Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 252 - A Hat Prank Development

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Hamish may have uncovered a breakthrough to connect with the Royal Mint, but on closer inspection it might not be great. Andy thinks there's a new type of awkward greeting and decides to explore it through song. The Hat Construction prank continues, with Hamish detailing the next steps, while also talking about bribing his daughter and accidentally making her one of the world's highest paid cyclists. 1. A Royal Mint connection 2. Andy’s awkward ‘hi’ song 3. Hat construction progress 4. Your fastest corners 5. Power Moves 6. Rudy the high paid cyclist 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in 3...2... Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me Wilson Hamish. I hope we're things you keep your company on deserted islands. Ahoy to my Flanders.

That guy. Okay. Oh, it's next to our neighbours. He's got it. Oh, he's got it. Home improvements. That's a tough one for Wilson. Oh yeah, Wilson Wilson.

Wilson Wilson. Howdy, neighbour. And of course, I'm improvements. That's a tough one for Wilson. Oh yeah, Wilson Wilson. Wilson Wilson. Howdy, neighbor. And of course, I'm Kramer. I'll be flying in late to this conversation. Great category. Thank you. Well, thank you, Mike. Thanks, Mike. Was it sent in, Mike? Or was it... No, it was Mike. No, it was him.

Yeah, it was him. And that's the feeling of two to three days work coming to a culmination. This is how high level lawyers must feel when they finally prosecute a mob boss. It's like years and years of work and we did everything meticulously and now we got them. It's weird for Mike to get his greatest satisfaction at the start of the show. Now his week is done, he gets to sit back and breathe. It's like a punter in the NFL. It's like, right, I kicked this off.

And I'm like, that could be it. That could be it for me. Hey, ahoy also to Scott, who's currently in Dubai. Hello and good gusto to you, Hamish, Andy and number six. It's Scott here from Australia. I'm calling in with a lost touch with the common man confession. I'm currently in the first-class lounge in the Dubai airport. And yes, it is very nice.

I just had a lovely shower at the spa. I've done some shopping at my own private duty-free store. Unfortunately, no Andy by Hamish was on sale and to top it all off. I am currently wearing my lost touch t-shirt and thoroughly enjoying the superior embroidery. Keep up the good work, boys. Just a big flex. You would think that the... Please acknowledge that.

Yeah, no, that's part of self-reporting. You would think that the... You would hope that the people at the Private Judy Free store would have looked at the shirt, nodded and gone, gee, we see a lot of those in here. Not the first one today we've seen, mate. We see a flood of those in here. Haim, you said you wanted the top of the show today. So you also would see another t-shirt that we saw.

We don't talk about that t-shirt, but you would see that around. You would. You certainly would. The worst place to wear it is around airports. Please keep them away from any aviation. No, no, no. But you let people know that's where you do wear them because you're letting people know that you're not mentioning that guy and they should be not mentioning him too. Remember Jack, remember the point of the t-shirts. He does have his name on it.

That's all I'm worried about. Jack, what if one of his son is flying through? How do we get the message out there without saying what the message is? I'm not saying what the message is now. I'm just saying that's exactly where you'd wear the t-shirts to remind everyone that we are no, we know mentioning that person, especially not at airports. Should we do an airport edition of the t-shirt? No, Jax.

What is in the airport edition anyway? Well, you go, I will not mention, oh, we don't mention, and then brackets like, especially not here at the airport. Very specific. T-shirt. And then on the back, because we know he's in aviation. Yes. People have wondered why, you know, we launched hard with it, but we definitely spooked the

fam, didn't we, Jack? We've retreated harder. We've spooked them, there's a few. We're trying to juggle both things. We're like, well, we are, but I think there might even be some left. Or maybe they've sold out, but there are. Yeah, go check it out. I think there are some left, but it's, you know, the t-shirt now is doing its job and

it's out there in society and it's encouraging all the all members of society to not mention the guy we don't mention anymore. Yes. And let's all really ramp up the no mentioning. And I think that's what we're doing. I think we're doing a great job of not mentioning him, especially at airports. Something we can mention? Coins. coins. Coin Quest continues, Ando.

She had a very alert listener, Sean, email in and go, he's listening to the current pod, but he's also gone back to listen to the old, like on all the way back, right? Wow. The original radio shows. Yeah. And he says- You can get that on our app by the way, or you can get it at Apple podcasts, all the original ones.

Well, he said, how's this? In episode 21 from 2014, we were doing a show back then called The Happy Hour. It was a quick, quick burst, quick one hour show per day. And in that episode, we would do it, every episode had a theme. That theme was coincidences. The show opens with us discussing the tax office commemorative coin. Oh, interesting. Where the idea is brought up of getting a commemorative dollar coin for the show.

