Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 271 - Fame Shamed

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

The guys feel like they’re definitely getting ghosted by the guy who can get undressed in under 2.5 seconds, so Hamish proposes an alternate idea. Darcy’s under the microscope again after a ski trip that went wrong. The guys discuss more biscuit options for ConCon, and we put two listeners to the test for Chit Chat Champion! 1. Undressing Olympics 2. Darcy under the microscope - Ski trip 3. Chit Chat Champions 4. ConCon - The the hybrid biscuit model 5. Fame shamed 

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in three. Two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to my Dewey. Dewey? Dewey. Yeah, Jack, he might say a lot, but I Dewey. He might say, but I Dewey.

Yeah. Is he a decimal system? I was gonna say, I hope we're a categorizing system. Ahoy to my Reese, Jack. Reese? Yes, Reese is how you measure the hot water output of any house. The hottest one on the hot water output of any house. And I am a decimal system used for library books.

What are you, Andy? I am Malcolm. That's how you measure how in the middle a child is. Yes, I actually think we're the brothers of Malcolm in the middle. Yes, that's true. There we go. That's what I was getting at. Malcolm, Judy, Rees.

I thought if I'd led with Malcolm, you guys might get it. But... And if you put Malcolm in the middle, although it would have been strategically correct, we would have got it too. But hey, not a bad one. Not a bad one for people that remember Malcolm in the middle. That's definitely a Mike one.

It's definitely a Mike one. He loves Malcolm in the middle. He loved Malcolm in the middle and loved... In the description's... What's the guy's name? Frankie Boone is. In the description's... What's the guy's name? In the description's Mark has written, Malcolm, he was played by Frankie Muniz, the best actor. Mike loves Frankie Muniz.

Loves it. Loves him. He was so excited when he saw him on I'm A Celebrity, wouldn't hear a bad word about him. Always positive spin. Even when Frankie Muniz, like I didn't watch much of the season, but where he was like not participating in, you know, E to B the law, whatever. Mike always had a positive spin for him.

Now you got to understand that he's putting in, he's easily the biggest star out there. He doesn't have to do that stuff. They, when he was on I'm a Celebrity, Mike couldn't believe they'd got him. Right, it was huge. It was like having Beyonce in the Big Brother house. It was crazy the way Mike was reacting.

Ahoy also to Sarah from Osaka. Ahoy, Hamish, Andy and the Weasel. This is Sarah from Osaka in Japan. Thought I'd send in a voice memo because last night, for the first time ever, I saw a real life weasel outside my balcony. No doubt on his way to score some cheap airfares but I won't mention that. Anyway, a mega earthquake is predicted to hit Japan in the next 30 years so I really hope this audio makes it up before

then. Gusto to you boys. I think the audio pace has improved just so you know. I think they're coming in thick and fast. Thank you Sarah. We're probably getting the ones now that were the backlog from the dial up the broadband era. And so they're starting to flood through now. Hank, you wanted the top of the show today.

Well, I want to float an idea past the team. And we're still a ways off the end of the year. It's quite time to be going, okay, we're nearly at the end of this season for podcasting before the government mandate a break. We've got like nine shows to go. Yeah. Two and a half months before that, the boom gate shuts on our heads and cuts off all podcasting for a horrible amount of time, quite frankly. I don't know how I'm going to spend it.

I've got a few ideas, but through gritted teeth, I will agree to them. But one of the things I know I've been a passionate champion about this year, and I don't want to be a Peter out, is the speed undressing. Yeah. Special, special skill. I keep coming back to it.

And there are some things that we've done. I think we've allocated appropriate air time to and manpower to. I like that our quest for the commemorative coin is now properly in its hibernation zone. The two years rest we promised we'd give it and that's in the background. And I know I keep bringing this to the foreground,

but here's the thing. I was just thinking about it the other day and I was like, where we left it, we all know where we left it. We did our times, like we had a go and we were all round about the 10 second or sub 10 second marks. And we're still- Then we asked for proof of life. Yeah, we asked for proof of life and we haven't received it. But we're still, I think after we did our tests, we were fascinated by it because

we're like, look, we know did our tests, we were fascinated by it because we're like, look, we know where we could actually pick up extra time. And yeah, we're miles away from the two and a half second world record cutoff, but it didn't seem impossible. No. It seemed like, oh, okay. It'd be amazing. It didn't seem impossible.

Like the two minute mile back in the day when they were starting to edge close to it, you're like, I think someone could get this. Yeah, that's it. Was it a two minute mile? I think it was four minutes, wasn't it? Or two would be good. It's like four minute mile. It might be unbroken still, the two minute mile.

We broke four and then we went, actually they can run twice as fast now. We've got through the psychological barrier of thought. What if we ran forwards? Much quicker. Four minute mile, sorry. No, but you're right. Like any other person, you can run four minutes. You can run four minutes.

