Handsome - Arnold Schwarzenegger asks about being useful

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Arnold Schwarzenegger drops in from a helicopter to ask handsome an incredible question on this week's episode! Plus Mae disappears, a bear-related poem, and Holly Hunter in space!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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three piece towel set and save over 40% off. Again, that's trymiracle.com slash handsome to treat yourself. Thank you Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Hello, handsoms and pretty little ladies. I wanted to let you know that my two-time Emmy nominated special, Hello Again, is available for pre-order on vinyl and CD, as well as Apple Music, Spotify,

and wherever else you get your comedy records. So again, this is pre-order, and then the album actually comes out September 27th. So get it now. HANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Welcome to another episode of The Handsome Pod. I'm one of your three handsome hosts, Mae Martin, I'm joined by my friends. Fortune Feimster and Tig Notaro. I feel like I never kick it off and that was exciting. Yeah, you jumped in there and you're like,

this is my show. Yeah, I was thinking we do a pretty good job of bopping around though. Yeah. I hang back, I hang back like a little wallflower for that part. I know this is hard for people to believe, but we don't plan who is going to do it.

Anything. I'll speak for yourself, I script. You have a list of times everyone's done it. Yeah. And a mark beside it like on the prison wall. It has to be an even amount. How are you guys? How are you guys today?

I did another one of my mini triathlons today. Oh no way, nice. I feel so good. Yeah. I really do, I can't even believe it. That's amazing. It's my third one and yesterday was my second one and I wanted to see if I could do them back

to back, which I'm not interested in doing in general, but I just wanted to see if I could do it the day after and I did and feels so good. Yes. I love it. This is the new year. This is great. Did I tell you how long I do each segment? I've already told you that.

Is it six minutes? Seven. Seven minutes swimming. Seven minutes in heaven. It's roughly seven minutes swimming, roughly 30 minutes on the stationary bike and roughly 15 minutes on the elliptical or stair master or treadmill, whatever.

Keep us posted. I went to Cold Plunge this morning. Oh, nice. This place where you do a sauna and then go in an ice bath and then sauna then ice bath. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't sleep because I went out for dinner. I put my phone down for 10 minutes

and in that 10 minutes, Parv called and I haven't talked to her in three weeks. And I haven't seen her in a month, haven't had any contact and she FaceTimed and I fucking missed it. And then. Oh my God. And that's the window you don't,

she doesn't really get another window. I don't think so. And I just was like, is she gonna think I forgot about her? Like, oh, I was up all night. Oh yeah, because you can't even follow up and be like, my bad. It was from a random kind of producer who, like a number I didn't recognize.

All should be sneaking phones. I think they let her do one call or something, but it's like they're in prison. It is like in prison, your one phone call. Who would your one phone call be from prison? From prison? Well, if it's not Jack, so I'm in trouble. Yeah, it's Thomas.

I have to go with Parvati. You'd call Parvati? Yeah, I mean, how would it not be our special lady friends? Yeah, I guess so. Special lady friends. I'm trying to think, like, I guess my backup would be my friend Beth, who's been my, I call her my Beth friend. Beth friend.

My Beth friend since I was a child. She's Max and Finn's godmother. And she's just the most solid, aside from Thomas, like the most solid person in my life. But yeah. I'd call her then maybe or a lawyer. I might call her a lawyer. I might call your Beth friend too. Yeah. It probably goes Stephanie, Beth, Thomas.

Thomas. Stephanie, Beth, Thomas. Those are the calls happening. Yeah, what about, what are your top three fortune? Jax, then Biggie's getting a call. Biggie would be so useless to you. And startled, I think. I'm just gonna stare at him.

Probably not startled, because I don't think I've seen Biggie startled ever. I feel like he's just asleep all the time. Would he answer? And my mom. Yeah. Then my mom. Then who? Maybe if I'm lucky, Jax. Would he answer? My mom, yeah, then my mom. Then who? Maybe if I'm lucky, Jacks will be with Biggie,

so I can do that in one call. But what are your three? My mom and then my dad. Okay. Okay. Should we keep going down the list until you're calling us? I always enjoy talking to my friend Andrea. She listens to the pod, shout out.

Hey Andrea. Now is the time listens to the pod, shout out. Hey Andrea. Now is the time of the pod where we shout out all of our friends. Yeah, we've got to that point now. Hey guys. So May, who are your top three? I, well, Parv was probably gonna be on a beach somewhere with no phone, so I don't know.

But I'm on edge anyway because I know tomorrow I'm watching the bear video. Did I tell, wait, did I tell you about the bear video? Oh no. I'm on edge about this video. Oh yeah, the bear video, man. Tomorrow's gonna be intense. Oh my God.

I plan to watch a YouTube video tomorrow, and boy, am I stressed. Oh my God, okay. Can I just tell you real quick? Yeah. Guess who just texted me and showed up on my screen? No, not Beth friend. Beth.

No way. Yeah, Beth friend just did you say, are your ears burning? That's what everyone says. Your ears must be burning. Beth. That is crazy. Asker.

It's not that crazy. We text every day. Right, right, right. Every day, really? Yeah, she's my Beth. Oh, I know, we text every day. Right, right, right. Every day, really? Yeah, it's just my Beth. I don't think I text anybody, but I text every day. Because she and her husband are... Bored? They're bored, because they are the godparents.

Right. I send a lot of, you know, Max and Finn pictures, videos. I hope no one asks me to be the godparent. Really? It's a lot because we were considering having a third child and we felt like the natural move would be... Jax would be amazing. I'd be pretty useless.

