Handsome - Kelly Clarkson asks about telling the truth

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Kelly Clarkson asks a tricky question about truth on this week's handsome! Plus seven minutes in heaven, multiple Mae facts, and more... plus, did we mention Handsome has its own COFFEE now?! Go to handsomepod.com and get your bag!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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to ring in our Pretty little lady's special day. So get your handsome coffee and coffee mugs now along with Fortune's free birthday sticker at handsomepod.com. That's handsomepod.com. Fortune Marie. Handsome pod. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pod.

Chattin' with friends on the handsome pod. Well, well, well. Welcome to Handsome. Oh, thank you. How are you? I'm Fortune Feimster. I'm Tignotaro. And I'm May Martin. I was sort of gonna do welcome to Handsome and then I turned it into well, well, well. Well, well, welcome. Well, well, welcome. Seems like a very nice song. I'm going to sing it.

I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it.

I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm going to sing it. I'm goingignotaro. And I'm May Martin. I was sort of gonna do welcome to handsome and then I turned it into well, well, well because I'm like, well, welcome. Well, well, welcome. That seems like a catchphrase on a sitcom. Yeah. I haven't seen you guys in a minute. I know. I know.

I missed your faces. You're both looking extra handsome. Thank you, May. I'm just, I'm still giggling because right before we started, we were talking about how we would podcast from heaven. Yeah. Due to our untimely death. That's a commitment. We would have like a terrible podcast accident.

Yeah. And then we all died together holding hands recording and then we float off into heaven. Yeah, ghost. Yeah, ghost. Yeah, I'm just picturing us in kind of togas like up in the clouds like classic heaven gear and a little classic that toga is a classic. God is expect, you know, inspecting your outfit.

Yeah. All right. And all of us make it in hopefully. I think we'll all make it make it in, hopefully? I think we'll all make it in. I don't think May will. Really? I don't. No, May makes it in. Well, after purgatory.

Yeah, I think you're going to be in purgatory. May has to wait a minute? I think for a little bit. May's smoking a cigarette. I had a lot of fun. Yeah, I'll be with all the sinful, like, wild people in like the first circle of hell. Did you think Thomas makes it in or is Thomas still alive and producing? He's still alive producing.

He was responsible for our deaths. Yes, yes. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the real surprise curve ball. Like instead of turning the volume up, he blew us up. Yeah, he turned up the gasoline and fire explosion button.

But he still sends us the link every week to click. That's how, that's our portal to the, that's how these mere mortals listen to our pod from heaven. Oh my gosh. And then May eventually makes it in because the Lord knows you have a good heart. That's how these mere mortals listen to our prod from heaven. Oh my gosh. And then May eventually makes it in because the Lord knows you have a good heart. Thank you.

Well, the Lord didn't know right away. The Lord had to keep you in purgatory. He's determined to keep you in purgatory for a minute. I deserve it. And also, I don't know, are they having fun up in heaven? Are all of our guests? I think you're having more fun in purgatory, truth be told.

Fortune! What? I've never noticed your accent. Truth be told, I think there's some fun happening in there in that middle ground. You know what is so great about that, when somebody talks like that, is you know that not everyone can hear you.

You know, cause you're like, well, truth be told, I'm having a lot of fun, just between me and you, and it's because you're like, well, I took it and I'm telling my son, this is just between me and you and it's like an amazing purgatory. That's right. No one heard me. Do you think all our guests would have to be just the celebs that made it to heaven then?

So it's pretty much just Mr. Rogers. We just interview him week after week. Yeah. Won't you be my neighbor? Hey, neighbor. I put a Southern accent on him. Did y'all grow up watching Mr. Rogers? Yeah, I did actually.

I did watch him. Yeah. Well, how'd you end up in purgatory? I know. I know I put in all these hours watching Mr. Rogers. Where'd you lose your way, Mae? Yeah. I don't know.

Probably I started watching the Red Shoe Diaries with David Duchovny. Uh, was that a naughty show? Yeah, we'd get it all fuzzy on the TV. Like we had to like adjust the antenna on the TV to get show time. And, uh, it was like Friday nights and I'd often be at a sleepover with my friend Stephanie and we'd like adjust the antenna and we'd see like full frontal David Duchovny for real. Yeah. So that's why I'm in purgatory.

Man, that doesn't seem like you should go to purgatory for that. I know. Because I used to watch Taxi Cab Confessions. Oh, what's that? Taxi Cab Confessions was on HBO, I believe, and it was a woman with a New York accent driving a cab, or there was different cab drivers,

and they would pick people up, and the people in the cab would just like tell their like deepest, darkest secrets. Really? Or like crazy stuff would be going on or like people be in the car, like going to go have like three songs. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah. And then they would just sign off and say, yeah, put it out there. Yeah. It's like we know that you revealed that you murdered someone, but you're

not signing this release. And here's $100. But it was so good. If we were to watch it now, it might feel a little like we've been exposed to so much. Yeah. Like, well, that's not that crazy. But back in the day, like when I was 12, it was like, whoa. Tittle lady.

You were 12, learning about threesomes and all that kind of stuff? What can I say? I guess I'm in purgatory too. Girl. Every now and then. I didn't hear what you said. I'm in purgatory too, you know what I mean?

Every now and then. Every now and then. Are you, you're'm on purgatory too, if you know what I mean. Every know what I mean. Every know what I mean. You're in Toronto right now, right Fortune? I am, yeah. I'm filming FUBAR season 2. Yeah, May knows exactly where you are. I try to guess where I live, which we won't say on here, but May guessed very wrong.

That was so embarrassing. May was like, oh yeah, let me just see out the window. And then I went, yeah, that's probably Spadina and right by the waterfront. And Fortune's like, nope. Nope. I've been doing a lot of action. No way. Oh my god, my body is so sore right now. Action sequences, like what? Running, shooting.

