Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 28 - Pastafarians with Dan O'Sullivan and Tom Sexton

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

From the earliest days of Street Fight I always wanted to do a show about Pastafarians but I didn't feel like it fit. Well, Guys is perfect for this sort of thing so I put together a hell of a team and we had Dan O'Sullivan from https://twitter.com/osullyville and https://t.co/3V7DqXhteN Regular Guys guest Tom Sexton from twitter.com/thetrillbillies and https://www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty/ You know where to find chris but I will remind you that twitter.com/thecjs youtube.com/notevenashow and https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow/ For more Guys you can go to patreon.com/murderxbryan and twitch.tv/murderxbryan

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am Brian. I have been touched by his noodley appendage and with me my co-host a pirate saint chris james what's up chris oh he knows i hate that when he's like when he intros the episode and he's already getting into the lingo that none of us know um yeah really i will say really unhappy to be here today for this one and i had to bring in you just heard him my holy boy we're talking about religion here today really my holy boys co-host and good friend and regular guest tom sexton what's up tom hey what's

going on fellas happy to be here this is the real shit, man. I'll bet Elon Musk is a Pastafarian. You know what? That does seem like something that could be true, like that he was into it at some point, you know? And we brought on for a new guest, Dan O'Sullivan. What's up, Dan? Hey, guys. And thanks, Chris, for that awesome intro.

It feels great to be here. Thank you so much. Well, you had to know. I mean, we were talking before. This is one of the things where if you've ever sort of seen one of these people or even heard about what they're up to, you kind of already know that they are just terrible and they're going to make you very angry. So yeah, this is going to be a tough one. I think yeah, this isn't going to be the hedonism to one where everyone is just full of joy, right? Well, I wasn't full of joy on that one. Yeah, because you were like, man, I wish I was there. Like you were like, so pissed that we were talking so much about it. And you weren't actually there. Tom, have you ever heard of the spaghetti monster before this i i have heard this word pastafarian but i never really cared enough to dig into it and after actually digging into it i wish i'd have stuck to my guns yeah yeah yeah it was a bullet you had dodged and then like you're

being asked to take the bullet now, you know? That's right. And what I've ascertained is this is just a religion for epic guys. Well, it's a Reddit. It's a very Reddit religion for sure. I will say this. I'm going to start this out with a quick bit of information. If you search on the chive for Pastafarian or Flying Spaghetti Monster, nothing comes up. So the way I started thinking about it is like the fucking chive doesn't even want anything to do with these guys.

Yeah, maybe it's like a rivalry type thing. Maybe they're like a different type of kind of shitty guy. That's a Venn diagram that looks like two headlights. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think maybe it's not because it does like we just think of it initially you're like well yeah they would be but nah they're sort of a different type of fucked up i think i think the chive beats up the pastafarians oh see now if you're the guy getting bullied by the chive that's rough that is really yeah they're throwing coins at you magnets at the colander head sorry we're gonna get into that but i'm gonna start out by saying that you have no idea how much it took me to not get an

ordination package for 59 as a goof because it's only 59 bucks you struggle with that kind of thing brian will be mocking something and then he'll say well that's i mean 75 is a pretty good deal and he'll end up buying it i'm losing money by not getting ordained yeah he had so so explain to everyone what that what that is exactly what would you get for that 59.99 you get a paper certificate of ordination a black silver resin wallet card and two vinyl car decals and uh it's free shipping which i i imagine isn't losing them any money because they're very small small package yeah it's very cheap to ship i'll do it all for 58 oh wow so you're gonna undercut that's actually i've often thought of that. Like I was going to

sort of like the go off Kings, um, Twitch stream. I was going to be like, Hey, if you want to subscribe to mine for three bucks or whatever, I'll just, I'll play them live. Yeah. And how do you think that would go over with them? If you, I mean, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I mean, I mean, there's only one way to find out. And now, now you've got me excited. Now I'm going to do it. So here is your certificate of ordination that you get. You guys can all see it. It's a pirate ship. Really bad. It looks really, I would say, bad and unimpressive. Well, actually, Chris, you're leaving out. It's printed on high-quality parchment paper. Yeah.

Now, I'm not an expert on paper. I'm not sure that's something you can run through an inkjet printer. Am I wrong on that, that parchment isn't going in there? Yeah, I'm not really sure. Listen, I will say it certainly does not seem to be worth $59.99. Well, you also get this, this card. It's like a card, and on the back it says, Let it be known, the cardholder is an ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

and is entrusted to exercise all duties of the ministry. This includes sermonizing, presiding over holy ceremonies such as weddings and baptisms, giving last rites, and casting out false prophets. The church requests assistance from any concerned authorities in carrying out these solemn duties and expects the minister will be granted the respect of privileges and honors appropriate for a person of the cloth. The cardholder agrees to represent the church in good faith and will not attempt to use this ID in an unlawful manner is it all a joke that's my question like is it is it see i always thought it was did it start as a joke and then people started being kind of serious about it like where are we at with it i can give you that short history is um this was a time where church groups were trying to get like uh um we're trying to get like 10 commandments things and stuff like that put up and uh they were also and they would deny this now but for sure when when when muslims were trying to get their license plate with their with like their job or yeah so

these guys were like well if they're allowed to do it i'm allowed to do it and then started wearing colanders on their heads so it is almost kind of like a political organization in a way but wait so the colanders on the head though are just how does that i see how it would be like oh if you can wear you know something if someone from a different religion can why can't i but what about the other thing how is it the colander thing no no no i just like what was it initially that you said what was the other rights they just want the same rights at see i hate giving them i hate giving them this but they basically are saying i want the same rights as any religion okay but we're goofed they're goofing and this is this is era, like W. Bush era

stuff, right? And by Bush era, you mean the 1970s? I left myself open for that one, and then John Holmes over here. Well, I got a little video here we can

look at here. Life on Earth is wonderful. I'm out. Well, I got a little video here we can look at here. Life on Earth is wonderful. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

It's a bit loud. It's a bit loud. No, just the voice. I'm done. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, the volume's fine. Yeah, I'm a Dan on this one.

I'm already out. Two seconds in. It's a really, that voice is like, you can just hear that talking to you when you're stuck at work somewhere yeah the call center it's like who the fuck is this guy extremely busy largely due to how it will juggle its many facets like the tedium of your work life the constant inebriation of your social life, and ensuring enough quality family time. All the while you're struggling with those big questions that keep you up at night. Questions like why am I here? Am I a good person? What happens when you die?

And what is the meaning of it all anyway? Science is working tirelessly on the answers, but they can be a little impenetrable. Religion boldly claims to already have the answers, but with so many to choose from, how do we know which? What are we watching here? This is them and their words. What their thing is. Okay, so right now it's kind of like this seems not to sync up with what i know of that you know what i mean like it seems like right now they're kind of just saying like

hey you know we're just here to answer questions for you they're they're like they're speaking about themselves like they're not a religion well we're on our way to like in one second we're going to start learning about his noodley highness or whatever they're i was gonna write down a bunch of those that they call it is funny that i got the cthulhu here because like i i didn't know this like at all but i i kind of assumed that the noodley spaghetti monster was influenced by that in some way cthulhu i knew these were Cthulhu guys for some reason. On the screen, we're looking at the video of it right now, and yeah, there's a bunch of

religious people, and then there's a Cthulhu. I'll say, a depiction of Muhammad, it appears, in there. I don't think you're supposed to do that. Maybe a little interesting. I remember now what

i was going to say this is when they were trying to teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in schools and a guy wrote an article that said what if i decided that a fucking flying spaghetti monster and it like caught fire on the internet so then the guy's like well i'll write a book and he wrote like the bible of the flying spaghetti monster then it started to pick up steam and that's when like well let we should be allowed to have a colander on our head and our license photo and then it was just like all these little things so they they feel like they're doing sort of a political act, but in a way that's off-putting for like 90% of people. Here we go.