You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. You can run four minutes. we've got through the psychological barrier of thought. What if we ran forwards? Much quicker. Four more miles. No, but you're right. Like any of those great pursuits, it was sort of like, well, no one's

climbed Everest, but well, Mount Dandenong was easy. Okay, start somewhere. Start somewhere, build up to Everest. And I was like, but we just, we're so on the back foot waiting for Liam to finally emerge and go, I'm ready to do it. I want to do it. You come with me, Andy, come to our hotel room and we're going to have some naked time together. And if and when that happens, we'll be delighted. But it's such an exciting sport that I kind of hate the feeling that we're at his mercy.

That's where another piece of the puzzle came in. Obviously I'm not the only one that feels this. Had an email from a guy called Brad. Brad Fleming. Brad goes, guys, listen, I've been listening to this stuff and I reckon I can do this. Wow. I think I can do it in sub 2.5, right? So Brad steps up and going, I know you're waiting for this other guy to step up,

but we've never encountered this with a special skill where someone's gone, I've got this skill, you know, like, but I'm not going to do it. Yeah. But then someone else steps up and goes, I think I could do this skill. Yep. Brad, I've actually got Brad up here because I want to run something past him and you. Brad, ahoy to you, Brad. Ahoy, boys, and happy birthday, Ando.

Good on you, Brad. Brad, first of all, you've been as interested as we have in the notion of speed undressing here. Correct. Have you tried, you obviously tried it, Brad. So I'm getting emotional. We just love to hear another person as passionate in this sport as we are. I've tried it.

I haven't had the stopwatch out, but yes. Have you timed it? No, no, not even timed it, but easily, easily I've tried it. Haven't had the stopwatch out, but yes. Have you timed it? No, no, no, not even timed it, but easily, easily we'll do it. Right. Easily we'll time it or easily we'll take your clothes off in under two and a half seconds. Both. Okay. And happy to send in video footage before you get me in if you'd like.

Well, mate, here's what I'm thinking. So there's obviously a hunger in our listening audience. I would like to propose to you gentlemen, and Brad, you're included in this because you've sort of sparked the idea. Get on your brain. Um, at some point between now and at the end of the year, maybe for the last show, we have an invitational, an open, a competition where for men and women, where we select, people can, can start practicing now.

Tell us your times. Tell us how you think you're going. And just to be clear, the rules were shoes, socks, pants, undies, t-shirt jumper. Yep. Okay. Tell us how, and you can do it next to a bed because the technique involves flopping on the bed. You can invent your own technique, but yes, they... I don't flop.

Oh, what do you do? A stand and deliver. Wow. Yes. Okay. Love the different tactics. Now, again, we'll have to figure out the logistics as we get closer. But do we go, okay, it's an invitation.

It's an open, send us your times. Maybe there's a qualifying time of say, sub five. Yeah. You have to be under five seconds to qualify. You've got to be under five seconds. And maybe we have, I don't know, five in the men's, five in the women's. You come to one place by the end of the year. It'd be good to book a penthouse of a hotel.

Andy's just thinking, here we go, 10 naked people. Why do we make this thing exciting? I just think a bed, for people that need a bed, and then a big cityscape high windows, just to make it feel professional. No, I agree. And here's the thing. Obviously, you know, we need someone in the room with people. I would be willing, like, let's say, you know, so if you're a guy that's come

and you go, okay, I feel most comfortable with Jack, Jack, you come in with me. So we need one of us to eyewitnesses. Then for the women that want to do it, I don't know, we either have Carly, our producer, she's a very responsible person, she's a mom, or I don't know, we bring a nurse or someone that we can trust to sign an affidavit and then they go in the bedroom. So you're going to be naked in a room with someone, not us, but you know, whoever you feel comfortable with. But we do need eyes on, like we need an official timer in a, you know.

That's a good idea. Let's see if we are getting females registering and then we'll... I mean, that's a great idea. I don't want to be... But you'd obviously go same rules, no bra. I think bra's unfair because that is not... We don't wear bras on the most part as whales. Well, I won't on the day. Yeah.

So I think that bra could stay on and I think to make it a fair playing field, it'd be t-shirt jumping. Yeah. Well, I mean, you just take your bra off. But bra would be one of the harder items. No, no, he said like take it off before the comp. You just go in bra-less, like you just t-shirt and it jumps off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. And I think you just end up nude with a bra on.

Because you could get snagged, there could be, I don't know how it works, but that's an underwire situation, it's like, you're just taking your T-shirt off so fast, your hands get caught under your bra and you're falling over and I don't know. Okay. I don't know how it works, but we'll just, you can keep it on or take it off beforehand, but it's not part of the requirements to take it off during the, okay.

Good. Um, then we, yeah, I think the nurse is an interesting idea. Or we might be able to find a trusted, good. Then we, yeah, I think the nurse is an interesting idea. Oh, we might be able to find a trusted... Who'd you vote? Just a trusted woman. Lee Sayles. She'd probably be very trustworthy.

