Good Inside with Dr. Becky - Money Mantras Kids Need to Hear

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

As the saying goes, money makes the world go round. But we're often not taught financial literacy in schools. And few families talk about money openly with their kids. Today, Alexa von Tobel, author of Rebel Girls Money Matters: A Guide to Saving, Spending, and Everything in Between joins Dr. Becky to help break down how we should be talking to our kids and teaching them about money. For new members only, use code MOM25 for 25% off of Good Inside Membership.Mother's Day Membership Sale: https://bit.ly/3yjenJq Join Good Inside Membership: https://bit.ly/4dr0zwJMembership Allowance Guide: https://bit.ly/3xXNxGQMembership Chores Guide: https://bit.ly/4dcpbJHFollow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinsideSign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletterOrder Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books.For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcastTo listen to Dr. Becky's TED Talk on repair visit https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategyToday’s episode is brought to you by AirBnb: Let's be honest, parenting is expensive. And Dr. Becky hears all the time from parents that there are so many things they want to do that just don't fit into their budget. And it can feel powerless. What else can we do to have some extra cash to show up as the parents we want to be to give our kids the experiences they want? Airbnb is an amazing way to have some extra money for that family vacation, that soccer class, that lunch you want to go out to with your friends. Being an Airbnb host means that you are providing another family an amazing experience because you've created your home with a family in mind. And it's a great way to earn some extra money for all the different things you want to do. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/hostToday’s episode is brought to you by Mommy's Bliss: It seems like during the school year, kids are always coming home with something! And finding an over-the-counter medicine that Dr. Becky trusts can be a real challenge. That's why she loves Mommy's Bliss. Mommy's Bliss has been the highly trusted baby brand for 25 years, and if you’re a parent, you probably know about their Gripe Water or Vitamin D drops. Now, they’ve launched a new Pain & Fever medicine that is not only safe and effective for infants and children, but it's also the first-ever Clean Label Project Certified acetaminophen. Here’s what that means for parents: no high fructose corn syrup, no dyes, no artificial sweeteners, and it's free from the top 9 allergens. But don’t worry— they didn’t leave out the part kids actually care about. It has a delicious natural berry flavor with organic elderberry, which means kids don’t put up a fight when it’s time to take it. For minor aches and pains caused by colds, flu, sore throats, and toothaches, there's Mommy's Bliss Pain & Fever. Now that's medicine for peace of mind.

Hi, I love that you've developed a habit with Good Inside in listening to this podcast. What that tells me is you're a parent who wants to lean in, who takes parenting seriously. And that's why I definitely want you to know that as Mother's Day approaches, we are offering a sale on our membership. I want to lower the barrier so it's just a little easier

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Today's episode is about money. Yes, about how to talk to your kids about money. This is an episode I have benefited so much from listening to. Because money is one of those topics that, of course, is important to educate our kids about. But most of us weren't talked to directly about money, so we often don't know where to start. For this episode, I brought in money expert Alexa Von Tobel. Alexa is many things.

She's the founder and managing partner of Inspired Capital. Prior to Inspired, Alexa founded LearnVest in 2008 with a goal of helping people make progress on their money. She's an investor in Good Inside. She's the New York Times bestselling author of Financially Fearless and Financially Forward, and she just had a brand new book come out, Rebel Girls, Money Matters, a guide to saving, spending, and everything in between. This book is as applicable to boys as it is to girls and honestly,

it's equally applicable to parents. I'm Dr. Becky and this is Good Inside. We'll be right back. Let's be honest, parenting is expensive. And I hear all the time from parents that there are so many things they want to do that just don't fit into their budget. And it can feel kind of powerless. What else can I do to have some extra cash to show up as the parent I want to be to give my kids the experiences they want. And I wanted to make sure you all knew of something

that doesn't always come to mind, but is an amazing way to have some extra money for that family vacation, that soccer class, that lunch you want to go out to with your friends. Being an Airbnb host means that you are providing another family an amazing experience because I know you've created your home with a family in mind. And it's a great way to earn some extra money for all the different things you want to do. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host.

