Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 261 - Totally Normal Tax Deductions
Episode Date: July 17, 2024Hamish has some big questions for the guys about tax deductions and wants to speak to an accountant about what you can and can't hypothetically, maybe, claim. Jack snubs the show once again on his pop...ular radio show, leaving the guys unsure of what they mean to him. The CEO of the Royal Australian Mint speaks out about the ambitious coin saga, and we welcome a self-proclaimed hex key hero to test his special skill. 1. Hamish’s tax test 2. What does #6 mean to Jack? 3. Hex key hero - special skill 4. The CEO of the mint speaksÂ
Transcript
Discussion (0)
A listener production.
Activate your Internet because the Hamish and the podcast starts in three.
Two. Sorry, still buffering.
Ahoy to me, Yeti, Hamish.
Oh, I hope we're insulated cups.
And biscuits.
Ahoy to me Yowie, Jack.
No, okay, we're just mythical names for Bigfoot.
Yeah, and I'm a Sasquatch.
We're all essentially the same animal, different habitats.
Yeah, well they call them cryptids, which is mythical animals.
Yeah.
And yeah, obviously most commonly known as Bigfoot.
But the Yeti in the cold, Yowie in Australia, and the Sash Watch, we tried to find one ham.
We did try. We tried our absolute best.
Yes.
With a man that you couldn't pin down.
No, you couldn't pin him down.
Adamant, adamant the Bigfoots were out there and then we left a bunch of apples out for the
Bigfoot overnight camping in the woods in Canada and Andy and I are like thousand,
thousand percent he's getting up in the middle of the night and taking the apples off the tree.
Yeah. But he didn't. In the morning he went see look obviously there's no Bigfoot around and if
I was if it was a hoax I would have just faked it. So the fact he went and said, look, obviously there's no Bigfoot around and if I was, if it was a hoax,
I would have just faked it. So the fact that there's 10 apples still on that tree shows
that I'm legit. So we didn't catch one today, but all my videos and stuff are real.
We've set up a little camera to try and catch him once again.
It's a serious argument, but we kind of have to hand it to you. Well done.
Ahoy also to Cody.
Yowie country in Australia. Coming in hot from Yowie town.
Ahoy boys.
Just trying to do this message without any forced gusto.
So just kind of let it happen naturally.
Good on you.
No, I just drove past a bakery that said,
world's best bakery. And it made me think like, No, I just drove past a bakery that said, um, World's Best Bakery.
And it made me think, like, at what point would you actually believe them?
Yeah.
For example, like, if you drove past one that said, State's Best Bakery, would you go,
Nah. How about Town's Best Bakery?
Yeah.
I'd go, Oh yeah, I could see that happening. How about Smith Street's Best Bakery? Yeah. I'd go, oh yeah, I could see that happening.
How about Smith Street's Best Bakery?
Then you'd definitely believe them, right?
No good.
Yeah, it just made me think about it all too much.
Anyway, boys, hope you have a good time and I'll speak to you later.
Well, good on him for not forcing any gusto, because it was quite a low energy
musing, but he's right.
When you zoom from the macro to the
micro like at some point in there you would begin to believe it there are so many small towns with
two bakeries yeah that face each other and i would say town's best bakery i would love to see town's
best bakery in that which is just shots fired like facing over the road easily the town's best bakery
hey you said you wanted to kick things off today?
Yes.
I want to start with, I actually want to start with a small game.
Um, and it was inspired by something I saw yesterday as I was walking along.
I was walking along the street past one of those tax return shops.
Okay.
There were a bunch, you know, you see a bunch of them around and, you know, this
one had the slogan that set out the front and said, we have the best tax ideas.
And I went, I said, now there's a shop we could get around because you think they're
laws, but really they're just ideas, aren't they?
And everyone's just trying out their own ideas.
And it occurred to me that no one's got better tax ideas.
Christmas guys did try some ideas.
You just have some ideas and you have a go for deductions.
And look, you know, without wanting to get anyone too much hot soup, there's one man
I know that has the best tax ideas.
And I would say that's Jack.
He has often some creative tax ideas, but closely followed by, I'd say you have some
good tax ideas from time to time.
I've got some good tax ideas.
One time, and I don't know why I still think of this, but one time when I first started
working with you guys, you said, don't worry about your tax return, they'll never audit
you.
Andy said that.
He said that to the group.
I've since passed that on a few times and then I've been told, no, we will worry about
it.
