Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 249 - The Most Powerful Member of the Podcast

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Listener Sarah knows Jim Chalmers' hairdresser, and gives us the inside scoop on his corporate cut. Andy thinks he knows who the most powerful person on the podcast is, and it's not who you'd think. Hamish's wife has a noise complaint that Hamish is determined to solve, and he also has an update on the amazing hat prank.  1. Power Moves 2. Jim Chalmers hairdresser connection 3. Hat prank update from Hamish 4. Who’s the podcast’s most powerful member? 5. Zoe’s noise complaint 

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hamish and the podcast starts in three. Two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to my Jamele, Hamish. You can always smelly a jamele, as we say in this particular industry, and the industry will reveal in a moment who's Jack. And is the smell nice or is it? It's unique.

Once you smell a jamele, there's no mistaking it. Ahoy to my bookatini, Jack. Bookatini, okay. You can always cookatini a bookatini. It does actually seem, I think we might be pastors. He's got it! Well done, hey. Yeah, I would pronounce it a bookatini.

You can always cookatini a bookatini. I was con-key-li-a. Think that's how you pronounce it. This actually reminds me of every time I've gone to an Italian restaurant with Andy. First syllable of the word is so confident and then it drops off a cliff after that. I'm the seashell pasta.

Yeah, that's what they should have. They should have it. Like just say bow ties, seashells, little wagon wheels, what are we? Bookatini, long thick, so obviously. Yeah. That had to be Jack. I would be surprised if anything had changed since our swimming lessons of 2018. And the hole running through the centre, so even anatomically, it's...

Congrats on the Bookatini. Congrats on the superior pasta. And jamele ham, yours are a twist. You would not want that. Well, you can as a trick and then wait for the applause as it unravels. Often used in pasta salads and casserole for the jamele there ham. A good P, a good pasta. And just while we are briefly touching on SPs, but of course not something I like to dwell on, something I'm very keen to put behind me,

got passed on the road the other week, I forgot to tell you guys, is by a matte black Lambo, right? Which was SP, SP Space Ops. Right? So I think, I mean, people that weren't aware would be SP, space, ops. Right. So I think, I mean, people that weren't aware would be like, oh, maybe that stands for like special ops

or something like, you know how everyone that's either a commander or in the SAS goes and gets a matte black Lambo after they finish their time serving the country. I think it was, yeah, Superior P Operations. Operation? Yeah, I think he's the doctor that's giving people SPs. Like a plastic surgeon. Yeah, I think he's an enlarger. Well, I think just for that kind of cash. Obviously, so if you do have an IP and you're driving around, say, in a Mazda 2,

you would like the SP Ops guy to visit you. Yeah, he'll... It looks like that's the mobile he turns up in too. So as you're waiting at the window... But wouldn't you want him to stay discreet if you were getting that kind of operation? True. Didn't I see the dick lambo outside your house the other day?

No, no. No, no, no. Dick Lambo. outside your house the other day? Oh no. No, no, no. You're a bamboo. Ahoy also to Emma from New Zealand using the very easy to use system at ahamysnanny.com. Tell us what she's up to. Ahoy lads. Just wanted to let you know that I've been conducting random gusto checks on my friends and family. Christina and Donovan, you'll be pleased to know that your friendship has been renewed for another 12 months.

And a great way to tell them. And congrats to Christina and Donovan because it can be seasonal Augusto, not now, show. We had the dip three years ago. We've roared back since then. We've ridden the ship. Hey, these have been flooding in, so we thought we'd even start the show with a let's get into some power moves. Yeah, good. I've got two quicks and two and a medium and a long. Should we start with the longs?

Do you want to start with a long? Yeah. Do you want to draw a bit? You got a long? I got a long? Kick us off with a long. Boating power move. Well, actually, I think it's more of a conversational party power move.

Yeah. Because I think actually in boating circles, this wouldn't work. I don't want to try and correct Matt. And he's from New Zealand and they do no boats. If you're trying to impress someone during a conversation, casually bring up that three more classes and I'll have my boating license and I can sail to Hawaii. People will be very impressed. Little do they know that it only takes three classes to get my boating license and I can sail to Hawaii. People will be very impressed. Little do they know that it only takes three classes

to get a boating license. Okay. Okay. That is actually a great power move, just in any field to say what you'll be able to do with the, so it's sort of like going, yeah, well, a couple more classes and I get my, you know,

performance driving license, then I can win the Grand Prix. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, I mean, you could at the top of your game, sure. That's what you can do. You do need a license. Ando, this comes in from CAD. Workplace Power Move, one of our favorites. This can be used in any

workplace with a communal microwave in the lunch room. CAD states that every microwave has a child lock function that's usually activated by holding down a certain bus and pressing it three times, for example. A quick Google will tell you how to activate the child lock on your particular model of microwave at your workplace. Next, pick your target. Swoop in, use the microwave just before them. Then when you finish, activate the child lock. Return to the comfort of your lunch and watch them struggle with the lockout of keypad. When they ask what's happening, look over and say something like, oh, looks like the child lock's on. Shouldn't be a problem for a fully grown adult like yourself.

