Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 278 - Best Athletes Of All Time Draft w/ Strider and Chris
Episode Date: February 14, 2023What up stokers! This week we're drafting the top athletes of all time with Strider Wilson and Chris Parr. Chad doesn't watch sports and the other guys over think. Who will prevail?  Check us out ...on tour! Go to www.chadandjt.com for tickets!  Check out the reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Sponsored by: Athletic Greens:  Visit ATHLETIC GREENS dot com slash GODEEP for a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  Head to FACTOR75.com/godeep60 and use code godeep60 to get 60% off your first box.
Transcript
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What's up guys? Welcome to the podcast. Before we begin, well first, it's an epic podcast. We got the best athletes of all time draft.
You're gonna want to stick around because it gets hot, it gets spicy, and it gets juicy, and we know you're gonna love it.
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call the military and report the ufo in ass oh that's a good one now I'm in
distance of his high five this is nice yeah yeah we're back maybe we're back dude we were doing airfives for that
I'm thinking we're back a lot of hats today too yeah oh I got the worst haircut ever so I have to wear this
it fits the the theme of the app true hats as someone's talking about hats do make you kind of in a certain
respect they make you look smarter you know what i mean yeah directors wear the hats right like if
like football coaches wear hats yeah like smart guys in i feel like smart guys from harvard wear
hats yeah you know what i'm saying it's true matt damon wears a hat zuckerberg always wore his hoodie
yeah sort of a hat if you're not cool. Yeah
Yeah, what's the guy who did Napster Sean Parker? Zuckerberg?
Sean
Sean Zuckerberg? Justin Timberlake dude. Yeah, Justin Timberlake. I feel like he wears hats. Nope. Oh, yeah, he definitely wears hats.
Lot of beanies too. Dude, lot of beanies. Yeah. Anyways. I have a hat in my car I could go. Dude, yeah, do you feel left out?
I'm sorry. No, you're wearing an Elkhorn sweatshirt. And you a cat in my car. I could go. Dude, yeah. Do you feel left out? I'm sorry.
No, you're wearing an Elkhorn sweatshirt.
And you've got the nice long hair.
Yeah.
And Chris has a known sexy hair.
It's a known sexy hair.
Yeah, we want to see.
We want to catch the back of the hair.
This is very sexy.
Look at that hairline.
Dude, look at that hairline.
It's crazy.
I take Propecia.
He doesn't have to take it.
Wow.
Not yet, dude.
I think you're in the clear now.
Yeah.
You're money, dude.
Ferraro was saying collagen, right?
He's big on the collagen.
You'll read mixed reports on it, but hey, look at the package.
I mean, whatever Ferraro's doing, it's working.
What, do you do it?
Yeah, it works.
I take the collagen once in a while, but if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do peptides.
I'm just going to get injected with the good stuff.
That's the way to do it.
Because I know that's going to hit you.
Now, what's the downside of that?
People are worried it might give you cancer.
But I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
Good call.
Amen, brother.
Dude, I'm doing the topical finasteride.
That's Propeach.
Topical Propeach.
Nice.
I've been doing.
How often do you have to?
Once a day.
You just spray it.
I just spray it right here.
Yeah.
Can we see?
I think it takes-
Baby, it's working. Yeah, yeah. It's working, baby. baby it's working yeah yeah it's working
i think it takes six months to really start showing um you're gonna hop on that pill at
some point i don't want to do it you'll knock off you'll knock off all the furs to the houses i know
i think i buy i think about it is like i don't think it would affect my boner, but I think I'd be so nervous
about affecting my boner
that it would affect my boner.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
But it's not going to
affect your boner, dude.
It didn't affect my boner.
I mean, I've always had issues
when I don't feel a connection
with my partner
or feel any kind of distance,
but if I don't feel that distance,
my dick's good.
You know what's weird, though?
It's because I've been so
kind of stressed with the puppy, and then i've started taking this at the same time
that my boners haven't been as frequent and so now my mind's like is it the stress or is it the
topical finesse no it's the stress it's puppy stress i don't know no one gets a bother when
they first get a pup yeah yeah it's biting It's biting your hands. You can't even drill yourself.
Your hands are all chafed.
You never told me this.
Dude, I know.
Yeah, dude.
He didn't want to scare you.
I know.
I want you to get the joy of a puppy.
Puppies are really cute.
They just bite everything.
It's fucking annoying.
I know, dude.
And then they don't chill out for like years.
She bit my sack yesterday.
Or they chill out.
And they'll jump on your sack.
Lying.
Lying.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's probably going to be next week.
You'll be like, oh, it's better.
Sometime between next week and eight years, it's going to chill out.
So when did you get your first boner?
It was never a problem for me.
Oh, fuck. I was really...
Parsed.
Exactly.
Did you see Chris's hair?
Did you think he has a boner problem?
I'm pretty sure bigger forces and a little dog have tried to stop me from getting boners.
Guess what?
I'm undefeated.
Yeah, like the court system.
The court system.
Dude, this was not covered in Marley and Me.
Anyways.
Funny enough, Into the Wild.
Or no, what's the one with Harrison Ford?
Fuck, dude.
Call of the Wild.
Call of the Wild.
It is covered in that, dude.
I mean, Harrison Ford always has a boner.
For sure.
He's a carpenter.
Did you see they de-aged him in the new Indiana Jones trailer?
Maybe this segues into the Super Bowl.
What's de-aged mean?
De-aged.
Sorry.
Oh.
De-aged.
Like throughout the whole film, he's going to look younger.
It looks like an Irishman.
Irishman style.
Dual timelines.
Oh.
So you got him.
You got current Harrison Ford, but then you got young Harrison Ford.
I'm like, just cast me as young Harrison Ford.
That could work.
I noticed that and I was like, wow, he looks good.
You could do it.
I don't mind the de-aging as long as they figure out what to do with the body.
Because the issue in The Irishman was it looked a little goofy.
It looked a little robotic and square.
But the one scene when Robert De Niro is kicking the guy and he's kicking like he's 95 years old,
it just looked so silly.
But it was okay. I still like the movie,
but they got to figure that out
with Harrison Ford's movements.
Are they going to de-age him, his knees?
Exactly, dude. That's what they got to de-age.
100% the joints.
I saw Gemini Man, but one of the problems
that I had with that was that the de-aged
Will Smith,
I don't think they used a person.
I think it was all digital because the dude moved like a cephalopod.
It was like slithering around.
It didn't move like a person.
So you still use a guy, but just use a young guy that can just walk like Harrison Ford.
Yes.
Did you guys watch the Super Bowl?
Yeah, I did.
What did you guys think?
Almost a classic.
It was an all-time game up until the end.
Almost a classic, yeah.
It was so fucking good, dude.
On a ticky-tack call like that?
Bro, you don't call that.
Do you think it was a holding?
It would have been nice if they don't call that. Do you think it was a holding? It's one of the... It would have been nice if they didn't
call it. It is a no. And then I was like,
I thought, this ball's not even catchable.
And then Caleb rightfully points out his defensive holding.
Doesn't matter whether it's
catchable or not. That's only for PI.
The thing is, you probably could have made
that call ten other times in the game
and they didn't call all previous ones
and then they decided to call that one. You just feel like you get robbed a little bit. But if that times in the game, and they didn't call all previous ones, and then they decided to call that one.
Yeah.
You just feel like you get robbed a little bit.
But if that happened in the first, there's only one questionable call for me in the game.
It just sucked that it came late.
But that's actually not bad for a really important game to only have one.
Yeah, but if you fuck that one up.
No, it's not.
I mean, they were probably going to get a field goal, maybe a touchdown.
But like field goal, and then they have a chance.
And then they'd have a minute and a half with like one or two timeouts.
I mean, that would have been, and Jalen Hurts was, I've been like, I love Jalen Hurts as a person,
but I've been skeptical of him as a passer.
Dude, he was dropping dimes every level of the field, like opposite hash mark.
He was on fire.
And then he could have gone.
And then I'm so glad Mah's won and that he's on like
this historic trajectory which could impact our draft today guys coming up but like if jalen
hurts would have won after what happened to him at bama and just like the kind of
circuitous route he had to get to the to the summit i don't know it would have been so beautiful but
sometimes refs fuck it up they did can i Can I say something too? I had sweet action on the game.
I bet the Chiefs and
the over. Thank you.
The over was 50.5.
No, just that.
And
so I won but I was
my girlfriend and I were even like
that was kind of lame.
Even though we won
we were still just like we were just kind of deflated.
We were like, that's not how you fucking end the Super Bowl.
I was at Joe Pelazon's, and everyone, for the last minute, were just like this.
Uh-huh.
Like, there was so much energy.
And then it was just this sad.
And then running out the clock.
And then to do a field goal.
I was like, oh, you're going to do a field goal still?
And it was, like, 20 yards.
Yeah.
It was like a chip shot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was, because the best games are the ones, and we've had Super Bowls that had the most
spectacular finishes, but it was like a great game for all of it, but then it just didn't
have a great ending.
Yep.
So, but it was a good Super Bowl, and it's hard for Super Bowls to be great all the time.
It's true.
They were kind of on a run.
Yeah, we've had some nice ones.
It had the potential to go down.
Dude, it was the best game ever.
It was the greatest ever.
Well, finally, it was one where they were scoring a ton.
Yes.
And it had fun plays, like a fucking fumble return for six, a punt return, long bombs.
And the quarterback play was elite.
Both guys were doing everything.
Mahomes' feet, bro.
What did you guys think about Rihanna's halftime show?
I saw like two minutes.
I was like, this is like a Mario level or something like that.
It's like, what is going on?
I wanted them to jump from the thing.
She's with child, so she couldn't do a lot.
Her physicality was diminished.
She has the charisma.
Even if you just got her in a cowboy shot, you can feel
the star power.
She's got a lot of bangers.
Yeah, her catalog is the best.
I thought it was pretty underwhelming.
I mean, I understand that she's pregnant, but I thought performance wise is kind of,
it felt, I know she's pregnant, but it felt half ass to me.
Yeah.
You know, and I've always kind of felt like that from her as a performer.
I can't reference other times she's really performed that I remember,
but I don't know.
I think if you give her her full physical capacity,
I think she could have changed the game with it.
But yeah, maybe she's not as invested in these things as...
That's part of her appeal is that she's like, I'm above whatever I'm doing. Like, the game with it. But yeah, maybe she doesn't, she's not as invested in these things as, that's part of
her appeal is that she's like, I'm above whatever I'm doing.
Like, I don't care.
Yeah.
And compared to last year's, which was like the greatest one ever.
And then what'd you guys think about the commercials?
Didn't see any commercials.
I got no take.
Because I was at work.
So I would like watch the game and then go.
Nice.
I was kind of wondering about this because I felt like when we were growing up, were
commercials just easier?
Because I was like, all they had were like, like a really famous one is that I loved as
a kid was like Three Frogs and they're going, bud, why?
The best.
The best.
It's dumb and fun and a great commercial.
Why can't they do more shit like that?
Or the why?
Yeah, exactly.
Those guys are the best.
Yeah.
People weren't going, well, now there's like two kinds of commercials.
There's like the liberal
woke commercials where they make fun of liberal wokeness,
where they're trying to make fun of themselves.
And then, and I actually really like this,
I like all the Christian
right commercials that played during the Super Bowl.
I think it fits the moment.
You know, like if I watch the Grammys,
I want to watch liberal cuck commercials. That's where
it belongs. If I watch the Super Bowl, it's kind of a vacation for me from the Los Angeles social consciousness that I'm in.
And so I like when I see those Christian Red commercials.
I'm like, yeah, it kind of fits.
It's football.
Give me some people being like, Jesus loves all of you.
And it kind of upset all the people I was with, which kind of cracked me up.
That Tubi one, dude.
That fucked with people.
What was that?
I was like, did I just touch the remote?
Tubi, like, basically, their commercial was, it looked like your TV got taken over and
it was, like, scrolling through, like, a streamer.
Yeah, yeah.
And everyone was kind of pissed off. It trickeder. Oh, the apps. Yeah, yeah.
And everyone was kind of pissed off.
It tricked people.
It's like didn't have me for a second.
I gotta say though, I don't really remember any of the commercials this year.
That's what I'm saying.
It's like, and there's so many, was it always, were there always this many celebrities in
these commercials?
Cause some of them have like five celebrities in one commercial.
So then I feel like they need to just, they're trying too hard or something.
I don't know.
No one knows what anybody likes anymore. There's nothing popular.
Well, it's all this, I think.
It's gonna be like a fart joke.
The nostalgia is worn out on me, you know, because like that 90s show, shit like that.
You're sort of like, why are you still doing this?
Yeah, that was a weird one to bring back we're just talking about the like zoolander a lot of the references now are like
you like when we were growing up yeah and there's nothing like back to that well yeah our generation
we're at the purchasing power mode that's exactly they're the ones making the calls right so like a
lot of the references you're like oh this was formative for me. And it's bad calls, dude.
They're making bad calls.
You know what they don't do?
Did they do any hot commercials?
Like, did they have any like Carl's Jr. style commercials where it's like Jessica Simpson
just like on a Camaro getting drenched in barbecue sauce?
You just nailed it, dude.
It works.
You just nailed it, dude.
It's the Super Bowl.
I think they need to dumb it all down and do's what we need. And do dumb, fun commercials.
Cheeseburgers and ass.
Because that used to be what was like, it's like everybody got more socially conscious.
So now it's like you either get like a left wing commercial that's like, I don't know about that.
Or you get like a Christian commercial now.
It used to be we could all agree on barbecue sauce on a hot gal.
Yeah.
And now that's been kind of a
lost to time so now we got to talk about this other shit it's unbelievable yeah i just want
to watch jessica simpson fucking just how's a fucking double western bacon combo yeah it was
nice it was just or the mechanical bull one yeah right who's that I think it was a, um, a girl named Charlotte. I have no idea.
But, uh, just a huff, all babe. It was all babe.
Alright. You know? Man.
Dude, that's what it is. Yeah, we lost it.
The simplicity. Alright, are we ready for the draft, guys?
Oh yeah! Oh wait, before we start, kinda just, I, I
came up with nicknames for you guys.
Woah! Yeah. Alright. Stridery the Overlord of Oral.
Dude, thank you.
Nice.
Dude, thank you.
Chris, you're the Highness of Hedonism.
Oh, that's good.
It's only those two?
I was sitting here waiting.
Dude, JT was so excited.
I was excited.
Did you see my eyes?
You're always a compadre.
I just didn't get to do the intro.
That's what I was going to say.
It's good.
I could try and come up with you.
Oh, dude, we got, I mean, now that we have the news is broken wide open,
we could do the patriarch.
Of patriarchness?
Yeah, I was going to say pussy.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
That's very sweet.
I feel better now.
I really do feel better.
All right, you guys ready for the draft?
Yes.
We got a big one today, guys.
In the new studio, we got some huge sports fans here today.
And, Chad, we are doing the top four athletes of all time.
It's running the gamut.
Any and all sports.
