Habits and Hustle - Episode 273: Ben Nemtin: Turning Struggles into Success
Episode Date: September 5, 2023In this episode of Habits and Hustle, I chat with Ben Nemtin, a man hailing from the small town of Victoria, Canada, to becoming the second-ranked motivational speaker on the Global Gurus list. You'll... hear about his transformation into a motivational speaker, ignited by a life-altering summer job in Banff, Alberta. His tales from the trenches of mental health struggles to the thrill of playing basketball with the President offer a bucket-full of hope, inspiration, and actionable insights. This episode is filled with invaluable insights on the power of accountability, and how to take actionable steps towards achieving our goals. Ben shares how a simple act of writing down our goals can create accountability and motivate us to achieve them. He also sheds light on the psychology behind why people stay in jobs they dislike, and how companies can better foster mental well-being in their teams. We also explore the blurred boundaries between corporate jobs and entrepreneurship, and the power of inspiration and kindness in creating a ripple effect. Ben Nemtin is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, co-founder of The Buried Life movement and inspirational keynote speaker. He has delivered over 500 keynotes to brands and Fortune 500 companies around the globe. What we discuss: (0:09:04) - Rediscovering Purpose Through a Bucket List (0:18:15) - Taking Action and Building Accountability (0:27:58) - Mental Well-Being's Impact on Work (0:32:09) - Exploring Success, Entrepreneurship, and Authenticity (0:41:48) - The Ripple Effect and Inspiring Others (0:46:28) - Mental Health Struggles and Finding Inspiration (0:56:32) - Exercise, Gym Routines, TV Show Stunts (1:02:15) - Play Basketball With the President (1:05:29) - From Dream to Reality Thank you to our sponsors: Go to cozyearth.com and get up to 35% off site-wide when you use the code “HUSTLE” Ketone IQ (HVMN): You can save 30% off your first subscription order of Ketone-IQ at HVMN.com/JEN Find more from Jen: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement Learn more from Ben Nemtin Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bennemtin/ Bucket list journal: https://writeyourlist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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I got his Tony Robbins.
You're listening to Habits and Hustle.
Crush it.
So Ben Nempton is on the podcast today.
And he is so likable.
I get it now.
I did not get it before because this guy, first of all,
he belongs in an Abercrombie ad.
You do, you really do.
He looks like he's 12 and belongs in an Abercrombie ad,
and he is the number two motivational speaker
on the planet, according to him.
That's a big deal. No, not according to him.
According to who, who did you say?
It's a group called Global Gurus.
They just rank speakers, but who knows?
Okay, but on all of your stuff.
Yeah, well, that's what they said.
I mean, it's what they said.
And for good reason, this guy,
so let me just, I'm late to the game, apparently,
but you probably know of him already,
because he had a TV show on MTV called The Barry Life. He wrote 100 things that he wants to the game, apparently, but you probably know of him already, because he had a TV show and
MTV called the Barry Life. He wrote 100 things that he wants to do before he dies, and he accomplished
them all, right, and then gave back to people. Each one, everything that you accomplished on your
bucket list, basically, then you gave someone else an opportunity to do that, correct? That's exactly.
Yeah. And then he became this like renowned speaker talking about his whole experience.
And I was like, how did I not know who you are?
And I feel like a real dodo bird.
But I'm so glad that I finally like-
Listen, you're not a dodo bird.
Thank you, man.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
But thank you for coming on.
Thank you for having me.
It's great to be here.
You have a beautiful house and a beautiful little studio here. Thank you. So I see why people like you and why you're coming on. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. You have a beautiful house in a beautiful little studio here
Thank you. Yeah, see why people like you why your number two
He should be number maybe why are you not number one? Oh Simon Sinek has had the number one spot for two years and he's
He's very good. He's very Simon Sinek. He's on this he was on this podcast. He's number one still
Mm-hmm really? So was it'm curious? Who's the top five?
Well, I mean, look, I have no business being in the top five,
but Tony Robbins is number three. And I was, I was, I was number three.
This year, I beat him. Last year, I was number three and he was number two.
And Simon was number one. So it's usually him and Mel Robbins.
And, uh, and then someone else, yeah.
So.
Wow.
So Mel Robbins, you don't know who number five.
I want to look at this list.
I'm really curious.
Yeah, you're right.
Google Global Guru's motivational speakers.
I'm going to.
Yeah.
And hopefully I'll see your name on there.
Hopefully.
Let's record the podcast.
I'll leave and you can check it.
I'm going to.
I'm actually going to.
So I want to start from the big, even though I know you said
the story a million times, I want to start from the beginning of your journey. How did this whole
thing happen? You looking at you, in all seriousness, you would think you had a perfect life, right?
But you were super young. You accomplished all of these things, like what, 15 years ago, right?
So take me back and give me the origin of how this whole thing came to be.
So I'm Canadian.
Me too, by the way.
No.
Yes.
That's why we have a thing.
That's why.
I'm telling you.
That's why. Wow.
It all makes so much sense.
Like I honestly couldn't, not to interrupt,
interrupt, interject, but when you started speaking,
when I was watching all your stuff,
and you talked about the Canada thing,
because you said university. You know, say college, I was talked about the Canada thing, because you said university.
You didn't say college.
I was like, oh my god, this guy is Canadian.
I died.
And then I, like, then I deep-died into your stuff,
and I'm like, okay, I love this guy.
Oh, that's great.
It is a thing.
It's a total thing.
We stick together, actually.
It's true.
Again, why I have no clue how it is.
Good people.
Like real people.
And hilarious. Super, again, why I have no clue how you do it. You're very like real people and hilarious
Super I mean obviously like the best most funny ever
So okay, so I'm growing in Canada
Which I can tell you exactly where it is because you'll know Victoria. Yep. That's small very small
I'm living on an island. It's a big island. It's not like I can see all the the ocean from everywhere right right?
It's a big island, but still it's a smaller town, but it's perfect. It's pleasantville. It's not like I can see all the ocean from everywhere. Right, right. It's a big island, but still, it's a smaller town,
but it's perfect.
It's pleasant, though.
It's like, you don't lock your doors, healthy lifestyle.
Your people are very happy, and it's a great place to grow up.
And Rugby is really big in Victoria.
It's where the national team trains,
and Rugby in on the West Coast is huge. That's interesting. I thought hockey would be huge there. I saw that in your bio and stuff that you
were playing. So I was big on the East Coast. It's still the biggest sport probably, but Rugby,
especially in Victoria, is big, very big. So I'm on the Rug rugby team and I make the under 19 national rugby team and we're training
to go to Paris for the World Cup and I play for half so I'm kicking the field goals, calling
the plays a lot of pressure.
And I always really cared about what other people thought about me.
So you're in high school that's a lot of people's experience, you're trying to be cool, you're
trying to fit in.
And I think I really like embodied that.
I was like looking for validation.
So I academic, I was on the honor roll.
I had an academic scholarship to UVic,
the University of Victoria.
I made the National Rugby team, you know, I was out
and had like great circle of friends.
But in hindsight, I was living the dream
but it wasn't really my dream,
but I was doing it because it was the thing
that the success that I knew.
And, but I would worry about succeeding.
And I had missed a kick at the end of our high school
championship game at the end of the game
and we'd lost the game.
And it was devastating for me.
I was like, I fucked up, I blew it. I'm a choke, you know?
And so leading up to the World Cup,
I thought, I can't do that again.
I can't miss an easy kick.
This is my shot.
And I'd ruminate about this at night.
This, like, worry would come in and it'd be,
I'd start to lose sleep.
And then I started to get anxiety.
And I started to ultimately get depressed.
And this anxiety took a grip on me
and I wasn't able to go to school.
I drive to school and I couldn't get out of the car
and I was like, what's going on?
And then I couldn't go to rugby practice.
And it just kept getting worse
because once I missed one,
I thought, oh, what am I gonna say?
What am I gonna do?
And then I missed two and then like,
oh my God, it's so much worse than I missed two.
So it was a spiral.
I started to go down and I was like,
I can't get caught up with school.
And I just became the shut in in my parents' house
and I couldn't really leave the house.
And all of a sudden I went from this guy
that was super happy, had everything
to my parents would push me out the door
to do a 15 minute walk every day.
For how long did that last?
This was like two, three months, dropped out of school,
got dropped from the national rugby team.
My friends would come by, but like eventually, like, you know,
I wasn't hanging out with anybody.
Wow.
And so this was the first mental health crisis I'd ever been through
and I was thought I had lost everything.
Everything I had was gone, never coming back.
And the darkness was so deep that I was terrified of it.
And so I was completely crippled.
And you were young. And so did you ever ask a doctor like what was that?
I talked to the doctor, you know, they put me on SSRIs or any depressants. I didn't really stay on
them. I didn't like the idea of it. I was kind of pushing everything away. I didn't know
I had an idea of it. I was kind of pushing everything away.
I didn't know that this happened to people.
I just thought I was broken.
I didn't know that other kids were going through something like this.
Even though you were totally fine, then the catalyst was that mist kick.
Yeah, I think that it was in hindsight, it was a lot of different things.
It was this pressure that I would always put on myself.
It was the mix of not sleeping.
I have a biological tendency to slide down that slope.
There was ultimately, I didn't know myself,
and I didn't know what I needed to be happy.
