Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 284 - Jack vs the People: Golf Buggy Finale

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

Find out whether Jack is victorious in his quest to weasel the motorised golf cart from the hands of the people! We hear more stories from our most empathetic listeners, Hamish places a call to his good friend T-Bone, Andy poses an interesting question “Is Josh an Asshole?” and Hame has an idea for a new show venture!  1. Golf buggy roulette 2. Extreme empaths 3. Is Josh an a-hole? 4. Hamish and Jack chat to T-Bone 5. Small business security test 

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me, Nakiri Hamish. Hello or should I say, Konnichiwa? Because are we sushi? No, no, we're not sushi.

Was it Nagiri or Nakiri? Nakiri. Okay, okay. Ahoy to my Kirisuke Jack. Are we types of sumo wrestlers? No. Because you know there's different classes. You're in the right country, just so you know.

What else are they? Like a manga, cartoon? No. Some kind of characters we don't aware of. Well why don't we just list everything that's in Japan? It can't take long. Classes of bullet train or Shinkansen. I am a Santoku.

I think. No, I think we're gonna get it end. I think if we just keep saying. I honestly think you will get it. If you think of what. Types of swords. Are we swords? Really close.

Ninjas. Oh my God. No, not ninjas. Don't you dare, don't you dare just steal. Don't do this again Jack. Samurai. Where you just steal the train of thought. Types of samurai.

You'd love it in your kitchen. Knives. Knives. Knives. Knives. I think I got it. I think I got it. I think I got it. I think I got it. Dead heat. Dead heat. What we'll do is we'll send that to the lab. Spoons? Knife, knife, knife, knife. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it.

I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it.

I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it.

I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think knife for chopping vegetables. I almost certainly have one. Looks like a small cleaver. I have one. You're a long, multi-purpose knife. Got one of those.

Used by the executive chef of a Japanese restaurant. Thank you. And I'm just a general purpose knife. You're playing in my territory here, Andrew, and whilst I don't know the names of them, at three or four times in my life, I have bought what has been told to me by my good friend the internet, the world's best Japanese knives. I'm the guy cutting kiwi fruits with like a four kilo cleaver.

And marvelling at how effortlessly it slices them. Ahoy also to Brayden from Texas who used the very easy to use system, hamishnanny.com, to tell us what he's up to. Ahoy boys, this is Braden here from Texas. Today when I was going to get in the shower in my very fast and loose way I didn't bring my towel with me. So of course when I get out of the shower I have to go and walk soaking wet across my hardwood floors to my room so that I could get my towel. And so when I went to clean up the water, rather than getting another towel, I used

my Lost Touch with the Common Man t-shirt to wipe up the water. And other than possibly upsetting Andy, I feel like I might have created a paradox by doing something so common man with a Lost Touch t-shirt. Can hear you guys thoughts of the show. Thank you Braden and a great case study but I would say you use a little bit lost touch to use a t-shirt, an expensive garment to clean your floors something normally reserved for a cheaper garment like a towel. That's my take on it as well I think it doubles down on his lost touch and I'm glad he has bought the correct t-shirt in that manner. Yeah I agree. But would you like the efficiency Ando of if it's on its way to the laundry anyway,

then it's doing two jobs? Yeah, I would have wanted that. I'd say he breaks a few fast and loose rules there because number one, maybe he didn't have a bath mat, but you can always use the bath mat in a pinch if you hold it out of the shower. Fast and loose just leave it, it's water. I was going to say, the other thing is, that's going to dry. One of the key features of water is how quickly it dries and just returns itself to the atmosphere invisible to the naked eye.

I hope we've answered those for you, Bray. Haim. Wow. It's time. Let's set the scene in here. We have got a full roulette table. We've got our own croupier, Jason. Ahoy to you, Jason. Jason's just waved for those.

Jason's panicking because he said, do you want to talk to me? He said, no, no, you're fine, just do your job. So he's taking it very literally. Good, Jason. Jack, this is where we're at. Our good pals at InGolf in Utility had offered Hamish and I a golf buggy, a little trolley, because you obviously said you didn't want a golf cart, the motorized ones you drive around you, you sent it back. You looked a gift horse in the mouth, you sent Santa back up the chimney with the gifts in your own words. We brought us to this situation where they sent us another trolley to give away to the listeners. We asked Jack whether he'd like to seize it before it gets to listeners.

