Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 248 - Strider Wilson and Chris Parr Join (Villain Draft)
Episode Date: July 20, 2022What up stokers! This week we draft our favorite movie villains.  Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code [GODEEP] at Manscaped.com. That’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and u...se code [GODEEP].  Visit athelticgreens.com/godeep for a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.
Transcript
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what's up stokers before we begin this podcast i want to let you know that we got new tour dates
coming out at challenge.com we're going to be in hawaii nashville new york north carolina
south carolina all these good spots.
Check out the ticket links to chatat.com
and see if we're coming to a city near you.
Throw on Jimmy World and watch Aaron cream.
Oh, wait, I wrote it differently.
Throw on Jimmy World and look out for Aaron's load.
What's up, Stokers?
Just in case you were confused.
Yeah, just in case. There's two types of words, cream and load. What's up, Stokers? Just in case you were confused. Yeah, just in case.
There's two types of words, cream and load.
You know that both are going to be prevalent in today's episode.
What's up, Stokers of Stoke Nation?
This is Chad Kroger coming in with the Going Deep with Chad and JT podcast.
I'm here with my compadre, Jean-Thomas.
What up?
Boom clap, Stokers.
And we are here with the...
Damn it, I didn't think of anything.
We are here with the...
The lick of the gooch.
Ooh.
Strider Wills.
Believe me, I definitely...
I, much like a Londoner, I mind the gap.
And you better believe that gooch gets...
And we're here with the patriarch of the party
Chris Parr. What up?
What up?
That might be my favorite
title you've ever
given Chris and you've given him many good ones
because Chris is a legend and he's been a
shroom sherpa for me.
And I gotta tell you
five star review.
If you're ever thinking about doing shrooms and you can get Chris there
do it
pleasure is all mine
Chris was the best literally
we were all laughing because we were like
bullying one of our friends because he wasn't drinking
we're like oh you want water
we're like let's waterboard him
and then Reggie one of our buddies is like we're torturing
our friend and I just started like
really laughing so hard.
And I look over at Chris and he just goes, dude, it was amazing.
That's a visual gag.
I'm sorry for listeners.
But if I could make an audio term, it would be like, didn't I tell you?
Well, we got a big pod today.
Yeah, we're doing a draft.
And we're drafting our favorite movie villains of all time.
It's a tough one. one bro here's the thing i'm so stoked for this because every list is gonna rip so hard
i'm really stoked for the honorable mentions in this one yes there are so many good ones it's
gonna be so fucking sick every list is gonna rip especially mine let's fucking go and what are you drinking bro this is a blue claw dude
this is a higher abv claw so i have a problem no it's uh it's just a little more bang for your
buck chris and i were talking about it not as much sugar you just get a little quick buzz you know
it's like a bud light platinum correct whoa so this is a bud light plan you know that's fitting
for this episode because that's the villain a fruit smash whoa yeah but here's the thing they didn't resign you guys
so fuck you fruit smash whoa hey i said it not you guys but you can edit that i guess that's
your choice sorry balls in your court boys we're live oh all right hey i didn't know that
yeah we're instagram live in the intro yeah all right should we uh
i still drink for might have holstered it might have holstered it i think they'll like that people
like it when you're a little bit rude to them yeah yeah especially i mean they're dank they're
dank yeah i've actually found when you're like we've been like we did a poy review and we weren't like full.
What was our Pokey system again for rating?
Oh, Puka shells.
Yeah, we didn't give them all the Puka shells and they reached out.
It made them like us more.
It's integrity.
You have honesty.
You're not just yes men.
Yeah, people like that.
So fruit smash.
Yeah, fuck you.
Oh, let's go, baby.
He doubles down.
He's just got my back.
Now they'll pay us double next year.
That's how you got to do this stuff.
All right.
Odds or evens, boys?
We know how this goes.
I know how the game goes now.
Oh, you do?
It took me like 10 goes rounds.
Couldn't tell.
That's not that many.
All right.
One, two, three.
Oh.
Fourth pick, Chris.
That's not bad for this draft, bro.
I like that.
All right. One, two, three. Oh. Oh, who's strider? That's not bad for this draft, bro. I like that. All right.
One, two, three.
Oh.
Oh, Strider, you might get the first pick.
Dang it.
I don't want the first pick this time, dude.
I'm so grateful to have one of the top two picks.
Oh, so now we go rock, paper, scissors.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Well, yeah, you know what?
I'll be fine.
It's just one, right?
I've never been this far.
Yeah, it's just one.
Okay, here we go.
I've had number one like two straight, so this will be-
I hope you get it.
Is it rock, paper, scissors, shoot? Yeah. Do you want I hope you get it. Is it rock, paper, scissors, shoot?
Yeah.
Do you want to call it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, number one pick.
Wow.
This is death.
Boys, let me pull up my list.
Just so you know, I'm not checking Instagram.
If I'm looking at my phone for anyone watching, even though I'm addicted, I'm just checking my list.
Fucking the Santa of this draft.
Here we go.
Give the boys time to check their list.
I sent myself an email with villains on here.
Wow, this is hard.
I have a crowd pleaser, but I'm going to go with something.
You know I'm a period piece guy.
I like a period piece.
This performance is an all-time performance when it comes to me for a
villain.
Typically I like someone's point of view and,
and,
or excuse me,
that their,
their point of view is built in,
but the means by which they execute that as villainous and therefore evil.
This guy is pure evil and he's so good at his fucking job.
It's terrifying.
He's so cultured.
So for some reason you love him and it makes you hate part of yourself while viewing it.
He really makes this film.
Inglourious Bastards.
I have to go with Hans Landa, Christoph Waltz.
Nice one.
He speaks so many languages.
The performance is so built in.
And I'm a period piece guy.'m a world war ii guy yeah it's look it's hard the first pick and this is tough but
hans landa um aka the jew hunter uh pretty evil title um really the nazis i mean can we think of
a more evil group of people and he's the most
efficient one of them uh yeah dude and also i mean that first scene in glorious bastards that
when he i remember seeing that when he first does his switch you know he's all polite and stuff and
then he does the he's such like a he's such a psycho because he does that switch where he
all of a sudden you see the evil and you're like, oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. You know, part of what I think makes it so effective too
is that that was most people's first introduction to Christoph Waltz.
So we didn't know him as anybody else.
Like we never seen him as like a loving father
or as like, you know, a bedraggled office worker.
Like that was it.
And so you're like, he could completely be that character in your mind
without any sort of other performances muddling it.
So true.
Yeah.
You like, you truly don't think, and the way he speaks so many languages, his, the performance of the character and the character, the way it's written, just, it's unbelievable.
It's only, it's all heightening.
It all heightens from, from page to performance.
And we don't know anything else about that guy.
Like we don't know, he has no other interests other than what he's doing in that movie,
which is kind of a good villain quality.
Yeah, he's an evil force.
He's single-minded.
Yes.
He also plays with like, he's like kind of goofy.
He's a dandy.
Yeah, dandy, that's a good answer.
Like the crema, like yeah, just the little details
when he's like, no, no, no, no, no.
And he always feels one step ahead of the good guy,
which is very important for a villain
right he's competent yeah too competent yeah he's your point guard of evil yes yes that's very true
he's setting the table he's a very clear-cut sociopath oh it's just like the it has like
that full charisma where you just it's very magnetic but then you just there's this like just this um i forget the
word but pure evil that was another word i was thinking sadistic i don't know dude yeah he's
definitely sadistic i lost the words um hans he did it again dude yeah he's one step ahead uh
you could also fill out the rest of your squad with like henchmen and he'd be able to
command them effectively oh that's interesting oh like if like if you put actually the leader of
yeah if you put a big burly like monster horror movie guy later hans will put that guy into action
and make sure he's killing that's a cool way to think of a list he's only gonna be wanting to
kill one kind of people but yeah yeah yeah but if he's like look if this is the people we need to take out to get to the
greater plan but that guy would have been in if he would have done it for any ideology i feel like
yes yes so terrifying guy bad guy rooted in actual evil and portrayed by tarantino in a in a
somewhat um yeah I don't know
here's a question
when he's getting
the strudel
with the girl
I forget her name
Emmanuel
Shoshanna
do you think he knows
who she is
as a viewer
I do think that he does
yeah
but I don't think
his character does
but like the whole time
I'm watching and I'm like
what do you mean by that
I mean that
yeah that's a double name you're right i just denied myself i guess the real answer is
no i don't think he does yeah but you feel like he does right yeah yeah interesting yeah all right
i got the number because he's a step ahead you know because he's so smart and company like he
probably does but he actually does yeah just a heads up oh oh did you dreamed already you can't well i hope you have a quick refractory
period because i'm about to make you come twice let's go um my number two pick i think a lot of
the people listening are gonna they're gonna think that that i should have picked someone else and i
think he's gonna go next but I'm going with,
I wanted a pure elemental villain. I think the key to a really, really great villain
is that they feel unstoppable. Like when you're watching, you're like, nothing is going to get
in this character's way. They're going to accomplish their evil task and there's nothing
that can stop them. And to me, this character embodies that more than any character in villain history.
I'm going with Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men, played brilliantly by Javier Bardem.
I've talked about it before. They gave him the name Anton Chigurh because it has no etymology
or origin with any culture or nation. It's just a name that exists. He's always existed. He's
pure evil. He's the
manifestation of that. He feels like he's destiny. And you believe it too. You're like, yeah,
nothing will stop this guy. And like when he's coming after people with his weird weapons.
It's a cattle killer thing.
Yeah. And the haircut and the weird look and the way he's so disassociated from what he's doing,
just terrifying. So I'm going to give it to Anton Chigurh as my number two pick.
I think for my money.
I got to tell you, it was right there.
That was the second name I wrote down.
It's beautiful.
Yeah.
And the scene with the coin with the old man.
Yeah.
Like, why is he doing that to this old man?
Yeah.
You got to do Javier Barra.
Do Anton Chigurh because you're pretty good at that.
I know.
For doing the scene with the old man, he. You got to do Javier Bar. Do Anton Chigurh because you're pretty good at that. I know. For doing the scene
with the old man
is a very good character
and it was funny
because Josh Brolin
was on set that day
and it was very tense
on set.
He was nervous
to be performing
for the Goan Brothers
but Josh Brolin
immediately caught the attention
by coming in
and pantsing.
He pantsed the old man
exposing his penis
to the entire crew.
Women were there.
Everyone was there.
And it was just so funny to pants.
Typically, you can pants someone 25 to 30 years old.
Or maybe it's funny, but to pants someone 60 plus, very demeaning, very funny, very hilarious.
Did that inform your performance?
Absolutely.
On camera and off, I went around after that and i punched on
the locations director who was a 51 year old woman and that did not work out well for me then that i
actually had to talk with um my agent had to get involved and it was actually you cannot i don't
think pantsing works across genders that's what i learned from just burning now yeah and then he
said josh brown actually during that
particular scene he was off camera pranking you absolutely he was pranking me he would um doing
the um lifting up and he likes to attend his perennium and uh he was showing me his grundle
i learned this word i never there's no spanish translation for a grundle from beowulf the english
novel and he said look at my grundle and la-la-la-la
doing with his tongue like that during the scene,
but not with audio, just silent, which was menacing.
And the fact that he tapped into that menacing
and the type of dreams and nightmares I was having at that time,
really, it was funny to me and manifesting in real life.
And you can do Anton Chigurh pretty good too, right?
Absolutely, I can do Anton Chigurh very well.
If you would like for me to do a Dungeon Goal,
I can do this for you.
How did you feel being the number two pick in the draft?
I felt like this is perfect to be number two
because it was a coin toss between number one and two.
Very strong picks.
And I think you should take the coin that you tossed
and keep it forever.
Chad, you're up.
Number three.
I think my pick is probably pretty obvious.
It's sort of the villain of movies of the day, of the age,
that has been portrayed by many great actors.
And you all know him, the Joker.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, my favorite is the Heath Ledger version.
I just think you've got to pick.
He's got to be on someone's list.
And I think he's great.
I think the Heath Ledger one is my favorite,
followed closely by Jared Leto.
Yeah.
But, like, not Jared Leto's Joker, Jared Letoo yeah jared leto jared leto coming out of his
silent retreat being like what's covid yeah there's a fearlessness to his character where
you're like well you can't do anything to this guy he enjoys it all like if you beat the shit
out of him he loves it yeah and so how do you stop a guy and you don't worry he's gonna beat
up batman like you know in a fist
fight batman will kick his ass but you're still terrified of him because he'll just do anything
and it's all part of his plan he's planned everything way ahead so anything you do he's
he's he's even further like i'd argue even further ahead than like hans he's like 10 steps ahead or
he just like he sees everything from like he plans a month out so yeah so many iconic
lines like every line that he has in that is quoted so much why so serious was like i responded
to every text with why so serious for like a year after that movie came out i'm gonna make it
disappear yeah i have i have two dings against that character. Let's go.
Because I was thinking about it a lot in this top four. I think the acting throughout The Dark Knight on repeat viewings is actually kind of hammy. They played a little big. And then I think
some of the dialogue they gave him was actually not his fault. His performance is perfect.
But there's a couple lines that stick out to me where I'm like, that's not that scary.
Like he has one line where he says, what if I catch up and feed you to your pooches?
And I'm like, would the most evil man in the world say pooches? And I'm like, I don't think so.
That's true. Just playing devil's advocate, it could be the medium. This is comic book movie.
100%.
So you get a little bit of that. But also I think the character itself is one of the most iconic villains
through the Batman series or any comic,
if we're thinking comic book villains in its own.
Yeah.
Joker's got to be number one.
But that is true.
Also for a villain, pure evil for me is tough,
but I don't want to get too into this because we can dissect it after.
I don't want to do anyone's list, but he likes to to watch the world burn you know what i mean so that's good
yeah and he literally sets the money on fire they're like he takes all the money why does
he do it you just said and then you have michael cain's great line of some men must away just like
to watch the world and he toys with his backstory too where he just i do love that explanations
different stories about it yeah and you're and so you're
like no you're like how did he get the scars i don't know yeah crazy an agent of chaos yeah he
doesn't like the schemers yeah yeah which is true we all hate schemers we do his body language too
it's just so like loose when he kills someone he'll just be so loose and then he'll just shoot someone and it's very...
It's very eerie.
His physicality is incredible.
Hit me.
Come on, hit me.
Better than watching...
Chad just got
possessed, dude.
Walking Phoenix's physicality is a little too much for me.
It's not as fun to watch.
It's very intense and demanding,
but I don't know if it's as exciting as Heath Ledger's.
And The Dark Knight is just a more fun movie.
I think he's really good in Joker,
but it's just not as...
It's hard to beat all the cool shit that happens in The Dark Knight.
So true.
They got freaking rocket launchers and shit.
That Bank Heist scene.
The Bank Heist kickoff where he's like
makes you strangle your...
And he marks his own dudes and stuff like that.
We all appreciate ziplining.
And as soon as we saw a dude ziplining
the first or second frame, you're like,
let's fucking go.
I was thinking too with the Joaquin Phoenix one.
You know when he gets in the fridge?
That was a totally different scene where they're like,
he has all this dialogue and stuff and he just gets in the fridge and they're just like
no bro each other by the cat he improvised that director is crying
i didn't understand that scene i still don't but i had a friend who was like dude he was you know
everyone was so fired up on the joke he's like dude the scene where he gets in the fridge that
hit me so hard and i was just like i didn't ask any follow-ups but i was like what the fuck are
you talking about?
It must be like an open jar of pickles or something.
That's what he wants to be.
I guess it's like you want to hide from the world or something like that.
I just thought it was hot in his apartment.
Yeah, New York in the summer, dude. It's broiling.
True.
Chris, two picks, dude.
And I think a lot of the biggies are gone.
Dude, this is deep, dude.
This is deep, bro.
Yeah, this is deep, dude. It's really, bro. Yeah, this is deep, dude.
It's really nice picking two in a row.
I'm going to go.
Yeah, this is a good start.
I'm going to just go bang, bang, Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader.
Oh, motherfucker, dude.
Motherfucker, dude.
Dude, I've been crushing some Darth Vader fan fiction.
Bro, he just going to get another dub, dude.
That might be a dub, dude.
Damn it.
Hannibal Lecter, very iconic.
Serial killer, which is nice.
Obviously, like, really, really smart.
Like, one of the smartest dudes ever.
Loves to just fuck with.
Because he's even scary when he's stuck.
You know he's in a cage and he can't get out.
And he still is so scary.
A lot of iconic line readings.
