Habits and Hustle - Episode 34: Lydia Fenet – Managing Director and Global Director of Strategic Partnerships at Christie’s
Episode Date: October 22, 2019Lydia Fenet serves as the Managing Director and Global Director of Strategic Partnerships at Christie’s, where she’s raised more than half a billion dollars for nonprofits globally. Fenet gets in...to how she’s able to balance her position at Christie’s, speaking to corporations on “Selling”, all while raising family. She gives insight into how important she believes conversation is during the art of selling. Lydia shares some awesome nuggets about what sets her apart from other auctioneers and how certain unique techniques helped her own the stage. Youtube Link to This Episode Her Book: The Most Powerful Woman In The Room Is You Lydia’s Instagram ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email habitsandhustlepod@gmail.com 📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome to the Habits and Hustle Podcast.
A podcast that uncovers the rituals, unspoken habits and mindsets of extraordinary people.
A podcast powered by habit nest.
Now here's your host, Jennifer Cohen.
Hi, this is Jen.
I just wanted to let you know that we had a few audio issues with this
episode, but it's a really great episode with a lot of valuable information. So please
listen and I'm sorry for any inconvenience. Enjoy.
So today on Habits and Hussle, we have Lydia Finet, who wrote the, I think, great book,
the most powerful woman in the room is you.
And she's one to, she's a badass, guys.
She not only did she write this book in her spare time,
but she is the managing director of Christie's auction house.
Is that how we call it?
That is it, yeah.
And she's an auctioneer herself.
And she has three kids.
And, and, and.
So thank you so much for coming on this podcast.
Thank you so much for having me on this podcast.
I'm thrilled to be here.
It's great having you.
I mean, I was staying before we even
started rolling to you that the way I even found this book
was I was actually at a production company in LA.
And the guy I work with, one of my partners
and some business I do was going in the bathroom when I was bored. So I was looking on the shelves
and this book just popped out and I took a screenshot of it and I was like, oh my gosh, I have to have
this woman on my podcast. So I'm thrilled. Well, I'm glad that the cover works. It's a cover absolutely worked. And the messages in the book are
fantastic. So let's just start actually I want to start from like
actually you being what you are. Because that's a no joke job. I
mean, and it's at like the highest level. So how did you even
become the managing director and explain your whole product,
how that whole thing happened? Absolutely. So I started working at Christie's when I was 21 years old. I had done an internship
the summer before and then came back and did another internship and was hired out of the internship.
So I started right after college and in a way it kind of became my family and I learned everything
on the ground which is always my first piece of advice for people starting out. I know in this day and age everyone's so eager to be at the top of the game,
but there's something to be said for really understanding the business that you're in from the
bottom all the way up, because in today's age, if something goes wrong, I can answer it because I
promise I've been through it after 20 years. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like everyone now is about
like hacks, right? Sure cuts of how to get to, you know, wherever they want to get.
But the reality is, I feel like it's in the process
that people really kind of get to be at the ray game, right?
To understand everything from, like, the beginning
to, like, every little nuance of how it happens.
Yeah, and that's so much about this book.
I mean, I wrote the book as a journey.
Why did I learn how to become the most powerful woman in the room as you?
I learned it because of the skills that I've
learned over 20 years.
Some of them great.
Some of them really painful to go through.
But all of them were stepping stones
to being confident and feeling like I have a voice that
deserves to be heard.
And I believe it now as much as I believe it
when I wrote the book.
No, that's amazing.
So let's get to it then.
So your first thing that I saw that you tell women,
or actually anybody, really, is the strike method.
Yes, the strike method.
So for those of you who don't know,
I am the lead charity auctioneer
for Christie's Auction House,
which is very different than art auctioneering.
I don't go into a room with a bunch of people
in a well lit sort of thing.
Yeah, explain the difference.
Because I have that down.
I want you to tell people the difference
in an art auctioneer and a benefit,
which is what you do, which is what I did auctioneer.
Because until I read your book,
I had no idea that there was even a difference.
I know, and I think most people,
I mean, Christie's in the world that I operate in,
in my job, is so high level that most people
probably see in a New York Times or a CNN headline
about the fact that Christie sold something for $400 million. Right. So out of the sort of norm for
99.9 percent of the world, it's almost like a headline and that's it. So
Christie sells art at every level high to low things for the same price that
you would buy them in pottery barn all the way up to hundreds of millions of
dollars. People go to art options knowing what they're going to buy. So they sit in an auditorium or what we call a sale room with chairs perfectly
lined up watching an auctioneer. And I think a lot of times if you've seen an auctioneer you would
think of something you've seen in a movie. So it's sort of an elegant British gentleman who's standing
up there in Black Tie taking an auction. That's what we say in the auction while taking an auction.
I'm a charity auctioneer, which means that I go in at night to a crowded cocktail party or a seated black tident or people have been drinking for
usually an hour or two, sometimes three hours, and I get on stage and I have to sell something that a lot of times
people don't even know that there's an auction. The auction is a bunch of things that people have put together to raise money for a charity.
So I get on stage
and an auction off a vacation home that somebody has donated to the art to the charity auction,
or I say in the book a puppy that nobody wants, that they put on stage at 11 o'clock at night and say,
okay, go sell that and make money for the charity. So it's kind of a crazy, it's kind of a crazy sort
of skill that you start out, they toss you on stage and you just sort of have to sell
whatever you can and you do whatever you can
to get the attention of the crowd.
So that's really the difference.
I say in an art auction, you're sort of people go in
knowing that they're there to buy something.
Yeah.
In a charity auction, it's all about the person on stage
who's the auctioneer who has to figure out
how to get the audience to watch and then to really want
what they're selling.
So before we even get into what the actual strike method is,
I want to just add my own curiosity.
What was the most expensive, I know you said it's in the book,
to everyone always ask you this,
but what is the most expensive thing that you've auctioned off?
So again, I'm not an art auctioneer, I'm a charity auctioneer.
Right. So I've sold the most expensive thing
that I have ever sold was a suite at the Super Bowl
and the new
arena in San Francisco for, I think, these sort of are 1.25 million. For 20 people, you go on the field and then you go up to the suite and watch the Super Bowl game and we sold it. And then a fun
charity auctioneering trick is sometimes they get you two to sell. And so you get the crowd,
the sort of the final bitters to bid as much as they possibly can. And you say, going once,
the sort of the final bitters to bid as much as they possibly can. And you say, going once, going twice, and then you pause and say to the under-bitter,
the person who isn't going to win it.
Let me just ask you something.
If I had one more to sell, would you be interested?
And usually they're on the spot in front of hundreds of people, so they ultimately say,
yes, so we sold it twice.
Oh!
I think it was 1.2 million.
That's amazing.
Really fun, because then you make $2.4 million for charity on the spot, which is incredible.
That's incredible. Oh my god.
Okay. And also in your book I saw that you sold stuff like
a singing lesson with Lady Gaga.
I didn't listen to the dance.
So how much does that stuff go for?
How much does a singing lesson with her?
