Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 346 - Strider Wilson Joins
Episode Date: June 12, 2024Today we are joined by the most requested guest in Going Deep hIstory. You know him, you love him, give it up for Strider Wilson! THE NEW SHOW AT THE COMEDY STORE here: https://www.showclix.com/even...t/joes-july10th We are streaming the BTS, Fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://shop.chadandjt.com/ Come see us on Tour! Boston and Philadelphia are the NEXT STOPS.TIX on http://www.chadandjt.com If you need advice and want to chat with us, TEXT us with your issue or question at 323-418-2019 and we will add you to the list! (Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/
Transcript
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What up dudes welcome to the podcast we have another fire episode with the man himself strider wilson we're also gonna be in philadelphia.
Well this comes out wednesday so we're in philadelphia tonight make sure you get tickets.
Chat jt.com we're gonna be in boston tomorrow laughs boston.
Get your tickets chat jt.com then we're gonna be in san diego at the end of the month.
June twenty seven twenty ninth american comedy co. Then we're going to be in San Diego at the end of the month, June 27th to 29th, American Comedy Co.
And then Comedy Store Belly Room, July 10th at friggin' 1030.
Yeah.
We got Joe, Strider, Schmold, everyone on that show.
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what's your favorite day of the week? Probably fucking Friday, dude.
Probably fucking Friday, dude.
Friday evening, dude, when work is done.
You got the whole weekend ahead of you.
Yeah.
So sick.
Definitely not Monday, dude.
I did not get a haircut.
Fresh pair of pants.
Just did my haircut.
Did my hair today because I'm going to work after this so i put in my la looks dude
oh no i use la looks looks good thanks do you use hair product garnier fructease surfer hair
they have a product called surfer hair have you ever been over to someone's place and they had
it and you're like hey kook uh well that's dude that's one thing is like uh i asked i i first got when i was first buying it
i was like is this kook worthy yeah to buy something by garnier fruit because i don't
know if i'm even at garnier shreds i don't think so definitely not they don't even sponsor anybody
no that would be sick though so i hit up rob machado i'm like is this chill he's like just
don't tell many people about it that's the
move uh yeah but i did i did walk in on um our buddy ricky he rocks it yeah whoa and he blades
really dude also you just confessed to it on the pod what machado told you not to tell too
many people but you just said oh shit that's the nature
of society today there's always a mic and camera on you now so true you can't even have a conversation
rob can't even be mad at you for that rob if you're watching sorry you can't even be mad at
you he does watch what up dude i would expect like surfer hair just to be like that salt water hair maybe a little bit of
like you take that what sex wax maybe you put a little bit of that in there yeah or sticky bumps
that one right like surfers should get their skin and hair products from the sea yes like bro i
wrestled up some muscles i'm gonna squeeze the juice out and then exactly rub it on my face you
seem like you got natural you don't need hair product you got like thank you when you like cut it when you when
you get a nice cut it's just like it's got good poof dude my hair volume has never been an ish
if anything i'm trying to devolume your hair goes to an 11 yeah like my hot air balloon starts in
the air and then we come back down to earth but you know what i haven't done lately that's brand new to my uh skill set i've
been combing my hair really it looks nice i comb it to the side after it's oh that's where i've
seen that yeah yeah it keeps the frizz we go into we hop on a few zooms i gotta say you know i'm
very impressed with um and maybe this is because i had my late morning but you're very on time now and your hair is combed and you're getting everything done like
i emailed you this morning and in my mind i was like i don't want to be annoying like i want to
push jt on this you already had everything done and it was 10 and it was 10 yeah no i got it we
got it that was amazing well yeah i'm very motivated too because i'm excited for that we were talking about strider special what's the what's the do you want to
know maybe the title i think that's the best title yeah and let's workshop it i i think it's
going to be making memories or should it be make in memories i like the i and it's always fun to
like misspell a little bit okay making making memories yeah okay then i gotta i don't know
why that is it is a good point though like why do we get so jazzed on that where it's like dude i spelled
parties with a z and we're like let's go like boys in the text right it's always b-o-y-z you're like
well making feels formal like hi i'm starting i'm making memories it sounds a little nerdy
that's why we had to have this talk thank you other potential ones where are you amped
are you guys picture locked pretty much
pretty close we might have to do a tweak or two but in terms of i think we could go out with the
one we have right now and it would be good yeah what's uh what's the plan so the plan is once we
get this can we basically picture locked yeah picture locked then we do killer and sound
grading which i don't know how long that takes and then after that we'll i'll send it to the reps freaking luke's what up dude
we don't know for sure yet but also with the like uh cgi they can totally take a person out of the
frame really oh yeah yeah by just laying different frames over the top of each other of like the same
uh angle but just a different time and And like, so there's a camera guy
in the background at one shot,
and we were having to switch shit up to like not see him,
but it was not the shots we wanted.
And then the editor was like,
I can just do this, da, da, da, da, da.
And he erased the guy.
Wow.
And dude, JT was smart.
He's like, dude, let's take Strider completely out
and put in Cat Williams.
So dude, the special's gonna crush, dude.
It's gonna be great.
Making memories with Cat Williams?
Yeah, making memories with Cat Williams.
And is it your voice still though? Still to crush, dude. It's going to be great. Making memories with Cat Williams? Yeah, making memories with Cat Williams. Is it your voice still, though?
Still my voice, yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's going to be really interesting to see.
Him in an arena, dude.
Oh, yeah.
He's fucking sick.
He's just in an arena.
Oh.
Yeah.
Did you figure out that that's...
Can you do that with sound, too?
Because then you had, like, those fucking...
Yeah, we're...
It's going to become, like, a theme.
So, for mine, it's going to be my visual face and body but steve harvey wow yeah dude yeah you still on the table
bro bro you could resurrect him dude i was thinking more of chris tucker oh he's the best
although bernie mack does you know he has that sexual confidence that he and i share i think
tucker does too but he's coming at it from a different angle.
Yeah.
That's sick.
Actually, you know what I want to do is Bill Paxton.
Oh, Bill Paxton would be smart, dude.
He's not even in stand-up.
Yeah, but you know what?
He's cool.
He's been killed by the Terminator.
He's been killed by...
Specifically his look from Titanic.
Which guy is he in Titanic?
He's the guy who runs the treasure hunter
right i sound disappointed yeah yeah but he's only in the book end he's like in it in the
beginning and then the end yeah but that haircut look at him yeah dude did you guys have the same
hair yeah you guys do he looks like your dad i don't i don't mean to be braggy here but i do get young bill paxton references now and that fires me up that's
a great yeah dude you know what the internet that's nice dude the internet's right you do
that really powers me up i love bill paxton he's like my favorite he's got great energy dude look
at him he's cool um you know someone laced uh all the crafty food on that with uh lsd and everyone on the
titanic set was like super jacked up are you serious that's right i think so
whoa what if it was that old lady oh rose did it she was there for a day old rose was like
her favorite shows in practical jokers she's a sick fuck oh pcp
lace chowder wow they got to the chowder i mean who's who's doing chowder on the set of on a film
set i mean what are you doing you break from work it's a big cauldron of clinton yeah what are we
doing here damn which is get panera bread please that is great having bread bowl yeah exactly
bread bowl damn which is get panera bread please that is great having bread bowl it's a maniacal choice um do you guys watch hitman not yet 38 minutes in i like it i dig
wait but you said you're done with glenn powell i dig dig no come on i was annoyed with him for a
bit but uh you know he's it's interesting he's like in an NY Times article right now. And the headline is, Glenn Powell's not afraid to sell out.
He's just taking a weird approach to the off-camera part of it where he's very much like, no,
I want to be a leading man.
I'll do whatever you ask me.
And it's very honest, but there's something weird to me about it that throws me.
I'm way too invested.
I am excited, though, for the next Twisters.
Oh, dude, i can't wait for
twisters bro his character in it is just he's like dude he's cocky with the tornado oh yeah he
yeah you had to you're a bit hilarious you're like he's like gonna have sex with the tornado's
girlfriend he's like come here let me buy you a drink come here oh what do they call when the
tornado sweat like sisters or whatever yeah you guys twins oh you it when the tornadoes sweat? Like sisters or whatever? Yeah, the twins. You guys twins? Oh, you guys are twin tornadoes, huh?
Okay.
I think I can handle that.
That's cool.
Come here.
Wait, so what'd you think of Hitman, though?
I loved it.
Did you finish the whole thing?
I loved it, yeah.
Let's go.
I was watching.
I was like, this is delightful.
I can't wait to watch.
Dude, it was very...
It made me like Glenn.
Because, you know, we had heard some disparaging
comments yeah a few months back and before i was kind of like glenn seemed sick and i heard
disparaging comments and i was like maybe he's not sick and i was seeing him in the press and i'm
like i don't know and i saw him in hitman i'm like he's the man yeah bro i mean ever since everybody
wants him i'm like this guy's cool dude yeah like yeah
now i just now i question the deliverer of the disparaging comment yeah that's why i was laughing
a little bit because also the disparaging accusation yeah wasn't really that disparaging
right what was it it's like he's like he likes getting laid or something like that exactly yeah
come on it was in the oh so he's a hot actor who gets laid oh sorry well the guy who
is telling us telling us it i think also likes to get laid so to me it read like this guy gets
laid better yeah it's like yeah it's sour grapes because come on i mean look as long as he's pulling
a jeeter and he's being nice and he's getting people gift baskets which is above and beyond
you don't even need to do that anyone but you on yeah that's true yeah if you're nice to the gals who's upset yeah guys it's like the rock star thing with
walberg it's glenn powell's job to get laid dude yeah okay that's part of his gig dude that's part
of being a leading man i'm sorry that's like uh that'd be like finding out that machado is not
from san diego yes you know what i mean he's like i don't get laid or that he uses gel in his hair yeah oh dude i'm sorry dude i'm
fucking sorry dude that was so messed up i mean that was demented dude i just is it d bro of us
to out him for getting ass though no this isn't even an out that's it that just makes sense it's
like being like a ceo gets
what if they don't put it i'm worried they won't put him in more movies now because we
let the cat out of the bag that he gets laid you think people already knew
dude i mean i think wait dude fuck oh holy shit dude was that part of his charm that he's kind
of a verge yeah he's kind of a verge?
Yeah, he's like, guys, I was making a lot of money.
People thought I never got let go. I didn't know, dude.
Here's the thing about Hangman.
He's a virgin.
Yeah, dude.
He does cum retention, dude.
That's a good impression.
Yeah.
I've watched Top Gun Maverick at least three times in the past month.
It's incredible.
It is a spectacular fucking movie.
It's so good dude only part
that's bad is and i love jennifer connelly i think the performances are good but when they have smile
sex at each other dude i'm like come on bro just have regular sex dude when rooster goes back to
save mav oh yeah and then on the comms you get shot down like rooster and then hondo single tier just fucking blink and
you're just like oh who who cracks the single tier hondo the black dude he was a great black guy yeah
is he the guy he's not the older dude is he like the guy who recruits yeah how good is he he's
incredible what's his what's his call sign again hondo h? Hondo, dude. Hondo, is it? Hondo.
Hondo.
Bernie Coleman.
Wait, wait, which one?
No, I'm talking about the older guy.
The guy to the right.
Go middle, second column left.
Charles Parnell call sign.
Yeah.
Warlock.
Dude, it was pretty sick.
That is sick.
Someone just wrote it in the chat. Oh, War wizard wow diamond jim but he's great he's good actor very stern immediately brings status
and class to a role yeah what you gotta like i love that and he's kind of on maverick's side
totally he's a little bit stern with him.
He's like, you need to work on timing, Maverick.
Yes.
You know what I don't think you'll ever hear is that someone will say, this guy's the next James Earl Jones.
No, the voice is just too iconic.
I guess, how much younger is Morgan Freeman than James Earl Jones?
Because they both have great voices.