Running, shooting, fighting. Cartwheels? No cartwheels yet. Parachutes. Oh my God, parachutes? I mean, I'm not jumping out of a plane, let's not get crazy, but I wear a parachute, that's hard. And that's great.

Wait, so that's it? You just walk around the parachute, you're dragging a parachute behind you? You're dragging a parachute around. Wow, and you don't have a stunt double? Not a stunt double for that, that's on me. I've been doing a lot of my own stuff. I got dragged across the floor.

Do they like dangle you in front of a green screen kind of? I haven't been dangled yet. You gotta get dangled. I was in an aliquot. I was in an aliquot last season. That was flying through the air or was parked on the ground? Guys, it wasn't flying, it was on the ground,

but it was on it. Okay, but you're leading into this. Like you're doing all sorts of crazy stuff. You're like, I was parachuting. I was in a helicopter. It's like everything was parked and you were... I did fight. I did fight.

So who dragged you across the floor? Is that a spoiler? It's a spoiler. I can't tell you. Did you fight Arnold? No, we're on the same team. We're both CIA Okay, that's fine. You can still get in a fight. We're in a fight I

Asked him last season. I said I want to do more action Yeah, I never thought a million years someone like me would be in an action series And then they really gave it to me this season. And I'm like, I'm gonna need to buy some Epsom salts. Yeah. And what do you mean someone like you? Like a gay person or a Southern person? A large gal.

Oh. You don't see a larger gal action. You're looking very in shape these days, kid. Really? Yeah, I think so. You look great. All things friend. I think so. You look great. Thanks, friend. I can't wait to watch this.

Is it a bonding experience with the person who's dragging you across the floor? I'm fixated on this. Yeah, I mean, because you're like, I was like on my back for like four hours and they were pulling me. What are we talking about? Yeah, that's what she said.

You guys. Yeah, I mean, well, you start to, you know, you're on set all day in these crazy locations. You just start chatting and. And I'm sorry, but even that doesn't sound like an action scene that someone's pulling you on the ground. Well, tell my back that, Tig. I'm getting nervous to film.

And the big question at the moment is like- I know, it's coming soon. I know, and the big question is, am I gonna dye my hair brown? And I know there's bigger questions. Like we're in pre-production, there's so many more important things going on, but I keep bringing every conversation back to like,

and are we sure about, and we think about the brown hair? Like, yeah, cause- I can't imagine you not with blonde though. I know. And wait, why brown? Well, the woman playing my wife has the exact same hair color as me currently,

and we look like siblings. And she- I think she should dye her hair. Well, she very wisely put it in her contract, but she- I would say like, you gotta do it, I'm not gonna- Wait, I'm sorry, hold on May. I'm trying to understand what Fortune said. What's that? I'd say like you gotta do it. Wait, I'm sorry. Hold on May. I'm trying to understand what fortune said. I'm like, hey, I'm kind of like, I'm kind of a big deal here.

So we're probably going to have to. Yeah. Well, well, well, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. For real, she has it in her contract? Yeah. It's so smart. I didn't even know you could do that. Apparently you can. And fair enough. I'm, you know, I should be open to it.

I think it would be cool. help me get in the character, but I'm really nervous about, what if I dye my hair brown and suddenly I look at my Instagram and I just have two followers and it's just you two. Everyone's gonna turn on you. I would ditch you. For sure.

You know, we love following May, but this brown hair is really a turn off. Well, I did like an Instagram poll. I did like a poll, like should I dye my hair brown? It was like 100% of people said no, and people were like really serious about it. 100%. Something like that.

Not one person wanted to see brown hair, that's why. Because I feel like I voted for brown. Really? Well, that's why my two followers are gonna be voted for brown. Really? Well, that's why my two followers are going to be you and Fortune. Even Thomas will betray me. Yeah, yeah. Thomas who killed us with a gas line.

Yeah, we can't trust him. We can't trust him at all. Judas, yeah. Also, my character's a he-him in 2003, and I don't know, if there's something about him, I don't think he'd be dying his hair from a box every three weeks the way I do, you know? Right, right.

Well, gosh, you gotta figure this out soon though. I know, I'm gonna do a test. I'm gonna try it out and see. Cause I mean, is it gonna be Tig's color? I don't know. What's wrong with my color? What if you and Tig look like siblings? What are you saying about my hair?

No, I love your hair, but like, am I? Oh God, what if I look like Tig? Oh I look like? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, God, I'm thinking maybe I should bring in the picture. You guys can give me the what if the family like to. Oh, gosh. You can put it in your contract that you whatever they do. You don't want that. You don't want to look like me. Well, if TIG plays my wife. Well, if Tig plays my wife. Oh, well here we go.

You've already got the brown hair and I can just keep mine. You should have hired Tig. Little cowboy and Tidge star in a romantic thriller. Man, that would be a hot combo, me and you. That sure would, I'm watching that. How long have you been in Toronto now? Three weeks. Okay, all right.

We just finished our third week. We wrapped it at midnight last night. Wow, how do you keep your spirits up on set? Like you're going late, everyone's tired. Are there snacks and kind of people playing fun games? Always snacks. I was really beat this past week because a lot of stuff was on location an hour and a half away in the woods all day.

Wet. It's like been raining a lot here. So it's just not comfortable. But last night was fun because a bunch of us were on set and we were just like chilling and laughing. Jackson is home in L.A. So I miss her a lot. But when she's not when she's here, I'm always worried, like, oh, is she bored? Like, she doesn't know anybody.

What time am I getting off? But when she's- Well, don't worry, because I've been hanging out with her here in Los Angeles. Oh, good. Yeah. I'm happy to hear that.

