Handsome - Handsome's Greatest Hits!

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Today's episoed is a special treat... the BEST of Handsome! From Joe the Button Maker to space tampons to the Bear Saga to sticking a pineapple apart, Handsome's Greatest Hits is sure to delight both new and longtime listeners!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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McRib is here. At Participating McDonald's for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hi, handsome listeners. My name's Thomas and I produce Handsome. So, for the holidays, TIG, Fortune and May wanted to cook up a little handsome surprise for you all. This is Handsome's Greatest Hits, Volume 1. Handsome Pot Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot Cheers! Today's first clip is from our Sarah Paulson episode.

The hosts were talking about comedians and whether they're in general more dark and disturbed than the average person. And that led to conversation about button makers and well, you can probably guess the rest but just listen. It kind of reminds me of when people like to say that you know when you say oh I'm a comedian and they say oh gosh that's such a dark world and everybody everybody's so depressed and and it and I just feel like comedians are at a microphone and can enter are on a stage,

so you're hearing about it, but if you go next door, your neighbor is probably dark or depressed, or your mail carrier. It's just that musicians, comedians, you have a platform. Yeah, I bet there's like tortured button makers, you know? Famously. For sure. Button makers. Famously, yes. Lots of tortured button makers. you know? Famously. For sure. Button makers. Famously, yes.

Lots of tortured button makers. They're drinking. Have you ever heard of Joe? Joe the button maker? Hi, my name is Joe. I have a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory. One day my wife came and she said, Joe, are you busy?

I said, no. Guy. came and she said, Joe, are you busy? I said, no. Nobody's heard that. I've rarely been speechless in that way. I feel like taking over both. It's like a song for kids. And when he works in a button factory, but what kid would love that terrible song? No, but then, guys, stay with me. What happens to Jo? Hi, I'm busy, oh you know, and then she said, turn the button with your left hand.

So you start doing this, okay? The kids are, for those of you who can't see, I'm turning the button. So then you start over, you go, hi, my name is Jo. I have a wife and three kids and we're in a button factory. One day my wife came in, she said, Jo. Are you busy? Is this the first song ever written for children?

She said, turn the button with your right hand. Now you're doing this. See, the kids are moving their hands. Okay, but. So what? Why are the, why is his life story so kind of suburban and boring? I mean, it's just like, hey, my name is Jo.

I have a family. I'm going to work. And I'm turning a button. I'm telling you, sing this song with a five year old and see if they like it. You move all, you're turning your buttons with all your limbs. So the kids are like doing all these movements.

I feel like the bar is higher now. Why not the hokey pokey? Turn yourself around. Turn yourself around. We're also one. Joe the button pusher or button maker? He works in a button factory, you guys, and he, you said there's probably dark button makers.

No, I know how we got there, but I'm shocked that this is, I've never heard of it, and it sounds like in the olden days where they hadn't invented toys yet and they gave people like a stick to play with. It's like that, it's like they hadn't invented songs yet. And they went, I guess this is a song. Yeah, they hadn't invented a children's song.

And then somebody that had terrible ideas, a terrible voice. He's probably called Joe. I don't think you two are the target audience. Okay. I think my think you two are the target audience, okay. I think my five year old friends that love songs that rhyme are fans of Joe and his button factory. Okay, well it's also on the same album as I'm Betsy

and I walk down the street, I put on my shoes and I wave to people. This sounds like you made that up, cause I'm Betsy. And I have a hand, and I can wave to people on the street. I haven't heard one rhyme. Betsy with her hands waving at us, she has shoes on. Betsy. Tig, not one rhyme.

Wait, I don't. Every five year old right now is like, the song needs, you know what the song needs? More rhyming. But there's no rhymes in the Jo one. Hi, my name is Jo. I have a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory.

Hold on. One day, a wife came and she said Jo, are you busy? Here we go. I said no. Come on. Oh my God. So Jo and no, that's the only rhyme?

Oh no, Joe is what the song should, but I'm Betsy. So turns out there's only one rhyme. And I'm. But there's a lot here. There's one rhyme. There is nothing there. I was more into Betsy's story. She at least had a little pep. She was walking down the street.

May, take it. You know what, Betsy's a real bitch. Hi. My name is Betsy. Yeah, you write a song. No, you write a new song, May. Okay, here we go. Hi, my name is Jessica and I walked to school,

but on the way I saw a bus. It was a yellow bus. Oh. And on the bus was my old teacher, who I hadn't seen since I was a little toddler. Hit song. Hit song. You know what I take from this? I could have done a lot better. I'm gonna sleep now. No, there's no way to top what you did, Mae. Do you know what I take from this experience? Nothing, because there was nothing happening. There was no song, there was no rhyme. I think that my song has inspired you guys

to write other songs. That is a positive twist. And it would be called an inspiration. Hi, my name is Betsy, and I have hands, and I wave at people. Look, it's Joe, the guy that has buttons. I need to Google to make sure he does work in a button factory.

Oh my God, if he does that. Where else? If it's a bucket factory, we're... Oh no, it is button factory. Oh, thank God. I will clarify one part of the song. Please, then it'll all make sense. This part always threw me.

I was like, why is Joe's wife coming in to the button factory? It turns out it's his boss, not his wife. So it goes, you guys want to hear it one more time? No, no, no, we don't need to hear this. Hey, my name is Joe and I work in a button factory. Oh wait, I got it out of order. Let me do it the right way. See, that's why it didn't sound familiar.

Hey, my name is Joe and I got it out of order. Let me do it the right way. See that's why it didn't sound familiar. Hey, my name is Jo and I work in a button factory. And one day my boss came up to me. He says, Jo, I said, oh wait, this person rewrote it. Never mind. This also doesn't rhyme either. I think people are making their own versions. Turning this off and leaving the show. This person says, I've got a wife and a dog and a family. I can't.

Oh my God. I got a wife and a dog and a family. Now we go from Joe to our Jack Whitehall episode where we got a delightful Mayfact about a certain astronaut in space. I really romanticize like early space travel where it was so dangerous, but we were just being intrepid.

And there's this female astronaut. This is boring. Yes, yes. I have like one more anecdote to tell of related to space, and I'm just like, I just did the Joe Kittinger thing. Maybe I need to just give it a rest. This was your jam. I love it. There was the first female astronaut, Sally Ride,

I guess, Ride, Sally Ride. Oh, I don't know if those are, I don't know. I don't think those have anything to do with each other. There's no way to know. That's not the chick from The Challenger, is it? No, that was Krista McAuliffe or something like that. That made me never wanna go to space.

That's so fucked up, yeah. But so Sally Ride, they were like, I don't know if we can let a woman go to space, I don't know, and she was like, trust me, we can, I'm gonna do it. And then they said to her, okay, are you gonna have your period while you're in space? Because we're really worried about that.

