Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 13 - Loss Prevention Guys with @junlper and Chris James

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Loss Prevention guys are the freaks that the grocery store hires to catch people stealing at the store. Joined by June (linktr.ee/transgendermarx) one of the hosts of Western Kabuki Podcast we journey into the either incredibly evil or incredibly sad world of retail loss prevention. We christen a new guy and we look at a bleak subreddit. Make sure to sign up at patreon.com/murderxbryanfor access to years of miniseries and the new Guys+ show a Guys based news show where we keep track of the guys we have already covered and delve back into their worlds you also get to pick some of the episodes that we cover As always find chris at twitter.com/thecjs and sign up for the Not Even a Show Patreon Music by twitter.com/avantlard  

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am your host brian um i know that if you have listened to the patreon show guys plus on patreon that's patreon.com slash murder x brian you will know that i quit the bit where i try to come up with something funny to say about chris because he keeps making fun of me and i keep blanking so chris james is here what's up chris hey how's it going uh shoplifter chris here today excited to talk about loss prevention guys and you know how we can combat their bullshit and continue to shoplift because i am definitely pro shoplifting chris 10 10 i i for like three years, I think. I've known about the loss prevention Reddit,

and I was always trying to figure out how to fit it in the old show, but I just couldn't figure it out. I just, I had no fucking clue how to get it across. But now that I can do a whole show about a freaks, we're going to do loss prevention guys that's really gonna work but i also have from twiddle oh goodness gracious now juniper i'm gonna say your name just i know that sort of thank you so much for joining us but i don't know if you understand what just happened there in your intro there was a very there's a famous part of this podcast is when brian flubs

everyone goes wild so that's huge to be introduced with a flub but thanks for joining us i'm honored that that's huge for me this is a thank you so much that one was terrible by the way because i was so listen to get behind the scenes just a touch i was having a panic attack basically about something that is beyond anybody's control like right before recorded so june had to sit for 10 minutes while i said i don't know i don't know what's going on i can't figure it out and uh yeah we all did we all had to sit here while you did it well i didn't care about your uh feelings on that sort of thing i was fine with that i'm gonna go to the fucking movies yeah well i was trying to i mean I'm going to go to the fucking movies.

Yeah, well, I was trying to, I mean, I'm sitting here trying to, you know, talk to the guest and just make it not completely uncomfortable while the host is just, you know, like talking about proton mail and I don't know. Okay. Your flub warmed my

heart. It's a good day for me. Thank you. I appreciate it. This week, after a truly a whole episode dealing with very dumb guys that think they're very smart, this week we're doing very dumb guys that also

think they're smart, and that is loss prevention guys. Before I get to you two to talk about it, I want to bring this because people didn't know this uh loss prevention guys are the guys they hire at the at the store and even i've learned if you work at like amazon they hire them to catch people stealing basically they are uh i have a big theory on them that i'm going to get to here in a second, but I want to ask June, have you ever had any, uh, run-ins with loss prevention? No, I haven't. Um, so I used to actually work at an Amazon warehouse, but I was just like a, a sorter. I would just like sort packages on, on pallets,

just day in and day out. And my badge would be scanned by like the, the managers being like, Hey, you gotta hurry up. You gotta scan packages. You got to put them on the pallets more faster and better. But I never really dealt with like loss prevention or anything like that when I was there. Did you ever steal from Amazon? I should have, but I didn't. There's like eyes everywhere. There's like hundreds and hundreds of people. I mean, so I'm a little bit interested when brian says that because when you say amazon hires so does that mean in the warehouses those people are working okay so so those people would have been there and you would not have even known it

june well i think if i remember correctly i think they had like a little corner they had like poles and like metal frames and like tape blocking off their like computer station like in my mind i vividly do remember seeing what was probably loss prevention at least on the floor which i think there was like three people um if i remember correctly where i was can i ask you did you ever see any but were there people there with tactical gear on is the question because that would be the loss prevention guy okay i think probably i don't think because i i mean they could were they really where is that because i'm thinking myself to loss prevention is it a loss prevention is also secret shoppers too right yes that they they do mean, but that's that's. So let me give to my theory here real quick that a lot of people are like, are these guys that were, you know, too out of shape to be a cop?

And I do think that is one aspect of it. But I think the bigger the bigger thing that I noticed after reading this stuff is I think these guys want to be detectives. And they know that they would have to, you know, you'd have to go to the police academy to become a cop. Yeah. And then you got to deal with Michael Winslow and he's making all the noises. I'm kidding around. I know what you're talking about. You would have to go and become a cop, however long it takes.

90 days, whatever. That's a very quick, very quick. But then you would also have to work for the police for a number of years in order to get into being what they believe to be an undercover cop. Like you would become a detective and you would get to dress like a criminal and get people to sell drugs to you which isn't which maybe happens sometimes but isn't but i think these are people with a very like movie it movie painted it's kind of like they've seen so many movies much like chris well i don't know but a lot of people have seen movies don't they're just normal too but they want to be in the movie you know what i mean a lot of us do a lot of us dream of being in the movies and there's nothing wrong with that to have a little be a little boy in canada

to have a dream of making it on the big screen well these are guys that don't want to be in movies chris they want to be the character in uh i'm gonna reference a movie that probably neither of you have seen deep cover they want to be like uh uh that or like one of these are or like new jack city yeah and stuff like that like they're looking at the the guys that go way undercover i understand putting a suit on and shit yeah i understand what you're saying because of course yeah maybe some of these people could become cops but they don't want to just be out walking the street as a cop they want to be doing the serious work and this is a way to do it immediately and also i would say i've been to some like definitely new york city and i've seen some of the cops there and they're so out of shape i know i know i mean i don't know you would have to be very out of shape i think in certain places to not be able to get on the police force just because so basically they're they're cops but instead of getting into the academy and putting in the

effort they just want to make sure you're not stealing like a strawberry yeah yeah exactly they also just like the absolute most petty shit you know like it's it's completely meaningless oh man i i despise people like this i just i could not and ryan when you were sharing some of those memes i had no idea that there was like a culture around this where there's a pride in it and shit it makes me sick and i can't wait to hear i've never heard of a culture of this either i'm fascinated i want to say that like well first of all i've learned that there's a culture around everything but this specific thing is like i i went into this being sort of angry at these people like like you two are but now that they seem like more pathetic to me than almost like the way that that let me read you this first one, uh, from the Reddit loss prevention page.

And this is from a Thailand for life. And, uh, the title is I'm an introvert yet. I'm fearless in my role. I've procrastinated a dentist appointment for a month because of the phone call, refuse to send food back to the kitchen if it's messed up but when i'm working quote sup thief i'm lost prevention here and you're caught hand over the vibrator you stuffed in your left jacket pocket and the now warm steak down the front of your pants don't come back the adrenaline dump cannot be good for my health long term so this this person sounds awful and also they're trying to

kind of be funny too do you know what i mean they're kind of like trying to throw some humor in there like the dildo or vibrator or whatever it's like yeah and then and then a steak that's probably warm um but also he would he's like i don't know if they're actually at thailand i guess i have no idea but this person is like patting themselves on the back for not sending back food when there's a mistake like I think that most of us just deal with they happened to me today when I was at lunch that I ordered with no onions they put onions on it and I just took put them I just took a knife and I just slid the onions off it's incredible though to to to really think like hey I'm an introvert at home and,

and you know, I procrastinate a lot, but I really turn into dirty Harry when I'm at the target that I work. Yeah. I'm sure we might get to this, but is there like a thin blue line for loss prevention? Yellow. It's yellow. The best color. June june let me let me also say a lot of them when i looked at pictures of a lot of them they all fly the blue the thin blue line flag which that was the point where i was like i think i have pity on these guys almost i know they fuck people's lives up or something yeah this guy has a thin blue line flag he's never been a cop you can't feel bad for them brian i mean in a very serious way you know you think about what they are they're like there's like people who's just like trying to steal some

stuff for their family you know we all should be able to steal in my opinion and and so and then these people are stopping i mean these guys are the worst. They're stopping you from stealing, Brian. But yes, but there's something about the people that have the thin blue line flag that are like computer programmers that you're just like, oh, you know, I guess they just support the police. They might have a police officer in their family or some shit like that. Right. They might have a police officer in their family or some shit like that. Right. But when you have a guy who does this job and he has a thin blue line flag, I mean, that really is like, I wish I was one of those guys. And the cops don't take them seriously.

