Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 238
Episode Date: November 15, 20231. H&A bling fling - new Must Be Very Nice merch 2. Power Moves 3. Tales of Facebook Marketplace 4. Josh the nickname machine - Special skill 5. Henri as a housemate ...
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A list-snuff production.
Activate your internet.
Cause the Hamish and the podcast starts in three, two.
Sorry, still buffering.
One.
Ahoj, do you mean Portobello, Amish.
Oh no. Where are my shrimps?
We hear this.
My name is this.
I don't like them, but you'd be Ahoy to my shiitake.
Hello Ahoy, and I'll be a white cup.
A white cup?
Are they the most rare or delicious?
I'm surprised you've made yourself a truffle to be honest.
They're the most popular mushrooms.
Mainly because of their very versatile, just how the cards fell.
But most popular kind of means very basic, available everywhere, not special.
Well, you are that in Asia then.
Yeah, but you are, you are, you are, you are prevalent.
You're huge in Asia, Jack.
Yeah, as a shitarkey.
Yeah.
Boy oh boy, didn't it bring the house down amongst my kids when they realized that you could say shitarkey
It didn't technically can as a swear word swearing is so big in our house at the moment the concept is wearing
You know you can't say it, but it is just
And
My daughter knows there's a seaweed and she's all that but doesn't know what it is
So all the times they just tell me just tell me what the sea where it is and So all the time they say, dad, just tell me. Just tell me what the sea weather is.
And I'll go the other day.
I'll go, all right, it's coops.
I do go soups.
Can I say it?
I mean, just once so you know what it is.
She is, right, coops.
I don't, don't let mommy use that.
They just, that'll do no more.
She goes, can I say it one more time?
I was like, you can't. So now is a special treat, I'll do no more. Cause can I say it one more time? I was like, you can't see.
Now is a special treat I'll let us see the seaward.
I thought, till she figures out now get a rude awakening.
But boy, boy swearing.
So she's talking, we get a lot of she talking.
If you're, if you're going up to about the parents going,
my dad let me see say the seaward.
I'm like, that's my, that's true.
A bit of a worry for you. Just coming out of school going,
oh my god, absolute packet coups at school.
I cannot handle another day.
What a day.
I'll also to Yolanda from Germany
using the very easy to use system,
hamishnavi.com to upload some audio.
Tell us what you're up to.
Please keep them coming in.
Hi guys, this is Yolanda from Germany. My boyfriend, Yannig, and I have been listening
to your podcast for years now and got really excited to hear of another couple listening
called Yannig and Yolanda as well. So first of all, a little shout out to them. This message
here is actually a message for you, Yannig, because I know you'll be listening to every
new episode. And the thing is,
I have been wanting to propose for quite some time, but haven't found the perfect time to do it.
And then I got this hopefully kind of cute idea stuck in my head to do it now, while you're
listening to the podcast, presumably on your lunch break or something, because I love you so much and I love to marry you so will
you marry me? That's a bit weird now I'm not to hear a reply straight away but
hey I guess all that's left for me to do now is figure out and it's so called
easy-to-use uploading system. I should already be too old and gray
out there. Cheers guys thank you so much for this great podcast. That's so sweet. That is gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah.
Can we go land? And my head is still really from the fact that there's two
Yannick's in New Landers and they know about each other and they both
are in the podcast. That could be our first proposal.
It would, it is. And I would say Yannick, definitely to say yes when you hear it,
don't try and use the easy to use system to apply
because we are going on the government mandate to break the marina to breathe is coming up
and the last thing when it was Mike next year coming in here apologising for the fact that you
didn't get Janik's message and you know that we hear that it all went to water so I mean best of
luck to the happy couple. They all Janik's in your land is listening. This time of year
I mean, best of luck to the happy couple. And to all Yannick's and Yolanda's listening.
This time of year, um, obviously, on the a few shows to go,
fresh off, getting back from down with a huge success,
no matter how you look at it.
I think I think.
Many, many, many ways to look at it,
and most of them are positive.
Well, silly.
Plarks were laid and history was made.
That's right.
That's all you need to know.
So it's important, though, to keep tying up loose ends
as we just rock it towards what we hate a
Break. Yeah, gosh, you survive up though. We promise not to get too down about the mandate of break
Yes, and and Hayne we need to solve a problem for Carla
She joins us now from the UK. Carla. Oh, do you?
Hi
Carla, Carla, thank you for your email. Is it there by the way?
It's about four o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
I got the time as well, so I've literally just woken up and kind of snuck away
so I don't want anybody else up.