Maybe even non-sports.
Maybe it's just a guy who thrived in activities and we have some record of that.
And we're doing the top four of all time.
All right.
Can I put out a request to the judge?
I'll hear it.
I would like to request a formal handicap.
Like a stroke around?
Yeah, like a stroke around, you know?
A stroke around.
Since I've spent most of my youth watching Mountain Dew commercials.
They got some good athletes in those.
They do.
Dude's doing a lot of twists.
Yeah.
12 80s and shit.
If you know the guy's name who's bouncing on that trampoline, he could be in here.
Exactly, dude.
All right, here we go, guys.
You guys ready?
Odds or evens?
One, two, three, shoot.
A fucking fuck.
That could be a good spot.
Yeah.
One, two, three, shoot.
Oh, third pick.
Fuck.
Oh, we do a...
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Wow, Chris.
Number one pick, Chris.
I'm jealous.
Are you ready?
I want the number one pick.
Don't take my guy.
No, because I think it's going to take.
Ugh.
My nerves.
Damn.
Be still, my baby.
And then I've got to go back to back.
I think that's the best spot.
The stress is high.
All right.
Oh, you just did a great job of settling into the moment.
I saw your body start to get amped, and then you calmed yourself.
It's so funny, because in my head, I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Dude, if you take Minnesota Fats from me, the best pool player of all time, I'll beat
your ass, dude.
Yeah, who's the best figure skater of all time?
Let me do that.
Brian Boitano?
I'm just going to...
Let's do Muhammad Ali.
Fuck!
That's who I wanted, dude.
That's exactly who I wanted, bro.
There's still a lot of big names left, but...
That's exactly who I wanted.
He also fights, which is cool.
I like that.
I got a bonafide badass.
Damn.
He's a larger than life dude.
And, yeah, I don't know.
A lot of articles.
A lot of documentaries made about the guy.
The best documentary.
When We Were Kings, I think, is the best documentary ever, maybe.
It's amazing.
And I mean, so he's like 6'3", he's like 2'10".
He fought against a murderer's row of heavyweights.
Sonny Liston, Joe Frazier, George Foreman.
Yeah.
And he beat them all in unique ways.
And you know what's crazy about him?
So we know him for his grace, right?
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
But then when he had to get into the muck and like in fight with like a guy like Joe Frazier, he could do that too.
He wasn't just all, you know, speed and hand-eye coordination.
Like he had tremendous heart.
I mean, like Joe Frazier puts him down with like a left hook, breaks his jaw.
Muhammad Ali keeps fighting.
Wins the fight and is in the hospital for a week afterwards.
See, I was going to drop it and just let JT go.
Because I knew that my knowledge is so cursory.
And if you think about...
Yeah, please make my case.
I don't know if this counts in athleticism,
but the way he psyched guys out before the fight,
the mental warfare of it.
It counts for him.
You have to take it into account because he was so good at it
that it is one of the things that made him
one of the greatest athletes of all time.
I don't think it works.
But because somebody else doesn't do that,
it's not a negative.
It's only a positive for Ali. It's not a negative for anybody else that they didn't do it.
Correct. And dude, he's the first, I'm not the first, but like he's a modern athlete where he's
outspoken. Like the times that he came up in the sixties and all that stuff, you could just talk
about what he did outside the rink. Huge. And, uh, and his shit talking in his rhymes, people
credit him for like inventing rap. Dude, he invented these insane rhymes.
Was so good at it.
And that is part of being a modern athlete.
Now if you think of athletes, they have a persona outside of the sport, outside the
court or whatever they're into.
Muhammad Ali was that, dude.
All right.
Chad, you got the number two pick.
Dude, I can't believe I get this one.
I mean, six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan.
No, goddammit.
Bro, it's a great pick.
I mean, come on, bro.
It's a great pick, dude.
How are you going to go wrong with MJ, baby?
Look, I know I'm known as not a sports fan,
but I fucking watched Michael Jordan as a kid.
I loved Michael Jordan as a kid.
I used to draw, like, bowls.
I used to try to recreate the bowls logo in school when I was just drawing in my journal and shit.
He's just the man.
He is the face.
When you think of competitive, he's that guy.
He is the embodiment of being competitive yeah the ultimate
competitor the best shoe salesman of all time and he's just unbeatable he's just
the man yeah he had supreme mastery of his craft yeah I mean he was the perfect
and it's it's his brain to have that kind of competitive attitude but put into
that kind of athleticism it's like one of the
rarest things ever
like he
could jump higher
than anybody else he had huge hands
he could palm the ball
and he had like perfect coordination
like he could there's one play where he
misses the block he jumps up to block the guy
misses it.
Twists 180 in the air, comes down with his other hand and swats the ball out of the guy's hands.
I mean, just watching him play, even today, you know, sometimes when you look at old footage,
it's like underwhelming a little bit.
It still blows your mind.
Yeah.
I mean, just him, that celebration jump too when they won the championship, how high he goes up.
And I mean, the tongue out is iconic.
He could dunk from the free throw line.
Yeah, that's right.
He looks cool doing it, too.
That's pretty sweet.
He looks fucking cool.
He looked beautiful when he played.
Yeah.
That full extension.
Yeah.
And he's one of those guys that makes it look easy.
Like, when he moves, your brain goes, that's how someone should move doing that. You're, like that's how I should look doing that. Yeah, Kobe based his entire game off of that. Yeah, it's like he's the man
Did he's a man MJ baby and people slagged on his baseball but had he played longer had he not?
Dropped it in high school and picked it up in them in this 30s
He would have been really good. He stole like 30 bases in the minors as a 6'6 guy.
Yeah, to get low like that.
He worked out to change his body in order to do that.
That's impressive.
Which he said helped him when he got back to the NBA
because he had more leg drive.
Dude, his physique.
Yeah, great physique.
Incredible.
I mean, that's a, yeah, dude.
And I will say this too for lists going forward,
maybe it's a spoiler, but I think basketball
and just growing up with kids,
there'd be a guy who was pretty good at football
or a dude who was like, oh man, he's a baseball player.
But you put him on the basketball court,
that's where I'm like, that's where the money's made
athletically for me.
I'm like, that's where if you're doing that,
you're running, you're jumping, you're D-ing up,
you're moving laterally, you gotta have the hips,
you gotta have the knees, got to have the hips.
You got to have the knees.
You got to have the explosiveness.
Yeah.
I think it's like the best testament besides like if you wanted like a decathlon with someone.
I'm like that's like this is the athletic measurement.
And on top of that, he's cool.
Yeah.
He's fucking cool.
Like I know you're a LeBron fan, but to me, LeBron's amazing.
Hang on.
Your mic's a little fucked up. Wiggle where it attaches to the...
No, no, your microphone.
I mean, he's just undeniably cool.
I mean, you look at guys who are trying to level up to him like LeBron.
Like, LeBron's amazing, but he's kind of annoying, you know?
Yeah.
MJ is just undeniably cool.
He will always be the coolest.
Even if he's like kind of an asshole, he's fucking cool.
I think most of the guys on these lists are going to be assholes.
When I was doing my research yesterday, they all had personality flaws that people found
grating.
But I think that's part of being the best at what you do.
And dude, yeah, just on athlete, like you can be the best at a sport,
but not be close to the best athlete.
He's the rare person who was the best at his sport
and also is like athletically.
Well, I have a Bobby Knight.
Can I play this Bobby Knight clip where he talks about,
this is when Michael Jordan was in college
and he was playing on the national team.
This is Bobby Knight.
The kid is just an absolutely great kid.
If I were going to pick the three or four best athletes I've ever seen play basketball,
he'd be one of them.
I think he's the best athlete I've ever seen play basketball, bar none.
If I were going to pick people with the best ability I'd ever seen play the game,
he'd be one of them.
If I were going to pick the best competitors that I'd ever seen play, he'd be one of them.
pick the best competitors that I'd ever seen play.
He'd be one of them.
So in the categories of competitiveness, ability, skill, and then athletic ability, he's the best athlete.
He's one of the best competitors.
He's one of the most skilled players.
And that, to me, makes him the best basketball player
that I've ever seen play.
It's crazy.
And then the clip, he gets a a steal and you see him take off
And he's just like within two steps. He just ran by everybody. Yeah, like I went oh
Same I mean dude literally it the barometer is the Michael Jordan of whatever it is
Yeah, so it's fucking rad to him speaking at Kobe's funeral. Oh, yeah
He even is and creates the best memes.
Yeah.
His cry face.
He's the meme lord, dude.
Man, the last dance was so fun.
This is a tough pick for me because I really wanted Michael Jordan.
For me, Michael Jordan's the greatest athlete of all time.
For all the reasons we said.
But can't get him.
So I'm going to go with someone I hate.
But I hate him because he's so great.
Oh, I know.
I got to go with TB12, Tom Brady.
Whoa.
Seven times Super Bowl champ.
And although I do think basketball is a more difficult sport,
like the barrier of entry is more difficult for basketball,
less roster spots, more difficult for basketball you know less roster spots uh
more difficult size requirements i do think it's actually harder to win a championship
in football for those same reasons there's just so many guys on the team injuries are more prevalent
and uh you can't impose your will as much as you can in basketball like malcolm gladwell said
basketball is a strong link sport football is more of is more of a weak-linked sport.
But I'm going with Tom Brady.
First of all, to still be playing
at a high level at 45,
I don't know what kind of off-the-field
treatments he's getting. I don't
care. Everyone on this
on my list probably did some
naughty-naughty to get to where they're at.
But I have never
seen someone have more complete
mastery of football than tom brady i mean even as his athleticism diminished which was never at a
high level like he's not a high 40 time guy i don't think he's gonna bench more than anyone on
his team but he could stand in the pocket with monsters surrounding him, barely move his feet, add a second to the play,
and then always know where the open guy was.
And then he fixed his release.
He worked on his footwork.
Everything just got perfected.
It's like that same Michael Jordan,
like samurai-like approach to their sport.
Tom Brady has that more than almost.
I mean, you know, obviously it's what we know about him. He just loves fucking football.
And like Michael Jordan, if he was close in the fourth quarter, the game was over.
Tom Brady was going to win the game.
And he did it with tons of different guys around him.
Like that initial team that he won with versus the team he won his last Patriots Super Bowl with.
It was 15 years between.
There's no connective tissue between the between the guys on the field he did
have Belichick the whole time but I think he proved once he went to Tampa
Bay we already knew he was good but once he won one without Belichick you it kind
of shifted the balance there we're like oh it might have been more Brady than a
then Belichick and I don't know did he ever have besides the Randy Moss season
in 07 and besides like the year where he had Gronk don't know did he ever have besides the Randy Moss season in 07 and besides
like the year where he had Gronk and Aaron Hernandez did he ever have like consistently a
top five receiving core that he was throwing to I mean who's the best receiver he ever had besides
Moss Julian Edelman I mean but Gronk or Gronk Gronk's the best tight end of all time that's true
um but no he never had Randy Moss for that year was the best tight end of all time. That's true. But no, he never had...
Randy Moss for that year was the best receiver.
He had him for like two seasons, basically.
Edelman, Wes Welker, and then...
Who are nobodies on any other team.
And then I think it's a pretty significant drop-off to whoever's next.
Because then you probably go Troy Brown from his first couple years on the Patriots.
Or Deion Branch, maybe.
Yeah, he did win a Super Bowl MVP one year.
So I guess the tough part with Brady is he doesn't really pass the eyeball test
the way the first two guys we mentioned did.
Like when you watch Muhammad Ali box, it looks like something special.
When you watch Michael Jordan play basketball, it looks like something special.
Brady can't compete in that category with even some of his contemporaries
like Mahomes or Aaron Rodgers, where they make throws and they do stuff on the run that looks unique.
But I guess to me, that makes him almost a more impressive athlete because it was just
sheer mental understanding of the sport.
And obviously, he's physically gifted.
He's like 6'5", 240 and has a strong arm and was good at other sports when he was in
high school.
You wouldn't pick him because of athletes, but because the accomplishments are so outsized and crazy, you just say he's got to be on someone's list yes it's a good one it's tough
he's like what do you is there a distinction between being having greatness like tom brady
inarguably has greatness he has the rings he has all that but you have to be good to have that
greatness but maybe there's better athletes at or people who can move better like he's like the
known slow guy but like you said he's still a fucking beast and like he has
this quality too that i think mahomes kind of has has is like uh when they're down you know he'll
find a way he'll find a way it's like it's like you never doubt that he's gonna find the inevitability
of it that's a good point that's a jordan point too. It didn't matter if they were down,
you go, he's going to find a way.
Tom Brady is going to find a way.
It does always seem like God's on his side.
When I watch Tom Brady, I'm like, there's
more than just what's on the field here.
Something
cosmic wants him to win.
He's in line.
He did something right in a past life.
God is just pulling for him. And he's beautiful. He's in line. He did something right in a past life. God is just pulling for him.
And he's beautiful. He's hot.
Alright. Strider, who you got?
Alright. Going back
to back here.
You guys took, I mean,
I gotta go with
the great one.
Gretzky.
Wayne
fucking Gretzky. The guys on ice skates dude the guys on motherfucking ice
skates with a stick i'm not a big stats guy but by far and away like he's got untouchable stats
like dominates his sport statistically better than maybe, I mean, there's other guys that will get mentioned,
but it's just amazing.
I don't even really watch hockey.
I don't know anything about hockey.
You could ask me what icing is.
No clue.
Don't know what it means.
But the fucking dude, his name's the great one.
Dwayne Gretzky, he's a fucking beast.
He's where the puck is.
And he's got the best quotes, dude.
And Michael Scott's got the best quote
about him. So I gotta
go with the great one. Gretzky, dude.
Nice.
And to keep it moving. No one's excited about
it. I get it.
Here's the thing. None of us watch hockey. I'm more of a
Bobby Orr guy.
And there's another great
player on the list that I won't mention in case you want to.
You're going to do the next best hockey player?
Yeah, exactly.
It's all hockey, guys.
Dude, I played hockey for you.
My favorite sport of all time.
I played, and it's very hard.
It's very hard.
The most physical exertion.
When you go on the ice, it's fucking, you give it your all.
Your shift is 90 seconds.
What he did.
And you're out of there.
Yes.
It's so hard.
It's so hard. And ice is 90 seconds. What he did. And you're out of there. Yes. It's so hard. It's so hard.
And ice skating's difficult.
All that shit.
Puck handling, super difficult.
If we're talking level of entry,
this is why on my list I want to say
there won't be any motor sports on my list.
If there are on yours, cool.
And I respect the hand-eye coordination
and the strength and the will
and fucking watching tape
and memorizing the track, whatever.
But to put your body on skates, on ice and be like, I'm going to go around and do this with a stick.
It's pretty insane to me.
I can't even see the puck when I'm watching the fucking game.
I don't like a sport like racing where you can be too big to play it.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yes, exactly.
I like body types that are larger than life.
That are rare.
Yeah.
