Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 45 - Christmas "Guys" with Brittany Lyseng

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

So, I decided to do something a bit different for Christmas Guys. We had our friend Brittany Lyseng to talk about how some of our favorite guys celebrate the holiday. We looked at some swinger traditions and christmas list, then we looked to see what they are selling on The Chivery followed by some Pastafarians, warhammer guys and nudists.  You can find Brittany' special Break and Enter anywhere that comedy albums are sold Since this is the last main episode (there will be one more on patreon) me and chris wanna say thanks for being cool and listening to Guys this year and happy holidays There is much more Chris at youtube.com/noteveashow and twitter.com/notevenashow and of course https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/murderxbryan twitter.com/murderxbryan and twitch.tv/murderxbryan

let me uh let's start the zoom over here i think you can stop recording stopped and then record again. Recording in progress. Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am Brian, and my co-host is the Grinch, Chris James. That was my second choice. So you changed it. So I just want to give everyone a little bit of a heads up there. We recorded four different intros.

heads up there uh we recorded four different intros every single time brian said i was someone who always reminds you that christmas is a pagan holiday good joke good joke that you guys totally missed out on and on the fourth or third recording i just gave up and said i can't do this anymore so this time he just went with his second choice and called me the grinch how's it going it was my second it was my second choice and i was i'm sorry everybody that you're getting with his second choice and called me the Grinch. How's it going? It was my second. It was my second choice. And I was I'm sorry, everybody, that you're getting the second choice insult. And our guest this week for Christmas, guys, is Brittany Lysing. What's up, Brittany? Hey, guys, I was shaken.

Oh, not so much. It's just so much. We're just happy to have you here and not to have a massive 95 second delay uh that was what was happening just it's crazy if anybody knows how that works you you could get a hold of me and i'll pass it on to britney because yeah never had we've had delays and if you're like two or three seconds off you can kind of it's workable no a little bit first off it's not and everyone who listens to a podcast knows it's not and it's crazy that you're a podcast host and that's what you do for a living and you think it would be workable for someone to be on a three second delay but yeah it was a very

very long uh delay and we couldn't figure out what was going on we recorded a decent chunk the first time we sort of yeah 10 full minutes so if there's some jokes you hear us do and it seems like we're not really feeling them so much it's because we already did them maybe well let's not have new ones oh let's explain what we're gonna do this this week for christmas guys uh i found the christmas forums to be pretty dead i didn't go look at santa forums which should have been like right in my mind like reading santa guys talking to each other of course yeah but that would have been something but i gave up as far as i'm concerned though the if the halloween guys read it was dead that would be fine you know what i mean everyone would say well

that's perfect you know but the christmas guys one being dead well that's just sad you know that's just the old centimeters low it really is i went to like i the first one i went to was our christmas and all the posts were like old or had one comment and i was like what and they were mostly pictures of people's trees saying how you like the tree i couldn't really use for the pod just one person commenting like pretty good yeah yeah that's basically all i think probably i think it's probably safe to say that you did not find the the actual forum because there must be there must be there's no way that there's not people who are discussing christmas related things on reddit there's it just has to there's got to be christmas lights talk there's got to be totally issues with certain brands there's got to be oh

yeah no inflatables the exact inflatables the exact type of stuff that we would talk about on the podcast yeah i'm sure that stuff exists i think brian just wanted to talk about swingers again no come on we are going to be talking about swingers today um so rex let me let me explain what we're going to do here i went and i checked in on all of our guys and I decided to find out how some of the more colorful guys that we love are celebrating Christmas time. Now, some people might know, and this is kind of a cheat or whatever, but actually Halloween is Swinger Christmas. So that's what they call it. You know what I mean? Because it's like you're going to. I don't know why, actually.

I guess because you wear horny costumes. You wear sexy costumes. You said that like everybody calls it that. They do. Do they? They do in the lifestyle, Brittany. I take it you're not in the lifestyle. I'm not in the lifestyle community.

Okay. I performed comedy once for the lifestyle community. Whoa. Okay. Hang on a second. Yeah, yeah. I was in a swingers club performing comedy. Hang on one second.

You do not know how important this is. The listeners are now losing their mind. They could say, you could do the whole episode about this which wouldn't be rare for us honestly because people people we do a whole we do a stream on sunday nights where one of the things we do is we watch these um tours of swingers clubs and they show like video tours of swingers clubs so we know a lot about them but we've never physically been in one ourselves. So where was this swingers club? I'm honestly, it's exactly where it should have been. It was in the Northeast of Calgary and an old Bay, like, you know,

like just like a roll up Bay. Oh, believe me. I see. Yeah. It could be disgusting. Yeah. And then it was like, it was like you go in and there's just like somebody printed out the rules of the swingers club and just stapled them to the wall or whatever.

Didn't mention anything about no stilettos on the furniture because that is a big issue is that people have stilettos on and they'll climb on the furniture and they'll put holes in. So much pleather furniture getting dinged up from stilettos. It's honestly very weird that they have that furniture there i guess like when you're a swinger it doesn't get it's easily wipeable i think yeah yeah everything's gotta be wipeable um okay so so you how did you book this get like how did this gig get that's why corporate agent like so my buddy booking my buddy's in the community and he is like into it and then so he he's like oh i know these guys that like they just want to do a show in the swingers club so he started booking shows at the swingers club so lots of comics in calgary have

done the show and you just go in you perform next to the strippers pole. They're all just like in fold out chairs on like a concrete floor. It's so gross. Everything about it is disgusting. Was there any tables? Because I have a friend, Tom, who is, he likes to look into the tables and chairs at the club. So it was just folding chairs. And now what? Nobody was having sex.

No, no. Yeah, they was having sex. No story. Yeah, they were having sex upstairs. They could leave. They could come and go. I don't know why you would stay and listen to my shitty act if you could be upstairs living your best life. Yeah, no shit. But then again, it might be a super awesome crowd because the ones who just got finished up and they're feeling so good and they're willing to laugh. Yeah, they're like, everything is funny and great you know i just feel like guys are

cranking on their hog and like not like having a full out cranking but that rubbing through their pants yeah that's where they're squirming a little bit it starts with a squirm and you're like oh he's just uncomfortable you're like he's been uncomfortable for 15 minutes. He's looking pretty comfortable for someone who's uncomfortable. He went from uncomfortable to pretty comfortable. Yeah, that is, I guess that is, but they kept it like, is the show still run or no? Yeah.

I mean, occasionally, like it's not like, it was a consistently like a monthly. And then I think COVID, as you can imagine, some of those things yeah i had to have a reset but but but it was it was the oddest like you walked in and they were all like touching you and you're like don't touch me yeah yeah like they all have their hand on your back for some reason you're like we don't need to be because they don't know each other because when they're interacting with other people in the lifestyle that's like okay to be like that do you know

what i mean yeah moderate like it's not even anything to them yeah totally that's like normal that's just like saying hi or whatever is to like rub the small of your back and it's like no i'm a normal person i'm vanilla makes yeah oh sorry i'm vanilla the term is vanilla yeah sir excuse me i'm vanilla excuse me but i'm my name tag yeah they should give performers a i'm vanilla light uh i know it would seem like an insult to a lot of people but in my opinion being vanilla is fine it's good you know it's pretty good i would open up with if i was doing that set i would be like when i grab when i get my neopolitan you know i'm only eating that chocolate and strawberry fuck that vanilla bullshit and everyone would be like oh and everyone just start going crazy for me dude i wish i would have known more going in i i went in so with a blank slate a blank canvas and i just was like this is a whole this is everybody's uncle

that you were like he's into something weird oh could have told you if you had a like message before i could have given you so much material did you imagine i get the gig i'm like i'm gonna call chris james i think he knows and like i would love this community i would be like it's it is weird how much i like i would have a tough time convincing someone that i'm not in the lifestyle like if i if we had a conversation about it because i have so much knowledge about it the knowledge we have is yeah just it's crazy like we know the top swingers yeah we know all the no there's a but there's a rating system well tom and bunny are up there. They're all named Tom.

