Good Inside with Dr. Becky - How to Work With Your Child’s Teacher to Build a Confident Learner With LEGO Education’s Dr. Jenny Nash

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

As parents, we all want our children to receive meaningful learning opportunities in their classrooms. In this week’s episode, Dr. Becky chats with Dr. Jenny Nash – Head of Education Impact U.S. at LEGO Education, mom and former educator – about how to work together with teachers to support your child’s continued learning journey as we work to build confident and resilient learners. Compassion and curiosity are the key in approaching conversations with your child’s teacher to reach the desired outcome. Join Good Inside Membership: https://bit.ly/3cqgG2A Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Order Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books. For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast

You're listening to Good Inside with Dr. Becky. And this is an episode you've asked for for so long. I will be sharing scripts for how to discuss tricky situations that happen in the classroom with your child's teacher. We'll go over how to communicate in a way that's actually productive and lowers defensiveness. But first, a word from our sponsor. Hey Sabrina. Hey. So I've been thinking about toys recently. I don't want the toy to do that much of the work. I want the toy to inspire my kid to do the work because actually the toys that get really busy and do a lot of things, kids actually lose interest in so quickly.

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I love translating deep thoughts about parenting into practical, actionable strategies that you can use in your home right away. One of my core beliefs is that we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us in that moment. So even as we struggle and even as we are having a hard time on the outside. We remain good inside. I am super excited about today's episode. In it, we tackle how to talk to teachers about tricky situations with your kids. I know that you're all going to get so much from this episode because it's full of immediately actionable strategies and scripts for communicating with teachers in a productive way.

To tackle this topic, I'm calling in Dr. Jenny Nash. She is the head of education impact team for Lego education. And Jenny is also a parent, so she brings so much experience having been on both sides of these Conversations with all of that in mind. Let's jump in Hi, Jenny. I'm so excited to have you here. Oh, Dr. Becky, I'm so excited to get to share some great ideas with you today. Oh, that's such a nice way of freezing things. I'm excited for the same thing. Tell everyone a little bit about who you are.

So I think first and foremost, I'm a mom and I'm an educator. So I've spent almost 20 years in education as a teacher in the classroom and administrator working through university doing outreach in classrooms, teaching after school programs. You name it pretty much. I've gotten to teach it. It's amazing the experiences that I've gotten to have. But I think also as a mom, you know, just had these really rich experiences around teaching

my own child and learning so much from her. So I'm really excited about kind of the dialogue we can have today. And now with LEGO Education, I get this amazing opportunity to bring just really impactful hands-on purposeful play to students all over the US. And so I really get to see all of that work over years and years, everything that we've learned come to life in classrooms where students are just getting to have absolutely amazing learning experiences. Wow. What an awesome job where you, it sounds like you get to have fun and create and do different things and learn that sounds kind of like the best place to work.

It's the best because of seeing, you know, these opportunities for kids. So you know, I'm not always in the classroom anymore, sadly. I miss that. But you know, when we're thinking about and getting creative, about what are all the amazing ways that students can learn? How can we make learning meaningful, real authentic for students? And then we're just playing with those ideas, and then we take them to the teachers,

and the teachers take it even further. Of course, when they bring it in the classroom, what they're able to do with it's incredible. So it is kind of the best job. It is so fun. Not only because of the materials we're using, but really what everybody then takes and does with them. Yes. So I'm so grateful to have you on this podcast because you have so many areas of expertise and you have so much experience. So you're a parent and you're an educator, right?

You've been in the classroom and also you have been on the parent side of the classroom where your kids have teachers. And one of the things I get asked about all the time is how can we as parents connect with our kids' teachers? And often it comes up when there's a problem, right? Parents usually think, oh, well, things are going well, I know how to connect with our kids' teachers. And often it comes up when there's a problem, right? Parents usually think, oh, well, things are going well, I know how to connect with,

you know, the teacher. But when there's a problem, when there's an issue, when there's a behavioral issue, when there's a learning issue, when you feel like, oh, I don't know if my teacher is seeing my kid in the same way, I'm seeing my kid, so many parents tell me that they really struggle to communicate effectively.