Well, that's the thing about a charity auction.
You never know, but things like that usually sell for sort of anywhere
from 50,000 to upwards of $100,000. So that one, how much of that one go for? For the dance lesson
from Madonna went for 70,000. I can't remember what the singing lesson would get Lady Gaga
went for, but probably somewhere in the same ballpark. How about the George Clooney lunch or dinner
or something that I saw? That was around 75,000, 80,000. All right. It depends, it really depends on
the audience. I can sell things in two different crowds where you know
Dinner at the hottest restaurant in town and one crowd can go for four thousand dollars
And again, these are New York City prices. So understand this goes for charity
This is not I understand that this is not mainstream
But then in a different crowd that might go for twenty thousand dollars, right because people want to give
It's just if they're having fun and they have the money, sometimes the sky is really the limit. But that's why you have to be even, you've got to be excellent
at your job to kind of get as much money out of the people and kind of command the attention.
Yes. Which is a great segue in back to the strike method of how to be the most powerful
woman in the room. Okay. So tell us, what is it? What is a strike method? So when I was writing the
book, the question I get the most after can you talk quickly
and what is the most expensive thing you've ever sold
to the two questions I always get,
people always say to me, how did you do that?
Because you start at an event sitting down having dinner
and I'll be sitting talking to someone
and then five minutes later,
I'm on stage in front of a thousand people,
commanding an audience and raising millions of dollars.
Like how does that transition happen?
And as an auctioneer, one thing that you're given almost
immediately is a gable.
Some people use it.
Some people don't.
I use it liberally.
And it's almost become, I like to say, it's like my feather,
like my dumbo feather.
I need it now to get on stage in a way.
So when I'm back stage, I'm sort of Lydia.
I'm feeling the adrenaline coming in.
I'm getting a little nervous. And then I go out on stage. I spread my notes on the podium. And I slam the g I'm sort of Lydia. I'm feeling the adrenaline coming in. I'm getting a little nervous.
And then I go out on stage.
I spread my notes on the podium.
And I slam the gavel down three times.
So if you see me take an auction anywhere in the world,
I will do that every single time.
And if I forget my gavel, I'll bring a salt shaker
from the table or a gift bag moisturizer that I've found.
But something that makes me feel like I'm immediately in charge.
And so I say in the book,
I've realized that every time I have a difficult conversation,
if I am going in for a big pitch,
I have a moment where I stop and I think about
what I'm gonna, excuse me, what I'm gonna say
when I get there.
So I'm not leaving anything to chance.
So when I get on stage, I slam the gavel down
and the first thing I say is, good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lydia Fanett, I'm here from anything to chance. So when I get on stage, I slam the gavill down and the first thing I say is, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is Lydia Fanett.
I'm here from Christie's Auction House
to conduct a very short live auction, every single time.
And then I'll throw on a joke.
But every single time, every single stage
that I go on in the world, I know exactly what I'm going to say.
So I don't feel nervous.
I never feel like I'm unnerved.
And that gavill for me is my strike method.
If I'm going into a meeting,
I really pause, I give myself a moment for transition, and then I move into that opening line.
And I say that that's really what the strike method is. If you were going into something where
you feel uncomfortable, I know we were talking earlier about the fact that you have a TED talk
coming up. It's really, I don't mean to tell me to make you feel nervous. The agenda now is
started to erupt again, yes, okay? But to give yourself a moment to pause and to think through what your first sentence
is going to be, and also just to give yourself a moment to reflect and be grounded about
the fact that you're about to do something where you're confronting something that may
not make you feel comfortable and be okay with that.
And that's really for me what the strike method is.
It's about not sort of throwing caution to the wind and feeling completely unsettled.
But rather, whatever it is, it could be a movement.
I have a friend who says she always digs her nails
into her hands to sort of put her in the moment.
I have friends who are sports or athletes who do different things
right before they go out for a game.
But just finding that moment of pause before you move in,
so you feel like you're coming from a point of strength.
Of confidence.
And then what's the second thing?
I think I saw was something about authenticity, right?
Being yourself.
Sell it yourself.
Yeah, yes.
And I talk about this in the book, you know, at the very beginning of this podcast,
I was talking about how if you think about what an auctioneer might look like,
I definitely do not come to mind.
No.
And I certainly didn't come to mind when I was 24 years old,
which is when I started taking auctions.
So, I mean, I first walked into an auction and I swear to God the look of the people in
front of me were like, where's the auctioneer?
What are you doing here?
Are you the auctioneer's helper?
These were actually questions that people asked me.
And I would sort of say, no, I'm the auctioneer.
And then I think when they realized that I was going to be the auctioneer, they kind of were
like, oh no, this is going to be terrible.
Right.
How good this woman command a room.
And so because I felt what they were feeling, I immediately did what I thought I should do,
which was acted like the guys that I had trained with who were all 15 to 20 years older than me.
They were all men in half of them were British.
Right. So I sort of affected a British accent.
I became very sort of formal and stiff because that's the way I trained.
It's sort of an art auctioneer.
And there was one night I was very sick,
and I still had to take the auction.
It was a Saturday night.
No one else was available.
And I went in to take the auction
and I didn't have the adrenaline boost to get me into that
pretending that I was an older British gentleman.
So I got up on stage and the first thing that happened
was I saw a woman seated in front of me
who had been seated next to me at a lunch
when the guy that I thought I was gonna marry broke up with me.
I talked about that in the book, right?
And it was so funny because she'd been so kind.
I mean, I think we started with napkins.
I was crying so hard by the end.
I think she was using sort of the bottom of the tablecloth
because the tears were coming so quickly. And I just, instead of doing
what I would have done, which was moving into that very formal stiff art auction, which
was what you want when someone selling a Picasso. I looked at her and I started the lot by
saying something like, lot number one, ladies and gentlemen, is going to be a cocktail
reception and a dinner at this woman's home. You will have a wonderful time looking at her art collection.
And then I added the part that was authentic to me.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, I will tell you, if you are currently in therapy, I can tell
you Jennifer is the woman to be with.
I sat next to her after a breakup and she nursed me back to help over one lunch.
So save your money, bid on this lot, and some kind of joke like that, yeah, totally.
And all of a sudden, the fact that I was sort of a 20-year-old
woman on stage seemed a little funny.
I was kind of poking fun at the fact
that I was on stage.
I had been broken up with.
I mean, who in the audience couldn't relate to that
on some level, and people kind of stopped talking
and looked at the stage.
And for years, they just sort of continued eating,
and not really paid attention during the auction.
And so I realized that that was actually the funny part.
And we were talking too about, you know,
when I was still taking auction,
and stirring three pregnancies.
I mean, I had to say it immediately
when I was on stage because it was funny.
Right. And also, it's like, you have to like also,
it's obvious, right?
So it's like pointing a pink elephant in the room.
Exactly. I always find that.
I don't understand why. I mean, people always say,
when they see somebody who is very successful in any, in any walk of life, they try to emulate
that person. And the reality is, there's only one, everyone is unique to them.