What? So in that show, on coincidences, we first float the idea of getting a dollar coin for the Hamish and Andy show. At the same time, Sean is currently listening to episodes with us talking about getting a coin. That is a massive coincidence. We'd love to say it's a coincidence, mate. We obviously plan stuff like this. That I just want people to know that is how deep our show is. Okay. So you will never know the layers we're putting down. We're like, it looks like we're just coming here and talking about whatever,

just mucking around, but it is so meticulously thought out. Thank you for noticing that. I'm sure other people are having the same experience on many, many layers, in their own way, catching little farts that Jack does during the show. Just all the details that we put in. It is great to have that notice. Then we got another email this week from a vet. All right. I, I, I pulled it up. Sorry, someone who works with animals or?

Her name's a vet. E-vet. And also not a, not an online vet. Just E-V-E-T-T-E. Um, yeah. Hi guys, I'm an e-vet. I only, I only look at laptops. So she goes, look, I've got something for you.

I've got some news for you. Royal Australian Mint related. I'm like, okay, huge. She goes, audio attached. So I'd like to now play you Snippet One from the vet. Hi boys. I was at the Sydney Royal Easter Show and there was a stand in the home and garden section from the Royal Australian Mint. And I thought, oh, this is a perfect opportunity just to get some insider info.

So I went up to them, spoke to a lovely gentleman, forgot his name. And I pretty much was just talking to him about, you know, how they run a special coin and what's required, minimum orders and whatnot. And I also explained what you guys are trying to achieve and basically he said a normal run of coins, they normally do about 16 million coins. What? Wow. Now, the reason I thought this was worth bringing to the table is we have talked, the notion even got floated. I think when we were talking about the Anaconda side of things, we were like,

listen, if it's just 10,000 coins, surely a company can come and just, you know, even if they'd like bankroll it and they buy the coins and put them in a circulation. And we just go and we'll sprinkle them at buskers and do other things. We thought we'd circle out of them ourselves. But if we're just dividing 16 million between dollars between the three of us. It does become the 16 million dollar question here. And the worry was Jack might say he couldn't give them all that.

And he wanders home with them. Even if I give out like 80%, I'm still walking away with a good bit of pocket money. Yeah, over a million dollars for my calculations. So the 16 million dollar conundrum, that changes the game a little bit, doesn't it? So I'm listening to this and I'm like, okay, that's a spanner. Kind of cuts off one of them. They can't be doing 16 million. But it's funny, I go, 16 million dollars, that would ruin the economy. Like, you know, that's more money than there is in Australia. And then you go, I suppose that's the world they're in, you know, 16 million

is a drop in the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I don't think the NRL- I still think it's too much. NRL and WNRL, their commemorative coins, there wouldn't be 16 million of them going out. No, that's not one or, that's like three, two coins for every three people. Yeah. It's like one per adult.

It is. It's a good way of thinking about it. It is. It's too many. I don't, I'm listening to the rest of Ed's message and I'm like, okay, this is, she's going to give us the good news here. Don't get your hopes up too high, but this is the next bit. I was pretty disheartened, but then when I explained why I'm asking, he mentioned something really interesting. He said, oh, Hangish and Andy, I know one of them.

They're dating my niece's best friend or friend. And we worked out that his niece is friends with Beck. So Andy, try work out who this is. I think you've got a connection there in the real mint and I think you'll be able to weasel your way through. Keep me posted, let us know, really invested. He reckons two years is also not a problem. So at first when she was like, you know, oh, I was thinking that's bad, but then he mentioned

this. I was like, here we go. It's not that strong, is it? Like, I think even if you figure out who this is, calling up some guy and going, hey, Warren, it's Andy Lee here. Your brother's daughter's friend is actually my girlfriend. You don't say now? Yeah. Right. Can I have my own coin? It's worth a shot. It's worth a shot. It's worth a shot.

And also, are they just, hypothetically here, are they sending out the most powerful guy, like the biggest decision maker at the Mint? Are they sending him out to run the stall at the Easter show? So I mean, even if we get this guy completely onside and he's like, I will do everything in my power to help you here. I'm just going to quickly unpack this dressing table. I will do everything in my power as a head of regional stall information to change monetary policy. Like I don't know. I love his enthusiasm. And we're just, you know,

we're in this worth a shot, like try every angle, but I'm just saying let's I love his enthusiasm. And we're just, you know, we're in this worth a shot, like try every angle, but I'm just saying let's, Tim, this is why we have a two year timeline on this, because not every hook will yield a tuna. Good to know. Hey, we've talked about hellos on this show. Ahoy is obviously the preferred greeting