For some reason, I think of that as like, because my accountant keeps sending me this thing,
it's like, do you want to get audit protect so that if they audit you, you've got a different
name.
I'm not being audited.
Well, I won't name who it was, but it was in my hockey team, one of the auditors from
the government.
Yeah, he's not going to do it, but someone else might.
But he was management.
Yeah. And so he just said, oh someone else might. But he was management.
And so you just said, oh, your profile.
And I was asking him about tax ideas.
And it was him that said, don't worry about it back in the day.
But the times were very different when I gave you that information.
As you're being...
We're just taking university. As Jack's being perp walked out of gold 104 like Sam Bankman Fried, I don't think he'll
be able to be screaming, but Andy said, Andy said, someone call Andy. There's been a huge
mistake.
I'd like to make it very clear that my days of the tax ideas have changed dramatically
since just leaving university.
Yeah, well here's the thing.
We've all got to be part of these days.
You know, you have the best tax ideas, but also the other thing that these places love
to advertise is very fast, very, very fast tax returns.
Like you'll have it very soon.
So I want to combine those two ideas, okay?
I want to combine the two concepts here in a small game.
Now this will, we can like pause the record and play some music while this happens.
Here's how it's going to work.
I'm going to give you a profession.
Okay.
You guys are now working for this tax company.
Okay.
But post-lead tax ideas.
Yep.
Give you a profession.
You've got 30 seconds to email me as many deductions as you can
for that profession. And then we're gonna do three rounds of this and then I think we've got,
I'm gonna get an actual tax person up to see if these are legit deductions.
Okay, so what's the first?
An actual accountant.
Do we have to give, sorry, do we have to give reasons in the email or we can just justify them?
Just literally fire them through and I might, yes I might fire them through to me and I might just
quiz you on why this. And are we doing the same profession? Yeah you are. So round one,
many deductions as you can think of, 30 seconds just email them just literally what they are like
this is the item. Painter go.
Painter, go.
Timer's up. Okay.
Send them through and I'll just have a quick look.
I feel like I've had some of the best ideas.
I've had some good ideas as well.
Okay, you've submitted Painter.
Next round, bus driver.
Oh, okay.
Go.
Time's up. How we go with bus driver?
Bus driver, yes.
Harder, harder.
I'm sending mine to you now.
Good stuff, well done.
We do love to have good ideas at this tax house,
but that was a tough one.
Well, you've got to do it this fast if you want to get those returns in fast.
If you want the return by tomorrow, you've got to get that email out today.
Okay, last round.
Chef.
Time is up.
Chef deductions are in.
Jack, you don't seem...
This is the point where mine go from what is very obviously a deduction for that profession
to creative licensing.
Well, that's where the best ideas come from.
That's where the best ideas come from.
I mean, everyone can say knives for a chef, but let's see what else you got.
Just had a quick peek, but let's do this properly.
We now have an official tax accountant that's willing to join us on the phone.
What I'm going to do is run through each round and just see all I want is like a yes,
no, maybe you get a point for every yes.
We'll see which of you guys is the best,
best creative accountant at your firm.
Do we have John, our accountant?
Yes, you do.
John, ahoy.
Ahoy to you.
And gusto to you and thank you for joining us, John.
No problem.
John, what I've done here is a small simulation,
a pressure test on Andy and Jack.
They each had 30 seconds to write down as many tax deductions as they could
for certain professions.
There's going to be three rounds.
What I'd like to do is run through each of their deductions with you and you say yes,
no, or maybe to whether or not those would be allowed deductions for that profession.
And I think the simplest way to score this is to give the person with the most
yeses the win for that round. Does that make sense, John?
So it's not media producers and presenters.
It's just any profession.
No, no, no.
And I should declare, John, that I did get the prize for accounting in year 12.
So I have got a slight advantage over Jack getting into this battle.
I'd be so surprised if the VCE accounting exam was what deductions would you put for a painter?
All right. All right.
Yes, no, maybe if this could be claimed.
So we've got Jack up first with his deductions for painters.
OK, let's go through them.
John, deduction number one, laptop.
Yes. Number two, paint. Yes. Number three, car expenses. Yes. Number four, overalls. Yes.
Shoes. As long as it's protective, yes. Yeah, that's what you meant.
That's what you mean? They were.
They were.
Number six, microwave.
Why Jack?
I've seen painters who brought...
He might take his microwave to do his lunch.
He does.
He brings a microwave and a kettle with him.
That's number seven as well.
So microwave and kettle.
And he might hate his painter.
