Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep287 - Can This Show Be Trusted?

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Hamish received an email from listener Christian with a ‘million dollar business idea’ - he wrongly thought this show would be a safe space…!!  Andy gets into the Easter spirit with the first-ever Easter carol, “Hey Judas,” and a bunch of callers join to Upset Andy! The boys sift through the businesses that they won’t target in the small business security test before the “Burg Boys” go dormant! Christian's Million Dollar Idea Upset Andy...without chargers. The First Easter Carol Burg Boys... Testing Small Business Security

A listener production. Activate your Internet, because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in three. Two. Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy, Timmy Malius, Haim. If this is Harry Potter spells, I'm out.

No. Hello to me, Inkus, Jack. Feels a lot like it, doesn't it? And I'm Stapis. Or Stapis, actually. Stapis. It's not, it doesn't sound Harry Potter but I wouldn't be surprised if another fantasy magical world.

No, it's more, or it's more biological, scientific. Is it bones somewhere? Well done, Han. Whereabouts? There'd be little ones. In the ear maybe. Could be the ear, could be the ear. Hey Jack, that was absolutely not your ball to get a goal.

The ball was bouncing. In the middle of the area you stole it off him and kicked a goal. The ball was bouncing. In the penalty area, you stole it off him, kicked the goal. You don't steal it off the teammate. Congratulations. Brilliant stuff from you, Jack. Protest, protest, protest. You were letting the defenders circle for too long. And no choice but to steal the ball off the teammate and score the goal.

We all could see coming. Amazing. steal the ball off a teammate and score the goal. We all could see coming. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The boy that then wouldn't pass it back. The middle bone and then I'm the smallest bone in the human body and I can actually integrate in the inner ear the stapes. Absolutely. It'd be very tiny, wouldn't it? I mean, I didn't study, no surprise to anyone here, but I didn't study medicine at uni and I didn't sit any medical exams. But is it the kind of thing that they would put on the exam to go have a look at this bone

actual size like what which one is it would you have to know you'd have to know that wouldn't you well i mean i don't know and then you'd be like you'd be like oh or actually it would be a tougher question to go have a look at the shape of this bone what is it it's not actual size and they put it on as big as a cornflake when in reality it's probably as big as a sprinkle. What exams were you doing with pictures all the time? Like in special games? I've spent too long helping my kids with their homework. I think all school is about year three. Ahoy also to Antoinette from Canberra who uploaded what she's been doing at HamishD This first version will hopefully be played just before the wedding. Hi, Reese and Hayley. We're all so excited to see you on your big day. Just know that we're proud of you for making this happen sooner than Andy would and your friends, family and your dog,

Marty look forward to celebrating with you. This is the second version. Happy 10th wedding anniversary, Reese and Hayley. Sorry you had to wait so long to hear this, but you know how Andy feels about WhatsApp. Anyway, we hope you're reminiscing on your wedding day and enjoying each other's company while still listening to the Haymes and Andy podcast. Must be nice. See ya. Surprised it did get through so quickly. Yeah, well, no, it's a very efficient park now. And I didn't say which April, though, could have been many years. I can show you the email. It's come very efficient pipe now. And I didn't say which April though, could have been, you know, for many years. It's like 90s.

I can show you the email that's come in very recently. Haim, you said that you wanted the top of the show and it was important to me financially to give it to you. What could be important for everyone financially, Jack and I have had a busy morning because we got an email from a young man called Christian. All right, but well, you and I got an email, the show got an email from a young man called Christian. All right, but well, you and I got an email, the show got an email from a guy called Christian,

fell on my side of the fence. 50% of the emails get split. So I have a look at this email and it goes, hello guys, I have a million dollar idea. I'm sure it's a winner. I've been thinking about it for ages. Problem is I'm time poor and you know, he's a carpenter. He's got he's got a couple of kids.

He's just a busy man. But it's obviously troubling him that he has what is in his mind, just an absolute money making machine sitting here in his brain ready to go. If only his bloody schedule would free up. So surely you free up your schedule if you believe in it so much. Yeah. But that's, we all know that this is one of those tricky times in life, you know, where you like, oh, I've got a solid thing here.

I'm a carpenter, I've got solid income, I've got two kids, I've got a support, got a mortgage, but then on the other hand, I'm pretty sure the blueprints I have for this money printing machine in my head are sound and this idea will work. So he's come to us and gone, I'm reluctant to tell people the idea or to go public with the idea because as soon as people hear it, someone's going to pinch it. Okay. So it's all good ideas are simple. It feels like a highly pinchable idea to him for medicines and stuff like that.

Yeah. Medical patents are less pinchable. So I thought to myself, okay, rather than me and you call this Christian guy and go, what's your idea? Tell us off air. His name's Christian by the way. So yes, this guy called Christian. Rather than call Christian you and me, I thought why don't we take Jack who has a head, he's sort of our head of investment.