I don't want to. I don't think Tom Brady could fit in a Formula One car. No, exactly. I like body types that are larger than life. That are rare. Yeah. I don't think Tom Brady could fit in a Formula One car.
No, exactly.
And nor should he.
It's like the Christian Bale quote.
His business car doesn't fit in a Rolodex because it doesn't belong in a Rolodex.
Right.
Brady doesn't belong in an F1 car.
We need to cover some stats, too.
We've been light on stats here.
I know.
And I could look up some stats right now
about Gretzky, but I'm too lazy. I think he's by far
in a way ahead in goals, assists.
He's at 894 in goals.
Ovechkin is
60 behind him.
Coming up, yeah. Yeah, he's 60 behind him.
But in total points, if you took out his goals,
isn't he still like three times bigger
than this guy or something? Yeah, yeah.
He was an assist machine as well.
Gretzky's understanding, his cerebral understanding of the game,
knowing where the puck's going to be, it's just unreal.
Number two, I'm going pure athlete here, baby.
I know where you're going.
Bo Jackson.
Yep.
Professional from two sports.
And he was before the steroid era,
so what he did is au natural, as far as we know, which is pretty rad.
And just a straight-up freak.
I feel like you could put Bo, drop him into anything,
and he's going to be like, he's going to do it.
Put him in an F1 car.
He'll fit in there, kind of.
Maybe he's too buff.
And some of the best highlights you can ever see,
like you watch a play of him running a jet sweep.
They'd say they clocked him at the 40.
It's all apocryphal, maybe, but they say he ran a 4.12.
They say he has the fastest 40 in history and he's 230 pounds.
Yeah.
They say he like didn't work out.
They're like, he just did pushups every day.
I love all these stuff.
I love the myth around him too.
It's like he just fucking, he's bursted out of his mother's vagina.
Just fucking did a perfect squat, landed it and just, you know, scored six.
But I remember watching a doc on him like
he had a little bit of a mean streak in him too he would just like he would would bully kids in
his neighborhood by just throwing like uh like uh mandarins or whatever on the ground he'd be like
just pegging kids just dominate i love that like he was just like yeah fuck these kids dude and
would just dominate have you seen highlights of him throwing people out from the outfield it's
unreal because like you're doing it Because you're doing it pretty light.
I imagine he was fucking drilling these kids.
Dude, these kids were afraid.
Yeah, exactly.
I think they were getting injured by him just throwing darts.
But now as an adult, I'd be honored to be like, Joe, fucking Bo Jackson nailed me with a dart.
Dude, his biceps, bro.
His body.
Just aesthetically, dude. The nailed me with a dart. Dude, his biceps, bro. His body. Just aesthetically, dude.
The photo.
Bo knows baseball.
There's a photo where he's got shoulder pads on, no shirt, and a bat behind his, like, here.
And he's just chilling like this.
And he looks...
He's fucking cool.
Do you guys want to watch him make a throw?
Yeah, dude.
Watch this chuck.
This is from when he played baseball.
Kansas City Royals.
I don't know if he's on his socks right now.
Just dribbles the guy.
Man, all this talk makes me want to be an athlete.
Dude, when he would break bats when he'd strike out, it was rad.
Oh my God, he's so thick.
Over his legs, just...
I think most people agree he's the greatest athlete ever
in pure athleticism.
Pure athleticism.
He could be a linebacker.
He could probably fucking get rebounds in basketball,
boxing people out.
Fuck, dude, he's got a cannon.
He should have played quarterback.
Yeah, could have been quarterback.
He probably would have played quarterback now.
When it's more like dual threat is more emphasized,
he could have been Mike Vick times two
because he's got more body to him.
Yeah.
And I think he would do, like you said,
a pure athletic test, if you do a decathlon,
no training, just out of the gate, take whatever athlete,
I think he's gonna beat everyone across the board,
like throwing a javelin, hucking a fucking thing,
running some hurdles, doing that stuff.
You know what's missing from the decathlon too is bench.
They don't have a weightlifting part of that.
Don't they do a shot put?
That's true.
That's a shot put.
Yeah.
But I want to see something.
I guess it's not a track and field event,
but I'd like to see some CrossFit in there.
Like a keg toss.
Like a power clean or something like that.
Yeah.
They have the Olympic lifts,
but it would be sick if they incorporate it.
They should incorporate it in that decathlon.
There's something aesthetically more pleasing about keg toss. Keg toss, you're so right. Yeah, keg toss would be sick if they incorporate it they should incorporate it in that there's something aesthetically more pleasing about uh keg toss keg toss you're so right yeah keg toss
would be nice do you guys ever do track and field no god no i run out very slow no i'm not um
not my none of that's good events for me you're fat you could have done it you could have done
the hurdles or something dude i did hurt yeah dude that's the toughest one my brain it makes
no sense i'm like how many steps do you take in between?
It's the lead.
So you go with the, you
basically kick your leg like this.
You lead like this. That's so awkward.
It's a very strange motion to learn.
Yeah, because it's weird because
you feel like you're going to kick it over, but you've got
to kick that. Do like a high kick
and then the rest of you follow us.
Can you be too tall for that?
So you go like this. You go
kick and then look back.
Can you go?
Goes like that. Wow.
See that? Yeah. Good hips. I just don't think my hips
could do that. That's what I was going to say. I don't know.
I probably wouldn't be able to run very fast and jump
over them.
And Bo, too
athletic for his own body exactly he's the only guy
who could have got they say he's the only guy who could have got injured that
way horse collar tackled but at the fucking power with which he was running
I think it was against the Cleveland Browns the fucking power with which he
was running he still was able to take that step and dislocate his own hip came
back was never quite the same yeah but he still came back and that's that's a
he's almost greater because of the what if of it all too.
We can fill in the...
Yes.
It's like a Tupac kind of thing.
All right, guys.
With my next pick, going into Aaron land.
I don't know if I'm picking who Aaron would want,
but I'm picking a baseball player.
From my lifetime, from my money,
complete mastery of his craft.
No weaknesses other than his personality.
Barry Bonds, guys.
Fuck!
Damn!
I wanted to get that.
Look, baseball is a numbers game.
Now, again, I know he did steroids.
I think a lot of those guys were doing roids.
I could honestly kind of care less.
He won three MVPs before he was on steroids.
Eight gold gloves.
Was a member of the 40-40 club, which there's only four players that have done it.
That means you steal 40 bags, you hit 40 homers.
Guess what?
You've got to have a lot of power and speed to do that.
He's the all-time home run leader, the single season home run leader,
the all-time walks leader.
He has seven MVPs in total.
Seven times.
And you know that means he probably should have won it nine or ten times and they were just like let's give it to
jeff kent because we're sick of barry bonds um was uh was intentionally walked 120 times one year
like he broke baseball they were like don't throw to this guy at all that led the intentionally
walked with the bases loaded with the bases ju juiced to just give it one run.
Yeah.
And it worked.
His career on base percentage is 444.
And then one year he had a 600 on base percentage.
So baseball, everyone's like, it's a game of failure.
You fail more than you succeed.
Barry Bonds is the only guy who succeeded
more than he failed, basically.
He got on base 60% of the time.
Which is the Billy Bean metric, baby.
And then the eyeball test.
Like, when you watched Barry Bonds at bat, especially in his later steroid years where
he had the armor on his arm and he was crowding the plate, he had a perfect eye.
And then the umpires were fearful of him.
They wouldn't call a strike on him because they were like, it's Barry Bonds.
Like, if he doesn't swing, it's a ball.
He's on steroids.
He'll kill us. he'll flip out and then the season when he hit 70
what he hit 72 73 73 and he was just hitting them all into the cove it was i don't know i've never
seen someone be that unstoppable at their sport he felt like he was it was him and then there was
everybody else like it was they they weren't even playing the same game.
He played the Angels in that World Series
and me and my brother were lucky enough
to go to a couple games
and he hit some fucking bar.
Yeah, we saw him hit a homer.
It was fucking awesome.
And they cut to one of the Angels,
Tim Salmon in the dugout,
and he goes,
that's the farthest fucking ball
I've ever seen hit.
I remember that.
It was the deepest ball I've ever seen.
I remember them cutting that.
So, I mean,
that's the thing. He played well in the Worlds, and they got all the way to the World Series, and then he just came up
a little short, but like... The Angels. I was at
that game, bro. We were at the game, too,
where they won it? Yeah. Game 6
was the game, though.
Yeah. I mean, he was just...
He was... Oh, yes. Game 6 is when
they came back, when they were down. Game 6 was a big game.
Game 7 was lame. I think Spezio had a big hit
Who's also in a hard rock band called like Sand Viper?
Check him out guys. That's right. I I saw Homer number 68 live. Yeah, whoa
Dude, yeah, I was I was really into Barry Bonds that year it was
The the crack of that bat. I'll never forget that.
It was incredible.
He was so fun that year.
It was such a fun thing to keep track of.
Dude, his dangly earring.
I fucking love that.
That is cool.
It was cool.
His big ass head.
And everyone says he was a douche.
God bless him.
All baseball players are douchebags, dude.
God bless him.
Besides Trout.
Trout's the man.
Barry Bond seemed like he was like
extra asshole.
Superiority. Yeah.
I wonder why. Look at the numbers,
dude. Yeah, no, for sure. His batting
average was not over 300, but his OBS
makes up for it. It was like 298. Pitchers,
I mean, look, we at least know
some of the pitchers were juicing.
Eric Gagne? They're fucking, oh, Eric Gagne.
Dude, you can watch Gagne, let's Gagne. Dude, you can watch Gagne.
Let's put this into this.
You can watch Gagne versus Barry when Gagne's closing.
Juice off.
And they're at peak juice.
And dude, both dugouts are on the railing watching.
Amazing.
When Gagne was the best closer for like, what, like one or two years?
Yeah, he was filthy.
And he was a fucking brick shithouse too.
Aaron, are you a Bonds guy?
I do like Bonds, but it is hard to reconcile.
And part of the reason he's not in the Hall of Fame too is because the writers vote.
And if you're an asshole to writers for your entire career, guess what, man?
They take that personally.
To quote Michael Jordan.
I don't know.
Not put him in the Hall of Fame because of that?
No, now we've got a Hall of Fame.
It's going to be all like Craig Biggio's.
It's crazy.
We tell our kids, like, yeah, that guy was a, he took a lot of grounders off the knee.
Most hit by pitchers of all time.
Yeah, no, he's, and I love Biggio, but it's just like.
He'll get in.
He'll get in eventually.
It has to happen.
All the steroid guys who have the numbers have to get in.
It's just a matter of.
You really think they will?
Yeah. They have to. They almost have to have their own wing. It's just a matter of... You really think they will? They have to.
They almost have to have their own wing.
It has to be on the plaque.
It has to...
I don't think this younger generation is going to care as much because they don't feel as
betrayed by it as the 40-year-old men who were covering it in real time.
Yeah, exactly.
All right.
Big time.
Chad, you're up.
All right.
I think I'm fucked, dude.
This next guy...
No, dude. This next guy.
Not dude.
There's so many. I'm going to argue he's the most dominant athlete of all time.
And he's transcended.
You know, in his sport, you know, they sort of people seem to fizz out at age 30, age 35, they're done.
He's still going, dude.
It's Kelly Slater.
Yeah.
I mean, he's just incredible.
I mean, he's double jointed.
He's double jointed.
Dude, he dominates in big waves and small waves.
11 world titles.
Tell me an athlete who's more dominant than that, okay?
Yeah.
And when I think about all the great competitors he went up against.
I mean, some of those dudes would show up not hungover sometimes.
Some of the times they weren't high.
Dude, when they weren't late because they went on a taco run.
Whatever, talk all the shit you want, all right?
This guy, he's fucking in his 50s and he's still out there dominating.
He dominates big waves, waves he'll carve he he he's furthered the sport you know he's he's
brought about the evolution of the sport you know aerials he's got sick ass wave pools in like texas dude he created he created waves he's created waves want to know the only other person that's done that?
God.
He's on God level.
Talk all the shit you want, guys, but he is a dominant force.
And when his rivals talk about him, they talk about his mentality the way people talk about Jordan,
where they're like, he would win at any cost.
He would go harder, farther, whatever you want to say to win.
Like even betrayed Machado on the one wave.
Yeah, and you're talking about competitors too.
You know who he competes with?
God.
Right.
The Osh.
Right.
It's not even him against man.
It's him and the Osh.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah, him and nature.
He's competing against nature.
And he's still alive.
If he stays alive, he's winning.
Yeah, because nature's throwing giants at him and he's dancing on them.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
And so you think those Florida waves, is that what made him coco beach yeah because you gotta you gotta learn it's
technical you gotta i mean the fact that he was able to become that skill as a surfer in florida
waves and then bring that to hawaii and dominate their wind pipe masters so many i like that is
just uh has he won the eddie i don't know if he's won the Eddie.
Aaron, has he won it?
I don't know.
Has he won any ESPYs?
Dude, he might have actually. I found out recently that he
dated Pam Anderson for a while.
Dude, yeah, he's in Baywatch.
Cameron Diaz, Gisele Bundchen. Yeah, he's done well on that front.
He looks amazing.
I was going to say, is he the best looking? Tom Brady's a looker, but is Kelly Slater the best looking guy?
He was 39 when he won his last world title.
That's pretty insane.
Yeah.
He's got the longevity.
So, yeah, Kelly Slate.
K Slate's a good pick.
Chris, you're up with two.
First one, I'm going to go LeBron.
Great pick.
First one, I'm going to go LeBron.
Great pick.
I mean, dude, of all the athletes we've picked, he's the craziest.
Freak.
Besides Bo, craziest athlete. Well, he's like, I would put him in the same.
When he was peak Miami, when he was like, what, 6'9", like 290,
and he was the fucking fastest guy on the court.
Bro.
And he could shoot, and he's one of the best passers of all time.
And just watching him just also defensively at that time, dude.
He was just so fucking big.
And fast and coordinated.
Dude, the Iguodala block.
I know you're a big Warriors guy.
We love our friend.
Yeah.
But man, that one fucking.
And I hate that they're like best player of all time.
It gets brought up as one of the greatest players of all time so often.
It was so good.
And you see the replay like once a playoffs.
Like once a year they'll show it.
You know what I mean?
And it fucking sucks.
And then the longevity too.
I mean, he's 38.
He's averaging 30 a game right now.
He's still close to being the best player in the league.
And how many finals in a row?
Seven?
In a row?
I don't know.
Has he been to 11 finals?
I think he went to seven in a row.
I think he's been to 10 and he's won four.
Dude, it's impressive.
I mean, dude, what he's doing, his body size is unreal.
Also, his understanding of the game.
Like, dude, he's just like fucking,
like a knock against him was like,
why does he pass so much?
Just go score more.
He's like, no, like I fucking,
I'm going to distribute and make people better around me,
which is like a huge thing.
And we don't even consider him a scorer.
I think it was on a Zach Lowe podcast,
and he said that LeBron said,
I think that's, I think people don't think of me that way
because I don't have a signature move.