Yeah, I've been keeping her company. Oh, calm down over there. Oh, but when she's not here, I'm like, what else am I gonna do? I don't know anybody in Toronto, so I have no qualms about working late or being there. Just, so yeah. They rap and you're like, let's stay a little longer.

Like yes, let's keep hanging out. Keep the lead song. I got nothing to go back to. Yeah. I had my birthday. That's right. Did I tell you about that? That Parv organized like a survivor day?

I can't remember if you told us or if I saw it on your Instagram. I, it was so- I can't remember if it's just that I assume you're always having a survivor day. I mean, I truly- With Parvati, that is true. You guys are naked on the beach somewhere

trying to start a fire. Yes, yeah. with your love. Oh man, just the friction. Hello! I knew that she was planning some survivor challenges and was gonna invite a few people over, but I had no idea the extent. And she planned, it was like the titans of Survivor,

like my idols descended on our house. Then she had these two professional guys who their company is they do Survivor in a day. And they bring all this gear. They got like flaming torches and signs and challenges. And there were like 20 people, two tribes of 10 people. And we did a six hour season of Survivor, whittling it down to one winner.

And it was, I learned so much about myself. And I, let me tell you, I didn't like what I learned. What did you learn? You would throw people under the bus to win? I can't be trusted. That's usually what happens on these reality shows. That's why you ended up in Purgatory. Exactly.

To be honest, yes. It was like, first of all, going into it, a couple of close friends were playing with me and they were like, obviously, we'll never write each other's name down, we'll stick together. And just immediately, I was so starstruck by these survivor winners who I'm like a fan of.

Turned on my, betrayed my, lied to their face. And then someone would tell me a secret, they'd go, I found an immunity idol. And I'd be like, okay, cool. They'd be like, don't tell anyone. I'd be like, thank you for sharing that. I would turn immediately, walk. I couldn't keep it to myself.

I told everyone. Wow. I found a trader's like poverty. I'd be a wreck. I'm like, I'm having too much fun. I love a bit of gossip. If I have a juicy piece of info, I want to share it. It's going somewhere.

Wow. You can't keep a secret, May. In real life, I think if someone said to me, please don't tell anyone, I don't think I would tell anyone. You're definitely telling somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Support for today's episode comes from Honey Love.

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at your local Target store. Trust me, you won't look back. Happy shaving. Now, can I ask you a question about the friends invited to this party? Yes. Were they given like, Hey, this is going to be six hours. Where are some tennis shoes? Maybe bring a water bottle or did like, they just show up for like a

party in their hot hills? They're eating a cupcake and then this guy's like, you have six hours to survive. It was really perfectly curated by Parv. So there were super fans pretty much, my friends who are fans and highly competitive. And people took it so seriously, except there was one one Abby Jacobson,

never seen an episode of Survivor. Sweet little Abby shows up, but in her running shoes, ready to play, plays hard, does very well. But it was really funny throwing someone into this very established format where she was like, okay, so what's an idol? What's, just try. Yeah, what's immunity? What's, what is it when they pair up, people team up? Alliance. Alliance, that was a big one. Yeah, oh man, it was really super fun. It sounds like the perfect birthday for you. It really, I'm still buzzing, yeah.

Yeah. Love it. I'm looking forward to going to Toronto though. I mean, I know we've talked about all our many plans of things to do, but we gotta go on a pontoon. Mm-hmm. That's right. On the lake. On the pontoon, drinking that clam juice you talked about.

Yeah. What? Sounds disgusting, the Caesar. Tig has no memory of anything we talked about on this podcast. Yeah. May introduced us to a, like a Bloody Mary, but it's with clam juice and it's called a Caesar

and Canadians apparently love it. And I'm like, blech. Also we'll have ketchup chips and we'll have Tim Hortons. I've had ketchup chips, those are pretty good. Pretty good, right? I'm not into them. Really? Too sour? I'm into one.

I don't know, they just don't do it. I don't think I like, I don't like the chip that's really thin, the late, that, I like a more like, crunchy. Hardier, crunchy chip. Like a kettle chip? Yeah, I love a kettle chip.

Me too, I'm with you. Yeah, I love a kettle chip, but I also love a thin chip. I love chips. Ketchup chips. They remind me of that sweet spot in middle school where you're going to someone's basement to hang out and there's a bunch of boys and girls

and it's kind of horny and people are like, oh my God, are you gonna be boyfriends? God, I've never got invited to horny parties. Well, but it's like the sweet spot where you care as much about the chips as you do about maybe holding hands with some sweaty boy. And so there's just like disgusting ketchup chips that everyone's like, hasn't realized yet

that that's unappealing to be like covered in red dust. I guess my main question is, is that appealing to hold hands with a sweaty boy? Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah, very, I think. Ian Peach, come on, that guy. That's right.

I don't think I got invited to horny parties because I was- Morchand! Because I was more interested in the chips. No, you would've fit right in. We were all secretly more interested in the chips. We were just pretending to be like- Did you do the 11 minutes in heaven? 11 minutes.

Or how many minutes is it? I never got invited. How many minutes is it? I never got invited. How many minutes is it? Seven. Two? Fortune over state or welcome. Four extra minutes. That's gonna be the name of our heavenly podcast.

Yeah, 11 minutes in heaven. 11 minutes, that does seem like a long time. Yeah. I never got invited into that heaven. How do you get in there? What is it? It's the craziest game. It's like. Aren do you get in there? What is it? It's the craziest game. It's like.

Aren't you going in a closet with a boy back in the, when you're kids and you're supposed to smooch or touch a boob or something. It's basically like, yeah, two kids get sent into a closet and then everyone's outside being like, ooh, I'm listening. I was already in the closet. I didn't need to be put in there.

