Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 273 - 4 Horsemen Of The Chillpocalypse
Episode Date: January 11, 2023What up stokers! This week we got the four horsemen of the chillpocalypse!  Go to helix.com/godeep With Helix, better sleep starts now.  Go to DADGRASS.COM/GODEEP for 20% off your first order.... That’s DADGRASS.COM/GODEEP.
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All right, let's start the show.
Let's twist the tip and let's put some granola on the blueberries what's up stokers of stoke
nations this is chad kroger coming in with the going deep with chad jt podcast i'm here with my
compadre jean thomas what up boom clap stokers And we're here with the trooper of matrimony.
Thank you very much.
Sorry I jumped the gun there a little bit.
I'm excited to be here this morning.
No, and we're here with the return of the big hog of Brooklyn, Joe Morisi.
Hey, it's great to be back in the studio today.
You know, been a long time.
Yeah, what's been going on?
Why haven't you been coming by anymore?
Yeah, I don't know.
I've been busy.
You know, I got things.
It was Christmas.
Yeah, you know, it's a Catholic holiday.
We got to take some time off for that.
You went home. You saw the family. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah know, it's a Catholic holiday. We gotta take some time off for that. You went home. You saw the family.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Joe, how's life, man?
How's the store?
I mean, it's good.
Yeah, I haven't seen you guys in a long time.
It's good.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
We talk on the phone.
Well, you know, a little bit here and there.
We talk like twice a week.
I don't know, and it doesn't seem like twice a week. I don't know.
And it doesn't seem like it's enough.
I want to talk more.
I need you.
I need you too.
We talk for a while too.
I don't know.
Well.
You and me will talk on the phone and we'll have three minute silent periods where we
just both sit there on the phone.
It doesn't feel awkward at all, but we'll just sit there on the phone.
I'm like, yeah.
You're probably preoccupied with other stuff.
You're always doing multiple things at once.
That's true.
We just saw you.
Actually, we were just at Air One having a nice dank ass steak and egg breakfast burrito.
We saw you walk in on speakerphone, by the way.
His phone was like this on speakerphone, no headphones.
He was that guy.
And we see him walk in and dude, you could have been sniped you could have been assassinated dude we were just like 10 feet away
from you we go jt jta like wave you dude you just kept boom straight in dude saw nothing didn't see
the world birds of the same feather rolling arrow on that was nice yeah crazy homeless guy in there
screaming yeah yeah it sounded like he was making some good points though i wanted him to i went
closer to hear if he was making sense and i seemed articulate what was he saying he brought up the constitution
he asked one guy what drugs he's dealing fair question no but he was he was he was racist
he was only asking that to the hispanic dude which i thought was you know you always want
the homeless guy there's two things you want you want them to be funny and you want them to be making sense yes and uh and the two things you don't want are for
them to be racist or to touch you and uh yeah you failed on the first one yeah bummer yeah yeah and
arowan that's a sacred space he was screaming yeah that's a spiritual vortex and i was on my phone
and a guy cut me in line because i was on my phone and i went i was just looking at my phone i was
going and then he goes like yeah i'll have the eggs i went whoa dude and then he was
like i'm sorry man i'm sorry but they still served him first but then he goes hey i've seen your
stuff i've had a few chuckles that's all he had to say brother go in peace enjoy the buy you lunch
enjoy the webos dude no need for real laughs just some chuckles here and there works yeah chuckles
work that makes
them oh yeah to answer your question though the store is great it's good thank you yeah the comedy
store is uh it's been a treat to be back there and to perform there and you seem happy you seem
like you're energized feeling yeah a little bit yeah I'm usually not even up at this hour. That was crazy when you agreed.
We're doing this at 10 a.m. on a Monday, which is like 6 a.m. for us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I figure I better do it because I don't know.
You guys have – the schedule's tight, so I got to get in when I can
and when you guys can do it.
So it's hard to coordinate with four people.
It is tough.
How'd the Bears season end up?
They have the number one pick in the NFL draft.
So you're going to trade it because you guys don't need a quarterback.
You don't need Bryce Young or CJ Stratton.
Yeah, they don't need a quarterback.
Yeah, I'm not really sure what they're going to do.
But, yeah, I guess it's exciting in a way.
Bears have only had the number one pick one time in 100 years.
Really?
So.
Who'd you guys take?
Yeah, because they're usually at least in the mix.
They've never been like this bad.
No, our lifetime, you've been pretty bad.
Pretty bad.
Season.
No, but they're always.
Besides the Grossman Super Bowl season.
In the mix.
In the mix for like four and 12.
Do they call that in the mix?
Like in the hunt. It's like teams that are like in the playoffs, wild card, maybe in
the hunt.
So in a rebuilding year.
And then beneath that's in the mix.
In a rebuilding year, half of their games.
In the mix is a fun, vague phrase for not doing well.
You know, they play games.
They're out there.
They have a schedule.
We're on the field.
They still had like eight one-score games this year.
That's a silver lining
yeah that is nice who's worse this year broncos or the bears broncos broncos were harder broncos
were the hardest team to watch yeah like they were totally uh incompetent and they there was
no exciting play the bears at least have justin fields who's like he's he's not a great passer
but he's so athletic that you watch him play and you're like he's he's not a great passer but he's so athletic
that you watch him play and you're like he's dynamic as yeah it was still fun to watch those
games for us the broncos had justin field they they had russell wilson was so bad it made the
whole team horrible to watch and they had a good defense so like then the opposing team like they'd
kind of hold them back so you weren't even watching the opposing team play great unless
you're like jr you appreciate good defense right Right. Unless you're 40 plus and you're like,
this is the type of football I like.
Yeah, I like defense.
Good defense.
You think defense guy?
Well, I mean, I just...
However the Bears can win is fine with me.
I mean...
And you guys had the...
What was the defense in the 80s?
The 46 defense?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the guy who invented that.
What was the guy's name?
Buddy Ryan.
Yeah, Buddy Ryan. What a beast, dude. Yelling at everybody. Dude, yeah. He had the guy who invented that. What was the guy's name? Buddy Ryan. Yeah, Buddy Ryan.
What a beast, dude.
Yelling at everybody.
Dude, we had some controversy in our fantasy football league.
It was supposed to be the Super Bowl this weekend.
Me, or last weekend, rather.
It was me and my brother's team versus our friend Trevor's team.
And because of the unfortunate thing that happened to a Hamlin in the Bills game,
rest up, or not rest up but heal up yeah
he's getting better sounds like he's getting better um we didn't know who won because i we
had two guys on the bangles and he had one guy on the bill still going so our league wanting
excitement voted that we do like a uh kind of arbitrary but super exciting draft kings final
weekend where we just draft new teams and have them play each
other in the first round of the playoffs. We were down, we most likely would have lost.
And, uh, and so we all voted and, and that ended up being the solution. And Trevor was really,
really upset. And it started off, I was like, I don't want to fight with Trevor. So me and my
brother called him. We try to make peace and, uh, or come up with a solution that worked for all of
us. And then he ended up voting that he was the champion and that felt like a betrayal by me
and my brother because we all thought we were going to vote for code champion which would have
been boring and uh once he did that we felt betrayed we started saying he betrayed us
and then the shit talking oh yeah it got intense oh yeah wait you guys were gonna draft whole new teams
that's what we're gonna do this coming weekend for round one of the playoffs
oh everyone who's in the playoffs so you know it's still the championship just you and it's
just us two but we're drafting only from the playoff teams and we're gonna see you as and
we'll spot him some points for the lead that he had well you don't have to do that really
or we might not we're still deciding straight up straight up here's the thing we're going to see you as a, and we'll spot him some points for the lead that he had. Oh, you don't have to do that. Really?
Or we might not.
We're still deciding.
Straight up,
straight up.
Here's the thing.
We're psychos.
Yeah,
no.
And we're psychos in our league.
Look,
I've been the worst version of myself because of fantasy football this year.
Happy to be dead last.
I suck.
My team sucks.
I'm sad.
I go to farmer's markets on Sundays, like I said,
but watching the shit talking go down,
it's,
it's very entertaining.
That's the thing. He thinks the league is favoring us. He's like, the league favors
the problem. Like they only favor chaos. They just want people to be, they want us to be
mad at each other. They want us to fight. Every time I called him a crybaby bitch,
I wanted to send a gift from gladiator and say, are you not entertained? Like they just
want spectacle. They want blood.
Who's the lead? Are you talking about the NFL?
No. Or you guys?
Our fantasy football league.
Oh, yeah.
You guys are talking about the league.
Like it's some big entity.
This is a big entity, Joe.
I mean, it's huge, dude.
It's huge, dude.
It's huge.
It affects our lives.
It goes NFL, NASA, and then the high school legends of the fall.
How many members are in the league?
15.
14 teams
and then me and my brother
co-manage
yeah
dudes have been booted
dudes have been booted
on justly
we vote
we vote on stuff
we had a friend I didn't want to kick out
that was the thing
Trevor's like the league favors you
I'm like I had to kick out
one of my own best friends
I had to take him to lunch last year
because of Trevor
that's so funny
you took him to lunch
there's a joke now
if you fuck up in our league
we go
JT's gonna call you dude yeah my brother had to take another guy to lunch. There's a joke now. If you fuck up in our league, we go, JT's going to call you.
Dude, yeah.
My brother had to take another guy to lunch and kick him out.
Take him to lunch?
You guys are all out to lunch, I'll tell you that much. They call us the sick parios.
Yeah, you guys are nuts, man.
Dude, you guys are fantasy football.
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
You're like, oh, fuck.
Dude, the guy my brother had to kick out of the league is in active military duty.
Wow. And so do you take him to a nice lunch lunch that's why he wasn't setting his line up is it like the nicer the lunch the worse the news yeah if you get if you get a call if you live in another city
and i happen to pop through for no real reason and say hey man you want to grab a bite yeah
it's over it's bad news it's over i mean You're like, hey, you want to go to the Palm? Make sure your will's in order.
Go to a notary. I think I'm doing nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, order whatever you want.
Go crazy.
Get the surf and turf.
Come on.
I'm like, do the surf and turf.
All right.
Here's why I brought you here.
Eat up.
You're out of the fantasy football league.
It's tough, dude.
It gets teary.
It gets a coffee.
It gets teary.
I mean, the guys are-
It gets teary?
Well, the guys are tough.
Well, what are they doing that's so offensive that they had to be kicked out?
This one, nothing bad.
The most recent one, the guy did nothing wrong.
He didn't have an Xbox.
Yeah.
That's it?
Yeah.
Actually, you know what?
He did do something wrong.
That's fucked up.
Why is that?
Because a big part of our fantasy football league
is that you also have to play Xbox with us at night.
We forced a guy to buy a dog and get an Xbox because he was a PS4 guy.
And now he doesn't even play it.
He had to get the dog because his wife wouldn't let him play more Xbox unless she got another dog.
So we said get the dog so you can play more Xbox.
So do you guys have set times for Xbox?
No, we just kind of keep track in our heads of how much guys have been playing.
There might be a spreadsheet.
