Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 246 - The Worst Keep It Or Delete It EVER!?

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Hamish brings a gripe to the table for the guys, talking about jokes he doesn't think his wife Zoe gives enough respect to. Tell Us Someone returns for 2024 and Andy's got a Keep It or Delete It that might be the worst thing ever brought to the show, plus some very powerful power moves!  1. Jokes your partner doesn’t respect 2. Power moves 3. Choccy news 4. Tell us someone we haven't thought of in a while 5. Keep it or Delete it - Only Farts 

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three. Two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to me waning gibbous. Hamish. I think I know what I am. Would Jax be a waxing gibbous? He's a waxing crescent.

Crescent, yeah. We're moons. We're in the sky. We're moons, baby. We're moons. We're phases of the moon. Yes. Did you know that?

I did know waxing and waning. And I'm full. But did you know gibbous? I assumed that gibbous was the second half of waxing and waning. Because I didn't quite know gibbous I suppose because it's a different word for the other one. So crescent obviously you have a smaller portion of the moon is lit up and then the gibbous is when the bigger side of the moon is not full. But it's on its way. Yeah but it's on its way. Gibbous is when the biggest side of the moon is... Ah, that's the gibbous. But it's on its way.

Yeah, but it's on its way. Gibbous some more. Yes. Come on, baby, fill up. And waxing is when the moon shape is growing in size. Yeah, waning, shrinking. What a good moon, moon chat. Thank you to Mike.

Yeah, and take the rest of the week off, Mike. Well, that's a big one. You must be exhausted. That's a big one. That's obviously come with a page with lots of descriptions. Ahoy also to Courtney from Emeraldald who used the very easy to use system in Hamish and Andy.com to upload this bit of audio. Hi Hamish and Andy and big boy Jack. It's Courtney here from Emerald. I was just vacuuming

the floor and I very quickly filled up the vacuum canister with dust. My husband Chris then asked me if I wanted to empty the vacuum canister, to which I gave him my now stock standard response, which is, that's a Chris job, that's a Chris job. So thanks for that one, Andy. And it would have annoyed you a bit too, Ando, that she kept the vacuum cleaner going there to record the audio. I did see a purse of the lips as Andy brought to himself. I had a bit of atmos. Atmos, that's nice. I just felt sorry for Chris because we've all been there. I always

have to empty the vacuum cleaner. That's strictly my job for some reason. I'm just always of the feeling, and you'd be in this camp too Jack, I reckon that it's always just got one more trip in it. Oh my god, the last time I took one out he was so full, it's like touching a water balloon. Like ours is so dense because I'm always thinking to myself well if you can suck air through dust ain't that much bigger so we got a little bit more space in there like it's almost a brickette which probably should probably should keep ours to build like a small igloo out of It'd be very dense material. You're definitely losing the overall fucking functionality with

too much in there. I mean it can't. It can't. Probably, but I find if you run it back and forth over the Cheerio enough eventually it'll hit a good patch of wind and it will hoist that heavy piece of cereal up the neck. Hey, speaking of our partners, guys, I wanted to start today with what I hope is just a little safe space for the lads here. And not, you know, I know it's a public forum, but the reason I wanted to designate this, the start of the show was I think in my relationship, and I'm guessing it's the same for you guys, there are often times when I bring a joke to the relationship, usually it's just between Zo and I, this one is, and I

go, Hey, how fun is this? And it doesn't get the response that I think it deserves. And I'll often try again, which has a low hit rate of increasing. It hasn't happened where Zoe turns around and goes, oh, I can, yeah, now I get it. That's really funny. It's usually just big, these are the ones where I'm like, I feel like I should be getting more for this. And I thought if this is happening, where else can I get the kind of feedback that I'm yearning for this joke? If not with

you two gentlemen? All right, let's hear it. All right, well, I've got something I want to start with. I've got one as well, actually. Yeah, great. Have you got one, Jack? I got one that I, you wouldn't even call it a joke anymore, but I use it almost daily. Okay.