He said, yes, we thought that was a bit unfair, but we did want to test. It was a bit of a trick. Well, I mean, I was ready to receive something anyway. So how cruel to me would it be to go home empty handed is where I was coming from. If that balances the ledger. You're right. You're right. It is about who's the most ready to receive. That's what you go to.

But Jack was a torment for you because as King Weasel, after doing all the credits and all the thank yous to Ingolf. To get nothing. To get nothing. You were like, to you, you felt like you'd put in a hard day's work in the mines, someone else's cell on the coal and you just didn't get a paycheck. I didn't get a paycheck. Worse actually, I got the paycheck and sent it back because it just didn't work.

I have nowhere to keep it from rain. It's too big for my pocket. So it brought us to a situation where we asked people to register to potentially win the trolley, the motorised trolley. So many people want it. 10,866 people have registered their details. They're legitimate people that want to win it. We asked Jack how many tickets he'd like in this raffle. He didn't go the million or billion. He said I'd like one for every person that's entered. So he's given himself a 50-50 chance. He's gone in with 10,866 tickets as well. I think that's fair.

I saw some comments saying that it wasn't, but I think that's fair. Can you see a world where it seems rigged to your favour? I think that people saying that it wasn't fair don't really have the full context of how I was ready to receive a gift and never got one. Catch it, Mitton, no one threw the ball. I still think that guy should be out. I was so ready for the catch.

I know he hit a boundary to the other side of the ground, but if you look at the tape, I'm so, so ready for the catch. You're right, Jack. They probably haven't taken it in. They didn't understand how ready you were. I'm so, so ready for the catch. You're right, Jack. They probably haven't taken in the ready to receive metric. They didn't understand how ready you were. How ready, you know. So, Jack.

You're super fertile, like for people that track cycles. If you're trying to have a baby, Jack was extremely fertile. Send it in. Ready, ready. So it brings us to this position where it's a genuine 50-50. Haim had the great idea of bringing in a roulette, a wheel, we'll spin the ball, we'll have the excitement. You've chosen black, it's blackjack.

You've also elected to have the zero again because of your readiness to receive, switching it more in your favor. Yeah, but that's going to be like an extra 1% or not even. You crunched the numbers on that. What is that? It's way more than 1%. It's a 1.37. 1.37, yeah. Yeah, but that's going to be like an extra 1% or not even what you crunch the numbers on that. What is that? It's way more than one percent. It's a 137th.

Yeah. So it goes, I mean, it's basically how the casino makes its money. The edge. You've given yourself, not the guitarist from YouTube, but you've given yourself, I don't know if you've named himself after the zero on a roulette wheel, but you've given yourself him. I think it sounds better to say, it's more exciting to say it's a genuine 50-50. I'm the blacks, the listeners are the reds.

Yes. And so you've given them back the zero? No, no, sorry. And if he's laying on zero, I will still win. Okay. Okay. It's not going to give back zero. It just gets so finicky for you to describe all the percentages and stuff.

So just call it a big old 50-50. We could say zero, you know, zero is just nothing. Nothing. In golf gets it. They win. They get their buggy back. No, no, no, no, no, no. They've already won. Self-inutility. Well, Jack, I think we're pretty ready.

So this is where we've got to. Jack versus the people. It's his best shot. It could have been Jack versus Jack. He could have stepped inside the octagon and closed the gate behind him if he'd opted to take one million tickets. You cannot fall for the nice guy,

because he will take your head off. But instead, he's allowed an opponent in. What a result. I mean, what a result. Wow. Sure, he is 10,000 times more likely to win he's allowed an opponent in. What a result! I mean, what a result! Wow! Sure, he is 10,000 times more likely to win than the individual. How about that? But as a collective, it's head to head.

What a baby-faced assassin! Oh my gosh, call a doctor! Mano, Imeni Mano. One shot, one shot. That's what I'm getting. It's Jack, It's Jack. Versus the people. Here we go. God, I'm excited. I don't think I'm going to be too excited for anything on this show.