Yeah, Jax's kindergarten teacher. She was amazing with kids. She'd crush it. She, Jax's kindergarten teacher. Jax is amazing with kids. She'd crush it. She's like a kid whisperer. I think you're just spoiled by Beggy. Like you'd want the children to be sort of seen and not heard like Beggy. The children.

We ran into one of Jax's old kindergarten parents and that kid is now in eighth grade. Wow. And said Jax was her most favorite teacher she's ever had. Oh, that's nice. That makes it worthwhile, right? Yeah, it's pretty cool. Only if you're number one.

Otherwise it's not worthwhile. Third favorite teacher. Hopefully he doesn't say that to all the teachers he runs into at a random party. Anyway, back to May's anxiety. The bear video. I don't know. What is this?

To give you a brief, I think I told you I have this driver who drives me to set. His name's Joe. He's a great- Congrats, May. Thank you, thank you. I have a driver named Jimmy.

Fortune, this is incredible. Is it a Toronto thing? Well, they're like assigned by production, right? Yeah, but I don't have that in the States. No. Only in Toronto. Yeah, maybe it's in Toronto. I don't know what my driver's name will be

because I'm heading to Toronto. That's right. I have a driver. Hopefully it starts with a J. Yeah, Jafar. Anyway, the bear video was, Joe basically, first he was bringing me fresh eggs from his farm, then he's like,

I could bring you some moose meat and I'll cook it up on a topperware. I think I mentioned this. Oh, you told us about the moose meat. We're like, no, thank you. I love this guy. And he, one night, it's like three in the morning, we're driving back from set

and it's been silent for like an hour. And then he's like, so I have this video. morning, we're driving back from set and it's been silent for like an hour and then he's like, so I have this video. Oh no. Yeah, and I'm like, what? And he goes, I have this video, it's pretty cool. I filmed it in 1993 on a camp quarter. And I was in a bar in Lake Elliott

and I was with my friend, Gary Kozinski, I think. And basically he goes, my friend Gary wrestzinski, I think. And basically he goes, my friend Gary wrestled the bear. And this bear is called Caesar the wrestling bear. And he's like, yeah, this wouldn't fly nowadays with animal rights and stuff. But he's like, I have this video of this trained bear who was maybe rescued as a cub and trained to wrestle.

And in the video, he wrestles 12 men and he wrestles Gary Kozinski. And he's like, yeah yeah I'll bring it to show you and I'm like I don't know if I want to see it I'm scared I don't know I can't unsee it once I've seen it right now you haven't been able to sleep well then so then it's he's like I'm gonna bring I gotta bring a VCR down so we can watch it so yeah when do we get to the part where it's hard to sleep yeah well he brings the VCR outdated technology you bring the VCR. Outdated technology works. And the VCR doesn't work.

So I'm like, does the universe not want me to see this video? And basically it's grown in my mind like a weed, the bear video, the bear video. I'm like, am I meant to see it? Like, why is it coming to my life? And he's edited it. He used to want to be a filmmaker. So he's done title cards and stuff he said.

And it's like, I'm picturing this grain, it's like a eight foot bear wrestling people, and you would win a grand if you could pin the bear down, and nobody could, and this bear never mauled anyone, but it would just whack them with one paw, and they'd go flying, and I'm picturing this, and he's like, you gotta see it, like it has to be seen to be believed.

And I'm, why don't we let men be in charge of things? I'm like, I wrote a poem about it, about the- Oh, let's hear it. Yeah. Seriously? Yes. Okay. What else are we gonna do?

Violets are blue. I wrestled a bear. And now how about you? All right. I did, let me. Roses are red, violets are blue. I wrestled a bear and now I can't snooze. Yeah.

Oh no, that doesn't make sense because he's sleeping fine, it's me. I just know that I'm finally gonna see it tomorrow. You need to workshop this poem. I like how you say poem. Have you at least asked him if the bear was okay? Do we at least know that? He said the bear is fine.

Like no, you know, the bear is so much stronger than these men. You're going to be okay watching this. The bear is fine living in Manhattan now. Yeah. And let's have a poem. Poem. Okay, here's the poem. Poem.

Okay. Poem. Poem. Poem. Poem. Because it's really all I can think about is like, am I meant to see this video? And yeah, once I've seen it, how will I be changed? And then I'm like, why does it mean so much to me to bear with you?

And wait, I'm sorry, May, you announced that you wrote a poem about this, and then you weren't planning on reading it? You're like, really, you wanna hear it? Is this for yourself, yeah? I read it to Joe and he was pretty freaked out. Joe the button maker? No, you're equal to the driver.

Y'all know equally freaked each other out. Yeah, Joe's like, okay, it's just a cool video, but I was like, Joe, I love it. I have to say, if I were Joe, I would be like, I don't understand why you're losing sleep. But he's building the hype as well. He's like, you gotta see this vid. And he's like, he says, you won't believe it.

Whatever you're imagining, it's cooler. He keeps saying cool. Okay, let's hear the poem. Okay. The neon sign promised a champion or sign to take on any man who throw his hat into the ring. You thought you'd seen everything when you first laid eyes on Caesar, the kept bear. He moved woosily across the boards.

He barely fit through any doors. One clock could make... What? What? May just disappeared. May just disappeared. Mayday. Mayday, mayday. This is terrifying. No wonder May has been scared of this bear video. May just disappears. Oh my gosh. Okay, oh, there's May.

May, are you okay? This is insane. I know, we've been freaking out on this side. I just started reading the poem and my whole computer crashed. Your whole computer crashed. Like it just closed. You disappeared.