This, like, my question to you guys is, tell me if this is funny. And you know, brackets me if this is funny and you know brackets hint it is so I don't know why Zoe isn't laughing at this. A couple weekends ago I went on a road trip like a little boys weekend away. Now there was four of us, two of the members were my old housemates, Hato and John, who I lived with for 10 years right? So I understand perhaps Zoe's resistance to be like, okay, that's kind of the scene I rescued you from. That was your wilder times, less domesticated times. And maybe-

And she admitted, and you've admitted, that she then took pig management to a new level for about 10 years to see the man we have now. Sharpen him up, trimmed him back, stopped him wearing t-shirts with logos on them, stuff like that. Said, Hey, we can lose the Spanish motorbike companies that don't exist. You don't need to wear those t-shirts anymore. Things like that. So yeah, over time sculpted him, gentrified him into the pleasant shopping mall that he is now. But he was once a wilder suburb and this is maybe this is where her resistance is. So I go, Hey, oh, like, so we've got to tell you, um, we did this really funny

joke while we're away with John and Haydow. Um, it started where we like, every, anytime John was on his phone, we'd go in, like go to the bathroom and get like six or seven tissues, scrunch them up, go in and sprinkle them around him and then take a photo of him. like go to the bathroom and get like six or seven tissues, scrunch them up, go in and sprinkle them around him and then take a photo of him. I can send you guys a bunch of them now. That's a great joke. That was a very funny joke.

And it'd be like, I'd be like, we did it once. And then it just became a thing where every time I'd see John by himself, preferably on his phone, you'd like, I'd always have a pocket full of tissues and just run up and chuck him at his feet. And so it just looked like he was enjoying himself everywhere. Everywhere we went on our trip, no matter where we were, like the pub. It just became this great joke. Anyway, Zo's face is like totally blank, as I'm saying this. Like, so, you know, you know, it's great because the photos, like, look at this,

you know, I'd go to him, hey, mate, did you see what's on the WhatsApp? He'd look at the WhatsApp. I'm seeing them now. Yeah, you're seeing them. Very good, right? Like we're in the camper van, he'd look at the WhatsApp. I'd chuck the tissues over him and take a photo of him. So it just looks like he's having these huge sessions.

Nothing. Jack, you're looking at them. Even at the bar. Even at the pub. That's a 10 out of 10 for sessions. Nothing. Jack, you're looking at them. Even at the bar. Even at the pub. That's a 10 out of 10 for me. Yeah, I mean, that's what I thought. I'm like, have I gone crazy here? This is a great joke. Well, now this is a safe space. I'm going to bring up mine that I keep doing to Bec, who I've actually been banned from doing it, which I think is unfair because I think it's a funny joke. But whenever I'm in public, and it's very rare, but we catch paparazzi there.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I get down on one knee and pretend to propose. Okay. Most recently at the baggage claim in Melbourne the other day. Okay. No, I can't see why Beck would. But it's nice to be here with you guys appreciating the joke that that would be a hell of a scoop after 10 years of diving in Great Cape.

Especially- That I decided to do it right on the baggage claim. The joke there is not really on Beck, it's on the paparazzi. On the paparazzi. Yes, you're right, Jack. It's on the insatiable media. it's on the paparazzi. On the paparazzi. Yes, you're right, Jack. It's on the high, it's on the insatiable media. It's on the clickbait industry. Yes.

Exactly. That's what I try to explain. Don't you see, honey? I'm making a political statement about the state of our attention starved clickbait economy that people are being sucked into. I'm a performance artist. Jack, do you have one? Oh, now, now the thing I thought of when you started this, it's not even really a

joke by the standards of what you guys are bringing to the table. I mean, Andy's is big high stakes, I'll tell you that. I don't even want to say what mine is. But the thing I do almost daily that never gets a laugh from Bianca, but I still do it, is when she asked me to do some sort of chore around the house, like, can you take the bin out or can you do the dishes? Just do it by the way, just do it for once without being asked. That would be hilarious.

If she asked me to do a household chore, I'll say, but I'm just a little boy. And now I wish I hadn't told you. Now I wish I actually hadn't told you. I wish. Has it ever worked? It's never worked. You've had the best one. Okay. You know what you need to do, Jack? You got to like, you need to wait for the next time she tells you, like, do this. And you, as she's leaving the house, right?

So this could take a while, but you need to get, you know, the tiny hands, like I bought a pair the other week, we've got them at the post office, you know, with like the, you can put them on one finger and it's a tiny pair of hands. Oh yeah. Some people put people on the top of pens sometimes. Doll hands. Yeah. Yeah. They're like little doll hands. People kind of, there's a thing on Instagram I've seen where you can put them on one finger and it's a tiny pair of hands. Oh yeah, some people put people on the top of pens sometimes. Doll hands, yeah, yeah. They're like little doll hands. People kind of, there's a thing on Instagram I've seen where you can massage cats' faces with them, so it looks like the cat's getting it like a, or it's a giant cat getting a massage.

