Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 250 - Huge Andy News!

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Andy kicks off the show with some exciting news! Meanwhile, Hamish shares a story about a disgruntled customer at a car rental desk. Plus, Andy brings in some more school song bangers, and Hamish provides an update on the noise that's been disturbing Zoe's sleep.  1. Huge Andy news! 2. Rental car stand-off - ‘She’s had enough’ 3. School song bangers 4. Update on Zoe’s noise complaint 

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hamish and the podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me sign, Hamish. You saw the sign and it opened up your eyes. You saw the sign. Life is demanding, rhythms understanding, Andy.

Ahoy Jack. Ahoy to me cosine, Jack. Not as many songs about the cosine. Oh, that's some good trigonometry. I saw the coastline, it was a ratio adjacent sides over a hypotenuse. And of course, yes, Andy, you're the tan, tangent. I'm the tan, I'm the tan. I hated that. Socatour or whatever that I hated. Socatour, yeah. Sine opposite hypotenuse. I know you know it, I know you know it, I'm pretty sure. You've got to remember that it's the rate of change.

Today we start the show as basic trigonomic functions. Nice to have the three of us. What was the tan though, Jack? What was all that about? Tan was a tangent. Of what? You're going on a tangent. Because you have no idea.

Of course. Taking Jack back to the feared maths oral exam. That's not good. I can't do that. Where you can just bullshit your way through. Yeah, it's a tan of the tangent. We all know that. Next question.

Next question. Ahoy also to Mick. He's from Finland. He's in Finland at the moment, he might be from Finland, who knows. Wouldn't be at the moment, wouldn't take him decades to upload it, but let's hear him. Ahoy boys, this is Mick from Central Queensland coming at you guys from Tampere in Finland. Guys I'm really pleased to report that I've been here for a week and a half and so far

I have not heard a peep about Mr Ralph. Now I know nobody's mentioning it But clearly everyone over here in Finland has taken the pledge and is sticking to the pledge to no longer mentioned mr. Ralph What a win You can hear the trot see that's what we're doing Jack. That is good too too many mentions yourself me but otherwise good too many mentions yourself, Mick, but otherwise good news. Good to see you there. Yeah, that's and you, Finland, you know, zips their lip and that sweeps across Europe and you're very- A lot of things come out of Scandinavia and then the world adopt it.

So I think it's a great area for us to really lock in the lack of chat. Yep. Just throw up. Guys, I said I- Oh, sneaky one from Ando there, Jack. I didn't notice that. I, I said I wanted to... Oh, sneaky one from Andrew there, Jack. I didn't notice that. I did think we were saying the same thing. We could learn a lot from Finland on the show.

Yeah. I said I wanted the top of the show today, just to get through a bunch of quick things. First one, Ham. Found your undies in the truck when we went to Darwin, took them home, washed them. So what brand? They're Lululemon. I don't know why you left them.

They're yours? Love them. Yeah. I'm phasing out. I've recently become, this is not sponsored, but again, we're always open for discussion. Oh, this is a, I mean, this is far different than the Jack weaseling segment would be, but I'm just saying I've recently discovered the buttery softness, again very open for discussions.

This sounds familiar to weasels. I don't really see what much is different. This don't sound familiar to weasels is what Jack's saying. Can't a man independently enjoy buttery softness against his body without it being the fur of a weasel? I think he can as long as all his friends around him can enjoy the same buttery softness. Just born in the wrong time. Like a 1950s cop in America would be Jack, like just a perfectly corrupt cop. Just be like, let the mob do what

the mob's going to do. And as long as a rising tide rises, all shit. What can you do? What can you do? Well, you can't fight the mob as a cop anyway, so you might as well take a little break. Why were your undies just in the team van? Must have been after the jet ski. I just stayed in boardies. Oh yeah, that'll be it. Anyway, so I was going going to say the rest of my undies I'm phasing out. So if they're lulus, I'll keep them, but I'm slowly migrating a new herd into the drawer. I got phase out undies that you keep so when you get to the end of your batch, you're like,

well, I now have to go into the phase out ones, but you keep them there for an emergency. And it also makes you go and wash. Jack, Jack, Jack, you took into it. I wrote the book, mate. I've done this so many times. I've done this so many times. I've done this so many times over my career. I realized the phase outs I'm keeping, just never get a run. Because I open the draw, I've always got at least sevens.