It looked like you got kidnapped by the CIA. I thought there was a bear attack. I don't think the universe wants me to see this video. It clearly didn't want us to hear the rest of your poem. Well, how much did you hear? Where should I go from? Well, gosh, you got quite a ways in there. Okay, okay.

The last thing I heard was barely. I know you started rhyming, which I appreciated because that's what I associate with poems. Oh, it rhymes, yeah, yeah. It's got a weird rhythm to it. Okay, okay. Let's hope, if my computer closes again, I don't know what to do.

Then you're haunted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would call the police. If your computer shuts down. What do they call a Canadian police? Mounties? A Mountie. Yeah, a Mountie.

You've never heard that? The Royal Canadian. I don't need to be judged. I don't need to be judged for admitting that I don't know something. Okay, I don't know. The Mountie police. I don't know.

I worked in Toronto for five years. I never had a run in with the Mountie. Okay. Well, they're generally up in mountains. Those are on horses? Yeah, they're in, they wear special hats and red jackets and they ride horses. Well, I wasn't like, they're up in the mountains?

I think so. You still should know the phrase Mountie. Why the hell would I know about police on horses riding around in the mountain, you know, clomping around? I don't know, because it's just part of the vernacular, Mounties. Anyway, two against one. Okay, let me plow through the rest of this poem. Okay. He moved woosily across the boards. He barely fit through any doors. One clock could make you meet your maker if you dare. Someone has brought the bear to you and though you know not what to do, the camera's running, time is running out, it's clear. And do you crack a joke or try to, as you step up to the fight

assigned you, tell yourself you don't care if you win or lose. A thousand bucks if you can pin him down. You hear before you hit the ground. Spend more than that on beer this month alone. Now you'll always chase this feeling like the kept bear has finally seen me. Hey, man, aren't you a kept bear, too? If it chooses you to witness, you'd be a fool to miss this. Hey, man, aren't you a kept bear, too? That's good, May. You like it? Yeah. Do you write poems?

No, I typically never like to get into the bear of it all and what that means for you. I felt compelled to write this poem. Why didn't you write a song? Why didn't you write a short story? Why were you like, I need words rhyming here? This is part of the great mystery. But also, how long did it take to write that?

Write you that. How long did it take you to write you that? Write it out there, poem. Switching your home insurance doesn't have to be a headache. In fact, it can make your head feel good because you'll have the knowledge that Allstate can give you the best rate on your home insurance policy. Plus, Allstate makes it fast and easy to save. Check Allstate first and you could save $574

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JLO beauty.com slash handsome. Cause that felt like a long and no, I was channeling something. It came through me. along and. No, I was channeling something, it came through me. May bump in Andrea Gibson out of the top spot of non-binary poets. Yes, it's a niche group. I don't think I've written a poem in a long time.

We should write them maybe for our, yeah. For what? I don't know, for our book club, next time we get together. For our poem. Handsome book club. We're like, this was a busy week, as we didn't get through the chapters.

No, we should have a poetry club. Yeah, yeah. Where we write and read poems. You know who I heard really likes poems? Who? Kathy Bates. Really? May fact.

I've heard through grapevines that she will just read from a book of poems. I love that that's like on the rumor mill. And can you imagine Kathy Bates likes poems? Can you imagine her just getting to hear her read a poem? That would be amazing. Who told you? I heard from Kate who heard from Andrew.

I can't reveal my secrets, but someone told me that about her and I thought that was cool. As I've told you, Holly Hunter is gonna be the star of Star Trek. And she and Kathy Bates used to be roommates with the Coen brothers and Sam Raimi. What do you mean roommates?

They all moved to LA and lived together. Wait, the Coen brothers, Helen Hunt. No, Holly Hunter. I knew the Coen brothers lived with Holly Hunter. I didn't know that Kathy Bates did at all. And Kathy Bates and Sam Raimi. That is the craziest crew I've ever heard. I used to work, I was gonna say,

I used to live with Sam Raimi, but I used to work for Sam Raimi. He was the executive producer of Zenowarrior Princess. Of course. And, but yeah, so when I'm on set with Holly, I'll be like, tell me about Kathy and her plumes. And her plumes. I'm excited to have Holly up in space.

Tig. Hello. Hey Tig, we have an intruder. We gotta get on it right now. You better grab the thing that we need to fight them off, let's go. That was good. All right, Holly, I've got that thing that we need. I don't know Star Trek speaking.

I don't either. I struggle at it every time. It's complicated. It is so difficult. Are you playing a, you play a human though, right? Okay. And then, but are there not, there's non-humans around. You're gonna have to watch the show and find out.

Oh my God. Oh wow. Yeah. It's Jett Reno, right? Jett Reno. Not to be confused with Janet Reno. That's right. Not to be confused with Janet Reno. That's right. Not to be confused with Janet Reno. Who is Janet Reno? I gotta ask.

I was gonna let it slide and then I thought... She was in the Clinton administration, right? And was the... Was it the secretary of something or... I think... Was she a lesbian? Well, Will Ferrell did an impersonation of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what her job was. Was her job to be a lesbian?

She was the attorney general. Of lesbians. Oh, she's dead. Did you know that? No. No, I didn't even know who she was. God rest her soul. Janet Reno stands out there.

When did she die? Apparently she tried to wrestle a bear. In 2016, in Miami. She died in Miami. She was born there and died there. Is there anything else you think? Can you find out if she was a lesbian? She was 6'2".

She was 6'2"? Yes. Oh my Lord. This episode is. Now I know why Will Ferrell played her. I always, or not. That makes sense, yeah. But wait, was she a lesbian? Why won't you answer that?