Carla, thank you for joining us.
Thank goodness it's for a good cause, Carla.
Yes.
I've bought home up to speed, but I'd love to you to bring everybody up to speed
at the moment.
You're left with a bit of a pickle. You want to get a friend of yours, some Hamish
and any merchandise. It's his birthday, but you're unsure whether he's in touch or has
lost touch. You've got one of the two t-shirts to give to him and you're deciding which one
Carla, what's his name? His name is JJ. JJ.
How to tell from that?
It's how to tell from that.
Yes, what about JJ?
Let's just believe that he's in touch with the common men.
I think he definitely comes across as an in touch kind of man.
He works a, you know, I think pretty common man, Joel a university, helping doing like, e-learning stuff.
He's a father of two small children,
and I think he, you know, he'll still like buy a croissant
from a little rents of property, that kind of thing.
Wait, Renzi's property, okay.
Yeah, there's interns, he's not a good common man job,
committed family man, that's very in touch.
But the cross on.
Yeah.
What are the jacks?
Jack has suspicions on the cross on.
If that cross is over to lost touch,
is it a supermarket cross on or is it a specialty cross on store?
It's a supermarket and it's like a common man supermarket, right?
It's like little.
Oh, okay.
That's what kind of,
you know, he's not going to some like elite bakeries. Oh, okay. Cross-hands may have been a batch
yesterday. That's very common. Very common man. Okay. And I think that the human's wife rent
their property. I think that's very common man. And what do you, would you say then on the other hand,
lend him to be a lost touch individual? I think, I think mainly it's the evidence that I sent you, right?
It's the picture of him going into his Tiguan surrounded
by Tiguan in a weight-roasted supermarket,
one of the parts of the supermarket.
Okay.
So he owns a VW Tiguan.
That was the part.
Okay.
Yep. And it seems like that Tiguan knows other Tiguan's
and they all organized to catch up at Waitrose.
And so he's been seen in a herd of Tiguan's,
which is like a herd of unicorns, really.
It was hard for him to find it,
because they were all the same ones as well.
You know, he had to search for his Tiguan. Wow, must be nice, for there to find it because they were all the same ones as well. You know, he had to like search for his T-Groans.
Wow.
Must be nice.
There would be so many T-Groans.
And I actually checked in recently on this, they're still hard to get at in Australia.
People think they're not, but as I say to them quite often, I think you're thinking of
the T-Cross, which is easier to get.
Um, Kali, you also mentioned that his wife has recently promoted in a large international
finance firm, which definitely doesn't feel like in touch, tied by.
I just feel like in touch is losing.
This is a tough one for us, Kali.
We thought long and hard about it, and we feel that we've come up with a wonderful solution.
Here at the company, we're always innovating.
We know that not every customer problem at the Hamish and Andy store has been solved.
We had the in touch and lost touch teas and we knew they served an important purpose.
The sadly let friends know that they were still grounded, or that they had completely
forgotten where they'd come from.
Like Andy.
Like Hey. from like Andy like Hey, we thought we had all the bases covered until the
carler email the lost touch and in touch tease tell someone which camp they
belong in but we realized here at the company there is a third camp.
Someone who dabbles in touch sometimes lost touch at other times. So here at the company, we are pleased to announce a brand new product that we think is the best today.
It's another T-shirt.
This T-shirt is not like any T-shirt we've ever made before.
It's light blue.
We bring the colour colour colour colour colour colour.
And here at the company we realised that people might want their text on the left hand side.
So we've put it in the middle.
And there's something else.
We've upgraded the text. Our original teas had
text that was 25 characters long and here at the company we've managed to
streamline that message to just 10 characters including spaces. Not including
spaces, 10 regular characters making it faster to read than ever before because
spaces take no time to read so it doesn't matter.
The must be nice light flu tea, innovation, at its highest. For those that are in touch but are happy to lose touch for just a little bit
but acknowledge their losing touch and enjoy it while it lasts.
Carla, you've inspired a whole new range and we're going to send you the first one to hand on
to JJ.
Thank you so much.
That's perfect.
Did that make sense?
It was a long way of saying we're doing Muspynites t-shirts.
Actually some new hats and new hats and the phone is in the middle.
There's a bucket.
There must be nice bucket hat.
I don't want you thinking, hang on, were they doing this anyway in my email?
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Even though the government mandate a break is very much not a nice experience, you can find nice moments in it where you can probably where you must be nice t-shirt.
No one can ever say that the HNA merch shop doesn't have good service ever again.
This is incredible.
No, they probably will.
They probably will.
They'll be in the auction.