I love that. While we're on the office kitchen theme, just quickly, I'll throw it in from that then. Yep. If your coworker is off to clean his mug, wait till he starts and then go this one too, please, Jeff. Good. he starts and then go this one too please, Jeff. I mean let's stay work based. Whenever the boss, this comes in from Josh, whenever the boss calls me while I'm driving, I've got some guys from work in the car, I'll answer the car on speakerphone with, hey I've got people in the car so don't say anything about your bum. Not bad. Like you always do.

This comes in from Sarah. This would work on me I think. Power move if you're in a long term relationship. If Beck did this to me I think'd think I'd be hurt. Yeah, good. I mean, so sorry to hear about you hurt. Next time your partner gives you a kiss, afterwards, lean back and ponder, and then just say, felt nothing. Oh, stop. Oh, stop.

Oh, stop. Oh, stop. Yeah, of course you'd be hurt. It's just a heart, a heartbreaking move. Yeah, I can see'd be hurt. It's just a heart-breaking move. Yeah, I can see how that could upset someone in a relationship. Don't mind this. This is from Cathy. Real fast one. Because make someone's day more exciting by texting at 7.30 in the morning

on my way when you don't have any plans. That's good. From slightly slow arms there. Back in the office. This guy wants to remain anonymous. Maybe because he's using the move. He just doesn't want to be identified. He says, in the office, I actually take control of the office music and the speaker system.

Whenever I leave the office, I reduce the volume slightly. When I return, I increase it again. This gives the office the impression that the vibes are much better when I'm around. That is good. That is good. All right. Last one here. Slightly grubby, but I rate it from Aaron. Housemate power move.

My new housemate's got a signature scent. It's a cologne that I also own but I never wear. Okay? To establish immediate household dominance, I've begun spraying my bottle of the cologne in the bathroom after taking a shit. Thus demoting his signature scent to the level of toilet odor spray. I like it. Hey, a small update on this one. We talked to the Royal Perth Mint a couple of weeks ago and they did direct us back to the Royal Australian Mint saying that they're kind of in charge of circulating currency.

Yep, that's where we're at, isn't it? Which sends us back to having to negotiate with Canberra, which is tough and obviously get the sign off from the Treasurer of the Country, Jim Chalmers. That's where Sarah had reached out and she said, guys, let's make this happen. I know Jim Chalmers' hairdresser. She said, we share the same hairdresser, he gets his hair done at the same place. And we contemplated going and getting a haircut and try to coordinate it at the same time as Jim was there. I do need a haircut at the moment.

Same, actually. Jack? Yes, I do too a haircut at the moment. Same. Jack? Yes, I do too. But weren't they in Queensland? Great question. I just assumed Canberra. Sarah's here. Sarah, ahoy to you.

Hi guys, yeah, South East Queensland. So Jim's, is he's electorate South East Queensland, is it? I believe so, yeah. I thought he was in Canberra as well, but the hairdresser said he gets his hair done there once a month on a regular basis. So I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra.

I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. I thought he was in Canberra. is it? I believe so, yeah. I thought he was in Canberra as well, but the hairdresser said he gets his hair done there once a month on a Friday.

Man of the people. Man of the people. That's what you do in the Treasury. You get out, you have a chat. Who's going to give you the best info? The hairdresser. People at the salon. Once a month seems like the appropriate amount for a politician as well, I'd say.

It does too, because you can't let it blow out. No, you just never know when you might be in a press conference. Can't be rolling around like Jackie's at the moment. No, you know what I like about that? I like last Friday of every month you there, whereas mine is loose. So I just wait till it gets too long and then you can book in. Oh, we got nothing this week. Yeah, I go to a different, I go to a different hairdresser almost every single day. Because Zo will start petitioning about two weeks out from me getting a haircut.

We'll just start like flicking the long bits and going, what are we doing about this? And the pressure will build. And then suddenly I'll realize like I've dropped the kids at school or something. I'll go, I've got, hang on, I've got two hours. That's a barber pole. Let's see how these guys are. Do I tell you about when I moved to Sydney that I was doing hairdresser auditions, I was scoring them out of 50 on five

different categories? No. I'll do you guys a thing for another time. But yeah, I had five categories out of 10, you know, chat, you know, beard, wash, that kind of stuff. I'll give you a couple of scores. No one, no one scored high enough to retain me. And the search continues.