If you're feeling missed, it ain't good yeah don't feel missed yeah if you notice that's
hilarious yeah is that noise cutting through jake the neighbors are running like a fucking buzzsaw
yeah it's raining outside and somebody's drilling i'm gonna yell i'm gonna yell let's find out what's
this is what happens in los angeles people are you know you're living in a city people are making
absurd choices all the time.
You know,
the phrase,
do you believe this guy
or un-fucking-believable?
City living.
What is he doing out there?
Jack,
can you move a little bit
so I can ask this guy
if we can...
What's he sawing away at?
It's literally
pouring rain out.
And there's a guy... God only. And there's a guy sawing.
Fucking door's stuck.
The game, is that good?
The door's stuck.
That's how you get chicks, dude.
Penetrating the secret.
Joe, will you try this door?
Is it stuck?
I like that it's got the gold outline.
Let Chad Daddy take a look at that.
He's got boots on.
That was a good stand-up.
Thanks, dude.
Well, that's a cool silver bracelet
i think that's up
a little play-by-play chat is Shut up! He's just going through the crowd.
Hey, fellas!
Hey, excuse me.
Hey, we're doing a podcast up here.
Can we be easy with the machines?
Yeah.
We're recording something up here?
Are you guys going to be uh the tools for very long a little bit
but you're this guy's pretty chill really he's like okay okay thank you so much sorry to him
for saying shut up dude he, he was so nice.
What a great guy.
Yeah, he actually said okay.
I actually feel bad.
I was kind of doing it as a bit.
No, he goes, is the noise bothering you?
Yeah, he was so sweet.
He said they could cut it.
So we can do our podcast.
Do you guys do the back line anymore or no?
Oh, I should turn that on.
Oh, God.
If you don't typically do it, I just was, I remember that.
And then we, go ahead.
Now it's level.
Yeah, my brother leveled this.
Yeah, you hit it. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Now it's level. Yeah, my brother leveled this. Yeah,
you hit it.
Oh yeah,
it looks good.
Woodsy.
I like it.
It is nice.
Me and Chad,
we saw Louis CK live the other night.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Where at?
Fruit Smash got Chad some tickets.
Oh really?
No,
just Olivia.
She put up a story.
Olivia,
who works for the ad agency that we worked with,
she put up a story saying,
I have extra tickets if you want to go.
And you hit her up.
Yeah, I was like, I want to see that.
It was cool.
It was at the Dolby Theater.
Dolby, yeah.
They did the Oscars.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Oh, remember they did the Oscars?
Yeah.
Whoa.
How many does that seat?
1,200 or something it looked like?
It looked like 3,000.
3,000?
I'd say 3,000.
The Pantages is like 2,500.
Is it as big as that probably or bigger?
About equal.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's hard to tell.
Yeah.
Because like the layouts are different.
It was up there.
3,400?
Whoa.
That was way off.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was cool.
They were filming it.
I was like, I don't know if I want to be in the special.
Yeah.
I know.
Like the camera guy was like, was like he would like pan he just
like yeah it was like i was like if i don't laugh a lot they won't put me in the special yeah i'm
eating licorice just dude my dank ass fiance is in a daniel tosh special from years ago
i love tosh dude i saw tosh in college i really liked him he was one of your favorites yeah when
we first moved to la, we'd see him.
We saw him and Louie back to back that one time at the improv.
That was awesome.
Before we moved here, we just drove up, snuck into the improv.
We didn't pay.
We just like walked in and sat down.
That's cool.
And then they were like, up next is Louie.
And then they were like, after that is Daniel Tosh.
We were like, dude, LA's insane.
Yeah, it was rad.
We'd always go to Nerd Melt shows.
Dude, that was a, I love that stage. Nerd Melt. It was cool. It was cool. The nerd melt shows dude that was a i love that stage nerd melt it
was cool it was cool the lights coming down yeah this is a cool stage i only like performed there
probably three times i've done the mic i did the mic yeah i never got on the mic i never did their
show yeah you had to be really in with that crew yeah but yeah the mic was fun yeah you had to pass
that like comic book quiz yeah yeah yeah, who's the fifth Ninja Turtle?
Trick question.
Get out.
Yeah.
Dude, that was the nerd era.
What era are we in now?
The TikTok crowd work era?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Crowd work.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, as far as stand-up goes?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got to be able to ask someone how they're doing.
Oh, as far as stand-up goes?
Yeah. You gotta be able to ask someone how they're doing.
You gotta be able to make fun of someone's job.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, nice.
What kind of head is that?
Yeah.
Dude, I can't do that in stand-up.
I'd be like, how's it going?
I don't even look at the audience when I do stand-up.
I don't enjoy it.
No, I look above everybody.
Yeah.
I barely look at anyone's face face i'm not a zinger guy
to me it's a performance art i don't it's not a con well i may i present it now because i've
been doing it for so long it comes off as it's a conversation but i'm performing to them no it's a
monologue yeah it's not it's not a back and forth that's what louis performance was like but i
imagine if you're in
the theater you can't really engage with the audience so yeah he said before like when he
did mary he said he was really uncomfortable with crowd work for a long time like i think it was for
him it was it would throw him off yeah and there was some things that happened in the audience
where i was like oh i wonder if he's gonna react to that yeah he didn't he just kept plowing yeah
it's interesting i i've never never been a crowd
work guy no well yeah that's how i feel too if i start engaging with the crowd i'm gonna it's
gonna throw me off from everything i wanted to talk about they do love it though they love the
spontaneity of it they love that it's a special moment that's just existing yeah yeah in in in
that one dynamic it'll never happen again yeah I think I have trouble being sort of like catching when people say something
and they're like, yeah, you know, I banged my, you know, neighbors.
Who are you talking to?
I don't know.
I just assume that's what crowds say.
And you're just like, and then just go, what?
What?
This fucking guy
I was like
oh that's sweet
that is sweet
he banged his neighbor
yeah you gotta hope
sounds like Tiger Woods
if someone says
something like that
you gotta hope
that you're
creative enough
to come up
with something
that people are
gonna laugh at
right
we do a Q&A
at the end of the shows
those are so fun so
that that's fun i like that that's good enough crowd work for me i like that we had a guy at
salt lake city unfortunately the audio didn't fucking work which sucked because i was really
excited to post it but i was like dude the like the one part the best moment we've ever had with
that stuff and then a guy was like yo should i propose to my girlfriend and we're like is she
here he's like he's like no she's at home yeah and we're like we're like you probably shouldn't propose
over the phone and then he's like i don't care and then we're like all right do it and then he
called his girlfriend over speakerphone and she's like hey babe you want to get married and she was
like uh yeah amazing dude his parents were there too they like his parents were there they came up after and they're
like yeah that was good it was like are you sure it was facetime or a phone call no just straight
me like an air one yeah i don't know you can't really i wouldn't propose like that it was a
mormon it was like his third wife joe you've been approaching girls on the street right oh yeah
you have a bit about how's that going or do you want me to sorry if you don't want to spoil your
bit i love that bit dude it's great no it's a good bit it's out i you know it's a clip that i've
posted um no i i haven't actually been doing that but you did do it in awesome i listen on
joe code yeah i mean i have done it but yeah not recently you remind me it's been rainy and uh cold so everyone's just kind of trying to get back
inside but yeah i do try to do once in a while i do try to do more of it yeah it all depends on
you know if the mood strikes i'm like oh man i really should talk to that woman then i
if there's a drive inside me that's like you're not gonna see this woman again you better do it
that's what it is it's seizing the moment it's carpe diem dude yeah and especially if you get if you get that eye contact
where there's that moment of like mutual recognition yeah and look you could be
misreading it we're guys i've done it when there's she's been totally looking the other way too yeah
but yeah or if you don't get that eye contact and you're like all right this is about overcoming
and making the moment happen but for sure though yeah if there's you got to for sure if there's like an eye contact and there's
like a there's that non-verbal like hey i see you you better you better strike on that yeah do you
adjust your bulge if you're if you're if you're exchanging heat with a lady do you adjust your
bulge so it's like that you got the bell in?
Yeah, that's a move that I need to be aware of.
I haven't been doing it.
It's just marketing.
Yeah, I'm going to make sure I do that.
You should do it when you're wearing shorts.
You should wear short shorts so when you're like, oh, I have to pick up this litter because I'm a good guy and I don't want to see the earth get trashed.
And then have your dink fall out of the shorts.
Pick it, squat to pick it up.
Good old beach cleanup.
Yeah.
You know, pull out your hog.
Oh, it's a beached whale.
Amazing.
Dude, you know, it's tough.
It's tough to go up and talk to anybody.
And I don't like when, like,
like speaking of like ladies, and they may have to like, especially attractive ladies have to go up and talk to anybody. And I don't like when, like, speaking of ladies,
especially attractive ladies have to deal with this all the time.
Guys coming up, shooting their shot, whatever.
Dude, whenever a dude will come up and talk to me
and just ask for directions or like,
some old guy today asked me if I had already ordered
and I was like, yes, I did.
I was mad for no reason.
No, no, no, but that's not wrong.
So weird.
No, no, but you were were i think that's actually you knowing in that moment that that's the voice you needed to be using because that guy could
have been trying to like cut you or something he was trying to cut he wasn't just right behind me
yeah that that's different you're not not being friendly you're just having like protective kind
of boundaries and strength to be like no dude i haven't ordered yet back up the guy gets
it he's not taking that personal i actually think that guy likes that he knows you're a real dude
after that you got to do that sometimes yeah you have to do that these days yeah people are moving
they're getting on top of you and stuff you got to do it and you got to keep that's part of it
too like when you're living in los angeles or a city or something you're just kind of keep it
moving everyone's trying to keep it moving you, it's tough to slow that down, especially in a
romantic way. It's also why it can be so charming if you do it right. But it's like, I'm like,
I've got to get, I'm getting my coffee. Then I'm going there. Then after that, I'm going to work.
Boom, boom, boom, boom. I also think it's, I actually find charm in that voice too. Like if,
if I'm in New York and I see like two like guys kind of have an exchange like that. And one guy's
like, Hey buddy, I'm here. And then the other guy's like, Hey didn't see you come on and then they keep it moving i'm like oh those guys like
each other they're just being gruff that's just their tone in this moment yeah no i think that's
great you did that love that you gotta tell a motherfucker what time it is i do it to old guys
a lot so i could beat their ass like 95 yeah this guy was old he was in a wheelchair for medicines
you know a lot of talk loud to them because they can't hear.
Was he late stages dementia?
Yeah, he didn't remember.
He actually asked me three times.
Right, he said...
The first time I was mean.
He's like, where's Dolores?
And you're like,
I haven't ordered yet, partner.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like, they don't use names here.
They use numbers, fuckhead.
No, I think that guy respected that.
He wants to be treated like everybody else.
That's true.
Yeah, exactly.