He has a proven track record at investments. He was onto Bitcoin very, very early, lost some, that's all right. Like misplaced them, not as in lost money. Would have made an absolute fortune. The investment was the idea to invest was a sound idea. Absolutely. And you don't want to know about the number. You don't want to know.

I mean, we don't know the number, do you? Every six months I go looking for it again and I can't find it. It will never be found. No. But now I think Bitcoin is hovering around 130. Yeah, don't say it. Okay. How many did you lose again?

One. Just one. Okay. And some of yours? Yeah. Anyway, let's not say. Anyway, so not talking about that, but Jack is he was ahead of the curve on Bitcoin and Acai berries.

That was incredible. We called that one earlier and that seems to just be going from strength to strength. I thought the market should have tapped out by now, but it would be saturated in that purple ice cream. However, I see more and more stores opening up. All the time. All the time. One thing you did miss though, Jack, I will say, is Biscoff.

The Biscoff trend. Yeah. And I should have known because I think it's got Dutch origins and we used to eat, my Dutch grandparents gave me a lot of everything. If you're the head of investments, we need you on the front of every curve. And Biscoff I think has boomed in the last six months. Biscoff is like a gingerbread-y type biscuit. Cinnamony, yes.

And my Dutch grandparents did used to give it to us before it was famous. It's suddenly famous. Oh, man, Macka's are doing Biscoff now. Macka's did a Biscoff line. That's when I saw earlier this year. I was like, mate, Macka's has done Biscoff. Now it's got too popular. We should have been on Biscoff a year ago.

So that's on YouPost. Well, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, So what I organize is Jack and I called him earlier today, just before the show. Did he tell you the idea? Yeah. We've got a few because it's a bit of a delicate one here because I can't play you this conversation because the idea is in there. So you're not going to tell me now? Well, we tried to talk around it. I'm going to try and convey to you how investment worthy I think the idea is with the thought that maybe as a show we get behind this and we back it.

Wow. If you like the sounds of this. Okay, but maybe you don't even like that. Maybe there's a few red flags in this anyway, and you just like, look, I don't want to hear it, I'm not interested. I don't know. But this is the shape of the idea without betraying Christian's confidentiality from the conversation earlier. I was talking to my brother who's in a similar industry and I said, I'll tell

you what they need. And then I gave him the idea. I could see the dollar signs in his eyes as I was telling him the idea. And he said, no, it's too good of an idea. He goes, if it was that easy, it would have already been done. And have you checked, has it been done? It has been done in a different part around the world. Yeah, okay.

So has this exact idea been done like in a different territory or a different industry has done it? Oh, I would say almost the exact thing has been done. So it does exist. So it exists, but you wouldn't even know that it exists. Yeah, but it does exist. Well, from Google or what I've Googled, I think there's three places in the world that do it.

But that's Biscoff. Yeah, that's right. I'm less excited because he says it already exists. So that's a huge worry for him and us. We've been chatting for some time there and the build-up had been sort of that. It's amazing. It's incredible. Everyone talked to it. It has been done. Which we found for most of Hogg's inventions back in the day.

That's true. It is very, very hard to have an original idea. So the idea of going, well, I'm just going to make it big in Australia still could hold water. Okay. This is the next little bit. Well, this is where he actually tells us the idea. So we have to beep out some of the, this conversation.

Okay. What can you tell me what industry is it in or not? It's a service. Is that fair to say, Jack? Yeah. Why is Andy not allowed to know again? We can't say it now because people will hear it and they'll steal it. Yeah.

We can tell Andy off air, but I'm just trying to have this conversation for the listeners too, so they can be involved in the moment where we decided to invest. Or do you want to do it differently, Jack? Should we just turn the mics off? Well, you can just turn the mics off and tell Andy. And then I come back and go. And then turn them back on. No, I think actually you should hear his enthusiasm and passion

and maybe just invest without even knowing what the business is. Actually, that is good. Okay, go on. Christian, hit us with the idea. Boss, there's a little thing that might spill that I normally give to other people. Yep. Give us the spiel that makes clients jaws hit the floor and the dollar signs go in your brother's eyes. Have you ever been? Yes, I have. Have you, have you ever been? So that's where the idea stuck. Jack's eyes have lit up.

Now Jack. I am interested. You've got to retrain your brain to not hear it as swear words because if you go, say, have you ever been beep? It sounds like something terrible is happening to you. Everyone to Evan kill someone. No, no. So that's just him saying proprietary information that he doesn't want stolen and we owe it

to him not to publicly say it. So what intrigued me was the laughter that you guys said immediately put me off. Yes, at first it seemed silly. The laughter is because he gave us a 10 minute run up to essentially that point where he said how good it was, how many millions and millions of dollars he said, he doesn't want to be a billionaire suggesting it could be a billion. He said, I'm not even after it. He goes, I just want to, he said he wanted somewhere between a million, but less than a jet. Okay.