for anyone that joins our podcast, or if we see you out there in the flesh. Gusto to you is getting, making a solid play for it, but ahoy is obviously our preferred telephonic greeting. Yep. Australian is well known for g'day. Yeah, we are. There's a certain greeting that I find myself using a lot that I don't think is really being acknowledged because it's very hard to kind

of pinpoint what the person's actually saying or the sound. It's more of a sound than a word. It's when you see someone, you have to acknowledge them, but you can't say it loud or you don't want to give them too much because it's kind of a minimal kind of interaction. It's the, I. Oh of interaction. It's the... I... The what? You know the what? It's where you're raising a hand, but you're almost mouthing hay. You're doing kind of a hay. But you're not saying the full word. You're saying about 20% of the word. But you are,

just for people listening, which is a large part of the podcast audience, you are raising your hand as well. Yeah, but you could do it with your hands full and you see someone across a train. You can do that. Really, it's in the eyes. You're doing the eyes though. You don't pretend there's no visual element. Correct.

There is. There is definitely a visual element. There's eyes. But weirdly for me, I'm not sure if it's for everybody, but it seems like you still do us sound. A 10% sound. Even less. I think when people mime, they do, it's hard to not mime and not do a sound. A 10% sound. Even less. I think when people mime, it's hard to not mime and

not do a sound. Yes. Like we always talked about the noise that you make, because you have to take a lot of photos, like if someone came on the radio show, like, all right, everyone pose for a photo. The noise people make when they're smiling is always an odd category of noise. Like when you have to hold a smile for a long time, you often get a weird noise that comes out of four people smiling for too long. I found myself using the... I don't know, it's a tiny sound. Oh, I would use it all the time because it means you don't have to say the name. Exactly. I try to use it close range while speaking ads.

And I've realised it comes up so often in very particular scenarios. So if people aren't aware, I've put it to music how they might be able to use it. Like the time to disable CDs. Instructional and musical. MUSIC There are times in life when you need to say hello, but the situation dictates minimum gusto.

What do you do? How do you get by? You smile in your mouth, like when you're on the phone and you walk into a shop and you see the assistant but the call can't stop. You say, aye. When you're on the street and your girlfriend meets a friend and her friend's husband's there, but you don't know them across the girls' conversation, you go, aye, aye.

When you're on a hike and a stranger walks by and it's super peaceful, so you try to be quiet, you say, aye. It's the sound we all make for a subtle hello. It's super important in a make for a subtle hello. It's super important in a few scenarios. It can't be taught. It lives in you.

It just comes out when it needs to. Like when you enter an office but they're on a Zoom call. You can't be loud so you just stand at the door. You say, aye. Like when you're at a supermarket and you see someone you know. You're both on a mission to grab the groceries and go you say... Ah... Aye. And when you're with your wife and you see a chick that you've slept with in the past that'd be very unenthusiastic and say...

Ah... Aye. Yep, this is the sound that we've decided on. Keep it up your sleeve and you can't go wrong. Yeah, beauty mate, I've recorded all of that. Hey, you know my fiance, Jane, don't you? She was just popping into say g'day. Boys, the prank of Five Hats draws ever closer. The prank day is upon us. Perhaps, might not be next week. Could be next week. Could be.

Well, so, well, the first thing we need is hats. Yeah, that's really true. I think you'll remember, it might have been step one or two. I can't remember, but- No, of the prank, the prank that is, yeah, from the kids book, K-Zone. That's for under tens, I think. Yeah, the prank is, yeah, step one, get crafty and make a bunch of hats. Yeah, exactly.

Do you need the hats? We can't talk, I think we spent a lot of time talking about steps two through to the end. That's the fun part to think about though. So where are we at with the hats? Yeah, sizing them up, circling around. You ordered a lot of denim. I think that's where we got to last time. I've got the denim.

I've got the denim. And actually there was a problem with the denim. They sent the, I ordered it from a fabric place. I asked for five meters of denim. So it's five meters times, I think it's 1.6 meters. Wow. That's a lot of denim. I asked for, yeah, about eight square meters of denim.

When you think about it, like some small rooms are about eight square meters. So that's quite a lot of denim. But you do need a lot of denim. You need the circle per each, because we're making a bucket hat. For each bucket hat, you need the circle that goes on the head, the top. You need a band that goes around that. Then you need the brim. So you do actually, it requires like a lot of material.

Yeah, but it won't be a more than eight square pieces, I don't think. I don't know, mate. I've got no idea. From what I know from cake decorating, areas can sneak up on you. Like, you know, if you're icing a cake, you'd be surprised the surface area of your standard cake. Okay. That's what I'm going off. Well, better to have too much than too little. Yep. A cake is not too different than a hat.