Yeah, they go in to make out and they're like, oh, fortune's in here. I mean, Chip, hey guys, I'm gonna be in here for a long time. I think I'm about 25. Welcome, make yourself at home. But yeah, usually then what happens is you're too shy to actually kiss or do anything. So you kind of decide on a story to tell everyone that you did hook up. But it's like tense or sexual tension and wait I'm that's what happened with me anyway I don't know maybe people are hooking up in there. I didn't get to go in seven minutes. Clearly nobody invited me in there either. Thomas put it on the list. We are going in the closet. Seven full minutes. Seven minutes. Are we gonna bring some

chips? Yeah, big time. You know what chips I like that surprise me is pickle flavored chips. Oh yeah, dill pickle. Not into those either. Really? Okay, I'm getting to understand your type. Those are like kind of soury, right? Well, pickles, yeah. Right, yeah, no thanks.

The big Canadian flavor, I've probably talked about this before, is all dressed ruffles. I love those. Yes, I love ruffles. They're a thicker chip with a ridge and all dressed is meant to be like a combination of like barbecue, salt and vinegar, all these. Give them to me. Put them in my mouth.

I will. In the closet, I'll be feeding them to you. Thanks, man. You know who else I want to be in this closet with us? Who? Besides my wife, Jackson Biggie. Today's guest. Oh, yeah, she could come in the closet with us.

Sure. Yes, she can. Today's guest is one of the greatest singers in the world, in my opinion. She was on my top list of my pop divas. Yes. If she covers your song, if you're a, if you're a singer and this woman covers your song, just get ready for it to be five times better than your song. I want her to cover our theme song.

Would love it. She has the voice of an angel. She's a Grammy winning singer. She's a songwriter and author. She has a very popular talk show. She won the first season of American Idol, has gone on to sell over 25 million albums worldwide. She hosts the Kelly Clarkson show.

Today's questioner. The one. Kelly Clarkson. Is it Kelly? Is it? Is it? Just the one. Fortune, is it Kelly Clarkson? Is it Kelly? Is it, is it? Just tell me. Fortune, is it Kelly Clarkson? The only, take, yeah, it's Kelly Clarkson. Fortune, I knew it was Kelly Clarkson. Okay, so what's up, handsome?

Hey, handsome. I want to ask you the question. If you, like there was a day that you had to exist and that you were incapable, you could not tell a lie, like you had to tell the truth, who would you avoid most? Oh my God, that just made me sweat the thought of it. Well, we already know that you were,

how you handle that whole survivor situation. I know, I like to think that's confined to the game. One person that you couldn't tell a lie to. I mean, do you guys think you lie a lot? I don't know if I've talked about this book before, but the Martha Beck book called The Way of Integrity, I cannot encourage people enough to read this book. I'm writing it down right now.

I mean, truly, it is life-changing, encourage people enough to read this book. I'm writing it down right now. Truly, it is life changing. It is so eye opening about honesty and the importance of removing as many, even white lies out of your life as possible and how it just, you know, you hear the word integrity and you picture one thing, but it all, I can't, I... No, I, yeah, I know like those white lies, they do sort of accumulate to like, I'd like that quote that's happiness is when what you say, what you do and what you think are aligned are all the same.

So like, you're not thinking one thing, but saying another or doing another. Like when all those things. It's all congruent. Yeah. And then you live in your truth, you know? Any little... Martha Beck, I mean, this is what she claims, removed every ounce of dishonesty from her life. When people asked, how are you doing? Or what happened? Or why are you late? Or anything about her past? Everything. She did this as just across the board, complete honesty. And she said the amount of joy and shift in her life. Yeah, that change. I mean, cause you look at these little white lies and you think it's nothing.

And then she really maps out just the way that everything can pull you under when you're not living the most honest upfront life. And I can't claim to be living the life she is, but I've always kind of, not always, but I would say since I was a young adult, maybe 19 or 20 something, I really started to think of my brain as an attic.

And I didn't want to ever go up into my attic and have to dust off boxes and see what they were. You know what I mean? I just wanted to have it all sorted, all cleared out, be as upfront and clear with people and myself. It takes a lot of a lot of bravery. I think like conversely I also want to be someone that people feel safe to be honest with all the time. Because it's hard if you're scared of someone's reaction. And definitely in my teens, I lied as much as I spoke. Like everything out of my mouth was a lie

because I was a drug addict. So like I had to lie because you got to. You got a lot to get by. And I really internalized like, oh, I'm a liar. I'm like a compulsive liar. And I had so much shame about it. And then the shame just makes you lie more. And I just, that would be like my one advice to parents is like, yeah, create an environment where your kid feels like they can tell you the truth and that you're not going to, I don't know, make it about a bigger moral failure

than it is or you're not gonna like pathologize it or be highly emotional about it. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, it's really interesting again to read about that letting go of that fear of how people are going to respond to the truth and that not controlling you. I mean, you live with your roommates are seven. So like, it's interesting. They will be eight in June. Yes. Of course. Yeah. It's interesting with kids always like living with a five-year-old when they lie and it's really obvious. I'm always like, okay, why does she feel the need to tell this lie? Like what is it that is making her? Yeah. And like, and then trying to sort of make it so she doesn't feel the need to tell this lie? Like what is it that is making her? Yeah and like and then trying

to sort of make it so she doesn't feel the need to do that. Well you know I think a lot about kids lying and I feel like they're being raised with a mixed message so I think that it's important to kind of really examine that and because children are encouraged to use their imaginations and do make believe and make things up and that is such a huge part of childhood and then when they do make things up or am I lying? Because all of it is, that's all made up. And which one is positive, which one isn't. Yeah. Would it be hard for you to be around Max and Finn if you couldn't tell a lie for a day? Because what if they were like, is Santa real or is life depressing sometimes? You know I mean? Like with the hard facts of life, like do you have to sugar coat stuff with kids? I mean, as I said before, I have not mastered.