He's sort of like, I don't even need a lot. I just want to pay off the house and be comfortable. And then everyone else can share in the profit. So if I was really giving us like tech growth, money, multiple kind of valuations and it wasn't quite that. We laugh because it's kind of very, a very normal idea. Well, it's a retail out. It's, it's a thing that you'd have at a shop.

So it's not a, it feels like I'm a judge on the voice. I don't get the full picture. Yeah, yeah. This is the fun part of it. Yeah. And then- Would you invest based off that? Not yet, because the laughter definitely put me off.

Because if you guys went like this, for instance- Again, I mean, it's not a billion dollar valuation. Wow. Like, I can't say being a billion dollars, but maybe he opens many, many, many, many stores. He said the possibilities are limitless, but I don't think they are. I think they haven't limit. Jack then did say I am interested at the end, though.

Yeah, yeah. But I honestly think you'd be looking at someone that's opening up between one and five successful outlets. OK. Here's the last bit where he tells us how far he's gotten with the idea. Christian, I feel like you've you've laid it out to us well. Again, without disclosing it, it's a giant lateral leap for you from carpentry into running this business, isn't it? So Jack and I'll take this to Andy and see if we can get his blessing. Because I think if this was Shark Tank, you're certainly through the first

aquarium. I haven't really watched the show, but you're through the first stage. And now we'll take it to the Papa Shark. Usually on Shark Tank, they come with a bit more. They're a bit further down the line than just the idea stage. Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah. Good to hear. Like they've got a name. They've got like...

Yeah, I've got a name. I've got a name. Yeah, go ahead. That's good. That's actually really good. That's good. Let us take it to Andy. Your secret's safe with us, names. That's good. That's actually really good. That's good. Let us take it to Andy. Your secret's safe with us, Christian.

We'll be back in touch. Beautiful. Thank you very much. So that's where we sit, Ando. You like the name. Wanted to do it. And there's a lot in brand, branding's important. Wanted to do it in this public forum because I want the listeners to be on the journey.

Jack, I'm going to text you guys a figure of what I think it would cost. We haven't asked Christian. We haven't asked him this, but I think if we were to invest this much, we could conceivably... Cause it's going to take him, like if he was starting to do this tomorrow, it's going to take him a bit of money to achieve what he wants to achieve. And how much time? How long was the runway? Six months? A year. Yeah.

Six months to a year? You'd need this amount as a seed investment. And I think we could ask for 50% of the business at least. Okay. I'm waiting for it to come. Is it coming to you yet, Jay? Wow. At least. Okay, I'm waiting for it to come. It's coming to you yet, Jay? We... Wow. $100,000. Why would we do that?

What? Who's money? Who's money? But you would all have to put in. It's not that good. $100,000. All right, I think lean, lean,. $100,000. All right, I think lean, lean, lean, lean.

You could do it. I'm like sure he'll probably need that kind of money, but... That's what I mean. Well, you can't... We're not giving it to him. Well, that's what investing is. Oh, I thought it was like, make it like at most $1,000 bet that it's going to work. What are we betting on? What are we betting on?

Who are we betting on? A sports bet? Business bet? Yeah, just wondering if you've got the odds in for a Christian small business idea. I reckon thousand bucks against. 60 then, I think he could, because he needs the money. It's his idea. So he's sort of, he's going to do the work, but he needs financial backing.

60 that's $20,000 a piece. It's not. And you don't. $20,000 a piece. From us. Yeah, but I'm not in. All right. Okay.

I'm going to say something crazy. I'm changing tact. I think we just have to tell Andy. Okay. I'm going to say something crazy. I'm changing tact. I think we just have to tell Andy. Okay. Just upfront. I mean, he tells everyone, doesn't he, Jack? He said he told everybody. He was like, I tell clients, I tell my brother, and it exists too. Like he does say it exists in three other parts of the world. So this is not, you know, as we said, this is not like a medical pattern or anything. It's a eureka moment.

We were mostly trying to protect it in case we all wanted to infer. Okay. Yeah, that's true. Now it looks like maybe that's, we'll see how that sounds. It's barbershops at the airport. When you say it as simply as that, it sounds funny, but no one's done it. No one's done it. You know what's better than that? Cause Bec looked into it.

Yeah. Nails. Nails salons. That's his next idea too. Nails salons at the airport. So it's barbershops. All the girls just went up for nails. It's barbershops and nail salons at the airport.

