Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 79 - Cruise Guys with Tom Walker

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

We brought our friend Tom on to talk about cruise guys. We read a lot of reviews from Trustpilot and a lot of them were very bad reviews. There were a couple of straight guys looking to cruise (one of them was a single guy)! We caught some people doing "theft of services" on an excursion. Finally we read some very selfish jerks and I told some Bryan stories! Find more Tom on https://www.twitch.tv/tomwalker and https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bigsofttitty-png/id1332959121  There is much more Chris at twitter.com/thecjs and of course https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/murderxbryan twitter.com/murderxbryan and  https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social   Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Ahoy! Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys, me mateys. I am Brian, and with me is my D.H. Chris James. Hi, Chris. Is that Dick Handler? Dear husband. Um, so the... It seems odd to me that because it's like that's ship related stuff. But we're doing cruise ship guys, right? I don't really I don't really usually... Me sailing the seas in me ship on Carnival Cruise right? I don't really, I don't really usually me sailing the seas in me ship on carnival cruise line. I wouldn't normally think of pirates or like sort of old timey ship people like that. Have you maybe mixed this up, mix these up a bit?

No, this is a cruise ship episode. It's a big boat. I never been on one, so I wouldn't know, but we have a guest that I love. We had to bring him back. And I think in part of my mind, I was like, well, this guy's probably seen a cruise ship or two, Tom Walker. Hey, Tom. Hey, what's up, Brian? I thought it was an Australian accent and I thought it was just wonderful what you did. Thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Well, pirates are Australian from what I understand. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they're all so mad out there. And Tom, he thinks you've seen crew. I think you think everyone in Australia has seen a lot of cruise ships and maybe they

have. Maybe I'm maybe I'm the one who sounds stupid here. But Tom, have you seen a lot of cruise ships? Never from the inside, but they dock it out port pretty often here in Sydney. It's a beautiful place. So you'll like down at Sydney Darling Harbor, you've got, you know, the Sydney Harbour Bridge, sorry, Circular Quay. Oh my God, I'm embarrassing myself.

You've got Circular Quay and the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Sydney Opera House, you know, right across the bay from each other. And then you'll have a gigantic boat with a bunch of people who've given themselves some kind of insanely contagious diarrhea. Norovirus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like you've got these two beautiful things and then the crystal clear water and then just a like a lepers village just moored next to them is a pretty common sight here.

The smelliest freaks you've ever seen in your entire life. Actually, it occurred to me after I asked you because I was like, you know, I don't know what city Tom lives in. And for all I know, he lives in the goddamn middle of Australia and he never sees water his whole life. So then I was like, well, anyway, Chris is in Vancouver. He sees a lot of cruise ships. I see cruise ships.

We have they've done here all the time, constantly at Canada place down at. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure Tom sure tom when you were here you went down. It's called vancouver Chris, I don't think we need to call a canada place just don't know that anyone listening That's an area in vancouver in downtown vancouver where the cruise ships are Uh, but yeah, we've got to get a second draft on that name We can't just be sticking in places are there there. It's all according to me I mean there's just the one in Vancouver everyone it doesn't seem really like it all looks like Canada place to me man I don't know yeah very normal for us here at the city we don't even bat an eye

when we hear Canada place I do see a lot of cruise ships and they're very, very big. I've been on one as well. I mean, hello. Oh, over here, Mr. Krusche, my parents go on them all the time. They never I went out. I mean, I went with my mom like I was a kid when I went. Yeah, no, I would have said, no, I'm not going. If my parents would have tried to get me going when I was a kid, I'm like, no,

I was a fucker. And I was sort of the team. I was promised all you can drink alcohol and all you can eat food. And my brother and I, well, we were pretty excited about that. So did you go to the teen club? I know there's a club for 13. They said there's a club from like 10 to 14, which seems like a weird, like a level of people, like, cause 10 to 14 encompasses like a like a weird level of people. Because 10 to 14 encompasses a bunch of different kind of kids. But then there's a 14 to 18 year old, or a 17 year old club on the thing.

And that's sort of similar to the clubs that Bubba the Love Sponge ran for. Just so you're aware, Tom, Bubba the Love Sponge used toes down teenage. I'm very caught up on the Bubba Yes as a listener of the show, I I know a frankly depressing amount about Bubba the love sponge Well, let's take a look here first thing. I went to our slash cruise. I went to a bunch of places I mean, I got to tell you guys the best place to read about cruises is trust pilot, which is basically the best place to read about literally everything. The grilling was funny. But this our cruise post is is like kind of I wanted to get a sort of it's not a review. It seems as though a person is trying to give some sort of suggestions for improvement. some sort of suggestions for improvement, which I like to see. And this has been pretty disappointed with my Carnival crew radiance crews so far.

So the ships all have names and people know which ones are which, which is wild. That's crazy that cause like who would even think like, Oh, I like to be on the opulence of the sea. It's like, I thought, I see each company has, well, yeah, I didn Oh, I like to be on the opulence of the sea. It's like, I thought, I see each company has, well, yeah, I didn't, I certainly didn't have like a choice when I was just like, Hey, you're going to go on a cruise and it'll have alcohol and stuff. But yeah, Chris, yeah, they want to know like, Hey, this is, this one has this special thing or whatever. And this one has, Oh, this one has that, that restaurant that we really like. Remember, honey? Like,

that's... So anyway, this goes currently on the Carnival Radiance out of Long Beach, four day cruise. First let me say I realize you get what you pay for. So they did not pay very much money for this cruise. I want to just let you know right off the bat. And it is during spring break. So some of the complaints that you're going to see here. I probably wouldn't take a cruise during spring break. You didn't think you'd take your family on a cruise during spring break? Well, yeah, I was going to say probably not at my age and just, you know, now that I have

a child and everything, I probably would. Maybe when I was younger, it would seem like fun. I realize you get what you pay for. But in this case, we actually paid a lot because we booked three months ago and it's the spring break cruise. I'll begin by highlighting the positive. I'm having fun and that's important.

Our cabin steward is excellent, very friendly and gets his job done. He memorized all our names. The iguana bar has delicious burritos, which I can't, I bet you they don't have delicious burritos. They might. Oh, get out of here. They had good food on the cruise I went on. I'm not joking. Very, very 17. No, but it was really good food, man. You can tell like my mom said it was good as well. The other adults were enjoying it. It was it was like it was really good

food. That was the like the best part about it was the food. I will say it was like it was impressive. Yeah. Okay. The iguana bar has delicious burritos. I can't wait to have another one tomorrow. They were that fantastic. Those person got eight burritos every day. And you gotta be careful with that. Yeah. You're out on a contained ship and I have heard stories about what can happen. The teen club is pretty great., 15, thought he'd hate it and he's loved it. Ensenada was fantastic and I don't think it gets enough respect. Yeah, the port area is a dump,

but we did do an excursion and see the actual island. We did an ATV tour an hour away and really enjoyed the drive. Unfortunately, weather and water conditions didn't allow Catalina. Now here's the issues I've had. I just want to, because it really sounds like they really had a good vacation. So far, yeah, to me this review ends at, well, to get this out of the way, yes, I'm having

fun. Like, yeah, you paid for an experience that's fun and now it's good. Okay. Sounds like everyone's kind of enjoying it. You're sort of, your son's having a good time, didn't think he would. You had a great time on the excursion. I mean, it sounds like this should be a good review. I'm going to tell you that the first thing that they're annoyed about,

the very first thing is the most cruise guy thing I've found. A ton of front and center crew members don't speak English. Waiters, bartenders, casino dealers, spa professionals, customer service. I have never had this happen on a cruise before and I cannot communicate with them at all. Either they just don't speak English or they're so heavily accented it's impossible to talk to them. Oh okay great big difference huge difference there all right we found the guy watching the wire with subtitles who actually okay this is not this I would, I understand if it's like, you know,

if it's mainly meant for English speaking people and you're on a cruise and nobody speaks English and you're like trying to communicate and nobody can communicate with you. But yeah, if you're just having an issue with accents, that's when racism, that's when it seems like maybe, maybe, or maybe you can you can understand what they're saying, but you're maybe a little bit annoyed. This guy for sure downloaded Duolingo and is just repeating the English phrase at the owl but slower and louder. He goes, I've had to have a way to repeat something so many times. He finally walked away to get help.

Number two, it stinks. Literally the ship smells like a gigantic fart in certain areas. So gross. Okay. And that's from the guy who's eating a burrito every single day. Is it possibly you? Yeah. Is this possible?

The crazy smell. It's impossible that farts are seeping out of your disgusting ass all day? It's like everywhere I go I'm smelling the same disgusting shit smell. Three, the internet is a total joke. I love that. I mean yeah, you're in the middle of the ocean. Yeah, there are some trade-offs. I mean, I know, yeah, like, I mean, I understand. There's, you know, there's satellite internet and stuff,

but you can't expect it to be great in the middle of the ocean. With thousands of people on the boat, by the way. Trying to make that happen. And you're all going completely fucking insane, because all you can do is talk to your son about how is the teen club. Yeah. It goes, uh, it won't work enough to check your email, all you can do is talk to your son about how is the teen club. Yeah, it goes. It won't work enough to check your email and maybe tomorrow before this gets posted for posting this on the this is a most of these dude.