So how many hats? A hat is basically a hollow cake with a brim. How many hats? What do you mean? Five? So it's five. Okay. Yeah, the five. Five's the... What do you mean by hats? Mate, have you been paying attention?

The brink is full. I didn't know whether we're gonna... It's called the brink of five hats. I I didn't know whether it was not a horn. It's called the prank of five hats. I just didn't know whether we were going to augment that. No, actually, I think this is the main issue now. Rather than have I built, have I made them, have I not? Let's think, let's talk about Andy paying attention, because that's a pretty big misstep there, mate.

That's what I'd like to focus on today. It's all you're doing is if's someone fumbles in the debate. You're spending six minutes on the fumble. You fumble. Zero content. What are your points, sir? Oh, don't worry about my points. He fumbled.

Let's think about that. Now look- So talk me through it. Where, when are you going to make the hats? You understand. You've worked with me before in a band context. Let's, let's, let's let me try and frame it in like a drummer's context for you. What's the first, when we've done our band before, Cool Boys and the Front Man,

one of the critical first steps for me learning the song is to listen to it 100 times. I do not pick up a stick. I don't look at sheet music. I don't do anything until I can positive, I can feel it. So what's the equivalent here? You're looking at a hat. Yeah, feeling it. So you just gotta look at it.

I have been looking deeply at hats. And I have been taking, I've been paying extra attention to the hats that I see around and appreciating the challenges I might face. The biggest mucence I've got really is there's obviously going to be some sewing involved. And I'm doing that thing where I'm stalling because I don't like the reality of the situation. I think I'm gonna have to hand sew all the hats because I don't have a sewing machine. My dad did a sewing class. My mom's got a sewing machine. Cool. My dad's got a teaglod. How many times do we have to go over it?

All our parents are doing well. Okay. But I'm on, well, look on that topic, if you guys are open to the idea of outsourcing, I did get contacted throughout the week. No, I didn't mean outsourcing. I mean you can use mum's sewing machine. You can't. Okay. There's a company based in Melbourne called Crimp Hats. They've actually been through the dilemma themselves. They only make, they're a little Aussie company, they only make like

merino, they look very stylish. Not what we're going for, but cool. Like merino bucket hats. I thought you were going to say they only make hats of increasing brims? They're called hilarious hats. Okay. Let's be very clear. They've said you can come to our factory. And because you know what they took offence to? Chat GPT, when I said what's the easiest hat to make and chat GPT said bucket hat.

Yeah. They got really, they were like, mate, AI is off here because our bucket hat was tough to make. We did hundreds of designs. It was hard for me. Yeah. They sent me a few pictures and they looked, they looked, you know, if you were starting a hat company and this was your hat, you'd be like, have we got in the right business

here? Does it say step one in the prank? Does it say step one, answer a direct message from a company that wants exposure and outsource hats no it says get crafty and make a bunch of hats. You could argue that crafty is making a valuable hat ally within the business. That's craft. That's a certain relationships known as crafts. I think you should have a go at one hat at least before pulling the trigger on outsourcing. Yeah, and you still want your jean shorts? Because I do have enough for them and I will, I'll do the shorts.

If we get the shorts, that's a bonus. All right, bearing in mind, I reckon the jean shorts will be rushed. Because you're going to spend so much time on the hats. Mind bearing a mind. I reckon the jeans shorts will be rushed. You got to spend so much time on the hats. Yeah. And I can just tell by the end, the thing about the stitch thing about hand sewing is you have to do smaller the stitches, the sturdier it is. Of course, the longer the stitches, the sooner you're done. Yeah.

So you are, it is a real, I don't know. Actually Hamish has stitched me clothing before. I know. And that was terrible. I made you a jumper. It started, the stitching on one side started very close together and then it was very wide apart by the end of it. Three stitches on the other side of the jumper.

Yeah, I made Jack a jumper for Chris Kringle one year. I remember. I was there. It looked like... Made him some NoFX merch. It looked like guy ropes. One of a kind. Yeah. It looked like guy ropes from a camping tent on the one side of it. The stitching was reminiscent of, you know, the boat shoes you see guys wear with the levers. It's sort of about that.

Even wider. I think I would strongly recommend using a sewing machine. Yeah. Once it's up and running, it'll be so much quicker than hand sewing. Yeah, I know, but don't you have to know how to do it? Not really. Not that hard. Remember it's a circle too. Your dad's probably sewing basic shit. This is a circle. No, dad did circles, man. No, he didn't.

Yes, he did. I bet he just fixed holes in jeans and stuff. He did do that. That ain't a circle, man. That's easy. Easy. That's just running it back and forth. He made a... He wouldn't have made a hat.

