Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 10 - Softball Guys with David J Roth, Chris James and John Cullen

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

This week we do our first ever sports episode so we had David J Roth the Co owner of Defector Media John Cullen from patreon.com/blockedparty and podkast And of course Chris James from Not Even A Show John and Chris are total softball geeks. We look at some umpires, some guys that take the game too seriously  Check out My Patreon

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am your host, Brian Quinby. This week, we are doing some of the biggest freaks we've ever covered on this show. I mean, these are the nastiest, freakiest creeps in the world. And I brought on David J. Roth to talk to me about him, because this is my first sports episode. He's the co-owner of Defector Media. And hi. Hi, David. How are you?

Thanks. It's an honor to help you unpack the freaks. Yeah, these are some nasty, idiotic, creepy freaks. So I brought two of them on. The next person I have here is my friend and co-host from the POD cast and Blocked Party, John Cullen. And Chris is here here but he's doing a prank right now and he will come in later and he won't even know that i called him a nasty freak hey it's fine uh chris and i are both the vancouver advertising softball league b division champions of 2019 so put that on your gravestone baby what is the advertising division is that just like you

work with advertising it's the league so it actually started among like ad men back in the late 70s our our team is actually the only original team left so we our team started as the newspaper team so it was like all these ad agencies, I guess, would play each other. And then Post Media, which is the company that runs the newspapers out here, the Vancouver Sun and Province, they had a team. So we are that team, although one of the original people is left. But yeah, it's a rock and it's a good league it's it's now it's like five divisions uh and it's a pretty competitive softball league here in vancouver yeah so back when when i i decided to do this i wanted to do a sports episode and i

knew i wanted david to be the first guest on a sports episode like i had these like kind of things plotted out where like will menaker would be a guest on the first episode. Like I had these like kind of things plotted out where like Will Meneker would be a guest on the first episode about TV and Chris Wade would be on the first episode about music and stuff like that. But as soon as I said I was doing this, Chris was like, oh, I've played all the different kinds of softball named like six different kinds of softball. So we have John and Chris who are freaks.

And David, do you play softball? I haven't and chris who are freaks and david do you play softball i haven't played in years but so i've played the two types of softball that i um had access to which is like the hungover version with friends and then like the disconcertingly serious industry-specific work league experience that john is having and that one was more like traumatizing i played for like almost 10 years in a park in Brooklyn with friends and friends of friends on Sunday afternoons. And it was like, basically like we counted off by ones and twos and just broke off into teams

and played like it was very, very leisurely. And then when I worked at tops, the, the baseball card company, we had a team and I played on it, but there weren't like other baseball card companies you could play against so we just played against like local print shops

like it was like so i was facing i gave up like unbelievable tank shots to guys that are shaped like like rowdy teles or like i'm trying to think of like what dan vogel back like type like perfectly rectangular like rBI baseball looking dudes hit the ball like 380 feet off of me because I was used to pitching to my friends and just kind of like lofting the ball in there to like somebody that I was drinking beers with the night before and then it was just like a big mean guy in Oakley Blades taking me insanely deep it's it's really funny to me uh and it's so cool that you you played in brooklyn because one of the things that i learned i learned many things about softball players one

being that they're perverts and they like a sex name of a uh they're almost as bad as the sex guys who did you have planned for the the episode on sex guys like just a dming friend be like it was mike hale and and chris yeah all right actually very good choice mike has a whole i had he shared it with me too a whole doc document of a sex guy like perverts that send stuff to like people on on twitter and stuff so we we looked through that but like it was like um the one thing i learned right away and i'll read this this is a reddit thing from our softball um and i don't know why this made me so mad i mean it wasn't it didn't make me mad but it's uh what's a funny slow pitch softball team name that includes the word shock shocks with an X or shockers.

So I'm thinking that like it must. I think it's the shocker to take the two in the pink one and the stink. Oh, yeah. They definitely already have a team logo where it's just like the outline of the fingers doing the shocker. Yeah. They were like like how do we the like trophy shop that was going to make it for them it's like we will not put an asshole on the front of this jersey it has to be a word yeah it's so weird to be like a part of a thing and and what i wanted to say about brooklyn was that i learned a lot about people who play

softball in brooklyn that it is incredibly dangerous because the um the fields are close together so some of the outfielders for the other game are facing you're like they said you're like standing between the outfielders from each game are standing between each other so there's some people that are just sitting there with their back turned you get the outfielder from the other field to like warn you if the ball's coming yeah like basically if you hear like a startled or dismayed sound behind you like the move is to put your glove over the back of your head to try to protect yourself jesus i'm afraid of i played baseball as a kid uh very

afraid of it but my first encounter with a softball guy was uh when i was working as a cable guy um this guy was like i had known that people played softball of course and i i may have even played a couple of times or whatever in like these like side league things for the cable company or something like that just as like a fun contractors versus in-house kind of situation but then this guy got a job with me that i had known growing up and they had me train him because we kind of had known each other earlier and we'd hung out and like every friday i'd go to the shop at at 11 o'clock and because i worked 11 to 8 we would go to the office at 11 o'clock in the morning get all of our equipment we would

take off and this guy would fucking every single friday talk me into dropping him off at home directly at like 11 30 and then telling the boss that he rode with me because he had to go to soft and i did it because he was fucking annoying you know like i was like sure whatever i don't care but it was like i had never encountered somebody who was like leaving on a friday afternoon to go play softball for the whole entire weekend and then he started explaining that there's money in it and i was like oh okay now because he was doing he wasn't drinking it wasn't beer league this motherfucker was playing real softball oh that is another level of pervertedness that there's every now and then one of those guys

would get like invited into our sunday games and would show up with like like sliding pads on under their shorts and like spikes on and we just have to be like you gotta like we don't do that yeah yeah you're coming in a little bit too hot uh for us here yeah there is a uh like in canada and i'm sure this maybe exists in the states also uh but we actually have like a slow pitch nationals which is hilarious to me that you would play slow pitch at a level where you would compete for some sort of national championship. Like it's a version of a game that was invented for people who don't want to play the real game who are like, no,

I want a slower, easier version of softball. And then, and then these perverted guys were like, okay, fine. We'll take your slow, easy version of softball and then slam it full of monster energy drinks and

shocker logos and fucking get ripped on the weekend like it's fucking insane that's the magic of it is taking like this is i think where softball guys shine but in general this is kind of like you can find it anywhere that you uh wind up with too many dudes in one social space is taking something that was like designed to be the sort of like chill low-key version of things and then just making it bad yeah it does feel like there is there as i'm i'm researching these guys and chris is here hey chris hey hey everyone sorry that i'm late um i was i don't even want to get into it it was this guy who he he i'm gonna get into it

just a little bit chris was in the batting cage getting ready for our soft there's this guy who he he i'm gonna get into it just a little bit chris was in the batting cage getting ready for our softball season this guy i would i had a i won't say who it was because it'll date the episode but there's a gentleman who was in the news for some big thing with the school board and i was interviewing him and he was stringing me along on this school board call and then he fucking sent an email saying they just got a message they're not allowed to speak to the press and i just want to be like i'm not actually the press i'm a fucking prankster i'm just gonna fuck with you i wrote a whole fucking rap song just to make fun of you and now i can't fucking use that you piece of shit i i really lost it on him i

might have gone overboard i believe i started saying things like you know you're wherever your parents are you old fuck they must be humiliated for what you've become have your lawyers call me right away things of that nature so anyways glad to be here how you guys do yeah well i i gotta tell you that you were introduced as a nasty freak pervert because you play softball because you know uh i find them very weird. Okay, well, hang on a second. I think, as you guys have probably already discussed, there are degrees. And as I came in, you guys were discussing that a little bit. I want to clarify, John will know I don't play on a team that has a porno name. I don't.