Yeah, count himin fava beans that like
excuse me just so good um and then he escapes and he fucking eats people which is like yeah i forget about that yeah well because it's like you don't even actually
really get to see him do it he just talks about it and it's scary.
And another guy who's cultured.
I like cultured villains.
He's like well – he like reads a lot.
Yeah.
But he's like – but they also like – he can't have too many books.
He also like – in one of them, he's like, I want to see the case files.
I'm like, we can't give you those.
Yeah.
That would be too much.
We can't have you looking at it.
Sorry, dude.
We can't have you reading reports.
You're going to you reading reports you're
gonna mix up if you do that that's the guy who jacks off and throws his jizz yeah and then he
wears the dude's face and famously only what like 12 minutes of screen time or something 16 16
minutes of screen time the whole movie yeah for an oscar famously yes best actor at least he is
and it's totally deserved yeah oh bro it's unreal him and jim carrey's performance
and ace ventura both based on birds oh it's on birds birds they said they were both channeling
birds i should re-watch it but uh they but if you watch their physicality i mean look at ace
walking down the street i'm dipping my toe in acting i have no idea how you do that like
everyone's approach is different yeah but if you were you were like, if I had to be an eagle,
and then I'm just like, I guess that kind of works.
Yeah, I'll do some of our real dialogue.
I'm like, never.
Never.
When dad started his company, Ellis wouldn't lend him a cent.
Does that work?
Yeah.
I would say, look, here's the beautiful note of,
take it back a little bit.
And I don't know if I'd look at that and be like that's a bird
but also
you are playing a person
so that's
also
just so good feedback for you guys
I saw
actually no I can't say anything
I can't say anything
are you guys NDA?
no
I saw Rob Lowe at Valet
and I said
hey I'm boys with Chad and JT
and he goes
they are so good
really?
oh that's nice
no that's
thank you for sharing that
yeah thank you he said so. Yeah, thank you.
He said, so he was very happy.
And then I was like, and then he's like, cool.
And then I closed his door.
I already have a question ready for him next time I see him on set.
I'm going to ask him what it was like to work with Curtis Hanson in the late 80s.
Because he's a director I like.
And I don't think anyone's thrown him that cue yet.
Oh, dude, nice.
Nice.
Fuck yeah.
I worked together. Fuck yeah. They did a movie called like bad influence with like
james spader before hansen went on his like murderous streak of just like five bangers i was
gonna butter him up with saying i listened to his podcast but i think he beat me no that's good
no let's hit him from both fronts the michael douglas episode in particular my dank ass finishes
it he's like that's why you podcast.
We need to finish this episode with that,
dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That might be my phrase of the week.
That's why you podcast.
Look at the camera.
Chris.
And then Aaron's in the back.
Sorry.
Wait,
but more.
You can edit that out.
Darth Vader was second.
Okay.
Let's hear about Vader.
I mean, like, it's nice to have, like, several movies.
I'm just going off the original, since that's when he's Vader.
Obviously, he's very fucking scary.
Although he does have a sick scene in Rogue One where he just mercs people.
Amazing scene.
Yes.
And, yeah, I mean, another one, very iconic.
James Earl Jones voice.
The outfit's amazing.
A lot of cool lines.
You know,
just, I mean, everyone knows
Vader. He's the man.
I wanted to, it's nice to have
the really smart master
manipulator. Now you got
one of the bad guy, one of the most famous
ones in a huge
tentpole movie franchise.
So yeah, I just feel like my list is good so far. Also, does Famous ones in a huge tentpole movie franchise.
So yeah, I just feel like my list is good so far.
Also does a good villain thing where he kills his own dudes.
He'll kill his own guy.
The neck pinch.
Yes.
That scene is amazing.
So good.
Even his first one, he's questioning a guy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And the guy doesn't even answer.
He doesn't give him a chance because he just crushes his neck.
And then he just moves on.
He's like, fucking fine.
And he's such a good villain that literally love, and this is so good,
is his only downfall is like, Luke wouldn't have defeated Vader.
And Luke was getting fucked by the Emperor.
And Vader was such a, like, he's so, I mean, dude, he might be the most,
he's probably the most interesting character.
I mean, Han Solo's a space cowboy. That's rad. But he's the most interesting character i mean han still is a space cowboy that's rad but he's the most interesting character he comes around at the end and the way he kills the emperor when he just he lifts him up right goes overhead with
him yeah and just tosses him down i mean his villain and he has a whole fucking arc like that
so fucking could be a number one pick and the fact that you got it at two
yeah great value bro great value
dude dude i mean and i'm so i don't know if it was because i was in the star wars as a kid but
i'm so like enthralled by his story they're just the whole like him being like this good guy and
then he just gets burnt alive and he's just this fucked up thing and yeah having that flow being
burnt off is so tragic he He needs to wear a helmet.
But dude.
Yeah.
When you see what he looks like.
Yeah.
You're like,
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
It looks like a shrimp cocktail,
dude.
Dude.
I mean,
I like,
dude,
he does.
And I listened to so much.
Every time I watched it,
like I knew,
cause I watched Kenobi.
I watched so much Star Wars fan fiction on YouTube afterwards of like,
here's what Darth Vader is thinking while he's burning on Mustafar. here's what darth vader is thinking while
he's burning on mustafar here's what his daily life is like which is funny to think about he's
on the death star he's like where's my coffee watching him try to drink coffee yeah he's like
obi-wan you can't watch vader do basic stuff because it would like take away all the mystique
like he's like right all right i gotta hit the bathroom you see him in the stall just bumping
into things like sitting down or if he's like spaced out. He's like, right, all right, I've got to hit the bathroom. You see him in the stall just bumping into things.
Like sitting down.
Or if he's spaced out and he's like, sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
I'm exhausted.
I watched this one where they break down his suit.
And they're like, yes, there are even various catheters for his functions.
And he's shitting and pissing.
So you're sitting next to him and you go, oh he's shitting and pissing and then he just yeah so you're just
sitting next to him
and your shits go
oh
yeah
oh
I'm trying to remember
of when he got burned
did he still have
like a butthole and stuff
did that whole part
of his body get burned
yeah but I'm sure
it's one of those things
that they didn't get into
in the movie
because the movie is dumb
yeah oh it's so bad
can he
add an extra 20 minutes
just talking about
where it's a doctor going
he lost his dick he lost his
balls he can still shit just kind of like the gruber version yeah that is so true yeah he's
like dick and asshole were burned off and you just hear him be like oh i can't jizz that's why i'm mad
you know when he first gets in the city he's like where is padme is she safe is she all right i would
be like i would be like he's like lord vader can you hear me i'm like
does my dick still work dude honestly i wish the olympics were out dude because vader could just
get some of those fucking fast ass legs and christian athlete yeah really good real life
villain uh pistorius oh yeah yeah the south african blade runner yeah yeah that guy's not a good dude
uh chad you're up fuck man i'm nervous because this is so tough i think there's a couple biggies
still have fun with it baby yeah i know there's so many good options you can't go wrong i'm having
fun about fun bro that's so true also political move chris did tell me before we record it he likes the hidden christian anderson version of darth vader and just saying
big time that's a lie i'm a liar yeah yeah fuck this guy it's fine all right i'm gonna i'm gonna
go with someone who captures me to this day in a movie that's so rewatchable,
maybe the most rewatchable movie.
I'm going to go with Commodus, Gladiator.
Great pick.
What a performance.
Joaquin Phoenix.
And it's based off a real, you know, Marcus,
Mark Anthony's whatever the fuck.
Marcus Aurelius?
Yeah, dude, what the fuck. Marcus Aurelius?
Yeah, dude, what the fuck?
Marcus Aurelius' son was this piece of shit.
Oh, interesting.
Based off a real guy.
And I think it was a good intro to Joaquin Phoenix.
I mean, Russell Crowe is amazing,
but I think a lot of people left that movie just being like, wow, Joaquin Phoenix, that was, do you see that mascara?
Like, fuck, dude.
His eyes were, but I mean i mean you know he's such an
evil guy such a good villain such a good movie uh i think it's great i love it too because like
it's our first villain that's like sniveling and petulant yeah and extraordinarily hateable
yeah like most of the other villains we've picked are charismatic and really good at being evil
yeah and he's the first one where he's like a baby
in three-fourths of his scenes yeah like he's when he's when he's complaining about uh maximus's
popularity and he's like everyone loves him and then if i kill him i'm the bad guy yeah he's like
dude this fucking bitch dude shut up but it's it's good because it it it serves as a better
foil to maximus and you hate him more and it feels real. He kills his dad and wants to fuck his sister.
Yeah.
Yeah, weird family things.
That's, you know.
And then when he finds out
that they were conspiring against him,
that's one of the creepiest scenes.
He's like, and then the little bee
kept buzzing and buzzing.
And then the snake ate him.
Like, oh, fuck, dude, fuck dude he knows right he's telling
the story to a little kid yeah mom's just like yeah yeah and just get buzzing and but yeah he's
very creepy and do when when uh when maximus stabs him in the neck it just overpowers him
just takes his little bitch ass yeah yeah and the thing about too he's it's just like he's
petulant and he's a whining baby but he has so much power that you're just like you still feel helpless you're like i'm at the mercy of this
fucking weasel when he's in front of the senate and he's just spinning his sword yeah like he's
like too good for the whole thing and he quiets it down just i do that's interesting about marcus
aurelius i didn't know that so like Stoic philosopher's son was kind of a punk.
Yeah.
There's something to that.
Everyone who's ever written a book on like life philosophy that's been about like strength and fortitude and values.
Yeah.
They must put all their energy into the book because their kids always end up being like, wow.
He didn't care at all about the succession.
Marcus Aurelius, like he was just kind of like, he like was so over the whole thing that he didn't put any time or effort into making sure that things were good after him.
He just kind of let the pieces fall.
Oh, interesting.
And Joe Rogan and Ryan Holiday had that same discussion.
And I think Rogan or Ryan Holiday had the same argument.
He's just so into his own work.
He's just a terrible dad.
All right.
I think I'll get, there's a guy I want to pick, but I think I'll get him on the other side.
So I'm going with...
Look, he's not as scary as the guys we've mentioned, but he's a lot of fun.
I'm going Hans Gruber, Die Hard.
Yeah, that's great.
Now, I almost think Irons is just as good as a bad guy in number three.
So you just burnt and picked.
Very political move.
I say this on every...
Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, guys. No, no, it's okay. I don't think... No one's going to go Die Hard after that. guy in number three so you just burnt and picked very political move i say this on every oh shit
yeah yeah i'm sorry no that's okay i don't think no one's gonna go die hard after you're not going
die hard you're not going simon i'd like that noted from the judge i'd like that noted all right
hans gruber maybe the most fun bad guy of all time what my favorite scene with him is when he's
making his demands to the police as to what they have to do
to get the hostages released and he's listing off all these uh foreign terrorist groups and then he
names one and he he puts the things out what is it he goes asian dawn and then and then his his
one of his henchmen looks at him like this and he puts it out he goes i read about him in time
magazine it's so good dude this guy's having a ball even in the middle of like a huge heist.
And yeah, I just love his energy.
He's funny.
He's vicious.
He's well-dressed.
He's Euro trash.
That's what they were going for.
What were you going to say, Strides?
No, I was going to say the fact that he's having fun with it is so great.
He's a delight.
Delighting in the evil of this is so good.
And yeah, I just, it was an all-time performance from an all-time actor and uh yeah i'm going with uh with grooves nice
alan rickman for those that you don't know the young for the young stokers out there
so good what a great fucking pick and the movie's amazing if you didn't take a part of it i was
you know you were gonna take it oh yeah oh you big part of it. You know? You were going to take it? Oh, yeah. Oh, you were going to do it next?
Yeah.
What were you doing now?
He's got such a good death scene.
Yeah.
Such a good death scene.
So much slow-mo.
The fall.
All right, that puts me on the ropes.
Now, look, we've had a lot of fun.
We've had a lot of fun.
This is good.
We've got a lot of great stuff going.
I have, in front of me,
for my number two.
It's from the same actor, which is, you should know that the judges,
I just fucked up a little bit by doing that.
That should be noted.
I like you noting stuff.
But I'm going to go with Joe Doe from Seven
it's Kevin Spacey
nice
John Doe
yeah John Doe
fucking I'm an idiot
Joe Doe
I've had a fucking
higher than ABV
volume
claw
Joe Doe's a great character
Joe Doe is pretty good
Joe Doe
it sounds like a dildo
name or something
yeah
who's the
serial killer
Joe Doe
you're like really he invokes
yeah he's a psychopath he's a menace he's also a villain in real life uh oh yeah psycho um so
that should be noted but wow he goes on this the seven deadly sins i don't know if you should
do that but no i'm like like yes that is you just wowed me
recognizing that yeah no i support no i was i threw you under the bus and you didn't mean it
like that so take it back but a terrifying guy you don't know who he is um he's great yeah i mean
gets a little bit of screen time i'm honestly when i say it i'm falling out of love with it but uh
I guess a little bit of screen time.
Honestly, when I say it, I'm falling out of love with it.
But he's a terrifying guy.
Growing up Catholic, I mean, a lot of people did that.
Like, it really scared me.
The seven deadly sins.
Whoa.
Terrifying.
So scary.
So heinous.
Each crime was so heinous. They're so gross.
The body that's, like, tied down to the bed.
Yeah.
Was that the gluttonous dude?
Yeah, the gluttony.
That one sticks with me. I don't know, man. That was sloth. I think that's sloth. Sloth. Yeah. Was that the gluttonous dude? Yeah, the gluttony. That one sticks with me.
I don't know, man.
That was Sloth.
I think that's Sloth.
I watched Sloth.
Sloth.
The lust one where it's just like an interview with the guy.
It was like the guy who's got something.
He's like, he made me do things.
He's like crying.
He's like, can you get this thing off me?
And you don't even know what's strapped to presumably his dick.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
It's a razor dildo, right?
Yeah. And he has a razor dildo right yeah
that's the joe doe right there that's the joe doe and so it's so fucked up he has his calling
card joe doe so as a villain he tackles the seven deadly sins which are like the worst things you
can do in humanity then he has fun with them and then what i like about a villain is someone with the code so he's trying to teach the people his audience as a psychopath what is correct but of course he does it through a
horrendous means a heightened machiavellian means so it's fucking disgusting and heinous but what
makes him a dynamic villain is you're like well he's kind of right you're like, well, he's kind of right. You're like, that's kind of right, but you're a fucking maniac.
So that's where for me, this-
He holds himself accountable.
Yeah, he holds himself accountable.
And then a great twist, that screenwriting,
but a good twist at the end,
which I won't give away in case anyone hasn't seen it.
But what's so great about him too,
is he's a step ahead.
And like the scene, I'll just give it,
when Morgan Freeman says,
it kind of helps cement him as a villain too and morgan freeman's like we're not in control like john doe is in control
you're like your whole body is like oh fuck yes like the evil forces will always be ahead of the
forces trying to fight the evil they're just they just got an extra step on us and that's real world
isn't it and and also like
having older siblings i remember my brothers being like you can't watch seven bro bro you like dude
we'll let you watch pulp fiction minus one scene but dude like you can you can't watch seven older
they're so arbitrary with that such a hard to factor older brothers in an anti i remember they
said i couldn't watch get shorty because ian was like they say fuck more in that movie than any
other movie we'd watch watched Pulp Fiction
like two days earlier. It was just
an arbitrary... He just didn't want me to
watch a power movie. It was just straight power.
He's the villain. He is the villain.
He's that fucking whack. And he put
Gwyneth's head in the box.
Spoiler alert. Well, that was a spoiler I was
avoiding, but you know what? I love you.
No, we needed to get it out.
The movie came out like that's so true
it's but these young stars haven't seen these movies you see someone come and be like bro
how the fuck could you spoil that for me yeah you know what i was being too sensitive dude i'm
fucking sorry well i mean i think the most villainous thing is you ruin brad's life which
you ruin brad don't ever ruin brad's life yeah all right yeah oh sorry sorry yeah you're reading
a script you're like i'm so excited i'm dude i'm fired up for you and you're like wait am i
gonna ruin brad pitt's life i can't sign on to this this is where things get a little wild don't
do this to me but i'm gonna go with hal 9000 from 2001 space odyssey
oh nice you know i've never seen it i watched it during the pandemic and look the movie's interest
it's it's a really interesting movie and it's iconic but how 9000 inspires this computer villain he sort of has this like um effeminate uh um delivery so like it's a it's
a computer so it shouldn't be biased but the delivery of his lines and the voiceover are so
it's like so precise in the performance it's amazing we're just this tinge of evil and also
it's this thing that threatens all humanity where it's like it
inspires every other sci-fi villain of like uh computers are more optimal than humans so we're
going to take you out so this is my uh mechanized villain for my list how 9000 and also is the
root of uh predecessors which is a political move or shouldn't say predecessors but uh a root of predecessors, which is a political move or shouldn't say predecessors, but
a root of all derivative, which is a little
bit too rhetoric for me.