Yeah.
So is that a yes, yes? Two yeses? Microwave and kettle. And he might hate his painter. Yeah. So is that a yes, yes? Two yeses?
Microwave and kettle.
Okay.
Ladder.
Yes.
And the final item that Jack came up with was holiday to a colourful city.
Definitely no.
That was research based.
Unless it's, it could be a conference.
So yeah, maybe they might have a painting conference
in Vegas or something.
So, you know, that might work.
It seemed like you were willing,
you were just going to try and claim
that it was for color research, Jack.
Yes.
Well, we always try and get the most out of it.
Okay, that's eight.
We'll go with that's eight.
All right, Ando.
Well done.
Well done.
Andy had paint.
Yep, you know that's it on.
Yep, that's in.
Brushes.
Yep. Good one that's it. I know that's in. Brushes. Yep.
Airbnb stays.
If he was traveling for work and staying in Airbnb, yes, so maybe.
Yeah. Doing some painting on the holiday.
Yes.
Okay.
No, sorry.
Doing some painting in the state.
You just say, yeah, you stay.
Okay.
Overalls was the next one.
We know that's a yes.
All shoes.
So not just pretty shoes.
Did you actually write all?
Andy's gone for all shoes.
All shoes.
Every shoe he buys.
No, no.
Okay.
Why not?
Why all shoes, Andy?
Well, because it's nice to paint in different style of shoes.
And also, when I go to show people, people like through the house I've just painted, I like to wear
a nicer shoe at the end.
That's true.
You know, when the one's got paint all over him.
Actually, that's a reasonable idea.
Oh, it's in!
Andy's got it on an argue.
Reasonableness passes the ATO.
Yeah.
And I'm nervous about the last one, but Annie's written to overseas
Well, I may have a conference as I said, so you know
I just was more interested in the kind of in Croatia what painting techniques they might be using
They might be very
historic and very
Something to learn. Yeah, I'm gonna learn
They have those conferences, you know, something to learn. Yeah, something to learn. They have those conferences, you know, that passes the pub test. Yeah, okay.
You keep saying, I'm from, so neither of us did say that it was an overseas conference.
Jack, I love Jack yelling out when Andy said Croatia, Jack just was like, yes, yes, let's go baby.
I think Jack is just modest.
Yeah, that was eight to 7, even with the comments.
Alright, let's quickly move on to Bus Driver.
Okay, Jack said uniform.
Yes.
Yes. Boots.
Yes.
Sunglasses.
Yep, that's fair.
Yes.
Yep. Money wallet.
What kind of wallet? I was picturing people giving him coins, but... Yes. Yep. Money Wallace?
I was picturing people giving him coins, but... A little money wallet. Oh yeah, like a little bum bag thing.
Yeah. Like when you strapped to yourself when you travel overseas.
Yeah, sure. I mean, it's not going to be the biggest tax return.
I haven't paid for a while on the bus. I suppose I'd be going.
I wouldn't be licking the lips too much as the tax return came back with the bum bag.
The bum bag receipt.
But yes, that's a point.
Jack, lunch?
No.
No.
No, no.
No.
The reason I thought he might be able to claim his lunch is because he could be
anywhere in the city on a bus route and have to go somewhere that he's not familiar with.
That's private in nature.
It is.
Private in nature.
Jack, do you claim your lunch, Jack?
No, but if I had to say be in a completely different part of town, I might go,
what you're calling that lunch?
Wouldn't you just do that then anyway?
It's another day in a row in another part of town.
Under the confusion laws.
Where am I? I needed to eat for my job.
Okay, no Jack.
And then Jack, you finished with communication classes.
What's that?
Sounds boring.
I thought, cause the bus driver talks to people as they're coming in on and off.
So maybe you could go to...
I don't really know what a communication class is.
Sounds like a communication class is.
Sounds like a conference to me.
It was overseas.
Yes.
Okay.
We're calling you pushing it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Only for the, okay.
And, uh, your bus driver, Andy's coming here.
Andy starts with two overseas.
It'd be nice to see what kind of buses they have in London.
We're involved in a bus business and I do have a lot of overseas bus conferences.
Yes, okay.
Then we go to overseas trips rando.
The drivers don't normally go that.
This one does.
They might now.
Bus fares.
So like on other buses.
Yeah, just to check out the competition.
There'd be a nexus there out the competition. Shirts, shirts, all shirts or just bus shirts?
Well again, after uniform, I think.
Shoes?
Yep.
Yes.