Happily, this problem has a solution. A combination of the natural wonders of science and the supernatural claims of religion has culminated in the world's first and only empirical religious movement. Welcome to Spaghetti, Wenches, and Metaphysics, your guide to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti. It's hard, Brian. It's hard. Yeah. I didn't like wenches coming up.

Didn't like that. If you are a saint in the church, like if you're a reverend in the church, so like you get ordinated and you're supposed to stop wearing the church so like you get ordinated and you're supposed to stop wearing the colander and start dressing like a pirate which i don't even know how that what like this is like it really feels like i get it they're making this like oh what if i said i there was a came from a flying spaghetti monster like that should be

the end of it right there. But actually, if you're a priest, you're a zombie. You have to dress like a zombie. But now you're doing all these serious things, and it's just like Brian said, it's impenetrable for almost everyone. Everyone's like, this is the most cringe shit I have ever heard in my entire life. Even normal people. Oh, chris i'm sorry do you like christian fundamentalists and all the like that's what they would be saying right like

um actually this is a critique of uh and yeah and and we dress like uh like old-timey uh airline pilots with these goggles and leather hats it's a comment commentary on so on just social is social issues yeah yeah like the rabid atheist guys like the sam harris's and like all those guys are definitely on the hook for these guys yes that's such a good point it is such a bummer because like atheists are already really annoying to people except for gervais except gervais like when well gervais yeah i think he might be like he's i've heard him talk about in the past yeah well i am also one and uh it's it's really like the best way to be an atheist is to shut the fuck up about any of the stuff and just go on with your life.

You're saying, yeah, we get it, man. God's for dummies. Right. Or you could put a colander on your head, walk around. Oh, are you going to repress me? Are you going to repress me for wearing a colander on my head at the DMV? Let's hear this off their website, SpaghettiMonster.org. Welcome to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

With many thousands of members in 60-plus countries, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is one of the fastest-growing religions in the world. Everyone is welcome. Please look around and join us if you like what you see. Some perks of being a Pastafarian. Okay, here we go. I'm interested. Every Friday is a religious holiday.

pastafarian okay here we go i'm interested every friday is a religious holiday there are there are no dues other than the you know 59 beer volcano in the afterlife pirate come on man fuck like come on man the beer volcano in the afterlife. Oh, is that too epic for you, Chris? You don't want an epic afterlife? Yeah. Well, there's also a stripper factory in the afterlife, too. I thought I'd let you guys know. Oh, where do I sign up? Okay.

Taking a piece of bacon and kind of just like folding it a little bit and then drinking out of the beer volcano. Yeah, that's the level of... Yeah, and Ron Swanson is there, by the way. I'm not going to go through the eight. I rather you didn't, which is their Ten Commandments. So we don't have to give us a taste. Yeah.

How come? Why? No, just out of curiosity. Why are you not going through those guys? They're annoying. Well, that's kind of the whole. I really rather you didn't ask saint act sanctimonious holier than thou ass when describing my noodley goodness oh okay never mind that's that's my apologies you can

move on i'm sorry isn't that isn't that the whole thing like i find this so funny that they're they're trying to mock humorless sanctimonious religious types who we all dislike. But you're just doing it via Reddit. You're packaging Reddit as a religion, essentially, and doing the same thing. Am I wrong on that? I don't know. I don't think so. I just don't think Reddit is even into the like talk like a pirate day. Sort of. What's talk like a pirate day?

Well, I mean, that's just a holiday that comes up every year where you're like on Twitter and you see like, oh, today's like national talk like a pirate day. And then a bunch of people like ARG and Arby's like Arby's will post about it. You know, like if you've ever worked with a guy who's not allowed to handle cash or talk to customers he's the guy who will be coming in to do talk like a pirate day you know let me um let me read you a i think i mean some people it's just like can't handle cash just because it's i mean it i mean it's not that big of a deal are we getting are we going to get into this chris are we no i mean it's just a thing i mean i just think that that kind of guy at a place it shouldn't be looked down upon necessarily you know maybe he just has a record or whatever okay well let's getting a bit close to the bone

sorry chris let's get a prayer in everybody i'm gonna do a little prayer here. Our pasta, who art in colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, thy sauce be yum, on top of some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball the noodle and the sauce forever and ever ramen i'd love to get a second draft on that if we could just ramen i'll say this the only part of it i liked was the give us our garlic bread. That was the only. Well, me and Thomas have also run into,

this is an interesting like overlap with the chive, is lead us not into vegetarianism. So this is another group that is like, we don't need these vegetarians are bugging me, which is a very 2012. I thought they said everyone's welcome. Well, not vegetarian. Okay fair enough and i i feel like and tell me if i'm going too off on a limb here this was also a time where vegetarianism is

like oh that's a gay thing to do yes like yeah it's so tied up with it right it's they're annoying they oh they're always trying to get us to eat vegetables like that was like their their anger okay so again they seem to be so are you not supposed to talk about being in the past because yeah they seem really kind of against the idea of just being annoying about your stuff so do they know you're supposed to i got i have a little bit of uh information on evangelizing. That's what I was going to ask. Is this a missionary religion?

Well, they say, I'm getting down here. Okay, well, we could do an elevator pitch. Do Pastafarians evangelize? I know what the religion details, and there are tens of thousands of followers of the noodley faith. Did more people join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster because they heard about it and decided to jump on the bandwagon? Parentheses, discovered it through the internet or in books. Or where else? I guess from a person right you know or do pastafarians who are currently in the faith actually actively evangelize the way like christians and muslims do

serdophobe says well we can infer our creator's own noodley opinion by knowing that he okay so quab q-u-o-b is the pronoun for he's either he or quab like it's a pronoun thing that you call him because he doesn't have a gender yeah you ever get cornered by someone who's like really into star trek or something like that and they're just they're telling you about all these little rules and it's like i don't shut up shut the fuck up i don't care about any of this i don't care quab the fuck is quab i mean i believe the last week's episode um the warhammer one had a lot of that kind of those types of words and like you know that that kind of language that i just had no way to even get any sort of grasp of the nerdiest sentence. But I'm about to fucking give you some stuff right now.

He goes, don't go around telling people that he talks to us because it's true. So that's one less reason to go around evangelizing. Also, there's no sense of urgency to save people like there is in Christianity. Also, there's no sense of urgency to save people like there is in Christianity. We were also blessed with tools like Wikipedia and DuckDuckGo. So if anyone wants DuckDuckGo. It feels like a joke to a lot of these people. You know what I mean?

It doesn't feel serious at all. It's almost a joke in some sense. I'm trying to understand if like if there are people who take it seriously or like what the sort of level of interaction is with it because yeah that seems like a straight up they're just goofing around like we're blessed with wikipedia you know they are goofing around that i think that's true this is like their sense of humor right yeah and duck duck go and others so if anyone wants to learn and know about our true creator, they can search and they shall probably find right below the ad and for the plea for donations to the Wikimedia Foundation. All that being said, it's my personal opinion that it's okay to advertise. It's okay and good to demand requests equal time and space for flying

spaghetti monsterism in public places alongside christian based propaganda uh tldr advertise yes evangelize not real really so they do not evangelize tom okay okay what would you do though what would you i i want to go around i'll start with tom here what what are you doing if one of these guys like is standing on the street and you have to walk by them like you see them ahead with the colanders on their head with maybe some pamphlets and you have to walk by them how do you deal with here's the thing is like i i'm usually drawn to like uh zealotry you know what i mean like i want to know what makes people tick and all that kind of stuff, but I have no patience for people like this.