We can just do it without him if we really wanted to do it. Like there's no IP in that. Yeah. Jack, what do you think? It's 20 grand in, we now own the full company. And I also like if Andy's going to go rogue and just do it anyway, I trust Andy's ability to get a company up and going more than, I mean, I don't know Christian very well. This is exactly what he didn't want.

Oh, it didn't best with Andy. This is exactly what he didn't want. He literally came to us because he's like, I trust you guys. I don't want anyone stealing the idea. With best efforts and best intentions, we have just completely and publicly decided that stealing the idea is the best business outcome. Yeah.

And he actually, we didn't play it, but he specifically asked us not to steal the idea. Yeah. In the email he did to me. I think I gave him my word. Yeah, you promised him. You don't have to feel. No, but I mean, I haven't stolen it, but I seem to have certainly left the keys on the bench around Andy. And coming in here today, I've actually got my own upset Andy for you. I thought we should do some of it.

I was inspired by myself. Um, as we, as I was coming into the building, I have bought my laptop in that in itself, won't upset you. I don't carry a charger with me. I back myself to make the full day. No, that does upset you. That does upset you. I don't carry a charger with me. I back myself to make the full day. No, that does upset you. That does upset you. You do like to have the full suite of charges.

Well, as many a times you've tapped me on the shoulder and said, can I have your charger? Juice me up, my friend. Jack, we were actually meeting and playing golf the other week, and it was early in the morning and I'd done the thing where I forgot to charge my phone overnight. And I was in a rental car that has the, you know, the contactless charging.

Yep. I put too much stock in that being powerful enough to charge it. That just stops it from dying really. It barely stops the bleeding. It doesn't put any blood. It's palliative. It does not put any juice back in the system. It just kinks the hose for all.

And I've got a feeling that if you've got a case on your phone, it also puts a barrier between the charge. Yeah. To continue on this like medical analogy, I take the case off mine, like how they cut your pants off in the OR. Take the case off just so it can get the full contact to get some charge. Anyway, didn't do the job. We were out in the golf course.

It's like early in the morning and it's, you know, I'm at 17%. And I said, Oh, and he doesn't have a power bank, does he? Well, I said, you'd have a charger. We're actually in golf carts that you can drive around that you almost owned. And I was like, they've got USBs and stuff. And he said, no, I don't have. And I said, that surprises me because surely you come out with every contingency you can for it.

He said, yes, but I would never come out with an uncharged phone. Which I see his point. He's not running an electricity charity. He expects those around him to be fully juiced. Anyway, so today's one, I've got my laptop with me, but I'm the bag I've bought because I'm getting changed. I'm going out after this is just a duffel bag. So the laptop just thrown into a duffel bag.

Oh, don't like that. You don't bother you do because as I was walking around the coffee, as I was walking around the corner downstairs, the side of the bag just banged into like a coffee shop. Oh, I heard a clunk and I did think I'd sort of put some socks like around the laptop, but I heard a slight clunk and I thought, man, Ando would not be okay with a laptop being in a non specifically engineered for the laptop environment. That's true. I mean, I have softened over the years.

Hey, my very first laptop. You remember I kept the foam bit that goes over there. What do they put in there when you first open it? They kept the packaging. To the point where I thought I was meant to do it too. Have I made a mistake here? It was a big outlay. That was the first time we'd ever owned a laptop. First time we'd ever owned a laptop.

And Andy would cut out circles of foam to put on his fingertips there every time. Every time the finger touched it. So the keys would never have to touch anything but foam. No. You have suffered a bit, but you'd never put your laptop in a non-engineered for a laptop environment. I don't think you even like putting a 13 inch laptop in a 15 inch backpack slot. Anyway, so in the spirit of renegade laptop bags, let's do it.

Everything is neat and practical, cause that's the way he likes it. But what if it wasn't? Upset Andy. Got some absolute doozies that are coming through, Ando. All right, first cab off the rank, Ashley. Ahoy to you, Ashley. Ahoy, Ashley. Ahoy, Ashley. Ahoy, boys.

So I am a very type A person. What is that by the way? What does type A mean? I would say it's the opposite of fast and loose. Oh, so I'm type A. Could be anal. I would say so. Okay.

Well, that's one way of saying it. Sorry, I thought that's what the A stood for. I've heard people say that before. I never knew what it means. Yeah, I thought that meant you were like an alpha. Oh, right. Okay. I've heard people say that before. I never knew what it is. I thought that meant you were like an alpha. Oh, right. Okay. But that doesn't mean...

Two different forks in the road there, depending on which A word you choose. So actually you and I are kindred spirits. Kindred spirits. Very type A, very organized. I've got all the things that I need written down in my phone, like everyday numbers, logins, password protected, of course. But my fiance Jack is very much type B, fast and loose. And the worst example of this is that I've... Bozo.