I'm going to tell you this is a this that is interesting. We do love a review that can't wait. You know what I mean? Where mid action review is such an indictment of the activity that it makes me certain that I don't ever want to go on a cruise because a cruise is just like, I don't know about you guys, but to me it's just like you're trapped on a food court

in a studio and a studio apartment, and you can choose to be in either one of those two things. And if you don't, like I learned about the, there are actually a lot of rooms that you can get kind of cheap that don't have any windows or are not on the interior of the boat. Could you even fucking imagine being in a tiny room without a window?

I mean, you'd probably sleep great, but then they said, you also spell smell whenever somebody on the floor goes to the bathroom. Like I'm not I'm not even going to be in my room. I'm going to be at the fucking iguana club. I'm going to be fucking bowling at the bowling alley. I mean, I'm going to be living enough enjoying. I don't remember what they actually had for activities. I'm trying to think like true. Truly my brother and I did was drink as much alcohol as we could. And then go in the hot tub to accelerate the, uh, effects of the alcohol. That was basically what we did. From mine is any of Cruz.

This that's pretty, yeah, that's every, everything everyone does is just get completely fucking trash. Sorry, Brian and eat good food. Yeah. So you guys might, I want to show you, I'm going to show you this. It's got some stuff on it about the, but one of these is me thinking, maybe I'll go on a cruise and I'm going to show you what it says. Oh, you can't see it.

One of the purchase I did was crude ship with bowling alley. They almost had me and I even found one with a bowling alley and I was like, man, maybe we should go on a cruise. There's something so perverse about bowling at sea. Yeah, bowling on the water. I don't like that at all. Stabilize. Yeah, get that extra stabilization going in that room.

It's like you're defying God and nature you know You like this is a landlocked activity man. Why don't you just? Clearly this isn't better over there. You know you're gonna hit away even those pins are gonna topple right on over listen We've given you guys basketball, okay? We've given you basketball in the pools, but you're not going to do bowling. I'm bringing the arsenal. I'm going to get away the whole ship down with your arsenal, Brian. You can bring. Honestly, it's like, can you imagine, though?

Imagine you're like so excited to go on the fucking cruise and you go to the bowling alley and they got fucking bone dry lanes. Oh, you got to use the house. Well, yeah, because your wife's going to be all fucking. You can't be bringing the bowling ball on the fucking vacation. It's incredibly, remarkably heavy, notably heavy. And you're like, well, like, I'm not going to use a house ball, honey. I talked to the guy who I talked to the guy who works at the bowling alley,

and I asked him, like, hey, do you mind just waxing down the lanes these lanes are bone dry and he said to me? Oh, yes, I'll get right on that. This guy's got this crazy accent. I can't understand a word He's saying he's gonna even do it or not. Yeah, I Fucking should have gone to r slash bowling and searched cruise to see Any of the bowlers had been out on a cruise and had complaints about yeah well here's one chris wait times in the dining room can be crazy now the times they give are not that crazy to me as a guy that goes out to eat sometimes let's hear

him let's hear him your time dining and when to check in. It'll say 10 minutes wait and we wait 40 minutes. Once we get inside, it's taken up to two hours to get done. To get done. That means you're eating during that time. It's not that it took you two hours to get your food. Wait, though. Hang on. Do you think 40 minutes like for what?

What are they waiting 40 minutes for? We're doing your time dining, which means that I think that you get to put in the time that you want to go and then you can go. I think that's what I got you. Yeah. They said it would be a 10 minute wait. No, your time dining is you can go anytime you want. And then you like can look at the app and see how long the wait is and make your

decision of if you're going to go now or later or earlier, whatever. Right. And, uh, so they, they, it said they had a 10 minute wait and they waited 40 minutes. I just don't think that's, that's not crazy at all. I mean, that's, that's, it's pretty long way, but it's, yeah, you're on a cruise. You got to have to, you're going to figure there's, you know, limited space for a certain amount of people. There's going to be some wait times.

Tonight we checked in at five 30 seated at five 50 out at 745. We missed our show. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm mad about that. The buffet is the same daily and it's such a cheap food. Also tons of seafood at dinner, which a lot of people won't eat. Wait a second. But if it's two hours, if it's two hours though, and it's a buffet, that's on you. It's up to you to eat as fast as you can at the buffet. I don't know how you can blame the restaurant. Yeah, fill your pockets with shrimp and just hit the bricks. Yeah, go to the show.

I love the line. Also tons of seafood at dinner, which a lot of people won't eat. Like that's that that stood out to me also. Yes. Good point. Get your asses back to land, dude. Do the bowling alley on land. Eat your land food. This is what we have out here.

You should have food, Tom, that is a good everyone likes. I mean, that's that's just why not? Why not? In this day and age we got what do we got that everyone likes rice or cheese? So is macaroni and cheese, the macaroni and cheese tasting platter for the table. What is it? What is everyone like strawberries? Rockos. They do. People love them.

Yeah, they do. But seafood is to be expected, I think. Yeah. When you're on the sea, when you're on the sea, it is the food of the sea. It is the food of the sea. The dining room. That's almost indisputable, Chris, and very, very trenchant insight, if I may say so. The dining room food is not very good.

It's not the worst, but I think Denny's or Perkins trying to serve you fancier food, it must be low quality and it has never been cooked properly. Even my $23 filet was man. Worst food I've had in a crew since I was a teen and I'm much older now. Number seven. Oh yeah, we can tell. Yeah. Number seven, there aren't enough food options at night. This is another, I think maybe typical nowadays. And I'm simply remembering cruises 15 years ago, but there's basically one place open after nine and it's pizza. And one night they closed early, so there was zero food and people were mad.

I want to dessert, but we'll need to wait until sometimes tomorrow. So they're not even going to get their dessert tonight. They're going to have to wait to get their dessert fucking tomorrow. Hey, what are they going gonna have a before breakfast? So you know what I mean? You can't have dessert till after lunch. So it's like they're waiting a long time now. It's not, it's a big fucking issue at the,

at the place I went to, they had a Sunday bar, make your own Sundays and it was open late night, baby. I mean, I think everything should be 24 hours on a cruise. I'm sorry. You're gonna get yourself on a goddamn cruise. I would be going on a cruise and absolutely going on a multi-day vendor. I would be I would be fucking up my sleep schedule for the next three months. Oh, like I am.

I'm staying up off a sugar rush for a long time and I'm becoming everyone's problem. Yeah. Why? I mean, you know, getting getting drunk. You can also become everyone's problem. Oh, for sure. I'm like toasted off of six beers. I've got ice cream just loose in my pockets. I've got, you know, I'm jamming my sticky fingers into the bowling balls.

I'm a real fucking issue on the cruise, man. I'm featuring in a lot of reviews. Don't take the bowling balls. Yeah, that's that is as a bowler that one really hit for me that one just to even imagine putting your fingers in there and there's some gook in there. I went on cruise critic community and this this a real cheapskate is the user's name and he said interlopers on excursion. Having just come off our cruise, I have to tell you about the strangest experience we've had yet. Now I consider myself about as cheap as they come. But another... Oh, congratulations.

And what is the username on that one again, Brian? A real cheapskate. Just wanted to make sure. This person's pretty awesome. That's really, really, really a huge part of their personality. Yeah, I'm I suck to be around. I don't spend anything on anything. If I'm coming out with you, you're covering me.

I consider myself about as cheap as they come, but another couple one up to us on a recent walking tour shore excursion we had booked. Basically they hung around and just followed the walking tour of the city, but weren't on the official excursion list nor had they paid. We got to talk and they defended their actions by saying that they were just walking in public and there wasn't anything the guy could do. The guy didn't make a fuss, but we all felt a little bit awkward.

I do wonder if they got charged for it in the end, but I doubt the cruise line did. Yeah, this rocks. I fucking love this. He's like so mad because somebody managed to be more cheap than him. Like, that's what he's really mad about. He's like, you fucking I paid for this shit. My dumbass fucking paid fucking money for this. So he's jealous. It's the first guy someone fucking money for this so he's jealous it's the first guy someone it's the first time he's seen someone steal and

he's like wait I could have been doing that I've just been spending small amounts of money on shit that sucks I could have just stolen something that's good like walking tall he walked anytime he walks by tours he hasn't paid for he puts his fingers in his ears so he can't by tours. He hasn't paid for he puts his fingers in his ears so he can't hear any information that he didn't pay for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's only right. Okay. So she beloved posted and said, wow, that's pretty poor behavior. I never cease to be amazed at what people will do. So now a lot of these people are going like this is a genuine crime when it's cheap whatever I did it in Boston

I was like in Boston and this guy was fucking had one of the things on and I was walking around alone and I was like yeah see what this guy's up to I walked with him for a little bit then I walked off because I didn't care is all American Revolution crap Lena one one oh three says wow don't want to pay download a walking tour route onto your phone and follow that no I've worked out yeah what they did it were in fact fine it's much better that what I've done which is make you guys mad also which is funny I don't have any stupid shit on my phone now yeah yeah also what is it how's the cruise gonna charge me they don't have any stupid shit on my phone now. Yeah. Yeah, also what is it? How's the cruise gonna charge me?