And I just watched Copland a couple nights ago with Sylvester Stallone. He's like a small town sheriff for this town of a bunch of new york cops and they all kind of like don't respect him really and push him around but he's got all he like loves the cops so much it reminds me of that it is it is very sad definitely because you know that they wouldn't even fucking give him a hand these cops like if they were drowning wouldn't lend him a hand you know well i'm gonna i'm gonna let you two see something uh that i found today that i found very funny and uh that is i found guys that are the that are loss prevention that also uh tell war stories on youtube like Like, they have YouTube pages. Now, I'm about to share my screen

with you, and you're going to see this guy, and you're going to be like, oh, that's, yeah, that's a loss prevention guy. We need to start stereotyping. Yeah. I need to build a stereotype in my mind. Here he is.

Oh, yeah. Bald head. stereotype in my mind here he is oh yeah bald head bald head full beard enormous head like the thumb phenotype the the thumb cop yeah he like honestly i don't that is i don't know if i've ever seen a head that looks so much like a thumb in my entire life. And I've seen a lot. I mean, that could be a thumb. Now that I'm looking at it closer, it's like, is that a thumb that someone's put eyes on? So this guy has a page where not only he tells stories from when he was a loss prevention officer,

but he has other loss prevention officers on to tell stories from their person some of the other big names some of the other big names in the industry one of them was like and it reminded me of our our bourbon guy where he was one of them was about like we finally got the female perspective on loss prevention i was like that's not woke you can't call that woke you're not allowed well this guy uh i'm gonna i'm gonna share this throughout the episode we're gonna we're gonna go back to this and uh it also the thumbnails for his pages have the uh uber driver sucked me off uh rob wisman i am a friend rob

our friend rob yeah yeah okay so here's what he does i want to set this up for you too uh the other people will hear the audio he goes back to the places that he did loss prevention at oh do the videos ah yeah yeah heroes remembrance he's like going back yeah like a soldier like out on the battlefield like sort of showing the documentary people like out here you know i have my best friend john he right there died you know well and i'll tell you i don't know if it's this one or maybe it's another one that I watched that. Unfortunately, I didn't clip the audio or anything like that. But he goes, this building, the store's closed now. It's like a big box store that's closed.

He was like, this building has so many personalities. It's closed. So did he not do a good enough job of loss prevention? And they couldn't stay afloat? I that's kind of embarrassing bro well this guy this guy he knows what he's up to here we go at that point this retailer closed at 10 no one in the store except four gentlemen in electronics i'm watching them because there's no one else to watch but they're also acting really shady sure enough one of them pops out a device to pop our security cases open. And today we're talking about iPod Nanos back in the iPod Nano days.

So we're talking about iPod Nanos. And this is what kills me is this. This is a story then from like the 2000. A long time ago. Like a very very long time but he remembers it so well i know it's saying like i remember when those men came in and tried to take the ipod nanos it doesn't tell like an appealing story yeah totally it's not like i understand if it's a really traumatic like traumatic incident or something it's like but yeah this just seems like a normal thing that happened but you're remembering it like it's a serious war story i forgot everything that happened during the ipod nano era everything

i don't remember a single thing from it yeah when i was like when i was a kid i mean i was i was pretty young when the nano was out but like i remember when the first iPhone came out, that was a big day. But the thing I remember doing is just playing Mario Sunshine on the GameCube and then seeing my cousin be like, check out this iPhone. And I was like, cool. That's the only memory I have of that. Very popular theft device. Shoplifters loved them.

So just like any other expensive device, they were locked up in a security device. You could grab one, but they were in a security case. Well, one of them popped that opener out and just started popping open cases. The other three gentlemen also started popping open cases.

So at that point, I knew it was on. Oh. That's such a weird way i at that point i knew it was on like god are you gonna kill did he kill them he's never been more excited let me throw you he's waiting for that let me throw you to a little thing there's two different types of loss prevention jobs one's hands-on one hands-off one is hands-off they all want to work at the hands-on one of course of course so yeah he's just telling this story he's just like at that point i see them they're popping all those cases off and i know and i know because my dick's hard that i know that it's on these guys are about to get it it just seems like such a fucking pathetic like thing to like really like you're

telling this story here's more that emergency exit i showed you at the beginning of the video was feet away from where these guys were it's right outside our electronics department so normally you know i would have not been panicking i was ready to stop them at those doors right there but in this case i knew they were going out those emergency exits. So in that case, because it's pretty far from my office to run and catch four people. I don't think you're running anywhere. He doesn't give me running vibes. Well, this was you got to keep in mind.

This was like 40 years ago. So he might have looked different. He was young and spry. He wasn't a thumb type person yet yeah no he was like a pinky he was maybe a pinky called the police and i'm going to just give a shout out to where i'm in i'm in belvey nebraska and the belvey police department is completely awesome okay so he oh i just i just want to take this time to remind you all that i will absolutely fucking lick the ass of anybody

wearing a blue uniform just a reminder this goes into so this goes into like guy that wishes he was the police so much but like really is kind of like well i like having my own fiefdom here at the fucking target or the Ross dress for less. Do we know what this store was? Does it? No, he doesn't tell what the stores are,

but he is sitting outside of it. Anyway, you can kind of see, although it's closed down, right? You can just see pH and then D O C U. You can't really, it doesn't seem like it's a store.

I know it must've been like, uh, it looks like a Marshalls or something like that. Like, it looks like... But it's electronics. I don't think Marshalls has electronics. No, they don't. But it has that vibe.

I don't know. Best Buy, maybe. I don't know. You couldn't really ever steal from Best Buy, but... Oh, I worked at Best Buy. Yeah? Yeah, I worked at Best Buy. So I saw people steal from there all the time, and they did it very successfully.

And I'm thinking of the statute of limitations here as far as a crime that I committed. Because I pulled a pretty good scam stealing from a future shop, which was the same sort of thing. It's like a Canadian version. It got bought by Best Buy. Should I say this? I mean, i talk about doing crimes all the time okay when i was when i was younger i realized from working at best buy i realized that hey they can't get you if you just if you bought something and then just told them that the computer wasn't in there they would have to give you another one and so and so i would just literally we literally bought a laptop and then we put rocks in it of the same weight and then we just brought

it back and we said the laptop wasn't there and then they gave us a second laptop and we sold them both for a profit so fucking sick man they knew they knew 100 it was the fucking best because they're like we know exactly what you're doing but we can't prove it um so we have and i just knew that from working there before yeah would that shift the box around to hear like rocks tumbling around like oh i mean i mean like they knew i told them it was rocks i said hey you guys i got it with rocks you know so they're like you fucking are you fucking trying to are you kidding me And you're obviously lying. And I was like, oh, am I? Well, prove it.