I open the draw and I'm like, well, I'm never going to pick you. So what are you here for? Why don't we delist you and you can go and enjoy your life? You don't have to keep turning up to training. You will never get a game. So that covers that up. delist you and you can go and enjoy your life. You don't have to keep turning up to training. You will never get a game. So that covers that up. Jack cleaned out my wardrobe, got a bunch of suits that your dad might want.

He still wears your suit. Right. So if you want me to bring him in or do you want to take him to him, like, it's a great offering. A bunch of clothes missing. Jack, could I have those back? Maybe you wore them home from my house. So that's anyway. He will be. I'll arrange for someone to come pick them up. Great. What else do I have? One hockey last night, five nil. Just thought that in.

Well done. Do you bap any? Yes, just the one. Just the one goal for me. I think that's it. On no, I asked Beck to marry me on Sunday. Oh my God. Oh my god! Are you kidding me? Congratulations! Oh my god! Wow, man!

Okay, well Jack's, just to plan a digi here, Jack's tried to claim best friend status ever getting out of his chair first and hugging Andy. I must admit I did already know this from one day. You actually did sound like someone who already knew. Yes, you didn't do real, you did not do 100% surprise. I didn't want to jump in with already knew. Already knew. Because of course, of course, it is the moment belongs to the happy couple. How great.

Well it does. Beautiful. We did spend a fair bit of time on lululemon, isn't it? We are out of time, unfortunately. But that just teaches you a lesson. Start with the most important thing first. And my fiance joins us now, Jacko. Bec.

Look at this fiance. Congratulations. Hey, Jacko. Hey, hey, thank you. Now, Bec, Rude. A rude. Is it a bit quick? That's all I would ask. Is it a bit sudden? Yeah, you know what? It really should have given another couple of years.

10 years. Are you sure? Because, Ando, often, you know, you meet someone you caught up in that early 12 years. Yeah. You can, like, you can get it. It's all, you know, that's not going to look at the whole relationship going to be like, so it's always going to be that honeymoon 12 years. Reality will kick in. So if you are comfortable, Ando, then of course we support it.

Okay. No, no, I feel good about this. Apple thought. No, it's a, what amazing news. And me and, me and Zoe were, we were crying. We were, so it was. That's such good news. What, can you tell us the story of the proposal?

Um, yes, it started cause I got back to the old, or our new old house under the guys that we had to do, had to do a couple of videos for Instagram because we're about to start the build and I thought we want to capture it. She went, what do you mean we're doing that? And I said, well, we say we do this at 12 and she's like, no, you've, can you please just put it in my calendar? Can you please put these things in my calendar? And I'm like, it isn't in your calendar.

It's there under surprise engagement. I'd never challenge Andy on a calendar input. Yeah, big mistake. It was there. And then she said, well, I've booked Henrietta in through probably one of the mud baths. Japanese mud bath. Don't tell me that Henrietta is being sprinkled with unicorn horns at 12. I said, okay, well, do you want to postpone Henri's things?

We have to get this done. She goes, no. So I said, okay, we'll push back. A reschedule. A reschedule. Don't like from back because it gets the marriage stage now of your relationship off to a great start. She's on a good footing. She's on a good footing. She's on a good footing.

She's calling the shots. And then I was pretending that we'd film something in front of this fireplace, this old marble fireplace in the house. And that's when I went, I think there's something inside the fireplace. And while I was down there, I stayed on one knee and I gave her another napkin. Cause I, I, when I first met her at the cafe, I wrote on a napkin, my details. And I gave her another napkin. How much does it spend on the napkin?

Two months salary? What a napkin. You should see this napkin. Gold lace napkin. Oh, you lucky girl, Bec. A lot of girls want diamonds, but now you've got a pocket screen. I've got a napkin. I had a supporting ring beside it, behind the napkin, yes, and Bec contemplated and said yes.