Yeah, I was going to say rhetoric.
Just like other AI bad guys.
It was the first one. Chris, thank you so much
for that clarity. And also I've had two
blue claws. So that's
what's happening right now.
Dude, that's a great one.
And you can't relate to a machine
there's no talking a machine out of what it's trying to do they're a machine and literally is
in like control control is the thing with villains right how is totally in control of like the future
of humanity and that that's what's so interesting about the villains is how do they control the
thing they're dealing with there's different means of. Like most of the early ones we picked were through either like scheming or violence.
But Hal, it's like, there's different ways to do it.
Optimism.
Like not optimism, optimality.
Maybe is that the word?
Optimization.
Optimization.
That's it.
That's what I'm looking for.
All right, dudes.
With this next villain, I have a, so I had a kind of criterion for how I wanted to pick my villains.
I wanted a real psycho, I wanted a fun
psycho, and now I want to go
purely hateable psycho.
Just a piece of shit,
sniveling bitch.
I'm going with Billy Zane from
Titanic. Damn it, no!
Shit!
Yeah.
Amazing.
Cow. Cow, Hockley, bro. bro you watch that whole movie he does not have
one redeemable moment every scene you're like what was the biggest piece of shit act like in
this moment and he does it he invites this you got you're you're sitting with your ritzy buddies
at dinner this poor kid you know uh like socioeconomically saved your girl's life.
He's sitting there and he's like making fun of them for being broke.
You're like, and then.
Yeah, bro, punching down.
He could let the kid live.
He's like, no, let's just kill him.
And then at the end, like in some movies, they would have made him have like a little turn where he got a little better.
At the end, just to get off the boat, he pretends to be some girl's dad so he can escape and
get off before the other women and children.
Please.
I'm all she has.
And he sells it.
He sells it.
And then just super quotable.
Real man makes his own luck.
Everything about him is just scummy, scuzzy, and hateable.
And I love him.
I think he's one of the greatest villains ever.
So I'm going, man.
And then the way that he goes out, like voiceover they say when the like when the great depression hits yeah he puts a
bullet in his head because he loses everything and even then you're like god what a little bitch
like oh you oh you got oh you had a little hardship and you decided to just end it all
god yeah of course you would i would have loved it more if he ended up being the only guy who
made money in the great Depression by shorting stocks.
And he ended his life as the richest man in America.
Damn, dude.
That was the first one I wrote down when we said villains.
I was like Cal Hockley, Billy Zane.
Hilarious.
But I mean, is the real thing the iceberg?
That's just political.
No, you don't.
Just political.
No, you could totally say that.
I thought about that too.
I think his hair, for me, is what makes him the villain over the...
If the iceberg had his haircut...
Or was wearing a tux.
Yeah, he's wearing like a tux the whole movie.
Yeah, if the iceberg had a tux, baby.
Were you down on the poop deck just gallivanting around?
There would be none of that when you're my wife.
Oh yeah, and he hits her.
Yeah, he hits her.
And he has bad taste.
She's got a Picasso.
He's like, that's crap art.
She's asking questions about the lifeboats
he's like nothing's gonna put down this boat
he's just arrogant
real man who takes his own luck
and then he offs himself
because that's actually not
always the case
Chad
I'm gonna go with
this is a
moving into different sort of territory here,
but this is a pick that people can relate to because it's a villain that everyone has
encountered in their lives, everyone went to school with.
I know what you're doing.
I know what we're talking about.
Yeah.
And who, you know, everyone, they saw this character and they're like, I know exactly
who that is.
Regina George from Mean Girls.
It's a great one.
I wanted that one. Let's go. I wanted it. It from Mean Girls. It's a great one. I wanted it.
Let's go, dude.
I didn't even think of that. That's great.
I want a high school one so bad.
She's such a good villain.
I think that same archetype
applies to male.
Just a bully.
I have to re-watch that movie.
She's just the perfect villain in high school.
She's on Broadway, baby.
Yeah, it's just perfect.
They perfectly captured that.
Casually cruel.
Casually cruel.
Get in, loser.
We're going shopping.
Yeah.
It's just like condescending and just like makes you feel like shit, but you just want
her acceptance.
Yeah.
And then we'll just totally fuck you over.
It's perfect.
That is the fugliest dress i've ever seen after she
compliments it the way she flips like that on a dime yeah you can't trust a word she's saying
and i would actually even argue she feels as unstoppable as a lot of these other villains
like when you're watching you're like dude if that chick was in my way i'm dead meat she's
gonna steamroll me dude she she can destroy you socially she has that much power and underrated
thing about a villain when they have sexual power
to them oh you know what i mean there's a lot of there's a lot of good male villains on that side
where there's something uh i don't want to there's other villains in movies where you're like why is
this bad guy so hot yeah and she has that too where her cruelty makes her more desirable to you
and you're like, fuck, man.
Like, I hate this person, but I really want to like date them too.
Totally.
Oh, I would totally, if I were in high school, I would totally date your junior. You might be able to tap into that a little bit.
The guy can't even explain it.
Him and Lindsay Lohan are arguing.
She's like, why are you, she's like, why do you date her?
She's a bitch.
And he's like, why are you friends with her?
And then it's like, there's a power to it.
There's something seductive. Well, it's a, you he's like why are you friends with her and then it's like there's a power to it yeah there's some seductive well it's a great call you always
want to be friends with that person in high school it's like it's like you you it's like it's
everyone hates them but it's like kind of uncool to say it out loud and that's their power and if
the evil person likes you that feels good too actually we grew up with like a Sven Gali guy like that
With my buddy hunter. Yeah
I've heard about so much about him. I love it. We've talked about him. I do
Have the impact on
Weird evil sexual charisma in like seventh grade
Yeah
But it's so funny looking at pictures now because of just how – Dude, have you never seen a picture of this guy? So much ice spiker.
He was just a chubby kid with braces.
And it's all just going straight up and really thick.
But he was a force.
He was a force.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Sven Gali –
It's funny.
Cristobal, you got your last two pics.
My last two.
You're looking pretty, dude.
Yeah, bro.
You're looking pretty.
You're dialing in.
One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. you're looking pretty dude you're looking pretty I'm leaving a lot of huge ones on the board
but
I'm okay with it
I'm gonna go with
this next one
I'm gonna go with Dr. Evil
fuck
I thought I was gonna get that on the swing
that's a fun one
he's honestly the best Bond villain fuck that was my fourth i thought i was gonna get that on the swing it's a fun one uh fuck
there's not he's he's honestly the best bond villain you know what i mean like
well he's based on yeah no i know like it's like but like that bond villain's like not even that
like dr evil's better i just like the movies more you know what i mean for sure and they're so
and he's so funny mike myers is so funny in it. The voice, the look, and his little pinky move.
He's just so funny.
I wanted a well-rounded list to get some...
There's some great comedy villains in there
and he's maybe the most iconic of them all.
Yeah, he's hilarious.
Has anyone ever...
He's so quotable.
He's the most fun character in that movie.
Right.
And there's so many fun characters.
Yeah, Scott.
Like, yeah, dude, he's just so much fun.
Yeah, probably the most quoted, maybe top 10 most quoted characters of all time.
I think so.
I think so.
And kind of more fun than, Austin Powers is a lot of fun, but Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil still is the show. Dude, the scene is a lot of fun, but Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil steals the show.
Dude, the scene with your guys' co-star Rob Lowe.
Dude, he's bouncing the earth.
Oh, you want to be the big boy?
Yeah.
It's so fucking funny.
Huh?
You going to cry?
Yeah, that's right.
The buttons to burn people, too.
Yeah.
It's amazing, dude.
And he burns Will Ferrell.
It's very hot down here.
Dude, the amount of busy days for
mike myers on that movie yeah like dude he was working sun up to sundown he gets off on
that he was in the zone yeah he was in the zone yikes i mean yeah dude it's pretty i saw a clip
for but it's super wacky kind of made me me interested. I mean, look, on paper, it sounds like a great idea.
I thought after the love guru, he was like, you know what?
I think I've said all I have to say at this point.
But what a run.
Wayne's World, that, and then the little secret one,
So I Married an Axe Murderer.
The developer of some of the most iconic characters.
Beast.
Yeah.
Total beast.
I was Dr. Evil foreen when i was like seven
just did you have a mini me or no no i should have i guess i was sort of you were seven who's
gonna be your mini i was like three musketeers that's pretty good i think mike meyer's also
very pretentious i read an ew article with him one time and he was talking about the love guru
and he started off with talking about joseph campbell and i was like this is my kind of guy
dude amazing he was talking about callbacks one time he's like it's like weaving something i'm like so callback you
mentioned something and then you bring it back later it's like weaving the thread and then later
i'm like okay um i got one more that's right that's a great pick chris that's a great fucking
pick dude i gotta have fun with my last one.
I gotta have fun.
Baby, baby, baby, cut it out.
Well, that's the thing.
Do I?
I went chalk up talking about fun.
Yeah, what are you doing?
You gotta land this thing.
No, I know, and I don't want to get.
You know who it is.
No, I'm kind of stuck between.
I'm sorry, I'm taking a while. Take your time, dude. Take your time, bro. We're hanging out. No, I'm kind of stuck between. I'm sorry.
I'm taking a while.
Take your time, dude.
Take your time, bro.
We're hanging out.
No clock on this one.
We're thoughtful, bro.
Go.
Well, because I'm trying to.
I think I'm done with humans.
Oh, no.
Don't you fucking do it, man.
Do it to him, Chris.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Do it now, dude.
I'll go with the xenomorph from Aliens.
Damn it.
I knew that was going to make you cream, too.
Is that what you were going to pick?
Is that different from the alien?
No, that is...
Yeah, that's what I was going to pick.
Oh, dude.
So you got cock-blocked twice on this one.
Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
That's what happens.
I didn't realize it until now. You go a little later. That's what happens i didn't realize it till now you go a
little later that's what happens sometimes you get pain many sometimes you get ryan leaf baby
that's how it goes all right dude yeah joe doe hilarious sorry uh scary scary and like uh you
know somebody like hiding and it's like stalking them you know also in just straight action sequences they swarm acid blood all of them are formidable
killing machines uh what oh right they just almost worse they almost worse than killing you
yeah they use you worse vessels to make more also and it is
inspiration
for future
like look at Netflix now this hive mind
idea I don't know if it was the first
but it's interesting
and I did kind of want an alien in there
I like that
yeah non-human is important
and a monster
because I didn't want to go
i didn't want to do like a whole it's like the closest to horror that i was going to get
like i didn't want to pick straight horror so that's why i went lector and then this you know
yeah it's a just the idea of it being inside of you and just breaking through your chest like
that it's just it's so creepy oh yeah yeah because
you see it like it's like working to get out and the mystery of like what it's capable of and all
that kind of shit it's just and the designers when they made it they said they wanted it to be phallic
and vaginal and i think they accomplished that i love that sexuality that makes me yeah i like that
it's always funny because they always it's always phallic.
They're like, yeah, we wanted to be a dick, basically.
Most of art roots down to that.
Totally.
But then to double it up and be able to find something that looks like a dick and a pussy
and it's scary, that's a huge accomplishment.
That's extra interesting because it's like, is it going to fuck you or get fucked by you?
You know what I mean?
And it doesn't even need you to a certain extent.
It can fuck itself.
And that's terrifying.
That's terrifying.
Something that's going to fuck itself and not need you, then where do you fit in that
You've been rendered obsolete by this monster, which you don't even look at as like evolutionarily
progressive, but insofar, it is self-sufficient.
True.
True.
And for a guy who, you know, leans into his fucking capabilities you know what am i gonna
do learn to cook that's important to me i feel i feel like i don't ever i'm not good at household
stuff you know i'm not what i do i make my bones boning that's correct you do and me and you both
i don't have a job i don't work i'm not gonna get hired no there's no jobs for me i'm gonna work for
someone i'm not gonna be some fucking toy i'm not gonna be some. No. And there's no jobs for me. I'm going to work for someone. I'm not going to be some fucking toy. I'm not going to be some fucking tool.
I was trying to finger it.
Then I was trying to jack it off.
It didn't need me.
What am I going to do?
Make it a lasagna?
I had my hands like this.
Call up my grandma?
I had my hands like this.
And I ended up just doing it to myself.
I did myself.
So I got back at it by just fucking jerking myself off nonstop.
That's the move.
I feed myself cannolis nonstop.
And I've never been sadder in my whole fucking life.
And that guy from Seven's going to kill you
for that kind of behavior.
He's going to get me.
He's frustrated, dude.
He doesn't like that shit.
Step it up, dude.
Chad.
All right, it's tough to see my list
through Aaron's recent creaming.
Because he just busted a fat load all over me.
Yeah, Aaron's blurred us all. all hey we need goggles for the next episode
dude if we do that you just bust a fat load all over me what about my pick um sorry but i'm gonna
go with someone i just love watching who he won the best actor for it and you gotta go and you
gotta go into the corrupt cop realm and you gotta you gotta shout my boy denzel washington alonzo harris
from training day fuck i wanted it uh no i just fucking love that movie i love watching him i love
his acting in it and uh the corrupt cop is a scary guy there's tons of power in there and he's just
like you know he's gonna get you and um great pick he's so many steps ahead iconic lines too the outfit
the car and dude when his guns itch each other oh i mean bro he's got the gun the way he even just
shoots the casualness when he's just like dude when you're shooting them both and they're
shaming he's like yeah motherfuckers and he's got one of my best things in a villain where he taps
into the benevolence of humanity.
When he fucks with that guy in the alley who's trying to have sex with a young girl and he's like, you like to fuck young girls?
That's your MO?
So you're like, you're an evil, horrendous man, but you don't tolerate that evil.
You're only evil for your agenda.
So he's likable.
And he enacts justice.
Like a justice of mankind
you're like fuck dude that's so sick so god damn that's a good pick it's it's um he's one of those
villains too where you want him to like you right just so you're right this guy's awesome yeah look
ethan hawke does drugs to like make him like yeah yeah get wet he's like yeah herb jeba there's a great fucking
pick bro it's a great fucking pick um so yeah so much and so in the original ending he got away
with it and they had to reshoot it because they were like test audiences were like nah this dude's
gotta die and then they the way that they did it is which is shot by a million times yeah in the jungle and
you can kind of feel that those scenes were stitched together because when the when the
dudes let him go when he's like i'm gonna put cases on all you dudes it does feel like he's
genuinely going to get away and then he gets and it's it's come up it's interesting when movies
when they do that like with anchorman they with Anchorman, everyone loved the movie when they tested it,
but they let Baxter die, and that put their rating in the 50s zone,
which is like a killer.
And so they just had that quick fix in there where they didn't kill the dog.
It's like those little things will just totally change the audience's opinion.
Yeah.
That almost makes me want to go with the dog for my last pick.
Oh.
But I'm not going to do it, but want to mention it and if you want it the bad guy from sandlot the dog that's good that's good though that's good it was a name that i thought you're gonna
say kujo yeah hercules yeah but what do they call him the beast the beast yeah that is interesting
all right i'm going way off the reservation with this one.
I'm going to lose it here.
I don't care because I got to care.
Here's the thing about what I'm talking about.
I'm going with Richard Gere from Internal Affairs.
That's a bad guy.
I like the ground.
No one has seen this fucking movie.
I'll put it on your radar.
Figgis is the director.
Andy Garcia is the hot-blooded Latin lead
who's in internal affairs,
and he's investigating a crooked cop
played by Richard Gere.
Now, how does Richard Gere...
Villains control things, right?
That's what makes them so scary
is that they're in control of their environment.
That's what makes them appealing and terrifying.
How does Richard Gere doing that in the movie?
By fucking your bitch.
The guy has sex with everyone in the movie
and he controls people through sexuality
and he controls men through their sexual insecurities
and he fucks everyone in the movie.
Richard Gere plays it perfectly,
which is funny because it feels like it's really in contrast
to who Richard Gere is in real life,
which is like a very gentle, enlightened fella. But he plays it. The thing I like about this villain is there's no energy to it. He plays everything cold and still and low. And you can feel the burning rage and malevolence in him, but it doesn't ever spike. He's in total control of his emotions.