Dude, other big thing that happened,
video game wise wise we stopped playing
call of duty because the new one sucks we started playing overwatch yeah yeah i've heard of it
turns out overwatch is a gay game what do you mean all the characters in it are gay
and a large part of the playing base is lgbtq plus um no i have no issue with it i just didn't know i didn't know
that i was playing as a lesbian or i was playing as a i guess the bastion character is trans yeah
and it's interesting because he's a tank he's like a robot tank he's a robot tank so it was hard to
know but how did you find this out our friends were doing some research and and i guess the game did
come out officially and say this one character soldier he's kind of like a buff older dude
handsome guy he's gay and then so i started looking up all the characters and they're they're
basically all gay so is it when you now that when you playing the game when you're watching the game
when you're looking at the characters are you can you tell no because all you do is shoot cannons and lasers you're not really doing much stuff that would make
your sexual orientation obvious right yeah yeah it's like some characters have magic some like
have guns like it's all like so i feel like everyone's an alien is like what it feels like
so the the designers came out afterwards they're like by the way these characters are gay yeah like
the kind of post release they were like yo just so you know all these guys are gay or bi or or trans and i
was like sweet um but it doesn't change much yeah the way you fly around as pharah and try to protect
your tank from getting overwhelmed right on a king of the hill game that's interesting but then it
made me curious so then i started googling other things and i looked up his like master chief from halo
gay i mean master chief right and you don't he only talks to cortana but they don't really have
much rhythm but she is a computer program yeah so it's tough and then it said he was asexual
whoa yes and he's a spartan and spartans
would practice in that they were spartan yeah because that was part of their masculinity and
then strider googled was brett farve gay in nfl fever he was not nfl fever he was not no remember
nfl fever on n64 i don't remember that game that's the gay nfl game fever there's madden and there was fever
yeah it's like you have fever is like that was the designer saying the players are when they
get back to the locker room they're gay exactly and i had an inkling that brett farve was at least
by because when he sent that dick pic to the chick you know to jen stalter was her name right yeah the reporter the reporter yeah his his dick looked
gay it wasn't hard well it was it was soft yeah he sent her a soft dick but dude he's barehanded
he's got like a big wide like talon grip and like two of his ugly nuts are popping through and then
he just has this little flaccid dick that he's kind of squeezing some blood into yeah i heard that was hard to say i feel gross after
saying no but it's very accurate i feel i feel full i feel full that was that was a very accurate
that was like having a word picture food you feel full afterwards yes oh but it was true like
usually you think of a nice you'd be holding a nice hard good-looking
hog in your hand and be like check out what i got this is this is nice like don't you want part of
this yeah that dick was just like something out of like a you know like an old play or something
like that like you saw it too oh yeah i looked at it yeah well i heard he's asking i don't want to
see it jake when you do the edit can you throw throw it up? Whoa. We got to have it up there.
I heard he was asking for medical advice.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He's like, does this need a refurbishment?
You know, like vaginal rejuvenation.
You can do that to your cock.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I could use that.
I think they just spray it with Evian.
Probably play too much on Lambo, dude.
If he played in Miami, his dong would have probably lasted longer.
But that Lambo weather probably just does a toll on your piece.
He's had like a thousand concussions.
Dude, Tua needs to not play, dude.
Speaking of this, he needs to retire, bro.
He's had three violent ones this year.
Yeah, that's a lot.
And they were violent.
Someone made a point there.
He kind of falls bad. Some guys, it's a skill like some guys do that like mac jones is kind of bad at
falling too weird both alabama quarterbacks at the same time but uh i like to a lot he seems like a
good dude but he's good but it just yeah those three massive concussions and plus he's like
oh bro when his fingers got all twisted up that was really sometimes a guy
will get a concussion you can't really tell you like oh his head hit pretty hard but
when when you see like their limbs get kind of uh jolted by it yeah that's tough it's a little
disturbing and he's a player he's gonna want to play but it's like we got to think about two of
the person over two of the player but if he wants to go out on his shield that's what you got to ask you go look he's he's an adult and he's making
these choices willingly like you know in the moment he's if he's concussed like yeah when
you people and the nfl has that to step in and be like you're out but once he heals up i mean
and i wonder how much of that stuff with concussion stuff how much of it is what you tell the trainer totally because like if if they oh
yeah because otherwise how would they know yeah i think they'll do like the flashlight in the eyes
and stuff but i don't think there's like a lot of tests that they do maybe like your balance and
coordination and whatnot but no i think there is now probably not before but now they got to be
super cautious with that sensitivity
when i got concussions when i was young they really didn't oh yeah in high school yeah i
i mean i remember going to the doctor once for one but well i i feel like as a player
it'd be tough to just judging how i am with with injuries and stuff or being sick
it's like yeah if i were
a player in the nfl i would i would try to get in there as much as possible yeah yeah like 100
yeah i think uh and it's it's got to be a tough call i feel like they got to step in and and and
you know give like a hard judgment there but i feel like as a player i would just try to
i would just try to get all
the meat off that bone 100 cindy crosby sat out for like a year oh yeah remember when he had player
yeah post-concussion syndrome for like a year yeah see the guy who just passed gretzky for
goals or tied gretzky who's that vechkin he didn't pass gretzky but he he's i think he's right behind
gretzky now okay no there's one guy this season I think that maybe tied Gretzky
or is going to get more.
No.
I thought I heard, yeah.
Well, yeah, I think Ovechkin hit like 800 or something, but maybe not.
I think Gretzky has 950.
I think this guy has 950, and they're saying he's going to get like 1,000.
Wayne Gretzky has 894.
Ovechkin just hit 809 to take second place.
Okay, that's it.
Yeah.
Gretzky, dude, Gretzky's statistical difference between the next best guy to him is like the
largest of any...
Major sports.
Major sport.
Yeah.
When he was playing for like, it was Edmonton, right?
In the early 80s and they were destroying everybody.
He had more assists than anybody else had goals and assists combined.
Jeez.
Like he, and dude, he was only like 5'10",
like 170 or something like that.
Just like a brainiac out there.
And the amount of time you spend on the ice
as a hockey player, like with his shift,
like he's doing that all in like.
It's like two minute shifts or something, right?
I don't know hockey that well, so guys relax.
Neither do I.
I love that stat that I have, like the plus minus stat stat like when you're on the ice is your team like doing better
as to when you're off i like that dude i was thinking about this for why jordan's better than
lebron and i think it's like not a statistical thing because lebron's gonna have better stats
but like it's like an intangible thing that with like that i don't have this with lebron but with
michael jordan and tom brady whenever I'm always generally rooting against those guys,
when I watch those,
I always had a feeling of doom in my stomach.
Yeah.
That they were going to come through no matter how far behind they were.
And they were going to win the game in the end.
And that's how I kind of decide who the best is.
Like how scared do they make me feel?
Or how much do I feel like there's no reality where they're not going to
like Thanos and control it and destroy us at the
end i like yeah i like that i yeah brady and jordan that's true of both of those guys yeah
you're just like this fucker's gonna win no matter what yeah yeah it's yeah when you have one of
those guys in your team it's fun yeah brady making the playoffs at eight and nine it's so annoying
it is annoying.
Yeah, the NFL this year was just kind of whack, dude.
I'm like, all these 8-8 teams.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, because it's like how you said Brady.
Yeah, he came through in the end again.
Every time.
Even in a losing season.
Yeah, even...
This is the one year where I'm kind of glad he made it
because of the whole...
Like him losing Gisele and stuff like like that you would see him after they won
like a shitty game against like the panthers or something he'd be like yeah you're worth it
i blew up my life and i'm not sad
tough dude he was asking dudes to rat tail him after the rat tail me dude i'm gonna miss this
locker room someone just rat tail me dude yeah he's 45 hanging out with 20 year olds
that's a little bit weird yeah that's the thing he's i mean he's still is he in touch
with them i don't know if tom brady's ever been in touch with like anything dude he's like just
been like i'm an underdog i need to be elite i'm an underdog i'm need to be elite. I'm an underdog. I'm going to... He's like, I will defeat time.
Time will not get me.
Yeah.
He's like fucking...
He's amazing.
He's not going to retire this year, is he?
He's never going to retire.
Yeah.
He's going to die out there.
He's going to die.
I feel like he's going to keep going.
Now that his marriage is over,
he's just going to keep going
as long as he can.
Yeah, probably.
I don't think he'll stay
with Tampa Bay.
Raiders.
People say Raiders.
Dude, him and Devontae? Him and Devontae would be sick. Oh, because Josh McDaniels is the coach? Oh, probably. I don't think he'll stay with Tampa Bay. Raiders. People say Raiders. Dude, him and Devontae?
Him and Devontae would be sick.
Oh, because Josh McDaniels is the coach?
Oh, yeah.
McDaniels.
McDaniels is the coach.
Oh.
He was a Bay Area guy, but of course they're in Vegas now.
But then they say there was a deal that Gruden blew up before.
Gruden really blew everything up.
But he tanked the deal last second.
He was going to go.
Tom Brady was going to go there.
Really?
Yeah, because there's this-
Like a couple years ago?
Yeah. A few years ago, there's this cryptic comment uh where
tom brady's like oh you're gonna stick with this fucking guy like he tweeted something like that
like this guy and they they lost their car they lost car right yeah bro he's playing so bad oh
they they've benched him he's not off the team he will be off the team but they benched him with
like two games to go because they were just tired of they just got tired of it yeah tom brady's new lady yeah he already has a new lady yeah dude
wait bring that closer dude that's not her dude have i seen her um if you swipe right there's like
oh she's jewish
i don't think i can swipe oh are these screenshots
you took of her yeah cause I was sending it to my friend
yeah yeah right right right
hilarious bro Jake
I don't even know why I said that
I don't even know why I said that
oh did you got these saved interesting dude yeah
Jake is Jaying off
Jake okay dude
Jake's on more than one kind of stick
this thing the jersey doesn't fit her yeah good call Okay, dude. Jake's on more than one kind of stick. This thing that-
The jersey doesn't fit her.
Yeah, good call.
This post where she says,
I saw the legend.
If somebody asked me again if I love Brady,
yes, I love him,
and showed me somebody who doesn't.
Is this from before they were dating?
This is before it was out, yeah.
But were they already together?
Or was this kind of her shooting her shot?
I'm not sure about that.
That could be her kind of
like putting it out there yeah she's very pretty model so she definitely has this little clout
nice catch dog good for brady man i mean what about i was worried about that guy i didn't think
he'd be able to uh get laid yeah it seemed like it was gonna be difficult for him yeah you think
about that guy like he's a little old now he He's 45, dude. He's lost a couple of football games.
I don't know if chicks are going to be interested.
Yeah.
Maybe he's going to score one of those babes.
He's in that movie with 80 for Brady.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah, what is that movie?
I see the billboard.
Yeah, what is that movie?
I don't know what's going on with that.
Elderly Women.
What is that movie, dude?
I mean, all the actresses in are like iconic Jane Fonda Lily Tomlin Sally Fields fucking movie
about Tom Brady exactly why are they making they're making a movie with like
the four like great older actresses but like old like they're like all probably
70 75 plus yeah and it's like them they're all obsessed with Tom Brady and
they go to like a Super Bowl game to see Tom Brady in it and it's like them they're all obsessed with tom brady and they go
to like a super bowl game to see tom brady in it and it's called 80 for brady there's it's like a
a feature film yeah chat chat this is something like a real movie or is that just this is real
that's real this is life dude this is reality no it's just happening it's really tom and sally
theaters i guess i don't know who's gonna we're see it. We're going to go see it, dude. Dude, we should see it.