And she said, no, I'm not, I know my schedule. And I'm not. She had an app on her flip phone. But she was like, 100%, I'm not. I know my schedule and I'm not. She had an app on her flip phone. Yeah. But she was like, 100%, I can guarantee, I'm not gonna get my period while I'm up there. And they were like, what? Don't tell me, don't tell me.

No, it's worse than that. They go. Oh no. They go. Diarrhea? No. They go, what if you do? She's like, I'm not going to. And then they go, well, we wanna send you up with some tampons.

She was going up for like three days and they went, would 100 tampons be enough? This was like the male astronauts just had no idea. And they said, by the way, we're also going to be voting on what we think is best for your body. Yes, exactly. And so they ended up sending her up with 100 tampons, even though there was barely any room on this spaceship. She's like, I gotta plug my cooter 30 times a day.

Fortune. Also, did these men not have mothers or wives or girlfriends? They're not asking about their jam. But I mean, you would see a woman come into the house from Costco, you know, Mugging box after box. Like a huge truck backing up to the house.

And these guys are like, I'm assuming that's for two days. Yeah. Oh my God, that's for two days. Yeah. Boop, boop. Krish. Oh my God, that's wild. Yeah. You see that tampon truck just going around all neighborhoods, backing up to people's houses.

I need 100 more tampons. Wait, is that a woman's voice? Fortune? Yeah. I, hey, I know I don't look like a woman's voice? Fortune? Yeah! I, hey, I know I don't look like a woman, but I still need tampons, I got a cooter.

And the truck passes your house by. My favorite thing is when I go to buy tampons and the person at the store thinks that I'm buying them for my girlfriend, and I'm a boy and they go, hey, you're a good boyfriend doing this. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Just.

Anyone that comments on that purchase, that is so weird. Like, why are you commenting on this? Like, let me just get my ponds. Oh. My tampons. Let me get my pawns and be out. Plug that cooter right on up.

Fortune! Oh my God. Hey, stop in my house. I'm bleeding. Hey, I need you. It's that time of the month. Like a milkman, but a tampon man. Yeah, door's open.

Door's open, just bring him right in. I'm on the toilet. The ice cream man. Hey, I'm going to space. Give me 200. You're going to space? Up, up and away, this beautiful balloon. That was a little late for the balloon reference by the way.

I'm going to space in a balloon. I was right on time. Crammed full of tampons. You got them in your ears, your nostrils. I got a jug of water, a red bull, and a hundred tampons. We're going to space baby. You're flying now from space. Sponsored by Playtex.

What is it? Playtex? We don't even know the name. Wait, Co-Tex? What's the name? Playtex isn't right. Wait, why can't I think of a single Tamplin brand and I've been using them my whole life? Why can't we? What are the brands? It might be.

It might be Playtex. Is it? Is there Playtex and Kotex? I got it. Oh, wait. Is it Playtex and Kotex? Hold on. I just said that. I know, but no, Playtex is right. I was right. Okay. Is there Kotex?

Is that like the knockoff brand? Thomas is nodding. Why is everything a Kotex? We should start our own. Kotex with a K. We should start our own Hamtex. Yes, handsome tampons. Plug her up.

Plug her up. Gents. Plug them up. Plug her up. Gents. Plug them up. Oh my God. We just did it. We knew brands but didn't know brands. That is crazy that I've been buying them my whole life and I couldn't think of a brand name.

I said Playtex and we were all like, that can't be right. In there OB? Yeah OB. OB. OB. Yeah. In there, OB? Yeah, OB. OB. Yes. Were you getting there? We went from aliens to naming tampon brands. Tampon brands. Oh my God.

If this is not the greatest podcast on earth, I don't know what is. In space. Yeah. Oh my Lord. Is there such a thing as like a tampon for your bum, like a bum pun? Why do we need one?

I don't know if- Is your butt like- I don't know, I don't know. Fortune. Why do we need to plug our bell? I don't know, I don't know. Cork it. Oh my God.

All right, while we're in space, who could forget Fortune's disclosure that she dressed up like a certain alien life form? This is all the way back from our Jamie Lee Curtis 2023 Halloween episode. I remember getting dressed to go to the party and it was all about Miss Garou in my head, but I didn't realize why,

but I dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And I was maybe 12 or 13, and everyone else in my class was like a sexy spider. Like it was that age where people start trying to have hot Halloween costumes. And I wore like an open shirt and a white kind of suit, John Travolta. And I remember being like, hey, Miss Garot, what's up?

And... It's kind of suit. John Travolta and I remember being like, hey, Miss Garrow, what's up? May, this is insane. I dressed as John Travolta. Shut up. You guys have a lot in common. I know. Well, Fortune, you and I were also debutantes. That's true. But yeah, my friends, I was really close

with these twins Suzie and Allie. Yeah, and you know, oftentimes when you're twins, you're very popular. Yes I know because I have twins but I was at Suzie and Allie's I think it was their Halloween party and I dressed as John Travolta, maybe it was their birthday party and it was just a costume dress up birthday. I don't know what was happening. It was elementary school. Or you just decided I'm going. Well, no, it was Grease.

Grease was the theme. And all of the girls dressed in poodle skirts and all of that and like were, you know, whatever the characters were in Grease. And then I showed up as John Travolta. Yes. And I think I was in like maybe first grade. Oh, little, little. And were you wearing like, what does he wear?

Black t-shirt. Jeans, you know, I had a white t-shirt, leather jacket, tennis shoes, and then my hair was slicked back. And you know, that's that thing where it's like, that's so awesome where it's like, that's so awesome that my mother thought I looked so cool and takes me to this party, drops me off, and guess what I didn't account for?

All of the girls wanted to dance with me. They wanted to, were kissing me on my cheek, and I was like, whoa, this was not in the plan. I was just here to look cool. Okay. My motorcycle is outside and I'm gonna hop on it and blaze if you cats don't step back ladies. You were very convincing as Travolta.

Yeah, they went nuts. Yeah, for a lot of queer kids, Halloween's a chance to have that gender euphoria almost. You get to dress up, yeah, how you feel inside. Then why did I go dress as Alf? I'm like, wait a second, we did? I'm like, wait a second, we did? Look at that big old man.

He had that big nose. Oh, I know. Oh, you don't have to describe it. We saw it immediately. Where did you get the costume or did you build it? I think it was like Spencer's, remember? Yeah. You know Spencer's Gifts? It's like, it was a big shop at the mall

back in the day that had like. And you were drawn to Elf. I, it was a very popular sitcom at the time. How old were you? I think I was like 12. 12 or 13. So you were you? I think I was like 12. 12 or 13. So you were not interested in dating yet. No, I was a late bloomer, let me tell you.

I was so out to lunch when it came to all that stuff. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard or thought of. It didn't even occur to me I could go as John Travolta. You showing up. With your curly blonde hair. Yeah, I just distinctly remember walking around in this giant elf mask. And I think I had like brown shirt and pants on.

