Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 32 - Lawn Guys with Mike and Jesse from Your Kickstarter Sucks

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

This week on Guys we talk about Lawn Guys! We learn about the Pappy Van Winkle of Lawnmower brands, we take Scotts to task and I talk about the time i threw up because I saw a guy eat a turd. Mike and Jesse are from one of my favorite podcasts Your Kickstarter Sucks https://www.patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks/ You can find more Chris at youtube.com/notevenashow and https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow There is also more Guys on patreon.com/murderxbryan and the sunday night streat at twitch.tv/murderxbryan

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am Brian, and I am here with Mr. All Weeds, Chris James. Well, hey, listen, this is, I know you usually try to insult me with these, with your newfound knowledge, but hey, I ain't arguing with that one. We are doing lawn guys. So I brought a guy that I know has to be a lawn guy, Jesse Farrar. How you doing Jesse? Hey boys. Thanks for, hey, there may be some surprises as to whether I'm a lawn guy that I know has to be a lawn guy Jesse for our How you doing, Jesse? Hey, boys. Thanks for Hey, there may be some surprises as to whether I'm a lot I will have to get into it. We'll have to see. Well, it's just yes or no. I mean, well, we'll just say we'll just know we don't need the episode to you might be a little interested to hear what I have

to say about love. Okay, so he's not it sounds like he's not oh we'll see and we brought our best buddy okay uh record-breaking what is this what is that why are you stabbing me in the back i'm not even off the boat you're fucking kicking what is this well it's just no no sorry our yeah he's like a good friend of the show yeah he's been on like three times it's just that they like me a whole lot better than they like that's not that's all it is it's not a whole lot better it's a it's a marginal amount but it is we do like them better that's my whole life that's my entire life it's not that i'm bad it's that he's just better it just it's fine i walk around like this knowing it all yeah i gotta live with this shit all day hated by jesse so fuck you know mike sends me uh sends me like

how to steal stuff or or uh he sent me like a link to bootleg lego sets and i was like i actually just recently bought one a bootleg like i mean that's friend stuff though you know i mean he's like looking out for him he's like sending himself it's just he's he's he's a friend of the show. Jesse, you are you are a what we would call, I guess, I guess a valued guest. But he's a friend of the show. It's just different levels. Yeah, I'll send you some stuff. If that's what it is, I'll send you some.

I don't know. You should. You should. You should tell me what you want me to send. I don't know. You want to want to let go. I'll give you a fucking Lego. Yeah, I love.

I don't like Legos. I'm a grown up, but i'll take i'll take something i'll take something i do want to say that we have been doing a one-sided radio war with you guys because you said legos are uh for children and i think you also called me a sex guy i think and and so it is kind of it was a quote yeah i was trying to defend you, Brian. I obviously want to be on your side, but it's hard because, of course, I also call you a sex guy all the time and make fun. I just made fun of Legos being for children moments ago.

I only do 18 and up sets. I know you keep saying that. That's worse. I told you not to say that on this episode i told you it's gonna put us in a bad position right away so just don't mention that they're 18 and up they're they're four adults like what does a kid know what an atari 2600 is i don't yeah yeah i yeah maybe 400 400 freaking pieces you're the freaking kids doing this freaking crap okay mike you say 400 i would not go below 2000 okay holy shit mike's making fun of him just like

like making a joke and brian just like immediately his face goes like dead serious he's just like 400 are you fucking insulting me that's child's play that would be only 18 undersets i did call chris mr all weeds and i'm gonna tell you why my daughter is now this is the first episode she's helped uh set up for us wow she is doing the facebook part of because i tried to log back onto facebook i saw a bunch of stuff uh i saw what's been happening since i got off there in 2018 i was like uh nope i can't do this and i just logged right back out yeah so okay it's but it's and it's not generally for like it's not a young person's social media doesn't give a shit about she doesn't care what her feed looks like

so she can just join a bunch of clubs and send me screenshots but the thing she's figured out is that to join these groups you have to answer questions and uh she sent me the questions that one of her lawn groups asked and they said what kind of yard do you have you got fescue do you got kentucky bluegrass or do you got all weeds and it seems like all weeds is the one that is bad. Well, yeah. I mean, just on the name. I'm not an expert. Brian, if that's where we're starting, buddy, this is going to be a long episode.

I guess weeds are bad. I mean, yeah, the all weeds, I think, would be bad. Just using context clues. Yeah, that was my least favorite cereal growing up too. And I'm serious. Well, I know Mike's also gotten into growing stuff. Have you, do you have a lawn or are you like me? And you're like, I will never mow grass in my entire life.

They won't let you have the lawn. What they do is they come around and ask you when you're going to be recording stuff on mike and then they schedule the mowing and uh weed eating and blowing and stuff like that for that time so that's a good system so what do you say they don't let you have the lawn just meaning that you don't get to care for it you can't yeah you can't go would you care for it mike if you were allowed i like to mow i like to mow i like to edge i don't like to pull weeds and you like to well i'll tell you maybe i'm on the wrong episode not doing sex guys too mike that's not yeah not me i like to fucking nut that's what i like to fucking do i like to get to. I like to get to it. I like to get to it.

But I haven't had a lawn since I grew up with my parents. The biggest lawn story I even have is like when me and my brother wanted to go to the movies. My parents are like, you know, OK, we'll pay for you to go to the movies. If you go outside and you clean the dog shit out of the yard and Brian, you mow the backyard. Jason, you mow the front yard. So I get of the yard and Brian, you mow the backyard. Jason, you mow the front yard. So I get done picking up the dog shit, mowing the backyard. And then my brother goes to the front yard, takes the lawnmower, lifts it up and drops it on a fucking stump and breaks it. So he doesn't have to.

There's got to be a better way. Lane's busted on this damn thing. But there's got to be a better way. The damn thing broke. Dad, you're not oil on this damn thing but this is gotta be a better way the damn thing dad you're not oiling this fucking thing up yeah kid's got a big piece of wood like jammed into it what's happened here i mean he did end up having to mow the lawn like later sure uh you know because that was a temporary strategy they can't let him get away with that. My daughter joined Lawn Care Nuts, which is a group on Facebook.

This guy posts this. He goes, my wife is a hippie. I'm not. Uh-oh, this is going to be trouble. Because of this, she won't let me spray my yard that is now infested with creeping Charlie. That's a weed okay okay she's worried about her or her organic garden and flowers is there an option out there and yes i'm aware of

the old saying it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission thanks so he's already sort of thinking i'm gonna do whatever the fuck i want and then I'm going to just fight with my wife about it after. Yes, he wants to spray Roundup on the lawn. What's Roundup? Is it a weed killer? Yes. And it's not good. So I've actually got some experience in this arena because my mom grew up in the time where you did that all the time.

You did Roundup all the time where that's you did that all the time you did the you did roundup oh yeah uh all the time and it was um not good um you probably i don't know if you have anything on this for the show but it's probably kind of a downer actually it was like a i don't know like something like a trillion dollar lawsuit yeah uh from roundup for um people over the years. It's truly one of the gnarliest products that there is on Earth. It's really quite bad, and people of that age are addicted to using it on their lawns constantly. The driveways, everything. They go crazy with Roundup. It's heinous.

Is there like another – that's the brand name is there like another name for what it is what the actual roundup but they they they like i think that now there's organic versions of roundup is is kind of what it don't taste the same well i like when i was growing up and i don't know if this is, this is normal, but like every month or so people would just have some poison sprayed on their lawn and put a little sign on it. It's like, don't. Yeah.

Yeah. That was normal when I grew up. That would be like a regular thing that would happen around the neighborhood. And I think even like, I don't recall, I had lawns growing up and I think we even had it on there. I used to, yeah, I used to love mowing the lawn um but i never i know i think i'll ever get into lawn care maybe gardening is that are we covering gardening at all what's your what's your experience brian with a riding lawnmower yeah like those

anyone has anyone a little car it's like a little car it's like it's like a slow moving kind of yeah like honestly i got to ride on one got to that's okay that's okay there at the adamant affair my father-in-law uh never mowed grass like he made his wife do it because she they bought this like acre and a half plot of land it's too much grass and he was like i ain't fucking mowing it you're the one that wanted this stuff smart that's a good way to approach the wife yeah so i i i one time to be nice they were having a party and i was like i'll mow it and i did it with the uh riding lawnmower for two minutes. I was like, I don't know.

