or
something like that then it does have this something something inside of it grounds it
it's got those two things going at the same time it's got the silliness but it has the realness
right exactly um and then somebody can and you can sense that i think yeah you can feel it it's
like 10 feet off the ground but still touching it a little bit. That's nice. That's the best kind. Yeah. You know, and we would just, yeah,
we would bullshit almost all day long.
And we worked next to a Target.
So, like, we would just go buy the dumbest shit,
like little new toys or new whatever.
A lot of foam rollers.
A lot of, like, little workout knickknacks.
So you can just move around while
the ideas are fun you're on your back like i had a bongo board in the room dude those are fun yeah
some producer came in was like oh what's this he's like older guy fit guy but older guy had
never been on one ate shit love it and he stepped off and flew out yeah uh was like on a call and another producer just like watched
it happen it was like oh my god and like didn't do anything and somebody helped him up and i
it fucked him up for like a year really yeah he didn't like break a a hip or anything but like
he just might have cracked a rib i think yeah yeah um you get older those things start to
happen and they have a longer tail on them
do you have you guys you guys bongo board i have a indo board is that i have an indo board in my
place and uh dude i ate shit actually last year i haven't been i haven't been indoing lately but
i do have one yeah i've been indoing i haven't indoed in like i think it's the rain you didn't
tell me that that's crazy uh but i do have an endo board in my uh my workspace
can you do sick like shit on it i can do what can you spin it 180 i mean i can do a 180 spread eagle
yeah uh what wait what's that then it's where you 180 but you you fly your limbs out oh wow
yeah just to like show that you know right uh you can spread eagle yeah yeah uh but that that's
that's the extent but dudes can actually do like legit tricks on there i know it gets crazy i've
told this story before but it's so good i gotta tell it again let it rip do you guys remember um
chat roulette yeah sure yeah right game changer yeah kind of like like that ford electric car from the 90s that they canceled
and then now everything's electric this was just like before like camming exploded right uh
we would be on it in the writer's room and it was like you know dude's dick dude's dick dude's dick
dude's dick chick whoa then she would click past us because we'd be
like ah yeah um and one time we were like flipping through it and there was a guy on an endo board
just naked didn't no no i mean you like spice that up for an episode amazing we found and he
was doing in a board and we were like yo and like we held up our
endo board and he was like yeah and then we just kept watching him in a board for a little while
and then i think he was like all right and then just clicked us but it was it was when it was
still kind of exciting on the internet you know yeah when it was like uh the there was a promise
you know that reminds me of like the ebombs world kind of
phase where it's just crazy videos and it's it's wild west do you have an ebom video that
pops into your head immediately when someone says ebombs world i'm not sure if this is ebombs world
but cake farts which one was did you watch cake farts it's just with this this uh this girl's like
uh she's like happy birthday i'm gonna give you some cake farts? Did you watch cake farts? It's just with this girl's like, she's like, happy birthday.
I'm going to give you some cake farts.
And she just like sits bare ass in a cake and then like farts.
Yes.
With frosting on her ass.
Right.
That would make me vomit.
Dude, I actually enjoyed it.
That's e-bombs.
E-bombs.
You liked it.
I did like it, yeah.
Like, liked it sexually or liked it like you thought she was really sweet?
Yeah, I thought it was a nice gesture. That cool yeah right that is her being her yeah yeah or or if it's not being her she's willing to
go there for somebody it was like it was impressive she put herself out there she really let it loose
do you have any bombs i only i mentioned this not too long ago i've only been on there once i was
with a kid in college we were like kind of chummy, but not really homies.
And then he was like, do you like fucked up shit?
And then he just showed me like a dead person.
And I was like, no, dude.
I was like, no, I don't like dead bodies.
But I do like, you know, I'm a deranged pervert,
but that shit doesn't scratch anything for me.
I know what you mean.
But you always meet that guy who's like,
you like fucked up shit?
And you're like, you got to get out of my
life yeah yeah we chilled it yeah do you have any before you but i got one and it's like uh
i'll never forget it you know um it was a guy kind of sitting on the floor of his like party
with a beer like a big like a giant big like like a giant, big, like, like a giant Starbucks cup.
Not grande.
That's the smallest, right?
Vente?
Vente.
Vente, yeah.
Right?
Full of beer.
And he's just like slumped over, barely alive.
And he just vomits.
He sips the cup.
Then he vomits into the cup.
And then without even knowing or realizing,
he just takes another huge gulp.
Oh, God.
Come on.
And he has no idea.
He's just, you know.
Man.
Dude, I...
But classic.
Lost in the sun.
That reminded me of another one.
Shake That Bear.
Do you ever see...
Oh, yeah.
Dude, Shake That Bear.
Do you guys remember that one?
No.
So Shake That Bear is this couple. They shoot a bear out of a tree and it dies and then they just fuck on the bear and so
they're just having sex doggy style over the bear and she's holding on to the bear so he's like yeah
shake that bear shake that damn yeah yeah i had like a big stuffed animal bear and i used to
practice sex on it my parents walked in on me one time going down
on it really do you have like a hole in it or are you just practicing going down what's crazy
like 30 minutes as a parent now what you don't know is your parents got you that for that reason
i think my parents you know like my dad was like and he was like yeah he's like jt can practice on
this thing yeah my mom was like practice what he's like all the sex stuff and my mom's like okay
that's good yeah but as a development they always ask me how the bear is and if i was taking care of
it so wait did you watch that on e-bombs or sorry did you watch that on e-bombs or did you see that
on i think i think there's shake that bear.com oh it had a homepage you gave it its own like
little hit yeah there was that lemon party one oh dude three really old dudes blowing each other
yeah and it was like a lucian freud painting they were like so flabby in their skin and like
grotesque yeah but they're legends now they live forever you know they walk around and people are
like you and they just kind of do you have any fear of becoming a meme are you optimistic about
it like you'd love to be like it's out of your control right right you know like you can try um i do think it's it is the
new marker of success right like uh i just watched squid games a little while ago and like
the old guy became a meme and you know everybody at squid games was like
fuck yes we made it because having people watch your show talk about your show
it doesn't matter but when it becomes part of what is the new culture like the new currency you've arrived yeah yeah and then it's
just it just bums me out when it's like jordan crying and i know he can take it but he can't
control it you know and like at least he's real i mean of course his shoes are selling like hot
cakes those are uh like pancakes um but like it gave him a new relevancy
in a way that wasn't like him him himself not just like the idea of him um you know sad keanu
dude i'd love a sad chat is that where he's just sitting on the bench he's sitting like looking
down yeah and i was watching him on colbert and he's like i was hungry i believe him yeah um yeah
i get sad when i'm hungry for sure dude it's a whole emotional roller coaster how's that fruit
smash yeah dude he's drinking a fruit smash i'm smashing some fruit smash hard seltzer this is
berry blast and it hits just right boom nice cut that and send it to Fruit Smash. Look at these sharks.
Sharks, records, and fruit on a can.
Oh, and some cards.
That's fun.
Yeah, these guys get it.
You're talking about guys who live earlier?
That's living in a can. Oh, yeah.
I mean, it's a slice of life in a can.
Fruit Smash.
Let's smash. I mean, that's got to be some guy's line right at a bar
just gives a girl a fruit smash goes hey it's a fruit smash let's smash and she just is like
thanks for the drink yeah no thank you you know oh that is delicious stop that's a nice little exchange yeah so you think she accepts the drink
yeah would you if if yeah i get i was like if someone if that happened to you but i guess
if that happened to a guy i don't know yeah i mean is that do guys get offered drinks
isn't that fun isn't that by other guys like bros i guess yeah i guess it's so rare that you'd be like oh wow right and it's
kind of fun to be fired up yeah there is something fun and playful in the are you getting this round
yes to uh a woman who might expect that she'd be getting the round like receiving the round
flip the expectation you know and go do you ever buy rounds or you just let people buy rounds for
you and sometimes they can flick flip it right back to you and go no i don't yeah and then you
go and that's badass and that's badass but there's also something sweet where it's like okay i'll get
this round it's no big deal and then you disappear and then you take the dream and go hey nice to
meet you and then you're laying the foundation for if you ever run into each other 15 years from then
you're like hey i was the guy who run into each other 15 years from then.
You're like, hey, I was the guy who pulled that fast one on you.
Right.
Thanks for the fruit smash. I've been thinking about you every day since.
She's like, that's strange.
I'm married with two kids now.
Yeah.
This has to stop.
You're like, fuck.
You can't be at this playground.
I totally misplayed this.
You're drinking fruit smash at this playground?
Not okay.
I hear you.
I hear you.
I'm so sorry.
I had a plan and i
just stuck to it way too closely i'm sorry i'm gonna leave like you know greg odom like if he
didn't get injured she's like stop i know where you're going with this let's take that saddle
off his back just let him live like yeah let him live i guess i've had a lot of false ways of
thinking about things can i just try this line thank you for the fruit smash now let's smash
does who says oh you say that no i'm saying the fruit smash. Now let's smash. Mm-hmm. Who said?
Oh, you say that.
No, I'm saying the guy 15 years later.
Right, right, right.
He's been thinking about saying that.
Right.
Right, that's what he landed on.
Yeah.
That's what he's been cultivating.
She just starts crying.
She cries?
She's been having a hard day.
The kids are driving her nuts.
I think it's almost like she sees how broken he's become.
Like, wow.
And she mourns what, not what they could have had but what what he could have what
he could have been had he not been so fixated on this one thing right because she's like god
and she doesn't have the bandwidth to help him heal like she has a family she has her career
running a magazine of course like she's doing it all be there for him in that moment she can only
put like one hand lightly on her shoulder because also if she touches her shoulder too much he's
going to take that as an indicator of we're on
you know
so she has to just give him
a light pat and say
you'll be alright
but in her head
she don't think he's going
to be alright
maybe even she just
gives him some knuckles
hey
and he goes
like in that
you know
it's over
when she just goes
fist bump
right here
and
you know
do you think that guy could still be president?
How old is he?
Is he 35?
He's 47.
So he's old enough.
No.
I was going to say, yeah.
Whoa!
Yeah, of course.
Why not?
I mean, like, he has...
Now he's got resilience.
He's got a story.
The world is his oyster.
I could see Lyndon B. Johnson doing something like that.
Right.
Back in the day.
If he was cheating on Bird.
Yeah.
Nice pull.
Thanks, dude.
Well, I'm both.
I don't know really who either of those guys are i heard lbj though did fool around on
bird and i heard he was upset that jfk had a reputation for being a lethargo and like would
say to his aides like i've hooked up with way more chicks than jfk really yeah wow and then everyone
was like yeah but we don't want to think about that different era yeah like we want to think
about jfk doing it he like looks the part he sounds the part like you're like a fuddy-duddy
no one wants to think about you banging. He's like, but I bang.
And they're like, no, dude, you don't bang.
Ew.
He gathers everyone in the situation room.
He's like, here's footage.
Yeah, here's the situation.
Here's the situation.
You guys, let me show you what the situation is.
Yeah.
Is he the one who looks like Bill O'Reilly?
Yeah.
Yeah, you don't want that. You want the JFK who's got that Don Draper body, right?
The good hair, doesn't sweat during sex.
No, not at all.
At all, right?
Even if it's physical, even if it's rigorous,
even if he's carrying her around.
Yeah.
That's got to be his move, right?
He's cool in the pocket, JFK.
But he said he got headaches if he didn't bust every day.
So he was kind of beholden to his sexual impulses.
I feel like that was an era, right, where you could just kind of say that thing.
Like say, yeah, actually I have to have sex or else I get a headache.
And science wasn't good enough to disprove it yet.
And the world would support that person.
Like, guys, make sure he's having sex.
He's got a lot of pressure going on.
Yeah.
I feel like, you know and blue
balls was like this um it's not like it's not real but it's not as like devastating as as guys
leaned into a long time ago yeah you know and by the way if you're still doing that it's gotta stop
well now the culture is reversed so we have will smith saying that it makes him vomit to have
casual sex yeah to have casual sex yeah will's having a moment right now yeah bro it's a big
point of conversation on here i don't know i don't know i don't know. The way you said that. I don't know, dude. As a matter of fact.
Look, Will Smith, here's the thing,
is that everything has been shroud and secrecy.
Not secrecy, but it seems like it was a little too perfect.
Right.
And now we're finding out that it was imperfect right or at least it just wasn't
what they were saying it was yeah um so we don't know what to think we don't know how to care about
it and uh you want to feel you he he's trying to make people feel sorry for him or like feel
relatable and it's like i'm sorry man you're will smith yeah you're a movie star
you've had it a certain way since you were 16 i guess since parents couldn't understand him um
it's not gonna happen i'm not gonna feel bad for you about feeling nauseous from fucking yeah that's
not gonna do it for me i think if i were his therapist
i would say just keep doing pull-ups just stick to pull-ups or even just uh straight grip hang
yeah dude i mean that's so good for your shoulder girdle right that fixes everything
i heard a guy say it on rogan he said it fixes everything he's like literally whatever your
problem is like if you got upper like gastrointestinal issues just hang on a bar so do you think if he's
just hanging on a bar and getting domed out no nausea tough to picture getting nauseous in that
moment that's the thing about what he's complaining about stuff like that will's like oh you think
it's perfect hanging on a bar and getting domed off? He's like, it's not perfect. Then you're like, well, you don't know my life, Will.
And can he bust before letting go?
Dude, I think Will's tough enough that he can bust and stay on the bar.
Right.
Especially with this new body.
Didn't he just send out pictures of his like, because he was like fat, dad bod, blah, blah.
Wasn't even really that fat.
Right.
But exactly.
That's why we're like
dude stop he's like i'm 25 pounds overweight i'm like you look normal you look normal you can't do
this now if you were morbidly obese and we hadn't seen you for two years at all that would have been
amazing like a clump and then you sent out a picture and said like you were in this deep dark
depression everyone would have been like save will smith but because you were in this deep, dark depression, everyone would have been like, save Will Smith.
But because you were like, I'm depressed,
I'm 15 or 20 pounds overweight,
that's how we know you're not, you don't get it.
It's like he needed something to battle.
Like he was like, let me get fake depressed
so then I can overcome it and have like this,
I need to have some triumph and a journey.
All you got to do is go,
my wife doesn't like fucking me.
And then everyone goes, that's rough.
Yeah, cut to the quick.
That's it.
That's rough.
We don't care.
The weight thing.
And by the way, if you can also go,
I don't like fucking her anymore either.
Yeah.
You know?
And then everyone goes.
That would be so real.
All right.
You guys should get this thing called divorced. divorced yeah a lot of people do it it's not a big deal
your kids are adults get out there will and your kids are crushing it like i thought those kids
were going to be just like pure weirdos but they're pure weirdos with like talent like they're they kind of rip when did you guys figure out that jayden and willow were plays on will and jada
uh just now isn't that crazy yeah did you just say jayden is jada and willow is will or william
flipped it yeah they x'd it oh right jayden's the the i mean look these people
are operating born a male wow yeah at a z new level isn't that crazy that's banana you can't
you can't do that and then try to be vulnerable no just stick to pull-ups dude get yourself a
fruit smash do a bunch of pull-ups that should have been his book
is called will but it should have been getting dumbed down the pull-up bar i mean at least try
it he steals dan bilzerian's manuscript and he's like just throw my name on it man is that's the
guy who we should all bail out right where is he is he having dark dark moments right now? I want to see Dan Bilzarian at 300 pounds,
slovenly, just like...