He's in total control of his emotions and he just, just terrorizes everyone.
And you're terrified of him.
You're like,
get this guy the fuck away from anyone I care about.
And yeah,
it sticks with you.
And I wanted to have a Svengali type in there.
And so I wanted to like a sexually evil character,
other potential pick in that category.
Gabriel Byrne from end of days.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
When the devil's hot,
the devil's gotta be hot. Many forms. Right. I forgot about the yeah yeah when the devil's hot yeah the devil's got to be hot any forms right i forgot about the devil and the devil you know devils are good
you know but i'm going but i'm going with richard gear because i think he personified it the best
so richard's just a regular it was just a cop he's just a sicko and he just cucks every dude
in the movie he invented cucking basically he did and
then you're right too like an evil cop like when they found out about it at 10 when they got the
badge behind them yeah you know what i mean that's huge because they're supposed to be the ones
protecting this one of the many luxuries of being boys with jt is you'll cruise into his place and
he'll go you'll walk in and be like hey what up what's going on hold on let me show you a scene
real quick and he'll have a scene queued up on his tv ready to just show you i did this to you and he
showed me this scene and i watch it and immediately you're like you're kind of like this is like we're
going out a little bit for like drinks he's like yeah but first we need to watch this and he
fucking shows me the scene from this movie and it's so amazing and i was like dude i need to
see this whole movie and i watched it and he's so right. And it's a very, you have a very grounded list.
This is a very good grounded list of like actual villains of like tapping
into the true fears of every guy.
Basically.
You know what I mean?
These are all people who could exist in real life,
maybe except for Anton Chigurh,
but the other three,
the other three are permutations are real.
I appreciate that compliment.
No,
it's really good.
The weirdest thing I ever did is when I made John Daniels watch the ending of six feet under before we hit the bars in newport
it's a beautiful montage to the song sia breathe me and it's every character in the show it shows
their death and uh tapping into that vital part of life that it's here and then it ends it made
me party harder that night because i was like look we're just here for a short spin i want to make it count tonight at malarkey's and i danced extra
hard that night daniels was super weirded i was like why the fuck did you just show this to me
you're a weird guy but he always gave me room to be myself and then uh and then i tapped into my
richard gear and i um i had sex with someone's girlfriend.
Exactly.
With a cop's girlfriend.
Yeah.
Those are the villains to have the toughest time watching because it's so closely where you're just like, it's sort of like your worst, one of your worst fears.
It's incredibly vulnerable.
Yeah.
And it's like, those are the scenes where you're just like, it's, I can barely watch
it because it's just so, that's just something you just don't want to you know it's those and
like parents dying i'm like i'm like no i'm not i'm not even touching that it's emotionally
grimy yeah it's tapping you into it's like you're in therapy you're like it feels like that movie
was born out of like someone's like therapy it almost like you're watching it you're like it's
like muggy in here yeah i don't feel well like it feels yeah just gross it's gross and then you go out to the
world and you're like am i that guy i remember between each of the movie like check out this
movie it's a mom dying i was like i just left i can't handle this yeah what movie was that i don't
know yeah that was a chris kelly's movie yeah uh oh yeah what was that called the jesse plemmons
one other people or something like that so that was a think so. It was a good movie. I love Jesse Plemons. I should watch that.
Him and Bradley Whitford, right?
Yeah, who also plays a great villain in a movie.
Oh!
I'm not picking it, but it's an honorable mention.
Billy Madison, one of the best douchebag
villains of all time.
I love that actor so much.
He's so fucking good.
He's so good.
Dude, that's a great pick pick but that's not my pick
I lost
my draft on that one but to the two people who have
seen Internal Affairs I won so hard with
them there let me tell you what an honest man's
pillow is his integrity and you have it my
friend you will sleep well at night
I'm going with Freddy Krueger
oh no one did horror you
gotta do I gotta go horror and we've
talked about control a lot tonight.
And when you're asleep,
it's a state of the closest to death we've become
when we were out of control.
And when does Freddy Krueger take control?
When you're in sleep.
Your dreams.
Nothing terrified me more as a kid.
Now, I feel on my list,
I have more dynamic feelings
and I have a code and everything
freddy's just a psychopath but he's also fun yeah he's also very fun and the way he kills you is
horrifying with those fucking claws in the broiler room and he's referenced in so many things i feel
like he's iconic so uh you guys did take two picks that I really, really wanted.
And JT went grounded, so I had to go Freddy Krueger here.
And capturing you when you're in your bed, your most horrible state. He lives in your nightmares.
Yeah, and he tortures.
He lives in your nightmares.
Because it's not just killing.
It's not like Jason Voorhees just walking in and macheting your head off.
It's like, I want to fuck with you in your dream.
I'm going to make a meal out of this.
Correct. And then you see the killing.
Dude, the deaths are so horrendous.
They're so horrendous, dude.
It's just like blood spraying everywhere.
The blood spraying out of the bed. I remember looking at it as a kid being like,
oh, I saw this too young.
He looked so scary.
He looked so scary, I couldn't watch the movie.
I was like, I'll have too many nightmares over this film.
Going to Blockbuster, Freddy Krueger, and the Halloween.
No, not Halloween.
There's the one with the nails all over it.
Oh, Hellraiser.
Hellraiser, yeah.
He's terrifying.
I could not even look at those covers.
Yeah, that's the thing.
You look at the covers, that terrifies you.
Wait, dudes, dudes.
Should we go one more?
Yes!
Yes, we can!
I was hoping you to say it.
I was hoping you'd say it again.
Bonus round!
There's too many villains still on the table.
Dude, yes.
Yeah.
Cream.
I'd like it noted.
This was on the list of four I'd like it noted, but let's get one more round.
There's too many good ones still on the table.
There's a ton we haven't even mentioned yet.
Dude, there's so many sick ones.
That's the thing.
There's so many sick ones.
This isn't appetizers, dude.
Wait, so that means I go back to back to start?
You're stuck.
Take your time.
Take your time.
Take your time.
Dude, everyone just jumped on their phones.
I know.
Exactly.
We're not all texting our fucking GFs, dude.
Don't worry.
I was talking to, you know.
It's tough when it's a fifth one because you're talking to Becca about it.
You know, and I'm like, it's just so. was talking to Becca about it, you know? And I'm like,
it's just so like my honorable mentions list right now.
It's like 40 deep.
There's honestly some top,
there's like some first round picks that haven't been mentioned yet.
Well,
that's the,
cause that was the thing.
Like I was like,
if I could pick,
there's a lot in like the huge tent pole,
like franchises that I didn't want.
I didn't want to go one through four of those.
Like I wanted a well rounded list
I did the same thing I went like with my ballast up top
I'm like okay I have like an archetypical
villain everyone else is
you start to play around with it
and it's like
I wanted yeah you just want some variety
but now you know I feel like
we all have pretty well rounded
lists that you can kind of go in any direction
yeah you can go with some of the heavy hitters.
Dude, we might have to go six picks on this.
I don't know, dude.
I'd appreciate that because I picked last.
I'm fucking around right now.
I'm fucking around.
I'm fucking around.
We all love Pixar.
No, I was going to pick this.
I was going to pick this.
You're the evil fucker!
That little evil fucker with his braces.
It's like, is that like the most
satisfying comeuppance for any
villain in a movie, dude? Where you're like,
yes! Fuck you, dude!
Get freaked out! He's a bad kid, dude!
He's bad!
What's wrong with him? We all tortured
our toys. did he's
a torturer right but then you also knew this but then you also knew the kid who did it
too weird you know like yes whoa dude i don't like the way you do it crossbones shirt i wrote
down a note for sid i said the first school shooter i said oh yeah that's amazing most people
you know they point to real life examples I was like Sid was the kind of
age of zero
let Sid kill some toys dude
what a name too
and Sid
yeah
and his braces dude
you guys know
he's a sister
what do you know of Sid
slightly older
you know what
it's genius
because he's aged
out of toys
he sees them
for their
disposability
at that age
our friend Andrew Johnson's
ID photo looked like Sid.
No way.
Oh, right.
The sweetest guy in the world.
He had none of that
sadism in him.
Well, you know when like
some people when they have braces,
like it feels like they take up
more of their face than other.
It's their personality.
Strider made that joke
sophomore year of high school.
He ran into a friend
who had gotten braces
and he walked by
and Strider said, that guy's got way too many braces in his teeth
it's also it's also because andrew like didn't like i i'd smile different when i had braces
you know what i mean because i was conscious of it and he was like like not at all like you're
getting my you're getting all of them rubber bands more power bands
for just letting them fly
because I was too embarrassed to
might have to get a six on this one
is it me next?
yeah
oh
we said it at the top
the honorable mentions
is gonna be too much fun
well so if we did six
you would have to do another pick
no no no
I just did my back to back
oh okay cool
that was my back to back
that was
yeah
we can decide after the fact we don't want to tire people out but it's it's on the table to you is
it to me oh shit fuck that's all right that's all right take your time take your time we all need a
little more time right now we're only a little more time it's very fun there's a lot of stuff
here aaron's creaming over here i'm looking at aaron dude i hope i yeah he oh it's unreal i think
i might have we've hit every iteration we've hit
i gotta honor myself i'm just going with like low-key you can have fun here weirdo villains
i'm going yeah i'm not trying to win this one i'm trying to just say what's up to how i look at
villains i'm going edward norton in primal Nice. Double. What's his name in that?
I forget.
Once again, Richard Gere.
So what's so creepy about him is the murder is terrifying.
He's a sick puppy, right?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
But Edward Norton brilliantly plays the, and it was his first role too.
So it's got that Christoph Waltz quality too. That's Edward Norton's first role?
A dude.
Oh, his introductory role.
He came out of the Gates hot.
He went to like Yale.
He studied acting with Ron Livingston, Paulul giamatti and leah schreiber
then he goes to work for his grandpa's uh uh like multinational company in japan
thank you realizes he wants to be an actor first roll out of the gates gets nominated primal fear
guys just preternaturally talented dude that is so it's so cool hearing the story around like the
everyone went like matt damon like all the sort of up-and-coming actors that are like the role
in primal fear that's the star maker right there and it's like everyone's gonna play two roles in
one everything it's a reversal it's it's a range because he has so he's like a split personality
and one's like a very meek like stutters over his words and then he's got this other like psycho but
you don't even know about that till you don't even meet the other personality for like a while
it's all in the turn it's a little bit there's another villain we could mention now that it's
all in the turn yes that's like a quintessential kind of villain thing is he's playing you the
whole movie yeah and then there's the aaron aaron's his name is right is the softy's name
when he's in his
split personality richard gear movie richard gear can maybe baby let's go but there's something
inherently moral and anti-moral about gear yeah well because he's playing a sleazy lawyer but he's
a good guy and then there's this scene at the end where he's like oh so the bad guy of your
multi-personality was never real and then everyone looks at him and goes and
he can't go back to jail he's already been named innocent at this time so he's just gloating and
then he goes no aaron was never real and you're like dude he fucking played us he fucking played
us so sick so sick and making you believe and want to save this sweetie when you were just feeding
that to us to get us on your side because you knew deep down we were susceptible to that.
I love it.
Yeah, that's extra Weasley too.
Yeah, fuck, man.
That's bad.
He fools everyone.
Yeah, yeah.
He's a dark little fuck.
And Edward Norton, one of the best actors ever, I think,
so I'm glad I got him on my list.
This is another pick that I just, I love this character.
I love this movie.
I loved watching this particular actor play this character
because I don't think he's ever played the villain before.
He's always kind of the hero.
And he just did it so well.
And he had such an evil...
He was a dandy, but he had this very specific evil delivery.
Great pick.
I think it's just so rewatchable.
It's Monsieur Calvin J. Candy,
played by Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Real piece of shit.
That's great.
Dude, his teeth, they're all brown.
And he would emphasize words,
and he'd show his teeth.
And yeah, he's just like...
I just love seeing... I think a a lot of i think watching it is
that you saw that leonardo was just having so much fun playing that role and ballsy dude like
going for broke on some like tough lines of dialogue dude yeah like i i can't even quote
the lines uh you know no you can't we thought you and him and run off yeah he goes hell of a note yeah
he's like where is my beautiful sister he's like there she is
and you're like what dude and dude when he rubs blood oh yeah that scene is like i do i really
he really he really cut his hand yeah And like, it's kind of fucked up
because he rubs,
that's actual blood.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
Yeah, it's a little fucked up.
And she's like,
old school acting.
Yeah.
It's like abusing your co-star.
Yeah, exactly.
A little Brando-ish.
He's like,
I know where you are on the call sheet.
I can do this.
You're here now.
It's art, lady.
You just rubbed real blood
on my face.
That's so gross.
It's going to take your
star meter up a few thousand.
Yeah, but they kept,
obviously it was the best take. Dude, and it works in the movie he's like if you take your hands off that turtle shell tabletop mr pooch is gonna lose both barrels
of that sawed off i can't even see it no you nailed it barrels of that sawed off i got jumbled
i got jumbled no no maybe you didn't hear jumble and that was a safe line. You got a show coming out. It tasted like Jumbo.
Put another line.
Don't do it.
Led to the gif of you have my curiosity.
Now you have my attention.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, I get that one once a week.
It always works.
And he's drinking like the Mai Tai and like the coconut shell drink.
And he's eating candy all the time.
He's a Francophile.
He's like.
Yes. And then Christoph Waltz's character
he's like oh bonjour and he's like
he doesn't speak French
don't speak French around him
don't make him feel inferior intellectually
and dude
to Quentin Tarantino's genius
just placating on that whole
southern culture like tapping into that
culture and like the,
the fragile ego of it and all that is just so genius.
Yeah.
Totally.
So good.
And yeah,
to the,
the evilest thing you could do is possess other human beings.
Yes.
So to have a character,
to have someone on your list who does that,
it's like in terms of job description,
even more than like assassin or anything else we've named.
Yeah.
That's like right when you read it, you're like, huge piece of shit.
Yeah.
Massive piece of shit.
Yeah.
He's like, sun is up and shining on all of us.
All right.
Should we go six picks?
So you get two here or should we cap it?
Maybe cap it.
Cap it.
Let's cap it at five.
I think I just want to have one that's really fun.
I wanted a henchman, you know?
I think I just want to have one that's really fun I wanted a henchman
you know smart
somebody who's not the main villain
but just one of their underlings
and my favorite henchman
it's probably got to be
there'll be one that'll be in the honorable mentions
but I just think
she's so cool and hot
and that Xenia on a top
bro oh gold a top very hot
that's the pick of the draft
that's a good pick
that's a horny pick
she kills people with sex
I busted my first load
today
that's a real cream
she had such an impact on my life
also you're watching you're like it's not a bad way to go and she's like hey i'm gonna kill you
but this is how i'm gonna kill you yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna be down to try i'm gonna squeeze you
so hard during sex that you can't breathe i would love to die that way and the way she's
screaming when she's doing it like it's a little gondolish where they look like
they're getting off on killing you.
Yeah, which by the way, Amy Dunn, that's a good one.
She's a great villain.
But yeah, just, yeah!
I can't breathe!
So good, so good.
Every time she gets her legs around Pierce
like twice in that movie, both times,
it's like, oh, fuck.
She does a good job of fighting it.
This is a finishing move.
She just enjoys it.
A little precursor to jujitsu, too, hitting that triangle body lock.
You got to love that.
Yeah, for sure.
And that's also why I appreciated it as an eight-year-old.
Yeah, you were well versed in jujitsu.
It's a good move.
Early on, yeah.
All right alright should we
should we do some
honorable mentions
yeah this is the most fun
this is why I'm like
let's keep it five
some big ones
Agent Smith
from the Matrix
correct
Magneto
Magneto amazing
yeah it's just
it's so tough
with the ones who
have also been in
franchises long enough
to where you've seen them
be the good guy
like ten times
like Loki
like Loki's great
in Thor and Avengers but he's been the good guy like 10 times. Yeah. Like Loki. Like Loki's great in Thor and Avengers,
but he's been a good guy for like eight years now.
Speaking of those movies, I'm glad none of us did Thanos.
No, not Thanos.
I think in my mind, the most overrated bad guy in history.
I really liked Thanos.
And also not, he was never scary to me.
Like whatever they did in like the cosmetic design of that character,
I'm like, I'd seen other bad guys in Marvel movies
that freaked me out more than him.
I was like, he's just like a big purple guy.
He's kind of jacked, but I was like,
the Hulk looks more imposing than he does.
I disagree, but you know.
Go, baby, go.