I don't know. I mean, I think our kids, I know your main concern isn't if they believe in Santa or not, but it has become really amusing because our son Max is like, um, yeah, I would like, uh, these new Pokemon cards and I'm pretty sure Santa will get them for me because he got them last time when I added them to the list last minute

I added them to the list last minute and it's pointed, like, I know it's you, so please get me those cards. But yeah, I mean, I've certainly not, there are things that we haven't been upfront and honest and open with Max and Finn about, and we just feel like it's not. Yeah, you wanna let them have the magic of childhood a little longer. Yeah.

Fortune, are you super honest? Well, it's interesting, because I was thinking about what was my childhood? My mom and grandmother would always instill honesty and being upfront. My dad had a very rough childhood where he was a lot of different, like nobody gave him a lot of tools that he needed. When people say that a rough life, I'm like,

I think about my dad's upbringing, it was pretty gnarly. And so he would tell like a lot of white lies to the point where like he didn't even realize it. And I would be like, why did you say that? And he like, he kind of looked at me like, what are you talking about? You know, I mean, like, you know, register with him. Yeah. Yeah. He's a lot better about it now. But back in the day, he would be pretty bad about it. And sometimes it'd be like really frustrating. And then other times it would be amusing. Like we went to a Chinese restaurant once where I went all the time with my grandmother growing up.

Yeah. And this was like maybe a year after she died. And, uh, and the guy that owned the restaurant that said, how's, how's your grandma and my dad goes, she's great. She's great. She's great. So good. So good. And I said, dad, she's dead. What are you talking about? It's great.

And then my dad kind of was like, oh yeah. So he goes back up to the guy and he goes, actually, she's dead. And the guy's looking at him like he's insane. Oh my God. Nobody wants to think about their home insurance, but it's not as complicated as you think. With Allstate, making the switch and saving is easy and fast.

Check Allstate first and you can save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings Barry. I would watch him be like that and I would be like, I don't want to be like that. So I would try to really be like that. And I would be like, I don't want to be like that. So I would like try to like really not do that.

I'm also Southern though. And the Southerners have the infamous bless her heart kind of thing where they don't tell you if your shirt looks bad or something. They just go, I'll bless her heart. She, look at her. She tried. Oh my God. That's so passive aggressive. What do you think about Janice's sweater? Oh, I love Janice's sweater. That looks so good. Janice, that is a great sweater. You know what I mean? That's such a Southern thing to not want to hurt people's feelings. Yes. Like we think that like by being blunt and honest and that like again in that what seems like a small way. We don't want to we sacrifice some of the truth to not hurt the feelings. And I and Jax, when we first got together, she'd be like, why, why are you doing that?

And I would be like, well, I don't I don't want to hurt their feelings. She like, no. So I've I've gotten a lot better because Jax is very direct, very blunt. If she doesn't like something, she doesn't lie ever. So that really rubbed off on me. There's got to be a happy medium. Yeah, like would you want to be an asshole? I tell it like it is. I'm like, oh, are you an asshole? My grandma, I used to know she was lying because she would go out of her way to con... It wasn't like, oh, what do you like my haircut? It was like I'd walk in the door and she'd go,

what a lovely haircut. And she'd go overboard and I'd be like, you hate my haircut. But my mom is the other end of the spectrum where I went out for a walk with my mom and she, it was like a serious announcement. She stopped walking. She goes, can I say something? I was like, yeah. And she goes, I hate your baseball hats. I was like, okay, thank you. Like, I don't know that I needed to need to know that. Yeah, there is a happy medium there. But I feel like in the way of like real lying. Yeah, it's also so ridiculous because people know when you're lying. For sure. That's the other. It's like just stop. My Wi-Fi light. Oh yeah, your Wi-Fi light.

My Wi-Fi will be back on at 1030. But you know, also even when people, and I know sometimes it happens where people say, happens where people say like you'll find an email or text message in your in your inbox that you really didn't see when emails like are in the same thread or something yeah but I always feel like why even say oh just seeing this or why say any of that kind of stuff and just respond to it yeah like you don't you don't have to like come up like, hey, I was... A backstory. Yeah, like some weird backstory.

Just be like, oh, hey, sorry. Yeah, we'll do this or that. You know what I mean? And that's another way of eliminating those kind of useless white lies. Because it's so not necessary. Instead of like, hey, just seeing this or hey, blah, blah, blah, this or that happened

where it's like, oh yeah, I was late today. Yeah. I'm getting better. We've talked a lot about boundaries before and stuff. I'm definitely getting better at being like, I don't have the capacity to hang out this week instead of being like, oh, I'm stuck in a hole in a park. I'll climb out maybe in a couple days and I'll, you know.

It's good practice just, you know, when you don't do the small ones. Yeah. For sure. And you're just like, I'm not available. Yeah, because it, you know, it's also letting go of trying to please people, you know, trying to do all things for everyone. Once you let some of that go, it helps get some of that guilt off your plate.

And I think some of the small lies comes from guilt, not wanting to hurt feelings or whatever. But they are just as important. Yeah, because those add up. Yeah, and it kind of allows for other ones, bigger ones, and weirder ones. I always believe in, you know, when it comes to the bigger things in life,

just being direct, this is what I'm feeling, this is, you know. Yeah, because it- I have more respect for people when they give it to me straight. Yeah, yeah. And I try to do that for them too. Absolutely.

It can like erode you inside if you're hiding something big. Parv teaches a course called How to be a Villain. And it's interesting, because it's pretty much just how to not people please and be direct and live your own. But I think there's such a double standard with men and women that women who are like that are labeled villains sometimes.

And so it's like empowering people to yeah. The one thing I had to work on when Jax and I first got together is you know I had some like secretness around food stuff because that's where some of my issues come. And you know I wasn't used to I hadn't been in a serious relationship before. I was used to kind of doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. And not even like in a shyster way at all. Um, it was like, I'd go sneak in like a, like, I don't know, cheeseburger or something. Uh, like midday and she'd be like, where'd you go?