Dude, that's true.
Which I thought was that he's like...
Interesting.
Yeah, it doesn't have the Kobe fadeaway,
it doesn't have the Kareem skyhook.
Doesn't have the Larry jumper.
But LeBron, but he kind of did everything.
Because he wasn't a great three-point shooter
and then he got to pretty good, especially...
And then, I don't know.
I guess for me, it's just him driving down the lane and then just fucking to like pretty good especially and then i don't know i guess for
me it's just him driving down the lane and then just his big old dunk like like the out that
stretched out dunk this way yeah for but i thought he was going to be a bust but what i didn't which
is like whenever i have a you might have been wrong on that one yeah exactly whenever i have
a sports take i'm like well look i just thought lebron was going to be a bust and like he's
obviously but i was like no he's not going to be able to dominate like this when he's playing guys who are
the same size.
And then he went to the league and I was like, oh,
he's still bigger than everybody.
Exactly.
He was already a man.
I didn't think about that.
Like, oh, like he's, no,
like he's still going to be the best athlete on the floor.
And dude, you know what?
LeBron has never really had any issues or like anything crazy.
Like he's done stuff that's kind of annoying.
He's just a dork.
Exactly.
And it's like, that's fine. Like I'll take that take that in a pro like that's what's a luxury to have being like the most famous high schooler ever and then you just kind of like age into being
one of the greatest basketball players who's also a dork yes that's like the best outcome
you could i could imagine totally like there's so many versions where he's a way worse and or
more annoying person.
Yeah.
I feel like people get mad at him for having ego, basically.
They're like, he has a huge ego.
He deserves it, dude.
I'm like, well, he's LeBron James.
Like at the Super Bowl, he put like a crown on his head.
He got like booed.
I'm like, dude, the fans are annoying.
Like, why are we booing LeBron?
And then all of his failures get like, you know, we pick moments where he came up short
and we're like, oh, we played bad against the celtics and like you know the playoffs one time i'm like he's he's going up
against other warriors and he's gonna have moments that it doesn't work out his way and you get the
dads who are like he's le beijing he's anti-american he's invested over in the chinese leagues i'm like
so are you dude yeah exactly i'm like i'm like you're in the microchip company you own a fucking
ton of shit yeah i'm like but yeah but but, but you just like the human rights over there.
But human rights here.
Human rights here.
I'm like, dude, fucking.
Nice iPhone.
Yeah.
Where'd they make it?
Exactly, bro.
That's a good pick.
You got one more, Chris?
Yeah, I'm fucking.
It's tough to go back to back.
Yeah, good pick on LeBron.
It's tough to go back to back.
Take your time, dude.
I really wanted.
You got a good list.
I'm jealous.
I really wanted Barry Bonds.
Dude, can I trade lists, dude?
I'm kind of wondering which running...
You want a running back?
I think I do.
There's only two.
There's only two.
There's two.
And I got the best, but you got some of the sick ones, too.
I know you did, and I'm like...
You could go with the third guy.
Because there's one I didn't watch, and then there's one that I did watch.
Yeah.
What do you think?
Probably the one I watched, right?
I think it's a toss-up.
I mean, I think the guy you didn't watch has more of a historical legacy.
I think the guy you did watch is probably freakier as an athlete.
Think about your list.
You have...
And I'm not here to help you.
Ollie, LeBron.
It's so tough, dude.
It's like, I do want to ask.
I want to help you, but I can't right now.
Fuck. You also don't have to do that. but I can't right now. Fuck.
You also don't have to do that.
You can mix it up completely.
But I kind of want a football player,
and I feel like I should grab one now just in case.
I'm just going to go Adrian Peterson.
Oh, I didn't think that at all.
I thought it was Barry Sanders or Jim Brown.
Oh, I was kidding.
Kidding, kidding.
Sorry, sorry.
I already got mine, but I don't know if you guys want them.
It was between Barry Sanders and AP.
But I'm going to go AP because he was fucking stout dude and he was so fast and i actually watched him play i didn't
really watch football yet when barry sanders was going his highlights are unreal but like
i don't know man ap was so i mean he was good as an 18 year old in college he couldn't true
freshman he should have won the heisman i watched him in the high high school All-American game and the commentator said then, and people
still stand by it, that he could have gone straight to the league out of high school
in football.
That's amazing.
Like he was already built like that.
And he would run people over.
He had breakaway speed.
And man, he's probably the most impressive running back that I've seen.
Yeah. Dude, Torres, came back the next year
with under a year and ran for, I think,
that wasn't his 2,000 yard season,
but I think he had like 1,500 plus.
Beast.
And I just wanted to, I feel like football players
are just so explosive.
I needed to get one in there, dude.
Ask his kids butt cheeks about it too.
I'll tell you what an athlete he is.
Best dad on the list by far.
Seems like he's not a good father.
JT and I did get...
We drafted him in fantasy the year he got suspended
for hitting his kid with a switch.
Oof.
All right.
A lot of money for him.
Guys, I'm just going to show everybody this.
We'll put the photo up on the pod.
Oh, that's a rig, dude.
That's Adrian Peterson shirtless.
Oh, that's...
6'1", 220.
Dude, he's lean in the abs at 220.
Whoa.
And dude, he literally has baseballs for deltoids.
Those are baseballs.
And dude, he ran upright.
Like his pad level was bad and he still ran through dudes.
But you'd see him dip see him dip demolish a guy and then he was back up and he was already at full speed
again and dude he's sprinting for like i mean because he had so many touchdowns like over like
60 plus yards breakaway speed and power and speaking of superhuman stuff which i love
his doctor said his injury they're like other humans would not come back as fast like his body literally heals better than you like most normal people like he said he
wasn't human he said he doesn't have anything in common with other people exactly exactly
he does look like the fucking predator in that photo dude he's so jacked
chad what do you think? Dude his rig is outstanding G-Bone you're up
alright
okay
I'm gonna go with
I'm gonna go with a guy who's just pure athleticism. He dominated in his sport.
I'm gonna go with Usain Bolt.
Dude, great pick.
Nice.
I mean you watch the guy...
It just looks too easy.
I know.
And he's fucking... he's doing sprints. He's just taunting the people behind him.
He's smiling.
He's smiling. I mean, he's just like...
Pure athleticism... you look at, I mean, that rig. Speaking of rigs, I mean,'s just like a pure athlete you look at I mean that rig
speaking of rigs
I mean
fires me up dude
he started a scooter company
that's
you know
playing
tugging on my heart strings
did he
I think he did that right
I think he's
bolt
bolt scooters
sorry
yeah
bolt scooters
if I fucking see one
I'm gonna ride one
that's rad
and
yeah I mean
he's just like watching it
just the ease with which he
beat everybody was and the hype coming
in you know what I mean cause like
there's always the Olympics especially
it's so hard because there's so much
I feel like there's so much pressure on these people cause
if you did people know you're the favorite
especially in something like sprints
which is like one
of the biggest events at the Summer Olympics, you know?
And then he just lived up to it and just like dominated so thoroughly.
It was so fun to watch.
And when he's running too, it almost looks like he's skipping.
Do you see that where he's just sort of just like, he's like, yeah, this is fine.
Yeah.
It's unreal.
Yeah.
So.
And he's 6'5".
They thought he was too tall to be a 100-meter sprinter.
But he's got unique body mechanics.
Yeah.
And it is like the oldest kind of sport.
Yeah, wrestling and running.
And he brought charisma to it, too, which is kind of rare.
Like, he had real, like, personality.
Yeah, he was a showman about it.
Like, his, like personality. Yeah. He was a showman about it.
Like his like celebration after he won.
Like he just looked, he looked like it was fun to watch because it looked like he was having just such a fun time.
Yeah.
I guess that, so Jamaica is like has the best runners for like the last couple of decades
and it's a small country.
So it's insane that they dominate such a global sport with, with a small population.
But I guess even beyond that, they all come from the same tribal lineage in Jamaica.
It's like one specific subset of people
that whatever it is in their genetics,
they're just gifted runners.
I think Asafa Powell, same thing.
So it's just unique.
Dude, and it's awesome too that he's like,
it is a great pick because it's truly being like
every kid that's ever done this growing up everyone who's been like i'm gonna beat you
from here to over there i mean it's just straight up just athletic a bit like it's just it's pure
what you got it's just pure yeah i mean i guess yeah it's just pure running yep he's just the
fastest he's the fastest person on the planet cut everything else out of it let's go
yeah it's kind of nice guys i'm interrupting this podcast so you know once again that we're on tour
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All right.
Let's get back to the show.
Guys, we are firmly into my overthink stage of the game.
I got some names on here that everybody knows.
They're not getting picked.
I'm this close to picking a rugby player.
And no one's picked a soccer player yet that's on the board.
Pick the best snooker player of all time, dude.
We're making best lists.
But you know what?
I'm going to go.
And I don't think anyone would have picked him. I would have got this guy with the fourth pick, I think. But I'm going to go. And I don't think anyone would have picked him.
I would have got this guy with the fourth pick, I think.
But I'm going to stick with track and field.
And I'm going with Carl Lewis.
Carl Lewis, yeah.
Nine total gold medals.
He was a graceful sprinter.
He won the 100 meter.
I don't think he's as good of a 100 meter runner as Usain Bolt has aged into being.
I think Usain Bolt's got more gold medals.
But Carl Lewis won the gold in the 100, won the gold in the 200, won the relay, but was
also the best long jumper in the world.
I think he still holds the indoor record for the long jump.
So that stood for like 40 years.
He won the long jump four Olympics in a row.
Potentially could have won five.
I think he was a little too young, but he missed out on Moscow because of the boycott
in 1980.
Won four gold medals and won Summer Olympics.
Tied Jesse Owens' record.
Obviously, Jesse Owens' record's a little bit greater because he did it in front of the Nazis.
But, I mean, to win four, I think he's the only guy to ever defend the long jump gold medal.
And he didn't just do it once.
He did it three times.
He won four of them.
He would have won two golds in the 100 meter but
he lost to ben johnson who was on the juice but then it turned out carl lewis he got popped for
amphetamine so like i said everybody on my list a little naughty naughty they're all looking for
that edge was a huge douchebag everybody hated him didn't get endorsements because he would rub
his greatness in everyone's faces and this is an interesting national anthems ever that dude if you
look him up it's so sad that's what pops up first like one of national anthems ever that dude if you look
him up it's so sad that's what pops up first like one of our greatest olympians and if you look him
up it's just him bombing the national anthem and players laughing at him and uh an interesting
thing about his sprinting he wasn't a power sprinter everyone said how graceful he was
he has the slowest decelerate it actually looked like he was speeding up at the end
because he had such perfect technique. He could maintain
his speed for the entire 100 meters. So he's
actually not accelerating, but everybody else is going so much
slower at the end that it looks like he's
going faster. And that's how he won all
of his golds. So
yeah, I think he's my favorite track and field
guy in terms of accolades and
6'2", 180,
sinewy muscle. I'm also
sticking with the Olympics.
I'm also doing something that's a huge barrier to entry
because I ain't getting in the fucking water.
The greatest Olympian of all time, Michael Phelps.
The guy, it's, look at any triathlon.
Run 26 miles, bike 500 miles. Swim 1,500 meters.
It is so fucking hard.
And to be that dominant, similar to Carl Lewis, at every fucking stroke, across multiple Olympics,
the dude's just a beast, dude.
And like, it's just a beast.
I mean, he's a guy I'd love to just post up and smoke a bong with, too.
He seems pretty in touch with himself these days
He got a lot cooler
He came in
None of us liked him
Dork
Dork athlete
What did we expect?
But I'll take a dork over a dick
I don't like these guys
I felt like he could have done a lot by just saying
Yeah I did smoke
So what?
Exactly
And it's so lame that that's the era
But instead I get it
He was like
And I understand why he did it
I'm sorry I messed up.
I was like, come on.
Well, he must not have had a normal childhood either.
He must have been in the pool.
No, he's like swimming.
He's like homeschooled for sure.
These Olympic guys.
He wasn't socialized.
Oh, he's got bad social skills for sure, dude.
Well, the thing about swimming too is it's pure mental strength.
Dude, yes.
The grit you have to have to get in the water every day
and swim for that. I did fucking swimming lessons
in Connecticut.
The worst time of my life.
I can't think of any time in my life
where I was more miserable than when I did
swimming. The disaster. It's pretty grueling.
Yeah, and then you have swim meets, you're just
nervous, and then you swim, you're just glad
it's over. There's nothing
like, when you win a race
it's rewarding and the physique you get is rewarding but other than that there's no it's
just you against yourself in the water and it's just like the the strength it takes to keep going
and to keep pushing yourself because it's just exhausting like there's it's not like catching
a ball where it's fun it's just it. Yeah, there's no fun part of it.
Yeah, and to be that persistent and that dominant
and to fucking, you know, that takes a lot of strength.
Unbelievable mental fortitude.
And also, like, in his last Olympic, he's like,
I'm going to take a few events off and still did, like, 10.
Dude, if you go do one Olympic event, you're a beast.
Yeah.
He did them all.
And in the pool, it's unbelievable. Now, to discredit, it's also hilarious to, yeah he did them all and in the pool it's unbelievable now
to discredit it's also hilarious to like watch the ref walk by the pool yeah he's just walking
way more efficiently yeah but uh no dude i mean it the guy's unbelievable dude and he's a specimen
too oh his whole his last bro yeah turtle shell dude he's tall as fuck when people ever they're
uh their rumors are like his hands are webbed.
He's got webbed hands.
He's got webbed feet.
Well, there is something about that.
Like Katie Ledecky, who's the biggest, who's like our number one lady swimmer right now.
She's got huge feet.
So she basically has fins.
Her feet are like size 13s.
Dude, I don't know what I was thinking swimming.
I have small hands.
Exactly.
You gotta cup that water, bro.
And then my coach, he just didn't like me because i was kind of a
stoner he made me do the 400 free oh bro fucking brutal anyways and then i would uh you know what
i think helped phelps perception wise was ryan lochte yeah toll oh yeah dude pissing on gas
stations at beijing everyone's like hey we got this new guy. And he's like, Phelps, but he's hot. And he's like in his sneakers.
He's cool.
And then Locked, he ended up being such a fucking dumbass that everyone was like, hey, Phelps is actually cool.
He tried to invent some saying where he's like, chicken, yeah.
Yeah.
He had like a phrase. He's like, the entourage saying will be my, like, whoa.
And then what did he do in Rio?
He like broke some shit and like broke into a place and then said he got mugged.
He got a ticket for pissing on like outside of the gas station and then got into an argument
with the cops and instead made up that he got held up by guys with, by dirty cops with
guns.
And in an interview he goes, they put a gun in my head.
I said, do what you're going to do.
All made up.
That is amazing.
The fourth athlete, Ryan Lochte.
I just saw him on a reality TV show, dude.
He got voted off pretty early, but he seemed like he grew up a lot.
Very fun guy.
Everybody liked him.
Really?
Yeah.
Public hazing probably.