And then they're like, fuck you. They just gave it. So we will get back to this story. I'm going to run this story throughout the episode. But I want to also hit the Reddit again. And here's an interesting one. Hope people don't get mad at me about my story i don't that's a great story okay i think i think more highly of you that's that's good i needed the money but to be clear i was very in a very bad financial situation

this is from wayward fire and uh it's a question on reddit uh trying to up my undercover gang like the title says i've been trying to up my game so to speak i work undercover at a grocery store solo and i've had like nothing for two weeks you don't work undercover what are you talking about i've never heard it referred to like yeah it's a secret shopper or a store walker like i've heard that term not working undercover they say working under this is the job okay i'm wondering tell them that the the like employers probably say it like just to hype them up a little bit they might use fun words they're like or they just let them say it they let them you know they're just like they have a meeting about it they're like so they're like calling themselves undercover should we step in

and they're like oh we'll just let him have it yeah you might as well i mean what are you gonna fucking do you know uh he goes uh i'm wondering if anyone so he hasn't had anything for two weeks which that sentence irritated me too because it's like what if people haven't been stealing for two weeks you never fucking know like this guy's fishing um but he goes uh anything from the basics to advanced ideas would be appreciated edit i work out of ontario and pretty much everywhere has moved away from plastic bags so almost everyone uses a reusable bag by while shopping which uh apparently you know that's not that's in canada probably right that's not is that ontario california canada yeah yeah

it's ontario canada because i was yeah we're all about the reusable bags here and in canada uh we just like to have we we like to use a lot of plastic ones here yeah yeah we we don't do that it is kind of annoying though like we can't you can't use plastic cups you get charged 25 cents for that was their whole uh plan they came up with they're like hey we'll combat this issue with the environment by charging the consumer 25 cents every single time they purchase a cup to try to dissuade them from doing it yeah and everybody's like i'll just pay the 25 cents this this shelby says love this thread i'm in a very similar similar situation at my workplace also work out of ontario only lp working at my location and don't have open access to cameras i'd like to walk

around i like to walk around with one airpod in pretend to be on my phone a lot and wear a baseball cap to hide where i'm looking oh yeah oh that's that's okay so why is that guy in the baseball cap fucking following us around pretending to look at his phone this guy sounds so conspicuous. Well, Mr. Woke replied, which, you know, who knows what he's going to say? Probably some pro Budweiser or something like that.

It's probably a trans person. Mr. Woke says, I hate to say it, but the baseball cap and being on the phone is a dead giveaway for being LP. Yeah, see,

they called him out. he gives us his three rules of undercover so uh he goes i did grocery stores for years and still do loss prevention for a big retailer i have trained many successful detectives and i train them this guy's like thinks he heads up like a department or a precinct or something. You can tell they're so mad when they don't catch someone stealing. They're so mad. They're so salty about it. Terrible day at work.

Terrible day, like haunting them for weeks on end as the guy runs off down the street with his fucking $5 whatever. Honey, I didn't catch anybody today and then like that's the funny thing too is like nobody ever says like well the goal is prevention the goal is not to like catch people the but they love catching people i saw a thing earlier that showed them setting traps like guys talking about hey let's how do you set a trap to get somebody to steal something i would like to entrap meant somebody into uh stealing is that a good thing we don't we don't have the same rule it's like the bounty hunter thing where they're like we don't have the same rules as police i mean i mean there's a big thing in like canada because i remember when i worked at best buy that people would steal stuff you know in a different way than i did you know in a more direct way

and they would i guess they would be told never to chase them that you're not allowed there in a lot of places in america as well yeah yeah in canada you're not allowed you can say no i don't want to show you my receipt on the way out of the store. I found out today that that's like a it's like a sort of right that people have that if they block the door or whatever, that's wrong because, you know, they're not allowed to demand your receipt or anything. Canada is more of a hands off place. In the United States, there are a lot of places where they can. There are hands on. There are hands on, like maybe like florida perhaps could

be a more hands-on location i think most of the country it is more hands-on but i know a lot of companies policies will be to like not chase people but but sometimes you can chase people it's like a company company thing from what i understand in the u.s yeah that would make sense and i think it's probably a good paul i think it probably comes from them not wanting to you chase somebody and then there could be a physical altercation and there's all sorts of liability after that yeah yeah there was like a story a couple i think it was like a year ago where there was like this dude stealing something and there was like an old an older worker went to chase after him and then the the guy that was

stealing like punched him and like i don't know if he killed the old dude or like just knocked him out he went to the hospital like yeah it's like a whole like liability thing i just pictured and this is and that that old loss prevention guy died and that's if they if they died it's like it's not funny to joke about it but i just pictured them having like a like a police funeral for him at like the best buy like a police funeral for him at like the best buy that's not funny but yeah folding up a target okay no that's not funny i per this is an odd sentence too that i want to take apart a little bit i personally never use a shopping cart and then in parentheses i'm a male in his 20s it's realistic for me to be shopping without a cart so i would just grab

a few things and hold them that's interesting to me what about a basket i think that's what they made the baskets for when you're not when you're just going to get a few things but i i sort of understand the rationale there a little bit you know a single guy maybe're just going to get a few things. But I sort of understand the rationale there a little bit. You know, a single guy, maybe perhaps just going to grab a couple of things more disorganized in their shopping. Sure. And now we're getting some stories here. He goes, next, I usually walk towards merchandise.

This is what customers do. People that are trying to steal notice when you're just walking around open areas. Then I never shy away from getting close. This story is one of the more pathetic ones. do people that are trying to steal notice when you're just walking around open areas then i never shy away from getting close this story is one of the more pathetic ones for you for you too this you'll love it if it happens don't run from it embrace it i've been in a situation where i was talking to a group of kids about kool-aid jammers and how amazing they are and then they literally put a couple packs down their pants are you kidding me so that's this and by the way this guy is bragging this is a brag like i was so

convincing i was so fucking convincing as a regular person that they were willing to steal in front of me kool-aid jammers what what's a-Aid jammer? I don't even know what that is. It's one of those plastic squeeze bottle Kool-Aid things, right? Never heard of that. I don't even know if we have those in Canada. We probably have people if they're in Canada. Did you ever have squeeze-its? Oh, no.

Actually, Kool-Aid jammers are like Capri Sun, but they're Kool-Aid. That's all it is. Oh, yeah. Capri Sun, I do remember. It's pretty good that he was able to stop them from stealing those. That was like a high level. You picture him thinking like he went home and talked to his partner

like, oh, you gotta know about this is a good one. So you know how I these guys have to think their job is super interesting. I'm sure of that. Yeah. Telling their partners about the other story. Hey, you know how I work for that multi-billion dollar corporation where everyone makes so much money off of it?

Well, yeah. On their behalf, I stopped some school children from stealing juice. Oh, honey. Oh, honey. Oh, honey. I'm so horny hearing you tell that story. Let's get into bed right now. Wait a minute. Are we at hedonism, too?

I got a little role play. That's Brian loves. Sorry, June. Brian loves hedonism. He's a sex guy. And so he goes to hedonism very regularly. No, don't even do that. I see. No, you't even do that i see no you don't have to hide it you don't have to hide it i understand we try to we're trying to on on guys plus we try we're talking about and i guess you were talking about it with uh with matt

as well um that we we really want brian to go he's done a lot of programming on hedonism and we've talked about it a lot that i think people really would love it if he went there and reported live and did some content from hedonism people would pay i can guarantee i could do it for free but i i wouldn't do it for free yeah uh yeah i know i agree and i think what i think we'll get i know i mean june you got a pretty decent following they're online i think maybe we get a hashtag going and we sort of try to get that trending a little bit. Brian, hedonism, Brian 24. It's not happening. You're wrong.

So we'll cook it up. We'll get in the lab for that a little bit. Yeah. Here's some more Mr. Woke hints. One, here's some tips on what to watch. One, self-checkout. If your store has this and your company's policy supports it, then it's going to be your biggest app driver.