And given you've been on both sides of those conversations, I would love to use today to even share some of the specific scenarios that I mean this, like sometimes stump me. I'm like, oh, I have some ideas, but there's definitely other perspectives. And I would love to, as you said, kind of think and learn together about those scenarios. How does that sound? That sounds amazing. I would love to get to learn together today. Amazing.

So, why don't we jump in with a couple kind of specific situations? And I have a feeling as we do that, we'll probably draw out some general themes. So if you're a parent listening and you hear a situation, you think, oh, well, my kid doesn't have that struggle or that doesn't sound like my kid. Keep listening because my guess is Jenny and I are going to think about principles of communication and connection that can be extended to almost any situation. Okay, here's something I hear over and over and over. Parents say, okay, I parent my kid without timeouts, without

punishments, without a lot of sticker charts. My kid is in a school that involves a lot of those principles in the classroom. So specifically, my daughter age six has a teacher who's quote, old school? So if a kid doesn't finish their work on time, they miss playtime. Even one kid's artwork got thrown into a bin to teach that kid a lesson because they didn't choose the colors for the art that the teacher said to choose. This feels really bad to me when I hear these stories. How do I manage talking about this with my kid

in a way that honors what's happening but kind of still respects that there's a teacher? And how can I talk about this with the teacher in an effective way? Okay, Jenny, solve, solve that for us. Let's go. What a fun problem to solve together. It's actually something that we experienced a little

about ourselves with our daughter. She's 13 now, but when she was in elementary school, just kind of a different approach to how we wanted her learning. Her husband's also an educator. Of course, we have some thoughts into that. And the way that she was experiencing school. And I think that, you know, trying to really approach that with a curiosity with her around, Of course, we have some thoughts into that and the way that she was experiencing school.

And I think that trying to really approach that with a curiosity with her around, how is that making her feel? Where was she seeing this tug between our expectations as parents and this expectation of school? And of course, there's a learning lesson in that itself as we grow up into systems of work at other places. So we tried to really just have some of those conversations with her, but approach it to this idea of, what is upsetting you about this?

What's frustrating about it and just that curiosity that I think we pull out. And I think about kind of where kids are, that playful nature of discovery. It's something we talk a lot about with LEGO Education, of course, is this idea of natural kind of curiosity and play. It's an approach you can have to help bring that social emotional peace out in your students because I'm sure these kids are feeling potentially frustrated or saddened or, you know, just very unsure and like they're getting pulled in these different directions. And it's an opportunity to help them kind of discover their own kind of resilience against that.

They're going to face that in the real world. You know, how do we help them discover that? You're saying so many things. Tell me if this feels in line or as an extension of what you just said. So number one, our kid comes home and tells us something that happened in their classroom that didn't feel good to them. And that doesn't feel good to you and doesn't feel in line with how you even believe kids should be treated or how to get the best out of them. Okay, that's the baseline.

I think a lot of us as parents, our first inclination is I need to change that. I need to fix that, right? And actually, what you talked about Jenny, that curiosity, what I think you actually modeled though, which was interesting was curiosity in your kids' experience, that I'm even visualizing this.

Do I have the urge to kind of go to the classroom and change it first? Or stay next to my kid in our house where they're telling me the story, and explore their experiences. Now, this is not to say it has to be either or, but sometimes in that urge to go fix, we miss what our kid actually needs most, which

is someone to validate and believe their experience or even explore the emotions that came up in the classroom. That probably weren't explored with that type of teacher. So it makes me think of the difference between, I'm going to go talk to your teacher. That is absurd and that's awful. Again, it's not that we can't do that. But versus a first response of, what was that like when your art was thrown away?

Oh, you watched Bennett's art get thrown away. It wasn't yours. Ooh, I wonder what that was like for you. Sometimes I hear parents push back in my head, even though it's just my head. And I hear them saying, I don't think my six-year-old could answer that question. We don't ask questions to kids to get profound answers.