So in hindsight, this list that I made
was the first time that I had declared what I wanted to do
and started following my path.
And ultimately, started to move my life in the direction that was true to who I was
and that was a huge part of me coming out of this. So what I realized is that
purpose has a huge impact on your well-being and mental health and also being
true to who you are is a huge piece of this and that was the beginning of that
journey of me discovering who I was,
was getting three friends,
writing this list of the things
that we'd always dreamed of doing,
no intention of achieving any of them,
but we just thought it'd be fun to try.
And set out on an adventure for two week road trip
to see what we could do,
accomplish and see who we could help.
And then people heard about it and they wanted to help.
And all of a sudden,
all these people from all over Canada
wanted to help us achieve everything off our list.
It was national news.
People sending us their dreams asking for our help
and we're like, oh my God, what is happening?
So what I find interesting is before we even get into all that,
like I find it, like what, how did you go from even
being that depressed, not being able to leave your house?
And then making the list with your three friends, right?
Yeah.
And then having the, okay, that's a big jump for you from doing that.
And yeah, and I jumped to a big piece of it.
So this is what happened.
My friends came after I was in shut-in and they literally pulled me out of the house.
We're like, we're going to work in Bamp, Alberta for the summer.
You're coming with us.
And I didn't want to go.
We were like, help me pack my bags.
And, you know, and I was forced to start to do things
that were good for me.
I was forced to get a job,
so I started to feel some self-worth and some confidence.
I was forced to start to talk about what I was going through
to my friends.
I was pushed into getting a therapist.
I was forced to meet new people.
And I started to realize that these new kids I was meeting in this new town,
they gave me energy.
So I started to meet kids that were like entrepreneurs,
and they traveled, or they were different types of kids.
I was like, fuck these guys.
I feel energized being around these people.
So...
You changed your environment.
I changed my environment, and I started to do small things that...
Now I know are good for me at the time I didn't know.
Right.
Small steps and moving towards positive habits of things that were good for me incrementally
slowly I started to feel better.
The big thing was finding a therapist, but it was all of these things in combination that
I started to feel as well as then a decision that I made after that summer way.
I was like, I'm only going to surround myself with people that me. Like the kids that I met in the in-bamp.
Like, that's it.
I'm just gonna find people that inspire me,
and those are the friends I'm gonna hang out with,
because I need that.
Right.
But the three friends of yours,
like, who is the one of the four of you
who are like, you know, let's make this list?
Was it you?
Was it someone else that kind of gave you the spark?
Good question.
I came back from the summer away.
I was like, okay, I made this decision.
I'm only gonna hang out with people that inspire me.
Uh-huh.
And there's one kid that came to mind,
and he was a filmmaker for my neighborhood,
and his name was Johnny.
And I called up Johnny.
I was like, Johnny, you make movies.
I want to make a movie.
I realized that I'd wanted to make a movie.
A documentary, because he had been making these short films
with his buddies, and I was like, that looks so much fun.
I'd always wanted to make like a sketch show
with my friends or a TV show or a documentary.
So I called him up.
I was like, he's at McGill.
I was like, you make movies, let's make a movie.
He was like, I was just talking to my friend Dave
about something exactly like this.
I said, I know Dave from high school.
You call him, I'll call your older brother.
Let's get together.
We can talk about this film.
We get together.
This is 2006.
Yeah, it's crazy.
2006, we talk on Skype, we're like, what's
this film going to be about? And we kept losing this momentum and
creative energy and finally we're like, screw it, everyone just make a list of
all the things. If you can make a movie about anything, what would it be? We made
this list all four of us. And then we came back and we all went through our
list. And everyone was excited about each one. They're like, that one's
a good one, that one's a good one. And someone said, well, why don't we do all
these things? And that's where the list started to form. At the same time, Johnny was at English class at McGill gets assigned a poem called the buried life.
Right. The buried life is a hundred and fifty-year-old poem written by an old English poet named Matthew Arnold,
and it articulated the feeling we were feeling, which was that we had all these things that we wanted to do,
but we never done them because they were buried. And we had these moments when we got inspired in our life to do the things,
but the day-to-day buried them.
Life always got in the way.
Something popped up that's more important,
so we push it.
And so we're like, that's the thing that we're feeling.
And he talked about it 150 years ago.
We're not the first people to feel like this.
Let's borrow this name.
We'll call this film, The Buried Life.
And then we made a list of all of our buried dreams.
And we're like, okay, we're gonna go after all of these dreams.
And then we're gonna ask people the question,
what do you wanna do before you die?
Because for us, that was the only thing
that shook us enough to realize what was important,
was thinking about death.
It's like, we're gonna die, what do we wanna do?
So we ask other people that question,
and then we'll help them do that.
And we'll hit the road for a two week road trip
to tackle our list and help other people.
And then we'll make our film,
and then we'll go back to school.
Right, exactly.
And did you finish your high school thing? Could you drop it out? So I dropped out a university, and then we'll go back to school. Right, exactly. And did you ever, did you finish your high school thing
because you dropped out?
So I dropped out of university and I did not go back.
I mean, that's I meant university.
Okay, so then you guys all gathered,
accumulated your list together and then that was the list.
Yeah, and it was mainly things that we all wanted to do.
Okay.
There were some things that like one of us really wanted,
like Dave really wanted to write a bull.
I saw, that was crazy by the way.
You didn't do it?
No, I also had a hernia disc.
Oh, that's a good idea that you didn't.
So then my other question is,
so of the list, you didn't necessarily do all of a hunt.
You guys did you guys divvy it up
or you did the ones that you wanted,
Dave did the ones, like you guys.
Like most of them we did together.
Most of them you did together.
So of the hundred you did the majority.
Like you did.
And then like some of them we did on our own. And then the other thing too is like
I've added a lot more to the list than that's in like the original 100. I was going to ask you about
that. You probably have a whole new list. Yeah, because as you grow your list grows and changes with
you. So that's the idea. But the original 100 is sort of almost ceremonial. Like I am actively going out after the last four things
on the list.
Still?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought the list was done.
No, 96 of 100.
96 of 100.
Okay, so which four are left?
Go to space, make a movie.
I think it's cover rolling stone.
Oh yeah, that you didn't, I saw that you didn't get that one.
Yeah.
And then go to space, I knew it, yep.
And host Saturday nightlife.
So you have four left to do.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So I was like, what if he's like, so those are on the old list and how many do you have on
your new list?
It's very, I change is, you know, like the, so the, the idea is for me is that your list
becomes a way of life because your list is a reflection of all the things that are gonna bring you
True joy and happiness and it's a reflection of your true self
So you get buried by the day-to-day. This is the reality
Most people at the end of their life they regret the things they didn't do and those are the things that are typically on
What I think your list should be so your list is not just bungee jump
It's not just skydive. It's not just travel to Italy. That's adventure and travel related to goals is one of 10 categories that you think about.
That's what's in the bucket list journal. 10 different categories of life.
Really what I think you're trying to do is figure out what your true course is.
And this is great line in the very life poem called Tracking our True Original Course.
And I believe that is our sole goal
is unlocking the gifts that only we have.
I totally agree with that.
And I think most people, there's too much fear
to move towards those things.
But I believe everyone has a responsibility
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But you know what, I think a lot of times
people don't even know what they don't know, right?
So, but what I think what you also said was it's interesting because you're right,
like it's, I believe there are buckets in the bucket list, right?
Like not everything, you're not going to self actualize by just go by,
by bungee jumping and hell is skiing, right?
Like that's in a bucket of adventure and cool shit to do, right?
What are the other buckets within the bucket list that you think are super important?
Relationships. Because one of the top five regrets of the dying is I wish I
would have stayed in contact with friends. So we don't invest in the relationships that
are important because there's no deadlines to do so. And so we push them under the rug.
We don't tell people how we really feel as well because it's uncomfortable. So that's
another, I think that's in relationship category.
Intellectual, what do you want to learn?
I think creative, the creative bucket is huge as well because for me, when I realized,
when I told you that when I started this process back in 2006, I started to feel this sense of purpose and well-being
because I was creatively expressing myself.
I was starting to make this film with my friends,
and I realized that creative expression is just your true self coming out, like purely, right?
When you do something like sing or play an instrument or dance or do art, there's no,
you're not thinking how to do it. You're expressing this true expression, which puts you into a
flow state, which is also therapeutic. So, I think creativity is an often overlooked
pillar of wellness, and it's also a category of life that you want to think about.
And then you have mental health, you have physical health, you have finance,
you have financial goals, you have your professional goals, you have how do you
want to give back. That's another big one. Impact and adventure travel. And these are not weighted
any differently. There's no rules with the bucket list. The only rule is that it's important
to you. And don't minimize these things that you may tell yourself are not important.
Like even something like bunch of jump or go to yoga or learn the violin, you think,
ah, you know what? Like I can, I can skip my violin class, like the family
needs me or this and that yes you have responsibilities but don't undermine the importance of these small
things that energize you to be who you truly are so that then you can take care of those around you.
No, I think that's exactly true and I think why this is like you've struck a chord for so long,
for so many people, because everybody knows that to be true.
And then our own life gets in the way, right?
And the things that we think are so important
are not that important.
Like, oh, we gotta work an hour longer.