Now the complaints begin.
Yeah, the complaints are stuck.
Carla, thank you for getting up so early.
We'll send you out a bunch of stuff that you can hand on to JJ for yourself.
You've got to be the first customer and anyone else can go to www.hameshnewy.com if they
want to get it.
Thank you, Kala.
And you're a big fan of the bucket hat, right?
Oh, yeah.
Though we know that Jizz is the guy.
Jizz is the best guy.
He's the kind of guy that can pull it off.
Actually, yeah.
You'll have, that's actually a really good point.
There's always one person in the group
that does the bucket hat the best.
Yeah, so I probably mean the rest of you can't wear it
and jizz is our bucket hat guy.
So I would suggest if you're in a group,
just sort of coordinate with the rest of the group
to be like, who's gonna be the one bucket hat guy
and you're the buy it for them?
Or you make them buy you the t-shirt. Yeah, because you're like, well, it must be nice to be the bucket hat guy. We all wish we could be the bucket hat guy and you're either by it for them, or you make them by you the t-shirt.
Because you're like, well, it must be nice to be
the bucket hat guy.
We all wish we could be the bucket hat guy.
And you've got to give us a t-shirt to say sorry.
Yeah, so it works many on many different levels. I'm having a lot of fun with my family. I'm having a lot of fun with my family. I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family.
I'm having a lot of fun with my family. I'm having a lot of fun with my family. like a real one when you jack. He said power moves.
Jack is looking to get out of here.
I can already this could be a this could be a 29 minute episode.
If you if this is a really short one and you went to play it,
this way, you're like, she 29 minutes.
Quite a bit shorter than all.
You know who's at fault.
Hey, this actually happened to a friend of mine at her work.
I don't think it was deliberate, but it is a great power move. If you want to use it, this actually happened to a friend of mine at her work.
I don't think it was deliberate, but it is a great power move
if you want to use it.
If you're in a managerial position or a boss making a speech,
she joined the business.
I'm almost positive at what the boss meant to say
to recognize her work was, okay, you know,
just want to make a quick mention of Abby.
She's here recently. She's only been with us for a couple of months. And in that time has become, you know, just want to make a quick mention of for Abby, she's here recently.
She's only been with us for a couple of months and in that time has become, you know, one
of the best workers of the company.
But instead, maybe a bit tongue tied, maybe just rushing, doing a bit of a jack, we're
going to recognize Abby.
She's only been here for a few months and in that time has become one of the workers of
the gum. It's really good because it has the cadence of a compliment.
Like the rhythm of a compliment.
It really took a two months to find a thing to actually be doing the work.
She's replying.
This is from James.
James Curtis.
Holyfell's number six got a power move for you next time.
You're made to discuss their work. Yep.
When they do that go off and buy stock in their company.
So if any amount will do just one buck.
One share.
Yeah.
Next time they start talking about their work hit them with yeah me and the other shareholders
are really proud of you and the team. Seeming. Oh, really good.
And this is a subway as in the rest of the sandwich chain,
not the subterranean train system.
When you're at subway, this comes in,
sorry, apologies, from Bryce.
When you're at subway and you get to choosing what you want,
you get to the salads, usually there'll be a tray of vegetable that's empty, for example,
lettuce. Ask them if there's any fresh lettuce available. They'll go to the back and refill
the new tray. When they return with the full tray, move on and don't ask for lettuce in this
I mean, it's a rough asserting dominance over someone just trying to make you a sandwich, but still power's power.
This is from Steve Carell, not sure if it's actual Steve Carell.
Steve.
The American office and other great movies, but anyway, oh, hoi boys, asshole power move.
I always Steve.
She is Steve, thanks for writing a good vote.
Since my day, dad is a big time golfer
and he's often seen doing some air swings
in his spare time.
So anytime he's got a moment,
he's there just to turning his shoulders
and just to himself all that jazz.
You at that level yet, Jack, because I know you've golfed.
I have golf, but I do,
I wanna make a promise to the listeners
that I won't talk about golf on this podcast because then all three of us could devolve into math. Yeah,
that's a good good. Do you want to talk about it? I'm interested to see what Andy thinks of my game.
Well, we can take it offline. I'm just curious to know where you're at. It's good.
So when my dad is working on his practice swing and completes a swing, I yell out for, even
though he doesn't have a club in his head, sending a message that even with no club, he swings
his socks.
Now, Jack, you're the one that's pushing for a full inclusion here, and you laugh the most the fastest of that.
You do need a golf.