Well, I thought it was yes initially, but I've since found out today. Did you look back at the video? There's a calling off period for decisions like this, apparently from behalf of the female, or males, and Beck has enlisted a representative to try and negotiate out a few things for our relationship before she officially says yes. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome myself to the court, Hamish Wake from Blake and Post Associates, representing Ms. Harding, soon to be Mrs. Harding, believe. We don't know what the surname's going to do.

We don't know that one. So Beck, I understand that you've text Hamish a list of demands that you'd like him to present before you say an official yes. Smart Beck, because, well, let me just say this too. You know, this is just at, this is a work in progress too. But if you can agree to these, then my client, Ms Harding, is comfortable with accepting the napkin and diamond. How many demands?

There's a few, aren't there, Bec? Can we distill it? She texted me last night, she's like, I've got plenty more. Do you want more? I was like, this is lots. Bec, would you like- How many bits do you want? I think you should go through them because I think he should hear them in your voice.

Okay. Okay. So these are just a few that sort of sprung to mind when Hameen and I were talking last night. I think the first one is that you should make a conscious effort not to leave your cats around the house. And yeah, my client says she says there's literally one in every room. I can, I'll make a conscious effort subconsciously. I'm not sure where those hats will roam. Can I ask that we strengthen the wording on that a little? Because you'll notice that Mr. Lee was very quick to jump on the conscious effort.

Eleman, I think we limit it to two loose caps in any house. Done. I know there were a few. Two loose hats per house per man. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Done. Yeah.

I can, I can deal with that. That's great. And in return, my client would like two loose cups per sink at any time. Oh, cause I understand that you don't, you don't like a lot of cups in the sink. Well, she doesn't put them in the dishwasher, she just puts them in the sink. Well, if the dishwasher's full and I don't have time to unstack the dishwasher. You have. What if it's not time to stack the dishwasher yet and the cups need to rest before they

go in the dishwasher? Two cups. I'm coming from a house that has many tired cups that need to rest. I think this is fair. Two cups per sink. Per week. No, per sink at any time, there'll be two cups in the sink. And just so we're clear here, and you'll probably have several sinks. So where there's a system where there's two sinks next to each other, two buckets, we're including that as two sinks. Okay. We're not saying that's the kitchen sink.

Can you limit it, Bec, can you limit it to one sink just because if I want to do the washing up in the other one, I don't have to remove the things out of it. This could be a deal breaker. Is that getting technically complete and put them in bathroom sinks and laundry? That's not true. That's what we're going for, Jack. That's what we're going for.

Laundry. Put them on heat sinks on the back of the computer. Two cups per one section of the kitchen sink. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work.

That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. That's a we're going for, Jack. That's what we're going for. Put them on heat sinks on the back of the computer. Two cups per one section of the kitchen sink. Deal, Bec? Yeah, that's fine. Great. I thought we were actually going to have a deal back there and we're going to get a different hug from Jack at the end of this. I'm so sorry, man. Commiseration hug.

I'm so sorry. It was such a short-lived engagement. My client's happy to cook as long as you chop the onions. Done. Deal. Back again, could I upgrade that? I think we should get him cooking some meals. Are you sure? Cause you know. She loves cooking.

I'm always on the bar. Well, I know I enjoy the cooking part. I just, my eyes can't handle onions. And has that ever been a problem? Has Annie ever just gone, I'm not going to chop them, you're cooking? No. No. What about this?

Chop onions without delay. I just wanted it in writing. What about without delay? Because I get the feeling that if he's watching something on TV, he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get to the onions. That has happened, actually. Okay, okay. But we'll put in without delay there.

Sure. Well, the onions need to go in first normally as well, So then it just throws off the whole timing for the meal. OK. Coming from a lady who's always on the time. Oh, we'd ask you to be quiet while the demand's being read, Mr Lee. Bec, next one. That you will turn off the lights in the fan in the bathroom once you're finished. Won't turn off the fan.

There's a certain reason that's on. Will you come back? How long should the fan run back? Do you not like the fan on, Bec? Well, no, he just never switches them off. Well, the fan stays on. We came back from being away for three weeks and the fan and the light in his bathroom were on.

Sometimes it requires... Well-ventilated. Yeah, air would be very clean. I mean, if it's still there after that, you need an outside toilet. I'll commit to the fan. I'll commit to the light. I won't commit to the fan. OK.