Well, because I think he just does have like a fun personality.
Yeah.
And you know, that was like 15 years ago.
And they're kids when this stuff
is happening too.
They're like 21 year olds
who get thrust
into like the global spotlight.
And imagine the release
after you've done your event
and you're like,
I can just go
have a beer now
and like just
piss outside.
That Olympic Village
sounds like a good time.
Yeah.
Oh, you imagine the orgies?
The orgies must be.
Remember that famous photo
of Usain Bolt
with like the
Scandinavian
like javelin team?
Oh, that's the best, dude.
You know what he does?
I remember I saw that photo.
I go, he deserves it.
He does deserve it, dude.
He's the man.
All right.
For my final pick, golf.
No, I'm kidding.
I will never do a golfer.
Let's see. If you did do a golfer. Let's see.
If you did do a golfer, who would you pick?
Tiger?
Got to be Tiger if I pick a golfer.
It has to be Tiger.
Because he does fucking niggas heel training, and that's tight.
I'm going to go with, and I've done no research on this.
This is to make Aaron cream.
Stan Musial?
The house that Ruth built.
Oh, nice.
Babe Ruth.
You know, if we wouldn't be watching baseball today without him,
it's a lame pick, but you know what?
The guy's stats are great.
And he's a fucking famous-ass athlete.
I feel like if you ask a dude on some corner of the earth,
you're like hey
man do you know who babe ruth is they'd be like yeah i heard of that guy you know it's but i feel
like you don't believe in this right you know also also i want to say but here's why i really like
the guy is he partied dude oh that's cool and he was a barrel chested big old bastard he was a big
ass dude and he fucking would just have a stogie in one hand and be hanging out.
Sounds like an athlete.
Dude, exactly.
This is my non-athlete athlete to balance out my list.
This is just fame, straight, famous-ass guy.
And, dude, he would hit fucking dingers.
For the same reason we love the sport now,
Ruth set the fucking...
He's the guy who made the blueprint for what it is so
you got to go with babe ruth i mean also you know if you check the experts he's right behind michael
jordan and all these lists so i like getting the the best athlete of all time at like the fourth
slot so that's nice he was also a great pitcher yeah and he threw the rock aaron appreciate you
coming in having my back there.
I don't have any stats.
Did no research, but he's a guy who requires none.
Third all-time in home runs, third all-time in RBIs.
And I think when he had 60, he had more home runs than every other team in the American League combined.
Probably not combined, but definitely.
Any other team combined.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's for sure.
He was easily, you know.
What, he was like 5'2", 240?
Yeah, if him and Bo Jackson had a kid,
the kid would have average body fat percentage.
Oh, yeah.
He was a barrel.
His gut, dude.
The guy would eat a porterhouse
then go fucking park some balls, dude.
So I like that about him.
I like that he was rough
because he was probably a huge asshole.
I like that he wore long capes.
He looked like he was going to rob a bank in Chicago.
And that's tight. He'd smoke cigars at bat, right? Oh, yeah. Chewing
tobacco. He was never not smoking.
I mean, look, baseball...
Exactly, dude. That's why you watch baseball back in the day.
You're like, I couldn't do it. Yeah. Baseball's the
lowest caliber of athlete. Like, I feel
like it's almost... Like, could you eat a steak?
I agree with you, but I wouldn't say that in front of Aaron.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
I made Aaron cream.
I took Babe.
I put my-
I don't think you made me cream.
You don't like Babe Ruth?
I hate the Yankees.
All right.
Well, I mean, come on, baby.
Some of his home runs are actually, would be ground rule doubles now.
I don't like championships.
He's got a lot of them.
He's got that one thing against him, too, where he didn't play against any brothers,
too.
That's bad.
That is bad.
Aaron, since we can't see you, can you make cream noises?
I know this is late in the game. Of course.
Thanks. Sorry.
No, no, no, please. That's it.
There are other ways I could have creamed on that one. I'm just gonna say Strider.
I know, I should have gone with like another...
...fucking TIE cop. No, dude, it's a good pick.
Fucking TIE cop. I know I should've gone with like another fucking Ty Cobb. No dude, it's a good pick.
Ty Cobb.
I mean dude, I mean dude, who do we, who do you, who's like the first athlete you learned
about as a kid?
Babe Ruth.
Babe Ruth.
John Goodman played him in a movie.
I mean.
You had to lose weight to play the Babe.
You had to lose weight dude.
You had to gain weight to play the Babe.
You had to gain weight to play him dude.
Yeah.
You had to develop a nicotine addiction dude. We're going to get to play this guy.
How to develop a nicotine addiction, dude.
I think Goodman can get there.
He's method, dude.
All right.
I was going to get fancy with my fourth pick,
but I think I'm actually going to go with someone I didn't predict that I was going to take.
He is of the moment.
I'm going to go with Lionel Messi as my fourth pick.
Smallest guy on the list, but perfectly designed for the sport that he plays.
I mean, fit for what he does and passes the eyeball test.
When you watch that guy with the ball attacking the D it's incredible.
They can't knock them off.
He's got such pace and skill and vision.
Like I'll just watch his passing highlights sometimes.
And like a soccer field is fucking gigantic.
He'll have his back to like where his guys are at and he'll just like back.
He'll touch it perfectly
into space and and set someone up for a goal and then I mean his resume now is
like unimpeachable he's got like he had a brilliant World Cup he got the final
like jewel in his crown dude yeah and him in space like the way he handles the
rock like just watching this most recent World Cup when it's like tight in the
box he doesn't do those frustrating things where it's like even the best player it's like damn it's a
turnover he handles the ball takes that little extra step that makes your brain go he always
beats like one extra guy yeah and it's amazing and he makes something out of nothing like that
goal that not the goal the assist he had where he was dribbling around the box and he passed it
across thinking of exactly it was unbelievable and he making players better like these are kind
of like newer guy i mean they're obviously great players but like who are his other studs on that and he passed it across. That's what I was thinking of, exactly. Dude, it's unbelievable. And he's making players better. Like, these are kind of, like, newer guys.
I mean, they're obviously great players,
but, like, who are his other studs on that team?
Like, he doesn't have the other guys he used to have,
like a Suarez or the guy that, like, bit someone.
Suarez was the bidder.
And then the blonde guy from the past.
Yeah.
I guess he has the best keeper, but, dude,
also they call him the Flea.
What a great nickname.
And, yeah, I think he seems like a good guy.
Yeah, he's got his lady.
Yeah, he's married to his high school sweetheart.
His biggest flaw was a tax evasion thing.
I don't count that against you.
He shouldn't pay taxes.
I guess a lot of people get in trouble for that in Spain too, right?
That's pretty common for Japanese.
Well, Shakira's getting in trouble with it right now.
Yeah, she's going through it.
But I think they're going to throw the book at her because her and Pique broke up.
Oh, yeah, Pique broke up.
Oh, yeah, Pique. And she's slaying her.
And you know the Spanish.
They're like neighbors.
They're going to take their boy Pique.
Of course.
He helped them win some trophies.
But yeah, he was part of the Panama Papers.
Really?
Yeah.
See, that's amazing.
Big legacy.
He was helping them out.
But yeah, he was my favorite soccer player to watch. And it is, dude. There's like He was helping him out. But yeah, I mean, he was, I mean, he was, he's been, he was my favorite soccer player
to watch.
And it is, dude, there's like four guys around him.
They're all saying, we need to stop him.
And he just won't go down.
And the ball somehow stays like, like it's glued to his feet or it's on a string.
It's amazing, dude.
And then the finishing is world-class.
The vision, so fucking fast.
Dishing is world class.
The vision, so fucking fast.
And man, he would, more so than any other superstar,
he wouldn't go down just because he got bumped into.
He would keep trying going because he would know,
well, I'm still running, I'm going to stay up.
He had that low center of gravity that helped him with it. And so I also appreciate it because it is the most frustrating part of soccer
is people going down after a nudge.
And he didn't do that, at least not nearly as much as his contemporaries.
And I think him and Maradona all time have the most like one on the entire defense goals.
Where it's just a one guy just marauding through and there's nothing the other side can do to get him off the ball and to stop him.
And similar body types, dude.
Both little dudes with these jacked-ass legs.
Maradona's legs, bro, were little fucking oak trees.
He looks so fast when you see him run.
Yeah, that probably would have been my...
If I didn't go with Pele and I went with another soccer player,
I would have gone with Maradona.
I think when you watch soccer, too,
like, to what you were saying, it's kind of frustrating,
but that's because when you watch it,
it looks like the most difficult sport to really dominate at because when you see when you see
someone finally like break away with the ball and then like get through people it just looks like
it's the most difficult thing in the world and so to be able to dominate at that and excel at that
i think is needs to be you know noted chris take us home oh Chad sorry
um
alright I gotta
I gotta pay homage
to my family's
fandom you know we're
from the Bay Area since
early 1900's
uh I gotta
pay homage to a
San Francisco 49er Jerry Rice
baby
vote the best football
player of all time by
NFL
Network
three
Super Bowls
and
I was a fan as a kid I was a Niner fan as a kid
I'd watch him as a kid big Steve young guy as well
But I think Jerry Rice just as an athlete as a wide receiver
I thought he was just the most fun guy to watch so yeah
And we didn't even throw the rock as much in his day, and if he played now, bro
Yeah, the fucking numbers he put up would be
If he played now, bro, the fucking numbers he put up would be What's the one lockout season?
He had 22 touchdowns, I think, in a 12-game season.
Yeah, bro.
Bro, it's unreal.
It was unbelievable.
And, dude, he was so smooth.
He was so smooth.
Him and Deion.
Wasn't the fastest guy.
Like, 4.6 speed, but didn't waste a step.
Tight routes and hands.
Those hands.
And, dude, also an earring guy.
Dude, I love earring guys.
You have an earring.
That was sick.
Dude.
He caught 122 passes in that season,
1,848 yards,
and 22 touchdowns in 12 games.
Unbelievable.
And then, I mean, dude, all time,
he's, I think he has,
yeah, he's got 200 plus touchdowns.
Emmitt Smith's at 175.
And his photo on Wikipedia is giving a shocker.
Oh, dude.
You know he's cool.
Dude, check this out.
This is an amazing Jerry Rice clip.
I'll have Jake throw this in.
Jake, you're a legend.
This is Jerry Rice into his 50s.
He's at a Elite 11 camp.
And this DB, this young 18 like 18 year old challenges him.
And this is what Jerry Rice does to him.
Because this is what it was all about for Jerry.
I mean, the routes, dude.
The guy had the route tree.
So he's not even warm, right?
He's got the earring on, just chilling.
This high school kid's like, come on, bro.
Take me on.
Take me on.
Later. Oh, my gosh, dude. Take me on. Take me on. Later.
Oh, my gosh, dude.
Hilarious.
And then a bad ball.
Bad pass.
Yeah.
But, dude, the way he got that kid's hips turned.
Like, to even just school you.
Watching the receiver sink his hips and then turn and break out is just.
It's unbelievable.
It's so satisfying.
Chris, are you taking this home?
Yeah, but I think I'm going to go with somebody who's just the most dominant in their sport.
Just so you know, Babe Ruth's not available.
I know where you're going, and we needed this.
She does have a knock against her.
Yeah, because she...
We needed it.
We needed it.
We needed it.
Chris, huge.
She's huge.
Simone Biles.
Oh!
I thought you were going Serena.
Bro, I thought about it.
I was going to...
If we went five, I would have gone Simone Biles.
Oh, dude, good pick.
When you watch her versus other people that are supposed to be the best in the world,
she jumps like just twice as high.
She has a ton of shit in gymnastics.
If you do something first, they name it after you.
She's got like five, dude.
That's amazing. Because she just does shit that other people can't do it actually sucks the scoring because
she she attempts tricks that people can't do so like her score is based on something that's
totally out of whack yeah judges if she does if she does a shitty job she'll do just as well as
somebody doing a way lesser trick perfectly.
That's how much more shit she can do than anyone else that she competed with.
It's another sport where, like, it's another person that we picked where longevity.
Because, like, in gymnastics, you get.
Oh, you're done.
Yeah.
People are starting to get older and older.
But, like, she did a really good job of staying dominant.
I think she has 19 gold medals at Worlds.
Which is huge. I think she's the most, she's tied,
or is the most decorated American Olympian,
or gymnastics gymnast.
And yeah, she's just...
She's spring-loaded, dude.
She just jumps higher than everybody.
And she's 4'8", which is sick.
Huge.
And dude, I love this pic,
because, once again,
this is something that normal humans don't do.
How many humans do
a flip, bro? I'm gonna go my whole
life, zero flips will ever be
done by me. She's fucking twisting
a billion times every press. Like, the barrier to entry,
first of all, the fucking balls it
takes, or cojones, or whatever you want to call them,
grit guts, to get up there and almost break your neck.
Yeah, the labias.
The fucking vas deferens it takes to get in there and fucking swing on those bars.
It's unbelievable, dude.
You know, she has the best proprioception of everyone.
Because no one else, we haven't picked any, except for maybe Kelly Slater.
We don't have any flippers.
You've got to have those flippers, bro.
She's a flipper.
She did, it does suck that in this most recent olympics where she
just like got in her head about it michael jordan would never it's true this is a knock but once
again this is your number four pick so that's okay but she's human yeah and like she's still like
it would have been nice if she if she patted her stats even more yeah but she was already
so out in front of anyone who's ever done it. Yeah.
Annoying when everyone was like, that's brave.
Like it's, it's a little bit more brave to go and break your neck. Look, I sympathize.
I won't celebrate it as much as you will, but I do like that sucks.
She is great.
And I don't want it to.
Well, like if one of the 9-11 hijackers was like, hey, I'm too scared
to do this and sat out,
would that be brave?
You know, I don't know
if he'd be rewarded. I think the virgins
when he got to heaven would be like,
no ass for you.
I don't think his reasons for sitting out are brave.
If he were standing up to them,
that'd be brave.
But if he'd say he's scared... brave is being scared and doing it anyway yeah so yeah does that make
sense yeah yeah I think I'm still just it's a good question so I'm really
trying to give it the thought that it deserves I I think when you watch a
gymnast on the horse you're like that's that's peak human
You know what I mean?
Just the swinging dude
No, no not on a horse on the the fucking
Yeah the pommel horse
The pommel horse yeah yeah
Only dudes do that one
Oh I thought you were going like this yeah yeah
Only dudes do it?
You thought Chris was fucking a horse
They swing their legs across it to get going and then they have a little
Dude yeah
I actually think the men's like rings and pommel horse
I think are like so much worse to look at yeah, they're straight and do yeah, cuz it's really just guys
The rings they're straining their face looks and then you see agony their shoulders rolling way
You know I mean good shoulder mobility didn't if you watch those sports like if you watch old Olympic clips like from the 60s or something,
like you watch the dude,
what's the one where you fucking,
is it the pommel horse
or you fucking run at it
and then do the flip
and then stick the landing?
No, that's vault.
Vault.