I'm going to guess James Earl Jones is 13 years older. roll jones because they both have great voices i think imagine that i'm gonna guess james earl
jones is 13 years older so then that he could have been the next he's 31. oh my god 87 wow oh
my gosh 37. when did so morgan freeman he didn't really have a career till his 50s is that right
yeah street smart in like uh 84 or something like that maybe later wow
smart in like uh 84 or something like that maybe later wow dude james earl jones and morgan freeman just talking to each other dude i could hear them talk about anything do you think morgan freeman
gets laid still yeah he he was in the news a couple times surrounding that nothing uh
it was weird it was weird it wasn't like good old fashioned
it wasn't like Glenn Powell kind of bone
I hate to even bring it up I mean you know
I'm just dealing in conjecture and chatter
I think it was his stepdaughter
was the thing
I mean who hasn't had a fantasy about that
that's right
what?
oh stepmom
oh that's totally cool yeah step granddaughter step granddaughter
yeah oh good dude why we have to do this the reason the reason oh dude
whoa damn dude morgan freeman dude oh the information came from someone who had murdered
her this just sounds bad so she was murdered
yeah let's get out of here you know what i was i'm reading this really sad book by the guy who
created deadwood and nypd blue david milch. And he wrote his memoir while he was suffering from Alzheimer's, which is so remarkable. So, he's writing his
life story as he's forgetting it. And then he had his family help with the memories and stories to
make sure they were accurate. So, he calls it his last writer's room, which is very, very cool.
But he had his great-grandfather started dating his genuine daughter after his wife died.
So his grandma was dating his great-granddad.
And he has a wonderful sentence where he goes, and the grandma guy's daughter had been married at the time.
And he goes, it so radically disempowered her husband, my grandfather, that he jumped off a bridge.
But I like the phrase radically disempowered.
Yeah, that is a great phrase
yeah his turn of phrases were ridiculous and sorry i was just transitioning off the morgan freeman
thing but i picked something that was not at all like no really bad yeah also very very much of a
bummer but yes good yeah yeah it is something worse yeah whoa speaking of which you're like
yeah you took the step out and you really went biological worse yeah oh sorry i tried though you did speaking of which did you guys listen to spacey
on lex friedman i saw that i saw he was on i had a reaction to it yeah i don't even did you listen
yeah well you love spacey i love i'm a big spacey head i've always i was always defending him
i was dude i was like dude hilarious i i find that odd i find it maybe odd that we're so hard
on people but i also find the defenders uh weird yes like people in the comments are like i knew
he was innocent i'm like they're what i guess it got thrown out of court so that is a really
and it's so solid argument but like you don't know him unless it's like your brother or cousin or like what you liked
his performance in Iron Willaton where you're like, no, there's no way he did it.
Yeah.
It's like, what the fuck?
Spacey is a weird one where it's not, it's kind of like everyone knows.
Everyone knew he was a creep before it hit the...
It's not like there's kind of like oh maybe
he made some mistakes it's like no i think it was pretty uh pretty repetitive and didn't he
use the behavior you know i guess it's okay if he wants to do podcasts once in a while i don't know
what the punishment right i thought it was a weird move on lex friedman's part but he's kind of a
weird guy and that's kind of his thing well this thing is like i'll talk to anyone yeah exactly so
that's his thing is uh it didn't like spacey put out a video in character from from house of cards like saying yeah very strange very
odd you had all very good transition yeah exactly i was like dude when you went spacey i was like
hopefully this is something totally i was like i hope it's not kevin spacey dude no no oh man it's
my guy spacey it's my for a second i thought spacey was a guy who talked about aliens on joe
that's what I was hoping.
I was also listening to that.
Did you guys know that Earth is not native to the Milky Way?
It was
implanted by the Sagittarius.
Whoa. So Earth came.
I got a question.
Sagittarius is
our sister
thing.
Who's the brother milky oh I get I get what the family unit is now do they have did any of them end up having kids uh I think Andromeda Galaxies that's
the closest galaxy to us right yeah it did good with the names on those
how far away is that galaxy how many light years away is that it gotta be like a million or
something i don't is that crazy how far away it's insane speed of light million years to get to like
the next galaxy and it's crazy that whenever we look up at the sky at stars we're looking into the past because it's
taking so long to get here it's literally like uh like we could be looking at stars be like
that took a billion years i don't know if we can see with the naked eye billion but like
that took five million years to get here even the sun when we look at it which i look at the sun
often i stare is it's still like seven minutes in the past yeah something like that right i don't
know how long it takes for the sun's light to get to earth it's like almost like when you look
towards your hometown you see your homies how they were exactly how it used to be it's a beautiful
country song wow i'm as good once as i ever was i love that quote yeah how's it goes i think i butchered it i'm not the best of it i'm like not the best i've ever been but i'm as good once as i ever was i love that quote yeah how's it goes i think i butchered it
i'm not the best of it i'm like not the best i've ever been but i'm as good as but on any
but on one day i'm as good as i ever was yeah yeah it's good somewhere yeah oh that's from that
it's from a country song oh dude i just had a buddy he used to say that when we were working
out the country song is i ain't as good as i want was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.
That's much better.
I mean, I doubt that that country song invented that phrase.
It just seems like, you know, it's probably something from like Greek tragedy or something.
Sorry, I'm choking right now.
This is terrible.
I got a text from my mom this morning.
You shouldn't play video games.
It's bad for your eyes.
I'm 37. I was about to say that. to say it does there's so many levels to that
yeah it was incredible you know you just got a fire back you shouldn't play video yeah i just
go dude mom come on dude i hit a valvoline yesterday oh pretty brutal i love it better
than jiffy lube valvoline's the best
you feel like you're in the military because it drives your stuff stop what do you want to do i'm
like run a diagnostic top off the oil check the tire you didn't buy the air filter thing i don't
they can't upsell me like good don't ever let me but i'm glad they come and they go this is what
you're breathing it was a good move great move never buy it i i had the fam with me and i
just kept laughing with the with my lady i was like so yes sir absolutely sir check the code
right there pop the truck i was like i like the collaboration of it it is not and do you stay in
the car at valvoline yes nice 15 minutes oh that's great oh dude that's great jiffy lube they were
like i used to walk across the street to chipotle. They take forever, dude. There's a meme going around about Chipotle.
Oh, the chips are shitty now.
They're like the quality of-
They change their chips?
Yeah, they're like, there's no integrity of their chips.
And they're saying that, you know how the chips used to be dank, like lime salt flavoring
in there?
They took that out?
Bro, apparently that's gone.
I mean, I never get the chips there, but that's what people are saying.
They're like, dude, yeah, you could get chips and dunk it in your guac or bowl and it breaks
every time.
It's the best.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well, is that portions too or a thing?
That was the other thing that's going on.
The CEO is like, he's funny.
He's a real salesman.
He'll do videos addressing.
He's like, we do not do smaller portions.
At Chipotle, you know when you come in, you're going to get a lot of beans.
Hilarious, dude.
People have been filming people at chipotle and then i think they found a
memo that said like hey if people are filming you do a big scoop it's also whack it's like
it's fucked up of people to just be filming someone when they're at work it's like don't
do that i know like i'm i get they probably get paid minimum wage like barely like i don't know
i should have picked a different career. There's no doubt.
Would you accept like the best wifi if it poisoned your body,
but gave you huge boners?
Yeah.
I don't see why not.
Smart.
It works out pretty well for me, but you know, except for now, I don't know why my Wi-Fi gave out. But, yeah, that was weird.
But do you have a boner?
Oh.
I'm, like, halfway.
I'd say half chubbed is usually the move.
Dude, no, you couldn't hear that in his voice.
No.
Yeah.
And, honestly, I think that was a sign, you know, because usually it's full-fledged.
But if it's half right now then
maybe the wi-fi is getting out so you're you you're you're like perma hard is what you're saying
yeah well when it's sunny out usually and it's kind of cloudy i'd say overcast so you know what
everything's starting to align yeah sun's about to come out so yeah it usually breaks around this time so you should
be rocking full wood cool all right man good chat we'll talk to you later dude
uh yeah what's your ish uh yeah i made a little bit of a moral predicament. So a little bit of a story.
I've been working on super yachts for the past like seven, eight years.
And it's been pretty sweet.
I've been able to travel around a lot and, you know, get to see some cool places.
But I've been meeting some pretty funky people lately.
And I met this guy who's fromailand and his name's benji and
benji was always super quiet with us you know he never really liked to go out he was always
talking about how he's saving money and then he was with us for about four or five months when
we were shipyard period and we started to notice that he actually you know was buying some new clothes
going out going on dates spending a good amount of money and so we were sitting there for a while
just kind of like trying to figure out where he's getting all his money from and we finally you know
he was pretty tuned up one night and we got him to kind of confess to what he was doing um so what he was doing is he
was he has a brother that lives in thailand and we were talking about like how we've always wanted to
go and he said oh i have a brother and that's actually where i've been sending all my money to
we're like what do you mean and he says that his brother is a bookkeeper at a underground fighting ring in bangkok
and the reason why he's saving his money is because he was sending wires through western
union to his brother and was betting on fights and was winning um but he said he always was betting on women's fights so he says there's
this one girl that he was betting on she's undefeated and it was always a for sure hit
every single time well come find out after getting him a bit more tuned up is that girl
he's been betting on used to be a guy who transitioned to a woman in thailand so he was talking to us about it
and he showed us how much money he was winning and it was a good amount it's a crazy story um
he kept begging and begging us to like give us a chance you know give me a hundred dollars we'll
turn into like 200 bucks and you can just keep
compounding after that just give them the money so yeah dude bet on the lady that used to be a
dude in the fight yeah that's kind of what i started to do um what's the fighter's name
what's up what's the fighter's name uh she would go under an alias and her alias was phoenix
and good calls we never like got any more details besides that but after you know we would be told
like phoenix is fighting this time on this day and we will let you know what happens and we'll
send the money on a like end of the month kind of thing.
So if you bet like five or six times, you'll get all of it at once at the end of the month.
So I gave him a good chunk of cash.
And I'm not going to lie.
I won a lot of money off of it.
Sick.
And my predicament, my moral predicament is i've been using that money to
save up for a ring for my dank ass girlfriend good for you but we are pretty financially open
with each other and she saw like you know this was a while back she saw at the time before i
started doing all that how much money i had saved up and then recently she saw at the time before I started doing all that, how much money I had saved up. And then recently she saw in the account how much I actually have now.
And she's kind of like, she's kind of hinting there at night that, hey, like, this doesn't make sense.
Like, where are you getting all this money from?
So I do I tell her the truth that I'm, you know'm betting on a transgender fight
in the underground of Bangkok
or do I kind of keep this
a little bit of a secret?
Because I feel like I'm crossing a moral or ethical
line with this, but
it's been a weight on my shoulders for a long time
and I just feel like we can talk to each other
about everything, but I feel like we might get
some judgment off of this one.
Man, don't worry about judgment
dude honestly bro i think it's probably the best thing like yeah dude yeah like you're supporting
a transgender athlete and you're making money off of it like that's fucking sick as hell dude
yeah and i mean your first mistake is you always got to have a little gambling purse in a side
account i mean come on bro that's never gonna hurt You know, I love to hit the tables. I love to feel some felt under my fingers with the boys.
So, you know, you just, there's some things you got to have, you know, if you got a little game,
as long as you don't go to the well and take money out of your account, you're fine. And it
sounds like you're not in risk of having some gambling addiction and doing that. But now that
the cat's out of the bag, yeah, you gotta be honest with your wife.
You can't be, keep lying, let her know.
And I think you'll score some good points.
Yeah, I totally agree.
What's your girlfriend's stance on transgender athletes?
She's supportive, you know?
We both consider ourselves pretty progressive.
You know, I just think more so it'd be like kind of me with
like some blood money in the in the bank and it's just more so that well do you think gambling
should be illegal are you okay with gambling i love gambling oh this is probably the only thing
i've been good at with gambling i'm like five and oh right now on fight and i mean
these fights aren't that crazy bro like it we looked it up online like it's a muay thai fight
it's not underground it's not like it's like fucking blood sport three where like they dip
their gloves gloves and like glass shards like they're consenting fighters and and and like
sanctioned fights like it's legal so it's not like anything that that's crazy i mean
i thought you were violence but it's it's not that nuts yeah i'll yeah and like i thought you were um
lying you what sorry bro i thought you were telling a lie
a lie no i've like i've had to prove to people that i that this is real and i think it's more so along the lines of like ladyboys fighting because that's the big thing over there and i
guess no i'm seeing the way that we're seeing articles on it and i've seen that before i've
seen fighters like sanshi post photos with all the ladyboys and it's like a big part of the culture yeah and that's why he
says that he's so open to it and that's why his brother like you know he he made it seem as more
underground I guess like you know you're kind of right it is actually like you know something
that's not underground and sanctioned and people sign off on it but it's just like i think it is more like a ladyboy thing um but i know he's always got
photos with lady she's a monster that guy bet on the fight he was actually fighting a real woman
at the time and i think that's why it was like kind of sketchy to me yeah we had that american
person who did that uh fallon fox i I think, who did it in MMA.