We don't. You know, we're totally a cool, normal group of softball guys. No, you're not. My name is the anal fuckers. No, that's not. You you know it's the i've tried to it's the anal i try to think of even a funny play on it but um but the oakland anal fetics my question my thing is when i told you we were doing this episode you're like oh i can't wait for that one and then you named like six different kinds of softball yeah but that's first off i didn't you're exaggerating i named three i named

three at least and i named them all and normal people can name them brian i that doesn't make me a freak because i know what orthodox is okay orthodox is now david david you know orthodox i'm making the doesn't know what orthodox I know people are just hearing this. So I probably know what you're talking about, but I've not heard the like technical jargon for it. Like, I know that there's like normal softball and intense softball is basically how you know it. There's like slow and fast. What we have in Canada, at least, I don't know. Maybe this isn't even a thing in America. Who knows? But we have slow pitch,

fast pitch, and orthodox. Fast pitch is your windmill. That's your highest level. Slow pitch is your slow pitch. And then orthodox is you can throw it as hard as you can without windmill. You know what I mean? So you can pitch like that, but you can pitch as hard as you can. That's what I always played when I was

younger. Not when I was a little younger. yeah i i play in i play both i play slow pitch with chris and then i also play in an orthodox league you don't play any fast pitch so you guys are kind of i didn't grow up playing fast pitch it's it's a totally different yeah i grew up playing hardball hardball we played hard ball so yeah a lot of the times fast pitch as well yeah as we're talking about fast pitch is like high level shit so it's like you gotta the teams are serious about it so no i have a normal life and i don't i can't dedicate it to being on like a high level sports team anymore true i did i did read off this this guy asking for shock name so i'm gonna give you the names he was suggested in uh in the thing aw shocks foxy shocksies shock shock yeah chris to get

you up to speed this is from uh the r softball uh subreddit someone was looking for uh for a team name with a shocker pun in it basically oh like the shocker the sexual thing because i wasn't really drawing i was like why is this even sexual but i forgot about the old shocker yeah i was saying to brian it's for sure a team that just wants to have the hand as the logo yeah yeah they might also attend i'm sorry it's also a 10 chance that this guy works for like the electric company too yeah it could be sponsored by because that is kind of a cool way to do it you're like hey we're sponsored by the electrical company but also shockers are the really gross sex thing as well so that's a very plausible deniability when you have to explain to people

while you're yeah walking around with the the shocker fingers on the hat that you had custom made for yourself no that's a that's a electrician who's lost his finger in a horrible accident some gave all no one understands That's an electrician who's lost his finger in a horrible accident. Some gave all. No one understands. So shock doctors is one and aftershocks. And two buck shocks, which I don't. I've been trying to figure that out for two days. The biggest issue is that they keep saying shocks and shocks is not associated with shocker at all

you have to say the er part or else it's a different word that doesn't mean a sex thing yeah yeah it's s-h-o-x but also i spent a lot of time on on our slow pitch too so i thought i'd uh get into this piece here uh this guy is losing jawaka 99 Is losing interest in today's softball Is anyone else losing? It's a sad story It's just been the same forever Softball hasn't changed People have, society has

Softball's gone woke I was going to say, is this like a wokeism issue? He had to do like a DEI Workshop before joining his Team Buttplugs I mean, I Wonder if there are any names issue like he's he had to do like a dei workshop before uh joining his team but plugs yeah they i mean i i wonder if there are any names that get banned you know nowadays that aren't allowed anymore we'll have some names later that i do oh definitely i know there was there was a long running joke in my ball hockey league at ubc where every year the team would submit their team name as the bastards and the

league itself would censor it to fatherless children um and so and but they and they would just so they were the fatherless children in the standings and everything but then every year they wouldn't just write fatherless children they would still write bastards on the form and they would just change it every year and that was like their big that is kind of going woke your league did kind of go whoa it is interesting because like it seems like any any sport where you're allowed to make the team name it's probably a not a good thing because like my daughter played you know soccer growing up and one of the boys teams was called the golden toilets. And the parents were just like, go ahead.

I don't fucking care. Name yourselves the golden toilets. So it's like, it seems like if you're allowed to make up the names, like if the NFL or NFL, if the MLB every year was like, okay, everybody gets to make up a new name. That would probably get a little. Like you think that they would be you think eventually you'd get like this san francisco stinky like you'd get some real nasty like it's fucking baseball guys like this is they'd all be like every team would be trying

to call themselves like the pearl necklaces or something and like rob bandred would have to be like it's a thing they love their moms like it would just be like completely disgusting that's just the type of people we're dealing with so this guy goes is anyone else losing interest in all the videos being posted showing people hitting bombs with bats that are designed to let almost anyone hit a bomb and similar balls i'll admit it i'm likely a bit older and the rest of the people here and this may come as across as old man yelling at clouds but the technology is taking the fun out of the game for me i just read this article on esbn about golf and how far people are driving the ball recently and couldn't help compare it to softball which i did

learn that they are very close the golf community and the softball community are very close with each other uh like it's basically the same guys i almost don't have to do a golf guys episode and he goes and i know there's likely going to be the people saying you still need to hit it square but let's be honest the bats make a huge difference the most popular post on this site is what bat should i buy if the bats didn't make a huge difference nobody would care what they use I don't think that's true yeah I mean he's he is right that they're the bats have made it easier to hit jacks but I just don't know why you would be against that I mean again this is not professional level shit I mean I guess like he's talking about slow pitch so it's like yeah it's fun when you get to hit jacks the only thing that is a little bit dangerous about it that

you encounter is people can hit the ball a little too hard and then people get hit with the ball and that's more of a brian laughs like people get laughs we literally watched a guy get his orbital boat yeah like we watched the guy right in front of our face at the in the finals a couple years ago yeah i got his orbital like just a line drive from a guy who played college ball you know and he's hitting with this slow pitch bat and just this guy's playing third base i mean that is not a long distance and slow pitch between home plate and third base that ball is common that's more of an issue so if he had come at it from that point of view but it sounds to me like this guy's just like i want to be the only one who's hitting balls yeah or you can't make like a baseball purist

argument in slow pitch softball like you can't be like it used to be about like hitting behind the runner and like you know just try like productive outs and like that's not yeah the whole point of the game is that you can play it in shorts and stand perfectly still, except when you're like running out a ball that you hit. Like it's not like there is a more refined version. You can be drunk. That's a key element to it is that you can be extremely intoxicated while you play. And that's acceptable and OK. And any time that's the case, you cannot take that as seriously in any way.

Well, and this is where this is going to remind people of the hot sauce guys episode but he then says same as steroids and baseball if they didn't make a difference people wouldn't use them now here's the hot sauce exact same as steroids and baseball here is the hot sauce guy moment of this post as i've gotten older I can still hit bombs here and there. Oh, that's nice. You know it. You know it. Now, can I tell a very quick story, a slow-pitch story? I said it on Twitter, but it was this really old, drunk guy in East Vancouver that I was walking by,

and he was so drunk, like blacked out, and he was just sitting in the dugout yelling, you fucking suck. You can't fucking hit shit. Like just going, and they were laughing. The two teams, it was a really casual game. They were laughing about it. And I kind of stopped to like see, because it was really interesting.

He was like yelling so much shit. They were all giving it back to him. Finally, they said, buddy, you get up here. You know? And this guy was like, honestly, he was like 65 to seven years old, super out of shape. And he fucking stepped up on the first pitch, hit an absolute fucking bomb on top of the roof of the school we're playing at. And nobody could fucking believe it.

It was one of the great softball moments I've ever seen in my life. I love it. I love that. Well, actually, there was an article. I love that. Well, actually, there was an article. There was a section on, so I was on softball.com, which I believe is where they gather to, softballfans.com is what it is.

And Waldo, 8403, had a question, and I'm curious what you guys would think of this. Played catcher the other night, and the other team got pissed at me for talking behind the plate i never yelled or did anything to try and startle them i would say things like that's a nice pitch or that's strike three i guess that kind of stuff has never bothered me granted if i was yelling at the top of my lungs it would be a different story but i don't even think the shortstop could hear me oh god that's the yeah you don't i think if you're doing an annoying thing and then people get annoyed by it like that's maybe not even worth a post on the message board

like that yeah i think this this person doesn't seem to really just understand like basic sort of human interaction because it's like yeah yes what you're you're sitting there behind the play good like there's a nice try like you're you're being the most annoying fucking like i can't even imagine somebody doing that i don't know that i've ever encountered that in slow pitch somebody not not unless yeah not someone not related to the game yeah yeah i mean i think like muttering it is worse than yelling it too like it's the sort of thing like then you're you're just kind of like needling someone as opposed to just being like chris's guy where you're like sort of sitting in the dugout

be like that was too fucking slow and then you come out there and you know whatever it's a completely yeah it's it's kind of like in comedy right like if you get heckled you would rather it be out loud so everyone in the room can hear it because then if you give it back to the heckler everyone in the room goes well i know that that's inappropriate behavior it makes sense that the comedian dealt with it in that way as opposed to someone who's just kind of like sitting in the front row making little comments on all your jokes because then the room can't really hear them yeah and then if you go after them everyone in the room is like whoa that comedian is mean like if you were to just like if you if the guy was muttering behind the plate as the catcher and

you just turned around and gave him that classic i don't know if you've seen that clip where the guy does like the drop kick to the yeah to the catcher he just gave one of those to his chest everyone would be like what the fuck but if they heard him yelling they'd be like okay yeah it makes sense he dropped he makes sense he drop kicked him yeah yeah back when i did stand up i was uh performing at this restaurant that was actually kind of loud or whatever so that sounds sounds like a good gig it was an open mic yeah but i've been to many of those it was in the front of the restaurant nobody wanted it nobody wanted to hear the comedy yeah and but there was this these these people sitting right in front of the stage that i guess wanted to hear it and i was like doing my jokes and i did like

three jokes in a row that got nothing and i'm like i guess you guys uh don't like that one and i just heard the girl whisper to her friend uh no it's just not funny and it was devastating i went home and tried to figure out my life yeah but reds fan replied uh who needs it to be quiet to hit a softball you did your job correctly and got in their heads no see these people, this is you're not trying to get in people's heads in this. If you are, you're doing it wrong. I'm sorry.