I like his introduction, at least in Infinity War,
because he just goes toe-to-toe with the Hulk. It just beats his ass. Well, I like his introduction, at least in Infinity War,
because he just goes toe-to-toe with the Hulk.
It just beats his ass.
He just blocks and punches, and you hear the Hulk go like,
and it's like, oh, I've never seen that.
This guy's formidable.
He's also smart because he gets himself out of a couple pickles at different times.
One time where he just launches missiles against all of his own guys
because he's getting fucked up.
He's got a code. I was going to say, was gonna say his code it makes sense believed in his philosophy yeah
it didn't resonate with me as near with me it was too like draconian or and i like how
i like how dramatic he is you know he says shit like i hope they remember you you know like it's
he's he really brolin does a good job with the voice yeah and then i saw him very good i saw
a good comment on the Hulk fight
where they're like when you're playing
someone who button mashes
right
and he's just like
while the Hulk smashes
more technically
I had one that I wanted to pick
but I just didn't know
I chickened out on it but
Aldous Snow from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh, that's a good one.
You're using a rom-com bully.
The guy banging your ex.
I think you like him.
You like him.
Well, that's the thing.
I just like the character.
I don't even consider him.
Yeah.
Jason Segel has the best line.
He's like, you're so fucking cool.
That is so good.
And then he just looks at him.
He's like, oh, it's a dark neodymium.
He's like, exactly.
Yeah.
It's so good.
And he's like, I thought that you and Sarah and Rachel could, you know.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I don't think I had the sexual competency.
What about the T-1000?
Yeah, it's a gift.
Oh, that's kind of a huge.
I thought about that.
None of us did that.
I thought I was going to do that instead of Sid.
You know what?
Coolest villain.
Like, and the liquid metal idea is so great because you just don't –
you're literally thinking about it as you're watching it.
You're like, I can't figure out a way that you could actually destroy this character.
And Robert Patrick, great casting as that person because he feels a bit robotic.
But there's something impersonal about it that kept it off my list
where I wanted creepy humans.
I like it as the pure killing machine. But it's very good. And it's creepy humans i like it i like it as like the pure
killing but it's very good and it's and it's fucking dope and also top it and later terminate
and how do you top arnold arnold's amazing and the fact that it tops arnold is amazing yeah and
then you try to go buffer which would have been a mistake they're like it's like it's like sleeker
and like it just it's smart it's all it's all it's all it's all melee it's just knives
which is like it makes it so like he just stabs a bunch of people in gnarly ways it's funny um
johnny ringo from tombstone nice super weird pick but uh john hawks and martha marcy maymar
dude i thought about that like svengali leader, you totally believe he could control people's brains.
And the scariest part was after I saw that movie, I dry heaved because it gave me such deep existential willies.
On that note, period piece, which I didn't put on my list because it's not fun.
Amon Goeth, Ralph Fiennes.
Yeah, incredible.
But I'm like, this isn't fun.
But he's so truly evil.
Yeah.
He doesn't even know there's
a scene where oscar schindler is like tells him like that like there's power in pardoning people
like when they make a mistake and he's like a super evil nazi who like just murders people for
messing up the smallest of things and he like tries to do it like you see him like practicing
in the mirror and then he does it to a kid who like messes up cleaning something and then as a kid's walking away like bullet
rips through his head that scene is brutal scene so brutal you actually you hate that character so
much in the movie but you also feel bad for him because you know he like there's a part of him
that yearns to feel all these other things that humans feel like in terms of forgiveness and
benevolence and he's just completely yeah incapable and he's nazi which helps a lot two more ray fines ones um
voldemort yeah correct oh yeah great face yep yeah and he's so good just like the way that he
yells he's screeching incredible and he's funny you can tell he's fucking weird he laughs he's
like and reading those books too he's so like mysterious you're like who's
voldemort what is he what is he now you can't even say his fucking name yeah yeah that helps a lot
with villains when the other characters talk about the villain and they amplify comedy here comes
charlie let's define the character and let's have some fun um also good villain smaller movie in
bruges he's oh yeah so funny uh dude i have one that i just thought of that i wish
i'd picked because i think it'd be hilarious the uh the asteroid in armageddon i thought about that
because there's the one scene too where it's like where they're like all set up ready to blow it up
and then all the asteroids start hitting the smaller ones start hitting the big asteroid
and then will patton has a line where he's, it's like he knows we're here to kill it.
It's like, so this thing has a brain.
And it's like,
let me murder a planet.
You guys are being dicks.
Why do you got a gun in space?
Dude, that's the best.
In between an inanimate object and a human,
the shark and Jaws.
Oh, dude.
Probably of like the animal villains.
This is what I was saying was like powerful
and predator mentioned predator because predator is more interesting because it likes to hunt
yeah jaws is just like this obviously nature of force not quite as dynamic but very villainous
and very it's it's just it's like that's why i like the xenomorph because it's good yeah
there's also more movies yeah which i think which helps a lot but for i like the xenomorph because it's good yeah there's also more movies you know
which i think which helps a lot but for sure like the far as far yeah we said agent smith as far as
affecting your life like weren't you a little scared to get in the water after jaws yeah is it
agent smith's best scene when he's interrogating uh morpheus yeah and you start to feel like wait
this dude's a robot but there's human components him. He yearns to get out of it.
And when he's talking about the sweat, the smell.
Oh, yeah, disgusting.
Yeah, the thing that hurts Agent Smith the most
is just the later movies are so bad.
They're so bad.
I didn't want to put it.
His arc is pretty interesting because he's a virus to also the Matrix.
So it is interesting, but it's bad.
Yeah, but you can't even count it.
Those later ones are such disaster you know
that like they're like i was like man if who's just one like he'd be he for sure would have
gotten 100 bro and he's sort of like it's it gives you a very clear picture of ai and if they
were to turn on us like what they would be thinking and stuff and how much how much they just hate us disdain
yeah disdain and like how like for the human race like how they're just so you know distance from
it they're like we just want to exterminate you and just be done with it and what do you
quality when villains have when they have like absolute disgust for what we are because you
feel it as a person like yeah we are kind of pieces of shit yeah and when he says like the
first version of this was perfect.
Yeah.
But you guys couldn't, it didn't feel real to you guys.
Yeah.
We had to make it shitty for you to actually buy into it.
And you're like, fuck, we suck.
Interesting.
I got another one.
The demon in paranormal activity.
Oh, nice.
Just grabbing you and sloshing you around the room. That's terrifying.
Yeah, it's very mysterious.
It just makes noise.
It just hits the thing.
What about Cyrus the Virus?
He was on the list. Even Caster
Troy, because you get... Oh, yeah, he's got a huge face
off, because you get Nick Cage and
Travolta playing them, so it's kind of a twofer.
My thing with that,
I thought Nicolas Cage was better at both
than Travolta.
Travolta's very good as the bad guy.
It's just tough when Nick Cage is
one of the best.
I got one.
Sean Bean
in National Treasure.
Yeah.
He's trying to destroy
the GoldenEye.
Yeah,
Gentilicious.
Emperor Palpatine.
Oh, dude.
Good call, good call.
That's a tough one.
You could have gotten
Star Wars Heaven 2.
Barnes from Platoon.
Oh, dude. Tom Berringer. That one should have been on a list. Bro, it was almost going to be on my list. Star Wars having two Barnes from Platoon oh dude
that one should have been on a list
it was almost going to be on my list
he's one of the ugliest of all the characters
he's a bad guy
and he kills his own fucking dude
and he's so bad because it's the middle of a war
but I already took my period piece guy
he was going to be my number one but I would have got hammered for it
but it's in the middle
of Vietnam as a backdrop
uh horrendous and he still has his agenda and the scars they put on his face great touch i i was
surprised gt didn't pick this one build a butcher yeah okay so that was a really complicated thing
for me i didn't want to pick any villains that you liked more than the hero right in the movie
and that was like a category I was thinking about doing.
So I was going to do McCullough from Heat
and I was going to do Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York
because they're two of my favorite characters,
irrespective of like good guy, bad guy.
But to me, they're too heroic to pick them
because I think in both movies,
you're actually rooting for those guys more than their foil.
For sure. It's kind of true. It's like a high-speed chase. I think in both movies, you're actually rooting for those guys more than their foil.
For sure.
It's kind of true.
It's like a high-speed chase.
Yeah.
I wanted to pick pure sickos.
And those guys are too cool and good at what they do to,
they have an honor.
That's the problem with both of them is that they're honorable villains.
You can't have honor.
Chris, what do you got?
I feel like you got something. Kaiser Soze.
Yeah.
That's the one that I referenced with the Ed Norton one where they're playing it yeah they're playing i almost want that over joe joe uh and the fact that's i mean
it's it's so iconic um and spacey's so fucking good in that he's a villain in real life and all
this stuff you hear about kaiser yeah for sure it's like dude my mom's so funny bad guy i don't
know what this says about my mom this is probably
where i get my spangali uh like uh interest from oh because she mom would always of all the actors
mom always said she thought the sexiest actor was kevin spacey dude sorry so but she also she also
like thought like al pacino was really sexy she thinks james spader's really sexy. My mom likes bad guys who
are in control.
Dude, I love that. I got two.
Bob Sugar and Jay Maguire.
Oh, that's a great one.
That's a great one. And then
Colonel Nathan Jessup.
Oh, he's good, man.
You can't handle the truth.
The White House still is a you can't handle the truth.
Likeable.
I couldn't pick him
because almost the villains in that
are like the two henchmen guys.
Correct.
The one who gets the rocket in him
and then the guy who gets the poison in his mouth.
Those guys are the real evil ones.
Which reminds me of the one
that we thought from earlier callback
is Ravington in Patriot.
Yeah, Tavington.
Tavington, Tavington.
Oh, is that jason isaacs
character yeah that's an incredible villain pick no long shanks from you either no no long shanks
no long shanks but but you know long shanks i don't know but tabbington's just so bad yeah
on that farm with that stupid boy did he die yeah yeah when you can't believe what level of evil
they're getting to you're like bro you killed this guy's son and now you're taunting yeah and then in 20 minutes and he's so evil that even his own general's like
fuck this guy yeah it's not what i'm ordering you to do if i do this i can't go back home yeah
tell me about ohio ohio uh johnny lawrence and uh yes karate kid bro certification of like
white entitlement.
But here's the thing.
There's a whole debate about this.
Because with the Karate Kid, it's like Danielson steals his girlfriend.
He bullies him first.
Dumps water on him when he's smoking weed just trying to chill.
He's already bullied him at that point.
Look, I like these.
But there's an interesting debate.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
I call it revisionist history. I like the wicked storytelling. I call it revisionist history.
Yeah.
I like the wicked storytelling, but yeah.
The warden and Shawshank.
Nice.
Yes.
Both of them.
Both of them are his teammate.
Oh, also, I feel like Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Oh, Nurse Ratched.
Horrendous.
Horrible, dude.
Driving people to suicide.
Bro, yes.
In lobotomies.
Horrendous.
We got to mention a legend in his only villain part
Paul Walker
and she's all that
oh
yeah
good
that's good
he's a real cunt
in that movie
she might be
a tight little jam
one of the best
lines of all time
dude
dude
one of the best
lines of all time
I've seen you
fool people
to think you're
some sort of
god around here
he's so
hot in it too I've got two the humans
and king kong does that make sense yeah they're all the jack black one the new one or jack
people who kill him okay and also flaming dragon in tropic thunder oh, the kid. Oh yeah, he's hilarious. Shownuff in The Last Dragon. That guy's cool.
More henchmen.
I got Mr. Joshua from Lethal Weapon.
Gary Busey's character.
Incredible. And then what's the
chick's name in Kill Bill?
With the... Oh, Renishi?
No, her
underling. Oh, the girl from the Crazy 88s.
Yeah. Yeah, fuck.
That's one of the best yeah
the one with the ball and she fights before go go yeah yeah go go dude honestly one of my favorites
and i might have picked it but samuel l jackson in django bro he's amazing oh my god he's so he's
a little bit smarter than leo di caprio and you're like you're like leo di caprio is the showstopper
but you're like you kind of feel like samuel's character is pulling the string and samuel l plays it so unabashedly it's unreal one of my favorite
performances he's amazing and it taps into the culture of that which is crazy dude that movie's
amazing uh dude total different note fucking max katie and cape fear hilarious oh yeah doing push
ups so fire can't burn them and the voice dude the voice and when
he dresses up as the fucking maid oh it's so good you're like this guy is so campy yeah oh um
sorry oh another high school one and like master manipulator sarah michelle galler
and cruel intentions yeah that was on my list that was on my list. That was on my list. Hot. Very hot. Did you get coke with the little thing?
Yeah, dude.
And just ruining lives because it's fun.
Because I have all this money and I just want to watch all these people just destroying
people for no reason.
That's a great one.
And then my last one is Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.
Oh, yeah.
He's great.
He's great.
Worst house guest you could ever have.
Ray Liotta in anything?
Rest in peace.
I got like 24.
You got like 24?
Go, baby.
Go.
Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege.
Very fun.
Oh, yeah. Under Siege.
Wiley.
Weird role for him.
He's a good harmonica player.
Gollum.
Oh, yeah.
Gollum doppelganger.
Better than Sauron. Yeah. And Sauron. Sauron's one note. All powerful. he's a good harmonica player Gollum oh yeah Gollum doppelganger better than Saruman
yeah and Saruman
Saruman's one note
all powerful
well because he's never
in a corporal form
you know what I mean
it's hard to
he's scary
but like he's never
yeah
it's when he's got
it would be scarier
if he was running around
like he is in the beginning
with a mace
correct
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Owen Davian
Mission Impossible
incredible
all find her
all hurt her
you know what I love
no monologues
he doesn't
he doesn't
he doesn't do the pageantry
of most villains
where they're like
so you think you understand
my plan
but actually
you're mistaken
yeah
my plan isn't to control
the oil
it's to control the ground
where the oil is
and you're like
oh wow
Owen Davion's just like
I'm gonna find who loves you
and they're dead
exactly fuck Morton Joe from Fury Road good one great good one good one Oh, wow. Oh, and Davian's just like, I'm going to find who loves you and they're dead. Exactly.
Morton Joe from Fury Road.
Great.
Good one, good one.
Great costume.
Who's the guy that Dr. Reveal's based on?
Belfort or Belfon?
One of the early Bond villains
that took the predecessor to Spectre.
Blofeld.
Blofeld.
He's got to be mentioned.
Javier Bardem in Skyfall, too.
Amazing.
He kills him.
Yeah. Well, I like when he hits on
Daniel Craig.
The sexual menace is really nice.
Where he's like, you're keeping your
bod pretty tight.
I got one. Val in Brink.
I was going to say that.
Val in Brink?
Oh, in Brink, bro.
Instinctive villainous performances.
That guy ended up Beating the show
Again
That guy was on the show
Beauty and the Geek
And he was the first
Like male beauty
They had on there
Yeah
He's Val
Is he really
100%
Oh Brody
Brody from Point Break
Cool villain
Again he's in the
Bode
Bode
Bode
Bode
Bode
Yeah Bode not Brody.
Bodhi saw fucked up Brody.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Dude.
Just Clauses, Clauses.
Joe Doe from...
Yeah, exactly.
Ivan Drago?
Yeah.
Sorry, sorry.
I teased you.
I teased you on that.
It was crazy we didn't do any rockier fighter villains,
like combat villains.
But yeah, Drago's unstoppable.
Which, thinking of Stallone,
had me thinking of Lithgow in Cliffhanger, which is just fun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's unstoppable which thinking of stallone had me thinking of lithgow
and cliffhanger which is just fun oh yeah yeah he's hamming it all up but then also
probably a better lithgow villain uh lord farquaad and shrek dude farquaad he also plays
like a serial killer in some thing oh the denzel movie yeah fallen no no no no it's a or it's got
it's a really creepy ricochet yeah ricochet he's good in that
scar and lion king scar and fucking tai lung and kung fu panda very good bag you feel for him
it's like i like he deeply he's actually one of my favorites but i just i feel like it's too uh
i don't know if it's gonna be on enough people that I went a little bit more populous with it,
but he's amazing in it.
That makes me...
Russell Crowe in Virtuosity
and then Russell Crowe in 310 to Yuma.
310 to...
But actually maybe the better villain in 310 to Yuma is...
Ben Foster.
Ben Foster.
Great henchman.
Just squealing the whole time.
So did anyone...
You had a henchman on yours?
Yeah, I did Xenia on the top.