I don't feel like I got the kind of control I want with this, so I ended up doing it with a push mower. Wow. That's the last time I mowed a lawn. That's interesting. That's interesting that you went and got off the ride. I would think I used to use the manual.

I would do what I think. You got a brewki or whatever. You know, you're kind of riding out. You got your big hat on, your sunglasses, and you're kind of just a lazy Sunday. You're just kind of riding around on this thing, listening to some old school rock music or whatever. That's a nice little day. A lot better than pushing around something.

Like, I could get behind that. People weren't carrying Walkmans everywhere, Chris. little day a lot better than pushing around something like i could get behind that people weren't carrying walkmans everywhere chris it wasn't like i was able to listen to music in 2003 i mean i did have my you weren't able to listen to music in 2003 i just got music in 2004 yeah you missed out on you didn't have your little portable Sirius radio? You could listen to Stern or whatever. He actually did. I did have the XM MiFi. He had the worst version of it for Opie and Anthony.

And he did have that, though, like the one that you carry around with you. Right. If you saw the size of it, it would fucking freak you out, man. Because they were like, you got to carry this. And it had like a clip antenna for it and i think you're supposed to like clip it on your hat or your shirt or something and like i was too cheap to go buy like a fucking car antenna so i would just hang it out of my work van and it would just be flapping on the window the whole time and i'd be like oh yeah yeah it was a piece of shit that thing was so big the battery lasted two hours but you got to a whole episode you got to listen to some some good stalker paddy material

but yeah i didn't have like a walkman or any i might have had a cd disc man that's not bad you can listen to 12 of your favorite songs yes yes yes i really like weezer the green album i'm just rolling around so yeah um i do have a lot of lawnmower based stuff here lawnmowers are based especially the the you ever get on a uh you ever get on a zero turn no no so jesse you've been on a skag jesse are you it sounds like jesse has a lawn and he doesn't want to flaunt it now because he sort of realizes that nobody else here has a lawn and no no not no not at all i'll say that i i also what i cared for my own lawn which i no longer do at this point um i have like you have like gardeners and stuff uh so i am really well i didn't i would not say that i have gardeners um i would say that i have

some guys who come and do the work in about 40 minutes that would take me all day to do um but you trust them to do it right gardeners makes it sound like they live here or something that you know i don't know i don't know where they live i don't even know what their names are i don't i don't talk to these guys it was It was just kind of a young chap in the neighborhood kind of knocked on the door and said, Mr. Farrar, do you mind? Well, he had his hat in his hand. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Well, so this guy had a good question. I was looking into this, and Jesse, I don't know how you feel about this, but you're the one with the lawn. So I'm going to read this out here.

This is from the lawn care forum. Again, I think Mike also does have a lawn. I think they're in the same scenario now. This is for the lawn care forum that I was on. And the guy says, robo mower owners, talk to me. So I have a Toro Time Master and an electric 21-inch lawnmower. But here's the cold, hard truth. I hate the mow.

Seriously. Wow. 15,000 square feet plus a job that typically requires me to travel a lot. I just don't enjoy it. Truth is, I can only ever mow once a week regardless of my aspirations, which that seems like a normal amount of mowing to me once a week but it depends on how high you cut it yeah it depends on how low you're going depends on how many podcast episodes you got to record that if you do two you might have to be out there two times so you never know i've thought about a ryobi electric ride on but

in some ways a robo mower seems superior tell me if these assumptions are accurate or not and tell me the downsides i assume more regular cutting equals more healthy turf well eight equals less ruts in the turf for clay soils during wet months and time savings other than changing blades means more time for weed pooling apps or simply doing non-lawn stuff give it to me straight what was sorry what was the apps part it just says apps i think just playing with his apps on his phone well he's basically like he said he's asking if it's better i think you can't be using the robot mower and i would just say to him if you're wondering why just watch the any of the numerous films where we're sort of giving away

power and you know uh yeah agents never ends well that never ends well yes happening where that guy lays in front of a lawnmower and lets it run over and kill it yeah okay i don't think that's scary or the lawnmower man where the guy turns into a guy i think you guys are sort of missing the point of what I'm saying. You're just sort of taking words out of what I'm saying. That's the movie probably has a lawnmower scene in it. It does. Again, it's not about the lawnmower. Anyways, regardless.

I think there was one where Jennifer Garner wished on a seed and then her son grew into a plant. I don't know if anyone remembers that one, but it could be kind of in the same genre as what you were talking about. I think it was called Little Earl or something. You guys, I don't know. Somebody get it online. We're not looking it upl or something you guys i don't know somebody get online we're not looking at it so fat city says simple hire someone to cut it that's called the farrar method yeah that's known as a farrar method but that's like you have to be fabulously wealthy to be doing something like a big podcast and a big twitch stream oh yeah listen people who have a big podcast they're cutting their own shit people who have a big twitch stream they're

cutting their own shit you gotta have both of them going at once no i mean i do i think i remember when i was younger too it was a very regular thing to have people in front like my friend's dad cut lawns and stuff you know and it was a very regular thing to have someone cut your lawn for not very much money because it takes him a short amount of time right because he's also here and he's doing like 10 other ones or whatever you know whereas like i genuinely when i would push when i would push because i had an electric push mower because i don't like fucking with the uh i don't like the gas because you have to do the gas and oil mixture and then if you let it you get to do the you get to pull you get to do the gas and oil mixture. And then if you let it sit. You get to do the. You get to pull. You get to do that.

But also, it's hard to do. You have to do it. Yeah, you have to do it. You have to do it. If you let it sit in the off season and you don't drain it, then the mixture goes bad. You got to get the oil and gas mix exactly correct. It fucking stinks. They're loud as shit.

So I got the battery operated. I like the smell. I like the smell. Some people do love the smell of gasoline. Some people like to huff gas.uff gas and that's you know i didn't say i like to huff gas i like i didn't say i like to huff gas you can i did sometimes yeah i'm saying brian a lot of people you can you can shake up a spray paint can and spray that in a paper bag and then put it over your head i'm just but that's not a part of mowing the lawn i just like the smell of it i'm not saying i use it to get high if you like really huff on it though chris you like go to a different point that's not what i'm looking for i

just like the smell like bouncing by it or whatever we should all just we should all just get hard i'll just huff some paint but gas huffing going on that would take me all day i'd do the front the battery would die i'd go charge it i'd go inside i drink some water i day. I'd do the front. The battery would die. I'd go charge it. I'd go inside. I'd drink some water. I'd come back out. I'd do the back.

Then I would get out the weed eater. I'd edge the lawn, right? Then you got to blow all the grass. I mean, it's just a big pain in the ass to do all that. And it takes me all day long. So you didn't enjoy it. You didn't enjoy it at all. I enjoyed the process when I had nothing else to do.

I see. But now that I do have a little bit more to do i do not have all day to do it and these guys come do it i mean the one guy he'll be cutting the lawn on a zero you're doing twitch streams in the day now as well the one guy comes by on a zero turn and he knocks it out he's got his buddy coming behind him with the weed eater turned upside down edging he's literally running up and down the lawn yeah he's running with the weed eater it's impressive to watch pros do anything it's unreal it's like seeing you know you ever see like the guys in the kitchen of some restaurant they're like moving around all fast and stuff like that totally they're

like going to learn just like how are you not running into each other all the time i don't know it's a different activity all together i don't even know how they're doing that it's not the same thing at all i do like it's like people see us in the studio and stuff like that right seeing the same thing like i remember that jennifer garner movie like what the fuck i didn't how long was that even in theaters would it make like ten thousand dollars god i do want to let you guys know and this is from our lawnmowers and this guy's got a problem his lawnmower won't start but there is a name there's a little bit okay okay so here's the deal my mower is a one pool champ so that means you pull it it starts you know oh dv would you like to take this so that's a one pool champ but one day it wouldn't start so i figured let's see if the

spark plug is sparking well it wasn't spark. So I went to part source and got a replacement. Put in the new one first. Cool. It fired. Yippee. I yelled please with myself as I let go of the fail safe bar and shut it off. I put down my wrench and went to start. Nothing.