Search continues and it might be Queensland with the answer. So Sarah, you've got the same hairdresser as Jim Chalmers. Yeah, apparently so. So my husband like came, you know, every now and then realizes he needs a haircut. He actually found this hairdresser on his own, booked an appointment. I was really impressed. We went in there and I asked for a corporate cut for him. So nothing too long, nothing too short.

And she did an amazing job. A corporate cut? A corporate cut? Is your husband a corporate man? I can use now. The haircut maketh the man. OK, so a corporate cut. And then, so did this hairdresser volunteer like,

oh, this is the kind of one I give Jim Chalmers? Or how did you know that this person, is it he or she the hairdresser? Is she a lady? A lady. And how did she, how do you know that she's cutting the treasurer's hair? So I said great haircut. Absolutely love it. Really nice corporate style.

She said it's exactly the same haircut I give Jim Charmers. Yeah, she did. It's called the Charmers. It's exactly the same haircut I give Jim Chalmers. Yeah, she did. It's called the Chalmers, like the Rachel from Friends. Because now I'm looking, I've got to say, I'm now looking on my laptop more intently at Jim Chalmers than I've ever looked at him before in my life. How's hair? Hair is good. I mean, I don't know his age here, but I'd say mid-40s and exactly what you'd think of her in mid forties.

Because some of the older kind of like Facebook pictures, nice dark hair, young kids. Someone you trust with your money? Life hits you and the salt and peppers come in and a slight amount of thinning, which, but not too much, I mean, he's still got a decent head of hair, but yes, look, it happens to the best of us. You can have less as you get older. Yes. Certainly doesn't have anything to do with who you are as a person. In fact, if anything, it makes you more aware that life is short, time comes for us all.

And hey, if the show wants a coin, give them a bloody coin. Yeah, that's a good point. Sarah, do you think that this hairdresser would be happy to mention to Jim that we're looking for it to get a signed off coin from him? Oh, look, it's worth a shot. She did say when he goes that occasionally he copps some negativity when he's there. I think people see a politician, they take the opportunity to sort of tell them what they think.

But maybe if we spin it in a positive and say, look, we've got a really, you know, maybe we want to say thank you. Maybe we're on a right, a thank you card with a prototype. Should we pass on something? I think a card is a really nice idea. Card. What about an up to date magazine? Like, because that's something you would love to get in the addresses. So like a current issue of The Economist or something that he would love. That's nice. Like a gift pack for the treasurer just to go, look, you know, you probably just want to have a night, just chill out here.

He's a man of people. That's why he goes to the hairdresser, obviously, rather than getting someone to like do it privately. So he enjoys the feedback. Yeah, great. Well, when do you think he's next due? Do we know that information? We were there last week for a haircut with my husband and she said he'd just been in so it gives us about a month

This is really good and that puts us way ahead of schedule for this two-year horizon I know that you talked about can I just say unless the different Jim Charmers I'm looking at here on Google. He's had a glow up. Like I think he's actually looking the best he's ever looked That's nice. And best he's ever looked. And it probably is the hair. That's the kind of thing we'd write in the, in the card. We won't put the bid in like, unless I'm looking at someone else, an old LinkedIn. Um, Sarah, thank you. We will get this to you, this care pack to you to get to the hairdresser.

And then we will wait for you to let us know how that went. You can be our conduit to the hairdresser. Great. Sounds great. Cool. Really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Seth. I've just got one quick question for the fellas.

We can say goodbye to Seth. Bye Seth, bye. Uh, let's get a quick, just get a quick bit of info on what constitutes, I'm not even saying the B word, but just, you know, the kind of present you might give a politician that if you would give them a token of appreciation, it might creep up in value and tip into the B word. Definitely not. Took me a while to catch on. Yeah, we're definitely not doing the B word.

I'm just saying how much can we put in there? Can we put cupcakes in a like a nice bottle? I don't think we can put anything in there. I think they have to let the country know about every gift they receive. I don't think... That's what I was thinking. That's what... Because in my head, I'm building the hamper, but then, you know, as you creep up in value...

It might hamper our chances. It does. It could be the ultimate hamper. No, it's nothing, which is great for Jack. He'd love... He's used to... Sorry guys, I was just about to say I'll go first. Nothing but a note. It's got to be a letter. It's got to be a letter, doesn't it?