How are you feeling, Jacko? Poor. I feel positive. I feel weirdly positive. Yes, well the odds are in your favour. No, no, the odds are a 50-50. Jason, are you ready? With a slight edge to you.

Jace is ready. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you doing it already? Wait, wait, the odds are a 50-50. Jason, are you ready? With a slight edge to you. Jase is ready. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you doing it already? Wait, wait, wait. Wait. What happened? You spin the middle thing first, don't you? And then you shoot the ball around.

Jack, we're giving you the chance. Would you like to switch to red? No, no, no, no, no, no. Blackjack. Blackjack. You sure? Yes, no, no. That could be the moment that cost you. I feel black coming up.

I'll actually be shocked if it's red. Okay. Alright, if I see black, I'm very happy. Okay. Jason is spinning the inner circle. I'll put a vote in. The ball is about to go. It's gone. All those. It's rolling. Jack, good luck to you on red. Come on, come on. Here we go. It's slowing down. Oh God. Come on. One down. Black 35. Yes!

10 minutes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 35. 35.

It's a black 35. Oh my gosh. Not what the people wanted. If you've just tuned in, you're hearing a man screaming, It's a black 35! Oh my gosh! Not what the people wanted! You're hearing a man screaming yes, yes, yes because he has rigged a competition to make sure he gets

a $5,000 golf buggy instead of the people of the show. Don't say rigged because people might think that the actual roulette wheel is rigged. The roulette wheel is a honey-scented, legit roulette wheel. Sorry, sorry. Fiddled with or tinkered with the odds to ensure the blackjack fell to your wall.

Congratulations, Jack, it's been a long road. I can't say it's been a popular victory for people in here. Outside the window, there are boze and there are thumbs down. Literally my wife said to me as I went out the door this morning, she kissed me, she held my shoulders and looked into my eyes and went, God, I hope he doesn't get it. Sometimes the healer's got to win. Thank you, thank you. Sorry everybody.

Well done, Jack. Sorry. This is why I love podcasting over radio. Can't do this in radio these days. You would never hear. Okay. Now, you know, do you want to go and see Post Malone in Vegas or am I going? UBLD, it's me!

Yes! Yes! Because I gave myself 10,000 times the chance of the others. Alright, Jack, so you've done it. You've done it. You've done it. Nothing can take it away now. Right. No, no, don't even hint at some sort of like, as a good will gesture.

No, no, no, no, no. Ando. If you want to do a good will gesture, you give yours away. I know our very good friends at Engulf and Utility. Ando, would be happy to go a double or nothing. Why would I need two trolleys? No, no. Oh, mate, why do you need a cart?

I've stopped you before. Hey, we've become a place for people with empathy for objects to come and share their feelings and feel nurtured and part of a team. Extreme Empaths is the same what we're talking about. They're still coming in at HamishNanny.com. Hit us up there. You send them, we'll do them. Imagine how broken we would have a huge part of the audience feel if people were

sending in Extreme Empaths and we're like, oh, we're going to move on and not do them. Knowing that their emails are sitting there, unread, in the dark, so excited about being included in the show, just a little blinking, just an email with a blue circle next to it. And we just moved on. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it to him. Unless you ever do it then. Sorry, that's the opener there. Every song ever written and performed, so no song feels left out. Haim, do you want to go first or me? This comes in from Melia. She says, when you look at the back of the car, you see a face, right? The brake lights are the eyes, the number plate is the mouth, and the boot opener is the nose. So this might not be everyone, but certainly Melia says, because every make and model of a car has a

face. Some cars faces are cute, where others look quite mean. If a cute face car is attempting to merge, I'll always let them in. But if a mean car tries to merge, there's no way I'm letting them in. In fact, I'll cut them off or beep the mean cars if the opportunity presents itself because they don't deserve my kindness. Cute cars have feelings. Mean ones have them too, I guess, but you don't have to respect them. This is from Sarah in the UK.

In London, the Underground has certain parts of the track where it goes over ground. Yep. Gotcha. She says, every time the train comes out from underground, I feel an immense surge of happiness that the train is getting some vitamin D and to see some sights to break up the anonymous day. Vitamin D was the worry. This is from Jake, because boys, I always feel bad for the yellow light in traffic when I see people ignore it and drive straight through. Like it's just there trying to do its job and people blatantly ignore it. I will always stop for the yellow light, no matter what.