And I'd be like, uh, you know, I had to go by the bank, which I did, but I didn't say I also got a cheeseburger. And she'd be like, I know you got a cheeseburger. I'd be like, woman, I know this, you're a witch. And so for a while. Okay, well that's when you gotta work on the immediate calling her a witch. So she was like, she'd always be like, just tell me, like, I hate it when you just like,

I would admit like that, you know, like, and I had to really work on. Now I'd be like, yeah, I got a freaking, I don't do it as much anymore anyway with food, but if I do, I'm like, yeah, I would, and got like a milkshake. I'm the same, like, I think any kind of slightly addictive behavior and there's some sort of embarrassment associated with it, it's so tempting. And I'm the same with Parv, because I smoke like one cigarette a day and I am so embarrassed about it. And it's like my weird little shameful secret.

And she was like, I think you like it being a secret. And then I've started being like, I'm gonna have my one cigarette a day. I'm gonna go do it right now. And she's like, great, do what you want. She doesn't want me to smoke, but she's like, and it's good practice. Yeah, you gotta take the wind out of the sails of that lie when you're just like, yeah, this is what I'm doing.

It's not this big, spooky secretive thing that's a big deal. It's like, we put so much weight on these dumb things. I know, and not to be like overly earnest, but like when I ended up going to rehab and it was a harm reduction program, and I'm a big advocate for that because it's such a big ask

if you're like a hardcore type A drug user to go cold turkey. And this was like a day program where you go and report everything. And you were allowed to be like, yeah, last night I'd be like, what did drugs did you do? And you'd tell them and there was no judgment. And it was just like the relief of not lying to someone about it and like being helped through it.

No shame. And it, and it worked for me. Yeah. Yeah. Not that this is a necessary part of telling the truth because it's just better to do so anyway, but it is helpful when people are truthful to you. Uh, even if you don't like what they're telling you, um, when you're, when you don't throw it in their face or, you know, as a recipient of someone telling

the truth to you, even if you don't like the thing they're saying, you know, Even if you don't like the thing they're saying, you know, appreciating the honesty and not being like, fuck you, you know, that also helps the give and take with the people in your life. So like my good friends and I have gotten, you know, we'll be like, I have said to my friend before, like everyone's like, that haircut's amazing. I'm like, yeah, I don't like it.

And we laugh because it's like, you know, we we've gotten to that point where we can trust that we can say these things to each other. And that's OK. Like, even if you don't agree with the the thought or the answer or whatever it is. I really appreciated it when I first got together with Stephanie and she would ask me how she looked or something she was wearing or her hair. And I remember I was like, oh, well.

And she said, I'm genuinely asking you. She said, I'm not asking so you'll tell me I look good. She said, I'm not gonna take it personally and get upset if you say your hair looks not great that way. I think maybe try this or that outfit doesn't fit you quite right. She said, I'm genuinely asking because I genuinely want your feedback. And when she said that to me, it just like. I realized that there was absolutely no hangups. And she wasn't, we were really having the conversation that I thought we were having and she thought we were having.

Yeah, it wasn't a trap. Yeah, I feel like I've made many mistakes like that in previous relationships where I thought we were having a very straightforward conversation and we were not. And I hurt feelings. Also, when someone's like, just tell me the truth and you do, and they're like, fuck you.

That's not helpful. I've learned in our job as well, if someone sends you a script that they want you to read or you watch their stand up and they ask for feedback, I always say, how honest do you want me to be? Or when I send a script, I go, tell me what you like about it. It's too late to change huge things. I don't really want your honest feedback.

Or I'll say, really give it to me straight. Because sometimes, yeah, sometimes you just do need your friends to reassure you about something, but I think you gotta be clear about that. Like just, yeah. But as far as telling the truth, who would we avoid that day? Oh, right.

That's a tough one, because I mean, you would think you'd say, my wife, but it's like, I don't have any problem being truthful to Jax. Yeah. There's a difference between being truthful with someone for a day, and does that mean that you also have to air

all of your historical grievances with them, or is it just like for a day you have to be honest? You know what I mean? It sounds like for that day you have to be honest. I don't think mean? It sounds like for that day you have to be honest. I don't think you have to go into your rolodex of, well, a year ago when I told you this. Am I understanding? We're saying which person, like calling out a person that we would have a hard time being honest with? I mean, I don't think any of us are gonna really give a truthful answer here. I guess maybe the five-year-old I live with because I don't know, I'd be worried that I would say something too real, like about the world or life, you know?

Yeah, I feel like there's so many different ways that you can tell a kid the truth, but in a very smoothed out way. Yes. Yeah. And because I've certainly had to do that with our sons, where I'm caught in a moment of this is terribly uncomfortable. Yeah. And I feel like there's been times, you know, in my family with family members where it's been hard to tell the truth about how I feel about something. Me too.

And there's also people who you're like, they're not in a place to hear this and they will be really unhappy. And so like you got to weigh up what's worth it, you know? Maybe like a comedy green room sometimes when I used to play like clubs and there'd be sometimes comics you admire or who are like further along than you and and sometimes they're not your style of comedy, but you're like, great set, man. Well, but I mean, they can have a great set and you don't like their comedy.

That's the other thing that's like, you're not lying. When somebody comes off stage and you're like, wow, you did great. That was awesome. You're not saying, oh my God, you are the Maria Bamford of my dreams. You know what I mean? It'd be hard with like a friend who has done like,

it'd be a comedy or music or whatever it is for like 20 years and hasn't found success. They love it so much, but they're not great at it. Yeah, that would be tough to have that conversation of like, maybe. Yeah, I'd have to do the voice. Maybe it's time to move on. But it makes him happy. Yeah, I was going to say my argument is always like, who are we to assume people want to be the richest,

most powerful, or famous person ever? It might just be that they want to get up and share their thoughts and feelings, or write a joke, tell a story. And so what, you know. As long as they have pure happiness that's driving them and they wake up every day feeling that. Absolutely, I just meet a lot of people that are very bitter about it and like can't understand it.