Exactly. And if I think if there's one thing that I always tell people, it's like, just be
yourself. Yeah. Because whatever you have, you have a super power inside you,
you have to let that shine.
Yes.
And people don't, I mean, if people did that more regularly,
I think that they would be surprised
like how much more they'd level up their lives.
Absolutely.
You know, people are so afraid to be themselves.
Well, I think what you see, I mean, when I sit at these events,
these galas year after year, I mean, when I sit at these events, these galas
year after year, I mean, I go to 50 to 100 galas a year. I can watch the people who are
good public speakers. Right. And the difference between a good public speaker and an uncomfortable
public speaker is that the good public speaker feels comfortable in their skin. Yeah. And
they've realized that being their authentic self makes the audience feel at ease.
And therefore, they feel at ease.
Absolutely.
Well, you talk about, I mean, that's another one of your points
that, so in like, so in, in like the his book,
there's a, there's a bunch of different points
and then you expand upon them of what
makes you the most powerful person in the room.
And that's why you are, you know, who you are.
But public speaking is another one of those things. And I grew through 100%. I think it's when I was reading that, that's why you are, you know, who you are. But public speaking is another one of those things.
And I grew through 100%.
I think it's when I was reading that,
that's the one that I was saying earlier to you.
I was like, oh my God, I have to read this chapter
like five times for what I have to do,
and pretty soon.
It's good timing.
It's great timing.
And I think public speaking is one of those,
I say people rather die,
they say, then actually public speak.
I know.
And I think it's a great way to gain confidence, right?
Absolutely.
And the issue is, someone like you, in your job, right?
You're kind of forced to be doing that, right?
You're on stage constantly.
So you get the practice.
Yes.
But the majority of people, including me,
you know, don't have that kind of, that, don't have that kind of platform to be just yapping
in front of people constantly for that practice.
So how do you suggest people get practice?
How do they get better at it?
Because if you're not even speaking like that, people are speaking.
Like you said, if you could be doing presentations, you could be doing a sales meeting, whatever it is, having that
ability to speak well in front of audiences, I think really behooves people.
Absolutely.
And I definitely think that people often say, well, you're on stage.
I was like, I choose to be on stage.
When I first started taking charity auctions, it's a volunteer service provided by Christie. So I'm getting on stage and I can't even tell you because I train the charity auctioneers how
many people stop taking them after five or six there. They just say to me, this is absolutely brutal.
I don't know why anyone would ever do this. People don't pay attention. They talk throughout.
And I, you know, yeah, that's a good start.
No, I think I was fine on, I was fine trying it, but I think I was very mediocre at to start. All right. No, I think I was fine on I was fine trying it,
but I think I was very mediocre at the beginning.
You know, people say they're like,
you're so effortless on stage.
I have been doing this for 16 years.
I took 100 auctions a year when I was in my 20s.
I would take two or three a night.
Right.
And practice and experience makes you look effortless now.
And I would start by even if I had an auction that evening,
I would get my fellow interns in the room and I would practice the lots on them.
I would practice in front of the mirror.
Even now before I go on stage, if I go to the bathroom a couple of minutes before I'm supposed
to be backstage and I'll run over you know how I was saying I started off a good evening
ladies and gentlemen. My name is Lydia Finette and that I were throwing a joke.
I always practice that joke in a mirror,
even if it's, you know, just like a mirror.
So it's preparation and practice.
So don't just people don't just go and wing it.
I think people get more, that's what I'm noticing too,
just with my own thing I was telling you,
is knowing what you're gonna say and prepare.
Oh yes, absolutely.
And then practice that preparation over and over again.
But then don't you people come off if you practice so much
my fear would be that it would come across robotic, right?
Because if you memorize it and you lose track of the memory
whatever where you are, then it's really,
you get a lot of like, nervousness
because like, oh shit, where am I?
Where am I?
Like, oh, I was on the fourth sentence,
I missed a paragraph, and that's awkward.
But here's the greatest thing about public speaking
that no one ever tells you.
Okay.
Nobody knows what you're gonna say.
Right?
You're the only person who knows that you do
the fourth paragraph.
So just remember, if you get a little off track,
I always say instead of memorizing,
think of the presentation or the public speaking
moment as the theme and give yourself 10 touch points over the course of that theme.
So even if you get a little off track, you can sort of thread back to that touch point.
So you have a 10 minute speech, you should be making one point every single minute.
What is that point?
And then practice it every single day when you're walking down the street.
Get a group of friends together,
be like, I'll buy two bottles of wine,
I need you guys for an hour.
I'm gonna just speak through this
because sometimes talking in front of other people,
especially people that you know,
which is often more nerve-wracking
because you actually care what they think perhaps.
I think a lot of times just getting people in a room
so that you have to talk it out helps you think through what you're gonna
Say and a lot of times they have feedback my friend Mary's great whenever I have a speech
I call her can I sit on the couch with you for an hour just talk through this and as I'm talking she's like
What about this point what about this right? That's like as a good point to use your network around you
Absolutely, which brings me to the next one which I this which is the one I really I love and I agree with wholeheartedly is the networking one. Network or die. Network or die.
Yeah, it's catch-per-death. But it's the absolute truth. I think of all these points where
we're talking about how to be the most powerful person in the room and or what really
takes you to the next level. It's all this authenticity, it's preparation,
it's public speaking, it's this,
but this networking one really is, I think, everything.
It's free.
Yeah, it's free, first of all, it's free.
Absolutely.
And it pushes you to, it makes you push yourself
out of your comfort zone, especially if you're not
a natural extrovert.
So you need other people.
And that's where real opportunities come.
I always say that in a nice way, and like everybody is a conduit to somebody else.
Absolutely.
And if you, I think if you really kind of nurture that one element, that's really something
that makes it very powerful.
Yeah.
I will say to my father who I referenced in the book, this sort of king of networking, one
thing that I've always witnessed in my life,
my dad will help someone who he barely knows,
he will make an introduction to anybody for no reason,
not to benefit himself, just to literally introduce people.
And that comes back in a way,
tenfold, because people never forget him.
And they always think of him as a stepping stone
on their way to something that happened.
Absolutely.
I agree with your dad dad because you have to also
give without expectation.
Yeah, right?
And that's when the, that's become becomes,
I don't sound as cliche,
but that becomes the biggest reward.
Absolutely.
So why don't we talk about,
give us your three tips on how to be a really good networker.
So starting, I mean, I always think about networking
when I'm first entering the job.
Right.
And I actually have a great example because there's a young woman who contacted me out of the blue to talk about, she'd read the book and she wanted to talk about getting an internship at Christie's.
Right.
And she followed up a number of times because I was on book tours, so I wasn't getting back with my usual frequency on email.
And, you know, every time she did, she did I said this now is not a good
time but let's talk in two weeks. So two weeks later I would get another email
from her. And then finally we got on the phone. We had a long conversation about
everything. Within the book she told me all about her job. She told me exactly
what she needed my help doing in terms of the internship at Christie's. And I was
like look I don't know you but you clearly are very motivated. I would be happy to
red flag your resume for our HR department
just so they know that someone has met you
and can sort of say that you are all of these things
that you talk about in your resume.
