Habits and Hustle - Episode 299: Jaiya: The Somatic Sexologist on the 5 Erotic Blueprints + Understanding Sexuality

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Have you ever heard of somatic sexology? It's a fascinating field that studies the relationship between our bodies (soma) and our sexuality. It's about understanding and harnessing our sexual energy, not just for physical intimacy but also for personal growth and success in all areas of life. That’s what we explore in this episode of the Habits & Hustle podcast with Jaiya, the somatic sexologist. Jaiya explores the concept of somatic sexology and its importance in understanding our own sexual blueprints shedding light on the often misunderstood realm of sexuality. She also discusses the intriguing connection between sexual energy and business success, the significance of sexual compatibility in relationships, the multifaceted aspects of polyamory, and her role as a sex and relationship coach, and how her guidance can lead to transformative changes in your life. What we discuss: (0:00:00) - Jaya shares her journey as a somatic sexologist and the importance of understanding our own sexual blueprints (0:12:32) - Jaya shares her experience overcoming challenges in her business due to the explicit nature of her content (0:23:43) - The concept of sex transmutation and its role in awakening genius in the brain (0:27:11) - Jaya shares her morning routine, emphasizing the practice of Vajrayogini and the concept of transmutation (0:35:18) - Sexual blueprints and their impact on our experiences with intimacy and pleasure (0:42:54) - Jaya shares her experience of creating deep bonds with her five long-term partners, each serving different purposes in her life (0:53:08) - Polyamory and open relationships, including Jaya's personal experience (0:59:07) - Jaya and Jenn share personal experiences with the five sexual blueprints and discuss the importance of willingness to learn and grow (1:11:29) - Jaya shares insights into her work as a sex and relationship coach, focusing on transforming relationships and unlocking sexual potential (1:22:50) - The importance of valuing oneself and setting appropriate rates for services, highlighting the significance of self-worth and communication in relationships Thank you to our sponsors: Greenfat: Head over to Greenfat.com and use code Hustle20 to save 20%! OneSkin: Head over to oneskin.co and use code HUSTLE15 for 15% off. Pendulum: Head over to www.pendulum.com and use code JENCOHEN for 20% off. Find more from Jen:  Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement Learn more from Jaiya: Book: Your Blue Print for Pleasure Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/missjaiya/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits in Hustle, Crescent. Jaya is on the podcast for the second time actually because the first time was a really fast. I felt like it was a quickie. It was a quickie. Exactly. It was a quickie interview. It was like 10 minutes with like Dave Asprey's conference or something.

And I was like, oh my god, like you're so interesting on so many levels that I was like, I deep-dived into your personal life because it was so fascinating. So I'm glad to have you back. Thank you. Thank you. It's such a pleasure to be here. Pleasure to have you back. And the new book is called Your Blueprint for Pleasure. And guys, I'm telling you, I love this book because, like, this is not what I'm going to say to you. I was going to say it before we started. Everybody loves to be categorized. Like it gives people a place hold. Like how you explain,

you kind of sexually compartmentalize how people think or what kind of categorize our sexual being. And so it was such a way where for me, I love that stuff and my friends love that stuff because you can kind of visualize or understand better when you have that type of thing. So you knock it out of the park with that whole blueprint. Thank you so much.

That was true. It's interesting because I love personality typing tests. Yeah. I was a little obsessed about it, like anyagram and Myers-Briggs, and this profiles and astrology and just anything that can help me understand more about who I am, and then help me understand who I am in relationship to another person,

so that then my communication or my connection with them, and I'm really honoring who they are, so that they can also honor who I am. And I started thinking, hmm, that's interesting. Like there's nobody who's done sexuality, like sexuality typing, and creating a system for us to understand more about who we are, when we're aroused, when we're turned off, and really looking at our superpowers

and who we are as a whole picture in that. And so that's when it started to like, I started really thinking about it, but being a somatic sexologist, I wasn't just paying attention to it from the mind, but like, what is the body saying? What is the body doing that's giving me clues as to what this might look like in terms of a system? Well I'm glad you just said that. Could you, you're very distinct there, like the somatic sexologist. So describe to people what

that is and what that, what the difference is between a regular sexologist and a somatic and how, like your origin story, like how you even became to be this person because it's I think like I said guys This woman is so fascinating. You have no idea. Just wait So let's start with the basics So somatic means body base through the body and Sexology is the study of in teaching and education of sexuality So a somatic sexologist is someone who educates us about our bodies But I like to think of myself more from a holistic point of view

Whereas like a sex therapist might just talk about sex and give you some exercises to do at home I'm really looking at the full picture of someone So what's happening on a biochemical level? What's happening physically in the body? Psycho emotionally spiritually, and so we're looking at the whole picture and not just going I think sex is something that's in the body So we're not just going like oh sex is something here that we have to fix in the emotional realm. And in therapy, not that there's anything wrong with therapy, that's part of the picture.

But I like to look at more integrated of, well, what's the body actually saying? Because sex is something that doesn't just happen in the mind. Sex is something that very much happens in the body and with the sense of, right? And so it's somatic sexologist is someone who's looking at that from that lens. Do you go to school for that, though? Yeah. I mean, so is there a school for regular sexology and then for somatic sexology? Absolutely.

And just like in psychology, too. So there's psychology courses. I actually did somatic psychology in college as well. Where? Where'd you even go to school for this? So for sexology, I went to the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Okay. And that was where I learned to do somatic sexology or sexological bodywork.

Some people call it. How long is a program? It's two years. Okay. And so, we did like a lot of... I don't know if it was two years exactly, but we did a lot of like prep at home and like, okay, do these exercises, do this with a partner. And then we would come in and we did two weeks of like prep at home and like, okay, do these exercises, do this with a partner.

And then we would come in and we did two weeks of like at school for the actual time that we were there. Wow. But it feels like a lifetime that I've been studying this. Well, almost 30 years. Almost 30 years that I've been. 30 years. So did you do that schooling like that long ago?

Or. I did that in 2006. Wow. Okay, so because, do you feel like also because of the goop show sex loving goop. All right I watch your when you put them on the table. I mean did your popularity rise because people like even knew how to clue that you even that this even existed. Do people even know that this even existed on a mainstream level or I think that the show really elevated the conversation. And I always say it opened up a portal.

And so it was like somebody finally like cracked that into the mainstream culture and into the conversation. I had so many people, even within my own industry who were like, congratulations, like you actually, somebody finally did it. Like somebody finally got this work out into the public and out into the mainstream and out into a conversation.

Cause I think we're ready. I think we're ready to actually have a mature conversation about sexuality. Probably now more than ever. I mean, cause you started, you said like 30 years ago, like it must have been so taboo. Very different.

Like you're so, like it went, it went, it's even thought process. Like I'm gonna become an accountant. No, I'm gonna become a sexist. Like what was your explainer, your whole origin story?

Because then I'm surprised it even existed as an actual course even. As, you know, just looking at the entrepreneurial ship, journey, so when I was little, I was fascinated with sexuality. Just from a very young age as a teenager. I would like go to the library, get the books, you know, that I wasn't supposed to be reading. Really?

And look at this. And I was obsessed with Dr. Ruth. I don't know if you know. I was obsessed with her also, by the way. She was like, she was the one and only amazing. And so I aspired to be Dr. Ruth from my group. I was like, I want to be like that. I want to help people with relationship and sexuality and love and that just seems like the most amazing thing to do. So I became that very early, even with my friends. I'd be like, okay, hold on. Let me tell you the real download on sex. Like, it's not the stork.

Yeah. The stork, the stork. Yeah, yeah. I grew up in a very Roman Catholic, rural, cultural, and so it's crazy. It's crazy. You must have been like such a black sheep. I was the kid, you know, don't let your other kids are out. Play around.

I can play with this kid exactly. Exactly. I can imagine that the parents must have been like just trying everything to keep you as far away as possible from their families. Yes. Yeah. I was quite even young. I remember just having these experiences in my own body with pleasure and being like, why is this bad?

Like this seems like it's connection to something bigger than ourselves. And it just, I have like so many funny stories rolling through my head right now, just being this very out rageous. And I still am. I feel like, but it feels less outrages now than it did back then. Even in 2007, when my first book came out, the publicists told me I'd never be in the media. I'd never be in mainstream media.

And my partner always says, just tell Jai as you can't do something. And then I will push against that. I love not. Somebody says I can't do so. Right. I set out. I was like, okay, they said I'd never be on mainstream TV.

And I have been on CBS Daytime talking about female ejaculation. It's just like KTLA the other day. You know, like so like I have repeatedly talked about sexuality and mainstream media, something that people said I would never do because I just was like, this is something that needs to happen. And no matter what it takes, if I have to learn different I just was like this is something that needs to happen and no matter what it takes if I have to learn different language to talk to people, if I have to

look a certain way, like I will do those things with also maintaining who I am. I think in that journey, I also did lose myself at some point because I watered down everything so much in order to play Kate everybody. I'm mildered in Milwaukee. I want to be able to reach miltered in Milwaukee. That was kind of like an art. And I had people like say, don't dress sexy. Don't do these things in order to fit in more and have your message out there. And I think in the last like even five, six years of my career, I've just been come more of who I am. That's amazing. What do you

think was the actual tipping point that fact that you are That's amazing. What do you think was the actual tipping point? That fact that you are being more authentic or do you think that the world has shifted and changed? I think it's a combination of both things. I think the world, especially women and wellness, sexual wellness is slated to be a $3.2 billion industry. I know. And so like that, that sexual wellness, I think that there, that women are really leading

the charge in terms of, wait a minute, we want pleasure, we want to have this conversation, we want to talk about this because there's something empowering happen, there's a wave of empowerment happening. And so we're, we're having the conversation more. And then I also think that as I grew more into myself and loving myself, and as I grew more into myself and loving myself, and as I grew more into wisdom, I think we all go through that totally. From our 20s to our 30s now in my 40s,

it's like, okay, there's a grounded wisdom now that I think has heard just differently than when I was trying to get the message out there. Now there's just a relaxation and to the truth. And when you hear the truth, they resonate. Yeah. I'm going to get all into the book in a second, but I'm actually very curious.