Then look up and say, I see you yellow light and you're doing a good job. Like the yellow light, it's not officially the bouncer of the traffic, just a staff member that's been told to go outside and try and stop people from coming in. The red light, the security guard, the real security guard has arrived yet. He's got a number, but this is just the guy that normally collects the dishes going, sorry guys, we are pretty full. This is from George Jackson in New Zealand.

He has a friend. He said, I have a friend, no matter how bad, doesn't skip songs on Spotify's AI DJ because he doesn't want the DJ to feel bad about its poor recommendation. Um, Zach. Zach says, look, I water the garden the normal way, i.e. spraying the soil under the plants. But then I look up and I feel bad for the leaves, which actually do most of the work for us humans creating oxygen. They're sitting up there working their asses off and they don't even get a drop of water for their efforts. So when I'm done, I make sure I turn it on to shower mode for the hose and I give the leaves a well-earned drink, even though I know it does nothing

for the health of the plant. I reckon I've got close to a reverse one for that. We have an indoor plant in our bathroom and when I water it, I do feel like a hero. Cause it's every six weeks. Like it basically, it almost dies and I bring it back. And when I give it, it's water and I pump it. You only need to give it a little bit. And I put it under the bathroom tap and I just flood it.

That's not just flood it. It's not good for a day to day Jack, but trust me, this thing never thought it was drinking again. And I do have that thing where I think it must just be like, finally, like, you know, just that moment of going, Oh my God, I've just been waiting for this for two months and I feel like I'm helping out a mate. Yeah. I don't, they say only give it 200 mils of water and I saturate the soil.

And I think it loves it. I think it loves it. I do think it loves it. Watch Havish's gardening. This Costa going, that's not what you meant to do. Costa, I think it is enjoying it. I think I'll speak for the plants. Guys, I met speak for the plants.

Guys, I met a fellow called Josh while playing golf. And he told me a story that has inspired me to make a new segment called this. Is Josh an asshole? All right, Josh will be... Ruing. Oh, they're talking about me on the podcast. He'll be a little bit disappointed with how this has worked out for him, but let's hope he's not an asshole.

Josh flew to Ireland, Northern Ireland, to play a very good course called Royal County Down. Okay. And arriving in Belfast, you have to take a bus out there. Right? What an arsehole. So he's got off plane, got to the bus stop, and he's waiting in a line for the bus stop. And the bus is leaving every hour. And so he's playing at 2.30.

He's on a 12 o'clock bus. He'll get there easily. He then realizes about seven back in the line. He realizes that it's cash only for the bus. And he is flown from America. Straight in. Doesn't have cash on him. Four pounds. So he turns to an old lady behind him and he says, Hey, I'm really sorry, would you have four pounds for the bus, Gladion's Catonny? She says, Oh, of course. He said, I can exchange details. I'll try and get the money to you. She said, absolutely not. Welcome to Ireland. Here's four pounds. So he's got the four pounds. Great. Bus arrives. It's quite full and they're counting how many people will be able to fit on the bus.

And the conductor goes through, gets to Josh and then cuts the line behind him and there's an hour wait for the next one. He looks at the lady that's given him four pounds and says, thanks very much for the four pounds and boards the bus. That's a horror one. And makes his tea time at Royal County Down. And as the bus took off, he gave a small thank you wave. She just waved back.

She was single. It wasn't like there was her with her family. Yep. gave a small thank you wave. She just waved back. She was a single. It wasn't like there was her with her family. Yep. It presents the question. I think he's just an asshole. I think he's in the clear. Oh, the girls outside are nodding and saying he's an asshole. You're saying he's in the clear?

I think he's I mean, would we do it ourselves? Who knows? I certainly wouldn't. I'd say to that lady, listen, you go in front of me, no matter what happens, we have to make sure you get on that bus. That's just me. Not here to play the old Josh better than I am going. However, if she'd have said to him, I mean, like if she was, had she known, I wonder if she would have gone.