I ran into her at a gallery opening.
I literally had no reason to be there.
I didn't even know that she was going to be there.
And she came right up and introduced herself.
And within five minutes, I had made an introduction
to the head of the gallery for her
because I've recognized her to be a great network
or a total self-starter.
And that's the kind of people that you want
surrounding yourself in your network
and to help move forward as well.
So it would be the first tip then?
So my first tip would be do not afraid to reach out
and ask for help to anyone at any level
and really get them invested in your career.
So not being afraid.
Don't be afraid, but also remember, get someone invested in your career.
Don't just reach out once and then think, well, they didn't get back to me.
Follow up and get yourself in front of them and make sure that you're known and they know
who you are.
To be persistent.
Be persistent.
So that's your tip one.
And also get them invested in your career.
And get them, and is that number one or number two investment?
I think it's a combination of one.
So investment, find someone who's invested in your career and persistency is number one
for tip one for networking.
Yes.
What's number two?
So reach out to the network as we've been talking about, reach out to your network and
ask them to extend their network to you.
So again, something that I'll often just say to someone who reaches out to me,
go through my LinkedIn. I accept everyone on LinkedIn. This is true. I will accept
anyone on LinkedIn. So if you want me to reach out on behalf of you to someone
in my LinkedIn network, I'm happy to do it because if I didn't reach out to them,
they reached out to me. So it's a two way street and I'm happy to introduce.
Right. So you can see who your that contact is connected to to make an introduction.
So you say you use LinkedIn, use Facebook. Another thing I saw, which I thought was a great one,
is like an alumni group. If you come from a place where you have an alumni, utilize that alumni.
In the middle school all the way up. Absolutely. This isn't just college.
Right.
So like kind of think outside your little box of who you have in front of your purview.
So think really grand, big scope.
Yeah.
All right.
And then follow up with them.
And then follow up with them.
If you reach out and ask for someone's time, follow up with them and let them know what
you were doing over the course of your career.
Perfect.
Number three, introduce yourself to everyone.
Just because you're sitting on a plane doesn't mean that you have to be by yourself.
Meet the people on either side of you.
I have made incredible contacts on airplanes that I still keep in touch with to this day.
Don't close yourself off in a box and everybody puts on earbuds and sort
of blocks out the world. But if there's someone who's willing to talk to you, speak to them
for five minutes, you never know where that path might lead.
Absolutely. That's what I always say. I mean, my best opportunities have come from accidents.
Literally. I mean, I literally have a column in four, which Forbes for the last what, five years? Because some person emailed me by accident, who was trying to email another
Jennifer Cohen, and I was like, this guy looks interesting.
I'm going to find out more about him.
And lo and behold, his friend was an editor at Forbes.
That's amazing.
So, just, so yeah, so I'm a big believer in this.
I'm telling you, like people always focus on
like things that look very obvious in front of them.
Like, oh, I'm gonna get this opportunity
or this job based on this.
But the reality is it's always,
this is like the little things that always make
a massive difference on a plane,
on a grocery store at the gym.
Like people that also you never would think
of talking to become
your best best resources. It's so true. Yeah. I mean this is one I can I can talk all day on that.
And I'm sure these guys behind me can agree could attest to that one. But um and also I would say
and this is not a tip that I talk about this a lot in the last the last chapter of the book is
if you find that your network is not growing
or you don't feel like it's growing, be a self-starter, start a networking breakfast.
And I don't mean a network breakfast where everybody comes and talks about their job,
get to know people on a human level because it's nice to sit at a cocktail party and introduce
yourself and find out the X-works, this job and X-works at this job.
But get five people together for a cup of coffee
and tell everyone to bring one person, the other person at the table doesn't know.
Exactly. And then just have a moment where you all sit around and just talk.
Let everyone the floor for a couple of minutes, it allows them to also practice public speaking.
To tell them what's going on in their life. You know, someone might have a job, someone might be a stay at home mom, someone maybe just starting out,
and all of these things will help you grow your network,
because then their network becomes a part of your network.
Absolutely, and then I also wanted to add
that no who you're talking to,
the worst thing in the world,
and I know that you wrote this,
and I talk about this a ton too,
is when people want to have information sessions,
or they have me on,
that I have an interview with them.
And they know nothing about my background, they know nothing about what I'm doing.
It's like a joke.
I'm like, why'd you even bother?
Yeah.
You know, it's in first of all, it's insulting.
And it's like, that just is it to me, a red flag never to talk to that person again.
Like, do your homework.
Do your homework.
Well, I think this really comes to younger groups of women and men who are coming in for informational
interviews.
I always say, spend some time on Google, figure out what I do in my job, figure out a little
bit about Christie's coming with a list of five to ten questions.
You can ask that you're actually interested in not things that you've printed off because
you think that I would be impressed by that.
But come in and ask me questions that interest you.
Why are you here?
What makes you interested in the art world?
Are you here because someone told you you should be here?
Is this something that interests you?
But then also follow up and tell me something interesting
about yourself.
Because as you can imagine, any role in a senior leader would
tell you in any role.
A lot of times you just get a lot of people
who are constantly asking to meet you or to have coffee with you
which I think is super exciting so I'm always happy to do it but don't just
become sort of a faceless person who comes in the door. I had a girl recently
came in she was like I heard that you like Diet Coke and chocolate so I have
not forgotten her nor will I ever actually have the camp Diet Coke in a box of
chocolate. Absolutely and I totally I like that Right, it's actually up with the camp die cook and a box of chocolate. Absolutely, and I totally, I like that girl already.
I come back anytime.
Anytime, exactly.
I officer will never be close to you.
Absolutely.
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you use that 20% code habits. And the other thing I would like to add and I
again I saw this in your book that you also tend to agree is that don't don't
think just because you can only
network with people higher than you.
I think that people are usually, they're not forethinking the future.
The people who are interns or entry-level people, and they're good, they're going to rise
like what, you know, like water finds its level or like the cream rises to the top.
Yeah.
Become friendly with those people
because those people could be your boss
in like five years.
Absolutely.
My, some of the interns that I had at Christie's,
you know, when I first started is,
when I was running the events department,
I mean, these women are powerhouses.
And I see them, I mean, I've lived in New York for 20 years.
So I see them out all the time.
Absolutely.
It's so exciting to see them really,
you know, sort of fulfill their goals
and really rise to the top,
but it's also funny because in their minds,
they're still my intern.
Right, no, exactly.
So it's like, well, she was like,
boss 20 years ago.
No, it's amazing because people don't,
sometimes want to have that like foresight.
Yeah.
And they forget that it's those quote-unquote little people
that become the bad asses and bosses later on.
And very soon you become a relevant, right?
It's true.
It's 100% true.
So that's good.
So let's keep on going.
So so far, we have this strike method, networking,
public speaking.
We touched upon, well, I mean, those are the 50
that we touched upon.
I forget one so far that we've done.