It's not like they're trying to make a putt on 18 to win the Masters. It's softball. This team sounds like a bunch of bitches is what Reds say. I'll say this as I can think of some pretty funny names for them though that would yeah sons of sons of pitches yeah that's a that's a classic softball team

that's we we play against somebody we play against a team called sons of pitches I have all the names from our league up right now actually let's hear some yeah let's uh this is this is a classic one uh and we hate this team uh and this is this is i've seen this name in other leagues as well dm sliders the dm sliders sliding into the dms and by the way every single one of their numbers is 69 yeah chris is not making that i'm not making that up it's a co-ed league they make the women are the team were 69 too yeah they're and they're really a really like a really really that's the guy who hit the ball who broke the guy's orbital bone because they have this guy on their team who was like the starting catcher for kansas university

and is just like hits the ball like we we watched the guy on their team hit the ball like 350 feet with a softball and slow pitch like yeah just unbelievable unbelievable that's a good good yeah so we've got we've got sons of pitches of course which is a classic and this is a classic canadian name you'll see in a lot of these leagues brew jays all the brew jays because they like drinking beers yeah totally and that that was the one like my dad was played orthodox and i grew up watching orthodox like high level orthodox my whole life and the brew jays was like one of the top teams so they've all that's always got a place in my heart brew jays then we've got of course the classic tainted glove what kind of people are you playing i guess you're advertisers and yes well not really not really no no so this league is not advertising

league anymore like what i was saying is like we are the only team related to an ad team left and even there and even then it's it's one person from the original team and the rest is all new the bruges are just guys that are friends with each other or do they all work in an office together no no it's just all friends like this league is not it's just it's still called the advertising league. It started as the advertising league, but now it's just a, no, it's just a public league. It's a public league. Yeah. Anybody can join it.

And then there's sick bunts is always a classic. Any sort of bunt slash C word name is always, that doesn't make sense. That doesn't track. Yeah. I know. It doesn't really, you know, doesn't really you know you get things like that yeah stunning bunts uh sick bunts uh and then yeah there's not really a lot of other

like really terrible names scared hitless uh pretty pretty rough that's a bad name to like call yourself as a baseball team really i did want to note as well and this is just really difficult to see to be quite honest with you and i didn't realize this, but so Chris and I play in the B division in this league. And like I said, there's about 40 teams in the league and there's five divisions. And so we're in the B division and the team that finished last in our division had a run differential this last season of minus 185. So they had a tough year. They had a tough time getting that last out and getting out of innings, I think, was a big issue for them.

And keep in mind, there's a five-run limit on innings. There's a five-run limit. So minus 185 is incredible. There's no number of games in a season that would make that okay. Like, if you played a 162-game Major League Baseball season, that's a rough one. By the way, we don't play 162. It's baseball season. And by the way, we don't. That's a rough one. It didn't work. By the way, we don't.

We don't play 162. It's 18 games. It's 18 games. So it's literally like they lost every game by 10 runs on average. Well, Raider Ryder mentioned in this etiquette talk, he said, I'm usually chatting with the umpire. If I know the batter, I'll talk some smack. If the other team is complaining, there are a bunch of lames so i think you guys are the ones that are playing

i promise you i've played in many leagues and i promise you this is not like that guy said if you know the person there's some people in the league that we've been playing for a number of years and we kind of know them or whatever and we'll say like i uh probably gonna fly out to center hey i'm guessing or something like that like someone that you're friendly with that you know that they'll give it back to you or whatever but just saying it to every person the entire game i mean there is nobody who wouldn't get annoyed by that it's also one of those things that's like not it wouldn't be crazy to hear about like professional baseball players doing this to each other like that was

like always a thing that when i was growing up that there was like this catcher loved to talk this first baseman would like you know whatever tell jokes and try to distract the runner and like pick off sort of scenario or whatever that's like normal but when you're not a professional baseball player and you're acting like a professional baseball player you're basically like it's like you're walking around in your pajamas or something you're just being a little kid in a weird yeah we and then chris i'll like chris will back me up on that we had a woman on our team for two years who played catcher and who talked constantly and almost after every game chris and i would get in the car after the game and be like fuck i wish she wasn't on our team oh yeah and even then like the stuff she was

saying it was horrible it was never directed at them no so it was never like that it was it was always like she she was really she was a classic she's a classic softball woman she would she would be like she'd be like i ain't missed it by a cunt hair something like that you know and she oh brian you'd actually she's a wrestler no no word of a lie she's like involved in wrestling and her her partner is was like a a wrestler who like wrestled you know quite a bit and like a big classic wrestling looking oh you couldn't imagine how much of a red like just built like a complete square yeah wore only sweatsuits exclusively uh yeah he she was she's she was a little bit but even then it's like yeah she was saying it loudly everybody could hear it it was all kind of part of it and like yeah even then it was annoying though yeah well let me let me

like we do get some input from tw mccoy who is a van anpire, not a vampire. I almost said vampire. That's a common mistake. Don't get yourself up. Totally. And some of these umpires these days, right? Nowadays with the woke stuff. Any professional umpire won't carry on conversations with the catcher or batter during at-bats. It's distracting to all involved.

So the umpire being a voice of reason and uh serious yeah but also in our league we have the same like three or four umpires and we constantly chirp back and forth oh yeah it's also part of it like if you're in a true slow pitch league it's like yeah we all the teams we play we've known forever and it's yeah it's the same three or four umpires and it's always joe i think you missed that call joe joe joe you're you're honestly the worst umpire by far you could say stuff like that so you know they're just like oh yeah not as bad as you are you know like as a player you know they're just like giving it back it's just kind of all in the fun of it but yeah i think that what's happening on a posting board often is people are posting things having no concept of the league they're discussing or the like any of that. They're just like, this is for me what it's like.

So it must be like that for you. Well, Dunkey said, I personally don't like to talk. So it's annoying when catcher constantly doing the talk and playing umpire. This ain't stand up comedy and you ain't funny. Occasionally, yes. Oh, but every freaking at bat no go do your stand-up comedy instead then oh not talking about you op original poster just general opinion so i said op for a second there jeez yeah but he's up to some weird shit right

now we're not getting into it but you sent me that tag we're not going to talk about it that's a nice my wife you're gonna make sure opi gets into every episode so that guy's he's got a good point there by the way people try to be funny is annoying brian how much so this is that conversation devolved into umpires talking to each other. Is that what you saw in that thread? Yeah. Well, no. It was players that were generally just like,

I like talking shit. And then an umpire would pop in and be like, that's not cool what you're doing. Do not talk to the umpire. So just like an umpire in real life. Yeah, I see. It's like classic. I'm going to make a ruling here on this one.

Like, butt out. Well, you guys want to hear umpire in real life it's like yeah it's like classic i'm gonna make a ruling here on this one like it butt out yeah well you guys want to hear life the baseman posted crazy thing happened on the ball field for softball fans and this is this is what the crazy thing was last game of the year i'm playing first ball hit me on the ground as i'm about to close my glove, the runner from first stepped on my glove, causing the ball to jump up my glove. I was able to barehanded and tag her then with my glove still under her foot, ran to first and got the second out. When I explained to the ump she should have been out regardless,

he said she had the right to run the base path, might look for a new league next summer. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, whoa. I can't see. She does have the right to run the base path might look for a new league next summer. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, whoa. I can't see. She does have the right to run.

She does. So the, the ump is correct. Also the scenario he's describing is impossible to imagine. There's too many things happening in the same space at the same time. We've got a cynic here. Okay. Okay.