If you like watch old vaults,
it's like someone goes up,
hits it and does like one flip.
Yeah.
And it's like gold medal.
And then now you watch people vaulting.
It's like the fucking ascent of this sport
and what people are doing is insane.
It's insane.
They're going to be flying
in like 20 years, dude.
There's going to be no vault.
They're just going to be hovering.
Suspended.
Playing Overwatch, dude.
Like if you can stand still in the air, that's a 10.
It's going to be mercy.
Someone's going to flip and just stand there and hang in the air.
There is one flip and it's so, I don't remember what it's called, but where they don't bend
their knees at all and they kind of have their arms out like this and they're doing full
flips.
Oh, yes.
It looks so cool because if somebody's doing a flip, you're like, yeah,
tuck your knees, but they're like, nah, dude,
I'm going to lay out as wide as I can
and still do it.
Should we get into honorable mentions?
Speaking of horses,
I think Sports Illustrated might have named this
thing the Athlete of the Century Secretariat.
The author
needs to get the people's elbow for that.
Was that Rick Riley who did that?
I'm sure it was.
You know who I'll say too is another person who I think is going to drop on the list?
Because with Babe, I think it's the same thing.
It's just time.
I think it's Jim Thorpe.
Jim Thorpe is down.
When I was growing up, everybody said Jim Thorpe was the best athlete of all time.
But he competed in 1912.
Yeah, exactly.
But he won the decathlon.
He played professionally in three different sports. Like, all around
he was a freak.
But I just, you watch the footage
and you're like... Nah, it doesn't do the eyeball
test anymore. It's like 8mm.
Dude, actually, a lot of people say this guy's the
greatest boxer of all time, including Muhammad Ali.
But he just doesn't have the
name. Sugar Ray Robinson. Yeah, they say he's
the best. Yeah. Bertolino wants have the name. Sugar Ray Robinson. Yeah, they say he's the best.
Bertolino wants to come in. That's awesome.
It's perfect timing.
We're actually getting to, we're doing honorable mentions right now.
We're getting to the judging stage.
I got to run, so I'm not going to be able to judge.
Okay, do you just want to hear our list real quick?
I do want to hear it, yeah.
All right, this is the first time we're recapping it.
Let me pull it.
I'm nervous.
Guys, so do you want to come on camera real quick?
Guys, this is Mike Bertolino.
He runs ATC.
He is our steward, our captain.
And he always weighs in on our drafts after the fact.
We call him and get his feedback.
He helps Strider sometimes with his list.
Whoa, hey, everyone has their guys.
Everyone has their guys.
Come on, come on.
And yeah, so he's going to help us decide today.
All right, so here's the list.
Chris, it's number one pick, Muhammad Ali.
Number two.
You were the first pick?
Yeah.
First overall.
Yep.
Muhammad Ali, LeBron James, Adrian Peterson, Simone Biles.
Chad, Michael Jordan, Kelly Slater, Usain Bolt, Jerry Rice, four.
Jordan, Kelly Slater, Usain Bolt, Jerry Rice, four.
JT, Tom Brady, Barry Bonds, Carl Lewis, Lionel Messi.
And Strider, Wayne Gretzky, Bo Jackson, Michael Phelps, Babe Ruth.
Lost me with Babe Ruth, honestly. I lost everyone with Babe Ruth.
But it's my fourth pick!
I like it.
I like it still.
Thank you, Aaron.
It didn't make me feel good.
It's not Hank Aaron, but you know what I mean.
No, it's not Hank Aaron.
I forgot you're a Bay Area guy, so I thought the Jerry Rice one, that kind of made you
cream, huh?
Jerry Rice makes me very, very happy.
Jerry Rice makes me happy.
Jerry Bonds makes me happy.
I feel like there's no perfect list.
I saw you be slightly disappointed with all of them.
You guys all had something that kind of bummed me out.
Right.
You all went for variety, which is, I see what you're doing there.
And I guess that's smart.
Do you think it should have just been like Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson?
We were talking before and he wanted...
Who did you think was Andrew Peterson?
I did.
There's better running backs than...
Jim Brown.
Yeah, Jim Brown.
Jim Brown.
Barry Sanders.
Walter Payton.
Yeah.
I'm always going to pick somebody I watched.
Okay.
He was a more freakish athlete than Payton.
Payton was like tough.
I like the one who took Wayne Gretzky?
Strider.
Great choice.
Thank you.
Here's the thing.
I don't have the stats, but if I did research, it would have been cool.
It would have been cool.
Trust me.
It would have been cool if I did the stats.
Give me the top two again on each person.
Let's see.
All right.
Chris, Muhammad Ali, and LeBron.
We got Chad with Michael Jordan, Kelly Slater.
JT, Tom Brady, Barry Bonds,
Strider, Gretzky, and Bo Jackson.
Brady from the Bay Area.
Without a doubt.
I even went to high school with my wife.
There we go.
But not high school.
Elementary school.
I'm going with Bo Jackson just because he's my guy, greatest athlete I ever saw. And Wayne Gretzky is the great one.
He's the great one.
Have you guys seen this?
If you're going old school, you should go with Jim Thorpe.
We just talked about him.
We mentioned him, yeah.
Yeah, was it honorable mention?
Yeah.
Jim Thorpe?
You watch a lot of his 1912 highlights.
Professional football and baseball.
What was professional football back then?
It was like nine guys in their backyard.
Baseball and Olympic gold medalist.
I mean.
And he was a civil rights activist.
I mean, it's a question of what you guys are judging this on.
I mean, just pure athleticism.
That's why I like Kelly Slater.
Kelly Slater is a great, great pick.
That's what I'm saying.
Get closer to Mike.
Get closer to Mike.
You guys can't hear me?
Maybe not.
We can, but.
It's a lot of interesting picks all around.
You guys did some...
A little bit of...
I don't know.
Like, I see your generation in these picks.
Who'd we miss?
Huh?
Who'd we miss?
Montana?
No, I wouldn't go Montana.
I mean, like, honestly...
Dion?
I'm a huge Joe Montana fan.
I do like the Jerry Rice pick because that guy was...
These guys?
These are all 20th century guys.
Look at these guys.
Who would we miss here?
Yeah, Babe Ruth is that high up on here.
Jim Brown is who you missed.
I'd say Barry Sanders is who you missed.
Yeah, it was between those two.
Oh, you know what I forgot?
Because we actually talked about it earlier.
I was maybe going to do Lawrence Taylor.
LT.
LT.
Who you missed.
Completely changed the game.
Only one of two guys to win MVP as a defensive player.
And then my, like, this would be an honorable mention,
Ricky Henderson should absolutely be
included in this.
Didn't he get caught stealing like
over 30 times?
Four times?
Dude, he stole so many.
The look in your eyes right now.
Was it 1,400 stolen bases?
I think it's 1,400.
What's number two in stolen bases? I think it's and hey, they're not number two
What's number two in stolen bases? I think Harold Reynolds 800 Lou Brock Lou Brock is 800 something 800 for Lou Brock
1400 for Ricky Anderson and I mean that Korean somebody took Carl Lewis I did but nobody took you same bolt
Go through your picks again
Michael Jordan Kelly Slater you same bolt
Jerry rice Jerry rice fuck actually, I don't know Oh Wait, going through your picks again? Michael Jordan, Kelly Slater, Usain Bolt.
Jerry Rice.
Jerry Rice.
Fuck.
Actually, I don't know.
Oh!
I don't know.
That's what I'm saying.
Chad's going to win.
It's a solid list.
I mean, yeah.
Variety.
You got...
Mike, he did take OJ first, though, for the off-the-field stuff. Dude, yeah.
Just straight charisma.
I got to say, you you know the the challenges you guys
look at like championships on team sports right and there's so many different factors that go
into that that's what's beautiful about kelly slater the most dominant dominant in an individual
sport there's artistry involved too the guys are fucking and him compared to the next like who's the
second greatest surfer of all time?
Laird Hamilton?
Tom Curran or something like that?
Tom Curran, I guess, yeah.
Andy Irons?
But no one even knows those guys.
Kelly Slater is the one.
He made pro surfing a thing.
It's just about athleticism for me,
and that's where I lose Brady a little bit.
Yeah, no, he can't run and jump like these other
guys yeah it's funny we were just talking about this because like before he got that ring everyone
considered joe montana the greatest right but like even if you look at joe montana chicken legs
yeah and dan marino was a better athlete had a hose dude you know he was a monster so
Reno was a better athlete.
Had a hose, dude.
You know, he was a monster.
John Elway was a better athlete.
John Elway, yeah.
But to me, you can have all the horsepower in the engine, but how much are you getting to the back tires? And I feel like Tom Brady got every ounce of his athleticism into mastering the sport he played.
He's a monster.
There's no denying it.
He should be on this list.
I totally agree.
At the same time, Bo Jackson's the fucking man. Greatest athlete maybe ever. He's the man. Also, check this list. I totally agree. At the same time, Bo Jackson's the fucking man.
Greatest athlete maybe ever.
He's the man.
Also, check this out.
Wayne Gretzky in a 100-meter sprint
against Sugar Ray Leonard,
Pele,
and Bjorn Borg.
And Bjorn Borg.
They did this?
I would pay to see that.
But Pele was old at the time.
Bad start for Gretzky dusts.
That's Gretzky?
That Gretzky dusts everybody.
He smokes and he burns them.
Yeah.
Let's go. Fucking athlete. Bro, he's on ice. He smokes them. He burns them. Yeah.
Let's go.
Fucking athlete.
Bro, he's on ice.
He's doing it on ice, dude.
That's the Adam McKay bit.
It's true.
But it's so true.
They all have blades on their feet, and they don't use them to attack.
You know?
I just can't get behind hockey because it's like we're so close to the perfect version of it.
Well, that's usually my gauge.
It's like there's certain sports here I don't watch.
Like, I don't really watch hockey.
No.
But I know who Wayne Gretzky is.
And I mean, he's a fucking man.
He's a stud.
So that's where it's, you look at those names, like Kelly Slater, transcends the sport. And you can say that about Brady, too.
Like, Brady is a guy who's just like, he's a man. Seven Super Bow Baywatch. And you can say that about Brady too. Like Brady is a guy
who's just like
he's not a man.
Seven Super Bowls.
Yeah.
Without a doubt.
He's a beast.
And didn't exactly
have the supporting cast
some of these other guys
did too.
I talked about it.
So no.
I respect it.
I respect it.
But Bo Jackson.
So you're going
you're going
Strider one
Chad two.
Yeah.
I'm going three, four.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Because he went AP.
I feel like AP and Barry are kind of similar, right?
Adrian Peterson and Barry Bonds?
Barry Sanders.
Oh, Barry Sanders.
Just freaks in nature, but don't have the championships and all those historical accolades.
If you're taking Jim Brown, I'd be like, yeah. That's undeniable. Dominant lacrosse
player, too, at Syracuse. Did not
know that. Yeah. I heard he chopped
the bottom of the stick off and just ran with it
like basically with the ball in his hand. Stop it.
I think that's true. I think that's true.
Alright, I gotta run. Great job.
See you guys. Thank you. Alright, Aaron.
Alright, well, actually,
what do you got? Oh, geez.
This is tough because you guys did mix it up pretty good.
There's no, like, I mean, I could pick Bones, I guess,
with Simone Biles and Adrian Peterson,
but just on a, like, championship.
Well, obviously, Simone won championships,
but, like, that last Olympics, really.
Oh, Jackson went two? You got that in the second round? On the man, Mike. Well, you get two in a but like that last Olympics really Bo Jackson went two
you got that in the second round on the man
Mike well you get two in a row at that last pick
you think I should have taken Bo before Brady
yeah it is not a drop that far but
I have honorable mentions as
well like Dion Sanders
two sport athlete as well pro
Walter Payton
was an athlete unlike any other when you hear about his off-the-field stuff.
He'd walk on his hands on a basketball field, football field.
He could dunk a basketball in his pads, all that stuff.
That's right.
As a small guy.
That is cool.
Yeah, he's 5'9".
Yeah.
And then I pulled this weird one while we were talking out front before the show.
Jackie Chan.
Whoa.
Jackie Chan is the man.
That's great, dude.
Yeah.
And like martial arts.
That's a sport.
Martial arts.
Well, Bruce Lee had the better physique, but Jackie Chan's done some crazy shit.
Yeah.
Where like Jackie Chan wraps himself in a tarp and then spins all the way out and then lands on the ground.
There's some parkour dudes out there.
I'm not taking Bruce Lee
over Floyd Mayweather
or someone who actually...
Travis?
I was going to take Sugar Ray Robinson.
I think he's the greatest boxer ever.
I thought Messi had more name value.
Igor.
I mean, other boxers. You could Joe Louis.
Rocky Marciano.
What about Rocky Balboa, dude?
He kicked Joe Louis. He kicked Joe
Louis. He did kick Joe Louis.
I would take Apollo Creed before any
of those guys. Same.
Tom Cruise. I'm a clever lady guy.
Tom Cruise running. Ryan Maxwell
guy I went to high school with.
Great athlete.
Huge.
All right.
Evil Knievel.
All right.
Shoot.
These are good.
These are good lists, guys.
Everybody's got a good list.
No, you think mine sucks.
I don't think yours sucks.
I love the Simone Biles.
I think your number one and two are great.
Is LeBron the best basketball player of all time?
You know, when Jordan's out there, but he was already taken.
I know that, like, I'm just comparing it to the other list.
It's just like, oh, shit.
I think I have to go Chris last.
Just purely on, it kind of falls off.
In terms of, like, greatness in their sport.
You were drinking all day.
Adrian Peterson is a freak athlete.
Simone Biles is great in her sport.
I love that Biles pick.
I love it.
Yeah.
I feel like that could have easily been Serena Williams,
and I feel even better about it because Serena never cracked.
True.
Serena's a beast.
Except for commercial acting.
I'm going to go... I'm going Strider 3.
I love Wayne Gretzky with all my heart.
Bo Jackson is maybe the specimen of all time.
But Babe Ruth...
And I was trying to make you cream.
That was a total pander.
There are so many better baseball players.
I don't know anything about Babe Ruth.
I try to pull shit out of my ass
about him partying. It was funny when you were talking about him
you said all non-athletic things. You were like
he was fat, he ate a lot.
He ate who? The guy could eat a steak.
If you want to make Aaron Cream
on baseball you go Ozzie Smith
because the guy would do back flips. The wizard.
I mean one of the best
hands of all time.
I think Ricky Henderson in that spot
I should have gotten Ricky Henderson
but he's a lead off guy
but this
guys I think this is going to shock you
I think Chad won this fucking thing
Chad baby
what an upset
no handicap required
let me explain to you why
all four of his
picks are the number one guy in their sport of all time.
They're goats.
Michael Jordan, Kelly Slater, Usain Bolt, Jerry Rice.
The best athletes, I mean, to get Jerry's at four is incredible.
Better than him.
No, but Carl Lewis, he's the greatest long jumper ever,
but that doesn't count as much as the 100 meter.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a great pick.