Every one of them is named Tom, first off. That's one thing you have to know. Anyways, Tom is the main guy. He works for Tom's Trips, but Tom's Trips is owned by a different guy named Tom. We can't get into it. It's such a rabbit hole. All right.

Let's get back into the Xmas cheer. Christmas. If you do go on to patreon all of the swingers club tours are on it and we're almost done we might be getting a new one oh yeah they are apparently mid-december they're they're they've been talking about doing another one so i think they'll probably videotape it and post it up it's been a long time since tom and bunny have posted a new tour you know i hope tom dies his hair again too that was like the best thing i thought you were gonna say hope tom dies well i mean he's going to that's very by the way because he and again we don't need to get too far into this but he's known to have

injected something directly into his penis that he got from a guy he just met oh boy a quarter of a viagra he's not the safest guy you know what i mean that guy's unhinged on a just a daily basis i imagine if that's his go-to oh he's like wild because you'd have to ask somebody you'd have to be like can i have a vial of your scene oh no not in this not in this no no this was to be clear this was something to make his penis more hard and it was oh god it was a friend so it was like in his life it is normal like you could just ask someone hey can i have some of that stuff to make your penis more hard and so he but the idea was he didn't know what it was and he had never met the individual before that evening. And he took the thing from him.

And then he stuck it into himself. And then, okay. He went through 20 condoms. Friction burned 20 condoms for over four hours. Three or four hours. Okay. This is. I'll take a look at our swingers and how they're celebrating christmas uh burning spear rtp says we're on the couch drinking coffee in front of the fire and

writing christmas cards to people we fuck season's greetings y'all i already heard that one the first time we recorded but it made me laugh legitimately a second time i like it yeah just i mean that's that's the reality of being in the lifestyle though your friends are people that you fucked almost all of them you know well somebody on there posted christmas wish list the lifestyle version so if you're in the lifestyle he wanted you to post your list oh i see this is gonna be really disgusting if you could ask for anything lifestyle related for christmas what would it be anything maybe certain experiences a trip toys new friends so mr puppy bliss says zapper t-z-a-p-p-e-r that's not something i know i don't know what that but it sounds dangerous it sounds so so dangerous like

it's got like a name like it's like only like a scientific experiment like it's like a drug that doesn't have a full name yet you know it's a dildo okay okay it's just the i thought it was a stun gun i thought it was a stun gun too i thought this guy was getting zapped in the dick and that would well listen that's not like that's not a crazy thing to think. No, that's pretty mild. It's not injected. It's just a quick zap. Oh, my vanilla friends zap their dicks.

Yeah. Everyone I know zaps their dicks. It's funny, though, because he wants the zapper, the Hitachi magic wand, a Sibian, a joe wheeler whip a rope dojo weekend i just just are you sure this is a he yes mr puppy bliss is his name okay because a sibian it gets him for his woman okay because a sibian is something for a woman to ride generally speaking i don't think that i don't actually now that i think i only know the sibian from howard stirred of course um that he would have people ride the sibian but what can it work on a man even i mean yeah thank you britney can you look into uh just google if a sibian works for a man thank you joe wheeler i gotta look up a joe wheeler whip okay so it's a specific whip yeah oh it's a whip it's just a whip and joe

wheeler's like the best whip maker i see so it's a top of the line whip so that sounds like that person's into some kink stuff right like some maybe yeah some really really stuff yeah uh he goes uh a rope dojo weekend intensive class with me dory okay so wait a second so he wants to what is that a rope dojo yeah he's trying to learn something about rope dojo i don't know it seems like one of those things where they tie guys up oh you're learning how to tie tie people up and stuff like that effectively and safely i guess probably that's what i would guess because it can't tying people up can be dangerous, I would imagine, right? Yeah.

And here's a strange one. A gingerbread man themed play party. I love any time anybody dresses up. I think it's so funny. I can't get enough of it. The dog costumes. Gingerbread men is so funny. Getting crazy hor dog costumes gingerbread men is so funny like that's crazy horny over gingerbread men as well yeah is he just is he horny flat like he's horny for

gingerbread man then is that the like that's the idea that he's because or he just thinks it would be kind of a cool thing or is that like a thing that actually turns him on i mean why would you of all things to have a sex party well like your bread like we said they love dressing up like halloween is the swinger christmas so they love doing those costume parties so maybe he's just like hey that would be kind of fun you know because i just don't see how could you be what is there to be aroused about he's trying to be wholesome about it he's like listen why don't we tone it down a notch we'll all dress up like gingerbread men and then we'll zap each other's dicks until we die yeah what are we what are we what are you dressing as a gingerbread

like do you have to make a full big costume that like like i don't even know what the costume would look like really i don't well it looks like a gingerbread man with the dick out. Okay, that's, I'm guessing. It's a gingerbread man with a hole cut where the dick goes. I see. And it's like a big costume that covers you completely and makes you like a gingerbread man, kind of. Is that the idea?

Yeah. Like, okay, but then your penis is hanging out. And then probably some leather straps around the top. You know how, whatever they do, they put leather straps on it they're like i'm a horse but a strappy leather horse but i got leather on me as well let's get yeah i'm a leather gingerbread man we haven't had a song since the chive guys episode um so i did find a song on our swing sorry what do you mean we haven't had a song? Like we haven't had somebody write a song since the Tribe Guys episode

when that guy wrote a song about titties. You mean that poem? That poem about titties. I got one here. Oh, that one was the one of them. That was like the worst shit that anybody has ever written. That was like a parody of something. People told us after.

The Tigger song. Yeah. The wonderful thing about tigger the wonderful thing yeah this is more laid back i think you guys will okay like this one on the 12th day of christmas my true love sent to me 12 squirters squirting squirting he spouted squitting so 12 squirters, squirting, squirting. He spelled it squitting. So 12 squirters, squirting, 11 peckers playing, nine ladies grinding, eight maids a licking, seven swingers swinging, six guys.

Oh, hang on. Seven. Yeah. Swinging. That was lazy. Lazy. Do a better one than that.

Poor writing. Yeah. I got to go though. I'm giving them a pass because 11 peckers playing is very funny i mean 12 squirters squirting is a strong start it's hard i like to i like maids a licking was my favorite to tell you the truth yeah maids licking so the maids are i guess licking an ass or pussy or whatever pussy or dick you lick at all sorts of things. But they're also cleaning up. They're on Zamboni patrol.

I think we know what five is, but I will do it. Five cock rings. Four coming bakes. Hang on. Can I just? I thought four golden showers. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. Ring instead of golden.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. What was the one after that? We missed it. Four coming babes. I love when they refer to babes as well.