I'm fat, dude.
Having like a...
I'm fucking fat.
And by the way,
I don't think this was even a bad moment for a person,
but if Dan Bilzarian had it at like 350,
the David Hasselhoff hamburger on the floor moment.
One of the most incredible videos of all time.
I'm like, oh, he's eating a hamburger on the floor yeah fucking cares you weren't you didn't think that was humiliating for hasselhoff
it people made it humiliating but who gives it i thought it was i'm like i've had a hamburger
on the floor it was the way he was picking it up in pieces though was it what was he saying
he probably doesn't like tomatoes he was smashed they probably he probably said no tomatoes
they left tomatoes on there and he was like,
even David Hasselhoff has his tomatoes on his burger.
What was he saying?
His daughter was recording him hammered.
And she was like, remember, Dad,
you told me you weren't going to drink anymore.
He's like, yeah, I remember that.
And then she's like, and he told me to record you
if you do it again.
He's like, yeah, I might have said that.
And then he's just eating hamburger parts off the floor.
Just getting aired out by his own daughter.
By the way.
Getting crucified by his own kin, bro.
And look, fine.
But this man gave us Baywatch.
Put some respect on his name.
Thank you.
Gave us Knight Rider.
He's probably got some shit going down yeah he's hammered he's eating
a hamburger he's not uh plowing his car into a school no dui right like let this man eat a
hamburger on the ground and then go to germany and sing and and you know yeah he was there when
they tore down the wall like this dude's a part of history forever was he he was yeah that's who they brought in to sing when the wall came down right for real
everyone they could have had phil collins they could have peter gabriel they probably could
have had michael jackson i don't know yeah with hasselhoff wow and then his daughter you know he
wasn't even being mean to his daughter in the video it wasn't like the balduin voicemail oh my
that's the all-timer that's an all-timer he's like you little pig or the uh calls her a little pig the mel gibson one is that oh that's next level
that's scorched earth he's just yelling at her and like saying the most insane things that
you really have to have like some venom in your heart yeah he said the most racist thing I've ever heard anyone say. Yeah, that was bad.
Mel.
Quite the imagination.
Also was talking about how she had foreign bodies in her.
Like fake breast implants, I believe.
Oh, really?
And he was like, that disgusts me.
Which he loved 90% of the time.
Chill.
He's like, I just think they look ridiculous.
That's just an appraisal.
It's funny because he's pretty smart, so he still nice words oh dude he's a filmmaker that's crazy high level appraisal there i was like that's interesting i've never heard that
in like a vicious takedown interesting yeah like when my buddies used to get mad they never said
like you want an appraisal of yourself i'd be like what the fuck are you even talking about
bitch yeah what are you mel gibson who is this hey mel just say this thing to my
friend that'd be cool i used to see him at the gym he was getting uh you would see mel gibson
at the gym yeah the equinox on sepolveda he was getting jacked for expendables i was like where
are you working out the basement of a super church yeah just hanging dude christians work
out though dude christians are strong of course they Like, every top CrossFitter has a cross in their profile.
Yeah, dude.
Dude, Mel Gibson.
Because they feel destined to fucking crush those chippers.
Right.
And they can just, like, talk to God when they're, like, in that zone of, like, hallucinating
between fucking burpees.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They got someone backing them up.
They got an extra coach on the mat.
Yeah. Not me. I do it on my own. I don't need them. Dude, you give me some tips. fucking burpees yeah yeah they got someone backing them up they got an extra coach on the mat yeah
not me i do it on my own i don't need them dude you gave me some tips i put up a little video of
me doing toes to bar for the first time and you gave me some uh from way back way back it's probably
yeah yeah you gave me some good advice on it man about bowing out yeah yeah because then you can
use the energy to kind of get a little bit better yeahip up a little bit better. Yeah, it helped a lot. Those things are great. You're welcome. Do you still do CrossFit?
I don't do CrossFit.
Just the pandemic,
I just peaced out from the gym
and kind of built something in my garage.
What do you got?
What's your setup?
Well, I, so,
last time we were together,
you said you had an assault bike,
which I was like,
you're a fucking maniac.
Did you get one so
my wife who's a runner she's a marathoner she's pretty serious uh between like the pandemic i know
you can run outside but like in california there's hella fires there's smoke outside sometimes it's
just you can't go outside right uh and then rain in the winter blah blah, blah, blah. I got her an Assault Runner.
And they were doing a promotion where if you buy an Assault Runner,
which is quite expensive,
they were coming out with a new Assault Bike.
And they were just like, you get a free OG Assault Bike.
Wow. So I was like, let's fucking do this.
It's the worst.
It's the worst.
You don't like it?
I mean, no.
It is the best, but it is the worst it's the worst you don't like it it's i mean no no it's sorry it is the best but it is the it destroys you i mean you can't there's no other anything that spikes your
heart rate like an assault bike what's the assault runner how does that work the assault runner is
just one of those bowed um self oh right yeah those are those treadmills yeah because you get
up to like if you if you it's hard to stop you know because you get up to like, it's hard to stop, you know?
So you get up to like 13 miles.
Oh, so those are self-propelled, those ones?
Yeah, so it bows so that you're kind of, there's a little bit of an incline.
So when you step on it, it moves the belt down just because of gravity.
So if you keep going.
You're kicking that thing.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's mostly for sprint workouts.
But you can do several miles on there they're super loud i i there's one in my gym and whenever i hop on it
it like makes the walls vibrate but you love it you're like i'm here i'm back did you really
dominate i mean everyone's looking at you you know like tom cruise on their muscle ups are like a
clean and jerk when you're like at a
regular gym everyone's just like you know everyone thinks you're just an asshole but i also think
there's a little because i have the same reaction when i see someone doing something extravagant
but then there's also a little part of in the back of your head where you're like but i do respect it
yeah yeah i love like uh gym fuckery on instagram where you just see like insane shit and also like
the dumbest shit um but my main my main favorite thing from
the pandemic was uh i got a rowing machine that ergata i do i use my friends i go every day i go
dude you want to hang out you do ergata or you do a rower i do the ergata it's got the it's like a
peloton style i did 40 minutes yesterday yeah those instructors are awesome they're on like
the potomac different different because the ergata is just oh it's gamification yeah it's the wood one never
mind yes i don't like people like because my wife has a peloton or we have a peloton i've used it
i don't love instructors the vibe i actually did like a spoof on adult swim of them because it's
just like it's always tmi with the exception of hannah frankson shout out you're you're a lot of
fun to watch and spin to everybody else i'm just'm just like, I don't want to know about.
Too many anecdotes?
Yeah, the anecdotes are too much.
So this is just gamification, which is a new word.
But it's just like it keeps you in certain zones.
And you can go, I remember getting it and being like,
okay, I've rode for five minutes before at a CrossFit workout.
I've never rode more, or before at a CrossFit workout.
I've never rode more.
Or I guess 10 minutes or whatever.
But yeah, I've rode for like an hour and a half before.
And done like almost, I've done like a 20K.
Dude, rowing engages 85% of your muscles.
That's what they say.
What exercise?
The only exercise that I think is even closer is like a clean and jerk.
Swimming.
Swimming, yeah. I can't get the technique right so i never became like i i'm swimming of rowing of rowing because every time i would do in front of my brothers they're like you're
not using your legs and i don't are you able to do that well i'll say i'll say i'll put this out
there for ergata because you guys got to know this the water rower ergonomics it's just not great because
your feet are too close together because the stirrups are between these two rails right and
they're too high yeah you want a little bit wider you want a little shoulder width exactly i want to
be wider uh which they have on a different water rower so ergata if you're like married or uh water
rower get it on that different one please
uh but the feet are still too high so you can't really get ahead of it but like um you don't get
that nice press right but on the one you're talking about probably the hydro stirrups are
far apart it's low um and as long as you just it's it's like it's just so anyway i was just saying like on the
ergata you don't really get to utilize your legs as much just because of the way that
it um makes your body perform uh but yeah you press with your legs you got some calves arms
what i'm just kidding um um but yeah i didn't even realize why you said what at first legs
back arms and then you just do the opposite on the way
so you're not doing your legs first and going up and over your knees.
Right.
But I love rowing.
I'll just throw on my podcast.
I'm just kidding.
I'll just throw on a podcast.
Or maybe I will throw on This Is Important with Blake, Adam, and myself.
Kyle, quit.
Let's go.
Shout out.
Give it a listen. I listen to our own podcast once in a while.
Guys, I'm interrupting this podcast.
Let you know once again that we are brought to you by Manscaped.
Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pube, for looking after our hogs,
for making sure that our dinks are looking fresh and clean.
Dude, let's talk about a highlight of 2021.
My highlight was the first time that I used Lawn Mower 4.0 for my pubes
because they have a sick LED spotlight.
You know, you're not going to nick your nuts.
And it just made me feel really proud of myself for taking such good
care of my pubes and doing so with the best brand in the world, Manscaped. So that's my highlight
of 2021. And for 2022, I want to have more moments like that. And I'm going to have more moments like
that because I'm on the Manscaped train and you guys should get on the manscape train too 2022 is on its way and the last thing you want is to be
the guy with pubes getting in your way of making this year your best yet 2021 sucked and that's why
manscaped is making a splash and upping your grooming game their signature lawnmower 4.0 is
here to take down every pube in its path uh They engineered the ultimate groin and body trimmer by focusing on intelligent functionality
and an incredibly comfortable grooming experience.
They got the fourth generation trimmer.
It features a cutting edge ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents thanks to their
advanced skin safe technology.
It's even waterproof.
Also, we got refined cologne so you can smell good look good and feel good the manscape refined
cologne as well as their ultra premium body wash these are three things that you gotta have in your
repertoire body wash cologne and the lawnmower 4.0 and uh you're gonna be a brand new dude
with great pubes smelling fresh use the code go deep for 20 off plus free shipping
at manscaped.com i'm all in on confidence to smell good this year join me with manscaped
get 20 off and free shipping with the code go deep at manscaped.com that's 20 off with free
shipping at manscaped.com and use code go deep happy new year to your balls show i it's funny
on the rower i probably think it's funnier than most people do um but i'll throw
it on because i don't remember yeah i don't remember anything right yeah i'm the same way
and then i'll i'll be laughing which engages the abs when i'm supposed to be engaging my back
function and then it like throws everything off and i'm like please don't pull anything you're old
um but yeah i like a good row um you know but yeah that and then you
know i got some i've had bow flex select techs yeah for like 15 years is that the dumbbells the
dumbbells that you just go yeah it just can go from like still work 5 to 55 still work that's
awesome i got you know what this is how bad i am with money. I got my Christmas bonus of cash when I was a writer's assistant on the show Bones in like 2005.
Just dialing up some dialogue for Boreanz.
Huh?
Dialing up some dialogue for Boreanz.
Exactly.
And Boreanaz.
Damn.
Yeah, it's all good.
Because I didn't understand the first time because you just mispronounced David Boreanaz's name. Yeah, it's all good. Because I didn't understand the first time
because you just mispronounced David Boreanaz's name.
It's a tough one, though.
It is tough.
There's a lot of nuance.
TV icon.
He just has no failures.
Yeah.
He's on the SEAL team now.
Yeah, it's just killing me.
And then he was on Buffy and Angel.
The dude does not fail.
He might be Julia Louis-Dreyfus of the dudes.
It's crazy.
I don't think he... Not that he needs more credit or whatever but like he's been he's like the hasselhoff of his era
like just hits they kind of look similar just hits yeah it's that tv look same size yeah um
but so i just the writers they all like pull together the cash they come in they go
hey man here's like 300 because we underpay you.
You're so poor and you're going to have to go on unemployment
over the holidays.
Here's some money.
And I went straight to a store that was called Sport Mart
that existed back then.
Love that place.
Nothing better than going to a sports store.
Before Dick's just took everything over.
And I bought the select text just like money in hand,
out of the hand.
And they're the best.
I'm a big fan of those impulse buys.
I've been doing that with sweaters lately.
Yeah.
I did the salt bike sweaters.
This sweater?
Yeah.
What do you think?
I love it.
I love how it kind of hangs.
Yeah.
I like sweaters, but I don't like sweaters that fit well.
I sort of like where it's a little bit bigger, where people are like, I don't know.
I think it gives off some, it sends a message.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I can't wear a sweater that's too tight, because then it's just from my shoulder to my lat,
it's too form-fitting, and it's weird.
And I mean, even that, your delts are popping.
I actually stuffed a bunch of socks in here before, because I know you got, your delts are popping. I actually stuffed
a bunch of socks
in here before
because I know you guys
were like serious
about this shit.
Dude,
we're pretty serious.
Do you remember
the first time
you tried on like,
when you saw
the Under Armour commercials
and you were like,
that's the coolest commercial
I've ever seen.
These guys are the coolest guys
I've ever seen.
I need to wear it.
And then the first time
you tried on the shirt
and realized it didn't look
good on your body.
Like my stomach
was just like,
I wasn't even out of shape but my stomach was just pouching too much my chest wasn't big enough
let me let me tell you hot damn it you didn't sprint up the stairs of the stadium yeah i was
just so disappointed bro under armor drops like came out when i was in college right okay and i
was on the swim team and i was in the greatest shape of my life and we worked out uh at the university
wisconsin uh in the same weight room as the basketball team and the hockey team and when you
are an athlete at a college you get all this fucking free gear and under armor came out and
it was like compression it was like science at this point but now it's just it's nothing but
just like school we are all throwing on our like
under armor and we're like shredded but we're so skinny yeah right we're so thin just because
you're you're doing miles and then we're in there like next to the hockey guys who are squatting
and they're just like barrel chested jacked guys and like the basketball team is just legit filling it out. And it's hanging off of us.
Do you know what I mean?
We're as big, as tall as the shirt would be for a large,
but then it just dangles off of us like fucking coat hangers.
And the weight room guy was like, don't wear it in here, okay?
You guys look bad.
He threw off the vibe.
Yeah, he was a funny dude.
Shout out to Scott. He was a funny dude just shout out to
scott uh he was a hilarious dude those guys are always cool right he was the i mean you can't
i don't i mean he doesn't work there anymore hilarious guy but like if you're squatting he
would always get behind you and be like come on just like in the jailhouse now yeah just stick
it out just like in the jailhouse and you'd be like cracking up hysterically yeah um
but he was just a funny dude did it help you get those reps it helped me want to go to the gym
because i'm like it's a good time in here we're having laughs there's pain there's a good time
i i enjoy working out with someone i like working out by myself sometimes but sometimes i gotta be
with a crew when i'm working out i need like four bros in there with me.
Yeah.
That four,
four other,
or like a group of four,
at least four others.
Here's the thing with a group is you either get too chatty,
you know,
or like too competitive.
You get too competitive.
You know what I mean?
I like that.
Did you hear that?