Yep, that's it.
Well protective again.
Andy's got three lunches, just three.
No.
That was just, no, this was, this was to take management out.
No, no.
I thought you were allowed to do some.
Manage it.
No, management should take him out.
Hmm.
Okay.
That's okay.
This is, um, hats.
All hats, Sando.
Yeah.
Had it coming up.
Yeah.
Cause it's the trick.
Oh, it's, it's tight.
He only needs one more here. Sunglasses. Had it coming up, yeah. Cause it's the truck you're thinking. Okay. Oh, it's tight.
He only needs one more here.
Sunglasses.
Yes.
Yes.
He's got it.
Sunglasses gives him five, four and driving course.
Again, both of you included in course.
That would be like communication.
Advanced driving course.
Advanced would probably be yes.
Is it a bus driving course or is it a car course?
It's not stipulated.
No, because if it was preliminary driving, if it was preliminary driving then it'd be
no.
Yeah, but advanced driving course.
But Ando, was it car or bus?
I don't know, I can't remember.
He's got to have done a stunt driving course for fun.
Anyway, but that's good, that's kind of creative.
All right, this is for the win then.
Who can claim the most for chef?
For chef, yeah.
Andy would like to claim 25 dinners.
Yes.
Well done. Things are after, all right, this is for the win then. Who can claim the most for chef? For chef, yeah.
Andy would like to claim 25 dinners.
Yes.
Well done.
All cutlery, crockery and utensils, which is sort of a three pointer.
Well, yes.
35 lunches.
Well, if he's sampling the competition, there's probably an argument you could.
Yeah, thank you. He reigns it in on dinners, but he goes sampling the competition, there's probably an argument you could. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
He, he, he reigns it in on dinners, but he goes wild with 35 lunches.
All groceries, like weekly groceries.
No, no.
But what, how am I going to develop the next great menu? Because the business buys the food, not the, and then you have goods for
own use if you own the restaurant.
What if he goes to a conference at Coles this week?
They nearly got five overseas trips now.
Cranking it up.
Well, maybe.
Yeah, just got to see what's happening in the food landscape around the world.
A computer.
Yes.
And hats.
Hats, yes. All hats. Yeah, hats, yes. All hats.
Chef's hats.
Chef's hats, Andy.
Sorry.
Here we go, Jack.
Can you beat eight?
You've got quite a few here.
Jack, with all food.
No.
Same reasoning as groceries.
I thought they could practice at home.
Jack, eating at any restaurant.
Yeah, they all pass that.
Yep.
Tattoos.
Oh, that's interesting.
Obviously based off the beer.
Yeah. at home. Jack, eating at any restaurant. Yeah, he'll pass that. Yep. Tattoos. Oh, that's interesting.
Obviously based off the beer. No. I'd like Jack. Hat, I assume you mean chef's hat there, Jack?
Yep. Yep. The DVD of the hit film Ratatouille. No. Oh, it's instructional. It is instructional.
It's about cooking.
Yeah, actually.
Yeah.
They qualify.
Holiday to country known for cuisines.
Yes.
Conference again.
And holiday to the spice islands.
The where?
Spice islands. Sp where? Spice Islands.
Spice Islands, which I don't think have been, I think in the 1600s, there was the
Spice Islands, but now we can obviously get spices at the shops.
I think once you take holiday on your visa, you're going to be in trouble.
Sorry, like it was, I probably meant like a quest to the Spice Islands.
Now we are in the 16-hundred.
Ten thousand dollar pouch of cinnamon coming up.
What's this difference?
The overseas trips.
Ando, you've smashed that.
Eight plays four in the final round.
The accounting prize holds.
Jack, a couple of wobbles there.
And a few sweats under the collar too for Jack using some of
his preferred deductions in his own life.
But also a great learning, I think, that we've got to do more overseas conferences.
We do.
Got to get more of that in our lives.
That's really an amazing job.
Lance, absolutely.
Isn't there a podcasting conference in Queensland and New Zealand in the sort of early September?
Yes, I think so.
That's what it's about.
Thanks, John.
We just got told by Johnny there is one.
Thanks, mate.
Jack, you better be careful.
Yeah?
The ATL will be right on you.
After listening to this or just in general?
After listening to this.
The alarm bells will be going off.
John, thank you mate, really appreciate it.
All the good fun, right Jack?
John, one last question about the ATO.
It would be essentially randomised who they pick, wouldn't it?
It wouldn't be like someone listening to the podcast and then deciding to follow things
up further.