Yeah. I think she'd be up... You know, she's got Australian story and assembly. That's all in the can. I was part of that show, but I know that's been recorded. So she might have a pretty quiet back end of the year. Seems that way, I reckon. And so, and I think, I think we should do this. And then the winner, we could have been the winner.

Like if you can get, if we can get someone sub 2.5, that might be an eight coin coin. But even if you win in your category or whatever, that's how you win a coin. So that way we will feel like we've given a coin out to the fastest undressers. That's a nice idea. By the end of the year. And we kind of regain a little bit of the momentum of just not waiting for the champ to emerge. This is going to be so interesting to see if Liam wants to do it. Liam's Nick Curios, isn't he?

We'd love to have him. You know what? We don't even need to see his qualifying time where he you have an affidavit from someone that knows him. Like he's got automatic entry. He started this whole thing. But the game will move on without you, Nick. Or Liam. Yeah.

Sorry, isn't it? It is not bigger than any one contestant, is it? Love it. Sorry, are you still there, Brad? I am. I am. Sorry, mate. You're invited too.

But do send us your qualifying time. Will do. I'll be happy. Oh god, Brad. He sounds so patiently. Thanks Brad. Thanks guys. Hey guys, some new information has come to hand and it's time to do this.

You're under the microscope right now. A powerful microscope. We're all going to be under a microscope. You know what, I think maybe it's time you put Darcy under the microscope. Darcy. Uh, scrabbing the barrel today. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, need to double check with you, Dars, to make sure that you're not getting besmirched in another workplace. It is so fun, isn't it? It's like when you see that stuff on National Geographic where they're like, these are all the animals that live at the bottom of the ocean and they've never seen the light of day before. I like the fish with the light on its head.

You just see them out of place in the studio and it's like, I don't like being here but since you're here let us examine you. Let's get on with it. Can I add something to under the microscope now that Darcy's in there already? Just as he walked in I saw that he was chewing gum and then as he got to the microphone he's just put it in his hand and I think he's just holding gum in his hand. He is. Just holding gum. All right, saving the point.

Dus, the incident in question happened on a recent ski trip with you and your OR fiancée Jane. Yep. Would you mind telling everybody that there was an accident, wasn't there? Yeah, yeah, unfortunately two days in, poor visibility, just took a bit of a tumble and we thought she had done her ACL, but it's actually, it's all good, but she's still hobbling around but yeah, she had to ski down and get ski patrol and she went in the slu- Severe twist. Severe twist.

Severe twist, bone bruising. And what day of the trip was this? This was the second. Second day. Of how many days? Far five. And so you obviously parked the skis and went well. Got the refund on the rental gear and...

One of us did. Okay. Here are a couple of the allegations. It was Darcy that suggested that we go down a difficult red run with very, very low visibility. Yeah. Yeah, correct. Um, red, that's between blue and black, between blue and black.

And she just finished the greens that day. I, in my defense, this is how I was brought up. Skiing was just, you know. Thrown in the deep end. Thrown in the deep end. Gravity. Gravity is your best teacher. Yep. And so that's what happened.

Unfortunately. You had three siblings. They don't exist anymore. Harsh approach to teaching. Yeah, no, that was, I did push. Okay. Is this the first time Jayne had skied? Sort of second.

Yeah, second. So I would say totally overall, we're talking fourth day, maybe fifth day. In her life. In her life. Yes. So a low visibility of Redhound. Definitely a step up skills wise. She then says that you made her drive that night to be a designated driver.

You made her drive that night to be a designated driver. You then asked her to drive you up the mountain for another two full days of skiing without her and pick up. It was just that, yeah. At the time, it was totally fine. If you put it like this, it does sound pretty cruel. But you benefit from that because then it's a closer drop off point. Oh yeah, absolutely. It's straight to chairlifts.

Yeah, the snow. I mean, to get dropped off, having a chauffeur, like to get dropped off at the base of the chairlift. No parking, no shuttle bus. Wow. And one of them was The Remarkables, which the Remarkables, which is a, uh, it was a 45 minute drive away from where we were. Right.

Okay. That was there. That was in the morning, pick up, drop off and this is at night. This is Queenstown in New Zealand. And from what I understand about, you know, the Remarkables, once she's dropped you off, what does she get to do with her day? She went and got an x-ray. She got an x-ray.

Yeah. 45 minutes drive off the mountain. She gets to go to hospital just in time to get the call from Dars going, Hey, I'm just having hot chocolate now. We're actually a bit pooped. I've had a wonderful time. I've been doing bread runs. Fine. Okay.

It happens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She then said she got influenza while she was there, was in bed the entire time she wasn't driving your crew. That's not my fault. That's not my fault. But you were still asking for lifts when she had the flu?