Yeah, I mean, what we could do is get everyone in the chat to bet on one of the fights, and we could bet, too, and then we could get the other person.
We could fix the fight.
Yeah.
Is that why you're calling?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's get the fix in, bro.
I mean, your girlfriend's not going to have questions about where you got the money when the money's got two commas on it bro that's right bro yeah dude tell
her yeah and lay it out i need to it's a good bet i'm seeing her tonight for the first time
because we do you know i'm a captain on a boat and like i'm oh you're the captain yeah yeah and we uh i've got my life super
i get some time off now and i'm seeing her tonight first time since christmas
fuck oh she she works out in santa barbara and i'm usually in the bahamas and wow nice
what the fuck are you just nervous to see her?
You like excited?
Yeah, I'm nervous.
I've known her for a decade, but she's actually the coolest person I've ever met in my life.
And I'm just worried that like this one thing is going to create like a little bit of a judgment thing.
And because she has like, I've done a little DraftKings here and there.
And I think she's more so
like anti-gambling more so and i love it but you know i don't go too crazy but i'm more worried
i'd keep it a secret this girl sounds worth lying to yeah sometimes you know it's machiavellian
dude did the ends justify the means and you just got
to say hey i came i came into some money i came into some tell her tell her one of the one of the
people tipped you on the boat yeah you're like oh we gave johnny depp a ride to his island and
you know he tipped me a cool 10g or something or benji gave you a tip it was a gambling tip
but you go ahead this guy benji he gave me a fat tip oh mish not
mr rex yep i like that yeah i'm liking this how big are these boats you're captaining
uh so when i used to work like on the larger yachts when i first start out they're like over
200 feet um so then once i actually started to get more into like interested in like specializing
this as a career i've gotten on smaller boats so the one i'm currently on now is a 93 foot
sun seeker that's a beautiful boat though dude yeah it's it's great i love it sun seekers are
gorgeous they look like ferraris our boy they're one of the sexiest of the boats.
Wow, look at that.
Yeah, it's fun.
And, you know, I graduated right before COVID hit
and then lost my job
and then just was doing boating stuff before.
And then...
What about that 58-foot Predator?
And then that fell through.
So I got back into yachting.
Have you seen the Predator, the 58-footer?
Say it again the 58 foot predator
you grok with that no honestly i haven't seen that um we i'm currently up in uh i'm delivering
a boat from chicago up into michigan and so i've been out of that south florida bahamas game for a
few weeks and all that. But what,
how do you get to Michigan from,
uh,
are you just on Lake Michigan?
Or do you take a river?
Where'd you,
did you take it from like the Mississippi up to there?
No,
they have a,
there's a service.
You can have boats delivered on cargo ships,
like a big boat with a bunch of smaller boats on it.
But you have a big enough boat, like I was on a
112 Westport
and you go through the St. Lawrence Seaway
through Canada and stuff and
goes into the Welland Canal, then you
go through these huge 80-foot
canals and locks
and then goes from saltwater to freshwater
and then you just go all the way up into Michigan
or go to Chicago. Here's what you do.
You tell your wife all those details.
She'll be so tired out that when you finally tell her about the gambling,
she won't give a fuck.
That was something that Melville did in Moby Dick.
He exhausted your faculties,
so the pure truth he wanted to instill in you was available.
Yep, yep.
That's what you have to do.
Like the fighter, like this fighter,
you probably got to go body shots with all that information on your life.
Money in the bank and then go for the chin in the late rounds.
Canals, the tides and boats.
And yes, it's 93 feet.
And then by the time you finally come to yen, then I gambled on this lady and, you know, she million dollar babied someone out there.
And, you know, I won some money and I hope you love your diamond.
There's a lot.
What? Have you ever seen an orgy on one of your boats?
Good question.
Say it again?
Have you ever seen an orgy on one of your boats?
No, not yet.
I'm kind of hoping I stumble into something because we've done not super sketchy stuff,
something because you know we've done not like super sketchy stuff but you know when you're down in miami and they need to close some business deals you go out to international waters
sign a couple things so they can avoid taxes done a lot of that yeah which is totally legal but you
know uh nothing too crazy nothing yet at least i'm hoping on it for a year or two my personal
opinion i think you're living the life yeah bro you're on boats you're betting on ladies in
thailand you're saving up for a ring you're getting bronze you're delivering to michigan
you're freaking looking at tides and all that other shit you're going through canals that's uh
i love it dude everything you're talking about is green lights for me you you're literally living the matthew mcconaughey book
yeah it's green lights yeah green light so green light your lady you know oh six and last question
for you boys but i'm going out to santa barbara soon any good spots for some food you know take
you're talking to the right crew i just came back from santa barbara this weekend bro sama sama kitchen
that's good we love sama sama kitchen standing that is okay right 30 minutes away from santa
barbara yeah just a little farther up the 101 up there by buelton dude you gotta hit the
hitching post dude for a nice masculine dinner dude did you was it is it your anniversary today one year anniversary today yeah
sorry did you celebrate over the weekend or are you celebrating tonight too over the weekend i'll
work tonight what'd you say bro it's our anniversary today too are you serious i'm
flying here yeah that's your intent that's why
yeah that's why i'm flying into here let's fucking go dude dude here's what you do you go to sama
sama kitchen dank or if you want to make a resi go to loquita nice little spanish spot paella
that's a sexual meal dude paella trust you're gonna have a nice time dude
those are my spots. All right, brother.
Good luck.
Thanks for the advice, guys.
Long time listener.
It's good to be on the pod.
And, you know, hopefully we run into each other at your show.
It's coming up soon.
Love to come see you guys out there.
Maybe get you on the boat.
Hell yeah.
Let us know how it goes, too.
Fuck yeah. Yeah, for sure thanks guys dude if we're on a boat all making love with our partners in different rooms on the boat is that
technically considered an orgy yeah like you're behind a closed door you're boning your gfs i'm
boning my wife i think you have to be separated by if as long as
there's no doors it's like sort of the you know i wouldn't intrude on your glass doors glass
yeah i think we got to see i think we got to see each other yeah we got to make eye contact
maybe there's like um shared uh appetizers that we can walk out to.
Shrimp cocktail, like a massive one.
We all need to walk out of our respective rooms fully torqued up with bones,
with full-on woodies, see each other at the, you know,
grab a slice of pineapple and be like, cool.
Yeah, and I'll just like cum on both your faces.
I was going to say bust on the windows, but that's even better.
JT Knox. faces i was gonna say bust on the windows that's even better jt knox strider get out here dude i'm about to bust all right dude babe hold on i'll be back just not a fat man you know what dudes let's keep hanging man
that was pretty cool that was he's a nice guy he was a little too worried you won some money
gambling you know i think sometimes people call in and they just have an exciting story they want
to share it was it was cool yeah and i think people uh look we all want to do something that's
kind of illegal and then we also want to talk about it yeah but you can't just brag about doing
something illegal so you got to tack on a question like you're worried about it yeah but you can't just brag about doing something illegal so you got
to tack on a question like you're worried about it yep i i think she'll be stoked that he's so
resourceful yeah he has multiple streams of income it's almost like when your boys are like dude uh
probably like what's the problem it's like i like i had our buddy did this one time we went out to
lunch he's like dude i gotta i just uh
i gotta get these like three girls to stop having sex with me all the time
it's making me like late to things and i was like
dude i had to get to my job at the yard house, but I've been late. But how do I tell my manager I'm always getting fat BJs?
That's why I'm late.
He's like, the problem is I also get BJs from my manager.
And so I can't tell.
It's such a conundrum.
I can't tell my manager that I'm late because I got a BJ
because she likes giving me BJs.
And it's like, she wouldn't even understand, you know?
Yeah, gambling has a stigma it is true if you find out you if you don't gamble and you find out your friends gambling you are like your brain just catastrophizes and you're
like you're gonna lose your house man yeah it's true like you're gonna go to the well and he did
say he loved gambling a little bit too emphatically with a little bit too much emphasis i love gambling all right dude i remember my dad's friends used to come over and i was like i didn't
know what was going on but i could feel it i'd be like 12 and my dad's friend scotty would just be
like too mad that the saints lost and my dad was kind of a like a like love the chaos of it so he'd
kind of pick on that guy like oh saints down 17 what's the spread
oh six oh bad bad and then i just see scotty like oh fucking he's normally like a really like
laughy garrulous guy and he was just like really tense and then he just like sprint off after the
game and i was like i didn't know what game it was but i remember being like someone's off here
dude amazing yeah someone's gonna have to sell something.
Keno, I know Keno from Vegas Vacation.
What is Keno?
Dude, I'm the same way.
I don't know, I'm the same way.
You don't know?
Yeah, I only know it from Vacation
where the guy's like, the money, give me the money.
Oh, that's right.
I've tried to dip my hand and we've done some parlays those are fun they're fun yeah
and nothing i just don't know blackjack well enough so i i just kind of know the rules
it's fun just always hit on you you hit on 16 dude it's the one game where
you're supposed to play with the people around you so yeah like a
yeah a social responsibility to it that is one
thing where i you know probably like five years ago i tried to play i was in vegas for kevin's
wedding and didn't know what i was doing i hit got looks from everyone lost my 20 bucks bounced
it is because when when you do cost everyone the hand at the table and everyone can see it oh yeah
yeah it's uh one of my favorite memories i have is one time we went out to vegas
and uh it was me greg warner joe p reggie and you and strider we went out there we had too big of a
dinner had like just butter all in our systems but we we still wanted to rage. Took a bunch of Molly. I was dancing my head off. We get back to the hotel room. It's like
three or four in the morning. We're all in there. It's like six of us piled into one room.
And then all of a sudden, none of us can find Strider. And he was like,
Oh, that's right.
He was effed up.
Yeah. Did you take Molly?
No.
But I was like nervous. I was like, he wasn't picking up his phone. We're like, where is he?
Where is he? No one could find him. We're like, we got to go get him.
So like all six of us go down to the lobby.
We spread out to look for him.
Like half an hour, we can't find him.
And I'm like, man, this is, it's, you just don't know what's going on.
And then I just hear, oh, yes.
I look over at a blackjack table and five dudes I don't know are all pointing at Strider
going, you're the man.
And Strider's pointing back going oh yeah oh yeah it just made new bros it was like crushing at a table
dude it was incredible they all like they love that i looked like joel osteen and so i was making
a joke and like we wore like dinner jackets that day yeah so i was just breaking those guys balls
i got married man wife's in bed had to come out and gamble they're like you're a madman dude you
got married today i was like yeah just messing around yeah and then yeah dude i was up
like 700 bucks at that point just fucking it was amazing dude then i lost a little bit of it but
that's how good you got to give some back of course wow gambling's kind of the thing huh
yeah it's huge well you know who's making it big is like the milk boys they're like that like they're
big on like the internet gambling i think a bunch of their followers they like get them to like bet
on shit drop i think it's i think it's gotten a spike in the past few years because all those uh
influencers are like always on gambling apps and they're getting paid to do that shit it's all fake
money do it bad it's gonna be a lot of gambling addictions and fantasy leads to it too all these like player props that you can
take on fantasy right uh yeah it's all it's probably not good it's different than we grew
up for sure where it's like look you can do it in las vegas or like you might have a friend's dad
who has a bookie or something like that but it was like did not feel like a big percentage of
the world yeah and now it's like integrated into advertisements in the sports leaguer and cahoots with it it's just all the states let it go now it's bar stools all
over it yeah all these like uh big companies have it as an arm of their thing it's it's too
i was about to say it's too much i don't know if it's too much it's just different yeah i think
it's okay if people can control it it's okay but you can control it yeah well if the whole world
then if it's like the 20s and like everyone's too drunk i understand but if it's uh that's when like horse
racing was the number one sport in the country because it was just gambling everyone was losing
their money in baseball used to be the biggest yeah i think because they play better on the
radio too they do like horse racing on the radio it is pretty amazing and baseball of course guys just telling stories do you remember
do they still talk about gateway because people are saying it's a slippery slope with gambling
yeah do people still say gateway drugs remember weed was a gateway drug oh yeah but it's also like
that's not fair to weed because you have to start somewhere with everything yeah that'd be like kissing's a gateway drug to sex it's like well yeah there's
a progression of things and i would argue i don't think weed is a gateway drug because
you're more in your head and all that kind of stuff i'd say because here's my i think when
when i first was hearing about drugs when i was told about drugs in school they'd be like that general impression was like if you do cocaine once you're fucked yeah yeah you'll
get addicted immediately yeah you'll get addicted you'll go insane and then um then the first time
you do it you're kind of like that was it i think that's the gateway weed is kind of like everyone's
kind of doing it and it gets you a little bit paranoid and stuff
it didn't make me want to like experiment that much further but the other stuff where i'm like
oh that was actually like enjoyable and not that not i didn't go insane so i was like maybe i'll
try the other stuff you know what i mean you know what the gateway drug is is friends right yeah you
gotta hang with the right crowd i was gonna say it's just alcohol once you start drinking booze and stuff like right opened you up to everything like yeah
some people only drink for their whole life yeah some people never have a drink
would you would you guys find meaning in a life where you had only had sex with one person your whole life you had never tried alcohol yeah probably man like a more like
religiously based kind of I think be cool conservatism yeah that often does get folded
into the religious fold because probably that's what I'm from but if it's not like that then you
there's other ways to go with it it's like like, dude, yeah, you can be a dude.