Say what you want about Christianity or Islam or any of the Abrahamic religions or anything else out there, there's people way smarter than me that have died for that stuff. You know what I mean? My hunch is that these guys would not be willing to

you know. No and how do you deal with that dan uh yeah i mean tom is so right like at least like those other religions like like i live in la you can go by the scientology centers and there are people standing outside of them trying to get you in i think i respect those guys more than i respect these guys like that uh they think it's so fucking clever this little joke that they have right and it's not like that's the it's more like like the proper comparison to me is like how do you how would you deal with an improv comedy troupe uh invading your personal space this is so like that that that guy the church of stop shopping do you guys remember that

no what's that uh if this was in the early two i think this is really early when i was like becoming like kind of politically aware of stuff and I was maybe a democrat but there was this guy like that acted like a reverend for a thing called uh improv everywhere and he would a bunch of them would get together and they would do this thing called the church of stop shopping around Christmas and they would get on subways and go in public and start doing these big, huge acts. And I remember seeing that and being like, I hope I'm never... I hope I'm never seen that or something like this happen.

I have to tell you here, right here and now, I don't do skits. I live in a skit-free zone. Yeah, you're not into sketches and bits. If I happen into a skit, I'm out. Dan, you mentioned you live in la yes that's where i that's where i um that's where we hung out you remember we did we got the uh the uh popeye's chicken sandwich on hollywood boulevard what an la experience

i just wanted to throw that down there because b Brian always tries to assert that he's more of an L.A. guy than me. And I just wanted to get some evidence that of me doing something pretty L.A. with the actual L.A. guy. Well, Chris, you're not American. No, I know. I know that. But it doesn't make me less. Yeah, because Brian also claims to be Canadian, just to be clear. Oh, OK.

So this actually doesn't work for him really no pastafarian saints this is from the subreddit here we go i think it's a good idea to make a list of pirate saints where there will be different pirates whether famous or forgotten i have already created one but i would like it to be officially approved by the Pastafarian Church first. EasyHunt2942 says, I would put forward the man, the myth, the legend, Blackbeard and Captain Jack Sparrow. So,

yeah, I'm just... Maybe update that one. Check Google News out. See if you still want that one. I don't know. It'll be like what the what the catholics did to saint christopher and pull his credentials let's just have a quick look at that jack sparrow uh yeah i am i'm starting to like sort of realize i guess because obviously like and i know they're

joking around about it it's like done in jazz but i wasn't sure if like oh did they try to turn it into some sort of a real religion where they're like doing real events and stuff like that now i'm realizing it's just this extended bit no there were churches chris there's a church in australia it still is this extended bit though it still is even though they've done it in real life it still is it's just this thing that they will not let go and they're continuing to add to and it was never funny to begin with it would be you know it's like just like continuing along like a stand-up comedian just like doing it a bit fucking the first bit of it just falls so flat no one's laughing and he's like all right i'm gonna continue to do this bit for the rest of eternity on stage here oh i'm not on stage too

i'm doing the bit when i'm also not on i'm gonna do the bit to my family as well and every single person i interact with in my entire life the dmv who's like shut up yeah yeah right uh then i'll add a real one captain morgan uh uh parentheses spiced and then easy hunt says truer words have never been blackbird is real black blackbird black beard is real also so captain morgan too he's on the bottle yeah but the guy that's funny because he thinks blackbeard isn't real but i don't think captain morgan is real is no he's real he's on the bottle i've seen him uh okay like is he based on a real guy yep i don't think so what about admiral nelson the well version of captain morgan i think that's a real guy? I don't think so. What about Admiral Nelson, the whale version of Captain Morgan?

I think that's a real guy. Actually, don't go deep. That's the bummer, too. These guys don't even fucking go to like... Because the next guy goes, I'll drink to that. For the record, I'll drink to pretty much everything, but I'll still drink to that. Okay, so he has a drinking problem.

That's too bad to hear. You have a beer volcano in heaven. Tom, have you imbibed lately? That's what I was going to say to you, Chris. There is a Venn diagram of these and the bourbon guys. Do you remember the epic

drinker guy that was just like, let's get inebriated on some adult beverages. They like to say stuff like that. It's like these guys are kind of a relic of yeah yeah early on it's like drinking you keep like it blows my mind that they keep making things like drinking alcohol or pirates or zombies not cool yeah yeah like things that i think are very cool on the face of it are come the door it's like a fedora like you watch an old movie the guys look so cool in them if you wore that out today people

would call the cops they'd be like he's back you know well snowman tackler said uh the person that makes all the little holes in the colander should be included for sure and uh a guy responds great idea what's his name and he says boris hole poker oh god fuck man it it never ends it's just so it's it's shit on top of shit on top of shit on top of shit. I realized I had a screwdriver within reach, and when you said that, I picked it up like I was going to use it. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry to say Z-Man 4 said, you will recognize them thanks to the glowing SpaghettiOs

floating over their head. And the reply is ramen. So ramen is like sort of a thing that, you know, they use it sort of. That's cool. Not really a thing that, you know, amen. That's they use it sort of. That's cool. Not really spaghetti, but, you know, it's not spaghetti, but it's noodles. Yeah. Yeah.

Hello. Longtime fan of the religion. However, not ordained myself. My manager told me if I got a religious exemption in writing, I could keep my beard longer than company rules allow. writing i could keep my beard longer than company rules allow since pirates and beards are a venerated and glorious part of pastafarian identity i don't ever want to see those two words next to each other pastafarian identity would someone ordain me willing ordained be willing to write a short word doc and email it to me exempting me for religious reasons so i don't think i'm sorry chris go ahead i was just gonna say that i don't think the boss will accept that to me, exempting me for religious reasons. Let me ask you a question.

I'm sorry, Chris. Go ahead. I was just going to say that I don't think the boss will accept that. This is the one time where I'm like, I hope the boss doesn't accept it. The boss will not accept it. I hope you get fired trying this shit. I think you will. It's coming from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti

Monster. You think that you're just being disrespectful to him, most likely, him or her. Tom, what did you want to say? Sorry. I was just going to say, do you think these guys have more in common, or are they sort of proto-anti-woke cancel culture guys, or are they like the kind of hardcore identitarian people?

Because it seems like... I don't think they're cancel culture guys. I think they are it's hard who are they today that they're like libertarians are they like libertarians you know because it seems like you know they just like they don't want the they hate the idea of like not being able to do stuff i guess it's not exactly that but i guess i think of these guys yeah the new atheists i think of these guys as like the christopher hitchens yeah like yeah like you say yeah those hardcore atheists or whatever or like

yeah that that it it does um i mean i guess they're probably because they're kind of fucking losers i guess too a little bit let me ask this let me read read this Reddit post here. Subject, space elevator. Technically, isn't any rocket just a space elevator? No. The fires please the flying spaghetti monster, so he lifts the shuttles beyond the ball of mud we come from. First reply, if it goes that high, it's because his doodley appendage lifted it up

what is this what is this prose style they think they're doing too where it's like we're making fun of how how the bible is written like what you know what i mean like like what is this voice they're doing i don't know what noodley appendage is a lot. And it reminds me, there's the tweet that says something about my hubby, like spelled H-U-B-B-E-H that kind of going to the renaissance fair post. I can't remember what it is.

But that reminds me of this so fucking much. This next guy says, correct, I personally believe all those calculator eating witches are wrong. It's not their very precise and specific math that makes the rocket fly into the sky. Instead, it's the very specially shaped object with fire burning in it that brings the flying spaghetti monster. The flames remind him of the time he boiled for your sins. So this is quite direct in its sort of mocking of religion.