I'm gonna send this email.
We gotta do this, we gotta do that.
And those are the stupid minutiae things in life
that make us not do the things that really fulfill us.
And so I guess like, this is just me talking, but okay, first of all, have you heard of
Build Your Life Resume with Jesse Itzler?
He does something very similar.
It's like very, I feel like a lot of people now are jumping on this bandwagon that you
started in 2006, right?
And people are recognizing the importance of it because their life is like speeding up fast, right? And people are recognizing the importance of it because their life is
like speeding up fast, right? So how do people take action? Like we talk about
what I've had, like, you know, take action, momentum. How does someone who's not
naturally that way start? Sit down, grab a journal, and write your list. That's
the first step. Write your goals down
Because it forces you to slow down and think about what's important to you
So the first piece is slowing down to reflect and actually check in and think about okay
What do I want or checking with your partner? What do we want or checking with your family? What do we as a family?
What's important to us? What are our goals? Where so that you can live with intention? A lot of times though the family is the reason why I'm being total right is the reason why a lot of people's like personal
individual self actualization doesn't happen because they have kids and they have responsibilities and they have
obligations and then those obligations are louder than anything else because of guilt and everything else that happens.
So let's put that aside for now in terms of like the, I think it's a great exercise to do with your family and your partner,
but let's just look at your goals because those need to come first.
And you got to serve yourself in order to be able to show up as the best version of yourself,
to be the best mom, to be the best dad, to be the best partner, etc.
So it feels selfish, but it's actually not.
And it's a balance.
And I understand that, you know, there's just the reality of life where you can't sometimes
do that.
But I think that it's important to go through this process where you start to identify
the things that are important to you and put them down on paper.
Because when you write something down, it builds accountability.
Totally. Because you take something that doesn't exist,
and you make it real.
So now your goal, your dream, is in front of you.
It's tangible.
So you've actually created accountability.
Now you have a reminder that it exists
so that when you get buried by the day to day,
you're able to come back to that and be like,
here's my North Star.
So you also force yourself to slow down
to think about the things that are important to you
when you write your list or you write down your goals.
And it kind of is the easiest first step.
And that's what you want to do is you want to take the most approachable first step because it's like pushing a boulder, right?
That first step is always the hardest, but once you get it going, you create momentum.
Most people don't take the first step. So what's the easiest thing? Write it down.
If you feel overwhelmed by looking at a blank piece of paper
and thinking, what are all my goals and dreams?
Break it up into the categories of life.
What are my physical health goals?
What are my mental health goals?
Like, anything is gonna bring me a sense of well-being.
How do I wanna give back?
What are my relationship goals, you know?
Adventure travel.
Like, you can use the bucket list journal website
just to look at those categories.
So that's the first step.
You write them down.
The second step is to choose one goal
that you feel is very important to you
that you want to move towards.
And if you can't think about that,
you can imagine that you come across a magic lamp
and a genie pops out and genie's like,
it's your lucky day, I'm gonna help you accomplish
one thing on your list, but by helping you do this thing,
you can never do anything else on your list.
So what do you choose?
That will probably be the most important thing.
The most important thing.
So this is your thing and now you start to share.
You talk about it because when you talk about it,
you build more accountability.
And again, like if you look at the research out at Cornell, there's a psychologist named
Dr. Gilvitch who found that there's three barriers that stop us from pursuing these personal
passions. There's no deadlines, so we have to create accountability. You're usually waiting
to feel inspired or you're waiting for the perfect time, but you create your own inspiration
through action, and the fear of what other people think or fear of failure stops you.
So you look at the fear and we can talk about that.
But so those are the problems you're trying to solve.
So anything you can do to create accountability,
that to me feels like the key.
Because if you look at the workplace,
all we have at the workplace are structures of accountability.
Accountability works.
You have leaders to keep you accountable.
You have a salary keeps you accountable.
You don't let down your team that keeps you accountable.
You don't want to look bad that keeps you accountable. You don't wanna look bad, that keeps you accountable.
That's why you do the work.
That's why you stay late and do the email.
All those things.
How can you take those same structures of accountability,
build them around the personal goals?
You write down your goals, you talk about them,
so you feel like if I tell you,
I am gonna go hellish skiing next year.
It's my number one thing on the list,
and I bump into you and you're like,
oh my God, how's hellish?
Like, are you going?
And it's like shit, I'm like, I better book that trip, and I bump into you and you're like, oh my god, how's helly see like are you going and it's like shit, I'm like I better book that trip right?
I totally agree. So you you share it and
You take that goal you break that goal down into the easiest three steps you can do in the next 48 hours and
You get someone to keep you accountable and accountability buddy. Yeah, so I say Jen
I'm going to heliskying. I want you to be my accountability buddy.
I'm going to send you updates anytime, boom,
I just booked the trip.
I'm going skiing this weekend to do cat skiing, to train.
You're 77% more likely to achieve your goal
if you send regular updates to an accountability buddy
or maybe you check in on me.
How's Helleskying training going or whatever?
If you're writing a book, you can see this actually like works really well.
Yeah.
I'm like sending you the chapters.
And like fitness, I mean, it's like,
you're training with the players.
It's all it is.
Well anything else, and I also the truth of the matter
is all these things that people think like you were saying,
and I say this all the time, that seems selfish.
Like I'm, there's a non-negotiable in my life.
Like I need to work out every day.
I don't care like from hell or high water.
If I don't, I'm not good to anybody.
I'm like in a terrible mood.
I'm not as efficient.
I'm not as effective.
I feel gross.
And so therefore, that kind of comes out, right?
So I think you do have to take care of yourself
to be the best version of you
in every other area of your life.
I think people say they sometimes try to convince themself
that it's selfish so that they don't have to act.
I think we have a lot of excuses in our brains
of why we're not doing what we wanna do,
should do because of the fear, because of the self doubt,
or just because sometimes pure laziness to start.
Yeah.
And so that's what I was gonna say.
But of all the stuff, what was your thing your thing the number one if you had the genie that you thought was a number one thing?
Ooh like back then or now yeah back then and now I
Mean I mean, I said you could pick one. I think for back then it was
Make a TV show that was the big dream
That was the big one make a show with my friends for my friends.
So good.
And then I want to talk about that.
What is it now?
Now it's make a movie.
It's make the documentary, the buried life documentary.
So the fact that this is still going on,
I said this to you before we started.
You've like milked this whole bucket list more.
I mean, it's God blessed you.
You've done an amazing job at milking it for like 18 years already.
You're going around talking about it all the time.
You did the show, like it's like,
you but are you at all sick of talking about it?
Be honest, took a little, no?
Honestly, no, because it's changed.
And I think that like, and this is something that we were talking about before,
but you have this thing that you do, and you do it,
and then you get tired of it.
And then you either keep doing it and become unhappy,
and you're in a job that you don't like for a long time.
Right.
Or you change, right?
But what happens is like when you do something,
and you run out of inspiration and you create space, you can get reinspired by that thing.
And so I took like four, five years
building a production company with the same guys
and we did other TV shows and stuff like that.
And then I did it, I got invited to do a TEDx talk.
I did the TEDx talk.
That was eight years ago, right?
Someone saw it two years later, I got invited,
I started speaking five years ago,
and I did this talk on my own,
and I was like energized.
I was just new right away.
I was like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I got reinspired because I found just my own expression
of what this is.
I re-imagined what it was,
and then I started to like peel back the onion.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my God,
this is so much deeper than we thought. I read the article by Dr.
Gillovich that talked to 76% of people in their deathbed their biggest regret is not living for them.
They live for other people or they live a life that they thought they should live and they die and they look back in their life and they're like
Fuck. So true though. I blew it. Three-quarters of the population. I was like how are not more people talking about this?
This is the biggest problem we are facing as human beings.
If this is our biggest regret,
so how do we solve this problem?
And I realize that's all I've been doing.
The list is a reflection of who you truly are.
And most people don't even know
that they're not living the life that they should be living.
And I realize that there's this huge connection between mental health
and purpose, which is when I started to share my story of my depression, and I realized that this
unlock of purpose as a driver to fuel you, to be who you truly are, and feel like you're mentally
just able to express yourself. And I just started going deeper and deeper, and then I realized, oh shit,
there's all these applications in the workplace too.
Like, people stay at a company
where they feel like they can be
the true expression of their selves.
So leaders should encourage their teams
to follow their dreams.
Not trying to keep them,
but enable them to find purpose outside of work
and find purpose inside work
so that they feel fulfilled,
and they stay in an environment
where they feel like they can be that true self and that's why I
keep going back to companies again and again because you want to, once you create
an environment where people feel like they can just be themselves, they want to
stay. I was gonna say the opposite. Like I would say I'm shocked that Coke and Walmart
want you because I would think that you would go up there and give people this
like resurrection like fuck it.
I don't wanna be doing this stupid job.
I wanna like live my life.
I wanna like become a chef or I wanna like move to Italy
or whatever it is.
And that would be very scary for companies
to have someone like you give people that like inner.
So, and it used to be,
that was the main way of thinking when I first started speaking
and I had to be very careful
of how I positioned my talk.
And what I've realized, and what I think happened over COVID,
and now leaders are starting to realize,
is that it's much more costly for them.