She was like... Too tempting, isn't it, to have like, you know, a person in the mountains. She's a good sport. She was a good sport. Would you say that the sympathy or level of care was adequate for the level of pain and illness that she... What else do I do? What do I do?

Do I cancel my ski trip? Maybe. I guess that's what we're going to do. I mean, there are other ways to get to the mountain. You don't have to get your... Okay, so then... ...fluy fiancé out of bed. So what do you do with a fluy fiancé who can't walk?

Exactly. Make her chicken soup and bring her cups of tea in bed. I don't know, Darce. That's what I do, but what do I know? I've only been married for 12 years. Successful marriage. Very stable. Yeah. She did say though, in your defense that-

I mean, sorry, can I just put it in there? Because on my side of the fence, if I said, yeah, so anyway, can you give us a lift off the mountain? If so, and a sauna and the flu, there'd be just no way. Yeah. So that's awesome. She's a way. Yeah. So that's awesome. She's a legend. She's a legend. Yep.

She did say that you did just, just to make this balance, that you did offer to pay for a massage and facial. Oh yeah, yeah, I did do that. While she couldn't ski? Yep, I did. And did she go and do that? No, that's her. So you haven't paid.

That's on her. That's on her. Okay. Final bit then. Sorry, I've just got one more, one more, um, and if I, if I could, did you ever get off the mountain, um, or finish a day of skiing and get in the car and tell her, regale her with stories about how great it was? Um, I did withhold sending photos of her on, like, of us on the mountain. We were there with a couple of friends as well and I did withhold sending photos of us at the like ski bar at the Remarkables.

What a guy. Sitting there yeah it was a lovely photo and I said no I'm not gonna. Yeah that's a smart one. We'll wait a few months and we'll share that one. Final one then when you got back to Oz you left her suitcase downstairs but took your own upstairs. What does he even do? What does he even do? What does he even do? And you unpacked yours and she washed all, and you washed all of your stuff.

Okay, I don't want to go too far into it, but when we get home, I like to unpack stuff. You would probably be the same, Andy, I reckon. Unpack everything immediately and put what has to go in the washing machine in the washing machine and then you're done and dusted. She leaves the suitcase for two, three days. Yeah, okay. As is the normal machine. I'm not waiting for that.

Fair dust on the last count. The rest of the counts go guilty guilty. I like to leave it for a few weeks just in case another holiday gets sprung on you quickly and you need to go. I like to have it ready. You need to quickly take two weeks of dirty clothes. This one's been bad. Mike, can you please double check that when this goes to air that the Darce snip here doesn't snip too much out? I can see him sharpening his knives already. Yes.

Alright, pop your gun back in. Heym, I mean we love all listeners. You can hear us at heymishdandy.com for anything, any pondering, but also a request to play this game. Chit-chat with your best chat, night or away. Chit-chat champion. Friends take each other on today. The email came in from James. He and his mate Charlie are studying mechanical engineering at the moment and James says he was very keen to take on Charlie at Chit Chat Champions.

James joins us now. Ahoy James. Ahoy Hamish, Nandy and Jack. Ahoy. Hi Andy. Oh, thank you James. Um, little stutter there. That's okay. He just loosening up the tongue. What makes you a better chit chatter than Charlie? Honestly, mate, I'm not sure if either of us is going to be too good at this game, but we're keen for a bit of healthy competition and make Ron know who the top chit chatter is in the uni. Would you like us to make it slightly easier for you and do something in the science-y world? Oh, please don't. No, you don't want the extra pressure of feeling like you're meant to be an expert. You just want to, you know, you probably just want nice casual chat, don't you?

Yeah, that sounds like the perfect time. Okay. Well, I mean, what was the last thing that you guys competed at? Actually, the whole reason this came up was because Charlie and I went out for a round of golf and we were bonding over this podcast. We were saying, hey, it would be really cool to be on this podcast and compete in one of these competitions like Chit Chat Champions. And here we are.

Who won the golf? Charlie did. Oh, so he takes that psychological advantage heading in. Thank you, James. We'll move on to Charlie. Charlie, a hoi to you. Hoi, boys. And gusto to you.

And gusto to you. Gusto to you. Just like you, Charlie. Charlie, do you think you've got better chat than James? Yes. Yes, I think I do. What's the best chat you've seen James doing? The worst story you've seen him tell?

Oh. Oh, I need to chat with his girlfriend pretty well. Other than that. What have you seen him really struggle though? Oh, we've had a few group presentations at uni, which I think he's struggled a little bit. Right. I love how he continues to chat up his girlfriend as well after he has secured her. Normally this happens in the very beginning. Still charming, still trying the lines. And again, this isn't about uni careers, but can you remember the topic of the class presentation

and the area he struggled in? I think it's just like his confidence, I guess. That's what I mean. General confidence, just to end. Yeah, so he just came in. We're like the guitar player in our band, it's a bit simple. Came in undercooked, maybe, on the topic. Opposite of Haim, I went to him, I went and saw him do a couple of speeches because I was bored with my own lectures, and Haim went in very confident, with no ability to back up.