We ask questions to kids to number one, show them what we value. We value knowing their feelings. That's why we're asking about it. And number two, to improve their ability to answer that question. Right? Now they're going to start thinking about it. So I've now formed a bond with my kid about their troubling experience. And that probably is what my kid needs first beyond anything else. I think there's so much more to say, but what do you think

about that? Is that in line with what you were kind of indicating as well? I mean exactly. It's spot on. The child is unsure how to grapple with what's happening and where to go with that and and they've come home and your reaction is going to model for them a lot of how they grapple with those types of things in the future if the reaction is suddenly I'm going to fix that that's not right then they now are are having an answer in their head that that's not right and and instead of them kind of uncovering how they felt about it and thinking through, kind of fully understanding, there's plenty of situations that they may feel is not right. They don't actually have all of the information.

I mean, how many times have we learned that your child is only giving you part of the information and then you uncover more information and you can understand it better and help them understand it better. But if we go straight to that initial reaction that we want to have and it's hard not to want to take care of your child and fix it for them You know, we do rob that that great kind of social emotional growth that can happen that natural curiosity and in the future They won't have that curiosity themselves to think about how it truly makes them feel They'll go straight to a reaction that we've taught them to have. And you know, the other side of that is, what about that teacher?

I've been the teacher that these parents have come to very upset and frustrated. And sometimes there is more to the story. Sometimes it's a completely valid concern. Sometimes it's out of my hand and it's a school policy that I have to follow and I have no choice. So there's a lot of, you know, kind of external factors even on that teacher that drive some of the actions that they have to take. Sometimes I don't know that throwing artwork away necessarily is one of those, but I do think there's that ability to go have that dialogue and understand, you know, my child's

pretty upset about this. Can we understand what's happening so that I can better support what you're trying to accomplish, but you can also understand the way that I've prepared my child, the background that they come in with. And then again, it's a very different dialogue with the teacher. It's not an accusatory. How dare you do this to my child. It's allowing that dialogue to happen, which will open up the teacher also will become

defensive and shut down. I love what you said. I think people are going to be rewinding this episode and writing and like playing their podcast on like 0.5. You know, X so they can like hear every word. I think one of the key things that you said, and I'm sure we'll get into this more in another scenario, is I think one of the main things that we can think about probably in any scenario when we approach a teacher or when we approach anyone we have a conflict with is thinking about how to be on the same team. Nobody ever can approach a conversation with openness if they feel attacked. I think this visual is really powerful as we go into those conversations to kind of ask yourself, am I approaching a teacher, like I'm on one side of the table and they're on the other

and they're the problem who needs to change? Or am I approaching the teacher, like I'm on one side of the table, and they're sitting next to me on the same side of the table. And we are looking at a problem together. We are not gazing at each other. We are sharing a point in our gaze at the problem and we're trying to come up with solutions side by side. That is how people problem solve. And I think your language, Jenny, even if we or versus you,

right, I can't believe you threw my kids artwork away. Why would you think that would motivate him? Right? The only thing a teacher hears then is you away. Why would you think that would motivate him? Right? The only thing a teacher hears then is you think I'm a bad person, you think I'm a bad person, you think I'm a bad person. And if we know anything in the good inside community, it's that we always are trying to feel good inside. So then of course a teacher has to be defensive. It's not even about you. It's kind of reclaiming their goodness. Well, you don't understand. Your kid did this thing, not productive. If we instead approach a teacher as a teammate and even say that, I find that is such a great opener.

Hey, I want to talk to you about something that happened in class or at least I heard it happened. I don't even know for sure. But before we go further, I just want to tell you, I know we're on the same team. Let's say my kid's, I don't know, name is Aaron, right? I know we're on the same team. Let's say my kids, I don't know, name is RN, right? I know we're both team RN. So I know that and I want to go into the conversation with that in mind. And I want us to go through the conversation with that in mind. We're on the same team here. That immediately says to someone, oh, this person likes me. This