They don't have my name or ID and I know for the fact that they were on the cruise so they look exactly like 70% of the people on the cruise Like it's not like the guides gonna come back and be like, ah, there was this kind of like This is couple they were like mid 40s to mid 50s. I want to say Caucasian and he's gonna like, I don't know, man. Yeah, no, we got to let this one through the keeper will eat the loss. Wait a second though, they had really tan skin. Bad clothes that weren't really bad clothes. Yeah.

Warakpins. Oh, a t-shirt, a t-shirt. The one guy had a t-shirt on there was like a local one There's a funny t-shirt like he thought it was funny, but nobody else really thought it was funny was to be clear It wasn't funny, but you could tell he thought it was oh, maybe this will help they both had kind of Expressions that made it seem like they weren't having any fun Expressions that made it seem like they weren't having any fun. This next person says, Oh, this is great. You guys are going to love this.

You're probably going to pick this up on your own. Based on most everything I've either heard or learned over the past few years, I've developed my new expression. We're so far into the Twilight Zone. There's no way out. I'm not going to use it. Hey, I think we can probably do an edit on that one for like, it's too long. Yeah, that's one of the big problems with it. And it's just like, not even that good.

You know, also, I don't think the Twilight Zone is something with famously going into and then trying to get out and really remember because it's so old, so I don't even really remember what the show was about. Like I guess alternate realities kind of. It's a serialized TV show where guys are stuck in the Twilight Zone. How do we get out of here? Three seasons in, it's like- It's lost, but the Twilight Zone, they're all like,

ah, dang, this isn't death or whatever. Yeah. They did a remake of the Twilight Zone. I're all like, ah, dang, this isn't death or whatever. Yeah. They did a remake of the Twilight Zone. I watched some of them. They were pretty cool because they had like a lot of famous people in them. Honestly, there was, there was not a lot of fanfare, but I'm, there was a standup comedy one that had Kumail before he got, you know, all big and everything. This person says, uh, I'm,

I'm forever hunting down the best available price. But what these people did was basically stealing. It's too bad you got stuck with them. Yeah, it rocks. Like what the fuck are you talking about? Why do you... Why would it matter? It changed the... It didn't change the tour, right? The guy just kept doing the tour. If it made it feel awkward that's on you and you should have been just like oh I guess I should like yeah no a certain amount of people need to pay for the tour but there was a critical mass

there and that means we can get some remorse on the side of it it's a victimless crime if you would just shut the fuck up and watch the tour you know yeah you're making yourself a victim oh, the fact that your attention was on them instead of the tour means it wasn't that great a tour to begin with. You should have been caught up with the history of that place. Yeah. Northern Aurora says amazing behavior. While I probably would have been so flabbergasted,

I wouldn't have thought of doing this. But I wonder how the interlopers would have reacted if several of the paying customers took out their phones and took photos of them. Might they have wondered? Oh, hang on a second. This is I've never thought of that. Oh, yeah. Film them like the police. That could have been, yeah, treat them like police officers in the middle of a rough arrest and just pull your phones out and start filming them. That might have done something. That would have been, yeah, would it be interesting to see how they would react to that? Where you were like, you are thieves. You're stealing our experience.

They probably would have wandered off and had a better time somewhere else. The last line of this one says, might have wondered if they were going to get reported to guest relations. So he's like, I think we're going to tell on them. Imagine getting a call like it's the principals off that you get back to the cruise and it's just like, Meredith Johnson and Terry Donaldson, please come to guest relations. We would like to speak with you about a tour incident. Put them in the brig. Everyone's like, oh, as they're walking down the hallways,

everyone's like, oh, shit. That's them. That's the interlopers. That's the interlopers. Shit, dude, I heard they didn't pay anything. I'm sure they're always brink to each other. There's been reports of an interloping on the ship. I imagine going on a cruise to Snitch, bro. I can't. I think you guys are right that it is more of I could have done that.

The guy probably a hundred because I'm seeing how much these costs and, you know, they can be up there in the hundreds, 200, 300, $400 ranges. So I think he was just like, man, fuck that. Like, yeah, I should have been stealing this guy's, we can't forget this guy's name is Mr. Cheapskate. It's somebody who prides himself on being the cheapest guy. So that's, I definitely think it's jealousy in this case. And Oville says, isn't this the tour company's issue? Sorry, it clearly spoiled it for you.

Not sure I would have noticed. And then Horsey Mike replies to that and he goes, if someone was robbing your house when you were not home, would you want your neighbors to say something to someone, you, the police, etc. or would you want them to say that it's your issue and ignore it? Hmm. That's a great question. Seemingly unrelated to anything we were talking about, but I love your little icebreaker you're walking around with, man. That's cool. Yeah, I would have to agree. Yeah, it's so they are.

This person is straight up comparing it to having your house robbed. I think we can both say I would I would rather I'd be I was home and I'd have a big gun. Yeah, I'd blow them away. Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, the truth of it is, regardless, if I if I see someone on my neighbor's property, I'm shooting them. I mean, I truth of it is, regardless, if I if I see someone on my neighbor's property, I'm shooting them. I mean, I don't care. Regardless of if they are my neighbor, if I see anyone, anyone adjacent to me, I listen, I don't think that these are the same situation.

But yes, if I saw someone on your property, I would shoot them dead. Of course. I worry if you're my neighbor and somebody's on your property, I'm killing them. I don't care if it's the fucking mailman. This killing them. I don't care if it's the fucking mailman This person says I don't my word fucking son Yeah, I will be calling the cops on your house if there's a break-in But I am doing it so that the cops kill your dog just so you know Oh, I'll call the police. Yeah on myself after I kill your family So this person and and I love this because this is another person that seems to think the

death penalty would be warranted for this. They go in my world it's called theft of services. It's disrespectful. I love this world. What a cool world man. Yeah that rocks. It's disrespectful and annoying, but I trust karma would take care of the thieves in due time No, but at least he least I will give up I mean at least he's not saying you should be proactive in trying to have it dealt with you know what I mean He's basically saying that like this is a crime of course and we all agree It's fucking a horrible crime against humanity. But you know karma will deal with it. So you should just go about your day. You know what? Here's a guy. I think this is probably the best solution I saw to this issue. I don't think this would meet the legal definition. It

might be tacky, but not illegal for theft of services. And he goes, I hope the interlopers are reading this thread and have their eyes open. Maybe they didn't realize how unclassy they were being. That would be, yeah, maybe they're, if they just sort of saw the way that other people viewed them, they would say, maybe what we're doing isn't so cool, honey. Maybe we, I mean, I would think that, I would guess that just judging from the type of person

who would do this kind of thing, I would guess if they read the thread, they would be laughing along with us right now. Well, this guy's good too. I've been on private tours where the guide told an interloper that this was a private tour and to go away. I guess that if they did not go away, there's not much the guy could do about it. But yes, but do about it. But they did. If it was me, I would at least make sure to jostle them or step in front of them every time they tried to take a picture. Jostle them? What is jostle? Shoulder checking someone? Make physical contact with them? You're going to bruise them? You're going to become a lost prevention guy?

You've got to remember, Chris, once someone becomes an interloper, they're essentially free game. Their PVP flag is on and you can do pretty much whatever you want to them and in the eyes of the crews, well that's just justice. Well, it's theft of service and you have to keep in mind, it's like, yeah, you can put them in front of a judge and he'll probably sentence them to death or you can just kill them yourself. And also- Why not cut out the middle man?

Exactly. Also interesting, you know, if you just, if every picture they try to take, you jump in front of them. It definitely teaches them a lesson. That's the really funny thing to be doing. And I think it's probably, yeah, it's probably not a good idea.

Cause again, it's just, you're then allowing them to do the only thing that like creates a victim, which is like distract you from the tour. If you just ignore them and watch the tour, then nobody is getting hurt. I'm definitely and also if someone like is constantly jumping in front of my photos as I'm on the walking tour, that is creating a cherished memory for me of the time I apparently ruined a guy's walking tour because I got so in his head by not spending $200 like that is oh what a value add dude every picture of that guy

you're showing your people were imagining to her like us to the people were imagining are like us right they're doing it because they think it's funny and they don't want to pay for this thing so yeah I think they would feel the same way. Yeah. And realistically, it's just this, the cruise person who's just figured out a way to save money, which is that the walking tour, I know where it starts. I know they're traveling at walking speed. I figured out that I can just kind of keep, keep tabs on these guys and not pay the debt. It's one of the best things. Yeah, I am I cannot express how Much I'm in support of that type of behavior. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, I mean it doesn't bother me this last person goes We call those people bandits when they're tagging along to a okay Well, that's gonna make them so shameful if you give them the coolest name you can find. Holy shit. Wow. I didn't realize people were referring to us as bandits, honey. You know, like they just like get a coolness in their voice. Like they don't even mean to. They're just like, oh, so they're calling us bandits now. All of a sudden like a black cowboy hat appears. Yeah. Fucking cigarette in their hand. They just- They aren't really making them out to be these really cool ass fucking people, you know?

Like, yeah. Like, they're really just, they're just a couple of fucking, they're probably like 64 year old people, you know? Like, they're probably just super lame old people. Well, let's take a- It's so good. Let's look at some. Our crews this this I sent Chris the title of this. I think I

posted on x the everything website and the title of this thread is two straight dudes looking to cruise. Yeah. And this is on and of course I asked this is on cruise. Yeah, not cruise on cruising because that would seem like and we could when we all know I hope it's two straight guys looking to go on a cruise because if you're looking to be two straight guys looking to cruise you got a fucking world of hell coming to you and if you're single guys that's that's what I mean two single guys I mean that just, you're about to step into a world where you are dirt. Well, Chris, one married one recently divorced, both turning 40 out of Florida six to eight day cruise. What would you

recommend? Neither of us are cruisers, but want something relaxing and fun with no headaches. Cruise Line weird to share a room. Do they have a two bed suite? So a couple of straight guys looking to get on a cruise. One of them single, one of them married. The first comment is you need an agreement about bringing women back to the room. So yeah, are these guys? These guys are definitely straight guys. I think they were recently divorced. I don't know about you guys, but that's that is throwing a spanner in the works for me. They're all pals and they and they you know, he was always married before,

and now they're going to go out on this cruise together. And I mean, it's it's dude, it's hand stuff minimum, right? Like minimum. But if they are just if they are genuinely straight, like no, not bisexual at all, not looking to I would say you would want to have different rooms most likely, I think, probably, right? I don't know if he wants to watch while the other one fuck somebody like if one of you want to hang on have the same room. One of you are married, so you can't technically have sex with anybody. But the other person's

divorced and they kind of bring somebody back and they're going a little wild. And this is what they're describing in this. So are you talking about? Are we talking about you like the poster now or talking about you? I just wondering about what the poster just just really given his penis. You've been saying some really suspect stuff. I do want to bring it over to the main episodes here because I don't know. I don't know that it's been mentioned on the main episodes.

It was just on the bonus episode where you stream and the stream where you but if you're not a patron then you maybe haven't heard this. Brian said that he's going on vacation and he was gonna bring someone along so his wife could have fun. I said, I would say, I was thinking about going to Las Vegas and I was thinking maybe we could bring somebody so my wife could have fun. Yeah, in the playground of the mind,

you can kind of picture anyone with your wife, can't you? No, but it's because I don't drink and party, that she can go party with somebody, and then I can stay in the room and watch my shows or whatever I'm trying to do. Or watch the video from the night before. You are the world's first cuck to be on his laptop in the cuck chair.

You're the first guy to be like playing with the remote, not really focused. Just looks at getting cucked as like outsourcing labor. This person goes, your poor wife and the OP goes, why's that? And she goes, because you're planning a booze cruise with a single guy. I hope you have an open marriage. And he says, because I'll cheat. If that were the case, I would do that without a booze. Wait a single guy. I hope you have an open marriage. And he says, because I'll cheat if that were the case, I would do that without a booze. Wait, I'm confused.

I thought that was this a different person. Now I am confused. I thought one was one was a single two single guys. I thought they said right. No, no one married one recently divorced. Yes, one married one recently. Oh, but they said single guys. But that's just me.

I think he's saying like two straight dudes. It's actually two straight guys. Oh, OK. So not two not two single guys, but that's just me. I think he's saying like two straight dudes. It's actually too straight. Oh, okay. So not to stay not too single guys. Okay. No, no. You imagine now and think they'd let two single guys in the same room together. I think you guys are so swing his brain that Chris, you specifically heard two straight

dudes and then imagine a world where they were two single guys and horrible world became your reality. Yeah, this is this is a this is a world that this is something single guys and then that horrible world became your reality. Yeah. This is, this is a, this is a world that this is something I deal with a lot, Tom, where I just sort of create this really bad world inside my head. And then I live in it for a while. Well, this person in the thread says your poor wife. And he's like, why is that? Because you're playing in a booze cruise with a single guy. I hope you have an open marriage. And then the next guy goes, because I'll cheat. If that were

an issue, I'd do that without a booze cruise trust issues. And the person's like, I think there are certain situations that you can put yourself in that make it more likely and adults only cruise with nonstop drinking. Are you saying that no one makes bad decisions while drunk? LOL. Well, I think, yeah, I think that person's projecting because I definitely think that people do that all the time. They're in a trusting relationship and then they go off and they have fun and they get drunk with other people. That's a normal thing, I think. Somebody did say that this is a woman as you're projecting and he goes, I'm not a dude. I don't see how feeling bad for your wife is projecting. I just call it like I see it.

Two men, one single one not on a cruise getting drunk. I'm sure that's not a perfect recipe for disaster. Sarcasm thing. Oh, yeah. You know, that statistically divorce becomes a lot more likely when you have friends who are divorced. I do. I do appreciate guys who calls it like they seize it, though. Yes, that's what you need. That's what you need. And this

now, finally, this person is just kind of this last little exchange here with the OP. I this last thing this person goes, why is it when two women vacation gather? It's fine. And when two men do it, they're gay and the OP says my wife is worried too though as, as I could joke. And then the response to this, if your looks are as good as your personality seems to be from your comments, I don't blame her. And then they put the sweaty head.

So, Oh, because they're horny for him. Very. Holy shit. That's good posting. You know what I mean? If you're like, if you're posting, if you're posting some, some chairs wet, that's fucking decent ass posting right there. Like what, what, what subreddit is this in? Cruz R slash crew. What's that guy's name? What's the, what's the big dog's

name? Who's ET Arb. Not a good name. Doesn't even need one. It's all about his posts. He lets his posts do the talking. Let's go to Trustpilot. Carnival Cruise Line, one and a half stars. Bad has 327 reviews. So. Oh my God. Okay, so it's a crushing majority. But as we've learned about Trustpilot,

only the craziest people go to that website. Yeah, Trustpilot is the unique review website. Now, this first part is going to get you. Don't bring your children here. Don't bring your children here. I booked a cruise for five hoping to get a quick summer vacation with my family. I didn't hear until day two and standing next to the pool that kids were not that were not 100% potty trained Cannot participate in any water facilities. Well, that's well, yeah, that's that I mean, that's the Okay, I mean I have a place you're describing as the

Cruise you want to go on is one where you can put a pissing and shitting baby into a shared hot tub? Like you understand, I have a, I don't, I have a new boy. I have a four month old child. And yeah, he is just, I want to be clear. He is just always pissing and shitting. Yeah, they do a lot. If you put him in the water, definitely. Yeah, it seems like just a normal common sense rule.

Oh, well this guy said it was the main reason I booked the cruise. I was going to get in a hot tub. I wanted to go ahead and ruin everything. And now I, an older man, have to get in the hot tub and piss in it myself. I came here so my baby could shit in a hot tub. Like I paid the money and now someone's only my baby's not allowed to piss and shit in the pool.

Because I wish I knew before I booked and I was like, what place do you go to where kids can just piss and shit in a pool? You should have put this together, big man. Yeah, there has to be a separate, like maybe a kiddie pool or something, you know, but then even then I don't know how it works exactly. I'd have to I'll be honest, my my Charlie has gone to like a water like a water thing already, but I didn't go area. I guess I would also say that you can't I think the problem might be in that you can't like drain the pool on

be in that you can't like drain the pool on the boat without extreme sort of Yeah. Because when that happens Where's the water come from now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you could probably just siphon a hose up there and bring it from the ocean. You're just bring it in and then filter it, I think. Oh, shit, you're right.

We've got water all around us. Water, water everywhere and plenty to swim in. Yeah. Yeah. If there's one thing we're absolutely where we got so much water, we don't know what to do with it on the crew. That's not an issue. It's actually a guy who's like steadily sinking out of the shot on the camera.

It's actually becoming a real problem. How much water there is on the cruise ship. So if you guys could swim in this, that'd be great. This review, I think this person might be from another country or something that I've never heard of, but he's so mad that I had to add it. Carnival Cruise was despicable Carnival Cruise was despicable soap soaked bread one hour long lines and cancelled excursions not enough shuttle boats for their Island.

No food left on the island, total disappointment will never go again, they also refuse to give any refunds, don't bother, ever! What is soap? Soap? Wondered. I wondered that myself. Yes, I was also googling soap soaked bread. I thought it was another country. I've never heard of it. No! No, I've never, I it no no I've I've never I've not seen anything here no Google results that might be an original uh it's just people saying my

sliced bread tastes like soap on Quora but apart from that it's all just people being like oh why don't you make a it's just advice on how to make bread shaped soap but then yeah it tasted like soap is all that they're trying to say. I guess perhaps it's soaked in soap. That bread's bad. Maybe it was like a little thing that we're saying to each other on the boat. Maybe it was an inside joke and they sort of forgot that this was going to go out to larger audiences.

Well, this guy, weirdly enough, his name is Brad gripe and Oh, no doubt he did. Weirdly enough, his name is Brad gripe and No doubt he did yeah you are having such a bad day if you're the guest relations guy and you see like Alfred curmudgeon and Brad gripe book into the cruise dude. Oh man Our Google reviews rating is gonna take a fucking hit right now Buddy nothing's ever good enough for fucking right now buddy nothing's ever good enough for fucking crime the ratatouille food critic of cruises it's approaching he's just the saddest looking guy imagine being in guest services and you have to say this sentence outlet is there a problem mr. gripe

I don't know. It's just not the best. Yeah, you're at sea motherfucker. I love this trying to I was trying to bowl earlier and it jockey the pin on a position in the middle of one of my game. Oh my God. I'm sorry, Mr. Grape. I'm sorry. That's that's kind of an inevitability of us allowing you to do 10 pin bowling. I think you could have a stabilizer.