Just wait till she leaves and then film some videos of your like little tiny hands trying to take out the things and be like, see, I can't do it. I am a tiny boy. things would be like, see, I can't do it. I am a tiny boy. Hey, there's a lot of reasons to listen to this show, but I'd say the main one is to get the upper hand on everybody socially or in the workspace. And it used to be that you could buy two very good books for that reason, the Power Moves books. Do we still have any Power Moves Volume 2 taking advantage of a Madman books left or

did they sell out over Christmas? No, no, we've got plenty. We've got more. Don't tell me the Madman ordered another shipping container full. No, so it's still available. So still, if you prefer the book form, obviously certainly volume two remains available. Amishany.com. Due to Hogg's ordering, slightly more books than there are people in Australia. But now that we've sorted that out, this is the only place, the podcast remains the only place you can get the fresh stuff.

The books are more like, you know, when you dry garlics and chilies and you can then sell them. Yeah. It's Still delicious. They absolutely have a place in the home, but this is the fresh stuff. This is the market where you get the good power moves. Sorry, I'm not trying to talk anyone out of the sale of the book. I know we need sales.

This is the panicked. Still delicious. Better, some would say. More agent in the... It did sound a little desperate, didn't it? Still delicious. we need sales? This is the panicked, still delicious, better some would say. More, more agent in the- It did sound a little desperate, didn't it? Still delicious. Ando, this comes in from Joe.

Joe is a life saver, sorry, life guard, which would become apparent in a second. Because if you're a lifeguard at a pool, brackets different to a life saver. It seems very keen to tell everyone. Why is that a different- I think it's a lower qualification. A life saver? Let me put it to you this way. I think a lifeguard, and I'm just making this up, but the difference between the

word guard and save is like, I would take it that a lifeguard is like, oh, don't go in there. Once you do, I try it. I tried to guard it. I tried to guard the bull. The saver can get in and do some saving stuff afterwards. But isn't he being particular about lifeguard?

Yeah, so he's saying he's like not- Lower. He's like, I'm not alive. He's being humble. He's being humble, yeah. Unusual for this show. And that's very- Unusual.

Didn't even understand the concept. I unfortunately wrote back to him and said, I can't read the rest of your email, mate. you don't really suit the tone of the show. He's saying, so he works at a pool and he goes, are we going to pull, it's got signs indicating the speeds of the lane, EG fast lane, medium lane, slow lane, when people are doing laps. He said, when a swimmer is getting ready to go into the fast lane, putting on their goggles, et cetera, I walk over and switch the fast line to a slow sign. Then I give them a bit of a thumbs up and you're right to go now, mate.

Like it. This comes in from Declan Bremner. Power move. Anytime a friend, coworker or stranger tells you a story about themselves, reply with, it tells me a lot about the type of person you are. Yeah, good. I love a wild card. I love a wild card one. This could be another wild card one.

This is from Tyler. When you're out with friends, wait for someone to excuse themselves to go to the bathroom. Stop them and say, wait, are you mad at me? They'll usually respond confused and say, no, why? At this point say loudly so everyone can hear, I've just noticed you tend to poo a lot more when you're angry. Now, if you could pull that off. Didn't need. Yeah.

If you can pull it off seamlessly, I'll take my hat off to you. It's not happening. Gus Bev from the US. Sorry. off to you. It's not happening. Gus Bev from the US. Sorry, take it back. That is not a wild card. I can't do that. I can't do that all the time.

Interview based power move if you've been interviewed by a panel. When finishing up an interview with a panel, conclude the meeting by saying, nice meeting most of you. It'll confuse the panel and they'll wonder which one of them is the bad egg of the bunch. by saying, nice meeting most of you. It'll confuse the paddle. And they'll wonder which one of them is the bad egg of the bunch. You probably won't get the job, but it will be burned into memory forever. I back it's smart play. You look at any, any show like a survivor, right?

If there's like a five against one situation alliance, what is, what's the one shot the one person has? Split. Create some Discord. Yes, split Discord. You don't know how, but if you just create some Discord, you could be a chance. And this comes in from America, US Power Move from Lucas. Hoi boys are number six.