Just not have to booze or whatever.
Mormon people look great.
They look great.
They age well.
I do.
When people say they've never tried drinking before, they're like, I've never been drunk.
It is kind of a, you don't even want to experience that.
You don't want to know what it feels like.
Yeah.
That is what goes off in my head.
I'm like, how do you have that control unless they had like an alcoholic dad or something yeah yeah i guess the mistake i made was saying having sex with one person because i'd be like
well i only drink wine it'd be more like what if you could you go your whole life never drinking
and never having sex i mean do you jay off no you don't bust you don't drink so you're like
trying to be like a monk.
Even monks drank.
Monks made all the best beer.
Monks got fucked up.
Right.
They changed it on St. Paddy's Day once because it felt on a Friday during Lent that you were
allowed to have beer to celebrate St. Paddy.
I love that.
Or you were allowed to have corned beef.
That's what it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you're not allowed to eat meat on Friday.
They're like, we'll let it go on St. Paddy's.
I was like, what do you mean?
You're going to let it go? I know. God will do you gonna let it go i know god will understand i'm like
who's coming up with this ish i oh i want to say this i pick on i'm fired up now let's go dude
i pick on christianity sometimes do christians have the best sense of humor about their own
religion though definitely like you can't even say some gods and other religious you can't say it they're
like don't do it yeah like yeah I think Christians you know we pick on them I pick on them I grew up
Catholic that's part of why I do it just cuz it's actually my past so it's it feels right for that
but actually a pretty good sense of humor about themselves yeah maybe they don't laugh but they
don't you know I think it doesn't turn into ba-ba-ba that often Christians and Jews I don't laugh but they don't you know it doesn't turn into that often christians and jews
i don't know about right now with jewish people i think they're pretty sensitive at this moment
in time right yeah because i guess the whole thing of right there's that i guess i was thinking of
larry davis i'm a jew yeah but i'm talking about what an outsider also picks on him too right oh right right yeah
yeah yeah he's got the authenticity but it's yeah it's tough dude i mean i i i'll stumble
upon like christian instagram there's some hilarious like there's like preachers you know
who will like do like that you know that that classic thing that's going around where it's like
it it looks like a horse is flipping or whatever.
And they pop in and he's like, let's pray.
He's on roller skates and he's like, I'm going to pray with you.
And you're like, this is a good time.
Growing up Catholic, I did really want to go to a Southern Baptist or Pentecostal church.
Where they're just really getting their emotions out. catholic church no emotion oh no no they drain it sand up sit down
kneel bend over and part of the genuflection is being like very sober right yep dude i had a
friend who said we shouldn't even be singing at church no when you sing you pray twice some
catholics think you don't you don't sing and
that was my favorite part always yeah it's a little respite although it makes the church go
way longer you're like dude if we don't do these songs we can get out of here but when they play
a hit like heart of worship oh yeah dude oh bro and you know Christmas mass you get a little joy
to the world at the end you're like I'm fired up I'm fired up dude it's true there's some good ones
I mean I it you're having a blast if when
you're having a blast i think that's that's the best part did you grow up go to church no that's
kind of cool yeah i know i asked my mom i went to episcopalian school so i would go to chapel
in the morning and then um i asked my mom once because all my friends were going to uh the
the saturday sunday school whatever because to get
into the high school you had to like it was it was a jesuit high school it was literally named
jesuit and uh so you had to like prove that you were like in the church scene and um i asked my
mom i was like can we go to church i want to like you know what this is i want to check it out we went once i was like i'm good yeah he's like do you like it i'm like no the oc ones were smart
like the uh saddleback church which is like a huge one it gets like 40 000 attendees a weekend
yeah it's like a mega one they had a whole like just tent for the teenagers and we'd all go in
there as 12 year olds i went when i spent the night at my friend Spencer's house.
Yeah.
His family would take me to church,
which was hilarious.
And then,
uh,
do you just hang out in there?
And it's like a party.
Yeah.
They,
they marketed it.
Right.
They knew what they were doing.
That is what I'd asked friends about it.
And it sounded like you,
you were like close to getting a handjob.
I was about to say,
you go to wild rivers for the Saturday night.
Yeah.
Saddleback party.
And you might finger somebody. I was like, my crush goes, I might, you know, about to say you go to wild rivers for the saturday night yeah saddleback party and you
might finger somebody yeah i was like my crush goes i might you know did you remember freak
dancing best bro my first freak dance i got the freak dance with my crush sam and uh had a fat
boner dude dude for sure he noticed healthy dude oh she definitely noticed cool dances dude when
i was in middle school dude I'd be
freak dancing did to Cisco fucking manga boys did oh for some reason I imagine
you looking exactly the same I did I always look the same I was just a little
bit skinnier dude they're a same yeah you have an age today appreciate that
dude appreciate that it's all the freaking cocaine that
i do dude dude you still freak dance with your wife absolutely absolutely that's what keeps me
young dance just dance baby it's huge man i i i went to the bars by myself on saturday night the
kids and the wife were asleep and i just went to some different San Clemente bars.
And I got into a dance circle with some strangers
just to feel it.
Let's go.
It got a lot of tension out of my body.
It's nice.
You need it.
Dude, people, you have to dance.
You have to release that.
It felt really good.
I got on the floor for like,
I met a random guy who was,
he literally looked at me,
he's like, are you wandering solo?
I was like, yeah.
He's like, yeah, I'm just in town.
And we just started walking together.
No way. Nice kid from Temecula in medical sales.
Dude, nice.
Classic that he's in sales.
What did he try to get you with later?
No, I'm kidding.
No, he was chill.
He was young.
Which bar did you go to?
I went to Red Fox, Hennessy's.
Nice.
I forget what the other ones in San Clemente were called.
They're fun, though.
San Clemente's got a scene.
We never went to those when we were that age. We always went went to like it was like territorial like if you went there like dudes
were tough it felt like what are you doing here the kid from temecula was nervous he's like he's
like are people gonna try to fight me i was like no but i felt it too though i was because you get
a mix of like young marines like no we'll be all right you get like young marines walked with the
marine for a little bit he did not like us exactly and then you get the tough oc bros like with the brimmed hat and then that mixes and it could
be fights i did have this when i was in the bar and i looked around at all the people and i was
only there for like 20 minutes but when i looked around i was like can you believe we come here to
get laid yeah like how preposterous that is to go to a bar you could see everyone in there was like
a little bit they were needy for something yes and and i was like the idea that i used to go to a bar you could see everyone in there was like a little bit they were needy
for something yes and and i was like the idea that i used to go into bars every weekend and be like
i'm gonna try and bring someone home i know dude exactly i know it's such a fight against the odds
dude when you actually do start making out with someone at the bar
oh dude hand around there yeah we made out so chill then we're gonna cruise out
it's hard not to like to you have to fight that feeling after you make out with someone to like
stay humble oh dude totally and then you want like to do the arm around like you gotta let
your boys know you're like when you first get a girlfriend you go to the bar oh yeah and you're
like yeah hey baby want a bud light cool i'll take a gnt yeah get her a gnt get a girlfriend you go to the bar oh yeah and you're like yeah hey baby want
a bud light cool i'll take a gnt yeah get her a gnt yeah bud light guys we're gonna cut out early
and fuck yeah exactly you can be so chill too you're like dude like oh you guys are gonna try
to get laid and stuff cool dude i'm gonna take jackie home i'll see you guys later dude no i'm
only gonna have one bud light gotta drive jackie home in the truck so i'll see you guys later dude no i'm only gonna have one bud light gotta drive jackie home in
the truck so i'll see you later dude dude i i knew bros were such animals they'd roll up on a dude
who had his arm around a chick and start making out with that chick whoa yeah it was savage dude
but like you just you realize it's prison dude one of the best moves that our buddy one of our buddies ever pulled fucking um remember
freaking um blathan with his lacrosse stick hot dog on a stick yep he'd cruise in with his lacrosse
stick put it down and just post up at the bar and dude it was awesome we used to waterboard him with it we'd put the net over his face and just pour 40s on him wax dude so chill wax is so sick tape up his wrist in case he got in a fight but that night
cradle it remember geach would bring a retainer that guy geach geach would bring a retainer
a fucking mouthpiece a real guy oh no no you're mixing two do oh yeah which one is it conley
brought the mouthpiece to parties conley geach was the guy who was a greaser oh yeah and our
friend was gonna like was gonna get in a fight with this other guy over a girl it was not a big
deal and geach pulled up to the del taco we were at and he got out of the car with like two body
guards he was like we're settling this shit tonight it was amazing bro he's like i'm the
general of fight and did i remember me and you looked at each other we're like
fuck is this fucking guy like why does he think he's the king of the fight it's like just let
these two idiots fight each other i know i don't even think they're gonna look what we're not gonna
have is you two beefing okay out at parties i'm gonna go talk to the manager of del taco
sanction off an area in the eatery outside we're not going to get crazy inside we'll fight
afterwards we'll feast it will be settled our friend clinton who is going to get in the scrap
when i say his name to you what comes to mind that fat thick coke can cock
or how i'm seriously at a coke can or how nice his hair was that too yeah
he did have also he had an effeminate energy he had a funny way of moving
yeah he was tough though he was he was into racing and pick up basketball no like when he
went back door cut on you he'd slap your back really yeah it's hooking you're not allowed to
do that geach it might be the best name i've ever heard each geach dude guy was a beast what's he up to
now still greasing would that be fun if he's still probably a little bit 20 years later he's
at the la river just yes that's such a choice dude to be like yeah that okay this kind of brings us
full circle to your point earlier like as a teenager to go like straight edge or like greaser
like i don't drink
or anything i do this those guys like energy needs to come out some way out of the system
like it's gonna escape somehow those guys were always the most obsessed with fighting
and always just the horniest angriest dudes they were like like they like because they they wanted
everyone wanted chicks you know what i mean like the way that we did it was we drank and hung out
and we're fucking tight not condoning drinking underage but at least like i don't know but like
these other guys fucking would draw little x's on their hand tuck their shirts in and just be weird
if you started straight edge and you're still straight edge at a certain point it turns where
like i'm like maybe i should have done that yeah yeah but i don't know if i couldn't
it's crazy to commit to that at 16 totally yeah that's what i mean just to be to be so committed
at 16 yeah like i wasn't committed to anything no yeah you can't say no i was like dude
i don't even know what i was doing jake what were you doing
16 yeah hunting no i was actually a pretty big party animal like my group of friends was the uh
the party group um smoking a lot of weed for sure yeah what would you do like shack one bowl a week
and call yourself a stoner no no we have an ounce in our pocket we we had some weed back in the day
but what we would do is we'd have a hookah you know like a big ass hookah
i remember hated hookah yeah we'd put weed in the bowl and eventually like someone would puke
because it's so strong and then we'd write the name on the hookah and one time my friend puked
on his dog so we put his dog's name on it too nice dude i remember the first time i tried to
smoke weed yeah so these dudes in Central Park.