The less I knew, the bigger my bravado was on the talks at uni. Okay. All right. We've got a real good idea of these old foes taking each other on. Put them both on hold. Should we start with James Ham? Yes. You would have heard those digs. are you there James? Oh, yeah Here I am. You've heard those little digs. Hopefully that you harnessed that and you oh, he's just rattled by me. That's all right This is good. Okay. Well, you know the rules James

You know can't ask a question. We won't tell you when it's your time to talk You just have to naturally vibe out the right moment in the conversation to add the next piece of conversation that you think Helps move the conversation along hence showing us your skills in chit chat. Are you ready James? Ready to go. Good luck. All right Good and a right Have you been following the story about the two astronauts on the International Space Station? Oh yeah, they're only going to go up for two weeks but they'll be there till February. Yeah I saw a news story or a clickbaity title today that they're starting to hear heartbeats

and stuff and I'm wondering if all that time in space is starting to make them grow a bit loopy. I think they're looking towards being the longest people to be in space for a continuous amount of time. But I would hate to be them right now. That was pretty good. It was very good. Very good.

I think there were a few allies were darting around in here a bit. They were going, has, is he going on too long? Yeah. Is he rambling? But I think you stayed this side of the ramble. It also enforced me to want to add a question. What do you mean by hearing heartbeats? Like they're going, they're going a bit nuts. There are hearing heartbeats in their own minds.

Oh, I think it was a bit of a click-back title, as I said, but I think it's a, they're just, it was just feedback on a speaker and people just said, oh, it sounds like a heartbeat. And then people took it and ran. So there's my story. Well, I mean, Ando, if, is there a greater test for Chichat Champion than, you know, after we've ceased to hear the game, you are interested in what he had to say. It's the first time ever in the history of this game. First time ever we've continued a conversation.

Yeah. I mean, James, that bodes very well. Well done. You've secured it. He'll be pleased. Now he has to go sit on the sidelines and watch his competitor. Charlie, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Great job. Charlie, James has secured his attempt. Are you ready to go sit on the sidelines and watch his competitor. Charlie, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Great job. Charlie, James has secured his attempt. Are you ready to go? I am. Let's do it.

Good luck. G'day, Andrew. Morning, mate. Have you been following the story of the two astronauts on the International Space Station? Yeah, they're meant to go for two weeks, but I think they'll be up there till February. Yeah, I saw that on the news recently actually, but I thought it was, um, they'll come back in January, but yeah, I can't see up there. I mean, good, cause it avoids a freeze and it is a good little pound move to go,

I think you just slotted off there. Charlie, you'll listen back to this because you didn't get to see James's. Yeah. Yeah. Unanimously, I'd say from the three judges here, James is superior today. Oh, James is great. James is fun. Yes.

He was always, it was going to be tough to knock up. He actually put in a really good performance first up. Quick one for Charlie though. Yes, yes he did. I'm sorry. Charlie, did you make up the January theme? Yep. It's a good time to go, we just go, I wonder what they say, I'm going to correct it.

It's also such time to go, we just go, I wonder what they say, I'm gonna correct it. It's also such a subtle difference, like they're there for so long. Mate, February? I thought it was gonna be January. There's no way you're reading your news. No one could last until February. Thank you, well played. James, we'll send you out a token of no value, of course. We attribute no value to that, but you can do with it what you like. Cheers lads, I'll make sure to let everyone at uni know who the real champion of the kid challenge is. Oh yeah, no doubt.

Well done boys. Relate it. Cheers. Thanks lads. And oh, very much behind the scenes, but a little bit on the show, we are furiously pulling things together for this. There's a cool new conference no matter your beers. Con Con.

That conference so nice you can deduct it once at a maximum. Can't stress it enough. Yep. There we go. One is the limit. Hey, we have heard a lot of people are disappointed that they've missed out on tickets. Sure. Con Con.

We won't be putting on another event, but we are looking to find some additional tickets. But yes, it is sold out, but I think there's a few thousand people waiting on the step. Who's the overflow listener? And again, an absolute credit to Australia and the hunger for professional advancement. And that is what we're offering at this conference. As we've said many times before, I'm sure people are well across the structure. Two sessions in the morning, one session in the afternoon,

that's on the Saturday coming up, an absolute blockbuster amount of professional development and education tailored to your industry. But you're also getting to meet like-minded individuals from other industries whose ideas you can take and apply to your own. You will walk out of there with your head bursting full of business related facts. Your stomach, on the other hand, that's also my domain. I want it to be bursting with biscuits.