On card that you could never reuse. Boys, a couple of weeks ago, we unveiled on this show, Prank of the Century. Oh, yes. The five hat prank. Yeah, the hat trick, the literal hat trick, which I was lucky enough to read out of the sacred prank tome of a children's magazine aimed at seven to ten year olds. Yes. seven to ten year olds. As we said at the time, this prank of, hey, make five hats and take them to your friend's house. Start wearing the smallest hat. They all have to be identical

hats, except they get bigger and bigger and bigger. And then as the afternoon or the party or whatever wears on, change your hats into increasingly bigger hats. Pay off. How long will it take for your buds to notice your increasingly larger hats? Cute. Hilarious. An absolute ripper. What season of Punk'd was it? Ashton Kutcher came out and went hard. Yeah, with Robert De Niro. We got Robert De Niro to wear all those hats and was able to

get Julia Roberts. I can't remember. Yeah, I can't remember which one it was. But it's interesting you say that, Ando, because I just go, this is going to be wicked when we do this. I've been working in the background. I've nominated myself as a hat builder. What hat did you choose? We chose bucket. Remember, we chose bucket hat. And the final bucket hat, they'll all have increasing brim sizes, but the final bucket hats brim is going to be 60 centimetres radius.

Radius. Which is a whopper. Whopper. That's a whopper. So what are your size intervals? Yeah. Have you looked at it? I want to go by like 20 centimetres kind of thing.

It's a huge, pretty big jump. Is it too much a big jump? Yeah, but mate, do you want to prank or do you want to prank? You don't want to get busted on the fourth hat. No, that's what I'm saying. Like if the intervals are too big, will you come out with the second hat on and people go straight away, hey, you're hot. And they're already laughing. Here's my question to you guys, because we haven't made them yet.

I do have an update on the construction. Do you want the first one to be just a bit smaller than normal? No. No, because that's a different joke. That's the joke that Mike Goldstein did to the Logies on UN. That's right. Your cohort on The 100, he wore a very small hat to the Logies. Tiny top hat.

Tiny top hat. And I went, oh. Pinned to his hair. And he looked at me and went, hey, check out the hat. And I went, yeah. And he goes, yeah, I thought I'd try to embarrass you down the red carpet. Well, you've embarrassed someone. You know how those kamikazes sometimes splashed into the water before they got

the boat? It might be one of those. So yeah, totally different gag. Yeah, we're going to be something a lot cleverer, a lot bigger, a lot higher stakes, increasingly size up. OK, so the first one, you're right, Jack. It's going to go from like regular bucket, like slightly longer bucket. The third will probably be almost like cricket hat type.

I don't think people will know by then. Do you reckon? I think that... Oh no, how about you get out to 60? 60. I think you're huge. Two foot of brim. I think your end goal is too big. Yeah. Pull it back to 30. I've bought the

material. Unless you start the first hat really big as well. No, that's not the joke. The joke is the first hat has to be very, very normal. Yeah. Reel it in. Okay, I'm going to reel it right in. Well, I'm going to have quite a lot of leftover material because I've already bought it. Okay. That was what today's pretty big announcement is. Just letting you guys know what material. Okay. It's going to be made in denim.

Okay. Okay. So I might have enough leftover to make you guys each a pair of shorts. If you be interested, not as a prank, just as something to remind ourselves of the day. Do you think you'll make the hats? I will make the hats. I'd say. Or my dad, you're selling glasses. We're not out there, Andy. This is the fun of it. It doesn't say get your dad to make hats or your mate's dad. It says get crafty and make a bunch of hats.

That was part of the prank. Knowing that we made this. We made this happen. Are you making them for all of us or are you going to give us the... Are we meant to make our own hats? No, no, no. Here's how I want to do it. Now, obviously we haven't been invited to a party, so we can't prank our buds at a party.

But what we could do is go to a cafe or something and prank the waiter or the waitress that's serving us. So every time they come back to the table, one of us, and maybe we just draw straws, one of us gets to be the hat man and the other two have to play it cool. Oh no. You got it, man. You got it. This is top shelf pranking. I don't think I can. It's going to Yeah, well. It's going to be so funny. It's going to be so funny.

It's the funniest thing we've ever done. Yeah. So you've got to be cool. OK, so the answer you have to promise or they don't get their shorts. We don't get our shorts right now. We don't get our so many shorts. It gets a great incentive. Yeah, yeah, it's a good incentive.

If you crack up, and we'll all want to, of course, but if you crack up, no shorts. So one set of hats. There's one person wearing that. Yeah, I'm not making 15 hats. Oh, that's what I was wondering. No, that's already again a joke. What are these three guys wearing three denim bucket hats for? Okay, the other two have to wear a regular hat as well.

So the person at the cafe just goes, oh, these, these guys like hats. They're a hat group. Yeah. Now you should be the hat man then you put on your, you make it to your head. Size. Okay. It sounds like someone wants the shorts, but okay. Easy route to the shorts.