We'll take it. I'm in your camp a bit there, Ando. I'm a fan. A perma fan is not too much of an issue. Next item is bins your job. Bins my job. No complaining. No complaining about the recycling. There will be packages at the house. You'll have to break them down. That's just, that's, that is what it is. Hey, this is Mary. On to the next one.

Okay. Final one. That's it. Yeah. We've got two more and they're both important. Bec, go for it. Thank you. Lining your shoes up along the kitchen bench does not mean that they've been pulled away, no matter how straight they are. They're pretty straight. I have seen quite the line of shoes. I mean, yeah, of course, no surprises to any of the listeners, Andy.

No such thing as a pair of shoes in Andy's house that's not lined up in like showroom condition. Okay. No, I can remove them from the kitchen. But like, I just don't want them, like they can go in the wardrobe. Done? Yeah. I forget about the wardrobe. Front door. Zoe's always like, mate, put your shoes away. And I still, I'll be like, I think what she means is front door. But nice and tidy. She means straighten them up at the front door. Yeah. She means 13 pairs perfectly aligned. Okay. The last one, I think the last one would

be great is give all our listeners a smile and an insight into the reality of Andy's life. Especially as you move into, once you've built this home, it will be a design masterpiece. This will give people a little idea of what Andy's day-to-day jobs will be. So couch cushions need to be fluffed and chopped, like in the center. Chopped. He loves a chop at the top. I can't come at the top. I've seen it on an interior design show. Yeah, you have to. That's what she wants. You can choose one of these. If you're marrying this woman and you're building this, like, design, this grand design's house, there's going to be pillows. There's going to be so many pillows you never use, which I know greats against you,

that you have to pay for it. You will never use them. Bec, you can choose one of these two things. Fluff and chop. You can have... I want you to commit to fluffing and chopping for the rest of your life. You can have this, Bec. You can have a fluff and chop or I'll warm your side of the bed before you get in. Take fluff and chop for us.

I'm going to go with the fluff and chop just because I want to get one of those, another sleep aid for the bed. Yeah, exactly. She's got a machine to do that now, but it doesn't need you. Okay. For the rest of- You could be away. This just gives us great, like I just think this brings joy to everyone's. Everyone's been like, everyone's like, okay, now Andy is going to be with Bec forever. They're going to get married. Not only that, now we just picture Andy having to shuffle around his house, fluffing, chopping, fluffing and chopping.

And if I fluff too much, I'll leave the fan on. Fluff, chop fan, fluff, chop fan. You've been fully domesticated. All right. All right. And now pronounce you engage. We're very happy with that from outside. Andy, you've got a deal.

Hey, congratulations guys. Thanks dudes. Thanks. May you fluff and chop each other's hearts forever. Yes. See you back up. Thanks guys. Bye. Ooh, fiance. Do you guys ever have those ones where you feel terrible for like a customer service person or like a, you know, hospitality person, shop assistant, someone on the

frontline that's dealing with customers. Yet at the same time, you're like deeply fascinated by how this is playing out. Like when they have a bad customer. Oh, you know, like, you know, you're watching from afar. Yeah. But there is a bit of you being like, like, you know, just me just gently stepping on Zoe's foot going, listen to this, listen to what's going on over here. I know that one.

We're in New Zealand, okay. At the car rental counter. Okay. Which is sort of, you know, similar to all airports, like the car rental counters, they're all sort of all the different companies are next to each other. And there's a Kiwi couple, an older Kiwi couple, who've come in for another New Zealand city. And they, I'd say they're in their seventies, right? And they're having, and the girl trying to help them is doing her best.

And it wouldn't be hurt, it wouldn't be hurt Sam, if there's a cook. I'm not trying to drag names into this for whom I may have an ambassador handshake agreement with. I just want to make sure that people clearly know that it's, if there's a complaint. I was at the Hertz counter. Yeah, if it's a complaint, it wouldn't have been. I was at the Hertz counter. So therefore, next to me was another company.

So I was having a fine old time. But the conversation, it was just fascinating because the conversation sort of went like this. You've got this older couple and everything the girl asked them, the car rental person asked them, they couldn't believe it because their son had booked this for them. Right? So they're like, now what kind of car do you want? They're like, listen, midsize, we're in a midsize car.