is a safe conversation. We're on the same side of the table, right? And your language, Jenny, for, I want to understand where you're coming from. So I can support you. And I want you to understand where I'm coming from. So you can support our in-class. Now we're talking because everyone feels connected. It's so much more effective toward our goal to talk that way. Yeah. And I think it's hard sometimes to remember teachers are just people too, often parents themselves,

often having similar conversations with other teachers. And it is that how would you want to be approached in that conversation? What would make you defensive and what would allow you to open up? And we talk a lot about the student outcomes we want to get to and think about what are those rich student engagement opportunities. But if we want students to have that experience, we have to think about those teacher experiences

at the same time and what professional development, what growth the teachers need. And so we spend a lot of our time really thinking about teacher growth. And I think it's an important message for parents to remember teachers are still growing. They're still learning. You know, we bring things like computer science

into the classroom. We didn't experience that as learners growing up. So we're having to experience that with our students sometimes. And this particular example may not lean into that heavily, but it is an important thing to remember. These teachers are growing and learning and their people too, and they're open to have these conversations. If we can approach them in these really kind of open ways that allow it to be, like you said, a dialogue more

than that kind of accusatory. Yes. You know, I can't stress that enough. Just continue to be thoughtful about who that teacher is and how they're growing themselves as a person. All right, that's awesome. Another kind of specific scenario that came in and it came in from a bunch of people. That some parents have been saying, I appreciate that my kids' teacher has experience in such a wide range of kind of areas around teaching, around child development. of areas around teaching, around child development, I feel like I am the expert on my specific child. And I know the types of things that lead to getting the most out of my kid and the types of kind of feedback and way of interacting that might be okay with other kids, but lead my kid to shut down. But I worry that if I want an extra meeting or talk with them, that I'll offend them.

And then the way they feel about me will be reflected in how they treat my child. So I end up walking on eggshells and not bringing things up. What would you say kind of from the education side of things? I think it's human nature to feel that way. If I take this action, what's that reaction gonna be? But again, I think it's opening that dialogue up and thinking about, what can I learn from you teacher

who is an expert in so many ways? And I think it's feeling confident and knowing that, yes, you do know your student best in a lot of ways. That teacher probably knows a few things about students development and how to engage and motivate students in certain aspects, such as a writing area or a math, but they certainly would not turn away

kind of hearing some of your thoughts and background that helped drive them into that. And so I'm gonna model a couple ways that this conversation could go because I know we all like to kind of hear the concrete examples. And I love you to just give a kind of, yeah, no Becky, don't do it that way.

Or yeah, that sounds, you know, that sounds good. So you're gonna rate me, okay? Oh boy. You know, Dr. Nash, whenever you go up to my daughter and point out a mistake, you know, she shuts down. Like, what kind of kid is gonna learn from someone who's constantly criticizing them? That's a dough, right? That's a dough, everyone. That's a dough. Okay, how about this? You know, Dr. Nash, I've just been thinking about something over and over, that there's

so many things you know that are helping Amelia learn. I've also been thinking about there's certain things that I know just about Amelia about kind of how she learns. And I was thinking if we brought that together and Maybe I could even share some of the things I've noticed in our house Even things that I've just kind of learned recently about her. I think it would kind of just lead to getting the best out of her As she is kind of working through all these hard math problems. Would that be okay to share some of those things with you? I think that's a yes. That's a yes. Do I get to do one? Yeah, you do one.

Awesome. Okay, okay. So, you know, Dr. Becky, I just love that we're able to have this dialogue quickly. You know, Shelley is doing fine in math, but she really, truly feels like she's struggling, and she just doesn't have that math confidence that we wanted to have. And I thought if we approach that together as a team, maybe we can build her up in math. So she's in here in school every day with you working on math and then she's at home with me in the evenings doing that homework and working on math.

So maybe if we put our two perspectives together, we can find a great way to help build her up and really love to see at the end of the year that she's much more confident in math. I'm going to rate it. Like mine was a zero my first one. My second one was like a five. That was like a 10. Everyone was a zero my first one. My second one was like a five. That was like a 10. Like everyone was like, that was good.