I love that pick. I love the Messi pick, too. Hey, Messi's a good pick. There's nothing wrong with your list, but that doesn't count as much as the 100 meter. Yeah. I mean, that's a great pick. I love that pick. I love the Messi pick
too. Messi's a good pick. There's nothing wrong
with your list, but I'm just saying.
It's still
in debate who's the greatest soccer player ever.
Yeah, of course, but
having watched him at this World Cup, I'm like,
that dude's leaps and bounds
above anybody else on that
field. But yeah,
Jordan, Slater, Bolt, Rice,
I just think they're all four.
That's a perfect list.
That's like number ones.
I support Aaron's choice here.
They could all be number ones on anyone else's list.
I mean, I was really going with my heart here
just because I thought whoever gets Bo Jackson is my winner.
But goddamn, that's a good list.
Yeah, they're all good lists, guys.
There's no wrong answers here, really.
Well.
Maybe Adrian Peterson maybe baby
Has a father Chad is this your favorite dub of all time? I think yeah, you know this I gotta say this one feels good Yeah, daddy daddy's flying high right now
I'm a populist. I don't know anything still came out on top
I thought you're gonna pick like a 1080 snowboarding character or something for your list. Dude, I mean. A silver surfer. Dude, I
was so close. Sean White.
Dude, my list was so close
to being Kelly Slates,
Tony Hawk, Pastrana. Oh, fuck.
Tony Hawk, dude. Tony Hawk is
a good pick. Tony Hawk's a definite
honorable mention. You look at him and you're like,
does he look like an athlete? No.
I think that's like, for me.
He's got to be part of it. Yeah.
Yeah.
Totally.
Totally.
Has to be.
Yeah.
He's not...
Babe Ruth.
Babe Ruth.
Not an athlete.
And if you're doing cross sport, like, could this guy...
I kind of believe Kelly Slater would have been good at other sports.
Yeah.
It's hard for me to see Tony Hawk on the football or basketball.
You can see Kelly Slater dominating Ultimate Frisbee.
Yeah.
Is that like pro?
Fucking in the quad, just hanging out.
But I do think your point's correct, though.
Those guys are all, like, generally consensus,
the number one guys in their field.
Yeah.
The Michael Jordans of.
And you got MJ himself.
And then, okay, do we want to do a couple other?
We'll skip questions. But, dude, honestly, I we want to do a couple other? We'll skip questions.
But, dude, honestly, I think Steph Curry.
Yeah, he's a beast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And talk about, like, changing the game.
Oh, yeah.
And then that rugby player I was talking about, Jonah Luma.
Jonah, I'm probably saying his name wrong.
Dude, look this dude up.
Played winger.
Traditionally a small guy position.
6'5", 280.
Oh, I love it already.
When was this? Like the 90s great hips
oh that's a great they said he was like a locomotive in ballet shoes and like revolutionized
the sport kind of like bo jackson too ended up having physical issues because i just don't think
people are meant to be that big and that fast like it, it's just too anomalous. But I was watching his highlights, and it's insane.
Dude, what about Federer?
Federer?
Oh, yeah, tennis.
You know what's tough with him is, like, people,
I think Federer's the best I've ever seen, like, skill-wise.
But Djokovic and Nadal have more titles now.
Right.
And I didn't want to pick Djokovic.
I think Djokovic is at, like, 22, I think.
And Nadal is at 22, and Federer's 21?
Yeah, somewhere where he's at 20, yeah.
It's just because they're kind of a big three, it's hard to pick one of them.
Yeah.
Aaron, what about Pujols?
I mean, Pujols is the second best right-hander of all time.
I mean, like, he's behind Aaron in home runs.
He's got 7.03.
But he's number two in RBIs as well to Hank Aaron.
I mean, you could go Hank Aaron, obviously. Yeah, but he has he's number two in rbi as well to hank aaron i mean you could go
hank aaron obviously but he plays baseball dude well he's a first baseman which is a barrel he's
got a barrel he's got a barrel chest you know i like that yeah you know you were all about that
look i had to pull a lot of stuff out of my ass after bombing that pit i think i don't i don't
like ap getting roped in with babe ruth when AP looks like AP and Babe Ruth looks like Babe Ruth.
Yeah.
It's the thing with Pujols, too.
He was so bad in all those Angels years.
Yeah, I mean, he's clearly productive because he got to these milestones.
His third act was long.
It was rough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he played first base, and that's not as difficult as Hank Aaron played the outfield.
And had it not been for Roberto Clemente, Hank Aaron would have won a ton of gold gloves.
But Clemente's the best right fielder of all time, defensively.
Yeah, and a good guy.
Yeah, and a great humanitarian.
I got two more weird honorable mentions.
Dave Winfield, really good baseball player, got drafted.
Oh, drafted in all four sports he got drafted professionally no never even played
basketball but they picked him anyways and we're just like yeah we think he
could do it and then the last one is bullet Bob Hayes who won the 100 meter a
gold medal and then was a three-time Pro Bowl wide receiver Wow
even Jackie Robinson yeah Jackie Robinson was good a lot of bases yeah he
lettered in four sports in college.
All right, let's get into beefs.
Chad, who's your beef of the week?
My beef of the week is the government.
They're shooting down these UFOs.
What's going on, dude?
Yeah, dude, let's talk.
They're shooting down UFOs?
I mean, if they're from other countries and they're trying to spy on it.
There's the Chinese spy balloon, which I don't even understand how that's a thing.
Why are they using a balloon?
Dude, apparently they just use wind currents and AI so that they can get wherever they need to go by just getting
to certain altitudes. Oh really? And it's not
just a balloon. There's also a fuckload
of equipment on the balloon.
Okay. So it's not just
that's why they actually like at least one
thing that I remember was like they kind of
waited for it to get because if you just shot it down
anyway like there's a fuckload of metal on that
thing because there's a lot of equipment. Payload.
They got a payload that it's like a plane's worth of equipment on there right so like
you can't just do it anywhere because then the shit could fall on something or someone interesting
but yeah they use wind currents and they can just adjust where they're at because there's always
currents going every which way right so you can get anywhere and they go way fucking high yeah
and you can slowly go over something so you can get more info.
That's very interesting.
But you know what?
The government there too,
they're like,
they're like,
guys,
we shot it down.
And you look,
and you look at the flight path across all of America.
Totally.
And they shot down
the Atlantic
and we're like,
dude,
they already got
what they needed.
And there might be aliens.
Okay.
So,
so these other UFOs
that have been shot down over to the Yukon Territory in Montana or whatever the fuck,
the government is literally saying, we don't know the origin, and we don't know how they're staying afloat.
That's pretty crazy.
And I'm like, why are you shooting them down, dude?
What's going on?
Let's figure it out. What's going on with UFOs? I think, I don't Exactly. What's going on? Yeah. Let's figure it out.
Yeah.
What's going on with the UFOs?
I think, I don't know.
It's not really a beef.
I'm just sort of fascinated.
I'm like, well, yeah, why are you shooting it down?
And also, what's going on?
You got to explain a little bit more.
And are we entering a war right now?
Or are aliens here?
Two big questions.
Very gnarly. Also, it's funny that like i was at a
bachelor party this weekend and like a friend reggie was like like that was friday news was
like we shot down an alien yeah but we didn't we didn't know about it because we were like
partying and celebrating and then saturday morning he's like whoa aliens guys they're real and we're
all like whoa yeah we just moved on.
It was like the Super Bowl was still a bigger deal.
Dude, what do you think that is?
Do you think that, is it too just,
is it too much for our brains to process or is it too unrealistic where you just sort of like,
we can't like think of it as reality?
I think until there's like an alien
that we can look at and it's like,
hey, what's up?
I think at this point I'm cynical.
I think the government is trying to capitalize
on our interest in aliens
now that it's, like for so long they were
like, they were like kind of
denying us any of the
stuff we were hungry for on that front. And then I think
they realized like, oh no, if we give them
like, if we feed them this stuff, they won't pay attention to other stuff so just keep the alien
talk up and because was it you who said that they was you or brooks like there's an ecological
disaster happening right now in like the midwest what is it oh yeah it's train derailment and uh
and and brooks was like dude i think they're just throwing up all this alien and balloon
stuff, so we won't be thinking about that.
And I guess I don't know anything about it, but that made sense to me.
I was like, dude, aliens don't mean nothing.
Even if they are around, they're just floating.
It's not really going to impact nothing.
They're like, let them talk about that.
But that's just, you know, conspiratorial thinking.
But yeah, it's like the government saying, hey, this happened.
And then like, we need more updates.
You got to tell me when we're going to hear from you again about what's going on.
Because that's kind of a, that's a big thing to say.
And then just kind of back out of the conversation.
Exactly.
Stratter, who's your beef of the week?
The lady that cut my hair.
She gave me the worst haircut ever.
I see it.
Take the lid off, baby.
No.
It looks fine. It looks good.
Wait until you see the back.
That's pretty long.
Why'd she forget to do that?
She went a little short on the sides relative to the back.
Yes.
But it looks, I think it was intentional.
Yeah, she did this.
That's even worse.
She had a plan.
Yeah.
She executed.
I literally said this.
You should have picked a soccer player.
Think about my hair. Exactly. Dude, exactly. Think about my hair. Exactly.
Dude, exactly.
Think about my hair, what it was.
I went in and said, I just want a little trim.
This is what happened.
Dude, little trim.
They don't even hear that.
When you say little trim, I'll go in there.
I'll say quarter inch.
The first snip they take, I always want to go, do you know what a quarter inch is?
And then they always say the same thing.
They go, just evening it out.
Just evening it out.
No.
And I never want it short on the sides.
I hate it short on the sides.
It's not my look.
Every time they say evening it out, that means we're taking another half inch off.
Yes.
The thing is, unless you're very specific, they will give you whatever haircut they think
is best for you, not what you want.
Correct.
Or like most of the time.
I think it's actually kind of rare because they're like, I'm the professional.
I know what's best.
And this will look best.
It's a tough job.
Because short sides are so in that I feel, and they've been in for like seven, eight
years now, you know?
It's like that Fleabag scene.
That Fleabag scene where hair is everything.
When they try to, you know, tell her it's not so bad.
Okay, is this lady who did this, who butchered your head?
Just fucked up your life.
Is this a familiar or is this a first time?
I don't know.
She's cut my hair before and she's done a good job.
So I trusted her.
That's extra beef.
I've literally
shown her a picture we joke around i've shown her a picture of joel osteen like jokingly and i go
do this and she goes haha that's so funny but then i'm like no but seriously like kind of like this
is good and uh then she did this damn dude because i thought it was the third time i thought it was
the first time and she was by this point you guys should have rapport exactly exactly that's like imagine
you're a chick and you tell a dude you're not into something sexually and then on the third time
you're boning he goes for it you're like homeboy i told you this doesn't work for me yep exactly
she tried to she made you lick her balls exactly and you don't like balls yeah i don't want to
lick her balls and she goes no you're gonna like balls. Yeah, I don't want to lick her balls. And she goes, no, you're going to like licking my balls.
You're going to like licking my balls.
You're going to like this.
No.
Trust me, you're going to like this.
I go, no, I don't like this.
And you're sitting there the whole time gagging.
Then she gave me a mirror so I could hold it and then look at myself, lick the balls.
And the worst part is afterwards they have to say, hey, you had fun, right?
In this move where they give you the mirror and you're supposed to use the double reflection,
every time I'm like, I don't know how the physics of this work.
I can never see the back.
I literally, that's how I didn't know. the physics of this work. I can never see the back. I literally, that's how
I didn't know because in my whole
life I've always faked. I always go,
uh-huh, and I never have seen
the back of my head. I don't know how to use the mirror for that.
The brain doesn't work
that way. I have no
proprioception or whatever JT said when you get
inverted. I don't have that shit.
Yeah, I think that's body awareness. Yeah, I got no body
awareness, bro.
Dude, when you're in that chair, there's nothing you can...
You're basically in a straight jacket and they put like the Hannibal Lecter ball gag
on.
You just got to let them do what they want.
I've been going to the same lady for like two years now.
And now the trust is like, I just sit down and it gets cut and it's exactly what I want. Do you know how many
ladies I think I've found that have been my lady
but haven't been my lady?
Haircut style? 15, 20. At least
eight super cut staffs worth. Hey, there's plenty
of fish in the sea, brother. You're going to find her.
Dude, real self-esteem is when you
I don't know anyone who has this kind of self-confidence
is when you're halfway through a bad haircut
Stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, I wanted to do it so bad.
I could never, I was blaming myself.
I should have said this, should have done that.
It's always our fault. I'm a moron.
We always blame ourselves.
It's not your fault. Thank you.
It's not your fault. Not you, man.
It's not your fault. Shut the fuck up.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
He didn't deserve that haircut.
Get over here.
Chris, who's your beef of the week the memphis
grizzlies oh people hate them dude well i'd like that they're kind of they're definitely leaning
into like we're the bad boys right now and i think that's fun but they're also like they're
averaging like a skirmish a week and i feel like that's too much. Like you can get into like,
you can like jaw with somebody and like, you know,
like kind of have like a benches clearing
kind of altercation.
If you're gonna be the bad boy, like once a month,
but like they're just doing it
way too fucking much right now
and just talking so much shit.
And like I said, I think it's fun,
but like just dial it back a notch or two.
I hear you. I got two beefs and I'm moving my third beef into a babe.
My first beef, piggybacking off that, not to, but I don't like, I got, there's been a fighty year in the NBA.
Everybody seems to be John and going, I kind of like it.
Adds to the, you know, the excitement of it.
But I don't like the way people are picking on Ja.
Like people are picking on,
because they're saying he's being like a fake gangster
and so a lot of people are taking the eight mile final rap
and they're making fun of him for having a nerdier name
and then for going to a nice school
and having two good parents.
I'm like, you can say anything.
That's weird.
It's funny, but it's not fair.
And you can still be tough, like at your sport.
If that happened, I'm like, it's a, I agree.
Like Dylan Brooks is being annoying as shit.
But I was like, and every team needs a Dylan Brooks kind of guy.
It's just, they're always going to be super annoying.
Yes.
And this narrative, and we love the narratives of these come from behind stories like a single mother
or raising a kid.
It's a better story, like DeAndre Hopkins
or something like that.
It's amazing. And we love that they succeed,
but why are we shaming someone for being like,
yo, your dad loved you, dude, you had a nice household,
and he worked hard, and your mom cared for you
and supported your career.
His parents are solid.
And I don't know, is he really trying to,
I guess if he's trying to act gangster and hard,
then he's not, he's inauthentic.
If he got busted on a gun charge act gangster and hard, he's not in a clinic.
If he got busted on a gun charge or something like that,
that's different.
But it was a laser pointer.
For that, I'm not.
What was the laser pointer thing?
Oh, I don't know if it was his car,
but him and his entourage,
somebody said that they had a laser,
basically that somebody pulled a gun.
They were shaking guns?
No, or that they had a real gun,
but I don't think they did.