My wife loves this Power Move, and I know you guys would too. Whenever someone posts some unfortunate news or perhaps some sad news on their social media, reply with your condolences, but always mention a cool slash exotic location you're sending your condolences from. Example, thinking of you from the Maldives. Condolences from Barbados. And Jack, lots of stuff coming in from the chocolate world. And sorry, Jack, the reason I said, oh, sorry, and Jack, I was surprised to see you here because I assume sometimes, you know, since this is like a

day you've set aside for the hobby, you would be off gathering leads and continuing to get Intel on door stopping the CEO of Mars. Where are you on that? Yeah, we're getting very close. Who's we? How close? Oh, just me and the public who are helping give me leads. We're down to the top three guys or girls at Mars.

Like narrowing it down to it. Doesn't need to be narrowed down. You already picked number one, the CEO, whoever he or she may be. Yeah. And that wouldn't be a secret, would it? What I was trying to say is like, we've got three names of who the CEO might be. I think that's not a secret. Sorry, the challenge wasn't find out the CEO.

The challenge was talk to them. Yeah. No, I think, I think, um, we probably don't need that. Oh, great. Wouldn't it be hilarious to see Jack in a real work environment? I think of that sometimes. Yeah, it'd be incredible. What would you fear the most, Jack?

Like going into any meeting where you had to have done your homework and done preparation and present your findings and working out. This is a weird tangent this is a weird tangent. But at any stage, were you ever going to be a sports teacher? No, no, no, no. Why? I just I don't know. I just get sometimes I get sports teacher vibes. I think because at my kids school,

there are two sports teachers who are not dissimilar to you. Yeah. And sometimes I look at them, I go, could have been Jack, could have been Jack, just carrying a giant sack of balls from the shed to the bus, a little bit like, you know, aware that it's like nine o'clock. And you're like, oh my God, gotta go do the whole session. And they just sometimes give me Jack vibes, but no, never sports teachering. Well, you know, I'm not much of a sportsman after the cricket game that we played together that still haunts me, even though it's over 12 years ago that we played.

It still haunts me. But you, I mean, you showed great, you showed great intent. Like you, you, you did. I wanted to be good, but when you're facing a ball, you can't just summon a whole lot of cricket abilities that you don't have. No, but again, you, I admired the courage of going, yes, I'll join your indoor cricket team, having not played that sport before. You know, I actually thought I was like, maybe I will be good at it, but with no

evidence, like, cause I haven't played so. It's the thought I have when I try every sport. This could be the one. I watched a movie on the plane, um, about golf. It's a pretty boring movie, but it's about a guy called Morris True Story, 1976. The British Open was opened to everyone. And he just ticked the form that he was a professional and liked the idea of playing around and had never played around before. How'd he go?

He got the highest score ever. That's bad. That's bad in golf. It's bad in golf. I thought the true story was going to be, and like, and he won the open, and he never played golf. No, he just hoped he was good. So the point of the doco was... You can't just...

Yeah. With gradual accumulation of practice, you will get increasingly better at a sport. He did wear a fake moustache and pretended to be a Frenchman the next year and got in again. That should have been the point of the talk. Sorry, all right, sorry. We've got slightly off topic here. But Jack, on the topic of fake mustaches, think about it for your doorstopping of the Mars CEO.

We've got so much chocolate news coming in. Can I, like this, I think, Ando, you said, you said we're not just going to be the repository here for, for miss coatings. Now I know we spend a lot of time on the all kit no cat. Yep. Like we sort of rectified that we've unfortunately opened a box of worms or slash Cadbury favorites slash not having got Cadbury could be anyone. One of the other brands mixed chocolate bags, not being able to coat the chocolate just seems like not being able to coat

the item with the chocolate seems like it's a very common mishap at least once. Yeah, missing internal delight. We have got from Jeff, the Cadbury No Mellow Koala. Yeah. Okay. Just a solid koala. Mellow Koala. Yep. Okay, just a solid koala.

From Melanie, two Tim Tams in the pack were nude, no chocolate coating, but the rest of the pack was covered in chocolate. Oh. Curly Whirly, one from Brendan, it's just the caramel, all Curl No Whirly. Wow. So there is a bunch, there is a bunch coming through. Now I'm as surprised as you guys, like you shouldn't let the chocolate vat ever run in.

Yeah. Yeah. Which I think happens often because you think the chocolate squirting over them seems to be the constant. Keep that up. That vat's full. And it does seem like it's a problem specific to chocolate companies. Do you know what I mean?