You were like a fucking,
like a cool new orleans fucking football that ain't
fall for me brother um no dude i've been there because like when during covid the only time me
and my friends could hang out was we'd work out outside and we were just stacking weight on there
and then all of us got injured but we just kept pushing yeah i mean i've been uh i've been doing
hot yoga lately right and
i love it because it's me and just i'm like the only dude in there yeah and uh good race it's such
great energy yeah i'm starting to get to know them and then i don't even care about the it's like it's
like uh they're just like there's like there's like hey chad how's it going i'm like i'm like
hey what's up ladies let's stretch you know i don't know there's something it's nice that they
all i i like working out in a room with all the ladies, too,
like when I do Pilates,
because then it's nice when they all trust you
and you're like, I'm a good guy.
How's Pilates?
Dude, it's awesome.
When I take it seriously and I do it seriously,
if you're a weightlifter doing that CrossFit stuff,
your shoulders and your back get all out of whack.
Pilates, it's all centered on that part of the body.
And I was shocked to find out that the starter of it
was a German guy, Joseph Pilates.
Named, yeah, yeah.
I didn't see that coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did not see that coming.
Because you're like, Pilates seems like a name that somebody invented maybe.
Right.
But it's just a dude.
Just some dude, Joe Pilates.
Right.
And no one knew how to pronounce it until he's like, you know what?
I'm going to invent something and I'm going to name it after me.
And then everyone's going to know. Put his mark on something and i'm gonna name it after me and then everyone's
gonna know put his mark on it yeah gave them no choice i i gotta do more yoga because like
it is if you're like rigorous at running or lifting or whatever to just hit reset once a week
and open up the hips or whatever yeah you'll last you'll you'll live longer it's it's it's pretty
yeah i i got
into it in april and i would i would do it here and there i never really got like i never really
started doing it regularly but uh yeah but i've just i would go really intense on the sprints and
then my legs would get all fucked up and then my back kept locking it locking up right and uh i
just started doing it and then what i think it's it's it's i think it's one of the tougher things to do consistently until you build it as a habit right but then once you once
it's like a habit it's very uh you just feel much better right because it's hard to see the benefits
at first you're like why am i here this is fucking lame i'm just and it's and it's not easy and so
like you don't i i've done it a little bit back in the day i would do like um
a spinning slash yoga thing right where like you just you go crazy on spin and then you just go
right into a yoga class kind of open things up yeah um and i liked it but at the same time i was
like looking for the benefits yeah they come a little bit later yeah and as a dude i think as
a dude you sort of want to
do workouts where you're sort of like lifting weight you're like running fast yeah you're
really sort of like and attacking an aesthetic improvement as because yoga you're not really
gonna see it unless you're like really killing it and fucking yeah well it's interesting you
see some of the guys who are like the experts at yoga you know they got the top knot and they're
just kind of like they kind of got dad bod they got the top knot and they're just kind
of like they kind of got dad bods right and they look like they could get worked in any kind of
scrap dude yeah but they do have good energy but yeah maybe they know how to avoid the scrap would
you rather have good energy than like um look amazing and be would you rather look haggard
and have good energy on the inside or look amazing and just kind of still have not
just be fucked up that's a good question you know i think uh back when i was you know probably like
20 i would have said look great but i think now that i'm you know maturing i think i'm gonna go
for energy you know it's you know it's cool yeah and i don't know this about you but when you come
up to 40 you go right back oh for real you want to be ripped
and fucked up dude hell yeah you're like yeah i've been happy for 10 years but this didn't really
this has got to go yeah i'd rather be miserable and jacked i think you're right you know just like
just like digging your nails into your fucking leg uh at a jack-in-the-box or something
and hating yourself.
Just upset.
And then just going and doing sprints on the Assault Runner
to run off the tacos.
Dude, that's pretty huge.
I mean, you know, yeah.
Yeah.
You're making me reassess.
So wait, so did you guys, because this is something that I was,
I'm going to say I was an athlete.
I swam, which is, it's different.
But it was so much part of a thing that I just kind of am like, I'm like, I exercise because I go, I don't love exercise.
I just did it too much, right?
As part of like my identity.
But now I'm getting back into it.
I enjoy it.
Were you guys athletes who are trying to like hang on and maintain because you just enjoy that it was part of your lives or did you come to this later and you're like well let me fucking try stuff uh for me it was later i swam
in high school uh i played water polo yeah uh but i just you know i'm i didn't i wasn't very good
and i sort of i like surfing a lot and that was like
yeah when i started surfing a lot that's when i sort of was starting to get in shape i've
you know high school and college it was all about the party for me yeah and i didn't really start
working out until like senior year right um and i was always just maintained kind of the same
shape but like i just i would just focus on partying because you're a thin guy yeah i've always been yeah you're an you're an ectomorph ecto dude again are you for
real right now yeah dude thank you do you know about this yeah mesomorph and endomorph and
ectomorph yeah three yeah i'm endo is that the middle one little paunchy it's not the it's not
that it's middle it's uh it's your body shape. She's tight.
An ectomorph is just kind of straight up and down, very
thin. It's hard to put on weight.
A mesomorph is
more V. Well, you're not
jacked, but you... But when you look
at the three of them, you're like, that's the jacked guy.
You're more V-shaped,
top-heavy, and then
endomorph is more pear-shaped, top-heavy, and then endomorph is more pear-shaped,
lower body is like...
Haunches.
Yeah, but also those are like your running backs
with those big fucking legs.
It's all in the ass.
My buddy Joe Pelazon, big ass.
He can lay the hit.
We go golfing, he's bombing 300-yard drives.
For real.
He's got ass power.
A lot of core.
A lot of ass power.
I joke, I used to live in Silver Lake
and I would just look around, and I just felt
like I was the only east side mesomorph.
Bro, can we talk about that?
Sure.
I can't live in that part of town, because I don't want to be a dick.
Your body type.
When I walk around, I'm like, it's too many wispy dudes.
Right.
I'm like, I grew up in Orange County.
I grew up with jacked bros everywhere.
That's my baseline.
But you also got to respect that that's where they are.
That's their part of town. That's their part of town. And I and i do when i'm in someone else's house i play by their rules and i don't try to bring in you know i'm not going up to guys being like bro you know
maybe some heavy deadlifts i don't do that you know i started talking about the new sally rooney
book and i'm like let's let's chop it up right but for me if i'm gonna live somewhere i need
meatheads around it's tough i. I mean, I felt isolated.
You know, you're at Burgers Never Say Die.
You're getting two burgers.
You're looking around.
Everyone else is getting one.
And they just don't wear it the same way you do in your chest, maybe.
And, you know.
You're wondering, are they thinking about you ordering those two burgers? Well, you know they are.
You know they are. You know they are. But do they? I often find, though, are they thinking about you ordering those two? Well, you know, they are. You know, they are.
You know, they are.
But do they, I often find though that they do respect it.
If you come at it with the right energy and you're deferential and diplomatic, they will
respect that you are that guy.
But what's interesting is that it, I only found that when I would go to my CrossFit
gym, which was more of like a, it wasn't a strictly CrossFit gym.
It was more of like a running with't a strictly crossfit gym it was more of like a running with crossfit kind
of thing and uh you'd and it was on the east side and you'd meet these um ectomorphs
and they had interest in athletics which is what i just feel like i was predisposed to
growing up uh and now they're coming around to it.
And I go, yeah, it's not, the water's fine.
You know, like I'm friendly with Kumail Niyanjani, right?
And I remember getting breakfast with him a few years ago.
And he was like, so what are you eating?
And I'm like, I just eat whatever.
And then I just work out.
And he hadn't really hit the gym yet and what
i didn't realize is that um there was a mesomorph in there man right and then he was kind of getting
data and he was kind of yeah he was like so like what do you do do you work out and now i gotta be
hit i gotta hit him up for some notes you know his delts are pretty out of this world he might
be the most jacked actor alive right now. Yeah.
So obviously this is what we think about, right?
Sometimes.
We're in a new era.
We're even, I think you guys are funny.
I think you guys are funny guys.
Dude, thank you.
But it's not enough anymore.
You got to be jacked.
You have to be, right? If you want to work, you got to be jacked. want to work you gotta be jacked people gotta like looking at do you
are you big into like film criticism sure you know john simon do you remember him
no he's pretty hilarious he was like a super learned duty road from one of like the new
york publications and but he would always criticize so he's a film critic film okay
sorry but in his reviews it would i meant like i like to criticize film
that's how much i'm into film criticism okay yeah but go ahead he's a he's a film critic he's a film
critic but he says like he would criticize the looks of the actors in the movie and he's like
i didn't like the third lead it wasn't nice looking at him yeah like they should have recast
him with and he was a really smart guy but that's true but i think he did understand and i didn't
understand at the time because i was like super into artsy stuff.
I was like, who cares, man?
It's just like, can the guy like embody the part?
But then as I've gotten older, I'm like, it is nice to like, it's aspirational.
You kind of do want everyone to be like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's interesting because like, you know, and I blame Chris Pratt, who was like, you
know, kind of tubby.
That was kind of how we.
Charming that way?
Yeah, exactly.
He got his way in charming us with his tubbiness like,
oh, this guy is a nice guy.
Then he got shredded.
And then everyone else was like,
oh, well, you got to get shredded too.
Do you worry in the process of the shred,
some of the charm can dissipate?
Of course it does. Of course it does.
Of course it does.
It's gone.
Because then you start thinking about what...
I mean, what the fuck, man?
You start...
Because look at us.
We're just talking about the gym right now.
It's not funny.
It's not funny to me.
Right.
Do you see me laughing?
No.
No, I see you.
It's not funny.
And by the way,
when I started hitting the gym as a junior in high school like lifting weights uh this coach who i was hitting the gym with because i wanted
to fucking get into a college because i was a dumb ass and i needed to put on some weight and
drop some time we would be clowning around in the gym and he'd go, you can't fucking joke around in here because you've got,
you know,
150 pounds over your chest.
And like,
if you're joking and like your buddy drops that on his chest,
like he could get hurt.
This is a place where we're,
we're,
we're serious.
Right.
And then when you get your control and your focus,
then you can,
you can go from there.
So like these people who are working,
who were funny,
all of them, all of them are funny. I'm not going to take that away from them. So like these people who are working, who were funny, all of them,
all of them are funny.
I'm not going to take that away from them.
You can't,
but when you start obsessing with your body and hitting the gym,
that shit's not funny at all.
Right?
Yeah.
I,
I,
you know,
I,
I'm,
I'd say I much prefer the Harrison Ford,
Bruce Willis bodies of the eighties.
Can we talk about when Harrison Ford takes his shirt off in The Fugitive?
I can't remember that specifically.
He just had been
he just avoided getting hit
by the train
after the bus flipped over.
He's running with the shackles.
He's in the hospital. He sneaks into a hospital
before he takes the job as a janitor.
And he takes his jacket off and he's got this
gouge kind of like he got like shrapnel or something like that but he's got this body
that is the only body that you want right which is like it's not fat but it's not bulbous and
ripped it's just a guy who's clearly capable. And has an active lifestyle. Nice tone. The tone is there, but
it sends more of a message where it's like, this guy's going to be fine.
Yeah. No matter what the situation. George Clooney and out of sight.
Similar. Takes his shirt off. You're like, he's not shredded. Not extra muscles on the
delts. You're just like, oh, this is just an in-shape guy. He's born with good stock.
If there's a fire, he can carry somebody if there's an earthquake he can get out of the building right like that
um he's not gonna pull anything but it seems like maybe for kumail it was either be like a comedian
schlub or ultra jacked is it hard to hit that that nice middle ground well i like to think so and i we
talk about this on our podcast um this is important but in the writer's room of workaholics we put up
this list on the whiteboard of and i feel like maybe we touched on this last time it's kind of
legendary i think it gets referenced in every writer's room that you guys did that okay well so but so wait but this is not the war the jokes we don't say anymore okay
sorry uh which anyway um what was one of our writers just put it out there and we were like
okay shout out john quaintance we love you that got kind of memefied it got memefied and there
was like a new yorker like spoof on it how it's like this is also what you're not allowed to say like as because yes you can say anything in
comedy but that thing was just basically the new yorker some guy did a thing that was like a spoof
on jokes you're not allowed to say because obviously in comedy you can say anything but
what he's acting like they got a bunch of edgelords over at the new yorker i don't know man bro do you
want to drive over there shout out do you want to drive over there it's over this
is years ago the fact that i'm talking about it is hilarious but that list was like hey maybe don't
put these in your script because these are once funny once hilarious i threw up in my mouth a
little bit that's not your joke though you know that belongs to dodgeball and it was super funny and people said it for a
very long time.
But like,
don't,
that's a placeholder for you not coming up with a joke.
Not that every joke we came up with on the show was like a hundred percent
original or,
but like there's just a list of 40 or so jokes that like,
you know,
my mom says,
and that means you shouldn't be, we shouldn't be paying you to put that in the script yeah anyway this other list was the list of the
hottest funny guys and the funniest hot guys right interesting and who is what um and i don't have my phone on me right now out of respect for your podcast um but
you know it's like you've got paul rudd is he a funny hot guy or is he a hot funny guy funny
hot guy you think he's a funny hot guy funny hot guy i think he's a hot funny guy i think he can
go either way really i think he can go either way i think john ham so
hot funny guy yeah here's my hilarious thing on john ham it's hilarious to me fuck you guys um
i i was like i got a weird sneak and suspicion that john ham he blossomed late he might have
been like a weird like theater guy who kind of like just came into his own late
right and then we google his high school yearbook picture and he's this like smiling adonis in
football pads i don't know if you guys do this or have the capabilities to like put up that photo
now we can but if you google it at home or whatever it is hilariously handsome amazing he's just like this blessed young man yeah and i was like i
stand corrected he is definitely a funny hot guy um and then like our crossover that we just
couldn't figure out was um justin thoreau i think hot funny hot funny guy he's just too hot but he's charlie's
angels too he's so funny though he said he got that body in charlie's angels too i read this
in people magazine just by doing an ab roller i was like bro get the fuck out you mean like
out like this yeah yeah i got a buddy who does just that is he he's a he runs too but he just
does that and runs and uh he's cut he's that cut dude okay maybe maybe the ab roller
is all you need i mean he's got the usher muscles here the v we call him rick wilson's guy in high
school had him named rick wilson have you guys ever heard this cum gutters yeah dude that's a
good one though you've heard it of course yeah okay but yeah cum gutters is what i've heard
um but paul but paul red though he's got boyish he's he's boyishly cute i think for sure and
obviously he was sexiest man alive this year uh for people magazine but yeah what's that kind of
like uh that was like a everyone loves paul rudd let's let's let's me too too it's like we got to
have guys that everyone trusts like we can't have a bad boy on there there's no bad boys but bad boys in my mind are sexier but they're just
you know they got to be out of favor for a while for a good reason but so now we're doing john
legend and like paul rudd and like these dudes have been married for like 30 years yeah and the
the definition of sexy has changed right right you call them cute kind of boy next door that might be
what sexy is now sexy is no longer like hey
get on the back of my motorcycle i don't have a helmet you won't need one right that's dangerous
that's that's not sexy anymore because that shows that you don't care what if you're on vacation in
panama look man i don't want to judge anybody panamanians um panamaniacs so you're saying mark mcgrath's not sexy anymore look mark mcgrath mark
mcgrath has one of the funniest moments in music video history yeah and i he was on workaholics
and i had to tell him do you already know what it is no no go ahead when they did the music video
where it was like everyone's imagination of what the music video should be. And they're having a brainstorm and it goes like to all these wacky different
places for each person.