What was the last one that they're talking about? There was somebody... Oh, MCU people talking about babes. MCU, yeah. There's stuff in the MCU episode to babes as well what was the last one that they're talking about there was somebody oh mcu people talking to you yeah there's stuff in the mcu episode about babes it very much shows your age it shows that you are probably a teenager or a younger person if you start saying babes like you know 65 i think older i think like 65 yeah it depends on the context of it you're right but definitely like the idea of like the the MCU person was a young person, but you think this is an old person saying babes? I think so.

It's tough. I think this is somebody's dad whose kids have gone to college and he's just fucking the neighbors and writing dirty songs in his basement. Yeah, I believe. And also babes is like babies. It's used as babies in a lot of christmas songs and stuff as well even you know so old people do use it still definitely i would say if you were in your 20s in the 80s or 90s you say babes yeah like that but 80s were like prime babe time you know that's where all the

babes were it just seems like an incredibly immature way to describe an attractive woman like it just seems like hey check out those babes like it just seems like something you grow out of or should the next two are a little three french ticklers two couples in love and a unicorn in our bed makes three. Oh, I see. So the second one went into the next one. So do you know what a unicorn is, Brittany? Oh, well, I mean, traditionally I do, but not in this context. I don't know in the lifestyle world. Do you want to say what it is? It is a single woman at the swingers club.

A woman that came alone at the swingers club as a unicorn. Now, that's very different from a man who comes alone. A man who comes alone who is known as a person you stay away from. It really is. There's all these rules at the swingers clubs, like special things for solo men you know there was on the list when i entered the swingers club there was a list that was like it was like single women are allowed single men not allowed yeah we weren't even

allowed yeah we watched one that was so fucking funny They had this playroom in the back that was kind of like a VIP playroom. It was disgusting. It wasn't VIP at all. But the rules were you could bring a single guy back with you, but they had to leave when you left. They had to leave immediately when you left. So we had this great idea of this. Somebody like a wrangler tried to like, hey, what are you doing like in the corner like just having to shoo him out you just like a guy when you get fired that like brings your desk makes you bring all your stuff with your box and everything out the door yeah

he has all of your stuff like your socks and your shoes and stuff and he's like yeah he's like he's like he's like this is a brand new zapper you're gonna want to take it with you well the uh florida fun couple talked about a christmas party and i thought this is going to be our last swinger thing because we got to get to the chivalry um so uh this christmas swinger party story is so not necessarily a swinger party but this large christmas party was hosted by swingers that invited us we knew of at least 10 couples there that were lifestyle and we waited rather impatiently for the vanillas to leave so why did they have this party what was what was what was the thought process behind this party you have 10 couples

that are fucking there to suck and fuck why why invite the other people i'm with you i get it dude like do you think this was like a fight between the husband and the wife before the party do you think he was like we're not bringing we're not having brendan and dan every time we have them over i have to wait to blow Steve. And I don't like it. And so then one of them was like, fine, then I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to invite my vanillas. You know, both of them are inviting some vanillas. Just to spite the other one.

Yeah. Many were gone by 1130, but some of us couldn't wait any longer. My wife and another woman took off their tops and jumped into the pool. And they're in Florida, of course. And the spectacle kept some other vanilla folks around as more of the women and some guys started to take off their clothes. The quote real party didn't get started until about one. Okay. I want to take.

Let's take a temperature here in the room how would you respond if you were at a party like this and a couple of women took their shirts off jumped in the pool some people started getting naked how would you respond would you want to leave would you like ask them what's going on what would you do britney i wouldn't think anything of it i've been to parties where people get naked. Yeah. It's a total, like people,

I mean, it's a no normal thing that happens. I think so. I, I walked into a party and there was one time this, there was like a pool inside of somebody's richest house. And there was this chick just standing completely naked from word one. And she was just having conversations.

Like she wasn't naked with people and i was like ah she's the only one it seems like it's fine i would leave a party if a man took his shirt off like i'm uncomfortable with even that level take your shoes and shirt off i'm like put those what if it's a pool party like outdoor pool party get some crocs and a shirt yeah okay okay but so you have you would leave you can't have a shirt off at a pool party no not at my pool party we're wearing we're shirt partying so brian on a shirt party i think i would probably i would it depends like if i was like under the influence you know at the party i would probably like i'd be like i would stick around and just think this is wild you know i

wouldn't take my clothes off but i would i would I would have fun and just keep partying until I decided to leave. Probably. I think. I don't know. Bruce O'Brien is the only crude here. Yeah. The host had an immaculate backyard with a custom canopy king size bed. Now imagine you have a canopy king size bed in your backyard. like that is that would tip me off yeah oh yeah

you know what if i walked in and there was a bed outside i'd be like i've seen this in a lot of videos yeah if there's a bed outside i'd be like wait a second you ain't sleeping outside these people are naturists the play started to head there underneath a clear starry night there were five couples engaged in various forms of play i got to finally spit roast my wife and it was hot for me but super hot for her along with my wife i ended up fucking two other women and my wife fucked two other men this puppy pile lasted until around 2 30 we went in for a snack break and back at it again on the outdoor bed you gotta have a snack until about four yeah we gotta have a snack because you're doing a lot of it's a lot of exercise

and stuff you could probably get some protein into you well on the very first episode we learned what that if you're having an orgy you gotta have some snacks and water but you don't to be clear uh certain ways you can get a little protein and tear during the break if i could be disgusting can i tell you that the most disgusting word to me all of a sudden has become play yeah well yeah chris hates it too i find i hate it i hate it too i hate how they it's so young play because it's uh it's a childhood thing you play as a child yeah and it has this sleazy or something i don't like it at all in describing sexual stuff i don't like it i didn't like the words puppy pile either no no no i did not that's the first i've heard that one

i was least i was least offended by spit roast yeah spit roast it's like you've heard it so many times now it's like lost all of its kind of you know it's yeah yeah yeah it's kind of vanilla when we got home i think our 17 year old daughter was semi-disappointed in us she was the responsible one while we were out all hours of the night we have yet another vanilla swinger christmas party coming up again on saturday we will see what new adventures this way wait wait so what exactly happened the 17 year old was like why are you home so late like what was what so would that not be an eye-opener for you that like 17 years old not fending for themselves you have responsibilities still you do you do uh but you know they're not really they're they're

not really interested in what you do i just if i was talking about the sex party i went to i'd leave out the part about my 17 year old that's that's kind of like what we said on uh the episode the sex guys episode where it was like these guys go on google and they they review uh like they review strip clubs and swingers clubs and then they like have their picture their profile picture is them with their child because they're also reviewing like chuckie cheese yeah yeah it's really there's a lot of people who it's a it's a real phenomenon on the internet the idea that people don't really sort of seem to older people don't seem to always understand that their profile is tied to their reviews that's uh the thing also a kid wouldn't you you're like why is mom sewing nine gingerbread

costumes oh yeah i mean i mean i don't want age i mean 17 like yeah you don't want them thinking you come home to that 17 year old i mean that 17 year old can smell what's been going on oh yeah they're like why does it always smell like cum in here like sex like why does that have this disgusting sex smell around you guys all the time when you come home like they'd be aware of that you know they'd pick up on what was going on and uh that would fuck me up man if i was a teenager if you figured it out that my parents were swingers oh it would fuck me up so that stresses me out the chive does not have any special christmas coins which is kind of sad that's kind of sad now brian do you want to mention at all you have you talked about on the

main pod that you interacted with the chive i did no i haven't me and kurt loader and a chiver friends now so brian's now friends with the chive and kurt loader the first ever vj from mtv uh brian what was the post that you made something about getting a job at walmart because they you know it was a guy spent like 24 000 on his corporate credit card on drugs. Yeah. And I said, oh, at Disney. He worked at Disney. I said, oh, I'd like to get a job at Disney.