Like there were no, no ones ever like I... Ordered the car without the metal. Yeah. I got a Mitsubishi Outlander, it was just a chassis and the engine and they forgot to put panels on. Yeah, no, it's true. So it just seems to be like no other, there's just no other product out there that seems to get away with this level of, oh well, it's hit and miss. You know what we haven't had? We haven't had the wrong drink in the wrong canister. And I'd assume that that would happen. It's so easy to fake, wouldn't it?

Would you love to see a solo in a Coke bottle kind of thing? Wouldn't that be crazy? But different machines, different ends of the building. Sure, but Chocke-Milks or Strawberry Milk, they have a... Big M factory we could happen at. All milk and then just squirting the flavouring in? I think like we guessed last time, it only takes a worker at one of those factories to go, wouldn't it be funny to move one of the strawberry ones over to the chocolate milk?

Yeah. I mean, it is a good joke. But you just have to believe that it's out there because you're never going to get the evidence. We've got a pretty high rate podcaster, Ando, that's having a go at you. And they've done quite a bit of heavy maths here, but I won't, yeah, I won't, I won't bore you with the maths. I've run it. It does check out. Um, it's from, they call themselves Choco cop. So they're not, um, they're not, they're not giving their real name, although it is clearly visible in their Gmail address. But we'll go with Choco, Choco Cop here.

They said they've got it. They've had enough with your, your aspersions towards Kit Kat chunky. They cite the many times that you have said that the chunkies are terrible because you don't like the wafer ratio, um, compared to the normal KitKat bars. You've gone on record many times in the show, I think I've actually backshot a few times, but I'm happy to throw you under the bus. Um, saying, yeah, it's too much wafer and it's not enough chocolate. Cause it's too big a finger and like the ratios out of whack, which you hearing it, you could absolutely, you know, I could get behind that sort of logic. Um, well, they've done the maths and they've gone through and had a look.

And this is obviously something that KitKat have thought about too, because the difference between a normal KitKat and one, and the chunky is 4% chocolate. So there is a difference. Well, there's a tiny difference, but it's 4%. Enough to throw it all. 4% less? 4% lower. Yeah. Well, there's a tiny difference, but it's 4%. 4% less? 4% lower. Yeah. Well, then he's right.

That only confirms what Andy thought. He's saying that's below the detectable human threshold. That's not a human. He should take that. Well, he's challenging you, Andy, to figure out the difference between a normal KitKat and one with 4% of the chocolate scraped off. So he's saying if you think you can detect 4%, we get eight bars, right? Like we get eight fingers of regular Kit Kat and on one of them, we scrape off 4% of the chocolate

and you have to eat all eight and go, number three had 4% less chocolate. He's saying if your mouth is this delicate, if you're this finely tuned machine, you should be able to do it. Yeah, I'm happy to have a crack at that. But my issue is also, I think in its smaller dose, it just snaps and crystallises better than the bigger block of wafer. It might not be about the ratio, it's about how big a chunk the wafer is.

Yeah, he might say you're changing your tune on that. He certainly has the impression that you've had an ingredients-based gripe. Well, do you think you could detect 4%? Yeah. I think you could. You think you could? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Hey, so do I. So let's see how you go. I mean, I don't have it prepared, but let's certainly do it in coming weeks. Okay. Hey, so do I. So let's see how you go. I mean, I don't have it prepared, but let's certainly do it in coming weeks. I mean, we haven't done a special skill for ages. It feels selfish to do one of you, but I'm happy to back that. Okay. Done. And if you get it, then, oh my God, imagine if you got it the same episode Jack has. What was her name again? The CEO? No, I don't know yet. We know.

Just popping back in here. I'm not going to do the test. Oh, right. Because I just had a Google to the chunky and again was, you know, disgusted by it. Oh, you just stand by it. So you're just not going to enter into this. Because the thing is, is it's a huge block of wafer and then a much thicker block of chocolate around.

If I had a Malteser the size of an apple that had the same ratio. Tezza, but go on. Sorry, Malteser. It's not as enjoyable to eat. It wouldn't be as enjoyable to eat. And that's the problem with it. Yeah, that is true. You can't just keep increasing and increasing and increasing candies, expecting us to fall

for it. Although Toblerone has tried that. And we've fallen for it. And you certainly obviously lose some customers. But they're much, I think for the 5,000 year anniversary of the pyramids, they're doing a pyramid sized, like a full scale pyramid sized Toblerone. And that's certainly one I wouldn't expect you to have a crack at there, Jack. So I do take your point. And so yeah, it's a... It's just a no.