I think it was good to have a henchman on there
because I was henchman-like. That's sort of an archetype too where it's like the villain with the code and
then the more radical villain right below yeah the one who actually does the violent shit yes uh
emotep oh yeah here we go the mummy he mute setna jk simmons at whiplash. Oh, yeah. Bad guy. Bad guy. Or Kathy Bates and Misery.
Incredible.
Heard about that.
Terrorizing.
Or what's the other one?
Sexy ass one.
Sharon Stone.
Basic Instinct.
Basic Instinct.
And then also.
She's not even a villain though.
She's just too cool.
She's just too cool.
I mean, she is.
Sam Era, Glenn Close and Fear, Fracture, and Traction.
Yes.
Another gal, the bad lady from Major League.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a really good one. Yeah, you're right. That's great the bad lady from Major League. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's a really good one.
Yeah, you're right.
That's great.
She's a real asshole.
That's great.
And you like her.
I think that's...
Oh, Coba
from the Apes movies.
The Apes.
I almost chose Caesar,
but he's like...
He's a good guy.
He's the man.
Yeah, you're good for him.
The guy in Speed.
Oh, Dennis Hopper.
Yeah, Dennis Hopper.
Dude, Dennis
and Blue Velvet, too.
And I think Dennis Hopper, he should have been on a list just because that guy had the manic intensity of a villain.
Like when you look, some guys just look like villains, you know, like Kevin Bacon has a little bit of that, like in Rivers Wild.
William Finchner, who dies at the beginning of Dark Knight.
Some guys are just like, yeah, you're a fucking bad guy.
You're an asshole.
Yeah.
What's his face?
Dorian from The Mask. That guy's great yes oh wow there's always time green goblin oh yeah doc ock also a good one yeah yeah all right yeah sorry go ahead go ahead no i'm done
what's up stokers i'm interrupting this podcast let you know once again that we are going on tour we got
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oh wait aaron has a mic okay i'm gonna lead off with some honorable mentions uh
i mean thank god somebody mentioned bode uh talk about the most likable villain maybe in movie
history uh would love to see it on your list but hey we had some bangers out there. No doubt about it. I creamed a lot over here, guys.
Nice.
Yeah, do you need a towel?
Watch your step as you walk past me.
We missed one big.
It's hitting me now.
Mike Myers from Halloween?
Sure.
I mean, any of those horror.
I mean, any of the horror guys.
Pinhead, like you mentioned earlier.
Oh, that's his name.
You know, you mentioned the xenomorph but you gotta
say that one of the more sniveling dudes in history is is uh paul reiser in aliens yeah oh
yeah great villain the human side of it yeah he's like corporate or you could even you could even do
ian holm in the first one you know the cyborg uh you got the kirgan from highlander left out
great bad guy yeah what's that that's the dude
from yeah yeah who's in shawshank too he's a creepy looking dude yeah does a lot of voice
work on the star wars shows yeah plays a bad guy like eight different times he's spongebob's boss
nice crusty crap uh travis bickle nice Nice! Protagonist bad guy. I do like that.
That's like Clockwork Orange dude too.
Alex, yeah. Oh, that's a good call.
You got Cyrus the Virus, Castor Troy. Thank you.
Tony Montana.
Also. Nice!
Yeah, we didn't do a protagonist bad guy.
Jack Nicholson departed. Did we say that?
No. You know what? I thought he was
too... Francis? I thought he was
too much of a fucking like
He did too much coke and when he had the dildo in the movie theater. I was like, I'm no longer afraid of you
I like mr. Ray Winstone as a henchman and that was very good though. Oh, yeah
This one's just from my from my top ten movies of all time Henry Fonda is Frank and once upon a time in the West
Oh nice. You haven't seen it watch it from my top 10 movies of all time, Henry Fonda's Frank in Once Upon a Time in the West.
Oh, nice.
If you haven't seen it, watch it.
In terms of animals, the raptors in Jurassic Park.
Yeah.
So bastardized in later versions. But in terms of the human animals in that movie,
Wayne Knight as Nedry.
Oh, great bad guy.
He really kicks the whole thing off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We did Agent Smith
Kaiser Sose
the Warden and Shawshank
Sergeant Barnes
thank you for someone saying that
Damien from The Omen
nice
a little kid
a little kid
we saw that in fucking
Ocean Ranch remember that
yeah we saw the new one
yeah
with Leo Shriver
before I mention Leo Shriver
Belloc from Raiders of the Lost Ark
competing archaeologist
really kind of fucking up Indy's day yeah it's just such a you know Indy could just kick his ass so easily Bell Locke from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Competing archaeologist.
Really kind of fucking up Indy's day.
Yeah, he's just such a... Indy could just kick his ass so easily.
But he never does.
What about the blondie from Last Crusade?
Yeah, dude, that sexually awakened me, bro.
She had some sexually awakened shit going on there.
It was either that or Xenia for me.
I went Xenia.
Xenia, good call, bro.
Good call.
And in the video game.
The AR-3333 Shredder
oh
fucking dude
very good bad guy
fucking dude
Salazzo
from the Godfather
he kicks that
I thought about
Godfather
but also
kind of too likable
all those guys
Amadeus
not Salazzo
I mean Salazzo
tries to kill
okay good call
Salieri
from Amadeus yes we got Colonel Tabington Simon not Salazzo I mean Salazzo or tries to kill okay good call Saul Yerry from
from Amadeus
yeah
yes
we got Colonel Tabbington
Simon Gruber
we mentioned
yeah we talked about
Sherlock
Sherlock Moriarty
yeah
we talked about
Simon Gruber
from Die Hard 3
Patrick Bateman
one of the protagonists
yeah I was wondering about that
from
a protagonist
yeah
too cool
and then I got all
your
my brother had a
great one
Chris you want to
say yours
that was the last
honorable mention
because I was
pointing at like
I got chubby fingers
so I didn't know
if you were talking
about
I got great fingers
you have the nicest
fingers I've ever seen
that one
Ernie
yeah
Ernie McCracken
from Kingpin
Bill Murray from what yeah from Kingpin. Oh, dude. Bill Murray.
From what?
Big Earn.
From Kingpin.
Bill Murray's character.
Big Earn.
Oh, my gosh.
Big Earn.
Do the commercial.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and Big Earn's already there.
And it's all these attractive moms.
It's amazing.
And Shooter McGavin.
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
Also, Bradley Cooper from Wedding Crashers.
Yeah.
That's funny.
Very cool. There's funny. Very good.
There's a lot of good comedy.
Judge Schmalz from Caddyshack is hilarious.
There's a lot of good comedy ones, but it's tough.
Office Space, what's his name?
Oh, Lumberg.
Lumberg.
Oh, hell, Lumberg fucked her.
He falls apart.
That's amazing.
When he's talking to Aniston in the car,
he's like, he's the personification of evil.
She's like, that's a little intense.
Dude, can you imagine being a part, make sure the personification of evil. She's like, that's a little intense. Can you imagine being at a party?
Make sure you wear rubber, dude.
What does that mean?
Lumberg fucked her.
The casting of that, the guy that says that at the party is so funny.
He's so good.
Make sure you wear rubber, dude.
The O-face guy, yeah.
Yeah, O-O.
So good.
Guys, in terms of your lists, I mean, just amazing.
Let me go back over them real quick
Strider, first pick, Hans Landa
Right of the Gate, should be a number one
Number one overall, amazing
John Doe
From Seven
Hal 9000 from 2001
Freddy Krueger, Sid from Toy Story
It's a great list
Wow
Then we got JT, Anton
Shigura. Great.
Hans Gruber. Yeah. Iconic.
We take some turns.
Billy Zane. That's a great one.
That's amazing. He's grounding.
I love that pick. He would have been available.
Yeah. I know. I was gonna
lose him. No one was thinking of him.
Chad was gonna take him. Yeah.
You better believe it.
Richard Gere in Eternal Affairs and Edward Norton in Primal Fear. lose it no one was thinking i was gonna take it i was gonna take him yeah you better believe it richard geary eternal affairs and edward norton and primal fear uh then we got chad uh do you
want to say just the joker or heath ledger specifically as the joker because uh do i
have to pick these i think he i think he got it i think he should pick that feels like he's been
nine iterations of the character like yeah i'd say so genius no no
you lose no points that is the best pick that is the best if anything you're gonna lose points by
taking all of them jared leto's joker yeah jared mark hamill's yeah that's a movie um
this is good uh so he thought just j Joker, one. Commodus, two.
Regina George from Mean Girls, three.
Alonzo Harris from Training Day, four.
And Candy in Django.
It's a great list.
Good list.
Good, but I don't know if the value's all there.
I'm just saying.
Why don't you shut the fuck up?
Look, I gotta be political now.
This is judgment time.
Candy at five is good value.
Yeah, it's true it's huge
but like you said
I think
I think
I've always thought
since I saw the movie
the first time
that Samuel L. Jackson
is actually acting
his ass off
in that movie
I think it's one of the
best performances
of all time
yeah
I think yeah
period
when I saw it
I was like
this is like
on another level
yeah
and then Chris
won with Hannibal Lecter,
which I hadn't even thought of,
which is crazy
because I love that movie.
Huge.
You could also have to specify,
I guess,
but everyone knows you mean
Sons of the Lambs.
For sure.
Sons of the Lambs.
Yeah.
And Anthony Hopkins.
I mean,
Brian Cox played him.
Brian Cox is good in it,
but it's Anthony Hopkins made.
Yeah.
And Manhunter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then the guy who just died
played him in The Handmaid's
Horizon.
The French actor.
Darth Vader 2.
Darth Vader going 2.
I mean, that's, what a list.
Dr. Evil, The Xenomorph and
Aliens, and Fonka Johnson and
Goldeneye.
Just amazing.
Amazing list for all of you.
Great job, everybody.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I didn't think it was possible.
But we have a three-peat, guys.
Chris wins again.
No!
Dude, honestly, I thought it was going to be Strider.
Bang!
Strider is number two.
Wait, why is it?
What's the distinction?
Because you suck, dude.
Get the mic if you're going to be spitting.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, what's the distinction here? I thought I was're going to be spitting. What's the distinction here?
I thought I was locked in.
It could be a 1A, 1B.
It's that good.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm taking very little away from you.
I just think Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader
as your 1-2.
It's Vader in the 2 slot, isn't it?
And then you get Dr. Evil just for fun.
You don't really have a...
You like the versatility
of my brother's list.
What's the fourth pick?
His fourth?
Does he know more from Aliens?
That's huge.
I'm sad,
but I knew I was going to lose,
but I can feel Chad's sadness right now.
I'm more stewing from the shit talk.
Sorry,
I got to get a judgment time.
It's a window.
It's unnecessary.
Your list is incredible.
Don't get me wrong.
Like Hal 9000 is an inspired pick.
Are we at a point now where we can call into question the subjectivity of the judge?
Aaron, are you and my brother just very simpatico in your worldview?
It's entirely possible.
Fair.
That's a very fair, even- zero defensiveness you handled that beautifully my friend yeah once when the first time i met chris i was like this
is why jt and i get along because i'm like kind of like chris oh there we go so let's go I think for number god man
Anton Chigurh going one
Joker
I think I'm going to go Chad three
even though I love
JT's one and two for sure
yeah I went
you took a Sean Penn
my last three picks were all Sean Penners
I admire it
they're beautiful though.
Yeah.
If anyone wants a picture of my psychology in terms of the evil side.
It's like that's not all the picks on my list are mine.
Like all of JT's picks are his.
That's my personality.
Yeah.
All right.
That was a fun one, man.
That was really fun.
That was crazy.
The movie ones are.
Villain might be my favorite one so far.
I think so.
Yeah.
Villains are so fun.
If you were to go heroes, it's not as fun.
No, because there's real psychological specificity in the villains.
Yeah.
There's something weird about each of them that appeals.
Dude, that was crazy.
All right, should we answer some cues?
Let's do it.
All right. that was amazing
um oh dude i don't need to do political moves
great villain yep yep he's amazing they had to shoot him in a low light because
brando got so fat uh also bad guy from ferris bueller the principal oh yeah oh i love that actor all-time grill for a
villain all right we got some great cues this week guys what up bros i just started training
with someone i haven't seen in a while and this dude is a beast he needs almost no recovery and
is smashing his prs weekly when i ask him how i can recover quicker and keep up he suggested a
vegan diet how is this dude getting enough protein in part of me is jealous that he's crushing me
but i've also never seen improvement this this fast in their in? Part of me is jealous that he's crushing me, but I've also never seen improvement
this fast in their 30s.
How can I ask him if he's natty or not?
He puts off some intense energy, so I've
been hesitant to ask. Thanks, Legends.
Alright.
Try again, please.
Do you have something? Out of the gates,
this is compare and despair, bro. Don't worry about
your bro's gains. I'm happy
that you're asking for someone who's making gains advice.
But the fact that you said, I'm wondering if he's natty or not, don't worry about your guy.
Just go to the gym.
Let it be your zen.
Let it be where you get in there and make gains on your own, bro.
And then maybe, I don't know what your diet is, but that's going to be an impact.
What you put into your machine is going to directly affect your output, AKA in the gym. So don't worry about it, what he's
doing in the gym, just be your best you and gradually make your increments, bro.
And look, I love more plates, more dates who basically exposes celebrities for doing roids.
But I will say in my personal life, I've known a lot of dudes who just were jacked specimens and put on muscle easily and could gain muscle or gain strength at a speed that was hard to believe.
But it was completely natural.
It was their stock that they were born with and then also the hard work that they put in.
So I wouldn't be quick to question someone on that front. I would first just be inspired by what they're able to do and let
that push you to hit bigger numbers. But, and then in terms of asking them, I don't even actually
think that's, it's kind of a compliment, you know, like I talked about it a lot. The time I beat up
dad and then he sent that email and was like, JT, I think you're on roids. I took that as immense
flattery. Cause I was like, yeah, you would think that the way I rocked your ass.
Yeah.
Like, for sure.
The way I chucked you was powerful.
He needed to send that email so he could control the narrative.
Exactly.
And I felt him being like, hey, you're on roids.
And I was like, hey, or you could be a man about it and say that, you know.
You got fucking pinned.
Your hand speed's diminished and your bass isn't as strong as it used to be.
And maybe me, the young bull, is ready to it till you're just off regular steak and brown rice
but uh yeah i will i you can ask him i don't think it'll be offensive yeah you don't do it
in a playful way but and also to your earlier question about how i don't know maybe there's
vegan protein powder yeah protein you got is that a thing i think any diet can work like everybody's different i think
we all come from different places we all got different biology i think genetics is a huge
part of it always i remember when trevor called me out for doing when i actually was doing steroids
and trevor was like the one who knew he just he just kept looking at your arms and go what
are you on steroids what is this and honestly dude what i mean you would just look at each
other and be like...
Your endurance, dude.
Endurance steroids can't help with that.
But like, you know, guys will put on more plates.
But dude, if you can keep going for a while
and also with boning, that's tight too.
But your cardio,
just keep working on your cardio, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
For boning though, it's also cool
if you can power clean your partner.
I mean, that'll get you there.
That'll get you. That'll get you that'll get
that'll get you in the room
but what's really gonna be
a wow factor
in getting you in the room
for the second time
it's gonna be your endurance
if you can hoist her
into a powerbomb position
with like
minimal effort
100%
it's a showstopper
100%
if you can Boston T crab her
but in like a loving way
dude what's that
that's gonna be nice dude what's that? That's going to be nice, dude.
What's that?
Yeah, what is that?
That's going to be where your dong is up by the top tip of her dome
and you're down by her dome.
Basically, it's like a nice, it's like a loving 69.
Oh, a standing 69?
No, it's on the ground.
It's a pin move.
It's a finishing move.
It's a submission.
It's in the sharpshooter kind of position.
Yeah, it's a finishing move.
Your dong's got to be at a 45 degree trajectory
at that point
you better be rocked
you know what's good for the standing wheelbarrow
is farmer carry
you're holding them up
and then you just go into town
you gotta hold them up for a while
I've been lost for two straight minutes
I don't know what you guys are talking about
you standing wheelbarrowed?
I guess I don't have as good a are talking about. We're talking about coming and not ending. I guess I don't have
as good a sex as you.
No, you're a mish guy.
You're like me.
It's kisses and eye contact.
That's what gets us
over the top.
I go standing wheelbarrow
just straight off the bat.
I guess it's something to
build towards.
You didn't watch
one of that wrong.
To aspire to.
Because what do you do now
that you've done,
now that you do that,
you've been doing that,
what's next?