As a career, let's say, right? How do you monetize? Is it through, do you go with people on a one-on-one type of journey with them and as they're therapists or I guess, as their guide, expert, or a sexual, I don't know what you call it, right? Like, I guess, somatic sexology. I like guides, is a really good word.

Good word. Like that's a good word, right? Is it through speaking about it? Like how do you create a career around it? Like, has it changed? Like, I'm curious, like, at the beginning to how it is now. Absolutely. At the beginning, my career was much more of Tantra, like teaching Tantra, doing like a one-on-one, little Tantra things for couples or doing Friday night workshops. You know,

it started off. I think we, it was the most of us who do like bigger workshops now. It's like, we started off with like eight people in the room. Wow. Like two people in the room. Right. It's like we started off with like eight people in the room. Wow. Two people in the room. Right. It's like, okay, whoever's showing up and, um. And back then it was like if you had eight people it was probably a lot of people, right? That was great. And especially in rural Ohio.

Even eight people in there is a lot. It's amazing. You were a huge success in life and you're there. Wow. And so that was the early beginnings. And so it was a lot of one-on-one with clients. And I really value that time because at that time, it was like, I was learning.

I learned from every client, even still today, every client that I have, I learned from. And so we started off there. And then eventually I started doing books and writing and speaking. We moved to Los Angeles and I started just building. I created an educational video series. So I started doing like videos. This was before all the online courses. Right. So so media. Yeah. Yeah. Before all of that. So, you know, standard, like go in a studio

and film and make a DVD and so we had DVD products. And who would sell it? You would sell it. Do you have a website? You had a website. I had a website and we would sell it through the website. And it's what's I think's fascinating about being in the sexuality industry is how much censorship and how much we go through. I cannot tell you how many times my business has been shut down or how many times, you know, we just can't even communicate with our customers because somebody somewhere got a little twist in their panties and then all of a sudden my whole website's down and it blows down. We've been cyber attacked. I mean, it's like really intense in terms of just being able to do business in this industry

because we get lumped in with porn or we get lumped in with trafficking or we get lumped in with all of these other things that are not what we're doing. But because we're so sex adverse and we don't know how to suss out positive sex education from these other darker aspects of sexuality, it's very hard to do business. And there's also such, even now there is such shame around it, like it's such a, even there is taboo, like people are uncomfortable when you talk about it and like it's not something that you can easily like, you don't even mean like, it's just there is a taboo. And they're, I mean, even though we're better than we used to be

with it, it's still something that a lot of people are like uncomfortable and awkward. And we're polarized on it. Yes. And I have to expect the book to get banned, you know? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I hope not because it's a very, I was saying, I was like texting a bunch of my friends

as I was going through it even today. Even last night saying you guys have to buy this book, especially married people. I think that, you know, this is what I was saying. We were saying it reminds me of like, you know, the five love languages that book, that I was like, well, I like affirmations. I like this. This is like your sexual five love languages. In a way, that's how it is, really.

And like, you like your kinky and this one is, I don't remember all of them.. In a way. That's how it is really. And like, you're kinky and this one is, I don't remember all of them. Hold on a second. I have them all written down and I can't remember them now. But energetic or sensual, like the categories. Like, I have so many, I don't even ask. I'm gonna get myself, I'm gonna get all ahead of myself. But like, I just thought, I think it's just very,

really good and I hope you don't get shut down or I hope the book doesn't get The day the group show came out. This is a really interesting one The day that that show came out our entire business crashed We got shut down completely couldn't send out an email couldn't deliver a product Everything got just really and we had to rebuild everything from scratch our whole team was like Who shut you down the government? Like social media? It's different things, you know,

in this case, it was our email delivery service that we had. Like MailChimp? A bigger conglomerate said, no, you can't send out any emails because we had put the word pleasure in an email. And so, because we had put the word pleasure, it flagged something in their system

and they said, if you do business with this company, we aren't going to do business with you anymore. And so then the whole thing went up and smoked. So what did you do? We had to rebuild everything from scratch again. And so we went, so you know, we go to other companies and things and we say, who will work with us? And then we find who will be willing to work with us. And, you know, and then we also literally just certain email providers that we cannot take any emails from because they will flag us. And it's fascinating because it's me. I'm not naked.

No, not exactly. It's not even at all like I'm boring or anything. It's not at all like that. But I guess you don't know, you don't know, right? And so if you have a very myopic view of something, it's very, some people are just, are like that, right? They are, they don't want to know what they, they don't want to even learn or be open minded.

So, no, you're sex done. Exactly. We don't, we don't want to associate with that. And I've had that many times in my life, even within sexuality communities, it's been really interesting. And so, I feel like part of my, part of my role is just to be a Phoenix, you know? Yeah, yeah, been really interesting. And so I feel like part of my part of my role

is just to be a Phoenix. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay, I'm going to get back up again, like, don't matter how many times I tried to burn me. Yeah, yeah, you're coming back. You're coming back and you've cut that like strong or every time, every time, because we learn and we go, okay, well, now what do we want to do with the brands? And we get to recreate and we get to continually innovate. I wish it was easier. There was parts of me for sure that are like, gosh, I wish this was just as easy as like running a, I don't know, shoe company or something.

Or technology company. I remember one point in my career where I looked at one of my coaches and was like, why not herbs? Why sex? I just go into herbal medicine or something. That would be way easier. But that is fun, that's not fun. Not as fun. Not as fun. I just go into like herbal medicine or something. That would be way easier. But that is fun, that's a big thing.

Not as fun, that is fun. So then how does it evolve now, like over the evolution? So you were doing these workshops and you can do these like videos and making DVDs. And then what happens? Like how do you start like evolving your brand and your business? So I started doing, because I had the books, I started doing more media and just I did a lot of television and reality TV, living here in Los Angeles. That started taking the things out, by the way.

This is like around 2008, 2009. So 2006 was when I had done that course and then 2007 was the first book. Okay. What was the first book called? Red Hot Touch. Okay. That's an erotic massage. Yes, it did very well.

It did. Okay. So then people were interested even back then. Yeah. Okay, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, she has it did very well. It did, it did. Okay, so then people were interested even back then. Yeah, okay. I mean, it's interesting with books, you know, people think, oh, I'm going to write a book and then I'll be like famous and I'll have all this money and all these things, right? And it was really interesting and very awakening at that moment of like, okay, I've written this book and what is considered successful in the publishing company

even, you know, like 10,000 copies of a book sold is really considered successful or paying off your advance and I think out the gate we had like 40,000 books go and that that was like a huge success that's amazing. It was really big because the average book I think it's even now it's less at that time it was like 500 copies of a book and now it's like 350 copies of itself published then that's like Average well the red the red hot touch one is that what it's called right? Did you self publish or that like a That was to a publisher. Yeah, okay And you sold you sold that many 40,000 Yeah, and it was in places like South Africa and like you know

They had a rabbit and think You know the covers just like nothing and doesn't again have anything on it That's crazy. But you got a book deal back then. Yeah. So somebody was interested in like hearing about it. It's just and like and then it just kept on going from there. Then you did the media show. You did like media lots of media. Yeah. And then and then there was speaking lots of speaking. I started speaking for Tony Robbins and that was a big also, that was in 2009. Oh, so that was a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. And so that was, um, and then I've, I've come back for the relationship event to do that. And so that was also, I started learning

more myself. I had a lot of shame about money, like even just going into that environment, I'd be like, oh my gosh, like this is another world that I don't know because I grew up in so much poverty. And to start to see like my own judgments about people with money or to see how I just still had a lot of blocks. And so that was when I started to really do my money, like unraveling and belief systems, just like with sexuality, like the shame about having money, the same thing about the shame about pleasure, I had to apply it. And so I would have orgasms every morning just with like this, like, I'm going to like create more money, I'm going to create more financial wealth. And that's when I quadrupled my business.

And so I was just doing some sex magic there. What do you mean, hold that? What you said orgasms, like being like literal, you're having orgasms around like, what do you mean? I just like hold the intention that okay, like this orgasm and this orgasmic energy is going to help me awaken more of my money, my wealth, my genius around business and just help me awaken that.

So my orgasm, I would donate my orgasm every morning to more wealth. And in that time that I did the practice and the four months that I did that, I quadrupled my income. And part of that, oh my God, can you teach me how to do that? Yes. Oh my God.

Okay. By the way, this is gonna make the clip. You realize that right now. So you could actually have an intentional orgasm that you're focusing on, like, you know, orgasm, please make me financially more free, or let me give me other ones that you can do. Well, I wanna back it up just a little bit.

So please, just like, yes, please. And so I wanna give an analogy of, like orgasmic energy is the energy that we're born in, every single one of us, because the egg chooses a sperm and there is this orgasmic energy that happens in that moment, right? And so the moment of orgasm is a moment of creation.

And so if we think of it from that point of view, it really goes into, well, what is it that I want to create today? What is it that I'm utilizing this orgasmic energy for? And so then we can transmute that orgasmic energy through the body and into the brain which awakens late in genius in the brain. That's one of the tenets of tantra is utilizing that sexual energy to move it into the brain. So then we start to awaken to new ideas and awaken to different ways of being that can bring in more money manifestation if that is our goal.

more money manifestation if that is our goal. So yeah, so manifesting money, creating a child, a project, anything that you want to fuel, I think of it like fuel we're putting on a fire. And so it's like, okay, I'm fueling this with a resource of orgasmic aliveness and life force. And that life force is really powerful. And so we can utilize that for manifesting anything that we desire. Wow. Okay. So tell me So tell me how do you do this? I want to know, do the content trade on. You're going to focus on it. Yep. Tell me, tell me.

So the first thing is the intention. OK, what am I manifesting this for? And then there's a pin. I got to take notes. Oh my god. OK, yes. OK, intention. And so intention.

And then I'm manifesting today. I'm having this orgasm today to build wealth. That was my big thing. That was your thing, yeah. And so then I would then stir up arousal. So you need to then stir the pot, get the fire going. So put the logs on the fire, really get something raging.