What the hell? I checked. No spark now. So I figured I have a dud and go get another spark plug. Always buy two. They're cheap. Just get two while you're there. That way you don't have to make another trip.

God, I could school this guy. That's good advice for shopping in general, you know? Well, yeah, really. You can get two of everything. No, but if it's very cheap and it's something that you will need eventually, then save yourself another trip and make sure when you run out of it. Yeah, yeah you do a little double two lego sets you buy one that's missing a piece bam you grab it from the other uh set don't say he'll do he'll fucking do that i bought two lego sets recently because there were two that i wanted yeah yeah i wanted to build one to uh hold on to

or well you're getting in value you build one you sit at your lego table and watch wrestling and you build one there's a lego right behind you to break into when you finish the lighthouse you get to build the concord sit at your lego table and watch wrestling that's good man i really do that that's not like me making a joke oh yeah no you know i know i know i know i know that's why i'm trying not to laugh too hard at it because i know that i know that you do actually do it so i'm trying to like give you a respectful space yeah me too i was trying this mad knucks guy though his theory is that there was another problem with the lawnmower that wasn't the spark plug yeah and he gets a little mouthy with the guy

uh he goes electrical issues are a real pain but to answer your question about the same chances as it has of being a one pool champ and then suddenly nothing oh he's questioning yeah the validity of like this guy's fucking bragging you know this is incredible that fucking lawnmower is already broken man it wasn't ever a one-pool champ i think that's good though to call out the assumptions because that's how you actually attack the problem right if you just take it for granted that this guy's point of view is 100 reality and it's like well i don't know i there's no you're right it's just absolutely crazy like that's not helpful to him at all yeah totally like oh we live in this crazy world where there's no explanation for it yeah he's troubleshooting this is real trouble this is troubleshooting yeah this is what they teach you this is what they teach you well yeah i i mean when i used to work um at at my other job my old

job wait where was it don't do it to him oh but no you know what i won't because i already did it next week which you would go to somebody's house and they'll be like i don't understand why this is broken it worked yesterday yeah you're like everything that's broken worked yesterday i mean honestly it's the time where it worked in a time where it didn't is what i used to always tell you always it crosses over to a point where it's no longer something you can use sometimes i guess I guess, with certain things, there could be like use video first, then sound. You know what I mean? It could go incrementally a little bit. But for the most part, yeah, it's like you can it's working and then it's not.

Mike and I were talking about this a couple weeks ago, like dealing with parents and tech support type of stuff. Parents just don't understand. Well, I mean, yo, yo, yo. I mean, mean if you got time i'll sit here and i'll wrap your ear off about it yeah but they it'll be like uh like i think we were saying like you know putting the password in on the ipad they'd be like well i'm putting my password in it's not working and then at some point just to get through you just have to go like yeah you're putting your password in and the computer doesn't like it today i guess that just is so we So we're just going to have to agree on this so that we can move forward. I tell my mom that there's a guy in the computer and he's being annoying today.

I guess today she's woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, I guess. I hate this guy, mom. I hate him more than you do. My mother-in-law used to have me come over and work on their computer when we lived a little closer and they weren't insane. I would go over there and work on the computer. I booted up and she's like, it's just slow. And I would find so much pornography on it. So many.

Okay. And then so you would just download a bunch of porno to their computer. No. But I would have to bid of all of the spyware and porno ads and stuff like that because my father-in-law was looking at porno. It was a standard porno clock that was happening. Was that your sex guy origin story just now where you were first introduced to the glut of porno that you could find on the computer and that's sort of what you already knew at that point i was already looking at porno already into it it's like before you were married you were yeah wow okay i did some guys i don't know some guys do that i guess yeah different strokes for different folks i have i haven't hey

can i theory really quick and brian you could probably corroborate this as a sex guy Do you feel like people of that age group? Do you feel like boomers? I think there probably are charts about this like the websites will put out like this is the most Searched keyword in this like geographic area or in this age group or whatever like that I have not I'm not looking at one of those i haven't seen one of those just intuitively i feel like do you think celebrity is like way higher for boomers than it is for everyone else like the tag celebrity for porno yeah you gotta think that like i don't know see you already said this name and i'm stuck on it jennifer garner nude is probably that feels like yeah i feel like linda carter but is it because they don't know like they can't tell when something's photoshopped and so to them it's like if you put their face

on a nude picture already that's like that's like the greatest thing in the world to like a 65 year old guy i mean my in-laws it was was milf porn and mature. Okay. That's how I knew it wasn't the nephew they were blaming it on. They were like, oh, it's a nephew. I was like, I don't think. Well, wait a second. Why not? Hang on.

I want to push back on that a little bit. I think your theory might be off. Why can't a nephew be a nephew? I'm looking right now. It actually says milf porno is very popular among nephews. I just pulled up the chart. I think nephews are a huge demographic for milf porn. You forgot these guys are both nephews.

I am a nephew. I just pulled up the chart. I think nephews are a huge demographic for milk. You forgot these guys are both nephews. I am a nephew. Sam Maple on Lawnmowers asked the question I think we could all answer. He goes, how would you rate your emotional connection to your lawn for each of the following statements on a scale of one to five? Jesus Christ. One being strongly disagree and five being strongly agree. Question one. My lawn is an essential part of my home and i take great pride in its appearance i'm gonna go with a uh two on my end there

that's a one from me of course i live in vancouver the idea that i would have a lawn is actually laughable jesse doesn't want to answer because i well it's just i this is just such a hard question too and i don't pour my soul into my lawn if it looked really bad would that make me feel bad yes but if it looked 10 20 better would i care no i don't i don't care that much it sounds like you're a three. Maybe I'm a three. Yeah, I guess I'm a three. Well, question two is, maintaining my lawn brings me a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

That would also be a two for me, I think. That's a one for me. I don't have a lawn. You're supposed to act like you do. You're supposed to be able to play pretend a little bit. I cannot even imagine a world where i have a lawn i have a lawn and i live in the middle of the city that's not the fault of the survey you know yeah yeah like do you do does it bring you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment like you've had a lawn before that you've cared for, right? Yeah. I like, you know, it's good sometimes to do stuff outside.

Not when you don't want to be out there when it's fucking 99 degrees. That's how I feel about it, too. You want to have some other guys doing it. That's good. Hey, they like it. Well, they're getting paid for it. They like that. I don't think they like it.

Them guys love it. They do it every day. Yeah, that's true. Just being outside. It's a good like excuse to be outside you know outside i walk 15 miles a day outside i just get out there and get moving around you know what were you saying jesse about mike's got his mater plants out there from time to time we'll talk and we'll see hey hey did the birds come eat him today he said no i shot

him off with some firecrackers and i mean that's part of it it's they lit up they lit up some rock salt in their ass i heard your i've heard about your tomatoes mike they're really small they're like they are some of the smallest in the world yeah i'm growing actually growing them smaller and smaller i'm trying to get this small world's smallest that would be so sick it's like a blueberry it's like a blueberry it's like my thing is like sometimes you don't feel like eating a whole tomato you know what i mean no honestly and sometimes like even the tomatoes were the size of blueberries i would fucking eat them all the time i would be popping them like crazy even the cherry tomatoes it's

like oh that's it's too big what am i gonna do cut it in half and put it having a ziploc squirting out of the side of it it's outrageous i want tiny little blueberry sized tomatoes if you could deliver those to me i would honestly i would pay so much i'm working hard well i mean like four or five bucks no they all they all died so yeah they died they all died okay question four is seeing my lawn lush and green evokes positive emotions in me. Well, yeah. I mean, that's got to be, of course. That would be, I think that.