So this is the episode that everybody didn't know they always needed. I really, really mean this, where I get so many questions from parents about allowance, about chores, about entitlement, about gratitude, and underlying all of those things is money. And it's one of these topics that I feel like parents, we're all, me too, under-equipped to talk about it with our kids, even though it is such an important thing in our lives. So let's just start with, you just, you just wrote a book about how to talk to kids about money, how to talk to girls about money, how to empower girls around money

to become women who are kind of fearless financial leaders. Tell me about that and what kind of sparked your interest in doing that. Sure. One of the things that really occurred to me, money matters so much. And the name of the book is literally called Money Matters with Rebel Girls. And it occurred to me that actually helping people in their 20s and 30s is really about fixing money mistakes. You got into credit card debt, you didn't realize how missing one bill hurt your credit score, and now we're playing defense. We're fixing problems. And Becky, money is such an important thing. It is not something that we need to worship. It's not something we should ignore. It's

simply a tool that helps empower our lives. And what very much occurred to me was, it's still not taught in schools. How is that possible? And I finally said, I have three little kids, I have to go do something about this. If somebody else isn't going to do it, I'm going to. And so I wrote the book and something shifted inside me. And I realized I'm like, we're helping kids play offense with money. And simply by teaching some really important basics that honestly, a kid as young as first grade can fundamentally get, you can empower their lives and change their lives candidly. Because if you have control can fundamentally get, you can empower their lives and change their lives, candidly, because if you have control over your money,

you have a very different life. And so something shifted me and I said, I guess I gotta go do it. Yeah. You know, if I think about what I still remember, even just a little bit of a school, kind of the words like sine, cosine, tangent, like I don't actually know the formulas, but I know that was a big bit of a school. I have the words like sine, cosine, tangent. Like I don't actually know the formulas,

but I know that was a big part of my learning. I feel like in some of those classes, had I learned about money, like it just would be a little more, cosine just doesn't come up that often in daily conversation. I mean, it's just, I'm actually giggling so much because I'm trying to remember the formula in my head, but you're right, it was like jammed into our brain.

What if they just took that one day? Hypotenuse over opposite side. I don't know, something like that. I mean, I can triangle my way out of anywhere, but if they would have taken that one class, that one day, and just put 30 minutes of basic financial literacy, you can change a kid's life. It's really that simple. And so I think that's what we need to do is teach kids about money. It's really important. Yeah. So this is going to be that lesson for parents. And this is really going to be a tool they can then use to talk to their kids.

And I think it's really also a form of intergenerational change to say, my kids will be empowered from the start with knowledge about money. Like you said, I love that there's a lot between worshipping and ignoring. And I think that's exactly where we want to be. And probably one of the reasons kids worship money is actually because no one actually talks to them about how it's a tool in their lives, right? That's right.

So, okay, let's start with some money basics. And I love that in the first chapter of your book, you actually have some mantras for kids, and I am known as kind of a lover of mantras, I love a good mantra. So I hadn't ever considered mantras around money, but I love the way you go through these. So can you share some of these money mantras with us

and really also why they're really valuable? Yes, so this is really important and there's a study out of the University of Michigan and here's just the punchline of it. And Becky, so much of it matches everything about you and good inside and your parenting principles, which is tone around money kids absorb as young as five. What does that mean? If in your house, money is something that is positive and upbeat, and matter of fact, and on the table and just a simple conversation that you have almost unemotionally or slightly to the positive versus toxic, stressful, wrought with anxiety.

Kids absorb that and that is often the relationship that they mirror to money. So I had never met somebody in my career and I have talked to tens of thousands of people, that has said to me, I feel awesome about money. I feel so relaxed about money. It's never happened. We all, even both you and I sitting here, money worries us, it stresses us out, it is there. But I even think to like my little kids, I remember the teacher saying to the whole class, hey guys, you're going to go home and tell your kids that you love math. Even if you didn't tell them you love math. Becky, you once said to me, if you just sort of teach kids, I'm good at hard things. You taught me that. And I

say that all the time to my kids. Now you're really good at hard things. Ever since you were little, you want kids to feel safe around money and it, there will always be people with more. There will always be people with less money does not equal happiness. So you nailed it. There's that really healthy lane in the middle that we want our kids to have. So you parents need to fake it till you make it. Even if you feel stressed about money, don't let your kids see it. You need to be matter of fact.