So that would be self-pleasure, that would be, I do a bunch of different just pelvic floor techniques because your rectile tissue is squeezed in between your pelvic muscles. And so you can just squeeze your pelvic floor muscles to start to create a pump of erotic energy. So a lot of times I can do this just, you know, sitting here. I'm serious. Like right now. Right now I'm just pulsing my pelvis. Really? And so, okay, keep on going. Pumping, pumping, And then once I build a little bit of energy,

I start to feel that pulse or that aliveness in my pelvic foot. It's like, okay, now I know I have the pilot light on the fire is going. And then I will breathe it up the spine. So it's a deep breath in to draw it up the spine with the intention again, I'm building wealth. So deep breath in, drawing it up, drawing it up, drawing it up, drawing it up, all the way up my spine. And I hold it in my head in the third ventricle of my brain. And I'm squeezing now all of my muscles. So squeezing my pelvic floor muscles, drawing my belly button toward my spine. I'll drop my chin, hold the breath. You can even look up with your eyes. So you get kind of like a tension also in the middle of your forehead. And that's creating

hydraulic pressure in the spine. And this revaled spinal fluid. So sexual energy, deep breath, and contracting, and locking in all of those places, while I'm holding the intention, while I'm holding the intention, and then I'll take a sniff of air, bring it to the top of my head, and then exhale it back down.

And I just keep doing that breath, and then if the sexual energy starts to go down, then I'll do it over. I'll build it up again again and do that over again. And so that is one of the ways. And in their science behind this, the pineal gland is putting hydraulic pressure on this, Joe dispens a talks about this.

And so I just utilize a lot more sexual energy than Joe does. Where I'm like, all the sexual fire going before we do this breath, but I've been doing that breath since I was 19. I just at this point was like, okay, now instead of like spiritual, it was always very spiritual for me. I'm gonna actually apply this to wealth building

and business building in my life. And so that was a huge turnaround, holy crap. So do you see a lot of entrepreneurs and a lot of people in the business space because of the fact that even this, like that sound bite that was like two minutes, let's say, if I was an executive or whoever or whatever an entrepreneur of any kind or anybody like that, I would be like, oh my god, like I want to talk to her. I want to hire her. I want her to get me that. You know what I mean? That's because I want a lot of entrepreneurs. Well, yeah, because the truth is, I mean, that's a very unique position. Like, I haven't heard anybody in your space talk about that.

That's crazy. Have you read Thinking Grow Rich? Yes, I have. Do you remember chapter 11? Not right now. Nobody remembers chapter 11. I don't know. Chapter 11 is an entire chapter

about sex transmutation. And nobody remembers. I was just like, I have locked it out. Everybody blocks it out. So I always say go back to thinking of Rich and read chapter 11 because that entire chapter is about awakening genius in the brain

through sex transmutation. And I think a lot of entrepreneurs have a charisma about them. They have this sexual creative energy that they don't know what to do with or how to utilize. And so, and in Napoleon Hill was talking about it right there, sex transmutation,

and how to then instead of it going out, you're utilizing that to bathe your body and your brain in that energy, which then helps genius come forth. Wow, this is crazy. And I haven't even gone to my questions yet. I mean, this is unbelievable. Okay, so that is, because people have the practices, like just how you described it, like I can't just go down, so that is, I'm gonna, because you have the people of the practices

that could just how you described it, like I can't just go down, do that on my own and be, you know, it won't work. Like how long is the process to learn these things? Like what is the process? Like when you go work with people one on one, like after one session, they, is it awkward for them? Like how long does it take you to, like, open little while. I work with most of my clients now in my practice for a year. I learned, you know, like people coming for one-off session, sure they can get a lot, but I really wanted to make a relationship with clients and see them through an entire journey

of their own sexual awakening. And so it's usually, like they start to get it. It's kind of like learning piano or learning anything new. You first, you're like clunky at it. You first, you're like, wait a minute, lock the thing and do the what and breathe the thing. And so yes. And then there's something that clicks and then it starts to become natural. Even like, I practice this every single day.

So every morning, my morning practice is that I do multiple different transmutation breaths that I've learned over my life. Cobra breath is one of my favorites from Ipsilutantra, Kriya Yoga. And that one is, it's another similar transmutation breath. Everybody's sworn to Secretly C. So you have to like go to a guru to learn it. It's oral tradition, not written, you know, it's not written down anywhere. And I was initiated when I was 19. So you can't even do it now. And so I can practice that in any time. But you won't show me. I can't show you, no, unfortunately. Are you serious?

Yeah, it's like an oral law that you can't learn. Oral secret tradition that you can't learn it. You have to go to somebody to learn it who's been authorized to teach that. And so that was part of my daily practice was doing that kind of transmutation breath. They're called again, Cobra breath. And from Kriya Yoga, and Absolute Kriya Yoga. And there's multiple different kinds of Cobra breath. There's the breath that Joe dispends a teaches, but I'd add in the sexuality of that.

Exactly. So any time that you're moving sexual energy, anywhere else in your body, from your genitals, you're in a transmutation. And that's to take the sexual energy, you can transmute that into love. So another practice that I do every morning is called the Vajrayogini practice. And that's it from tantric to beton Buddhism.

And what they do in that practice is they're transmuting the darkness of the world, the pain and suffering of the world into unconditional love. And so they're utilizing a transmutation breath right up the spine into the heart, right up the spine into the heart, over and over and over again to transmute that energy into unconditional love. Oh my gosh, wait. So you're basically, I can only imagine what your morning routine is. Are you just like, are you just basically like having sex and doing all sorts of like, or having all sorts of different orgasms until noon or two? Like, what are you doing?

If we haven't been gone to, by the way, this woman has, I think, well, you've got five partners, right? I haven't even had time. You're trying to sleep? Yes. Like, okay, so what is your morning routine? Are you having sex with every one of them?

I know. How are you doing every morning? I want to know. like, okay, so what is your morning routine? Are you having sex with every one of them? Like, no. Do you think, how, what are you doing every morning? I want to know. Yeah, so my morning practice right now, and it of course changes. I think all of our practice change for what we need and where we are in our lives. It recently changed, because I had a big experience

during some of my travels recently that just shifted my consciousness in a very big way. And I came into an understanding of a new way to practice. And so through that, what it looks like now is I get up, I sit down at my alter that I have as a beautiful like space with a big culley and flowers. This is a really beautiful lovely, right away makes me feel a certain way because I have an anchoring to that alter. And so I sit and I just get quiet and I wait. And then I say in my own mind, I have a little

mantra that says, quiet the mind and open the heart, quiet the mind and open the heart. And I just repeat that to myself until my mind starts to settle and I start to get more aware of myself sitting there. And then I start the Vajrayogini practice, which is, it's actually only like a 20-minute practice. I do a short Vajrayogini practice, which is movement with breath and this transmutation. Every single movement comes with a transmutation into the heart, into the heart.

And so I'm coming back to my heart over and over again. And that is very pleasurable, because you're doing pelvic floor contractions each time. And so it brings me into an orgasmic state. It does. And so I just, from doing this practice, I start to go into this orgasmic state. And what's interesting that's happened happening lately is there's this inner light that starts to shine inside of me.

And people lately have been saying like, wow, like, what are you doing? What are you doing differently? I'm like, it's, it's that this is creating a biochemistry in my body that's telling my body to be in health. It's telling my body to be in wellness. And so there's this interlight that shines because I'm doing this practice. And then I will do my transmutation breaths because I'm getting into all this orgasmic energy that starts to get flowing. And then I'll transmute doing various transmutation breaths for whatever it is in the world that I'm praying for or hoping for, and right now, I've been doing meditation for anybody who's suffering from a serious illness.

And so then I start to just do, okay, this orgasmic energy is to help anybody who's going through a serious illness right now who is sick or dying and the people who are caring for them. And so I'm just transmuting all that orgasmic energy into something for the rest of the world. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing anti-aging or longevity. And I absolutely love realistic things you can do every day to help support the process easily. And I've recently started taking a brand new Omega 3 supplement called Green Fat. Green Fat was created by the founder of Perfect Bar, and he basically knocked it out of the park. They're all about anti-anti-aging, or as they call it pro-aging, which of course I can definitely get behind. And it's made a big difference in my overall well-being. If you guys didn't know, healthy fats or omega-3s are key to your everyday function, and it's also known to improve your skin, your hair, your eyes, your joints, your cognitive

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It's just like taking it within, like taking it in, or like, what's the... I'm taking it from what would be like, we would call it a normal orgasm in the pelvis, and like the genitals, so I've got that fire. Yeah. And then I'm moving it through my spine. I'm moving it through the rest of my body.

I'm moving it through my spine. I'm moving it through my spine. what would be like, we would call like a normal orgasm in the pelvis and like the genitals. So I've got that fire. Yeah. And then I'm moving it through my spine. I'm moving it through the rest of my body. Lately, it's been not into my brain. It's been into my heart. Because I'm focusing more on like the good of all, of the good of other people.

And so I'm bringing it into my heart. Whereas, you know, when we're talking about that transition in my business record, I was bringing it all into my brain. Right. Because I wanted to have the wisdom and the knowledge, like how do I grow my business now? But you're obviously a person that's very connected

to yourself and you, what about people who are like have a disconnect? They don't have that same ability to kind of tune in to what they are, what they need. Like obviously you do and that's amazing. But the majority of people I feel are blocked. So they can be listening to this and be like, okay, we're in a weird way.

What? Where'd I even start? It's like they don't even know, like they can't even feel anything. There's no sensation to even know the difference between a pelvic floor, going up the chain, all those things. Yeah, I mean, I think easy wins is one of the things that I've always taught. So what's super easy to you is that that you have access to doing kegels,

yeah, and getting a toy and putting something inside of your vulva vagina and like really squeezing around it and having that awareness. Do you have that awareness because you're more physical realm type of person. So what's the access in? Is it emotional and you're having more of like a psyche emotional block around even like, oh, I just have so much resistance about sex. Are you having a psyche emotional block to being in your body because it wasn't safe somewhere in your past? You know, and then that's something to work with and look at. And so, or is it something in your body because it wasn't safe somewhere in your past. And then that's something to work with and look at.

Or is it something in your biochemistry? Maybe you just want to go get your hormones checked and have your doctor go wait a minute. It's low testosterone, which we all can get low testosterone. And then maybe your libido and drive isn't there because of low testosterone. So I think start with what's easiest and what you know and where you're strong. Before you start to step out of your comfort level, we all have different levels of consciousness and awareness

and until we gain direct experience and access to a different level of consciousness. Right. You know, start where you are and have compassion for yourself and where you are. It's like, okay, I'm at the baby step. I had a client who, you know, I was working with him and he couldn't actually feel anything at the beginning of our journey together.