They had a hookah.
I'm like, I'm going to put some weed in there.
Hit it.
And everyone was acting, you know, we were like 15.
Everyone was acting so high.
This one guy had pond headphones.
He's like, he's like, he's having a seizure.
He's like, oh, oh.
Oh, God.
I hit it.
I didn't feel it.
I didn't get high.
You know, are you feeling it?
I'm like, yeah. Oh, like yeah oh dude yeah exactly i'm so
high oh my god well you have to fake it a little bit because you don't know what it is until it
happens i i was like i don't know what's going on here i feel the same that happened to me a
couple times with a couple different things where i was like i think it's yeah yeah yeah i think i'm
feeling it but then you know sometimes older kids will go, no. Dude, that's the worst.
When you get caught faking it.
Oh, the older kid comes in, you don't act like that when you're high.
Yeah.
It makes you chill while you're acting all energetic, laughing and stuff.
Meanest prank of all time.
We had a dean who was kind of a square.
And I heard that she had gone to our high school when she was younger.
And I guess the cool kids, when she was in high school, brought her to a party.
And they had a keg of O'Doul's.
And they just kept feeding
her that and then she acted super drunk at the party and then everyone was like fake beer oh
fuck when you get called out she got truman showed dude yeah dude those teenagers are savage that's
cruel yeah how do you come back i don't think you can come back she became a dean she became a yeah
dude that's what you do they ruined her yeah she's like i'm gonna ground she's
like she's trying to still trying to give those kids detentions dude they're like i'm 48 now
jay nasty i always caught out the guys faking the inhale you know what i've been having an
interesting moral crisis lately i don't i used to feel like i was a big bully in high school
i was like and i and i was always trying to make peace with that, like reconcile if I hurt people's
feelings or if I picked on them and thinking of myself as more of a perpetrator. Lately,
I don't know what switched. I've been thinking I was actually more the bullied person.
And I've been trying to work my way through those feelings.
It's probably both.
And I don't know which one's more true, but I actually think it's sadder to feel like the
bullied person and that's almost why I think I told myself I was the bully for so long
because it's easier to think no I was inflicting damage rather than to think I was
like a victim of it true yeah that you went to so many high schools so maybe you just felt like
an outsider or something no it's very popular at both schools but that's a good that is true yeah yeah maybe it went both ways maybe you were bullied
by some and then you bullied down i think so yeah i think that's how i was i think i was uh
i think i was there was like a group like usually the hockey kids classic they're so sick they wore timberlands oh head flow
yeah the help the hair sticking out of the helmet huge ass yeah you know that t-rex posture where
they're just they're so cool i could you know i tried i was i was close but i couldn't i couldn't
level up to them i they were just slanging and um so i was always kind of
like a little bit bullied by them but then i took it down i took it you know yeah i took it out on
other kids how it travels stress travels down you talked about the gorillas that you saw one time
yep yeah yeah i forget what it was like these orangutans this like very isolated population
and then yeah like the guy like literally goes home like yells at his wife and like bullies his kids after getting like bullied by the alpha
is incredible like holy shit dude it's in our dna what about you were you uh um i definitely
probably bullied more than got bullied but probably a little bit but jt is a more sensitive
guy i remember when you would always talk about oh about i'd be like you didn't bully that bad and then like no we did that i'm
like that's not even that bad you're like it's pretty bad yeah we were living together when i
was having my whole like oh my god like i gotta make up to these people these mean and i've been
sometimes very rarely i was worse but sometimes in a story i'd be like that was terrible what i
did to that person shot i was like i was with you it was fine yeah also i'd be like dude that's really like i was the
dude being like that's hilarious dude like get him dude yeah like like you know we'd make dudes like
uh yeah i don't want to say like all the crazy stuff but like nothing that insane but
it was regular but it was yeah yeah it was extra yeah
yeah don't bully be not you know try to be nice and it's hard and so much of life is
a power struggle and especially when you're in high school and there's that proximity and the
intensity of the the what's going on inside you oh for sure yeah you're literally doesn't excuse
hormonal but it's uh i think we all feel like we're underwater a bit yeah at least i did coming
and it's okay to make mistakes then you you deal with them and you have to forgive yourself
for both.
You know,
self-forgiveness is tough.
It's easier for me
to forgive the bully side right now.
Whatever stage I'm at in my life,
I'm like,
yeah,
but why would you get bullied?
You should have done something about that.
I just don't,
I don't remember high school.
Yeah,
you're lucky.
You're eternal sunshine
of the spotless mind.
I just don't remember.
You probably bullied so hard, dude.
Probably. You probably beat up those hockey kids. You probably bullied so hard, dude. Probably.
You probably beat up those hockey kids.
You probably cross-checked them.
You know how I get.
Yeah, you get nasty out there, bro.
Doty tapping kids, Doty.
We were waiting to get an Uber to the stand-up show in DC
and you were just slapping the driver.
Yeah.
Laughing.
He's driving slow.
You're like, just come on, make me stop.
Make me stop.
You go, don't use
your turn signal i'll be your turn signal and you'd hit his right side of his head or his left
side of the head i could smell that's when he turned i could smell his insecurity he was going
to merge and he looked behind him i'm like you don't fucking look don't look just do it trust
me i'll tell you do what i say yeah dodie tapping the driver yeah got good rating too
no tip that was shocking to me that he gave you
five stars after you doty tapped i mean that's you know when you just when it's natural what
it's just confidence you know it's just confidence where you just gotta own them so true dude is it
too reckless if a new movement is we're bringing back the Dodie tap? Fuck. Howdy.
Fuck.
Dude.
Dude, it was the worst, bro.
You know, Adam Turby got me so bad one time.
It wasn't funny.
No, it's not funny.
It's like it hurts.
And then the guy gets you a little bit too much.
The guy gets you and he's like, oh.
He was just walking past me a passing period.
Just bop.
And then I was like, oh, oh.
And I dropped and he was like, oh. But he was like older than me. And he was like, you're going passing period just pop and then i was like oh oh and i dropped and he was like oh but he was like older than me and he was like you're gonna be the next me
yeah what he meant by that is we both got kicked out of school
what's crazy though is like an older dude did it to you it meant that he like saw you and
recognized you though no if they if they liked you and they thought you had potential they're
like we're gonna beat the fuck out of you for a while if you weren't getting doty dude was a
problem other dudes were walking around being like hey adam hey adam i was like no i'm the
lucky one you like yeah i i i if we had we're on the tom brady roast i would have doughty tapped him
oh yeah just to feel those nuts yeah
yeah i'll take a whiz while you dial sorry this thing on the bullying part i think what bothers
me the most is uh certain things that were said whether it be like race or like things that now
i think are stupid but at the time i was so young i was like oh bro you know you'd call someone a
name but now you're like what the fuck that that was the stupidest lingo you could have used yeah more more than the actual action it was what was said
well you know i think a lot of times with young people they don't even have any malice behind it
they're just getting juice out of saying the thing you're not supposed to yeah and so it's it's like
kind of like a it's just an immature high where you're like i can't believe this guy's edgy enough
to say that stuff yeah especially where i'm from too it's like very uh quote unquote hick or like redneck
so there's a lot of people who would like you know be racist to a point yeah and their dads
were like racist to a point so you would just like kind of be around it and then you'd say it
and you'd be like what the what the fuck does that even mean right yeah yeah yeah we had that
in orange county too and people thought they were ballsy for being racist there was almost like a Like, what the fuck does that even mean? Right. You have no idea. Yeah. Yeah, we had that in Orange County, too.
And people thought they were ballsy for being racist.
There was almost like an edgelord status for it.
Right.
I remember that.
Yeah.
You know, when we went on the Ellen show, I looked back at my Facebook from, like, high school.
I was, like, nervous, you know?
Yeah.
What did I say? I don't remember it was funny looking at how my friends i used to talk this is the internet posting on each other's
walls i won't i can't say it no of course not but i was like is that how i used to talk
you know looking at that i'm like how did my even like, how did he not just send me to fucking military school?
I know.
It's got to be tough for adults.
Yeah.
You know, but it's consistent.
When my cousin Danny, when he was like 18, remember he came to stay with me for like a week when we had the Brea show?
Yeah.
He was like, you and your friends are all pussies.
He's Colombian.
Right, right.
And he lives in Coral Gables, Miami.
He's like, you guys are all pussies.
He's like, you guys won't say shit. Yeah. You guys are like scared to say like crazy. He's like, you guys are all pussies. He's like, you guys won't say shit.
You guys are like scared to say like crazy.
He's like, me and my friends, we like say the N word.
I love you, Danny.
And he probably doesn't say it.
He's a little older now.
But I was like, look, man, we're going to the Los Feliz coffee shop.
There might be some black dudes there.
You think you can keep it together while we cook some food?
Yeah.
I know.
It is like looking back on like teen years you're just like even like even like who i
was in college i i look back at who i was now i'm like i'm like it feels it looks like it felt like
i was on like autopilot you know what i mean i like i had no no like frontal lobe no awareness
i think that's true in terms of the development like it's not all the way there yet and some
people are it's crazy that everyone's together and some people are slower in their development
of those things like some people are adults yeah at 16 i was far far well and also the having the
when you're that age having the foresight to be like no i want to work hard to be a doctor or
something like that crazy it's insane that you should you should start really learning
or taking like they should make it so
after you're like 22 or something because that's when i was interested in learning
yeah i'm wondering about that like should i wish i would have started stand up when i was 16
dude yeah i mean you get that what would i have talked about no yeah
yeah i don't know i would have been racist doty tapping would have been racist yeah yeah
thank god i mean that was right around like louis right yeah so he probably would have been you know
his his whole bit about uh his bit about the n-word i'm like i gotta do that yeah i have to
talk about that it's like no dude it's funny like i'll be like man i started too late and then it's
like well think about who you were when you didn't start it's probably better that's
not on record it is crazy yeah it is crazy to think like some of these people started at 16
i'm like chappelle yeah i'm like what were you like that'd be interesting to see i think there
were you know we we lost him but uh someone we knew who was a really talented stand-up
who yeah passed away but he was like that he started
at like 16 i'm talking about jack and uh oh yeah he was just crazy yeah charismatic possessed he
already felt cooler than everybody he was around when he was like a teenager yeah he wasn't quite
that young but he was real really young when he started maybe getting on stage at that age
gives you that kind of confidence a little bit, that kind of charisma.
Because it does that basing that if you're 16 and you're already getting on stage in front of people doing stand up, that's got to give you some kind of weird confidence over people.
Yeah.
Too much, right?
Yeah.
Or luckily you find a lesson earlier in life two years in, you're like, this ain't for me.
Right.
It's not too late.
You just go out and do a different career.
My buddy Drew Landry, he had a good tweet
where he was like, Stevie Wonder wrote his first hit at 12.
Eddie Murphy was the best person on SNL at 19.
It's never too early to quit your dreams.
Guys, I'm interrupting this podcast
to let you know once again
that we are in Philadelphia
tonight.
If you haven't gotten tickets, you better get on them.
ChadandJT.com.
We're in Boston tomorrow.
If you haven't gotten tickets, get on them.
ChadandJT.com.
We're going to be in San Diego June 27th to the 29th at American Comedy Co.
Five shows, I believe.
Is it five?
I think so.
Yeah, we start on Thursday.
Five shows. Get your tickets. ChadandJT.com. comedy co five shows i believe is it five i think so yeah we start on thursday five shows get your
tickets chad and jt.com also we are brought to you by the legends at home chef guys i made a
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must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert yeah what up what up i i've got a little
life situation i could use some counsel on let's go like how you started fast yeah oh did i introduce myself or no no no i don't know the
procedure all right well about six months ago i had a buddy come over to my house and
things were going well but after late in the night uh he he broke one of my dad's prized possessions
and it was it's an irreplaceable and it's not like he did it out of any harm or ill will it was just an accident and given that he was involved with uh something of similar manner
around a couple years prior i uh erected a temporary ban for him from my house and my
basement and some time has gone on since then he's he's allowed me into his house plenty of
times and he's a good kid but you know i'm just
not sure how to proceed just because i know that you know if he gets going at a night i'm not sure
i can trust his actions how long do you think i should should keep this this ban up for
dude great question i this is an undiagnosed thing in me i have this and in a lot of young
people who are younger than me it's they'll try to call you
add they'll try to call you bipolar what you are is dumb and clumsy i am dumb and clumsy i break
things and i will never not break things i've only learned to curb it i think you just got to party
proof your basement bro yeah if he's coming over you got to move your dad's shit i mean i don't
know how fucking big it is or this or that, but like... He ain't going to learn.