That's all right. Hey, like, let's just fast forward a bit. So we've done the prank. Okay. And we. Hey, like, let's just fast forward a bit. So we've done the prank. We're just like rolling around and high-fiving. This person's embarrassed to begin with. What? I thought that hat was a bit big. I thought you were shrinking.

Yeah, I didn't know what to think. All that stuff. It's gonna be crazy. I thought the cafe got smaller. I thought I was too close to you. I could have sworn I was three steps back. So I actually did a bit of research and I was like, what are the greatest pranks of all time? And like, just to know where we're going to sit in this. So here's one that the BBC pulled

in 1957. Some of these were probably April Fool's pranks, but we're better than that. BBC pulled a prank in 57 where they announced that Switzerland had had an exceptionally heavy spaghetti crop complete with footage of people harvesting pasta from trees. This fooled many viewers at the time because spaghetti was not a common dish in the UK. Oh, that's a good point. I think we're better. I think we're better. I just want to know where we rank in this.

So on this list of all time pranks, that's just tricking people that don't know any better. And that's a, that's not cool. Punching down a bit, isn't it? Yeah, that's not cool. We're blowing people's minds with something that couldn't know any better. And that's a that's not cool. Punching down a bit, isn't it? Yeah, that's not cool. We're blowing people's minds with something that couldn't possibly be possible. And that's why I think ours is a bit of a better prank. There was another great prank, or allegedly great prank from Sweden in 1962.

They had one television station and they and this was just as like colour TV was coming. There's a lot of people with black and white TVs. They told people that if you cover your black and white TV with nylon stockings, that could make the broadcast appear in colour, tricking thousands. Oh, and then they flicked the switch themselves. No, no, they just tricked them

to putting stockings on their TV. See, that's not, that's just me. Again, again, that's just lying to people. We're not lying to anyone. And both of these don't have a great moment of reveal, which is the best part of a prank, is seeing that person's face go... Packing themselves. Yeah, yeah.

And there's... The government has to go around and knock on everyone's door and say, ha ha, take your stocking off your... And there's no way, yeah. And there's, where's all the stuff about your buds not being able to believe what you've done? And like, all the stuff we're going for here. And again, if our prank, if the waitress comes over and I go, my hat will never change, then I, again, I'll be lying to her, then, then I am changing my hat.

So I'm being dishonest and that's what Sweden was doing. They were being dishonest. So the other one, the top three pranks of all time, 1959, Sao Paulo, Brazil students were frustrated with the local politicians and they ran, uh, a rhinoceros named Kakariko as a candidate for city council. And the rhinoceros won with a staggering 100,000 votes. The rhinoceros was not allowed to serve. Bit too disruptive.

I think. I don't think that's a funny prank like what we're doing. I don't think no one's rolling around with laughter there. Um, so I guess what we're saying here is this will be the number one prank of all time. If we're better than all those top three pranks from this three, what we're looking at here, if we pull this off and if you idiots don't giggle. We won't giggle, but I actually can. We've got one major hurdle, I reckon.

What's that? Hame finishing the house. Or starting them. Can't jump the hurdle till you get on the track. Guys, unconventional, but I want to swap seats with Jack for this little bit. Oh wow. Really? Do you know what you're doing over here? Well, probably as much as you do. Are your arms rested? This is fun. This is fun. Straight away, straight away Jack's like, I like this. You have to do almost nothing Jack. Like there's just so rarely a sound effect or anything on this show.

Jack's like, this is great. This is good. Little holiday. The reason why I wanted to change it, I didn't want to have any power imbalance while we have this discussion, because it's an important one. Okay. Okay.

Who do you think is the most powerful out of the three of us? Were you thinking that because Jack has the buttons, he has the power? No, I was actually thinking he was lesser than... I was thinking a nice thing. But then obviously, actually, now you think about it, I could turn Microsoft off. I won't. That's not the point of this. The point was just to try and switch it up so we see each other differently and look back. I've got a clear answer.

What I think is the most powerful out of the three of us. I suppose it depends on how you rate power. I mean, we could say that since Jack, Jack's breakfast show, these real jobs that he goes on, you know, consistently number one number one breakfast show. It's so the power to talk directly to people live in their cars, you know, granted, most of them are like, come on, get to the music. Double track if you can. Yeah, we won't let them in.

But he does have, during that annoyance phase for them, he does have their ear. If Christian lets you speak. If Christian lets you speak. If it's one of the times when it's like Jack's been nodded to be involved. So that is, that is power. That is interesting. If it's one of the times when it's like Jack's been nodded to be involved. So that is power. That is power. Or if you're talking about physical power. Hamish. He's been working out like a...