No.
Well, do you want to, let's add some other ones
that you think are super important to become the most
powerful person in the room.
So one chapter that I talk about in the book
is you are what you negotiate.
Oh, yes.
Because I think that this is something that women constantly
undervalue themselves.
And so this is something I really wanted to address.
I think society now talks about it a lot more.
But I went through this time 10 years into my career
where I realized that I was making a third
of what I should be making in my role.
And we talked about this and worked
for the same company for 20 years.
I love my company.
Which is so shocking in today's time.
People leave after like two years. I know. It's amazing. I've been here five months, and I feel like I've given it my company. Which is so shocking in today's time. People leave after like two years.
I know, it's amazing.
I've been here five months, and I feel like I've given it my all.
Maybe you should do that.
Yeah, just stick it through a couple of months.
Yeah, let's see if we can make it a year.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think there's a lot of value
in being in a place for a long time.
Because, frankly, you build in a lot of sweat equity.
People know your value, and people know what you can do.
So with the negotiating, I had been in my company for 10 years and I realized that I was
making through a series of different events a third of what I should be making
on the open market. And because I love my company so much and I talk about this
in the book, they were family to be in a family takes care of the people who
work for it. Right. But a business is a business is a business and you have to
remember that. You are the only person who will ask for what you deserve
Well, absolutely
I also I saw that part and I liked it because first of all what you said also was you're only gonna get as much as you ask for
Absolutely, no one's gonna pay you more if you ask for this is this like number 5,000
You're gonna get 5,000 if you're lucky. No one's gonna say oh let me give you 10
No, you know like no one's gonna give you more than you want, you're gonna get 5,000. If you're lucky. No one's gonna say, oh, let me give you 10.
You know, like that one's gonna give you more than you want.
You know, like, and if you say
if they don't cringe when you say the number,
you went too low, I hate that feeling.
Oh my God, it happens to me so many times in my life.
No, the way it's actually, I didn't say it was my friend,
Gemma, I just paced it in the book
and she said, it's the greatest line in the book,
make them wins.
Yeah, make them wins, I know I saw that.
But it's so true, because I think women, especially,
are so afraid to ask for what they think they're worth.
So they take whatever is handed to them.
First, all the time for women.
Oh, all the time.
I'm so lucky to have a job.
I'm so lucky to work here.
And I have two brothers.
And I just have this sort of running joke
with one of my brothers.
I've never heard you skip out of the door going to work saying,
I'm so lucky to work here.
You know, where they've just grind me for 80 hours.
I've never heard those words come out of his mouth.
No, I've heard other words come out of his mouth.
But, and so I say that, you know, to the women I work with,
I'm like, even if you know that I'm gonna say no,
just come and ask me, I'm happy.
It's better for you to hear the word no
because then you won't be scared of it.
Absolutely, and also I think more than people,
women for me anyway, they're not like, I'm so lucky,
they're scared, it's a fear based.
They're like, I'm scared to ask for what I want
because then, what if I don't get it?
Not just like, what if they fire me
because I think I'm being too presumptuous.
Or what if they think I'm pushy?
I'm pushy, because we always get the feeling
like if you're a strong woman,
it comes across as being pushy,
if you are assertive or bitchy.
But like, why can't you be happy
with who you are and be confident that you deserve more?
It's like this is like an ongoing struggle I feel. Absolutely.
But I felt like the important part
and where we are now in our culture
and in the cultural conversation,
it's about showing people what that looks like.
And I really, I was 30 years old
and I was just as scared as anybody out there
going into the office to ask for what I knew
I was supposed to be getting.
And I loved my boss and I didn't want him to be upset with me
and I didn't want him to get angry or any of those things.
But ultimately, I also knew that I was being dramatically underpaid.
You know, I say in the book, I was in an apartment that I was,
I mean, this is New York, but I was slitting a one bedroom
down a wall with a roommate.
I was 30 years old. I'd been working in a company for 10 years.
And I found out a friend of mine
was about to buy an apartment and I was just like,
wait, we're not supposed to be making this much money
and she just had a very different upbringing
where her father had been very in her face
about being financially responsible
and being financially savvy and asking for what you deserve.
And even though my parents had told me that,
I feel like society didn't shore up with those less things. And certainly where I worked with, the people I worked with
certainly didn't believe that or make me feel like that. So it was kind of time to put my,
it's time to really put my money where my mouth was.
Do you have, I don't, for your company, for Christie's, is there a lot of women who worked there?
Oh, yeah. I mean, 70% women, I think. Oh, wow.
heavily women. But and I think the company has done an incredible job
of opening this conversation because the women
all work in the entry-level jobs.
And now, I mean, in the past year, our chief marketing officer
is now a woman, our president is now a woman.
Like, the company is making changes, discernible changes
for the people who are younger.
So there is a place for them to see.
Because ultimately, most women just left at some point,
because they would have children,
and they felt like the maternity policy wasn't strong enough
to make them come back,
or they just didn't see a place that they could go.
And so I've had three children in my job,
and I've nursed throughout.
I nursed my youngest one until she was 18 months old.
And I just felt like it was very important
that I was very transparent for the women on my team
about what it takes to get on a plane
and pump an entire way to California
when you're having to go into the bathroom
on the plane so they understand.
But people know it's possible.
You know I know.
It's difficult, it is not fun, but it is possible.
So you don't have to not.
You don't have to stop nursing.
You don't have to stop doing these things if you don't want to and let me show you because I was able to do it and here are some hacks as to how to do it.
And that's what we as women should be doing for one another because I have brothers, I have a great husband, I have tons of guy friends, but they can't relate on that level. And so it's up to us as senior women to come across and say, listen, you're having a baby come into my office, let me tell you what I can
about, you know, everything I know about having done this, let me help you.
Right, right, right. I think though what you were saying before, though, about knowing
your finances, understanding money is a big point for people and women, because
the people are very uncomfortable to surround that whole topic. Yes. You know, I
mean, I get people always looking me very strange,
because I always ask how much everything is
and how much people even make.
Because I like to have a tap on the marketplace
of what everything is.
It just keeps me much more in the know, right?
OK, that's a great one, though.
I really like that one.
And then, let's pick one more that we can talk about.
I want to give it a whole entire book.
So I mean, just get one more. I mean, my favorite I want to give it a whole entire book. So I mean, just to get one more.
I mean, my favorite, well, I have a couple of chapters
that are my favorite chapter.
But I also love the one where I talk about technology
and selling with technology.
OK, that's a good one.
Because I do think it is one thing
that I have noticed certainly as an auctioneer,
where you get on stage for a while,
they try to make everybody use technological devices to bid and just losing the connectivity with the audience was something that became a parent so quickly.
And so because I sell in my full-time job at Christie's, I say to my team, I'm like whenever possible, try to meet someone once face to face, even if it's the first meeting, or when you get on a call, don't just jump into
a sales pitch and stop listening and stop.
So, people always make the mistake of not listening first in sales.
It should be listening first, and then whatever you're saying needs to align with what the
person's objectives are.