Right. Well, the booking is for a small car? They're like, listen, midsize, we're on a midsize car. Right. Well, the booking is for a small car. They're like, impossible. Our son booked this. Our son booked this and it's for a midsize car. We're like, okay, well, it is for a small car. Um, you know, do you want to reduce the excess? Right.

They're like, our son, he has booked this and he's reduced the excess hour. It doesn't say that's been done here, but would you like to do that? Right? Like we'd need to take payment. And our son's paid. Our son has done this and he did it on the computer and it's done. Right? They just keep yelling at like, it's done. And she's looking at her screen and was like, it's not done. And so then they get to the next bit, which is sort of like, you know, and do you want to drop it off here or no, no, we're driving to a wedding, driving to a wedding. We're not dropping it over here. we're dropping it off. They're like, right, what says you're dropping it off here? So there's a, there is a charge. You like to

drop it off. Our son did this. No, our son's in this. So it's mostly the wife dealing with it. She is shaking, right? So then the husband steps in, she looks at the husband, gives him a look, which I now know there must, there must be a look. She puts her hands on her hips and she turns her back on the customer service person and he goes, we've done it now, my wife's had enough. And the girl goes, right. Well, um, what should we do? And the girl's like, what should we, well, what should we do? And the guy goes, well, she's had enough. He's had enough. All these questions she's had enough. Right. And so the wifey's just got her hands like just staring with her back together. The girl's like, you know, you can see it going, well, we're not finished. Yeah, no.

Oh my God, my form hasn't had enough because I need some more information. Do you like to go to the toilet and make some room? When do you think we might be able to do a little bit more? And so then he goes, she goes, OK, well, so it must have been in the wife's name. He's like, well, sorry, madam, I just need to know. I just need to get a copy of your license. And the cousin goes, she's had enough. She's had enough, I've told you.

My wife has had enough. You've done it now. You're just going to have to sort it out. There's nothing more from us. You're just going to have to sort it out because she's had enough. She goes, OK, well, so do you want the car? And he goes, of course we want the car. We've got to get to a wedding. We're going to a wedding this afternoon. He goes, right.

But I need some information. We've had enough. It should have all been done. Our son's done it. There's this standoff. And I'm just in there going, oh my God, this is huge. Incredible. I'm just in there going, oh my God, this is huge. Incredible. Um, I'm standing there. The guy, he was probably hoping his wife would turn around because he's doing his

best to represent, like to interpret, like what her body language is. She's done the move if she's had enough. Yes. But obviously some more needs to be done. He knows she's like, she goes, okay, so I'll turn my back on him. You let him know I've had enough. And that's when I've just had it. I've had it.

He turns to me and, cause I was just like, ah, this is, this is like really feeling for the girl behind the counter. He turns to me and he's like, unbelievable. Unbelievable. Isn't it? Isn't it? I mean, it's ridiculous. You've come all this way.

A son's done all this already. A son's entered all this information in. And because my Hertz deal is actually Australia and New Zealand. I'm on some ads in New Zealand. I took a risk that he might know that because the billboards are up around airports and so I said, well, sir, I can assure you I'm having an absolutely wonderful time at Hertz. And he goes, really?

I said, but obviously I would say that or something like that. And he's like, what are you talking about? And I went, he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I've tried to, I've sort of done this for Zoe's amusement. And he's staring at me going, why would you say that? And then I just had to lie and go, I work for Hertz. And then he thinks I mean like as a, like as a manager, he's like, well, if we come across the Hertz, is there something you could do for me?

Is there something you could do for Snoop? I'm not a manager. Yeah. And he's going, he's pitching to me like, poach us. Yeah. And get us over here. And you know what you should have done? Turned your back.

And so I had enough. My husband's had enough. I've had enough of his enough of being recognized. Hey, kind of flippantly we throw out and it came up just in the middle of another talk break about school songs and if you had a banger send them in. Some people are really passionate about their school songs. You then sent me some audio of Rudy's school which does have a pretty good catch. It's pretty popular. Yeah so both my kids go to the same school and it has because it's a relatively new school.