I think so.
Every morning.
It's every morning.
I think every morning.
Yeah.
It's that one.
And then he's like,
all right,
you know what?
Can we just do what's right for the video?
And then everyone's like,
yeah,
for sure.
He goes,
you know what I mean?
And everybody laughed.
And when I saw that in college, was like this guy's hilarious and then
guessed it on workaholics and was like can i do this say this and he had all his suggestions were
gold really um so sexy to me and we were like would you wear sweater vest no sleeves and he
was like for sure that's awesome uh so like i feel like sexy is now like a guy who's willing to roll with it
uh who doesn't have like any um like he does he's not judging no ego that's the new sexy thing is
no ego yeah well yeah going back to mark mcgrath he had a great there's a great article about how
he was like i'm the last douche did you see that he might no i didn't i didn't i didn't
see that he's like he's like you know i'm proud to say kind of sad to say that i'm the last douche
and uh i wasn't sure how i felt about i was really proud of him for
the article but here here's what he i know what he's dealing with right um i play a lot of douchebags on shows, and maybe I am a little bit of a douchebag in real
life. But I do have this essence that people are like, yeah, will you be that guy in this show or
this movie? And I go, yeah, okay, for sure. I get it. And, you know, he had that SoCal look.
His band was more fun than artistic, right? he's out there just having a good time um
maybe people sense that he didn't value music as anything more than a way to get famous then he
becomes like this guy in entertainment tonight and people kind of judge him for that to which i say
it's just a guy trying to make a living being known.
Right.
And he's charming.
He's a DJ now on Sirius.
I like his presence on there.
I think he's fun.
And he might have looked like this kind of douchebag guy because he had no sleeves on.
He's got the spiky frosted tips.
But he was just a young guy having a good time.
Right. of tips but he was just a young guy having a good time right you know and he might have been the
poster child for something that he outgrew and now he's recognizing that and for that he is now sexy
dude totally because the ego's gone right maybe 20 40 years ago 20 40 maybe 20 25 years ago
being called Sugar Ray,
I think it used to bother him, right?
Didn't he fight somebody who was like, oh, Sugar Ray?
No, they said Sugar Gay.
Right, they said Sugar Gay.
Which you have to admit is a hilarious play on words.
To call somebody gay as an insult, not okay.
But that person who said it,
they're probably the funniest person
out of their friend group that talks like that.
And in the moment,
he was just trying to get to Mark McGrath.
And had he said something that was more clever and mature,
it wouldn't have generated the reaction of Mark.
And also, I don't think Mark McGrath snapped
because someone called him gay. I don't think he honestly cares that much about that i think he said he'd probably heard
that joke a million times he was having a hard day yeah and he knew this kid was trying to get
a reaction for him he's like well i'm gonna give him double the reaction oh yeah and put him on his
heels and then um and then he went after the kid mcgrath gets it and he just looked at him dead in
the eyes and he said in a sincere voice did you say sugar gay yeah yeah yeah yeah he said who said sugar gay um I I so I think I'm here
because I ran into you at a basketball game or you had seen me and I didn't see you dude I was
leaving the Clippers game I forget who they even played they got the dub it was uh Phoenix right
it was Phoenix yeah it was a good game yeah And then Phoenix was down a couple of their studs.
Like, Aiton didn't play and Booker didn't play.
But we had CP3 out there.
Yeah, that was fun.
Back in his building.
Yeah, and we didn't have Kawhi, so it was a fun mixed bag.
Yeah, that guy doesn't like to play ball that much.
But I saw Mark McGrath at a Clippers game.
Maybe it was a Lakers game one day.
He had great seats.
I had great seats through something or whatever.
And I was like, yo, Mark.
And he turns, he goes, hey, da, da, da.
And I was like, how you doing, man?
He goes, isn't life the best?
Look at us, man.
Whoa.
Dude, so grateful.
And he's like, these seats crazy, right?
And I go, yeah.
He was so appreciative that it caught me off guard.
Because sometimes when you get good seats, you try and be cool.
You try and be like, you try and act like you belong there, right?
Even though I don't go to many games.
So I'm a little off on guard when I get there.
And I don't want to seem like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
And he was like, it's the best, right?
Dude.
Honestly, I never expected such an in-depth analysis of mark mcgrath on this episode but it has fired me up
good dude solid guy um yay sugar gay i mean shouldn't that be his like license plate now
like just fully embrace it or just a belly tat. A sugar gay.
And he's like, I can say it.
It's that kind of thing. Have you seen Dan Cook's license plate?
Do you know what it is?
I don't.
Mic drop.
Was he the first to do it?
Definitely not.
But again, here's...
He's like a huge douchebag though, right?
Let's go down douchebag row.
Okay.
Yeah, we're going to do the final judgment on all these guys.
Fruit smash?
Smashed.
If you want one more, dude.
I'm all right.
I'm all right.
I'm going to drive home in the rain.
Yeah, smart.
Dane Cook.
We did an episode on Workaholics.
And let's just talk about Workaholics the whole time.
and let's just talk about workaholics all the time um where we went to kind of this um uh what's the fucking uh leonardo di caprio jonah hill wall street movie wolf of wall street wolf
of wall street thank you uh we did this like wolf of wall street episode where the guys get wind of
this other branch that's like kind of cut throat and like this bro mentality that's like let's fucking go
let's make a bunch of money so we leave telemericorp to go there we slick back our hair we put on these
power suits and we cast dane cook as the guy who runs this branch because perfect casting for
everyone who's ever been like he's a dou douchebag. We even got Slack for it.
Not Slack, like when your dick is long, but Slack on like AV Club or whatever.
Because they're like, of course, Dane Cook.
It's like, yeah, of course, Dane Cook is the one who everyone has called the douchebag.
So we cast him as this guy who's playing a douchebag.
And Dane was great.
He played the role.
He knew his lines. he didn't come in because to me a douche
bag somebody who shows up and doesn't give a fuck and thinks they're great yeah you know and i'm not
saying he's never done that i'm not saying i've never done that right but like he came in knew
his lines was great he definitely drove a ferrari one day in a Lamborghini the next day. And you can take from that what you will.
But he also got us two food trucks.
For crew?
For crew.
He's a man of the people.
Look, this is a guy who's got a zillion dollars.
He could have gotten 20 food trucks.
But a lot of people show up on the show who have a zillion dollars
who don't get any food trucks.
This guy got two.
And is he overcompensating dollars who don't get any food trucks this guy got two and is he
overcompensating i don't fucking care my crew was eating good yeah two days in a row my takeaway
from that was like good guy good experience then and there and maybe he's done more of that other
places to change people's minds what were the food trucks uh honestly i can't remember um
i'd like to say tacos nice yeah that seems to be the case with uh a lot of the guys who are
sort of branded as douchebags back in the days right right a lot of times
just they are just nice dudes or they they're like reformed they're like okay that was my brand
yeah i gotta take a look deep look inside and oftentimes it's like the guys who are super nice
i i don't really know from experience i just like heard the guys who are like super nice on like
that's their persona right they're the biggest douchebags oh my god that's my least favorite person the person who shows up and thinks because
they have a good memory yeah and can remember everyone's names lets them kind of be and they're
they're good at it they've done it their whole lives they come in and they're nice but they're nice, but they're also secretly demanding. Right.
And they make people do things that might be like out of their jurisdiction,
like where it's like,
oh, would you actually go grab me a thing?
And they're like,
well, they're so nice.
They've been so nice.
They said my name.
Right.
They remember my name
and the story I told about my dog
that I feel like I got to go do that thing
that I really shouldn't gotta go do that thing that
i really shouldn't have to do because of my job or whatever those people drive me crazy right
yeah because it's a superficial kindness and there's not like a real it's a manipulation thing
and like a well aren't i fun it's engineered it's like it's like premeditated i gotta be a nice guy
this is how i'm gonna do it exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's performance.
And to that point, I don't remember anybody's name, and I never will.
I'm so bad with names.
Yeah.
But I feel like I'm almost always the nicest guy in a way that I don't, and I don't want
anything from anybody.
Right.
You know what I mean?
When people are like, because look, i'm a writer and an actor when you're a writer you get treated like absolute
dog shit it's fucking crazy when you're an actor you get treated like a fucking prince
it is insane yeah um and i'm just not big on like the pampering of a of of the stuff that you can
get into where like i I don't know.
I'm low maintenance.
But the nice people are usually super high maintenance,
but they know they got to be nice to excuse it.
Right.
You know?
It's interesting.
It's like they're doing the math in their head.
They're like, I can ask this person to go two hours out of the way to get me a coffee
because I'll do it with a smile.
And I think that sometimes the math is even over and it's like, it's just nature.
They just already know.
It's just their rhythm now.
They're just innately born to understand
or they've been conditioned to it.
No, they've discovered it, right?
They've discovered that it works
and they've fine-tuned it and honed it in over.
Because humans are just opportunistic.
We're like, we'll take advantage of what we can.
Some are, yeah. Right. Some some are and john mulaney had that great
joke about mick jagger he's like people always ask was he nice and he's like no he wasn't nice
and you wouldn't be either like he asked for a coke and it appears in his hand right and i mean
i worked as a pa you see that instantly you're like you know you're you're bringing everyone's
lunch and then when you bring it to the to the actors the show, you're like pulling off like lentil beans.
Cause you're like,
they're like,
if he eats lentil beans,
he'll die.
And then you find out two months later,
like he just doesn't like lentil beans.
It's not really that big of a deal.
Right.
And,
but we're all treating it like it's like,
we're like in hazmat suits,
like pulling off the lentil beans.
And we're like,
if someone brings this dude a lentil bean,
we're like,
you fucked up,
man.
Don't you ever do that again?
I worked for Bill Maher.
Right. And when i say
bill maher what what pops into your head as far as like attitude or like vibe or whatever snarky
smug snarky smug i like bill maher though i love him but but smug smug the first and guess what
he's that right but he's also that because that's just like,
he wants everyone around him to be smart.
Look, I don't think he's a genius,
but I think he's a smart guy
who pays attention to what's going on
and has takes.
He's ballsy.
Sure, he's ballsy.
But behind the scenes,
this is a guy who promotes from within,
who looks out for his writers
and his writers and
his team and his crew.
And he might have this air about him that people are like,
Oh,
he's probably a fucking asshole.
But like I worked for him for two years before a workaholics got picked up
was always super nice.
Did he know my name?
I don't know.
I don't care.
Yeah.
Does he have to know my name to be a good
person absolutely not but he always was like hey morning and like never treating me like shit um
and just you know he's a guy who has like high expectations because i think he just
wants to be on the ball but he i i when i bring his name up people are like oh he's the worst
right because i think he just has like a no nonsense thing,
which a lot of people have,
but I'd rather a no nonsense guy who at the end of the day is like,
um,
like his,
the person who runs real time at one point was,
well,
Scott Carter is one of the producers who helps run the show.
And he's always been a producer,
but,
um,
his other partner,
she was his assistant many, many years ago and she was just on the ball and he promoted her for within and now she's
been helping run that show for fucking 20 years you know he's loyal to his people and it seems
like he was consistent like he was always the same so consistent you know that that's what you want
from a boss a lot of the time that's what i want i don't want somebody who's nice but then like and knows my name and like can be like hey
that one you swim right all right hey but seriously next time um you give me this subway
or like whatever the fuck it is don't you know they don't even say it to you they're like hey
great job like you're oh you're the swimmer and then they go to like someone who has to you hear it from somebody later yeah and they're like you
know that guy's been fucking up a lot and you're like hey how about you just i'd rather it's
somebody who's like hey uh what is it anders right hey this is definitely not what i ordered
right and i go fuck now it's my job to go what can i get you and like he's not going hey i need you to do
like i'm doing my job he's doing his job not a mean guy he's just like this is fucked up this
isn't fucked up yeah well that's cool too like it makes me think i like that bill mars worked with
the same team for so long and like you know like i. So many people, I worked there fucking more than 10 years ago now.
So many of the same people are there.
And doing great jobs.
And it's because he likes these people.
He knows that they worked hard for him.
It's a live show.
It's on every week, you know.
And they keep the fucking train on the rails.
Totally.
And it made me think about gary shandling because
he was and i love gary shandling but he was kind of the opposite like when you watch his documentary
it's like he would have a new head writer every year because he would just burn out with that
person like and he had like some trust issues that were kind of like hardwired into his right soul
but it's also a new challenge and yeah and maybe create a new idea. And the show was great every season and maybe it was helped by that turnover.
Gary Shandling, I mean, he was a searcher, right?
Yeah.
And I don't think you can be with one person forever
if you're a searcher like that.
Right, he needs that new...
He needs new energy.
Yeah.
And like once you...'s and it's it's
it can be a selfish thing right like to be like cool we're hitting it off we go to like we play
basketball every day or whatever the fuck he was doing we're like writing jokes all the time and
then you kind of get that energy and you go great got it i'm gonna move on right you know and i'm
sure he has lifelong friends and stuff but like it's okay to be that person in la you see lifelong friends three times a year yeah which is like perfect for a guy like
him you know are what are you like socially are you do you do you like to see your friends
consistently or are you sort of like you like to retreat and then see them here and there i mean
i'm like uh i'm a wife and kids guy because i'm a wife and kids guy. Right.
Right?
And when I wasn't, I was out way more.
Yeah.
But now that I got a family, I'm not out all the time.
Right.
You just can't be.
And you have friends, especially in LA, people start families hella late.
Right?
You have friends who are having their first kids at 40 and stuff or later um so like being a guy who had a family in his 30s while meanwhile everyone's like
out at fucking largo or like doing stand-up or like going to that premiere that party you're like
uh you got to just kind of pick and choose where you're like, hey, honey, I'm going to go to this thing and definitely be sleeping until 10 a.m. tomorrow.
Right.
And isn't that kosher?
Like, can we do that?
Yeah.
You don't want to be the guy who's out like four days a week and then your wife's like, what?
Huh?
Yeah.
All right.
Your kids are just wondering where you're at, you know.
The Largo.
I'm at the Largo.
I'm at Lar largo building my career
did you ever do that did you ever do like that out every night kind of no i was never a scene
stir but like uh but that's also i mean i was just like when i moved to la i was just going i was
hanging out my a couple friends from college who were not in the business at all.
So they weren't trying to meet anybody for any kind of reason of like, let's connect and like, show me your screenplay or whatever the fuck it was.
They were like, let's just go out and party.
like going to clubs or bars and not meeting anybody of any industry consequence where i'm like oh this is like a good connection for me to like grow up with or whatever um until eventually i
was like i need to kind of do i guess split this yeah hang out my homies who go out and drink
and party for no reason and then then I started going to Second City
and some Saturday nights I would go to
the most brutal open mic improv shit at Second City.
When my boys would be like,
but we're out here.
And I'd go, I'm just gonna go jam with these guys
and yes and.