As we've discussed on the show before, we've been to a few things that you could call a conference over the years, Ando. Maybe we've MC'd them. Maybe we've been, maybe it's been something to do with radio. Catering. To name but the only two examples of which we could have participated in. The catering is an absolute kick in the pants. Yeah. Here's a wet croissant and the yellow melon, sorry, the green melon that no one

likes. Is there more cantaloupe? You can have one to four people. It's a one to four ratio of orange cantaloupe to green melon. Can we please not have any green melon at the conference? I'm sorry. It's the cheapest melon there is. And that's the only way we're making money at the conferences by over indexing on green melon. Damn it. We have some grapes. You can have one red grape. Do I so true. Do I have to come? You have to. What about the croissants?

Were these baked in a kitchen? Not really. They came in plastic. I hate these jobs. And that's the kind of interaction we're trying to avoid. We don't want that. We don't want that. So that was real method acting to me.

Yeah. People can hear the despair and that's... Can I have a good coffee? Absolutely not. Come to this urn. And don't touch the urn, you'll burn your fingers. Burn your hands off. The coffee that comes out is warm. It's very confusing.

Anyway, we're avoiding that. It's been well documented from 9 a.m. on the morning of con con. And this is because it's sort of like organizing a wedding now. We're all, you know, squirreling away, getting doing our own jobs. Yeah. I'm across that nine o'clock hour. We've said, please come at nine early. That's tea, coffee and biscuits. Biscuits.

And we want it to be we just never want anyone to want for more biscuits. And we want it to be, we just never want anyone to want for more biscuits. We want it to wow them from the get-go with the selection and the quantity and the encouragement to eat as many biscuits as you can in that hour. First impressions last. And I just think coming, that's how you warm a crowd up with just an astonishing biscuit selection. So obviously on the show a couple of weeks ago, we had, and you talk to the catering, you talk to the people at the venue. Yeah.

And they were going to make their own biscuits. Yep. Which sounded more like a cookie. It did sound a lot like a cookie. And it kind of blindsided us a bit. We didn't expect that. Cause I was just thinking absolutely sort of like, you know, assorted creams. That's where we were going.

We made the call at that stage, that was just before tickets went on sale, to go, okay, we do, you know, who doesn't love a home cooked cookie? And they did sound big. And we sort of made a bit of a spur of the moment pivot to going, okay, we're in for these cookies, as long as everyone can have four. Yep. And then we did put it on the, I think, the registration form for people coming to ConCon. Were you happy? It wasn't at the drop down menu.

Are you happy with the direction of the biscuit situation? Because I was like, hey, I'm making huge calls out here and I'd love to get a little bit of feedback from actual people. Did you forget that? You're the person that asked for it. No, no, I've got it. Okay. Because I was like, we wanted the, I've got all the responses out.

Great. Oh, fantastic. All the responses and I'll read a sample of them out to you. And I think you'll get where I'm at. Do we know where it fell on the yeses or nos? Like, do we have a percentage? Like, were people happy with the direction of a home-cooked cookie? Not all of them were, yes, no. It's not binary.

So it wasn't like- Lots of gray area. Because you'd have someone, say for example, just reading some random results here, put me down for four biscuits. And you don't know if they mean four. Then someone else goes, I love biscuits. Now do they mean- The cookies?

Do they mean- Home-cooked? The cookies? Or a sort of biscuits. Because people are just calling everything biscuits. Then, do they mean the cookies? Do they mean the cookies? Or a sort of biscuits? Because people are just calling everything biscuits. Then you get other ones. You get other people going, look, bring on the gourmet cookies. So that's fine. That's clear. But then you get other people going, no, I want quantity.

In all caps, quantity over quality. So they're saying, no, I want the all, I want the assorted grams. I want my chance to eat 20 biscuits. When you're kind of under 10 years old. Because it was such a rush to get tickets, a lot of the responses too were like, I don't have time to answer, I just want to get my tickets. That's probably a good point.

You don't put Taylor Swift tickets on sale. And then say, by the way, which one of these dresses did you like Taylor wearing? When you get to the car park, we've actually put some Azaleas in. Have a look at the car park and get the venue and tell us if you like the Azaleas. Some of us wanted succulents. He's like, mate, don't care. Get us in the...

Then we've got some very specific ones. So people are like, I want chocolate biscuits. Then we get people going, I want Tim Tams. Then you get people going, I'd rather 400 arrow roots than the fancy home made stuff. Then you get people going. So like, I can see you reading more stuff. Stop reading.

Stop reading them. And now you've got these two guys waiting on the phone who've been here for 10 minutes now. Do you want to speak to them or no? Listen, Ando. Right? Here's where I'm at. Okay, cause it's just not, I know you can get into trouble trying to please all the

people all the time. I'm proposing a hybrid model. I think it has to be that way. I think it has to be a hybrid model. Yes, I agree. I agree. But we have a situation now where that's a cost. That's going to be a cost to us.