And I just would go so slow and I'd say, okay, I'm not going to touch anywhere in your body until you tell me exactly where you want me to touch and how you want me to touch. And sometimes that would take the entire session until you'd be like, okay, can you just put your hand in my hand? Really? And the nights that there and then the tears would come and it'd cry. It took me two hours just to say, can you put your hand in my hand? And we worked so slowly, just so slowly until finally he could feel. And why would that, why was that or why is that? A lot of times it's trauma. A lot of times it's someone who has some kind of,

something in their history that just creates the inability, that creates a shutdown, it creates a block, it creates a pattern in a program. And the thing I like to say about trauma is trauma is just an adaptation to an adverse situation. It's actually beautiful that we survive through the things that we go through and that we can adapt so beautifully.

The problem with the adaptations often is we grow past the adaptation and we're still utilizing that same adaptation because the body is still stuck in the trauma in the past. And you work on helping gain the body unstuck from that trauma, which is a great segue because I want to talk about, well, you can choose what you want to do first, but there's five stages of sexuality and the five erotic blueprint types. And when I love about, well, let's go to the blueprint types, okay? The five erotic blueprint types, because I was going to say I have a, my notes here, like some of them are, some of the blueprints are kind of more gravitate towards people who've had trauma,

right, versus other people. So can you talk a little bit about all of those? Absolutely. So, so, energetics is the first one. Okay. And that's someone who's turned on by tease, anticipation, space, longing, yearning for something. Superpowers that they can have non-general orgasms, they can have expanded states of consciousness,

they can have orgasms without even being touched. The shadow side, however, is what you were talking about. Oftentimes, it's the energetics who have some kind of trauma in their history that's unresolved, and so their system is so hypersensitive that now the too much too quick, too fast type of sexuality will short circuit them and they'll dissociate out of their body, and their body starts to create up an armor.

And that armor can get really thick because they don't know how to say no. And so what I was going to ask you is are a particular kind of trauma that's related to the energetic type of blueprint. Oftentimes it's some kind of early development. Trauma, you know, as the nervous system is regulating when we're young, as our brain is growing, it has something to do with that early childhood developmental piece. But not sexual trauma, like they've been sexually molested. It could be, but oftentimes it can also be like they're just born very sensitive. And our world is overwhelming.

And so it's like how do we, I see this a lot with men, very sensitive boys growing up. And then they're told to like, man up. And you know, we've heard all her that's where you boys Don't cry kind of type thing and it's in that sensitivity that then there just becomes this guarding from life and That that adaptation then becomes I'm not okay in the world. I'm weird things are too much for me and I can't ask for what I need Because I am strange, you know, so we start to go, let me just then arm or up, arm or up, arm or up, and we're overriding our body's natural systems. And that would be like an energetic type of person, right?

And, okay, is that the most common? energetic? Yeah, well, it depends on gender. So this is fascinating as we've looked at, we've had almost three million people, I think now take the quiz to find out their type. And women come up primarily, cisgendered women, heterosexual women, come up primarily energetic sensual.

And then men, I think, is interesting. They come up primarily across the board. Sexuals high in there, but it's not like, I think people think like all men are sexual, and that is a myth from what we're seeing. Now, maybe sexual men don't fill out the quiz. I don't know, but we're seeing across the board that there's a lot more variety in the men versus, okay, so tell me the other four, because then people can be like, okay, where am I and all that other stuff? I want people to know. So, energetic is one. And energetic is one. Essentials, the next one.

And that's someone who's turned on by what we think of in the central world. So, taste, touch, smell, beautiful environment, music that we love, that gets us into our arousal. The superpower of the sensual is that they bring the beauty to the erotic experience. And then the shadow side is getting stuck in your head and hyper-vigilance. So speaking on how trauma shows up, the hyper-vigilant nervous system. Now we've got a nervous system that's like, wait a minute, that thing in the corner isn't quite right, it's crooked. Wait a minute, did I brush my teeth? Oh no, I forgot to call that person back.

It's hard to relax into the sexual experience. Yeah. Whereas, with essential, you really need to relax first and find that relaxation before you can really go into that experience. There just isn't a lot of turn on unless there's comfort, there's relaxation, there's safety, so that that hypervegillance can calm down. It can calm down. That's so interesting.

And you said you can blend, right? You could be a little bit of both. Yeah, you can be percentages of all of these. Sometimes people have zero percent in some of them and really high. Yeah. But for the most part, I see that people have a variety of percentages, but they'll be one or two

that's the highest. And yeah, what's the third one? The third one's essential. And that's someone who are sexual. No, yeah, sexual. Sexual. So the sexual is someone who we what we and that's someone who are sexual. Yeah, sexual. Sexual. So the sexual is someone who we what we think of as sex in our culture. Yeah. And so that is intercourse orgasms, nudity. Yeah. It's when we define sex, it's blatantly obvious. Yes.

Yes. It's get to it. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it. Get it down. Get moving on. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And so the sexual blueprint, oftentimes, they have sex in order to relax. The difference between the sexual and the sexual is that. Oh, OK. I feel stressed. If I have an orgasm, then I'll feel better. Right.

And that person doesn't normally have trauma in their life. They can, and soon. But not as, not as, where I think the trauma falls into the sexual, if we're talking about the shadow sides, is that they get this limited definition of sex, where their sexuality never grows past that limitation. And so that limitation is often, and they also don't realize that there's this whole other world

of sexuality out there, because they have somehow limited, and it hasn't grown. And I think that the reason why it hasn't grown is oftentimes because of some history or something or some way they've been told that they have to be. Like in the Netflix show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, here he is and he thinks it's a sexual mask.

It's like this is what I'm supposed to be as a strong guy. And the truth was actually that he was energetic. Yeah, exactly. But like it took probably, it took a long time to even get to that point, right? Like to know of knowing that and the person has to be open to even wanting to find out, right? Exactly. That's the other thing. So then the other okay, so that's one, two, three. What's the other two? So kinky is nice. And kinky is the taboo. So anything that you feel is taboo is kinky. And so that could be psychological.

Wanting to play power dynamic games or maybe it's the sensation-based aspect of it, like the constriction of ropes or scratch or slap. These different intense sensations can come into it. Superpowers that you can be endlessly creative. Lots and lots to explore within what we've deemed naughty. Exactly. And then the positive is really, it is this creativity. Another shadow is a lot of shame, you know, a lot of. American spend an average of 90% of their time indoors and take about 20,000 breaths a day. And according to EPA, indoor air is two to five times more

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So it's like, oh, why am I like this? Why do I like these things that feel so naughty and not right and not okay? And my partner, my own partner, he was like, wait a minute, I'm kinky and I don't know why I'm like this and why am I like this and why am I like this? And he kept just trying to find out why he's like that. And he didn't have trauma or abuse or,

people kind of conflate, like, oh, you must have had some trauma in your past to make you kinky. And within these blueprints, it's not because of your trauma that you became this way. It's just that what I've noticed in the shadow aspect, which the shadow aspect of kinky shame, it's because of the trauma of our culture that something in you isn't okay. Right. Because you like something that's outside the norm of what culture, that something in you isn't okay, because you like something that's outside the norm of what culture says and has actually okay.

Because when I was going through, I thought for sure that was gonna be the one that had the most trauma-based. And when I saw it was like energetic or yeah, I was like, oh, I was surprised by that as well, just because what you would think with society deems, you know, different or dramatizing or whatever.

Okay, what's the last one? So the last one is a shape shifter. And the shape shifter is all of it. And so the shape shifter is someone who has a full spectrum sexuality because they can speak all the languages. And the shape shifter, it's interesting in their shadow, feels oftentimes like they're too much or too complex. Like people have said to you, you're just too much. Yeah, feels oftentimes like they're too much or too complex.

Like people have said to you, you're just too much. You just want too much, you take too long. Everything is just like they're extra in every way, exactly. And it's not that they're just erotically sophisticated and really erotically intelligent out of all the blueprints, they're the most sophisticated and so it really takes understanding the full spectrum of who they are. Right. Not just trying to compartmentalize into one of these blueprints. So in terms of relationships, right, because I know you talk about myths and all these

others in the book as well, and like compatibility, for example, right? Is there a myth then, like, some people are not just sexually, like, some is it just I'm just not sexually compatible with you or can anybody be compatible with someone else or what's your opinion like talk about that. I think one of the things that most people come to me for is because there's some kind of sexual mismatch in their relationship otherwise it wouldn't need you. Exactly. Or sometimes people just want to come because they're like we just want to have fun and we want to learn all the things. Yeah. Sometimes it's like either one extra thing.

Exactly. Yeah. It would be for sure like, I'm just curious and I want to know everything you know, right? Yeah. But there is this aspect of, okay, if we're sexually incompatible, then we're doomed. And I like to say that's a mythology because really it just comes down to willingness to learn. Are you willing to learn a new language?

Are you willing to take the time? Do you love your partner in such a way that you're willing to take and do the work to learn the skill sets that actually turn them on and to learn that language that turns them on? So it's not that you're mismatched, it's often that there's an unwillingness or resistance in one person

to actually do what it takes to learn what the other person needs. But what about fair moments in chemistry? I agree with that too. I think that there's a difference between compatibility, chemistry and alchemy. Okay, talk about the difference. Okay, let's do it.

So if we're looking at compatibility, I think it's mostly in that realm, something that you can learn. So compatibility is like, I'm an energetic, you're a sexual, that can look like that's incompatible or a mismatch. When actually you both have a lot to teach each other, if you're willing to listen, learn and expand. Right.

So that's just like anything. And if you're attracted to each other. Exactly. If you're attracted and you love each other, right? And you're willing, that's easy. Right. Now, I've attracted to them then forget it no one wants to do anything. So that comes down to chemistry. So chemistry comes down to a number of different things but one being pharomones. I don't know if you've heard of the t-shirt study where

they had women who were on birth control and they smelled t-shirts and they would choose a partner that they actually weren't sexually, chemically attracted to, because the birth control was messing up their ability to smell. And we have a nerve in our nose called cranial nerve zero that goes straight to the sex centers of the brain. And that is reading the immune system of the partner for optimization of making a baby together. And so I joke with my partner, I was like, yeah, yeah, it was all about your fair moments.