Yeah. You see those guys who get like crazy with it and do like the ultra manicured lawn. That looks like ass to me. That looks like a mowing line. My daughter kept sending me from Facebook is like somebody would post their like mowing lines and then eight people would be like those look like shit what do you think you're doing you mean like like they do a crisscross something like that yeah that i think that's fine to do it's the it's the when you get it down to a putting green type fucking thing when you that's my uncle that's

my uncle he was psychotic but i think i mentioned on an earlier episode it might have been a bonus episode but he would actually like he would vacuum up his lawn like vacuum up the little like leaves and stuff that were like he would you know he he needed to look perfect he was like obsessed with it he was one of these people he would be on these forums and yeah it was like i don't know it's sort of we thought it was kind of like kooky or whatever and like sort of silly and funny when we were kids yeah um but then we started getting older and we sort of realized like oh like he's like you're a loser no i'm not a loser but that's my uncle and this is a very public problem but like that's like you need to chill and he did he like he backed you know when he got a bit older he stopped which is because i think when you start getting older too they took the house from him mike they took the house oh that'll oh that's he's fine he's fine care for your lawn now you son of a gun the bank

no no he's totally fine he hasn't heard no no no no no but he if you get too old sir you're on scotia bank's property i'm gonna have to ask you to step away with the scissors right now sir what kind of porn a Scotiabank. That's a Canadian bank. Yeah. Jesse's making a reference. Anyways. But I'm just letting everybody know that it's a Canadian.

Yeah. You already. Yeah. Next week, everyone will hear how American you are. But the thing that I was trying to say for so long here is if you become old and you're a lawn guy i think it can get nasty because you get all grumpy and surly and then you're going to your lawn that's when you start getting into the yelling at neighbors kids get off of my lawn type of stuff when you get older i think you want to try you don't have to be too old to start thinking that people should stay off your lawn

i don't think that's something you have to be old i don't think you have to be that old to like be looking at your blinds and like here like opening up the blind a little bit parks in front of your apartment or something like that why are they i don't live here you know it's like putting up signage like like putting in your own signs that my parking spot that i paid for it you know every month so it's like i think me parking there but violators will be shot you know i think you really have to be like you have to be like way too long got this is like the top long guy thing is if you say get off my lawn yeah and like you don't even know what you sound like at that point you're too far gone yeah yeah you're so addicted to lawn yeah because you're saying the phrase that

everyone like makes fun of and you don't even realize it yeah question five was i feel connected to nature when spending time in my well-maintained lawn which that one to me is a one that's a one well-maintained lawn is not nature it's not you're right i've been to nature and maybe if you're in your like garden it's like got a lot of vines and stuff and you're kind of in a very. That's cool. That's that would be maybe make you feel a lot of flowers and the smells and stuff. But yeah, just sitting on a lawn. No, I think the the lawns you were talking about, the very well manicured lawns are are legitimately impressive on a technical level.

And I think even can be aesthetically pleasing just in a vacuum to see a lawn where it's like, okay, all these people had a chance at doing a lawn however they wanted. This guy ripped everything up. He tamped it all down. He planted zoysia sod and he has kept it trimmed and watered. What the fuck are you talking about? You are one of these guys. It's a type of grass they use on golf courses so that's why that some people's yards look like putting greens because that's that's what my that's what my uncle used 100 because he had that exact thing and he was like a avid golfer it can be

totally beautiful in that really weird way and then you step back and you go like well wait a minute like i know everything that went into making this happen and like what what natural stuff was trampled over to get to this point and the sheer amount of energy that's gone on into it looking like this me as a third party observer maybe it would be okay if there were some weeds in it and like you're a real rewilding guy do they have you did you find any information on that brian the rewilding where people sort of let those weeds overgrow and fill it out but keep it sort of manicured and looking nice? It's sort of a bigger thing nowadays. I didn't want to use that because I don't think that is a lawn guy thing.

I thought of a lawn guy as somebody who's into grass. Grass specifically, yeah. Specifically, which really kind of makes it funnier, doesn't it? The idea that you're just not even like, oh, no, I don't have a garden of flowers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do not have time. I like the thing that sucks. The thing that's really boring looking.

Yeah. So Mojo is the best was the first person to answer. And he said, none of the above. I've been mowing for 50 years i hate grass and mowing but have to do a life well lived this is so angry why did that person find themselves on that for another fucking day and yeah logging into the forum i fucking hate it here yeah looking around like oh this is fucking idiot. Here's a positive one from El Caballo.

He says, five across the board. I'll park the fairway mower and use the greens master on an acre, just barefoot mow. My kids get in on it, too, just not on the putting green. I'd do customers' houses if they'd probably kick me out for good. So this guy loves mowing. So this guy's like, I would just be going. I would do it. I'd do customers houses if they probably kick me out for good. So this guy loves. So this guy's like, I would just be going, I would go around.

Like, can you, I imagine like a rich lawn guy who like can retire, you know, and he goes around with a great equipment and just cuts people's lawns for free. Cause he loves it so much. That is a cool story that I invented. I have seen on Tik TOK,

the guys, maybe just one guy. Yeah. Have you seen this guy too yeah he goes around people's houses and says can i cut your lawn for free yeah they're like overgrown or unkempt or whatever and and he he'll he'll walk by and he'll i mean it's harder for me to escape knowing that he like sets the tripod up and then records himself talking to the person who's like sitting in a daze on their front porch they have no idea what their lawn looks like at all and he's like can i cut i gotta cut the lawn they're like what they go what the hell what are you talking about are you they're like are you from this county are you yeah yeah are you gonna take my cat yeah i mean

legitimately good questions on their part they know what to ask and he's like no i just really want to do it and then he like spends the next you know minute or two in the video doing like the satisfying lawn cleanup where he like pulls all the brush out and trims everything now he's like this one was really overgrown it's like i don't think you get to do it for free and you know comment on it the whole time like we saw it you don't have to like kind of like jobs like the mr b stuff you know where it's like helping people out but it's also weirdly kind of exploiting them in a way as well for this weird thing like no my guy in my story will just he won't even be making con yeah pure of heart not making any content and he's and he's got the best equipment this guy i love some of

that stuff man he lives in a building downtown and he's just like fucking damn i miss having a lawn all i want to do is lawn mow so he drives out to the suburbs and looks for all weeds lawns oh why doesn't he leave why doesn't he go out into the country and leave uh the city oh and leave his fucking dying mother who he takes care of yeah i think not yeah uh the guy that posted the uh poll said it would be good if your kids would join you for the mowing job thanks for sharing and then he replies weird comment yes it is he replies back and goes by join i mean make me take them for a ride minus my youngest daughter who insisted on her own mower so i had a modified a manual reel to go lower and she gets after it so

okay very cool right on yeah here's no lawnmower question i couldn't answer he goes i do simple self-propelled side discharge gasoline mowers not exist anymore because i'm looking for a simple gasoline powered side discharge mower basic of the basic i don't want personal pace i don't care about mulching and bagging i don't want a half-ass side discharge for all the recycling mowers basically i want a toro 20378 or equivalent yeah so he an old school one he's an old school lawnmower guy for sure trying to find i bet you some of these probably go for a pretty penny now for some of the real lawn purists who don't like any of the new stuff i did look up toro 20378 i don't remember what it looked like it must just be like i'm gonna look it up right now it wasn't i mean i if i'm buying a

lawnmower it's a skag i won't take anything it's like the pappy van winkle of lawnmowers is the skag brand law is that a belief you've held on to for a while or is it something you've just come to of course he just came to know it he doesn't he talks about all this stuff like he's like a expert on but he's just learned His daughter told him about it yesterday. I want to stand on mower. I don't even like mowing if it's not with a skag. I'm looking at this Toro or whatever, and it's like that standard red mower.

It's just like an old standard looking mower. I guess it's out of stock now, but it's's not that old this is not that old to be clear well competitive weird did send them some home depot lawn mowers a self-reproof a recycler briggs and stratton 140 cc self-propelled uh they got a what what was it what did you say it was self-propelled i looked at you guys did you did you say propelled or propelled i didn't even notice it but i looked up and i was like nope not gonna move past okay well matt diamond is not gonna be around next week self-propelled self-propelled self-propelled everyone matt diamond was a killer one though that one really took the internet by

storm people were going wild for it i was getting a lot of people sending me images of matt what they imagined matt diamond looked like it was a lot of fun it was it yeah i mean it it fucking beat september fish like immediately yeah well because the reason why it's out of the headlines yeah there hadn't been one for a while. And I was like, I just jumped on it so much. And I made a big deal of it. I made sure everyone like because the club heads were, you know, it's an issue when they're like they're not eating. You know what I mean?