You need to keep a positive attitude. We have bills, we pay them, we can pay them. And kids will mirror that and they will show up as healthy adults with money. So I wanna share some of the mantras that stuck out for me, just because I know parents are like, well, what are these? So, and what I love in them is that there's a lot of capability,

and I think that's a big theme for you. Like, we want people to feel capable around money. It doesn't mean they won't feel stressed. You can feel stressed and capable. You can want more and feel capable. Money is something I can manage. Money is a tool that helps me live my life. I will be strong and thoughtful with my money.

Amen. I mean, those are the three mantras that if you have your child, say them and feel empowered, you can reshape how they think about money, which is money is something that I can manage. Money is something I can manage. Money is a tool that helps me live my life. I will be strong and thoughtful with my money.

And that's how you want your kids to feel about money. Yeah. So I want to model something, and then you can critique me. It'll be a little role play. So I'm thinking, I've never talked to my kids about money, and it's true. I mean, it's all around us, and it's not like they don't know what the word'm thinking, I've never talked to my kids about money and it's true. I mean, it's all around us and it's not like they don't know what the word means,

but I've never really had a conversation. I feel like if I'm just gonna say, hey, I have mantras around money, they might be like, mom, that's so weird. This is coming out of left field. So I'm gonna model something and then you come back to me. Hey, you know what's something we've never really talked about?

Money, just money. I mean, I think you know what it is, but we haven't really talked about it. Tell me, what do you know about money? Because I know you have knowledge. Like, so I'm going to step out of the role play. Is that a good place to start just to kind of information gather?

I think that's a wonderful place to start, is get inside their head, understand what is their current prism around money. How do they think about it, and what comes out of their heads, I'm guessing will surprise everybody actually. I think so too. And what I want to add in here is when our kids share information or share associations, it's important not to shut them down.

So a kid might be like, oh, money is the most important thing in the world. And the more of it you have, the better. And we don't have enough money. And it's so easy to say, oh, what? Who taught you that? I never said that. And what are you talking about? No, kindness is the most important,

whatever we wanna say, right? But when our kids share something, I always think it's just a window into their world. It's a window. We can take the things our kids say so literally. But if they say something like that, even to say, like, well, I'm so glad you shared that with me, right? I wonder, like, where have you learned that? Is that in school? Is that from us? And just information gathering allows us to

actually then, I think, Alexa, share so many of these mantras, right? Oh, that's so interesting that you think that about money. You know, one of the things I've been saying to myself a lot about money is just money is something I can manage. Right? You can like work in, instead of quote teaching it directly, right? We can even just work it into a conversation. You know, one of the things I've been thinking, money is so many things, but money is really a tool

that helps me live my life just like other tools. It's one of the tools we have. And I think just to give parents a way in, just start by checking in with your kid. Allow them to say whatever they're going to say. You don't have to undo it. And then some of these mantras can be something you incorporate as like a light share instead of some kind of deeply didactic kind of moment. That's right. That's exactly right.

And I think you can even say, here's what I say to myself about money. Here's how I talk about money to myself. And we really model our parents in so many ways. And so I think one of the reasons why this book means so much to me is for some parents, you're learning about money right now to teach your kid about money. And that's okay. You can go on the journey together and say, here's my mantras, and I'm learning about some things. Let's learn together. And so it can also be something that you do with your child to say, let's understand credit scores, let's understand interest rates, let's

understand why investing is so important. And the math is simple. It's second grade math. So we all can do it side by side. Let's learn together. And I just want to double down on that. That's how I've used it in my own house. I actually think that's the way we all learn best. Like if I'm learning how to cook, I don't really want to learn from some super, super professional chef. It's just, it's too intimidating, right? It's too big of a gap. We all actually learn best from people

who are just a little bit ahead of us. That's it. And I think using that with your kids, I've said to my kids, there's this book and I kind of want to like look at it together, not as in I'm reading it to you, more like we're actually learning this together because no one actually taught me this stuff. So let's go through it.