So I'm a, I'm a sort of a conspiracy guy. So I like to believe, so i can see how this can happen but you're saying that mathematically scientifically it's impossible i just feel like everybody's standing too close to each other and one of them is supposed to be running and one of them is supposed to be fielding so we're assuming if this person is reaching out with their glove for a ball yeah yeah at the moment that a person's foot lands on his glove correct then causes the ball to roll up his arm he catches the ball with his hand the

person is still standing on his glove at that point and then he tags her right away and he also says he went to the base too so that's part of that that was after yeah all of this is happening in the space the size of a phone booth over like i just it doesn't feel uh right to me but you know this is things happen he did say a funny thing happened on the ball field and that would be a pretty funny thing i think it's funny because yeah it's not there's it's not actually i was i was thinking it was going to be funnier it was sort of just a thing that happened um but i think when david when david describes it it does seem maybe not exactly plausible in the exact way he said it happened i think maybe he's trying to

make himself seem a little cooler in whatever way like you know make it seem like a really fucking cool thing that happened i do also like the idea that the girl stepped on my glove yeah and then she was just like oh my god are you single like and this is my wife now this is who i'm married to and we have two kids it's also just i love the idea of a guy who the umpire makes what we all we know is the umpire has made one bad call and that is an in his mind it's the right call but in his mind yeah in his mind the umpires made one bad call and he's like i gotta go to another league i can't there's another league where the umpire will never mess i was gonna say i hate to break it to this guy but you're gonna

get some missed calls and slow pitch it sort of comes with the territory you're literally one ump behind the plate and he's like making calls out at second base he misses them like there's 10 missed calls a game it's part of it i can't imagine getting so mad about one play that i'm just like i'm fucking out of here well our league where the umps are fucking on top of the action i'm gonna join the major league baseball though i'm gonna train them properly you know and even they fuck up yeah i was gonna say there's not a league on earth where like you're like oh well you know what i think you're you were paying closer attention to that one than me like even this is that's what i was thinking about with the people coming in and brian's thing with like the umps like crashing into this channel and being like you guys want

me to shut the fuck up okay get out of my face yeah that like that vibe projects through i mean i hadn't had that many bad experiences with umps playing softball because most of the games that i played were like pickup with my friends and then when i played in other ones it was like it wasn't the umps fault that i gave up like a fucking tank to some giant guy that worked in a print shop that was on me it's the bats are too easy yeah it's like a total Mickey Mouse shit. Are the umps somebody, like when you're in a league, do you really not like the umps like in Major League Baseball?

No, no. I mean, there's the odd one you don't like because it's like they're so incompetent. It's like another level. Or they're mean. Sometimes they can be legitimately mean yeah sometimes they can be legitimately mean sometimes they can be mean they can be having issues in their own life which we all do and they might bring it out to the field and they're maybe drinking or whatever i've definitely encountered

umps who have been drunk and that becomes an issue when the ump is drunk or whatever you know um but yeah even the ones that are bad i feel like you don't hate them you just know they're bad you know you still it still it doesn't really matter if you win or lose so there's no real reason to hate you give them some stick you'll give them a little bit of hey you missed that caller and you might even be mad you might even be like come on that's unbelievable you know but for a moment you might be like oh man what the heck seconds later you're like yeah who cares whatever it's over and i i want to add one thing about the bats. That's very funny that Chris and I have gone through is there is a bat out right now made

by the bat company worth. It's called the watermelon because it has a neon green finish and pink finish on the bat. It's called the watermelon. And it is such a good bat that it has been banned in more serious leagues. However, as we've mentioned, our league is not that serious,

but we play against teams who play in these other serious leagues and you will get people on the other team be like, Oh, using a watermelon. Hey, okay. Maybe I'll go get mine out of my car then, you know,

or whatever. And you're like, yeah, okay, man. Yeah. Go get it out of your car. Great. And then he goes and gets it and he hits the third basement of the orbital bone

everyone gotta call a damn ambulance you talked him into it so they told me to the ump did did reply the same ump from the other one and said as an ump which he i think i looked at like a bunch of his posts and a lot of them started with as an ump uh he's just trying to project authority in the thread feeling my time reddit username as an ump 11 as an ump i would have seen i would have to see the play to make a ruling in terms of interference i've definitely never seen a base runner step on a fielder's glove while a play is being made that it was a woman uh in parentheses probably a super rec player explains a lot so oh oh no don't get me started on their driving i mean this guy, this guy, why did he become misogynist? Nobody was looking for that.

Nobody was running up that tree. That was really weird. That's a really weird, especially because, yeah, I mean, what does it explain? You just said you don't know who was in the right. You don't know if she was on the base path or not. It's like the original poster was trying to complain about umps. And he's like, well, you know what? Honestly, I think the real problem here is chicks.

If we could get the focus off of umps. Right. I feel like you're in a sort of argumentative cul-de-sac of sorts here. I want to direct you back to that bitch. Now I have a question for you the ump was she a woman because then we might have some talk about here no the ump was not a woman okay um not that i know of so another thing i learned about softball guys is that uh there's a big problem in in the uh in the hobby and it's called blackouts and quitters

uh teams very hard to keep together from what i understand yes that is absolutely true i just actually i don't know if you got a message today john did you about i got a message from our friend steve uh from our softball team saying hey are you are you going to be playing to be playing this year? And could you get your friend to come out? We could really use the numbers. So this is a thing that we experience all the time. It's hard. People are adults. As we said,

it's not their whole life. They have other stuff going on. It's hard to prioritize. Yeah. Oh, you had a kid. So you're going to quit. Sounds like a super rec player to me.

Yeah. Pregnant. So you're gonna quit hey okay oh what you're moving away to a different country and so now you're not gonna play anymore okay cool total casual flights i'd take flights spirit's pretty cheap spirit's pretty cheap what are you telling me you can't make it back for playoff weekend even playoff weekend maybe just come for that yeah exactly it'd be so easy to do but yeah uh yeah we definitely every year we have a turnover of probably at least three players if not more softball softball softball 101 said i'm trying to find a happy medium between keeping people happy and keeping them on the team which i would think that like those are mutually exclusive what's the middle ground between those

two why god i fucking hate softball but i just i gotta go every week i hate my team i hate the sport but i'm i'm just too loyal i can't leave what is he yeah what is okay let's let's hear this person out is there is there more is that just the whole thing? Do you have any advice on how to keep people around and them not quit on you? My team isn't terrible, but some people, after one or two losses, they will quit the team. This is making it exceedingly hard to build a solid squad when constantly having to pick players up. Another thing is people backing out at the last minute. And I always get some type of lame excuse and it's usually the people who won't pay you when i ask for the money from the team

should i put those people on blast on social media when i do that i'm not sponsored so we'll calculate the tournament amount and if someone stiffs me or doesn't show that shortfall falls on me to pay maybe this all comes with territory. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong because I've seen team. I've seen teams, some great and some terrible stick together for years. This makes me sad a little bit. This guy desperately wants to make a team. That's like a community.

That's a group that works and is like, he wants it to happen so badly, but it's just not happening for him. It is a struggle. It is hard. There's a chance that he's a horrible guy. He has a bad personality and people don't want to be around him.

That's a possibility. And it's kind of latent in the question too, because it's like if everybody, you know, whatever, there are teams where people do better. You were just talking about a team that lost every game by 10.2 runs over the course of an entire summer.

And like, obviously they kept coming out and getting their dicks kicked in by people in this league. So it can work if it's fun. That's the part where it's like keeping people happy, making people happy is kind of the purpose of doing it at this point. Nobody's really making money off of it. You can have fun and not win. It's obvious you don't want to be losing every game.

It does get to be a little bit much where you're just getting battered and just chasing balls out in the outfield and it can get a little tiring. For me to watch, if I saw you and John playing and you were losing all your games, it'd be good for me. You were sitting behind the old plate being like, that's a good pitch.

Ryan, when do you come into Vancouver? That's up to John. Oh, okay. That's not. Is it in softball season, John? Probably not. Ah, that's too bad because that would be fun to have you come out to a game.