I love the idea. I can't get out of this. I can't either and I love the idea. I can't either. And I love the idea that it's like John Travolta or Alf. Well, I guess I can't be John Travolta, so I'd better be Alf. Then why'd I go as Alf? Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check your stocking for coal if you've been naughty this year and

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for everyone. Want to shop at a grocery store that actually cares for your health? Go to thrivemarket.com slash handsome for 30% off your first order. Plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R I V E market.com slash handsome thrive market.com slash handsome. Let's keep it furry by delving into what is now a legendary part of the handsome podcast. I'm talking of course about the bear saga. It all started back in September when May shared a story about their driver, another person named Joe.

I think I told you I have this driver who drives me to set. His name's Joe. He's a great- Congrats, May. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I have a driver named Jimmy. Oh dear. Fortune. This is incredible. Is this a Toronto thing?

Well, they're like assigned by production, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so Joe- I have a driver named Jimmy. Fortune, is this a Toronto thing? Well, they're like a sign by production, right? Yeah, but I don't have that in the States, only in Toronto. Yeah, maybe it's a Toronto. I don't know what my driver's name will be because I'm heading to Toronto. That's right. I have a driver.

Hopefully it starts with a J. Jafar. Anyway, the bear video was Joe basically. First, he was bringing me fresh eggs from his farm. Then he's like, I could bring you some moose meat and I'll cook it up in a topper. I think I mentioned this. Yeah. We're like, no, thank you. I love this guy.

And he one night, it's like three in the morning. We're driving back from set and it's been silent for like an hour. And then he's like, so I have this video. Oh, no. Yeah. And I'm like, what? And he goes, I have this video. It's pretty cool. It's I filmed it in 1993 on a camp quarter. And it's in a I was in a bar in Lake Elliott and I was with my friend, Gary Kaczynski, I think. And and and basically, he goes, my friend Gary wrestled the bear. And this bear is called Caesar the wrestling bear. And he's like, yeah, this wouldn't fly nowadays with animal rights and stuff. But he's like, I have this video of

this trained bear who was maybe rescued as a cub and trained to wrestle. And in the video, he wrestles 12 men and he wrestles Gary Kozinski. And he's like, yeah, I'll bring it to show you. And I'm like, I don't know if I want to see it. I'm scared. I don't know. I can't see it once I've seen it. Right. Now you have been able to sleep. Well, then so then it's he's like, I'm going to bring I got to bring a VCR down so we can watch it.

Yeah. When do we get to the part where it's hard to sleep? We well, that you bring the VCR outdated, he brings the VCR. Outdated technology works. And the VCR doesn't work. So I'm like, does the universe not want me to see this video? And basically it's grown in my mind like a weed, the bear video, the bear video. I'm like, am I meant to see it? Like, why is it coming to my life?

And he's edited it. He used to wanna be a filmmaker. So he's done title cards and stuff, he said. And it's like, I'm picturing this grain. It's like a eight foot bear wrestling people. And you would win a grand if you could pin the bear down and nobody could and this bear never mauled anyone, but it would just whack them with one paw

and they'd go flying. And I'm picturing this and he's like, you gotta see it. Like it has to be seen to be believed. And I'm- Why don't we let men be in charge of things? Okay. And like, I wrote a poem about it, about the- Oh, let's hear it.

Yeah. Seriously? Yes. Okay. What else are we gonna do? Violets are blue. I wrestled a bear. And now how about you?

All right. I did, let me, I have it. Okay. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I wrestled a bear and now I can't snooze. Yeah. Oh no, that doesn't make sense because he's sleeping fine. It's me. Okay. I just know that I'm finally going to see it tomorrow. You need to workshop this poem. I like how you say poem.

We need to workshop this poem. I like how you say poem. Have you at least asked him if the bear was okay? Do we at least know that? He said the bear is fine. The bear is so much stronger than these men. I think you're going to be okay watching this. The bear is fine living in Manhattan now. Yeah, and let's hear a poem.

Okay, here's the poem. Poem. Okay. Poem. Poem. Because it's really all I can think about is like, am I meant to see this video? And yeah, once I've seen it, how will I be changed? And then I'm like, why does it mean so much

to me to bear with you? And wait, I'm sorry, May, you announced that you wrote a poem about this, and then you weren't planning on reading it. You're like, really? You want to hear it? It's just for yourself. Yeah.

I read it to Joe and he was pretty freaked out. Joe the button maker. No, you're equally freaked each other out. Yeah, Joe's like, okay, it's just a cool video. But I was like, I wrote this poem. If I were Joe, I would be like, I don't understand why you're losing sleep. But he's building the hype as well. He's like, you gotta see this vid.

And he's like, he says, you won't believe it. Whatever you're imagining, it's cooler. He keeps saying cool. Okay, let's hear the poem. Okay. The neon sign promised a champion or sign to take on any man who throw his hat into the ring. You thought you'd seen everything when you first laid eyes on Caesar the kept bear.

He moved woosily across the board. He barely fit through any doors. Barely. One clock could make. What? What? May just disappeared. May just disappeared.

Mayday. May disappeared. May just disappeared. Mayday. Uh-oh. Mayday. This is terrifying. No wonder May has been scared of this bear video. May just disappears. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Okay. Oh, there's May. May, are you okay? This is insane. I know. We've been freaking out on this side. I just started reading the poem and my whole computer crashed.

Your whole computer crashed. Like it just closed. You disappeared. It looked like you got kidnapped by the CIA. I thought there was a bear attack. I don't think the universe wants me to see this video. It clearly didn't want us to hear the rest of your poem. Well how much did you hear?

Where should I go from? Well, gosh. I heard barely. You're quite a ways in there. Okay, okay. The last thing I heard was barely. I know you started rhyming, which I appreciated because that's what I associate with poems. Oh, it rhymes.

Yeah, yeah. It's got a weird rhythm to it. Okay. Okay. Let's hope if my computer closes again, I don't know what to do. Then you're haunted. Yeah. Yeah. I would call the police if my computer closes again, I don't know what to do. Then you're haunted. Yeah, yeah, I would call the police if your computer shuts down. What do they call a Canadian police? Mounties of Mountie?

Yeah, Mountie. You've never heard that. The Royal Canadian Judge. I don't need to be judged for admitting that I don't know something. OK, I don't know. I don't know. I worked in Toronto for five years. I never had a run in with the Mountie. OK, I don't know. I don't know. I worked in Toronto for five years. I never had a run in with the Mountie. Well, they're generally up in mountains.

Those are horses? Yeah, they're in, they wear special hats and red jackets and they ride horses. Okay. Well, I wasn't like they're up in the mountains. I think so. You still should know the phrase Mountie. Why the hell would I know about police on horses riding around in the mountains, you know, clomping around. I don't know because it's just part of the vernacular, Mounties.