Maybe we can read a couple of things. I might ask you some questions. You might ask me some questions and really learning together. It's so connecting. It's so de-shaming and it's actually a much better way to absorb information because there's no shame. And I think actually maybe the scary thing for us all to say is that all of us, and again,

if you're one of the humans out there that feels A++ about money, please call me, I wanna hear from you. But we all feel a little shame about money. We all do because there's just all, there was always someone, many people that had a lot more. And I think that's a really important thing that we strip from this next generation, Becky, which is to start from a place of the goal of life is not money, right? The money, actually, Becky, one thing that's really helpful is money was literally

designed as a tool because we couldn't carry pelts around. We were bartering in pelts. You needed milk, you needed to get shoes from the guy who makes the shoes and the farmer who makes the milk, and you couldn't carry huge pelts around at one point because it just became literally too laborious. And so that's why we invented money. They're simple little things to trendact and it helps us all barter and share because we can't create everything that we need to live life alone. We need our community. So money is a tool. It's a tool that helps you live your life. Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about money goals. You talk about helping kids set money goals. What does that mean? And what are the steps of doing that?

So I think one of the really important things with kids is to realize that let's take us as grownups, Becky, you want to buy a house. That's a goal. We'd like to buy a house one day. Okay. Well, how do we get there? What's the math? What do we need to save? And teaching kids how to learn how to set goals is really important because for the

rest of their life, every day of their life, money will be there and it will matter. And so sitting down and learning how to set a goal, and then figuring out how do you achieve it, that's part of the habit we want to build. And money is about habits. It's really simple and you can start those habits as young as three, four, five, and starting to just build those habits. And so, sit down with your child and say,

what is one thing that you think you need and what is one thing that you want? And let's first learn the difference. What is one thing we need? And I'll take my little guy, he needs braces. He's little, we need braces. Okay, well, so we need braces. How much do those cost? How are we gonna get there?

And then what's one thing you want? In our household, it's a new Lego set. All right, that's what you want. It costs $80. Let's start saving for it and helping them set these little goals and then figuring out in our house, we have allowance and I actually want to rebrand the word allowance because I think the word is such a weird one. But that's the goal. That's how you think about it. And then matter of fact, simple, even the really little I like clear jars, because they can actually see the money go in and see it grow. And actually that they're

learning math more money, it's growing. And as they get a little older, you can build charts, and you can help them fill it in and make it really interactive with the whole culture, just teaching them that you have to put some money away every time you get a little bit of money to save up for these things. And it's also really important in this world we live in where money is magical right now. Think about it, Becky. Amazon boxes arrive magically. Mom and dad bump our phones to get out of the cab or we don't even pay when we get out of an Uber. They don't see the dollars. They don't

see the money in the way that we all did with our parents Like I understood that every time we left a dinner table. There was money put on the table. Yeah, they don't see it It's magical. So you need to make them see it Hmm make it concrete so so important It seems like during the school year, my kids are always coming home with something. And finding an over-the-counter medicine for my kids that I trust is a real challenge. And this is why I love Mommy's Bliss. Mommy's Bliss has been the highly trusted baby brand for 25 years. And if you're a parent, you probably know about their gripe water or vitamin D drops.

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On the topic of allowance, I know people, you know, different opinions, tying it to chores. Is that what you do in your house? Do not. How do you think through that? We have basics of our house that are par for the course. It's part of, you know, our family unit where you have to get yourself dressed in the morning. You have to put your clothes in a hamper. You have to make your own little... I mean, my four-year-old, now five-year-old, she makes her own bed.

She, like, she... I mean, it's not made in a way where you and I would make it perfectly, but she's putting in some effort. That's not what we pay for. It's above and beyond. It's, hey, can you help break down the extra boxes that came? Can you help mom clean up a really big spill? Those are the sort of things that earn extra money in our household. I don't try to be so rigid about this. Different things work for different families, right? In our

family, there's an allowance, there's chores, they're totally separate, right? So I think there's so many different ways to do this, and every family kind of knows their kids and their values and what works, right? I think for me, one of the things I saw in my private practice as kids got older in certain families is parents would say, my kids, you know, essentially saying something to me like, well, how much are you going to pay me if I pick up my towel?