I'm happy to have a go at it at our own time. I just don't think it's going to be interesting. No. Yep. Period. Hey, and we play a game, just a fierce game that we, you know, we take it very, very seriously. We don't hear to give away hats. Yep.

We're here to hoard hats. That's our job. We're like hat dragons and you're the knights who must steal our hats. Yes. It's GameCord. Tell us something we haven't thought of for a while. You've got to basically ring up and suggest someone that Hamish or I haven't thought about this year. So the game gets easier, sorry, game gets harder as the year goes on.

We're vulnerable right now because we haven't had much time to think of anything. This year's barely started. And I don't know how it came about, but people send in hats and that's what you have the chance to win. I'll quickly go through the hats. First of all, Tactile Systems. It's just a flexi-flit cap, grey, pretty ugly. Pretty dull colour. Why do you settle on that grey? Yeah, dull colour. And I would say with all due respect to Tactile Systems, who I'm sure do a great job, pretty dull logo as well.

I reckon they've gone, hey, we've got three options for the hats, the promotional hats. Obviously option one is cheaper and they get more expensive. And they've gone, just go for option one. We just need to get some hats. We don't need to put much effort into it. So I wouldn't recommend that one, but hey, each their own. This one's a cracker. Mitch's lawn care.

Oh, he's back. It's back. We haven't seen Mitch for ages. He's done it again. That's one of our favourite hats of all time. Mitch was one of the hats for. Mitch's lawn care was a hat from like four years ago. Yeah, yeah. I've still got mine at home. I'm not sure if it's new and improved, but it's a Legionnaires hat. No, that's the same hat. It's the same hat. Mitch either ordered a ton of stock or he keeps re-upping because they're so popular. I hope it's the second. Orange with a bright green Mitch's lawn care logo on the front, which is...

I'm biased, I'm biased because I took one of those hats home. But it is, I mean... Embroidered. A special note to Mitch's lawn care. You may or may not remember, Ando, one of the first businesses to verify that their loyalty card was accepted at their... Oh, good memory. Finally, probably the best cause, Gotcha for Life has sent one in. That's good.

Suicide prevention. So again, it's actually a pretty good cap. It is actually a good cap. They've opts for option two or maybe even three when presented with the options. And they're not showing off with it. They're not trying to put too much on it. No, that's good. You're doing it quietly, supporting and great cause. They're the three. We've got people standing by. Let's jump into it. About Kieran Perkins. Oh yeah, I have.

Really? What about Keirn Kirkland? He was in the news not too long ago. He's the sports minister now, isn't he? Or he's something in the Department of Sports. Head of sports somewhere. Head of like Australian Sports Corporation or something like that. Something higher. But he was on the news going, because you know how they're talking about the steroids games or the drugs that we were allowed to dope? Really? He was against it, sorry, just to make it quick. He was coming out going, hey, this is, have we all gone mad?

Like this is silly. He was a bit more forceful than that. But that's where I, yeah, that's right. Well, I bumped into him and realized I hadn't thought of him for a while until I was right in front of him. And like I said, have you been back in the pool? And for people who don't know Kieran Perkins, he won. He was one of our golden boys, won gold. He said, haven't swum again since giving it up.

Wow. I said, what about just recreation? He's like, no, don't go in there. What about just a dip in the ocean? No, won't do it. Takes one of those hydrofoil surfboards with him everywhere. He goes, will not touch water. Doesn't even have a bath. So those hoping to get a glimpse of Perkins back at it, I wouldn't go lurking around your

local pools because you won't see him. Kids, kids, come here. No, we're doing something else this weekend. I thought we were lurking. Nah, I just had a podcast. We're looking for a Perkin. We're doing a Perkin lurking. Nah, just having a podcast. Nah, it just doesn't sound like he's going to be there. Thought he might be.

What else can we do? Should we see if Andrew Gays is playing basketball? Yeah, we could go and gaze in a gaze. Garen Berkins is CEO of the Australian Sports Commission and the Australian Institute for Sport. Why didn't you say that earlier, Jack? It just came to me. A fact I haven't thought of in a while, but it did pop back into my head. Adrian, how are you? Tell us something we haven't thought of for a while. Ahoy, famous Andy and Jack. The person who I'm thinking that you hopefully haven't thought of in a while is dog the bounty hunter. Sorry.