We watch Home Improvement. Hey man, did you watch hd tv together let's go dude yeah you make a good plan together uh hello
dude yeah oh you're planning a trip coming up uh nutting thank you it is so fun it's the best
dude oh we're gonna visit your parents yeah i'm there yeah when you cream after a wheelbarrow
right into the bucket.
I'm still lost,
but this is interesting. So am I, dude.
Morning wood woes. Greetings, sorcerers of Stoke and any
esteemed guests. Freaking what up? I come to you in dire
need of counsel as I am currently facing
a morning wood conundrum.
I am a freshman in college and so far I've been
having a freaking dank time. Cali is tight far I've been having a frigging dank time.
Cali is tight and I've been doing well with the babes.
Unfortunately, this consistent stokage has led to an uptick in morning wood.
You may be thinking, how could this be a problem?
Morning wood is legit.
However, every morning I have to get up and go to class at 8 a.m.
while my roommate, whose bed face is mine, chills in his bed wide awake.
This has meant that often my morning wood is preventing me from going to class
because I can't get out of bed without constantly flexing my tiny bricked up hog.
Consequently, my attendance is fucked and I'm not doing as well in class.
To further compliment this quandary,
my roommate is an active homosexual who's smitten for me.
So basically it's a shit show.
Whoa.
On one hand, I feel like morning wood is a God-given right,
one of his great gifts, and it's what I was born for
but it's also friggin with my GPA
and that ain't shit dude I'll tell you what's friggin with your
GPA
all in your head screenwriting stupid
shit dude
your roommate even if he wants to bone you
that's nice and flattering the guy knows how to
handle someone with wood
just pop out of bed and be like oh dude look
I got a boner
again that's crazy and then go to class yeah the fact that this is preventing you from going to
class yeah it just shouldn't like just throw on some jeans quickly you know it's the best you're
gonna do and just once you walk a certain amount by the time you're out the door it's gonna be
going down dude pitch either that pitch a, or flip into your waistband.
And dude, that's what I'm saying.
I sleep in my jeans three out of seven nights.
Sleep in your jeans.
It's not uncomfortable.
It's actually kind of cozy.
And then when you wake up in the morning, you Texas belt buckle in,
and you get out of bed, and you handle your business, dude.
And I don't know.
Find some time to whack off.
Make some time for you so that you shouldn shouldn't be waking and you know we should be
waking up every day with like a rock hard one and we're all freaking stoked for this dude until he
mentioned that his roommate was on the side yeah you put us in a spot to to uh chastise you for
the extra information that you should just be more enlightened to handle all right you're fine bro
all right gross lack of maturity there dude what do you think your roommate oh dude you popped out
of bed with a boner let me go suck it shut up and even if he is into it you moron even if he is into
it what's gonna happen next like the fucking dude even if he did make a pass he just go hey bro
you smile he's like it's not for me but i appreciate the attention and you move on yeah it's also like 7 50 in the morning for him too you know
dude i i i gotta say it i bet his boners ain't even rage as hard as he says yeah you're like
half chub i bet yeah but you got a little tweener there bro yeah you're you're freaking tween uh
yeah what else is keeping this guy from class if boners are?
Yeah, his tweener?
Like, that's like...
This whole thing sounds made up.
Also, why is it affecting your GPA?
Isn't every class podcasted at this point?
Just fucking watch the podcast, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right, Jeffrey Toobin.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Go jack off in the shower like we all did.
Can you imagine if your son was like, duh.
You're like, hey, why'd you get bad grades at Penn State this semester?
And he's like, my roommate's good.
I can't get out of bed with a boner.
I'd slap my kid.
Oh, yeah.
Be a man, dude.
Get out of bed with a boner and walk proudly to class and just destroy that essay.
That's it.
No excuses.
I'd right angle his dick.
Yeah, break his boner.
I'd say, no, you don't have a problem.
I'd grab and just...
And then I can pee around hallways dick wide.
Put a heavy kink in that cock, dude.
Bro shirt dilemma.
What up, friends?
I need some sage advice on how I should proceed with this situation.
So last week, the fellas and I went on a spring break trip
and I was sporting my favorite party shirt.
It's super dope button down tee,
the flowy short sleeve type Tony Soprano style.
Anyways, the boys were giving positive feedback
and saying the shirt was dope, which got me fired up.
And one of my friends even asked where I got it.
And I told him without any thought.
Well, he got the exact same shirt as me
the week after we got back.
And my other friend sent me a pic of him
wearing it the very next weekend out at a bar.
Normally something like this would have little to no effect on me,
but for some reason this feels like betrayal. Me and this particular cat have quite a bit of beefs in the past. So maybe this just was just adding fuel to the fire. And I know this is a
relatively unimportant problem to have, but I feel like I got to mark my territory. So should I
address this shirt dilemma head on with him or leave it be and continue to rock the shirt whenever
I feel like it
I actually think
this is legit beef
wait so the guy
wore the same outfit
he had like a fire new outfit
that he was fired up on
and then this other dude
copped it
and is now rocking it
making him seem like
look it's only a problem
because the other guy
looks better in it
that's all I'm saying
I don't know dude
nah bro
I think
it's offensive
if the other guy
didn't look better
come on dude I think it's legit beef I think i don't know dude no i think it's the other guy didn't look better come on dude i i think it's still jib beef i i think i don't know how you handle it i just would
make remarks right because it sounds like they're not in the same they're no longer
are they running in the same circles right now because it almost sounded like they were together
and now they're separated if he's getting pictures of it from his friends you know if they're in like
different areas i'm assuming they're going to be in the same turf and i think a call out is warranted i think it's
not going to mushroom into anything bigger you go hey nice shirt dude wondering where you got the
idea for that yeah you're copping my look dude how about dude always a good place to attack someone
is on originality yeah that stings deep just make sure you don't don't have any wavering in your voice
where you seem upset about it.
Be very casual about it.
Because if you're like, yeah, nice shirt, man.
It's like you're going to look...
Wounded.
Yeah.
You can't look like that.
You got to...
I thought about a villain we forgot that applies to the situation.
A villain we forgot that applies to the situation.
Single white female.
Oh, Jennifer Jason Leigh?
Yeah, yeah. She's doing that to you, single white female. Oh, Jennifer Jason Leigh? Yeah, yeah.
He's doing that to you, so be careful.
It's weird.
Strider, you disagree.
I'm not quite as worried about it.
I'm like, look, dude, flattery is the highest,
or impression is the highest form of flattery.
To counter, tap into your younger self,
your 19-year-old Strider.
If it was my little brother, I'd be pissed. pissed yeah or if you're in college and joel started rocking the same look as you i do yeah
i think that would i i think i would have got a call here's the thing this guy told him where it
was from he controlled it the guy asked him yeah but he told him it's only once fool me twice
scenario bro where's that shirt from? Somebody's like, wherever.
It doesn't mean, oh, I'm going to go there and buy it.
It's just like...
Yeah, it does.
No, it doesn't.
That's exactly what it means.
Why would I ask someone where their shirt's from?
If I would have bought the same shirt as you when we were working at Nordstrom's and you
were rocking the shit in that, you would have lit me up.
Dude, we've stolen each other's outfits many times.
That's different.
Stealing's different.
We've stolen each other's outfits many times.
Because then they don't have a's different. Stealing's different. We've stolen each other's outfits many times. Because then they don't have a different thing.
Stealing's different.
What I think it is, and here's what irks me about it, because I don't totally disagree
with you guys, but what irks me about it, and this is me hypothesizing, I feel like
the guy who asked about the shirt, this is totally me creating narratives, is like a
nice guy and maybe more of a beta.
And I feel like all their friends
bully him he just like liked the shirt i know this is this is like a i did this another time
i did this another time exactly i did this one another time where he's in a wheelchair
and his mom's on dialysis and his dad just lost his job exactly all right no it's a tremendous
amount of empathy on your part that I'm creating all of this, but
also at the same time, I'm like, just be mature.
The guy's wearing the fucking outfit.
If he wears it to dinner on the same night,
then we're talking. But if someone
sent you something because his friends are sending it,
oh, look what he's wearing.
I'm like, all you need to shut the
fuck up, dude.
Then we'll add a caveat.
If this guy is super
pathetic, just leave it
but if he's yeah he's a regular does he need it to cool then like yeah just casually give him a
little bit of shit for it and that's like because the thing is he does he can call him out without
making it a big deal if you loved a song and it was your song okay i discovered the band yeah
let's say it's a marshall tucker band can't you see and that's your song and it was your song. Okay. I discovered the band. Yeah. Let's say it's a Marshall Tucker band, Can't You See?
And that's your song and you discovered it.
And then you find out two weeks later, Ferraro played that song for Amy Wallace.
Yeah.
So if I'm at that station in my life, I'm mad and I'm upset, but we're trying to tell
these stokers to be better.
And now that I've matured, now that I've matured, now that I've matured, I would say the right decision is i'd go look it's okay to feel those feelings i felt those feelings that's
fucked up but guess what you had a positive impact impact on your bro dude and that's time
there's something about him learning the lesson of give credit where credit's due that's true
but i mean he's not gonna tell it to amy what's he gonna do hey by the way amy before we hook up tonight no you don't tell amy of course no you don't tell you go to ferraro and you go
hey man you're making inroads on my discoveries i love that a one-on-one conversation with the
dude that has the outfit after the outfit that's a great i love that that's a good call i'm saying
talk with him call him out i think it's almost not one-on-one don't be presentable i think
don't humiliate him in front of the crew i wasn't even saying but sometimes you need the crew to
to give it the i think it almost makes it feel boring sometimes you do it if he doesn't do it
one-on-one that's to pull him off to the side and be like hey man i saw you like why are you
like this is weird you're but whereas like you can do it casually in front of the group where
it's like a little bit of check yourself
but then it moves on. I always lead
one-on-one. But if you pull it off to the side, it's like
hey man, I really need to talk to you about something.
You bought that. That's
making a huge deal out of it.
This guy wrote an email. He's obviously making
a huge deal. He's a young guy.
That's who we're dealing with.
That's who we're dealing with.
If we're being mature about it, we're not even worrying. even worrying but look he's younger about it i would say lead with one
on one go bro a lot of i mean it's all ridiculous a lot of guys sent me dms of you wearing my shirt
i think my brother is right that actually doing it in a group though takes some of the uh
but the stakes out of it i don't know but it but it leads with humility. If you just go, hey, nice shirt, dude. I recognize it.
And then it's like a little chuckle and then you move on.
It's just a little
like, hey, I see you.
I know what you did. I didn't appreciate it,
but we can move on.
I feel you, but you're trusting the group.
You're trusting the group.
Because he could get hammered.
Well, he could get hammered, yeah.
Not beat up physically, but he could get fucking hammered.
No, they'll kill him. When Andrew was going to wear leather Not beat up physically, but he could get like- No, I think they'll kill him.
When Andrew was going to wear leather pants and a purple deep cut V-neck to swallows-
You needed to do that.
He had so many transgressions against him, you needed to do it.
To a cowboy setting.
And I had to say that in front of the group, right?
You 100% had to.
But here's the thing.
But isn't that-
It's group consciousness.
Isn't that too mean?
Isn't that like it's too much?
Shouldn't he have pulled him off to the side
and done it one on one?
And then Andrew would have been crying if it happened one on one.
Like I led with, I'm creating a narrative here
for this guy and that's
a narrative that I do buy into.
Yeah, you think this kid's like radio.
Yeah, exactly. This kid ain't radio.
If this kid's more Johnson than radio,
then yeah, hammer him.
But we gotta find a middle ground here.
Chad, what do you think?
Yeah, I think it depends on who the guy is.
I think if he's a nerd, I think if he's a dweeb.
But isn't he a nerd?
Who's going to buy a shirt that their friend gets?
You know what?
Hey, dude, where'd you get your shirt?
You know what?
I have enough faith in the guy who wrote this email that I don't think he would have written
this email if it was about a nerd.
I think if it was about someone who was an underdog, I think this guy would have had the requisite empathy to
understand that that's just the kind of person who does this sort of thing. I think he's writing
about someone who he considers his equal. How do you spell dank? Can I see that?
No, and just going- I will judge it. How do you spell dank in the beginning?
I'm creating a narrative around what this guy, what his home life was like,
and he was raised by good people.
Chris is what I do.
Chris is what humans do.
Who were really raised in the right way, and they taught him,
like, never punch down.
He never said dank.
He said super dope.
I think you should add another piece to this set.
Add a vest in there.
See if the guy comes in with a vest too.
See how far he would go.
That's smart.
Keep wearing the outfit as much as you can and see if the guy wears it the same time as you and he shows up
and you're like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
And keep adding pieces to it.
Keep adding pieces. Get more information.
Throw a cowboy hat in there.
I think that's the right advice.
We tell this guy, dude, add more pieces to it,
and if he still follows you on the second and third,
we have confirmation that he is radio.
Hammer him.
Yeah.
I was going to say, don't hammer him because he's still on the spectrum here.
Exactly.
Pretend to get an ear piercing, but it's not real,
and then see if he actually gets one.
And then you just be like, well, now you have that piercing.
You're an idiot.
Dude, good call.
Get a henna tattoo.
Yeah.
But I appreciate that you expanded it
into a real deep dive into the reality
of the people involved.
And I think through our discourse,
we came to where I think you guys
are probably more right than I am.
But I have to challenge you and I think Chad
I think take it to the next level and see what happens
then assess that's a good move
I think that this other guy who wore the same outfit
I think he got daps so I was like dude
nice fit and he got daps
and then the guy felt totally
sorry his daps
who's pulling more tail with it
sorry I said that to my dead guy's fiance
who's pulling more tail with the outfit
yeah be more appropriate and say just get more ass Who's pulling more tail with it? Sorry, I said that to my dead guy's fiance. Who's pulling more tail with the outfit? Yeah.
Be more appropriate and say, just get more ass.
Thank you, Chris.
Thank you.
All right, good cues.
Rock some wood with the outfit.
Yeah, pop a fucking boner, dude.
Yeah, and get to class.
And let it poke out of your boxers.
Undo the button to the front of your boxers and let your boner poke out, dude.
Dude, next time he wears the outfit, you should pants him.
Yeah, dude. I'm worried about my roommate. outfit, you should pants him. Yeah, dude.
Oh, I'm worried about my roommate.
He's going to see my...
I mean, I get it.
Look, look.
Honestly, you had us up until that thing, man.
You had us.
You're empathizing, bro.
I don't know.
I think that's...
It all sounds fun for that guy.
You got a roommate who's NTA.
You get wood all the time.
You're doing well with the ladies.
Circulation is good.
Yeah, just no excuses, man. Get your grades up um or be okay with not getting good grades but don't blame someone
else for it um yeah but if that roommate of yours was wearing what you're wearing
or emailed us about his morning wood copying your email about morning wood then I'd that's alarming yeah um chad who's your beef of the week uh that's a great call aaron you saw from the beginning
my first beef is uh this is just a current one with myself i wasn't getting mad at you for
your hot politics on the on the judging no baby i love you look look you know i'm a sick fuck when
i compete chris does this fantasy you sometimes I got to grab my ankles and just pull them back. You know what I'm saying?
No, baby, you're a beast. I was kidding. Anyways, my beef is with websites now asking me if I want
cookies and then not giving them to me. They're always like, hey, do you want to accept our
cookies? I'm like, yeah, I do want your cookies. I never get cookies. I haven't gotten cookies once.
I'm like, why would you offer me a delicious pastry and then not give me cookies and every website's doing this and they're like hey
do you accept the cookies i'm like yeah i accept cookies where the fuck are they i get mine all
the time you get them yeah fuck dude um i don't know. Deal with that. Strider.
Let's see.
My beef.
I've been living life pretty nice lately, dude.
Honestly, things are going pretty fucking sick.
You got a nice bulge in those shorts.
Dude, thank you.
These are my golf shorts.
I wear these golf shorts all the time now.
It's fucking fire.
Yeah, you got a nice mantle toe.
Are you serious? I heard that serious and here's the thing yeah what kind of it's a camel toe but for a man
yeah it's your penis and balls i thought you meant like a manatee at first
no yeah they are fat it just looks like a inflamed gooch it's a burn no it's not that's 100 of burn i'm not a fucking doctor but that's
a burn dude did you trick roast me dude yeah you trick roasted me i low played the roast
that's so fucked up dude that was an unintentional rose you took us for a walk on that one dude
now i can't unsee it dude here's the thing i was just in costa rica i was just in costa rica dude great fucking trip dude but uh and this is a little too
blue i'm sorry but i've got a bidet at home and i really rely on that dude i'm like i don't have
my bidet my b-hole betrays me dude so my b-hole is my beef of the week that's your villain dude
that's a top four dude i was dude my b-hole i was looking to the week. That's your villain, dude. That's a top four villain right there, dude. Dude, my b-hole, I was looking to jump.