Mental health is the biggest cost to companies for disability,
and it's the biggest cost to productivity.
Full stop, right?
It is more costly for them to not address their teams
mental well-being and purpose and fulfillment than it is to have some people who
feel like they shouldn't be there. Leave. And if you're in a company where people
like you want to leave, you're not doing a good job. Right. So you're checked out.
You're coasting. So it's better for you to find someone and that actually takes
like then connecting back to what is our purpose, how are we actually making an impact in the world and in our people and they create these
programs that are pretty, pretty amazing.
And so it's, and if you look at the research and that's why there's a great book called
The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly, which talks about this exact same model of identifying
your dream and then keeping the team accountable to that dream,
you build an affinity towards your leader,
you build an affinity towards your team.
You start to, you create a culture
where there's peer to peer facilitation of dreams, right?
And then you have community
and then you have people helping each other
achieve these things.
And everyone is rising.
You gotta work, you gotta make money.
There's gonna be things about work that you don't like, but
you great example, you can have two people that doing the exact same job,
working the exact same amount hours, and one person can be completely burnt out, and one person can just be
a ball of energy, and a lot of times is because when they leave work, they're doing things that fuel them.
So that's exactly what I was gonna say. I don't necessarily think that people have this conception
that your work has to be your purpose.
Great, it's just a great point.
Right, like, why does that necessarily have to be correlated?
Why can't you work because you need to make money
and then live the rest of your life for purpose?
They don't have to be connected.
It's dangerous sometimes if they're connected
because when your passion becomes your work,
then your passion becomes a business.
And when your passion becomes a business, then that means it's about money.
And you compromise the creative integrity and the purity of your passion.
So, you're an entrepreneur, you understand that?
I understand that.
There is great beauty in just following the things that you love to do,
just to do them because they fill you up.
100%.
And you look at like, sometimes I envy people
that have a nine to five,
because I'm like, you start your job at nine,
you're done at five.
100%.
I'm never done.
And I love the idea of just clocking out
and just doing whatever I want until 10 p.m.
I know something happened, we got it twisted somewhere
because what happened was people started to think
that being an entrepreneur was sexy.
And it became a really cool hashtag
and that working for the man, a corporate, or whatever
is nasty and selling out.
When the reality is, people don't,
the psychology of it has been twisted.
The reality is, it's a lot easier to have a job you go to.
Do your thing. Are you okay? Do you want a bib?
I never was having a drink.
Ben's feeling it is basically trying to sip water.
It's a turntone IQ.
I feel like I'm in a different dimension.
I can just pour the water into my face
and I'll absorb it through my skin.
He doesn't know.
He forgot that.
He forgot how to like sit from a glass.
It's okay.
I can get you a straw.
We don't learn that in the West Coast, can you probably learn it?
What?
How to sit from a cup or not to use a straw?
Yeah, yeah, both.
Not to use a bib.
Either way, we can get you a bib if you'd like.
But the fact that there was something happen, I forgot what I was even saying, but I think
I was on the track of there was something happen, I forgot what I was even saying, but I think I was on the track of,
there was something that got twisted
with entrepreneurship, working for corporate America,
and how that became evil.
And if you're doing that, then you're selling out
and all these other things.
But the reality is like when you work from a job,
the eight to four, kind of, actually it's much easier.
You have your whole life to do other things.
It is easier.
You know, I mean, so if it aligns with you
and what you wanna do, so that I think is the distinction.
Like I think if you have this dream to do something,
which means you are then going to have to become
an entrepreneur to start it, you have to do it.
Right.
You have to try it, even if it fails, that's great.
You tried it, now you won't have that regret at the end of your life. Keep going, right? You learned something
by yourself, or maybe you succeed in great, like, but either way, it's a win. But I don't
think everybody has that innate drive to create something. And there's nothing wrong with
that. That's the thing. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that.
That's the point. I think it's the same, I would also argue that there's this same school thought around
or this idea that in the last 10, 15 years,
like for women too to become the ultra woman boss.
To be and not start a family.
Too much to as detriment.
To exactly and not embracing their femininity.
And I think that that is also a destructive narrative
because for a lot of women, that is their purpose to do.
And I think that we're also swinging back to that.
I think you're seeing it with a lot of the thought leadership
coming back to what is success?
Is success building a business?
Is it making money?
Or is right now my definition of success?
Sleep through the night,
because it means I'm not worried
and anxious about anything.
I'm excited to get out of bed,
and I have fun during the day.
Like those are the three things
that I am trying to move towards.
And so I think we get caught up in this,
like the grind and the idea of what we think success is.
But is that really what success is for you?
And that's why you stop and you write your list
because you need to decide what is your success.
Because I wasn't living my success and I got depressed.
And anytime I get depressed and I've been through three or four pretty heavy
depressions in the last 15 years, each time I go through depression,
there's a big area of my life that is not in alignment.
I'm not being authentic in a big area of my life, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job,
like the production company, I did not love it. I started to get depressed. Why didn't you like it?
Because 99% of the stuff that I created never got seen. It was just like, production is your
creating ideas that no one ever sees.
Yeah, what kind of ideas were they?
They were all TV shows.
Yeah, so like unscripted.
So we made like, you know, a couple of MTV shows,
we did a show, you know, for free form and a bunch of,
like we made like four or five shows,
but we developed like 70 great ideas.
How many? Probably 70, yeah. you so how many did you sell sold?
Four shows, okay, that's still good and we sold maybe like 10 15 pilots
But again like you know none of them got made
That's just the way it goes especially for your young production company. It's like wow and I didn't love the
The work you ended up being,
you were like working at an ad agency,
you had clients that the network paid the bills,
they told you what the show was gonna be at the end of the day.
You'd fight for it, fight for it,
but this idea that you have ultimately would be chiseled away
to this thing that you didn't care about
by the time it went on air,
because you were like, I'm over it.
Yeah, totally true.
You know this podcast was sold to NBC as a TV show.
And then again, it went into like a black hole of nothingness for God knows how long.
And they couldn't even decide who the, it wasn't called Habit and Kusla.
It was called Game Changers.
And it was back and forth forever, but even who to do the pilot with for God's sake.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my God, this is like mind-numbingly horrible.
That like I was like, there's no way I'm going to put my destiny into my other person's
hands.
I'll just like do this little podcast for a while and see what happens.
And end up being better, like, better for me because it was much more an alignment to
what I wanted to do, which was talk to who I wanted to talk to on my schedule, on, you
know, doing it in my, you know, house versus having to deal with all the nonsense. And again, by taking action,
opportunity just presents itself in ways
that you've never even knew existed
by just going down that path.
So I think this is a really important point
and you asked me like, how have you been able
to do this for so long?
Milking it is what I said.
Yeah, milking, I think that was actually what you said.
Yeah, a couple of times.
Yeah. Four or five.
So like what you did there was you were going down this path
that most people go down, which is a television show,
and that is what success is.
And you realized that it was some, for every reason,
it wasn't working for you.
Like you weren't being inspired by it anymore.
So you pivoted, you followed your inspiration,
you followed energy.
So I think it's like, you have to follow the energy.
So as you follow this, whatever it is,
maybe it's the excitement, maybe it's this energy,
you're like, okay, I'm gonna do this podcast,
the way I wanna do it, the way that excites me,
the way that lights me up
Which is on my own schedule in my house with the people I want and you did that and then you continued to see this
Moment and that was building you kept following it. Yeah, and you followed what you loved you followed this natural ease
That means you're doing what you're supposed to be doing that means your life is in alignment and you're in flow. In that area.
Exactly.
And so that's what I have done with this thing.
I know now that this is a core universal truth.
People are buried.
They're gonna get more and more buried as the years go on
because of technology, because of the pace of life,
because of the internet, everything.
If Matthew Arnold felt like this 170 years ago, and I felt like this 17, 18 years ago, and
people still feel like it now, more than ever, like this is a core thing.
What you speak about, right?
This is a core truth, but you need to continue to move in the energy or in the direction of
the energy that lights you up, because that's gonna mean,
that means that you're gonna be able to sort of act on it
in the way that only you can.
So that's the idea, it's like, figure out the thing
that you wanna do and then follow that energy.
And so it's collecting data, right?
That's why you write your list and you talk about it
and you start to take small steps.
Where's that bucket list?
I wanna look at it again.
Did you put it somewhere? Oh, here it is, yeah. It's a you start to take small steps. Where's that bucket list? I wanna look at it again. Did you put it somewhere?
Oh, here it is, yeah.
This is great.
You take small steps.
And just look at it like an experiment.
It doesn't matter.
You're just collecting information.
So you start your podcast.
You're like, okay, if you could have gotten
in your own way a hundred times, never started it, right?
But finally, you're like, I'm just gonna put the first one out.
You put the first one out, you're like,
okay, that was awful, but actually this part worked
and looks like these people like this.
And so I'm gonna do more of this.
You're collecting data and you're just seeing
if you like to do it.
Well, also that what stops a lot of people is the over thinking.
You can outthink yourself to doing anything
and you don't have to have all the answers.
You can just basically just know that it's not not going to be perfect and that's okay. And a lot of times the best
things happen from imperfection, right? Like it doesn't have to be perfect. And you know,
that's what I kind of, that's my message that, but it's better than perfect is actually having
something. That's actually much better, right? Like, or you have to think to yourself, like,
why not me? If it can happen to this Schmendrich, it can happen to me. Don't always put
your, these people on a pedestal who've done it all. I'm like, wow, I wish I can never do that.