The second one was a 10. They're different versions. I guess everything doesn't have to be a comparison. There we go. Many versions of good, right? But just to highlight for everyone, because that's distil kind of the key components. It's interesting, Jenny, you do so many wheeze.

And I love that because there's something, I really mean that's we're speaking to someone subconscious around being on the same team and we say we right we want her to feel really confident at math we both know she's struggling right there's so many references to being on the same team and when you tell someone you it's really hard to do I guess unless you're saying, you are the most amazing teacher in the world. Everyone would be like, well, thank you. Any type of problem that we then pair with the you creates this binary, even if we don't mean it.

It almost creates a binary of like, you're wrong and I'm right. And then the only way someone could respond is now if you've set up a, you're wrong, I'm right. Now you have to be wrong and I'm right. Right. And we don't want either, right? No one's wrong and no one's right, no one's fault, right? There's just a problem we both see.

There's a better outcome that we both want. So let's join together. And I think the more you say that, let's join together. Can you imagine if we each bring what we know, she's gonna end the year in a way that's gonna feel so good for her and probably is going to feel really good for us.

Exactly. And I think when you put the two together, my, my stating a bit of a goal and trying to have a wee type language that makes us feel like we're a team in this and then the way that you kind of opened up and posed that question of how can we approach this together? Can we share this? You know, invited that yes and feeling in somebody that's going to make us want to drive this forward. I mean, I can't imagine a teacher that doesn't want that feeling that you're valuing me and bringing an offer to support that and us to do this together.

I mean, no teacher's going to be sad about that. Great. I have another question that came in. So this is a question from someone who says, my seven-year-old is really advanced in math. And I worry he's not getting the extra push he needs to stay engaged. I really don't want to come off as that parent who thinks their kid is just so amazing. My mom was a principal and she always talks about how self-centered and nagging so many parents were, I don't want to be like that.

But how can I get my kids' need met in the classroom? Yeah, I've experienced the same thing as a family member of some different kids and thinking about, you know, it's that want to know how are you gonna enrich my child's learning? I mean, when we think about, you know, the opportunity for students to have somewhat personalized learning, not to kind of put a label on it, but you want your student to get what they need out of the learning, and how can we ensure that happens? There's so many ways to do it. We, of course, talk a lot about purposeful play and opening up that playful situation,

a project-based lesson, inquiry-based lesson. That's gonna allow students to drive in their own directions and naturally sort of differentiate. If you're a child's capable of driving further in the learning, they've got a pathway to do that because it's more open-ended to allow that to happen. And I think that's a powerful piece that we try to capture with LEGO education all the time. We know learners in different places and are able to take it in different directions.

We want to see that diversity of ideas come out. We want to see that diversity of skills come out and allow students to do that. So one way is to kind of inquire and understand more about, you know, where are those open-ended opportunities happening? I think it's also completely fair to ask what other enrichment opportunities happen in the school and what are ways that you can help enrich it. Previous science teacher, so, you know, when it comes to science, I'm always like, that sounds like a really cool project you're doing in the classroom. Can I also extend it and do this and push my daughter further because it's fun for me too. Sometimes maybe more fun for me than her. I'm not sure she's always excited about it, but that's the opportunity we have as parents

to think about. There are things we can do at home that further enrich it, but we certainly that teacher's not going to know if we're not sharing with them, that idea that, you know, again, you know, we're in this together. How do we approach this together? That my child's kind of expressing that this is easy and they're not challenged. And how do I push that? You know, a great theory, you probably know, well, Dr. Becky, the flow theory. If it's too easy for my child, they're going to be bored, you know, they're going to doodle and do other things, you know, maybe get into trouble and costumes. If it's too challenging, they're gonna doodle and do other things, you know, maybe get into trouble and questions. If it's too challenging, they're gonna shut down.