Yeah, but what a bozo. I found out recently that he doesn't know his tax file number and it's not written down anywhere. So if he needs to access it multiple times a year for job applications or tax time, whatever, the only place it's written down is in a Facebook Messenger chat with his ex-boss from when he was 14 years old at his first job. And he scrolls all the way to the top of the chat to where he's originally sent his tax file number. That is the only place that exists.

Yeah. So he does have it written down. He knows exactly where it is. only place that exists. Yeah. So he does have a written down. He knows exactly where it is. That is appalling, Ashley. And, um, it's, it's, it's, yes. I mean, can you curb this behavior? Can you, cause you know, obviously if you say he's your fiance, you're about to become ingrained and that means more financial joint financials, those

types of things, do you think you need him to up his act? I have tried so hard. Ash, I'll give you a little clue. He's not changing. Um, we are who we are and, um, you know, you've always, you've got the exciting choice of swimming against the rip or going with it and, um, you know, pick it, have a go, have a go at both and you just see which one is, um, you see which one's easier on the arms and may you have a wonderful life together. Thank at both and you just see which one is easier on the arms.

And may you have a wonderful life together. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hopefully we can combine our numbers or something and I can just see it's mine. Exactly. Exactly. Monique, ahoy to you. Ahoy, gusto to you. And the biggest of gusto to you, madam. Is this you or a partner, someone you know?

It's actually me and my partner. So a couple years ago we moved in together and we thought we'll be bougie, get a king bed. So in the spirit of being organized, which I rarely am, I thought I'll buy a frame, found a nice one with drawers on sale. And then we moved in together and didn't end up getting the king bed. So we just have a queen bed on a king frame because I didn't want to use it. Ah, that's fine.

No. So there's about a foot either side of slats and we always planned on maybe like upgrading but our cat actually goes in between the slats like a little cave. And so now we can't bear to remove that from him. So this is just how we will live. Yeah, it's literally the giant version

of the 13 inch and the 15 inch pocket. Like that's the ratio. I don't like it at all. You've only got a problem there if you're going the other way, I think. King on a queen base. I think I'd prefer that. It's fine.

No, you wouldn't. I think I'd prefer that for look. I'm serious. I think I'd prefer that for look with a long doona that goes down the sides. At least you look. But you would sag off the end. That's fine because the other thing, the shinwack on the side trying to get into bed when you don't have a mattress tied up, it's not fine.

And that has upset me. Yeah. And you've actually given yourself an inbuilt bedside table. I think that's pretty smart. So you'd put coffee cups and stuff alongside. Well on the slats. In slatland. Yeah.

You know what you could do is you could push the whole mattress to one side. Yes. And lay a bit of chipboard along to create. No, no. Why would you do that when you've already got inbuilt slats that are built to hold things? Slatland is where you'd keep coffee cups and books. Jordan, ahoy to you.

Ahoy to you gentlemen and little boy. How are we? What have you got for us, Jordan? So it's actually my wife. She bought like a expensive face serum. And then literally the night that she bought it, she dropped it on the ground and it shattered and spilled everywhere. So she actually got like a plastic sheet and scooped it into a Tupperware

container and she continued to use it for three months while picking glass off her face every time that she used it. Ooh, her face. The ultimate exfoliant. The glass. You've tried sand. You've tried loofah. Now try shards of glass.

I thought you'd hate it straight away. Yeah, I did. I wouldn't be following that one at all. Yeah, glass in the serums are toughy. I mean, the thrifting, the efficiency you'd appreciate, Ando, what Andi would have done is probably got us some sort of sieve, I would have thought, and cleaned it properly. Was the serum thin enough to be able to sieve it? No, it was quite thick. Uncivile.

Uncivile. Andy's right there. Andy's absolutely not there as uncivile serums. Correct, correct Jordan. Thank you mate. Imagine going into Macaron going, and just sorry, one thing before I buy this, is sievable? I am clumsy, so you just, when it one thing before I buy this, is it sivable? Is it just, I am clumsy.

So you just, when it breaks, this is sivable? Oh no, no, we only have two that are lightweight enough to be sivved. Henry, ahoy to you. Ahoy gents, how are you going? Very good, mate. You've got something to upset Andy? Yes. When it rains at my house, the door frame around my bedroom door swells up and the door

doesn't quite shut properly. So being a fast and loose individual, I'll just stand there and kick it till it shuts. How do you go getting it back open if it's swollen? You've just got to reef it, takes a couple of minutes. You can easily just paint over the bottom. So my guess is it's swelling at the bottom where the rain is hitting up against the bottom of the door? No, it's like an inside door and it just swells up I think when it's here.