If we get the other biscuits. True or false. I heard a rumor that Arnett's had inquired about sponsoring. True actually. Really? Yeah. Yes. Can I ask you as the head of media communications and working with the sales mom, can you push that heavily?

Yep. Get them on board. Okay. But if not, I'll look at paying for this out of my own pocket. Look at it or you guarantee you will? Well, look at it because we've got an option of our own. You can look at anything. That's what I was just going to pin him down on.

And I will look at giving everybody a car that comes with a car. And I will look at giving everybody a car that comes with a cockpit. Well, listen, just as an example, that's my proposal, the hybrid option where I'm even now personally looking at paying for the biscuits. We've got Oliver on the line. Oliver, you have got tickets to Concon. First of all, congratulations. Thank you. Ahoy, boys. Ahoy to you. Ahoy, ahoy. You're an aircraft mechanic for the Defence Force, so you can rest assured that there will be quite a lot of chat about aircraft. Yeah, one of us will be well, truly covering that. I hope there will be. Yeah.

No, you don't hope it will absolutely be there and it will be, you'll come away professionally developed from that. And also a nice little chance for us to help out the nation. This is very good. Awesome. I don't know what I can claim, but I guess I'll find out then. No, you should take it all and give it to go to your local tax professional. Get to know them.

Go for a walk. Get a frappuccino. Sit down with them. Show them what's what. Have a biscuit with them. Yep. And then, you know, you'll go through it with them and they'll give you, I feel, quite a lot of thumbs up there.

Yep. So here's the thing. How would you feel about the hybrid cookies, cookie and biscuit situation? I think it's a great idea. What would your preference be? Definitely cookies for sure that are filled. I'm thinking like cut down on all the, the amount and give one large cookie. Like a dinner sized plate.

A third option has entered the chat. It can come in like a pizza box. Um, yeah. And that just, everyone just gets one big cookie and that will be. A massive cookie. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Thanks. Oh, interesting. What are we? But to give an example of what I'm dealing with here, we've got another person, Michael Ahoy and congratulations. You are going to ConCon. Ahoy, gusto to you boys.

And gusto to you, mate. I see here on your application, you're looking forward to learning about payroll processing software, which we're looking very forward to teaching you more about. Yes. I've only recently started in a payroll job for government departments. So very keen to learn a bit more. Makes it easy for us. We'll just give you the, you know, we'll tell you how you can do it better. That is the theme of our conference, how everyone can do their job better.

So get excited about some tips on that front, but where, where do you sit on the biscuit situation? I'm definitely team, um, commercial quantities and commercial, commercial brands. Okay. Um, I did, I think I did say 400 arrow routes wouldn't go astray. Oh, that was you. That was you. Right.

I think that was me. Yeah. And that was actually there it is. Yeah. I even randomly selected you. So you, arrow routes an interesting one because I would have thought people would prefer the assorted creams, but the arrowroot is in the classic pack. Well, I think, I think an assortment of commercial options would

be great. I think the larger cookies are just a bit too, a bit too exotic of a flavor. Pretentious. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. pretentious. Yeah. Lachy. Okay. Not very common. That's true. I suppose we could have an in-touch, lost-touch counter. Not that you want to divide the conference before we get going. You don't want to create teams, but...

But I think when you're suggesting we just have both, doesn't that just cover both? Why are we chatting about this and these two individuals? Seriously, six minutes ago it said, I think we should have both. Now let's see what this guy wants. He wants one thing. Oh, that's covered in both. Let's see what Michael wants. Oh, he wants that thing. Oh, that's covered in both as well. I'm just making sure that we're on the right path here because if everyone wanted cookies, now it turns out we didn't even know that someone wanted a dinner plate-sized cookie. Well, we're not doing that.

I'm just saying, Ando, you just think this is so easy. It's actually not, mate. Probably the hour of cookies. If that, if we don't get that right, the whole thing falls over. Okay? So I'm sorry I care. I'm sorry I, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm trying to get this friggin' conference correct from the get-go and get us all off on the right foot.

I'll take it from here offline. I'm gonna look really... Well, the only thing you did really is give Andy more homework and he's gonna go talk to artists. Which I'd appreciate because at the same time I am looking at paying for these cookies and the biscuits out of my own pocket. And I'll talk to my tax professional to see if there's any sort of benefit for me to do that. Thank you, Olly and Michael. Yeah, great, good, good, good. Well, what do you want? What do you want, Ando?

Do you want commercials or do you want the cookie? Oh, great question. Oh, if there's only those, an option would be good to have both. Yes, okay, so it's another yes for the hybrid model. Gents, I'd like to report something. I don't know if you might have run into this, Endo, Jack, yourself as well, being a leading Melbourne FM breakfast radio celebrity these days, and prolific online man about town. Oh, yes.

I've had two what I would classify as fame critics. Oh, what does that mean? Incidences of fame critics happening this week. Well, people are having a go at me because they are like, you know, I perceive you to be, you know, oh, you look at, look at you go. Bit of look at you go. One was at the airport, right? I had parked and I was going to retrieve my car.