This one is being very direct in it. You know, it's not these stupid blah, blah, blah with their calculators who figured out the calculations. It was the great spaghetti, you know, like just sort of really hitting you in the head with the colander, really smacking you over the face. Smacking you with a noodle. When the flying spaghetti monster is pleased they stop holding on as tight which is how we managed to make it into space religion is best so very funny stuff very funny very funny honestly probably some religious people could potentially read that and rethink their their life and maybe think maybe religion's not so cool and good and smart and maybe i'm gonna be an atheist

now you know what else i think i'm gonna grow a neck beard sorry go ahead yeah no no no no what the thing that's kind of like they get so caught up in doing this like like dan said like this kind of weird like bible epic like clever erin their estimation clever language but like they didn't do like sort of the fundamental things that religions do and that is like like sort of established like sort of a moral worldview and like an origin story you know like the two things that man has been looking to the sky to like make some sense of forever and also like i guess i guess they did get the other one uh what happens after you dial it, the beer volcano. Yeah, you get the beer volcano.

We can look. Let's check back in with the video here. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, or the FSM for short, is the sole deity of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, adherents to which are known as Pastafarians. He is a complex carbohydrate-based entity consisting of willowy ice stalks, two large meatballs, and a multitude of noodly appendages. The FSM is most notable for such feats as creating everything in existence, personally maintaining gravitational forces throughout the universe, and inspiring the creation of the rotary lawn sprinkler. I see I spoke too soon. Oh, rotary lawn sprinkler.

He invented the rotary lawn sprinkler. Hey, Todd, does that answer your question? Yeah, sorry. I guess you feel a little bit silly now, Todd. I did get some reviews of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster written by Bobby Henderson off Amazon. And Cat Lover MT said, it's four stars. Got this for my 30-ish year old son for Christmas. Wanted it for a while.

I'm not into it, but I still enjoy it. 30-ish year old. He's 38. He's 30-ish year old. He's 38. He's 30-ish. Yeah, he's definitely closer to 40 than 30. Just throwing the book into the basement, like in Jaws, throwing the chum off the boat. Here. Here, read this.

Stephen L. says, four stars, a delightful if uneven introduction to Pastafarianism. I've been aware of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a.k.a. Pastafarianism, for several years now. But only recently did I devote myself to studying its teachings. This book, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is insightful, illuminating, and often hilarious. But it suffers somewhat from being padded out with uneven Flying Spaghetti Monster-related articles that others have written. So the Bible has a bunch of... So they fill out their Bible with a bunch of articles. They have like clips and source like a scrapbook of that's kind of cool to have in your Bible. Just like an article from like, you know, the Detroit Free Press.

Here's an op ed from Iowa calling us assholes. I'm sure a lot of the press is not good. Well, also, as well as some duplicate material in the pamphlet section. So they put whole pamphlets in it, too. That can happen sometimes when you're doing your book, though, is you accidentally print the same page twice. That can happen. It's almost like they didn't have enough to fill a book, it seems like.

Yeah. And while I saw frequent references to certain aspects of the Flying Spaghetti Monster heaven, including a beer volcano and a stripper factory, I was hoping... I hate that part. That is just... I was hoping to get a bit more detail so I could properly anticipate my future residence there. Is the beer hot or cold? Is customization of the...

What do you mean, is the beer hot or cold? Are you in hell or not? I don't i don't know because it's a volcano is that what he's he's thinking that it could be like volcanic hot beer and i think it's got to be cold but he sort of raises a good point which is that that volcano is not that's not the volcano i think it's just from the foam it appears as if it's a volcano you know what i mean it's just kind of coming up from like a science project type thing and you're just drinking it again with a sort of a little boat of bacon that you're kind of you fold it up and you're drinking it through the bacon well i think i think that's a profane uh

sacrilege against this faith and uh i believe could be killed. I believe you now could be legally killed, Chris. I believe I could be killed at any time. It has nothing to do with this, but I do believe that. If the Pastafarians come after the three of us, we are probably going to be okay. I feel like I could take any one of them.

Is customization of the strippers available? Idiot's thing to say. My only real disappointment is that the book does not have the pictured form of a red covered book with a noodle placeholder. Rather, it is a larger paperback volume with a picture of a red cover and noodle on the front and back. I think I could convert more people to the Flying Spaghetti Monster if the gospel had more traditional religious tome look. Then again, FSM doesn't go in for the usual pestering for donations or more traditional religions. So I suppose this is what we have to make do with for now. Anyway, I'd worry that a noodle placeholder, an aspect of his noodley appendage, might break off if dry.

What? Oh, like he wants a somewhere to keep your place in the book that's an actual noodle that's what he wants yes okay i guess like a lasagna you know like the lasagna one that sort of looks like a bookmark oh yeah yeah yeah that's what you would want a good call good call yeah you're not believe this, but these guys are also very into chat GPT and AI. In case you all thought these are all posts from 2011, they are not. These aren't modern. So I'll read you.

So somebody in the Flying Spaghetti Monster community went to chat GPT and said, write a flyer that can be handed out on the street to introduce people to the flying spaghetti monster. Have it written in a way that is exciting and gushing over how wonderful the flying spaghetti monster is. Talk like a pirate. So now I have to read this and read it like a pirate. OK, I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do it. OK, oh, hey, mateys. Ye be in for a real treat if ye come aboard the flying spaghetti monster's hull. There be no greater being in all the seven seas than the mighty flying spaghetti monster

with his saucy tentacles and meatball eyes. He be a sight to behold. And he be more than just a pretty face. The flying spaghetti monster be a benevolent deity bestowing his noodley blessings upon all who sail in his waters he be a lover of peace a champion of pirates and a guardian of the seas join us me hearties and revel in the glory of the flying spaghetti monster ye won't be sorry ye did are i just want to say, I appreciate Brian giving 110% on that. He committed.

He committed to it. He went for it. I do want to say for the listener that when he was doing it, at one point, Dan had his hands over his face, covering his face, and Tom had ducked his face completely, so his eyes were no longer visible. That was not directed at Brian

per se. It was the language being used he did a great job he did a great job of it yeah the language is really hard to hear oh yeah and and that's how they want it to be read so that's how they want you to be hearing it in a pirate voice so you imagine because like when you look at the australian church that there is an australian and a polish church and they will often have you'll see the picture of the guys standing outside in full pirate regalia and like being like come in me hardies and it's like 110 degrees there yes the pirate thing become part of it i can't figure it out i could not find the origin of the pirate thing i think it's because pirates had become very epic at the same time right as this like that was kind

of like they both happened at the same time they they mentioned johnny depp or whatever his like character from you know so it's probably it was during that time right right and and that's the also that's where the vegetarian you can tell. That is one thing about this religion that I will say. You can tell when it was made. It does feel like it's from a bygone era. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally similar to the chive where it's kind of like, I guess they are.

You can sort of tell the sense of humor is very much from a period of time. Well, it's like the stripper factory is such a giveaway the vegetarianism stuff like the sort of sneaking homophobic or islamophobic stuff in it like this is all mid-2000s feeling you know but i was horrified when you said oh and these posts are from now that yeah, yeah, yeah. This was from 49. I mean, same as Chive, right? They're still doing this stuff.

They're still talking in that same way in the modern day. They haven't gone. They never left that time. They're still there, you know? This is from 49 days ago. Pastafarian marriage? Hey, folks, I'm getting married on August 19thth and we want to make a pastafarian celebration so this hasn't happened yet this way two weeks away yeah this is this wedding wait it has happened

now maybe when this episode's come out no uh yeah it might it might be a couple it might be the weekend the episode comes out so this is like wow this is okay this wedding is happening right now as we speak as you're listening to this we are this is going to make, this is happening. This wedding is happening right now as we speak, as you're listening to this. This is going to make you all sick. And I apologize to the listeners. I apologize to Tom, Dan, and Chris. Read this sentence. We are going to be dressed as pirates with colanders.