Hey, it's the type of league where you could get in and have a swing or two, and we could film it and put it up on the internet and then laugh at you. Oh, no, I don't want that. Okay. I don't want to swing a bat ever. No way. By the way, if you did watch his play you might if you had to come out a couple of years ago in the finals against caught looking uh which

is a really strong team with two players that were drafted to the major leagues that's true actually seen no they were hardball pitchers anyway well so i would have seen oh hang on i just cut out for a second but i just wanted to say john made an incredible catch to win the championship like a willie mays style over the head like it was like a home run like it was over his head in left field and he made a full-on running leaping catch to win the entire championship i would i would have hated to see that that's not my kind of thing at all they were the number one seed they hadn't lost all year yeah they were the best yeah uh i like to win replied to this and said zero tolerance is the

only policy well i don't know that you're getting uh i mean i love to win might be a little bit biased it's also like a classic internet experience of like asking for advice on interpersonal matters at like r slash sociopaths and everybody's like no you gotta you gotta fleece them or these whatever you ever tried sneaking up on them and just fucking clobbering them with a fucking right hand out of nowhere you show them uh you know asserting yourself friendships are built on that yeah you should not ask these people for advice on things that because they don't have any insight into your situation yeah well he says you owe and don't pay you don't play missing for injuries family or work only and known in advance anything

last minute better be a full-blown emergency or you're gone simple too many teams allow guys to get away with poor behavior slash commitment and then cry woe is me hold people accountable or they often won't be so that was fun hold people accountable and you won't have a team yeah that's that's the reality of it i'm sorry to say man you can't just be like all right you're gone and then they're like okay you don't have any bargaining chips you don't have a bunch of other players to like fill their space they have all of the power it's like it's like in yeah lining up waiting for an opportunity to be berated by me because they were slightly late or had a headache yeah yeah it's chris and i chris and i play in a co-ed league where you need to have four women on the field at all times if you are a woman on any

of these teams you could do literally anything you want at any time and no one could say anything to you show up halfway through the game just wander up without your cleats on everyone's just like hey thanks for coming oh fuck yes go step on

the first baseman's glove for fuck's sake run Dunkey said yeah go step on the first baseman's glove for fuck's sake run donkey said are do you enjoy managing no such thing as headachless managerial task otherwise i would not try to babysit a bunch of grown-up adults they don't deserve your attention your kids do not them so that's a good point if he has if they do have kids and you know but i think this person's not like i think it's a bit of a leap to say that they're just sort of not dealing with their kids did the original poster reply being like no i have nothing else in my life no i mean he can't have anything in his life i mean you're totally right to to to do a hobby which is a lot of what we cover on this show too is like groups of hobbyists and

stuff like that and to to institute a zero tolerance policy is just so counter to have fun like a fun hobby and community yeah it's so funny just summertime like the games take place in the summertime so you just cannot expect 100 attendance from everybody you cannot expect things aren't gonna come up like i mean i'm we've had players who are like ah fuck i got too drunk this afternoon i can't play tonight oh and you're just like yeah and you're just like okay like i got day drunk i can't play okay well sure one time one time I played slow pitch with this guy and he see you want them to not show up when they're so drunk like this guy one time he showed up and he was so drunk you know and it's my favorite thing ever happened in slow pitch he

just went up to bat and then he just stood there and he watched three strikes he didn't swing the bat once just three strikes all hit the hit the bat that he struck out and turned around and walked away I still think about it to this day um but yeah i mean it's just yeah there's you don't need a good excuse you're happy with whoever shows up john and i will get annoyed with that sometimes too because we have to play with not enough players and yeah it's annoying you get annoyed with it but it's just part of playing slow pitch well this guy replied and said same here every season i lose a few and gain a few i just bug the shit out of them to pay once paid i could care less if they don't show up because of a hangnail

i know many guys i can call at a moment's notice no he doesn't no he doesn't if he knows a bunch of people he can call at a moment's notice they'd be on his team well the problem with those guys they don't pay hence the reason they're on his pickup list though i see okay they don't have the money for it but then they're willing to play so this guy's got a pretty good system going on he has the power now he's got the power back in his yeah that's nice well the kid 33 said gotta have everyone pay ahead of time if you want to protect yourself against people backing out now if someone quits after paying which has happened on my team more often than you'd think a guy paid 40 last fall and played one week.

I mean, that's something I would do. That's also one of those things where, like, at some point, like, if you're playing for some of these guys, like, the math you're doing in your head is, like, is it worth $40 to me to not have to talk to this person again? Yeah, yeah. You go to one game. You pay $40. You go to one game game and everybody's extremely annoying yeah like mean and too intense you just be like all right well like lesson learned

and he says put he says putting together a winning team is tough it's rare that you don't get an asshat in the bunch who decides it's time to flake out or gets frustrated when you lose a few in a row that's why you make sure everyone pays ahead of time. So if and when that does happen, at least you aren't out money. It took me two to three years of managing and fronting fees and losing out on $300 probably to realize not everyone who is an adult is actually an adult and pays their fees or keeps their commitment. So that was a nice one. And then this guy, I, I'm going to say his name and I'm against it. I don't, I don't. His name is Short Yellow Bus.

And he says a quiet dugout is a losing dugout. Think about that. Everyone's happy to be on a winning team, but doesn't want to put in the work to continue winning. God, these guys are so fucking serious. I like, these are the most serious guys since the sex guys i would say eventually the losing starts and players start considering leaving so this is what he does and i like this guy even though i don't like his name i play music i bought a good speaker to keep the energy up i bring beer for the first few weeks of the season which is like maybe you should bring it

for the whole why you're only at first like it's like getting you hooked you gotta get a beer fund you get a beer fund going i think that's what he does he probably gets it going for the first little bit to get it in the you know get it gets everyone excited about it and then you get a beer fund where people put into it or whatever and someone buys all the beer but that's key yeah having music you know beers making a party atmosphere yeah and he goes uh i bring beer so he goes i bring bats to the game and host batting practice i obviously do more than most would but i have 28 guys who play regularly plus another dozen that won in just like developing a decent swing managing a softball team takes hard work if you're not working towards being a better manager, don't whine when people decide to quit softball and play tennis instead.

Well, I think they're playing pickleball now. Yeah. So 28 guys on one roster. It means that that is larger than the average Major League Baseball team's roster. Yeah. They're running with a pretty high number there. I think maybe some of those guys aren't getting many ABs. Yeah.

And that actually makes some sense. If you're paid and you want to go play softball and you show up and basically you just have to sit in your boom box playing a Steve Miller band song and you never actually get to go out there, I guess it's still not bad because there's beer for the first few weeks. Depends what you want. Some people just want that. Some people... We have people on our team yeah that are we have one guy on our team in particular who you just be happy to not play you know he wants to come out he's clearly there for the hanging out for the camaraderie he's been on the team for a while so

he knows everyone it's a group of friends like i like the team so i like them so i also like to play softball so i probably we're the same like he's he he's happy he wants to play but he's happy if he gets like two or three innings of the nine and then yeah drinks beer the rest of the time he's like yeah that's good for me and but i'm with chris yeah like i'm one t one time a team brought me out to spare and then they found out once i got there they didn't need a spare and it was a double header and they sat me for six innings in a row and so i just left yeah i was like why am i why am i here they didn't need a spare and it was a double header and they sat me for six innings in a row. And so I just left. I was like, why am I

here? You don't need me. You're not playing me. And I was better than most of them. So that was even more frustrating. That's frustrating. Yeah. Well, I'm going to give them very good. Just joking. John's a good player. I want to clarify after my joke that John is good at softball. Well, now

it's time for us before we finish. We got two more things I want to do. First, I want to read the 10 john is good at softball well now it's time for us before we finish we got two more things i want to do first i want to read the 10 commandments of beer league softball and who wrote these as an employee this was anybody wrote them they were sort of handed i see it's one of those things where you don't they were already engraved in the tablet. This is off of InsideHook.com. I have no idea what that means. Number one, Val shall not have other distractions during the game.

He explains, just because professional baseball players can't stay off their cell phones during games doesn't give you an excuse to do the same thing. Oh my god. Sorry, what? I don't't know there's a link here i'll click the link like they doesn't want you to be checking your cell phone during the game yeah like you need to hold yourself to a higher standard than joey vato if you want to play just

because joey vato thinks he can go on his cell phone in a major league baseball game where he's being paid millions of dollars for as part of his career, it doesn't mean you can check and see if your kids are done at school on your cell phone in between innings at the slow pitch game. Your phone belongs in the dugout or on the bench, not in your pocket when you're out in the field. If you really want to check it, do so between innings. Yeah, that's i mean that's fair i guess i don't really i don't think i see anyone on there so i don't think i've ever seen anyone bring their cell phone on the field that's dangerous if you're in the infield and you're on

your phone you the threat to your eyes has been like really strongly established during this podcast i think yes we're turning anyone off from playing softball i should say that i played for many years and i never saw anybody's orbital bone get uh fractured by a softball oh it was but we did but again i want to clarify that we did see it and i've seen i've seen a horrible stuff happen more than i've seen someone else get hit in the face and have their cheek and all sorts of stuff broken it was skin hanging off and it was terrible it's the sound it's it was the sound for me it uh oh it sounded like a baseball hitting like a plank of wood he still plays we he still plays in the league so we'll see him every night terrible player

terrible player he's one of the he's one of the board shorts guys i don't know we should discuss just if we're at the end of the episode that there are in every slow pitch game, you have different types of guys. And one of them is the board shorts guy who doesn't have cleats, doesn't have any sort of pants, always wears just board shorts and usually not the right Jersey. Um, and is often in right field, but is usually, usually the worst player. Yeah. I love board short guys. that's the kind of guy i could get along with so this was inside hook i thought i knew where this was coming from because there's a guy there's like a reactionary sports dude whose name is hookstead and i assume this was him but insidehook.com appears to be like a men's lifestyle site. Yeah.