What, an app driver? Maybe asset protection thing. Maybe appetite of the theft or the thieves. Well, number two, reality of the individual. For instance, most people look at prices quality of meats carry personal bags of reasonable size for their personal belongings if you see anyone out of these realistic scenarios then watch them for a bit you might be surprised now number one no shit if a person's wearing a coat in the summer like that is something he had to tell people

and number three this is his last hint and uh there's a problem this might sound weird but look at the direction pace posture of how individuals are walking someone that's always seen circling around by exits or quickly walking in a direction that doesn't lead to checkouts might be a push out so that i don't i know what a push i love i love that these people assume the worst in everyone like someone just can't be lost like it happens to me sometimes like sometimes i'm stoned when i'm at the grocery store and so then i forget like you know i'm like oh should i gotta go back to that aisle i didn't why not i'm sorry you forget why you're there even I exactly yeah yeah so I mean I can

that could definitely have and by the way though I know the loss prevention guys at my grocery store I don't know if they're even trying to hide who they are do you know what I mean but they're like anyone who's a regular shopper it's these two very distinct looking guys who never have a grocery cart with them and they walk around the store like i don't know if they're even trying to hide that they're you know what i mean they might be like semi undercover more just there to stop people right well the other part of this is someone that leans on the top handlebar of their cart might conceal small items and someone that pulls their cart from the front could conceal in a bag. So, uh, two extremely normal things to,

to do lean on the cart and, maybe sometimes pull it from the front, I guess. And, uh, this is great though, for this, we're doing a service right now.

I realized because you, you, this is like how you learn. You're we're learning their tricks. So now we can go into those situations and we know how to not arouse any suspicion and we can steal more. Well, here's another person. Thief for 2069. Wait, how did you get in here?

And that's undercover costume is the question. And he says, plain clothes, folks. What's your character look like? In other words, what do y'all wear is plain okay so this person's more of a theater person more interested in the theater of it that's kind of cool different so yeah there's two types it's theater kids and and wannabe cops wannabe cops and the two subtypes yeah i mean how great probably really i mean i was thinking about it today it does sound like a fun job if it wasn't like the least ethical thing i can think of to do it seems fun like as far as

just the idea of just going there yeah if you if the end game wasn't trying to stop people from stealing small items from a giant corporation then i would say yeah there could be some like interest in it but i i don't i used to think that way but i don't know that i do now i think i would feel i mean i i guess it's hard to it's hard to like uh distance it from the idea of what you're actually doing yeah yeah it is it just seems like a real dream job like that you would think of when you were a kid when you're a little kid you're like oh you mean like it's like being a spy but you're dumb you're incredibly stupid the reality is you're just talking to kids about fruit snacks or whatever yeah like this guy's just trying to just trying

to gain the trust of children by talking about Kool-Aid jammers. I mean, I watched a thing where a guy was talking about his interrogation techniques, and I was talking about how sometimes it's best just to do some verbal judo instead of getting your hand on him. Instead of getting your hand... I want to get more into this because I only know this concept from the movies of actually interrogating somebody and actually getting to physically touch them. I couldn't find tips. I did...

Here, we'll go back to our guy here and listen to a little bit more of him because he does do some hand-off. Thumb man. Mr. Thumbhead. And this story is just evident to that so i called them and they were here immediately they're just here immediately now i'm going to preface this by saying that most of the time when the police department came and people were stealing like this they'd just storm in and take him right there on the floor

and that was great and all but as loss prevention people are crook catchers we wanted that bust we wanted that stat we were very competitive well sorry huh they wanted the bus okay the you don't get the bust if the police do it this is like the movies where they're like this is my jurisdiction to the f FBI. We can't let the FBI come in here. This is my caller. This is my caller. Yes, it's like the cops come in and they're like, I don't think you... I know this place.

You're going to get all sorts of trouble over when you get over to aisle 16. It's always real slippery over there. There's like a club. There's like a bar they go to. It's always real slippery over there. These guys aren't even like... There's like a club. There's like a bar they go to. There's like all these loss prevention guys giving tips.

Loss prevention bar? Oh my god. You know how in the old days where it was like union clubs? But like these days, it's loss prevention clubs. And it's just these thumbs. Guys being asked to leave the cop bar yeah

there's the cop bar it's like a little like side part of the cop bar you know that you have to go into like a little side room most uncomfortable table and there's like a window there's a window though that you can watch the real cops do their drinking here's more with our colleagues across the country our colleagues here locally watch the real cops do their drinking.

Here's more. With our colleagues across the country, our colleagues here locally, we wanted that stat. It was like hunting and fishing, but for people. We wanted to catch them ourselves. Oh, cool. So, God bless the police department, but we wanted the stat ourselves. Now, Bellevue, that's where they're... It's a beautiful thing. I've had

a couple police departments do this, which you'll hear about in future stories. They were going to let me have my stat. So what they did is they- You know, you can just tell people, man. There's no one taking a- You can just tell people it was yours. I wonder if the store, because I did read,

and I only saw this once in the whole time I was reading through it, but it was about Nordstrom. No, it was Kohl's, maybe, where they require one bust a week. If you get one person a week, then you're doing your job, which anybody who's worked at any of these places, they build all these metrics and stuff where they're working there. So you're saying that this stat might actually be important. might be like a real thing well you know what i mean not important it might be that he's trying to he's trying to get the the one stat and also i mean i kind of cut the cut cut it off there when it came back but he is also talking about he wants the respect of his colleagues oh yeah across the country not just locally he mentioned across the country

i don't know do they have like how i guess that's through online and stuff yeah read it read it here he goes every emergency exit they had officers outside that emergency exit they had four officers outside to match the four people inside. But they had them all covered just in case, which was fantastic. Here he goes. So I'm resting a little more easy as I'm watching them. And I know we're going to get them. And these guys are cocky. They are strutting around.

They are laughing. And I swear, if I was standing, they got just the strut that you would just not believe. They were having so much fun. You wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it. wouldn't believe they were they did not they were stealing and they were acting nonchalant he also for people to watch wrestling he did the vince mcmahon yeah yeah that was the way that was the strut it was the total vince walk his ipods and it was going to make it so much sweeter when I got him oh that smile he just gave one of those fucking I got him a smile you know the smile you know that at the end of a sentence just imagine that smile and then imagine it on a thumb yeah I mean I mean, I said it. This guy sounds and looks kind of like the big show.

Yeah. But here he's going to get into his hands-on talk here. They've got every iPod we sell stuffed in one part of their body or another. They turn and look at that emergency exit, and they're going out. And as they're walking towards it, they're laughing like they think they're going to get away with the time of this country. So the first one... They're laughing. Closed open the doors.

And they are just met with a wall of Bellevue police officers. It was fantastic. I wish I could share the video with you because it was a great video of the look on their face. Happiness to pure oh shit in two seconds okay it was great just great oh he is oh my god in the world you guys should be people

listening just honestly be happy that you're not having to watch this guy as he's saying this the smugness like just the fucking oh my god you see this reminds me of people that will like look back on like high school or college and be like those were my best days yeah this is what this is for him like 20 years in the past him busting some kids for some ipad nanos this is like his biggest achievement in life that's, that's so funny, June. I didn't even think about like, I keep forgetting this is 20 years ago. Yeah. Like this guy is telling it like it's Iwo Jima or something.