I think it's a lifetime.
He was all
about apologizing. I can tell, you know,
he was absolutely sincere
in making up for it and
everything like that. He's a good guy, but he's
going to keep breaking things. People
don't change that way.
You really think people don't change
that way? No, because we have buddies like
that i still break things in our other buddy abom like he's gonna knock stuff over it's just the way
we are fool me once fool me twice bro you can't let it happen you can't now it's you got to take
ownership unfortunately dude you stay friends with them but you party proof the house and when you
guys are traveling together you tell them the flight's two hours earlier than it actually is yeah i'll tell you this do you think yeah no go ahead i was gonna say do you
think that there's a moment beforehand where you i kind of have to like lay down the law and like
like let him or like that might bring down his his stoke beforehand and it might not make the
hangout as fun i i think you party proof and let his stoke fly and i think i'll tell you this when i was 16 i got drunk and i duked on my sister-in-law's
grandma's quilt very brave to talk about yeah that's brave thank you for bringing that up yeah
and she had passed a couple years it was oh man it was a big big and i'll tell you this i felt
super bad about it but did i poop my pants after that you better believe it
okay so this guy guarantee feels bad but he will shit his pants again and here's the thing we love
you for it like i love that you still duke your pants and this guy who breaks stuff i'm sure he
brings a lot of good vibes and energy to the party you do need him i have to yeah it it was the the three hours before the the incident as i call it it was probably one of the
the best hangouts i've ever had yeah no he's the great guy bro this guy's great but he's gonna he
will he's these people fuck shit up yeah they're free that's why we love them but with that freedom
yeah shit gets fucked up yep i just gotta accept him for who he is
maybe have your party in the backyard fence it off have like a wrestling pit in there something
you can get his energy out maybe a bouncy house a collar like a dog collar that shocks collar so
he goes in the house you shock him but make it strong so he passes out because he's gonna play
with that you know he's gonna like like the shock in maybe a sexual way.
You're worried he might push the boundaries there
and it'll take over?
Yeah. He'll find a way to fuck something up.
That's all I know.
He'll find a way.
Party proof the basement.
Let him hang out and just be ready, dude.
Try to foresee it.
Thank you.
I really appreciated that. Thank you. Of course. Lock your dad's prized possessions away, dude. Try to foresee it. Thank you. Try to foresee it. I really appreciated that. Thank you.
Of course. Lock your dad's
prized possessions away, dude.
Yeah, your dad hates this guy. Guaranteed.
Oh, my goodness.
It was tense air for a minute
there afterwards.
Well, your dad thinks he's going to make you stupid, too.
Yeah.
Let him make you smart.
He's actually going to make you smart exactly you're gonna fucking
find defenses and ways to help this guy and it puts you in a managerial role where you're watching
out for people which is helping your executive function big time and yeah i think by the next
time he's over i'll be more vigilant observant than i think i ever probably will be yes sir
they're they're positives in this i think absolutely yes all positives you got a great
friend there besides your grandma's urn yeah exactly what got broken dude that's what i'm
wondering still are you allowed to say yeah i could say it's because it's not even a money
thing you know what it was it was it was a guitar that he played and the thing about guitars is
they're very particular instruments well your dad's guitar got busted yeah bro wait did he pick it up and
smash it like as a joke no no he stumbled on it okay okay okay that's pretty tough he like stepped
on it yeah like like like carelessness yeah bro pretty hilarious to break carelessness dude
yeah bro you can't be breaking the guitar what the fuck yeah no that's yeah because think about
you know i i said
i went he he was i i went out there and i bought him a new one but you know not no two guitars
played a thing no no no no exactly dude no no that's your dad's a good guy your dad's the man
this guy needs to fucking figure it out dude he's got your buddy's got to either drink less dude
or you know i don't know that's not that's not it's true so so yeah i don't want to i don't
want to hold him back just imagine he's wearing cargo shorts stomping on stuff so the guitar
it's because your dad is like tailored to him specifically like when you have a good guitar
i'll give you i'll give you exactly he said he has he has around five guitars in the basement
of like various things when he was growing up and had them and i i totally broke it and he said
which one i told him it was you know
the big baby taylor made whatever and he goes that's the only one i play really and so that
that kind of broke my soul that's well so did your dad at all your dad seems like he's really
nice was your dad at all like hey no more parties or no more hangs no i i kind of put that in myself
just because i could i could good point well yeah
because yeah don't take your dad for granted that he's so chill dude have you made your friend talk
to your dad yeah my my friend yeah he actually did he thought he wrote a letter he was a real
good man letter good man good man that's what i mean like you can tell it was an accident it's
just you know it was just nature he will continue to break things yep don't get him on an atv yeah no yeah keep keep him outside keep him outside yeah i was
thinking about like an outside you know maybe like a like a trial run of sorts trial run let
me see what he's get the aggression out these sock and boppers yeah i was thinking you put
gloves on him you put moon boots on him and some kind of like helmet situation yeah maybe a mouth guard so he can't bite yep smart smart maybe get one of those like mcdonald's ball pits like get a
little little kid swimming pool and put balls in there and let him sit in that maybe like right at
the beginning find a way for him to get all that out maybe maybe bring some some slightly less
valuable breakable thing to get it out of the way maybe like change the mojo that shiny stuff you
got to confuse them shiny objects let them
break that you know false vases stuff on amazon let him stumble into a ton of shit so he's let
you know what that's what you got to do get something that looks valuable but isn't make
him break it right when he gets in the basement so then he then he's on thin ice he then he feels
like shit i already fucked this up and you go dude dude fuck but
really it's not valuable yeah and then he'll be he'll be more dialed back that yeah the rest that
night i i got an idea too based off that it's bring shit out there in the backyard for him to
fuck up i'm thinking office space scene smart they fuck up the printer or the fact the copy
yeah yeah to give him a baseball bat and like an old computer and just go to town yeah i i call it the the the three you know on the three m's no machine guns
no motors no microphones i love that they they'll do a toast and if you if you find if he finds a girl to cool off on yep and he tries to go in
your house to do it tell him to use the tree oh absolutely that's when the collar goes off yeah
again against the tree outside yeah all right man good luck out there a little cheated area
yeah thank you very much good dude good guy dude i really like the energy of that guy's voice he is fun there's something about he's a
he's he's living he's throwing parties i was gonna say uh contrary to what you guys were saying is
don't put him in an environment where he gets hyped up because when we went to ohio jt was at
this place with a bunch of yard games a slide dude got fucking wasted and took a full beer down
the slide and shattered
a glass on his face so if there was no slide i think we would have been in the clear but since
it was there and available jt used it oh how stoked did you get when you saw that yeah uh i was like
what the fuck just happened and the bouncer was like get out of here i'll say this though
seeing beer come down the slide hilarious on top of that
gang kicked out hilarious it's a good story and it's also columbus yeah they needed it yeah i was
fucked up i remember that was right before my kids were born yeah oh yeah you're letting it out
i gotta take a whiz too take one dude i would also like to say i'm i i hate to even throw this in but i my nope you're not gonna do
it no you shut all that you checked cut all that i love it see that's great that's maturity knowing
when gotta know when to hold them no one when to fold them. What else is up, man?
Chilling, dude.
Little anniversary.
Fucking hanging, maximum relaxing.
What do you think about these rip and dip bagels?
Have you had them yet?
No, you were talking about them.
So it's kind of the rage.
There's a couple different spots that are doing it.
It's funny because it's kind of just took this concept of like,
oh, someone brought a dozen bagels home and like lazily instead of toasting it,
I'm just going to rip it off and like dunk it in the the cream cheese it's kind of like what i hate it my siblings doing
like if you did that as like one of my siblings i'd be like i'm gonna fucking but these bagels
are more designed for like i think they're already toasted and it looks like right now in this
picture it's a personal dipping thing which is fine oh so they were you guys would get i love
bagels exactly and they would put it in the collective half pint or whatever?
Yeah, like my brother would just go, put it in there.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
Andrew would do that?
No, it's my younger brother, dude.
Matt, dude.
The younger brother would do it?
Unacceptable, dude.
Yeesh.
Unacceptable.
But dude, it looks dank, bro.
I imagine they got different flavored like uh cream cheeses and shit
i mean i do love a good bagel dude scallion cream cheese let's go dude talking bagels yeah
the rip and dips jt's got what's the place in la that you go to so i go to wake and late
but there's another place that's popular called pops and then there's another one called calic
i'm gonna try it i gotta listen to espresso by sabrina carpenter oh you haven't that's where i
got a my give a fucks around vacation it's a banger yeah it's barry keegan's girlfriend
nice dude yeah can we put that on for a second that'll get us fired up for the
the final stretch got a nice hose that's what it's all about that's what it's all about what body of water they are
though look in the background it's like a fucking city reservoir that they're at nice that's
drinking water dude that looks like the location isn't it dude you know what though this is a
really problematic video for my men's club that i'm going to go to every second Wednesday of the month.
She kicks this guy off the boat who seems like a nice guy.
He's obviously letting her drive his boat.
And then all these cabana boys are just serving them.
I mean, come on, I'm really upset.
I felt the same way after seeing the movie Hustlers.
Really upset.
Speaking of which.
Oh, come on.
Bennifer.
really upset dude speaking of which come on bennifer oh dude i was re-watching the um
you know the iconic paparazzi moment where ben slams the car door after she gets in classic i didn't watch the end where he talks about paparazzi he's like you got it all right you got enough
oh that's so good dude dude. You got it, bro. Come on. I love how he's just so shamelessly miserable everywhere.
It's helped him in a bit.
Yeah.
Because we kind of feel bad for him.
Yeah.
You know, he's funny. I think he's so upset about the paparazzi and the attention.
Yeah.
This is what everyone's projecting onto it. None of this could be true. But the narrative
is that he hates all the attention. But then he dates someone like J-Lo whose whole life is built onto it. None of this could be true, but the narrative is that he hates all the attention, but then he dates someone like JLo whose whole life is built around it.
Yeah.
And to me,
what that is,
is like,
so when he was with Jennifer Garner,
everyone says she's like the nicest person ever.
Yeah.
But that was too stable for him to boring for him.
So he started using again,
he started gambling,
drinking and he,
because he needed that chaos.
I think being with JLo gives him that sensation of chaos so he
doesn't drink and doesn't gamble because there's enough negative excitement in there right but so
she's kind of like the substitute uh addiction he needs that he needs that she gives him all that
turmoil that his body's used to well he's saying i've i saw um i saw uh an article saying that he I don't know if he's actually arguing this but
they're saying that he argued that he was in a state of like temporary psychosis yeah he's like
insanity temporary insanity when he married her and the past two years have just been like whoa
so I don't know he seems to like that I love him he's like one of my favorite people yeah i
just i love him i like the i like his taste i like his expression i like when he kind of loses
it on tv like at the roast or on bill maher or on bill simmons show he'll just go nuts sometimes
i love when he just fucking smokes a sig it just looks like the weight of the world is on him it's amazing sigs are back sigs are back it's funny that um matt damon seems to like even keeled compared to him
that's probably why they're good buds right
he's just the best dude it's so good and dude he's been so good in so many roles dude
oh he's awesome he's pretty
jacked too which i love looking through the pain of existence it's the best dude
dude aren't paparazzi's just the worst most annoying the schmoles of society we're gonna
make money off for capturing you at like your lowest moments yeah sucks it's funny we're gonna make money after capturing you at like your lowest moments yeah sucks it's funny
we're all paparazzi now too yeah and i mean there's a market for it there's a reason paparazzis do it
we want to see it i guess it's a society i would like to be paparazzi for a day that must feel
good that's a good fucking lyric bro that should go in that girl's song yeah my kids are on vacation gonna paparazzi for a day yeah
well won't text me back don't care what you say me and my girls are out being paparazzi for a day
that's a fucking good ass lyric dude print it print it i got a question for you guys what do
you think about the the rise of the wmba and did you hear the story about the chick the chick who said that paparazzi was harassing
her when it was just a guy asking if she was going to apologize for an action on the court
well it's annoying he's probably being annoying about it the guy's probably like are you hey dude
will you will you though is this the same girl that jacked up caitlin clark yeah yeah but she's
annoying oh that girl's unreal the the non-basketball play it's like what are you doing that's yeah
that's what i'm talking about.