There will be a feast with a lot of spaghetti and meatballs, and an ordinated friend will celebrate. I plan to play some pirate songs with some friends, too. with a lot of spaghetti and meatballs, and an ordinated friend will celebrate. I plan to play some pirate songs with some friends, too. The only thing we didn't decide yet is what our friends will say for the celebration, and maybe we are missing something important, too. Do you have any suggestions? And this last little piece is... I do just stick with it.

It's a Christian thing. It's fine. It's fine to do the Christian thing. But in the end, they say this, and this is very interesting to me, just making clear that we are in Brazil. Now, Brazil is a hotbed of Pastafarianism. Wow. Really? Okay.

Okay. I mean, Brazil is very religious. I mean, there are. It's a very religious place so maybe that's the reason why that there's like more of a pushback against it and more of a mockery of it because it's so prevalent in people's lives that's possible yeah same with poland which has a church right yeah yeah yeah poland and australia and and brazil seem to be the places. India has a Pastafarian restaurant, and it sells pizza, but that kind of doesn't match,

but I guess you are supposed to eat pizza, they said. Are you sure that's connected? Is their thing like some sort of perverse version of Eat All, like how the Rastafarians have a very strict eating code? It's vegan, and they don't a lot of them won't eat salt or oil and stuff like that no I think they just have to eat like like pasta products no it's just that they wore a colander on their head and they pot pastafarian sounded kind of funny I believe is probably that's how deep it is i believe yeah i'll go

out on a limb here i don't think there's a single italian in this organization i don't think no no you're right and i don't think there's any rastafarians either not them either yeah no here's a reply to that question for everybody you know people will do a candle ceremony uh parentheses light a candle together to symbolize the couple coming together, or a sand ceremony, parentheses, pour different sands in a jar together to symbolize the same thing. Or even a shot ceremony, first shot together as a couple. When I ordain weddings, I like to do a spaghetti ceremony. You essentially lady in the tramp a spaghetti to symbolize the flying spaghetti monster bringing you two together this guy might be joking around i don't think so and i feel sorry for the families of these

people if i was doing a shot ceremony i do just want to say if i were doing a shot ceremony for my wedding you know it'd have to be pappy well you're not supposed to do you're not supposed to buy pap pappy and shots but i would i don imbibe Pappy in shots, but I would, I don't, I mean, that's the only alcohol. But I would, it's the only, exactly, Brian, that's what I was going to say. I know you're not supposed to technically, but what am I supposed to do? As we discussed, it's the only liquids that we drink or use for anything is Pappy Van Winkle. You cook with Pappy Van Winkle. Yeah. That's what we said on one of the Guys Plus episodes that, yeah, yeah Think about any liquid in your life

That we use Pappy for that Right Yeah We found out about a guy that In Kentucky got Actually in trouble and isn't allowed to get Pappy anymore because he made jello shots With it

But he was making like a statement Speaking of like a statement you know like these pastafarians he he was like kind of saying hey it's just all like we were discussing hey it's not that great it's too hyped up and to sort of show that i'm gonna put put it in jello shots you know and like just make my money back ten dollar jello shots or whatever but yeah pappy didn't like that. Pappy said, no more Pappy for you, babe. Unmissed said, I always wanted to do a hand fasting using a very long, probably handmade noodle that seems appropriately pastafarian. Sorry, what? I don't know what a hand fasting is. I don't know whether to do any of you guys.

Either of you guys know? I've never heard of that. No. Well, now he says, revise the vowels to be piratey. I'll read it in pirate voice again. Do ye swears to abide by the code? Take the tiller in times of storm. Drop buttless and stand back to back when ninjas attack.

So I do have something on that. I'm glad you brought up the hand fasting thing, not to go back to it. Hand fasting is an ancient Celtic ritual in which the hands are tied together to symbolize the binding of two lives. So you're wrapping fucking spaghetti around your wrist and your wife's wrist. Yeah. So you got to get that super special strong spaghetti for that. And you got to cook it perfect. You got to cook it a little less than you normally would.

You can't be El Dante for that. You got to be a little north of Valdez. Just your fucking father there watching through his hand like this. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Your family's not there. They're not there. They've already forsaken you, by the way. Yeah, no. Your family's not there. They're not there. They've already forsaken you by this point. Yeah, they don't talk to you anymore.

Well, it's funny you say that. It's like a Celtic thing because one archetype that these people remind me of are like the Boondock Saints guys. You know, they got really into the Red Sox, and they only drank Guinness, and like Boondock Saints was their favorite movie. We're getting a little close to my neck of the woods here this is yeah I definitely grew up with some people who were just like I never got it with boondock saints I was I was I was like this doesn't this doesn't hit for me the way it does for some of you guys but I had friends who are

like this is the greatest shit ever my life is now revolves around boondocks listen we cannot possibly get into this but when you're doing the episode on plastic patties you hit me up and we'll uh we'll talk that out well mick eckett has a question on colanders so colander talk here my dear pastafarian brothers and sisters and by the way tom you're disgust when he said ninjas it's just so perfect for me because that's how i felt when i read stand back to back against ninjas well they're just they're throwing a dart in like a comic book store and it's ricocheting off everything right yeah there's been a question that's been on my mind for a few days

this question that's been on this guy's mind for a few days is going to. We see a lot of Flying Spaghetti Monster believers wear a colander on their head to express their faith. What I've been wondering is that a colander is initially a tool designed to let stuff pass, but pasta. Therefore, by wearing such a utensil, one could assume it should prevent oneself from being touched by his noodley appendage. Yeah, I know the flying spaghetti monster passes through solid matter with ease and that a colander wouldn't prevent anyone from being touched. Parentheses furthermore exemplified by everyone, even colander wearers, being subject to intelligent falling. being subject to intelligent falling but metaphorically wouldn't wearing one carry the meaning don't you dare touch me you slimy god of love understanding and satiating meals this guy is this guy is somehow overthinking the church of the flying spaghetti monster i did not know that

was possible but he somehow managed to do it how could a headgear that could be interpreted as a sign of defiance be in fact a sign of devotion ramen to all of your enlightening answers i mean it's so fun it reminds me of like when you hear someone like neil degrasse tyson or whatever talk about not seeing the value of you of a humanities degree and then posting something that betrays like a total ignorance of any liberal arts education like this, for example. This guy doesn't know a fucking thing about religion. He doesn't know why someone would wear a kippah in Judaism or, you know, a headdress in Islam or whatever. He has no fucking clue. So he's asking questions about a fucking colander on Reddit.

Fucking idiot. They do have a holiday every day i thought i would you know uh every year they come up with a calendar with holidays so i will get the well we are we already there's the one talk like a pirate day we know of right did they invent that or is that like a thing that they just enjoy like is that a thing that someone else invented um i think that's just something somebody else i think it's like how buddhism absorbs shintoism like a local tradition i see melding into the faith yeah yeah yeah okay so it's probably very similar to that very yeah we do have some upcoming holidays coming up this week. Friday, which is tomorrow. This is August 4th, so it's too late. You shouldn't say the date.

Whatever. Friday, dancing in your underwear day. Saturday, puttanesca sauce day. What? What's puttanesca? It's a type of spaghetti sauce. Okay, gotcha. Good, good, good. Hey, I'm glad because for me, I'm a big fan of the spaghetti.