Yeah, you can. The only difference between you and that person who succeeded is that they actually
went through the process and did it. They didn't take no for an answer and they persisted.
They were brave. They were brave. That's what it is. They were bold.
I say bold, but you know.
I say brave.
I know.
I say, I say, I say, I say, I say,
I guess it's made up in a work.
I guess not.
I guess.
No, it's true.
Like you typically will look at someone that you don't know that's exceeding and think
they're better than me.
They're smarter than me.
That's why it's so important to surround yourself with people that inspire you.
Because when you see your friends do incredible things, you don't say they're better than me. You say why it's so important to surround yourself with people that inspire you. Because when you see your friends do incredible things,
you don't say they're better than me.
You say, I know that person, they're not better
than me, they're the same.
Exactly.
And if they did that, I wonder what I can do.
You get inspired by them.
And that's why that one decision that I made
to surround myself with people that inspire me,
change my life forever, I still subscribe to that.
And I get lifted up by the people around me, subconsciously.
100%. Just by the fact that they're doing cool and interesting things.
I see them achieve something. I'm like, man, that's incredible. I wonder, like I
could probably do this other thing that I'm thinking. And the other crazy thing,
this is the big mind fuck's like, okay, if I look back at what started this for me
back in 2006 and this actually was the spark for all three of my friends
and me was our friend from high school that started a clothing line out of nowhere. And we were all
like, oh my god, how did you do that? And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, how did you start
the clothing? You don't have any experience in production and clothes and I did, you took out a
loan, what? And he's like, what do you mean? I just did it. And I was like, whoa.
What is it?
What was a clothing line called?
Is it a round?
Well, this is the thing.
It's not a round anymore.
It wasn't a success, but he inspired all of us to do buried life.
Bury life inspired a whole bunch of other people to do their thing.
If he would not have started that clothing line, none of this would have happened.
And so you look at that, you're like, that's, uh, was not a success.
Dude, he changed the world. You do what you happened. And so you look at that, you're like, that's, uh, was not a success. Dude, he changed the world. You do what you love. You inspire other people to do what they love,
and that ripple effect goes far beyond what you ever know. So that's the ripple effect that you
talk about. That's amazing. So is that what you speak about on all these keynotes? I do talk about
the ripple effect of trying to give people permission to go after the things that they love by saying
that by you doing that, you're going to give other people permission to do the thing that they love,
just like you doing this thing that you love,
how many people have been like, you inspired me to do this,
you inspired me to do that, countless.
Yeah, I did a TED talk about being bold actually, that went viral,
and how many people, like I think about 50,000 people said that,
because of that boldness, they did something bold
that then changed their life, that changed someone else's life, which is 100% true.
So imagine if you could measure that.
That would be super cool.
How do you, can you figure that out?
Is there an algorithm?
That's what I want to do in the documentary.
Really?
Yeah, is that quantify the ripple effect?
That's, if you can figure that out, would you use AI for that or how would you even do
that? How do you use AI for that or how would you even do that?
How do you quantify that?
I don't know.
It's something that is, I think, so cool because it's proof.
It's proof that one person can change the world.
It's proof that one person can create an incredible impact.
And so knowing that, then you stop thinking about what your definition of success is.
Totally true.
Because just by being yourself, you're inspiring other people to be themselves
and that changes the world.
And so that's the big idea.
And there's a ripple effect when you do what you love,
but there's also a ripple effect when you help someone.
Because when you help someone, like you said,
you help this person through the TED Talk,
but that actually helped their family,
that helped their friends.
So you help the people that are connected to them,
and so small acts of kindness
can create these huge rubble. You can save someone's life by giving them a compliment, right?
Like it's not exaggeration. Someone could do walking towards the bridge to jump off and you
could just be the one person in their life that just showed them any type of kindness and humanity
and they just thought, you know what? Like there's stories like that. I know there's a lot of stories
by the way like that. I think that that is actually a super cool concept.
If you can actually quantify that, that would be incredible.
I would imagine that is that what you're really working on right now in the documentary?
Yeah, that's why we're talking with that group to...
Yeah, I won't say the name, but if you can do that, I mean, I think it would be amazing.
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You know, it also you said something I was listening to. I think your Ted was at a
TED Talk. I don't know, but you said something. I was listening to, I think your Ted, was it a Ted talk? I don't know, but you said something,
and I was like, wow, that was really profound, little Ben,
because you know what you said?
You said that most people shoot for the middle,
so it's actually the most competitive,
is what you said.
Unrealistic gold or less competitive,
because nobody is going for them,
and that is 100% true.
And I was like, you know what, that is so wise and true, right?
Because people think, oh, I can't get there.
So they don't even try.
So the competition is so much less.
Like the thing that you did, like when you,
when you like, when you guys played basketball
with like Obama, right?
Like the president of the United States,
that is so crazy to me that you were able to do that.
You were able to do that,
but you have not yet been on the cover of Rolling Stones,
it was just kind of funny.
But like, because he has so much security around,
he's got so much everything,
but I bet you how many people actually,
like they may want to do that,
but how many people actually truly attempted
to play with him, probably not many.
Totally, and that's the thing.
And you know why that's so wise, that thing that you said
is because I didn't say it in the beginning. Oh, you didn't say it. Oh, damn it. And you know why that's so wise, that thing that you said is because I didn't say it in the beginning.
Oh, you didn't say it. Oh, damn it.
But you know who said that? Okay, who? Tim Ferris. Yeah.
But I did talk about it in my...
Did Tim... Did he say it or did he take it from someone else? The ripple effect?
Probably, yeah. I can't wait. I don't think he said it.
I would argue that most things that people say are not original thoughts, but you...
I agree.
But it's that's fine,
because you're saying them in a way that resonates now
in a bit of a different way.
You say bold, I say brave, we're gonna break bread,
we're gonna get over this.
I know, I hope so, I really do.
I like you so much, I mean, I don't know if I can,
it's gonna take me a minute.
This is a big divide.
Yeah.
Also, Victoria, Toronto, East Coast, West Coast. I mean, it's a little
different from the same, you know? You hippies in the suits. Yeah, it's a hundred
percent true. But we'll get we can make it. We can do it. Let's do a therapy session.
We should. We should. We can call one of your therapists since you do have a
speed dial. In my favorites, of course. Okay, well, because you said you also
struggled with depression many times.
So once was the production company.
Once was the production company.
Once was the rugby and when you were younger,
once the other time.
Once was I, when I realized that relationship
wasn't right, long-term relationship.
Were you really depressed or were you just like in a,
in a, in a, in a, no, I was, you know,
so the, the good thing about going through
your first sort of mental
health crisis or struggle or whatever, by the way, everyone goes through one. Like this
is just, if you look at their research, like, we'll all go through some sort of mental
health struggle, not necessarily from a mental health illness, but like bereavement from
a loss or stress or a divorce or getting fired. So, like let's just go out and say, like this happens to human beings.
If you are struggling right now,
there's more people struggling right now
than ever, please talk about it.
Talk about it with someone that you love or a therapist.
And there's nothing wrong with you,
there's nothing broken.
You haven't lost anything.
You know, I've had conversation with friends lately
that are going through a tough time
and they think that they are not the person they used to be.
Mm-hmm.
And it's, they are the same person.
They've just lost touch with those things
that they are those ways of being that they used to feel
that now they are not able to tap into, right?
So, but they don't go anywhere.
You never lost them.
Like, when I felt depressed, I was like,
They're just buried.
They're buried. I was like, I'll never be that guy again. I can't even imagine going out and talking with somebody
Let alone like being out in public and having fun at a party or
Being a type and being a happy go lucky guy. Well, guess what? I still am that guy
That's part of who I am, but you lose touch with those feelings, but they don't go anywhere.
So it's just about doing small little positive habits
and you'll slowly start to feel like you're climbing
yourself out of this thing,
but you have to commit to doing those things
even when you don't feel like it.
Yeah, it's true.
It's hard to note, recognize that when you're in the moment,
but I think that everyone feels that way.
And it's always the people, though I find that you least expect. If someone looks perfect, usually, underneath,
there's probably struggling with something.
Yeah, or if they're super talented, it's just a balance.
I told that's so true, too.
Like, I think people that are gifted also struggle the most
because it's just, they're so gifted in this one area,
but there's this other area of their life
where they have blind spots, so that are just not as evolved.
No, it's so true because everything, they've dominated in one area so much that it's just,
it's like, that's kind of like how life balance itself out, right?
Yeah, exactly.
I totally find it.
But how do you tell people in the moment when they're in that moment that, oh, it's going
to get better, you just have to do these positive things.
Like, you were lucky when you were young
that your friends actually got you to a place
where you actually left to go to bounce.
Like, most people would be like,
fuck off, get out of my house and not do it.
You know what I mean?
Like, you have to...
You show up, you show up for your friends.
You have to...
You gotta show up again and again and call them
and show, make them feel that you're there for them
and that you know that they're gonna get through this.
And you have to push them to do those things, right?