He still has the video too. Cause he's like, I wish I could show you the video. Cause they, so he has it. He watches it himself sometimes, but he's, that's how I,

maybe he's, maybe he's saying he doesn't have it. That's why I can't show it. The way I took it was was i have it but i'm not allowed to show it to you for legal reasons but yeah he said he just said it's a great video he said it's a great video yeah it's a great video he definitely had yeah so i i really do feel like it's fucked up how well he recollects this for how long ago it was it's weird because it really is like this is a seven minute video of something that this guy is really fucking proud of and again i can't stress how weird it is that he goes to the building like where it's just like it's not even the same place anymore it's just it's a it's a it's a

some document place it looks like yeah that's and and it's not he's not showing you the part like it's not like this is where this happened or whatever it's just he's just sitting in a car like a fucking food reviewer uh outside of the the the store the front of the store yeah and of course it's the classic like right wing car yeah it's the car selfie video yeah yes it looks like it's cold outside and i'll bet you that's why he's not like out walking around the place and stuff you know because i can see snow maybe he might have forgot his toque or beanie sorry for you for the americans he forgot his and oh he does have a hood yeah because he's got the bald head going. That might not do well out in the cold.

Yeah. I start to run back there to help. The officers get one of them immediately. The other three run inside the store. Oh, no. Nightmare. Two of them split off. I start to chase them. And I look over, and the third guy that's running, a customer just completely wipes him out.

That customer is such a fucking loser. I've never heard of another loser. He is going to talk about wrestling, so I'm going to take him back. That person's not even getting paid for it. I know. That person is despicable. I mean, I know this is not,

I think we all probably agree on this. When you see someone stealing, you fucking run cover for them. You do everything you can to make sure that they do not get caught it's you you're on the side of the people not the fucking corporation i once just when i worked at kroger i once just watched a guy uh in a magazine aisle though i was working at a dairy cooler and he was oh i was watching him through the dairy cooler as he would go to the thing and get five things of whipped cream and suck the nitrous out of each one and then leave them sitting in the uh magazine he did like 15 whipped creams like completely

wasted like 15 whipped creams like i watched the completely wasted. Like 15 whipped creams. I watched the whole fucking thing. I loved it. Of course. Brian, I told you before the stream or I texted it to you. But when I was younger, probably 17, 18 years old, I had a friend named Tim. Big, huge football player guy and just a hilarious, awesome dude. Still a friend of mine.

And we would go to malls or department stores. It was his idea was to just find the store walkers. So just we would walk around the store and we would try to make the undercover people. And then he would, I was always afraid to say, Tim would go, this is a store walker. And he would start yelling it out, like announcing it to

everybody on this tour and we would do that all the time it was a good time that's awesome when we smoked in the bathroom at lunch when i was in when i was in high school uh only cliche much i know all these people were allowed in the bathroom at a time. And there was a teacher kind of standing between you, between the lunchroom and the bathroom. And anytime he would head to the bathroom, we'd be like, stop smoking, put it out. He's coming. And we ended up getting a lot of trouble for it. And they told us we were not to do it anymore, which I found to be unfair because, you know, be allowed. So I'm going to add in another element here right now um from amazon i did go to amazon

you know you can't read reviews of uh like you can't read reviews of loss prevention guys but there is a book by john jordan and it's called the loss prevention officer it's four The Loss Prevention Officer. It's four stars, 242 reviews. And so we're going to read the thing, the description. Have you ever been shopping and it felt like somebody was following you and observing your every move? Have you ever noticed the camera dome scattered along the ceilings of your favorite department store and wonder who might be operating them and whether they might be staring at you have you ever felt strange getting undressed in a fitting room and wonder whether this is starting to really get horny am i is this the only like there's a real tinge of like this person is turned on by this maybe it's the way brian's saying well

yeah and he goes these feelings may be telling you something they may be telling you that you are being watched by a loss prevention officer the loss prevention officer is a thriller that tells the story of crane jefferson a three-year law student at the university of miami who takes a job in the loss prevention department at taylor's department store through the eyes of crane the underground loss prevention world involved in catching shoplifters is explored a shadow world of violence and perversion that the retail establishment does not want you to know about crane was name crane jefferson wow that's such a that's such a totally real name. That sounds so real and like such a name that's not from a book. That's what I like about it.

Crane Jefferson. It's a cop name from a book, too. They gave him a name that you would give an action star. It is a name where as soon as you read it, you say this is a fictional character. And I have immediately taken out of this story. A tough one. It's like Jack Ryan. Yeah, it sounds like a seedy underground, like the underbelly, the way that the description talked about the seedy underground of the retail world.

It's like, okay, come on now. Come on. It's not that serious. This is not that serious. We're not buying it. We're not buying it.'re not buying it well amazon customer reviews here we got a we got a four star a deep dive into the ant first of all he says a deep dive and then in parentheses says above water um oh that's a dig that's a dig oh okay i didn't know

i can't i couldn't figure it out like i thought he was saying like i know you just saw the word dive but this doesn't include water like i thought i thought he was trying to let you know i think that's like a really dumb kind of dig but i don't know we'll have to hear the rest of the review was a deep dive into the anti-shoplifting that retail stores are sadly forced to do a tell-all no holds barred fictional account of what could very likely be real what has our society come to when the bad guys are like sure the story the story is i know it's it's um not a true story but it's kind of fucked up that i believed it could be true it's that phenomena but a review for a book yeah i love the law i love the line what has our society come to like like people haven't

been stealing since there were things you know when the good when the bad guys are bad and the good guys aren't so good either why should we have to defend against rampant retail theft is there a better way to do it not a polished writer by any means hence only four stars four out of five stars though just being nice i think that sounds like not i mean it sounds like the they didn't think the book was very good well it sounded like to me it sounded like it resonated with him because he was saying like what does society come to like he resonates with it yeah i think i think you might be right that maybe not didn't not

not that they didn't enjoy it but they recognized it was very poorly written solomon gave it a one-star review oh oh no but this is here comes the truth here comes the truth on it from someone who's actually i think that other person was one of those nice people i think we're gonna get the truth here yeah toots uh gave it one star and called it dribble um and he's from australia so maybe it's like a cultural thing. He goes, the use of offensive language was terrible. I cannot recommend it at all. Blasphemy, swearing, derogatory terms, and I didn't have to read much to see that in what I think was a load of drivel. Okay, well, hang on.

Never mind. So that's just a religious fanatic. I don't believe anything wrong about that. That person's mad because they say, God damn it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's check back in with the big man. That's a great review.

I agree with that person. That is, that's a fantastic review. Just like mad because there's swear words and words against God. It's like the guy, Chris, it's like the guy from the guys plus episode we did that like didn't have enough words to give the bad review oh yeah hedonism so we just said the discotheque kept me

up all night hi hi howdy howdy hi hello hi hi yeah you need to put a certain amount of words in the review and his only thing was that the discotheque kept him up all night and then we all know and i don't want to go back to but then randy mon came in and defended there we don't need to get into that there's june there's a guy at hedonism who does the like marketing and he's a old white guy and he goes by randy mon that's a perfect name for a type of guy that would be a place like that i love it oh yeah yeah it decides to make his life there and work there like an actual how horny do you have to be to fucking be like i want to work at hedonism i want this to be my entire life i mean that clean like a lot of people that are there to clean and like that's the last thing

i want to be doing oh yeah you don't you wouldn't want to be on the cleaning crew at hedonism no you would you'd want to get a office job probably um let's hope they get paid like 25 an hour or whatever whatever the way they should get they should almost get get hazard pay like danger pay you know like nurse pay because they do have to touch cum probably oh and all kinds of others you think it's only cum they're we don't need to get into it but i mean come on this is hedonism brian it's not just come my friend well let's check in with mr uh thumbs here to see where we're going now running a customer just completely wipes him out you've ever watched professional wrestling, he speared him, and it was one of the best spears we've ever seen.

We had very recently, right before this, we'd had a horrible, horrible shooting at a mall. Okay. Now he gets a little bit of a bummer here for a second. Okay. Very nearby in Omaha. And so everybody that was in a retail environment was always on high alert. Well, this guy thought one of those situations was happening, and he just laid this guy out.