And then I met Adam at Second City
and so then I was making videos and those guys, they know and then i met adam at second city and and so then i was like
making videos and like you know those guys they know all my other homies too and we've all partied
together um and i think that's why i like adam blake and kyle because they were like the first
guys i had met who had their head on straight about um career stuff careers they were like we
want to do this we want to make a career we want
to become movie stars or comedy writers or whatever it was uh but also we're like but like also we
need to smoke some bud and drink you know i mean like they had their um they had a good balance
yeah good balance as opposed to just like at ucb every night you know where you're like
all right well yeah insulated don't you want to just go out and lose your mind no it's it's
and actually one of the things we've known each other forever but when i see chad
and my high school friends are the best like they're like the coolest dudes ever it's so fun
to have a release where and they're all super smart like they all understand comedy and have
good taste and stuff but they're not in it trying to like you know constantly think about their place in it and
where they're headed but when i see like chad like all my high school friends love you so much
oh really oh thank you and when i see you guys getting along so well yeah look at the camera
thank you guys no it just makes me so happy because i was like they're awesome dudes yeah
you fit in so seamlessly with all them yeah and and it's like are they big personalities your high school friends they can be but they can also be super
i don't know i'm i'm so like uh i i love them so much that i might not even see them clearly but i
just think they're like they're pretty versatile that way yeah and then chad's versatile that way
too and then well it's a similar kind of story but like uh it's basically what you were saying
it's like we sort of have
similar backgrounds of you know partying past and like we right i i sort of i i i struggle with
drinking a little bit because i just go too hard in the paint a little bit but it's like that same
thing of like you i trust you now yeah yeah like we we wanted to build careers but like have that
same kind of need for release right yeah that bro right and you have
that your squad yeah and just that normalcy too like a group of people who are like not because
i like going out with like you know like when i go out and there's like agents out or like and i
love all those people it's super fun and i love like all of that world yeah but but sometimes you
don't want to be thinking on like, you have to be operating on a couple
different levels when you're in that situation.
Yeah.
And what's nice about like...
Yeah, I never do.
You don't?
No.
That's awesome.
And that's probably why I'm like Greg Odom.
Because I've just been at those parties too drunk to be like...
Well, I say I'm operating at a lot of different levels, but if you'd watched me in that moment,
you wouldn't be like, oh, this guy sees the matrix.
If you had like security cameras.
Yeah, if you had security cameras.
I'm just hammered like, wow.
JT's locked in with industry folk right now.
Yeah, you're not like, oh, this guy's playing chess.
You're just like, that's a drunk bro.
You're just dancing too hard.
What are you watching right now?
But even like the next day, if I'm not locked in, and then the next day I got too hammered
at one of those things, I'm like, oh, fuck, did I give too much information to this person?
Did I do that?
And it's like, it's nice to have just solid people around you who are like even if you did get too
drunk they'd be like dude you were crazy last night and then you just keep kicking yeah did
you have friends in high school no dude uh like but did you have as he met your high school friends
yeah college college friend i went to a boarding school in connecticut
so all my high school friends are like they killed themselves yeah dude did you guys robo trip little
virgin suicide situation uh that's my one homie went to boarding school was like we just robo
trip i had a bunch of friends who robo tripped i never robo trip what is robo trip excuse me
it's where you take a bunch of cough syrup and you uh robitussin yeah robitussin and you
basically just trip out.
But I saw my buddy freaking out on it, so I never wanted to try it.
But one thing we did try to do is the Spice Nutmeg.
What is that?
Because in boarding school, you have to think of alternative ways to get fucked up.
So Nutmeg is like a spice.
And I heard...
Are you familiar with this?
I think so.
Yeah, so...
We have a different engineer today, guys.
Yeah. Aaron's got COVID. If you want to give a shout out he's cool yeah aaron's got covid
this is your second time on the pod yeah i'm back again that's some voice last time he has a great
uh joe maurice's last show before he moved oh real quick can you say
here what was the line fruit smash let's smash
here's a fruit smash
let's smash
that was good dude
you got a fucking fire voice
are you the voice of comedy central
move over canadian
up next toss point oh
so I ate a bunch of nutmeg
which is just like eating a bunch of cinnamon
and I got like kind of high but really which is just like eating a bunch of cinnamon uh-huh i got like kind of high
yeah but but really it's just like a sugar rush or what no it's not even like sugary dude it's
like it's like straight like you're eating like what are some other spices i don't know oregano
like oregano so you're eating a bunch of oregano that's gross um but you know but so he's so he's
hung out with your college like his buddy miller's like miller's
best he's like one of my favorite guys ever i love hanging out that guy he's we've gone to like
parties together and like yeah kicked it and yeah his friends are awesome yeah i mean that's how
like i guess the the the example is was my bachelor party like my homies from high school
and college some of them are they're all together like we both went to high school and college some of them are they're all together like we both went to high school and college together um are like big personalities yeah it's like uh it's not we're not well
sometimes we are i was gonna say like that loud table of man at steakhouses yeah you were talking
about they're like we're gonna be the loud table but sometimes i guess we probably are hence like
douchebag um because that is like the most douchebag thing you can be
is the loudest table at a restaurant.
Well, how often are you doing it?
If you're doing it once every couple months,
I think everyone deserves that once in a while.
Let me take this back.
Loudest table at a steakhouse, you're a douchebag.
Because every table at a steakhouse of, like, guys at a table is loud.
If you're the loudest, you're for sure the worst people.
But if you're at, like, a tapas place and're the loudest you're for sure the worst people yeah but if you're at like a tapas place and you're loud you're probably good people well that's
place of the chilis what do you think of that you're the most fun for sure dude then you get
the corona rita mega rita yeah i had the i'm thinking of flame broiler i was gonna say the
t1000 rita but that was at uh red robin that's from terminator yeah it was like a terminator
oh really oh yeah red robin has the best honey mustard i've ever had yeah they don't fuck around
so good um but when my homies from high school and college got together with the workaholics dudes
also big personalities and like famous on top of that so they're like when you're out there's a
whole other like element or whatever.
I was like, how's this going to go?
And it was just like fucking off the rails, you know.
Everyone connected.
Everybody.
That's the best, dude.
My homies, they don't really give a fuck that I'm on TV.
Like they don't care.
They know. like they they don't care yeah they know but like it hasn't moved my place in like the hierarchy
hasn't like shifted if that makes sense it's not like all of a sudden uh i'm johnny drama
right right like or not johnny drama who's the main guy i'm not vince suddenly like I'm still Johnny Drama no no I'm still
Johnny Drama and always will be
definitely not fucking
Turtle you're not Turtle though dude
but like I've seen
friendship groups where like somebody has
some sort of like
start making a ton of money or like whatever
like famous just because we're in this business
and like you can tell now
they're like the ringleader for some reason yeah and it just you you know that it's new for them um but like
we have we have the best times all together whenever we fucking kick it like my wedding was
just fucking a good time that's the best when the groups connect and you see them connecting
you're like i did something right now some of my teammates from the swim team who are not super loud,
I think they might have not had like the best time.
They couldn't fit in quite right.
You know, you got your head in water a lot.
You're not really that loud.
Those solo sports are weird for psychology.
Like wrestlers are always kind of a little odd.
It's weird, yeah.
Because I don't know if it breeds camaraderie the way like a sport
where you got to share the ball does.
Here's where the camaraderie comes from is that you're so committed to something.
You've suffered through something.
That's physically tolling.
Right.
And you're all like barfing in the gutter together.
Yeah, I shouldn't say that.
You know, you're shaving each other's backs.
That's connection.
Yeah, you're connecting.
When you are shaving somebody's
back i need someone to shave my back actually i haven't shaved in a while and i join a swim team
well i was gonna ask now wait a second are you just fucking here to have somebody shave your
back that's why i asked you to come over dude yeah and i knew if the pressure of the camera
are you guys still sponsored by um pubier trims manscape yeah yeah and actually that's why when
he saw you at the clipper game he just he's like dude i think i found someone to shave my back i had the clipper in my hand and i was that's why i was calling is
this a clippers manscape like clippers it's a little synergy nice dude it was kind of embarrassing
i was with some homies and then i see you walking across the street you're with your child yeah the
street oh it was outside it was outside it was after the game and i think it was you were like
cutting to but you were cutting across the street yeah and i go honors honors honors and you just kept
walking uh but i probably threw up a deuce or something no dude it wasn't like you were ignoring
me it was like you just didn't hear me you didn't hear me there was like tons of i think and there
was just tons of people out there and stuff so you just kept walking then i was like i turned
back to my friends i was like i know that guy well i mean we just kept walking so the fact that
like um using my name on a show and having everybody know it,
you must hear that all the time.
Yeah.
So it's like at the same game,
uh,
I saw Paul Shear.
You guys know Paul Shear,
right?
But he's,
somebody's just like,
Ders.
And I'm like,
and then he like came and got in front of me.
It was like,
yo.
And I go,
Oh,
what's up?
What's up dude?
Um,
so yeah,
it's sometimes it can get confusing. And then also like for my kid, he thinks it? It's a friendly. What's up, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, sometimes it can get confusing.
And then also for my kid, he thinks it's just fucking bizarre.
Right.
He's just like, oh, what are they, workaholics?
And I'm like, shut up.
People like me.
Right.
Yeah, is that funny?
Have you showed your son your comedy and stuff like that?
No, not really. Not really really because most of it's uh he
shouldn't see it yet it's too advanced he's a little bit like maturity wise my oldest is eight
but i do remember when he was like fucking three and i was watching a rough cut on my phone and he
was like what are you doing and i was like oh I'm watching daddy's show. And it was this stunt where like Adam's on a zip line
and he like rams into a wall
and does something hilariously physical.
And like knowing, you know, Adam,
like it's over the top, like seriously in pain,
like really selling it.
And I was like, and it's super funny.
So I showed it to my kid when he was three
and he like immediately started going no no no no
and i was like oh no it's not real it's not real he's okay it's pretend right but he thought he
just watched a human get like annihilated off a zipline um yeah yeah you were like do you like
fucked up shit but like now he gets comedy so it was worth it
i think you should show him the the college episode when he's like about to go to college
yeah i mean at some point well he's gotta look at him be like welcome to college yeah welcome
to college i mean by the way i loved just that douchebagginess of the der's character who's like
i'm gonna take it upon myself
to be the authority figure
because I got a good handle
on what the situation is here.
That person is always
the most insecure person.
Like in college,
I worked at a liquor store
and day one,
there was this guy
who's like,
is this the fresh meat?
All right,
welcome aboard to me
because I'm like delivering
kegs he's like you don't fucking do it like that this guy over here doesn't fucking know and i'm
like all right fuck all right within two weeks or less i realized that that was like the dumbest
dude at the job yeah who had no idea what was going on and everybody was making fun of him like
behind his back.
Yeah.
Right.
You know,
but like day one and two,
I was like,
I better listen to this fucking guy.
He knows what he's doing.
He's like,
he's like 25,
you know?
And then I'm like,
Oh,
he's 25 and he's still working at this liquor store delivering kegs right on.
Yeah.
You know?
So I,
I love that.
I love that guy who is like, fuck for like at least a week i'm
gonna be smarter than this person or wiser about like the surroundings yeah until they like graduate
past you and you go fuck i gotta wait for somebody new right so he's got to cling to that status for
the brief yes he has it yeah and derz was like all about that because it was just you know he knew he was limited uh yeah well the look you give in a delivery is you have that
look on your face like of like where you just like like this is my moment it's like a i think we
might have even said out loud like trailer moment yeah a show that doesn't have a trailer um but
yeah it's one of those cheesy
lines that if you ever heard somebody say in real life you'd be like all right man yeah um
do you know anyone here you know i mean my buddies and my buddies at what that episode i mean the the
the hump off the diving board and maybe we talked about the hump off the diving board is
like a that's the one of the things where i'm like wish we could take that back it was a little
too ferocious right right right yeah um because we're writing the workaholics movie now for
paramount plus uh-huh and i went back and watched a bunch and i was like i feel like we did a pretty good job of like pushing the envelope.
But being like when we push the envelope about anything sexist, racist, chauvinist, we were making sure that our guys were dumb in that instance or like shining a light on like how ridiculous it is to think this way or be this way.
But that one, I think, got away from us a little bit right
like i and adam the character did what he was supposed to do it was really supposed to be like
they found a place on the top 10 meter to fuck because no one's up there and like he's having
sex and people see it and he's like yeah it's the best time in my life and I think he was supposed to like be holding on to her
hips as you do
and then let go to go like this
and still hit it and knock her off
yeah but Adam just
fucking like nailed her
off the 10 meter
and I remember watching it at a
bay and just going like
too much
well hilariously over the top right you laugh because
you're just shocked at the ridiculousness of it ridiculousness shout out it's on every day
all day on mtv rob dietrich who's worth more money than basis yeah and for good reason yeah um and now I watch it and I just go wish we got one more
it was just the hands going up and more of like a tumble off the not as intentional in the in the
in the push yeah not as in not as like I'm enjoying doing this to a person yeah yeah which I don't
think the Adam character has in him right right? It just played that way.
It just played that way because, again, Adam, Divine, the human,
the real person, he's more of an endomorph.
He's got a lot of meat down there.
He's got that ass power.
A lot of power, you know, and I think it just got away from him.
He's got to harness that.
That's a lot of responsibility.
Yeah, and sometimes you can't, you know.
But that actress
was super fun and funny yeah and we always i joked about you guys because you guys were working on
your show um and i was like are you quoting it yet and you're like huh and we always quote that
girl because she was like i'm just a girl who grew up in a small town with one stoplight
we would always run that line.
Be like,
I mean,
like,
where did you guys do that?
Where you grew up?
Cause in the writer's room,
you're like,
well, we played laser tag or ghost in the graveyard.
Did you guys do that?
And somebody would just be like,
I mean,
I'm just a girl from a small town,
one stoplight.
Cause she just killed that line.
I always put our ad.
We had,
you know,
we work with like people who don't know that they're in something sometimes.
We're trying to get men on the street stuff.
And sometimes you just get a psychopath.
And we had one dude who, and this won't be in it, so I think I can say it.
He came in with a voice that wasn't his actual voice.
After a while, he started talking with a New York accent, which he tried to hide.
And then he started talking about fighting people.
Oh, that's right.
He was like, punch me in the stomach. So I started socking him. And then he goes harder. And I hit him that's right he's like punched me in the stomach so i started socking him right and then it goes harder and i hit him
harder yeah and he's like no really hit me i put like he was solid you started using your core on
it i went like i tried to like joe frazier him i put all my power into it and then chad was about
to hit him and really didn't want to punch the stranger guy yeah he's like hit me bro right
there's and then i just remember ad walked in it was like before we did it he just goes i think we got it yeah and i always quote his him saying i think
we got it i think we got it yeah like the exact way stop the madness yeah and you don't want to
get sued that guy might have been hip to what was happening he might have smelled the cameras and
been like he knew he knew he was going to check real quick he was trying to be something for it
yeah oh it's kind of sucks that's the worst yeah yeah you want someone who's doe-eyed and kind of just being present right how do you guys
feel about that sometimes because i i love all the the prank style man on the street prank style
man on the street blend but like also like sometimes i'm like this person's not in on it right if they if they don't know what's
going on if they're like too naive because yeah because you guys do a great job of balancing where
and we we try to do this in a scripted way where we were always the dumbest people right that's
what we tried the jokes if as much as we can we try to sometimes you know someone says some crazy
shit and it's it seems like honest to they who they are all the time right and that they might not even be embarrassed if you don't keep it
in and and you do need that juice sometimes too but i think more often than not we try to make
it that the joke's on us and they're there to kind of like be an audience surrogate almost but
but you can't do that all the time sometimes you do get into that middle ground where you're like
this is like this person probably wouldn't love this but it's funny enough and it seems authentic enough that
you got to kind of roll with it yeah i mean and it's good you can't it's it's real you know i
mean like you can't script that kind of stuff so i think that is why people uh love your shit so
much just because it is like this weird window yeah i think i think if if we were if we were
much more like pointed
to where like they're we're gonna make this person look stupid right i wouldn't feel good about that
right and i don't want to give us too much credit too but i do think in most of our interactions we
go into the scene wanting to or whatever you call it wanting to like the other person right like
most of the time i'm not going in there being like i'm gonna make this person look like a fucking asshole right i'm like oh i hope when i talk to this person we he hangs himself yeah for
sure that too yeah you can sure that too but you know i think the best scenes are when you actually
click with someone those almost fly just as much as the scenes where someone's like right
a fucking asshat right yeah it's almost like a combo of like the weirdness,
but also showing the good side of humanity.