It might have a leak. It might have a leak, yeah. But I mean, no one's got time to get in the roof. That's an absolute day-ruiner. Just take it off and plane it down like a few mil. Oh my god, mate. No, think about the time, Andy. Time?

Who's got the time to take a door off and plane it down? What are you talking about? He's already got a system, he kicks it. A couple of good kicks is far quicker. Mate, think of the time you've saved by not planing the door. You can go on a four day holiday. Easily. See, Ando?

Easily. Quick one. Finally, one more. Last one. Jake, yeah. Jake, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys. What have you got to upset Ando?

Yeah, so I noticed something weird with my barbecue recently, that the grease trap's always clean and empty despite the fact I never clean it. And I worked out what was going on when I started noticing some animal dropping scattered around the barbecue. It turns out a rat or perhaps a large mouse has moved into my barbecue is home. And since he keeps the barbecue nice and clean for me, I've just decided to let him stay. Oh, hang on. I just crank the barbecue up to full blast for 10 minutes or so before cooking.

Burns off any potential germs. You're good to go. For potential germs. So you're saying that a rat's coming in and licking your grease tray every time. It's nice and clean. There's a little barbecue helper for me. Yeah. And you're fine with that.

Like those fish. Who are those fish that clean the sharks? Koi. They just swim along like the pilot fish or whatever. They just nibble on them. So you've created a beautiful symbiotic relationship between barbecue and rat. And you can't take one away because the other will be sad. Yeah. Jake, exactly. How often are you having people around for barbecues? Oh, all the time. Nothing wrong with that.

Expect a lot less people showing up. No, they'll come wanting to see the incredible system. On the barbecue can't fix. That is true. And do you put the lid down during the sanitizing period? Yeah, get a searing hot. Hot boxes. Not entirely true. Good Friday. Tomorrow, for those who celebrate Easter, but everyone enjoys the break, regardless

of whether you're- We all celebrate, we do celebrate the day off for sure. Obviously it's one of the big ones for Christians. Christmas being a biggie. Yeah, you celebrate and recognise, recognise, support all biggies across all faiths. But I felt like I was thinking the other day that there's a lot of Christmas carols, zero Easter carols. Yep.

You're right. So they've missed the trick and Beck and I were in the car driving along and a Beatles track came on and I was like, this would be perfect for Easter because it kind of would tell the story. What is the rule with a carol as a type of song? I mean, you don't get a carol, you can't have a birthday carol. Yeah, what makes a carol a carol? Can you only have a carol at Christmas time? I don't know, because I know the song we're about to do, but it's, um, it's, we can call it a carol.

Because yeah, I don't know when else you can get a carol. Like, imagine just releasing a song and someone going like, oh, I heard you dropping a new song. That's actually a carol. Is it Christmas based? Nope. No. Just it's a carol.

Okay. I don't know what defines. Anyway, let's go. This is an Easter carol. It's just nice to know we're at the cutting edge here. Obviously, for those who followed the story of Jesus. You make it sound like it's happened this week. Make it sound like we're at a thrilling conclusion this weekend, which is what it would have been like 2025, roughly years ago.

Yes, where Judas kind of, in the weeks prior, kind of dud him in a bit, didn't he? I don't think at the time Judas would have been thinking this would have been such a bigger deal. I mean, you think about the people that have done, you know, dubious things or stabbed someone in the back and, you know, maybe history hasn't smiled. You would be like, okay, maybe for 50 years or, you know, you probably at the time you'd be like, this will definitely blow over. Cause you got to remember back in those days, people were getting, you know, horrible things were happening all the time.

You know, probably that week they'd been whatever. Jesus was crucified alongside two other people on the hill. So like, you'd be like, okay, yes, I'm in the thick of it here, but I'm just, I'm looking after number one and this will absolutely blow. They won't be talking about this in 2000 years time. He wouldn't even believe that he's, he's now known as like, it's called being a Judas. It's named after him being deceitful. One of those names that just kind of gets people like,

oh, we're not using that anymore. You can't break the brand. No, and that's why when a popular Beatles song came on the radio, I was like, oh, this would be perfect for the first ever Easter carol. Hey Judas, have you got a set? I just wanted a quick chat. Hey Judas, have you got a sec? I just wanted a quick chat It won't take a minute

I heard you're scheming things behind my back I'm sure it's nothing But I thought I'd raise it Hey Jane But I thought I'd raise it Hey Jay Woah man I'm shocked Who'd you hear this from? That's really weird man From my perspective

That you and I are tight In fact you still good For Topgolf on Thursday It's just that I heard it from Dave and John and Matt What? And I don't think they've got any reason to lie to me They said you're out on the piss With a band of soldiers that you know Just aren't that into me

Nah, nah, nah, nah, mate Nah, nah, nah, nah, mate Nah, nah, nah, mate Nah Hey Judas, there's another thing I got a text from you that I think was for someone else It was telling them my exact whereabouts. It's pretty, cut, and dry. How do you explain that?