Right? And you're like, ooh, how did we get there? Like, none of us want to get there. Right? And there's other families who say there's a list of things that kids have to do for chores and that is related to their allowance. And we don't find ourselves getting to that situation. And for every day we change it. So I just want to empower parents listening to say there's no one right way. No one's totally cracked the code on allowance and chores and trust yourself that you can

try something that feels right. And one of the things I think that is the ultimate rule of being a parent is you are the pilot of the plane. So whatever you do as a parent, remind yourself, wait, I'm the adult. I can kind of always change direction if the winds blow a different way and you can do allowance in a way that you hadn't done before. Amen.

That's exactly right. I think the one key big takeaway here is you want your child to start seeing money, you want them to see it grow, you're helping them as they get even a little bigger, put it in a bank account because they can watch the balance grow. They're learning compounding interest as early as five, six, seven, eight. That's really powerful because they're like, wow, if I leave it in there, it's growing. The bank pays me 5%.

That's amazing. So that's the goal. And also to make money not magical because right now they don't see it. So you need to make them physically see it. Make money not magical. What age should a kid get a bank account? So I really think that, I mean, ideally, you start a savings account for your children

the day they're born and grandparents and, you know, in our household, I'd be like, we don't need one more toy. If you want to do something, why don't you put a little extra in their savings account? And I do do that pretty regularly. So I would say as early as, you know, literally their birthday. But as they get a little older, as they are seven, eight, nine, I want them to see it. I want you to log in on your phone, let them see the balance. In our household, we have our kids college savings accounts. They're five twenty nine. Our kids see it.

And we do a little check in almost every quarter where they actually can see that it's growing. My daughter understands investing now. She's like, oh my gosh, my money grows when I sleep. Yes. That's, that's, you're getting part of being a shareholder of a company is that when those people go to work, it's helping you make money. That's what investing really is, helping them understand that. And it's just those little powerful tools. So I think digital accounts really 7, 8, 9, and you're the boss, you have the logins, you're just letting them see it. You know, one of the things in our allowance guide, right, that we talk about is so important

to make allowance work for your goals for your kids. So a lot of the reasons why parents, I think, want to do allowance to some degree is I want my kid to get a sense of money. I want them to know that money doesn't grow on trees if they want this sticker thing they collect or these cards that when they say, oh, I want that, that it doesn't, like you said, just kind of magically appear, that there's a process that they might have to wait, right? And so one thing is I always encourage parents to think about and say, well, how much money

should I be giving my kids a week? Is okay, well, is there something your kid kind of wants to buy that is at the level of I don't want to keep buying this for my kid and I want them to kind of understand that there's a process to it and saving? Well then, if that's true, without a doubt, the allowance should be in an amount where there has to be waiting built in. So, if they, I don't know, want something that's cost, let's say it's $10, allowance should only be in an amount that they would have to wait a certain number of weeks to

even get that. Because if they get allowance, then immediately can go to the store. That's not actually in line with, I think, what you and I know is actually helpful to humans, which is you have to work, you have to wait, you have to watch it grow in a bucket and so just thinking again every family is different but how is this actually going to teach my kids in real-life experience the values I actually want them to have. Now instead of plucking someone else's allowance policy I have a policy that I made that actually works for what I'm trying to

achieve. That's exactly right. And the key there is we're teaching kids smart habits around patience. And patience is one of the most important things to make sure that we teach our kids. I heard it's a virtue. I'm working on it. I'm also- It's what I've heard. I'm strongly working on it too, Becky. I think one of the really big keys here, so let's take retirement, right?

For both you and I, we are saving for retirement. First, I like to reframe things like big, big, big efforts that our kids put in. So instead of calling it retirement savings, we think of it in our household as retirement spending. You are delaying gratification today so that you can do more exciting things tomorrow. And I think that's a very powerful shift for a child to really understand. And I think of my own, every time that money comes out of my paycheck and goes in my retirement account, I'm not like, oh, I'm saving. I'm like, yay, I'm bigger spending later.

And I think that's an important way to think. And for our children, there's got to be the right amount so that they have to learn to wait. That is the habit that we're teaching them, which is every time you make any money, your little allowance or a little bit of babysitting or your first summer internship, waiting at table, that money, we're going to take a chunk of it and we're going to put it away for the future so that you

can store up for things you're more excited about. And the other part of that equation, why you're teaching them to wait is you're also, life is about choices, Becky. And guess what? None of us will ever have so much money that you get all of it. It just, there is no number where you get all of it because there's always more. And that's the, that's one of the hardest parts about money is you can always want more. Yes.