Right, but that's not even just for sales.
I mean, we can do a whole other podcast on the art of selling because of what the high level of what you sell to for sure. But that, the listening piece,
is with anything that you want to have success with. And yeah, I agree with that 100%. But is
your point more that people use technology that they're not able to socialize as well?
Yeah, my point is really you have point is, you have to find the place
where these two intersect.
Intersect, or don't just, you know,
don't just lob 100 emails toward someone
when you're trying to get their attention.
You still have to bring personality in days to days.
Making the connection, that's exactly.
But I think that would fall under networking too as well.
There's a lot that kind of like,
they're basically kind of, they're dovetail each other here right? Exactly. No but so that's interesting because I was
gonna talk to you about that the artist selling because that's my the name of my
next photo. I told Lydia that her next book should be called the artist selling
because this book because even though this title could have been the artist selling
because of I was impressed by the level of sales
that you're working within,
because you do all these strategic partnerships.
Can you just tell us how,
because people think that when they think
of a salesperson, a lot of them think they're loud
and maybe gregarious, then you have to do this.
But you're obviously not that way right at all are there sometimes on stage
maybe some kind of stage, but what are some other tips about that because I think you have to sell
in every aspect of your life you're going to sell personally yourself, um, with relationships,
for professional stuff, products, it could be, it could be anything. It's not just like a transaction between here, I want to buy a loaf
of bread. So on a high level, and then you can break it down, give us some great tips of how to
be such a successful sales person. Sales is a conversation. And again, going back to what I said
before, that is the biggest mistake that I see in sales. People try to comment sales with their own objectives
and what they are selling period end of sentence,
whether that be, this is who I am, take it or leave it,
whether it be, this is the product
that I'm selling, take it or leave it,
sales is a two-way street.
So what I say whenever I'm walking into any kind of sale,
whether that be on the small level
where I'm sitting face to face with one person,
tell me a little bit about your business before we even start this conversation. I'd love to hear what you're
up to, what your objectives are, how you started. So starting there with someone.
Right, so you make the other person have like start the conversation. Always.
And you listen to what their needs are. Yeah. And even on when I get on stage, a lot of times,
if I'm unfamiliar with an audience, I'll say to the audience, ladies and gentlemen, this is our first time together. So why doesn't someone here start out the
bidding? You can start wherever you'd like. And then when you raise your hand to start the bidding,
I say, man, what is your name? And you say, Jennifer. And so for the rest of the evening, Jennifer
becomes my best friend. And you can start it wherever you want and the entire audience is comfortable
because they feel like I'm listening to what they want. And so it's
the same thing. Small to large. What you're doing in any type of sales is
listening first. And then once you have the information from the person sitting
in front of you, your job is to figure out what whatever you are selling, whether
it be yourself in an interview, a product that you created, a product that you're
selling on behalf of someone else.
How does what I'm selling fit into what you need and what you are doing right now?
And that becomes the conversation.
And if what I'm selling doesn't work with what you want at that point, I don't shut that
conversation down.
I talk to them about the fact that this is an open conversation and we'll keep going.
So maybe what I'm selling right now doesn't work for you.
Why don't we touch base again in a month
and we'll see how your business is progressing
and maybe at that point,
this could be something that's of more interest to you.
And it's the same thing on stage.
If I have an underbitter,
one thing I never do is shut down my underbitter.
If this person on my right is gonna win,
but you're the person who's underbid him to the point
where he's gonna win and you're gonna lose,
I say to you, going once, I'm looking around the room, going twice.
Ma'am, the good news is I know you have $5,000 burning a hole in your pocket, so I'll be
back to you later.
Sold to you.
Again, it's just part of an ongoing conversation.
Not ongoing conversation.
And it's also important because women are always scared of rejection.
So I say to people, think of it not as rejection, but as pushing the conversation to a later day.
So you don't want the jewelry that I'm selling right now?
Let's talk again in five months
when we're closer to your birthday.
We'll figure out if maybe that's when you need it.
And then it doesn't feel like a rejection.
It just feels like a part of an ongoing conversation.
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See, I think you should teach a course.
Not to give to the point.
I'm going to be your business.
You're right.
I'm going to be your business.
You're right.
I'm going to be your business.
You're right.
I'm going to be your business.
You're right.
You're right.
I think that.
But it's also not just what you're saying.
It's how you're saying it.
Yeah.
I think all it's a combination, right?
Because you can give people these tactile things.
Like, it's a conversation.
You listen.
You funnel what they need.
But it's the way you kind of put it out there. And it's the way you do it. It's not seductive, but it's persuasive.
It persuasive, but subtle.
Yeah. Right.
It's funny because a woman said to me at a Q&A after when I was on my book tour, she said,
you know what I love the most about your book is that when people say power and when women historically have thought of power,
you think of the women dressing up in power suits. And she's like, nothing about you
feels that way. And I said, no, because power to me is putting on a cocktail dress and sparkly
earrings and big heels and getting on stage and embracing the feminine side of my personality,
because that's what makes me an effective salesperson. And that's why this book is hot pink because I think power and femininity are totally interjected, interjected
wrong word intersect intersected. And I just feel like we so often think that we have to
be hard charging when in fact that may not be who we are. So why not embrace that part
of our personality and make that part of our sales strategy.
Again, that's what basically everything does dub, dubtail here.
Because again, you're saying being authentic to who you are,
not trying to be what you think you have to be,
or emulate some kind of caricature of what you think
is going to make you successful is what you're basically saying.
Like if you are, you don't have to be this like hard charging big,
alpha male. No. You can do it in a minute. It's fun to be this like hard charging big alpha male.
You can do it.
It's probably not.
You never will be.
But there are women, I will say this, that are very alpha.
Like we're more alpha than the men.
But, you know, again, I'm one of the nether anecdotes here.
When I was a, my first job ever, ever, I was at the Toronto Raptors and in the sale,
that was like a 19 or 20, it was like a big deal.
And the best stale's person in the group.
There's all guys, and there was me,
and there's a one other girl.
And she's been there longer than me.
She was, she outsold the men by 10.
And she was this quiet, sweet girl,
but her whole approach was so, again, persuasive and subtle and the opposite
of what you would think. She crushed. So, like, I think it's just about figuring out who you are
and then making that, again, making your authenticity shine. Yeah, absolutely. But you should,
because other, give us a mother tactic that you been used with your personal. Give me one more, and then we can wrap it up.
Humor.
Humor is my favorite.
It doesn't matter what situation you are in,
humor can always get you out of it.
Good or bad.
And again, I see it in meetings.
I mean, when we're in intense negotiations at work,
if I find a moment where we can just bring a little bit
of levity to the
situation, it immediately calms everyone down and relaxes. And everybody goes from that sort of
tense this to the kind of like, okay, let's just take a break. And even when I'm on stage,
if there are moments where things are going terribly awry, I make a joke out of it. You know,
I'll be in the middle of a sort of sale and someone will drop a glass in front of me. I'm like,
look, this is going so well that people are breaking glass.