It's a movie for dudes.
I've seen it.
Yeah, I don't know who's...
Hey, you like...
It's a movie for dudes.
I like what?
You've throttled some older gals.
Yeah.
You're the cougar.
And you like football.
This movie might be...
You might be the only audience for this movie, dude.
I don't know.
All right.
I'll just see it.
Fine.
You like... You love the two-minute drill, and then you like the two-minute drill. You know what I'm saying, though? Yeah, like. I don't know. All right. I'll just see it. Fine. You love the two-minute drill
and then you like
the two-minute drill.
You know what I'm saying, though?
Yeah, like a drill for two minutes.
Joe, when you take out Coog,
do you guys get a cup of Sanka?
Hey, babe.
Good morning.
Got some lentils for you.
You gotta be careful
with the sugar.
That's for sure.
Cup of Sanka.
Yeah, that movie's crazy to me. I really don't understand understand it i don't know who's gonna see it it
looks like a trailer for like the super bowl or something well i wonder what the story is exactly
dude it's like nfl's market like more marketing it's like we're already addicted we already
watched these horrible thursday night games like come on i like girl trip we watched girl trip
together that movie was good obviously a different age range and some different factors.
I don't dislike a gal pal movie.
No, I love it, actually.
But putting it around football is just...
That'd be like if they took...
Who were four good...
If Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pine,
and who's a cool dude?
John Hawks. chris pine and who's like a cool dude uh john hawks and and john ham were in a movie about uh going to like a real housewives thing oh that'd be fun yeah that would be a sweet movie
you know what they're kind of genius they know what they're doing dude this movie's gonna be
sick that'd be kind of a sick movie especially if it was like a jersey housewives that'd be bad
dude those chicks are nuts man man. They fucking throw down.
Yeah,
dude,
there's a fight on.
Hold on.
I got to show you guys this real house.
The hardest I've ever cried was watching real housewives of New Jersey.
The one,
the cousin.
Yeah.
The dude,
the dad and the son got into a fight and he was like,
dad,
why can't you look at me?
Why can't you see?
I'm just like you.
Like,
and then the dad goes in Italian.
He's like,
again, I look at you and you are not my son.
Whoa.
And I was like, is this the fucking Godfather?
Yeah, what was that?
Yeah.
Let me see.
Watch this hit.
Joe versus Joe fight.
Both guys are named Joe.
Love that.
Both named Joe.
Dude, this guy takes, they're both like 5'2", like 200 pounds.
We'll put this up.
All right, watch.
Watch this hit, guys.
Sister!
I'm not sticking with scum like you.
Joe, that wasn't right.
I don't care.
She's scum.
And I'm going to call you scum.
You know what?
I'm not here.
This is like an NFL highlight.
I'm going to tell you one thing right now.
One day, it's going to happen.
It's going to be f***ing bad.
I'm going to f***ing flip and you know me.
Joe. Oh, they got divorced. He just called me scum. I want to leave. Please, please now. One day it's gonna happen. It's gonna be f***ing bad. I'm gonna f***ing flip and you know me. Joe.
Oh, they got divorced.
He just called me scum. I wanna leave.
Please, please.
No, no, no, no, no.
Joe, please.
Relax.
I'm gonna tell him to apologize.
Let me ask you this.
Back up, back up, back up, back up.
Rosie, Rosie, please.
No, no, no.
See, this is bad.
Rosie, put that down.
Joe.
Hey, Joe.
What?
Apologize.
No!
Whoa, that was good. Whoa, that was good form. Did you see the way he took that hit? Yeah. You can't do this, man. You f***ing don't. Hey Joe At that moment, the lowering of the shoulder was iconic right there.
That was nice.
Wait, is Joe, is the younger, is Joe Jr. in the white?
The kid runs and the dad takes him though.
That's not his dad.
That's his brother-in-law.
Oh, okay.
So they get into another fight at a wedding and the dad sides with the brother-in-law
instead of his own son.
Son seems like a punk though.
He called his own mom scum?
His sister.
Can't do that.
No, scum is the worst thing you can call.
That's what actually made me flip on Trev.
He called me a slime ball.
Oh really?
Yeah.
And I was pissed.
And then he went after me for doing a lot of therapy.
Whoa.
I didn't even read all this.
Dude, this is all on our thread. What'd he say? What'd he say? of therapy. Whoa. I didn't even read all this.
Dude, this is all on our thread.
He's like, I was like, he kind of got me good.
I was like, shut up.
You like cry baby bitch.
And I was like in the slime ball things, like a super projection, basically saying he's a slime ball.
And then he goes, oh, like super projection.
What are you a fucking therapist?
I was like, I don't have to have a degree to know you're like a crybaby backdooring bitch
and then he's like get ready for more sessions then I just go crybaby crybaby crybaby crybaby
and then we just went in circles like that oh yeah hey go get some more help for your brain
yeah it was a good bird I watched um I watched Southpaw last night I remember seeing that What's that one about again?
Boxer with Jake Gyllenhaal
Oh no I never saw that one
He's a lefty boxer
I want to take boxing lessons
But when his wife gets killed
That was like
So unexpected for me
And that gutted me
I was just silent for an hour
It's a very it's a very
kitchen sink movie where it's very like there's a lot of like emotional like yeah like not not
long after that when him and his buddy are in the car with like the gun and jill and hall's like
you should protect you man yeah you're like this is really heavy yeah his body in that movie though
he fucking got his abs he gets ripped dude Do you think he was on TRT?
I don't know, because he's not that bulky in it.
He's just ripped.
And he's always had a good lean body.
He's always had like a six pack.
It is funny, though.
Like every time an actor does a boxing movie, they're like, like De Niro after Raging Bull.
They're like, he could have been a real middleweight contender.
I'm like, I promise you he couldn't have been.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No. Put him in there. It's like Sugar ray leonard he's dead dude yeah he died dude robert
de niro versus sugar exactly bro you're like no dude i'll get shredded though for those roles
it's good they do get cut up stallone was dude that that's the dream isn't that the best job
on earth to get an acting role where you have to get ripped?
Yeah.
I'm getting jacked for my job.
Dude.
That would be so awesome.
It's the best job ever.
Carolla had a good line about Wahlberg in The Fighter where he's like,
it's the first time an actor played an athlete and was more buff than the athlete.
Yeah.
Like, Wahlberg's more jacked than Mickey Ward is.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, Wahlberg's hilarious.
Wakes up at, goes to bed at 7 p.m., wakes up at 3 a.m.
Amazing.
He does?
Yeah.
So he works out at 3 a.m., plays 18 holes of golf in the morning.
That's nice.
And then he gets to work.
Yeah, he's got to.
But he's working at like 8.
Just dialed in.
He's doing the same hours.
He could do all that later.
But the way he has to work, his job is so nice where he has a,
he's like,
he's got a clothing company.
All he does is get on it.
I watched the show and he gets on a zoom call with like three clothing
designers.
And they're like,
so this is the new like sportswear,
like hoodie that we've been working on.
He's like,
yeah,
you know,
I like on my hoodies when like it's loose right here.
And they're like,
brilliant.
We'll make it happen.
And then he's like,
dude,
so I'm running my clothing company. like what you just said like you just get to be like a layman in all these
different worlds their show's called wall street or are you talking about the movie wall street
like spelled with the h like his name is like his hbo like promotion for all of his businesses
and i'm not trying to i'm not trying to talk i love mark waller dude here's here's something crazy
that we learned is liver king's wife is like kind of the reason they're loaded yeah she started like
a dentistry kind of empire whoa and i always thought he he like he got loaded from his
supplements yeah and so they're kind of like going along with his because they're like
like it's kind of the reason we got this big but now that she made them like why are you doing i think she was the breadwinner before he pivoted into that yeah it's crazy yeah that's nice yeah
he definitely wasn't going to work you know what i mean the guy was just going to the gym just
for getting yolks dude he's like that babe. Exactly. Fill those cavities.
Yeah, dude.
I think he had like a clerical job. I think he was like at the computer all day.
Yeah.
Just like punching in and being like,
Myers is coming in at 10.
He's doing a root canal.
Dude, yeah.
He's scheduling.
He's a chatty receptionist.
Someone comes in.
Hey, Primal, what are you up to these days?
Happy New Year.
Primal.
You ready for your dentist appointment, Primal?
Root canal.
We're going to need to schedule it back here in six months.
It's cool if I put you on the calendar for June.
We can switch it when we get closer.
Now, we've updated our practice to ancestral ways.
We don't do Novocaine or anything like that.
We just go straight drill,
and we go and we use a spear.
We're going to take this fucking rock
and just bash it into your jaw.
Tooth's going to be gone, okay?
We're going to get it split.
Oh, man. Should we answer going to be gone. Okay, lickety split. Oh, man.
Should we answer some cues?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Guys, I'm interacting in this podcast
letting you know once again
that we got a Reddit out.
We got Reddit.
Chad goes deep Reddit.
Check it out.
Get into some discussion.
It's epic.
Also, while you're here,
like that video,
comment, subscribe,
do all that stuff.
It really helps with the engagement
and really helps to boost and get the word out about Stoke.
Also, we're on tour, chatandjt.com.
Get your tickets.
We are going to all over America.
We got dates up until fall.
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All right, let's get back to the show.
I had AI listen to that and write a little story about you guys.
Do you want to read it?
Yeah, sure.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm pumped for the new Overwatch expansion, Chad says.
I've never played it.
Is it good? Joe asks. It's a lot of fun strata replies although i'm not sure how they can make it more
gay the others laugh and then get into a discussion about concussions in sports they talk about
whether or not players are being honest when they say they have no symptoms after taking a hit to
the head then the conversation turns to fantasy football and who everyone is picking this year
brett farve's dick comes up again it seems to be a popular topic, parenthetical. And then they move
on to talking about LeBron James versus Michael Jordan as the greatest basketball player of all
time. Louis C.K. pops up in the conversation and people share their thoughts on him,
some defending him while others think he's gone too far this time around. They switch gears
slightly and start discussing stand-up comedy in general, remarking on how there doesn't seem to
be any real boundaries anymore
when it comes to what comedians can joke about on stage.
Tom Brady gets brought up next with some people saying
that he deserves an 80th birthday celebration,
while others feel like his legacy is starting to tarnish a bit lately.
The group chats about Southpaw for a while
before wrapping things up by talking briefly
about Mark Wahlberg's insane lifestyle schedule.