Okay. So I was like, cool. Customers got him. I'm going after these two. So they ended up running through the stockroom, and they were trying to get to an emergency exit in the back. Police officers were back there, but they couldn't get in because of our emergency exit. They could have just stopped. By the way, police officers are back there.

Yeah, they could have just grabbed the guy, dude. This next part is so unnecessary. Yeah, you could have actually gone home and, like you said, they had all of the exits covered. So unless these shoplifters decided to like you know hold themselves up and like take hostages or something then i think that was going to be the end of it pretty quick so something i want to know is how are there all these cops just like here waiting for these kids to like still like were they like is there he called them he called them that fast they got there that's what he said in the beginning he was like he was so impressed with how quickly they got there you know he was uh who knows probably he's got a good relationship

with them you know what i mean they know they know when he calls it's a serious call i mean in reality in reality i'm sure they're like fucking laughing they get the call they're like hey that fucking that fucking loser works over the thing called you want to you want to go fucking make him make him feel good tonight? Let's fucking do it. You want to blow his mind a little bit? Yeah, let's blow that guy's mind. Let's go in there like heavy duty.

They're all laughing about it and shit. Hey, here's what we'll do. We'll tell him, you take care of it. We'll go and be there, but we'll say, hey, you take care of it. You're more qualified. It would be our honor. Yeah, it's our honor to let you do this and then somebody's like well what if he gets hurt you know or killed they're like fuck him i don't care about him at all he's worthless to me

they're goofing on him for sure because they're just like these guys have to walk out at some point. This isn't going to turn into the movie Heat. I have season tickets to the Whitecaps. It's an MLS team, soccer team in Vancouver. And at most sporting events, it's like this. You have security guards, and then there's cops there as well. And my brother always brings it up. When they're walking around, there's the security guard, and my brother always brings it up like when they're walking around there's the security guard and he's walking with the cop and they're like walking together and my

brother's like this is the greatest moment of that guy's life like he is feeling like he's a cop and the cop is just like who the fuck is this loser you know know? I mean, it is funny. You know, I, I hate the police a lot, but it is kind of funny to think like about like to think about you're this guy. You went through like the Academy. You may have seen something at some point,

like crazy. You you're carrying a gun. You probably saw something crazy that you did. You did. Yes, you did. But did, yes. You did. But then you have these fucking guys that are just like, yeah, we're kind of in the same field, actually. And then start comparing.

It's like, you're just a guy that was willing to stop people. Like, you were the guy that would stop people from stealing. It's a $15 an hour job. Yeah. Exits were locked. So I'm running back there there and i'm kind of by myself at this point okay now he says he's kind of by himself so that it makes the story more harrowing you know all he's talked about is there are 15 cops there and now he's like well you know at this point they said you're on your own brother by the way you're either by yourself or you're not it's not something that can be

sort of quantified in that way i was sort of by myself no was there other people there or not it just feels like he's saying the cops were like you you you handle it you know you go for it yeah exactly this is your caller man this is your caller prove yourself to us and you can be one of us yeah maybe yeah they're like telling him that shit like hey man we'll put a good word for you with the uh with the captain you know yeah i that's the thing uh like i i fully like wonder if these guys oftentimes think like i guess like if i show the cops that i can do interrogations and stuff like that they'll be like you're so undeniable you need to be listen i know you failed the psych exam but you're undeniable in your talents and we're gonna have to bring you on board

i'm sure it's also just like i i i know you quit two days into the academy because they made you do push-ups, but I think we can work around that now. Yeah. A couple officers came around front to try to find me. The two guys don't realize I'm back there, and they run right into me. And so I just took what I saw the customer do, and I just decided to try to do a double-arm spear. And I took one of them down pretty well the other one kind of skimmed off me okay by that time now he's bragging about his double arm spear which i would i would like to i would like to see the video of that i think it

it wasn't what he's saying it was he has the video he has the video if he's so proud of it he should just show it yeah the thing is june it's a it's a legal thing i think it's gonna turn out it's not a legal thing and he doesn't want to show the video because it disproves his bullshit story i mean saying that you you went to spear two guys at the same time like when i picture that in my mind i'm picturing you know you kind of picture pro wrestling but then when you take a second and you think about who this guy is who the thieves were you know a bunch of dumb asses like he's a dumb ass they're dumb ass they're all a bunch of dumb

asses and this guy is just like and then i fucking did the perfect spear when um man he could have slipped on the floor and like accidentally landed on one and felt like he did a spear i don't think i think that not even i don't even know that he made any contact with them i mean just the idea of them running side by side at the right like you know just so you could double spear them it just who runs like like that? Like, who would be doing that? Okay. I didn't even think about how they would have to be running. Like, I guess if they were going through a doorway, maybe, you know, and they would have to be. But it just seems like Scooby Doo or something.

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like a fucking story. It doesn't sound like something that happens in real life. It sounds like it's a lie from a story. Yeah. fucking story. It doesn't sound like something that happens in real life. It sounds like a lie from a story. Several officers came out and helped me out. And we got them.

We got them, picked them up. They helped you out. Yeah, they helped. The cops came. They kind of helped me out. They helped me out a little. They added a little helping hand. It was cute. You know, it was cute. Some other officers went and got the the one the customer laid out the officers had the first guy outside but man this place looked like a war zone there were i don't know sorry sorry so excuse it looked like a war zone okay i don't know about that i think a

war zone is there was was there dead bodies sh. I mean, was there like destruction, like bombed? I mean, that doesn't I don't think that's really a point. It also I was just thinking I do still hate the customer, but he was saying he thought there was a shooting going on. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And so that makes sense because this fucking idiot was probably like so heated and probably like causing such a scene that it made it seem like it was such a bigger deal than it was so this this fucking poor customer is just like holy what the fuck is going on this seems like a and then you know it's just like trying to save himself this guy was definitely in the store yelling stop yeah stop now get down stop on the ground around the ground we got him

over there he's over there he's over there Like yelling shit like that, you know? Yeah. It's so awesome to call this like a war zone over what was probably just like $5,000 worth of product. Oh. Like, I don't know if he said how many iPod Nanos they were stealing, but there's no way it was like more than 10. Yeah. Oh, for sure. And even then, they're not even that expensive. I mean, this is a couple of thousand dollars probably worth of merchandise.

And I just, does he explain, let's hear him explain why it was a war zone if he does well actually it's funny because i think he was just here we'll go back just two seconds the officers had the first guy outside but man this place looked like a war zone they were i don't know it was omaha police helping Bellevue police, but there was a helicopter. Oh. Officers all over the place. The amount of resources that went into this. Oh, so it really did look like a war zone because you guys brought out the militarized police for these shoplifters. Oh, that's very cool.

Yeah. Whoa, man. And you caught them all by yourself. And how much does it cost to fly a helicopter? Like the fuel of a helicopter and all of the manpower and stuff. It could have traumatized grandma just to bring out these helicopters. Someone called 911, by the way. Somebody also, not just this guy who's in there screaming and they're like something bad has to be happening i gotta call 9-1-1 and then the fucking helicopters there this guy's probably saying that they might have a weapon you know yeah the kind of thing where maybe they probably don't but

he's like uh they might have one oh that's that that that just That just happened to me yesterday. I'm not even kidding. And I was out and about, and I had taken a little bit of mushrooms, you know, because I was watching a soccer game and I'm on vacation. And so I was a little bit. And I seen this scene where the cops, three cop cars had pulled up to this person, a street person who was like this little lady with these big coats or whatever and this guy this young dude had called the cops saying that that he thought she had a weapon all she did it turned out was break a bottle close to him yeah and he called the cops and then started saying she might have a weapon so it became more serious and they brought all of these cop cars out