Thank you. Thank you. He's been working hard. Although he's got a knee problem at the moment. But if it's... Oh, I wouldn't. If it involved sprinting, you'd get away from me. Running power. I might have running power. You've probably got, right. I'd say you probably got explosive power. Yeah.

Hey, we never had a race around Albert Park. Should we do that again? We never did. Is this what this is about? Because you kept having back pain. Yeah, which I do. Yeah. Okay.

And then we come to the last type of power, which is like power of. Manipulation. Political power. Yeah. Ando would have political power. He's always talking to high movers and shakers. Yeah. I just imagine you on the golf course with like, premieres and stuff.

And also you just, Ando's out there networking. You're playing around with all three premieres. Well guys, I've got a definitive answer because I think the most powerful thing is to make change. and one of us has done that. I know, sprinting power. Let's go back to sprinting power. Well, sprinting power is good. Jack's got it for sprinting.

The most powerful person in our group is Jack. in our group is Jack. And I'm about to tell you why. I was out at a party, networking, no. I was out and I bumped into a person from Old El Paso. I said, oh, we talk about you guys being on the pod. She said, yes, actually, there was a complaint about a salsa that was mild and medium and there was no hot from Jack. We've changed it.

We've put hot back on supermarket shelves because of Jack. People have been sending it to me over the last year. So they didn't have, it was a taco mix. They had, on every taco mix. They have three chilies and the mild one is one chili medium is two chili. And I said, I've never seen, and we buy a lot of taco mix, never seen three chilies and now it's on your supermarket shelves. Are they selling the standalone Salsa with back with the red lid?

Cause I remember as a kid, there was the red lid. It was green, yellow and red. All I'm saying is the lady said they made the change based. Because of Jack. Of Jack, which I thought was incredible. And before people on Reddit go, Oh, I guess this is a sponsored bit. It ain't a sponsored bit. So Jack, I want to give you a task.

You don't have to do it now, but obviously when Jack has a gripe, yeah, people listen, consumers listen, producers listen. This feels like a lot of power. Yes. So... Use it wisely, sir. So Jack... They do say it corrupts absolutely. So let's not be shocked to see if this ends in Jack having a spare bedroom for Valdez Passe. So when you're ready, come to us with another consumer.

Just one? Just one, mate. Actually, while we're on this, while we're on this, Jack, I mean, do you want to have it now or do you want time to think? No, no, give me time to think about it. Okay. A lot of ideas swirling already. I want to ask you a question on this, this same topic.

I was actually thinking about this this morning. I want to ask you a question on this, this same topic. I was actually thinking about this this morning. We laughed at you, Jack, when you bought all your Bitcoin. Right? We were like, mate, it's just going up. And like, during its bull run from like, let's say like 10 to $17,000. This is not the time to be buying it, Jack.

Low and behold, it then touches like $100,000. Now, whether or not you still have those bitcoins or not, that's a different proposition. The fact of the matter is, I'm trying not to rub it in. Fact of the matter is you saw it coming, right? Then I was thinking, hang on a sec. We also hung quite a bit of poop on Jack

back in the day for never carrying cash. And he was the first amongst us to go like, guys, I'm cashless. Never have a dollar. I don't even take my wallet out. He saw that trend coming. So I was like, we got to change our tune here. He is the most powerful.

He's the Oracle. Now, given the fact that we're not, we can't, wink, encourage anyone to take this financial advice, of course, wink. What is the next thing? Where do people put their money? Oh, great idea. Okay. Just tell us literally what you're thinking is a good thing now.

And even if, in fact, the more ridiculous it seems, that's probably where we should put some money. I am being more conservative with things like that now that we have a son. It feels, it feels less funny to buy, like put all your savings in Bitcoin now. Yes. So I haven't- Where would you put a little bit? It feels less funny to buy, like put all your savings in Bitcoin now. So I haven't put a little bit. Yeah, I haven't personally made any outlandish investments recently. But if you suddenly came into some into like a surprise inheritance and then you're

like, I'll put a little slice in something a bit speculative. First thing that comes into your head. I got it. Really? I know what it is. What is it? A Cy-Bowls. speculative. First thing that comes into your head. Yep, I got it. I know what it is. What is it? Acai bowls. I'm laughing. There is an acai bowl place in a suburb near me and it's always packed. So is it Oakberry?

Is it these ones? You see those shops around everywhere. No, this is independent, I think. So we have to find a way to buy the berries or, or, or we invest in who is bringing the berries into Australia. Cause I think they're from the Amazon, aren't they? I don't know. Just what I said to Bianca is more people, if they want to make a lot of money,

need to open acai bowl shops because people are pouring out the door of the shop. And I don't just mean selling acai bowl on your menu at your breakfast cafe. Just aca side bowl. Just a specific side. Yeah. Because it really, it mustn't be that expensive because it is just, I mean, it's kind of like frozen yogos. It's a sludge. It's a sugary sludge.