I wonder if like, if there was a sign that said, by the way, it's six people per bus. And she'd done the maths and gone, I can't number seven. I wonder if she'd gone, if she'd have known that, would she have said, I'll give you the four pounds, but we're switching spots. Yeah, I, but she could have, she probably had the chance as well, or was in her right to go, as he's getting chosen, you're on the bus. She goes, I want my £4 back. Yeah. And then he doesn't get on the bus. I'm not trying to swap places with you, I just want the money back. And then the bus driver go, I'd appreciate if we could leave on time. Let's not wait for this guy to get four pounds off someone else.

Yes. Because this guy's got no money. I kind of agree with Hayne though. He had his position. I guess the question is should he have offered up his position as a thank you for the four pounds. The tough thing is his position is worth far more than four pounds. So much more.

If it's a 10 minute busway. wait, then you do the right thing. That is about four pounds. Yeah, 10 minutes is four pounds. One hour bus wait and also try not to make this about golf, but he's going to not have any time if he gets the next bus. He might even miss it. He has come all that way to do that thing, replace it with Art Gallery that's closing soon. If that's more your thing. You know, he's come for that thing. Yep. The art gallery is not open the next day.

She have golf clubs with her, was she? She didn't look like she had a tea time. No, no, she may have been getting into outfit when she got there, but it seemed to be. Yeah. I think as long as he was felt remorseful and showed that, like even just a hand on the heart as the bus drove away, like, oh, this hurts. I'm certainly not changing, but acknowledged. Right.

All right. Fantastic. Josh is not an asshole. I don't think he's an arsehole. Hey, we're in a small difficult quest, amongst other bigger difficult quests, which is a dollar coin, but we're just trying to get up there, Kazeeley, played before the Carlton Collingwood AFL football match in front of 100,000 people, essentially to reclaim it as being an Australian song because there is an English guy coming out from England

who claims that it is a Derby County song called Steve Bloom is Watching. Like a soccer song. And the way we are hoping to do this is by playing that song at the footy coming up. Unfortunately, it's Carlton Collingwood, the match is a hundred thousand people there. So what we're asking for is for the song, but I think the crowd will love, because this is like an AFL song.

We're just asking for one song to be played specifically 200,000 people to upset one man. Yes. So we know that that, that is a, there's a, there could be an argument there for like, oh, well, we can't use a hundred thousand people's time to settle this sort of inter-country musical dispute. But our argument is, I think the crowd will love it. As we know, you know, that there are no other song that fires up an AFL crowd like that song if you're familiar with it.

So on last week's show, people would know that we talked to Jay from AFL. And he said, look, here's the way that any football match works. Whoever home, cause we're like, who plays the music before the game starts? Someone's got to be in charge of the DJ booth. He said it's the home team's thing. That would be the Collingwood football club. Then Jack reminded us, we're all very good friends with the, with one of the guys that does the ground announcing for the Collingwood football club. That's right.

T-Bone to us. What's his first name again? Stephen to bone. Well done. Well done me for knowing a friend. I mean, give me a hard challenge. Okay. I'm going to send you a picture now of three people.

And I wish I had time to look, Ando. I wish I did. The photograph has been sent. There's three people. Okay, trying to get my side of the desk. My bloody phone bill again. Haven't paid my phone bill. You should be able to receive, shouldn't you?

No, seems to be blocking it. Oh well. Have you got it? Because I said it's the two of you. OK, I know which one he is. Yes, because he's one of our friends. He's one of our friends. Of course, Andy. Left, middle, right. All right, I'll play the game, mate.

He's on the right. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. Now, of course I've got it. Because I know Steve to bone. Yeah, T-bone. T-bone. As we covered off last week. Now, it was...

The one in three was too high. It was too high. I should have put six faces. I mean, I thought you were just going to say the three that weren't him. But that's what I was hedging for. For when I go, it's the guy on, sorry, that weren't him. That's what I was hedging for. For when I go, it's the guy on the right, you go, it's none of them. I was like, that's why I said I'm playing the game. Correctly identified, correctly identified and verified as a friend.

So last week after you left Ando, I go, hey, Jack, let's call T-Bone and let's ask him. If he's the guy that's doing the ground announcing, he'll be able to put us in touch with whoever's in charge of the DJ booth at the MCG. How'd the call go? Yeah, well, you're going to hear a bunch. You're going to hear some friends catching up. Hello, Stephen speaking.