Where did you think of dog the bounty hunter? I had to wear the glasses like bounty hunter style glasses on an episode of the 100 this season. And they were saying you look like dog. And they I said can we can we get some of, I didn't want to say speed dealer glasses at the time. So I was trying to, I said, can we get bounty hunter glasses? And they, that doesn't really make sense either. No, it kind of sounds like something from Star Wars.

Yes. So then I said, oh, you know, Dog, the bounty hunter. And I sent a photo, a text message, a photo of the style of glasses that were required to be picked up. It would have been an orphea for me. message, a photo of the style of glasses that were required to be picked up. Would have been an orphea for me. She was a part of the... I think I booked a cameo from Dog.

Did I send that to you Andy or was it someone else? That wasn't for me. How many cameos are you booking that you don't know where they're going to? I go through patches and there was one where I got Dog who was bloody expensive. How much? Oh, like over a hundred dollars. Really? And what did he say? Can you remember?

I got to say his delivery, because, you know, I think they have to talk for 30 seconds. Really? And he was doing a fair bit of looking off cameras. He'd written a cue card for himself. There was just a lot of pause. Where you wanted to be personalized, there was like a fair bit of pausing. It deletes the personalized feel. It's just, it deletes the personalised feel. It's like, hey, how you going, Mitch?

I heard about all the lawn care you're doing. Although a good suggestion for Mitch to get a personalised message. Adrian, well done, bad luck. Well, you had it, Adrian. Yeah, I mean, yeah, although we have thought of him. Nick, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys,, bad luck. Although we have thought of him. Nick, ahoy to you. Ahoy boys, gusto to you. And gusto to you.

Tell us someone we haven't thought of for a while. Stuart Diver. Oh yeah, it's a good one. That's a good one. That's a really good one. There we go. Three green lights. Straight out now for the Stu Diver for a while.

Yes. And I mean, for people who remember, we should recall there's a lot of younger listeners, he was part of one of the great catastrophes in Australia. Tragic, a threadbare tragedy, trapped. In a threadbare abalone. I can't remember how many days, but he made it out. Heroic story. Then became rhyming slang for Five Dollar Note.

Exactly. Which puts you at high risk of being remembered more, a steward diver, but I can't say I've said that this year. No, I wouldn't have said it this year. Nick, congratulations. What are you going to go for? Mitch's lawn care, the Legionnaires hat, Gotcha for Life or, we wouldn't recommend

this, but the very bland Tactile Systems Australia. I've got to go for Mitch's lawn care, surely? Yeah, well done. That makes sense, well done. Thanks, C. Well done. If you'd have said tactile systems, I would have smelled a huge whack. Not only have tactile systems sent us the hat, they've then flooded the phones with their employees to talk about how good the hat is.

James, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys, and President Weasel. Ahoy. James, tell us something we haven't thought of for a while. Hoping you haven't recently heard of M. Night Shyamalan. Oh, sorry. I don't think I've Shyamalan'd this year. Haim and I would Shyamalan a bit because, well, we had him on for the radio back in the day.

We did. Yes. We did. And no offence to him, but I would have stopped thinking about that interview. Well, it's the name that was always hard to remember. Yep. And I think one of us added an extra syllable. No, I mean, that was a different time, I suppose, when you just needed to try and remember the name.

But do you still think of that? Yes. Now I think about that. The fact that one of us during the interview said Shamalamalon or something, it was longer than it should have been. And now- I mean, odds are it's me and not for any kind of insensitive reasons. I've just, you know, I've only just recently learned Andy's name. Just not one of my photos is remembering the name accurately. So I... A trait I seem to have unfortunately passed on to my daughter, who just cannot yet. Remember names?

It makes me think it's genetic. She's very young. She's just learning basic maths at the moment. No, I mean, she's six and I go, like, she's, she's, they do French at her school. I mean, only once a week, but she's been like it for a year and a half. Hasn't remembered a word. Yeah, right. She, under duress, she said, I think non-duer is how you say it.

I was like, come on, Roo. I also think M. Night has got a new TV series coming out. Oh, here we go. Not, not, not confident enough to say his name. I know. I actually am. How is it? What is it?

Nah, we're running out of time. Okay, so... You don't want the internet to get full up from the podcast episode. Only a limited number of bandwidth. Sorry, James. Stephen, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys. Tell us what you haven't thought of for a while.