You know, it's a big, big deal for me. Squirrel spotting day is Sunday. Monday is intergalactic intercourse day. I don't care to interrogate that one. Let's find out what that is. It seems like the other ones are sort of like easily you know like you know just like you're looking at schools one day monday you got a fucking alien i mean i think i guess is that kind of part of their humor though that kind of random stuff you know well tuesday's international goat day wed is Invisible Pixie Spotting Day. And Thursday, Lazy Day.

I do have the whole calendar. I think this is coming out on Condom Day or Tarantula Teasing Day. I'm pretty sure. One of the two. Well, hey, I'll tell you what. One of those days. Actually, you know. Sorry? You love those days.

Yeah, I love the condom days. You say, call me Raw Dog Bri. I never call me Raw Dog Bri. I would never, ever, ever say anything like that. I know that... Brian's been married since he was with the same person since high school.

I'm looking up my birthday here. Oh, yeah. To see what the holiday is. Oh, yeah. Let's check our birthdays. This is exciting. What do you guys get to do on your birthdays? Okay.

Mine is juggling day. Okay. Juggling day. That's kind of cool. That's kind of funny. You get a juggler in for your birthday. It was the entertainment or whatever. Mine is November 6th.

All right. Learn a new swear word day. Oh, that's good. Oh, boy. Hey, that's going to be tough for this motherfucker. What's your birthday, Tom? A week from August the 8th oh little tripped up there tom on what your birthday is he wasn't sure he wasn't well one thing is i hate my birthday and i hate birthday attention well maybe that might change that might change this might be this might be a big moment for you. International Goat Day.

Oh, you're the goat. Tom's the goat. That's huge. December 2nd. That's in the holiday season. Just misses the Christmas presents. December. It says Monsters Destroy Civilization day oh that's tough for you dan

that's not a great birthday that's a tough one i'm looking i think i'd rather have chocolate or you know goat day goat day is probably better than you know the whole civilization ending yeah yeah well here's a answer to the colander question. A friend said this, this. It symbolizes that I trust the flying spaghetti monster to have infinitesimally thin limbs, like is said in the holy text. The dichotomy in your text is what I find amazing in this religion. The fact that we can accept the physical and spiritual meaning of all parts of our existence through her science and love of her ever-fitting width of appendages. Truck you 666. It turns out the pasta was inside of us all along. His noodley goodness does not reach down from the heavens and touch you from the sky. He touches you from within your heart. The great pope of pasta boils inside of us all. So, whether they be white, red, pesto, marinara, or bolognese, are welcome to call their home spaghetti the pasta of our souls.

All I can think of is that guy posting that and then going to a subreddit devoted to yoga pants and saying, yum, yum. I hate how they talk. I think it just drives me really crazy how they talk. And here's a question that I think shows that they do take this relatively seriously. Do you guys think something like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is how Christianity started? Oh.

So what I love is, like, this is a a smug unfunny joke about religion but these guys are so stupid yeah and i'm uneducated that they're reenacting like the process of religion in this fucking stupid joke right where they don't and they don't seem to really this guy doesn't seem to understand the joke because he's saying like is this how no, it couldn't because this started to mock that. So, I mean, are they saying, I mean, maybe I guess, are they saying it started to mock a different religion? It says, think about what if Jesus and his disciples were just a bunch of satire artists trolling Jews a long time? Okay, so that is what they're oh my god jesus christ i've i've ratcheted up my stance on these guys if i would come across them

oh man no longer a beeline i think i might physically assault yeah it's on site the trunk is being popped if tom sees these guys and they're cylinders oh my god wow this is this is this is how they take people like oh they're just fucking around i think they take themselves a bit more seriously than than maybe maybe some people do like there certainly seems to be some people who are 100 joking that's also insufferable all of that is, there certainly seems to be some people who are 100% joking. That's also insufferable. All of that is terrible. But there seems to be some people who are like, yeah, you know what? Obviously, it started as a joke.

But like, hey, all religions are a joke. Maybe we could get something, have some sort of a movement here. Well, it reminds me of like, and I don't know, maybe you guys feel differently about this. And I don't know that much about it. But that guy who had that fake conspiracy theory of like birds aren't real yeah and i i remember seeing that and just thinking it's not funny to me because i just know because of this in six months actual people are going to be saying birds aren't real and they're not going to be joking about it like it's such a thin satire to me like i don't it's just going to become real overnight because Alex Jones doesn't believe most of the shit he says.

Right. And then he says it. And then people do believe it. You know? Yeah. I don't know. Well, guys, what if the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster becomes a world religion that is took in? He said took in.

I'm not took in. Yeah. Took in seriously and his apologetics and everything. Real bow tie says first. sorry real bow tie fantastic excuse me in two different ways you know right like this guy's thing is flying spaghetti monster he's bow tie pasta far fillet i believe it's called beautiful first pastafarianism is already a world religion with members in many countries. Second,

there are apologetics in both the original gospel and the gospel of bow tie using some airtight logic. Third, we have never trolled anyone or if there are members who do, they are not doing the will of the noodley master. Since most religions are inherently based on fellowship cemented around a set of absurd beliefs, there really is no difference between a flying spaghetti monster, Judeo-Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, or Buddhism. So what this guy has done is kind of a cool thing. He's taken the joke, which was unfunny, and then he's taken that joke and he's actually taken the part that was even meant to be funny out of it.

And he's just kind of saying the thing now you know like that's very cool i'm also i'm gonna throw this out there see what you guys think i can still think of some differences between this and christianity and and islam oh yeah yeah just right off the top i can think of a few right off the bat yeah front of mind i yeah definitely it doesn't i mean listen again like that's as we were talked about a lot that's they're clearly trying to mock that but yeah i just it's it's a little bit far-fetched to say it's the exact same thing well i will say that that there is argument within the religion about this dorian gray 42 says uh i have a friend who left the flying spaghetti monster religion for that very

reason he felt people were starting to take it too seriously without the required open-mindedness so there is a schism in the church we could see a split i mean tom seems to know the most about religion of all of us is this not like reenacting what actual religions go through but just with the worst theology ever created in human existence i mean it's funny because i was thinking about like the founding of christianity you have to sort of put it in the context of like pax romana and like the you know the roman empire and everything that was going on at the time it's like they're not even like tackling that part of it like this is not like it like this is not like a rebuke of like bush era like iraq stuff or anything like that you know there's no i don't know there's just nothing but like

epicness undergirding it it's very very surface level and it doesn't seem to have very much depth to it at all it seems to be like like similarly to their you know the idea of their name or whatever just that they were wearing a colander on their head like they it doesn't seem to be well thought out it just seems to be like a stupid joke that won't fucking stop but the flip side is imagine if jesus talked about like uh and in heaven you'll get epic mana and uh yeah you'll be a gladiator also, by the way, in gladiator heaven. Yeah. Just was if Jesus was a Reddit guy, this is what we're getting served up. It's kind of funny because even their conception of the afterlife is like kind of related to like their crude, like post 9-11 understanding or what they perceive to be their understanding of the Islamic afterlife.