It's a good question because that's actually against the constitution.
Yeah, they can't actually victimize
you for that. It has to be randomly picked. Yeah. Because then if they do now, I can go, well,
is it because you heard the podcast? That's unconstitutional. Yeah. Yeah.
Jack, you've got them on the constitutional law. This is like the castle all over again.
All right. Well done. Thank you, John. Take care, mate.
Thanks, John. All right, John. let's have a good day. Cheers. Well done to you, Ando.
Jack, for people who don't know, does very popular,
the number one breakfast show in Melbourne.
You sure does.
With a fellow called Christian O'Connell.
Question comes from me, Jack.
Do you not want them to know that we exist?
No, I'm proud of working on the show.
I don't think you are.
I like the thought of it.
Do you feel like you have to keep the two families apart?
Well, the radio station in particular,
because this podcast is run by one radio station
and we're a different radio network,
they don't like the mixing of it so much.
Right, right.
Because it feels at times like you went away on a holiday and had illegitimate children
with disaster and you visit us from time to time, but you don't want your regular wife
Christian knowing about this fair bit.
I'm very proud of this fair bit.
You say to us.
Well, when we see you every second weekend, why do we always have to meet you in a car
park?
The thing is, the reason I say that is because obviously we've got a number of
running jokes in the show and we've got a number of nicknames that we've got for
each other. Number six is a prominent one for you.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm going with is?
I think somebody called up the radio show and referred to me as number six.
No.
OK. I think somebody called up the radio show and referred to me as number six. No.
Okay.
I thought there was a purse, the perfect time for you to self report because there's never
been a clearer segment about a number and what it means to someone.
It was the weirdest record.
Oh my God.
Yes.
Now I know what you're saying.
This is how it went down.
So six years ago today, June the 4th, 2018, me, Jack and Pat, began a radio show together.
Today we want to know what does the number six mean to you on our show anniversary, our
show day.
Jackie boy, the number six, why is it significant to you?
You wouldn't know this, but while I was working on Hamish and Andy on my very early days at Fox FM I was also given the opportunity to try out as a music DJ and the show I was on
was called Six on the Beach where I had to pretend I was on a different beach of
Melbourne each night bringing you the six hottest songs. So many significant beaches of
Melbourne. Bringing you the six hottest songs and So many significant beaches of Melbourne. Bringing you the six hottest songs.
And I only lasted two weeks.
Wow, well, and we know your acting is powerful.
It's probably too, people are actually probably too believable.
The perfect opportunity.
When else would you ever get on a radio show?
What does the number six mean to you?
And you drag your mind back to 2014
or whenever six on the beach was.
And then he says, cause I was like, oh my God.
Here we go.
Cause he says, well, I'll work with Hamish and Andy.
Like, oh my gosh, we've been mentioned.
Finally, he's happy mentioning us in front of his new wife.
But I did mention you,
so I don't get too distraught about it.
No, but you actually mentioned this
that you said back when I worked with Hamish and Andy.
Yeah. So it was- That's true. It's, you said back when I worked with Hayvish and Andy. Yeah.
So it was-
That's true.
It's obviously-
It's obviously like I don't work here anymore.
You like to please Christian by telling him that's all in the past, man.
It doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
I did work with those guys.
I now work with you.
I hobby with them.
I might be caught hobbying with them from time to time, but not in a work capacity.
It honestly didn't cross my mind.
That's even worse.
That's even worse. You're number six on the show.
Yeah.
But I don't want to be number six.
It was Hayley's birthday last week. It honestly didn't cross my mind.
Oh, Dad. Anyway, thank you, Bud.
I love being here.
I love you guys.
I love you guys. Hey, earlier today we took on a special skill.
We did, Ando.
His name is Kirk, and 24 year old, good at tools.
Good at tools.
He claimed, okay, I can eyeball any screw and know which hex key or allen key goes into
it.
Also can tell just by looking at it the
exact length within five mils a piece of wood or metal all right that's got our attention come on
in here we set something up in the board room here this is what happened when he looks at some wood, a measurement he sees. The width of some metal Kirk will pick it with ease.
If there's a screw with a hexagon, he wants you to show it.
Show it.
Show it.
Show it.
What hex key?
Yeah, he knows it.
Which?
Sorry?
Yeah.
Which hex key?
Yeah, he knows it.
That's better.
Kirk? That's where you say hello.
I mean, I know everyone listening at home, you're just nodding towards it.