Oh, Jay, I was just mucking about with Pete. You know, we joke. Remember how we joke a lot So let's grab a beer and hug it out at this exact location I hear it's a great loss up, just a super spot Hey Judas, silly me That all makes sense, I'll see you there. Also, that's a lovely watch you've got.

How do you pay for that? My dad gave it to me. No more questions, big guy. Haim, we launched our small business security test system. That's where you, Jack, and I will get together. And if someone has come to haimishnet.com, nominated their business for us to test the security on, we'll go and rob them. Only to go, hey, well done. Your security stood up. And we have to do it with the permission. It has to be the boss who can, you know, obviously give us amnesty. We're going to verify.

So a couple of people would just try, I think, trying to get us to rob their competitors. But again, yeah, we need, we need that golden ticket, that amnesty to go, you're not in trouble. And it's all a simulation essentially. And the other thing that I, I hoped I spelled out last, last time, but good to get it out there again is this isn't just shoplifting. I'm not talking about just shop. We're not just like, that does exist at like department stores and stuff maybe,

or I guess like mystery shoppers, there are mystery thieves, but we're not just pocketing like a couple of candy bars. Would you agree guys that we're not going to pick anything that we can fit in a pocket? Yep. Good idea. Yeah. It has to be, it has to be on a level of a heist or a proper robbery to test the security. We- That's the level. Can't wait to get out and burgle. One of you, um, as a goodwill gesture.

Service to you. And also we get to live out of fantasy. Cause I think everyone likes to think that'd be quite good in bank robbery movies or in the heist movies. You just, you know, it's the, obviously the legal penalty and the ethical dilemma that it throws up means you don't, most people don't pursue it as a passion. Yep. And we get the chance to do both. But we're pumped for it. Hopefully thank us. Yes. And we'll return the goods as the good burger boys do, burger lovers.

Jack, do you think we should return the goods? Yes, yes. No, I'm aware of any traps now where I might say something that I regret later. No, we will return the goods and I'm going to make it my mission for the rest of the year to be less Weasley. Oh. Starting now. Okay.

I just thought you might go, well, we've done the work. to be less Weasley. Oh, okay. I just thought you might go, well, we've done the work. Is that a fair part? Of course, an old version of me would be tempted to go, we should get paid in some manner, performing a service for somebody. Interesting. We'll see what happens when it comes up. We obviously can't say on the pod now who we are going to book. We haven't made that decision yet, but we can't obviously go, oh, this is a good one,

because then immediately they're tipped off. But thank you for all the businesses that have sent them in. I can tell you who we're not going to go to, but actually, Ham. So these are just ones we're ruling out? Yeah. We're ruling these out because for operational security, the ones we're ruling in, we'll have to discuss off air. Yes.

Neil, he says much gusto to you guys. Bet you can't come to my farm, steal a sheep, shear it and sell both the sheep and the wool. Good luck, Farmer Neil. Now- Why are we doing that? That would have been quite keen on that. We would have been rustlers. I mean, we can-

Sheep rustlers. We can edit that out. I mean, it's a podcast. If you guys really, I just felt like- Well, I like it because it's a bit left field. But what it does though is I like, I do like the fact that we're trying to test existing security systems. So what it's sort of saying to Neil is, okay, you need guards in every attic now.

When you say left field, it is just a field. It's a field. With sheep that aren't getting watched 24 seven. I think it wouldn't be too difficult to go and steal a sheep. It wouldn't be too difficult, that's true. And again, that option is always there for someone. You just hope that the nuisance level is a high enough barrier to steal a sheep, shear

it, sell the wool. I think such a small amount of wool. I think you have to sell the wool in much bigger quantities. I think it is. Yeah, one sheep. I have never investigated sheep farming as a viable career option, but you get the sense that the reason there's huge amounts of them, someone's done the maths on it and mono sheep operations are not lucrative.

And then there's another thing, like if you steal the Mona Lisa or if you steal a very important piece, like it's hard to move it. I reckon it's hard to get one sheep sheared. I think. Yeah, I think it's hard to sell a single. Any others on your side? I just want to rule out kidnappings as a whole. Yep. Like I think we're not taking a human. We're not going to steal a human. Sabrina, I won't say what school she's from or use her last name,

but she did say, I work at a high school. Come and try and steal one of the kids. One of the annoying ones, preferentially, I can give a list of names. Yeah, we're not going to storm into a classroom black bag over someone's head. Steal a kid. No, no. That's not what the Berg boys do. Katelyn here, Ham. She'd love you to rob my small business,

OK, give it a test of my security. My husband and I both own a small butcher shop. He's the main butcher, so this application is a secret from him. So she wanted to test her own husband. Yeah, this is good. Here we have a small fridge at the back of the shop where we hang our meat. I propose that you go for the gold, test our security by hopefully getting in there and stealing a leg of lamb or a side of beef.