I think he made a hat. And he couldn't. Do you want my dad to make the hat? No, I'll do it. Okay. If I'm getting anyone else to make the hat, I'll get this hat company to make it. No, I'll make them. They could be stapled. Can I go somewhere that has a sewing machine? Don't staple them because for the prank to work, if you've got a silly hat that's stapled and

falling apart, it's going to draw too much attention to the hat. That's a really good point. We need them to look really, really great. Really good. Don't worry. This denim hat with a 60 centimeter brim will look really great. I also think you should tone down the 60 centimeter brim. I think 30 max. All right. Do you want to go 5, 10? Do you realize that 60 centimeter brim almost takes up a lot of your 8 square meters?

It would actually be almost more than my arm span. Yeah, that's my worry for you. Yeah. It will look like a she's over my head. It probably stops being hatty at that stage. It stops being hatty and you can also, it'll lose any kind of structural integrity. You won't get a painting at all.

I look like a denim ghost with no eye hole. Yeah, we wanna see that face underneath. Cause that's not even a prank anymore cause now it looks like you're wearing a denim sheet. It is a prank, but it is not a hat prank. So yeah, we don't want to do two pranks on one. All right, what are we doing? Five, 10, 15, 20, 25 rim sizes. I think we could go smaller increments, couldn't we? Five, eight. Five's not much. Five is full. Let's start at 10. Maybe like- 10 to 30. 10, 15, 20, yep. Five is full. Let's start at 10. Maybe like... 10 to 30.

10, 15, yep. 10 to 30. Something around there. Okay. I think if you end up with a one foot bucket brim, that's still pretty hilarious. Yeah. Okay, great. Gentlemen, last episode on the pod, we were lucky enough to cover off or scratch the surface

on a phenomenon that turns out is not just widespread, but globally widespread. Speed corners in your house. Yeah, that's your fastest corner. Fastest corner in your house. Are you shaving, are you cumulating precious microseconds, which then become milliseconds, which then become full seconds and by the end of the year become full tens of seconds that you have got in your pocket? Are you saving that much time by going fast around your house? Now the speed corners are wild. I've started noticing actually a couple more subconsciously

that I'm doing in my own house. You'll often feel yourself, you notice it when you do a bad one, don't you? Like you notice when you bounce off and you go, okay, I went in a little early there, a little early, no dead arm now. I also noticed that like returning with the dog, like a pit stop, coming out and flinging the lead onto a hook on the side, I'm losing garments and stuff for extra speed as I go around corners as well. Yeah, that's good. It's different. Give them a way to pick up time. We've had so many emails come in, so many emails this week from people with their own speed corners.

Mostly guys. Turns out mostly blokes. But look, it's a phenomenon. Can you tell phenomenon. Ash has written in, he's gone, look, he's sent a picture of his stairs to show the actual line because there's a wear pattern in the carpet. So you can see he starts very wide on the stair and the stair like bends back around itself as it goes down. So it does a full 180, it's a hairpin. And you can see his normal footstep is right out against the wall and then he absolutely tears through on the inside on that apex. It's beautiful. Haim, this is from Tom Little. He said, Hoi boys, walking along the kitchen to enter the

hallway, you do have to walk through a doorway on your right before heading the same direction down the hall. Is that making sense? Yeah. You're going along kitchen, you take a hard right into a hallway, but then keep going the same direction. So it's more of a step out. He says, I run alongside the inside wall of the kitchen and I sidestep.

So at some point, we're saying he's almost heading directly. He's going straight at a wall. Straight at a wall, yes. And then he leaps to the side and keeps that momentum. Said I sidestep at a pace close to the speed of light through a doorway down the hall so I don't have to turn exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Actually, I had one from a guy called Sean Simmela, who sent again, yeah, he sent the picture of leaving the lounge room.

Then it goes out into the hallway and it's almost like a Z shaped hallway to get to the bathroom. But you can just faintly see the knob like past the corners. Oh yes. And he goes, look, the toilet is there where the red arrow is. He goes, the slow and tired of the world would call this journey a right hand turn, then a left hand turn, then another right. Not me. I am able to take it straight if I'm willing to take some paint with me.

That's how he does it. Robert Turnerham, he writes, my fastest corner is a 90 degree right around the corner of the bed to get to my side of the bed. Great. Frame of the bed sticks out a bit more than the mattress. I consistently misjudged the apex and stubbed my pinky toe on the frame taking off the nail. Yeah. Wow. But every second counts.