Upscale stuff, which is amazing. I saw menswear Titan on what makes a legacy brand special. Okay. That, I'm sure, is a very good story. I did not click the link. I'm on the podcast now, and I'm not reading. Well, honestly, this is a part of it. Just because MLB players are reading blogs whenever they're on there. Yeah, Joey Votto is always reading Baseball Prospectus when he's at first base, Honestly, this is a part of the players are reading blogs whenever. Yeah.

Joey Votto is always reading baseball prospectus when he's at first base, just trying to figure out what's going on. Wait a second. So, yeah, because the conceit of that was that baseball players are on the field checking their cell phones because I also have not seen that. Is that or it seems like it is against the rules. I would think so. Like people have used Apple watches to cheat in the game like you can't be on your screens i'm pretty sure they're saying that they do it in the dugout but i click the link and there's nothing it doesn't take you anywhere you couldn't even do it in the dugout like there's definitely an mlb rule that you cannot be on oh yeah

now is there a chance that everybody involved in slow pitching baseball is familiar with the commandments? And that's why we don't see this as an issue anymore. That's true. Well, the next commandment is thou shalt not take thy eye off the ball. If the game has to be stopped because you were too busy making lewd gestures at the first baseman to see the fly ball headed directly for your face, no one's going to be happy. Keep your head on a swivel. So that would have been something that your guys's friend would have would have oh he was watching i just want to clarify he was watching he was watching the ball very quickly hit himself in

the face there's no way he had yeah i'm gonna stuff here chris what would you would you say that like because he's not a good player but would, like, a great player would have even been able to get their glove up? Oh, yeah. No, no, they would. They would have. You think so? A better player would have got that.

Somebody would have been able to get their glove up and just deflect it or whatever, maybe, you know. But his reflexes weren't there. And I don't want to denigrate the guy. He's a good guy. But, yeah, he's got terrible, terrible terrible reflexes i think and he probably shouldn't have been playing third base definitely not playing third base that's for sure let's observe the game day this is the next one observe the game day and regard it as holy if you're not

going to take if you're going to take time to get a team together and sign up for a league it's pretty simple show up no one over the age of eight wants to play with a ghost runner and playing a man or two down in the field means more work for everyone else not more fun that's true that is i guess i agree with that no that is that one is true brian you don't say i guess because you don't fucking know because you never played i know okay you're gonna sit there and make fun of softball guys you can't talk shit like you are one all right ghost runner is kind of cool though it sounds neat but you're thinking of a fucking ghost you're thinking of it like it goes from a movie yeah you're thinking of it like some sort of nicholas cage like ghost well the next commandment is honor thy obligation to buy

around however your squad handles the important business of getting soused before during or after games make sure you're a team player. John and Chris. Yeah, Chris and I are always hammered. We don't drink. We don't drink alcohol. That's the problem, and you're not pitching in. No, we're not. Are you saying that we should start drinking alcohol

to be better team players? A, yes. B, you could also just throw in some money. But why? We're not drinking it. Nobody on our team is asking us to. It's only the people who drink it. They all have it. It's all fine.

This is how teams come apart. It's like 28 guys, 28 cabs, right? We don't have 28 guys i know nobody should have 28 guys we've been over that nobody should like if you yeah that's in your league everybody wants to play with that guy he's got 28 guys like all these people are complaining because they can't find enough guys and this guy has more guys and you guys even make fun of him. He's got guys lined

up waiting for an opportunity to play to their 12 at least 12. So he's running a 40 man 40 man. Yeah, he's running a 40 man, but he's got 12 that he's got as you know, he can't dress 12 12 of them. He optioned he has this league rules

obviously for assignment. Yeah. This one's interesting to me. Thou shalt not lay hands on the umpire. Well, yeah. Which I can't imagine is happening. Well, well, well.

I mean, again, people are getting a little drunk at these games. And I think it probably, I've never seen it, but I think it has happened before. Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's happened. I've never seen it. But yeah think it has happened before. Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's happened. I've never seen it. But yeah, you definitely can't do that. It's actually, that's just a rule in our society as well. It's assault.

It's known as common assault. Well, he says people, even those who make the bizarre life choice to be a volunteer umpire, make mistakes. If a call gets blown, get over it. There's still going to be a cold one waiting for you after the game if armando galarraga can forgive jim joyce for costing him a perfect game you can get over the bad call at third and pete's discount tires thursday night league so i guess i like the idea of somebody fighting though that's more what that's more my kind of thing nice to shout out armando galarraga as if he's widely remembered i did i mean he would have been maybe he would have been if jim joyce didn't blow it yeah jim joyce is more well known from that incident yeah i feel like his name sort of

stood the test of time that was a fucked up i felt bad for everyone involved in that i can't tell if you're fucking around. No, no, I really did. It was just the pitcher had a perfect game and the umpire blew a call on first base that made it not a perfect game. And then the umpire just felt horrible. He had this horrible heart, felt like I took away a perfect game from this kid.

And he wasn't like a star pitcher. It was just like a huge moment that would have really meant a lot. It was the last out. It would have been the last out. Yeah, it was literally the last out. And it was just like a huge moment that would have really meant a lot it was the last out it would have been the last yeah it was literally the last out and it was it was not a very close call and it was a sort of it seemed like he knew it at the time that he had duffed the call right away too it was just like something in his brain shorted out and it's like his hand went up instead of or when it went out instead of going up and yeah yeah here's one that i don't like this is a commandment i'm not into okay thou shalt not steal bases

no one's saying well that's slow pitch though and slow pitch you're not allowed to steal again that doesn't have to be a commandment because it's just in the rules and it's like that's just one of the rules you're not allowed to lead off or steal bases if you could steal and slow pitch the pitch takes like five seconds to get to the plate if you could steal and slow pitch every you could just run it you could steal home you could steal home quite easily yeah well actually this guy disagrees with you he says no one's saying not to run out your ground outs and hustle down the line but stealing bases in softball while generally allowed is fairly obnoxious gym class hero move not to mention sliding into second seems like a pretty good way to do in your acl so

actually it is something that people can do well it's not but that's what it has in the commandments though okay but it's i'm just saying in any league i've ever played and you're not allowed to and but you do slide so i don't know what he's like the stealing bases is not the only time you have to slide in baseball or softball there's plenty of other opportunities and you do it sometimes for sure oh when i played baseball i slid at every single base for real that is not even me being funny i just thought it was so neat to slide so okay so i mean it is kind of cool but i'm just sort of picturing it now and everyone's like oh god is he just why is he sliding to do it it's fine man like why is he sliding it to first base, man? Why is he sliding it to first? There's not even a play there.

Yeah. Thou shalt not bear false witness against an opponent. If someone was safe, say they were safe. If they were out, say they were out. If you really couldn't tell, then surprise. That's what you say. Same thing if there's no ump and you're in a position of calling balls and strikes. Lying in beer league softball is bush league.

Don't do it. This is more like the 10 norms of softball than the 10 commandments. Yeah. Yeah, this isn't as... I mean, he's sort of... What I do appreciate is using that kind of language, though. Do you know what I mean? He's like, bow.

He's doing those things, which I appreciate. He did his homework. He read the old testament before reading his blog for inside book the whole thing he's like okay most of this is not applicable but the problem is that anyone who sorry dave no i was gonna make a joke about gleaning i it's you know because it's new stock season i don't need to do that anymore i did it it's done john please no i was just gonna say like it's also just that anyone who would be reading this already knows all these things yeah like if you're the type of person who clicks like oh the 10 commandments of slow pitch

like he's saying them like it's supposed to be for a new player and like a new player is not seeking out a blog article about what i should and shouldn't do in slow pitch we're making it good though because brian's now saying it to people who haven't played so we are actually helping them out a lot here yeah well this is besides too if you gotta throw the ball slow that's part of the game don't try to throw it too fast don't throw it over well this is a would it change your guys's mind to know that this is part of an ongoing series called 37 things a man's got to do this summer because uh yeah that changes it for me yeah are they all written it's as like riffs on classic old testament tales yeah are they

commandment like are they all 10 commandments of Oh, so that's got the summer festival tour, the art of the summer playlist. Now they're just all different. This guy chose to do the 10 commandments. And he says, thou shalt not covet thy teammates position. Similar to how everyone always wants to be a quarterback. Everyone wants to pitch or play shortstop. If it's your week to catch or play left field just be cool and wait for next week unless your league is super competitive switching positions from one game to

another shouldn't be an issue left field is one of the best positions you can play that's what john plays and you get the ball hit to you so much in left field and it's such an important position even right field is i mean honestly there's not many places you can hide people maybe rover which is a fourth outfielder they play with in slow pitch i know it's a fucking joke but you can maybe hide somebody there um but yeah the left field is is yeah is a good position and also played like every inning of my slow pitch life basically is left field and i play shortstop i'm i'm a shortstop and so i will say that yeah it's a good it's what i played my whole life and hardball and stuff but we have a shortstop on our team who is incredible

and much better than me and so i when he's there i play third base you know i'm perfectly happy i would never covet his position yeah yeah i think you would want to be in john's position i don't want to definitely don't want to be in mine no and i don't want to be in his no i don would want to be in John's position. No, I don't want to. I definitely don't want to be in John's position. Chris doesn't want to be in mine. No, I don't want to be in his. No, I don't want to be. I've played outfield a little bit, like, every now and then, because I can play out there, but I hate it, because you've got to run around so much.