You just had a good immune system. It was a hatch for my immune system. So we can make a baby's as long. The only reason why I fell in love with you. Right, right, right. Is that true? I don't think it's the only reason. Oh, okay.

I think the chemistry plays a role. But I also think there's something spiritual about falling in love and being attracted to people and what creates attraction. Maybe there's a comic bond between the love and being attracted to people and what creates attraction. Maybe there's a comic bond between the two of you. Maybe it's a trauma bond. Maybe your traumas are there to play out and work out together. But you know attraction is is chemical, but it's also mysterious both sexual attraction. And then we get to alchemy.

And alchemy is when you come together to create in the the tuntryka'srikas, the Greeks, did this, was we're utilizing the polarity of masculine and feminine energies to create an alchemy within us that then creates a new energy, which is an energy of unity, or like the manifestation. A lot of times that's when the sex transmutation would be practiced is now chemistry fades. Yeah. But alchemy is when you're actually creating magic and, and, you know, I like to say that instead of any of this chemistry or compatibility, I'm in really interested in alchemy. Yeah.

I mean, but how is, okay, so that now that you said that, but you have five partners, right? How are you able to have, do you have deep bonds with every one of them? Are they all, they all serve a different purpose? Like explain this whole thing. I'm a person who creates a really deep bonds. So one of my relationships has been over 20 years. Okay.

I have another that's 20 years. I have my partner Ian, who's here with Met. Who is this guy? He's been 16 years. Who's this guy? He's been with me for 16 years and we run our business together so that's another business development you know as I'm running a business with your partner and when he came in to be the CEO of

my company and how he's taken that into a phase three automation so we have this like the online marketing and well automated courses and all of that he's doing that and that's him okay I love doing all those things so so far we have two guys who've been around for 20 years, one guy for 16 years. Okay, what else? Who are the other two? It's a kid, it's a cool, a whole classroom.

Yes, crazy. I mean, I've got so many questions about this again, I can't help myself. Okay. Well, and you might also find it interesting that one of my 20-year relationships is with a gay man. And so there's a whole, that talking about blueprints, like we met, we fell in love with each other, madly in love with each other, and the energetic blueprint, and we have alchemy,

100% alchemy. But when it comes to the sexual blueprint, we have no chemistry. But we have a 20 year relationship. And so the way, like he always jokes, he's like, you created the blueprints just so we could explain our relationship to people. Yeah, okay. I'm now beyond fascinated. Okay, so besides, okay.

So do you ever have sex with that guy? We've never had intercourse. And he jokes too because he says, it's interesting, we don't meet in the sexual blueprint, but we meet in energetic and sensual. And so we have an incredibly erotic, he's like, that's why you call them the erotic blueprints. And I was like, oh, it hit me. I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I didn't even notice that before.

Yeah, like, wait, so you're, are you attracted to him in a different realm? And in a different realm? What is the readily energetic? It's like a tantric, like we have been so connected for many, many lifetimes feeling. Like the first time that we had, we were doing a tantric puja together, and he kissed my toe.

In the moment he kissed my toe, this energy shot through my whole body, went up my spine, out the top of my head, and everything became light and it was oneness. And I was shaking, he was shaking, he started weeping on my chest, we're sitting together, just holding each other, shaking, and he's weeping on my head and everything became light and it was oneness. And I was shaking, he was shaking, he started weeping on my chest, we're sitting together, just holding each other,

shaking and he's weeping on my chest, he's just like, I didn't know, I didn't know my God, lifetimes of love, lifetimes of love. And that was the beginning. And so it started like that. So all he has to do is be near me and I just started vibrating and shaking.

And it's calm down. I just feel like I was gonna explode every time he was around me. But it wasn't a sexual thing. It wasn't orgasmic. Like, it wasn't sexual blueprint. And like his penis was inside of me or anything like that. You were a tract. You were naked.

But you were attracted to him. Deeply attracted. But not to have sex with him. I think at that point in my life, I would have been like, I just didn't understand it. And I was that point in my life, I would have been like, I just didn't understand it. And I was like, wait a minute, I love you. You love me.

Like, why are we not having sex? I'm just so painful. Yeah, really painful. Yeah, because did he not want to have sex? He did not, because, you know, he was gay. He was confused just as much as I was. He's like, wait a minute, I'm gay. I'm like, into guys, but like this woman, you know,

and so he didn't know either what to do with it. Exactly. And so 20 years later, he's still with you. 20 years woman, you know, and he didn't know either what to do with it. Exactly. And so 20 years later, he still with you. 20 years later, we just, but it took us a while to figure it out. It took us like 17 years, really, to figure it out. And the blueprints gave us a language where like, oh, we're energetic lovers. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there's a soap case. So, but it wouldn't be considered a friend.

Like, isn't your friend? No, we went through this, because he was like, he would use the word friend and I get up really upset. And it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, daggers, I was so dramatic. Yeah, it's like, it's like, daggers in my heart. And he was like, okay, well, let me really look at that, because to him, lover meant we're having intercourse.

Yeah. And to me, because of the blueprints, I don't need to have intercourse with you. We have the most amazing sexual experiences from running energy together, from moving. I mean, we go into these oneness states and like become God. And we're like an ecstasy to God. Wait, what are you? I feel like this is better than intercourse.

I can't wait to see the live with you. It's better than inter-chorusing. It's better than inter-chorusing. It's a point. I can't even wait. Does he live with you? Okay. So when you say you're, I can never, Pauli Amoris, are you all living together? No, we don't all live together. Okay.

So he lives, he lives, he comes, sees me a lot, but he lives in another city. Right now. So he can work together too. Right now. So he can work together too. We teach together, we work together. He has a boyfriend. Yeah. Okay. So now I'm like now I'm like, I'm going to peel back the layers. So yes, so he's one of the guys.

But the truth of the matter is he is gay. He has a boyfriend. You have other people like technically, I can say, I'm polyamorous because I have a lot of guy friends who have deep connections with, maybe they're not playing their penis inside of me, but right, but we're still close friends. Can I share erotic energy with each other? I don't know. You tell me.

That's not that that's the definition. Okay. Well, give me another dip. No one's kissing my toe. Right. Give me another example. Give me another example. Give me another example. Give me another another lover.

So I have another lover who I've had for five years. And I talk about him in the book. Okay, which one? He's Michael Ashley is his name. I don't remember that. And this guy, I remember from the conference though. Yeah, this guy. You travel with this one.

I travel with this one, work with this one. He's the father of my son, Ian. Okay, yes. Okay, I remember this one. We'll get to him later. Go back to this one. I've already heard about this one. No, I'll hear about him again.

But, yeah, Michael Ashley and I have known each other for five years and we have a very He's sexual blueprint. So he's a shapeshifter, but he meets me in the sexual blueprint So it's like okay, you know, I'm hanging out with Christian. We're not having it in our course I got a lot of erotic energy. I got to call up Michael Ashley And then you call this dude and then that's the guy. That's my guy. Yeah, okay. Does he live with you? He lives so we have two places. And we live by the way.

We're in Boulder. Still. And so two of my lovers have one house, that's our downtown house, and then we have another, we have a retreat where we work and see clients and so Ian and I stay at the retreat. In Boulder.

In Boulder. Okay, so you live with Ian. Yeah, but who else do you live with? Just Ian, right now. Okay, but you have four, okay, and so two of them are downtown, and then one is in Seattle. The gay guy is very close to the gay guy.

He's a single. The gay guy is in Seattle. Okay, Michael Ash is downtown in Colorado. Right, yeah, okay, but does Michael Ash, you're getting the whole picture. Oh yeah, I want to know. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna,

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not like the whole picture. Oh, yeah. I wanted to learn. I'm working on the goods. Maybe. This is what people care about, by the way. I forget about all the other. I can throw away the rest of my notes. But it's so interesting because so many people come to me because they're like, I want to open my relationship. Like we want what you have, because there

aren't a lot of successful models. Long, long, long relationship models for people who are in open relationships that are doing this very successfully. And they always ask me, well, how are you doing this so successfully? And I say, well, the main thing is that we're all pretty awake in our consciousness.

Yes, that's exactly what it is. And we all have high-compersion. Do you know this term? No, no turned on. Oh, I like that. And so, you know, Ian had to develop it. He didn't have that at the beginning. It was really, he would get jealous and it would be really hard for him sometimes. But over the years, he's had to develop it more

because I'm a very free person. No, Ian. Really? Thanks. No. I just thought it all. You know, and it was a part of contention for us. Yeah, really?

But we worked through it. So, do you have girlfriend, by the way? So, the number five is a lover of Michael Ashles, who I consider also a lover. Okay, so, so, are you, do you call yourself fluid, bisexual? What do you call yourself? Yeah, I mean, I, I, it's so interesting identity, you know, this idea of like, well, what is your sexual orientation? What is your gender?

Like, I think we're all in this place of explorations. Yeah, a lot of that more. I think we're getting free, especially younger generations. It's like not like, they're just like, what's the big deal around this conversation? A hundred. Can I tell you, it's not crazy because you and I, you're in your four days, you said, right? I mean, back when, like, they don't even have relationships anymore. Like, it's all just kind of like, cooking up here and there and like, the word I, you're in your four days you said, right? I mean, back when, like, they don't even have relationships anymore.

Like, it's all just kind of like, cooking up here and there and like the word fluid, you know, fluid or bio. It's like not even, it's like a non-issue. Right. But I don't know if it's because where we live, like L.A. is like that. Boulder, old, like that.

It's a conversation. Exactly. We're open and liberal around it. But not in Florida, it's not like that. Right. Or Alabama won't be like that, right? So I think it's about, it is way more like than it was before, but I'm shocked at how it changed with just in terms of the younger generation.