That's when you're like, is this the path? That would be a tough conversation to have. Yeah, I did date someone who was in her 30s. We lived together and she, I think, had a sort of lying problem. It would be like, oh, I like your dress. Is it new? No, I've had this for years. And then I find the tag on the side table.

And then, or like, then, like a year into the relationship, I was booking a flight for like a surprise trip for us picked up her passport she'd been lying about her age to me two years older than she said what's her name well can you beep it out don't lie yeah yeah lying is is such a crazy thing yeah I've had I've had some pathological people in my past, you were just like, man, this is beyond anything that can be fixed at this point. You're just like, you're believing your own lies. That's what I was going to say is what's crazy when you see people that are so deeply in their lie about

themselves even like I always talked to Stephanie about people where you see them aggressively trying to appear happy yeah you know or in like social media or something it's like I'm happy I'm having the best life you know and it's like, I'm happy. I'm having the best life. I'm doing the, you know, and it's like, why don't you just relax and go have your good life? You know what I mean? It's just, it's just like, it's so insane because to me it feels like you're masking something if you're aggressively trying to prove over and over

that you're happy and you're nothing can stop you. And it's all I mean, I know that's what social media is for. But I just get like, well, you're like, who are you? Who are you trying to convince yourself? Yeah. And that's where it becomes like a deeper lie, because just just because you organize all these things and capture all these pictures of aggressive joy. Yeah. You know, it doesn't read that way to me. Yeah. To me. I'm always like, God, I would be embarrassed to constantly be trying to push that I was happy. I have two may facts for you.

Number one, if you're doing a lie detector test, you can pass it more easily if you're lying by clenching your butthole, that is true. You clench your butthole as hard as you can, and it means you're- What are you talking about? I know. I'm currently clenching my butthole. Okay, so-

Who told you this, and how did they find this out? I need way more information than May telling me. Maynard. I saw it on a true crime thing, I think. So if you squeeze your butthole the whole time, then it brings your heart rate up to a level, I think, or something where it's like harder to tell. Where it's not dipping and stuff or whatever it is.

It changes your resting rate. Your resting butthole face is what they call it. But also the person doing the test is probably like, why are you grimacing like that? And then the second thing I wanted to say is, can you guys guess if I'm gonna, if I'm lying or if I'm lying or if I'm punching my butt, I'm gonna make a statement

and then you tell me if it's true, okay? Okay. I am wearing shorts. I don't think that's true. I think it's true. And if you're watching on YouTube, you're about to have the answer. May's wearing shorts.

I thought for sure you were lying. Really? Cause it is weird to wear shorts with a hoodie. Is it? I think so. There's just different climates going on more than Sal. Yeah. Anyway, I thought that would be more fun than it was, but.

Everyone watching on YouTube right now, hold on to your ponies. Hold on to your clenched butt holes. May just flashed their legs in shorts. That's right. Mae, give the people what they want. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Should we hear what Kelly had to say? Yeah. And if I had to answer this, well, I have a real answer.

I don't think I'm going to say that one, but I will say, I think I'd honestly, I don't know. I think I'd avoid a lot of people. I think maybe this isn't a good question. I don't want to answer it. So wait, I think I'd avoid my children because here's why. I don't lie to my children, but my daughter what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is

I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer is I'm curious what your answer, I'm curious of what,

I don't like my answer either, but I'm curious what your answers, who would you avoid? Who do you lie to? That is so, so that's kind of- She's like, I'm not gonna tell you the truth of who I really don't want to see. She has very similar answers to us,

which is we're not really gonna say the answer, but I guess kids. But I genuinely wouldn't pick Jacks because, you know, if I'm having a bed of lies with my wife, what are we even doing here? I know. Married, you know? I know. I kind of get a thrill sharing things with Stephanie that are very challenging and tricky. It's radical honesty, it's hard. Yeah, it's like, I, yeah. I've often wondered if I was ever attracted to somebody

while we were together. Not I've often wondered, but I do feel like I could share that with Stephanie. Totally. Like if it was, but I know you're saying that cause you're May and you know. But I just mean like in a real way of like, not like, oh, that person's hot.

I mean, I feel like I don't ever, unless it's Carrie Russell, you know? I don't feel like I ever feel that. Like, I don't know. I don't know if I ever feel like people are hot. But if you had like feelings for a co-star. Yeah, if I was like, oh gosh, this is really interesting. I would, I feel like I would be interested to have that conversation with her because I do trust our dynamic. It's also like, fortunately, I was saying, like, it takes the wind out of the...

That would take away the kind of spark of secrecy. If you say it, it's sometimes, yeah, deflates the energy of the thing. I would be honest about that. And you would know that your partner's telling you that, hopefully, because they want to sort that out with you. I mean, I wouldn't be telling Stephanie that because I would want to leave her. Yeah. Right. You know?

Yeah, you'd be like, yeah, well this is- You'd be like, isn't this weird? I think fortune and may are hot. I think I would wanna know as well if Parv had feelings for someone, but I did tell her, this is a really specific scenario, but I was like, if you're on vacation

and you're in say Portugal, and you meet a sailor in the port, and it's some hot sailor and you're drunk, and you just wanna bang this sailor and then he's gonna be back to sea, I was like, just don't do it. And if you're gonna regret not doing it and you really wanna have fun, go for it.