T-Bone, it's Haim. Hey, how are you? Good, mate. Good. Sorry. I've got Jack here as well. Um, was calling from the studio. Oh, okay. T-Bone. Hi. Hi. It's Hamish. Hi. From Hamish and Andy. He knows he said hello. No, he sounded like he didn't know who you were. Did you know who was? No. Yeah, no, because I was just at a media event with the NBL and I was like, is there someone from there? But now I know who it is.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, great, mate. How's things? Are you back doing Pies stuff, Collingwood stuff this year? Yes, I am. Yeah. Oh, great. Jack was wondering something. T-Burn, we want to play a specific song before the Carlton-Collingwood match up there, Kisali. How hard would it be to put it into the playlist? Is that at the G, isn't it?

Yeah. I don't look after the G music. Do you know who runs the playlist, Steve? Yeah, I do. I do. But I know that I know that they reserved that song for the big day, September. Yeah, I know. It's a bit of a one-off. We need it played to antagonize a man from the United Kingdom. He'll be in the audience. Alright. Jack, I'll give him your number and see if you can talk to him directly.

Yeah, great. We'll catch up soon. Yeah. Thanks T-Bone. Awesome, mate. Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks T-Bone. Awesome. All right, mate. Okay. See you T-Bone. Bye. Bye. Bye. Never has a man been more confused. That was three friends catching up. Okay. So you've, what did you guys call the other person? Yeah. He can't, he can't play the song. call the other person? Yeah, he can't play the song. But I've done all this.

Sorry. Yeah, he can't play the song. I knew we shouldn't have gone to T-Bone. Why can't he play the song? They're worried that the AFL only plays that song for Grand Final Day and then we're- Did you hear from the AFL? They were fine with it.

No, so now Collingwood's putting it back on the AFL. It was the guy. He said- It was the guy that's in charge of the DJ booth. He's like, I wouldn't, he reckons he's risking his job by playing that song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not risking it. That's why he...

To be fair, I didn't talk to him. This was Jack's stuff, Ando. Yeah. This is Jack. Jack's looking after this. So did you say to him, if we get signed off at the AFL, will you play it? He said he would be happy to play it,

but it's got to be signed off by the AFL. Great. I don't know why he's worried about it. No one's getting... No one in September is going to yell out heard this in April. Get some dough. He said that he's worried that Mike Brady, who wrote the original song and still performs it, would ring and say, why is it being played now?

And so we just go back to that, Jack. Did you did you play hardball and say Brady's not going to hear it? I said, Mike Brady is going to call you directly. And he said, no, but Mike Brady could get in touch. Then it comes back to me. Why are we scared of Mike Brady? Mike Brady loves it when we play it. Maybe he likes it being exclusively for the grand final.

I knew I should have been on this second call. OK, so should we? Are we ticking it off with Mike Brady? So give me the people we have to tick it off with. I think Jack's saying, Jack's trying to do I've done all I can. Is that, are you out, Jack? I'm saying this guy can press play on the song with permission from the AFL. And yes, Mike Brady wouldn't hurt. We have to get Mike Brady's permission as well.

What about the person who invented the DJ booth just to make sure they're comfortable with it being press play? Yeah, that wouldn't hurt. So this guy you're talking to, is he from Collingwood? The DJ is from Collingwood. Right. Yeah. I actually feel like I'm saying too much because he doesn't want his name said.

I thought it was a bit peculiar. You guys keep saying this guy. But has he asked Collingwood? He's a well-known DJ. He's given up an Ibiza residency to come and press play on the two hours pregame. So has Collingwood said yes? Or is he of the power to say it on behalf of Collingwood? He's saying on behalf of Collingwood, he's happy to press play.

And he has that, that authority? Well, he didn't take any other calls when I spoke to him. So he just assumes that he can, as long as the AFL says it's all right. Okay. So what I think this is the structure. Collingwood says play whatever you want, whenever you want. He's so he knows he can. I then he got, then he's gone. The feedback he gets more often is why did you do that?

Not well done for doing that. Yeah. Okay. He's worried about a, why did you do that? So he wants a golden ticket from up on high that says you're all cool to do that. Okay. Well, we can get that. Okay. So do you think I was still helpful?