But so for me, I've really done a lot of exploration just even like genealogy, bloodlines, ethnicity, like looking at identity from all the different spectrums that we create identity. And I came to this realization, like a shape shifter, then I'm all of it. You're all of it. I'm all of it. And so, and I'm also none of it at the same time,

which may seem very confusing to some people, but there's an everything, nothingness, that I've come to that gives me a lot of freedom, because then I can choose in the moment what identity that I'm putting on based, just like us sitting here right now. It's like, okay, I'm Jaya. Yeah, yeah, they're the sexologists telling these stories, and so this, there's a freedom in, there's no identity, but I can put on any identity. I totally, I actually do understand what you're saying. What I find interesting is you've said something

that I think is like the most important in the sense of having this type of relationship, which is the other people have to be awakened, have it awakened consciousness. That's rare. And like, let me just say this, I don't know if it's gonna come out right, and I may have to edit this out because I'm going to like make it, make an ass of myself by even explaining it. But

like, the guys that I would think who I would be, for example, attracted to would not be people who would be okay with or like have this awakened, would you call it awakened consciousness? Yes. Like the people that I notice who are, who have this awakened consciousness. The people that I notice who have this awakened consciousness are people that would never be attracted to. It's like a very specific type of person. And the reason why I'm using myself as an example, I'm talking about me as the mainstream girl in that sense. But who is very open-minded and very curious.

Let's say that kind of person. So then you're like limited to even if you're interested in having that type of relationship, your pool of people to pick from who would do it is very limited. Yes. It's a small community. Yes. But it's interesting, you know, Ian, when he decided that he wanted to have an open relationship in B. Polyamorous after his divorce, he was like, okay, it was mechalashely, okay. Ian, Ian is this one. Ian's this one. Oh, it's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm straight all of this here. And so, he was like, okay, I'm going to do this thing and I'm just going to be really honest with everybody. And honesty was such an affid easy act that he, before he knew it, he was dating five different women

right out the gate and I was one of them. And so he learned very quickly too, like a lot of them were not polyamorous, a lot of them didn't, they were willing to try it with him because they were like so curious to it. Totally. But they, you know, he eventually realized, okay, I have to date somebody who actually is in that orientation, you know, he eventually realized, okay, I have to date somebody who actually is

in that orientation, you know. And then people say, poly-emory for some people is a lifestyle. Poly-emory for other people is an orientation. And I feel like for me, it's an orientation. Yeah. There's a lot of woman here that needs, and even like saying woman, it's like there's a lot of being here. There's a lot of, but I totally get what you're saying.

Do you feel though, okay, a couple of things, just by who you are, automatically, do have any girlfriend, like friends who are just girls that you could just hang out with. I do. That you're not like having sex with. I do. You do.

And that's different. Friend energy is very, very different. What's not, it doesn't stir anything erotically. Right. So do you, I used to like, we're hanging out, we're talking, we're like, oh, I'm just gonna be normal friend. Like a girlfriend. But like someone like you who's so acute

and all this stuff and like awakened, I would like think you're pouring out sexual energy to everybody. And that's because what you do for a living and everything else, like, is it hard for you to have like regular friends, like normal people that are just friends? Yeah, I mean, I would say that throughout my life that has been a challenge just to have like a girlfriend that you're like hanging out with and doing, you know, I'm gonna air quote normal.

Right. Things because they don't want you to know your, their husband, your boyfriend, or whoever, girlfriend, whenever, you know? Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I even had that problem when I was in high school. You did. It was like, I was the girl, I don't know if you had this when you were in high school, but like, I played Spin the Bottle once in Kista Boy,

and then like, I was pregnant the next day. Like, the whole school had rumors, you know? Like, that's good. You consider it to be like loose or slutty or all those things or. I just think there was a jealousy. Yeah. That happened with other girls because of the energy freedom or the energy that I had. But I like waited to have sex.

I like the amount of people that I've actually had intercourse with because I have long-term partners. You do. People think like, oh, she must be having all this sex and there's nothing wrong with having as much sex as you want to as long as it's coming from a healthy place. Yeah. But I'm very discerning about who I allowed to be with my body. And so it's just, it was always just so funny to me. It's a good disconnect for people, for sure. Well, because I'm just thinking, like sitting here with you, I can imagine, like, A, because also I think what's very sexy

in general with anybody is when people are very comfortable in their own skin, right? And they are authentic, and they're like, they are confident, and you ooze that because everything we're talking about, it's part of who you are. So I would imagine, either you're having, people are all very attracted to you

How would you have a like do you ever meet guys that you just want to be friends with and they're like no I want to have this with or it's actually the opposite Really interesting. I have this theme throughout life and I maybe it started with my early lover from college to you know Is the gay man, but oh yeah the same guy. Yeah, she's been around forever. So like, so like, I have this thing where a lot of times people don't want to have sex with me. They want to love me. And I don't know what that is, but it's like sometimes it's like a little like, come on, like let's have sexual footprint, you know, like they don't want to. And they don't want to. Why? I've literally had people say to me, I don't, Jaya, I don't want to do that with you. I really just want to love you and take care of you.

And it's super sweet. And, you know, sexuality is a really important thing. And you're like, angry about it. I am. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you feel like it's rejection to you? Like you find it like as rejected when they say that to you?

I just have a lot of curiosity around archetypes with it. For me, around why do people see me as this archetype of, you know, I get a lot of like, you're a goddess and you're the, you know, which is great. I love that. And, and also like the goddess likes to have you in pleasure. So, right.

And intimidate and scare. I think there's a, there's an intimidation, but I also think that there's a pedestal, pedestalizing. And I oftentimes, let's be say, you know, I bleed. I, just like a regular woman, you know, I've given birth. I'm a mom, I have these other identities. Right. And in that love to be fed and all of me,

not just a compartmentalized aspect of myself. I wonder if the, if the guy is even known and recognize that they're even doing that to you. Is it because some people just say, oh, I pointed out now. You do. I would say, okay, this is the pattern. We're going to stop this right now. We're going to, really? And it's something I talk about in the book too, is like, okay, what are the loops you're

in? What are the patterns that show up again and again and again in your life? And this is one of them, you know, it's like, okay, here's this pattern that's showing up in my life. I'm gonna stop it as soon as it starts now and go, okay, if you really wanna love me and you really want to be in relationship with me, then here's what I need because I'm full spectrum. Yeah.

Okay, so then I was gonna say, I'm gonna talk about all of these different blueprints. Are there people that are just not compatible, sexually, because they're too far one way or the other? Like if one person's a really hard core on the energetic and then it went on the kinky. Yeah, I mean, if you're like 100% energetic and the other is 100% sexual, then I'd say,

okay, your blueprint is showing you where you're limited. It's time to expand. And are you, again, come down to willingness? Are you willing to learn a new... You only speak, you know, American English? Yeah. And you learn to speak other language, even if you can just say a few words, that's the beginning.

I guess my question I guess more is like, is sexuality fixed? Like, at the end of the day, not at all, not at all. Like, if I'm one, if I'm one of the blueprints, can I become another blueprints? Yes. 100%. So I think my friend, Esther Peral, she says that there are multiple sexuality, it's not one sexuality.

And I believe that we're always innovating our sexuality and we're growing in our sexuality. And so life changes even, just like I had a baby. How did that affect? Or I'm going through menopause. How does that affect my blueprint? I've seen a lot of people go energetic. You know, as they get older, they become, they get more access to the energetic.

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Yeah. Esther and I, we love doing things together because of that. Because she really has, really has the psychology and the psyche emotional realm so deeply, but I have the somatic. And so to bring her teachings even into the body and how are we practicing some of the things that she's talking about, I tend to bring things into practice and into, okay, well, now let's experience it. Not just talk about it. Right. That's a good idea. And she talks about erotic blueprints too and her book, Meaning of Captivity,

but different. Hers is really a blueprint created upon. I think she says, show me how you were loved and I'll show you how you loved. Yeah. Yes. That's a great, I like that. And she does do that.

That's true. And I also, not to keep on dwelling on, or beating a dead horse, but with Ian and all your, is Ian, do you have a main lover and the rest are kind of just kind of ancillary or do they all have lovers too? There are many ways to practice polyamory. It's really about finding out what works for you. And so what I've discovered over the years, there's been moments where Ian was my primary relationship.

And that's because we were raising a young son. And it was like, okay, we need to just really be together and raise this baby and do that together. That will do baby now. He's 14 and a half now. Okay. And so then, and then also that felt really good for both of us, plus we lived with one of my other partners

who has been around for 20 years, John, who I wrote my first book with. And so did you mention him already? Yeah, I did. Which one was John? John, 20 years. And he lives with us in Boulder. And we lived together for 20, right?

Yeah, yeah, I remember this. He takes care of our son. And so for 12, 12 and a half years, we lived together, all three of us. And we were raising our son together. And so that 12, 12 and a half years, we lived together, all three of us, and we were raising our son together. And so that actually is amazing, because it's really harmonious, because I could work while John has been the one

who mainly takes care of our son. And so both of us could really do business and do other things while we had somebody. I'm like, how does single moms do this? I have three. It's impossible. Right? I have a community of people,

a whole constellation of stars here. Can you believe it? Like, it's amazing to me that they can do. I say that to myself all the time, how people can do it as single moms. I don't get it. It takes literally a village. I mean, that's literally.

Do they have relationships like Ian and John? So not a sexual relationship with each other. So, and that's also interesting as like, how does everybody interact together? And so in the last few years, I've really come away from like having a primary partner and much more into this idea of a Constellation that we're like a constellation of stars. Yeah, and each constellation has its point in relationship to me and in relationship to each other. And so, yes, they all have other lovers, yes, they all. And they do.

And we're like a community. We practice more sometimes people call it kitchen sink, polyamory, and it's like where everybody knows about each other. And we are like a community who supports us. And we're going through a really rough time with one of my lovers who's really ill right now. And everybody has been so beautiful.

Like people flying out to be with my son, people coming into town to be with him while he's in the hospital while I'm here doing interviews. Like those kinds of things, wow. One of them's cleaning the house. Like everybody is coming together because we are like a community who has so much love for each other.

And in that there's no hierarchy of my love. It's not like, oh, I love you more than I love you. It's very much just, I love all of you. And I love all of you equally. Now, do we spend equal time together? No. And there's reasons for that. Some people live a farther away.

Or it's just the way that things work, because they have other primary partners. Right. So because they have primary, you're like a secondary or a tertiary or whatever partner in their world, in their world. How about your son? How does he react to all this? He knows what's going on. He's 14. He's not young, but he's not old. Yeah. What does he think? What does he feel?