What was that from
chat gpt no this is right ai oh it probably uses chat gtp um and basically all the topics you guys
were talking about i was typing in there yeah and then it's like interpreting how they kind of
come together that's why at the end it was like tom brady's 80th birthday party yeah yeah 80 for brady yeah yeah
yeah it's pretty cool how could the game get more gay yeah how can overwatch get more gay we were
just saying no this is just what the game is i yeah dude that's pretty wild ai is crazy dude yeah
everyone's like are you guys ready are you ready for ai dude all these scientists are like i don't think we're ready
dude you will know harari freaks me out about that stuff some i love him he's my he's my dog
dude maybe i talked about this on the last podcast i might have but um he he talks about ai a ton
he calls it like homo deus like the next level yeah and um started reading it it's good it's
tough to just cold read those things though gotta like bounce around but uh he's like yeah yeah what do you mean cold really you gotta
read other stuff in between yeah and like it's too dry yeah and maybe just skip to a chat like
this chapter sounds cool let me just read this chapter yeah skip around a bit yeah yeah because
what are you really trying to pull out of that just like 10 or 12 interesting ways to look at
things and a couple facts exactly it's like a textbook uh but dude he freaks us out
about ai he's like yeah it won't be it's like you can have beings who can like live forever
and it'll like be like exposed to like the wealthy like your consciousness can go on
and then poor people will die and he's like it'll just keep create even more disparity for humans
and he's like it's gonna be like a fucking apocalypse because of that because people will flip out i don't know scares me dude
you know what i like i think it's uh i think experts and stuff tend to want to go towards
the extreme negative we have to have a dramatic perspective it's gonna yeah grab more eyeballs
and ears yeah it's like and they're like like i don't know i i don't know what to think about it i i had a
nice thought where i was like maybe if ai is doing everything for us it can kind of be like those
months on lockdown you know those first few months where i'm just chilling but then again i don't
want to i don't know if i want to you know just what do you do well i think yeah the way i'm
looking at it is kind of similar where I'm like, no one knows.
AI is going to happen.
I think it's going to shift life in some kind of dramatic way.
But like you're saying, no one really knows how.
So I'm like, okay, maybe I only have five years left to really create comedy the way I thought I would for my whole life.
So I'm like, all right, I just got to go extra hard these next five years.
Cause after that it might be an obsolete profession.
And I'm like,
cool.
Well then I got five years.
Let's go fucking hard in the paint.
And that time period.
You think comedy is going away?
No,
I have no idea.
I just like to think that way.
Cause I'm just trying to turn it into something that's motivating rather than
like,
uh,
like,
uh,
making me scared right now. How do I make it make me a little bit better be like a jeff foxworthy robot if you if you type out your
own essay you might not be able to afford ai exactly you might be a poor person
i think it's funny too how we always think ai is gonna like uh like take over humans and like dominate us and like subjugate us because like that's what
humans would do to something yes so we think it's going to dominate us the way we would dominate
something and so to me it's like since we created ai the only reason ai would do that is because
they learned it from us yeah we try to give it human characteristics
well it has it has to right isn't isn't their intelligence based off of human intelligence
like they're yeah it's based off our subjective view of the world right or no yeah it makes sense
yeah this is what they get into in 80 for brady they're watching it in the stands and they're like
with ai dude but if we were if we
were all really nice and then we created ai would ai be would the way it would beat us was by being
nicer that'd be great and does that make any sense it's good at the end that's like a very good like
a24 premise at the end it's like if we love each other then the ai will learn to love and be good
and then ai will love us more and and be nice. So we got to stop all the wars and shit.
So AI doesn't think that's what we do.
Exactly.
I don't know if that's how AI works.
Neither do I.
Dude, we got an Uber driver response to Jimmy Smoothcock.
I think that was the guy who wrote in about loving to bone in Ubers.
So we have a professional who can weigh in from the perspective of the driver.
Hello, pod.
I'm a rideshare driver and just heard Jimmy Smoothcock's email in the pod.
He's the guy that's banned from Uber for sucking women's toes and eating them out while the vehicle is in motion.
He also hangs dong in the Uber.
He talked about being banned from the app and wanting to get back on.
I'd like to give him my opinion as a driver.
People like fucking in cars.
And to them, I'm a stranger.
I get it.
But it's more
complicated than this if we get in an accident you're losing your dick injury potential is awful
car seats and made to sit in them with a seatbelt on if you don't do that you can get hurt if you
have your cock out you might lose it or get glass in it if a window breaks in an accident i have to be honest if the
person is got i get it but it's still gross keep your cock boys quit fucking in a moving vehicle
keep that smooth cock pumping jimmy and put it away in the car you have a long career ahead of
you and let's be honest it's uncomfortable why not do it in a bed i'm sorry if this kills your
stoke i don't want to see a broken penis ever in my life. I hope you can get this message out there.
Yeah, I like that safety approach to it.
Yeah, if you're getting an accent, you're fucked.
Like if you're tongue darting and you get an accent.
You know, you fucking.
Is that how you tongue dart?
You might lick the window all of a sudden.
Can I see how you tongue dart?
I mean, I wasn't trying to trying to yeah that probably wasn't that
good no it's great it's beautiful yeah my eyes roll back i mean especially for you because
not i mean that's almost like carrying a weapon if you got a hard if you got a hard cock and you
fly through the windshield i mean
you have to worry about the other people yeah i'd be toast yeah then you're joe the impaler yeah i
would not risk doing that in a car well you could take out an 18 wheel not in a moving car i mean
parked car do it in your own car park the car not in a moving vehicle yeah i'm i'm with this uh with
the guy that rode in it's not safe he'd be like
morpheus and matrix 2 with the samurai sword taking out a semi yes 100 100 all right self
confidence issues hey guys i've been a long time listener going back to when i was in high school
i am a junior in college with a serious gf i want to marry one day things are going well and we were
both very attracted to one another and in love self-confidence has never been a problem for me and i'm usually a
pretty confident guy i go to the gym study hard play sports like hockey and i ski recently i've
been having doubts about myself and sometimes wonder if i am good enough for her and i think
up scenarios where she cheats on me i know she loves me and i'm psyching myself out but sometimes
it eats me what are some ways to get over insecurities like those for some background context we go to school together and have a great relationship i think it's hard when you care so So he has self-confidence, but he's like getting anxiety about her potentially cheating on him.
Yeah, he's just so in love with this girl that he's like thinking it's like too good to be true basically sounds like something you would write yeah it does
i related to it hard dude i think yeah what it is is like being in love is hard you're giving
someone else permission to fuck you up it's a full contact sport so you just got to get in there and
get on the field and and play as best you can and leave it all out there and also what i think this
means is like you're dating actually the right person.
Cause if you're dating someone you weren't as into,
you wouldn't be worried about this shit.
It's because you like her so much that you're feeling these things.
And it sounds like she's super hot.
So good for you,
man.
Yeah.
Cause if she wasn't that hot,
you wouldn't be,
that's,
you wouldn't be sweating.
So I think this is all good progress.
You're doing good.
And dude,
if you do find her cheating on you,
you'll just break up.
You'll be fine. You'll move on, but she's not going to cheat on you.'re doing good and dude if you do find her cheating on you you'll just break up you'll be fine you'll move on but she's not gonna cheat on you you're good dude
yeah you can't control that you know i wonder what scenarios he's thinking of that she's cheating
in college and you can kind of control it you can't fully control it but be your best self
that's exactly and then she won't have reason to to stray you can control your end of thing
exactly be the best version of you make her be someone she was doesn have reason to to stray you can control your end of thing exactly be the best
version of you make her be someone she was doesn't want to cheat on yeah be someone that you wouldn't
cheat on exactly yeah be chill but dude this is all great i think this is wonderful totally dude
and then you know that doesn't if you really want to get rich and drive a cool car dude
for sure that will help you what is a cool car lifted jeep how lifted india an indiana jones
lift so you can go anywhere in the world big old fucking american flag in the back extra gas tanks
matt gray one of those ball sacks where the toe hitch goes mud flaps that say fuck you caught you looking and that's cool
yeah i think do a lot of dope shit like that is sick like that's sick like be sick be sick like
like you ski that's sick that's sick keep being sick on the skis and if she asks you like hey
babe are you feeling insecure?
You don't have to say,
yes,
I'm feeling insecure.
You could go now,
but I feel like I got to go do some shoots up on the mountain.
Exactly.
Bro.
Go do some shoots,
dude.
And then in the off season,
she's yeah.
She's upset with you.
Just go,
I'm going to go clean my skis.
Talk to you later.
And then maybe if she's like,
hey, you seem a little off today.
What's up?
You'd be like, oh, you know,
I just, I've been having an itch.
Like I need to write my memoir.
Then just go bang out a couple pages of your memoir, dude.
Dude, be difficult to understand too.
Babe, what's wrong?
I don't know.
I need to catch air.
What does that mean?
I need to catch air.
You need to get air?
No, I need to catch air.
But then when you come home
from catching air kisses a lot of hugs a lot of sweetness and then when she has to go do something
i don't know whatever it is because then she'll also subconsciously understand that you are
feeling stressed but that you are self um reliant enough to take care of it on your own and not to
put it on her yeah because i think it's diminishing
returns with that if you're like when were you gonna cheat on me it's like yeah you can say that
once or twice it's sweet but most of the time i think you got to take that energy and just work
it out dude exactly on the dance floor in the gym on the shoots with your boys on a pod whatever it
be exactly dude just rhythm dude rhythm is a dancer rhythm of the night song oh tonight is the night
what do you guys think you think you should you think you should cheat on her
first then no tears what you need to do no he sounds like he's doing fine he's just
yeah he just feels like he's
it's too good to be true maybe or something what would it if someone put a gun to your head
and said cheat on your wife would you do it or would you let them kill you
uh i i mean if i was in a loving great, I would say go ahead and pull it.
I love that.
Someone put a gun to your head
and said you have to kill Chad.
Would you do it?
No.
Thanks.
What if someone put a gun to your head
and was like,
you got to kill JT.
Would you do it?
No, I wouldn't.
All right.
What if someone put a gun to your head
and said you have to kill Jake?
Because you don't know Jake that well.
You don't know him that well, dude.
Think about it.
He's a good guy.
He's a really nice guy.
He's innocent.
He's innocent. And they were were like it can be painless
also they were like we'll also give you a free blow job would you kill man whoa
free blow job it was from the dude who was pointing a gun at you it's from the dude but
it could be good it's gratis the bj is on the house dude gratis bro no i'll save jake too
kind of a similar question but like there's this topic of if you press a button someone dies but
you get a million dollars every time would you press the button if so how many times
okay so there's a button you can press someone dies you get a
million dollars you don't have to know the person who died would i push the button whoa fuck yeah
at least once bro at least no but what if it was like what if it was like
a million dollars read a thunberg or something yeah oh I'd for sure push it no we need her around it I love gratitude she's so cute children I would
do it if it was just like like babies in moms a baby I'm just being trolly trolly
trolly trolly trolly trolly trolly trolly all right one more sad question here we go
what's up dude it's been a fan of the pod for a long time now you guys really helped me keep a
level head through many difficult years of med school and are doing the same in my residency
emergency medicine let's go dude what a beast went to a show of yours recently too and loved
it netflix show was also fire you guys are awesome anyways i do have a question essentially for the
last two years i've been constantly fighting a never
ending heartbreak over my ex. That said,
I've had a little crush over this girl that's been sporadically
coming to my apartment complex gym
earlier today, morning of New Year's Eve.