You know, the virgins and all that kind of shit shit it's like they're kind of like goofing on that yes a little bit that is true uh salsa shark 99 says how do i explain yeah i i just love the usernames yeah they're good uh how do i explain his noodliness quickly like when someone asks what my necklace is how do you give an elevated? No, just, just, I have a way. If you want to explain it really quickly, just say, oh, hi, I'm someone that you don't want to talk to. You might've noticed I'm a 350 pound guy in the elevator with you with a

necklace of spaghetti on it. Don't ask about it. Trust me. Stay away from asking about that specific thing there should be like like one of those ad council ads which like if you see this you see somebody wearing this necklace call this number you ever see like like one of those dogs for blind people that has the thing on it don't pet me yeah like they have to wear a harness that just says don't ask me about don't interact with me yeah well sourdough phobe says uh a couple

of important points none of them are important i'm gonna say that now not every pastafarian believes in a literal flying spaghetti monster and that's okay people of other faiths will make claim that the church of the flying spaghetti monster is a joke religion but that's not true it's just as valid as other religions for example you may not personally believe that the prophet muhammad flew to heaven on the back of a winged horse but that doesn't make islam a joke religion so ah so again doing the thing where it's just stripping the humor from it and making this sort of like real like argument and this is just insufferable i hate this more than the funny the guy's trying to be funny i know and then this next guy goes after a short description

you can always refer them to the site for more details uh parentheses do not send them the wiki uh this person asked where's the wiki i've never heard of it and i got all my info from the official site and that made me curious and then the rabbi goes uh this is a rabbi rabbi otta the wikipedia page wait wait why did you what did you say the name was ha rabbi otta like muhammad yeah i don't know i don't think so i was thinking that name does seem a little bit yeah that'd be quite a third act for muhammad atah if uh he became a rabbi i mean i think that rabbi and apostafari yeah wow that's quite a turn yeah i heard that name and i did have to screech on the brakes

i thought i thought he was going for i want to see how many people i could piss off and yeah yeah yeah well how rabbi author replies and says the wikipedia page on the flying spaghetti monster lists it as a parody religion that's why i never send anyone there oh so he's insulted that that's the case yes he's actually kind of mad that they call it a parody religion. Because it's just as valid as the other ones. Oh, yeah. It's just as valid as the other ones. I mean, it's all right if you don't believe it, but it's all right if you believe there's a big man up there

and his son and everything. I'm sorry. It's just as valid. Did this start because these guys wanted some headgear? Is that really what's it like? It really seems to be that it did start from a decent, I would say a decent political place in that there was that period in the 2000s where it was like we're going to teach intelligent design on the same level as evolution which is not good you wouldn't want that to happen

so the this guy writes this article i think this is like what happens with a viral thing in a way do you have the original article like so it was i couldn't find it but it was like it was like a journal or it was just somebody online like wrote this thing basically saying hey you know if you're gonna do that then i think it was like an op-ed right or like a letter to the editor or something like that where it he said this right yeah i think so he says this bobby henderson says, and then it goes viral on the internet from all of these, you know, here it is. I got it. So Bobby Henderson is the flying spaghetti monster for all intents and purposes. Well, here's the original letter. This is from 2006,

and this goes to the Kansas school board. I'm writing you with much concern. Why do they all talk like that? After having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of intelligent design should be taught along with the theory of evolution, I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I'm concerned, however, that the students will only hear one theory, intelligent design. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of intelligent design. I and many others around the world have the strong belief that the universe was created by a flying spaghetti monster. It was he who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that

the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence put in place by him. So what year was this written what year is this written do we have that do we have that okay so you were right mid-2000s dan you nailed it okay so 2006 so this guy he was making a joke in his letter to a school board yes he just was making a joke and these fucking people are now 30 years later i think you're wrong in that like he did this it went viral he wrote a book he got a book okay so i was gonna say okay so he did do it he was like i was gonna say was it just him that did it and then they all grabbed a hold of it but no once it went viral he capitalized off it and then turned it into this big thing okay that does make sense here's a little piece that i think you guys are really gonna like and even the people listening

you may be interested to know that global warming earthquakes hurricanes and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking number of pirates since the 1800s. Ah, there it is. So this is right after Hurricane, or a year after Hurricane Katrina. So that's also in people's minds that the evangelicals said, like I think Jerry Falwell or someone said it was God's judgment, right? So that's his, okay. So was that in the original, that was in the original letter? Yes, the pirate, so the pirate thing, and the pirate reference is there. So that answers that that in the original, that was in the original letter? Yes. The pirate,

so the pirate thing and the pirate reference is there. So that answers that question for us. Okay. You may be interested. So he goes, I have concluded a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature so again in the original thing oh here he goes uh p.s i have included an artistic drawing of him creating a mountain trees and uh can we see that can we can you share that with us can we see the original i want to see the original um everybody wants to see the original yeah i mean this is huge this is like this is like having the original drawing of the uh star

trek uh voyager which our friend has a collector friend of ours yep there you go i don't midget misspelled by the way yes yes yes yes yes and uh don't know why that's in there but uh sure why there's that reference yeah i guess it was yeah it was 2006 maybe it was just that was a time when it was just funny to like put midget into a thing yeah and pirate and you know okay so that's so i see that so it's a very crude drawing for anyone who doesn't go look it up themselves it's very crude just with a pen or whatever on brian i'm sorry to throw this out there i noticed on the official website it has a section called hate mail i do hope we're going to get to that at some point not to steer the ship

but here we go i'll do this uh wake up hello there my name is jeremy and i'm a calvinist baptist christian i feel very upset and i see and hear foolish people like you who dare to blasphemy God, who is creator of all things, including lost fools like you. Yeah. I mean, foolish, lost creatures like you, whom God of his age, who is Satan, blinded your minds and your hearts with these demonic delusions as you're flying spaghetti monster. Like these aren't even these aren't even like funny or like good. But they're just like, check it out out how epic check out the epic trolls lols or god off of these guys you know and it's just like okay yeah and the worst part is i'm kind of agreeing with the guy who misspelled his name as puritan he kind of has a point i feel like sorry what are you gonna say tom

no i i i was just gonna say it's a coin toss who i have more distaste for in this right yeah and let me ask y'all this did y'all have friends that um there's like there's another kind of church in this vein although i think it's got like a more like kind of churchy veneer uh but like it's like that they get ordained to like do weddings i did that yeah yeah yeah what is that one uh it's just it's like a uh you just go to a website like you just look up ordained minister and like that's what i did and i don't even remember where it was i just signed up for it but i i tom i actually had this thought why did you do that why did you do that do a wedding for i can't remember who i did the wedding for but i did a wedding one was

that because they was that after the djing incident and they didn't want you djing anymore i will say that no i've never been asked to dj another wedding after that day and i have been in for i don't know if you guys know but yeah he did he got it he was high on ls it was an lsd you were high on anything no you were pillars i was on pill you were high on pills yeah yeah and you he started playing like incredibly inappropriate music. What would be, what would be one of the songs that was. By Limp Bizkit,

be quiet and drive by Deftones. I think I, you know, just some songs like they weren't. It was your sister's wedding. Yeah. It was my sister's wedding. And they kept walking up to where the DJ booth was and telling me, can you play something sort of more?

You hired me. I mean, they didn't pay me, but, you know, you brought me in to do. Yeah, you asked me to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Man, I hope you do a ska guys episode too by the way that so i walked away uh what ended up happening and i i told it on the thing was that you know they kept coming up and saying don't play this song don't play this song they kept stopping me from playing songs i think i was playing like an orgy song

uh just stuff like that and and then people want to hear uptown girl at a wedding they don't want to hear uh the matrix soundtrack you know yeah you want your kid rock at a wedding. They don't want to hear the Matrix soundtrack. They don't want to hear Kid Rock at the wedding. So anyway, I finally got mad and said fuck this and I put in The Beatles' number one album and walked away. He got mad. He got mad.

I can't even imagine. What do you ask a guy like me, completely addicted to opioids and indolent biscuit there's no reason i guess they just like because you are like a you know you're like a smart guy so i guess they thought like you would be able to sort of read the situation a bit better in spite of your uh you know uh yeah in spite of the issues you may have been dealing with. Of noodley goodness and piratical activities, a testimony.