I can laugh if it's contributed, I think,
by listener or a list of movie stars, then I can laugh,
but I won't try to bring golf content
and encourage golf talk amongst the three of us.
Right, so we're just merely getting very excited
when it happened.
So I get it.
I get it, Because you get it.
Like when it's, you teach us as you can watch a movie in class.
Okay, great, great.
Here we go.
Here we go.
This is my favorite days.
And oh, God, I love this one.
This is an absolute rapper.
This is from Mitchell.
When you're invited into someone's home,
be it a friend or someone you're meeting for the very first time,
when they instinctively offer you a drink, expecting you to ask for perhaps water or something,
always ask for a milkshake.
They will leave them stunned and on the back for it.
And they'll either have to let you down or go and make you a milkshake.
Really like it. I don't worry.
You have a milkshake one.
About following that one because it's good.
But I do have one here from G Horses.
Power move.
When anyone is telling you a story, interrupt the natural flow of conversation and repeat
the last thing they said in an accusation retone.
For instance, this person might go,
so we're heading down the coast on Saturday. You were heading down the coast on Saturday.
It immediately makes them check whether they were lying on.
Hey, as I mentioned, Beck and I moved house a few weeks back and you're in the apartment
and this is the apartment where you'll you'll hunker down while the haunted house is.
Yes, well, we tried to store the old place.
Is it still talking to you?
Fitted out with dog tunnels and how is the tunnel coming along if they started digging
the tunnel coming along if they started digging the tunnel? I've weighing up the quote from you, Jay, when you said, you should have plenty of
underpinning already there. We can do a bit more opposed to underpinning a
heritage house for a tunnel, but yeah, now haven't started. Looks like it'll
take somewhere between 25 to 30 years to get that restoration and build done.
What are you reckon you could do it in, Jack? Yeah, 12 months will get that done.
May sounds confident.
It does sound like a builder.
But he sounded that confident with his own house
that he then went and you changed through.
I mean, we've been, obviously you drop off a lot of items,
you clean out a lot of items and you, for Beck,
it was an excuse to show me everything
that she'd ever stored over the years.
And remember this, it seemed like some kind of tour of her past life.
And I was like, no, can we just please put those in box?
They're almost, it's one of the most, the time consuming things on it when you're packing
house.
You almost just have to have a rule.
I make a rule with myself that I'm not, my eyes aren't allowed to stop in one place
to like more than five seconds.
Like you just have to, just keep moving.
It wasn't there. You seeing nor what you've got.
Like just give it, you know, if in any doubt goes in charity,
charity bag, charity bag, just go.
So doing a lot of charity, the biggest stuff we thought we'd
try and sell on Facebook Marketplace,
which is the Wild West.
And, uh, Hame, that's why today I bring you.
Oh, boy.
Tales of Facebook Marketplace.
This is good as we'll continue.
We know it's better than a used toilet because you are happy to give that away, I'm sorry.
Dining room chairs for the first one.
Dining room chairs.
These are ones you've had for a long time.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You thought you got a set of eight for that. Yes. They were running up and I thought the whole thing was eight cheers for $1,200.
Turns out you had $1,12 a box of chees.
And you're in all boy, boy, boy.
And I held the mistake.
Unpack my car.
No.
These are other chees.
I put them on Facebook Marketplace for $50.
Guy said, no problem.
Be there at 9 o'clock.
Like, yeah, I can be there at 9 o'clock.
Comes down, sees the chees.
Yep, I'll take them.
We walk outside, and I stacked
them in the car. For 50 for all the chairs. Yep. Right, I do. I've stacked them all up in the
garage right next to the garage door so we can raise that, he can back his thing in, we pack
them all in, and 9 o'clock was great because I was going to pick up my nephews at around about
cord turn. I bring the garage up, he comes back, looks at them, goes,
this is awesome, thanks. I reckon it'll be three trips.
Yeah, this is the one.
It's sorry. He said, the three trips, I reckon, for my cars, like, what do you mean? He goes,
I've just got the baby car seats in the back and stuff, so I can't put them.
Think ahead.
Like that.
Think ahead. I mean, this happens all the time this stuff. We sort of coffee table,
and the guy turned up and he had a hatchback and he was like, well, I need a hand.
I was like, I'm going, mate.
Like, that's not part of, I have to charge you $65 an hour
for transport fees.
Like, that's not part of the deal.
And then he says, I don't leave too far away.
I was like, I don't care.
I don't want to stay here while you can restress.
You know, the deal is for the chairs.
So I said, a day of customer service that comes with the chairs.
So I said, Derek and we can do it in two.
You know what?
I got some hockey strapping.