That's what an incredible night this is.
So it doesn't have to be, humor just
allows for a better relationship, in my opinion.
And especially if you're giving a speech
and people love a good joke thrown in.
What is a joke fails?
Like a lot of people who are speaking coaches
actually say don't throw in jokes
because if they flop then it's
even more awkward.
No, because then what you say is because this happens to me all the time.
I remember I'm getting on stage at 11 o'clock at night.
A lot of people have had a lot of wine.
They've had a big steak dinner and they're just dead behind the eyes.
And I'll go out there, I'll introduce myself and I'll make a joke and then it totally
flops.
Like one person will laugh.
So I'll say something like, oh, I'm so glad that you didn't laugh because that was not meant to be funny.
So I just, or I'll say to the one person who laughed, I'd be like,
there's, there is still one person awake in here, which is great. And he laughed.
So I guess this is the only person who's can be bidding tonight.
So you can always make something. You can flip it.
Yeah. And then the crowds like, oh, we should probably pay a little more attention
because it's poor girls up here at 11 o'clock at night.
Absolutely. You just get a little bit pay a little more attention because it's poor girls up here at 11 o'clock at night. Absolutely.
We just get a little bit of sympathy, too.
But you also have a lot of experience, again.
So that kind of makes it easier and more fluid.
Absolutely.
But I did want to touch upon this because I did find this very fascinating.
Like, what is the process of going to become an auctioneer?
And let me be clear, you're not just an auctioneer.
You also are the managing director.
So you have like, you wear two hats,
two different hats, and you also wrote the book.
Yeah, okay.
I mean, I just want to make sure it's not like you're just like,
you know, not even just, but people have what usually,
people are usually an auctioneer.
They don't also run the entire business.
But please tell us the process.
Because the process is a little bit like survivor,
you, I actually try out the charity auctioneers now.
So we start in a room if it can be anywhere
from 15 to 20 people.
And they're self-selected.
They come in knowing a little bit about it
and wanting to learn more.
What was their background before?
They all work for crises.
So you have to work for the company
to be an auctioner on behalf of Chris.
You can't just be someone who always wanted to be an auctioneer and apply.
Outside of, I mean, there are other people who do this, certainly, but if you want to work
for Chris, if you want to be an auctioneer for Chris, you have to also work for the company.
Really?
Yes.
So you don't hire outside people.
No.
Oh, that's good to know.
Yeah.
Okay.
So first of all, you work for Chris, and what?
As anything, right?
You can be a sales person.
And frankly, you know, when I first started, actually, it was only
senior executives who were allowed to do it. Wow. But by the,
but just by chance, three years into working there, they opened
up the auditions for a larger group because a lot of the senior
executives had to travel or they were older. So they had families,
they couldn't do things on the weekends.
I was 24.
I didn't know anyone in New York City.
So it just looked great.
Would have filled my time.
I don't like being home alone.
I don't like being home periods.
So it was really fun for me to go out to these galas,
even if I was a mediocre auctioneer.
And so yeah, they come into the classroom
and I sort of explain to them the process of,
it's usually a three to four day trial.
And we let people go over the course of those three or four
days until we end up with usually about four,
because you want to be able to really train them.
And then you need to start sending them out.
When you try them out for, they come in the room.
And they come in the room.
And the first thing I do is I ask them to tell a story
to sort of see what they're like and their level of comfort
ability with being in front of a crowd.
And you can pretty much tell, there's
usually one person who's just very at ease,
maybe they've been drama student
or they just don't mind being in front of people
and talking or they give a lot of presentation.
There's some people who just crumble,
I mean, some people just leave at that point.
They get up there and like, tell me,
tell me a two minute story, anything you wanna know,
but I wanted to be within two minutes.
So what I'm looking for is somebody
who can get in and out of a story and wrap it up.
And also someone who looks comfortable up there and has good hand motions.
It allows for me to understand the people I'm going to be sort of cutting over the next couple of days
if they have nervous ticks.
Like I flipped my hair a lot.
That was my thing.
I would flip it back and forth, back and forth.
But some people get very high in their voice.
Some people just start shaking.
I really bad like you can see their legs shaking. And these are people I know. And I work with them. Like, hi, we just talked in their voice. Some people just start shaking really bad. Like you can see their legs shaking.
And these are people I know. And I work with them like, hi, we just talked in the hall.
Yeah. I'm going to see that.
People rather die than be on stage. I'm telling you.
Yeah.
So, um, so then after the first day, you can kind of tell the people who just need more public
speaking experience. So I'll say to them, look, if this is really something you want to do,
go to a public speaking class or just get yourself into a situation where you're talking in front of people a lot so that you feel more comfortable, because
this is not going to be for you.
And so then the next day, we start doing exercises where people are allowed to sell what we call
lots, which is essentially what you're selling.
So, you know, a vacation home, or a dinner with a private chef, or a singing lesson with
Lady Gaga.
So I give them my old auctioneer books. And I like just get up there and sell.
And I say to the class,
this is the number that we're gonna stop bidding.
And we just sort of let them go
and see what they can say.
And so the first couple of times they do it,
they're very uncomfortable with it.
But most of them have seen charity auctions
or art auctions and kind of figure out how
to command an audience to some degree.
And then over the next couple of days,
people just start to pull away.
I mean, there's some people who are just natural
and then there are others who are good enough
that I'm like, I feel like I could train that person up.
And then there are others who are not good enough,
but I feel like they have the bread.
I feel like they have this sort of skeleton for it.
They just need more time.
Right, we're practice, practice, and so.
It can be like a two-year process where they come to my office
and I work with them on different lots and we practice and we film It can be like a two-year process where they come to my office and I work
with them on different lots and we practice and we film them basically the whole time so they can
see their progress. And then usually by the last day I have a good sense of who we can keep sending
out. So how do you guys get the actual gifts that you're you're auctioning off? Is that through you
guys? Or is the charity brings sort of a list of different things that they think would be good for the auction and we help them go through and reduce it.
I always say that you only want about three to five live auction lots in a sale because you bought them lots not gifts.
Yeah, I know it's sort of auction terminology.
But yeah, because essentially you just don't want an audience that's already tired to have to sit through another hour of an auction, especially if it's a lot of them aren't going to bid.
So I always say the beauty of an auction is if you keep it short and sweet, people have
fun.
You know, the biggest compliment is when someone says, well, that wasn't so bad.
Yeah.
A plus.
Exactly.
Now, I was going to ask, are there certain trends that you see that right now things
sell really well now that they weren't selling before.
Or you definitely see it.
I mean, right now it's all about the chefs.
If you can get a top chef to go to a private home,
I mean, in the right crowd, I've sold that for $100,000.
So, you know, wow.
It's crazy, but people love chefs.
People do.
My husband actually, at an auction,
he bought a chef to come over and cook a meal.
And it was exorbitantly expensive,
not 100,000 or I would have,
he would never come back into the house.
But still, it was expensive.
And that was one of the things, the lots, I guess,
everyone was bidding on.
Yes, you can tell.