I want to know if I helped out in this situation. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. You got the guy that can actually press play. You've kept the... We did well there, Jaco, with the... Oh, so now you're back in. Well, that's the bit we did together. We got T-Boned.

And then you went off down a path somewhat clumsily and have returned to the group needing help. That's okay. We will get side off from the AFL. I think we should double check with Collingwood just because I feel like that's going to be okay. Mike Brady, let's just, can you do a Mike Brady impersonation? I sure can.

So let's get a voice note from you. Mike Beatty impersonation? I sure can. So let's get a voice note from you. Mate, if that's my homework for this week, I'm in. From you. He's covered. And then let's just try and get it as close to the bounce as possible. I'm not saying last song before the bounce, but can't have it like as soon as everyone walks in. It's got to be close to the first siren. Now that they're saying it, it does, and they only play it on Grand Final Day, it's going to give the players an absolute buzz. Yeah.

Isn't it? Yeah. And did you mention that we like our own message attached to the front of it to say? Did you, Jack? No, I didn't get into that story. Should never let you do that. Gentlemen, I have an idea for us inspired by a film. I mean, so heavily inspired by a film, you might almost say it. It almost is the film,

but we just do it. But let me let me bring you up to speed. It's an old, it's not far off, to be honest, Jack. Scary movie with a hat that gets big. No, that wasn't executed the same way that we did it. Sorry, just on that though, quickly. No, no, I may actually have some hat news myself.

Andy's referencing the fact that when we did the five hat prank last year, a few people did point out that there is a scene in Scary Movie 2 or 3 where a guy's hat continues to get bigger, but it's not the same as the five hat prank. It just is happening for no reason. When they're accusing us of copying, this is the part I want to bring up. It's like, you got it out of a book. of us have copied, this is the part I want to bring up. It's like, you got it out of a book. Like, I was out of a kids slash tweens, prank section from a small magazine that comes with a Beyblade or something. Yeah. So take it up with them. Take it up with them. Yeah. They're the ones

that told us to do it. Can I just say on the hat front, again, I assume most people know what we're talking about here. I invested a lot of man hours in making the hats. Well, and one night I did stay up all night to day-fling together denim. I mean, it wasn't my favorite thing to do. Someone brought to my attention that there is a current Guinness World Record for the tallest hat.

And the tallest hat is, I think we've got the email here somewhere, and we'll get back to my proposal in a second. But the tallest hat, one thing that interested me was it's not that tall. I saw the picture. Okay, well, before you say it, then what would we think the tallest hat would be? Yeah, and what we'd be bothered trying to make. Yeah.

I reckon if it's more than like, I'm thinking of a 10 meter diving board at the pool. Yeah. If it's bigger than that, let's not bother making it. 10 meters. Remember, it can only be on your head. Think of structurally how difficult that is. It's just a few more staples. Mate, well, this is the thing. I guess I was where you were at too.

It's five point four meters. We can beat that. I guess I was where you were at too. It's 5.4 meters. We can beat that. I think we can beat that. I mean, we're not the three. I know everyone just has a go at world records, but we've got Hat. We've never done it before. One thing I noticed, I get it all the time. Everyone goes, you would have done world records on radio. And I was like, yeah, look, it comes up all the time. Let's not bother getting the guy out with the suit. I don't care about him. I'm just going to take his record.

We don't actually have you. I'm not a guy with the hat, he means the Guinness World Record. Oh, the Guinness person. Don't bring out the cleavage as well. Because this guy's in a mirror. I'm going to go, hey man, just you know. All right, back to back boys, who's got the bigger hat? Damn it, you've got us.

Sorry, our intel was that it needed to be 5.5, but you seemed to have a big one. No, here's the other thing too, part of the record, and again, I just love Guinness for pretending that they're, they always pretend they're like this scientific organization, where really it's just to sell books. But they're like, rules. You must be able to walk for 10 meters in that. That's interesting. That's what I was going to say.

Because what's this, I mean Because what also discerns a hat? We could go to Bunnings and just get six meters of pipe, plastic pipe, put a brim on it. Yeah, you could. But it's got to be on your head. It's the balance that's the hard bit. Okay. And then, are we allowed to, like under the rules, not sure how deep you looked into it, but could we wear a neck brace?