And laser pointers at public events, that just happens.
I don't put much stock into that.
We got in trouble for that when we were eight.
Yeah.
And I don't put much stock into that story, because that felt like people just piling
on and kind of making shit up.
Okay, my second beef of the week is with all three of us, but mostly myself.
Guys, I can't believe we lost a chat on a sports show. Dude, you're so right. Come on, guys. One of us, but mostly myself. Guys, I can't believe we lost to Chad on a sports show.
Dude, you're so right.
Come on, guys.
One of us.
One of us.
The guy.
I had to Google Bo Jackson.
The guy does not watch sports, guys.
We will never live this down.
That's like if we did a surf draft and all three of us beat Chad.
It's crazy.
I was so in my own head.
It's a huge upset dub.
I think it's got to be the sweetest dub in history.
Yeah, it feels good.
The Jerry Rice pick was a beautiful fourth pick.
Yeah.
It was a beautiful fourth pick.
I'm paying homage to my heirloom.
We'll step back to the champ, Chad.
Who's your babe of the week?
I mean, it's Valentine's Day this week.
Got to be my GF.
We celebrated last night because she works late.
So she's the best.
You know, we're raising a puppy.
It's fantastic.
And she's just the cutest ever.
So sweet, so fun.
I love you, Kennedy.
And yeah, we're just having a blast together.
We live together. it was easy right away
love that having a puppy
it's easy so
all good signs all good
all the tests are
passing with flying colors
so love that and we're having
we're having a blast so
feels good I love that happy V-Day
babe I love you I love it
that's nice.
Strides, who's your babe of the week?
Babe of the week's also got to be my dank Jeff.
It's her birthday today when we're recording this.
I'm working tonight, so we're going to go get a nice lunch in a little bit here.
Go to a good spot, dude.
All-time raps.
Yeah, I'm excited to try that.
Dude, they got duck.
Whoa.
I like duck.
It's exotic.
It's rich.
Yeah.
You know what's weird?
Is duck like, that's like elite food in America, but I feel like in Europe.
Get duck.
It's normal.
Yeah.
What are we doing over here?
Sorry.
No, I'm thinking about it.
Yeah.
Fucking ducks, dude.
I ain't gonna have it though, I'll tell you that right now
probably gonna get a burger
do you have more on the GF?
no no that's it
just yeah happy birthday
freaking stoked
Chris he's your baby of the week
my lady
Becca yeah
keeping it consistent
wanted to give her a shout out
cause we're doing IVF right now
nice
and she's gotta take a ton of shit
and it fucks with her a lot.
Like just change.
And I don't have to do much.
I just kind of had to show up and masturbate a couple of times.
You know how to do that.
I raised you right.
You know how to do that.
It's as easy as breathing.
No issues there.
Nice dude. Kid's a pro as breathing. No issues there.
Kids are pro.
Do they give you dirty magazines?
It has been fun because I've done it in a couple different doctor's offices and it's been
fun to see the different setups.
The worst one was when they handed me
a Roku controller and it was on a web
browser to the TV to just like
you porn and it's like, dude, if I type something in
it's going to take like 30 minutes
for me to search something yeah that's true the easy the best ones they just
had a DVD already in a DVD player smart and so what type of categories we
talking yeah I wonder how many guys take the DVD and they're like hey can we
switch this out for the gangbangs yeah I'm not gonna need this wife. It was a male, female.
Big dick?
They're porn stars, baby.
They're usually.
You gotta like what I'm hearing.
I like what I'm hearing.
That's a nice guy to play.
But yeah, so whereas like she's like giving herself shots, going on and off birth control,
doing all this different shit where she actually has to like do stuff and I just kind of hang
in there.
But you're a rock, baby. Yeah, exactly. I'm saying you're the rock dude you just keep being you fucking jacking off
and fucking handling biz but yeah thanks babe appreciate it uh my babe of the week babe you're
always my babe of the week but this week i'm going with uh megan fox and mgk got to tell you, I don't, it's like Tom Brady.
I don't like them, but then when it's over, I'm sad.
Like I was kind of rooting for them.
I kind of like when a couple is annoying publicly and we all get to hate them, but you know,
they're in it together a little bit like, you know, rest in peace, Whitney Houston and
Bobby Brown, where they were, it was them against the world.
You know what I mean?
And, and I, I guess there's always a part of me.
It's like at the end of the bachelor, I want to believe that this couple, even though they're
met through these ridiculous circumstances and it feels totally contrived, I want to
believe it's real.
And I was hoping MGK and Megan Fox would last the test of time, but was not to be.
Wait, they broke up?
Yeah.
And, you know, she, so she deleted all the posts. This is crazy. Last the test of time, but was not to be. Wait, they broke up? Yeah. And?
You know, she deleted all the posts.
This is crazy.
She unfollowed him.
She only follows, she deleted her Instagram.
But before that, she only followed three people.
Harry Styles, Timothee Chalamet, and Eminem.
Amazing.
Clear victory for Eminem.
Those are shots across the bow.
Yeah, because MGK and Em are
rivals they did
songs at each other
why is Em even stupid to that level dude
come on bro you're way above that bro
he could have stayed out of it but you know
that's not Eminem's nature to stay out of it
he likes to battle it's also probably nice
for like oh somebody's taking shots
like that's invigorating
cash in on that pub he likes a war he's a warrior he likes to go to war when did they break
up i think a couple days ago i mean we saw fucking big news weekend huge huge on every level because
like there's just stuff that is massive that i'm just not even hearing about you know you know
what's interesting is i had a weird permanent not premonition, but just sort of like a weird feeling where I'm like, MGK's going to cheat on her.
Because I watched this, Sam Tripoli posted this video about where MGK confronted him backstage thinking he was talking shit about him.
Like, out of nowhere, he's like, you're going to talk shit?
You're talking shit about me?
And I was like, he's too insecure.
He's going to cheat.
MGK and Sam Tripoli went at it? Yeah I would have to be a fly on the wall for
that conversation dude you know what is Trevor Wallace really he's like in the
video he's like it's backstage at the main room that's amazing yeah Trevor um
yes it's sad that they broke up you did have a premonition to I we were driving
the other day and you're like I feel like something's wrong in the universe. Boom. I turn on my
phone. They broke up. Yeah.
I texted you that. Yeah.
Something's wrong. I like, like I didn't
I didn't like their outfits
but I liked how fucking crazy they were
dressed together. They were in it. Like the
aesthetic was like, oh wow, they're going for something.
I mean, when the collective
piercings is in the double digits for
the couple, they ain't going to make it.
Yeah, the tattoo, blood vial stuff.
You burn bright, but you burn quickly.
Yes.
All right, Chad, who is your legend of the week?
Do you think you got a Prince Albert for her?
Yeah, probably.
Couple.
Probably had another.
He probably got a second Prince Albert.
I'd be surprised if he's only got one.
That guy's dick is loaded.
Yeah, that guy's got a lot of metal on his crotch. He can't go through a metal detector with his day. No chance. Yeah
He's going through the he's at the airport. Is it your belt is it's my dick dude. Yeah
Three ounces of steel in there partner
What are we doing legend Oh legend
Dude, are you guys watching last of us? Yeah, I love it. I know I haven't watched this last
dude are you guys watching Last of Us yeah I love it I haven't watched this
last episode dude it's so
good my legend of the week is
the show Last of Us guys if you aren't watching it watch it
epic epic
zombie show based after
a video like it's a video game
and they're crushing it
it's just
it's incredible you know I saw a YouTube
video it said that episode 3
was HBO's magnum opus,
which is...
It was a beautiful episode.
It was really good.
So, I don't know.
I'm loving it.
The last episode was really heavy and really good.
So, if you're not watching Last of Us, check it out.
Zombies.
But they're infected by fungi.
Yeah, it's cool.
Crazy.
And it's also sort of like, you know, you're sort of like, could that happen?
Because if it could, if it did, scary cool. Crazy. And it's also sort of like, you know, you're sort of like, could that happen?
Because if it could, if it did, scary shit.
Yeah.
Fucking zombies ended up being real.
I'd feel like such an idiot because there were so many movies about zombies and we didn't prepare.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's in our, like, collective memory.
What do they call it? Like, the mandala effect or whatever?
Like, zombies are part of that mandala or something like that.
Is that what the one is?
I don't know.
The mandala effect is where you think something happened, but it's not real.
But we all just...
I think you're saying the Overton window?
Maybe that's it.
Remembering.
Yeah.
The Overton window is like what's politically acceptable and that gets moved around or socially
acceptable.
It gets moved from time to time by like uh agents of change i
think my voice is getting quieter because i'm not sure yeah exactly you know i'm not sure you mean
hey if you're anybody listening just google it yeah look it up look it up um strides my legend
of the week is fucking um creatine that i'm on with my kb boys dude oh dude yeah i'm on it too
brother i'm hitting like a weird midlife crisis early
where I'm like, I just need to get jacked.
No, you're there.
I need to use my body.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm like 41.
Guys, you don't know this the whole time.
I've been 41, dude.
In the four years I've been doing this podcast,
I've been 41 the whole time.
But always a youthful 40.
Thank you, dude.
So just feel on that
and trying to get fucking that ATP, dude.
Let's go.
Chasing that ATP, son chasing that ATP said ATP sin hard
You'd actually feel it. I don't think it's placebo. Yeah, I think it's still too early for me
I've only been on it for a week, so I gotta let it kick in I think that's working
I didn't know or you guys were I found this out recently where it's like you guys are all on create
Would you drugs do this back?
That's when you you know where you've hit a turn to page in your life when the drugs you do are to like for a longevity
and sustainability yeah it's never instant gratification i'm now looking for long-term gratification out of my
drug use health as well if they're aren't there end of life uh repercussions to using creatine
no it's natural if you give it a google it's it's not they have enough it's been around long enough
that they have some, a lot of
long range studies on it.
I mean, it can be tough on your kidneys if you're overwhelming them with other stuff.
Like, I wouldn't recommend anyone do it.
Do your own research.
But they even think it has cognitive benefits.
And we talked to doctor friends and they're all pretty much like.
It can dry you out.
Drink water.
Yeah, you just got to drink a lot of water.
My buddy who's super jacked does it.
Football players seem sane.
What?
Yeah, but like I'm playing correlation for causation, dude.
Football players are banging each other in the head, and they're huge warrior alphas.
They're going to go nutty sometimes.
Exactly.
It's not the true story.
I'm just trying to get three extra reps on my shoulder press.
Aaron, you know what?
We're going to get you on it.
Go with God.
Go with God.
Chris, who's your legend of the week?
As I said, I was at a bachelor party this weekend for Dan Dansdale, a buddy of mine from Notre Dame.
Randomly assigned roommate, freshman year of college.
Love that.
That's amazing.
What a story.
And he's getting married in a couple months.
And the guy, he had a blast.
I love seeing him smile.
We had a great time.
He's got a great smile.
Yeah.
When he's happy, man, it's like he's got a megawatt.
You just feel the excitement.
And yeah, love the dude.
We had a blast.
I can't wait for the wedding.
It's going to be great.
Love it.
Love you, Danny.
Love it.
Dude, my legend of the week is vodka sauce.
Yeah, dank.
Very dank.
Dude, Aran one has a great one you can just buy.
It's fucking delicious.
And dude, I had never made food before.
And I made noodles.
Not that hard.
You put them in the boiling water.
It takes like 10 minutes.
If you already got the sauce, you don't even necessarily need to heat it up.
I did.
I put it in a pan, simmered it, put it on top of the pasta.
Then you take cheese.
I bought some cheese and grated it.
Yeah.
And then I took that grated cheese and put it on top of the pasta.
And it tasted good.
Yeah.
And then I ate it.
And then I had some more.
And then I put away the extra in the refrigerator.
And it was all fun.
And then I cleaned and I ate it and I was happy.
Dude, there's a thing called Tupperware you can use.
I used two Tupperware.
Whoa.
One for the cheese and then one for the extra noodles.
That's crazy.
It was really, really fulfilling.
Oh, man.
That's awesome, man.
Fuck yeah.
It was crazy, dude.
Dude, it was insane.
Chad, what's your quote of the week?
My quote of the week comes from Michael Singer.
I'm just fired up on this book right now.
True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection.
Oh, that's good.
Strider.
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way, which is a quote from Babe Ruth.
And I let the fear of striking out get in my way and that
bombed my list yeah that's coming from the guy who leads uh all time in strikeouts yeah dude because
he fucking got up to bat bro and he wasn't afraid of it he loved it dude my favorite my favorite
quote from the draft is uh he had a porterhouse yeah Yeah, he would, dude.
It's not easy.
He had reservations at every steakhouse,
every town he ever went in, dude.
And double headers, look out.
No double headers back then.
There you go.
I love baseball.
Fun sport.
Chris.
Mine is from the Stephen King book,
The Gunslinger,
which is the first in the Dark Tower series.
Oh, yeah.
The man whom he had first seen sitting gravely on the steps of the mercantile store made
a sudden and amazing load in his pants.
Wow.
Where did you find that jewel?
The Gunslinger, the first book in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King.
Unbelievable.
I didn't know he was talking to us like that.
On such a nice level.
Stephen King's a beast.
What kind of load?
A sudden and amazing load in his pants.
Are they any other thing other than that?
That's what I want to happen to Aaron every draft.
That's what I thought.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Bro, I picked this one up on Instagram.
I think it was like a CrossFit person.
It hit the spot.
Live your life as if all your problems have been solved,
all your needs have been met,
all your questions have been answered.
Love it.
That's my quote for the week we're getting after.
I mean, I just want to do something around Aaron creaming.
Aaron, can you just give a cream sound?
Oh. Yeah-hmm. Aaron, can you just give a cream sound? Oh.
Yeah.
Dude, that's beautiful.
Mine is, happy birthday to you.
To my dank fiance, dude.
Happy birthday.
Oh, that's nice.
Chris, hop in my lifted truck.
Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah.
I felt that one.
Mine's from the Edvard Munch book.
I guess I was calling him Munch.
My homie Pedro told me it's Munch, so that's good to know.
But he said he would try to finish the painting before thought got in the way.
Whoa.
Fired me.
You're about getting out of thoughts right now.
Your Instagram quote, don't think, baby, just do.
Yeah, I think that's it.
Yeah.
Is that what they say?
Just do it.
Are you guys pumped for that Nike movie?
The Ben Affleck one?
Oh, bro.
Michael Jordan.
The best.
Chad, congrats. Chad, good dub, dude. Good shit, man. All right, bro. Michael Jordan. The best. Chad, congrats.
Chad, good dub, dude.
Good shit, man.
All right, guys.
Thanks a lot, boys.
Thanks, legends.
That is so funny that we all lost to Chad.
Unbelievable.
Great dub, dude.
Portrait.
If you need advice
These guys are really nice.
You want to know what to do and where to go.
When you need someone to guide you, just to have those girls beside you.
Go free.
Go free. I'm going deep. I'm going deep.
I'm going deep.
I'm going deep.
I'm going deep.