And then it ended up on the Chive. It went viral. And then the Chive talked about it. And they quote tweeted like, hey, where do I sign up type of thing? And then Kurt Loder responded to it. It was pretty awesome. I tried to get them to make. I responded ask them to

make a Brian challenge coin but I got no response from them we will get that coin Chris that coin will exist honestly what like why can't they make a Brian challenge quite they're too good to make a Brian challenge coin yeah it's not like they wouldn't sell you know we sell some it's a live you need sell fucking 25 30 easily yeah and I'd buy 20 of them so that's yeah fine i'd buy the other 10 no you're really they're really overpriced britney what yeah they're like three thousand dollars but they're they're outrageous but you can spend them in um where's that what's that country that they can't even remember the name of the palau or something so

a thing that they'll do with these, they make up something where it's legal tender in some remote country where very few people live. And they'll say, this is legal tender, you know? But it's not. People buy them and have them. Oh, yeah, they sell out. Every one of them

sell out like they'll they have bill murray we can show you let's show some of them look at your screen there yeah there's a 25 dollar one that is just a silver american flag but you get your bill murray coin right here that's gold silver and black dinner Keep calm and chive on. That's $3,409. $3,500 US. It's sold out. Completely. Got to have it. There's a $129. I could buy the $129 one that says William James Murphy.

I guess it's sold out. Sorry. Did you just say, did you just call Bill Murray William James Murphy? That's what it says on his coin. No, it says Murray. It says his name Murray. Oh, God. Okay, everybody.

Now, Brittany, that's known as a flop, and it's very popular. People are going to really enjoy that one. Bill Murphy, everybody. Can we get a Bill Murphy going in the chat? I wonder if I'm gonna hear bill murphy and matt diamond matt diamond and bill murphy yeah matt diamond is another famous one but bill murphy is is that a neil diamond no that's matt matt david oh man yeah he called him matt diamond somebody make a movie poster starring Bill Murphy and Matt Diamond?

Bill Murphy. But yeah, can you just show the Chris Farley one that looks like the Fat Grinch? Because that's my favorite challenge coin. The Fat Grinch. There it is. You see it? You see it? Yeah.

Yeah, that's one of my favorites. You can get this one for $150, which I i should buy and you can see it is legal tender so this is a legal man can you redeem it for chive merch um no oh no it's not legal tender in america where you buy chive stuff no what the hell they're trying to sell me going transit insurance okay brian i'm buying it no it. No, Brian, don't. Brian, don't. I'm serious. Brian, stop. Hey, check out. It's only $150.

It's a Chris Farley legal tender. Silver. Look at this one. You guys don't understand. He literally had the fucking thing in his cart, and he was about to press checkout. I'm not even joking. He was just was just i was for it oh yeah you should be people want me to be happy i'm trying to make some

investments in my life i got this kevin smith coin okay so yeah he signed up for the kevin smith patreon and he got a challenge coin for it okay so i love you goddamn coins let's get back on track here this is uh so a lot of the shirts are say new boot goofing which is apparently a parody viral song so that's a that's from reno 911 oh man of course it's something from like the early 2000s all of their references are like yeah like like napoleon dynamite gosh like there's still like shit like this currently it's so it's such a bizarre website uh it's amazing that it still is running yeah so could we look what is new oh big nick energy that's funny. That's a Santa thing. Go elf yourself. Yeah, that's funny. It's like effing yourself.

Which you can do on the Chive when you look up the booths on there. They got a lot of booths on that website. We got Shitter's Fool with Randy Quaid on it. Yeah. Watch that last night. what's he up oh did you just joking

still crazy uh we got one that says say when i don't know what that's is that from a movie chris i don't it i assume it has to be it's somebody like wearing a christmas sweater and they're sipping something but i i think it must be but it's it's not clear to me what it's in reference to they win christmas edition unisex it doesn't say you click through it and see if we can get some more context no i think you're oh oh were you naughty or nice in the words of doc holiday oh yes it's they love it's dog holiday from the movie tombstone which is i know people got mad at me for saying this before but it's dog holiday from the movie tombstone which is i know people got mad at me for saying this before but it's not one of the better modern westerns i'm sorry i i agree but

that's because i saw it way late um so yeah that's what they're up to you know save the neck for me clark and they got a bill murray merry christmas one uh just nothing modern just nothing like other than i really hang on hang on can you go can you slide go down to the bottom again because they this is funny they made a mistake on this one this is hilarious go all the way down they made it they made a misprint on this one it says merry drunk i'm christmas it's meant to say, Merry Christmas, I'm drunk. Oh. They let that go to print? Ho, ho, holy shit, I'm drunk. That's another one.

Holy shit, I'm drunk. Imagine just wearing that around. Who shows up? These shirts are for, who are they for yeah who's showing up these shirts guys that's that's truly what often happens britney i saw what happened there you're like these shirts are for and then you tried to rack your brain for someone and you simply could not think of anyone because it's hard to imagine someone in this year existing that would get enjoyment out of that shirt but it's somehow

i'm guessing they're made to order or whatever but still we wouldn't know the type of person that would buy a shirt like that either you know yeah like we would we run around in circles of people who find that you know what i mean but i go over to my brother's house and i haven't been there recently where they weren't telling me i need to check out big bang theory let's see yeah but like funniest show ever made and and i guess i do see people from time to time wearing like a funny t-shirt do you know what i mean like what like oh walking my dog or something i'll see someone that's just like my my boobs are down here you know like just some like stupid shirt that

doesn't really so i guess those are the kind of people people people who are trying to be funny with their shirts that's true the only funny funny shirt i've ever seen is just this old lady walking her dog and her shirt just said fuck off i'm retired and i was like yeah that's that's i liked it so my daughter would wear that one for sure but that is like an old actual old lady wearing that is awesome yeah it's pretty funny what are the most important holidays in pastafarianism do you know pastafarianism no i'm doing a lot of learning today oh yeah that's the fly the church of the flying spaghetti monster do you remember when that happened yeah you remember that whole thing when they're like um yeah well what if we wanted to wear a colander on our head

because they were saying they were like they were like saying that religion's stupid you shouldn't be able to like anyways they started a whole religion out of it and it's still going strong to this day that was 20 years ago or something and they have an entire fucking thing and it is the worst shit I want to write them in my new uh what are the most important holidays in post-Safarianism they have one every day Brit

yeah every day is a holiday every single day has a holiday I go over them on guys plus we go through them every week when we do the bonus show we read the next seven apostrophic holidays and they're always bad they're never good it's like zombie apocalypse or bacon and beer epic bacon day or something yeah yeah i want to write them in my new planner but when i google it it says there is a holiday every day of the year i don't want to write a

holiday for every day of the year so what don't want to write a holiday for every day of the year. So what are our most important holidays? Well, that's kind of part of it, though, is the every day. Yeah, that's kind of like the whole deal. They're kind of they don't believe in holidays. I think it's all ridiculous. I think that's the joke they're trying to make there is that like, oh, there's all these holidays that people invented from their religion. So they get to take it off or celebrate it. celebrate it well hey our religion has them every day so fuck off like

and this person's like no no i really want to know the good ones see this is the thing they try they're trying to make fun of religion but they made a religion and people love it yeah well they're doing what they didn't want to do a very small group of people most people are like the flying spaghetti monster is the you know uh so here skeptical pirate 42 response so pirates are a big part of it as well i don't know why but they are talk like a pirate day which is september 19th that's a huge one we we celebrated this year yeah we did i did talk like a pirate right that was a huge that we know that's a big one that is like you don't even have to be a pastafarian to know that's like a mainstream holiday basically

yeah that's like their big holiday which coincides with the Christmas season. So they just call it holiday. Yeah. Okay. And finally, ramen Don actually give the dates. So that's funny, right, Brittany? Because I like it. Noodles. Yeah.