Anyway, two against one. Okay, let me plow through the rest of this poem. Okay. He moved woosily across the boards. He barely fit through any doors. One clock could make you meet your maker if you dare. Someone has brought the bear to you and though you know not what to do, the camera's running, time is running out, it's clear. And do you crack a joke or try to, as you step up to the fight assigned you, tell yourself you don't care if you win or lose. A thousand bucks if you can pin him

down. You hear before you hit the ground. Spend more than that on beer this month alone. Now you'll always chase this feeling like the kept bear has finally seen me. Hey man, aren't you a kept bear too? If it chooses you to witness, you'd be a fool to miss this. Hey man, aren't you a kept bear too? That's good, May. You like it?

Yeah, do you write poems? No. Typically? Never. I'd like to get into the kept bear of it all and what that means for you I felt compelled to write this poem like but why didn't you write a song? Why didn't you write a short story? Why were you like I need words rhyme in here?

This is part of the great mystery. But also how long did it take to write you to write that write you that? Poem because that felt like a long and... Then in October, Mae shared a witch related update to the bear saga. This was from our Nikki Glaser episode. Listen now. I was really shocked by the response to the bear video discussion online. People were really invested in the bear video and the bear poem and poem. I do have sort of an update. Yeah, I gave it to us. I think I vaguely updated you that after viewing the video, my world imploded. And so I became obsessed with the fact that I've been cursed by the video and that my dread was correct.

All of the omens were correct. And now I've. Wait, I'm sorry. What are you talking about? OK, so I don't know if you remember the bear video, right? I do. I do. So you were watching it. May was worried that that there would be a curse that came with watching the bear video. Yeah. And remember, I wrote the poem, the computer shut down. Pwim.

The poem, Pwim. Pwim. Then I eventually did watch the video, which I don't know if we have talked about that. We did talk about it. Yeah. And then I've been feeling like something weird is going on. Since I knew, maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but since the bear video, things are weird. May's world imploded.

My world imploded. So my friend mentioned the bear video to a friend of hers who is this Italian woman and her 50s, very spiritual woman. And she was like, okay, I'm gonna do a malocchio on you. Take you of Italian, you know what this is? A notaro. Yeah, a malocchio. A meatball.

Meatball malocchio. It's a spaghetti. That's Polish. Like a, it's a curse to undo a curse. Like she's gonna break the curse. Oh, you're gonna get double cursed. No, no, no. No, you're gonna get double cursed. No, no, no.

No, no, no. Do not say that, Fortune. No, double curse like it, they cancel each other out. Yeah, yeah. Kind of curse. And so, first she texted me. I don't know, I've been triple, I've been quadruple cursed and nothing got canceled out.

Oh Christ, well, she did the spell yesterday and she was texting me. She's like, first of all, do you have an orange in the house? I was like, yeah. She's like, throw it out. Throw it away. It's like, OK, I threw the orange out. She goes, wait, you're on the phone with her. A lot of people like this can just say whatever. Exactly. And you're like, what did she charge?

What did she charge for you throwing an orange in a trash can? First one's free to it was free. First one's free, Tig. It was free. First one's free. She was very invested in the story. And she said it sounds very much like you've been cursed by the bear video. By the bear video, really? Yeah, man.

By the bear video. I'm willing to watch this bear video. I don't want anything to do with it. Don't risk it, Tig. Hey, I've got oranges that I could just toss out like nobody's been. I'm not even into oranges. I don't even care. Could you technically have turned that orange into orange juice or you just had to get rid of all of it? Fortune. Interesting. Great question. I think it had to be out of my vicinity. Okay, so we toss an orange. Did you throw it out of the window? No, I threw it right in the garbage

outside in the garbage bin. Outside, okay. Okay. Yeah. Got rid of the orange. And you had no questions of the window? No, I threw it right in the garbage outside. Outside, okay. Got rid of the orange. And you had no questions. She's just like, oh my God, get the orange out of your house. You're like, absolutely. Right away, yeah. She felt cursed, so at this point, I'm going to do whatever.

Sure. Yeah. Also, it's 9.26 and this was late last night, so I'm like, this is auspicious. This is interesting. And then she says, do you have some salt? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, put it in your pocket. I'm like, this is auspicious, this is interesting. And then she says, do you have some salt? And I'm like, yeah, she's like, put it in your pocket. I'm like, of course. So I put it in my pocket.

What do you mean? Like you put a salt shaker in your pocket or you put just a pinch of salt? Pinch of salt in the pocket, in it goes. And she says, okay, you're gonna feel something. I won't tell you when I'm doing the malocho. She says, but you'll know. So-

You're gonna feel grains of salt in your nether regions. And did you have any moment that you thought that maybe on her end of the phone, she's like covering her mouth laughing and saying like to the friends, like they just threw the orange out. It's highly possible. These Americans and Canadians, they'll do anything.

These are mainly through voice note we're communicating. She's like, fuck, and she's like, this guy, Joe, she goes, you're telling me you're watching a video from a guy called Joe. She's like, no, you won't catch me watching a video from a guy called Joe. So I believe, like she has a commanding presence. Was this Joe from the Button Factory? Yeah,ing presence. Was this Joe from the Button Factory?

Yeah, did you ask her about Joe from the Button Factory? No, but I could, I mean, this is Joe's driver. Next voice memo. Next Melocho. So she gets a bowl and she puts olive oil and water in it and she shows me a picture of it and it's chaos. Like droplets of olive oil, willy nilly everywhere. And it looks crazy.

She goes, this is bad. Oh no. She goes, this is really bad. She goes, normally I would use three matches, but this time she goes, it takes six matches. Six matches. She's gonna burn her village down. She's putting the six matches, I guess, in the water.

And this is oil? Olive oil in water with some salt. Oil and water don't mix. Yeah, I mean, you're not gonna get some smoothed out situation. It's gonna be chaos if water's in oil. It's not gonna gel. But after the six matches and the prayer.

Well, let's wait. So she does the matches, puts in the bowl. She said if I was there, she would throw the matches at me, but I wasn't there. And you're still on the phone. May, this is a witch. Yeah, I know it's a witch.

It's a good witch. I think this is somebody that is maybe pretending like she has some power. I'll tell you what. How did you meet this person again? Is this a friend of the friend? Is this a friend of Craigslist? Craigslist?

If I typed in, how do you help me close the bear portal? It was a friend of a friend. I think I know who friend it is. Who? Who? Is this a father thing? No, no, no. It's my friend Carolyn, but yeah, cut it out. So she shows me the olive oil in the bowl after the six matches and the prayer,

and the olive oil is neatly organized. It's almost become like this beautiful image. And she says, I can confirm there was a curse on you. It is now lifted. And she's like, it was bad. And I go, I know, I fucking know, I felt it. And she goes, have you been having headaches? I said, I have one today. And she said, it'll go, it'll be gone soon. Sure enough, headaches gone. Headaches work with headaches.

Yeah, true. Just saying, eventually. I wanna poke holes in her thing she's got going here, but usually they go away. So like, if you're having a hard day toss an orange out of the window, put a little pinch of salt in the pocket, put some oil and water in a bowl, and then light it on fire? I think so. And then she's like, do you have a headache? It's gonna go away. And you're like.