Now, people listening might go, oh, hang on. Does that mean you use the valet service? Yes, I had, which is self declared. Must be nice. Must-declared. That's not even the criticism that I was in for. I'd only been in the airport for one night. And so I'd sort of driven myself and gone, oh, you know what? This is a business trip. Treat yourself. Have a valet. Deduct that.

Deduct that. So you go back in to get your car, you know, you give the ticket and then they go and fetch a car. Anyway, this is Sydney Airport, right? For people that have frequented Sydney Airport or a few of the other airports around Australia, you might've noticed me, one of my passion projects is car rental. I'm on some billboards around the airport for Hertz RenderCar. Can't miss them. Look, you know, some may argue they've been up for too long. You like the face of the airport to me. I send a photo of me with Haym giving him a thumbs up. Probably one to two a week from various friends around Australia going, okay, mate, you know, you would settle down. I haven't even got my bag yet.

It was just me going, let's go. Anyway, I hand in the, I hand in the ticket, the guy goes, mate, you know, we've got my bag yet. It's just me going, let's go. Anyway, I hand in the ticket. The guy goes, oh, not not renting a car, mate. I go, no, no, I'm just going to get my car. And he goes, oh, OK, thought you would have thought you'd have definitely been getting a Hertz. I said, well, no, it's my car. So I just keep going. He goes, it's all right. All right. He goes, no, it's my car. So I just keep on going, it's all right.

All right. He goes, Hey, it's all right. Like a bit of kind of goes, all right, I won't tell anyone. Not a secret. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure that you can't ever drive your own personal car at any point. No more using your own car. He was like, all all right, man, I went to like, I know how this goes. You say you love them, but you're not really using them, are you? I love an Uber to pull up and see it for you and go, no, no, no. You've got a car situation.

You know what to do. You only hire cars for now for two years or three years, or however long this deal is for, you can never drive your own car. That is a bit rough. Yes. What was the other one? The other one was, I was at a Macca's toilet this week, right? So ducked into Macca's, we're right on that cusp of like, oh, do we drive through? Do we eat in? Yep. And the toilet's off in the decider. Yes. And I was like, you know what guys, we're going to quickly eat in. Okay. No playground. We're going to quickly eat in because Dad needs the toilet. Family.

Yeah. So we go, okay. We jump in. Zoe's doing the order with the kids. I'm going to go and use the toilet. Go to the toilets. Wasn't a huge McDonald's, I think is important because, you know, you get into that corridor with the toilets, so it's a little bit cramped.

And I was like, look, we're on a time schedule here. We're quick. There was that slippery when wet bollard out right at the yellow bollard or a bit of what you know, cleaning progress. But also there was sort of like some paper on the ground and you know, late in the day, I think it was a Friday afternoon. So late in the day, school kids have been through like, I'm not expecting Maccas to be running a pristine

faster operation here. I was fine. I was just like, whatever I need to do, I'll get in there. Open the door to go in, her quick way, washing my hands, coming out. As I'm coming out, there's a Maccas, whoever the guy, the staff guy that must have been on tours that day, he's coming in with the mob. He goes, hey, the sign's here. Okay. Cleaning in progress. He's coming in with the mob. He goes, Hey, the sign's here. Cleaning in progress. He wasn't in there when I went in there. Okay. So it was, did it say cleaning in progress or did it say slippery and wet? I don't know. It was the yellow thing. Okay. Did it have a bar across? Sometimes they've got a bar that goes across the door

that stops you from entering. Did you take the bar? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No bar. Just the yellow sign. Just the yellow sign. And if I'm, if I'm giving a huge benefit of the doubt, maybe an A4 printed piece of paper had been blue tacked on or something. I can't recall that. Maybe it was there. That's just like, you know, cleaning in progress or something, but there was no one in the toilet.

So I just went to the toilet, did the stuff and came out. The guy goes, Hey, he goes, Oi, look at the sign. He goes, just because you've become a celebrity now, doesn't mean that you can ignore the sign. Right? The signs for everyone. Not just people. Now you're a celebrity.

You think you don't need to. I promise you that's not why I use the toilet. And also speaking from people that do have the perspective of people that have a public profile, number one, not many people, you know, no one looks at fame as like, ha ha ha, yes, this is, I wanted to be famous. Like, it's usually just it happens, you know, you know, no one's setting out to be famous. Some people are. Some people are. Have you watched maps? Sorry. Yes, that's true. But the people that are setting out to be famous

aren't doing it because we all know that once you hit that level, you can now go to Macca's toilets. Even when it's cleaning in progress. Even when they're being cleaned and the staff won't have a leg to stand on because it's a well known perk of celebrity. The fine print.

That you can go to the toilet. Really, yeah. Cocked it from both angles.