And Jake's bringing it up because Jake is an Iowa guy.
He loves Kaitlyn Clark.
Look, I love Kaitlyn Clark, too.
I can't believe she's not on the national team.
So stupid.
What are you doing?
Why would you, like...
Maybe they, like, really are protecting her
unless there's something going on behind the scenes
in her games, not ready.
But I'm like, there's, like, a girl on the team
who's been to six Olympics, and she's, like, 41.
And it's like, she's done caitlyn clark fucking play even if she's not even if she's gonna ride the bench like
she brings eyes dude it's such chick shit it's just total shit like like they put what's his
name latiner on the dream team like he sucks He shouldn't have been on the dream team. And granted, like, I guess Michael and Larry and guys
didn't want Isaiah Thomas on there.
But like, you fucking put Caitlin Clark
on the American team.
Like, what are you talking about?
She's getting mean-girled.
Yeah, it's ridiculous, dude.
Like, the cool girl team is like,
hey, we don't like that you're the new girl
and you're getting all the attention.
So we're going to ostracize you for a little bit.
So you learn how to like play by our rules.
But is she responsible for the rise of the WNBA?
Yes.
That's why they're mad.
Why are there more?
Like, yeah, dude.
I mean, I do like the other players are good.
Like the girl from Stanford and then the other girl who fucking went to LSU that they beat.
Angel Reese. I beat Angel Reese.
I like Angel Reese.
I like how much attitude she brings on the court. Yeah, I like it too.
And she's a good player.
But I'm like, dude, Caitlin Clark is a stud.
And Angel Reese has some bad takes.
She'll say things where I'm like, well, that's not it.
But I still think overall,
she's super additive to the experience of watching.
And hasn't, isn't Caitlin Clark the number one overall pick, which means she went to
the worst team in the league?
Like the Indiana fever, like terrible.
And she was getting bodied those first couple of games.
Like, of course, everyone's going to come at her.
Yeah.
Like we need to give her time to develop.
Like, what is it?
NBA?
It takes what?
Two, three seasons.
You know, I will say, I don't think that the aesthetic quality of the WNBA is very good. And it's not
because I don't like women's sports. I love watching women's tennis. I like watching women's
soccer. I love watching women's volleyball. There's something about the lack of verticality
that hurts the viewing experience, but doesn't hurt it in volleyball. In volleyball, it looks
like they're soaring out of the gym and the movements look incredible. Also in soccer. I mean, maybe there's some of the balls kicked a little harder
and maybe my eyes aren't trained for soccer, but I watch women's soccer regularly with my wife.
I love it. Well, yeah, because it's a horizontal playing field. So if you watch the sprinting,
if you watch Sheree Richardson, it looks incredible when she's sprinting. I feel like
it just doesn't work as great in basketball.
You know what, though? That's the thing about Caitlin Clark, though.
I think because she absolutely reigns
threes like Steph. The stretch. That you're like,
this is fucking unreal. The way she stretches the
court is great. And it's a thing like,
you know, you get the misogynistic
moron guys like, dude, put me out
there and I'll do it. I'm like, no, this girl
would cross you up. You suck.
The dude saying that, you're you suck the dude saying that you're
five eight no you're not gonna go out there i'm six three even in my prime if i played out there
i'd get torched by any any of these girls and do caitlin clark what's she doing it's intangible
it's amazing no and the range is incredible yeah it's so if they could keep stretching the range
and shooting from half court that would give it a draw that would be yeah unique and i'll tell you
right now even in the the NBA and the finals,
bro, what do we watch?
You think the product's bad?
It's bad.
Celtics are good, though.
I mean, the Celtics are good,
but I'm like, they're very balanced,
which is like, it's a very good team.
So I don't know if it's fun to watch it balanced.
And also, fuck Boston.
I'm a Lakers fan.
Fuck Boston.
But I'm like, dude, like,
Luka, like, I don't know, man. I guess I But I'm like, dude, Luka,
I don't know, man. I guess I just argued for Caitlyn raining threes, but
I'm kind of over watching threes.
Yeah, in the NBA, it does
get a bit boring.
This is the least watched
finals in 15 years.
Really? Who are they playing? Celtics?
Celtics, Mavs. And the Mavics
were only a a 51 team but
they caught fire in the playoffs and were playing so good but none of the top seeds out of the west
made it speaking of that i got another question based off that what do you guys think of clay's
career being tarnished after he went 0 for 10 no now that's tarnished he's a hall of famer
have you seen social media yeah i caught on to this yeah it's like a meme
thing and famous people are jumping in a little bit you know what i think it speaks to how big
of a career clay did have that now he's in like the meme vortex like if he wasn't if he was the
guy they're saying he is they wouldn't be making memes about him it's only that he has enough
stature to tear him down that they're trying to tear him down but it's the same thing they did
to jordan with the crying photo not saying he's as good as jordan but he's a hall of
famer and like they do it to a lot of athletes because it just becomes fun to like uh i don't
know he's he's relevant enough to joke about so i think it's uh he's the man yeah put up 37 points
in a quarter like what he had one bat hit one bad game average out 60 points on 11 dribbles one time average out those two games you have a fucking amazing average for one player his
worst game and his best game game six against the the thunder oh dude i'm getting mad now dude
close the shit dude yeah three and d he works in any era he always guards the fucking best player
he would guard kobe he'd guard lebron he would always be guarded up against the best player on
the other team open up space for steph and other guys durant to take breaks and fucking and rain
it down so i just think like especially with guys like that who have such a great career
i think the biggest thing that they think about is when should they leave right because you don't
want to tarnish your your ending of your career which ruins everything when do you retire
it's same with music anything sort of like a drake thing like should he have retired a few years ago
so this whole beef wouldn't have started you know well here's the thing too he might come back next
year and play really well and if he stays there and they added player or if he goes somewhere else
i know nothing i've talked to him in ages but like let and he goes somewhere else that just needs an extra guy to put them over the top if he gets
another title bro yeah then everyone's gonna have to suck his dick exactly dude and i'm gonna watch
that i'm gonna watch because we remember yeah yeah and you know this is a good point his injuries
too bro if he doesn't hurt the fucking achilles and the knee bro when he came back and won a title after those two
yeah formerly career-ending injuries to battle back it's a beautiful story he's a fucking the
internet is stupid that's what i take away from that they're stupid and i i'll tell you something
he's such a well-adjusted guy. Any negativity he's taking out of this,
he's channeling it into something positive
or he's not thinking about it at all.
He's on his boat with his dog, Rocco,
and he's just living the dream.
Exactly, bro.
Second best shooter of all time.
Who's number one, Ray Allen?
Steph?
Steph.
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
I sat next to Steph's mom on a plane.
I didn't know for the longest time.
For the whole time, I was polite to her too.
Dude.
She's like, here you go, baby.
I was like, whatever.
Dude, that's nice.
And then we had some, you know, low tension.
Wow.
And afterwards, we were walking because we were kind of late, right?
Bill Paxton, how can you not?
Yeah, right? And I was like, I was like, i was like i'm going to san jose where you going
she's like san francisco and i was like i was like i was like oh yeah i used to live there
she's like i'm steph curry's mom i was like oh love that dude late
if i was steph curry's mom i would have said that very first thing dude right
as soon as you sit down as soon as the freaking flight attendant came by to take my drinks you're like what do you what do you want
I'm Steph Griswold well okay so here's what happened we're getting food and that he's like
we have one curry left which actually is funny yeah I didn't realize it until now and I was I
look at her I'm like you take it she it. And she's like, thank you.
Very nice.
It's pretty sick.
She did good.
Two kids in the NBA.
How do you guys feel?
Maybe one more call and then we bone out of here.
Yeah.
Perfect. Perfect.
Quite the occasion because the last caller I have is Cream Jeans.
Very nice. We got to hear from Cream Jeans. Very nice.
Oh, we got to hear from Cream Jeans?
Yeah, let me see if I can find him.
I had him third on the list here.
Yo, yo, what up?
What up, Cream Jeans?
What up, boys?
How you doing?
Good, dude.
How are your jeans right now?
Dude, creamiest ever, bro.
I love that.
Dude, you sound exactly how i thought you sound
and that's it love it bros so stoked to be talking to you guys man it's tough to talk to you man it's been a long time coming man dude you've been creaming our
chats for it's months now what were the standout cream jeans moments i mean he always yeah cream jeans
have at it sorry i won't let you speak yeah you want the explanation on the uh on the uh on the
chat name yeah sure no no we know we understand that that's true you guys we understand that
they were asking about your highlights like what are the
highlights of when you hopped in on the chat like what have you contributed or talked about or
what's gotten you fired up oh shit i don't even know man um i just feel like chad chad's giving
me a few shout outs would always which always gives me a chuckle man so it's good to get
recognized um i think uh a few weeks ago was my first uh my first time on the twitch show so i
just like shouted out that it was my first time jake threw down a what up and uh let the boys know
and uh i got got some support from the crew so it just felt good to be welcomed in it's only been
that long man it feels like it feels like you've been here since the beginning that's how much
cream you put into the chat nah dude i'm new man and um i didn't know what i was missing i gotta be honest dude i kind
of uh underestimated what you guys are gonna be bringing on these live streams so it's been
fucking badass sick fuck yeah so what's it what ails you brother dude what ails me well i got a minor question real quick for stridog i don't know if that's
all right though sure um when's that live specially tape back in april gonna drop bro
bro we were just talking about that uh hopefully soon we're gonna miss it my bad no no no no it's
not um it's not oh i was talking about it yeah dude hopefully soon we'll see we're almost done
with the edit and then send it to the reps.
Maybe they can sell it, and we'll see what happens.
So hopefully.
Fuck yeah, dude.
I don't know how long it takes to turn that shit around, but we'll see.
Everyone in the chat's fired up about that, man.
I'm stoked.
We're ready for it.
We're ready for it.
Thank you, Beast.
But my real question, I guess, is, to put it as simply as I can,
I got a major beef with
the landlord man this landlord will not return my security deposit oh yeah dude and um just
wondering what i should do like you know if i should uh basically you know to learn the power
of the legal system and take this evil landlord to court
try to recoup my stolen bucks or do i learn the power of forgiveness and and trust karma
or whatever the universe to take care of this in the grand scheme of things get your fucking money
hit up the schmole attorney dude he'll probably write you a nice legalese letter that's kind of
what you need a legally threatening letter i honestly's kind of what you need a legally threatening letter
i honestly think that's what you need yeah i i don't think you can let him get away with it and
i i i remember one time i got hit with like a cease and desist i had my brother-in-law write
it read a threatening legal letter and it it got all squared away so fine so hit up the schmole
hit up a lawyer you know and have them just throw some heavy,
heavy legal jargon on them.
Fucking habeas corpus.
They don't even know what they're reading.
And they're like,
it scares them.
Or yeah.
Like enjoy the theater of conflict and become a character.
That's not you,
but one that you can pretend and be and get a thrill out of.
Like you write up the legalese and pretend to be a lawyer and be like,
hello,
my name is Mr mr clarence and i work for clarence and barge row and you're in violation of code specific
3ab pay my motherfucking client yeah exactly dude have someone threaten him with prison time yes i don't want to take further legal action
will be taken if we are not satisfied by said date for fucking 20 dude put the word prosecution
there yeah and by the power of the prosecution i will see your ass in prison and then you'll get
right yeah yo cream jeans i jeans i got a question for
you was there a reason they said you didn't get your deposit back because in the past they've
tried to tell me like yo you chipped the pain or something so that's two thousand dollars
what you do is like you just have to oh they didn't give you a reason no no no so this this
all stemmed over um like basically a beef that this landlord and I had.
She had some, like, camera set up in the unit.
Didn't tell me about it.
Illegal.
Yeah, one of those cameras was pointed into my bedroom, so I don't know if my hog got caught on camera.
Wait, is this true?
Yeah, bro, it's true, dude.
Then you need to get involved, dude.