Like they have to also, you know,
sometimes you can't help people
if they don't ultimately wanna help themselves,
but you know, if this is someone that's like going through
it for the first time, then
for me, I know I've been there, I know that you haven't done this before.
It's like going through the creative process for the first time.
You go through it and there's always a moment where you're like, I can't do this.
I don't get it, I don't know how I'm going to do this.
This is a total cluster of facts.
Overwhelming.
Over that hump.
It all comes together and you've created something. Yeah.
It's the same, like this arc of going through this struggle, you're like, you through
the mud and then you start to see as you get through it, you look back like, oh yeah,
I know why this happened to me.
Right.
You don't know in the moment.
No.
You connect the dots.
That's also with like, like these people who people, by the way, I don't think that people
are so much looking for advice.
They're looking for someone to believe in them more than advice.
You can shitchat all you want.
If you have someone who believes in you,
I think it gets you much further.
But I want to talk more about you have here,
five steps to make the impossible possible.
So you said the accountability piece
of writing stuff down.
What's the other stuff?
Write it down, share it.
Share it, yeah, what was the other one?
So it's, it's been stoppable,
which is really about like creating your own inspiration
through action.
So taking small steps, even if you don't know
how you're gonna achieve it, you create your own momentum.
So mood follows action as Rich Roll would say.
So it's like you're the architect of your own inspiration
by taking action.
Right.
And I think too that it's sometimes we don't know
what we're capable of or we don't know
what's possible until we're there doing it.
So you can't even imagine yourself doing it until you've made it and you're like, oh my
god, we're here.
And so that is all just reinforcement around this idea of like UK, you just got a key
taking small steps and you'll start to feel that inspiration.
So you don't wait for it, you create it.
The other is be brave, be bold I mean.
Yes, thank you.
I'm like, oh, you keep on saying it.
It's like you're like torturing me here, God.
Be bold.
Yeah.
Be bold and that is moving through fear.
So this is the big one.
This is the big barrier that everyone, most people,
this is the big stopping point.
I'm afraid what other people will think
or I'm afraid to fail.
And that's what Dr. Gilovich found through his research.
This is the number one barrier.
So you look at, okay, let's look at the fear
of what other people think.
Doesn't go away.
You get better at it.
Some people, very rare.
They just give no fucks.
Most people don't, most people, by the way,
don't even care what you're doing.
People think that people care.
You don't give a shit.
You're too busy thinking about yourself.
Exactly.
People do not care.
And so you're worried, you're making up this whole thing
and people aren't even thinking about you.
No.
So it's basically like, it's basically like,
that's what it is.
It's like, it's like your, your, a mime comes over
and a mime is like, mimeing that you're in a mime comes over and a mime is like
Mining that you're in a box and you're like, oh, fuck. How am I gonna get all this box? I just gotta wait until someone comes and opens it for me and there's no box there. It's like that's the fear
It doesn't it's a
Ron basically and so and then you're also afraid of failure because you're afraid of one of the people think but
the failure is great.
The failure means you're learning about yourself.
The failure is a pivot in the right direction
that discomfort that you feel is growth.
So it's a positive thing.
Because you just have to get comfortable
with being uncomfortable and then you start to realize,
oh, this doesn't go away, this feeling.
I'm never gonna be ready enough
so that I don't feel the fear of getting on stage
for the first time.
You're just gonna feel it,
but you know that's part and parcel
with doing something that means something to you.
So you actually should think, well, great.
This is like the difference between anxiety
and excitement, very delicate difference.
Very, like it's a hate.
It's not even.
It's basically, it's so similar that when I used to feel.
Yeah, totally.
Anxious about going on stage.
I would then think to myself, oh, perfect.
I'm excited.
And I could shift that anxiety into excitement
because that meant that this was a meaningful talk.
So.
Do you ever get anxiety anymore?
Because you're so, you've done like,
we said 200 last year or something crazy.
Yeah, I don't get anxiety often.
And I get excited, but I would get anxiety if I did a toast at my friends wedding.
Right.
I would get anxiety if I did a TED talk, for sure.
Right, but not because you do the same keynote all the time.
Would you have a few that you interchange?
I have a few different keynotes and then I change.
So my process is like, I spend a lot of time
learning about the goals and the stresses
and the impact that they're making.
So when I articulate the ripple effect,
I need to know how they actually impact people
and the work they do.
When I talk about how leadership cares about them,
I need to understand, do they actually care
and how do they care?
So I reinforce all these things that the company does
through my message. So it's it's oh
To leave them into the yeah, yeah, so I sent a lot of questionnaire then I got on a call with them
I figured how they give back and I figured out what they're what they're struggling with and then I relate that to my story
So you know, there's there's a lot of the similar arcs, but it's like the these pieces I put in it
And I think that's really important
as a speaker so that you're not just doing the canned speech again. Right, so what are your
topics really? And now I'm just curious that it's basically impossible to possible is like
sort of one big idea of achieving the impossible. Then there's rethinking mental health. And that has like this, I talk about my mental health toolkit
which are habits that I have learned.
Like, you know, when I said,
I think that your struggles can be your strengths
when you really embrace them
because through these areas in my life where I've hit lows,
I've really been forced to learn stuff about myself.
Just like your forced to learn stuff about yourself
when you go through a breakup, that's why it's really hard. You can't, you got to look in the mirror. So it's an
opportunity for you to really figure out who you are and learn things about yourself. So I learn
these habits. What were the habits for mental health? So they are, these are also, I put my mental
health toolkit as on my Instagram bio. So you can download the toolkit if you click on that.
Thanks, so they don't have to listen to the podcast.
They could just go on your Instagram.
I thought we were just done.
Oh, yeah, I thought it's.
No, no, no.
There's a lot.
There's a lot.
What do you mean, how many are in the toolkit?
Yeah, there's like, you know, 10 or 12.
Yeah.
Can you give me five?
I can give you them all if I can remember them.
Okay, so let's start with the easy ones.
Purpose, right? That's where you all if I can remember them. Okay. So let's start with the easy ones. Purpose, right?
That's why you have a body list.
Nature.
Okay.
Just being out nature for 20 minutes makes you feel happier.
That's why in Japan doctors will prescribe forest bathing to patients that are feeling
anxious and depressed.
Just go out nature.
Don't have to exercise.
You're going to feel a sense of well-being.
I don't know if you've heard of this thing called exercise.
Never heard of it.
That's good. You should do it. Really? You should try it. I don't know if you've heard of this thing called exercise? Never heard of it. It's good.
You should do it.
Really?
You should try it.
I want to try it.
What's it about?
What do you do?
I have no idea.
Is it like you basically just move around or?
It's like Zumba.
Like Zumba, but a little different, okay?
Yeah, exercise.
You should definitely try it.
I'm going to try it.
Release the serotoninamin makes you feel happier.
But I think actually what's interesting about exercise,
that I felt like I needed to go to the gym
or do a proper workout and I never had time.
And then I was just like,
I'm just gonna do every time I get up in the morning,
I'm gonna do pushups so I can't do anymore,
I'm gonna do situps so I can't do anymore.
And that's it, or I'm gonna do pullups,
and I'm gonna do squat jumps, like seven minutes,
five minutes, three, and that was like really kicked off
my well-being physically.
Is that what you still do?
I try and do that, but now I have more of a routine
in the gym.
Do you go to the gym then?
Do you like lift weights now?
No, right, as of now I've been doing a strength training
and then play tennis.
Play tennis? You play tennis, not pick up one. No, I, as of now I've been doing a strength training and then... Play tennis.
You play tennis, not pickable.
No, I was only doing,
pickleball was my gateway drug to tennis,
which is a real sport.
It's a real sport.
But pickleball is so freaking popular, it's unbelievable.
They'll get to tennis.
Yeah, well, they will get.
Tennis is very popular,
but having pickleball is like the entry,
like the gateway.
It's like, and it's easier, yeah.
Exactly.
I was doing heroin now. Yeah, I know you really are, exactly. Are you doing what's like the IV? Okay, so... gateway. And it's easier, yeah, exactly. I'm just doing heroin now.
Yeah, I know you really are, exactly.
Are you doing what's like the IV?
Okay, so, okay.
Okay, let me go see this why I said
you gotta go to Instagram,
because I knew we were gonna go.
Oh yeah, okay, okay, go ahead.
Here's, I'm gonna go through
nature, exercise, purpose, connection, talk about it.
Talk about with the therapist.
These things in your head, they're scarier in your head.
When you talk about them,
you there, that's a way that you process and break them down. They're just scarier in your head. When you talk about them, that's a way that you process and break them down.
They're just scarier in your head until you start to voice them.
You give someone else the opportunity to help you too.
Then when they go through their time of need,
they come back to you.
So you're opening the door for them to come back to you,
which is really important and powerful.
Mindfulness.
I like T.M. Transcendental Meditation.
They're popular.
But mindfulness doesn't need to be meditation.
I think people get caught up and be like,
I can't meditate. Great. Fine. Mindful walk. Put down your phone. But mindfulness doesn't need to be meditation. I think people get caught up and be like,
I can't meditate.
Great, fine. Mindful walk.
Put down your phone, go for a walk,
listen to the breeze, the birds, listen to your breath.
Take a mindful, three mindful breaths through your lower abdomen
or do a box breath, which is like four-in-hold, four-back out.