You know, he's just, he's been a 14 year old. He's like, yeah, he's like, whatever. Yeah. I'm just going to go play video games, you know. And it's his life, like he grew up, you know, the day he was born, John cut his umbilical cord, and Ian, you know, Ian was there holding me, the day he was born. And so, and Christian is like, Christians are my gay lover.

He is like the cool uncle who plays video games with him and you know takes them on trips and that kind of thing. And so he gets to interact with all these people. He's being raised in a village. But you know again like age appropriate sexuality. We're not like sharing all the things that we're doing. Yeah. It's more just like, and he'll roll his eyes at me because I'll say, you know, my friend, but lies like, mom, I know who they are. Yeah. Don't have a safe friend.

I love that. That is so funny. Because like, oh my gosh, because he's like a 14 year old kid. Yeah, that's amazing. I'll get cares about it. He's gonna teach him how to drive. And like, you know,

like a normal kid. And he said, and I always tell him, I'm like, what's it like to be so loved? Cause he's an only child. And he has all of this love. I mean, from the moment he's born, I was like, you two, you had some good karma in your past life. Yeah. Boy, I mean, he has one, he like makes him breakfast in the morning.

Somebody else who's there to like play video games with him. Another one to play tennis, you know, and it's just like he has this village of people around him. Oh, wait, you have those two? Well, wait, you have two that live downtown and you and John, you and Ian lived together with John is John still there? Oh, so you still live with John and Ian and then you have those other two that come all the time up and down.

John and John and Michael Ashley live in the same house and then Ian and I live in a house. And then Michael Ashley's lover is also in town. Okay, who's... Yeah, I'm gonna go to Holy shit. What is that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's Christian. Oh Christian. And Christian is the gay one. Yeah. Got it. Okay, go ahead. Do you know this? I mean, as hard as to keep up with all this. Are you inviting... can you have more? Are you looking, not looking? No.

But do you want more people? No. I feel really content with our family. To me, it's a family. Yeah, I feel really content. And what are your parents doing? They're also very close. And I mean, my mom's a hoot.

So my mom's like, yeah. Really? What be spirit and tonner? Really? Oh, yeah. I love that. So she thinks it's like great. The greatest thing since life's bread.

Yeah. I mean, and then how do women respond to you? Not friends. I know you have a few friends. When they meet you, like when you go to things or like, I don't know what you do for, what kind of stuff do you do when you're not having sex? Like, we're not like, we're not having an orgasm.

We're not having sex. What do you do? You know, it's normal. Like, hang in there with my son. He loves to roller skate. So like, doing, going to the roller skating ring, or going out to dinner, hiking, I swim in the lake every day. You do?

Just, those are just beautiful, like regular person. Yeah, I'm just having lots of sex basically. Regular person, just having lots of sex, traveling around. I work a lot, you know. You do? I work a lot with clients. And so you still do a lot of sex basically. Regular person just having lots of sex, traveling around. I work a lot, you know. You do. I work a lot with clients and you still do a lot of client work. Like what does it look like now? Are you traveling a time like to the,

like the most rich and famous people in the world? Because they all want to up level their everything in life, right? That's a lot of it. A lot of it is, I always have worked with celebrities. It's really interesting. Even when I was in Ohio, I had like Olympic athletes and celebrities and people who came to see me and I it maybe it's just something Do they've had any fun out about you feel drawn to me? Board of mouth internet and

But then these later years it's been we do a lot of travel adventure Which is really fun of just going and we's like some amazing location and we travel for like three days to a week depending upon the client we're working with them. And we just have an epic experience learning and at a beautiful location and doing a lot of transformational work as well, you know, because I'm really there to help them transform into whatever it is that they're seeking to transform into. And so, do they have sex with the news? I know it sounds great. And I know it sounds like a crazy question,

but do you have to demo sometimes how to do this stuff? Yeah, I mean, so you saw the sex loving goop demo. That's what I'm saying, yeah. Yeah, that kind of stuff of like, like, right in it. Like you're involved. Yes, you know. Yeah. I have always thought of myself as someone

who's teaching from my own body. Like I'm teaching, I call it teaching from the table. Like I'm teaching from what's happening. And so a lot of people are interested in the energetic and learning how to do all the inner fun energetic stuff. Totally. Totally. So, you know, you see it on the Goop show there with Ian and I practicing that.

Yeah. Yeah, so I do. And so, Christian, Ian and I travel together a lot and we go, because Christian teaches with me as well. And so we go, and it's really interesting to see, because a lot of times people want to see, how do we live our life? Because they want what we have. And they see something that's a desire and them of something that's possible in terms

of love, in terms of relationship. And so I just live, I pretty much like live with the client. So they can see like, this is how we live. This is how we are. Wow. So they hire you basically just to live with them technically for like a week. And so they can kind of like download it all.

Yeah. Watch you. See how wild. Yep. Watch me in the wild. Watch you in the wild. While we're doing things like unraveling their trauma, helping them get through the psychoemotional charges that are there, the loops and patterns that they're in, you know,

unlocking orgasmic possibilities, doing blueprint work. Like all of this. Can I ask you to say, and you don't have to answer them, curious, so because I'm sure people are going to be listening, be like, hey, how much would it cost to have you come along for a week to some great tropical island and watch you for a week? How much would it cost? It's your first time. You watch your wild, you and Ian and John and the wild. That's what it is though, right?

And learn from you, really. Yeah, it's really interesting because I mentioned how I made that transformation and my relationship to work from like one-offs, like a week or like even people coming in for a few hours to work with me to now everybody works with me for a year. And so I see it as a mentorship. And so you're really diving in deeply into

the year-end. It's a year-long process and it usually takes 10 months where that radical transformation starts to happen. You said like like well, how long does it take to get this? It's like okay now you know how to play the piano. Yeah, now I can go you got this and it usually takes it's that 10 mark I love October It's like my because I always start everybody in January and I love October because when I get to October That's usually when the trip they start to like, pop September, October, and I know like clockwork, my clients are going to start to have these big wins.

And then all of a sudden they've like, let go of the pattern that they've been in for 20, you know, 10, 20, however long they've been together. Sometimes they're whole life, they've been playing out this pattern and now we finally broken free of that pattern. And now we're in a different game. Now we're playing, you know, we like it,

it's a video game, so it's like, now we're a new game plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. We got through this level and now we're playing, we like in its video games, it's like, now we're a new game plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. We got through this level, and now we're in a completely different place. And so that year-long process, is anywhere from a quarter million to a million

dollars to work with me now. So it's gonna take, it's also, it's also gonna be, wow, because you can only take on, how many people can you see at a time? Yeah, I only take on, usually my clients stay with me for many years, because we start to form, just only take on, usually my clients stay with me for many years because we start to form, you know, just like they've been through this process with me for a year. Oftentimes I'm supporting them to some big crises because sex is this place where we keep

all our hidden stuff. And so, you know, it's like, it's really intense work. It's not like for the faint of heart, it takes a lot of courage. And so once I've held somebody through that year, then they're like, okay, now next year's gonna be the fun year. Like, now, and so I have clients who, I've had clients who stay with me up to eight years, just, and so there's not new spaces off and high. Right.

Because I only take on two or three couples a year. Yeah. And in singles, sometimes it's a single person. And so in that, unless somebody falls off, then I have an opening, usually usually for somebody to come in new. Right, because like, I was gonna say, because people must feel so incredibly attached to you after, because like even you're like making,

like going into their most vulnerable places and then making them feel like they can be free. Yep. For the first time, maybe. And they're exactly. They feel free to express fully who they are like even looking what watching the show And I just keep on thinking about that one situation on the table whatever and like I was uncomfortable even watching that situation Because I can imagine I would be so uncomfortable in that situation, right?

But like you're a pro like I would like like what you did was you did it so well, right? Like you make the people feel so comfortable. You obviously have a gift. There's not many people I think you do what you do. But like, I mean, it's really is. Like, you're so unique. You really are. Are there other somatic sexologists like you, even? I don't even know if they're, I mean, I don't know, but.

There are other somatic sexologists and we've trained 300 coaches. Oh, they're, well, they're trained 300 coaches who work as erotic blueprint coaches. And so they're going to specifically work as erotic blueprint coaches. Okay. However, what I do actually is quite unique because I'm bringing together all my gifts from the last 30 years. Yeah. It's like, it's like, I love the story of this, there's the story in business circles of this guy who was like going to get his car fixed. And the first mechanic, you know, Tinkered a little bit, took a day or two to get a part,

put the part back in, the guy gets his car back in three days and you know, charges him a thousand dollars or something like that. And the guy's like, okay, and then, but then like a few months later, the rattle comes back in his engine. He's like, oh, he takes it to another mechanic and kind of the same thing.

Like, this mechanic even takes a week and charges him a little bit more. He's like, okay, now it's finally fixed. And then he goes to this older mechanic who's been around for 40 years, who he hears as like a really genius at this. And the guy looks under the hood and goes, kink, kink, and says, okay, that's $10,000.

And the guy's like, what, $10,000? All you did was like hit the thing, he's like, yeah, but it took me 40 years to get the wisdom and the knowledge to be able to just go ting, ting, ting, and make that thing go away. 100% exactly. And you're the ting, ting person. That's a major two.

So people could take a course and have clients, but do you have a whole, I guess you have a program, right? Like, yeah, yeah, so that's the thing that Ian built in our business. That's right. Okay. Was that he really built the online portion where people can go now. So that's more accessible. You know, not everybody can go work with me. Yeah. The race, right? Yeah. Really? People don't have a million dollars in their phone.

Really? I mean, maybe some people, but listening to this, but the journey. Even though there was a really interesting choice just in me working through my money stuff, of like being able to say, like, oh, this is what I charge. That's why I asked you. Without any shame or anything, you know, to just be able to matter faculty say, this is what I charge. And part of that was I realized that if I could work with people at that level,

those people impact so many other people. So I'm mostly interested in working with people who can make a big impact because I see the relationship in the mentorship as a way to impact massive people because I'm working with those influencers. Yeah. And if they talk about it, in a lot of them run companies and then how that trickles down into their company and their dynamics Even because they grow so much then that trickles into the world in a really big way even where people put their money Mm-hmm, and they don't feel stuck and therefore they'll be better leaders and different leaders Exactly, but I only asked you that question because you

You opened me up for the ability because you said that you did that orgasm at the beginning to have To make more money to be more comfortable financially to do all that well stuff So I wanted to see if you're gonna say how much and you were like no you were fine with it And I find it really interesting because especially on this podcast, right? Because a lot of entrepreneurs listen to this whatever people are so uncomfortable With talking about how much money they make, what their money, you know, statuses, they'll talk about everything else.