So you're really teaching them to make trade-offs of what do they value and what do they want? And it's just really, do you really want that water bottle on the street or could you wait three minutes till we walk in the front door where water is free? Yeah. That's a choice. And you're teaching them to make smarter choices. And you're teaching them going back to capability. Like I'm capable of waiting.

I'm capable of, and you know, my big thing is I'm capable of tolerating frustration. That's what kind of, you know, good decision making is generally all about is tolerating the frustration of wanting and not having in the present moment. And so allowance and these policies really gives a kid the right experience their body would need to be like, wow, I did want that for three weeks.

I did want that for a long period of time. I did make a choice not to have something now, so I was more likely to have something better later. And we can't expect our kids, people always say to me like, when is my kid gonna be grateful? When is my kid gonna understand that you have to wait for something? Like when they're eight, when they're 18, I would say like, age has never just delivered skills.

What are we doing from five to eight? What are we doing from eight to 18? And if the experiences we structure for our kids shows them through living through it. The only way through the tunnel is by being in the tunnel, right? That, oh, wow, I waited. And by the way, I whined and I cried and I complained. Our kids aren't going to say, thank you for this allowance and structuring it in a way

that I have to wait three weeks to get my favorite new toy. No, no, no. They're going to whine the whole time. But that's fine because their body is learning. That's right. Oh, look at me. I did wait three weeks. I didn't like it.

Guess what? No one likes to wait. But I tolerated it and I got through it. I think that was one of the things that I learned from you, Becky. That was my most exciting light bulb moment was frustration tolerance. That's what it is.

We need to teach our kids frustration tolerance. And listen, we all want everything right now. And we live in a magical world where Amazon does deliver most things right now. And we need to teach our children, especially around money, that you're going to have to wait a lot. And in fact, if you're in your 20s trying to save for a home, you're going to be working hard for that, saving for your kids' college. You're going to work hard for that. Saving for your kids' college. You're going to work hard for that. And I think really learning to celebrate the little milestones along the way. Look,

wow, your savings account, it has $50 in it now. It used to only have 30. Doesn't that feel good? You can celebrate those many milestones with them before they get to go to the store and get it. And they really understand it. And one major breakthrough we also had in my household, I mean, let's be honest, we all go to Target and your children just like, oh my God, it's like big savages, like throwing the things in the cart. And my four-year-old was like, I mean, literally we were like pulling the thing out of her hand grips of life.

And I finally had this like little light bulb go off where I was like, that toy is $32, but she doesn't totally understand numbers yet. So I held my hands out like I was hugging a beach ball, a huge, and I go, that toy is this many quarters. Does mommy have that many quarters? And she just got it. She was like, no, you don't have hundred quarters in your pocket. And all of a sudden she got it and she could manage the frustration because she understood. And so

sometimes it's about helping them also understand money in basic little terms that they can process. And she was, she was no longer mad that she couldn't have the toy because she got it. Mom didn't have a hundred quarters in her pocket. Yeah. You know, one of the things that came in as a question when I was talking to people about doing this episode was, you know, a parent saying, I don't grow up with any money. And so this frustration tolerance you speak of, it was just built into my life. Like my whole life was wanting things and like knowing I couldn't have them. And I think it contributed probably to a lot of my drive, you know?

And my kids, though, are growing up in a very different way. And they'll often say to me, but we can afford it, but why can't you just get that, but you got it from me last week. And one of the things that makes me think about is, I don't know if other people said it too, but I remember them interview with Shaquille O'Neal, saying to his kids, like, we're not rich.

Like, I'm rich, I'm rich. Like, we, you are not rich. Like, let me just be clear, right? And what I think though that means in practicality is if you want your kids to grow up with a sense of capability and frustration, tolerance and a lack of expectation of immediate gratification around their wants and needs,

and you do have the financial means, you do have to structure things in your home in a mindful way, right? Where if kids are just getting everything they want because theoretically you can afford it, we can't expect our kids to actually have an empowered relationship with money because it has all been magical. And then my guess is there will be a day when they're out of your house where they're like, what? Like, wait, I don't know.