I saw her again. I asked her what she was doing.
She said she didn't have plans, which was
awesome because I didn't either. However,
before I could ask her out, she dipped from the gym after
waving bye from a distance.
She waved bye. Bro, there was no, you didn't have time, have time dude i mean i don't know if you're doing a wad but bro
yeah he couldn't break up the workout dude so i had to resort to text to ask her to get a drink
later in the day night she responded about an hour and a half later saying she ended up making
plans but then followed that text up with this if you decide to go on an adventure somewhere at some point, they'll let me know. My soul is slowly dying here.
Weird.
She said that?
Emo chick.
For reference, we live in a large Midwest city that is not considered a highly desirable place to live.
Essentially, I need you guys to help me decipher what the fuck she means, what the fuck to do with this.
She's mentioned she wanted to explore the state we live in some more and seems like she likes hiking and stuff.
But surely she can't mean she wants to take a trip together since we've never actually hung out that's really
not any legit hikes near us and it's cold as fuck out bro you are majorly overthinking this dude
dude yeah stop punching in at the excuse she said if you decide to go on an adventure somewhere
adventure somewhere at some point let me know my soul is slowly dying here
dude just be like hey you want to come over and listen to thrice yeah i don't know bro dude it's
even crazy you asked her to hang out on new year's yeah and getting back to you in an hour and a half
that's not a long time actually especially for new year's it would have been insane if she did
want to hang out with you on new year's for a first date because that's like hyper it's kind
of intense um dude it sounds like she's into you you don't have to take her on an
adventure right away you just have to relate to her on the adventure thing and be like i also feel
like i'm slowly dying here i crave adventure you guys might not even ever have to go on an adventure
together you just got to listen to her talk about that shit yeah so just ask her out to fucking
coffee let's fucking go exactly dude what the fuck i don't think she meant adventures and like
go on a trip at all like are you going out tonight like going out to bars and stuff yeah she just wants a free spirit
don't sit down i got a tent in the desert this is gonna be great want to come with me no i think
i think the next text should be like well i'm going to moab tomorrow if you want to cruise
yard doctors are kind of emo guys they are emo they kind of be they gotta be chill
yes they they're
the most calm dudes of all time like because all they do is see high-stakes shit gunshot victims
like yeah i had to cut someone's arm off today i'm like whoa dude i was mad that's crazy dude
but i'm fired up for this guy dude yeah you're crushed dude you guys both work out go to a museum
i'd like to know what cities and i don't know why we couldn't be specific about that one Midwest City at shitty probably somewhere in Cleveland
somewhere in Cleveland
Or what's it Cincinnati what's the mistake by the lake that's Cleveland
That's what they call it. Ouch. Yeah
People get protective over their hometowns. Like, if you bash someone's hometown.
Chicago people, dude.
I mean, here's the thing.
It's not my beef of the week, but.
Well, yeah, there's no reason to bash that city.
Oh, best city in the world.
Then why don't you live there?
Yeah.
Oh, was it negative 30 last week?
Oh, yeah.
Sounds cool.
It was 78 here.
Yeah.
But Chicago has the best city skyline of any city.
Got to agree with that.
On the entire planet.
Got to agree with it.
I love the brick.
Yes.
Yeah, I mean, just everything.
It's great.
Like, I was down there over Christmas.
I was downtown, and I was just like, this city is gorgeous.
Dude, Portillo sucks.
Bro, if you say something like that out loud.
What the fuck, man?
Portillo sucks, dude.
Dude, seriously, dude.
It's like medium at best.
What?
Dude, if you talk shit like that, I'll put you in a fucking headlock, dude.
Yeah, dude.
Out of here.
It doesn't taste any different than like a Burbank hot dog.
What?
What?
A Chicago hot dog.
A Chicago dog?
Dude, you don't even know what's on a Chicago dog.
What's on a Chicago dog, dude?
Yeah, you don't even know what's on a Chicago dog.
What'd you get?
It's mustard, no ketchup.
What'd you get?
Portillo's, huh?
It's mustard, no ketchup.
And tomatoes and peppers.
Look, I don't want to be harsh.
I've been to Portillo's with all
you guys.
None of you guys like it that much.
That's the most fucking blatant lie I've ever heard.
It's just a photo.
It's just a photo.
Go jerk off at True Food
Yeah, exactly, go get a bison burger
I like True Food
because they list the calories
That's the only reason I go there
Yeah, you don't like the food
I don't love the food, I just know what's in it
You don't even eat food, dude
Portillo's is
Dude, what you doing right now
Honestly, dude, I'm gonna stick
an Italian beef up your ass
if you keep talking
like this dude
and the big
the big one
it's fine
I'm a
I'm a jam
a chocolate cake
shake down your dick hole
exactly
yeah
I'll tell you
the chocolate cake shake
does suck though
it's not good
I've never tried it
it's bad
it's bad
don't get the chocolate cake
but Chicago
but Chicago dogs are
that's my favorite thing
in the world
Chicago dogs are great
JT can't tell you right now.
I had two more dogs in.
Don't do your head.
If you don't say what's on a Chicago dog,
fucking Joe's dead.
Isn't it mustard and relish?
That's it.
No, there's no relish.
No relish.
It's a fucking wedge pickle on there.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Big deal.
It's a pickle.
What are you, a fucking cop?
Didn't you take the pickle off the dog?
Yeah, but I have the pickle and I like that it's there.
I do that too.
I take it off.
I eat that.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
You guys don't even eat it the way you're supposed to.
People don't leave the pickle on.
You got sliced tomatoes.
You got peppers.
You got lots of mustard.
You got poppy seed.
Can't you get that on a dog anywhere?
No.
Poppy seed bun.
No.
No.
No.
Not the way they do it. Vienna beef hot dogs you don't are very hard yeah vienna
beef's hard to find oh you can only get in chicago yeah you don't get anywhere else otherwise you
gotta get it imported yeah let me tell you i like cured meats but there's no cure for your meat
yeah i don't know what that means no i hear you i hear you no it's good it's good it's good no no
no no you can't take it back now.
No, no.
I was about to not take it back.
It's a good four out of 10.
It's a good four out of 10.
What's going on here?
Portillo's blows.
Yeah, look at that.
That's amazing.
Look at that.
Can you throw that photo up on the pod?
Wow.
How did they ever come up with that?
Look at all those special ingredients you can't get anywhere.
Dude, it's incredible.
Tomatoes?
Yep, you can.
Where can you get a tomato?
Dude, no dog tastes better than Chicago dog.
You know what?
The hot dog that you get for the street vendors in LA after you come out of like Davey Wayne's
at two in the morning with the mayonnaise and the bacon wrapped around it.
Disgusting.
Better dog than that.
No.
The ones that you get outside the Coliseum, better dog.
Yeah, you should have seen him at the Ohio State-USA game.
He was really enjoying it.
Keeled over.
I had a Philly cheesesteak that day.
Yeah, but you smelt the dogs.
You know it was a Philly cheesesteak that day.
It was.
I made a mistake.
No, I couldn't stand up on the Jumbotron because I had such a bad tummy ache.
Yeah.
Strider was on the Jumbotron.
Everywhere we went after that, everyone was like, hey, Strider, I saw you was like and i was like thanks dude i was there too all right yeah yeah you get
a freaking well this is this is a good segue because we're talking about beef and we're beefing
chad who is your beef of the week dude i honestly i couldn't think of a beef this week i was like
really racking my brain i was like what's my beef yeah but you just fired me up with that portillo shit dude yeah that's messed
that really fired me up the crinkle fries bro bro the crinkle fry and the paint cheese that
they have there and my favorite thing is to go to chicago and get a chicago dog thank you whatever
i'm traveling that is the one place where i will... Their food, their specialty food, I always
get the Chicago dog because it's my favorite
hot dog. And
I've tried replicas. I've tried
replicas here. You know, you go to
Pink's, they get a Chicago dog. Not the same.
Not the same. It's Portillo's.
Carney's does it pretty good. Western Bagel
in Burbank has
a better hot dog than all of Chicago.
Every place in Chicago.
Western Bagel is good. I'm not going to lie to you.
I like Western Bagel. It's a great spot in that little
shopping center where Urban is. But no,
they don't have a better dog.
You know what we're going to do?
Does Auntie Anne's have a better hot dog?
I'm going to come in here with like eight different
hot dogs and blindfold all you guys.
Dude, let's do it.
And then we'll do a blind test and see if you guys can idea
portillo's dog i could for sure 100 because there is a portillo's in costa mesa right yes there is
there's one in buena buena park yeah let's fuck that up by not that up dude let's do it all right
we'll do it that sounds fucking fun dude yeah and we'll put your guys's money where your mouth is
and then you guys will be wearing your blindfolds and when you get it wrong you won't take them off and we'll just see tears come down
your cheeks.
There's no taste like
that. I will 100% get
it right. We'll see.
It's going to be easy. We'll see.
If you guys get it right, I'll be happy because that means
beautiful things do exist. So I'll be happy.
And you can't take those ingredients and put them on a
shitty dog because it's got to be a Chicago dog.
No, no, no. We have to make it kind of even.
No, no.
You can't just take other shit ingredients and trip me.
Why?
Because then all the dogs will taste the same.
No.
You got to have a Chicago dog.
Then you got to have a dog that they do like in New York style.
But you can get a Chicago dog here that tastes the same.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
You can go order one from a different place.
That's what you're saying.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
You'll still be able to tell the difference.
I'll be able to tell. Abso-fucking-lutely you'll still be able to tell the difference i'll be able to tell absolutely i'll be able to tell all right
who's your beef let's see my beef of the week's gotta be i've been having a good week no beef
really to be honest i'm just freaking chilling dude feeling pretty stoked um
yeah nothing too much dude i'm pretty fired up dude like in a good way right now i'm trying to
just be like who's challenged me i mean that crazy homeless dude at air one was pretty gnarly
i was beefing on that guy it's monday you know so it's a good week
i had to get up early you know waking up dude maybe that's it waking up and i gotta do it every
day it's tough do you have trouble waking up i hate waking up dude it's tough man let me be as close to dead
as possible getting through life dude that's what i like you're a prodigious sleeper just keep me
oh keep me sleeping baby joe who's your beef of the week uh my beef of the week is uh this weather
that we're having it's been really bad weather in LA for like two months.
It's really put a damper on it.
Cause I,
I haven't worked out at all.
I,
I purely based working out on going outside and hiking and doing all sorts of
things outside.
So I'm,
I'm weak right now.
Uh,
I could feel my arms just shrinking.
I just am not in any kind of good physical shape whatsoever.
I look and feel like shit.
And it's getting to me.
And the weather needs to heal up fast.
Because I haven't worn shorts in months.
Shorts are like a distant memory.
They're like packed away.