You've got to chase the ball. You've also got to, you know, your arm, you have to throw the ball far so it's harder on your arm. That was the issue for me with throwing softballs was really difficult. After that was, like, one of the actual hardball skills that I had was, like, a decent throwing arm, and for whatever reason, like, you'd, whatever, increase the one of the actual hardball skills that i had was like a decent throwing arm and for whatever reason like you whatever increased the size of the ball by 50 and it was just like trying to shot put something like i never really got used to it i'm the same i can actually throw a hardball quite far and saw a softball there are some guys in our league

who can throw the softball so like they can throw guys out at the plate from deep in the field and well the one guy we mentioned before he was drafted he was drafted as a major league pitcher so you can imagine his arm is very strong he threw a 90 mile per hour fastball so yeah he can just gun it yeah but i i can't so yeah that definitely it doesn't hurt my arm really but i don't have the like oh the big arm coming from the field that's definitely one of my uh my one of my weak points brian what you play what position did you play when you played baseball what was your favorite i'm gonna explain it and then i'll tell my big baseball story that i've been made fun of all my adult life for i can't wait to hear this uh one i played t-ball and i One, I played tee ball and I was the catcher, which is not as important of a position.

And because there's no pitch being thrown. Yeah. Similar to slow pitch, honestly, because you're not really and you're just kind of throwing the ball back maybe or you're like, maybe if the ball is coming home, you might have to come and step on the plate. But I mean, part of that job, Chris, though, is getting in the head of the batter. Yeah. So that's tough. Getting back there, muttering about how nice a pitch was or wasn't. Yeah.

In T-ball, like, oh, that was a nice one. Good swing, idiot. I struck out. But ooh-hoo. And then I played pitcher's mound once. Sorry, did you just say you played pitcher's mound? Yeah. Yeah.

In T-ball. Oh, in T-ball. Oh, in T t-ball you're not the pitcher okay sorry sorry sorry when i finally get to uh the minor league as they called it in my thing where there's a pitcher uh i get up to bat one time i never hit the ball once i didn't get any hits the whole time i played how late how long did you play a whole season whatever a whole summer is into college well into college no i quit after this believe me i knew that i was not gonna be a baseball player so wait wait did you get any hits in t-ball or whatever nothing where i got to like run the bases or anything you know so no reached base safely in your career playing baseball i mean in t-ball that seems impossible you're hitting the ball at four-year-olds like for sure you got on and you're hitting it off the t

yeah yeah but you can like get out at first base oh yeah yeah yeah but not in t-ball really like yes you can but it doesn't happen that often i used to play with the ball i played with this guy named mark mccloskey i should say his full name it's fine it's for dude on blast he was born on april 21st shattered no he this guy he had like he had long looked like Jesse Plemons kind of, but like a much more sort of grotesque young version of him with long stringy red hair. And his nickname, even at that age, was the slug because he was so fucking slow that it did not even seem possible. And that guy still reached base at least 25 30 times in the season in the in the t-ball league i was in uh the rules were that every kid had to play at least three innings of the game and i

played me and my sister played three innings every game we never got to play more than three innings we're on like the same team and we just stunk we're just really bad at it and honestly didn't really care that much it was something our parents had us doing i like to play in basketball when i was a kid which i was also not very good at but that's what i like to do but you enjoyed that like whereas like baseball you had no interest in it at all none and then when i didn't know how to play it and then the minor league when you were like like how long did you have to play for it i was my parents bits to let you actually answer that question my parents uh my parents made me play for two seasons oh that's fine yeah and i would hide under my bed so i wouldn't have to go because i did not want to play baseball at all but then when i got into the minor league where there was a pitcher i'm up to

bat i used to tell this story man and just just feel like the king of the fucking world. You have no idea. I'm up to bat. The guy pitches it. It fucking hits my thumb. And I throw the ball up in the air. I throw the bat up in the air. I'm like, oh, and they're like, he got hit.

He got hit. And he was like, it hit the bat. So he's actually got to swing again. So my thumb's all fucked up. And then I ended up getting walked. And like I walked, I made it around the bases and then immediately walked off the field and barfed and passed out and had to go wow okay so you did reach base you scored a run as well not it wasn't a hit it was a but your own base percentage was not zero with him but yeah i that's i still feel like i did i i can still like have a sense memory of the time at second base where

it seemed like it was so far away from me getting off of the field but feeling like i'm gonna fucking throw up and i'm gonna faint like this is fucking crazy and uh yeah as soon as i got around there i just barfed all over the place. And my finger wasn't even broken, but I thought I was really brave because I made it all the way around. So I think, yeah, I'm very brave. Sorry, Brian. The thumb is part of the bat, young man. That's what the guy said.

They did say it hit the bat. Also, it hit the thumb and the bat. So it doesn't matter. Even if it hits the thumb, it's not a hit. But like, if the thumb's on the bat and it hits the thumb, that's not a hit by bit. Like if the thumbs on the bat and it hits the thought that's considered part of the bat, like the bats underneath it, you know,

nine though. You know what I mean? Like when you're doing, when you're, when you're that young, he should have, yeah, they,

they, they should have mostly made sure you're okay. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to preserve the integrity of the game between a kid who's like definitely gonna barf pretty soon yeah yeah well i did get hip to a thing called over the line which is a san diego softball tournament that is dirty like they have dirty team names like nine inches or

bust so i thought i would read a few of those because what is that even nine inches or bust. So I thought I would read a few of those because. What is that even nine inches or bust? Like what, what, what is that? That's just a horny name. They don't want smaller penises, Chris. No,

no, no. They want them to be really big. The nine inch part. I am more than familiar with the concept of a size queen. Okay. I am. I am aware.

I just talked about one recently. Yeah. Six weeks ago on this very podcast but what does that have to do with softball that's a good question yeah like the nine inches yeah the nine inches part has nothing to do with softball but the next one is beauty is in the eye of the beer holder though that's not dirty but that's funny yeah yeah oh he's one that's dirty boardwalk t-shirt message yeah of course uh does this condom make me look fat um yeah and then hand starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower was one of the teams like these are the worst people on the planet

for real terrible where is this is this uh tournament based in florida san diego actually okay you i know who you were thinking would be involved in it the same swinger sex community bubba love sponge people like that yeah yeah which bubba love sponge not a bad guy and by the way i'm not pro hitler at all i think he's the biggest dick ever to live well then we shouldn't say he's a good guy remember brian we're not allowed to say he's a good guy anymore yeah we're fine because of his food reviews yeah i wouldn't uh i wouldn't i wouldn't call him a good guy after what i saw just about three days ago his food reviews are a problem david i i want to say tell me more about the food review no no it's all right this is what happens when i go on these podcasts so basically bubble love sponge

he does food reviews he goes to arby's mostly like the same arby's and reviews that one but he he videos the the drive-thru and he faces his camera towards the drive-thru person so he's he'll be interacting with a you know a teenage girl and then he'll give his stickers to them or whatever and then he'll drive away and he'll just make incredibly fucking disgusting comments about them being underage but still being hot and stuff like that and it's just fucking i thought this was like a like a joey's world tour thing it is well it's sort of like that but if joey was making really inappropriate, inappropriate comments. Yes. And also if Joey did not know how to edit videos and therefore put up 30 minutes, 35 minutes with no edit higher teenage kids.