I called the PD, try to get the police department
involved they said it was out of their hands wait what she was filming you inside your apartment
yeah dude so that it's like i moved into this place man i only lasted like 37 days dude so
was there like seven days to discover the situation and had to put on yeah i had to give the 30 days notice just because i was trying to
follow the uh the uh the terms of the uh the rental yes you made it seven days then gave your
notice yep i would do her i would i you i mean or not sue her but threaten legal action because
i mean you combine that you combine that with the security deposit. Like, hey, you were illegally filming me.
That has to break a million laws.
I think they'll definitely give you your money back.
But I don't know for sure, but I have to assume.
Here's the thing, Cream Jeans.
I don't blame her because I would want to know how the cream was generated.
True.
But I would never i would
never act upon that and for that she deserves legal repercussions she needs to get consent
she's like look i'm really curious about how the cream happens in your jeans can i film that
and then you gotta you have to say yes or no you have to green light that i think a lawyer would
get excited by this case definitely dude well well bros that's where it gets weird because
when i called the police department they told no no no don't call the cops they'll never help you
out bro they will never help you no no they will never help no no they respond to emergencies
lawyer you have to get a lawyer that's not that's not their it isn't their department my car got
stolen i got my car back from the car impound before i walked in to get i go do you guys have
any leads on who stole it?
They go,
no,
we did a full forensic checkup.
We did fingerprint analysis.
Nothing popped up.
I'm like,
well,
thank you for your effort.
I get into the car.
The guy who stole my car left is like identification in there.
I went right back into the department.
I was like,
dude,
all of his shits in here.
Some of it's got his name on it.
They were like, give it to us us we'll follow up yeah we'll investigate
they never arrested him oh my god yeah bro no if you want to get shit done it takes money to get
shit done you got to get a lawyer you have to incentivize them there was i got my car back the
cops did not care they're like hey man we're solving unsolved things yeah yeah but this this
is juicy for a lawyer yeah bro i don't even know what type of lawyer
you go to look at like rental and stuff you maybe have to call around maybe you have a friend who's
a lawyer ask them what type of area of law this is like fucking pervert landlord law i don't know
what that is i mean you film the cream jeans without consent yeah yeah she might go around
and only fans it i would subscribe yeah honestly i would pay money
for that and not know that it was obtained illegally and that's bad nikki glazer says
that your lawyer is going to cream his pleaded sacks so true how did you
how did you love you nikki how did you know that she was filming you?
Well, I was just moving in and out, kind of just doing my thing.
Didn't really notice.
I'm not really much to get into anyone else's business,
so I just ran the room out of this place.
She had the camera set up in her living room.
So that's where it gets a little bit dicey in terms of the law,
but I don't know if we want to go there. Wait, hold on.
You were renting a room, not an friend a room yeah exactly oh in her
house like in her place in her place yeah and the camera was in her living room but the camera was
set up in such a way that it was aimed literally right into my room for about maybe 10 cream jeans
i am so mad yeah bro you just honestly if i'm your lawyer this is at the point where you
go my client's unreliable i can't fucking you know get the right detail here you gotta come
out with specific details dude get those down write them down yeah we thought she was filming
you in your thing and had cameras installed turns out you're renting a room in her home these things were previously in there towards your room kind of
yeah no no kind ofs and then dude okay so all you need to do is just get your deposit back no no no
he totally fucked up the house yeah no she deserves the money fuck bro
i actually tried to tell you earlier but you guys you guys kind of we just started cooking
you want me to talk about what the pd had told me i was what the pd tell you what to tell you earlier, but you guys kind of didn't want me to talk about what the PD had told me.
Wait, what did the PD tell you?
I can't believe you took that to the cops.
Well, yeah.
That was ridiculous to call the cops on that someone had a camera.
Yeah, in their own home.
All right, all right.
Yeah, I just felt like it was weird that it could all right for sure i mean was
there a door you can close and then the camera couldn't film in there like there was no camera
in your room not necessarily but it was about as close as it could possibly be without you know
being in the room if you closed your door were you no longer on camera no longer on camera
but there was no disclosure of the camera so that i guess i don't
know that's fair look she's being weird but it's weird but i think uh
then there's no i don't know if i'm i guess i'm being a bitch on my back
don't do that we didn't say that actually you know what didn't say that being a bitch is him
saying i guess i'm being a bitch.
They're making us look like we're making you a bitch.
We didn't say that.
We're just saying you got to get your details right, dude.
We got to get this case bulletproof.
And no one's that mad at you.
We're just like, I don't know why the moan voice.
Yeah, Cream.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Cream, so she didn't give a reason why she's not giving the deposit back?
No, no. Just ghosted me after i left i did a full i did a full-on like you know cleaning of the place i actually probably
left it cleaner than it was when i left you know like got a vacuum and stuff mopped up the floors
took care of the bathroom in there did pretty much everything and uh yeah did my absolute best to like maintain good vibes with
this lady before we before we left and she actually like cut me off of uh because uh i was
using like you guys are you know saying like you know i should have called a lawyer or whatever or
at least written up my own legalese kind of language i actually sort of did that i used
chat gpt to uh print up some uh like like non-consensual film sort of things
uh it just gets real real dicey with like landlord tenant loss that type stuff so it
gets kind of like gray area so like um uh but yeah basically i asked her to stop recording me
with the best i could using chat gpt to write up legalese for me um and then also um yeah wrote her uh like a request to get like a formal
uh i guess you would say walkthrough of the uh of the unit before i left so i wouldn't get you
know stricken down or um marked down for any like damage done to the unit that way like if there was
something wrong i'd have at least like you know seven days to fix it or whatever um that request
was denied uh and then yeah moved out left the place like i
said in perfect condition and just got ghosted never got uh never got the money back uh or like
anything according to the terms of the uh the rental so i i think i think you
i don't think you can do anything about the camera but i do think you should get get a lawyer
to uh write a letter trying to get the deposit back and then you know how in envelopes when uh
in old-fashioned times they'd seal it with the wax yeah you seal it with your cream yeah
smart all right also what you could do is you could get a little sneaky
you pose as an amazon delivery guy and or do you still have a key to get into the place or
now you gave it back i gave it back like a gentleman dude smart you just gotta upper
decker dude if you can't get the money back you gotta find a way back into that place when she's
not home and you upper decker and you let her know that it's you that upper deck her you the cameras are going that's fine you upper deck maybe
every toilet go to chipotle eat a ton of chipotle get the barbacoa like an animal and absolutely
upper deck those toilets have you ever that's a great plan i've never upper deck someone dude i
it's the most savage thing i that i could ever ever think of but this lady deserves it no i will i don't know if i've ever crapped in general no i've shit i've seen shits no i have
oh okay yeah jt hates poop stuff no i'm into it now since i had kids it doesn't uh bother me as
you prove it upper deck jake right now dude if we all do it i'll do it
right now dude if we all do it i'll do it
i don't know if i'm lingering too much but uh someone in the chat was asking why don't i take her to uh all claims the reason is is because uh since i only uh met this lady for like uh what
was it 37 days total i found out over the course of those 37 days that she goes by like three
different first names.
So in order for me to file a small claims court against her in California,
I got to have her exact legal name.
So I got basically a one in three shot at that.
But if I do win, here's the thing, my deposit, I get essentially doubled back.
So my deposit was pretty cheap.
It was $650, but if I win the case, I'm due to win up to $1,300 bones so is the juice worth the squeeze yeah exactly is it worth the stress if you're a lawyer gonna take that if
you're motivated by victory then go for it but if it's causing you stress i'd let it go well here's
here's where i'm at on that i'm like because i'm like on one hand like a painting justice
through like legal means would like provide me definitely like emotional closure and like
you know make sure that the
landlords are held accountable
for, you know, their bullshit.
But, on the other hand, like,
choosing forgiveness could
lead to more emotional peace and allow me,
like, I don't know, more, like, spiritually moved forward
without, like, the bullshit of
getting embroiled in a lame-ass legal battle
and having to get dropped out.
Because, also, it's. Also, even if I win
the case, getting
the money from her is a whole different
ballgame afterwards. I think you're very smart,
but you might be applying too much
spiritual rigor to this
conundrum. I would just
go with your gut. I don't think you even have
to call it forgiveness or justice.
Is it worth the money? Is it not worth
the money? Then just pick a direction. Yeah's probably not worth it i would just move on honestly i know
that seems not satisfying but yeah i do think you're gonna be hard pressed to win this thing
is she hot good question uh absolutely not hot dude psycho hose beast yeah let her let her go i'd say if she's hot take her to court maybe you'll bone and maybe ask yourself this
would the situation be different if she was hot
uh to be honest no dude there you go that's integrity that's integrity that's cream i love
that that's what i'm saying this is a man who creams his jeans and is thinking straight
That's integrity.
That's cream.
I love that.
That's what I'm saying.
This is a man who creams his jeans and is thinking straight.
Dude.
Smart.
Yeah.
Or go up to her in person and just say, like, flirt with the line and just be like, hey,
I'd like my money back.
And then just leave.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She'll think about that. The thing is, she's got this Marine boyfriend that will fucking put a whip in her.
Whoa.
Yeah, dude.
I think.
I got some skills skills but not marine skills
dude i respect dude do you have any soldiers in your family you tell them hey i borrowed that
money from my you know uncle who was in this branch and then he'll respect that yeah i could
recruit some troops dude to do it no i don't fuck this is the best way to yeah the whole place
the whole place that she lives and got cameras so
i don't know if i want to take it there someone in the chat mentioned this do the foursome dude
do it foursome dude what's that just torture her by say you're selling like a three thousand dollar
tv for like a hundred bucks on smart and use her phone number as the person who's selling it and
she'll get phone calls for the rest of her life about it.
Bro, that's a great idea.
Or like Golden Retriever puppies.
Just get the cutest pictures of Golden Retriever puppies.
List it for
not absurdly low price, but believably
good deal.
And then send
her an email from an anonymous
account. If you want the phone calls to
stop, leave $1,200
at this disclosed location.
Absolute legend.
Shout out to whoever requested that in the chat.
Smart, dude.
Jay Nasty. Jay Nasty's a nasty dude.
Jay Nasty, what up?
Also, can I give a quick shout
out to Dick Cheese22, Hugh Janus26.
Shout out
Stardust Schmegma. What up, y'all? Huge. I love that shout out uh starting shmagma what up y'all huge i love that
shout out did you say dick cheese first yeah dude dick cheese 22 just holding it down every week so
that dude's a beast all right thanks for calling in cream jeans it's good to hear your voice and uh
uh make sure you cream legends love y'all bro love
you love you bro all right it's a good dude that's fun pod yeah that was fun that landlord's a schmole
dude yeah before we get out of here um strider chad jt joe kevin all have a new show at the comedy store oh smart dude good call i
think it's july 10th if i remember that sounds right at like 10 10 30 how many for a website
looks good it's like they redid it kevin wanted me to read a um an ad he wrote for it he's been
putting a lot of sweat into it i appreciate it man his graphics look incredible yeah he's doing a really good job yeah this is written by kevin the schmalt hey you yeah i'm
talking to you bitch you know that feeling when you're stroking yourself and you bust
yeah i bet you do bitch now i want you to close your eyes eyes closed they better be now i want
you to imagine how hard you would bust if, instead of just your own
hand, you had the ability to stroke yourself with the power, grace, and synchronicity of five
strong male hands at once. That's right. Strider, Joe, Schmoll, Chad, JT, all jacking you off at
the same time. Picture that in your head. Imagine how hard you would bust.
Well, I got good news for you, Jack.
On Wednesday, July 10th at 10.30pm
at the Comedy Store,
come to the inaugural Bros Before Joes
live comedy show
and experience the feeling
of five hot guys jacking you off
at the same time.
We promise to empty your balls.
Buy tickets on thecomedystore.com.
For all the great work Kevin did on this poster,
he's evened out.
With that advertisement, dude.
Rarely do I hear something and wonder
where the person who wrote it was when they did that.
He's at the park with his...
Yeah, exactly. Just picture him in front of a creek.
Birds are chirping.
Amazing.
That's going to be a fun fucking show, dude.
Wednesday, July 10th, 10.30pm.
The Comedy Store. Be there, dude.
Awesome. Alright.
Thank you, guys. Thank you, chat.
Legends.
If you need advice, these guys are really nice.