I need to get outside i need to run you know and do my sprints again and hike and be active and it's not happening
with this seattle weather that's been going on for two months for whatever reason it's been brutal
man it's like uh you let's you know how lucky we are
to live in socal where it's sunny most days but like dude going to do anything feels a lot harder
when it's raining like going to the gym my body feels like a thousand pounds heavy when you walk
into the car i'm like i'm just i'm worn out i don't have the energy yeah it's brutal it'll turn
what if it's always like i was wondering like it will when you're stuck in it you feel like it'll turn what if it's always like i was wondering like it will when you're stuck in
it you feel like it'll never change but like is it gonna get progressively more rainy in la i'll
move nah no way i've been loving it i don't know why no i i can't stand it i've been loving it i
don't mind it if i'm not working if i'm not outside and it's fine as long as i can get out of it yeah i also did go to caribbean so yeah you got some smart choice dude my beef of the week
is people on the internet who don't like beautiful things i was watching there's this video that
always circulates of this gal who's a utah jazz uh uh dancer and she's dancing and she doesn't
know the song choreography and it's because they switched
it up on her and it's a Bruno Mars like marriage song and then during the song her boyfriend comes
out and proposes to her and like the whole crowd goes crazy she starts crying it's lovely then you
go in the comments it's like dudes trashing the guy people trashing the girl all these people
being like they're divorced now they're divorced now they're divorced now and they're not even
divorced because I looked into it they're married and having a kid
and it's like people hate nice things they'll just be shit bags about like it'll be a moment
where you're like there's no one alive who could dislike this moment and then all the comments are
just people being like and i'm like fuck you dude you. It's nice. People are angry out there.
All right, Chad, who's your babe of the week?
My babe of the week is, dude, salt and vinegar chips.
Oh, man.
Once I pop, I can't stop, dude.
Kettle corn.
No, not kettle corn.
Kettle chips.
Salt and vinegar.
If I open a bag of those i'm not stopping
dude i'm going till it's done and i fucking love it it's so good i love salt and vinegar so much
dude it makes me so happy dude i feel you honestly eating the sandwich is the excuse to have the
chips oh dude when you get a sandwich in that bag of chips with it, baby.
You know, I'd say a lot of, I'd say Lay's and Kettle chips do the best.
Some chip companies, they try to do salt and vinegar.
It's not potent enough.
I need the tang.
I need lots of tang.
I'm a big, I overdress.
I over, you know, condiments, extra mayo, extra mustard, extra dressing.
I like extra.
I like lots of tang.
I want, you know, I like to make the tang face.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Like the cranberry juice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chips.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, it's nice.
Yeah.
That's it. Strider, who's your baby of the week oh we're doing babes or legends do we do legend babe babe gotta be my freaking dank ass fiance
dude um dude just being a beast bro uh just freaking just being such a good teammate dude
you know really bringing it dude i was like dude not only is he a freaking legit
fiance but just being a fire ass roommate dude just cruising around dude we've got our little dude, you know, really bringing it, dude. I was like, dude, not only is she a freaking legit fiance,
but just being a fire ass roommate,
dude,
just cruising around,
dude, we've got our little chores board and she's marking her checks off and inspires me to mark off my checks of what we got to get done.
And,
um,
I actually had a check on there that she had to invent,
which was six.
I threw my dumbbell so fucking high up that it scuffed the ceiling,
dude.
And then I've got some of those Mr. Clean mr clean um whiteout things for the ceiling dude those things are huge dude i had to use those for
replacing some fire alarms they take those scuffs right off they're magic dude it's magic it's
insane it's magic dude it's magic and uh so just fired up on that dude just just being dynamically dank dude dynamically dank
nice double d yeah joe babe yeah i got a babe yeah my uh my roommate ari ari manis uh hilarious not
not my i don't live with he's not fiance, like how you live with your fiance.
Well, I mean, Ari, I call him my roommate.
He's actually a guy that let me stay at his place.
We're not even, it's not even the roommate relationship.
I mean, I give him money, but not like the full.
You're just his mate there. Not the full even split.
Yeah.
But I'm moving out this month.
Did you get a place?
Not yet, but I'm being forced out now.
He lets you stay longer.
He's been a dude.
He's been a good dude.
He's been a mensch about the whole thing.
His girlfriend is moving in.
Yeah.
Oh, she's moving in?
In February.
So, yeah, I have to get out but ari's
been great and it was super generous of him to let me to take me in uh when i came back to town
uh so yeah he's yeah i'm grateful for him and to let me stay with him and Diamond, who's his snake.
Yeah, I've seen him feed mice to that snake. Yeah, so Ari, it was great of him to take me in.
And yeah, it is now time to go.
Ari introduced us to Jake.
Oh, nice.
Jake was engineering his podcast.
Nice going, Jake.
Dude, my babe of the week is uh cooking i cooked no couple days ago did not
dude i did my girl wasn't feeling well she's like i want i want uh like macaroni pasta i was like
i'll go make it you can't dude i found the pots i filled them with water i i i googled how do you know if water is boiling
because i know when water is boiling is it the small bubbles or the big bubbles i threw the
macaroni in the pot dude it came out a little al dente but it had been in there for like 13
minutes and it's only supposed to need to be in there for eight to 10 minutes but these were thick thick noodles next time i do it they'll be a little less al dente but they were
edible they were for sure edible then i threw some uh penne al vodka sauce on there and uh it was
pretty good and so yeah i love cooking i find it so nourishing for the soul and you're just part
of such a beautiful tradition of of spices and seasonings and i uh you'll never do it again
let's see i'll do it i'm dude you can make an arepa now i'm full time i mean if you go on
youtube and stuff there's great people that'll that can show you recipes and stuff i mean two
weeks ago i made a bowl of cereal then a a week later I'm cooking pasta. I mean,
dude,
the trajectory I'm on is absurd.
Yeah.
You're going to be heating up soup before you know it,
bro.
Whoa.
Oh,
that's a beef.
I got black bean soup.
Ooh.
It's just black beans.
It's just the water from black beans.
Like drain.
And it's like,
here's the soup.
Yeah.
But yeah,
I'm cooking now,
bro.
That's a huge step, dude.
I find it very nourishing, very special.
Do you know how to scramble eggs yet?
I've been doing eggs for COVID.
I looked up Gordon Ramsay's slow cook on eggs because Fard gave it to me.
And I can make some really decent eggs.
Chad, who's your legend of the week uh my legend of the week is
this dude tony in my yoga class the dude just rips ass all the time farce a lot nice yeah
yeah let those power those out dude just no acknowledgement just powers through you know like alec bald went in along came polly you know just forces him out
and it's awesome and afterwards we'll be in the locker room sweating it'd be like that was a good
session you're not even gonna acknowledge that yeah exactly dude power dude power and yoga
instructor doesn't even acknowledge it too what do you would he do if he did? What's that?
What would he do if he did if you were like, dude, Tony, you farted?
He'd be like.
Well, I'd say move into the Shavasana, but.
That's one thing.
Tony just ruined the bus.
I always deny farts.
You do?
Yeah, everywhere.
I'll never admit to it.
But I feel like you're pretty vocal about it.
Yeah, but it's so obvious dude yeah
i mean that's that's my best acting is done when someone accuses me of a fart so let's say joe you
farted no i don't even smell it well what do you guys even smell right that is i heard it
that's good dude that's like it happened i did it at the bar yesterday. I was with my friend Adam.
It went right for him.
We were sitting across from each other.
I thought I would go back.
So there was no one behind me.
So I thought I was safe.
But it shot forward for whatever reason. Yeah, you're an omnidirectional.
It went straight at him.
Yeah.
And then it just, I was like, what are you talking about?
And I even sniffed down.
I was like, I don't even smell it. What are you talking about? And I even sniffed down. I was like, I don't even smell it.
What are you talking about?
Not me.
But it was 100% me.
It's me every time.
If I'm around, it's me.
But I'll never admit it.
If they hear it, if it comes from you and they hear it.
Then you'll have their head.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
It could have been the wall.
Have you ever farted during the pod? No, I haven't. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It could have been the wall. Have you ever farted during the pod?
No, I haven't.
Yeah, I don't think you have.
You can't fart in this.
I don't know.
I might have let one out.
You didn't, dude.
Or I'll doorknob you.
Silent.
Doorknob.
Yeah, I remember that.
You better call safety, dude.
Remember when he's the doorknob guy?
Yeah, you gotta call safety.
Did you guys ever punk bitches about it?
Where you'd be like, doorknob. And then they grab like grab like that and you're like it's not a knob it's a handle yeah
oh yeah my brothers would always do that yeah there's like there's no knobs no one uses knobs
anymore it's all handles do you think do you think kids will still play the safety game when ai is
around yeah ai will start punching you yeah dude yeah yeah like safety doorknob that is not a doorknob
that is a handle you are still liable for punches from your flat shell lens
shut up bitch exactly you didn't say safety did that game's gonna be even more lethal because
then you can be like ai did he say safety and you're like no he didn't he's a bitch and you're like yeah and then he'll be like i didn't even fart and then he'll be like ai go
into infrared replay moment from 12 minutes ago then it's like flatulence occurred yeah you can
see the thermal bro you can see the thermal comes out yeah hot air coming out dude i'm a thermal
your ass when you start denying all right i'll'll start my ass. Predator vision, dude.
Will you do Predator killing himself with you?
Is it ticked out? It's how I gargle when I brush my teeth.
Fucking, here's the best uh
who's your legend league dude my legend of the week is this dude who lives in my building and
we are everyone kind of has this relationship with the dude who's like you see him and you
just kind of go what up like right now for the listeners i'm just giving like a nice little
like a nod down
which is like an acknowledge a nod up is like what you give to your your boy i think like who you
know we give each other a nice nod down and what made me clock this guy is he smokes everyone in
the building is like whenever it smells like weed they know who it is and i never i haven't caught
his name and i've never like talked to him we'll just do this, and maybe like a what up, bro.
But I saw him the other day.
We have a little pool in our building hitting the bong,
like a pretty good-sized bong.
I'd say maybe a foot and a half bong in the water,
like standing in the pool because he's a big dude.
And you know I like height.
Just chilling.
I work nights, and I found out from the grapevine he's never had a job. I you know I like height. Just chilling. I work nights. So he's like...
And I found out from the grapevine he's never had a job.
I'm like, this guy's dominating life.
Just sitting there just...
Like predatoring this massive predator noise.
Like the apartment building pool?
Yeah.
Just chilling, dude.
Like other people were out by the pool.
With a big bong?
Just a fucking...
Like a foot and a half bong.
Like just holding it in the water.
Chilling.
And then put it down.