And Brian was going through a long spell there where he was flawless. And I'm glad what's happened now is he's got a little bit sick. He's got a little bit sick he's got a little bit sick the last one is a 163 cc briggs and stratton engine front wheel drive three and one gas self-propelled walk behind lawnmower yeah i don't want to walk behind it if it's a gas one layer four below replies he goes first one is discharge. Last two are not self-prepared. Just shut it immediately. Like, you are not helping me.

The guy goes, I pasted the wrong ones. Also, first one is definitely side discharge. And then Winston Doodle. I put the wrong ones, but also I was right. Yeah, the first one's fucking definitely side discharge. Cover all your bases right there. Winston Doodle says, quote, three was right. Yeah, the first one's definitely side discharge. Cover all your bases right there. Winston Doodle says, quote, three-in-one versatility, mulching, bagging, or discharging system for your mower preference. That's okay. I'm sick.

No, no, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. Everyone's going to do the first one. He goes, a few down the list of the product specification. Grammar is bad, so it's not clear. But how you get side discharge after registration. And the guy answers back. He goes, it's not a true side discharge.

This argument over whether or not this is a side discharge. It seems like there's like nuance to it. I wasn't aware of this. It's not black and white. It's up for interpretation white it's like there is it's up for interpretation it sounds like this one he says it's an accessory that bolts onto the rear discharge that just angles it out to the side what the fuck do you think it is uh like okay what what's what's the different about a true size you shouldn't have to put on a yeah you shouldn't have to market stuff yeah you don't have to shouldn't have to put on a... You shouldn't have to stick... Yeah, you shouldn't have to put something on after. It probably comes in a box.

Oh, it surely comes in the box, but you shouldn't have to attach it yourself. It should just be an autumn side discharge. You should be able to just mow your grass right away with a side discharge. Exactly. That's the way I do. And then competitive weird replies. And he goes, I am aware, but i wouldn't call that quote not a true side discharge some of the more high quality mowers for the last 30 years have used that

style of rear side discharge lots oh well guess what he's not looking for one of the most popular that's not what he wants he wants true side discharge and you fucking fools can't get it through your fucking heads that's the problem here i love how the original guy is just like and this goes on for a long time where he's just everybody's like here's a lawnmower and he's like come on man yeah yeah i don't need this nothing's good enough for him he is he wants that one model he wants that one that yeah the toro so i mean he's got to be able to track it down like i said it's not super old he has to be able to find one like on you know craigslist or whatever trying to sympathize with this guy a little bit i don't even

know if it's fair to say he wants the toro i think what he wants is to like most of us to feel validated i think he wants people to say right i think he wants people to say you're right they just don't make them like they used to like they used to and honestly putting a fucking little thing on the back discharge and shooting it around the side ain't a fucking side discharge we can all agree on that but it's all we got pal like that's what that's what you someone should step in and say this is all we got no man i agree it's the best of a bad situation the world's fucked the world is fucked you understand inflation how it's you know it's the economic growth is at its worst level certainly it does have sort of my issue when i think of a thing and i'm like that should exist

and then when i can't find it i'm mad that it doesn't exist like he's asking for something that maybe they don't even make anymore and he's mad that they don't have it because the guy tries to convince him he goes lots of reasons why it's better almost no negatives it's not like it adds any complexity i would buy a walk behind with a chute hanging off the side so uh that guy's i would buy he's saying you're you're basically you're being difficult is what they're saying you're being difficult there's no need for this it's not necessary it's better it's irrefutably and objectively better um i got some uh scott's turf builder grass seed the high traffic mix on uh that would mean now that would mean so many

people are walking on it a lot it's or it's getting a lot of use this grass right i gotta tell you i don't i don't think people walk on it a lot um like because you wouldn't let people walk and nobody but that's what high traffic that's what it means, right? High traffic, it's meant for that, right? Well, Charlie SN reviewed this. He gave it one star. And his review starts with, Seed was contaminated with weeds. I had three areas of my lawn that needed to be seeded. All three areas and only those areas now contain 50% of a weed I have never seen in my lawn before nor are present in my

neighborhood having reviewed other reviews i see that i'm not alone i have requested a refund and will not be buying scott's products in the future i guess the weeds are my problem now thanks i would have said having looked at other reviews i wouldn't have said having reviewed other reviews yeah that's not good right that's confusing syntax chris that's a good call out you're right but you're right yeah i mean i don't know it's he could have a case i that doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility of something that could happen lawsuit time i will say that if i will say that like uh if i'm scott's i do not give him a refund because he's never buying scott's products again anyway it's like lost the customer already yeah yeah

but this guy you know what buddy you took you put scott's in your cart you you bought the ticket so you can take the ride as far as i'm concerned line of products you don't like the scott's line of products jesse oh no scott's is really great if you love filler in your grass seed i just don't jay reviewed it said scott products are ripping us off seeds still have not grown much at all in the past month even though we have a had a large amount of rainfall during the month of may here in north central texas all other plants are thick due to the serious amount of rainfall what is the problem with scott's products anymore i use scott's weed and feed and had the same issue with more weeds growing than grass yard looks horrible yes i think probably some of these people are like using like maybe scapegoating them a little

bit like they're not able to care for their stuff properly and then they want to blame someone else but if if all the other stuff is growing and we've got someone on the panel here jesse farrar is a noted an expert in lawn care doesn't like scott's at all does not like scott's at all so i'm i don't know i tend to think maybe there's something to this have you ever used scott's at all does not like scott's at all so i'm i don't know i tend to think maybe there's something to this have you ever used scott's products and have you ever had something like this happen jesse i've i've definitely used scott's products before um i wouldn't fuck with them i mean i think i would go i would go to wherever you want to go to the garden center at the big box store that's fine you want to order something from somewhere that's fine take a look

at the ingredients what do you have in if we You want to order something from somewhere, that's fine. Take a look at the ingredients on the back. What are you having if we're ordering something? If I'm ordering some seed, well, it depends on what time of year it is. Depends on where you are in the U.S. Depends on what you already got in the lawn. Are you patching or are you starting fresh? There's a lot of different ways you can go with this. Is this going to be a high-traffic area?

Then you get sucked into this Scott shit because they got the handsome man on the commercial. DB, does he talk about this shit just when you're hanging out or whatever? Non-stop, non-stop. I mean, Jesse does know a lot about brands, which I admire, actually. You got to know about your brands. They're very important. That's what makes the American economy churn, brands. No Blocks, Zachary Wilson, said,otts just don't grow on my lawn yeah i think my yard

is blessed with the inability to grow scotts seedlings now time to find something that will grow in my yard i don't blame scotts as i'm sure it's not made for all types of land so it's kind of a like mature response actually well he's taking responsibility for his fucked up situation buying scott's you mean buying yeah buying scott that's right this one uh is called great if you love weeds i don't light fragile grass is growing from the scott's turf builder seed i planted six plus weeks ago but nowhere near as much as i would have expected by this time however our weed game is now going really strong so this is a sort of a common thread here that this stuff causes weeds i mean that's like that's fucked that's the opposite of what

you'd want yeah i don't know though maybe i'm not like you know maybe if you knew about this stuff you like understood you're like a botanist or something like that. You'd be like, oh, yeah, that's that's because there's always going to be a risk of that. You know what I mean? Or something. I don't know. Well, apparently many are having this problem. It's unbelievable how many weeds are growing in the areas I put down seed.

These are weeds I've never seen in our yard before. Twelve plus years living in our home. It's unreal. I've used a few other grass seed products in the past and can't remember this ever occurring before. But I thought a big name brand would do the job. But apparently not. Now, see, that's where you're mistaken. I call it Scott's Crabgrass Builder.