But we go there all the time, too, because it's a nice treat. You feel like you've been healthy, but it's kind of like a treat. Yeah, we know deep down it's ice cream. But, all right. OK, that's interesting. Do you know what we need next, Anna? I don't know how we invest in that. That's the problem. But all right. Okay. That's interesting. Do you know what we need next, Anna? I don't know how we invest in that. That's the problem.

We'll work that out. You can't just bring up the ASX and go a hundred bucks on a sidebar. Please like the TAB. Yeah. But let me do a bit of research on that. Yeah. And I'll present this. See if we can put it each way better on a sidebar somehow.

And in weeks to come, whenever you're ready, you tap us on the shoulder and say, I'm ready to make a change. To be continued. I'm looking forward to it. Gentlemen, I'm not sure if you have this at your place. You probably have something similar, but Zoe and I have different, in fact, I'd bet money on the fact that us three are the same and then our partners are different because we've worked in either radio or podcasting for a long time and you wear headphones and you lose a bit of hearing.

I reckon we've probably lost a bit of hearing over 20 years in radio. So the nighttime disturbance threshold is much lower for Zo decibel wise than it is for me. I can sleep through many nighttime disturbances. Oh yeah. And not notice. Whereas Zo, like if we ever stay in a hotel and Zo's like, hey, we need to be like the furthest away from the lift.

That's fine. Like it's not uncommon to change rooms. Even if we're like down the other end of the hall from the lift at like two in the morning, she'd be like, do you hear that? And we're like, oh, I'd be like, do you hear that? Sorry, honey. We go through this every time. I can't hear anything. It's like the whirring.

Can you not hear the whirring? She likes it. Usually I lie. This is historic. She's only for years. Noise and sound police. Like just anything. If there is a fire, there's like a smoke detector light on in the hallway of the

hotel and it's like beaming under the door. What is that? Someone's got a Mac light in their eyes. She always needs a bit of sensory deprivation. She really does. She needs to be like in that, whatever that science lab is, like 200 kilometers under the earth.

So even then she'd be like, do you have a dingy? There's a dingy in the service lift. Lava swashing around. So at the moment there is like where our bedroom is, there's two, like, you know, faces the street and there's two neighbors on either side. At different times of the morning, like one time it's been 4.45, two mornings in a row it was 6.15, we've had some 5.30s. We've had some closer to sixes. There's a noise. How big?

Capital T, capital N. She'll go, do you hear the noise? Is it a continuing noise or is it? It sounds, I've heard it once cause I happened to be awake. Uh, it's a scrape. I actually thought it was inside the house. So it could be though. And you know the thing, well I heard it inside the house and I did that thing where you go,

I'll just wait to see if there's another one. And if there's nothing more, you get back to sleep. Like, you know, if it's someone breaking in, you expect to then hear, shut up, mate, or something. Like, you're waiting for the next burglar noise. If you don't hear that, you just go back to sleep. Zoe wouldn't have loved it at the temporary apartment that Bec and I were staying at while we were at our friends. She would not have.

Because they were building a bar during the night illegally. And they would start at 11.25 on the dot. Every night they'd start at, whee! And Bec and I would go, oh, cause we can kind of sleep through anything. We're like, oh, well, that's slightly annoying. But we go, someone should really be getting them in trouble. And then the next night, 11.25, bar looks slid by the way.

That's the fun of a nighttime bar. Anyway, so the noise is going on. I've gone and had a look at both neighboring properties. There are some gates, some things that could produce the noise, could be the rock against the gate next to JP's house. Zoe says that's not it. Would she go plugs? Oh, she's got plugs, mate. She's got plugs. She does it.

Everything penetrates. Snoring. If it's not me snoring, it's me breathing too late. I had an operation, you know, that amongst other things was to fix my snoring. Yeah. And then she'd be like, I can't get to sleep with the racket you're making. You'd be like, am I really snoring. And then she'd be like, can I get to sleep with the racket you're making? And I'd be like, am I really snoring? She'd be like, no, but it's like a jet engine, the noise, the wind, the wind. You now actually have a clear part. I can actually talk like I have acoustics in my head now. And so she's like, no, in

fact, even suggested I go back to the surgeon and ask him to undo it. The reversal. Where I said, babe, that's not what they do. No ENT has ever reclogged a sinus message because the wife was happier with a guy just choking to death and snoring. So anyway, she can hear everything. I've offered, right? So it happened, like last night, I was like, let's just see. Somehow we got away with it last night.