He doesn't seem to wear a neck brace? He doesn't seem to have a neck brace and I wouldn't have too much of a problem with having a neck brace. Anyway, one for mid-year if there's a lull. I'm not against breaking the hat height record this year. And on his little entry, it's like, you know, this guy's got it at 5.42 meters. And then there's not even a picture of this. It just goes, and he's working on the world's longest shoe. I love that this guy looks at the edges of the human body and goes, what's the maximum

length or height thing I could put on there? Don't tell me he's also working on the longest gloves, but we'll have to. The world's deepest mittens. I don't know how we've got onto this, but sorry, movies, movies, movies. We were not inspired by Scary Movies 3, but here's a movie.

Here is legitimately something. Park, Tallest Hat. We'll do it later in the year. Okay. The movie Sneakers came on. Do you remember Sneakers? Robert Redford movie? You were too young, probably Jack. No, I have never watched it. Swans. Isn't it like all the birds of like the flamingo party? Yeah. Well, that's yeah, that's that's

so one of the guys is blind, but he's a computer hacker and he gets kidnapped and he remembers he said it was like he went through a cocktail party and they figure out that they took him past a pond of flamingos, which sounds like a cocktail party. Essentially, that's not the movie, Jack. That's not the movie. That's a bad, that's just a deep one for fans. What Sneakers is about right, is Robert Redford runs a gang of kind of like hackers, you know, the nineties equivalent of hackers, like kind of espionage specialists who companies hire, like a bank would go to them and go try and break into our bank. And we're not telling any of the staff and I'm the boss of the bank, I hire you, you

have to try and break in to test our security system. And I'm sure something equivalent happens like more and more these days in the real world, probably with cyber security. Anyway, then they go on and they get embroiled in like this, you know, government like code breaking kind of cover up thing. That's not the bit I'm interested in. I was watching sneakers and I was like, what a great job, but does anyone do this for small businesses?

Cause the people that hire the sneakers are all like, you know, multinational banks and like big time, like billions of dollars. What I would like to propose is if you run a small business, we will break in. Us three, we will rob you. Is it only online or you mean we will go to? No, no, that's the thing. No hacking.

Not interested. It has to be using our skills, which is going to be like physically stealing something. Okay. It's all the thrill for us of getting to figure out how to steal something from a business, but we get the boss's blessing. You won't get in trouble. You're here to test our security.

Yep. The rules obviously are nominate yourself. If you've got a shop or, you know, maybe just one or two shops, small business, no, no target too small. Like I don't care if we're coming in and we're like stealing a garlic bread. That's the job. So you're saying, tell us your business. Tell us your business.

You can't tell the staff. You can't tell the staff. Tell us the item. Well, this will have to happen off air, I think. So if someone goes, okay, I run a nursery. I want you to come and try and steal a hundred dollar plan and just see how hard it is. That becomes our job. Great.

Then we have to go and hoist this hundred dollar plan. Yep. I think we're going to have to, you know, we have to vet the people that apply. We have to be really sure they haven't told the staff because. Oh, I also think the other part I was going to say, because they actually work there. We really need to be honest. We need to be sure it's the actual boss. the panels because I actually worked it. We're from the Commonwealth Bank on board.

And then bring it to me and drop it off. You sure we can bring a fake fake gun into the store? No, we do. We do. All the time. 10 million. Or, hey, it's someone here from Spectacular Crocodile Tours. Love you to come on the boat and put a hole in it. Okay, you're not from original?

Nope. Nope. I am the boss of Spectacular. Yeah, so we will background check. We'll just have to check that you are the boss of the nursery or the milk bar. That's easy done. And then this has to be appealing to you. This has to be a service that you would like to explore,

that if you would like to see your security probed, we can certainly do it for you. And then we get the fun of seeing how well we could pull off the heist. Love it. Love it, Hame. I mean, I told you it wasn't the wig to start the tool at. No, I felt it all about it by the end of this. Mark, there's something else much more important to do.

Just hit us up, hamishnanny.com, but the usual, we won't put a bespoke form up. Just the usual. No, just the usual channels. We'll pick one. And then this will probably go quiet for a bit, because we can't give updates,

because you don't want, staff members could listen, and we don't want to, you know, that will compromise the mission. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at HamishandAndy.com.