Well, the next one is the Isle of Capri says scott's high traffic crabgrass builder yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the username spotted this person also did an update and they go we don't have snow on the ground yet and i was outside walking in the backyard earlier and i realized you can't tell where any of the grass seed was laid this summer the only thing that did grow a ton of weeds i pulled it they as they came up so there's zero sign of me using this product at all all the hay laid down all the timed waterings just a worthless product so yeah that's scott's turf built are they is it is it like is it like you're just reading the bad ones can you i always like to ask like what's the what's the stars most people said is fine this is like one star review like most people say everything's good and you think it's

because chris you did point out like that maybe it's a possibility that these companies are gaming Amazon. Oh, yeah, they definitely are. There's no doubt about it. That happens online so much now with movie reviews and TV reviews and stuff where they're gaming it through the audience review. I don't think so. You don't think so? I don't believe so. You just seem like you're just decided to argue with me on this honestly

chris that just doesn't hold water to me i just i don't know and based on what well it just you sounded weird when you said it true i'm an audience score for like a for all the movies nowadays if you look at them nowadays they're so high you know as if they're they're able to just get all these bots and everything go i agree yeah oh i think the problem with the problem with a review of these products is that there are practically infinite factors into what shit happens outside so you see some guy going like well i fucking put it down and watered it i don't know what the fuck and you go like man i don't know what this guy did he might not there might be no sun you know you might not even have any sun hitting that yeah it's it's not like it's in your house either it's like oh i don't know how these weeds got in here how do you think weeds

happen fucking some seeds blew from wherever the fuck weeds were like it just happens i don't know it's crazy it didn't may not have anything to do with how it happens yeah like birds and shit but you know those dandelion things where like you blow on them if you love somebody or something those are fun that grows more dandy fun the fuck no yeah those are a nature toy and it's there they're going all over the place yeah okay and then what happens to the thing that you just blew on? Turns into a dandelion. Oh, that part?

You put it back onto the ground and it turns into poop. You can eat it. People eat dandelions. They sell it at the grocery store. I'm not eating poop, Brian. Yeah, no, you'll die, but you could eat it. I've seen somebody eat a little bit of poop in my life. We're not getting into your little video that this guy got from somebody at work, and it made me throw up.

It's one of the only times I've ever watched something that made me actually throw up. This guy, he was laying on this thing, and there was this woman above him with a toilet and she was kind of taking a crap and wait how is she above him with the toilet they made a thing like a platform yeah platform and there's a toilet with a hole in it right so it just comes out because if you don't he's below it i mean stuff to the toilet sure it just comes right down the bottom well if you put a man's head in there it's really not going to be flushing at all is it he's laying underneath the platform right oh so the whole toilet is above i would just rather the woman's ass be above my head was he he like part of it was he like he was into he was so

excited and i was like okay i'll be okay he was the landlord give it another another turn let's see what's going he's like the mechanic underneath try again that's what got me d DB. I was fucking fine seeing the turd hit the guy's face or whatever, but then when he chewed on it, I was like, nope, and I ran outside.

You'd just have to try and get it down as fast as possible. If you were eating it. Don't play with it. You know what I mean? Was there any chance it wasn't a real poo-poo and it was a fake duty of some kind that would be my hope but i don't know how they would

have achieved that in they had it's more easier to believe that they made a fake poop than believe somebody is eating a turd yeah jesse i hate to break it to you but these videos definitely exist if you made a fake turd and shoved it up a lady's ass and then she shitted it out on some other guy's face i mean yeah that's pretty yeah that's pretty funny um but i think yeah i think they're mostly just using some people can yeah like i think for anyone here to make like a fake turd i don't want to speak for everyone on the panel, but the smell and the taste and whatnot, that would take me out. I wouldn't be able to deal with it,

but I don't think that's the case for everyone, apparently. I'm not Tom and Bunny when it comes to turds. You know what I mean? No, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I think I would be sick, probably. I think Tom and Bunny are also out. I don't think they would play with turds either. Not for everyone. That's not no for that one lady and one guy on the dhs tape that my friend got from a lady from work oh man there's a lot of other gross stuff on it

that i'm not going to bring up because i just talked about a guy chewing on a turd. Sure. But it was wild. Scott's High Traffic Crabgrass Builder. I've always trusted Scott's, but after using this product, I may need to rethink. I needed a product to quickly patch a path that the dog had run into dirt. I planted the seeds and with much rain, the grass came up. To my sadness, it all came up as crabgrass. Not really what I expected. Sure, it covered the dirt, but it's not the best-looking grass. And certainly doesn't match my bluegrass. Oh, well, problem solved.

I guess it's all crabgrass, literally. I have heard of bluegrass before. Yeah. Is that a type of grass? I know the music, but is it a type of grass as well yeah yeah it is it is it's kind of a bluish green color chris i've i've i think i've told this story on something in the past but i went to this guy's house my this this girl that used to go to high school with me was really good friends with my, and me and her were pretty good friends

for a period of time. And she was like, you should come out and, you know, visit us. They lived way out in the suburbs. So we were like, all right. And we went and... How old are you? Just so I can... I'm 22.

So you looked like the guy in the photos? I looked like the guy in the photos. Sick. Okay. But the guy didn't hold that against me at all you know he's just up there he smoked a joint with me uh i remember he had a tv in every single room in the house and i thought that was really neat like it is seen that uh but i go out we were getting ready to leave and he's like hey man sit down on that grass and i was like uh okay he was like feel it and i was like all right i was like it feels like grass and he was like this is the best grass you can buy he was like i have my landscapers come out

they planted some lower quality grass and i made them come out rip all the sod up and put new grass on it and he was bragging about it like and i was like uh okay was it was it did it feel cool like better oh good i'm telling you i still remember how it felt when i touched it it was crazy do you remember what kind of grass it was somebody clipped that i uh don't remember what kind i i think it looked like kentucky bluegrass but that's coming from a guy that doesn't know what kentucky bluegrass really looks and also you're sort of yeah you're you brought up the one that we just mentioned i also said you smoked a joint before you touched it so yeah marijuana grass it was really nice yeah it was like as nice as you get yeah i bet you probably probably just about as good as the munchies that you had later on that night right everything was feeling pretty good right

what flavor of chips are these uh it's called fucking regular chips there's no flavor at all salt well we did ask about uh robotic lawnmowers so i got a few reviews i guess and uh first of all the the guy that asked if he should get a robot lawnmower uh gets an answer from somebody says to hire someone to cut it and uh he replies and he says unfortunately that won't work for me it was the mishaps of local landscaping companies that got me into lawn care in the first place well you're not into i was you're not into lawn care if you're considering buying a robot you're not into it and there's no shame in not being into it it's just you ain't yeah like it's just one guy fucked up his lawn once and now he won't use a landscaper well it culminated

with them trespassing on my neighbor's property to get around a temporary fence that i'd installed specifically to keep them from mowing it wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what yeah these guys won't stop mowing my grass i was missing some parts well how did it come to a point where yeah where they were refusing to stop mowing your lawn he mowed around a thing too this guy puts a thing there he's like mow around that yeah and then they mow around and he's like why are you trespassing on my neighbor's lawn what the fuck and did the neighbor care you know was it because the neighbor don't stand up for your neighbor's property rights when they haven't even well he said he says specifically to keep them from mowing it it had rained heavily they tore up the yard with their skag and destroyed my oh this is where you

heard of skag well no i heard of skag on every lawnmower's page where they were like hey you know if you're going to get a lawnmower you gotta get a skag and and i looked up skags they're very expensive very very expensive what we're talking i'll look it up again here i i never even knew that they were robot lawnmower makes sense like you know the roomba or whatever but it does seem more dangerous because in order to cut the grass they need to have a sharp stuff in there right so yeah yeah you'll get a skag for 3k that's kind of wow that is expensive wait for what is that for what oh is that a ride on or a push they ride you're a ride on you they also make the ones that you stand

on the back that's not that that's not very expensive yeah so this for a ride-on. They also make the ones that you stand on the back. That's not very expensive. Yeah. For a ride-on lawnmower, that's not expensive. Yeah, it's expensive. I thought it was a push lawnmower. That would be, I would say, pretty expensive for a push, yeah. Well, the zero-turn riding mower called the Cheetah 2 by Skag, that's $15,000. There we go.