So I'm always aiming for better lap times. So much so that the nail on my pinky toe has given up and decided not to grow back anymore. Weight reduction also helps with pace. I was going to say cuts across the bed, but no, he's evolved to be more bed-proof. I did watch a clip about how whales evolved from land. Yeah, from his ghost-like creatures. He has evolved to, it's that sort of more of a shell scenario. In nature, if he kept doing that, he'd be like an armadillo. The men amongst him that have armoured pinkies, they would be selected. This actually comes in from Luke, he's from the US, slightly different.

He goes, I don't necessarily clip all the apexes of my house because I don't have a lot of corners. My track is more of a straightaway. I'm a tall man, so I pride myself on my speed on the straights. That is a way to gain time. So he's more like one of the bigger characters on Mario Kart. He corners slow, but he's got an extra grunt down the straights.

He'd probably get fished out by the cloud now and then because he's had trouble turning, but he can make it up. He goes, one of the things he prides himself on is his speed, actually straightaway speed and his stair speed. He goes down the stairs, downwards, two to three at a time, and he once ran downstairs so fast he put a blister on his hand from the friction of the banister. Incredible. Incredible. Haim, I mean, we offer many services on this pod.

Haimishnary.com if you want to correspond with us about anything. But obviously special skills is important. We recognise people that have a unique skill that other bodies won't recognise. The other part is ensuring that in social situations listeners of this show remain supreme above all else with PowerMove. Let's power up. I'll kick it off here from Jacob. Power move.

If you run into someone you know and they say, we should hang out sometime, reply with, I'm ready to hang out right now. That'll sit them back on their bums. Scott Cam did that to me. That's right. Scott Kam did that to me. And because he said, ran into him in the street, we live not too far from each other. And I was with my little girl. This was a few years ago.

So she would have been like four at the time. He's walking the dog, he goes, maybe we should have a beer. I said, yeah, I'd love to. And he goes, what about the salvo? And I said, what? Because what about in an hour? I went, that is tough. That is actually, that's a bit quicker than most people would have a beer.

And then he went, all right, what about tomorrow? Because it's a local pub. How about for you at the pub? He goes, every day. My nose is full of... He probably has a lot of time going down. He has a knockoff if he's not doing the block. If he's doing the block and then he'd have leisure time and he'd really

soak up some social time. And I think- I mean, this is not a- if anything, this is me looking at Scotty Cam going, there's a man doing it properly. Because he goes to the front bar, just with the locals. He's lived there, you know, for 30 years, knows everybody. Even if he's- he'll even just go to the pub if he's not drinking. Just go, I'm just going to go, that's his social, you know, for 30 years, knows everybody. Even if he's, he'll even just go to the pub if he's not drinking. Just go, I'm just going to go, that's his social, you know, just,

he still keeps knockoff hours, even if he's not doing the... Is he still on the tools every day? No. I didn't think, when you said he's knocking off, I thought you meant like he built a bagel or something. No, I think he... He might have, but it wouldn't be for a client. I think it's just to close out the day.

Yeah, so he's busy. He's got a lot of things to do. We don't know that. No, we don't actually. And going off what I saw, he was in board shorts with his dog. Asking you for a beer every second. I can't ask board shorts with his dog saying, do you want to go and have a two o'clock beer? So on that day, he wasn't flat out, but certainly during block filming, he'd be. Chockers. Yeah, yeah. So no, Jake, no, he's not building, I don't think these days, but certainly during block filming he'd be. Chokas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, Jake, no, he's not building, I don't think these days, although I do know that he is on the tools, very handy with them.

He can tool. Yeah. I believe he can tool. I just didn't think he was still, you know, he's not doing a family's renovation. No. Unless it's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, no, I don't have to go and see the Johansons to, um, to explain why we went

20% over installing their barbecue. Next up. Uh, and, uh, okay. This is a variation on one we've had before, but I like the twist. Okay. This comes in from Bianca. Power move. Said, I'm a Christian and when we go to pray, I have a prayer power move.

That's what I like. Wow. What a place to introduce them, because, you know, you're already dealing with an entity that's very powerful, regarded by Christians, be quite powerful. The all powerful. The all powerful. But this is to, I guess you're praying with other people. OK, not being a prayer myself, but this is, I think what happens. So you go, you got to pray. I like to ask the other people. And what would

you like to pray about besides the obvious? I like it. Because you can match the mentality of going into prayer. You, your guard is down. Your guard, that is a good area where your guard's down. Hey, this one's from Jordan. Must work at a supermarket at the checkout. When a couple approach the checkout, that you deem the female is far better looking than the male and they put their items on the belt to be scanned, put a divider mid waypoint of the groceries implying that there's no way that they should be together. Good. Gives you a bit of a, yeah.

As that's known in our house, it's known as a vat guy. Yeah. Because one time, many, many years ago, Zoe and I were flying to America. We landed at LAX and they do the whole, what are you here for, what are you doing kind of America. We landed at LAX and they do the whole, what are you here for? What are you doing? Kind of thing.