Have you recently thought of exhibit host of Pimp My Ride? No, no. Thought of T-Pain this morning. Jack and I talked about T-Pain. We did. Also a rapper, but no, no Exhibit. No, I don't think I would have. I'd be in there, but I don't think I'd pick him in a lineup.

I don't know. I would have possibly thought of the show, but maybe not thought of exhibit. Yep. It's here. So safe from me. Well done. Well done, Stephen. Two options for you. Trucker hat trusty, royal blue, gotcha for life or the very dull lead grey tactile systems hats flexi-fit. Which one would you guys go for? Well, I don't want to lead the witness, but the tactile was pretty ugly. I'll go for the first then. I have led the witness.

Not the most impartial quote over the scene. You've got a great selection. You've got it mate, well done. Thank you. Haim, I've got to keep it or delete it. We rarely delete. Have we deleted one? Yeah, we've deleted four.

Yeah, we have deleted. Yeah, we deleted my golf story. At the time, you weren't interested in it, but times have changed now and you may be interested in it because you're both golfing. This is because we know that we're a pre-recorded medium podcast. Yeah. Um, we don't take anything out unless Darcy just gets his old little scissors at it and removes things that he doesn't like reflecting on him.

Related. Yes. But, um, this one is because I'm unsure about the content. As in it's not good enough for broadcast? No, I think it's good enough. I just think it's probably not us. I mean, we're not high brow, but this is definitely low brow. Okay.

Well, you know, we've, we've had, we have been down there. I've had some examples previously. So I'll give you what I thought of was when Hamish farted in your face to see if you could smell what he had for lunch. That was to measure the speed of my digestion. Yes, that was so tricky. And it was remarkably quick. It was able to get through in a few hours, which we had doctors saying impossible.

And we're like, yeah, well, tell it to that guy because he smelled fish and chips. I actually got it. That was remarkable. Funny you bring up that, Jack, because it is the same realm. Comes in from a guy called Nick. He said, on your last episode, which was 240, as was last year, you're trying to figure out who farted throughout the year. Oh, yeah. I mean, we had a lot of that.

Reminded me of something I have at work. We've got a WhatsApp group called Only Farts where you're only allowed to post voice members of your farts on the chat. There's no other chat allowed. You must post farts regularly or else you're removed from the chat. You'd be out, Jack.

We haven't heard from Jack for seven months. You can only join the group if you've shown potential to contribute good content. We celebrate all farts, loud, soft, long, short, squeaky, or wet. Hit me up if you'd like to hear them. If you want more. And that's where we're at.

Now, I did hit him up. I've compiled them all. God, I would have loved to hear that phone call. Hi, this is Anne now calling for the parts. So I suppose this is where we're going to play the opener of Keep It or Delete It, and it'll either go to the next segment, because we've heard them all and don't think that's appropriate. We're going to hear some parts. We're going to hear them, but whether everyone else in the...

Where we subject everyone else to it. Yeah. I think, again, not knowing whether this would just skip straight to the deleted it or we'll hear the full thing. I think going into this, our best shot of not having this deleted would just be to go quality, I think, over quantity. Just hear some good, quick variety. I think everyone would be interested in that.

And then it probably comes down to brevity. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's number one. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft.

Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. Pffft. We can't play this. Jack's tapped out early.

We found Jack's limit. I still think we can. Oh, I didn't lock. Okay. Okay. I just, I'm sorry. I thought there was some level of like kind of packaging around it, like creative wise. No.

What a dilemma. What a dilemma. The dilemma is there was real curiosity for me there before we started. And there will be for people if we delete it. People will feel that. There will be outrage because people will be imagining that they missed out on a great treat. So the question to you is like, do you just let the public have all the information and

then we bear the brunt of any backlash or you get people going, great. I'm really glad you played that. That answer, I was interested to see what level and quality of parts would be on a WhatsApp like that. Maybe we'll start one at our own work. Jack, keep on deleting. It's a delete for me. No, mate, this is tough.

This is what it's like to's a delete for me. I'm... No, mate. This is tough. This is what it's like to be a newspaper editor. You know, it's 11.59 at night. You're on whatever floor in Manhattan. The New York Times is set to print. Are we going with the story or not? Are we running this headline or not? Yeah.

It's hard to hear, but maybe people need to hear the truth. You can't print this. Yeah, but don't we... Haven't we made a name for ourselves? Aren't we still relevant enough for all these because we dare to do what common sense tells us otherwise not to do? It's a keep it from me. It's keep it from me. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at HamishandAndy.com