Oh, I got a big tissue.
I'm having these chairs.
This guy's.
Watch the baby's head.
At one point he's in,
because it couldn't close the,
I assume sorry, just empty baby seat.
Yeah, empty baby seat.
Undo the picture painted by Jack there for a second. I couldn't, I couldn't close the, I assume sorry, just empty baby seat. Yeah, empty baby seat.
Undo the picture paint and fire jacket there for a second.
We couldn't close his boot
and he's like, mate, it's going to have to be three tips.
And like you get in and hold the chairs
like from the inside, pull them back on a strange angle
and then the boot will close, then you can,
and then it's going to,
those are always the interesting carpacks we go.
There's some pressure on the window here.
But I think it's with standable window pressure. are always the interesting car backs we go, there's some pressure on the window here, but
I think it's with stand of all window pressure. Got it down to two trips. Still, a lot longer
than we would have anticipated. That was my first tale of Facebook Marketplace. Second
one, filing cabinet. 40 bucks. I really wouldn't have thought, I thought, no one would go
for it 40 bucks because I think you could just buy them for 40 bucks. I can't say I have bought a filing cabinet recently.
What if you need it?
How many files are you keeping in your hand?
Oh, Jack, you have any idea?
I mean, this thing would have been...
This filing cabinet was probably full of like old manuals from things that have been
sold years ago.
That was one of the tabs in the filing cabinet.
But I've never made a tab in one of those as well.
Every time I get something you want to have a manual, like gleefully check it in the
recycling going, not I'm saving my, I'm saving home in three years.
So much work you because they always live in the cupboard above the fridge.
And they always just stack up in there.
And they always like have a big plastic case and two extra bolts and an Allen key that
you already have 10 of.
No, I just love getting rid of those
as soon as I get them.
Head to the filing cabinet, tab tab tab, manuals.
Right.
Oh, here we go.
Anyway, filing cabinet, lady rocks up
and she has a good little big look at it
and I'm like, yeah, and I actually wheel it
out some wheels quite heavy.
And she goes, hmm, is it heavy?
I was like, yeah, it's a farm cabinet. She said, hmm, does the
train station have a ram? Wow.
Yeah, it does. They all do.
It's in full. Yeah, they do. They're all accessible. She's like,
right, but you're not trying to get this whole this baby home.
You're like, how close does she live to the other station?
She said, I live in the docklands. I should be able to wheel it at the other end.
I said, I think you should get a new pair.
It's like, oh, that would really drive the price up.
Yeah.
Right.
So what do you think we should do?
I said, well, I, how much is your day work?
Is you really looking at a full day operation here to save the difference between $40 and
I said, I'm really sorry, I've got to get back to what I was doing.
And she was, I'll transfer the money now and I have a think about it.
Transfer the money.
And an hour, 15 later, over my garage door to leave and she's still out the front.
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
Surely, Andrew.
Oh, you haven't left yet.
And she goes, no.
And I said, I'll happily order you an Uber.
And she's like, no, no.
And I saw it in the spirit of just getting rid of a filing cabinet, which I'm like, you
losing a filing cabinet is worth more than $40.
I don't even know.
Don't you just go, hey, guess what?
Jack Potts yours for free.
I wouldn't.
And she'd already transferred the money.
So I'm like, now I'm going to try and transfer it back. It was the strangest thing. But I left. When I got home,
several hours later, she wasn't there, nor was a filing cabinet. You can only hope that ends this Facebook Marketplace. What are you going to do with the 40 bucks?
LAUGHTER
Sorry, the bell's gone off.
Hey, and we offer a few services on this podcast, but one is an outlet for
extremely amazing individuals that have a talent that is not being recognized by the world,
just go to HamishNeed.com, type in your special skill and we'll test it live.
So it's a bit of like the Guinness Book of Records. We come out, we make sure that you do
meet the requirements and then the important thing is, and we're also testing as repeatability.
Yeah. Because that's, you know, anyone can go bowling and get one strike, but you become a professional baller
because you can do that repeatedly.
Yes.
And what we try to create the, you know,
the right scientific conditions to do it repeatedly.
Out of friend of mine, Karlo, who this morning,
he goes, I was changing, he goes,
mate, I just cut the perfect amount of butter.
He enjoys baking.
He makes scones.
Cut the perfect amount of butter just by sight.
Put it on the scales and to the gram it was perfect.
Repeatable.
And then I said, would you be interested in coming on the show?
Because I never do it again.
Don't put me in that.
I'm just saying I flooked it.
I said, well, that's exactly what we're talking about.