It's like, yeah, I got it. Yeah. They do a play on noodles. His noodley appendages. That's a reference. That's a phrase they use a lot.

Yeah. Read the gospel to get the details and visit pastafariancolander.com for the complete list, including the Google Calendar version for importing into your Outlook calendar. You mean the Google Colander version? That would be good. If they had said that, they didn't because I don't want people to get confused. But they did say it originally because they called their calendar a colander. It's funny.

O'Shawn Regulated said yes to the above, but also passed over. Oh, passed over. Yes, of course. Big on the puns. I'm seeing big on the puns. They are. Well, what is everyone doing for holiday? Few solutions to 51 said I for one. I'm watching

the Pirates of the Caribbean and eating garlic bread all hail our lord and savior johnny depp all hail are his noodley appendages okay i'm gonna have freaking garlic bread that's what you have with spaghetti okay so here's a question uh what should i say when someone sneezes? I don't feel like bless you is right for me. Fair enough. Alfredo, of course, ramen. Oh, ramen is instead of amen. Amen.

Yeah, they say ramen and they say it a lot. And it's like, oh, that's cute. And then once you start reading a lot about it and they keep saying it over and over again god you you want to ring their necks let me tell you i'm starting to i'm starting to like these gingerbread swingers fucking each other more than these no true we're gonna get they're they're less they're less objectionable than these than these people and the chive people and the pasta fire ends yeah i usually yell at them get your soul back in your body you idiot they never say thank you but look startled and run away sorry why do you say that gotcha that's just a joke he has it's a fun joke yeah i guess i don't totally get it but yeah i mean if somebody said that to me on

the street i would be alarmed i would think that they were possibly having an episode of some kind, and I would be concerned maybe for my safety or whatever. Someone screamed to get your soul back in your body? Yeah. That's what a person who's really having a tough time, struggling with maybe voices or whatever would yell at you. Yeah, you go, amen go amen brother and you keep walking my family says quote godzilla oh god these people are the worst can you imagine that

like you sneeze godzilla oh oh i hate it oh that is bad that is when you when you play it out in your head it's work i hate it yeah exactly i just pictured the actual scenario in my head of them sort of like giving a little smirk like a self-congratulatory smirk afterwards and oh i would want to ring their necks let me tell you the whole family snickers one person does it and everyone goes freaking godzilla i go i go with the goes in tight second sneeze gets it comes out loose what what pretty much ron swanson says he says i say gazoon type so his name is funny but he just does gazoon type type mean god bless you in a different language i think it does doesn't it good good uh warhammer 40k uh what to get warhammer loving husband for christmas oh oh Brittany do you know what war hammer 40k is okay so it's listen I'm not gonna be able to help you out on this one because I don't know what it is

either it's some type of a role-playing game there's like a board game element to it but it's like a lot of its lore and it's like a science fiction. It's set in the future. I do know Warhammer. Yeah. And now you know Henry Cavill does it. Henry Cavill is big into it. Like their god. He's their god, yeah. I've seen it. There's a place in the mall you walk past and it's like a nerd game store.

And they've got the Warhammer set. It's a full setup. Yes. But it's just mostly grown men with little things going like yes there is a full hotel there is a war yeah they it's yeah there there's a warhammer hotel with completely themed warhammer i think it's in ontario is it is that right and it looks yeah and it looks horrible it looks like the worst place you could ever stay yeah it's it's like supposed to be a barracks yeah so it's like the

theme is that it's a barrack so you sleep in a bunk bed in a room full of bunk beds because warhammer is all about it's this it's this future where like every it's like horrible like the world is meant to be like this horrible wasteland kind of thing so it's utopian yeah in like a really negative way so yeah the hotel idea is but you basically paint little men and you go and do battles and and i don't understand it much further than that yeah i like that these people have found each other yeah oh yeah well you're not gonna like what they say my lovely nerd of a husband absolutely loves warhammer he has a whole setup for painting minis a glass display case with lighting a soft light

box for taking photos of them and we listen to the audiobooks every night to fall asleep that's like the jam band guy that made his wife like be quiet on the drive so that he could listen to last night's fish concert yeah last he didn't want her what's the word chomping jesus a chomper is someone who talks in a concert and this one guy accused his wife of being a chomper in the in the car on the way to the hardware store he was playing last night's fish concert and he got mad because his wife wouldn't stop talking to him this is kind of a fun episode because it is kind of like a retrospective and it's a good thing to put out at the end of the year as well you know vector man 1989 gives a

solution it gives a suggestion he goes shave your head pull him in close whisper softly in his ear i am alfarius like there is so much lord to it that it's like it's impossible to even learn it you know like i don't know what they're talking nobody does like even people who are invested in it and know about it there'd be like you could bring up a character and they're like i don't know that person because there's just so much lore to it it goes on forever and ever and ever it's like endless you know um but yeah listen it is good you're right that these people have found each other and like-minded people. I like it.

And we don't have any problems with communities and stuff like that of like-minded people. The people that we generally tend to make fun of are, I guess, maybe the people who just take it a little too far and make it a little bit too much of a focal point. Oh, no. Don't get me wrong. I'm making fun of them when I say I like that they found each other. I wasn't being positive i like that they found each other so they could just do their fucking weird dork thing together yeah and they can just type about it all the time and they all have pun names

it's yes i like that it exists he says i mean all jokes aside so this is a serious one okay he says all jokes aside dress up as a battle sister and a penance outfit and you might not be far off the mark but just thinking of the words of that battle sister and penance outfit okay that's a sex thing that's a sex i guess probably everything comes down to a sex thing brian do you have other stuff to talk about you don't want to talk about warhammer i hate talking about warhammer i don't understand it i can't even like make fun of it i don't even know what the fuck any of it is about i don't know about this one okay tell me you want to play a game of 40k with them and follow through be actually interested okay so that guy is just a smug asshole yeah okay i can i can understand that one he's basically

saying like stop being a poser and actually get interested in this and that's what he'll appreciate the most basically yeah well i checked in with somebody else chris that we all know and love christmas presents is the subject and this is from uh this is uh looking for some ideas for prepper related christmas gifts for my family nothing crazy just something cheap that fits the home there you go it's a different kind of guy so preppers a doomsday prepper okay so they always why are they like some of the guys don't understand that like the gift is not for you you know because they're like uh this guy is like i want to give prepper presents yeah to my friends to my vanilla friends yeah all the vanillas who don't even get it they aren't even prepped at all um and i'm gonna give yeah you're right right like those are the usually

the worst kind of presents you can get yeah are a present where it's like somebody decides that everybody in their life should have this thing or should get involved in or be you know interested in this thing that they like taking no consideration of the other person's experience or like what they may like or not like and they just get them what they care about those are the worst every time you get the worst present it's always because of that that's always why well heavy weapons guy says uh this might be an this might be an unpopular opinion and i don't know if it applies to you specifically but don't get prepper stuff for people who aren't already into it forcing your hobby onto other

peoples is the most annoying thing thank you very normal thank you there you go gun guy thank you heavy weapons guy thank you heavy weapons guy finally heavy heavy weapons guy coming in and being the voice of reason here thank you he was the heavy weapons was far more reasonable than I expected him to be. Yeah. Very, very reasonable. He's pretty down to earth guy. You get to know a heavy weapons guy. He's pretty chill. Honestly.