Like I was only invented, I think about 20 years ago. They obviously got someone at the time, cause it feels a bit Broadway. Yeah. Like I think they got a composer to go, you know, can you give us something that's a bit, got a bit of pep in the step. Now I'm not saying it's the greatest school song of all time, but it does contain a yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you have a yeah, yeah, yeah, that definitely puts you in the contemporary zone for school songs. I've spent the week collating my favourites. You're going to be blown away.

Good ones out there? Yeah. I've distilled it down to my two favourites and one that I'm just going to give an honourable mention, maybe even a dishonourable mention, but you can't have a banger if you're doing a parody song or you've taken another song. This is Port Hedlund Primary School in WA. See if you can... I mean, the funny thing is though, that's every footy club song. I know, but this... Funny you say footy club, but this is Port Hedlund Primary School's

song. Okay. Oh, hailing primary, giving our all, working together with standing tall. Well done. They're nicked up there, because I leave the non-AFL for fans. That's sort of the waltzing Matilda of the AFL, not the official anthem, but close to the heart. So thank you for that submission. It's not going to be at the level as you're about to hear. I've just steered it down to two and I want to play a fair chunk of them because some of them sound unbelievable. The other part that's funny, they're both on Spotify.

Really? So they're very proud of this. They're published. This one came in from Sacred Heart. It was Darcy's favourite. It came in second for me and I'll tell you why in a moment. Sacred Heart whereabouts? There's a lot of Sacred Hearts.

The northern beaches of Sydney, this Sacred Heart. And I mean, I've got it here from the start because I feel it really kicks in, it grows, it feels like a nice pop song. Oh yeah, good. Hones and iBibes. It's like a Qantas ad, doesn't it? It's a good ad. Kick it in. Here we go. You can feel it.

You can feel it coming. It just keeps going. It's good. You could see it rolling over the credits of a good film. It just keeps going. It's good. You could see it rolling over the credits of a good film. It only lost points for me because it tried to squeeze in too much. Every school song's guilty of that.

Even just the word service tried to make it three syllables, but they only had two to use. That was my only drawback part. As far as a catchy track. Yeah, it was good. It was good. Well done. And can you imagine how like stoked that was obviously like an internal competition

is like who's going to sing the solo and who's going to be the artist that gets on Spotify forever with our school song. And I don't know who she is. She does a wonderful job. forever with our school song. And I don't know who she is. She does a wonderful job. You can only imagine just the fist pumping that went on when she found it at home. That's it. I've got the gig. Agreed. Suck on that, Cynthia. I mean, now we're projecting, but you can only imagine.

It's an original, it's a banger. It's only bettered, I think, by Fraser Primary School in the, some of it Fraser and the ACT. I've got two parts of this song. This is from, again, from the start. The starts are really sounding a lot like pop songs, where ours used to come in just with like two bars or something really boring, or chemical, or marching band. Sort of like the national anthem, like it gives you two bars to get you in the key.

Yeah. And then you're on. Good luck. Yes. This is Fraser. I woke up today, the sun is up and shining I'm chilling, got no worries, so yeah I'm gonna find a way, I'll keep on trying To be my best self everyday So get your hands up, get up, there's no time for sorrow

Throw your hands up, stand up It's now time to grow We'll never give up Get up, look out tomorrow Let's all stand up The whole world we're gonna show Let's sing it now Oh, oh, oh, oh

Let's sing along to phrases song Oh, let's sing along to Fraser's song. Oh, great. For a second I was like, this might not actually be their song. This could just be a vaguely positive song, but they did mention the school. So you can understand why I warned them. So much better. So much better. I mean, you're never going to get this across.

It's so rare that they've got a song like that across the line. Because it's really just a song about having a good time and getting up and like looking forward to a brighter day. They're not trying to jam in giving back. They're not trying to jam in compassion and looking after one another. And, you know, through our core principles, we will learn. Just a whole bunch of other junkie here in school songs. They've just gone for, hey, let's make it feel good and let's give some actions.

Let's put some actions in. So we get a bit of dancing at assembly. Apparently it's the bell every morning. So, you know, that's when school's starting. They use you. I would say don't overdo it though. Now I would worry. The click.