You know, I think that mindfulness is just being mindful of where you are.
Okay, so is that all for your toolbox?
Can we move on now?
Now you're trying to get me to move on.
Well, no, it sounds great.
I love it.
People can check his Instagram, go down this scrolling it,
but I think those are good examples.
I don't even know how long this podcast's been
and I wanted to add all these questions
about your actual bucket list.
Like what was the hardest thing for you to pull off?
What, like, we do rapid fire.
You wanna do it like, okay,
cause the list is a good one and it's long,
but I can get into stories that we'll be here for days,
but I'll do like quick.
Yeah, what was the hardest one to pull off?
So, probably make a TV show.
Took about, you know, we wanted to make the show
as executive producers and as people
that never produced anything any
Minute of television and lived on an island in Canada to come down from M to to shell short MTV Canada
No, so to sell a show to MTV we turned down a show from MTV Canada because they wouldn't let us be executive producers
Oh, so we just ended up taking the footage. We cut a pilot
We had crashed the MTV video awards in Vegas in 2007.
Gone in the awards, pretended we were filming a secret pilot for MTV.
Fortune email from the CEO of MTV Junior McGrash showed it to security, had a big purple
bus and a crew faked our way in, got out, no one knew.
We took that footage, cut a pilot, MTV watching.
They're like, what?
Like, you guys did this?
We had no idea.
They didn't know?
No, sold it to them. It's so meta. Like, you guys did this? We had no idea. They didn't know? Nope, sold it to them.
It's so meta.
Like, made a pilot about making a fake pilot.
That got us the show.
And it just like, for us coming from Victoria, MTV still,
like, this was like the Jersey Shore era.
Our first season was the same for season as Jersey Shore.
So it's like, MTV was huge.
And we got to make the show we wanted to make.
We were, we lost two years of our lives, but we were so just bullheaded on making this
real.
So when we like, streak to field, we were like really doing it and we didn't clear the
venue and like nothing, it was all docu-style.
But like reality television is not real.
Our show was fucking real.
That's what's amazing.
It was real, right?
Like how did you guys actually get to do those things?
We would ask for forgiveness later.
We would figure out a way after.
Yeah, don't ask for permission, that's for sure.
Yeah, make a toast to strangers wedding.
We, you know, embarrassingly crash the playboy mansion,
got in, got permission after from Hugh Hefner.
Everyone said no.
We finally got his personal assistant,
and we sent him the DVD of the episode.
He showed it to him.
He watched it, he gave his permission.
It was a whole thing.
We survived him to an island legitimately.
How long were you on a desert island?
We were three nights, four days.
The crew would come during the day.
They'd film us.
They'd leave.
We only could bring one thing with us each that couldn't be fire or food. And we lived
off coconuts and crabs. Are you serious? How much of your hundred-thing
list was done on the TV show versus before you got the TV show?
We had done at least 50 before and we did what, two seasons, 18 episodes,
so we did 18 list items.
So I've been sleeping on these blissey pillowcases lately,
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The blissy silk pillowcases are the best silk pillowcases on the market burn on. So try now risk-free for 60 nights at blissey.com slash hustle and get an additional 30% off. That's B-L with Blissy. So what did you do prior to getting this show that
made them even, besides doing that amazing stunt at the Las Vegas thing, where you guys? Yeah,
we had filmed for, we've been doing it for three years. So it was a really a three-year period.
That was what I wanted to know. Yeah. Okay, and so what of the, in that three-year period before
MTV came on, what were some of the biggest ones that you guys were able to do?
We did rideable. We sung the national anthem to the Canadian anthem, which was an NBA game.
And it was just because Steve Nash was Canadian.
Was Canadian.
Was Canadian.
How did you get that?
We convinced them that we could sing. I don't know.
Who was the main guy?
Like, where are these guys now?
Where are your friends?
One of them is a professor at Cambridge in the UK.
Yeah, one of them does a ton of writing.
And one of them is running our production company
and also doing this incredible job of buying houses
and turning them into Airbnb's and rentals and stuff like that.
Oh, you guys are all friends still.
Yeah. And we're all sort of like, we're focusing on some of us more than others on the documentary.
But we've done a good job of allowing each person to follow their own path, you know?
Yeah.
Follow that. So, and we all left Barry life for five, six years.
And then I kind of got re-ignited. You know, follow that. So, and we all left Barry for five, six years,
and then I kinda got re-ignited.
And the book, the number one New York Times bestseller,
was that your book, with those guys,
was it just your book?
With those guys.
So it was all four of you guys.
Four of us?
Yeah, and then the Buckleys Journal
is the one that I just, is yours.
Okay, so of the group, who was the most,
like just tenacious and persistent
and just, you know, balls to the wall to get the stuff done?
I was like the producer of the group.
I was always wrangling making it happen.
And so that was my job.
And so, like, so the thing in Vegas,
when you guys crashed the awards,
I counted that even, like, who was able to,
like, how did you even get that,
or the president, like, playing basketball the president?
Like, to me, I'm still on that one
because there's so much red tape on that, you know what I mean?
Other things that you can finagle around,
but that's legit, you know?
Yeah, that was about 100 Nose that we got.
I mean, we, this is basically the timeline very quickly.
Send dozens of emails to any politician
that has a little public list of email on their website
that is in DC.
Saying, we're trying to be fast with a president
to prove that anyone can do anything,
just take a meeting with us.
Drive to DC, have as many meetings as we can
with lower-level officials.
In those meetings, we can oftentimes convince them
to convince their boss to meet with us.
So we start lobbying DC to try and figure out how do we do this? We
learn that there's this secret basketball game that happens and the man that sets it up is the
person later the president, Reggie Love. So everyone's like, you gotta, Reggie loves your guy.
Like he's your keys to the game because he sets them up if Obama's playing, Reggie Love is playing.
So we're trying to get a hold of Reggie Love. We're moving up the ladder. We get a meeting with the Secretary of Transportation.
He puts in a call to the White House while we're in the room, get an email shortly after.
And White House is like, thank you for your inquiry about playing basketball the President.
Unfortunately, we cannot arrange a game with the President. And we're just like, all right,
one no. Like we just, we leave voice, you can leave a voice mail at at the White House. Like, you can call anyone to call and leave a message.
So we're leaving messages. We're sending letters. We're picking it up.
Picketing outside the White House with signs wearing basketball uniforms in the 1970s.
We are trying to figure out how to get a hold of Reggie Love to get this game going.
Any high level official we're trying to meet with Tim Geithner was a Secretary of Treasury.
We heard that Reggie Love works out at the YMCA every morning at 6.
I just go to the Y. I'm waiting for Reggie and I'm like, ask the guy at the front desk,
I'm like, is Reggie Love coming?
And he's like, no.
He's like, but you know who that is?
I was like, who is that?
That's a Secretary of Treasury.
I go, I follow him into the Ben's bathroom.
I'm like, okay, it's pumping myself up to talk with him.
He's so quick and getting changed.
He's already in his bathing suit in the pool.
I'm like, fuck, I just get a towel, get undressed.
I don't know the bathing suit on.
I just put a towel over my boxers
and I go out to the lap like where they're doing laps.
And I'm just kind of loitering, trying to pretend
to stretch by where he's like doing laps.
Finally, he comes up to the lap.
I just, his head comes up at the end of the pool.
I tell him, kneel down, I'm like, hey Tim,
he listen, and I just give him the pitch.
And he's like, like, you can email my assistant.
I can tell he's not enthusiastic.
I look up, I see secret service in the window,
just standing against the window, looking at me.
I'm like, oh God, I gotta get out of here.
So like, we do all these things.
Finally, we find the email for,
we do an interview with a sports writer
that used to, Reggie loved played basketball at Duke,
he had interviewed Reggie,
because he had played ball at Duke,
and he was the ESPN writer, so we can convince him
to give us his email.
He's like, I don't know if it's still good.
Here you go. So we start sending him emails. He's like, I don't know if it's still good. Here you go.
So we started sending him emails.
We're like, Reggie, you and the president,
that's the subject, you and the president versus us.
YMCA tonight, be there.
So we're challenging him and the president
to a basketball game.
We just keep sending these emails.
We go to the Y, we wait.
He's not there.
Go to the Y, wait.
Literally, we got a phone call on a block number
and it's Reggie left.
He's like, what's this I hear about?
You wanted to play basketball against a president
and I?
And I'm like, I explain to him why.
He's like, you know what?
I like this.
I really like this.
I think I can make this happen.
Give me two weeks.
I got to run it by the press team.
They got to sign off on everything.
They sign off on this.
We can do this.
I feel good about it.
Calls me back.
He's like, I talk with the press team.
It's not going to happen.
Oh my God.
We're like, fuck.
And he's literally like, as a consolation prize, he's like, listen, I'm press team. It's not gonna happen. Oh my God. We're like, fuck. And he's literally like, as a consolation prize,
he's like, listen, I'm sorry guys, nothing I can do.
If you're ever back in DC, let me know.
I'll give you a tour of the White House.
So three months later, we were back there for a talk.
We call him up.
I sent him an email.
He gets back to us.
He's like, swing by the White House tomorrow.
And so we go by the White House.
We rent suits from a frickin' pro-mental store.
We're like, we're like, just like, what do you wear
in the White House?