We've pushed them too far. It's overwhelmed them. They're not capable of moving forward. If we can get them in that flow where it's just challenging enough that it's gonna peak their interest and push them to try a little bit harder, that's where real growth can happen. And that's just a perfect situation for students in a classroom if we can find that flow for them. That's so important for parents to understand. And there are so many kids who appear to be so distractible. And that could be for so many reasons, right? But for some of

them, right? And they're getting in behavioral problems at school. Some of them, they do need a different level in that moment, in that grade, in that subject of engagement, and that helps them focus because they're out of that flow. So I would love, let's play this kind of game again, because it was actually kind of fun. Can you demonstrate a no? Like what would be a way, if you were a teacher, you'd be like, oh, now I am going to feel defensive.

If a parent who has a kid with different learning needs, who needs maybe more engagement or maybe is distracted because they're not in that flow, they need something more challenging, that parents approaching me. What would you tell people listening today, kind of to put in the, don't do it this way, category?

Yeah, so if I'm coming in and I'm saying, you know, Dr. Becky, I come home every day and ask my kid what they're doing and they say nothing, they're bored, they're not doing anything. And I just, I'd love to understand what it is you're doing to challenge my child because it just seems like they're not actually

doing anything in your classroom. And that's such a good example. I want to be honest, that was so realistic. My body actually had a response and what comes up for me, right? And this is what we really have to think about with the word defensiveness. It gets such a bad rap, be so defensive. Well, someone has to be defensive only when they feel like there's something in them that

needs protection. And if something needs protection, they feel like it's threatened or it's attacked. And now we all have different vulnerabilities to that, right? Certainly based on things that predated being a parent or being a teacher, right? Having said that, we can all in the way communicate, be more likely or less likely to provoke someone's defensiveness. So when you were talking, Jenny, what I heard is this parent,

things I don't do anything. This parent thinks I basically twiddle my thumbs and I basically walk around being like, oh my job is the easiest job in the world. I just show up and do nothing and, you know, that's all, right? And now I have to tell you all the things I do and the way your kid by the way doesn't respect me,

whatever it is, it's not even about your kid, it's not even about my job. I'm just actually needing to defend out loud that I'm a good person with good work ethic. And when that happens, the irony is we think we're talking about the kid and the challenging kind of problems, but we're actually not talking about that. We're just trying to feel good again.

Okay, so that is a no. That's a no. And I would add to what you said just to keep in mind, you know, educators have standards that they're expected to teach to. They have policies that they have to adhere to, you know, there are certain expectations they have to meet and in meeting that sometimes with 30 kids

that are in but once, you know, sometimes it does become difficult and that's why it can feel sometimes like, I'm trying to do everything I can to meet every individual child's needs, while also tackling all these things I'm responsible for. And teachers can just feel overwhelmed sometimes. And I think we have to keep that in mind as we go into take that dialogue. You know, they're already feeling so just worn out from all of those things. And then when you come in with that kind of approach that feels more defensive. Yeah.

Of course, they're just going to be like, oh, what else can I possibly do? They just, I can understand how they feel that way sometimes. And I think that just resonates so strongly. I mean, I'm just thinking I have three kids. And they're also different. They need so many different things. And so so many times they need conflicting things at the same moment. Like they all need me in their room, right? I mean, I'm picturing a teacher

who has 20 something kids, right? Well, I know a hard that is with three. That's kind of what they're doing all day long. I have 22. I have 28, whatever the number is, kids in the classroom, all who have different learning styles, all who have different needs, all who have different emotion regulation skills, and I am trying to teach all of them. Right, now that doesn't mean as a parent. I'm just here, again, that parent's voicing,

oh, I guess I shouldn't burden them. That doesn't mean you can't speak up, but kind of just stepping into your teacher's world first before I think it could be really effective. So I don't know why I keep hearing this phrase in my head like I just want to talk to you about you know my kid and you know look oh my goodness and of course of a day you're catering to so many different people. I can only imagine how exhausting that is or I can only imagine if I'm not a teacher myself I would say that I can only imagine how hard it is to manage, you know, a class of 26 kids all at probably slightly different levels in their reading curriculum.