I actually don't have the money to do this anymore because my job basically just covers my rent and my basic necessities, right? That's exactly right. And that's why the conversation is so important in all different households, which is, first of all, mom and dad right now are paying for everything, right? Yeah, and when you are 18, you're gonna leave this amazing cocoon and you're gonna be on your own two feet building your own life and I want you to Understand what things cost and and I think so a little bit of that Becky is Opening our kids eyes to just the math that is happening around them. I think that is so important. And again, at all income levels, in all households, hey, we just went to McDonald's. That

cost $32. Hey, we just rented the movie off of Disney. That was $20. Hey, we went to Disneyland, that was $1,000. Helping kids understand that and again age appropriate. If I say that's my four year old, she is not going to process that perfectly. My nine year old gets that fundamentally and actually one of the things I've noticed now that we talk about it, when we go in the grocery store, she'll say, you know what, mom, I don't need that. And she, she now appreciates the trade off and I have to balance it with, I don't want her nervous about money either. Right. Yeah. And so I say mom and dad have enough savings for these things, but I prefer to put that extra money

towards Disney. And I think you do too. So let's make sure we get what we need and And again, you're just helping them make those choices so that when they are 18 and they're in the grocery store and they're paying for everything From their own, you know income or at college They understand trade-offs and choices and they're having to make almost 10 money decisions every day minimum Almost every single day. Yeah. And you want each of those choices to be a smart one. So I was shopping with my daughter the other day.

You know those moments where like, you're like literally not in that clothes fit. Like it just happens one day. Like, you know, she's been growing. I'm like, oh my God, she needs everything now. And she sees these shorts that she likes and there's like a whole rack of them in all these different colors.

And then below them, there's another rack that looked kind of similar. Like I could tell, like, the material's not quite as great, whatever. She sees the top ones and she tries them on. And she's like, I love these shorts. And then she's looking at all the different colors in the racks and she goes,

this is such a scam, mom. That's what she said. She looks at the one, she goes, this is such a scam, mom. That's what she said. She looks at the one, she goes, these are half the price. Like why would someone buy the top ones? And you and I know there's brands and brands, right? Like charge more, but she luckily actually isn't so consumed by that. And she just says to me, so I could get two of these for the same price as one

of these. And it was this amazing moment where I was like, that's actually right. Like that is a choice. And we have those choices all the time. And that's what she said, well, I was going to get, right, one, maybe two shirts, but can I get two of these? And she picked the less expensive one. And what I think kind of even set her up for that is I think we underestimate the power of just, I notice, I'm noticing, and then asking our kids. So, you know, oh, I'm noticing that we just made 12 cookies at home.

And you know what, cost this amount for this ingredient, sir, if you're like me, might just be like doing the slice and bake. So it costs this and much for the slice and bake. And look at it. Look at it. This store, the cookie, is the exact same price as the whole kind of cookie log. And I'm noticing that.

And then I think adding, huh, or just that. I think it's so easy to add, so it doesn't make sense. Or right, but sometimes in our life, we do just want someone to make something for us, right? We don't have to kind of shove these lessons down our kids' throat, but I feel like with my kids, the more in their presence I've just noticed, I'm noticing this, huh?

That's interesting, I noticed that. They start to be kids, like my daughter did, yes, right? Who notice, and kids are smart inherently. And when there's not shame involved and so much value judgment, they do tend to be kind of intuitive thinkers. And I really feel like I watched that play out with my daughter at the store yesterday. I love that so much. And I think there's a big part of money, which is just about street smarts.

And I would love to say that I could take money away and that there could be a decade of your life where you don't have to ever think about it, but that is not true. It is there every day of your life, through every decade, whether you're 80 or 18, it's there every day. And you're really empowering your child with street smarts around money. And one of my other examples, which is a good one for everybody listening, water, water, water in our house is free. It comes out of the tap, we can drink it.

If you go to the corner here in New York City and you buy it from the vendor on the corner, it's $2. If you go into the center of Central Park where it's on a really hot day, sometimes it costs $5. Don't get me started on Mad Square Garden. If you go to a Knicks game, it can cost $10. $15 maybe, and they don't even let you bring the top in. Exactly.