Yes, exactly.
Because we wouldn't have, you're not butter boy.
You're just a lucky boy.
Josh, to cut out the show, he joins us now.
Oh, what are you, Josh?
Oh, I, I miss an Andy.
Happy birthday.
Andy, just want to put that out there and maybe a bit awkward,
but I can grats on the SP, I miss huge gusto.
Josh, thank you very much.
Try to put behind me.
Thanks, the happy birthday.
I have to celebrate that birthday.
Josh, yes, you wrote the show.
This is what you said.
I can give anyone a really cool nickname after hearing one sentence about them.
Yeah, I can. I've got a mate who's got a really big nose and we call him schnol so
That's all we're originated, but other than that myself and my friends used to give our girlfriends nicknames
Yeah, and so one of, like just for an example,
her name is Alana and the last two letters on her Instagram,
a HD.
HD stands for high definition.
High definition, you can use the word high.
And to get high, you could eat brownies.
So her nickname is now brownies.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
So it's sort of like rhyming slang,
where you follow a bit of a trail of bread crumbs
to the
name. So you're like, well, at the Da Vinci Code, I think you really have the game. Yeah.
Yeah. Tom, thanks, running around a city trying to work out how you got to that nickname,
but it doesn't make sense in the end. The thing that we liked about the submission was the phrase
really cool. And I think that's where it's going to come down to today. What defines a really
cool, how do you qualify as really cool? Any qualifiers really cool.
The guy with the large nose, there's arguments to be made for both sides.
So it's like a verbal caricature of him.
Like, he sat down in a pile and someone's really accentuated
one feature.
He wouldn't probably think it's really cool.
I don't think, I suppose if you went to see DJ Shnaw,
you might go,
that's pretty cool.
Yep.
Yeah.
All right.
For in the instance of Brownies as the nickname, can you make the argument to us why that's
really cool?
It's really cool because I actually baked her some Brownies for her 18th birthday and
I was able to give her a gift for her nickname, whereas Schnolls for his birthday, I couldn't go and give him a Schnolls because he's already
large enough. So you lost the units. So we're measuring really cool on its ability to be
able to give it a given as a gift. It isn't a gray area, let's just gray area. What we're
going to try and do, we'll get into this and we're going to give you people that work on the show
here and we'll see if we can
generate the really cool nicknames.
And he's more of a stick with an eye
when it comes to the coin.
So he probably will have the final sale on this.
I think that's fair.
And how long do you have to deliberate
before you come up with an nickname?
That's the other thing we would have said.
You said you just have to hear it once.
Do you want new five seconds?
Yeah, well, if you give me a sentence about the person and let me dwindle a bit until I think
of something good, maybe maybe five, in between five and ten seconds, I could get that nickname.
Yep, done. Ten seconds will do. We'll put a little bit of music in for you and then we'll
have to require the answer. Josh, you ready to go?
Yeah, just a quick question. Do you want me to go step by step with the nickname?
Or do you want me to go straight to the punchline? I think punchline and then we go behind the actors
in my like the studio in the actor's studio to see how he got there. That'd be exciting wouldn't him. Yeah, really good. Okay, uh
Josh for nicknames I have to cut with if you get three out of four that is deemed super cool you got yourself a coin, okay?
Okay fingers crossed that I'm not the Simpsons guy.
Good luck.
Okay, I'm D
D
D D D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D'm D Okay, home. Darcy's the first guy that we want to hear. He's our sound producer here,
famously cuts himself out of the podcast.
That's not part of the information.
Yeah, but there was an incident.
Okay, let's add to the information.
Darcy, here's the sentence,
Darcy,
Leconic sound production enthusiast,
who likes golf and edits himself out of pods.
Your time starts now.
All right, so what do we have? The nickname that I've come up with is the macho man.
Now take us in some of the answers.
Yeah, it passes us to you.
Yeah, it passes the crowd.
It's a good way.
We like.
We were thinking of Darcy.
We think that could match.
Take us through the thinking.
Right.
So Darcy enjoys playing golf, you said.
Yeah.
And who's a great golf player?
Tiger Woods.
Yep.
Yep.
So we take the Tiger from Tiger Woods.
Tiger's living cages.
And who used to fight in the cage?
The Macho Man Randy Salad.
It makes the Macho Man. It makes total sense. I can't believe we had to give it a
two-am earlier. Exactly. Exactly. You can take from my brain to a
table. Take from me. The Macho in is in. What a cool nickname.
Awesome.
Okay.
And our next person off the ranks.
We call him Web Geesages, but let's just say Jeremy's name.