Okay, hold on. See, I have such like brain worm about this bear that all I'm thinking is like six, two, she could have taken on that bear. Like the bear was probably roughly seven feet. Oh, she said I am not a lesbian. But never married and didn't have children. That's all right.

Yeah. Those single ladies. Did she have a travel companion that lived with her for 50 years? Yeah, but also saying I'm a lesbian, this was in the era of I did not have sexual relations with that woman as well. Like that's that administration, so who knows.

Not every woman needs a woman or a man. Google her ex-boyfriends. She might not have been into any of it. She's like, I'm busy, I'm in Miami and I'm an attorney general, get off my back. Yeah, yeah. This was also pre-tender. Pretender.

It was a lot harder to meet somebody. You can just swipe left or right. Sounds like a cat lady to me. She would have been non-tender for sure. I love a cat lady. Cat ladies get shit done. I get them done. If you're not dating, you're getting more stuff done.

I put an attorney general in there with no cats or kids, or though they can have cats. No boyfriend, no girlfriend, no kids. You hired. Anyway, what were we talking about? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think you need to be afraid of this video. Oh, Jet Reno. Face it. To Janet Reno.

Jet Reno, yes. Holly Hunter in space, Sam Raimi. TIG, TIG, we've got a problem out yeah, yeah. Holly Hunter in space, Sam Raimi. TIG. TIG, we've got a problem out on the deck. We gotta get out of here. We gotta get out of here. We gotta fly our spaceship out of here, come on! All right.

And then y'all should play, some people call me a space cowboy. Some call me the gangster love, but Holly Hunter's a space cowboy. Steve Miller band. Anyway, don Holly Hunter is a space cowboy. Steve Miller band. Oh, okay. Anyway, don't be afraid of this video.

I'm just head on. It feels like I'm having to face up to face some aspect of masculinity. And it's like, I'm supposed to learn something from it. Like, what if I love it too much? What if I'm like, I wanna wrestle that bear? I don't know, you know what I mean? I'm facing like a dark part of masculinity.

And I'm, yeah. Interesting. I was just gonna say, if somebody wanted me to watch this video, I would never think twice about it. I would have to agree with Tig. I think it's the- I wouldn't write a poem.

I wouldn't- I think I would just be like, they. I think it's the- I wouldn't write a poem. I wouldn't- I think I would just be like, they'll see this video. Okay. Well, that's I think what Joe was expecting when he pitched it to me. And I think he's a little freaked out by all my sleepless nights.

But because the VCR didn't work and then now the computer shut down when I read the poem, I mean- Is there some thing where you're like, this bear's having to to sing for a supper, that's why he's a kept bear? Yeah, I'm worried about the bear for sure, but I know I gotta look at the video

in the context of the time and the place and embrace it. But I'm like, I don't know, it just feels significant to me for some reason. I'll let you know, keep it posted. Yeah, keep us posted. I mean, we hope you make it through the night sleep-wise. Being one of the biggest things of your life. I know, Tig.

I know, May. I know you know, May. I could never be the same. Listen, I hope the bear is not injured. It's not. I know, we do hope the bear's all right. No, no, it's apparently not injured and it just keeps knocking down these men.

And good, they deserve it. Why are you freaking wrestling a bear? Exactly. I know. And it rips one of their jeans. Good. And it's got its claws and teeth. And anyway. It shouldn't be wrestling a bear.

Let them live. Let them work, let them live. Maybe that's it. I'm like, if I watch it, am I complicit in this? Whatever, I'll just watch it. I'll let you know. Well, should we get to our question? I think so.

Yeah. I will tee this up because it comes from my current co-star. He is an Austrian-American movie star, businessman, politician, and bodybuilder. I think you guys will never guess who this is. I don't know who this is. There's a lot of people that check a lot of these boxes. But who checks them all?

Well, I'll tell you, a guy that's known for the movies, The Terminator, Last Action Hero, Kindergarten Cop, it's not a tumor, it's not a tumor it is. Last action hero, kindergarten cop. It's not a Tuma. It's not a Tuma at all. The Expendables. He also stars in the hit Netflix show FUBAR, which is what I film with him. Today's question is being asked by the one, the only Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh.

He doesn't do a lot of podcasts by the way, so this is a pretty big deal. This is huge, and this has been months in the works, right? Yeah, I asked his people, I was like, I don't want him to do anything he doesn't wanna do, I want everybody to wanna do it, and they were like, yeah, we know your podcast. It's great. Oh, nice.

Ask the big guy. And then I said, hey, big guy, you want to do my podcast? Do you call him big guy? What are you talking about? What is a podcast? No, he knows podcasts. I hope behind my back, people are like, I'm going to talk to Tic's people,

see if she's willing. Why do you want to put him on the spot, you know? Yeah, yeah, no, totally. Where he's like, I don't know, cause he has a whole team of people around him. Of course. So I just wanted to make sure I did due diligence. This is, it's huge, it's huge.

Let's hear it. Hey handsome, it's Armand. All right, you gorgeous devil you. The question is really, what does it mean to you, be useful, because it's the book that I've done, be useful, very important. Thank you, what have you done to be useful? What did he call you, gorgeous devil?

You gorgeous devil you or something? It was definitely just directed at you for sure. I have that way with him. Oh my God, that was electrifying. What does it mean to you to be useful? Yeah, how are we useful in this world that we live in? Well, you know, I got a lot of useful facts that I like to disseminate.