Amen. Letting your child notice that, and it's just all of a sudden, and it's the same water. All of a sudden your children start being like, should we bring a water bottle mom? When we walk out the door, they start making smart choices on their own. That's right. It's amazing.

And so I think that the noticing is a really powerful tool, Becky. I agree with you. And then jogging them with a few examples and letting them start to make their own choices as early as you can. And I wanna have one more of those conversations that I know I had recently in my home. And again, it was so powerful to kind of, you know, again, I always come back to

teaching our kids how to think, not what to think, right? And how to think is much more about questions than lectures. So we are on the Crosstown bus. And there are times we, you know, get in a cab or get in an Uber, there are times I walk, definitely, you know, I'm a big lover of the subway, but unfortunately it doesn't go across the park. And so we're on the Crosstown bus. And we were talking about how much the Crosstown bus costs versus an Uber these days, which is, really puts you back. And again, to me the conversation that's powerful is not,

well, here's the difference and so the bus is better. Because then there's like, I feel like sometimes there's this morality and that actually gets in kids way of learning. And I said, it's the difference. And so the bus is better because then there's like, I feel like sometimes there's this morality and that actually gets in kids way of learning. And I said, it's really interesting. So what, what kind of times does it really make sense to use the bus? And like, what would we have to do to make that possible? Right.

We kind of talked about how you have to carve out more time. We looked at the bus schedule so we weren't waiting for 10 minutes. And then I said, you know, to my son, when would it make sense to get in an Uber? When do you think that's worth it? And he said, well, what if you were really late for a doctor's appointment? And I said, oh, so that's a time where we may say, oh, we didn't remember to look at the bus schedule.

And yeah, that might be a time to do that. And then he said on his own, he's like, but maybe on the way back, you could take the bus. And again, I think it's just opening up this conversation and having kids start to think money and spending money is something I'm capable of thinking about in a nuanced way. And I think the whole conversation was, I don't know, 45 seconds.

Like it wasn't some like hour long, deep conversation. But I think those moments are so possible. And just all the parents listening, I want you to know that these can be really low lift, just kind of questions you ask and know that you're really increasing your kids' financial literacy, right? Right from the start.

Exactly, that's exactly right. Well, thank you for being such an amazing partner in really treating kids with respect right from the start about the life skills they need. You and I are so with respect right from the start about the life skills they need. You and I are so aligned. Let's give kids the life skills they need. And no, I just feel bad. Anyone whose career is around cosine, sine, tangent, obviously those skills are important

too. For me, they haven't been as relevant as money. But no shade to cosine, sine, and tangent. Just saying. Just saying. Just saying. I have to get that out there. I don't need those people coming after me, you know?

So two things can be true. Those things matter. Money matters. Your book, Money Matters, is amazing. And thank you for this really important conversation. Thank you so, so much. And again, I think all of your principles to parenting apply to money. They really do. I hope you got as much from that episode as I did. It is so important to be empowered with scripts and strategies so our kids can grow up understanding money. One quick thing I want to add, if you're a Good Inside member and you haven't already seen our allowance guide

and our chore guide, you haven't already seen our allowance guide and our chore guide, you don't want to miss it. The allowance guide even comes with an allowance worksheet so you can work through it with your kid and make allowance work in your family. Both of them are linked in the show notes. Thanks to Airbnb. Remember, your home could be worth more than you think. Find out more at airbnb.com

slash host. And thanks to Mommy's Bliss. Check out their new pain and fever medicine at mommysbliss.com. Thank you for listening. To share a story or ask me a question, go to goodinside.com slash podcast, or you could write me at podcast at good inside.com. Parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world. And you deserve resources and support so you feel empowered and confident for this very important job you hold. I'm so excited to share Good Inside membership. It's the first platform that brings together content and experts you trust with a global community of like valued parents. It's the first platform that brings together content and experts you trust with a global community of like-valued parents. It's game-changing and built for a busy parent who

wants to make the most out of the few minutes they have. Good Inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Jesse Baker and Eric Newsom at Magnificent Noise. Our production staff includes Sabrina Farhi, Julia Knapp, and Kristen Muller. I would also like to thank Erica Kapelsky, Mary Paniko, Brooke Zant, and the rest of the Good Inside team. And one last thing before I let you go. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle, hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside.