Habits and Hustle - Episode 210: If they stop watching your Instagram stories, are they still into you?

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

In this week’s solo episode, Jennifer asks Shanni the age-old question. If he stops watching your stories, is he still into you? They also get into a spirited discussion on what it means to date in the age of social media, the benefit of muting accounts, curating your feed and so much more.    Find out Jen’s secret to getting anything you want out of life Join Jen’s new Facebook group! Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. Habits & Hustle Website Habit Nest Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All out. Visit areii.com. Ready? Yeah, I'm so ready. OK, I'm asking for a friend. But if a guy stops watching your Instagram story, does that mean he doesn't like you anymore? This is like, I feel like we need to pose this to the Facebook

group because this is literally the question that I'm always trying to round my head around. Like, does it mean that? Does it mean that they're seeing somebody else or does it mean that they're just not on Instagram? You know what I mean? Well, what if you know they're on Instagram, but they're just not watching your stories?

So, okay, for me. By the way, I'm married. I'm not asking for myself. I'm literally asking for my friend because my girlfriend keeps on asking me because she's, it's for her. Okay, go ahead. So I mute people a lot.

So I just that mean. I hate having like I hate sifting through a bunch of stories of people I don't want to see. So I mute people. If I don't want to see your content, but I still don't want to unfollow you, I will literally mute your stories and your feed posts. So you don't appear on my Instagram at all. It's funny because we're just talking about this in the last episode. How does that how does that work? It's funny because we were just talking about this in the last whole episode. How does that work?

It's the best. You just mute people. I mute people all the time, especially if I'm annoyed with someone, I just mute them. I love muting people, or if someone posts too much stuff. How do you mute it? But then you can still watch it then. You can still go to the page and watch it, but if I'm muting them, when I click on the stories

at the top, I won't accidentally swipe through their stuff. Like, they won't pop up for me at all, because they're muted, so they won't be there. Oh, so they could be muted both ways. It's not just sound wise, it's actually visually. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, muting does not mean like actually being on mute. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm an old hag. Okay, guys, I don't know this. I know.

Well, we say mute. I would think you got that. No, no, no, actually, I understand where you're coming from. No, so muting on these social platforms mean you literally mute their profile from your feed. So it means that they don't show any, they don't come up at all. So they're not on your feed. They're not on, you can control it.

You can either mute just their stories. Yeah. So they don't appear in the story top, top section, or their feed post, they don't appear in your actual feed when you're scrolling through it. Get out. Yes. I just learned something new right now.

I didn't know you can even do that. I love to mute people. It's my like, it's my secret weapon. It's my secret weapon to just... Isn't that kind of like blocking someone without blocking them? Yeah, kind of, but I just don't know. But they don't know.

Yeah, so I just don't have to see it. But do they, but if you block somebody, don't they not know either? I mean, the thing is blocking someone means they can't see. Yeah, so I just don't have to see it. But if you block somebody, don't they not know either? I mean, the thing is blocking someone means they can't see anything of yours. Okay. Muting means you can't see anything of theirs. Or if you wanna see something,

you have to actively go there. It's just like a known thing. Yeah, I love muting people. It's so helpful. Because there's a lot of, like, no offense to some of my friends, but if they're posting, you know, four posts a day and it's ruining my feed, or if I follow, you know, a sports team

and I'm, you know, don't wanna, you know, see everything right then and there. If they're like in the middle of a playoff and they're posting 30 posts a day, I'll mute them, you know. It's just easy. And then they don't pop up on my feed. I like to curate my feed. I'm very big on that. No, no, we just had this whole thing.

I think about curating your feed. So, oh, I wish I would have said that in my other episode, when we're talking about curating your algorithm in a way. I didn't realize you can do that by just muting somebody, but still keep on following them. Yeah. By the way, if you didn't listen to the last episode, you should go check it out. If you haven't, if you didn't listen to the other episode on, you know, how basically authenticity, and about how comparison is a dream killer, go listen to that episode. But, okay, so I didn't know that.

I know, by the way, I got arm-y-stairs. There's an arm-y-stairs, don't ask. This is what happens when you are a working mom. You have lots of people, a lot of children. Little miniature people. I was like, right, as I was starting this podcast, I had my kids come home and I hear, Mom, we have seven friends over.

Literally. So this is the story of my life. So anyway, let's continue with this. I'm very interested. Yeah, so getting back to this idea, but they're not watching your story. Is that means that they're not interested anymore? So it could, there could be a number of reasons.

So, but for me, if I'm not watching your stories and I've been watching them a lot, the chances that you've been muted are kind of high. Or I'm just super busy and I haven't. So have you been muted stories? I've never muted stories. I don't believe you. I mean, I work with you.

I can't mute. No, no, you're not muted at all. You would never be muted. Did you read my stories before? No, I've never muted stories before. I don't believe you. I don't believe you. You have never been muted, like hold on, hold on. But if I don't believe you. I don't believe you. You have never been muted, look, hold on.

But if I don't see somebody, see, but you're doing a lot of tip tapping over there. No, cause I was just showing you the section. You probably just put it back to unmute. No, not at all. What are you talking about? I watch your stuff all the time. I'm always watching yourself.

Look, see? Okay, I'm just joking. But then, so it's the best feature, really, it's great. Okay, that is a good feature. But let's get back to this idea. What is happening? I don't know. I hope we have like a way to like take that No, let me just be cool. Okay, okay One second. Okay getting back to if he stops looking at your story is that does that mean he's not interested? I say if it's my opinion I say yes

I think he's losing interest and he's or not interested and has moved on or just kind of like, you know, that's my personal opinion. What do you think? You know, I do agree with that because also the idea of, like, I'm not great on text message, but if I like someone, I'm answering them. I think 100%.

The whole thing, do you remember the whole like he's just not into you? He's just not that into you? It's true though, right? Yeah. I think, I'm a relationship expert and or claim to be. But I do think that when people want to do something, they do it. When they want to, like, if someone is genuinely interested or is, you can tell by someone's

actions how much they like you or don't like you, right? How much they actually are invested in you, right? But I will say if someone text me too much, I will lose interest for that reason alone. So if I'm not, you know, I could be interested at first and be responding, but then if they keep messaging me, I will lose interest because of that. I get it, but what I just want to say.

I just want to say, that is, that's fine. That's a different issue. No, I know what you mean, but I was in, yeah. But my thing is like, I think we all know in our gut if someone likes us or not, and we can make a lot of justifications for bad behavior, justifications for when things are pretty much looking a certain way.

So I think it's just like having like, a come to Jesus with yourself and sometimes realizing that it is what it is. People will be interested. If they're interested in you, they will, you will know it. If they like you or don't like you, you will know it. I really believe that to be the case.

That's my opinion. Absolutely. We'll sort of. I think sometimes people can be intimidated, though, too, you know? No, I don't think so. No, not at all. I think that's a whole different, of course, people could be intimidated, but I don't think this is what we're talking

about. I'm talking about... As in, someone might not ask you out because they're intimidated, but you might still feel the vibe. No, we're talking about that. What do you... I'm talking about if you were, if you were like involved with or getting to know somebody and it was already, it was like going well, and you guys had like a thing to reach.

Post approach. And dynamic already kind of happening. And then the dynamic starts to kind of like unwind a bit. And you know, you're not hearing from them as often. They're not calling you back. It's like you're having to reach out more. I think it's kind of like the writing is on the wall. And a lot of times we try to like convince

yourself otherwise because we don't want that to be the case. The reality is if someone doesn't want to be with you, you should like, don't force it. Keep coming back, you got plenty of space. Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on. Like USAA, who has helped guide the military community for the past 100 years. USAA, get a quote today.

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Nerds, shake things up! Shop now at nerdscandy.com Take things up! Shop now at NerdsCandy.com. We're having a great time with love today. Vitamin water zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. No, no, I hear where you're talking about post approach. Yeah, I will say that in my younger days, I was really bad about that. Like if I didn't like someone and I was kind of seeing them, I would just sort of fizzle out because I'm really bad at breaking up with people.

I'm the worst at that. So I would, and it was always shocking to me when people would take this. But yeah, but I've got, I'm so not heartbreaker. No, I've grown up Well, then so are we is this a you is this basically? Are we both in agreement that if they stop looking at your Instagram stories that they're technically what they're most likely Not interested. They're losing interest. Yeah, they're losing interest. But for a duration of time, like if they don't look at two days of your story, it's not the end of the world,

but if they stop looking at them for, you know, what if they were looking at your story every single day for five months, I'd say you're dating for five months, I'm just making it up. No, I still think, like I would give like a two, like a two to three day allowance, I feel like it's okay, because you never know,

it's one could sleep for three days, you know, they could be like hungover, they could be on three days. They could be exhausted. But I never know, to be. This is days, you know, they could be like hungover, they could be on three days, they could be exhausted. But I never know. I too busy. This is where I disagree with you. I believe that if people are interested, they make a point of wanting, at being curious. This is two to three days.

Two to three days, a leeway of two to three, if they, for example, if they stop looking for two to three days and then see one day and then again, another two to three days go by, then maybe something is fishy. But if it's literally just one, two to three day period, and then they're still watching them again every day for the next five days, and then maybe it's another one day, they're not watching, and then maybe again, for the next five days.

Okay, I'm gonna bring in another caveat then. Okay, okay. If you guys are still talking all the time, then I see no problem with that, what you're saying. Oh, right, sure. If you guys are still texting each other, and the dynamic and the dialogue is still there, and they're saying. Oh right, sure. Like if you guys are still texting each other and the dynamic and the dialogue is still there, and they're not watching

your story, that's fine. Two, three days is fine, because you kind of are in touch and you're kind of connected. I'm talking about, if you guys are not talking, you guys are really kind of not involved with each other. And yet, you know, you kind of knew that they were interested in you. Okay, that's fair. They were always watching their stuff.

No, no, no, no, that's fair. And then they stopped. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Because if they're not, if they're not, if they're not, okay. So if they're, yes, so I don't know. I think we should probably call her and let her know. It's awkward news. That's what I'm saying.

Time of death, 315. Right. So that's what I'm saying. I'm not talking about if you guys are in a like real like back and forth dialogue already and like then they just stop watching. That's fair. It's not just Instagram story dependent. If they're, you know what I mean? But that's talking everything else. I'm talking about solely Instagram.

I'm talking about solely Instagram dependent relationships. By the way, I think that's an actual thing that people have now these relationships are engaged upon. If you look at my stories and I look at your stories, that means that there's a thing here. And if we don't, then we're not. People have all these virtual kinds of connections. It's like me and my generation. It's really crazy. Sometimes he doesn't watch them, sometimes he watches them.

But he's a consistently every, sometimes he watches them. Right. But he's a consistently, every other story kind of guy. He's never really been like a watch, every story to have a person. Okay, now here it gets, I'm gonna throw another character in it. But he will also answer. Like we talk.

We talk. Okay, now there's another caveat. Is this the person who's typically always on Instagram? No, he's not. So that doesn't count. I'm talking about someone who's always on Instagram. I know like those real fiends. Yes. No, no, he's not. But that doesn't count. I'm talking about someone who's always on Instagram. I know like those real fiends. Yes.

No, no, he's not. But I mean, we're not anything. We're not in, we're just in like, hey, we're Jim Crushes. We're not in like a, let's date mode. Is it a mutual Jim Crush? Or is it a one-way Jim Crush? It's no idea. But it keeps me motivated to go to the gym.

So I'll take it either way. So I'll take it. Listen, whatever motivates you, whatever keeps you motivated, and we all need that one thing to kind of like give us a reason and that's the one. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah. All right, this is, I don't know, there is no purpose of this particular, nobody was, I think this is interesting though. People, so many people have this question. You think so? Yes, everybody is thinking, well my friend does for sure.

My friend does, but you know, I think also like in life everybody is thinking, well, my friend does for sure. Yeah, yeah. My friend does. But, you know, I think also, like in life, we all have people, you know, it's really interesting about Instagram, we can like now, like just basically, like peek in on anybody. It's so creepy, right? Like, you can see like what people are doing and, like, there's no, I mean, yeah, everything is curated.

Like, we talked about it on the other solo episode and everything is like just a highlight reel. But now you can keep tabs technically. If you can't lie anymore. If you tell me you're busy, you can't go for dinner with me because of some family doggy at your homework type of thing. And then on your story, you're showing me you're out for sushi with so and so.

No, but you don't, do you post everything live? I never post anything live. I don't post you post everything live? I never post anything live. I don't post anything, well, no, but I never post anything live. But you, okay, but. And my friends are usually like two days after kind of posters. Cause it's dangerous to post anything live. That's true. That is dangerous.

That is true. So I would never, I mean, you know, if I'm home or whatever, maybe I'm posting it live, you know, I'm cooking, whatever. But if I'm in like on location, anywhere, that's never happening while I'm there. There's no way, I'd be way too scared. Yeah, but you can still catch people in lies because you can see where they were the night before.

I mean, I guess, but I don't trust anyone to be doing anything like that. I'm out for dinner, I'm not posting my dinner four nights later, that's not what I do. I post maybe the day later. I know a lot of people who do that. A lot of people. They're like on like a much further down the road schedule. I know people who post that like a week.

Even like dinners and stuff like that? Yeah, like they'll have like real time. Like they'll do it, they'll like save it up. Sometimes people will put it into like an album and they'll be like story album and then they'll just. That's way too high tech for me. I mean, I don't know how people have the energy and effort to have that much like again have that much like patience and time to create that. Maybe if I'm like busy,

I'll do it the day after, maybe a couple days later. But then you still see what people's, what they're doing, my point. You can catch the point is you can catch people much quicker in like, in lies or in mistruths depending on what it is. This was kind of a, depending on what it is. This was kind of an at prom and in prom to solo. So if you are listening still, what do you think? Do you think if they stop watching your Instagram story that they're just not interested anymore? Let me know in the comments. If you have not yet subscribed to Habitson Hustle, guys, what are you waiting for? Can you please click this button and also order the book while you're clicking the button. And join me.

Oh yes, enjoy the Facebook group. I have to always say that because of you. So yeah, do that. And also join the newsletter while you're at it. Go to JenniferCohen.com. And that's it. Talk to you later. Bye.

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