That's true. It's been very helpful in my life. Yes, right? Well, one thing I think we three try to do as a collective in our podcasts and in our careers is we try to make people laugh. It's true. Which isn't curing cancer, but the hope is that if you're dealing with some heavy things like that,

it's helping lighten the load. And even though it doesn't cure cancer, joy and happiness can stave off disease. And I mean, there's so much evidence that when you're positive, like genuinely positive and happy and laughing and all of that can kind of keep things up. Yeah, affect your health and your body.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, one thing I didn't realize would be a byproduct of putting out specials is, you are kind of with people in very intimate moments of their life, like vulnerable moments and stuff. I've always been so surprised when someone's told me like they were like in the hospital with a loved one who was dying or they were dealing with having to overcome this big thing and they're like, I put your special on and laughed for the first time or this person that was sick, you know, brought a smile to their face.

I never really considered that to be a thing that could happen by just putting out comedy. Yeah. And I've like cried with people before that have come up to my show to like tell me some connection to the comedy with some sort of tragic thing or... Yeah, same. It's always pretty... it really blows me away.

It's deep. It gets deep fast. Because people feel that connection to you and that they know you and they... yeah. And then the way they do. No, an aspect of it, yeah. Were you guys, when you were growing up, were you encouraged to be useful around the house? Like, did you have a lot of chores

and like, was that instilled in you? Like to kind of help out and you know what I mean? I didn't have a lot of chores, but I was expected to like, you know, keep my room clean, do my own laundry, take care of all things for our cats and walk the dog. And, you know, but it wasn't like I had to, you know, muck the whole house and you know what I mean?

It wasn't that kind of thing. It was, I just needed to keep my- Your area. Yeah. Yeah, not be a massive burden. Yeah, we didn't have like a chore list or like, oh, you get money if you do this. But my parents split when I was 12,

so there was no like quote unquote man of the house anymore. So my brothers and I kind of filled that gap of like, the lawn has to be mowed every week, you know, every weekend or something, the house has to be painted, we have to clean out this flower bed, but we weren't like, we were like tidying up our rooms, but we weren't like mopping the counter, You know, not the counter, the floor. Thank God they didn't put you in charge. Have you ever felt a sense of unease when you leave your home wondering if everything

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Right, yeah, that's kind of what I mean. Yeah, so that's probably, that's instilling a good work ethic. Well, now I don't want to do any of it. I'm definitely not useful around my own house. Really? Jax is the handiest person I know and does all these things.

And like, yeah, if there's like something that has to be fixed, she's like Googling it, how to do it and figures it out. She's hanging things on the wall. She's checking the coolant in the car. There she's mopping the counter, mopping the counter. She's on a ladder getting leaves out of the gutter. So I'm, I feel very not useful around her. I'm good at like pulling the trigger on things like making things like parvo take a long time to make a decision, but then she'll make the right one.

Whereas I'll be like, let's just get it. Let's you know, I'll book a task rabbit or all like, you know, but then when we moved in together, I was like, I'm gonna really impress her so that when we get to the house, I've already done a bunch of stuff. But I focused on the wrong things and I got so many garbage cans, like white plastic, ugly big garbage cans, like more than we have even rooms for. But for some reason I was like, gotta get those, all those practical things. And yeah, a lot of like sponges. I need 20 trash cans.

Large plastic trash cans. Yeah. I got it. I just went nuts on Amazon. Before I go out of town, I always like to feel like, and when I get back in town, certainly when I'm home, I'm still doing things around the house. But before I leave town certainly when I'm home, I'm still doing

things around the house, but before I leave town and when I get home, I like to make sure everything is just handled. You know, just every bit of laundry. I love doing laundry. I love laundry too. I love it so, I love doing it. I love folding it. Stephanie makes fun of me

because I don't want anyone to do, I just love doing laundry. I'm like, ah, what are you doing? What are you doing in there? And Stephanie's like, I was just gonna put, no, no, no, this is my thing. Oh, interesting. But yeah, I just love making sure everything

is topped off, handled, and you know tidy, clean, filled up before I leave town and when I get home. Is that because you feel kind of guilty about being away so you're like reminding everyone like that you're useful kind of? No it's just more of like I just don't want anybody to go without anything or you know not have access to something. But I just like to get everything all, you know. Is it so cute folding their little shorts and stuff? Oh my gosh.

It's so ridiculously cute. I would also say what came to mind, obviously, this comes up a lot for me, but after I was sick, after I was really sick, I think you can't help but have an awareness of what other people might be going through. I mean, obviously you can still have that without having deadly illnesses. But I think it just like really broke me open in a way. And I like to be helpful to people

that are that kind of rock bottom where it's scary to call the person, scary to go see them in person. Any of, anything like that, I have no problem doing it. I can walk right into the fire and be like, what do you need? What do we have to do? And I, you know, speaking of, you know, earlier, what do we have to do? Speaking of earlier, my Beth friend, her sister passed away when we were like in our early 20s.

And I remember calling my mother and just being like, oh my God, Beth's, Julie died. And I didn't know what to do. And my mother said, hang up the phone and go over to her house. Yeah. Right now. Yeah. And I was like, right. Right. You have to go. You have to go do that.

Yeah. And at that point, I was scared, you know, and I'm not saying I don't feel that. Like, oh, how is this gonna go? But I don't even think about it now. I don't even think about it. I want to be helpful, I want to be useful. So you're up for like the emotional mess, tough stuff.

I'm up to drive you, I am up to bring you food, I'm up to, you can call me, I'm up for like the emotional mess, tough stuff. I'm up to drive you, I am up to bring you food, I'm up to you can call me, I'm up to coming in when it is absolutely the worst, worst time. I'm gonna amend my answer of my one phone call from prison. I feel like it's gotta be you. You can call me. A lot of people don't wanna face that stuff, so that is.