Heavy weapons guy, the prepper that probably, you know what I mean? Like what his life must look like. Oh, he lives out in like a barracks in the middle of the woods. It has just like a mass amounts of artillery. And yeah, like just a gun down a city in a moment but like face to face he's pretty reasonable guy he recognizes that you shouldn't be putting you know he's like hey this is how i want to live my life but i ain't gonna tell others how to live there even the unabomber was like listen i've moved out to the woods i'm not gonna force it

on people i'll do it by mail every once in a while. Like some people are reasonable. Yes, people need to be in the city. I get it. So clinical coordinator responded to that. He goes, two of my family members bought two story houses last year for their housewarming gifts. I sent them each two fire extinguishers for christmas they each got an emergency ladder to use during a fire if they were trapped on the second floor

it might be forcing my hobby on them but at least they have a chance to survive during a house fire okay so i'm this one's a little bit more complicated i guess because it it is it is a little bit presumptuous but you're thinking safety and those are good things to have definitely so i don't know that it's the worst gift if they don't have those things but i would also think that maybe they would have those things you know i think in a gift giving occasion you don't want to be thinking about the house fire that that's true develop your home that is true at christmas time uh you might not want to be considering that but it's just as far as a practical gift goes it's not like some of that bullshit like it has a practical application for

you may it may be like oh that's an actual good gift we haven't got that yet and we could use that you know yeah it's not like dry freeze yeah oh yeah where you're like do i eat this now i'm supposed to save this what is this okay uh let's see here uh this guy goes uh i give them thermo blankets with a small first aid kit to people i make the kids so they aren't filled with shit no one knows how do you i i make the kits he said kids oh so he i make so these are homemade kits so he decides not he's taking it further he's saying like not only am i going to decide what it is you need for christmas as a gift in general i'm going to decide what goes into that gift specifically as well i want to tell you

guys that i i didn't get any of these because they're all like sort of visual things but there were so many guys and the preppers thing that their family got them prepper gifts and all they talk about is how shitty the gifts of course like that's another huge knife is worthless that's another huge gift giving mistake if someone is like an expert in something it is you know where they're really heavy into it you don't bother getting them a gift because you're never unless you're gonna do all the research on it but they're gonna have what they want you know you want to talk to them first you want it you want my brother's this guy my brother's this guy he's a mountain biking outdoor guy and every year my mom tries to get him something she was like he has like nine thousand dollar mountain bikes so my mom's like i got him a lock off of amazon that you can lock with your

phone i was like throw it in the garbage he's not gonna yeah he's all just like it he's not using the best locks possible if he does take his bike in an area you know i go you know you know how he's going grocery shopping and locking up his ten thousand dollar bike outside the soaps all the time this is the second year in a row that's the first year that my family said please don't buy legos this month because they're like, we can't buy you anything because as soon as something exists, you buy it like you just I have it. So I told him I wouldn't buy Legos this month. It's actually killing me. I actually am putting together the home alone house.

So I own that already, though. I didn't buy it this year. So Brittany has a look on her face. I know he's serious. This is really. Yeah, I was waiting for the joke serious this is really yeah i was waiting for the joke this is really oh no legos aren't a joke it's more of an adult hobby these days you can look up in like new york times how they talk about a-folds adult fans of lego

yeah and there is nothing like an acronym to very much solidify your nerd uh to in a few months i believe we will be doing the lego guys episode very excited about that where i am i have the first one that i am doing the research on i'm gonna find the stuff about lego guys to make fun of so i cannot wait for that episode i don't know what you're gonna find to tell you the truth i think it seems like there there's not gonna be much what's gonna happen is gonna be one of those episodes where we're like, those guys are kind of cool. Brian, I am not kidding you. I did the most cursory search. I spent five minutes looking into it

and immediately found some of the biggest fucking losers that I have ever seen in my entire life. Do they do the 18 plus right because i do adult lego sets they're 18 and up and they're over 2 000 pieces the sincerity is killing me yeah no he's important to me look behind me i mean he's got those that's an actual like that's bowser lego that's really a thing that he built back to the future car i have the corn shoes box up box up there now because i don't know i bought the corn shoes i think it's cool oh yeah he also likes really really terrible music no i was gonna say i was like crazy

lego lego guy loves corn yeah that's a venn diagram i absolutely saw coming it's very adult behavior that i'm into again i don't do any sets for 16 even 16 and up i'm like no we're not going to do that one that's for children uh our hot sauce that's the question the hot sauce guys hot sauce can't wait for this guy that was a real fun That's an early episode we did with the Doughboys. Yeah. Go back and listen to that if you haven't. Anyone having hot sauce with their Christmas dinner? What a question to ask on our hot sauce.

Our hot sauce. Hey, any of your fellas have a hot sauce? Yeah, that's so good. Did he get any replies oh yeah he said personally i think brussels sprouts are perfect candidates for some saucing so i don't personally like hot sauce on brussels i love love brussels sprouts um but you too i like a brussels sprout yeah put some hot sauce on it you could you could he's not wrong I don't think it would ruin the depending on how you're preparing them I don't think it would ruin it well this guy

says we do have honey baked ham and sweet potatoes perfect for sriracha or franks yes so he's asking what you would put on the ham I think you can put hot sauce on ham I'm not a ham fan me neither I'm not a ham fan. I'm turkey all the way.

Oh, I like ham. I like ham better. You like ham better? Would you put hot sauce? Do you do sriracha or franks? Yeah. No, I eat it like a gentleman. I just eat my fucking ham. A little bit of mustard?

A little bit of hot mustard, maybe. A little bit of mustard. Let's put a little mustard. See, that's normal. I got to say, sorry, hot sauce guy. Look, hot sauce guy this is not a food that you put hot sauce on ham usually my mom cooks it in like uh she makes a turkey and a ham and then she cooks the ham in like a sauce with pineapples on it there's no real need for extra sauce sriracha is like uh it kicks up everything one way. It can go on anything. I do like Franchise.

I mean, I would probably buy one of the ones that's called Anal Blaster. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't use Frank's. That's for the fucking regular. It's a bit trash. Yeah, that's just like if my vanilla friends fucking, well, you can drink that. Like, I'm all about that. Yeah.

Anal Rippers. What's the one? I i'm gonna look up the one i made up it was like everybody hot fart juice hot fart juice what i made up and everybody's like no that one's gotta be real that's when i tricked i did a real or fake hot sauce and there was some in there every time we do a real or fake it just means that there's some psycho stuff going on the names of hot sauces have gotten completely out of control. Oh, yeah. Because they're just like...