and i and i was a little bit high on mushrooms and i started like when we were walking away from and i started like he told me that was the reason why because she broke a bottle and i was like you're the softest fucking person that i've ever heard of in my entire life and i got into a big argument with him across the street and again i'm on a little bit of mushrooms i'm feeling and then he kept talking to me and i said you shut the fuck up or i'll give you something to call the cops about and i really should not have said that because in hindsight he definitely could have there was other people around i definitely could have been in trouble he could have called the police he could have just called them they're right across the street he could have just been like hey over here this guy sassed me

all the the cherries, it just looked like this place was under attack. But it was for these four dudes, and I swear the Bellevue Police Department had my back like no other. Oh, that is... They had my back like no

other. Certainly not like my fucking ex-wife, I'll tell you that. They were fucking there till the end you know no they're not they're not all oh you got behavioral issues and fucking you're impossible to live with these guys were there until the end for me man ride or die and mind you these guys don't remember this at all yeah there isn't a sink the helicopter pilot doesn't remember it no they go out all the time i mean this is this is the most routine call that you could ever imagine for a police officer

and it's like so there's like it's not even dangerous you know like like this is they've made it more dangerous by you know him screaming them being there he's tackling people and stuff like that like in all honesty this store could just fucking order more ipod nanos like also cover it of course even if he wanted to he could have just called the cops they were already outside and then he could have just let the guys walk outside and get arrested by the cops and that would have been the end of it you know like eventually they were gonna have to go outside like i said they ran back in tried to go up but all the exits were covered yes this sounds like such so much more of a dramatic like i so i used to work at like a grocery store and there were some people that that would steal

every once in a while that i i would never i never would snitch on people but of course if you work at a place like that there would be people that snitch that's always how it goes down like the cop is just like kind of waiting at the entrance for the person they kind of just get caught like it's never this dramatic like this is so made up it's crazy I've never seen anything like this in my life and they're trying to like they want these I mean they obviously this guy has a fucking youtube channel where he tells these old war stories so they are looking to manufacture these like more interesting more dangerous situations so yeah i'm sure there's so many instances where fucking freaks like this escalate a situation so much further than it has to go just so that it's a more interesting story

and they can like have some shit to feel fucking cool about later you know oh yeah absolutely yeah yeah i mean he probably like if he's dating he tells every date like this story from like that yeah it was a he escalated it so much his tinder bio is in 1996 i I took down three guys. Do you guys think there's a loss prevention dating app just for loss prevention people living the lifestyle? Oh, that would be lost in love. Lost in love, maybe. Lost in love. Oh, that is a killer.

You could make a killing off of that. Baby, you stole my heart and I took you down in a chokehold. And the cops told me I was afraid. Yeah, and then the cops came and they helped out a little bit. I think there's a little more. Let's see. Awesome. And we got him. So

they tried the emergency exit. It might be the loss prevention professional's worst enemy. But not today. We got him. It's so cool to be back here. So cool to reminisce. I can see what you mean about the sad aspect of it. This is one of the most.

And we deal with a lot of pathetic guys on the guys podcast this is one of the most pathetic guys that i've ever encountered in my life i'm so glad i could be here for this this is yeah it's so pathetic it's it's astonishing you might become a permanent character this guy i yeah you just don't see pathetic you don't see things like this like i always wonder how good it probably feels to like not think this is dorky you know what i mean like like this guy i mean he feels like he's been not just a cop but on like active duty and like he has this this action movie version of his life in his brain that i kind of admire but i think people like that like i think if you don't find stuff like that cool there's other stuff that you recognize as cool and you feel cool about that

these guys don't know if that makes sense i don't know but no i totally know you mean it's like these type of people live in an alternate reality like i think about this sometimes like people like this that have these like really bizarre hyper specific like demonic interests where it's like we just aren't on the same planet i feel like like i have nothing in common with this guy i couldn't i truly let's do this one quora thing here and then how many videos how many videos does this guy have just a lot of years of them and does he ever get into when he retired and why because he's not of retirement age just to be clear he seems as if he still should be working so is there any does he do a different job he runs a company called silver hammer surveillance i see but i i think he sells surveillance equipment in omaha hey i will say he's done we've done okay for himself then i mean

he's he's become a small business owner of course what he's doing is selling products to help stop people from stealing that he's still on his fucking bullshit but at least he's not out there yeah he's not in the store this is the kind of guy that goes to the stream by the way he has so many videos it is it is that and like i said he has other people come on and tell their stories oh i would uh 15k followers that's not bad yeah not too bad it's like almost as much as I have on YouTube for sure that's I'd be happy with that number yeah

I miss it too bad this retailer's not here anymore it's very sad but oh well what can you do so I hope you enjoyed today's story so this guy's really one thing I'm noticing is he doesn't really know how to end his videos. No. Because it's still on his neck.

Can we actually, can you go back? I want to see how he actually, because he seems like he was trying to end it like a minute ago and he just like Well, yeah. Here we go. They all went to jail. Good times. Good times, good times. if you did like this video please subscribe click the little button in the bottom right of your screen many more stories to come

until then you know what the thing that really gets me though it's like hey he might be a loss prevention guy and i don't agree with all this stuff but god does he have charisma i mean this guy is charismatic man i mean i like that guy he is the most monotone delivery it's yeah he doesn't seem he doesn't seem to be the guy for this in my opinion he's not a natural performer no uh casey herring asked on quora what is it like to work in loss prevention and guy goes uh it's the most boring exciting job you could ever imagine i hate when people say that shit like i hate when people like it's these two things and they're like opposite do you know what i mean i hate that turn of phrase your alarm goes off you get out of bed the determined feeling of going and doing a job in which you can tangibly

see the fruits of your effort is a distant memory it's been replaced with total apathy please let there be a theft today you ask who or whatever is listening you park at your store walk in and make your way back to the small cramped dark office full of monitors for the first few hours of your 12-hour shift you watch housewives aimlessly stroll the aisles not really looking at anything then it happens you see someone suspicious zooming the camera and you clearly see a bored housewife filching cosmetics. Dumbass. You grab her earpiece.

You grab your earpiece and head out. You've got to catch her before she makes it out of your store. Not today. Not today. Damn day. You approach her from behind as she's about to exit. Ma'am. Hello.

I'm going to have to ask you to step back aside. Her face drops and she knows what's happening. Immediately. Tears spray from her eyes as if they were on a timer. But why? I just checked out. I got to get my baby. Parentheses.

Shoplifters in general like to throw a family card out when caught because loss prevention are paid to care. So this is like this person seems like an aspiring writer yeah does it does this person have a name perhaps and can we see if it's the same person who may have authored that book that we were like they're just testing it out it's not it's the casey herring i think is who answered it does seem like they want to be a writer but uh i'm sorry ma'am right this way that's it that's if it all goes according to plan usually loss prevention can actually touch you i've had quite a few get away because of that asinine rule oh yeah that asinine rule where you can't fucking physically grab somebody sometimes the good ones

will run or hide and then it gets really exciting i'm usually the only one willing to chase them the others are too complacent the chase though it's fun as long as you can catch them on the store property parking lot or inside it's a catch and most places incentivize lps for catching people so i will chase you and i know all of the hiding spots if you get away with it you earned it this guy is terrifying that is like genuinely like horrific he sounds like it might be a psychopath yeah yeah well that nickel is taber that can loss prevention follow you around in a store uh answer here is we do all the time we often talk with you or smile and say hello we know what you're gonna do before you do it does it sound like bs when you've been in the business as long as i have i know what you're

gonna do as you walk through the store wow this is very tough this is that's the fear of like like the government's always watching but it's like they're personifying that for a corporation exactly we're always watching you like this person is saying it in such a weird creepy way not a creepy way but just like a like so proud of it you know so smug about they're very smug aren't they yes yeah oh absolutely yeah all of them so far that we've heard. We've read and heard from, yeah. I don't know if... I know. I have to assume you've seen this movie, but Observe and Report.