The click is great. Anyway, it goes for a while. I hope that happens at assembly. And this is why I needed to skip forward a verse and chorus because it has a rap breakdown and that's where it went well. Which again, David. How does this happen at assembly? This is what I'm wondering.

The rap is a little bit educational. Do you know what? This is the annoying part because at the meeting someone would have been pushing to go, I reckon we have five to 10% max school values. Max. I reckon they've jammed in rap. And the kids will love this. And then someone else wanted 90% school values and they've had to compromise on a school

values rap. Have a listen. Come on, I still remember the day we first met, long before any talk of the internet. School styling the yellow and brown, 79, you're the talk of the internet school styling the yellow and brown 79 you're the talk of the town Fraser primary new kids on the block and natural day it's us at the top scarf values it's all me and you while we ripping out colors the yellow and blue it actually continues for quite a while so it's a rap to the school i think when it's saying when we first because it's a rap to the school? I think when it's saying when we first met, because it's kind of like a love song, but

it's like, I still remember when we first met, but it's this singer's saying it to the school. I think, I think what he's saying is when we, when we first met the world, the school. Oh, you're singing it from the perspective of the school, singing it to the world. We were yellow and brown. I assume the colours back then were yellow and brown. And they've changed. And then he said 1979.

So I assume that that was like, in 79 with the talk of the town. I guess that's the founding year. And now they're like, a little nod to that, but we know we've moved away from the yellow and brown because you get teased by other schools for being Pooz and Weez. Of course, you don't want to be Pooz and Weez. Now they're just Weeeze in the sky. You can go and yell it. You...

And that's, I hope that features. I hope that's one of the lyrics. We were sick of the teasing, so we had an aesthetic rethink. This is the tricky thing about writing an anthem or a banger. It has to hold up to the hundredth sing, you know, not just the first. It can't just be an interesting lyric for one time. So that whole reference to like, Hey, it was before the internet. You know, do you need that every song? My guess is the radio edit doesn't have the rap.

Yep. Yeah. They're not playing that every day. The assembly edit. The assembly edit. Yeah, just stick to the vibes. stick to the good vibes of the chorus. Now fellas, last episode, we planted the seed of a thrilling hunt for a noise. I rang home and shot the weekend Jack, cause I just could, I was just chomping the bit to find out.

I said, did you find the sound? He said, you'll find out when the people find out. I can't believe you did it. Well done. Yeah. Yeah, mate. Don't worry. If for those that need a quick refresher, my wife claimed or is adamant that at 4.55 AM, exactly, she said, not like, cause I was like, is it roughly? No, no, exactly. 4.55. She's hearing a noise in the morning. I'm not hearing it.

She is hearing it. It's just like a loud scraping or a bang. And it's every morning. We ruled out the gate next door. Yep, doesn't seem to be JP's gate. It was just a mystery. She's like, could it be mechanical? Is it on a timer?

It's like clockwork. Okay, so I rang her representing the company SoundSleuth and said, we'll get one of our guys out there of a morning to assist you. She said, do you remember when, and no chair. Yeah, I really had to go out there. This is a bit mean. Yeah, so I made sure the guy that went to her property didn't have a chair. And there was a small ledge here, there's a small garden ledge you could sit on.

I just said, don't you dare let me catch you. We hear you've rested your bones on the ledge. There'll be all hell to pay this client. He doesn't want you sitting. Did this fella that you sent out for the job, did he stay in Zoe's room that evening or at risk of waking her up? No, he actually stayed in the servants quarters. The spare room or the worker, he stayed in worker accommodation on site so he could be there

and plenty of time for the 4.55. What time did he set his alarm? He set his alarm, I'm just looking at his report here. He set his alarm for 4.45. Right. Because he was on site already. 10 minute buffer. 10 minute buffer. Now, he recorded his site visit.

Right. And I've actually taken the audio from his recording and inserted it into an exciting ad for SoundSloot. So for people that want the services of SoundSleuth, but what better way to present it that we've got actual real life sleuthing that we can play as part of the ad. Great. Hi, Amish here from SoundSleuth. If you've got a problem with a mysterious noise, simply contact us and even if it's at a wildly inconvenient time of the morning, we'll be there and we'll be all ears to find that noise.