I live in a landlocked state. No proper piracy for me. But I'm also a home brewer. I have a very clear image of this guy. Sort of a beer pirate of sorts. You know, I was getting ready for the volcano. A few weeks ago, I was taking a bit of the old homebrew to a friend of mine in a neighboring, also landlocked state, when it hit me. Technically, I was transporting unlicensed alcohol across state lines, a favorite enterprise of pirates for many an age.

No, no, no. I'm'm gonna stop you right there that's not what pirates would do yeah from one state to another he's kind of a pirate in a way because they'll go from like the state of the water to the state of the land sometimes and you know they'll go to they'll definitely like state is not necessarily you're thinking of it in a way to like oh state means america state no there's other ways to describe i'm sorry do pirates ever smuggle i don't maybe they do do they smuggle homemade beer across the ocean well bootleggers do bootleggers do bootleggers do but not pirates but pirate bootleggers are kind of pirates of the land no they're not he's confused

he's thinking about smoky and the Bandit. What he's thinking about is hillbillies. Yeah. Yeah. Right. He's a mistake made. Yeah. Mountain Dew.

Yeah. My friends and I had a fine time, and none of the authorities were any of the wiser. From this, we learned that his noodliness blesses even the landlocked rum runner. Praised be Rahman. learned that his nudeliness blesses even the landlocked rum runner praised to be ramen this guy thinks he is the coolest fucking guy who sweeps up at the amc movie theater in his town that he and he is just trying desperately to like he's like no i'm kind of i'm a pirate though you know what i mean like he really desperately wants to be a part of it it's a real stretch here i got one last thing for us to do here, and that will be,

which this guy, this Ha Rabbi Atta, asked this question. The founder of Atoto, the company that designed and sells the official colander, has joined my Facebook group, and we want to suggest Flying Spaghetti Monster products. He already said we're working on some new things for now they have the colander yellow other colors are fake salad forks and bookmark what are other suggestions i thought of a cold liquor bottle for our rum maybe a resizable insert for the official colander i got one i got a suggestion for something they could sell. Fucking revolver one bullet. Is that what the colanders are for?

So they can't shoot themselves in the fucking head? That's not a funny thing to say. I don't advocate for anybody. We're all having fun here. I do not think Pastafarians should shoot themselves. I just want to be careful. I got in a little bit of trouble recently on an episode for saying that 9-11 was funny. I just want to be careful. I got in a little bit of trouble recently on an episode for saying that 9-11 was funny.

So I just want to watch past that. Yeah, 9-11 was not funny. If a Pastafarian shot himself in the head, however. Yeah. I really thought Dan was just going to say 9-11 wasn't funny. It was hilarious. No, I mean, that's how you were. You were like, I mean, you said that i didn't say

that yeah no but i was saying it in you as if it was you and please don't we don't need to make any yeah be ashamed if someone on this call was fond of abusing quotes taken out of context in the form of an audio clip that yeah i keep in mind dan now i do have enough audio of you to make a good solid ai so i would be careful you guys want to see so i'm going to send you guys i'm going to show you guys one more thing before we get out of here i just want to i really want to show you this guy uh here's brother spaghettis in full pirate regalia standing next to the sign announcing the time and location of the weekly faith service Noodle Mass. So this guy's German?

Yep. Here's a guy at the workplace. We're living in enlightened times. Feel free to wear your religious headwear. Yes, it's a colander at the workplace. In the photo, Mr. Shaper is getting sworn in at his new position as council member. Hold on a second. So there's people of these that have like, you know, stormed the halls of power.

Yes, yes. There are. There have been a few. There are people like this making decisions about all of our lives. Yes. people like this making decisions about all of our lives and yes i'm picturing looking at the crowd on january 6th and seeing one guy with a colander on his head really angry outside the yeah asia carrera the pornography actress uh never heard of her who's that what's her name i never heard of that well i just saw her on reddit i wouldn't like actually know but she got all that

oh she knows you know all that okay yeah no i've just haven't hearddit i wouldn't like actually know but she got all that oh so she not at all that okay yeah no i've just haven't heard of it it's just this porno um but she's also in mensa according to the guy on oh come on and she got she got her license done with the uh colander on her head so she's big deal with with these guys yeah i guess that makes sense when you we've discussed it like henry cavill with the warhammer community if you ever get a celebrity that like acknowledges you in any way it's a huge deal for these communities you know well what jumps out to me though is the idea of joining mensa not being an annoying enough thing to do. Like, no, that wasn't enough to inflict on the public. I need to also get my fucking license photo taken with that.

Yeah. Well, it's an official. I wonder if it was an official call under anyways, this question's for a different episode. And the last step is the last question is in a thousand years, will the flying spaghetti monster be mainstream religion? And the answer, according to the official site is is this is something i think about a lot i sometimes wonder what the church of scientology or let's say the mormon church looked like five years after joseph smith transcribed the scriptures

don't we know that i'm sorry don't we know that like yeah yeah it's it's written i think yeah what worries me is that right now i can be pretty sure there aren't a lot of dogmatic, nutty, flying spaghetti monster people around. But what about in 20 years? What about in 50 years? What about when someone figures out a way to make money out of this and turns it into some new age spiritual enlightenment thing? Again, I think the guy who's selling the yellow colanders might have cracked.

That might have happened already, right? Yeah. think the guy who's selling the yellow colanders might have cracked maybe when you wrote a fucking book where you had to put in newspaper articles calling you an asshole that was the moment where that happened possibly 59.99 to get a sheet of parchment paper yeah well you get a card too that's made out of oh yeah sorry and you can you get some card decals you can put on your car if you want it to be keyed constantly. You best get a good auto body shop as well. There are billions of Christians

who are crazy serious about their religion who don't necessarily believe that things in the Bible actually happen. So, yes, I do worry where Flying Spaghetti Monster will go. I think the best we can do is work to instill in the church positive values that will keep us on a straight path. So, there it is. Bobby, I'll show you guys a picture of Bobby.

Oh, yeah. Bobby is, here he is. This is Bobby laying in a hammock uh dreaming of pirate boats so that's the original that's the original guy yes that's bobby right there uh so he's he works in software and general nerdery he just kind of looks like a bro kind of nerd maybe a half mix between like a nerd bro maybe you know he also said half mix between a nerd. Like a nerd bro, maybe. He also said, but I am a hobo at heart and a hammock enthusiast. And he

throws in there, for the last several years I've spent time in the Philippines. Well, there is a lot of... The Philippines is another hotbed of Pastafarianism. Well, right. A very Catholic country. A religious country but very a little bit of an odd thing to throw in there i might say that's important for him to mention that i think it is it is all right well that was the pastafarian episode of an episode

i've been dreaming of doing since like 2015 or something i i really wanted to do it on the old show. I absolutely could not figure out how to make it fit on the old show. And it wasn't about making fun of people. But the second that this show started and it was something to make fun of people, I was like, Pastafarians, I'm getting you. So next week, we'll have cheap guys, which should be very fun. I'm going to put down five pieces of spaghetti when I get to the restaurant and take away one every time.

Dan, I'm glad you did this. I loved it. Tell people where to find you. I'm on Twitch at O. I loved it. Tell people where to find you. I'm on Twitch at O'Sulliville.com Maybe that's what it is. I should probably know my own website, but you can read me there. You can see me on Facebook.

Who knows? That's me, though. Tom, we know Tom. Tom's at The Trillbillies, at The Trillbillies and Patreon.com slash The Trillbillies, and he's my friendies and patreon.com slash the Trillbillies and he's my friend and co-host of Holy Boys and regular guys guests yeah thanks for letting me be a part

of this I wanted you so badly to be a part of this I thought you'd really appreciate it and maybe we could get you to convert oh I loved it we had like we had like like a religious expert to bring some heft to the conversation.

I was a little out of my element, I felt like. Alright. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye. Bye.