And you're like. Oh. Today's episode of Handsome is sponsored by Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol. Twisted Tea is the perfect drink to keep the good times going all day long. Twisted Tea is all about hanging out with friends, having a good time and enjoying life.

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is giving away two free picks in December and they're giving away 30 plus million dollars in rewards during Picksmas. This week I'm picking Travis Kelce to pick up more than 70 receiving yards. He had 100 against the Buccaneers on 14 targets back in November. And I think he's due to pop off against the Steelers. Download the app today and use code handsome to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's right. Use code handsome after downloading the prize picks app to get $50 off instantly after playing your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Then in November in our Molly Shannon episode,

we got the final update to the bear saga, at least until the bear portal opens again. Okay, this is, so this was, I was worried about painting the wrestling bear, Caesar, and then I checked with Raft, that woman who did the Malocchio spell to, if you're just listening to the pod for the first time. This is not anything new.

Yeah, this is part of a saga. Mays had a bear journey. This is, I think, now the saga's ending, so this is my bear. Whoa, that's really good, May. Thank you so much. He's wearing a Caesar crown, because his name is- He looks like a bear wolf.

Oh yeah I see that. Yeah here's his face. I would say barely looks like a wolf. And so the painting is it was part of the release to get it out. You'll notice like in the painting was part of the release to get it out. You'll notice like in the painting, the bear is like really releasing its rage, which is what the real wrestling bear never did. He was so docile and placid. And I feel like I got to release my inner bear rage. And so I painted it.

I feel good. I might give the painting to Joe. That's what I think I might do. That would be nice. Joe the button maker. Hi, my name is Joe. That's what I think I might do. Mmm, that would be nice. Joe the button maker? No, Tiff. Hi, my name is Joe. I've got a wife and three kids and a wife. Family.

And a family. And a factory. And I push buttons. So you feel like you release some inner rage? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's, the coincidences continue because my friend brought a bear painting over that she's had for 15 years and we're looking at the painting and then on the back we see it says, for Jesse

the Elder. And we're like, what? You can imagine this electrifies me. Then it's like the artist assigned it, Mike Junot. And we're talking about this and then my buddy Jason comes over, just my random buddy Jason and he goes, oh, I know Mike Junot. We go, what? He goes, yeah, yeah, cause she goes,

I bought it at a yard sale 15 years ago. And Jason goes, let me text Mike Juneau. Texts him, goes, did you paint this bear? He goes, yeah, guess what Mike Juneau's job is now. He's a wrestler. For real. So anyway, I think that closed the loop. Yeah. Are you feeling better? Much. Yeah.

All right. I think we need a little palate cleanser after all that scary bear stuff. How about a super cut of Fortune Marie moments and big thanks to our social media coordinator, Autumn, who helped put all these together. Well, you can't have charcuterie without cooter. Fortune! Oh my God. Fortune! Should we guess what the news is? So it's something that we would never expect you to do,

like trampoline park. No, you got your Cooderwax. Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie, how dare you? Let's pretend these are the balls. Yeah, okay. And this is the wiener. Fortune.

Fortune, guys. So I'm even answering the question without my ponches on. In the early. Fortune. Guys. So I'm even answering the question without my ponches on. In my, in the early. Fortune. Fortune. Fortune Marie. So motorboating's like that thing you could do with,

but does anyone do that with the boobs? You mean put your head in someone's breast and go. And go like. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie.

I'm going to say I'm a fan. No way. Oh my God. That's the best. Next up, we have an all time classic moment in the Handsome Pantheon. This is from our Natalie Maines episode, and it's the origin story of one of Handsome's most enduring catchphrases. Here's a moment where we all learned

to keep a pineapple apart. I went to a school dance when I was 13, and it was like right when everyone was like, okay, we gotta be hot now, and the boys' school is coming, and all the girls were in like tank tops and foam platforms. She was, yeah, I did not either. And I knew I couldn't compete with these girls

with their like lip gloss and stuff. And I didn't know, I didn't know I was like queer or whatever, but I just didn't want to be involved in the whole thing. So to combat it, I went joke. So I went hat with a propeller overalls for real, for real. I went to full. Yeah, I went in character.

Well look at May's face and tell me what other hat is gonna go on there. You're gonna put a propeller on May's head. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, oh I gotta buy one of those on Amazon now. Halloween's coming. And look, I would buy it at an independent retailer if I knew where.

Did you know after the school dance when you had overalls and a propeller hat on,. Did you know after the school dance when you had overalls and a propeller hat on, did you then know you were queer? I was just doing a bit the whole time. Okay. I always just wanted to hang out with the teachers and I always had a crush on my teachers.

Me too, I love my teachers. Yeah, yeah. And they used to come around with a pineapple at the dances and they'd say, I know. It's Canada. You gotta be a pineapple apart. And they'd put the pineapple between you and the boys because the boys would get semis and be like grinding.

And I wanted that, like I was into the boys. Ian Peach, I was in love with, but I knew he wasn't gonna choose me. Yeah, so I preemptively was like, no, no, I'm just kidding around. I don't even want you to dance with me, even though I was desperate for him to get a semi and for the pineapple to come.

They really put a pineapple between people. I have never heard of that. You could use a football. It'd be like they're much lighter thing like a stuffed animal. Like why carry around a heavy fruit with spikes on it? Like they were trying to make it fun but. It was the exact size of a football. Which is in the P.E. room. All the queers laughing at the football jokes.

But yes, I mean they're like, they're like, Martha, you gotta go to the grocery store to get that pineapple. Get that pineapple. If we don't get a, wait, could we get a morning announcement about the pineapple? Hey, uh, if you're planning to go to the dance later tonight, then just be prepared that the teachers are going to come around with a pineapple to put in between you so that nothing happens. That's not supposed to happen. No semis.

Semis in the background. Martha, can you please go get that pineapple? Would the dance be off if they forgot to get a large pineapple? Yeah, maybe because what else? Yeah, I remember that not only were they going around with the pineapple, but they would remind you on like the um megaphone like periodically remember pineapple apart. Pineapple apart is kind of a great pineapple apart. Was everyone in your school just a nerd including the teacher? I think everyone. Pineapple apart. All the teachers had propeller hats too. I mean there's so many dances that have happened around the country and world and how is it that Fortune and I and I'm certain Thomas have you heard about Pineapple Apart? I have not and I'm Canadian so. You're Canadian. Okay. Was this a Catholic

school May? Anglican. How did so many dances happen without Pineapple Apart. I know. I know. That's why teen pregnancy was on the razz. I know. In America. But so like there's someone going around with the pineapple and so after they've come over and separated you and the guy then after when they move on that's your moment they're not going to come back to you for a while that's your moment to grind before they make the rounds. Oh you. Oh, you gotta get that grind. That is so funny. I'm just now realizing that they have to really be on top of that

with that age group because it's so new being able to touch people. And like if the teachers walk off with the pineapple to someone else, who knows? Who knows? You're gonna be pregnant with. Yeah, pineapple apart. But also just let them grind.