It's 4.51. Employee of the month has left the building, has left in the spare room. Current noise report, some slightly full. Yes, our heavy breathing listening experts are ready to listen to the ambient sounds of your property and make a full report. When it comes to listening, our guys love what they do. SoundsLuth employee was a little bit shitty waking up. He is a bit excited now that he's out here and we're two minutes away and we could be finally getting an answer to this thing. 4.54 we're one minute out. Oh f*** here we go.

And look sometimes the noise will turn out to be not as dramatic as you'd hope. No noise yet but it could be happening any second. But our guys are just happy to be out in nature, in the middle of the night, getting some fresh air. Sound Sluth employee would like it noted that he's getting his shit beaten out of him by mosquitoes, but he continues to wait. Might have to invoice a client for... Stingos. And whilst you might not get the exact answer you're after... We will report everything. Okay, 457, no noise yet, but I did hear a cough from JP's house.

It's possible that the client means roughly 457, even though she stated exactly 455. So go ahead, book your date with SoundSlip today, get one of our blokes on your property and you can rest assured that whether it's an earthquake or a whisper, our guys are very happy to keep both ears out. Okay. Okay. 505. F*** this shit.

I'm going in. Going to bed. Good night. Morning. Nothing, right? Nothing. No. I'm going to bed. Good night. Morning. Nothing, right? Nothing. No.

And then the next night, there was torrential rain forecast. So I'm like, oh, I was getting my rain jacket out. And she goes, what are you doing? I said, well, I've got to get up and listen to this sound again. She goes, we're not in the middle of the rain. You won't hear it. Like it was a massive storm. So we didn't do that night.

Then the next night, I was like, what are we doing about the sound? She's like, no, look, I don't know. It hasn't come back. That's been like five nights now in a row. So I either scared it off or I don't know what's going on, but I thought we should call the client. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And, and just, I don't know, does she still want the service? Because they, I wouldn't know, does she still want the service? Because they wouldn't say. Hello? Yeah, good as that Zoe Foster Blake.

Yeah, speaking. Yeah, Zoe, Hamish from Soundsleuth here. How you going? Yeah, good. How are you? Good on you, darling. Yeah, good. Hey, listen, just got your report here from the last week.

Um, we had our bloke on the property, he said he didn't hear anything. It's like when you take a car to the mechanic and the noise stops. Yeah, what a bummer. So, yeah, he went to all that effort, didn't sit. He didn't sit as requested. And he didn't hear anything. So it's a bit awkward though, isn't it? Because the noise didn't happen. So, yeah, if I need didn't hear anything. So it's been awkward though, isn't it? Cause the noise didn't happen.

So if I need to pay him or, well, sorry, it's just an associative. Yeah. I was just going to, I was just going to one of our collections, people on the line here too. Um, would you agree that you haven't heard the sound at all since our fellow went out there? Yes. That was, yeah. So we fixed it. So we fixed it. Oh yeah. Thank Yes. That was... Yeah, so we fixed it. So we fixed it.

Oh, yeah. Thank you. That's... Yes. We scared it off. What wasn't about the rain or anything like that was definitely your guy. Okay. So how would you like to fix that up?

Yeah, just looking at payment here. Oh, no, it is fixed. So that's... The bills. No, just the compensation. Sorry, just the remittance. Well, we didn't actually discuss it in the contract, because I was like, only if you find the noise do you get paid.

Oh, yeah, he's got a good point. We didn't. Now, we were a small business. We're actually a very small business. Now, I don't want to get to, you know, if we don't get payment from you, we're going to have a pretty light quarter. That's how small we are. There have been some discussions of perhaps putting your husband on, giving him an allowance. Would you be interested in doing that?

Not at all. This is a great character saying to giveby's her husband in a laugh. We could let this slide if you... But look, if the noise comes back, you'll be the first people I call. Show it up. We don't want to come. You don't pay. I'll call you again. No, we don't actually... Can we just be honest with you?

Despite what our ads say, we don't actually do it because we love hearing noises. We are a business. Sorry, the kids are just yelling at me. No, well, tell them I'm busy. That's it. Love you, honey. Bye. Bye.

Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.