Yeah. Oh, well, that does sound pretty bad. Actually, before we leave David, I know I have been told by multiple people that you are a fan of a guy that's one of my guys before you say it don't accuse me of being a fan of this fucking guy yeah yeah you got to be careful with that type

of way but yes your your nemesis was my uh occasional companion on the radio when i was a little hello hey what do you got a money today hi up and around well actually I'm on my way out the door grease buddy you up and around yeah around that's the worst sound I've ever heard that that clip will always make me feel sad it's one of my

least favorite clip it somehow got worried because when he's doing the like the merry melodies like mouth sounds thing like obviously i have a very strong memory of that anybody that ever heard it but the guy calling him grease buddy over the like 1995 phone connection is sadder oh yeah i feel worse than that just doesn't have time for the guy and he's and he's too busy he's like a he's like his fan but he's even too busy to talk to grease buddy it's really you know every time i call in grease man you keep me on the phone for like fucking 40 minutes i got stuff that i need to do i will say i did a call in show for six years or something like that and never ran out of calls and somehow the grease man one of the most one of the top radio guys in the history

of of the medium couldn't get any phone calls like had to call his fans on his own so how did you come to so you just lived in an area where the grease man was on and you just he was just on in your life yeah he was on it was like i don't remember exactly which i want to say it was 1027 but it was like a local like classic rock station it's like something you listen to before you have like any sort of taste in music so it's probably like 14 15 years old and stuff like i didn't know anything so i'm talking a couple guys host a pod cast so i know music yeah but this was the sort of thing where it was like the reason i would listen to it was like i didn't know any other stations i didn't i had no

concept of like how else a person could be so it was like when they stopped playing credence and then like the guy came on and was like how about the guy gonna do me that's like that was just i was pretty good actually can you do that again can was just like all right well this is just what's happening now it was like when you're like a kid in the back seat of a long family car trip like you can't be like i don't like this and i want to go home did you like it though did you like did you ever find yourself like enjoying it like because i remember we we talk about it we used to when we were younger listen to that horrible shit and enjoy it or whatever did you ever like find yourself like enjoying it like because i remember we we talk about it we used to when we're younger listen to that horrible shit and enjoy it or whatever did you ever like find yourself laughing at the grease man not to put you on the spot i probably did laugh like just

because it's so i mean whatever you obviously are all well familiar with his work by this point much more than any person should be like every now and then he just starts making weird sounds like it's like as a kid there's a part of me that's like you shouldn't be talking about eating pussy right now like i'm listening to this and i don't it's interesting that you say that because it's like i always wondered look here's the thing i get dm i have for years been saying if you were a man cow fan please send me a dm we'll have you on the show and we will talk i want to know more about like your mind and yeah and it's the same thing with the grease man and it makes more sense for you being 14 but did you know did you like know what Snarlins was and what Hobble De Gee is? I was sort of able to figure it out, but there was a lot.

I mean, some of the songs that he would sing. Oh. Because he sang a lot of his own songs. Oh, I don't know. Interesting you mentioned that, actually. Brian might actually have one of those songs. I really hope that you don't, but I feel like you do. Oh, he definitely does. You have it, Brian might actually have one of those songs. I really hope that you don't, but I feel like you do. Oh, he definitely does.

You have it, Brian? Yeah, give me two seconds here. You know I don't want to press the wrong button. Oh, yeah, it's a really long david gave an immediate thumbs down yeah i don't like this song yeah like normally when you think of a soundboard clip you think of like an air you know just a quick little mirror mirror i made it what about a 40 second clip of a non-professional singer working through a song about how horny he is yeah that's not a horny one that's not a horny one that one's literally we decided it's actually about about tuna fish see i assumed that everything

because you're again 14 years old i'm not trying to indemnify myself i listened to those hours of grease man i did it of my own free will i probably could have stopped i didn't think to do it but i assumed that everything that he was singing about was except for the ones he would periodically do like comedy bits about like like homeless guys at the bus stop or he would tell a weird story about like some pretend experience he'd had because he would claim to have had all these jobs like he claimed to have been the construction worker in the village people that he said that like he was pretending that was him he's pretending he would have been a police officer and he would just tell those i was like all right well this is like just him being weird like this

isn't this definitely not about sex because he said sometimes you get political as well like he talked about the supreme court it's a supreme court rap i don't have a supreme court yeah that one or the beer rap or uh any of the raps yeah the the i i know what you mean i think david we went over this we like discuss like the tuna fish is it like a reference to you know whatever we all know what that would be a reference to um but it really seems from the song like he is talking about actual tuna hungry yeah yeah it's it's a weight lifting thing like that you eat tuna fish weight lift because that's a lean protein it was a weight lift so that was yeah because a lot of the show i remember was like all this like wind down stuff about how anxious he was to get off the air. And there'd be like, you know, it's martini time.

He used to sing a song about that at the end of the show. What was funny about this is that in my memory, he was not on for very long. Like I definitely listened to it, but I think it was the sort of thing where this radio station, like people, because I think at the time that was the only way you could register your complaints with like people would call them and be like you have to absolutely have to get this shit off the radio like this is not how we do it here and so as i recall it was like a year that he was on and then if you know he was just replaced by something else and i was like all right well this is what i'm listening to now during the like 6 p.m block of having the radio on and not touching it yeah he was on for longer than that though i think right in new york he was on for a long time nationally i don't know if he was

on for that long in the new york market but he probably remember howard was trying to get him off the channel like the second he came on howard stern was like i don't want him on this channel he stinks and started making fun of him like immediately so like he was on for a while but he would leave first of all he would say something racist and get fired well that was that ruined that that like ruined him for good was the really horrible horrible racist comment that he made about was it lauren hill was that and um somebody else he was like still doing radio into lauren hill's career so that's 2000 yeah yeah yeah that's when he got fired and like fully like off the air like nobody would allow him back you

know it was the end of the grease man and then the grease buddy clip is from 2006 where he was paying money to uh uh be on the radio and then selling the ads and uh he would send people his he would be like hey uh email me your phone number and i'll call you when i'm on the ads and he would send people his, he would be like, Hey, email me your phone number and I'll call you when I'm on the air. And that, that clip that I play is funny because he's calling this fan while he's on the air and a fan doesn't have time.

He's like, I'm just on my way out the door. He'll still post on Facebook sometimes like a video, like a video message from the grease man and he still has like a big facebook following you know like when i'll see his post he's still got like so many faves and comments on there so there is there's a there's some people who like him unlike man cow who no nobody as you were mentioning before we we can't find a fan of man cow just we've not been a constituency for man cow yeah we've never been able to i've never been able to find a single person who who claims to be a fan of man cow who liked man cow or or does it's crazy

because we're trying to get our hands on his tv show and uh i think we read that there was like 160 episodes and we can't get our hands on one not one fucking episode nobody like a like an after dark like a 30 where he's like sitting behind a desk and like interviewing somebody or man cow could never do that i know i was gonna say like he's not like capable of doing a lot of stuff like he it was just to be like that was a radio it was like stern it was the way stern did his show yeah and i would just put him on well that is the show i got wrestling in seven minutes so i gotta i gotta I got to prank Rudy Giuliani's video show in seven minutes. David,

I want to know more about the producer calling you back, Chris, and threatening you at some point. You don't need to talk about it to help. Oh yeah. It's he, yeah. He just said I made a big mistake and that I was going to rue the day

basically. But yeah, he crossed the wrong local. It didn't go. Yeah. It didn't go the way he thought it was going to. I think really thought I was going to be really scared or whatever but anyways yeah probably david tell people where to find you uh sure uh defector.com is the website that's uh the thing that i do most of the time um i do a

podcast there called distraction with drew mcgary and i am on twitter at david underscore j underscore roth and chris i'm gonna say i do a lot of plugs because i'm on these episodes a lot so i'm gonna on Twitter at David underscore J underscore Roth. And Chris? I'm going to say I do a lot of plugs because I'm on these episodes a lot. So I'm going to use my plug to say follow David Roth on Twitter. He is truly I don't I don't want to be rude and make you feel I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. It's not being rude, but you're one of my favorite followers. Very, very funny and also very informative and makes me feel sometimes a little bit smarter than i am so give give him a follow for sure and john i guess go ahead and

yeah i sort of noticed chris didn't really have much to say about uh my twitter or whatever but uh no you can you can come watch chris and i play softball this summer as part of the vancouver advertising softball league oh yeah don yeah. Don't. No, don't. Maybe we've given too much information here. Maybe. They don't know what team we're on. So anyway. Talk shit to the umpire, too, behind the plate. Yeah, we'll talk some shit.

Yeah, you can just follow me at Cullen the Comic. I do a show with Brian called the PODcast, and it's a great show about new metal. Everybody loves it. We got an episode coming out about Distur very soon which uh yeah exactly people get it wrong i thought about doing it but i knew i wouldn't be able to do it people love that people love that guy and so do we so yeah and then i also have a podcast called blocked party uh everybody on this call has been on it it's a very fun show me and stephan heck talk about a time people got blocked on social media it's at blocked party pod i'm at cullen the comic there you go that's it uh and for more of me it's patreon.com slash murder x brian or twitch.tv slash murder x brian please show up

uh next week on guys we have next week on guys it will be autograph guys with stephan heck and chris and actually the patreon will be switching over to a jeff dunham podcast starting in two weeks i will make sure to consume as much jeff dunham as i can and do podcasts about it so see you guys next time sorry about that yeah i mean