Yeah, and I really think it comes from knowing what I needed, you know? Because when you're in a place like that, and somebody, when somebody says, call me if you need anything, it's still, you're putting it on the person that's in a hard place. Right, you need people to show up and be there and be like, I wanna be here.

Yeah, because a lot of people have a hard time asking for something they're saying. You can seem like you're being helpful by saying, hey, I'm here, call me if you need anything. But I feel like when people are really sad, deathly ill, somebody died, any of that stuff, it's still hard for them, even though they're like, oh, May said to call anytime, it's still hard.

And so I think it's really important to, obviously some people might not want that from you, but if you make it known, or if you say, hey, I'm gonna check in on you tomorrow, or can I come over, or can I bring you food, or I'm going to bring you food unless you don't want it, it has to be, I'm gonna do this. Or even to write him a nice letter or something. Those things mean so much because you get so isolated

in your pain and sadness and illness and whatever, that it's hard to, I used to laugh at, I remember I did that story about Taylor Dane in my standup and Taylor Dane, when I was ill, she reached out and was like, hey, you know, call me anytime. And I remember thinking how hilarious it would be if I really did that and was calling Taylor Dane all the time, like early in the morning.

I'm like, hey, Taylor, I have to drain this blood from my chest and I just, I need help. But that, again, to go back to Beth, when I got discharged from the hospital and I had to deal with my incisions and draining the blood and fluid, it was not fun or easy. And Beth was like, I'm staying at your house.

I'm taking care of all of this. And she handled everything. That's awesome. Sometimes when you're in a really bad spot, it's easier to reach out to someone who you know less well maybe, or who's less, or I don't know, because there's so much stuff between you and your close family sometimes.

And so to have, like sometimes I've been in a weird spot and then had a weird urge to reach out to someone pretty random, just who I know is a trusted, safe person who like someone who's a little more emotionally detached from the situation, sometimes that's nice. You know? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Jackson, I've been talking more lately about how community is important, be it a small group of friends or the community in which you live. We're in LA where everything's so big and you don't really know your neighbors. You're a little disconnected from people. My mom had knee surgery and just everyone showed up for every day. Like different people like with food or taking her to appointments. I mean, the community is so strong in that world that she lives.

And it made me think, God, like there's people can be so useful when you're set up in a situation where you've built that kind of network of people and it makes you go, gosh, I really got to work on building community, you know, so that you're useful to them, they're useful to you. They talk about that in those blue zones that they've done documentaries on about people living. What's a blue zone? It's these areas that people live where they have the most longevity.

Over people than anywhere else. Okinawa Valley in Japan? Yeah, yeah. Why don't we all live there? They need a certain way, but a big part of it's community and doing it for others and helping each other. Some places they take care of their elders. It's just like the ultimate being useful to each other.

They financially help each some places, they pool their money together to help one person when they're in need. And then at the other point, you're gonna be in need at some point, they'll help you. That stuff, all of that helps longevity. Well, and that's the thing is not only can people help you, people want to help.

They want to do something. I remember when my hometown was wiped out in Hurricane Katrina and I organized this whole thing and to drive trucks with food and everything out to Mississippi. And I remember thinking, God, this is so nice that everybody's helping. And it was really such a moment where I was like,

oh, nobody's doing this because they like me. I'm a vessel, people want to help and they don't know where to put that energy. And it was such an awakening for me that I have nothing to do with this. People want to give money. They want to give the food and clothing. They want to help drive trucks out there.

And it was really remarkable. It was like around the clock, day and night, we had lighting set up and me and Chris Fairbanks lived together. We had lighting set up in our front me and Chris Fairbanks live together we had lighting set up in our front yard and people just came dropping off donations and loading up trucks around the clock for two days before we drove off and it was so incredible to see how much people wanted to give and help. I love that my interpretation of this question was like, well, I know a lot of facts and I kind of diversify my skill set

so that I know how to do several useful things. But this is like obviously much deeper. You just heard the question and that's also... And it makes you think of all the other things, you know. Yeah. Well, Kathy Bates would be useful because she knows a lot of pullings. But that's got to be the thing that probably a lot of people face is not knowing how to be useful.

Right. When it's overwhelming. I actually have been inspired working with Arnold these last two seasons because he having been a politician, being a movie star, he has access to a lot of people that need help and he has the means to do so in a team that helps them. But I was pretty shocked at how philanthropic he is. I mean, he's involved in so many charities. He's helped Special Olympics, veterans, kids that need schools.

He has an after school program that helps kids and his hand is in so many different types of things. It made me go, I tell him, I'm like, if you do some kind of whatever your next volunteer thing is, let me know because I always feel like he's just got his finger on the pulse of helping and being useful. And I know I could seek that out more myself, but I'm just like, let me know. I want to start somewhere. And Jackson and I are always talking about how do we get more involved and how do we help more. We've talked about, you know, maybe one day starting a foundation is just finding ways to be useful,

but he's definitely inspired me in that way to figure it out. I don't know if this speaks to you, but there is something in Los Angeles called Hang Out, Do Good. And it's so cool. I don't know how many drop-off places there are, but we do this on Sundays and what you,

and people should look this up and I'm sure there's something similar in people's areas. And if not, it's such a cool idea. But basically you can prepare bags, like food and clothing. I told you about this? No, I think Sabrina does this. My friend Sabrina, and you drive them around and.

You don't even drive it, you just go and you, there's people that have, they use their front yard or front porch as a drop off. And so you drop these meals off by 1130 AM on Sundays, and then they pack up their cars, and then they drive and deliver the food to people that obviously need it. And that is just like a weekly thing. That's cool, yeah.