His laid-back surfer guy lives in Barring, internet genius.
That's the time started, by the way.
Lay back, what do you lay back on?
Futon's Futa, the where-futon's the core.
All right.
His nickname is The Spider.
Now, his swarms are an obvious one.
It's actually quite simple and slow
because as you introduce Jes with his web,
Giza, Jes and the web bang, straight to spider.
And you know, you can incorporate all cool things.
He could be the Daddy Long Legs spider.
He could be the Redback Spider
if he's feeling kind of deadly on the day,
whatever you want him to be, he can be.
He's just, he's the spider because he enjoys being
on or in the web.
That's right.
I like it.
I like that sometimes it's a seven step process,
but sometimes you need just very close to the nickname.
All right, the spider.
The spider, the spider lives.
It's a tick from me.
You happy with that?
Yeah, that's great.
I've always thought it's just a spider.
Are you ready for the next one? Josh, you get this?
Uh, yep.
You have won yourself a coin.
All right, things crossed.
Kali, now producer here.
She's the top dog, actually.
Feelers.
Super efficient, no fuss.
Mum who enjoys reality TV.
who enjoys reality TV.
All right. I think I got it.
Yeah.
Unleash.
So,
Carly's nickname is now...
Gibby.
Gibby.
Now it's a short and simple one.
I don't know if you've familiar with the show,
I Carly as a young lad, huge I Carly fan.
It's an bang straight to the point.
Who's on I Carly?
Gibi.
Yeah, I missed that particular.
So are we talking, is it G-O-V-V-Y?
Is that the lead?
No, G-I-B-V-Y.
Gibi.
Yep.
Yep.
And was Gibi a character on I Carly?
Yeah, it was a loose unit. You should take your shirt off and party
That's not really Carly's
Don't
Someone just adjacent to someone called Carly
Yes, it's a fail
Nothing into account from the
Improve all right shows you model shows you model you've still got one crack Yeah, nothing into account from the not my best work, but we're he'll improve.
All right, shows you model shows you model you've still got one crack.
It's to create a very cool nickname.
Okay, it's all on the line now.
His name is Jack.
Fairly lazy tall man with back problems.
Who strives for a lot of free stuff.
Who strives for a lot of free stuff?
It turns on.
Alright, I think I've got it.
Jack's brand new nickname is the sticker. Sticker.
Not because he doesn't need to stick.
But as you are described, Jack, he was quite tall and slender.
And the first thing that comes to mind when I think of tall is an NBA player,
Shakirlo Niel.
Yeah.
Shakirlo, Shakir was famous for dunks.
And in the Dung contest, you can slap a sticker on the backboard.
So therefore, Jack is now the sticker.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER So therefore, Jack is now the sticker. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
We could have guessed for 100 years with that.
Can I just come for a minute?
I love Josh.
I love Josh's confidence.
I tell you what I really love to do, the format too.
The format too.
The lead up is Jack's nickname is.
And he's sort of a nickname oracle.
Yes. And I, I don't want to discount a future career,
but Josh lives in a cave on the top of a mountain and people seeking their
truest nickname, visit him and you must accept the nickname Josh gives you.
And I think he should have that job in his group.
I think we've definitely decided that if any of Josh has made
this into this, that is his job in the group.
He's the nickname dispenser.
I can't.
Thank you.
I can't award him it though.
The sticker.
I mean, he's better than number six or the Weasel.
I just can't.
Almost for the listeners sake, we can't replace the Weasel or number six.
Josh, unfortunately, after a hot start you're falling over, you're going to get, we're
going to send you a token of no value.
All right.
And we also, we will happily back you as a legal document to go, you must be now known,
in your friendship group as the dispenser, because I think if people knew you, I've got,
I've got a Josh Nick name. Yes. I mean, I think they should wear that with pride.
Josh, do you have power moves for volume two? No, I don't, but it's actually my mate's birthday
who got me onto the podcast coming up. So he'll be listening to this and I'll be buying him
Some hay mission every year and definitely a lost touch with the common man T.
Well, I was actually just gonna I was gonna send you I was gonna send you out because you just being one of the great
But we can't give you a corn so what's your mate's nickname?
Well, he's nicknamed he actually gave it to himself. It's corn dog because his last name's corn
But corn dogs a bit too long for me me so I just call him Dog. Yeah, David. Well, we can say he made that leap. We just couldn't get to the sticker from
Jack. We'll send it all out to you, buddy. Thanks so much for being part of the show. Awesome,
thank you so much guys. Have a good one. Good day, bye. See you. You got off cheap Jack. The sticker.