You know the best part? Let them grind, you know, let them. What's the best part? That's true, let them grind, May's right. The best part though is that at the end of the night, Martha has a pineapple to make her famous pineapple upside down cake. Okay, wait a minute.

We have our first handsome bumper sticker and it's Martha has a pineapple. Martha has a pineapple. Did you know in the olden days, like here's a fact coming your way, in the like 1700s or 1700s, 1600s. They used to, you could rent a pineapple just to show that you were wealthy at your party

because they were so exotic and so expensive. Like in England, you'd rent a pineapple and pretend it was yours and just put it on the table and be like, oh yeah, we got one. Somebody should fact check that. Listening. Handsome is hilarious, but what we also love about Tig, Fortune, and May is that they share real stories from their lives.

When Fortune's mom, Ginger, asked a question for Pride Month, the answers were touching and funny too. Take a listen. Hi handsome, this is Ginger Feamster, Fortune's mother, and I would like to know what your experiences were like coming out your families. Ginger. We had to tape that so many times by the way. She was like, here, come over here to this side of the wall. I have these flowers over here. I think that would make a good background. And then we taped that like 20 times.

And I was like, my mom, we got it. So wait, you were in town with her. I was in town with her last time I had a show there because I knew I had, after the people had sat on our poll that they wanted her to ask a question, I called us and said, Hey people, want you to ask a question. I called us and hey people, why don't you ask a question and she goes, I don't know how to do that.

I was like, oh, I'm going to have to do this for her. So when I went home, I said, we got to do the handsome question. I thought it'd be cool for her to ask something in Pride Month because of obviously the subject matter. But after I came out, she at first, well, to answer this question. Yeah. How'd you do it?

Yeah. So she was, I was kind of nervous to tell her, like, she's very progressive and liberal, but as I had talked about one of my stand-up specials, she was dating this very conservative, very religious man when I was in college. And she did at that time sort of have this tendency to take on the personality traits of whoever she was dating. So she went from being like my whole life

pretty progressive to like all of a sudden pretty buttoned up and like a little bit more conservative in certain ways. And I was like, oh, this is, who is this? And they had just broken up. And when I was kind of coming to terms with being gay, and so I really was nervous to tell her. And I took her to this Chinese restaurant to tell

her, I don't know why I say sweet and salty because I could eat crab rangoons if she disowned me. But even though, you know, I really did not know how my parents would react. I was very nervous. I told a couple friends first as sort of a like, how are they going to react? And I told my mom first and she just got very quiet. And I was nervous to tell her, I was like, oh, like, I couldn't just say it like I'm gay at first. I was like, oh, just so you know, like, my life is going to be different than what you might have thought it was gonna be.

And I was kind of like beating around the bush. And then finally, and she was just kind of like trying to grasp what I was saying, because I was, it's hard in the beginning to say the words like I'm gay. And I was trying to figure out how to say that lightly. And I was trying to figure out how to say that lightly. And then I finally I was like, so, you know. OK. OK.

And she was kind of quiet and listened. And I think maybe in the beginning, there was like some, are you sure? Kind of things. And then when I told my dad. Did you say look at me and ask me that again? Well, I told him, when I told my brothers, they were both like, duh. It's like, come on. And, but my mom was genuinely shocked,

which like is the only person in my life who was genuinely shocked. My dad, I had my mom go with me to tell him we went to a park. That's nice that she came. Yeah, so I had her sit up kind of a few, because they aren't together. They divorced when I was 12, but they're friends.

And I had her sit kind of up. And my dad and I don't really have serious conversations with each other. Wait, sit up? Like sit just like a few meters? Like on a hill. Sorry. Like on a different swing? We were on a hill and she was kind of sitting

up in a tree. Above the hill. On top of a slide. And I just was like, I just with him pulled the band. I was like, yeah, I'm gay. And he's like, all right, you're my daughter. You're my daughter. I love you. You're my daughter. He was so nervous. He's like, you're my daughter. I love you. My mom and that's his way of trying to accept it and be cool. And my mom goes, Mike, she knows she's your daughter.

She's gay. Oh my God. What I would give to overhear this at a park. And she's yelling, I'm gay in the middle of this tiny town. I'm like, can you just keep it down? Oh my gosh. I came out to my mother first and she was accepting, but she also, she was surprisingly surprised. And my mother would do this thing

where she would move air from one cheek to the other and back and forth when she didn't know what to say. That's exactly it. That's a real tell. And I said, oh, you're uncomfortable. And she's like, no, I'm not. And I was like, well, you're moving air from one cheek to the other and back to the other.

And she laughed at herself. And my stepfather was fine. I think she told him, because he also like a bit buttoned up but had no issue with any of that, had no issue with any of that stuff, but just wasn't a conversation I was excited to sit down and have.

Right, right. And then my father also very fine and I think he was trying to get it out of me before I even knew. You know? Were you guys emotional? Tell it, like... I think I wrote my mother a letter.

And then when she got it, she called me. And then she came out to visit me right after that. And then it was funny because my because I hadn't told my brother and my mother and brother and I were all together and she kept telling me that I needed to tell him. And I was like, I don't wanna tell, like, it's just. How old were you? Like, 22 or something.

I really don't, I don't know. But I was like, I don't wanna have this conversation. My brother and I, he was off at college and we just had, we were living such different lives and he was full on party college guy and I'm like hanging out listening to the Indigo Girls. And so I'm in the back seat of my brother's Jeep, my brother's driving, my mother's in the passenger seat.

And before he had picked us up, she kept telling me, she was like, you have to tell him, you have to tell him. And I was like, you have to tell him, you have to tell him. And I was like, ugh. And, but I just told her I wasn't quite ready. We're driving along and while we're driving, my mother keeps saying to my brother, you know, life is all about change. And he was like, I know.

You know, he's like this big guy in his Jeep, he has like a dirty dog everywhere he went. And like, he was like, yeah, I know. He's like this big guy in his Jeep. He has like a dirty dog everywhere he went. And like, he was like, yeah, I know. And she just kept saying, well, you have to always be open. Life is all about change or it's gonna leave you behind if you don't keep up with things. And he was like, I know. And I'm sitting back there going, oh my gosh.

And then just out of nowhere, she says, Tixkay. No way, oh my God. And I just sunk in the back of his Jeep and he goes, yeah, I know. And then I sat up and I said, you knew? And he goes, well, yeah, of course I knew. And I was like, oh. That's so good.

Yeah, but I just wanted to kill my mother in that moment. But, and then a second later, I was like, oh, I'm so glad she did that. Yeah, like, thank God that's done. Yeah. I'm just listening, thinking like, it is crazy that anyone has to, like that we assume all babies are straight.