Didn't happen. But it's been happening so much. Now when she goes to bed, she's like, well, I'm nervous to sleep because I know the noise is going to get me at 4.30. So I'm like, all right, we have to do something about this. I've offered to stake it out. I'll stake it out with you. I don't know.

I was going to come here. Well, I mean, we need immediate. So I thought it'd be fun. Let's call Zo now. But I want to know a few details of the stakeout. I'm going to call Zo now from a new company I've set up. Permission to borrow the word sleuth. Of course. Not song sleuth, but sound sleuth.

And let's just get some details from our client of what she wants and how she wants it to go down tonight on the stakeout. Yep. I'll be your associate just over here taking notes. Just in case you need them. Hello. Yeah, g'day Zoe. Yeah. Yeah, g'day Zoe, it's Hamish here from SoundSleuth. How you going? Good. How are you?

Yeah, good, good. Hey, got an order here that you want one of our men to come out and detect a early morning noise at your property. Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. He could stay permanently actually because there's so many noises. Well I'm not coming out for that one. Yeah, if you're happy to wait we can get one of our Melbourne operatives to come up as well, but the guy that we're looking to send out is Sydney based. Yeah.

Okay. Just need a few details. What time would you like him out there? The noise happens at 4.55 exactly every morning. Right. So what time would you like our bloke on site? If he's there by 4.30, that would be great. Just in case. Well, he was wondering if he might be able to go at 4.45.

OK, fine. That's fine. As long as he's set up and he's either on. And does he know his way around the house or you need someone there to live with him? He won't be inside. It's an outside noise. Yeah. OK, great. Are you positive it's an outside noise? It's an outside noise. I know it's an outside noise. What does it sound like, just so we can tell our guy?

A very heavy chair or stool being scraped on a tiled floor. Now we've got a preliminary report here that says it could be the rock against JP's gate. No, that's out. I texted him, he said it's not him. I think it's coming from the other side now Yeah, the lady side. Where would you like our fellow? What side Just sitting in the in the in the on the footpath but like out the front of your property Yes on the driveway. Thank you. That would be great JP could be JP could be the lady.

Yep, or the reverse neighbors at the back. So really you should sit in the dank alley with all the spiderwebs, which will give you the best sound perspective. Yeah, we'll have a look at it. Obviously when we get on site, should I pick the best spot? Sorry, just so I've got for the files. What's the lady's name to the left of you? I don't know. It says you've lived here for three years. For the false. What's the lady's name to the left? Ooh, says you've lived here for three years. Should we ask your husband?

Yeah, we'll ask my husband. He's the friendly one. Try and get him on the line. Yeah. All right. So it does actually sound like a two man job. If it was us, I know we'd have walkie talkies and we'd miss the noise. Like we'd be playing on the walkie talkies from both sides of the house.

It's a one man job. So you really need the bloke. I'd say he's on the side of 445. And then what sort of... And he can't have anything. He can't have a chair. He can't have a thermos. Nothing that makes noise.

He just has to be still. He can't have a chair. No. Because what if he scrapes his chair at the exact time? That's a good point. You could have a soft chair. No, you could have soft shoes. Soft shoes standing.

You must be standing soft shoes by the looks of things. Yeah, we can do that. Sorry, it's an associate here. And just finally, yeah, payment, like what should, what does he get? What are your rates? Our first consultation is free actually. If he finds the noise. If he doesn't find it. Oh yeah, if he finds the noise.

Yeah. If he finds the noise, what does he get? That's a good point. Well, he has to stop the noise first. I don't care if he finds it and has to be stopped. Then I'll pay. Great. Pay something. Okay. Are you happy if I invoice you?

Yeah, sure. It doesn't sound like you're going to pay to be honest. Yeah, sure mate. Knock yourself out. Same five invoices. You can send as many invoices as you want. Full permission. We look forward to getting...

All right. No worries yet. We'll rectify that. No worries. So we have tomorrow, just wondering in the next, in the coming week, we're going to have a little bit of a break. We're going to have a little bit of a break. We're going to have a little bit of a break.

We're going to have a little bit of a break. We're going to have a little bit of a break. We're going to have a little bit of a break. We're going to have a little bit of a permission. We look forward to getting... No worries yet. We'll rectify that. No worries. Tomorrow, just wondering in the next, in the coming weeks, would you be available to do a quick survey for us as to how the customer experience was? Of course. Thank you. Alright, well, our bloke will be on property at 4.45. Thank you so much.

Hey, that's what we do. Good sleep for all. OK. Well, not all what we do. Good sleep for all. Well, not all. Okay. Not you. See you soon. Bye.

Goodbye, darling. Business day. Bye, darling. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.