Yeah.
I think that's sort of the gold standard.
Yeah.
If you get a crazy person who's actually kind of cool,
that's the best.
Do you guys feel like,
because this is so like,
let's just keep talking about,
I'm workaholics.
We,
and I learned this from Bill Maher,
we'd promote from within
We would have background actors
That we would essentially kind of look for like real characters
right and that's where we found like jet set Hudson who became like a mainstay on the show and
at first you're like oh
yeah, this is funny like this guy's funny and you're playing along like oh, he's got like a
hilarious delivery But in a different way where you guys are spending the day with them eventually
we're spending like years with these people right and then they're like hey i can't come next week
like my father died or whatever and you're like oh this thing that we thought was cute and funny
and we would connect and like you know we were genuine gen genuinely giving
these people a shot because we thought what they brought to the show was funny even if they weren't
fully in on why we thought it was funny sometimes you know like jet set wanted to be a michael
jackson level entertainer right and he would go dance in ven on the weekends with his wild hair and crazy suits
and obviously just didn't have the talent
that Michael Jackson had,
but he had a thing that we thought we could harness
and put out there.
And at first we're kind of laughing at how he says it
and then you spend more time with these people
and then you are genuinely like
how's your weekend you good and then you start to tap into uh not the thing you were laughing at at
first but like you find a hybrid of like well this is actually like a strength we've discovered with
this person right even though they're not like fucking from juilliard or did sketch comedy for
years before they're just kind of like a wacky
person um and then it became less of like us kind of ringing them out for our benefit and going like
yo man and if you want to improvise on this one like do your thing and then you go oh fuck that
was kind of funny like yeah we didn't need to write some dumb off the wall thing for him to like make him say right like no say this this will be funny for you to say
yeah um and daniel stern of home alone city slickers fame rookie of the year fame was on
our show and he was like this guy's fucking unbelievable yeah because he wasn't like a
trained actor he was just a character who would say the fucking most hilarious shit.
He's a real person.
A real guy.
Well, some people when they go through, I feel like,
when they go through that theater pipeline,
and they might have like the best training and technical skills,
but they lose like a part of their authenticity in the process.
And when you get someone like that, who's just themselves,
right when you say go, I think that's always more exciting to watch
we were worried about getting flack for remember waymond he was the guy who just never talked like
short asian dude so his wife was like this hilarious woman who would always kind of like
boss wayman around because he was just kind of like a go with the flow guy and she was like
you know he needs to lose weight um and she had like a thick accent and one day she just like wait a minute, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no, no, get like in your face and be like and you're like whoa um this is amazing yeah and she was super funny about it and then we put it on the show and we watched it back and we were like
is everyone gonna think we were like hey asian lady here's some fans can you do like this thing
but like you know we found the thing that like she was already doing on like a hot day uh that
she did for like comedic effect.
And we were like,
this is gold.
Yeah.
And then I think there was like a talent show cold open that we did where
Adam's like trying to tell jokes and no one's laughing.
And then she gets up there and everyone's like,
Oh my God,
this is amazing with the fans.
And Adam starts like crying cause he just wanted to be the star of the
office.
But again,
just like
you know she was a background actor she wasn't like a trained actor she was somebody who was
just being authentic and then we you know early on in the seasons we're like oh let's try and
write something funny for these people but then you would just take the thing that they already
bring to the table like you're saying you look for hopefully well i think that's i think what would keep it from being like feeling like you guys just put someone in this like right position
that seems like obvious or something like that is that that's what we did to ourselves is that it's
real you can tell it's real and they're actually kind of good at it right and then when you you
want to like i think sometimes you'll see a joke like they're like oh this is like they're going
for this i'm just going to dismiss it but then you see the person in the moment you're like
oh they're actually fucking good at this and they're selling out on it and it's making the
show better yeah i love that stuff i think that's always if you can feel the person's passion for it
when they're doing it i think that keeps it from being which brings us back to shake that bear
right those people love fucking on that bear they came a bunch of times that was incredibly if they
didn't like it if you felt like they were just doing it to get clicks,
nobody would still be talking about it.
No.
They were doing it for love of the game, dude.
Can you imagine the smell of that bear, by the way?
Oh, it's so erotic, dude.
They shit themselves.
There's no better smell than fresh bear dung.
Like a wet bear.
They take fat shits. that's very i don't know
it's something just rocks your olfactory and just sticks your dick at attention yeah have you have
you had sex on any animals no um that's cool i mean humans are animals right oh that's true i guess yes so you've had sex with a person yeah um yeah it's crazy right that's cool um do you want to answer no go ahead no you go i was just
gonna say this is the lull well so we were gonna transition do you want to answer some questions
yeah all right cool but i like to when there's a lull... Just call it out? This is it.
Or just sit in it.
Yeah, it's nice.
I'm trying to get better at sitting in it, because I think it's real.
Yeah, it's fine.
Barrels or ragers?
What's up, my dogs?
What route should I go here?
Barrels in Costa Rica or ragers in Miami?
Oh, dude.
Barrels.
Okay, and this is barrels like surf barrels?
Or this is... Surf barrels, or this is surf barrels i believe okay
so his question is it's probably in hawko or something like that should i live here to surf
these barrels or should i move there to rage in miami i think these are both uh short-term trips
but you can play it either way and you can answer both here's what i'll say the waves are never gonna stop
but your nights um oh your nights they're fleeting that's true you could be 50 and go
down there and get some barrels in costa rica you know you might not paddle as hard and you
might not cut as deep but that's not what it's about but ragers in miami you're in your prime
for that yeah so take advantage of that window. Yeah. That's fire advice, dude.
Because I was going to go with barrels, but I didn't really think about it that way.
I guess my thought was barrels would potentially be more lasting memories.
But, I mean, you have a wild night in Miami.
It's true.
You guys have been to Miami, right?
It's my favorite city.
Just once, but it's epic.
Isn't it un-fucking-believable?
It's amazing.believable dude thank you
bro it's the best fucking dude you feel any street you walk on you're like a party is about to pop
off at any second it's amazing this is my this is my like assessment of miami and i get flack for it
but i don't fucking care i get a lot of flack guys um in a week in a weird way, Miami is what LA tries to be,
but it will never be.
There's too much self-consciousness here.
There's too much self-consciousness
because of the industry.
Miami is just fucking,
it's a sexy city.
It is,
it's got this nightlife.
LA,
there's a thing behind everything here there's nothing
behind miami as far as like there's no ulterior motive exactly no one's like oh i'm going to
party so i can meet this person right everyone's like dude i'm just trying to live my life
as fun as it can be look the best have the best time la thinks it's that but really you're looking
your best so that like someone can be like excuse me
do you model yeah like you want to be in a reality show um no we're all psychos here and in miami
they're psychos but it's all on the surface there's nothing more to learn and i remember i
got yelled at by somebody because a bar let out and i was like it was a tuesday night and i was
like what do you guys all do for jobs that like you're out till four in the
morning on a Tuesday?
Yeah.
This guy was like,
fuck you.
What do you do for a living?
And I was like,
no,
I'm not asking what you do.
I'm like,
I'm wondering how you're,
you guys are all friends and you're all out on a Tuesday at four in the
morning or whatever.
Like,
do you have work tomorrow or do you not work?
Or do you work on weekends?
They got a different kind of endurance there that I would put up against like
people who do Ironman challenges or marathons.
Like they can party every night there and they've like conditioned their
bodies to be able to handle it.
Our agent,
our old agent,
Andrew was from there.
That guy could go.
He could just go.
He has endurance.
Yeah.
The Latin aspect of it too makes it seem like it's another country. Andrew was from there. That guy could go. He could just go. He has endurance, yeah. New York, too.
The Latin aspect of it, too, makes it seem like it's another country.
Right when you get off the airport, you're like, I'm not an American.
Yeah, that's cool.
Well, the amount of how much...
I guess I just never expected a city in America to have that much water.
Right.
Like, tropical water around it.
Yeah.
And you go there, and you're like...
right like tropical water around it yeah and you go there and you're like you know it's like this is i went there and i was like this is something i expect to find like the caribbean
right right you know we took a boat to lunch yeah sick we took a fucking boat and then there's
there's sandbars that you can rage on shout out magic mike too first one first one i'm big on the magic mics yeah uh but i mean
i love florida i don't love florida it's good caveat
i love that section of miami though but miami is something else um it's beautiful man you know
florida's beautiful brother miami and like you can the hotel game
there is so on point like they're in the hospitality business yeah you know a lot like
vegas how it's like it's really dialed in whereas i feel like if you come to la some hotels are fine
but it's not like but again everyone's like i just work here because i can audition during the day or
i'm busy what there it's, this is a good gig.
I want to work here.
These hotels are primo.
And you can just get a beer at the pool
and then walk into the ocean with your beer
and walk back and it's just seamless.
People are content with where they're at.
Whereas here, no one's content with it.
No.
Dude, the Standard Hotel in Miami?
Never been.
Bro.
Hacienda style?
Yeah.
I'm a Delano guy. Is that the hotel hotel i stayed at the delano a few times it's a little like mature but like it's a good time you're a bellagio guy when
you go to vegas uh yeah i guess so i don't really go to vegas last time i went was with my family
at like the height of the they had just opened the doors and we were going to Mammoth,
but then there were fires.
So we had to leave.
And on the way home,
we were like,
maybe we drive to Utah.
And then we were like,
fuck.
And then it was too late.
So we just went to Vegas
and stayed at the Encore.
Great spot.
Amazing spot.
They fucking had it so dialed in.
I wrote,
I signed like 20 different contracts that was like i won't
sue you guys if i get covid kind of thing uh and then just got like a fucking banging breakfast
for the boys and uh we peaced out and went to this super sad lion sanctuary oh my like you
want sigford and roy contingent oh those are tigers those are tigers but these were supposedly like
the lineage of the mgm tiger at the beginning of really right yeah wow and they're just in like
chain link fence whatever this lady is feeding meat out of like a purse with her bare hands like
through the chain link they're just like and they every 10 minutes all the lines just start going
like communicating with each other like we gotta get the fuck out of here has anyone dug a hole
dude they're literally like watch more documentaries they'll take the lid off this
whole thing they will so take your kids to go see it before it's too late and then there's like one
giraffe in a barn that has like a runway that's
like 40 feet long that it just hoofs back and forth that's brutal yeah but they got my money
yeah dude i went to australia and went to the animal sanctuary like that and i swear like every
kangaroo was on tranquilizers they love it they love it you're like they're sitting there with
their balls like this one was just sitting there like spreading with his balls hanging out i'm like
this is not do they have like i like seeing your balls dude uh because
you're talking about their balls do you remember their dicks i don't remember their dicks i just
remember the balls isn't that crazy yeah no slack yeah i mean that's you know i feel like a kangaroo
what would you rather be known for your balls or your your dong my dick uh you're so mature i think that goes with that saying
i've never ever heard anybody be like you know he's a legend what do you mean he has like humongous
balls and everyone goes whoa my husband's hot he's got big balls like i got his dick like not much
you see the outline of his balls yeah no but dude what a
lady if she did love you for your balls yeah i've never been with a woman who was like you've got
great balls yeah and uh would that be a red flag or would that be a green flag green i think green
if right off the bat she's like she i just went like this like she's looking up at you like she's
got him she just, these are unbelievable.
It would just make me think she dated.
What would that even be?
It meant she dated a guy with weird balls before then.
We all can surmise, I think that's the word,
what a great dick is, right?
I got it in my head right now.
Women, you know what that is, right?
When you see it, you probably know it.
What would a great set of nuts even be i think they don't have like a ton of hang to them but they're long but they don't have but that's then that means they're not working correctly
is that true because i got long balls well that means they're working correctly okay i just mean
long balls look old sometimes they get like those like striations in the skin oh and i think you
want to have long balls but you want the skin to look like refurbished like you just hit it with like a
one of those circle white things that they chamois yeah or like i meant the one that's got the motor
on it that's got like the thing that they put on tables and right but like the turtle wax yeah you
know what the fuck i'm talking about well i guess that's the thing it's like you hear about a lot of great dicks but
how often do you hear about great balls well because i'm like i have good balls like yeah
you have good balls the like talk about it more dude the the gts amazing balls the ball swing
have you ever gotten a compliment on like the contact of your balls as they connect dude i wish i've like was i don't i'm not a
the way you describe adam's thrust which i totally respect it's a theatrical thrust although i do
know that in real life he he throws down hard i don't throw down that hard yeah from that position
right yeah yeah because i like eye contact and kisses for sure for sure i mean i guess yeah
maybe the people let us know like have there ever been like a set of nuts where you've been like whoa
those nuts are hitting it right like whoa that's like a nice bonus that's a nice name or is it
just kind of like yeah nuts hit but like you, you know, because it's a little extra stimulation, right?
So do we think this guy should go to Miami?
Yeah.
And if you meet someone special, swing those nuts and just throw it out there.
Go.
How about, how are my nuts?
Have fun in Miami, big bald bastard.
Yeah. Next question. Big bald bastard. Yeah.
Next question.
Paddle jockeys.
I have a beef of the year.
I've been dying to get out and I need some insight from the Sultans of Stoke.
I'm from Rhode Island where waves are few and far between,
but when they come,
you can feel the entire state Stoke meter blow through the roof.
The community gets amped to get together and enjoy the salt.
My beef is with the heavy influx of paddle boarders.
They came out of nowhere in the last four to five years and they're growing exponentially they can grab every halfway
decent ride before anyone horizontal on a traditional stick can even see it what's worse
there's no etiquette from any of these punks constantly dropping in and cutting people off
i get why it's happening for some elders in the tribe age has taken a hold and the t levels are
down for the count so there's no way for them to compete on a stick or they're lazy pricks who
don't want to tune their rigs to shred old fashioned being in between a couple
of paddleboarders is like having a fucking tapeworm.
My question is,
am I out of sorts for how,
for saying so many of these stoic thieves,
they look at me like I have five heads every time I try to draw out how
they're cramping the lineup.
Much love.
It's, it's, it's, I kind of zoned out at the beginning, how they're cramping the lineup. Much love.