Hey, I'm on the phone to my mum the other day and she said, how's your little house mate
going?
And I didn't know who she was talking about, but she was referring to my dog Henry.
Okay.
You have a little mug towards the available people still as I walk her yell out from cars,
not tall enough.
Or she's really not that tall.
She's tall.
She was sold in, she really was sold in Jack.
It was like we've been swindled by someone in the 1800s that goes town to town.
I was selling tickets.
I was selling tickets.
I was selling tickets to come inside the tent and say the tall was a dog you've ever seen.
Now there's more like the chum dogs.
The Scotty's there.
We're kind of, kind of, you'd run out of town with pitchforks.
Anyway, she said, how's your little housemate?
It made me giggle because if, in fact, Henry was a housemate, boy, would you be having
some kind of household discussions about her behaviour?
Yep.
And the share house mate.
As a share house mate, you'd have to get together and have a chat about some of the
behaviour and I thought, hmm, what would that be like?
I'll be Henry.
Uh, Henry.
Are you mate?
Just wondering whether I could grab you for a moment.
Uh, yeah, what's up?
Uh, I just want to have a moment. Uh, yeah, what's up?
I just want to have a little chat about your behaviour.
You're not in trouble or anything, just as a housemate.
I feel like you're perhaps not putting in as much as you could.
Really? Okay.
Yeah, well, I might be wrong, but I thought we could, you know,
take yesterday, for example.
Oh, yeah, sure.
You growled at me in the morning when I got up
because you were using my calf muscles a pillow?
Yeah, well, that's why I growled. I wanted to keep sleeping.
Yes, that's fine, but you've got your own bed.
Yeah, but...
And then what did you do after that?
Um, after that, can't I remember?
You did a poo in the living room.
Did I?
Yeah, all right, yeah.
Well, no, that's right, actually, yeah, no, I do remember.
That was because Becht didn't leave the door open for me.
Just ask for it to be open.
Just one simple bark.
Ugh.
But you guys meant to leave it open.
I do leave it open.
Beckett's cold, she closes it.
Well, then if you close it, you know what's going to happen.
That's what's going to happen.
I'll do a poo.
Fine.
OK.
That's our bed.
OK.
No, the project's accepted.
But if you can just avoid going to the toilet inside,
that would be helpful.
Then what did you do for the rest of the morning?
Well, I've probably just patrolled around,
made sure the house was secure.
You slept?
You slept all morning.
Right, yeah, no.
If I did, I'd probably just cause the house was safe
and I needed to get my energy up.
Then I come home to give you a walk,
which is time out of my day.
Hey mate, I would love to walk myself, but you put the door handles up too high, you put them in
human height. I mean I know I'm a tauterium mate but I'm not that I can't reach those
handles. You want me to let myself out, give me dog handles. I can't lower the door handles,
the house look ridiculous. Well then don't complain then, you're the one that went for
it. Speaking of doors then, when the doorbell goes off you go completely nuts. Mate, well
I want you guys to know there's someone at the door. The doorbell I bid. the doorbell goes off, you go completely nuts. Mate, well, I want you guys to know there's someone at the door.
I'm just trying to do my bit.
The doorbell tells me there's someone at the door.
I think we had doorbells too soft.
I actually think you brought us off one.
So I'm trying to do you a favor.
So I'm trying to alert you.
We're trying to alert you.
Tell us why then.
Tell us why that you tell us about the door,
but you won't tell us when you need to take a shit.
Look, that's a great question.
Different situations, different levels of alert, I suppose.
Look, to be honest, I thought I could get away with the poo.
Well, you haven't. Right.
And it's annoying. And then you sleep all afternoon,
and then I walk in and you're licking your genitals in the kitchen.
Right, well, I don't have my own room, so we're also making a lick.
Do you think it's appropriate behavior in the house?
Well, okay. I see where you're coming from, but to be fair,
I am still here when Bex away, and I've
seen you doing some very similar behaviour yourself.
I mean, not licking, but it seems like you're trying.
No, no.
I saw you Google Marryland Manson if that was a myth or not that he had two ribs taken
out.
You saw that, did you?
Well, I saw bits and pieces, but I looked away to be honest, I was horrified.
I could bring this up with Bex too, so, you you know if you're going to bring up my baby I'll
bring up your baby.
No, no.
Or we could just be mates you know.
Look out for each other.
You know what?
What?
Sorry, you're a fantastic husband.
Oh, let's forget we had this job.
Cheers mate, no.
Good to chat mate.
Yeah, always good to chat. Always good to chat.