And then if you're not, you gotta, it's so scary. It's the only preference that you have to make a declaration about and then it's like, yeah, it is wild. Well, first of all, it's so funny to say, to assume all babies are straight. Is that kind of, I mean, hopefully, it literally feels like the baby's full. Like they're cutting the umbilical cord

and planning the bachelorette party at the same time. Like it's so wild. But I didn't, all growing up, my parents were like, you know, when you're gonna meet a man or a woman, like they were very, like I knew it was an option. And I think they thought my brother was gay for a while or wanted him to be in his teens. And then by the time I started dating girls, I was like also doing drugs and dropping out of school and getting kicked out. So it kind of got like brushed over. Like it was just

one of many things. But they were definitely shocked because I was so boy crazy and I had boyfriends too so they were shocked. But I don't think I ever really had a conversation with my mom but my dad I remember I was watching the movie Gia on VHS with Angelina Jolie and I didn't even really know that I was gay or bi. I didn't even really know that I was gay or bi, but I was really into Gia. And then I remember going to get him from his office where he was working upstairs and being like, dad, come down and see this, how great this movie is.

And showing him a scene where they're making out. She's jumping on the fence. Yeah, and he was like, yep. Tank top. Yeah, he was like, cool. And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, he was like, cool. And I was like, isn't, I don't know why I love how beautiful this scene is and yeah. This summer also brought us one of the most hilariously

vulnerable and cringe-worthy moments of the podcast. Of course I'm talking about when Fortune in May took a field trip to see Alanis Morissette, guest of the show, perform live in Toronto and well the rest is handsome history. Take a listen and find out who made it to the stage and who didn't. Fortune and I did go and see Alanis Morissette in Toronto. Yeah. And there's a lot to unpack I would say. Yeah so Alan Atlantis, you know, was on the pod not too, too long ago and, uh, asked a very funny question and we knew that Atlantis was coming to Toronto and May and I were

both going to be in Toronto when Atlantis came and we were like, we need to have a field trip. What'd you say, Tig? Way to rub it in, Fortune. I know. The first thing that happened that went wrong was, well, so I had bought like eight tickets on Ticketmaster. I'd gone like VIP package. I'd invited people that were like coming from out of town. And a few days before the concert, I was like, what's my,

do I download those tickets or what? Like, do I have the confirmation number? Couldn't find any record of them. Turns out I've been scammed. I had no tickets. No. Yeah, and it was a fake Ticketmaster website. A fake whole fake website? It looked real. And I called the customer service and they're like, oh yeah, well, if you give us your card details now

on the phone, we can get you the VIP thing. And I just thought, give me a second. You called the number on the site. I called the scam customer service. Anyway, so then I'm scrambling and I'm emailing every agent I've ever had being like, is there any string you can pull to get me to this concert? I've got friends like coming from out of town,

Parves flying in from LA. Can I get just eight tickets? Wow. Just a casual eight tickets. I only need eight tickets. Did you consider giving Alanis a ring-a-ding? I would, if I had her number, you know I would. Okay.

So finally I managed to get four tickets, which was amazing. And then we meet up and we're all excited to meet Alanis. We're standing backstage, Fortune, Jax, Parv, me, my best friend, my two other best friends. Yeah, cause we, they said that we could meet Alanis right after her meet and greet. And we were like so pumped.

I was drenched in sweat. I've rarely been that nervous to meet someone. Wow. My face was red. But honestly, it's because of the sun happening. We were freaking out. Jax and I walked 40 minutes to the venue and it really took it out of me. You're nervous, you're blushing.

Yeah, and then the moment we need to process is, Alanis' manager or tour manager comes up and goes, so Fortune, are y'all ready to go on stage and sing the first verse of Ironic? No, so she says, before she had taken us back to that area. She asked me, um, she's like, can you sing? And I was like, um, have you heard the broadcast? And so I didn't want to answer it because I was like, well, I mean, I'm not a

singer by trade, but we've all heard my karaoke pretty good. And so I was like, I get. Yeah. And she was like, well, that doesn't give me much confidence. I was like, well, what? I don't know what you're asking. I go, I have I sang with the chicks in Nashville on stage. So I think I yeah, I yes, I can sing. And so she was like, Oh, well, because Alanis is a saying where she brings somebody up to sing a couple of verses of ironic. Would you be into it? I'm like, absolutely. Are you kidding me? So that was

the first conversation. Okay. You had not been privy to not privy to that. So I just hear the manager go, so fortune, you all ready to sing Ironic with Alanis? And I have never in my life and I love Fortune. Let's just say that right away. May was ready to murder me and throw me into a river so that... I was really shocked by my own reaction. I felt rage. I was like, I want to do this so badly. Did you not have your teddy bear? That comes to you? Malcolm. They looked at me like I had betrayed you.

I know. And I was like, I didn't have anything to do with it. And then I was trying to like regain composure and I was like, no, Fortune, I'm so pumped for you. This is gonna be great. And then I would turn back to my friends and be like, I'm gonna kill her. You're killing me.

Yes. And then Fortune goes turn back to my friends and be like, I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna kill her. Yes. And then, then Fortune goes, I better Google the lyrics. I was like, come on. I know the lyrics, I just got nervous. Hey, is this the point where we say, isn't it ironic? That she's invited and doesn't know the words? Oh my Lord. I do know the words, but I got so nervous all of a sudden.

Of course, and I was excited for you. And then, so we go backstage and meet her and like, she's everything you want her to be like. Amazing. Right? Didn't she have like a power? She's just a very present person, a very open, you can just feel the kindness radiate from her. She just leads with openness, I think is the best way to describe her.

So warm, so funny, really made us laugh. And I was like, don't mention that you want to sing. I know I could have really ruined the moment by being like, but what about me? And then I was glad we had a great interaction. But how, oh, sorry. It comes time for Fortune to sing. And I'm like, I'm going to tag along. I think I, under the guise of being like,

oh, if I, maybe I'll film footage for our social media page. But really secretly I'm hoping at the last second Alanis is going to grab my hand too. And then- Donald Bruce Springsteen, Courtney Cox. Yeah. And then it was a beautiful moment for us. You guys were looking in each other's eyes singing- My God. My God.

My God. I do have a video of it. I have a video of it all on my Instagram for those that want to see the love exuding from me. And I will say Alanis too. There's the video that my friend made, which is you and Alanis gazing into each other's eyes crying and then the camera pans over to me at the side of the stage like Rumpelstilts can stamp my little foot. No, I was trying to look, I was like, woo yay! But I was really, and then-

Wait, are you saying Fortune and Alanis were crying to each other on stage? No, no, no, I cried after. Oh, you cried after? You felt emotional, right? Alanis wasn't crying, she's a professional. It would be wild. Every time she brings someone on stage.

She has this moment every show. She's a Liz Cannon. Well, right before I get... So, Alanis does like a portion at another stage out in the audience. And that's when they said, come meet us over the side. And when she comes back through to go on stage, she's going to grab you by the hand and bring you up on stage. But I think a lot...