That's all. Perhaps if the bowling alley could be suspended on a gyroscope type contraption. Brad Grype says they aggressively threaten you. It's because the character we created is like, that's exactly what he would say. They're threatening me all the time. They aggressively threaten you with jail if you smoke a vaper. Mr. Grape. Mr. Grape, sir.

He's starting this again. Start this again. They aggressively threaten you with jail if you smoke a vape, water vapor. If you smoke outside of the small smoking area. I got stuck with harmful secondhand smoking a headache just so I could hit a water vapor vape. Are you kidding me? The security acts like they're gonna hit you. Outrageous criminal behavior. So my thoughts are that he's smoking his weed vape, his little water vape or whatever, and yeah, he's pissed because there's a smoking area and he's like, well, that's for the smokers though.

I'm a vapor. I don't want to be with all the disgusting smokers. And then when they told him to leave, he became confrontational with the security guard who then basically said to him, can you please just serve? We don't want any here You know and that's what he's describing here. Yeah, I think there's a couple issues also He said that you know I have to go in the smokers area. He then fucked up and referred to himself as smoking Which he basically is also he got a headache from secondhand smoke, which I'll say hey if that's bad look I Don't the science is not in on vaping. I think it's probably fine.

But also, you know, there's some bad stuff coming for you. You got to remember. Yeah, I don't think you're like, yeah, very well. Yeah, you're like chuffing watermelon. Like if this isn't a weed vape, which it might not be. And that's crazy to me. If it's just someone who's like, know Huffin you know the Zin or what have you huh so this next guy one star waste of money February 4th through

11th Australia so yo maybe he brought a disease to your your land a beautiful country thank you so much for your service. Hey, I'll do it anytime. Very February 4th through 11th, Australia. Very disappointed crews. Very cheap and not caring. No fun. No performance. Rude comedian.

Yes, bro. Yeah. Hey, sorry. That sounds like sounds like we got a classic heckler who couldn't handle getting fucking laid out by Steve I'm guessing it was Steve Hofstetter who was probably the cruise ship comic he deals with hecklers like no one else and he probably just laid this guy out fucking posterized them put him up on YouTube and and that's that's the whole reason for the bad review really he got owned by

a community he goes horrible food I am a chef in parentheses. Wow. Okay, so never, okay, I was gonna say, how do you know? Because you know what I mean, how do you know what good food is? You actually have experience. Okay, so you actually know what food is good and what isn't good, okay. I gotta say, and I've said this a lot of times on the show,

my sister is a chef and pretty high level in the city. And you have other things about her as well. Sister. Uh, this is the sister that's not a swinger. Um, but she, she's a chef and, and she doesn't like anybody's food in town. Like she, I mean, like, you know, it's just every restaurant, fine dining chef. Yes. Okay.

Yeah. And it's just one of those things where she'll be like, I heard that they do things this way and it's like, well, yeah, probably talking to somebody that quit and is now working for you. I'm sure you did hear that, but yeah. And I also knew people that owned a restaurant in town that own a restaurant, really good Italian fine dining restaurant in town, that own a restaurant, really good Italian fine dining restaurant in town. And they like every other food in town, they're like, nah, it's not

that good. I don't know why people say that's good. So this person says, horrible food. I am a chef. No independent restaurants, which, okay. They wanted to clear up on it. They were all, they were all chains. They were all chains? They're all in the throw of big cruise. It's weird, but everything on the cruise ship seems to be managed by the big ship. It's honestly like, it feels like the cruise line is in charge of all of them. In a way it feels like they're all beholden to their great overlord, the company, you know, uh, can I speak? I would like to speak to the captain and I wonder

if I could open a restaurant on the ship. What would the rent be? Yeah, I just, I mean, I'm worried about monopolization and I would like to open a competing restaurant on the cruise. This guy is mad because he like as a chef started up a simple entrepreneurs business of just hanging out in his, in his room and kind of just putting a lighter under a salmon fillet. And then security came by and said, you can't do that. So he's like, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is competition not allowed on the high seas? Room and about, uh, he goes, uh, some staff, uh, some staff,

passive aggressive, not happy. Uh, in parentheses, some of the staff was not happy. And that's really a huge problem. When people that sucks, I'm always happy at work room and a balcony with a view was only a pleasure. DJs look like self-made and not professional, huh? Starting at 11, that's harsh. That's that is harsh on the DJs because that would do you know what I mean? Like that would hurt you if you read that. Yeah, DJ

Can you read that again? Oh, that's worded? It's weird because he goes DJ's look look DJ's looks like self-made and not professional Starting at 11 maybe English second language, perhaps. Well, he's Australian. I think okay. So yeah, definitely Yeah, yeah, we learn it. Yeah, and and DJ's look when he says self-made and professional that's starting at 1130 p.m So at 1130 p.m self-made and professional that's starting at 11 30 p.m. So at 11 30 p.m. they bring in the job or DJs the the ones that just bring some stuff from home the late gotcha yeah yeah yeah and there's cold cheap beans when you're trying to fuck it he goes um but he goes DJ looks like self-made and not professional starting at 11 30 p.m. starting at 1130 PM when I am sleeping.

So when I am sleeping, cruise director, young, self-indulgent, unprofessional. As I said, only the ocean view made our trip enjoyable. Carnival, a cheap embarrassment for rednecks and bogans. Never again. Oh, wow. So bogans. I know that term. That's that's like Australian. Redneck is a boat. Yeah, yeah. And it's kind of showing that term, that's like Australian redneck is a Bogan. Yeah, yeah.

And it's kind of showing that, yeah, this definitely is someone with a familiarity with our beautiful culture over here. I want to say just, the rude comedian there reminded me, I did a gig somewhat recently with a guy who does like a lot of cruise ship gigs and he's like a good comic and he was just one of the other comedians on the lineup like complimented him on his shoes he wears like you know these he was wearing these beautiful like all-white Nikes and he goes out of like and there's no pause and no self-awareness on this but he just says

like oh yeah thanks these are my land gig shoes I have another identical pair for C. Hey look they got to be making money right? Bro yes yeah yeah absolutely but we all start laughing really hard at this guy saying he has one pair of shoes for land gigs and one for C gigs and he doesn't understand why everyone's laughing he hits us with a genuine like why you guys laughing like because you just said that you have like one set of shoes for sea legs. Yeah what is different about them but you said they're identical. I found a way you can cut costs here yeah. You can go ahead. This is a great one. This is a really good one, guys. Phil McNulty, not from he's also Australian.

By the way. And I love the title of this one. Least genuine apology ever. Oh, yeah. Just reminds me of a guy we recently found that said that the people on the other line don't really care about you. Chris.

Do you remember? I can't remember which episode it was, but he was pissed off about something and he said like, and then I called him on the phone and they didn't seem like they really cared. I think it might've been, it was a trust pilot thing. I just don't remember the thing. So anyway, this guy goes after a rude interaction with a customer service agent who hung up on me when I asked his name.

Wow. So you, but you, so did you ask him his name? Like, Hey, what's your name, man? Or was it more like, what's your name? What is your name? What is your full name? What is your full name? Was it something like that? Maybe? I love how the perception of power on a call to a call center is that the customer has all the power and not the person that can just hang up after you've waited on home for 40 minutes. And also your job sucks. And so you have no reason to like, if you are calling a call center, you arelicating yourself yeah you are not in control yeah I worked at a call center as a I helped people fix their internet but it was dial-up and I was terrible at my job but what would you tell them like what made you bad at it what what era was it so this is it? So this is 2009, 11 happened while I worked there. This is 2001. This is in the middle of nine 11, nine 11. I was at work. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and the guy next to me, old man, the guy next to me fucking 10 minutes after the second plane hit, he was on a gun website like looking at his 50s he

was like a way older guy did you have friends at work friends were you friends with that guy that because I was friends with the younger people like right now. Not the guy who's like buying a 357 so we can point it up in the air and stop a third plane From hitting that beautiful tower that was about like working at those places like you get to be friends with old guys That's like kind of one cool aspect of working in like a weird kind of office that has an eclectic workforce You know do weird thing. That's one of the weird things that happened while there. The other weird thing is, so my wife's friend was. Wait, sorry, just to back up. The weird thing you're talking about there is 9-11. Well, yeah, the part of 9-11.

He was buying a gun. So, yeah. How did you react? How did you react? You were working and then like you found out about it. And I didn't know it was a big deal until like later on at night. So how did you react? What do you mean? You didn't know it was a big deal. Oh, what is something that was maybe might have been considered like insensitive at the

time or something. Whatever. Oh, the exact words I remember is when it hit, I said, Oh, that sounds bad. Didn't I actually ended up, I found out it was a big deal because we went out to the parking lot for a bit and listen to Howard Stern. But even then I kind of felt like it's just a new story. You know what I mean? There's some news happening. But the other weird thing that happened when I worked there is my god that my wife sounds bad.