Just as a starting point, we're really saying to a teacher, I see you, I see you, I see how much work you're doing, I see how hard this is, I see you as a good person doing your best, right? Anything that sees that in someone. We now actually form a connection with them. And for anyone, no matter what the issue is, when we feel connected to someone and safe with someone and seen in our world by that person, we are much more open to seeing their need in their

world. Much more. And so, again, just opening that line of communication can happen by having a starting point of recognition rather than the first example of accusation. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I think about one of our biggest goals is creating these lifelong learners and students. So we really take that to heart

and everything we're developing at LEGO Education. But let's be lifelong learners as parents sometimes too. And take that opportunity to learn about the expectations that teacher has and what their goals are. Every school has goals that they're working towards. And think about how that resonates with what we want for our children too. So building that confidence, building that resilience,

making sure they have the right types of knowledge, the right types of skills. I mean, teachers are thinking about that. They're grappling with that. They're trying to think about how to help students. And usually the actions are really all driven in how to help students. And you know, usually the actions are really all driven in order to help students grow in that way. And so think about that, making wanting our students to be lifelong learners, what are ways that we can help build that? And

sometimes we need to have that mindset as well, a little bit of a growth mindset to go in and think about, you know, what are ways that the teacher might be able to support, but also, what can we do at home? What are ways that I can understand the goals the school is trying to accomplish, you know, the reading goals, the math goals, the science goals, whatever the focus area you have is there are things that we can do as parents at home that don't mean we have to become the full-time teacher, but certainly we can reinforce, grow, give application opportunities, just lots of way for students to practice skills even. And I think this is really a great place to end and leave parents with that even when you go to a teacher just to go into it

with the idea of I want something out of this conversation. I want to share something with the teacher, but let me remind myself, I will probably also grow from this conversation, and I probably will learn something from them. I didn't know about my kid in a way where I can also do my part in kind of this team approach to helping my child. And I think when we go in with that back and forth reciprocal expectation, again, the likelihood of defensiveness is lower, and the likelihood of a really kind of positive outcome is higher. Any kind of last or kind of summarizing guidance you

would give to a parent listening, like, oh, if I only had to remember one thing in terms of how to talk effectively to my kids teacher about what's happening at school, like what would that be? So I think the number one piece of advice is just humanize that teacher and bring it down to that conversation and realize that you probably have the same goals and how do we, again, work together to get to those goals? And then just a separate piece of advice

I would say for parents, thinking about what can you do at home, be purposeful in all of the interactions and all of the kind of playful opportunities. You know, we're all about purposeful play, drive it back to what's happening in your child's life and be curious yourselves, ask those questions and try to get to the heart of, you know, this is what my child's thinking about. This is where they're struggling.

This is where they're succeeding. This is what they're proud of. But also just this is what they child's thinking about. This is where they're struggling. This is where they're succeeding. This is what they're proud of. But also just, this is what they're thinking about when they're learning. Yes. Thank you so much for being here, Jenny. This is going to be such a helpful episode to so many parents. Thanks so much for having me. What fun did just get to play through these scenarios together?

I love thinking through these situations with Jenny. Let's tie it all together with three takeaways. First, approach your child's teacher like you're on the same team. After all, you both are on the same team. Team your child. Use more wheeze than use to show the teacher that you're in it together. 2. When your kid comes to you with an issue at school, pause and try to respond first to their experience,

rather than responding to fix the issue. This means more, thank you for sharing this with me. Tell me more about that. Unless that's ridiculous. I'm going to speak up for you and change that right now. 3. There's so much we can do at home to support our kids' learning. It's not our responsibility to teach our kids every academic skill, but remember that every academic skill also depends on a child's ability to tolerate frustration. So work in some frustration tolerance moments in your home. An easy way to start doing this is to talk openly about the things you struggle with or model a realistic learning process you're going through. Thanks for listening to Good Inside. There are so many more strategies and tips I

want to share with you. Head to GoodInside.com and sign up for a good insider, my free week of email with scripts and strategies delivered right to your inbox. And follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Dr. Becky at Good Inside for a daily dose of parenting and self-care ideas. Good Inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Beth Roe and Marie Cecil Anderson, an executive produced by Erica Belzky and me, Dr. Becky. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review it,

or share this episode with a friend or family member as a way to start an important conversation. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle, and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside. you