Not always, but Alanis said a lot of time it's a kid that they have to this. So, Atlanta's like usually pulling some nervous kid. So, everyone was like, said she yanked me on stage. She didn't yank me on stage. She just used to like pulling a kid. And I look like a kid kind of clomping on stage. And she just walks really fast and I'm really slow. So, it looked like I was being pulled on stage. I was veryomping on stage. And she just walks really fast and I'm really slow. So it looked like I was being pulled on stage. I was very willingly going on stage. But

her right before I went up on stage, her tour manager goes, Oh, don't even worry about the audience. Just sing the song to Atlanta. So I was like, okay. And so we start the song and Atlanta's points at the teleprompter like, yeah, you know, hear the words kind of, if you need them. And here's the words to my utterly most famous song in the history. And I just lock in with Alanis eyes right to her down the barrel. I sing that whole first verse to her and she's just beaming and looking in my peering into my soul in a way that no one has looked at me in that kind of vulnerable.

I absolutely have. It was very intimate in a not sexual way, but a very human intimate experience that was so deep that when I got off stage, I legit started, I welled up. It made me so emotional. While this was happening. Are you about to cry right now? No, I'm okay. I've processed it.

While this was happening, I'm standing there and the stage crew guy comes up to me and goes, excuse me, you're going to have to stand further back. Your t-shirt is very white. Apparently my t-shirt. My entire show. Yeah, my t-shirt was. Don't you see? further back. Your t-shirt is very white. Apparently my t-shirt. My entire show. Yeah, my t-shirt was...

Don't you see? Don't you see Atlanta's unfortunate peering into each other's eyes right now? Now, I think the first verse and the chorus and then she gives me a big hug. That's how it always goes and sends me off. And it was really cool.

It was epic. It was amazing. You smashed it to you. Sounded beautiful like an angel. Do you know how she chose you and not me? Well, that's a good question. Yeah. The most embarrassing thing is she was at the same venue the next night

and I texted the kind woman who had got us backstage. Of course, and I said, hey, that was so fun last night. You know, if Alanis needs, I said, if Alanis needs anyone tonight. Did you call with your teddy bear in your arms? I sent to Salvi with the teddy bear. No, I said, if she needs anyone, I'm available. Ha ha. No response. No response. I will tell you this.

I heard from people on the comment section that her nephew did it that night. So that's the only reason I'm sure you weren't asked. I did have a moment with her. She did bring my name up again that night too. So I think it did have an everlasting effect. Did my name come up at all? She talked about the podcast. She said she loved the podcast.

Well, okay, but did she say Tig is quite extraordinary and I wish I had heard terrible voice. May, did you catch that? She might have mumbled it. I met her before you guys did, okay? She might not even know that. I already told you that. Oh, yeah. She and I have a mutual friend and I've socialized with her.

I've never sung with her, but I will. Tig, if you sing with her before me, I am quitting this podcast. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm Canadian. Yeah. Maybe it's because she's heard me sing on the podcast and you just need to sing more on our pod.

Oh, yeah. Wait a minute, man. There's your money. That's right, she listens to the podcast and you just need to sing more on our pod. Oh, wait a minute, man. That's right. She listens to the podcast. She does. I had met Alanis back in 2014. She came to the finale of Chelsea Lately. Maybe there was that familiarity from back then too.

I don't know. No, I feel like she knew she was in a safe pair of hands with you and I was kind of a wild card. I was quivering, you know, and I did. I love the Hail Mary that you threw for the next night. That is bold. That is no shame, bold. Thanks for listening to Handsome's Greatest Hits. Let's just call it volume one because we want to hear what your favorite clips and moments are that we missed. Let us know in the comments what you'd like to see if we do a volume two and what your favorite clip from this video was as well. And don't forget to go

to handsomepod.com for all your merch and follow us at handsomepod. Have a happy and handsome holly bob from me, Fortune, May, and Tig. We're gonna close it out with some singing, but first, don't forget, keep it handsome. At least you're not on a bunch of country roads in LA. Are there country roads in LA? Country roads take me home to the place

where I belong West Virginia Please. Hi, I'm Bob. Boby-Long. West Virginia. Mount Mama. Take me home, LA roads. Hollywood Boulevard. What is this podcast? When you're going into first and you feel like where's diarrhea? Diarrhea.

When you feel like some. Did I sing this last time we had diarrhea? When you're going into second and you feel something unpleasant, diarrhea, diarrhea Is that how it goes? When you're going into third When you're sliding into first and you feel a big burst Second is unpleasant, no? Third is turn

Home is Third is turd. Home is... Third is turd. What is turd? When you're going to third and you feel a big turd. Diarrhea. And then home is what? Do we know? Foam.

When you're sliding into home and you've got... Your shorts are full of foam. Your shorts are full of foam. No. Diarrhea. And then you do have to go pfft, pfft. Diarrhea. Your shorts are full of foam? And then you do have to go pfft pfft. Diarrhea pfft. Your shorts are full of foam?

Because this is shorts. Did you have foam? I had no foam. What rhyme? I almost died of a disease that caused diarrhea. No foam. You had no foam? No foam.

Have you ever heard that song? I've heard the first line in the pfft pfft. But I have not heard about. Can you believe I knew all the bases? That was great. I do want you guys to know one thing though, before we get into the end of the podcast. Oh what? Oh my God.

What is it? Are you quitting? Fortune, what is it? Fortune, I'm scared. I'll be there for you. I'll be there for you. Wait, how's the rest of the song go? Oh my god.

Cause you're there for me too. When the rain starts to fall. And it's raining. Guys. Well, it feels kind of medium-y and. It feels, I got goosebumps. I didn't. I also genuinely thought...

I bet you never thought that life would... Oh, she's getting... Oh, come on. Hey, your friend's a joke, but your job's a joke, you're broke, your friends are. Thank you, you have your head shot last night. Thank you. I always beat my fans.

Not on my couch! Fortune! Fortune! Like it was so close! I'm good, I'm okay, I did it! Chatting with friends on the handsome pod! Chatting with friends on the handsome pod! Chatting with friends on the handsome pod! Chatting with friends on the handsome pod!

Chatting with friends on the handsome pod! Wow! I don't think we've ever done that! We've never done it live! from the Handsome Pod. Wow, I don't think we've ever done that. We've never done it live. No. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check and make sure that your loved ones don't already have a copy of that book you might have already gifted them the year before. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbro, terms apply. All state fire and casualty, insurance company and affiliates.

Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorneing After podcast, now on HeadGum. That's right. Every Wednesday, a new episode drops and we- wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing, just polishing my Emmy.

Why? Because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgum. Does he have an Emmy? No, but he has been a guest on the La Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor.

I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans. We have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans. For questions. We poll them for questions, Jesse. Just polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards.

It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to The Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.