We're in the boardroom and it's like, it's very serious, isn't it?
We thought we'd make it a boardroom environment.
I imagine when there's all this tool chat, you don't see too many boardrooms, do you?
Never.
No, not even once.
That's where we want to Not extra pressure on you.
No, I mean, you imagine at the top of Sibchrome,
one of those, there would be a boardroom somewhere,
but you know, for guys like you and me,
we're not interested in that stuff.
No, no, no.
We're the boys in the warehouse.
Now you are a tool maker by trade.
Yep.
Best tool you've ever made?
There's too many to even name.
Really? Would it be tools we know like your classics?
Or are they specialised tools?
Specialised sort of tools.
Give us an example of a specialised tool you think I wouldn't know.
Injection moulding die?
Oh yeah.
We know about that.
But you make the die?
Yep.
It's not really a tool is it?
It's not a tool is it? Well we call it a tool yeah. It's not really a tool, is it? It's not a tool, is it? Well, we call it a tool, yeah.
It's a paint.
Oh, you mean, oh, you mean dyes in diecast?
Yes, exactly.
Sorry, we thought you were painting the colours.
Now, in that little interaction there,
who was more in touch with the common tool worker?
Me, for knowing diecast?
Probably.
Well, you got there eventually.
Yeah, but he thought you were talking about paint.
I've got to say the superior paint.
Yeah.
You are a man that recognises tools and link.
OK, so you make injection moulding stuff diecast.
Yeah.
OK, that makes sense.
So this is why, because your skill has come to us
as a quick refresher for people listening,
but we would have already mentioned this.
Your skill is being able to eyeball
not just a bolt with a hex key ending on it
and knowing exactly what mil hex key you need.
What's the difference between a hex key and an allen key?
Yeah, we were wondering this.
I think it's the same thing.
It is the same thing.
Unless you're Australian or American.
Or does the allen have to have the bend in it,
like you get in an Ikea thing,
because you can get other hex keys, you know,
that are just a long hex key with a, like a torque key
to drop another.
You don't know a torque key.
I do know a torque key, five Newton meter torque key,
very useful tool.
But we're not here for two blokes that know tools
to talk about tools, we're here to include Andy as well.
One who knows it and one that rides occasionally.
But the reason we're here, because you can not only eyeball what hex key you'll need,
but also you set any length of steel or wood, you can look at it and go,
I can tell you how long that is to the nearest five mil.
That is also the bit that very much impressed us.
So what we're going to do is three rounds.
Piece of metal, piece of wood and a screw.
Okay.
I think we start with the screw.
Okay.
Then we go to the wood round and then if you're still in
and we will need you to be at least one from two at that stage,
we go to the metal round.
I'm presenting you with a platter of hex keys slash allen keys.
Generally not presented like this ever.
I'll hand you the screw.
Check out that hexagon.
What diameter hexagon key fits in the end?
Snuggly, with that screw.
Kirk is picking up an allen key for from the right.
He's about to check whether it fits.
It's too big, isn't it?
I wondered why you went that one.
Surely it's that one next to it. Because
I even know that's probably a 6mm and that looks like a 5 to me. Which means you're
going to have to get two from two on the measuring side of things. Now before we go to the second
and third round, which I have lower hopes for, a couple of things I want to clarify
here. Why did you pick such a fat one?
And was it, were you excited to just get into the game?
Why do you usually have them laid out like that?
I usually got a wall in a...
Did you know that it needed a 5 mil looking at that?
And you just simply picked up the wrong key?
Yes, exactly.
I'll allow that.
Alright, now...
I suppose we can't give out coins to people
that come in and nearly pick up the right Allen key.
Okay.
Here we go.
We're sliding a piece of metal
onto the desk in front of you.
I'd say it's bigger than a ruler.
Just so people at home can visualize it.
A 30-centimeter ruler.
Yeah, a 30-centimeter ruler.
Let's get some big ones.
What we'd like you to do in boardroom style is to write down your answer on a piece of
paper and slide it back to us.
In mil.
Now you can pick it up, examine it, feel around it, get a feel for it.
Gee, he looks good, doesn't he?
This is probably his preferred discipline, I think.
Now I feel like I'm watching a master in his tool shop.
Oh, he's moving his hands in and out to indicate different lengths.
I don't think I have my guess. He's moving his hands in and out to indicate different lengths.
I don't think I have my guess.
He's writing down his offer, of which he'll slide to us.
Can I, before we have a look at the offer, please slide it across.
What type of metal is this?