I didn't know how bad it was. I'm telling you, I just didn't even in my mind, like comprehend why anyone would care about what's going on on the news, because that's what it was with me as like, that's some shit on the news. I don't care. I'm fucking busy. Yeah. You know, reading funny stuff. Yeah, you didn't care about anything on the news at all. No, no, no. I was on the internet at work reading stuff,

but I was like reading about Weezer and stuff. I was kind of people are on tour and shit. You know, that was when like buddy Holly was huge. Oh, that was way after buddy Holly. We're talking after Pinkerton before the green album. Yeah, I'm not, I wasn't a Weezer guy. Jesus. Okay. So anyway, uh, my wife's friend is like, can you get my, my boyfriend a job? And I'm like, sure. Yeah, I'm not. I wasn't always there. Okay. Jesus. Okay. So anyway, uh, my wife's friend is like, can you get my boyfriend a job? And I'm like, sure. Yeah, why not? And

then motherfucker gets a job. He gets a position kind of higher than me. That's really funny. That rocks. I was kind of pissed about and a, like a way I was just kind of like your boss. It wasn't my boss, but he was higher up in the company than me like he made more Like even you can understand I'm sure Brian that like he probably will like should have had a better job than you Well, now I'm gonna tell you how he got fired. He got fired for okay baby porno at his desk. At his desk? Yeah. Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha

My one and only referral Hahahaha That is so brutal man. That is so funny. It's like you know yeah when you bring someone to a party or whatever, like I've never referred someone and got them a job and had that left a bit, but holy shit, man.

Holy shit, man. Holy fucking shit. So any any further details? Yeah. Oh, hang on. Hang on one second though. So so Brian, so you got him this job. How quickly afterwards did he get fired for masturbating at his test? That's like two months after I got him the job and like the deal was that if I got him

a job, he would drive me to work every day. So because I didn't have a car and so he's driving me to work. There was also a day where a kid threw a rock and it hit his car and he turned around and he made the kid go to his dad and he told on him in front of me and I was like, oh, this sucks, dude. But yeah, the manating part was actually wait a second. How was this? What was his first name and how old was he? It was Joe and he listened to jock jams on the way to work in the morning, too. He had a jock jam CD. Jock jam Joe. So jock jam Joe. He told me jock jam Joe straight up pulled his dick out at work and started jerking off. It would like other people in the office.

I don't know how he jacked off, but that area of the place had less people and it was, he was kind of in a back row against the window and it and like we weren't in cubicles We were in desks that had the separators between them So I my guess and I don't know is maybe he was really forward on his desk But he had the porno on there. So we might as well just been jacking off in the middle of nowhere I mean what what else would he be doing? So yeah, he got hair cut jacking off and I felt like a little weird about asking him to get, but they never say anything. So you felt a little bit weird about that? You're saying you felt a little uncomfortable

afterwards that the guy you recommended pulled his penis out and started masturbating in front of everyone? Well, like I said, I don't know if it was in front of everybody. I would. Why are you don't know that it was in front of everybody? Okay. No, sorry. You go Chris. They did happen on the floor at work, but there may not have been a lot of people. There weren't a lot of people in that area, so he might have been being like discreet,

but not discreet. Obviously, he got me off at work. But discreet. Is your stance here, he could have gotten away with it? Yes, I'm sure he could have. I mean, I'm pretty sure. That would have been bad. That would have been bad, right?

It wouldn't be the first time he, I don't think he got fired the first time he jacked off at work, is what I'm trying to say. Okay. Why are all your friends so, like the people you knew, all the stories you have, I don't think he got fired the first time he jacked off at work. Is what I'm trying to say. Why are all your friends, like the people you knew, all the stories you have, why are they all so fucking perverted? I don't know that one. That one was weird.

That wasn't a friend of mine, by the way. That was my wife's friend's boyfriend at the time. What kind of conversation? Did you ever, like, did you guys talk about it afterwards? No, no, I never ended up seeing them afterwards. Like, I don't know, like I, cause this friend of my wife's isn't like a close friend. It's just somebody she knew when she was growing up and then got in contact. And then she said, can Brian get me a job? And then my wife was like, well, that would make it easy for you to get to work. Cause

I didn't have my driver's license at the time. And Joe said he would pick me up. So Joe, can you get my boyfriend a job, please? We don't have a computer at home and he loves to masturbate to pornography. Brian, when, when the jacking off guy got fired, did that kind of leave a void for you to move up into? Yeah. Good question, Tom, because I've never forgot that this man who was caught masturbating at work and fired for it was actually higher up in the company than you. No, I didn't get another better job because my masturbating friend got fired. Because you're ally.

Your work ally, your team member, your confidant. That's the thing that pissed me off. So I was on the team of the dial up internet tech support, which is like, which was like second level. So one level was priceline.com. The people that work and they answer the phone for priceline and they're like, we're not giving you a refund. And then they get screamed out and the person hangs up on them. That was one part of the job. Okay. And I got above that by being tech support for an ISP. So I was like actually helping people fix things on the phone.

So I was one step above that for like a really small rinky-dink thing. And then he was like, and like, basically a specialist for CompuServe, which that was a much higher position than me. Like they gave him more responsibility. Like he was he had like different forms he had to fill out and like, I heard they gave him one task that was absolutely absurd. They gave him one task that he fulfilled beyond anyone's expectation.

You have to watch all this pornography and pleasure yourself. They had to fire him because it was like he did it too well. He did it too good. And tell him to jack his penis off at work. He was just doing it. And I'm sure what it was was I'm sure. My guess is what happened is that he he didn't seem like a computer guy to me like when I when when I met him I didn't think he was like some big time genius and I think he

bullshitted his way into the job and then he got there and then he found out you could get porno on the internet and then boom he's jacking off at work because he found the porno. Do you think they were gonna give you the job? You think there was like a meeting where they're like ah you know Brian's probably best suited but then Kenny is the guy who recommended Jack and Joe you know? No they just they hid me away that was a job where they hid me away at a certain point where they were just like hey here's this job for dumb idiot people that just sit in the chair and do nothing all day. And they gave that to me and like, I can't, you end up getting fired from that job.

I didn't get fired from that job. I quit that job to go be a cable man. Ah, that's when you became your, that's when you first became a cable guy. We've all seen the movie. We all know I can't I can't put into words the dread I would feel if I was having troubles with my internet and I truly mean no disrespect by this Brian but if your voice is on the other end of the line, I Think I would need to hang up. I just if your cable went out and he showed up, he'll the fuck out. He was going to fix it.

That kind of has a different vibe to me. I'm thinking he's got kind of a drunken master energy where he gives him the power he needs to fix the car. Hopefully your car's not too low to the ground. This motherfucker will drive right on. Yeah, that happened. That was an accident. I mean, you know, we've talked about the day I went to rehab. I fucking had a meltdown in a guy's basement.

And I kept saying, hold on, I'll be right back. And then leaving and I was at his house for like six hours. And I didn't do any work. I just kept saying, I'll be right back. And then I would leave and be gone for a minute. And then I come back because I was trying to get drugs. I was trying to get pills and the guy was going to meet me and then he would not. So I'd have to leave the customer's house and then come.

It was crazy. So anyway, this guy goes least genuine apology ever after a rude interaction with a customer service agent who hung off on me. When I asked his name, I received a form letter apology today saying he's quote receiving training, but also they cannot quote locate the staff member who has been assisting me with requests over the past two months can't locate their staff member needless to say it was a bullshit apology and i still don't believe a word so so they went they gave you a letter saying like we're sorry for the way that the guy talked to you. And that wasn't enough.

Here's one Chris. And I think Chris and Tom, you'll love this. Uh, this is from Z games and he's from California. And he says, uh, the casino is fraudulent stealing money. Oh, yes, dude. So you found some on like, yeah, cause there was definitely a casino on the cruise ship that I went to. That was like a big thing that we would we would go play the slots and stuff. And that was filled up with people all day. So that's a huge element. Yeah. Yeah. The casino is goddamn taking money right out of people's pockets. Yeah, they should be investigated. Yeah. As far as well, I I went in there. I lost all this money, got nothing out of it.

And it's like, yeah, is that not theft of service? Is anyone else thinking that it's kind of suspicious how the house? And I quote here, always wins. Yeah, the casino is fraudulent. Stealing money from the carnival guests and customer service can't do anything about it because it's contracted out they're showing on your casino app they have money money you go to take it out and say you have no money on your card they're saying the app is wrong but the card is right and speaking to the

manager Eric he couldn't even keep his poker face full of lies his face was beet red that's cool to incorporate that saying though. Poker face saying because you know what I mean? Like he's like, he couldn't even keep his poker face. That's related to casinos. I don't know if you guys caught that. I thought the live poker face full of lies was very funny. Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. Yeah. Face was beat red. They're keeping your winnings and won't let you cash out So they're always winning lots of complaints people were saying the same thing that when they were getting their winnings that were saying There's no money. This is fraudulent and they don't care because they're on open waters Carnival, Venetia from New York December 28th

Is he trying to say that there is he trying to say that they're on international waters and therefore don't have to, they only have to abide by maritime law? Yes. Is that what he's saying? I mean, is that true? I would think that they would still be, I would still think that there would be liabilities based in the country where they're based in. I think that they would still be, I think you would still be able to, you know,

but I don't know. Maybe somebody's like, no, that's actually true. When you're out on the waters like that. Maritime law states that casinos are allowed to just take all your money away from you and not let you win any games. Why would they put that into maritime law? The casino got them, you know? It's just one of those things, Chris. They got deep pockets.