We're heading through New York and she's like, I'm traveling with my husband. And he went, oh yeah, where's your husband? Cause I guess we weren't at the desk. We went separate desks at customs. And she goes, he's through there. Like I goes, which one? It's like the guy with the black hat. That guy?

I think there's not a lot I can do do there if this guy's trying to pick up my wife. I mean, he has a gun and he can deport me. So I just had to go, yeah, hey, that's sometimes the tricky part. This comes in from Hannah. This is a move her mum uses to take boasting people down a peg. So when someone a little snobby is telling you what they do for a job, she likes to reply very impressed, but pretend that they're the head of the organization.

For example, Oh, I'm a university professor. And then mum will say, Oh, wow. So you're the head of the whole university. And then they'll have to go, no, no, I'm actually sorry, professor. Or like, Oh, I'm a banker. Uh, you know, I'm a banker at Macquarie or whatever. Like, oh wow, so you run the whole of Macquarie. It's actually, I mean, still very high up.

Oh, right, so I thought you ran the whole thing. That's impressive. I like that one. Time for one more? Yeah. It's going from Jacques Stevenson. One, when I'm in the presence of someone I wish to assert dominance over, preferably someone between 20 and 30, it's Citizen Breakers. I don't know why.

No, honestly, we love the specificity. I simply ask, what school do you go to when you're growing up, public or private? And when they answer, I go, hmm, that adds up. Okay. Yeah. So for any answer. For any answer. I like that. We really hang on the end, don't we? Fellas, I'm teaching my little girl how to ride no training wheels at the moment, or getting her confidence up. That's been, she's on, she's there, she's six. And so she's Fellas, I'm teaching my little girl how to ride no training wheels at the moment, or getting her confidence up.

That's been, she's on, she's there, she's six. And so she's, that's a bit late. It is a bit late. And do you, you know how you have- That's on me. No training wheels. She's not motivated to do it. You used to kind of raise them, so you got more wobble.

It's not great. It doesn't seem great. The raising system, the raising system feels very much how we did it in the 90s and 80s. But yeah, the problem with training wheels. I mean, I'm a big fan of the balance bike for any, those are the ones that they just scoot along, no pedals, no wheels. Sorry, no pedals, no cranks. They, because what it actually does, this is just boring and technical, but it teaches

you that when you slow down, put your legs out. And that's how it's, that's like how you ride a bike. When you've been on training wheels, the wonk system just teaches you when you slow down, just fall to the side at about 30 degrees and hold on, hold on and something will save you. So you actually have to like, un-teach all the training wheel. Anyway, I've been like with, with Sunny, with my little boy, he was riding at like three and four and we were having a great time and then I've been a bit slack with her so we're like, she's going to it, she came to it

pretty late to the point where I'm like, we actually going to get a balanced bike and go back to basics on the balance. And they don't make them big enough. Like, cause it's like, you're trying to get your balance bike. Well, we sort of, we assumed that they could ride by this stage. So she's zooming around like at a maximum extension on a kid's one. Anyway, she's onto wheels, she's onto pedals, she's done it. It's great. It was a wonderful process.

And now I'm at the bit where, but you're not done. Like if you're just taking your first pedals, you're riding along. The next part is- Are they still, one quick question. Still foot brake? Cause that was the, that was so much fun as a kid. And then for some reason you grow out of a foot brake, which is a shame, but gosh, they were a- I mean, you get a foot brake, which is a shame. But gosh, they were. I mean, you get a foot brake and a front handbrake is sort of what the next size of bike goes up to. So they're introducing the idea of hands. But yes, kids are the best. But to get to skids, Ando, you need some speed. Yes. And I spend a lot of

my life negotiating with Rue and she will always win because she has indefinite stalling and she doesn't want to do it. So kids will always win in negotiations from the number one power standpoint of going, I have all, they have all day and we don't. We must move things on. So we are always going to be the ones that compromise. There's a tiny little car park near that compromise. There's a tiny little car park near our place. There's a park with a car park and it's kind of empty. This is

where we're going to get some hours in, minutes, riding in a circle. Now we're going to go around the car park and there's sort of like a traffic island in the middle. And that's where we're going to learn a bit of turning and a bit of just like getting a bit of TTOB time on bike up. She doesn't want to, but we go on family bike rides. And like for the future, we need Rue, we need her riding, like we need her in the Peloton. And she's been on the tag along the bike that's connected to my bike, which she's great at, but doesn't have to do anything back there except yell at me for rolling down hills that I'm not pedaling enough. So Mike, let's get you riding. It's such, like we get there, the first corner, there's a bit of a wobble. She's like, I'm out. I hate it. I'm not doing it. I was like, okay,

please come on. Like I've told my mom I'm going to do this. It is on me. I have let this slide. I should have done this months ago. We let's do 10 laps. Just do 10 laps. It's like, well, what do I get? You get the thrill of learning a new skill and a bike is an incredible adventure machine. It's like, well, I'm not, I don't care about that.