Just never tell me about it. Oh, interesting. I do kind of feel that way. But if feelings are involved, I think I would want to know. Gotcha. Well, you know, Stephanie and I did this thing recently. That's why I avoid sailors. Yeah. Because you know, you couldn't stop yourself. Stephanie and I had a little, a moment the other day or night when we were talking and we were like, who do you think is my secret crush? Ooh.

Oh, interesting. So she had to tell me who she thought I secretly, who she thought I secretly was into. In real life? Yeah. Oh wow. And was she correct? Oh my God. Look, when I say she was so off,

it is no offense to this person. In fact, this is a friend and she listens to this podcast and so she'll be very amused and I'll say who it is. But do you know who Amanda Klutz is? Yes. Oh yeah. She seems lovely. She's so awesome and she's so attractive. And when it was so that was like right off of Stephanie's tongue, she was like, I feel like it's a, it would be Amanda Klutz. And I was like, what? And she was like, well, Amanda's from Ohio and what? Well, my first girlfriend is from Ohio.

Who doesn't love people from Ohio? My first girlfriend's from Ohio and I'm very close to her and her family. And our family goes out to Ohio to visit my ex and her family. And so, and Amanda had given our family Ohio sweatshirts cause she knows of my connection to Ohio. So Stephanie was like, I just could picture you and Amanda wearing your little Ohio sweatshirts because she knows of my connection to Ohio. So Stephanie was like,

I just could picture you and Amanda wearing your little Ohio sweatshirt. Oh my god. Hilarious. But I feel like Amanda is also somebody that Stephanie is really always interested in somebody dating her. Like she's like, how do you not, you know, like you got to date Amanda, you should go out with Amanda, you know, and then she's pushing her off on me too. She is someone you root for. She's got a crush on her. Yeah. And then who did you, did you guess Stephanie's right? I can't even remember who I guessed.

I feel like Parv knows who I have a crush on and it's like, so I have a crush on so many people that it's just like a non thing. I have a crush on no one. Yeah, I don't have a crush. Truly, truly. I truly don't either. I don't have the slightest crush on anybody. But maybe I just mean,

maybe I mean just people that you're kind of giddy around and people that kind of, it feels like, you know the people in your life where it feels like the director said action when you hang out with them? It's like you're just suddenly more alert, more engaged and on like, I think, yeah, I don't necessarily even mean sexual crush, just people who I'm like kind of giddy to.

I mean, I'm pumped to be around somebody. Yeah, there's people that are like fun and funny and like where you can have a crushy vibe around, but not- Billy Crudup? Well, yes, of course, Sam. But yeah, I don't have anybody. I did Nick Offerman's Netflix is a Joke festival show and all I could think was I hope we didn't listen to that episode where I said he was like, my main man crush. My main man crush.

What a lovely kind man. Yes, yes. Love him. Only deepened my affections to be around him. When she was talking about her kids and not lying to her kids, I did think of a story that I don't think I've ever told before, which is a few years ago, I called my parents and they always both pick up one end of the landline. They have a landline only. So they're both on- They don't have cell phones?

They just got them and they never talk on them. They'll just occasionally text. Oh, just for emergency? Yeah, yeah, they really hate them. In the glove compartment? Yeah, seriously. So they pick up and I'm like, well, what are you guys doing?

And my dad goes, oh, we were just playing Scrabble. And my mom goes, we were not playing Scrabble, we were having sex. And I was like, well, what are you guys doing? And my dad goes, oh, we were just playing Scrabble. And my mom goes, we were not playing Scrabble. We were having sex. And I was like, okay, that's an example of like, a lie would have been fun, you know? But I kind of respect it too. She's like, you know, sex positive. I wonder if your parents are still getting it on.

I know, I like that about them too. I'm proud of that. That's great. Yeah. What a story, Mae. What a story. What a great. What a story, Mae. What a story. What a podcast. What a podcast story.

Thank you Kelly Clarkson for the, I've actually learned a lot with this question, so this was a cool thing to dive into. And truly, I cannot encourage people enough about the Martha Beck book. You should read that book. It is so good. Well, do you guys have anything coming up around July 9th today?

I just have two more shows left of my entire tour. Niagara Falls, New York at the Seneca Niagara Resort and Casino on July 27th and in Charlestown, West Virginia, the Hollywood Casino August 10th. And then that's it for my tour. Oh, my Lord. Let's see. I'm going to be in Omaha on July 13th. Of course, my website, Tignotaro.com can always send you to the right place because I do have a few gigs here and there around the country.

And when I'm back in Los Angeles, I'll either be at Largo or Dynasty Typewriter when I'm home visiting in the middle of production. I've really got no live shows, but my book is reprinted. It's been out of print and it's for teenagers. Well, it's for anyone really, but it's sort of age 14 and up. It's called Can Everyone Please Calm Down? And it's a kind of educational book about sexuality and gender. I wrote a new forward for it because when I wrote it, I was a she,

and now I'm not, and I couldn't be bothered to go through the whole book and change all the she's. So I wrote a forward. And I think, yeah, but that's on sale. So if you have any young people in your life who you think might benefit from it, I think it's pretty funny. Check out handsomepod.com.

We got some sweet merch up there. I'm loving the pictures people are sending of them wearing all the gear. There's t-shirts, sweaters. Get your handsome tank for the summer. Yes. Because they've been selling hotcakes. It's been cool seeing people out in the wild

wearing their handsome shirts. I know, I run into people all the time. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it every time it happens. Do hotcakes sell particularly faster than other baked goods? They sell so fast. Really fast. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Especially at breakfast time. Just selling. It slows down a little bit at lunch. Hotcakes sell like hotcakes. Yeah. All right. Okay. Well, guys, until we meet again, please remember, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast! Home shopping season is upon us. And whether you're buying a new home or are an existing homeowner, you're going to want the best rate for your home insurance with Allstate. Savings easy and switching from an existing plan is simple and quick. Home insurance doesn't have to be a headache. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.