Aluminium.
Yep.
Great.
Well done.
Does that count as a coin? No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't. No. No it doesn't.
And what shape is it in?
Hexagon?
No, that's a square.
That's a square.
That's a square.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just double checked.
It's definitely just a square bit of metal.
Okay.
You have slid across your guess.
500 mil, you said,
and you're allowed 5 millimetres of error.
We cannot accept this offer.
That square piece of aluminium is in fact 454 mil,
of by 46 mil.
It's quite a bit.
That's a whopping, that is. I thought it was 50 mil each side, no?
No.
No, no.
Because that's quite a generous game.
Five centimetres.
Kirk, do you work in tools?
Be honest.
Did you just want to come in and, did you just want to see what a podcasting boardroom
looks like?
Yeah.
Do you work in tools?
Do you work in tools?
Do you work in tools? Do you work in tools? Do you work in tools? Do you work in tools? Do you work with measurements and numbers? Have you ever used them before?
Yes. And shapes. That I'm not so sure of. I mean, he's got one, he could be the Simpsons
guy. No. Good day, God absolutely awight. You will need to do something phenomenal with the bit of wood behind us
to save any honour here.
This actually in a piece of wood that is bigger than the 454.
Just try and zone back in on what your actual skill,
what it's like on the floor at the shop.
When you're impressing your other work colleagues,
I would say, Ham, if he's another 50 mil off,
it's Simpsons guy territory, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, sorry.
Five mil off?
I don't think even getting it exact now
could get you a coin, and I'm usually pretty lenient.
Nah, surely Bang On gets a coin.
Nah, that's what I would have thought.
Not after you've called a square X.
Okay.
Talk us through your process. That's a coin. No, not after you've called a square X. No, not after you've called a square X. No, not after you've called a square X. Okay.
Talk us through your process.
Describe the piece of wood in front of you
for those listening at home.
What is going on in that frame?
It'd be a mess at the moment up there, wouldn't it?
Like your tool shed probably.
Just like not knowing where to put what at the moment.
Is that true, Kurt?
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like it'd be like that.
Talk us through it.
It's a rectangle.
Yeah. Good. It's bigger than the last one, that's for it'd be like that. Talk us through it. It's a rectangle. Yeah.
Good.
It's bigger than the last one, that's for sure.
Here we go.
Here we go.
I'll write it down, please.
Yes, this is the exciting part.
Kirk is now writing.
Bang on for a coin.
Another offer.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Sure.
It's like bearing coffee.
You have Andy's car if you get it back on.
OK. Sure. It's like bearing cops. You have Andy's car if you get it back on.
Okay. Please get it back on.
He is sliding it across.
Hamish and I are looking at the offer.
You know what?
It's a decent offer.
You've said 769mm.
That piece of wood in front of you is 790mm.
Oh, close enough.
Well, no.
We were looking for bang on.
You've landed within an honourable gap.
Yeah, an honourable gap, absolutely.
I mean, that's, you know, 2.1. You're not the, gap, absolutely. I mean, that's two points in one.
You're not the tour-based Simpsons guy.
You are not walking out of here with a coin or a car.
What I'm going to give you an opportunity to do, though,
is you can either choose to plug your business,
knowing that people may be wary of when they send you dimensions,
or you can choose to not plug your business knowing that people may be wary
of sending dimensions to you and you following them.
No, I won't plug it.
No.
No.
No.
No.
This hasn't been a good representation of that skill.
Thank you.
Thank you.
According to some data, we are Australia's
most listened to podcasts and I love to see someone go,
no, we will keep that quiet.
You're a legend Kirk, one of my favorites.
We'll give you a token of value.
I'd like to privately, token of value definitely for sure.
Privately I'd like to get the name of your business
because I will be using you for all my injection molding.
And we'll show you that token, it's a circle.
Yeah.
It's sort of a very smooth hexagon.
I could guess the diameter of it.
No you can't.
I know, I know, we've put this to bed for six months and then we're coming back to it.
Oh no, don't get it out of bed. It's asleep.
But there is an update.
The CEO of the Royal Australian Mint, in charge of all coins,
Lee Gordon, is doing a presser and he's been asked specifically
a question about our show by
the waiting press.
When I say waiting press, I think it was one person there and this person didn't seem like
a huge presser.
So I've got the interview answer here from Lee.
I've broken it up into sections.
I feel like we can dissect how Lee and obviously he's the CEO, so how the whole Royal Australian
Mint is feeling as a company about our quest.