It seems like I can eat or spend that. Okay. Uh, well, let's just see. Let's just see how we go after 10 and you'll feel great. Just like, well, no, I won't. I hate this. I actually hate this, dad. I want to go home.

Okay. So I buckle and I do like, you're not meant to do this at all. The parenting stuff's like, don't do this. But I buckle and I'm like, let's bring in some bribes. And so she's very into, do you remember those things, Sylvania and families? No. They're like little animals. There's always nothing.

Yeah. Like little, little kids. They've been around for a long time. Like my little sister had them when we were growing up. They're like a family of rabbits, a family of mice and they don't do anything, but they're just a cute family of hedgehogs. Okay. And you like figurines, they're figurines, they're kind of like toys and you

collect them in their little houses and you create a little world for the Sylvianian families. Anyway, Ru calls them Tasmanian families so she goes, I want... Can I get the Tasmanian family's house? For ten laps. For ten laps? No, no, no. That's a birthday present.

No. She's like, well what do I get? Can I have something from Tasmanian families? Okay, so racking my brain, the cheapest thing you can get is like these three tiny little baby figurines that are $11. What? Right, that's for the fandom. Mate, we've already been out there for 20 minutes,

there's been storm offs. Okay, okay. You know, there was a moment like, I'm not allowed to look at her. It's at her. Just trying to bring this back on track. And she's, you know, it's anxiety and she's worried. I'm like, okay, let's do this. You do 10 laps and you can have, I was like, I started with going, you do 10 laps and we'll do a tick chart. And when you get to 50 ticks, you get the Tasmanian families. It got scaled back through various methods.

And anyway, so finally we're like, okay, at 10, she gets me down to 10 laps for Tasmanian families, still doesn't do them happily. Like a lot of yelling at me, don't look at me. That car's going to get me. That's like hundreds of meters away. Like what's that guy over there doing? And he's like, you know, again, other side of the park on the phone. It's like, he's not going to get you. Anyway, we, she's like, it takes a lot of effort. We get the 10 laps in, she does it. She's happy. That's when it begins,

the dawns on me. Cause I didn't really do the maths in the moment. I'm like, I've kind of been fleeced here. So out of interest, I did the maths. I then got on my bike, because I had my bike, and I put my Garmin on and set it to bike ride to see how far she's gone. And I rode around, I did 10 laps without complaining, I might add. And allowed Rudy to look at you out of that. This is how you do it, honey. I did 10 laps, stopped the Garmin. I was like, yep, save ride. And the Garmin must've been so confused. I was like, okay, well, well done, mate.

Yep. You've gone, you've gone 240 meters. So well done. Um, you must feel, you know, and it was like training effect zero, you know, like recovery time zero hours, like, you know, you'll be fine. And then I was like, I wonder, like, I was like, I wondered, I've essentially paid her $11 to go 250 meters. So let's say that's $44 a kilometer. That's what it's costing me to get her to ride her bike. So then I, I've got a friend that used to be a pro cyclist. So I text him, I go, Hey,

what does the average pro cyclist earn a year? And he's like, he goes, so he's like, you've got a friend that used to be a pro cyclist. So I text him, I go, hey, what does the average pro cyclist earn a year? And he goes, so he's like, you've got the top guys, whatever. I was like, no, no, just like one of, not the main superstars, but good enough to be in the Tour de France, like, you know, like 200 riders. So he's like, let's say, he goes, let's say roughly entry level, like average good guy, $300,000 a year. Yep. Pro cyclist. I'm like, right.

How many kilometers a year would you ride as a pro cyclist? Cause I'm trying to get a dollars per kilometer figure here. Again, ballpark, including all the races and training stuff, you're at about 30,000 kilometers a year. So the math on that is 10 bucks a kilometer and I'm paying Roo $44 a kilometer. And she can barely do the tour de France. I looked up online and I'm like, she, if you then adjusted that and multiplied it out,

she would be the 14th highest paid cyclist in the world. At the moment, on a dollars per kilometer basis, she is ranked 14th in the world. That is how, that is how, that is what it is costing us at this stage. No sponsor. That's all me too. That's all my money. Like a hundred percent Tasmanian families is just paying for that. Anyway, but you know, that's, um, yeah, she's, she's pro.

Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Yeah, she's pro.