They're like ball burners. Yeah, like throat crusher. It's just become this horrible thing where it's meant to make it sound like you're going to die. And then you have it and you're like, it's all right, I guess. Oh, well, it depends on the Scovilles. Or it's painful.

Yeah, the Scoville. If you got those high Scoville units... The high Scoville units you can see beforehand. you're gonna know am i gonna be able to take this little peppers on the outside yeah the scoville you gotta buy an extract you gotta try one of these extracts which aren't necessarily hot sauce they don't add to the flavor but it's about nine million scovilles that's the only way to get the highest goal valves which is like incredible yeah uh ooglek too says it isn't christmas yet so i'm not sure uh of course i will you had me at the start brother yeah the first half i really thought he wasn't sure yet but he

fucking of course he's a sneaker this guy's a sneaker ooglek ooglek you got me he's good you got me chill baby one says probably not to be honest beef tenderloin green beans collard greens cheese grits and rolls will be on the menu i don't see a need for it he gets a response from dubstabs slap a little crystal on your collards thank me later i know i was gonna say i was gonna say toss a bit of hot sauce on those collards you'll thank me later yeah that's that's a good that's on the tip of my tongue. Nice little gig. Nice little gig there.

Yeah. This is from R. Bourbon. And bourbon. Brittany, you ever imbibe on bourbon? Do I have what? Sorry? Do you ever imbibe bourbon? That's what it's called.

They don't say drink. They don't say drink. They say imbibe. Yeah, they never say drink. Brian, do you know two separate movies lately that I saw? Like major motion pictures. that's what it's called they don't say they don't say drink vibe now yeah they never say brian do you know two separate movies lately that i saw like major motion pictures now i can't remember what they are maybe one of them was a tv show but where they said imbibe the character but what is uh yeah one of them was like a big thing that just came out that we probably both saw

uh people are gonna know who are listening but it really it i posted it on twitter hold on i loved it so much in a second same vibe oh it's uh the movie with the hitman the killer oh the killer yes the killer uh what's her name says it uh yeah tilda swinton would you like to imbibe and i was cheering yeah i was going crazy with ariel i was watching it with my girlfriend i was like oh shit and she's just like okay yeah i know i know is imbibe drink is it enjoys okay it just means they also call stuff libations they're just very libations i'm fine with i am not you are yeah i guess i mean it's been around no britney i'm sorry we're gonna have to change your mind on that you have to you have to start being not okay with that you had a drink

and drinking a little over a year ago i asked about buying van winkle at the local abc store that's pappy that's pappy van winkle that's the only stuff brian and i will drink that's the top line shit i drink three thousand dollars a bottle usually that's a resale if you get it off the shelf but they just make so little of it it gets marked up hugely yeah uh and i have some so much of it i have uh at the local to do with it and they told me about the waiting list managed by the liquor control board i called and i got myself on the list about a month ago i got a call asking whether i was still interested and which age i wanted 10 12 15 20 or 23 you got to get to 23 well it depends though there's certain better years the 20 could be a better year you know you got to do a little

bit of research on that well he picked 15 he settled on 15 and he picked his bottle up last week now here's the big thing do i dare open it or do i let it back out into the world to someone who wants it even more than i do i consider it a prize and suggest and something to be enjoyed but our finances suggest that christmas may be funded by any proceeds from the sale of the bottle okay well that so i like how he framed it though he's like should i put it back out into the world for someone who potentially may indeed enjoy it more indeed than me it's like you can resell it for a massive why do they all talk like wizards they all talk like wizards yeah they are they have an interesting way of speaking definitely um so i would say sell the sell the bottle well

if oh henry were writing the story i suppose i sell it to buy something nice for my wife and she sells her prized possession to buy me a set of glen cairns so what are those no fucking idea it's like something to do with like because glenn livid you known. It's like something to do with, like, is Glen livid? You know what I mean? It has something to do with scotch, I feel like, or bourbon or something, right? I don't think he's getting the whiskey glasses. Yeah, that's what I figured. That's what I figured. Yeah, okay. Also, I love that he wants his wife to sell her prized possession.

Like, he's a little petty about it. He's like, fine, I'll sell it. But that's O. Henry. What's O. Henry? Is that like a writer'll sell it but that's all you're what's oh henry is that like a writer some old writer that oh it might be i might be like a shakespeare thing or something some reference to a story or something yeah but he wants her to sell if i'm gonna sell this she better sell her prize possession it's kind of a like it doesn't get to the spirit of what he's kind of the spirit of giving that he's trying to do

he's like how much is that earned of your grandma's ashes yeah what can you get for that okay how much does that mean to you my you're gonna make me sell my pappy my my pappy is 45 i got me 4500 let's see what your burned up granddaddy gets us prince darren replied and he said drink it when you first got on the list you never intended to sell it right so why change your mind now well i believe things are because the fine he'd said why darren you dumb fuck he told he literally told you why it's christmas time and he has a family and he believes that he could get a bunch of money, and finances are tight. Yeah.

We all need to stop this madness. You only live once. Share it with good friends and family. Enjoy the holidays. Just drink it, baby. Just imagine that. Just imagine that you drink it, and then you're a bit fucking drunk, and you kind of got a headache.

You know what I mean? You didn't eat enough, and you got that bad kind of drunk headache, and you're like, you're a bit fucking drunk and you kind of like got a headache. You know what I mean? You didn't eat enough and you got that like bad, like kind of drunk headache. And you're like, I can't get presents for my kids. And it starts to like sink in as you're a bit drunk

and you're like feeling like tired and like, oh man, I'm just picturing. I don't drink anymore, but I used to. And I remember that feeling of like being drunk drunk and having a little regret or whatever. Can you imagine the regret you would feel when you're a bit hungover the next day and you have nothing? And you could have had $3,000 worth of happiness for everyone you loved? Oh, yeah.

$3,000 is a great amount of money for Christmas. I won't come close to that. $3,000 is and and honestly who knows you might be able to get more i don't know what the current market is for pappy we don't know what it's selling for it's it it varies you know well grundy 23 did reply and he had a really helpful suggestion hey i'm in north carolina sell it to me at a reasonable price because that's what your heart really wants you to do. That's kind of cute. That's cute.

He's having a bit of fun with it. He'd like to get his hands on some Pappy. We all would. Well, he also edits it and says, or hey, I got a Sam Adams Utopias that I'll trade for it. So he's like very serious. Oh, hang on. Sam Adams Utopias. I don't know what it is.

That's actually a beer. And the only reason I know that is because Bill Schultz from Compound Media tried to sell one of those online for Christmas gifts many years ago. It's 500 bucks. Yeah. So I know about that. For a bottle of beer? Yeah. It's like a famous type of beer. It's a cool bottle.

But that's really weird that that's the one that they pick because that's the only type of expensive beer I have ever heard about in my life. There's the beer. I put the beer up on the screen. That's what the bottle is. So it's a neat bottle. It's just $500. Yeah, it's very neat.