But that's something, you can look it up, called Hangout Do Good, and there's different drop-off places and neighborhoods. Yeah, we definitely, I'll definitely look into that. We definitely have the itch right now because Jax was a kindergarten teacher in inner city Chicago for 13 years, actively making a difference every day,

teaching these kids who had never been read to, how to book, don't own a coat. And she made such a massive impact and got these kids to like second grade reading levels, like setting them on this path to love school and to want to be at school. And she moved to LA for me and tried teaching in LA and just, it was circumstances led to she's not teaching anymore. So I know she has that itch very much. So of like, I knew what my passion was and I knew what I did well and now I'm not able to do it in that way. So how can I take that where I was so useful and help other people now? And so we're kind of in that seeking phase.

Start a foundation. Use your relish to start a foundation. Do it. Only if I can abbreviate everything. And weirdly enough, Arnold's program that he does for afterschool kids, Jax was like, that program was at my school. I saw it firsthand. Oh cool. In action and working and helping kids. I was like, wow, what a crazy. Full circle. Full circle thing. Yeah. I was like, wow, what a crazy full circle thing. And is he, I mean, it must bring him so much joy as well. Like, what's he like?

Does he smell good? Is he nice on set? He's pretty great. I didn't obviously know him personally before we started working together. He's so infamous. You've heard a thousand stories about him and he's been famous since I was five years old, or probably before then. So he's such a big presence, right? But he's gotta be one of the

most charming people I've ever met. He walks into a room and I mean literally everyone stops and knows him. He's known all over the planet. I remember I was in London with my family and then there was this big commotion and like a car pulling up and it was the Planet Hollywood restaurant. It was like there's a celebrity here and then there was this big commotion and like a car pulling up and it was the Planet Hollywood restaurant. It was like, there's a celebrity here and then it was Arnold. And the crowd lost their minds like it was The Beatles. And he, I was like, that's the most famous man ever.

Oh yeah, I mean, especially men when they meet him, it's like, you see men reduced to like their little boy cells. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they freak out. That's hilarious. That's so fun, but he knows the power But he knows what he's bringing to the table. He does a lot of good with it. He's very generous with his time.

He talks to people, shakes hands. He rides bikes every morning to the gym. He's very much of the people. He still kind of lives his life like he's the governor. He's always shaking hands. Great. He's got this. he's very inspirational on set. He's always giving a speech or looking people in the eye and giving them advice.

He tells stories. He's very... The director's like, we gotta finish this take. The whole set will stop and just listen to him. Oh my God, that's incredible. He has a lot of wisdom in his time. And if there's a big thing going on in the world, I always ask his opinion, like, what do you think of this?

And you kind of sit and listen, like very smart guy. Like I've been very impressed getting to know him. He has three miniature donkeys that live in his house. Yeah. Lucky guy. Right? A mini horse and a donkey. Lucky guy and a pig.

I mean, then you know you've made it. That's useful. That's how you, that is, people are like, how do you know you've made it? It's like you have three miniature donkeys and a pig living in your house. Yeah, yeah. I thought I was doing okay and that like life is good,

but I don't have three donkeys running around my house. I thought I was doing okay and like life is good, but I don't have three donkeys running around my house. And he smells like cigars. Oh really, I think I like that smell. Speaking of usefulness and donkeys, weirdly my grandmother who we often discuss, she till the end of her life, she only ever donated to a donkey sanctuary, but that was her thing.

And she would donate every year to the donkey. This woman, man. Donkeys were living like kings. We were like, what about the children? She was like, gotta save those donks. Are a lot of donkeys in need? In England, there's all these donkey sanctuaries, or maybe just one or two, but she was, that

was her thing. She was like, that's my charitable. That's the funniest thing to like zone in on. My money's going here. I can't be kidding. You're like, what about books for kids? No, no. I do like it when celebrities find like a specific thing.

I mean, donkeys. Interesting. But like Dolly Parton, how she has committed so much of her work to getting books and libraries and it's such a specific thing. I know, because it does seem overwhelming sometimes. But she's donated so many freaking books at this point. And then I think at one point she gave every kid in her area the area she grew up in, like $500 when they were born or something to put into an account for it to accumulate. What?

She's amazing. I mean. That's cool. Any of these people with these platforms who have, you know, done this to, made it a priority to give back. I'm always very impressed by that. I'm gonna set up a little stall on my front yard. That's like, does anyone need a poem? People can come up and I'll.

Free poems. But you know what? You can make someone say that's the thing. It doesn't always have to be these big things. It could be small things too. It could be as simple as like smiling at someone, ask, you know, have a good day. Like that stuff can make a difference. You hear these stories of like, you know,

this one guy that was gonna go jump off a bridge, she's like, someone smiled at me and I changed my mind. I mean, you just never know. I think never know. I think the purpose of being useful is trying to just think about anybody but yourself for a second. For one second.

One second. Think about someone else or some other miniature pony, donkey. Yeah. Should we hear what Arnold has to say? Yeah. Here's what I did to be useful. I stopped thinking just about myself, building my career and all about me.

I started thinking about other people. I started working in Special Olympics. I started after school programs. I started running the state of California. Gave all my time and effort and everything like that. Just giving back to the community to make sure to know that we are not products of just being self-made. We are products of a lot of people helping us and therefore we have the responsibility to help others. Well and also you know obviously he was married to Maria Shriver who is just like

who is just like... And it's useful? Well, yeah, I mean, just that, and you know, Eunice Shriver, whose start, her mother started the Special Olympics, and that whole world and family is like got to give back and be involved. And Tig, something that you've talked about a lot, climate change. He's a big proponent of that and helping with that.