That makes sense.
Anything for children?
And I just always say with a live auction package,
you want it to be something that is truly
priceless. Like, no, it doesn't matter how much money you have,
you could not get it unless this charity had access to that
celebrity or the chef or that home or that location or whatever
it might be.
All right, this is my last question.
I'm sorry.
I'll come back again.
Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the
office parking lot, are being guided into Warrior One
in the break room before your shift,
whether you're running on your Peloton tread
at your mom's house while she watches the baby,
or counting your breaths on the subway.
We're inhaling and long exhale.
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What now because the whole podcast is called Habits and Hustle, I want to know with your
busy, crazy schedule, what are your habits that you do every single day to keep you on
point. So without a doubt, the thing that I think is most important in terms of keeping yourself
sane is to keep it in the positive.
And you can do that throughout the day as many times as you want to do.
I live in New York City.
Things go wrong from the minute you walk outside of your apartment.
You know, I get on the subway, people are screaming.
They're pushing, they're shoving, I miss the subway. And it's so easy to immediately get into that because
if you want to be angry, there is no better city in the world than New York to be angry
because everybody will allow it in just moving on. So I just have moments, you know, if
I miss the subway by two seconds and means I'm going to be a little late, I just try to
stop for a moment when I can feel myself getting frustrated or angry or annoyed and think, okay, what was so bad about that? So I'm going to be a couple minutes
late. Ultimately, what is so bad about that? And I really try to stop in that moment and
not allow myself to spiral because it's way too easy to go into the negative and then
your entire day is offset. Absolutely. Walk into the office in the bad mood, your negative
energy goes into every single person you interface with.
So how do you do that, though?
Is it like self-talk?
Yeah.
Is it self-talk?
It's literally self-talking.
And sometimes it's just putting on music,
putting in earbuds and listening to a great song,
I think is really helpful.
Sometimes if I, you know, leaving work
and I'm just taking the day with me,
I'll stop one stop early on the subway,
put in music and walk home.
So by the time I get to my kids, I'm fresh.
Right. And I'm ready to be mom.
And I'm not Lydia from Christie's.
I'm like 100% mom.
Absolutely. And is there any other tips or any other habits
that you want to give us?
Surround yourself with great people.
You know, anytime in a real low,
even on the book tour, there were days after sort of day
after day after, day after travel.
And I was feeling horrible mom guilt as we all do about not being with my kids for two
days or three days or whatever.
It might be I would reach out to my friends and because I surround myself with really good
women, the text that we come back in.
I mean, I would be sitting on a plane crying because I just felt like I was being a bad mom.
And then all of a sudden I was crying because I couldn't believe how incredible my friends
were.
So it's a really nice feeling.
Yeah, surround yourself with the right people
and just weed out the people who don't bring that energy.
That's such a good point.
How about in terms of what time you wake up in the morning,
do you exercise?
What kind of exercise?
Do you eat a certain food?
Diet Coke and chocolate.
Yeah, I know, it's because it doesn't so much
about keeping you leveling up, but okay.
It's acceptable for today.
No, I wake up somewhere in this sort of 630 to 7 range.
I have three small children and two of them have to go to school.
So we have to sort of get going.
My husband and I, my husband works too.
So we are very much about whoever
is taking the two older kids to school that morning.
The other person is fixing breakfast,
getting the kids ready and being with our little one
to make sure that she's alive.
Right right.
Right.
So it makes the lunch.
Who makes the lunch?
Very good school.
Thankfully, as of this year.
Thank God.
So much easier.
But it's really like delegating that one person.
The person who is walking out of the door with the kids is not also trying to get them ready.
That person is really in charge of getting everything sort of food made and kids dressed
and out of the door on time.
And then the other person has a little bit more time and then our nanny comes and our everything sort of food made and kids dressed and out of the door on time.
And then the other person has a little bit more time and then our nanny comes and our daughter stays with our nanny until she goes to school in the afternoon.
Two exercise. I do. I'm a runner. Just any time I can, I never leave home without my shoes.
So you just so there's no real schedule. It's more spontaneous when you find the time.
I try never to take more than two days off of exercise.
So if I have to get up super early one morning or you know if it's a weekend I'll say to my husband
like let's go to the park I'll run from the park I'll come back you can go for a run.
So it doesn't look the way it used to when I was a six day a week runner and I used to run
marathon. I used to love running long distances and now my schedule doesn't allow for that
kind of running. But anytime I travel people are like like, well, you know, my business travel,
like business travel is when I run every single day.
Good.
Because there's always a time.
Absolutely.
And then you don't always run outside, though.
Totally depends.
Sometimes on a treadmill, sometimes inside.
In the winter, in New York is obviously very cold.
So we're just lair up.
It's actually really, there's something,
I grew up in Louisiana, so I can't believe I'm saying this
out loud.
There is something really invigorating
about running outside with lots of layers on. I feel like your lungs get so cold. I don't know how I'm saying this out loud. But there is something really invigorating about running outside with lots of layers on it.
I feel like your lungs get.
Oh wow.
I don't know.
I'm not saying that either.
I know.
It really is strange, but I do.
I enjoy it.
Is there any other chip that's it or the other habit that you want to?
I mean, that's good.
You did well.
I mean, you know, don't struggle.
I just wanted to make sure.
Okay.
I will say one more thing.
I hear people say all the time,
you're so busy, you must be tired all the time.
And I don't want people to think that I'm not,
it times tired, but I also wanna live the life
that I wanna live.
And that means just filling up every minute
and getting as much as I can out of it.
So, sometimes I am tired,
but most of the time I'm just really trying to enjoy
what I'm doing and really live the life
that I want to live so that, you know, if this all this ends tomorrow, I can look back and be like,
what an extraordinary time.
Yeah, I'm into that.
Well, this has been a very fun, however long it's been an hour or whatever it was.
I really, really love to have you on this podcast.
Everyone in the book is called the most powerful woman in the room is you by Lydia Finet.
Yes, right?
So how do people find you if they want to know more
about you, the book, what you're doing?
So I have a website, which is www.lydiafinet.com.
And then I am an over Instagrammer.
So feel free to follow me on Instagram.
My mom always says it's such a blessing
that Instagram came along,
because now she knows where I am every hour.
That's a pleasure for some of my mother says the same thing, actually. Follow along. Thank you so much. It's such a blessing that Instagram came along because now she knows where I am every hour and a half. I'm your person. My mother says the same thing actually.
Follow along.
Thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure.
You too.
Thank you for having me.
Habits and hustle.
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This is your moment. Excuses. We ain't having that. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network.
Okay, so I wanna tell you a little bit about my show.
We are all about elevating your confidence
to its highest level ever
and taking your business right there with you.
Don't believe me, I'm gonna go ahead
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I have been a longtime fan of Heather's
no matter what phase of life I find myself in,
Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom
that not only inspire, but motivate me into action.
Her experience and personality are unmatched
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This show has become a staple in my life.
I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence
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It has not disappointed,
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Thank you, Heather, for helping us build confidence
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value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now.