I feel that's... You want to do that one? Again, again, this is not out of the question. Maybe we can do several of them. Maybe we steal the sheep from your first suggestion. Sell them to Galen. If he comes out the back. So it's both a theft and a prank.

We steal a bunch of lamb and then if we replace it, we go, we rebuilt the animal. We bought it back for life. Here's the sheep. All right. Well, maybe. The Butch is the first one where I've thought there is a little bit of inherent danger in what we're doing because straight away you do because if the knives, yeah, well, what if he cleavers our hands off because we were stealing meat

and then we go, no, no, no, it's just a radio. But the good news is it's not the 1400s, which is good. So I don't think he'll distribute I felt the same. That was one of the main reasons I put across there is like, I don't think he'll distribute cleaver justice. That was one of the main reasons I put a cross through. I don't really want to be caught in a meat room with a guy who's good with big knives. Yeah, but that's why we're doing this as a team. You'd have to trust. I assume the play there would be the decoys out the front. You'd have to put your faith in whoever's doing the decoy and the short straw guy be the guy sneaking into the fridge room out the back during the decoy.

That's how you assume that's how we'd pull off that heist. So do you want to delete that one? Do you guys still want to do that? Yeah. Well, he knows about it now. So we can delete that one. What I'm saying, but like, so, no, but I'm saying, do you want to delete it from the podcast? No, no, no, that's good.

Well, we've got others. We've got others, but this is a good, I think this helps us choose the target in the same spirit of not wanting to get your hands cleaved off. That's why Chloe's, I think is out. to use the target in the same spirit of not wanting to get your hands cleaved off. That's why Chloe's, I think, is out. But I appreciate her contacting the show. So don't have a small business. I think it'd be a great idea if you broke into our backyard and tried to steal my boyfriend's motorbike.

I don't. Again, it just does feel like, even if he's not a biker, he probably isn't, but he just is a motorbike fan. She said, look, he's gotten into baseball recently and there are a few bats around the house. So, it's played away. Did you ask what kind of bike it is? No.

The type of bike might also indicate the type of person we're up against. Yeah, and if we're stealing a Harley, it, hard to steal it quietly, isn't it? That's a no. Even if we had Chloe's help, which we can't really have because for it to be a proper simulation, he's going to go, why did you help them steal my motorbike? It's not an inside job. It can't, we can't have an inside service to test your security. I also wanted to make this a fair test of the security.

Even things like knowing there's a meat fridge out the back. I don't think we should know too much about it. We would assume Butcher did have a fridge. That's fine. I get your point. He just has an old chest of drawers out the back where he keeps all the meat. Dominic, he writes, again, this is a no from me. Yep. He's got an aviation business. I won't say what airport, he goes, come to the airport, steal an aircraft tug. We always leave the keys in them.

That's big. To me, I just, I don't want to be messing with a sick, like airport security. That's aviation security. That's got the potential to go pear shaped. Yeah. I don't want to be squealing with a knee in my neck. It's a joke. It's a joke. In any context, I mean, ideally we want to be making off with whatever we choose to steal, but I mean, it is, it would be funny to have a risk of us going on some sort of list where we're not allowed to fly over again, that kind of stuff. So that's, yeah. So there's a little bit of self preservation in the nose there for me.

There's so many that come in though, you know, we're probably getting close to a hundred ham do I've got a couple of yeses that I'd like us to discuss off here. Do you have any others that... We're doing this to give everyone the flavor of what's coming in. A lot of the mine, I put a line through them because it's just shoplifting. And whilst that is a crime, I think I'm looking for, like you said, a bigger score, a bigger target. And so a lot of them, I feel... We could do it. I feel we could do it.

Maybe we're probably going to have to take this off air and make a decision and then like, we'll just have to pop back up and people will go... We'll just have to pop back up and go with Bird. Yeah, we're going quiet. Yep. And then people will look at the website or look at the stuff that we put on socials. Do they have neck bruises?

Did they do the airport one? If they squeal it's a joke, it's a joke, it's a joke. Or do they get away with it? Like the Jackal, we're going to go dormant from here on in. And then- Great reference, the Jackal. Now I'm excited. I think I might buy a tan jacket.

Dormant now, and the next you'll hear from this- Yep, is us putting on our old man disguises and in a freakishly short amount of time putting on professional makeup that can change our appearance. Just so people know in the real world that's about a six hour makeup job but the Jackal is able to put it on in about four minutes. Yes and we'll let you know how we go. We should use Jackal makeup. Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.