And it's glass by the pool. That's a rule that you shouldn't... That you break. Not even stealing away to the bushes with like a little and a half bong like just holding it in the water chilling and then put it down it's glass by the pool that's a rule that you shouldn't that you break like not even stealing away to the
bushes with like a little one hitter to get it away yeah not even a piece or like an aluminum
bong that should be by the pool that's safe and then go there's no lifeguard and dude he's just
chilling there i go and i throw my dog the ball in the back so i see him he's gonna be
he's got the deepest voice in the world he goes whoa bro dude he's got he's got like a volcano on like a big floaty next time
it's unreal dude so this guy's just fucking he's the king he's the king of our building dude is
what i call him he's the king of the building he chills he goes on the roof it's a big sign
if you feel no societal pressure and you're just chill about everything you're kind of on top
totally he's just with everyone but your own father it's cool to be the king yeah his own
family does not like him and you know he probably does need a job and you know he probably has some
demons but uh he's fucking killing it dude the guy's just ripping fat bongs in the shallow end
and it's rad shallow to be the guy that runs that building is
cool i i that's what i i did at our old building where i was with him yeah you were like official
though like you talked with the landlord yeah stuff and like you collected people's rent didn't
he doesn't even own that building anymore which is sad because i tried to ilia sold the building
i called him twice to get a place and yeah he sold that building what yeah wow end
of an era he was he still has other properties the most invasive guy i ever met but also the best
building man right you just he would just let himself in why don't you just move in with ilia
dude you and ilia should be roommates that would be cool dude i remember ilia was bummed out when
biden won for president oh yeah not even on like some strictly political shit he was so funny about
he's like he's like jd who are you voting for i'm like i'm going biden he's like jt he is weak old man
i also went up in front of elio's dude i don't know what i was doing i wasn't paying attention
you know we had a gate to our building i just drove through the game one time yeah i just
pulled in and just you probably on your phone man yeah i just pulled in and i just drove through
the gate and ilia was in the garage at the time and he just walked over he's like jd what the
fuck i'm so sorry dude you guys had a hilarious relationship because the man has no boundaries
he would walk into
our place without
knocking
on the first of the
month to be there
at 830 like making
eggs in your kitchen
like so rent's due
I made you guys
breakfast
yeah
he like knocked on
my bedroom door one
time I was like
oh Ilya who let you
in he's like no one
but you know I have
the key I was like
you're not allowed
to do that dude
yeah
and our one roommate
dude our buddy
fucking was like
late with his check
not even late
like it wasn't there
by the like
it was the fifth which is when you have.
And wrote his check in crayon, dude.
And we're like...
We kind of took Ilya aside for a second.
We're like, yeah, he's like, what the fuck?
He was a good dude.
He was a good man.
He was a good man.
Yeah, I miss that building.
I miss that apartment.
I miss that apartment, too.
It was a good apartment.
It was fun.
It was iconic, dude.
I know.
When we had the two mini fridges on top of each other. So funny, dude. And our cable was on just a moving box. Said Box Bros, dude. When we had the two mini fridges on top of each other.
So funny, dude.
And our cable was on just a moving box.
Box bros, dude.
That was our TV stand.
Dude, that was a great apartment.
Best.
I know.
The Schmoll picture was up there forever, dude.
I had it.
Yeah, and I kept it going and then I left it.
And the roommates who took over for us were hard partying guys.
Yeah, yeah.
We were partying a little bit.
Yeah, good cycle of dudes.
Joe replaced me. And then who replaced you jt uh matt lockwood and graham yeah good guys um all right my legend of
the week is uh dude uh one of the saddest parts about moving now that i'm out of west hollywood
living in burbank is saying goodbye to your coffee shop and i have a great coffee shop in burbank
palm they actually know me by name.
Now,
when I come to do my pickup,
they're like,
JT,
what up?
They throw me my latte.
I'm like,
chill,
chill,
chill.
But then today,
cause we're recording at my apartment,
which is about to be gone in a couple of weeks.
And then we'll find out where we're recording after that.
I went to Andante,
which was originally your coffee place.
Then you moved.
And I walked in there to the guy's like guy,
the guy was like,
I haven't seen you in a while,
man.
I thought you moved.
I was like,
dude,
I did a Burbank,
but I still come through here for some stuff.
And then he said,
Hey man,
grab a pastry.
And then he was like,
anything you want.
And I was like,
I'll do the chocolate croissant.
He was like,
here you go,
man.
Have a go.
Oh,
that's cool.
They're nice.
Dude.
The people that are Dante are.
Yeah.
They should be with charging $7 for a cup of coffee.
They should.
Coffee's good though. It's great. It's good. They should. The coffee's good, though.
It's great.
It's good.
It's fucking good coffee.
I might go there after this, dude.
But they better kiss everyone's ass
for charging that kind of a price.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that,
but we know that that's high.
It's high.
Even for LA.
Have you seen the people who go in there?
Yeah, I've been in there a couple times.
Those are some of the most successful dudes who model boots in the world.
Dude, exactly, bro.
Like they look like mountain men, but you can tell they get manicures a lot.
Yes.
It's one of those places where it's one size of coffee
and you just know you're about to pay near $10.
Yep.
That's true, for sure.
But it's a nice place.
Chad, what's your quote of the week?
My quote of the week comes from Tom DeLonge.
Let's go.
Let's go up in Twitter.
And Tom DeLonge commented on like a SpaceX rocket launch.
And Elon responds, Hi, Tom. And Tom DeLonge goes, What up, man? on like a spacex rocket launch and elon responds hi tom and tom delong goes what up man
what up man wish you'd stop trying to make people like you
i thought it was hilarious and i'm not pro or into don't give a fuck, but it's just really funny, dude.
To get schooled by Tom DeLonge.
That would hurt.
That would hurt.
Strider, what's your quote of the week?
I've been watching that new,
maybe halfway through that new movie,
Pale Blue Eyes or Pale Eyes with Christian Bale. Oh, yeah.
It's by Scott Cooper, the guy who did like Crazy Heart and White Mass.
He does like Out of the Furnace, does all the Bale movies.
Yeah.
It's pretty creepy.
Like I'm not, like I'm halfway through, so there's still a lot to be revealed.
But I figured I'd go with the Edgar Allan Poe quote.
Oh, legend.
And I just went with, I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Very Poe.
Love it when they flip it, dude.
I know.
When they make the bad good and the good bad.
Beast.
Joseph.
Joseph.
Oh, let me do a quick legend of the week.
I didn't do that.
Oh, sorry, man.
That's all right.
And then I'll do the quote.
Legend of the week is, for for me is the comedy store. It's, you know, I'm there five, six nights a week. It's it's still one of the best comedy clubs in the world. And, you know, it's been a pleasure to be back there and perform there because I really don't perform anywhere else.
pleasure to be back there and perform there because I really don't perform anywhere else so I'm lucky to have that spot and you know all the people coming through there
and all my co-workers are great love all those people and uh yeah it's a lot of fun and then uh
let's see quote of the week I I, man, what did I...
One of my coworkers recently described me as
someone who is
just, like, I forget what she said.
She brought me up on stage one of the Monday nights,
potluck night, and said, like,
Joe is just funny.
I can't really describe it it you just have to see him
right i guess you brought me up so that was cool that is true that's cool that's great
dude uh my quote of the week is from plato this is how he defined an idea
a primordial disposition that performs and influences thoughts
beast chat what's your phrase of the week for getting after it A primordial disposition that performs and influences thoughts. Beast.
Chad, what's your phrase of the week for getting after it?
My phrase of the week for getting after it is,
let's get some Portillo's.
Nice.
Oh, I love that.
That sucks.
That's beautiful.
What's your phrase of the week for getting after it?
Mine's, for, for sure.
Just let me go drain my lizard real quick.
Dude.
Yes, I was hoping you'd piggyback off that.
I'm giving you a huge high five right now.
Fuck.
I've been saying take a leak a lot, but.
Nice.
Joe, what's your phrase of the week for getting after it?
My phrase of the week is, uh, let's go get an apartment. Dude, my phrase of the week is uh let's go get an apartment dude my phrase i need for getting after and i can't believe we didn't talk about this during
the pod is how fucking good does joe look with his hair oh yeah you're right let's go dude you
brought the hair back dude you look it looks good man thanks a lot man i i'm the first guy to ever
do what I did.
It's never been done before.
This would be like if Rogan brought his hair back at this point.
Dude, that'd be huge. There's never been a person in the history of humanity that said, I'm done, started shaving their head all the way.
I was full shaved beard, shaved head, and then just said, hey, I'm not doing it.
No one has ever come back from that.
I had to sit through the uncomfortable moments.
Okay, it wasn't easy.
It wasn't pretty at times.
It's not supposed to be easy.
I'm used to sitting in the muck.
You think I can't sit in the muck?
I can.
You hung in there, dude.
You were born in it.
Yeah.
And then I came out of it.
How did you stay strong in the pocket when you were going through that kind of...
Just didn't care.
Who cares?
You just divorced yourself from the moment.
Yeah.
I mean, I just, I was preoccupied with other things.
I was like, I really don't care what I look like right now.
I got other things to worry about.
It doesn't matter.
Do you see Strider pull off his cap to show off his beautiful head of hair?
It's really interesting that you say that it's nice whoa did you even beanie up or hat up during it like you just not much i kind of just let it go i mean i only wore hats
when i was like really cold but i didn't wear a hat specifically to like cover it up i wanted
to breathe and i wanted people to know what was happening have people been treating you different well people keep asking me what i took i'm like i didn't take anything i was just patient
with it you just took a leap of faith but yeah a lot of people have complimented it i mean there's
only been one person who was like i think you should shave your head again but most people
who's that motherfucker i don't just someone at work. Was it a lady? It doesn't matter. It matters the most, more than anything.
Yeah, it was a woman.
It was.
No, it's just been one person.
I mean, everyone else is like, hey, you look great.
Was it Veronica?
Was it Tatiana?
All right.
Just making up names.
Yeah, he's...
But, yeah, I mean, I feel like it's there.
I mean, I've been growing this beard.
The beard I'll probably get rid of soon, but...
It looks really good.
It starts good.
Yeah, I'm glad I did that
because before I had the full neck thing going.
Oh, yeah, no, you don't want the neck.
Yeah, neck beard.
I don't even...
People are so hard on that.
I know.
All right, well, congrats on the hair.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Loving it.
It's good to be back.
It's good to have the Four Horsemen of the Chilpocalypse back together again.
I've been looking forward to this.
Yeah, I haven't.
I mean, I was doing the podcast more when I lived in Austin,
so it's good to be back.
We'll have you back more.
Yeah, we'll have you on more.
Good.
Great.
It's good to see you.
Yeah. If we like the hot dogs after we eat them you've got
to eat the dog i like the portillo's hot dogs dude don't get out of here with that no you guys
are just so like yeah portillo's amazing you should try the mac okay and you got to try the
maxwell street polish too oh all right we'll do it yeah yeah we'll do it pressure's on fellas Okay, and you got to try the Maxwell Street Polish to
Yeah, do it pressures on felt
Maybe 30 minutes go. Oh, hey Joe eats is gonna be back. Joe was telling me this
Yeah, yeah recorded one last night. What'd you eat? It's a banana split. Oh, yeah, dude. That's a great thing Yeah, but you ever had a Chicago bananas
Bananas from Chicago?
All right, guys.
Legends.
Yeah, great to do this again, guys.
Thanks for listening, Stokers.
Keep writing reviews and do all that shit.
Spread the word.
If you need advice
These guys are really nice
And you wanna know
What to do, where to go
When you need someone to guide you
Just to have the throat beside you
Go and see
Go and see Let's go see See you next time.