This is the opening question from the interviewer.
Hamish and Andy have been pushing really, really hard to get their one last commemorator
on a coin.
Is that something you're going to support?
Look, we certainly have some guidelines that we go through to make the decisions about
what coins, what organisations, events and anniversaries we do reflect on our coins.
Well, I mean, yeah.
Okay.
Ice Movo ended up on one, so let's be serious about how serious those meetings are.
Those guidelines have seemed pretty wide, to be honest.
You also sounded nervous. Yeah, and I love what I heard, to be serious about how serious those meetings are. Those guidelines seem pretty wide, to be honest. He also sounded nervous.
Yeah, I don't love what I heard, to be honest.
I would have loved, dream scenario,
or wait, dream scenario was him going,
yeah, look, no spoilers,
but I think the boys will be pretty happy come November.
That would have been the dream scenario.
Yeah.
What I would have liked to hear more
in the realms of possibility would have been him
to have a chuckle at the start. I would have liked to hear a, I would have liked to hear a, oh yes, well, you know,
that's that's great fun. And when looking into that, like some level of enjoyment, what
it sounded like was a complete, a complete straight pass.
Agreed. And the answer continued. I've just broken it up so we can discuss it in between.
But his answer continued. I've just broken it up so we can discuss it in between, but his answer continued.
It would be highly unlikely for us to have individuals like Hamish and Andy on a coin.
I guess we have suggested to them that perhaps if they were to die, they might have a better
chance of getting on a coin.
That's not something I believe they're contemplating just at the moment.
Don't come up with a word contemplating.
Well, have you no nothings off the table? We have suggested to them maybe they die.
I mean, taking that, that's a death threat.
What is a death threat if not a suggestion that perhaps you might like to die?
Um, I, I think that they gave us that outline where they said, look, this is the usual
method is posthumously people appear.
But again, we have to stress, we're not, I know it's the words Hamish and Andy, but it's
about the show. It just happens to have the same name as us. We see that as a mere coincidence.
This is not about us as people being on there. It's the people's show being commemorated.
And that's what I was offended by. It's like when he's suggesting Hamish and Andy want
to be on a coin. No, no, no.
The show, the People's Show wants to be on the coin.
And thank you to the interviewer who said the Hamish Nandy podcast.
Yeah, I loved that.
That's great journalism.
It continued.
We do certainly recognise that the items that go on the starting coins
need to be of some significance.
And we actually have a team at the Mint that are pouring over Almanacs and looking for anniversaries and events and organisations Oh boy. Did I just see a Trojan horse shaped door open in the side of the Mint?
You've gone too far.
Courage people to get in touch with the Mint, do you?
Yep.
I wonder what email address that would be at.
For general inquiries, which I assume this falls under.
Yes.
The address is hello at ramint.gov.au.
One more time.
Hello at ramint.gov.au.
That's what I thought you said.
A simple heading along the lines of the will of the people or this is what the people want or
hey commemorative, hey commemorative, hey commemorative, yeah, do change it up because I think if I think if they all and and stagger it too.
Yes, stagger it.
Why not send one now and then encourage a friend to send one tomorrow So we get a kind of a nice bell curve.
Because we've been on the receiving end of email floods
and you do kind of smell a rat, often in radio days.
Space it out.
Record labels would think-
Don't forget about it.
Don't forget about it.
So do send one now, but then from a different address,
send one tomorrow in three days time.
Because remember when record labels would get you with emailing going,
you know, like if there's a new like artist called whatever, like, you know,
slash Jiggins or something, you'd be like, man, just love to request that slash Jiggins song.
Like, we love it. All my friends love it.
And after receiving no emails about music,
something you'd have 15 in an afternoon.
You've never heard of slash Jiggins Giggins, or whatever his name was.
Giggins, I think. And then to be overwhelmed with them for just a 24 hour period.
Seems like a blip. Seems like a blip. So let's not blip it at the min. Let's get a nice steady
stream of these going in. And I think we're doing, they sound like a team pouring over Almanac.
That sounds like a pain in the ass.
That sounds like a massive pain in the ass.
If I was, I would like, you know, I'd be like, hey team, great news.
You don't, you're like, we've done half your years work.
This is what we want.
We'd love, I'm a Shandy podcast coin.
It commemorates the future because it's about podcasting.
It commemorates the fact that these people champion dollar coins,
the very medium they're being honoured on.
I mean, it's an absolute slam dunk.
Thanks for listening.
The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.
Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.