And yeah, I guess it's like, oh, I just thought of how there's the Atlantis casino in the Bahamas and then Atlantis underwater. I thought I had drawn some connection there, but I hadn't. You know, kind of putting stuff together. I'm kind of putting stuff together a lot these days, Tom, and it's starting to make a lot of sense. So Royal Caribbean is also a cruise line and one guy now, Chris, I told you about this. I texted Chris earlier and I was like, some of these people on trust pilot, like say things in there. I feel like they say things in their reviews that they think will get them their money back. And one of the one of the one star reviews I saw was like, yes, I didn't buy

the insurance, but my kid caught cancer. And I can't go on the cruise. And I'm like, okay, I mean, maybe that happened. But also, it's just a crazy in a review, right? I didn't say caught cancer. Well, they said my daughter has cancer now and I can't. They're not caught. Can't she has it? She got the cancer.

So this person says horrible customer service. One star. The night before the cruise, I was beat up and robbed. That's bad customer service. I have to agree with them there. was beat up and robbed. That's yeah, that's bad customer service. I have to agree with them there. If the if the customer service person is beating up and or robbing you. Now, I was kind of blacking in and out of consciousness, but I noticed that the unmistakable shape of a captain's hat

on the head of one of my assailants. He goes, my passport and other items were stolen. I think he left them at home. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be like a dick about it. I just think the beat up story is made up because he forgot them. And now he's trying to get sympathy for the fact that he forgot them and he wants special treatment. Like as a liar, I recognize that this is the kind of lie you'd make.

Well, you're like, well, they don't know. Like, yeah, well, they would have no idea. I'll go into the bathroom and clock myself a couple of times in the eye and nobody done the wiser. Well, actually the pain here feels pretty good. I'm noticing that pain and pleasure are quite into links. Now I'm thinking in their mind. They're like, I mean, the person talking to me is going to totally feel bad about this whole thing. Yeah, like they'll let me on the to totally feel bad about this whole thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Like they'll let me on the boat when I don't think they can. That's just my guess is that like if you don't have a passport. Oh, I would guess that it would be like it's a customs issue, you know, that if you're going and you're going to be crossing borders. So I know you have to you have to clear customs in some way. Definitely. If you're and because you're most likely going to go to a different country. Wait, do you have to do that in Canada? I don't know. It depends.

Sometimes you have to do it on the other side, I think. Oh, yes, you have to do it in Canada. When I come out there, you have to do it? Yeah, of course. Some stuff I'm going to have to leave home now. What do you mean? No, I'm kidding. I'm going to get the drugs when I get there.

Yeah. What kind of drugs in it? I'm gonna get the Xanax when I get there. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, we can. We can always it's always weird listening to the show and being like, okay, cool. So Brian was addicted to pills and he's constantly talking about reacquiring the pills. I only when he's like on a little holiday vacation I will I

mean listen he could just be a flat-out liar but I don't think that's the case because his family and stuff listens to the pot that you know I think that this is a true thing of what you know he just does it when he's on vacation now it is listen Tom I will admit when I first start started talking to him about it I found it odd I didn't really know how to you know maneuver around it or Is this a cry for help or is he just trying to like help out like get some notes on logistics He just wants a couple of Xanax when he's on vacation And those and yeah, honestly though. Okay. So we're adding to the list.

Add a van to I'll take, I'll take any pills you got to tell you the truth. I'm really into Adderall, but I mean, if you got them, you just kind of like the form factor, huh? Love pills, Tom. I love them so much. That's why I made the deal that I can't have a pill dealer in Columbus, Ohio. That's also why if you notice, I don't ever get them. I'm rarely successful at getting my hands on pills. It is one of the saving graces that you are an addict, but you are a like a clumsy you're a bumbling addict. Mr. Bean leveled the food. Yes. Mr.

Bean. Mr. Bean trying to find pills in Mexico. Oh, my God, dude, he's driving around the fucking pharmacist like four times the second the spot opens up, he the three-wheeled car parking it I want my pills I Showed up the next day to board the cruise and they were not helpful I have my driver's license DD 214 and other identifying documents I don't know what DD 214 is. It's probably a

document he goes, including a copy of my passport. So he had a copy of his passport, a, a, what I believe to be a photo copy. What I would imagine is the only copy as and further proof that he was not robbed. The fact that he brought this copy that he had a copy kind of floating around. Yeah. It seems like maybe this was maybe somebody at home might've taken a picture of it and maybe sent that perhaps that's another thing. Yes. Somebody might've actually sent him the photograph from home.

Yeah. Even if this isn't, even if this is real and he did get beat up and robbed, uh, which I mean, yeah, but also you've got to understand that this sounds so fake. Like if you are turning up with these documents, you have to like completely accept like, Hey, no, I get it if you're sending me away because yeah, I know how it's, I know how this looks. You ha that's how you have to lead., I know how it's I know how this looks.

You have that's how you have to lead. You have to lead with I know how this looks. But he did. And he's like, I got beat up a lot. And he goes, they did not care. They didn't care what I had. And one of the guys was even laughing about my situation. Guilty as charged here as well, man.

Yeah, sorry. Sorry. It's we had a couple of. My son was crying. They offered no fun. Why are you trying to make it fun here dude? Or over here trying to not laugh at you. And then you say your son was crying. You're really laughing about the fact that my son's crying because his dad got jumped and couldn't take out two attackers at once.

They did not care what I had. And one of the guys was even laughing about my situation. My son was crying. They offered no assistance or credit. Don't book with this cruise line because if you have any issues, they won't help terrible outsourced customer service. So well, I'll tell you what I would personally, I wouldn't have no fucking problem because ain't nobody going to fucking beat my ass. All right. Yeah. Hey, fucking I bring it on. You know what I mean? Although I'll be showing up there with some extra stuff. I'll be showing up with some fucking other guys fucking passports. Yeah, let's I know how this looks, but I'm carrying three corpses that thought they saw an easy

mark on the streets last night. I want to explain to you how close I was to not having my passport. The way I'm doing that is with these two corpses. These two dead locals. Let's take a look at some etiquette before we get out of here. This is from a cruise ship critic and Quilter says, I'm currently on a South American cruise and we're currently at the Amalia glacier. Very stunning.

My question is about finding the perfect spot for best viewing. My husband and I went up to the viewing area on the roof of the bridge about 45 minutes before reaching the glacier. It was very windy and chilly, but there were many people there, but it wasn't crowded. We knew from passing through the Beagle channel that we had chosen the best viewing spot. Once we reached the glacier many more people arrived and we're making

comments that those at the rail should step away. So everyone could have pictures. Am I an asshole for not stepping aside? It was yeah. Yes. Big time. That would be a resounding yes because it's like how long do you want to look at a thing? I get it. Stunning, beautiful, incredible. But on top of that, it's like, yeah, you can also still look from behind. Yeah. People's heads. The only reason is to take photos. How many photos could you possibly need of the exact same thing? Because goes, mighty asshole for not stepping aside. It was spectacular viewing. And had I not

been at the rail, I would have missed the dolphins and seal that appeared after we relinquished our spot at the rail. The captain turned the ship in a complete circle circle. So there was an order doing times for angles for all. So this, let's get some things and uh k l Frodo says should you or do you have to no out of curi courtesy i do though after i've seen what i wanted to see have you ever seen one glacier you've seen them all that's a very brian that is yeah that's so good actually i find that once i'm entranced by the beauty of the natural world, I kind of just hit a checklist and go done with that. No need to go back and look at that glacier again.

Oh, well, you're going to watch the aurora borealis. Nice in the stars. Yeah, I always say that to my wife. There was the couple weeks ago. There was like this big strawberry moon and we lived downtown there. You're just not seeing stars It's like the only place in Columbus where there's lights everywhere and shit. She wants you stars downtown You gotta go to Los Angeles aka Hollywood. Let's go Chris Maybe New York. Yeah, because you're fucking ignorant to what goes on in Los Angeles. I'm like, oh my god

No, no guys The world cannot handle another East Coast West Coast beef. This can't be what tears guys apart I from fucking Ohio and a guy from Canada I mean Brian if you want to add another clay another like stolen valet thing I think you claiming New York guy would be really good. He tries to claim LA Yeah, but I mean I at least am I'm on the West Coast genuinely like I am right on the coast on the water You know Brian does have that Los Angeles energy He means he seems fake

No, no Oh, I thought I was... Oh, you mean he seems fake? No! No! No! No! No! So he goes up... I love this guy though. Brian is worryingly genuine. Yeah, that's true.

That is true. If you've ever seen one glacier, you've seen them all, but since I live in the Northwest and travel all over Alaska for work, I'm no longer impressed by a glacier, a dolphin, a seal, or a whale. I don't think impressed by a glacier, a dolphin, a seal or a whale. I don't think that's true about glaciers either, by the way. I've seen a couple of, I've just seen a couple of glaciers in my life and both of them were different and spectacular. Here's a really, they're literally always changing.