That's what I would get. $832. Yeah, I mean, you're stupid. That's what15,000. There we go. That's what I would get. $832. Yeah, I mean, you're stupid. That's what some guy like Donald Trump is riding. We don't got it like that. Yeah. Oh, my lawnmower is huge. Yeah. You know that guy's

got the biggest lawn. I have to cut the grass. Yeah, right. The lawn is huge the scag turf tiger i can only do the huge huge huge yeah the scag turf tiger 2 zero turn mower that's 17,799 what's the most expensive lawnmower in the world look it up let's fuck it let's just do it it's got to be one of these seventeen thousand dollar skags because it literally says low price on the picture where it says it's seventeen thousand seven hundred ninety nine dollars i don't know if you want to get into this but you

know after you after you graduate from the zero turn then you get into the real big boy stuff then you get into what we call around here the bush hog. Now that's, now that's lawn mowing, folks. You think, you think, you think sit on his little thing, little doodads going, oh, let me just listen to my, uh-uh, on a bush hog,

you can't listen to nothing because you're driving a tractor and you're going through a field. Now you are really munching some grass. That, that, you talk about John Deere,

you talk about Kubota, you talk about big old tractors. It's not a skag. Can I tell you the most expensive? This tractors not a skag can i tell you the most expensive for breakfast can i tell you the most expensive mower in the world right now i have it in front of me and it ain't no bullshit skag that's for sure tell them it's a honda mean mower v2 it goes for 120 000 no fucking way because i swear i brought this up on the no i swear there there's also a toro 74090 zed master zero turn mower that's 40 000 that's the second and then there

is a this one that is might be the one that i a ferris is 62 000 zero turn mower that's 35 000 so there's plenty i'm looking at the fairest but i i think stag probably the best you can get because it's also a good value for this okay well now you're sort of changing your thing now you know it's a value brand so yeah it's not the best yeah yeah when you want the best you don't really give a rat's ass about value no when i'm drinking pappy van winkle i don't ask them how much it costs i get a good deal on my pappy oh yeah i don't brag about how little i paid for my pappy i brag about how much i paid for it that's right andy replies uh well okay this is where it gets interesting right so what i've been interested this whole time what are you talking

about yeah yeah it's been decent it's been a decent episode man it's been good i cna said the husqvarna auto mower 315x um he had it installed for my backyard two years ago so you got to get a lawnmower installed well that makes sense because you would like figure out the dimensions of it and you would have to have it get its little root or whatever so you'd have to program it that would make sense well it's not dealing with the roots chris it's normally just on the top good way to bend your blade no kidding keep your blade it sucks it sucks being on a show where the two guys where you just can't say anything you just can't even speak hey stuff like profits or whatever i said earlier yeah what was it again fuck i forgot the propulsion it was profiled that's what it was

yeah well it can cut this is where we learn how often these guys want to cut their lungs he goes it cuts on a timer every other day in the spring months and when june 1st hits one time a week for 12 hours it can cut in the rain has gps and anti-theft on it so that seems so and and are these considered to be do you like are they effective what's the downside to it other than you don't get to mow the the the downside to it was uh i see that okay uh the downside to it was that you some people have to use like three of them because you have to like geo fence part of your yard. And it looks like you almost have to like kind of daisy chain,

the lawn mowers to do different parts of the lawn. That's where I think the problem came in. Cause I read several people who were like, yeah, I use three auto mowers and it just kind of takes care of stuff. And then I could go in and, you know, mow by hand if I have to you know we see a lot of these on yks and as far as i can recall what's the what is yks sorry okay buddy it's like a tech tech based comedy podcast chris that we do uh one of my faves yeah brian's a big fan he talks about it on the pod sometimes

but it's like when he talks about it it's kind of like he might as well be speaking a different language to me you know sure like don't have any reference point for any of this with him it's oftentimes all the flubs it does sound like he is speaking a different language it's almost like a flub like flublish yeah it really is i got my dictionary i'm going hey the false what the hell i've never actually heard of that one before it was one that we had on the show that was like a robotic lumber or something the idea that they it was it was an idea it wasn't even like a prototype they wanted to use like high-powered lasers to cut the grass that's correct

they just had this as like they didn't have any of the tech yeah they were just like they did not have the tech I only use lasers on yeah you could never need sharpening you know whatever so just blast them away in there Dr. Evil style and you could actually I could invent something like that because I have in my mind like what it looks like you know how you install the sprinkler system in the yard you install a laser system in the yard right around the lawn it cuts the lawn in like one minute is it dangerous at all to people nope maybe or yeah only if you look at it or touch it or stay on the fucking lawn you know or if it flips over then it's you know all bets are off but as long as it's like this it would help you out though if you want you know to keep people off your lawn because it would have

that sort of look like yeah in a movie where there's like a diamond or something like that you know and there's all those things that you have to get through that's what your lawn would look like all the time i the way i'm imagining it at least so that's what my lawn is like yes the last thing we're gonna to do here is Michigan Green. What do you mean? He asked the question. He says, hi all. This is the weirdest one I found.

I'm putting together a pitch to my wife for a sprinkler system. I laid the groundwork this morning and it wasn't all great, but I had to get the word out there. I pitched it as a Christmas slash birthday slash Father's Day gift wrapped into one. She didn't bite, but I said we will revisit. I want to put together a PowerPoint presentation. Can you help me with ideas on how it makes sense budget-wise and so many other reasons? I know it boosts house value, but maybe

if I could back it up with numbers. We both work in marketing and deal with budgets on a daily basis, so that will speak to her. She's quite frugal. Need to show her it will pay off in the long run. Right now, I have a three-way splitter, timers, and different hoses running to have my own zones to do the watering for when I overseed soon. I only am pitching the front yard for now. The back is much more shaded, and the front is just blazing full sun. It really does need it. So only pitching front is about 8,500 square foot.

Cheers, all. Let me know if you need more questions to help out with your assistance. So he's setting up a PowerPoint presentation for his wife, which is insane. She's going to love that. She she's gonna love that she's gonna love that she's just like this is actually cool like i know i just got off work and everything but it's cool to sort of have that same feeling here wow you did the transition where it sounds like a car is driving away when the next slide comes up that is very cool if you're making a powerpoint presentation for your wife you are in a weird relationship yeah

that's a way it sounds weird like i don't know i guess maybe it's a money issue but it seems to me like if it's so important to him why wouldn't she you know unless i guess yeah it seems like it's a money thing so he but it's almost like he's not saying he has to prove it's not expensive he has to prove it's going to make them money it's value yeah yeah yeah it's gonna in the end when you sell the house it's gonna make you a ton of money ward connor replied with an idea okay i think you guys are gonna like this idea you should ask her to be in charge of keeping the lawn watered for 2019 then revisit the deal in fall of 2019 she has to be in charge of the front and you will do the back so uh this was a obviously before covid so it might yeah the answer might be a little bit different but it backfired because that's all we really had to do back then is water the lawn so

yeah yeah that's that so they're basically saying like just show her how tough it is make her walk a fucking mile in your shoes and then she will understand that's yeah that's pretty uh deranged and i would say would uh would really probably you know not work at all it sounds like the beginning of a real fracture in the relationship yeah to me this is the beginning of the end yeah oh yeah you you think you think it's easy to do why don't you do all of it then i will it really does seem like this is the beginning of the end for them was there a reason presented why i may have zoned out during this part sorry was there a reason presented why the wife wouldn't just say um i don't want to i don't want to do that i don't care she did at the beginning because it doesn't matter to me at all he's like she wasn't biting and then i i love an

adult i love an adult it's like what if i what if it's a christmas slash birthday slash oh yeah that that was a very cringy moment in his fucking post because yeah it's like very pathetic it's very pathetic please please let's mix me make it all of my presents i just want one little thing for daddy you know and it's really it's kind of creepy and also sad and you kind of he seems like a i guess a bit of a doormat kind of a guy well he's gonna reply to ward connor he says yeah that angle won't work she doesn't really care if it goes brown for the most part plus we both work full time and have a new baby that's the last oh wow yeah yeah so that would be so if he took that advice like not the right time for this yeah maybe he says that's the last of her concerns at this point i need some serious strategy here

so he's asking for a strategy and then jesse hurlbutt hurlbert hurl come on don't say you know if jesse hurlbert that's the guy's name i'm reading the guy's name jesse jesse the jesse hurlbutt hurlbutt burt could you not have flubbed on the guy who has my same first name and make a name about butts jesse hurl reminds me of you a little bit he goes it reminds me of jesse definitely because when i see jesse's butt i fucking hurl god damn it brian i'm on the hurlbutt diet. Yeah, I'm on the hurlbutt diet. That guy that ate the bird made me hurlbutt.