Dude, let me tell you right now, dude.
Word to the weary.
If you see me in a pool, I'm fucking cleaning out my butt, dude.
So don't go near me, dude.
If you see me in a jacuzzi, a thermal river, hot spring, whatever it is, dude,
don't go near me in a body of water.
The creek, a brook, whatever it is, dude. Don't go near me in a body of water. The creek, a brook, whatever it is.
What?
Fucking liter of water just pouring on my B-hole.
What I'm saying is I got hemorrhoids, and that's my B for the week.
That's real.
Appreciate the share, bro.
Chris, who's your B for the week?
My B for the week is the new name for
the steelers stadium it's no longer heinz it's now acrasure stadium oh just just i'm a huge
heinz ketchup uh fan and acrasure insurance i don't use them and it doesn't sound good sounds bad uh so yeah that's pretty fucking lame
and I don't like it well said dude yeah disappointing if your names are headed in
the wrong direction with these stadiums yeah crypto.com oh dude crypto is a huge scam now
is anyone ever talking about everyone just gave their money away what's going on with crypto dude
I never got involved.
It was above my pay grade, but...
Yeah, I've got a crypto tech thread.
It's been dead for a while.
You got a crypto tech thread?
Yeah, with some of my boys.
I won't name their names, but we were stoked for a second.
Is it Valet Bros or is it...
It's our boys.
Oh, whoa.
I mean, honestly, I think it's going to come back.
Yeah.
Every downswing
ends in an upswing
but
Thread's been quiet
which one were you guys
yeah but
I think
we loved XRP
new technology
everyone hates on it
you like crypto
until it blows up
dude my
my beef of the week
is a
a story
it's a
we have a friend
Jay Farney
and he's an editor
and he was he got hired to edit
a documentary about a trailblazing congresswoman who was the first of her background to be elected
and uh she ended up ripping jay off actually she didn't pay him oh and so me and jay were
editing a video together this is years ago but i think the statute of limitations is up on it so I can talk about it.
And he was complaining about it.
He's like, hey, this lady never paid me.
I said, hey, give me the phone.
I'm going to call her and I'm going to act like your lawyer.
So we call the lady and I go, hey, is this so-and-so?
Hi, I'm representation for Jay Farney.
You have $4,000 in outstanding payments.
We intend on pursuing
legal action if payment is not made immediately she starts going back and forth with me dude
i did the worst lawyer impression of history in history i lost my mind halfway through and i just
start going lady pay him the fucking money and jay's like dude relax and i'm like i will i start making threads i'm like i will
put you in jail do you understand dude she didn't back down an inch she's screaming back at me she's
like fuck you do what you're gonna do come with it like she was like straight up just toe to toe
throwing bombs back we go at it for like five minutes. I hang up the phone. I'm like, and Jay's like,
why the fuck did you do that?
All I did was make the situation 1,000 times worse.
But, you know, noble attempt.
And I appreciated the lady having that chutzpah.
So that's my B for the week.
Did he ever get paid?
Dude, I don't think she ever paid him for it.
And he put in massive amounts of hours
and just shot a bunch of like BS. Happens too
often, dude.
But when I was supposed to be cool and calculated, I was
You better like that, dude.
I like that you got fiery. It was fun.
But I just remember Jay was sitting across from me
and I just remember his face looking to
feed and I gave him the hand like, dude, don't worry.
I got this. When I was
mid-scream at this stranger woman
I never met
alright Chad
who's your babe of the week
are we doing babe and legend
you wanna do both
or how you wanna do it
yeah maybe let's just
kick it together
yeah
I'm
yeah
oh kicking it together
yeah
alright
which one do I prefer
I gotta go with the
NASA Webb telescope
I don't know if you guys have seen these new images it's basically replacing the Hubble All right. Which one do I prefer? I got to go with the NASA Webb Telescope.
I don't know if you guys have seen these new images.
It's basically replacing the Hubble.
These high def images, like the most, the clearest images of the universe that we've
gotten so far.
And they're amazing.
And the one that they came out with, the first one, it was like basically the amount of sky
it was as if you're holding a grain of sand at arm's length,
and it's this full photo full of hundreds of galaxies.
It's insane.
And you're like, that's that much of the sky.
That's that much of the universe.
And they got galaxies doing a gravitational dance.
There's like four of them around each other.
I'm very excited for what's to come with it.
I think it's really groundbreaking stuff.
So excited to see what we've got in the universe.
It also blows my mind.
My legend was NRBs, no reason boners.
The best.
And I got a reason boner after seeing that photo.
Hell yeah.
What is it appeals to you so much about the...
The galaxy, the universe?
The mystery.
Yeah.
What's out there?
What's going on?
You see a galaxy?
I mean, we're just, we're but a tiny speck in our galaxy.
We're like this, nothing.
And there's trillions of galaxies.
And it's free.
What's going on?
When you hear that arm's length speck of sand,
and then I'm worrying about, oh, what did I,
some issue I have in my life that's trivial.
Yeah.
Immediately puts it in perspective.
Yeah.
It's like, baby, let's just have some fun.
Let's just be fucking chill, dude. Yeah. And the pictures themselves are like, it's like baby let's just have some fun let's just be fucking chill dude yeah and the pictures themselves are like it's like whoa that's cool that looks
cool they're magical colorful yeah it makes cool designs do you know how bad i want to do shrooms
with you when i yeah i can hear something like that next when they drop the next uh patch of
photos dude let's just dude let's do it it's mind-blowing dude i watched the voyager
documentary yeah carl sagan's scientists are the best yeah the enthusiasm that they have for the
projects that they're working on is like they have this immense intellect but they're childlike
yeah like they're just so excited by the discoveries at every step of the way and like
you'll hear someone talking about like seeing one of the moons off of like saturn and the joy and meaning that they find in
it is like so contagious you're just like oh these people are the fucking best dude they just like
love this shit but it did make me think i have a hot take here i don't think there's aliens
well 200 million stars 200 million galaxies i do it's just you and me asshole
that's it dude we're just it's just us us little fucking
idiots on this planet and we are the only ones and i think we like to think there's other things
out there because maybe somebody's got the answers i promise you no one does everything else out
there's ice cubes it's fucking done rocks and ice cubes it's just we are the it's hard to believe but we are
the smartest things in the universe all of us fucking idiots right here and that's it um jeff
bezos is the supreme being of everything he's got the he's the best the universe has to offer
in the world he's been divorced he probably can't even bone that good he's the best i don't believe
there's another jeff bez out there. He does arms.
Yeah, he does.
He does arms.
Dude, my freaking legend and baby of the week's got me, my dang ass fiance, dude.
We were just in Costa Rica, bro.
We go on this bike ride in the mountains by Rincon Volcano.
It's raining.
It's the rainforest.
It rains, you know, nonstop.
It's raining. We're like, can know, nonstop. It's raining.
We're like, can we rent bikes?
The guy's like, fuck yeah, bro.
Pura Vida, dude.
And I love that phrase.
It just means like, you know, it's all about being stoked.
And we're like, look, I don't fucking bike ride, dude.
Can we rent some mountain bikes?
Is it going to be chill?
And he's like, yeah, bro.
It's going to be such a sick ass ride.
Don't worry.
The jungle canopy will keep you from the water.
But just be careful going downhill.
We're like, yeah, of course I'm going to be careful going downhill.'re like yeah of course i'm gonna be careful going downhill it's like have fun dude so we overpay
for these mountain bikes we're going to ride dude the first it's 11 kilometers the first which i
underestimate kilometers i'm like those aren't long as miles we're good it's fucking long dude
it's all uphill so we're exhausted dude we get to the halfway point we're like holy fuck
then but at least that's safe because we can't go fast dude we get to the halfway point we're like holy fuck then but at
least that's safe because we can't go fast then it comes to the downhill huge motherfucking sign
halfway through the downhill quadado black diamond dude we never mountain bike in our lives i asked
the dude in the beginning can we handle this gigantic thing on the middle of our path? Look out, dude.
Fucking black diamond hairpins, switchbacks, fucking rocks, rain.
Everything's wet.
You're riding the brakes the whole time.
You're skidding, dude.
So we made a deal, dude.
My dick fiance.
We go every little brick of flat earth.
Let's switch who goes first because, oh, my God. It just comes down to her turn where there's a fucking switchback hairpin turn
through a motherfucking creek where you go,
the creek can't be part of the path.
It is.
Dude, she fucking hits the brakes, does a good job of not going over the rails,
fucking teeters, falls back, boom, rock to the chin, two stitches,
total beast, blood popping out, dude.
Oh, my God. She's
a legend. Has to go three more kilometers
and bike back home with fucking blood
pouring out of her face. Total
fucking beast, dude. Didn't let her keep her from
the trip. And the irony
in it all is we're like, let's go inner tubing, but let's
save that for after that we were there for a wedding.
Let's save that for after the wedding in case one of us
gets hurt.
So, do what yeah oh yeah no we didn't go entertaining because the rains were too heavy they closed down the rivers yeah they're in tropical season right yeah they
call it the green season yeah dude the feeling i only know it on a snowboard but the feeling when
you look at your options to get down the mountain and they got the board up and all you see are black diamonds the breath you have to let out when you know there's no other way down yep it's a it's terrifying
it's fucking mud trees boulders sticks all switchbacks and like lizards and we're like dude
iguanas people would belittle me like look at that lizard people like iguana you fucking idiot be like fuck you dude we both they corrected you on that yeah no not even
the people that were that like the locals from there the locals are always nice maybe some
tourists who went on a tour he's like it's an iguana that's what he hit him with a yeah i don't
care yeah it's a fucking lizard dude it's big ass lizard. So that's my beef. Oh no, that's my baby legend.
My dank ass fiance for being a champ.
Chris?
Mine is Reggie Hankey.
He's a legend.
I had some travel issues coming back to the States.
I needed somebody to...
And he was a freaking legend dude
he drove a couple hours to pick up my dog round trip totally take care of him for a night till
i got back really appreciate it also saved me a lot of time and uh yeah dude he just uh at the
drop of a hat he did it um and he was also coming back from the same trip,
so I know he was jet lagged, but he was a total legend.
And I appreciate it, man.
Thanks so much.
He's a good friend.
We hang out a lot.
Super funny.
And yeah, let's go.
He's a great guy.
I rode over.
He's got a great rower over at his place.
I've been there the last two nights.
Yeah, he mentioned that.
So you guys have been hanging.
Also, I saw a picture of you rowing and you looked deformed, the bod, you looked tan.
I meant to bring it up because you looked really sexy.
Thanks for bringing it up.
That's nice.
I had the sliced along lip thing going on.
Oh, did you just?
Dude, my babe slash legend of the week is my dank ass girlfriend.
We went to Santa Barbara for the weekend to kind of have a nice, fun, romantic travel time before she started like a new exciting gig.
And after the first night she wakes up, she's like, my neck hurts.
And I was like, how'd you hurt your neck?
She's like sleeping.
So I kind of made fun of her.
I was like, you know, I'm just being, treating her like a bro, but still playing hurt.
Me and her go down to the funk zone in Santa Barbara. She buys a cute blanket for her friend
who missed out on a girl's trip on picking one up. We're walking down the street and we just see
these little like go-kart type machines. They're three wheelers with the one wheel in the back.
And they're like little open top like
convertible looking things and i'm like oh i gotta do that the guy there super chill doesn't give us
a breakdown on how it works doesn't make us show any kind of competency just gives it to us these
things do 40 dude yeah i get it out on the open road it's got like a dirt bike accelerator you
know you just twist the uh the right side of the steering wheel these things cook dude get it out on the open road guy never warns me once they get up to like 40
they speed wobble they got they got like no so it's like she thought i was doing it on purpose
i'm like no this thing's just not designed well but she's totally cool in the pocket holding her
cute dog gg not just chill chill. And then she's like, let's
take it on the pier. And then we drove through the pier, had a nice Bluetooth on it. And we're
blasting bangers, like hardcore hip hop and fun amp up rock. And me and her were just dancing,
setting the tempo. And it was one of those vibes where like every stranger was waving at us and
we were waving back. I felt like the mayor driving through town and she was just getting so amped and getting everybody else amped.
And I was like, this is a nice moment, dude.
So I appreciated her just being so down to try something
and excited to get some speed in us.
So that was fun.
Hell yeah.
That's awesome.
Good go-kart.
Chad, what's your quote of the week?
My quote of the week I heard from my yoga teacher, Deanne.
New teacher.
It's better to journey well than to arrive.
Oh.
Oh.
That's right.
Writing on my son's dick.
Strider. Dude, Pura Vida, bro. It's a fucking Costa Rican that's right i'm writing on my son's dick strider dude pervita bro it's costa rican
lifestyle i love that i almost got that tattooed on myself when i lived there for like two months
i almost did it in two days like on the back of my arm like right here going down that's a perfect
place for it dude they say it a lot there right dude they all do like they like almost use it or
mucho gusto no one says donata everyone says mucho gusto but dude they all do like they like almost use it or mucho gusto
no one says donata everyone says mucho gusto but like if you do something sick or they're like the
pervade i'm like pervade oh yeah it makes you feel cool no army in costa rica yeah no standing army
apparently the nicaraguan uh president's a psychopath in bed with the ruskies
and uh they want to invade like the Northern province. That's what we were going to cost a.
What?
That's what the taxi driver was saying.
I was, he's like, that's the fodder.
Did he have his Maria running?
That's what they call their little meter box on a thing.
He didn't, he was talkative guy.
I bought him a coffee, which had been measured talkative.
Big time I had to pull over and pee. And I was do you want to drink he's like coffee i was like laura
cone leche he's like no he's like whoa chris what's your quote of the week
um mine's from uh nick curios the dude who was in wimbledon it was during the final
such a character he was uh
yeah he's he's a bad boy of tennis um and he was complaining about a lady who kept yelling during
his serves and he was talking to the ump after a set or a game and he's like she's fucking drunk
dude and the guy's like i didn't see which one you're talking about. And this is my quote. The one that looks like she's had 700 drinks, bro.
Amazing.
Amazing, yes.
He's amazing, dude.
Dude, my quote of the week ties back to my alien perspective.
It's from S.S. McClure.
He had a popular magazine in the late 19th century that helped jettison Theodore Roosevelt to fame and notoriety.
And he's just a fucking intrepid dude who just got after it.
And this is a great quote by him.
There is no one left, none but all of us.
Nice.
Chet, what's your phrase that we forget after it?
Aliens exist.
Nice, dude.
Could be true.
Could be true.
Let's see.
What are my villains here
I gotta do one
from one of my villains
that's a Black Boy A2 song
I gotta do one
from one of my
aliens exist
yeah
have you heard it
no but that sounds like
it's Tom DeLonge
that sounds like Tom
yeah
oh
maybe
I'm not getting after it
let's see
maybe after it now let's see maybe this is too lame taking way too long this is super
lame maybe just like grandma grandma whatma. What's that?
That's Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Bastards.
Dude, another good scene, another villain,
is the way they showed how Goebbels fucks.
Oh, yeah, dude.
True piece of shit.
Joe Pesci fucking in Casino is pretty amazing.
It's the grunting.
The choice. It's so choice to grunt like that
see when he gets just talking about fish with the chick and then he just starts getting a pj
yeah he's like the thing about mutton is you can beat the shit out of him for hours and it doesn't
get softer he's just talking while they're just walking through a restaurant and then they just
get into his car and he just sits just and he just won't stop talking
about like fish and like serving it chris what's your phrase we're forgetting after it it's morbin
time let's go um i'll do one from shashank redemption yeah it's my favorite line from the whole movie it's tim robbins character
talking to the warden he says how can you be so obtuse yeah yeah and then he's like i beg your
pardon his offense that he takes to that is amazing that's so good all right dudes that was
a great pod that was fun behemoth pod right almost. Almost three hours. I mean, it's a draft.
It's a draft.
We did go five.
Yeah.
We're with the fucking boys.
It's been a minute.
Yeah.
I'm excited to see the Barstool villain draft.
Ah!
Got him, dude.
Yeah.
Give it to him, baby.
Got him.
Tell me.
Give it to him.
Nah. it to him baby gotta tell me give it to him if you need advice
these guys are really nice you wanna know
what to do where to go when you need someone to guide you
to have the truth beside you. Go with me.
Go with me.
Let's go.
Go with me.
Get an A-team.