Yeah. Thanks to us. Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. The ampolar says this might seem similar to entering. This might be similar to entering the Panama Canal. You know what I'm saying? I did the finger in the hole.

I did it like the fucking a pussy with your finger. A OK symbol. We were on deck at the front of. Viking Explorer Lounge outdoor at 4 45 a.m. There were five other people there when we arrived. The approach to the canal lock is spectacular in the dark morning because of the lights. We maintained our position at the railing.

Other decks had lots of viewing area, but folks like this one, because it's the Explorer Lounge was serving coffee and early continental breakfast. We heard many comments about people hogging the railing, but we were there when you were still snoring. We film our cruises because we produce a movie after each completed cruise. Oh, you suck, dude. You got to fucking up against the wall.

I was, I'm sorry, but I've been at the viewing area. Well, back when your daddy's nutsack. This idea of like, I'm sorry, I was here when you were still snoring. Like this entitlement is like entitlement. So bizarre because we film our cruises because we produce a movie for each completed cruise. We get up early or stand for a long time to catch and get the view. What could these movies be? Hopefully they're not making like movies where they're acting because that's what you get. He goes no we

might we watch most all sailaways from the open decks and we watch most docking from the open decks. We like this part of cruising. We plan for these events and plan to get the best vantage point. We've been late to the party before, but would never dream of making comments for others to hear about giving us space at the front. If we're late, we stand at the best point we can and find and are patient. And if someone leaves, then we step in. Nope. Would not give up my position. Sorry if that's harsh.

Well, yeah, no, you're a fucking you're like a weird. You're like a mean person who prioritizes yourself above above other people. And you're bizarre. You're making these weird videos. They're like every single one of them is the exact same. It's like a boat launch from the same vantage point. You've just like made a thousand of them and then you go watch them together afterwards like you're you're you're a bizarre person who's like not sort of like on the

same plane I think as all of us you know this person says I arrived first and will stay as long as it suits me general comments made by late arrivals will be ignored comments made me directly may result in less than cordial exchange. Oh I hate this person He this is the most selfish fucking people just like like already like preemptively Combative, you know what I mean? Where it's just like you don't even know if you say like anything like oh man I wish that we could get some space in there You know like they already got locked and loaded that they're fucking after you with like some shit that they've already thought of to say, you know,

carefully written out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's posts like this that make me like, Oh, we're not going to make it. No, or exceptionally entitled like the cruise people because cruises are expensive. These are all ready well they're not I mean I think that the argument that for their cheap for a family are there a cheap family vacation that you can take where like if you can pay for the actual cruise once you get on a boat you know I don't think they are though I think they're still upper-class middle upper like upper

middle class to upper class people who are on, you know, but it's not like, like, it's not elites going on. They have yachts. They have their own. It's not rich, rich, but it is people who are like, I'm spending money to be essentially the king of the boat. And that's what that's the thing is that they go in there. We've talked about this with vacationing sometimes

when you go to like, okay, so when I was 16 I worked at Chuck E. Cheese and my job at Chuck E. Cheese was that I was in charge of birthday parties for kids. Like, so on Saturday I would do two or three parties, on Sunday I'd do two or three parties and on Friday you do a couple because it's at night and I was in charge of this kid's birthday experience so fucked up just so fucked up and so unfair to like you know real real children who like this was a real important day for them in their life and their development and it's just like really

fucked up to think of this that like yeah they definitely should have given this job to the guy who was going to jack off in the Chuck E. C's costume. Oh, is he already in a management position? This is, this is really just so weird to think of, you know, that there's a guy like Brian who's like in charge of a birthday experience when they're seven years old and you're 18 or you're 16, 17. You're you're fucking on acid at work. You're fucking you're smoking cigarettes like every chance you get. You look like shit. You slept on a floor the night before. And it's just

like people would get so mad and I can never understand like man these people are fucking assholes you know what I mean like they'd be mad because I did some shit or didn't do some shit more likely and like a hundred percent they were in the right I just know now 100 percent that I picked their side without even hearing it now that I I'm older, I look at it and like, damn, they did like plan a whole, this is like a whole special day that happens one time a year and one time in your whole life.

And they're coming here for their great moment and then fucking the person that walks up to greet them is fucking me. You know what I mean? Like cigarettes just reek like fucking stale cigarette smell like all fucked up eyes, pupils all fucked like what's going on? Like which one's the birthday boy? Yeah, then they moved me from that job. Well, but to a thing called kid check where my job was that when families would come in, I would give everybody in the

family the same stamp and then on the way out in order to leave the kids, you'll have to have the same stamp. Gotcha. The parents stamps. And that was my job. Like my job. That's an important job. Yeah. I mean to make sure that's an important job. Yeah, I mean, I just gave everybody the same. Yep. Yep. You without. Yeah. Yeah, of course you did. I mean, that's maybe just the idea that that's there is enough to displayed.

You know, hopefully, hopefully Brian did. Brian's a horrible work ethic. Wouldn't result in a child getting kidnapped. We can. Brian Brian's a horrible work ethic wouldn't result in a child getting it now Donald SC says if I get up early to get a good spot while you slept in or had a good breakfast I don't give it up for anyone even if you ask the early birth It's like the only job that you want like to be done. That's like Dream job that a cop would do right like that's the the one sorry, I'm just still hung up on your job preventing the child snatching.

That's so funny. You were like the last and first line of defense. Were you aware of the ramifications of- like were you aware of sort of what what you were in place for and what you were meant to be safeguarding against? I work at the okay. First things first. My name is Brian Quimby. I work at the pedophile restaurant.

My job is being the guy who protects against the pedophiles and no, I don't care about my job. Most of the time, most of the time it was right next to the basketball game. So I was playing basketball 90% of the time. And then if my boss was like, hey, I just saw like six families leave without you looking because you were playing basketball, I'd be like, oh, I'll get them next time. I swear. Well, don't worry. That guy's been here a bunch this week and he's left with a different kid every

time, so he'll be back tomorrow. He's been here a bunch this week, and he's left with a different kid every time so he'll be back Trent have a word with Trent Trent Dark eyes yeah, yeah, you'll be back Yeah, I mean they shouldn't have put me there to be fair But that's where they put the people that were like kind of low achieving they shouldn't have put me there to be fair, but that's where they put the people that were like kind of low achieving. Yeah. Because it's, you shouldn't have been employed there probably. Well, I was good at the game room job where I had to fix ski ball machines and shit.

I was really good at that. So anyway, uh, finally we're just going to say, um, uh, this person goes in Alaska. I was at the rail early and one of the last to leave. I'm tough and can handle the cold. No way. Am I giving up my spot, but I'll lean out of the way for someone's photo and offered to take a photo of them because I'm nice that way. So he's tough.

Got another guy on the old boat, a boat bruiser and a guy who he's not even doesn't even get scared by the cold and can that's really cool These passport, I mean these people are just incredible just the idea of sitting there and refusing to move And just looking at a thing Yeah, like 20 minutes at a thing yeah like 20 minutes and the it's because you can a lot of it is I'm just staring at the same cuz I can well that was Cruz guys Tom tell people we

love you and we love having you on tell people I love you guys I love the pod I listen every week yeah oh you can check me out at twitch.tv slash Tom Walker and I'm if you're in Australia I'm filming a show and on August 8th in Brisbane. So check that out Just gonna fill my new hour. Yeah, it's like it's like a It's actually pretty guys related. Honestly, it's all my freaks That I've kind of gathered over the years and it's a deep dive into my relationship with them on the internet and I'm looking forward to it. I think it'll be

Exciting of course there's not gonna be that many people who are gonna be in Brisbane But it's exciting know if you're taping it that means yeah guys listeners We'll get a chance to see some more Tom Walker comedy. I fucking better not hear anything about a guy who knows a lot of I fucking better not hear anything about a guy who knows a lot of masturbators. Yeah, could you? Yeah, Tom, if there's any way that you could find a way in your televised, you know, film special to humiliate my friend Brian in some way, just subtly in a way that more most people wouldn't understand, but we would. Oh, man.

Okay, we're looking at Tom bad news. We're looking at the edit here and we can't cut around the big wash up Chris sign that someone brought into the recording. This comes out after it so we can say it Chris I called him Gris. Oh yeah oh that's really good. We had somebody on Canadian comedian Amar Singh who who his first name is spelled A-M-A-R. So Ryan was really stressed because don't say Amar, it's Amar. And then so he said his name perfect

and then called me Chris. Hell yes. Oh, check out the podcast, BigSoftTitty.png. That's the podcast to do with Demi, my wife. It's a great pod. And I stream over at twitch.tv slash Tom Walker. Thank you for having me. Png that's the podcast to do with Demi my wife. It's a great pod and I stream over at twitch.tv slash Tom Walker Love Demi. We'd love to get Demi on it's it almost happen. Yeah, we love Demi go listen to the podcast It's hilarious. We love Tom. He's the best

Because I got to go I'm getting a call from my psychiatrist, so I need to get Sweet ADHD meds. I'll see you guys later you guys next week with something good. All right. Bye. Bye