I kind of zoned out at the beginning,
but he's talking about paddle boarders and taking away the stoke.
Yeah, I think that's a tough one.
I zoned out while I was reading it.
Yeah, sometimes I do that.
This sounds like,
and maybe this is a term that gets used in surfing,
but kind of like surf gentrification.
There's a specific community that's been here for a while.
Things have changed,
and now there's a broader community that's like,
I can go there too now, but my lifestyle is different,
and I'm bringing my new vibe.
And maybe the people who
were there before don't appreciate the vibe that's that's it's tough you know well it's there's that
it's like it's a new way to surf for you know especially older dudes and it's a new workout
and it's sort of popularized by laird hamilton right Right. The issue with it... That's surfer on surfer kind of...
Yeah.
And the issue with it is it's really, really big boards.
So it's probably like 11, 12 feet.
So if they're flying down a wave, that's going to hurt you.
Also, since they're such big boards, these dudes can catch the waves out way before anyone
with a short board can.
these dudes can catch the waves out way before anyone with a shortboard can so they're a little bit dangerous a little bit more dangerous and they're taking the best waves because they can
get on the first and so that's it's like a tough it's a really tough thing to to grapple with
because you're kind of like you know i don't want to you know you know these waves belong to god right you know they're owned
by god poseidon poseidon uh you know it's like i don't you know i can't claim these these are you
know owned by you know um yeah yeah but there's there's there's a certain etiquette like right
you know uh you got to earn your spot it's like a
public basketball court or anything else where it's like if you've been balling there for a while
you kind of get first dibs yeah and i think if the wave is is meant for a more high performance
surf then i think i think stand-up paddleboarders except except for Laird Hamilton, should take note of that and be like,
okay, this is probably meant for a short boarder to get barreled on
or to do a lot of turns on.
This is not meant for me to just go straight on.
So I think if they're really kind of getting in the way in that respect,
then I think you've got to say something.
you know, getting in the way in that respect,
then I think you've got to say something.
I mean, also, like, odds are you can punk them, right?
Yeah.
But who wants to get involved in that?
It's nice to try it.
See if you're the kind of guy who has the, you know,
it's not the normal dude who's good at punking people, but there are guys who have that skill set.
And I think if you do, those people are valuable.
Like, they self-police and regulate these little ecosystems right you need those guys
but if that's not you i say hey if the one guy's going to miami you go to costa rica
here's how old is this guy do we know i'm gonna guess 22 right what you gotta do
is make real good friends with the high schoolers and the high schoolers who are
servers they know they're dealing with the same shit but they got nothing to lose right and
they're crazy they'll do anything right this is smart these are the same kids who like throw rocks
at cars and then just run away do you know how much damage you can do if you throw a rock at a
car as a as adults we know that's super fucked up but in high
school we all probably did it i as an adult i've never sorry so recruit these high school kids
to do all your dirty work because it's going to benefit them it's going to benefit you
they have nothing to lose and everything to gain that's brilliant dude is there anything more scary
than like a jacked high school kid is there anything scarier
than a group of high schoolers nothing if i'm ever like walking past a cold stone creamery
and i see like eight to twelve high school kids all together i'm like please do not throw an
entire ice cream at me please don't fuck me because they will they will they'll film it
it's and there's the stakes could not be higher.
They could go viral for something like that.
Yeah, now they're getting rewarded for it.
Exactly.
Dude, yeah.
Dude, especially if I'm with a lady and we walk by a group of high schoolers, I'm just
like, knuckle up, dude.
Anything could happen at this point.
What would you do?
A friend of mine used to do this when we were really young and we'd be driving past an older
couple. It'd be like a guy and a girl walking and we'd be driving past like an older couple
he would it'd be like a guy and a girl walking he'd be
like yo man you hitting that shit
because he knew
the guy's fucked
he can't be like you know it
because then she'd be like what are you doing
that was gonna be my answer
unless your girl's like a ride
or die like yeah fuck you oh
right if it's early on in the thing yeah i'm fucking him yeah motherfucker yeah um hey you
hitting that shit when she lets me that's a good answer nice uh or you know you could do you go you
talking to me or her that's good that's really good she hits that yo you hitting that yeah are you talking to me or her
and then they go this guy was cool yeah that's they crash they die dude that's always the best
scramble them a little bit you get in the wallet to take their money and you run off
and and the girl you were she doesn't question any of this part you know
um sounds cool yeah high school kids are crazy like get the fucking youngsters on board be
like what's with these fucking paddleboarders somebody needs to slash the tires just start
saying all this stuff because i think last time i was on here i talked about my homie who grew up
in palace verdes and they knew the route to the route that everyone who they knew walked down the
cliff to get to the surf there and if they saw somebody going down a everyone who they knew walked down the cliff to get to the surf there.
And if they saw somebody going down a different route,
they knew they weren't local.
They would all go to fucking shore and go,
get the fuck out of here
or we're going to bust your fucking board,
which is not cool.
But guess what?
It works.
This is just what it is.
It's the job done.
It's that's,
I'm not saying like that's the right thing,
but that surf culture
um there are limited waves in a way you know because you don't want every fucking
beach to be what is it dana point where there's just a thousand dudes out there
i guess you know i was talking right yeah that's where i played volleyball
the one time i met crazy out there the one time i met ryan sheckler he was like yeah a lot of people try to you know cut me off and i'm like
you don't own these waves god does and that stuck with me yeah sheckler's a beast dude he's a beast
are you guys ready for the next part of the pod but god owns the waves but like the community
owns the beach right and if you use that beach if
you want to paddle from wherever the fuck town you're from all the way there
be my guest but if you want to use our beach to get out to God's waves you
better be paying taxes respect dog you know i mean respect neptunius it is heavy it's real bro next question i feel like that
saves the day like don't get involved get little crazy fucking kids yeah little fuckers dude oh
i'm operational this is what i was saying i was gonna say for the pot i just watched the um
uh not ed hardy the von dutch documentary dude i watched i watched the first episode and
that young the dude who grew up to be like a gangbanger who was like also a surfer and shit
yeah find that kid yeah to go do some wild shit yeah and then reap the bennies tell them that
these dudes are fucking with god's waves yeah those kids are amazing fearless i don't know who put that in
fearless hard bodies with nothing lose i had a buddy like that in high school eddie codeine
dude he ended up no dude and he was crazy wait sorry codeine was like his legit last name oh
really and dude he had yeah no it wasn't a nickname. That is heavy. And then he had sex with our Spanish teacher.
Nice.
By the way, of course he did.
It made sense.
I wasn't even that surprised.
But dude, she was like in her 70s.
Whoa.
Hey, dude, of course she was.
Of course.
He ended up getting her pregnant.
In her 70s?
In her 70s.
He was potent, this kid.
Now you got to stay with her.
Just to ride it out and see what happens.
They kept the kid because she didn't have any kids.
She kept the kid.
She ended up dying of old age.
And he fucking stepped up.
No one expected this from Cody.
He stepped up, raised the kid.
And then now that kid.
It's Timothy Tallamy.
Close.
Kids going to the Winter Olympics this year. Really? Shut the fuckame close kids going to the winter olympics this year
really shut the fuck up i swear to fucking god skeleton i don't want to give it away because
then people oh people listen yeah well but you know what though that's gonna be like the story
they run with no i think they might tell the story because they went uh who's the skater who's like
off the charts who actually had a kid no he's older, but he had a kind of a bad Olympics,
but he's one of the best of all time.
Nigel?
Yeah.
And his background is...
Pretty nuts.
Turbulent.
Yeah.
Right?
And they kind of told the whole fucking story,
which I don't think I've ever seen them be like,
let's really tell the whole story.
Yeah.
And it made it more interesting.
So maybe they'll...
Yeah, keep your eyes...
Bob Costas will be fucking...
I would love that.
Bob Costas is a beast in broadcasting.
I would love to see him...
What does a 70-year-old lady fuck like?
And he got her pregnant.
He was that potent, dude.
Wow.
So she's got to be
one of the oldest ladies ever
to have a baby.
That's what they said, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
They.
That's what they said.
Yeah.
They always say shit like that.
I remember after he knocked
her up we were like just so amped on it we were just like coding how the fuck did you do that
and he was like a guy or peripheral guy in your crew yeah i mean i wasn't like cool enough to
run with him or dangerous enough but i i did give him his daps when he when he superseded nature and
and uh coding put a little fucking dynamic you said his last name so yeah oh yeah i bet coding has
great balls he's not on social media because he says he doesn't want people to know where he's at
yeah yeah like in life yeah he just is like i prefer to be he didn't use the word enigmatic
but that's what he meant he's a mystic uh i wonder what he thinks about the waves if
they're gods or not definitely thinks they're gods he believes in god hardcore without a doubt
he's one of those he's got four cross tattoos on his body that's just a square that's just that's
just tic-tac-toe one on each arm one on his chest and one on his back i could see he's surrounded
because he says he never wants to be surprised he wants to have God on all sides in case he gets attacked.
Dude, huge.
That's huge.
By the way, we're judging.
If your last name is Codeine, you're getting four cross tattoos.
I want to get a tattoo that says ally on my shoulder.
Ally?
Yeah.
Because I feel like I'd never lose an argument that way.
Like if anyone doubted my bona fides, I'd just go, what now, dog?
But then he would we go so you
got a tattoo they would say that for sure all right i won't get it because you just said here
i'm gonna get this tattoo to win every argument they might even pull this fucking clip people
don't do shit like that oh yeah and then in the future they'll like sync it up to the uh because
we're all gonna be going to drive in movies because movie theaters are gonna close down
they're gonna put it up there and everyone's gonna start honking at you like
fuck you fuck dude maybe take back all those texts i sent you about the tattoo dude delete that shit
ally i don't know i think maybe um change your name to ally what's your middle name thomas yeah that's gotta go yeah it's kind of whack anyways right but then jt
ja ja kind of better not worse dude i wish my name was ja ja rule see everybody calls you
dirge yeah that's sick yeah it's weird i mean it's it was like my neighborhood nickname growing up kind
of thing and then um like the dudes from workaholics heard my homies say it and they were
like what do you call him and they're like ders and you go oh okay um because who wants to say
anders um and also it's just easier to figure out if it's anders or anders or whatever um but then
putting out on the show and then i'm out in public and it's like ders to figure out if it's Anders or Anders or whatever. But then putting it on the show, and then I'm out in public,
and it's like, Ders.
You're like, yeah.
I could see you saying, welcome to God's waves.
Welcome.
I was going to say, welcome to surf camp.
Because I feel like he'd be like a camp counselor at a surf thing.
But like every real surfer thinks he's like a fucking dork.
So here's how surfing is. And then when they leave camp they're like oh that guy was like my surf
camp counselor and he's just like a fucking tool yeah um i could see would you play god in a movie
if they were like yo you gotta play god sure yeah i got no qualms about that like you know they're paying would you play i think i would
play god is insecure oh i mean i i let i let the page kind of dictate um you know i i i look at
myself as an actor like i'm um you know not to be like that cliche but like i'm the paint kind of
thing what do you want me to do i know you want the words to
come out of this body because you think this body is the right the right vessel for this um and i'll
say it a few times my way uh but if you want me to i don't even like line readings i don't care
yeah hey can you say it like this i can that's dope dude that's really like the right way to
appreciate like you're like a part of a greater piece of art and you just want to fulfill your role within that that's cool yeah
because what do i care um who cares that's a really artistic approach you know i think people
sometimes let ego get in the way it's it's hard yeah to just be like and it seems like something
you value is eliminating ego and things well i I feel like there's a level of like,
I always talk about this with my wife or whoever,
like control is like such a huge driving force in people's lives.
And to be someone who's like, I don't do line readings,
tells me like you have control issues.
Where you're like, I need this to be exactly the thing I want it to be.
And it's like,
cool.
Enjoy your non-growth,
you know,
like,
and by the way,
you might nail it and they might use that take,
but also you might be doing shit that they're like,
we can't use this.
This is embarrassing.
Now we have to cut an entire scene.
Jamie.
And so like,
do it.
And by the way,
if you're a director or whatever,
let people do it a few ways. And if you have a different way that you want to see it just ask for it and if the actor tells you to fuck off fuck that actor you know and if you're
an actor you should be like did you have anything that you wanted to see out of me and if you're
not getting it that's also weird to me if you don't have a director who's like giving any kind of suggestion about like
dude do one that's just off the rails or like okay that was great will you do one that's just like
so straightforward or like matter of fact and you go matter of fact is that gonna work they don't
know you don't know just fucking try it get the options yeah and see what fits yeah just let go
i love and let god's waves wash over you dude it's god's way you can tell the director
that's god's way yeah i guess i guess i'd probably if you'd be talking about line reading i don't
know yeah but that's funny if you're working with a christian actually be like yo god told me that
you should do it this way brother dude so i just worked in alabama uh on this movie and the local hires for like two hours would be cool and normal
and then slowly they'd be like yeah i just uh i did four movies last year you're like fuck dude
you're killing it are you local down here in alabama and they're like yeah it's been really
busy down here i'm like what other movies are filming down here in alabama and they're like yeah it's been really busy down here i'm like what other movies are filming down here in alabama and then they name four movies you've never heard of
starring people you've never heard of and then you go yeah sorry i just it was that like a straight
to was that like an hbo max or like where would i see that and they're like these are uh christian
movies and you go oh okay yeah yeah god yeah the broken road yeah and you're like these are uh christian movies and you go oh okay yeah yeah god missed
the broken road yeah and you're like he like lost her husband in iraq and then found god and right
powering through and um and then as soon as that cat's out of the bag they start going for you and
like this one dude i felt so bad for him he was like pushing this vitamin package that like they,
that the church says like, Hey, if you want to sell these vitamins,
you can make some money, but it's clearly like a pyramid scheme.
And he's like, I lost 32 pounds in six months.
Just you, I didn't change anything.
Except I went for more walks and I stopped eating this and this.
And then I just took this vitamin and I was like, well,
how many nights a week were you eating that thing?
And he was like, almost every day.
And I go, well,
do you think maybe like not eating the ice cream or the fried chicken or
whatever the fuck he was talking about?
Almost every day I had something to do with it.
And like getting out and power walking for the first time in 10 years had
anything to do with it.
It was like,
I mean,
they could,
but also the, this,
the stuff in these vitamins,
you're like,
all right,
man,
may the Lord be with you.
Do you engage or do you just kind of like nod?
And then you're just like,
let's get through it.
I'm pretty like,
um,
that's not what did it,
dude.
Oh,
so you really say it.
Yeah.
Like,
you know,
like I was like,
you just
want to be straightforward with people you don't want to go like okay and then um wink to the other
person who hears something thinking it's crazy and going like uh yeah i would love to buy some
so like what's your favorite flavor and then just take somebody on a walk because that's icky
i don't want to be that guy i'd rather be be like, dude, this isn't a pyramid scheme. And have them go, no.
And maybe they denied it first, but then you kind of help them realize it is.
And look, that's not my job.
But I don't want to sit there being pyramid schemed.
If he's going to do that to me, I feel like I got the freedom to tell him,
hey, man, this is weird.
That's integrity.
I like that.
Yeah.
I don't know.
No, I like it.
I really respect it.
Yeah.
We talked music, too.
He likes, oh, my God, this guy was like nicest dude ever, by the way.