And he gathers these gazillionaires every year in, is it Germany or Austria? I don't know, for a big thing on what can they be doing as these people with money and means, A, not be contributing to it so much as far as the bad things for the planet, but what can they be doing to help? And that has been a big thing. Cause you would listen to Arnold. He was like, get your head out of your ass. Here's what we did in California. You guys need to do it. You need to stop being a little girly man. Let's go, come on, get down. It's his Schwarzenegger climate initiative.

This is your impersonation of him after working with him for years. I do that to his face. And does he like it? He always, he loves comedy and he loves comedians. So he always chuckles and shakes his head. And then, but he's also good about teasing back. He likes, he's got a really funny sense of humor and he's always given,

once he likes you and knows you, he's always giving you crap back. I'd love to hear his impersonation of all of us really. I'd love to hear his too. of all of us really. I'd love to hear his too. Yeah, have him send that in. It's so funny. There's certain words that he, even after all these years of living in the US, he doesn't know what the word means. He's like, what does that mean?

What does this say? I can't remember the one it was recently. He was like, what is that? What is poim? He's like, why do Why do we say that? I go, I don't know. He's a true. He invented the Arnold press that that workout move.

I did that today. That was useful. There you go. That's imagine having something named after you like that, like, like, you know, some of the mountains on the moon and stuff are named after Tolkien, like Lord of the Rings. To penetrate public culture so much that something is named after you. The Arnold Press will always be the Arnold Press. His favorite story to tell is that he and James Cameron flew to the most remote part of the world possible in Africa. And James Cameron told him, sorry big guy,

this is gonna be the one place in the world no one knows who you are. Yeah, no special treatment. And they landed and trekked through, did the trek to the trek to the trek to the most remote place. And there was a movie poster of Arnold in a hut. No way.

That's crazy. Wow. He loves to tell that story. He's like, so I'm kind of a big deal. If I ever meet him and he starts telling me that, I'll interrupt and be like, oh, I've already heard this story. And it wasn't really until he got those donkeys that he was really a big deal.

That's right. That's when he made it. The mini horse, the donkey and the pig are all walking around his grounds of his. That's crazy. Lucky, lucky man. Yeah, they're in the house. I've seen pictures of them in the house.

He's having his morning coffee. And they just poop in the house? That I don't know. You need to find out because that feels, like if you got three donkeys and a pig, I feel like- It's a lot of poop. Well, yes.

I feel like a litter box probably isn't working. I was about to say I'll text somebody, doesn't have a phone. He doesn't? He does not carry a phone, does not want a phone. That's impressive. He has an iPad that he plays chess on. And like on his birthday, if you want to talk to him, like people were FaceTiming him through

the iPad. But he, that is one cool thing he did when my dad, my dad was having, had open heart surgery and it was pretty dicey there for a bit. He was on a ventilator, he wasn't waking up. And Arnold FaceTimed me out of nowhere and he's like, hey, why didn't you tell me that your dad was having open heart surgery? I was like, because this was before we started filming this second season. I go, I don't know, you're busy.

I didn't think to be like, I got to call Arnold. Oh my God, it's all Arnold. And he goes, what can I do? Well, what can I do? Let me talk to him. And I go, I'm not with him. He's on a ventilator right now, so he can't talk either. I go, but how about this? If I think I'm going home when I'm with him and hopefully he's awake, can we FaceTime you from the hospital?

He's like, absolutely. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to the nurses. I'll talk to the nurses. I'll talk to the doctors. I'll talk to the donkeys. So when I went to my dad, we FaceTime'd Arnold and he was in Austria and he gave my dad this cool, like pick me up speech of like, you got to think of, you know, being in the hospital, like having an escape route, what do you need to do to get better to escape that place? He's got these speeches up his sleeve. That's cool.

So he's like Tig, trying to think of ways to help folks when they need it. Yeah, that's nice. I like that Tig, and I mean this in the best way, that you're like amazing in a crisis, but I feel like if I invited you to a party, you'd be like, no, like in the best way that you're like amazing in a crisis but like I feel like I invited you to a party and be like no, like in the good times, nowhere to be found. Are we in there in the bad times? We really need to go. Yeah, like.

And I also am, well I did, you know I flew off to Thomas' wedding so I was going to be there for the good times but in that trip, ran into a lot of bad times. Well, that was a cool question. I liked it a lot. If it helped inspire anybody at all, it'd be more useful, then that's awesome too.

Yeah, for sure. I do wanna promote our merchandise at handsomepod.com. And also most importantly, if you like this show our merchandise at handsomepod.com. And also most importantly, if you like this show or you liked this episode and you know of anyone in your life that you feel like would enjoy this show, we also have a YouTube channel and you can see Biggie, Fortune is holding her dog in his dog bed. You hear him licking his lips?

He's ridiculous. Like whether the dog bed is being lifted or not, Biggie does not change. Biggie is so comfortable. But yeah, sign up, subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can watch the videos and you can see Arnold asking and answering his questions. We appreciate you guys.

We really do. We really do. And I appreciate you guys. And I you. And us we. And us we. Yes, us we. Should we kiss?

Wow, oh my gosh. Whoa, we just, first base. I know, wait till our travel companions find out about that. I know. Also check tignotaro.com for sporadic shows in Los Angeles, Toronto, and other here and there's, working out new material.

I got nothing, just check out whatever on Netflix. Me and Fortune have specials, check them out. There you go. I have specials too. Check them out. Check them out. Well, till next time. Keep it handsome.

Keep it handsome. Keep it handsome. Keep it handsome, I can't do it. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod.

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