And if you say, how much does that cost? Or how much would you make for that? How much is that course? They will talk around it for like a half an hour because they don't wanna, they don't wanna like talk about the actual like money figure. And I always find that to be so telling and weird. And here, because if the camera was off,

or this was off, or whatever, the microphone was off, they would tell me. It's like talking about sex. That's what I'm saying. It's the exact same thing. That's what I was saying. It's like, they are the two things that people are so awkward and uncomfortable.

But once you're free with it, who cares? I don't care. You ask me, I'll tell you. Right. And I just found it very interesting because you said that you were free with it and then you obviously are, because you didn't like,

you didn't beat around the bush. It's around six figures, seven figures. I don't know. Like you went, right, you just, just told me, you know, and now people know. Right. And it's not weird,

because you just said it. Right. And then the beauty of it is, okay, just like owning it, that gives other people permission to own it to. Yeah. And we all start to elevate our abundance because why not? You know, I never understand that. Like, I never, why people so weird about it. Like, I know, like, I'm not going to be able to pay one million dollars for you. Then my, actually, in my head, I'm like, how, what do you get for 250,000? That you don't get for a million. So I want to know, because actually in my hand, I'm like, what do you get for $250,000 that you don't get for a million?

So I want to know, is there a package? You get a package for $250, is there a package for $500,000? Is there actually a package? I don't think of them as packages in programs. So this was, this was an interesting evolution in the book. So I went from like a doctor, right? Like a charge hourly or a therapist, right?

You charge hourly, like it's this much an hour. And then somebody in business really shifted my mindset and I were like, oh, you should offer packages and programs. Because then it's like, and I remember that day because I wanted to throw up the first time I ever made an offer. It's like, oh my God, I'm gonna throw up a minute of throw up to say this number.

It was $7,999 for my package. Really? But I had, it was like one immersion day where people could come work with me and like a number of calls plus a workshop. Something like that. Yes. And I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna throw up.

I'm gonna throw up because I had so much money shame and just so much stuff tied up. And like I can't ask for this. Like who am I? Like all the worth and the value stuff. You've got your syndrome stuff. Exactly. Can I really deliver like all of that? And then it went from that to 15K. I got all the stuff. I got all the stuff. Can I really deliver all of that?

And then it went from that to 15K. And I remember that day. I'm like, okay. And then I offered it to a client. It was like 15K. And they're like, no, we insist on paying you 20. So my client started insisting on paying me more because they knew I was undervaluing my own work.

And then I went to six figures. The first time I offered, it was $100,000 to work with me for mentorship. And when I went to there, it was interesting. The person who took that, we had four people apply for that very first offering. And she said, I was waiting for you to value yourself enough to raise your rate to six figures.

Really? Otherwise, my husband wouldn't take it seriously. Seriously? That was like such a learning for me. I was like all this time. I could have just been. I know you could be sitting there exactly. There is a psychology behind that too because people don't think you're valuable unless you are so expensive. Exactly. It's like that's like and like welcome to where we are in the world. Like in LA or like these places where you have a lot of money or wherever. And it's perspective.

It's true. That was something somebody else said to me who, you know, she had, it was very, actually, early on and I just didn't take the lesson and she said, you know, it's all perspective. Money is all perspective. And then I realized, I can charge whatever. And it doesn't matter. And then I can, and the thing that I really love that I love to do, and again, this isn't like because of shame or to justify, but this is because I like this model of

business, which is I love that, okay, I have these rates, but then I can take on so many pro bono clients. Right. And you take pro bono clients. I do. So I just take on pro bono clients. So for every immersion that I do for a paying client, I do a pro bono client. And I get so much value out of that plus the clients

who are paying me know that that's happening. And then they're like, we're supporting another person to have this transformation along with us. And I try to choose somebody who's having the same challenges. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, so that, I just love, I love that aspect of my business. Yeah. Okay, I get, like it's like Christmas for me.

I get to choose anybody anywhere in the world that I want to work with who has some challenge that they're struggling with that could use the expertise that I have. And what is the most common? And then I know it. I got to wrap this up. I just want to know. So I want people to feel like they can relate. Like what is someone to most a couple? Okay, that two of the most common problems that you think people really have that I want people to know so they don't feel like they're alone. This is something I talk about in the book as well, which is that we get into an unconscious pattern with our partner. And we

run the same racket over and over and over again, and we're not aware that we're even running that racket. Yeah. And so we're playing a game, essentially, that we're stuck in a loop. And I don't know if you've ever felt like that. Like, oh God, here I am doing this again. Yeah. Doesn't everyone feel that way?

I feel like that for sure. It's like, it's like this, people get into like a sexual routine though, right? A sexual routine, but also your psyche emotional diet. I'm like, it's around it. It's like, well, that's something like that's, you have you, and like, have you break that loop though? Or how do you break that room in that pattern? I think the first thing is just to become conscious of it.

So you become conscious of the loop that you're in. And then you're like, okay, wait a minute. If the moment I become conscious of it, I can choose not to do that. Then that is a moment of choice. Right, okay. And Ian and I laugh too, because we're like,

oh, we're, I'll even say we're playing the game again. Yeah. We're doing the thing. Oh, really? And you get into the loop. And then it gets less and less, like each time we do it, it's like, I think last time was like three minutes.

We're like, oh, we're doing the thing. Okay, do we want to just keep doing the thing? Hold on. Buh-buh a little mini and we're like, okay, we're done with this. Really? Stop. I love that. It used to be a week, you know? Yeah. Of course. Of course. You are a lot of human. I definitely. You're not just someone out of bed is still. Okay, what's the other one that people do a lot? And then I think the other one is just,

we get caught in our blueprint and don't want to go out of it to learn anything new. And learning something new, especially in sexuality, feels threatening to our egos, especially for sexual blueprints, I will say. They really, they're like, something's wrong in our, but everybody else was fine with our sex life, or They really, they're like something's wrong in our, but everybody else was fine with our sex life, or they really hate to hear that there's something wrong with

their sex life. So how do you tell somebody in a way that that would make them actually be open to willing, or being willing to be open to? Yeah, I think there's a conversation there of, here's there's something that I'd love to talk to you about. You're not in, right? Exactly because as soon as somebody says I want to talk to you about exactly. Oh God, I did something wrong. Right. And so you're not in trouble. And it's just something that I has come to my awareness and I would love to share with you. Do you have time now? Would you like to schedule a time in what would have you feel safe to have a conversation about sexuality? Yeah, we're saying it's so confidently because you've like it's conversation about sexuality? Yeah, but you're saying it so confidently, because it's like, yes, I understand,

but that doesn't make the other person feel less threatened though, right? Yeah, I mean, sometimes their threat can come up, but if you offer to them what would have you feel safe? Yeah. Then they get the opportunity to say, well, I can't do this right now. I'm concerned, is there something I should be concerned about or you know, whatever they're having?

No, I just there's just things I want to communicate with you or I tell people a time blaming on Jaya Like I heard this woman Jaya on this podcast. Yes And she said that's a hundred percent true and I took this quiz and you know like I Excited about that. And so that's another way. And is there anything you need to feel safe to have a conversation about this or would you be willing to take the quiz and find out more?

And that tells you something just about where they feel and how they feel safe. I think that's like, I think, Stari, what's, do you wanna take this great quiz? Like that's what, I mean, that's what I would start with, right? Because I think the quiz is a great, what do you call it?

Just like a conversation open or not really, but like it's a ice breaker. Ice breaker, exactly. Jaya, I'm so happy you came on this podcast. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much for really digging in. No, thank you. I really love this.

And I really, really appreciate your earnest and honesty. Like I really do. I, like I said, you weren't like trying to mince words and like kind of skirt around things. And I'm telling you, that's like every podcaster's dream, right? Because like I said, once, like the conversation usually when the mic's off is very different when the mic is on

and you just, you know, you didn't change. So thank you. I was saying to Ian, you know, sometimes I feel like my transparency, like I don't have a filter. Good. And sometimes my transparency is an amazing thing because it gives people lots of permission. And sometimes I'm like, I'm really balsy,

like really courageous. Yeah. And then sometimes I'll be like, what did I say? Yeah. And like you'd be kicking yourself, like what the hell they say that for. But then I also have this thing of like no regrets. Like it happens, we set it.

And I don't regret what I said, because there's somebody out there who needed to hear exactly what I said and exactly the way that I said it. And if it helps one person, then it's always worth it. Yeah. Well, I think what's in I think you're great. I think the book is great. It's called your blueprint for pleasure, Jaya, like Madonna, Jaya. It's a great book. Find out your erotic types. Everyone should take the quiz. You guys,

it is so this book, the quiz, it's just, it's great. It's really well, well done. So glad you liked it. So informative. I love it. Thank you. And good luck on the books, the whole, the book and the tour. I'm sure you're going to hold like podcast tour, book tour, working people find you if anyone wants to know more about your work, where where they find you. Jaya, J-A-I-Y-A.Love, L-O-V-E. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, no, you don't have Instagram or you do, but so I do. I'm also on Facebook.

I need a Facebook.com slash Jaya. You can find me there too. What do you, like, 150? I am 150. Like, I still do Facebook.com slash jia, you can find me there too. What do you like 150? I am 150. Like I still do Facebook. You too? Yes. I know you're not on social, like you're not on Instagram

as much as like other people. Yeah. Which kind of I think is actually I like it personally. Yeah, I just don't resonate with social media much. It's for you. I love that about you. Don't change that. I don't.

I love doing podcasts and I love being with people. Yeah. But social media and I, mm, good. But I'm too busy having orgasms. Yeah, I hit too busy having orgasms exactly. I thought my lover just loved that. Oh my God, okay, bye everybody. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning

Digital Media Empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young and Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting.

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