We're living on a bus.
And so we go, he meets us, he shows us around,
and we're like, can we film this?
And he's like, yeah, the president's not in town, go for it.
We film, and as we're filming, we hear these steps
in this voice, be like, it's President Obama. Be like, hey guys, heard you in town, go for it, we film, and as we're filming, we hear these steps in this voice, be like,
it's President Obama, be like, hey guys,
heard you in town, thought at least I could do
shoot a basket with you, and he literally surprised us
on the courts, and we're like, what?
And so then we were kicked it with the president
shooting around for like 15 minutes.
There's like White House photographer,
and we were like trash talking to shooting shots.
We were talking about having free healthcare in Canada.
Really?
That's so cool.
He was passing the healthcare bill.
Yeah.
The time.
And we're like, dude, we support this.
We've had this forever.
It's the best.
That is, was that the coolest one of all?
Definitely.
It was probably the top.
Yeah, because it was also something that I thought was
And totally impossible totally we wrote that down when Obama got elected in 2008 Johnny called me up
He was like I know what we should put on the list
I'm like what he's like play basketball with Obama and I laughed out loud
I was like that is the most impossible thing we could think of doing and his response was yeah, but how amazing would it be? And I was like, can't argue with that.
Wrote it on the list.
Three years later, at the White House.
Three years, it took to get that done.
Yep.
And so it was proof then that this thing that I thought
was impossible was possible.
So now, my whole, after you do,
and I think everyone has the ability to prove to themselves
that they are capable of achieving things that are impossible.
Once you do that a couple of times, your belief system changes.
Moving forward, when you face a challenge, you don't think, can I do this?
You think, do I want to do this?
Does this align with my values?
Is this something that I know is going to be a lot of work, but do I want to do it?
That was the shift for me where I was like, I have no choice but to believe that anything's
possible, because I just see it right happening now with my own eyes.
I knew that this was impossible.
And here it is happening.
And the other crazy part, that day,
we had our first call with the Oprah producers
and we were late for the call.
And we were like, guys, so we were late.
We were shooting here for the White House of Obama.
It was like the most surreal day.
Oh my God.
Oh, all time.
And then we announced that we did it on Oprah.
It was like, look, what is going on?
Crazy.
That is an amazing story.
The fact that you were even on Oprah was a great,
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I'm surprised that the Rolling Stone,
but they didn't put you on the cover
while you had the show, right?
Could it make perfect sense?
Yeah, it's hard to get on a Rolling Stone.
Oh, trust me, I know it's super hard.
It'd be like, yeah, as someone that's not a musician,
it's funny, because this just happened.
2000s, the precursor of this, 2007, this is pre-MTV show.
Someone works for Men's Health.
Men's Health is owned by Yon Wen,
which owns Rolling Stone.
She is able to get us a 15 minute meeting with Yon Wen.
We go into his office, corner office if you could imagine.
Like, Matt, you're just beautiful, huge, iconic.
And we have 15 minutes with him.
And we start talking.
And we just, we have this really funny back and forth
where we end up staying there for an hour.
He ends up yelling, asking, this assistant
to get a knife so we can get us out of here.
Like, we're shooting the shit at the end of the meeting.
We talk about skiing because he loves skiing,
and we're trash talking about,
we can ski faster than you.
He's like, no way.
Anyways, we end up skiing with him
for the next like five Christmas,
like winter breaks and sunvality.
And we've got sunvality, yeah.
Yeah, sunvality out of hell.
And we, he's a, one of the most fascinating human beings
because he's met every single notable iconic,
famous person. Yeah.
And so I was in New York two days ago.
I haven't seen Yon in 10 years,
and I went by his house for lunch,
and I talked with him.
Really?
Yeah, I had a lunch with him, caught up,
and it was really fun.
I said, Yon, you ever do a cover that's a mosaic, right?
A hundred little photos making up one photo picture.
You know who to call.
Well, that's our technicality, how we can cross this off.
Why will he not put you, is it his son Gus now runs?
Yeah, he's got to talk to Gus.
I know Gus is actually on this podcast, I know Gus.
I mean, you never know.
Why did, have you asked Gus?
I haven't asked Gus, I have not asked Gus.
Look, I think when the doc comes out,
maybe there's a chance, maybe when we do go to space,
that's the number 100, but I think that there's a way,
with the big ones, there's a way to do it in a cheeky way.
In a cheeky way, for sure.
Maybe it's like, yeah, a there's a cover and maybe
they need background in the cover shoot so maybe there's exactly you don't have to be the star of
the cover. I will definitely will not be the most. The most big is a great idea though. I think unless
you end up being like a great guitarist and become like the next Lenny Kravitz you never know.
Yeah. Although you don't like to play guitar even though you have it in your house or something.
I remember hearing that interview. Yeah yeah I do yeah't like to play guitar, even though you have it in your house or something. I remember hearing that in an interview.
Yeah, yeah, I do, yeah, I have one.
I haven't started, so I better get on that.
Yeah, I mean, that's your way in.
I don't know why you haven't practiced.
Since 2006, you've had this dream.
You could have become like, you know,
Lezz Eppelin for all I know.
Yeah.
Okay, so I guess, I mean, it's been forever.
I don't know how long you've been.
I love how I said, let's do rapid fire
and I just told the longest story.
Oh, 100% I noticed that, but I didn't want to be rude,
you know what I mean?
You were so happy.
I'm pretty excited about that.
You were super excited.
Okay, one other question and we're gonna wrap.
Out of all, you know, you've met now,
you've met a million people,
you've helped a lot of people help get to their,
you know, getting their bucket list things tipped off.
What was the most common one thing
that you've heard most people say that they want to see?
I think it is travel related, travel.
It's gonna be some, go somewhere.
Yeah, I think that's also the easiest thing to think of.
That's why in the journal,
travel adventures, the first category,
because I wanted to be easy for people.
I think that there's also a common one is around relationships, reconnecting with someone
you've lost touch with, maybe doing something with your parent, taking your mom, your dad
to do something that they want to do.
That's actually, yeah.
You know, that type of thing telling someone how you feel.
I think that's the next layer,
because those are two of the top five regrets.
Well, and also, yeah, I mean, I think when you ask people
like that or how about when you just do your talks
and like you're obviously like up there for a while,
like people start to think about all the things
that they haven't done and what they want to do.
Yeah, you get deeper.
You get deeper, right?
And you have the street that's like, yeah.
And we would always have people,
when we asked them on the street,
sometimes they would run after us and be like,
no, no, no, this is it.
Or they'd think, they'd say, I don't know.
And then they'd find us later
because it's like you're planting a seed.
Absolutely.
I just love it.
I think it's such a great exercise in general.
Like it makes you think.
Yeah.
Of what you're not accomplished. And know, of what you're not accomplished.
And also what you're saying earlier about the fact that like people who get depressed
because they don't feel like they're, how they used to be or they're never going to
get back to it, you know, it's because they're not, they feel like they've been buried
with like not living authentically.
And so people are, and that living lives for other people their whole life, which is
so sad.
I, it's the saddest.
Yeah.
And the thing that's really sad is that you don't know it until it's too late.
Too late, that's the problem.
That's what's so sad.
You don't know it until you're on your deathbed and you have that moment of honesty with yourself.
And that's why people's lives change when they have near death experiences or someone
close to them dies because they're forced to wake up.
Absolutely.
It rattles them.
So, how can you give someone that shock without giving them that traumatic experience?
And that's what I'm trying to do.
Well, you're doing it.
And milking it for 20 years.
I mean, you're doing it better than anybody I know.
I mean, okay, so Ben, how many people find you besides, of course,
on stage at one of these, you know, 500 events
that you do a year?
www.milkingit.com.
That's, yeah, I was gonna add that in the notes
in the show notes.
The show notes?
Yeah.
Instagram is probably my most active,
which is just my name at Ben Nempton.
And then the bucket list journal is on Amazon,
or writeyourlist.com.
Right.
And if you're a company who wants a great, by the way, the reason why I even, I should
say, is because my husband's friend saw you at the GNC, not GNC, the YPO, GLC thing.
Cool.
And they said you were a great speaker.
They really thought you were great.
And I don't know what your topic was that was it impossible possible yeah
I did something like that with and then I woven leadership stuff because they're all presidents of big companies
Right or they own their own companies. And now you're doing an event for that chapter
I think too. I'm doing yeah
I'm now doing like yp. Beverly Hills, L.A., New York, Boston, Chicago.
I'm going out for Costa Rica and Nicaragua.
I'm talking with all of those chapters.
It's serious.
Yeah, like from that YPO,
because that's the main.
Yeah, that's the main.
I probably got 25 chapters.
I just, today I got two more from New York and like Tulsa. Oh my god. You're
like great. Can I get a loan? I mean that could be your other job. Like holy shit. You're just
raking it in. It's speaking is amazing. Oh my gosh. Amazing. Okay. Well, thank you for coming
on this podcast. You were such a delight, even though you say the word brave, but you know, we'll get past it.
Hey, it was bold of me to come and I'm glad I came.
Yeah, there you go.
No, it was a treat. I know I do that you're Canadian and obviously that's why we have so much fun.
That's absolutely. That was a cherry on top actually.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me. It's been awesome.
Thank you. Bye.
Bye. Bye
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