I'll buy that. I'm going to look. I got my PayPal. I could buy PayPal. That's like a real quick sort of. I'm not worried because I know he won't buy this one. I'm not going with PayPal. That's like a real quick sort of... I'm not worried because I know he won't buy this one. I'm not going to try to stop him. But the other one, that fucking

coin, he would have actually... Yeah, the coin was going in. Yeah, he was going to do that. I was excited for him. For the end of this episode, we have to look at r slash nudism for the naked guys. Ah, naked guys. Great episode. Go check that out with ike baron

holtz uh really fun episode merry new christmas i'm semi-nude at the moment bathrobe that's not semi-nude no oh you're fully covered you're fully covered you're actually more covered than like i am when i'm wearing a t-shirt and pants. But it's the best I can do in my mixed household. Mixed household? People who are naked and not. People don't want you naked. That's a

mixed household. Just like everyone's house, you know? But my 14-year-old stepson has a real problem with it. Yeah, he's like, he's turned my house into a mixed household because i hope other people are faring better can you please put your dick away uh he's just oh so we're in a mixed household now oh great i didn't realize.

I'm sorry. He's wearing boxers and he's just tucks it back into the boxers. Like he was. He goes, bees on blow says visiting the parents, putting clothes on in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom is pretty awful. Jesus Christ. Just sleeping shorts man just and like what do you mean putting clothes on yeah just put a pair of shorts on nobody's getting upset if you're coming in the middle of the night wearing a pair of shorts you know i need a suit this. He's just so mad at having to like, he's like, oh, I hate the feeling of when the fabric touches your ball. You know, like he just like, he's so disgusted by the feeling of clothes.

This guy says, once this guy, this guy replies and says, I can painfully relate to this. And then another person replies, same here. As much as i've had a nice time only nude time i've gotten is while sleeping i mean in the shower but obviously shower you know take a long shower or a long bath or whatever but yeah i guess if you're if you're used to spending all of your time nude and then you also have to go on a family outing where you have to be wearing clothes all the time, it probably would be a little annoying. Yeah.

He just goes to bed at 5 p.m. I'm going to turn in. The whole family's offended. They're like, where's Frank? You're like, he doesn't like to be clothed. He had to get his dick out and you guys won't let him do it in the living room. He had to go sit in his room naked for a few minutes. He can't not even bet.

He's like, I'm just going to, if you excuse me, I've got to go sit naked for about 10 or 15 minutes in the room. He's like, I can't even think. And then just takes all his clothes off. Yeah. I love that. He's losing it. He's flipping out. He's just like, I can't think of anything.

He's just like, oh, God, what am I supposed to do? And then he just rips all his clothes off, and then it all fucking becomes clear to him, you know? He's like, wow, I'm really sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, everyone. I don't know what got on to me. Oh, wait, I do. A fucking T-shirt and pants.

Ruining every, this is the worst holiday ever ever i hate going to a mixed holiday we need to have nate christmas at my house next year now that is nobody will do that he's like next year we'll do the christmas party here oh yeah we're not doing that again jeremy we're not we're not coming over again can't't do that. This person says, Merry naked Christmas Eve. Naked check-in. Is everyone excited for presents? Size007 says,

Instead of ties or PJs or other clothes, my ex and I just exchanged empty boxes. Oh, that's funny. Of course, there were a few real presents. Yeah, well, I was going to... There's other stuff you can get. Are you not allowed game boys yeah what about some legos you know oh yeah that'd be great actually um but the empty boxes took some textile friends by surprise that's they call people textile friends vanillas and textile friends hanging out with my textile friend oh god

textiles too they probably hate the person that invented them so much oh 100 but our nudist friends loved the idea and couldn't wait for others to leave so we could try on what was in the empty boxes fun time so may your boxes be happy but your naked holidays filled with good friends oh i just thought of a cool thing how about this i open up the present i got you a dick in the box oh yeah that's an l song you remember i wonder listen all joking aside how many of those disgusting sex freak slash nudist people have fucking legitimately pulled that move oh yeah 100 so i got we're almost done i have two more and this one is one of the ones that i truly enjoy um playing in my head i had a friend from out of town stop by on thursday and

we sat outside nude for a while and I had a beer while he had a glass of wine. He couldn't stay long, but when my wife got home, she ribbed me about getting nude with your boyfriend when she saw the wine glass in the sink. My lovely wife and I had naked coffee out in the middle of the backyard this morning, had to get into the sunshine and will likely be able to do it again on Christmas morning. It's supposed to be 80 freaking degrees here tomorrow. So I, in my mind, was thinking about his friend coming over and they were like, let's just get naked and sit on a porch and have a few drinks or something like that.

Yeah, I guess. And listen, the wife is also a nudist. Yeah, everybody's a nudist. Well, you can't be going saying someone's gay for getting naked with another guy if you're a nudist well you can't be you can't be going saying someone's gay for getting naked with another guy if you're a nudist you have to understand that's like the way you guys live i mean there's nothing she's the only nudist homophobe yeah she comes out she's like she's like what are you guys doing kissing out here i don't want to be naked around other women yeah

i'm a nudist that will not be naked around oh the naked homophobe like just walking into it hey guys put him away there's other men in the room what are we all getting married here ladies it's okay for you but no other men because it's very gay for me to be naked among all these men then the homophobe the nudist homophobe new character we're working on and for the end of the christmas guys episode uh the last reply is family is out for a few hours so i'm chilling naked on the couch great way to spend my afternoon something that hit me about that was that like you're not doing anything like the activity is getting naked and sitting around yeah this is nice and the activity is freedom the activity

is no constraints the activity is a point living your life the way you want to live it um i would say i guess it is probably important for that guy to have his family give him a heads up when they're going to be coming home yeah you want that and then please have a towel on the couch like i i feel like if you're mentioning sitting somewhere naked you should also mention the towel you should always have a towel make us feel good yeah yeah it's textile people as textile people invented textiles. There's textiles to create a layer of protection from your butt juice to the couch. Yeah, your butthole should not be touching anything that is not yours. Your butthole should only be touching stuff that is yours that you own.

I mean, I don't care if somebody's butthole touched something that I didn't know about. Yeah, Brian, we've been over this before. Brian says he doesn't care as long as he doesn't know about it. And I guess that's, I guess to some degree, but I still, I don't want it to be happening. But if you don't know about it, you don't, of course you wouldn't care. I don't know about a lot of things. It's a healthy way to think of it. That's all.

Well, that was Christmas, guys. We checked in with a lot of our guys they were all being freaks again and uh this is we wish you all a merry christmas in four six days i think it's six days from now maybe oh no i should have looked and did you know did you guys know did you know that christmas is a pagan holiday raw man the 19th so you got six more days for christmas i hope you love your families and you get to be naked britney tell people where to find your special oh yeah you can uh check it out on uh anywhere you can stream podcasts or

music or anything like that um It's called Break and Enter. It's a released comedy album with Comedy Records. And yeah, I'm pretty pumped about it. And Brittany, I will say this. Brittany is a fellow Canadian stand-up comedian. My albums are also on Comedy Records. So same record label as well. But I will say Brittany is incredibly funny. She makes me laugh very, very hard. So if you guys like the podcast, honestly, go check out her comedy. You will love it. You will enjoy it.

I'm saying that I'm confident in that. Oh, thanks, Chris. It was great. And it was fun doing the show. We will see you all next week with, I know what the next week's episode is. It's not, it's one we recorded already chris you know i'm talking about is it not mcu the other one uh why are you asking me i don't know i don't know why i thought i'd ask you let me yeah you go to patreon.com

murder x brian for more stuff not even a show on uh youtube well, now, well, I football guys next week, college football guys on December 26th with a sex. Jay. We'll see you all next time. Goodbye. Bye. Recording stopped. Thank you.