He goes, I would buy another four-way splitter and four more hoses and tangle them all up in front of the entryway to the house. Okay, so all of their ideas are like, yo, man, just fucking torpedo your marriage. Just fucking, just, yeah. Cause a problem.

He says, make it a real eyesore slash tripping hazard when she asks what she can do to get rid of all that crap you'll have your answer you're looking for when your child trips and hurts so severely then now whose problem is it you'll be able to swoop in and say now honey i did this to prove a point. I guess we should have spent the money, huh? It is cheaper to do, to make a tripping hazard on purpose. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Save you a few thousand bucks. Totally.

Okay, I'm going to look at this expensive lawnmower. Okay, so it's the... You don't have any games this week? Could we do some more games? No. I'm up for a game if you got one. He doesn't have any games this week? Could we do some more games? No. I'm up for a game if you got one. He doesn't have one. I could do the game we do next week on this episode, too.

The exact same one you made. Yeah. No, and I don't think that's a good idea. That probably wouldn't work. You guys want to do the hot sauce game? No, no. I mean, listen, we don't have to play a game. We've already been going for an hour and 15 minutes.

We're good. I was about to be done. we could we don't have to play a game we've already been going for an hour and 15 minutes so you know do the plugs and you know post the show and then pass out um on the floor of my office you're gonna sleep you're gonna lay down on the floor i might i my wife my wife's gotten real weird about like if i sweat i i can't lay in the bed and I also can't lay in the bed with my shoes on and all this stuff. Get yourself a sheet, like your own sheet that you can just lie on and wrap yourself in a little bit or whatever. It's weird about it. Now, she used to not ever complain. Here's what you do. Jack up the heat

in your house. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Now I guess the bed's off limits, huh, sweetie pie? Nobody's sleeping on the bed. Office floor looking pretty good right now, ain't it? Why don't we put some fucking plants on the bed because no one's using it anymore. Well, that's it.

My daughter's the same way. I would get a walk done. I'd come in and she'd be doing something. I'd sit down on her bench. She'd be like, don't fucking sit here. And I'm like, when did we all start caring about sweat? Sorry. Okay, so you're saying you go on one of your 15-mile walks and come back and lay in the bed sweaty with shoes on and your wife has a problem with that?

Yeah. Yeah, that's why. It's sudden. I'm'm gonna make a powerpoint you got a dumper about his wife not even i'm gonna i i'm yeah i'm gonna make a powerpoint presentation about why i'm bad in my shoes yeah you should take your shoes off but you should take your shoes off i don't like taking my shoes off chris i put my shoes on right when i wake up and i take them off when i go to bed no that's no are you kidding me right i'm not walking around in your you put you you leave your shoes on in the house like you go you go everywhere you go to you like you go and fucking you're walking all over downtown

and stuff going to the bathroom what is it about the having the shoes off that you don't like yeah i just that here's the thing about the shoe thing with me um if it's legal but sure but i don't think that like i if i don't wake up and put my shoes right on it feels like i didn't do anything and even if i get up and put my birkenstocks on before i about an hour before i go to bed i go upstairs and put my shoes on for an hour and then take them off because i just i'm a shoe guy okay yeah this is i think yeah you might be in luck on that flub because it might not be the full anymore. It might be that you wear shoes all the time.

You take them off when you go to the shower or whatever, obviously. You don't take them off. That's when they come off. Yeah. Yeah. So I take a shower last part of the day and that's when I take the shoes off. But yeah, I, you know, so that's not even a joke. day and that's when i take the shoes off but yeah i'm you know so that's not even a joke you're literally talking about being incredibly sweaty unshowered after a 15 mile walk and then getting

into the bed with your shoes on yeah i mean i wish i could like i said she's been complaining yeah she's right brian come on i think everyone's name right and i'm so happy that i know you and that you are my friend. Absolutely. And you're loved. And you really are. And we care a lot about you. I'm just saying that because I'm watching Jesse and Chris's faces while they're looking at you. Well, listen, I find there's always a new thing that makes me just kind of go like, wow.

And it's never a negative thing. It's never like a thing that makes me just kind of go like, wow. Like, and it's never a negative thing. It's never like a thing that's like explicitly bad. It's always just kind of a head scratching thing. Like you wear shoes all the time. I just, I've never, I've never met somebody like a, I lay under a woman's toilet at night.

I eat her turds. We all have some unique stuff that we do. But wearing shoes in the house you're not like yeah i mean that's different when we were in chicago they got real weird when we were in chicago because i was there with my my wife and daughter and they got real weird about me wearing my shoes in bed there because they were they got weird yeah yeah and they were like don't wear they said please don't take your shoes off when you get in the hotel room could you yeah did you do that and i said no i can't unfortunately

i have to leave them on until it's bedtime or something bad will happen i have a question i have a question for you is it is it nothing to do is there a foot odor thing because i know all sometimes you know i think smell good yeah okay i got good feet man i believe it i believe it i was in la once a city that i'm if once you were in there what you were there once but i was in la once and and i got asked to do a podcast and and uh women it's so cool to make it i keep just walking around on hollywood. Hey, you. Hey, kid. Hey, you with the shoes. I said I'm going to be in L.A.

Yeah. Does anybody want me to be on a podcast? And these dominatrixes that we kind of knew were like, yeah, you know, we'd love to have you on the podcast. So we go and we do the fucking podcast. I didn't say it like that, though. Yeah. No, they were a little more forceful with it. So we go and do the podcast at their house and they're like, let me see your feet.

So I show them my feet and they're like, you could get forty dollars for a picture of your feet. And I don't know if that's an insult. No, it's good.'s 40 bucks yeah and that's the going rate yeah what that's what i mean i don't know what you like what a good set gets you but they know you know what i mean and i started thinking like i've said this and i'll say this on this show before we go i will send you pictures of my feet for 40 dollars brian don't you brian you don't you don't need to do this it's a good sideline here in case patreon screws up one month whatever you got the foot picks coming through on the other well patreon was if i had chapo's

patreon i'd still sell my dirty underwear okay i wish i i wish people wanted my underwear that's the big thing for me he just has he just has to get rid of these fucking things. No. Please don't message. This is not a series. He's not serious. I'm a fucking 100%. He's doing a joke. I've never been this serious about something

in my goddamn life. I'm so serious. This is his brand of humor. He pretends it's serious. It's not serious. Do not ask him for his feet pics. Would you fart in a jar? Would you fart in a jar instead of somebody?

The only thing I wouldn't do is show my dick. I'm not, buddy. You just wouldn't show your dick. So you would show your cape danis to somebody. If they wanted it, I don't care. $40. No, that'd be $ and just like i mentioned that my underwear is not very much so you have to pay 100 bucks for my underwear yeah sure because then

i'm only making 25 bucks on it i mean if it's 100 bucks i'll pay it for a picture you're gamed okay yeah let's each go for fucking 33 i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna look at chris's pick when he gets this oh no you're not unless you kick in 33 buddy yeah that's what i'm saying i gotta do that i've just always felt like like yeah i i am in a way kind of jealous that like women can sell their underwear to people. Like that is a thing that like, cause I don't care about my underwear.

You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I'll sell them, buy a new pair. Imagine if you could shit on somebody for money. I mean,

you got, I wouldn't do that. You're not using this shit. And yeah, you're just going to toss it. Anyways, throw it away. I wouldn't do it because I don't,

I don't like my penis would be out. If I, you don't have to show your penis if you shit on somebody you tape it up to your belly what are you talking about cut a hole in your underwear man yeah around my leg all right thank you for listening to guys i'm mike and jesse at your kickstarter sucks it's pretty much my favorite podcast wow thank you brian oh that's what yks stands for yes yes it's my it is really a uh immediate listen for me every time i think a lot of people will be listening because they can hear how funny mike and jesse are and yeah they have one of the best. So listen to it. Yeah. Thank you.

We will see you next week with productivity guys. That one was Chris is a productivity guy. Yep. Wow. So you guys are going to discover the first time where I realized in an episode that I am one of the guys fully. Yeah. And then we're doing a naked guys,

which I'm not. So if the price is right, you might, you might. No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, I can't, I can't, I don't, I'm like really like, please.

Nobody look at my penis is like the way I kind of live my life. We'll see you next week. Bye.