I sure have. I've seen it a number of times. It's one of my favorite movies. I fucking love that fucking movie, man. And I won't spoil it for anyone, but the fucking final scene of that movie is one of my favorite final scenes. You know what I'm talking about, Brian,

with the music and everything, and then boom, you know? Yeah, that is that i fucking love that movie yeah it's got to be like my favorite movie and after spending all day like reading these guys and and listening to their audio and stuff like that like i mean that movie is like 10 darker yeah these guys are you know what i mean have you have you seen that movie or familiar with it at all no uh what's it called it's um observe and report it sort of like went under the radar because it came out at the same time as paul blart and it was about like a mall cop kind of but it has it's seth rogan is the star of it and it's like yeah i think it's done by the people who did like eastbound and down and stuff yeah yeah tody hill tody hill did it and it's um

okay it has what's the guy's name the the um seth rogan ray leota uh no no his his like friend in it who's anyways i won't he's one of my favorite comedic actors um who's in it and he's just such a funny character but yeah it really does you know you know who i'm talking about brian yeah i do i do from ramirez no him okay well anyways anyways the um yeah the it really hits it on the head as far as that like feeling of importance and just yeah seth rogan is so fucking weird in that movie here's something yeah this is actually interesting now that you brought we brought that in here and i want to read this uh reddit from one squidward tortellini which i assume is a guy um and it it says nordstrom interview and this is an interesting question.

I'm glad I'm doing it now. I forgot about this. Hello, I have an interview with Nordstrom for asset protection position. I'm currently a TSS. I don't know what that is. It's some kind of a security thing. And consider myself pretty skilled at my job and ready to move up. However, I'm not a big person.

I'm not scrawny, but I am on the smaller side. This makes me nervous. Should I be worried about my size? Will they care that I'm not jacked? First of all, none of these guys are jacked. Yeah, I don't know if you've seen some of these guys. But with all this, how hands on is Nordstrom? I appreciate all the help in advance.

And one person answer. And they said, size doesn't matter. Small people can be just as effective as large people if they have a tough attitude. Nice. Size doesn't matter. That's kind of a cool. That's kind of a euphemism. You know, they're not even it's just like a sexual kind of reference.

Size doesn't matter yes and if you're worried about your size and this is such a loss prevention guy answer if you're worried about your size it's an indication that you probably are just a timid person in general shouldn't be working for asset protection you will have to we don't even want you Like, if you're even fucking questioning your ability to fuck up some shoplifter, we don't even want you around. You will have to confront people daily. It's not a job for cowards. And so I feel like that was the two. That was almost like the two loss prevention guys.

The first guy is saying i don't know i'm a little nervous uh you know and and he's the one without the confidence and that is is kind of scared and probably shouldn't be doing and then really tough guy tells them that they'll be fine as a large person if they have a tough attitude as a small person yeah yeah yeah so uh that is i think i think we got it most of it you know uh i think yeah we got through most of it and if we didn't there's a new show it's called guys plus and it's at patreon.com slash murder x brian it is a less rigid guys episode where we talk only about guys we've already talked about so if you enjoyed loss prevention we're now allowed to talk about that on the bonus show yeah so if anything comes up if somebody sends us something or there's a

news story well in the last one we talked about a softball guy who beat up an umpire that news story came up in brian's area and so he discussed that so yeah stuff like that it was really fun so yeah definitely subscribe to the patreon brian also has wonderful series over there that we do shocktober and uh you're doing jeff dunham one right now yeah i'm talking about jeff dunham every other week it's guys plus then a dunham episode then guys plus uh so a lot of people were concerned when i had said on twitter i was doing guys plus that it was going to be on another tier and it's not but i would still sign up for the patreon if you enjoy the show you get to pick we do we do about six of these and at a time

and then release them and uh i'm letting the patreon pick from a few choices every month they get to pick and this month they chose between south park guys coffee guys apple computer guys ed hardy guys pickleball vhs guys and our second specific guy jamie kennedy and it was close jamie kennedy guys and vhs guys did quite well but the winner in the end was south park oh no that's gonna be golden that's i feel like that's a gold mine of content there and of course i told you brian when he said that that i used to have a t-shirt that showed all the ways Kenny died. And I just thought it was the coolest fucking T-shirt ever. You might be in this one.

And it's a really fun. That's what June. Some of the best episodes are the ones where one of us leans in. One of the people on the call kind of leans in that direction. There's kind of two types of episodes. There's one where you pick somebody that you know would be oppositional to that thing and you kind of goof on it jesse farrar was on an episode about drugs erwin guys and he's you know not a drug guy but then we had you on this show

and i don't think you were a big fan of loss prevention. I would say the exact opposite. Yeah. This is one of the ones where we're just, there's, we got no love at all, but yeah, there is some other ones where it's like, yeah, we,

I mean, Tom isn't a whiskey guy, but he knew about it and, and had some knowledge on it and stuff like that. I just want to say as well, Michael Pena, that's the name of the actor, Michael Pena.

And it's fun because it's funny because like when because when you are a little part of a guy, it makes the episode more fun. And I just don't even know if I'll be able to get a guest who wasn't at some point a South Park person. Yeah, I think it was at one point. Definitely. If you're of a certain age, then it was the most popular thing in the fucking world for comedy. Yeah, it's going to be fun. But, you know, just to end it, I kind of think that in the next run, I'm going to do Jamie Kennedy. So a lot of people are bummed that Jamie Kennedy didn't win, but I'm definitely going to do a Jamie Kennedy.

I watched that his show too x or whatever i swear to god i watched it and like i don't know i thought it was good i i don't like don't don't hold me to that i was like i was young but i thought it was good he did a pro-life movie without like knowing what he was doing oh i remember that's awesome good this guy sounds fascinating oh oh he was the he's a comedian from like the 2000s where like he probably was one of the biggest comedians in the world and now nobody knows who he is basically and he's just kind of like i guess i'll do i'll do this movie and then finds out it's a pro-life movie. Yeah, he did. Malibu's Most Wanted was like a movie he did that I loved when I was a kid. I was like, this was funny to me.

But yeah, my tastes have changed a lot. I want to. Yeah. You've learned. You've grown. You've evolved. Yeah. And look, as a guy that just watched Ted and ted 2 uh that that was like difficult enough for

me but i think south park in 2023 guys that are super into south park in 2020 i haven't seen it in a number of years yeah i haven't watched an episode in a number of years i don't know what they're doing now i bet it sucks i'll tell you. June, tell people where to find you. So you can find me on Twitter at Juniper, where the I is an L. Me and a couple people on Twitter also do our own podcast that we started about three months ago called The Western Kabuki. Basically, it's kind of a very similar concept to this show, but we don't look at specific guys. But we kind of look at like certain like internet cultures like one of our most well-loved um episodes that we've done is about gooning i don't know if you guys know what gooning is we kind of did a deep dive about the gooning community

i i you know what i'll be honest i only know the term you know it's like one of those terms that i've heard a lot but i don't know that i specifically know what it is yeah it's like basically like olympic level jacking off oh fascinating oh that's not that's very weird it's weird i should know about that that's that's yeah it's a fascinating internet subculture so we basically just look at stuff like that or like things that are just happening online stuff like that um so yeah that's that's where you can find me all All right. And, you know, Chris is Chris. I'm at my stuff. And maybe in the description of this one, I just do know people. You flubbed the description, put the wrong URL for my Patreon.

So maybe if you could do the right one, that would help. You know, I said, did I do it? I don't know. But all I can say is when the flubs start hitting my bottom line, that's when get a little bit upset and obviously we'll be around uh every son i will be around every sunday chris is usually there on twitch.tv slash murder x brian but sign up for the patreon you won't regret it goodbye