Good guy.
Not a bad person.
But he was an adult.
And he was like, you know, music's just not good anymore.
And I'm like, I like quite a bit of music that's coming out.
And he's like, yeah, but have you heard that song?
What?
And he goes, what?
And I go, why are you whispering?
What are you saying?
And he goes, what?
I'm like, gesticulated down here
and I'm like you're going on
maybe 50 year old man
just say wet ass pussy dude
you'll be fine
nothing's gonna happen
like you're not a bad person
if you say it
it's the name of the song
it's the name of the song
like it's not derogatory
right you're not like quoting the n-word in a rap
song different issue this is just uh words anyone can say you're an adult man what is happening
in your mind in your brain that you're like
yeah just fucking say it but i feel like the he's super religious guy and he's just like
if i say this next thing you know,
I'll be fucking turning tricks.
What do you think he thinks would happen?
I don't know.
What would he even be wrong if he was turning tricks?
Like, make a living, dog.
Make your living, dude.
He might have a nice set of nuts on him.
He might be making some bank.
He might want to do that.
That might be the life that was like
what he's actually seeking.
I don't know.
I felt bad for him. But then I also, the flip side of that is that I'm like, am
I such a degenerate that I'm like, wet ass pussy, just say it.
You know, it's fun to be in that spot too when you're with a prude and you're like,
oh, I can really like, hey, I can say pussy.
Yeah, I don't know.
When did you start saying the F word?
When did that enter your lexicon?
Super early.
I had a friend whose parents didn't care what movies we rented.
And it was just like...
What a godsend those parents are.
My parents were like, no, obviously you can't watch Robocop.
You're seven or whatever.
That was a little later in high school.
I'm watching Animal animal house and um
you know eddie murphy raw i remember watching super early funniest i like it more than delirious
that one hit me more when i was young too yeah yeah and my brother i remember watching ron just
like what the fuck so like i want to say in like first and second grade we were swearing so much
and a friend of mine it was like he he had this moment where like as an adult,
you're like, I got to stop drinking.
He was like, dude, I got to stop swearing.
It's getting out of control.
That's a first grader.
Yeah.
I remember being like, what?
You know.
He was just saying fuck every other word.
Yeah.
He's like, I swear too much, dude.
It's just fucking like, I got to like stop, you know?
And like looking back, I i was like who fucking cares
but like that was a friend of mine who like was setting parameters for himself smart mature kid
yeah and maybe like i could have been like on board with that and set my own parameters
on different issues later in life you know right it was a good lesson to learn i'm grateful for
friends like that did you guys swear early early. And I remember people who didn't, where I'd be like, just swear.
And they'd go like, I don't.
It was like smoking weed or drinking, where it's like, dude, just have a sip of beer.
I don't drink.
Cut to four years later, they're a senior or junior in high school, and they're like,
oh, you drank now?
And they're like, well, whatever.
It is nice being the first one out the gate where you're like, yo, I was in fifth grade,
and my parents partied pretty hard, and I had friends and i was like we do like the dare pledge
yeah and it'd be like i will never smoke pot and i would not say it i would skip it and do the rest
of it and be like i won't do opiates or something dare i was a little fucked up kid i wasn't like um
trouble or whatever like i was just like i didn't give a fuck. I wasn't like disruptive in like breaking the law and shit.
Like maybe a little bit,
but like,
um,
I just didn't give a fuck.
I didn't care.
No,
I wasn't like the,
what the smart Alec kid who like had it figured out.
I just was lazy and didn't give a fuck.
And like,
you know,
um,
I was looking for attention probably. Right. I'm like a youngest of three boys kind of thing and uh i got i like so i seemed like wayward where people
like you seem like you're from like a good family whatever like what the fuck's going on
you seem wayward and i got the like medal that they give to like the one kid in the dare class who they want to
like say embodies it right yeah or who least embodies it yeah they were like and I knew it
they're like the next awards for someone who we see potential in right who doesn't need to go a
certain way and I remember being like I'm about to get this fucking award. I can't fucking believe it.
They're going to give it to me?
Meanwhile, we have like
gangs at our school,
like kids who are like...
You got like a murderer next to you?
Yeah, like I mean,
there was at least one murderer
at my high school every year.
Now I'm talking middle school when Dare was.
But like, you know,
kids who were carrying guns to school who got like sent home and shit like there were kids who like definitely needed it more
than my ass who's like i'm late to swimming i don't care um but i knew i was gonna get it and
then she said my name and i was just like this is fucking insane like i'll be okay i think i'll be
all right maybe they knew those other kids were too far gone
don't you can't think that way no you got to protect those dudes yeah they always got a
chance you got to hear them at least yeah you know they might not even need your protection
but they need to they need your ear that's real all right you guys ready when did you ever say
the effort in front of your parents do you say it now uh now i do casually but my dad is like he was always like homeboys
don't swear do we you know and then you just have to like lie to his face like no i know i don't he
still does that he doesn't know i mean i do remember i came home from college for like holiday break and had a buddy over.
And my dad, for the first time I ever heard him swear,
I was drinking a beer with him.
I guess we were 21 at this time because I couldn't drink in front of him like younger than that.
And me and my buddy are standing there and my dad just goes,
you know, can't shit shitter.
And I was like, what? And he goes know can't uh shit shitter and i was like what he goes can't bullshit you
can't bullshit a bullshitter and i was like and my buddy just nods his head like yeah for sure
and i was like this is the first time i've ever heard my dad swear like was it awesome
uh were you like no it was also it's like the first time you see your dad
cry where you're like the dog died and he's like we're gonna miss her and you're like dude what's
happening right this is weird um but it just like obviously like went right over my buddy's back
was like yeah dad swear like my dad your dad just swe, but I was like in this moment.
And, you know, my mom would swear a little bit.
She would get your fucking ass downstairs.
Now you gotta get to school.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
That's nice.
She would hate that I said that.
Oh, we can cut it.
Yeah.
No, no, no. Is that all right?
She doesn't listen.
No offense.
She's not a stoker?
No.
What does she listen to?
I don't know if it still exists but she listens to prairie
home w-n-u-a 95.5 and if you're from chicago and you're of a certain age you know that that's like
the smooth jazz radio station nice yeah all right she sounds hip a little like kenny g like shot a station
love shot yeah no she's not a prairie home companion uh type i married a prairie home
companion type and i the whole npr thing is such a mind blower to me i've never listened to it
i loved it for a couple years but i can't i can't go back it It's unbelievable. Like the tone and my sister-in-law
works on Terry Gross.
So like we're in.
Getting that fresh air.
And shout out, Molly.
And the tone of NPR
is so different
than anything I grew up with
because it's just so,
I don't know what it is.
It's so precious.
It's so precious.
It's so, I don't know. it is so precious it's so precious it's so i don't know i can't describe it isn't life interesting in a very non-high stakes way
yeah it's throw it on on like your next long drive it's like jarring to me and like the men
all have very kind of like old-fashioned they have a no no like kind of like a higher register
they're nasally it's like a higher register where, no, no. Like kind of like a higher register.
It's like a higher register where it's like,
it's like definitely not like a guy who's on like AM radio.
Right. Who's got like a dupe booming,
like manly voice.
And I'm delivering the news.
It's Ira Glass.
It's like,
it's that one,
but like one,
we go to a school.
Yeah.
It's very gentle and listening to it's fine.
And I have my,
my favorites, but it just is like
this this world that you know half of this country is listening to or whatever that i just never had
exposure to that many people listen to it i mean yeah those shows those should like this american
life yeah they kill it those shows hit yeah and there's good stuff but for me it was nice because
it was a departure from the bro culture i was a part of right but then after a couple years of it i was like not yeah they got
me with like she got me with like wait wait don't tell me and that is good it's really click it
click and clack when they were alive was it click and clack right i don't know that one the car guys
it's like just two you call and you go wasn't that one just called Car Talk? Car Talk, thank you. And you call in and you go,
I got a car, a 91 Saab.
And they're like, oh, beautiful.
And then they're like, just make the noise.
And then you make the noise.
So it's kind of funny to hear these people
step out of the show and go,
it's more like a ca-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga.
And they're like, oh, it's a carburetor.
And they tell you what it should cost,
how fucked you are,
if you need to take care of it. And that was kind of fun. The wit's high level on all those things, too. When I listen to Wait, Wait, how fucked you are, if you need to take care of it.
And that was kind of fun.
The wit's high level on all those things, too.
When I listen to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me,
I'm like, damn, is this not written?
I'm like, these people are...
Yeah.
Do you know Wait, Wait?
I don't know any of this shit.
Wait, Wait is like a current events
kind of game show that has on
stand-up comedians.
Like Paula Poundstone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like some sophisticated San Francisco comedians.
Yeah. And they ask questions
you have like time and like hence wait wait wait wait don't tell me um and then they have like
people call in and they are competing against the people that are there every week it's good
program npr just give it a whiff all right we're about to dive into the manscape stories how many submissions
we have we have a few we have these are our top three so we had several but then we had our
our dude jack sift through them and these were the three that he picked as the best manscape stories
sweet so these have been vetted and what is the winner of the of the comp get i think they get a
performance package 4.0 whoa that's the law you get the lawnmower you get the ball of the of the comp get i think they get a performance package 4.0 whoa that's
the law you get the lawnmower you get the ball deodorant the crop reviver ball toner body wash
cologne weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer i mean your pubes you're taking such good care of
your balls dude it's gonna be epic so cool mans. Patterson. I'm a 25-year-old and fell in love with manscaping from the days when I started sprouting little pubes.
I'm also a redhead, ginger, or fire crotch, as they so call them.
I'm also a very hairy man, which he spelled like the name Harry.
My pubes are wiring out of control if left untamed.
My favorite manscaping story comes from the inspiration of The Lion King.
if left untamed.
My favorite manscaping story comes from the inspiration
of The Lion King.
After watching it
with my GF in high school,
I knew that lion's mane's color
resembled my pube color.
So what did I do?
I trimmed the edges
into a nice circular shape.
I got rid of the dangly strays.
I made my dong a lion's mane.
Nice.
It was awesome.
I also left some longer
on the edge
and twirled them up
to appear like a tail.
It was legendary to see my dong become a ferocious lion with my shiny red pubes I was self-conscious of.
It was liberating.
No one laughed at me in the locker room after that.
I was known as the lion's mane.
Dude, what a great story.
I'm trying to envision like a lion's mane dong.
Does it look like a big goatee?
It's hard not to picture the lion's face instead
of the dick yeah it's hard to see the lion's mane with a dick for a face yeah lion king is a great
movie though yeah uh you know what dude just send us the photo of what it looked like so i can better
understand yeah also i love that he turned the tide of the locker room yeah like he came in one
day and everyone was like all right this guy is the king this is epic this guy's the man yeah
he's gonna turn pride rock back to green because the king is responsible for the fertility of the
land manscape story from jackson cats nice cool name what's up dudes hope you guys are having a
blessed day for some weird reason my horn game has never been lower my girlfriend broke up with Nice. Cool name.
Means jacking off. Feels like we're rounding a corner soon. Listening to the pod has been helping us get the wheels back on track. Anyway, I was hooking up with my girlfriend on New Year's.
I recently shaved my pubes for this occasion and was using an old razor.
By accident, I cut my bad boy.
I hate the blood stories.
And I had to put one of those circle band-aids on him.
We're at the Rager Super Horny.
We went upstairs.
The room was pitch black, and I just didn't tell my girlfriend about it.
Once we're finished and turn on the lights, it looked like the red wedding.
Blood was everywhere.
We're both utterly shocked.
We looked around, realized it was the parents' bedroom.
I put the sheets in my backpack, and we left. I felt bad for taking their sheets, but I didn't want anybody to touch those again.
It's a good story.
Yeah, thanks for writing in.
Brutal.
I mean, the one time
bringing a backpack to a party
actually worked out.
Yeah, dude, good call.
Okay, you can refer to me
as Bo and Her.
I know, confusing subject line,
but it might make sense.
Also, no blood, don't worry.
Nice.
Nice.
My beautiful wife and I
got home from my parents' house
like three weeks ago,
and she suggested we watch Gladiator and do some massages uh hell yeah babe i had even that's what
he wrote i had even just trimmed up earlier that day while she was at work massages trim nuts
gladiator perfect storm let's just say things got hot and heavy like a fresh double double animal
style extra animal anyway i forgot to pull out until it was too late fast forward three days
and my wife is feeling unwell we waited about a week and got an early pregnancy test and lo and
behold it was deaf positive whoa mind you we were both 24 and have huge dreams to travel and stuff
before we have kids we eventually got stoked on the name on the idea of naming our kid maximus
decimus meridius sick a few days ago to our shock and honestly our relief she miscarried there's a lot
of blood in the story now the point the power of manscaping is real sure gladiator probably played
a huge role in us getting super hot and heavy but i attribute the failed conception the fact
that we were both freshly groomed i think babies know if you're still manscaping you're not ready
to be a dad moral of the story don't manscape if you want to get a girl pregnant no um congrats i guess and uh also listeners don't don't take any of this as any
no no no that that took a massive turn yeah and the medical or the the advice was like really not on point yeah you can get a girl
pregnant yeah the condom's the thing you got to wear a condom yeah yeah and you know it's good
if they're on some contraception as well yeah did you also say they were at one of their parents
houses i think that was the earlier guy right was? Was this guy at his parents' house, too? Yeah. Damn.
Making babies at the same place where you got made into a baby?
Jack, these were the three best.
Plus?
Well, I don't think you'd take a pregnancy test a week after having sex.
Yeah, doesn't that take... You have to miss a period first.
She might be pregnant.
No, I mean, she probably just had her period, and they're like, oh, it's a miscarriage.
Oh, right.
Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
Interesting.
Yeah, three days seemed, like, quick.
I think we're going to give it to the...
Who do you think we're going to give it to?
The Lion's Mane?
The Lion's Mane guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, reach out, baby.
Respect.
Yeah.
Manscaped, 4.0, guys.
Woo!
Best in the business.
All right.
Let's go.
Hope you guys enjoyed the episode with Anders.
We got part two coming up next week.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Aaron, we missed you.
Yeah, it was tough, man.
I miss being here, man.
Could you have done five hours?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was, yeah, I was, my wife probably would have hated it, but yeah.
Nice. I would have had the stamina., yeah. I was, yeah, I was, my wife probably would have hated it, but yeah. I would have had the stamina.
Hell yeah.
Maybe when Strider comes in this week, we'll go for six.
That'd be huge.
All right.
All right.
Where do you think this is going to be in the episode?
Do we go back to the show?
I was going to put it at the end, but it's up to you.
What do you think?
Oh, nice.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
Guys, enjoy Anders next week.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. I don't know. Aaron, who's your best? Strider. Joe, what's your best?
Chad, what is your beef of the week?
Aaron, who's your best?
Strider.
Joe, what's your best?
Chad, what is your beef of the week?
Aaron, who's your best?
Strider.
Joe, what's your best?
Chad, what is your beef of the week? Aaron, who's your quarter lead? Chad, what is your lead for the week?
Aaron, who's your leader?
Stryer, what is your legend lead?
Joe, what's your quarter lead? Last to wash. Thank you. I'm a strider. Joe, what's your question? Bye.