Handsome - Nikki Glaser asks about compliments

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

The hilarious Nikki Glaser takes a break from roasting Tom Brady to ask Handsome a question about compliments! Plus Handsome headwear, mad Mae libs, and a *big* update on the bear situation.Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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for sponsoring this episode. Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Hi, it's your friend Tig. Oh, and me, Mae Martin. And it's Fortune. Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

Yes, welcome. Guys. Guys. You guys. Guys. Welcome to the handsome pod. Yes, welcome. Guys. You guys. Guys. Good to see you. I know, it's been a minute. And I you.

And us we. May's got some sweet digs. I moved to a different Airbnb. It looks fun. I've already seen it because May and I did. Pretty little episode. Well, that's right. Yeah.

Yeah. I like the vibes. Well, that's right. Yeah. I like the vibes. So this is old news. Yeah, let's just say, take nos our way around my new place. Hello. Hello, tell me more. Hello.

That's really all. That's it, really. That's the end of the story. I like the floating staircase and the natural light. Yes, exactly. It's fresh, it's bright, it's optimistic, it's a step in the right direction. New B&B, new you.

Exactly. That's our motto, right? Yeah, and Tia, you're back in LA? I am, just for a beat, and then I'll be back in Toronto. I've kind of bounced back and forth here and there. Well, it's good that you can go home and see your family and stuff. Yes, yes.

Yes, yes. She sounds like your cat for a second. Meow. Yes. Meow. Meow. Kitty city, I'm sure is happy to have you. They are, they're very happy.

Marching around behind their captain once more. Guys, I know we talked about the coincidence of 9.26 on the pod before and today is September 26th. So I just wanna flag that. If anything weird is happening for you guys, or you notice- Wait, wow. Has anything weird happened? For me? No, everything's good for me.

I'm finally home after five months. Oh man, yeah. Wait, where did you go again? I went to Europe for three weeks. We filmed in Prague. I had a couple days in Greece. And then we went to Oktoberfest with Arnold in Munich. Oh yeah, we gotta hear about that. How beautiful was Prague?

It was so beautiful. All of it was beautiful. I mean, I think Prague is one of the most beautiful places. Yeah, it's really cool. Well, we went, we got there on like their last day of summer. It was so hot and we were having Averall spritzes on the roof and watched the beautiful water and bridge. And the next day it like was full on fall, overcast, rainy, sweater weather. That's kind of cozy in Prague though.

In Europe, you kind of want it to be cozy. Maybe there's a creepy monk in a shirt. A creepy monk. I don't know why I like that. It does have medieval buildings. Yeah. And a feel to it, so it was sweater weather. Arnold, like at Oktoberfest, was he just in his element?

Oh yeah, he re-bought Lederhosen's and Jacks wore a trundle, a drendel, trundle, whatever the German dress is where the boobies pop out. Oh, a fortune. And we had big beer steins. I had a wine spritzer, I didn't drink beer. Well, you're a pretty little lady.

I'm a pretty little lady, but it was still served in a giant stein. Do you not like beer? No, I'm not pretty little lady, am I? But it was still served in a giant stein. Do you not like beer? No, I'm not a beer gal. A stein is like a big... Like a giant... Goblet. Goblet, yeah.

Different to the thing that grows on your eye. He can't walk two feet in Europe without 50 people descending upon him, like immediately. Would you like it if that was the case with you? No. I was just like, how would I feel about that? I don't want that. I think I'd like it. How would you like it if that was the case with you? Like, I was just like, how would I feel about that? I think I don't want that. I think I'd like it. I don't.

You would? I just am, you know, I need a boost. Just from watching it from people like him, I saw it with Sandler, these other big stars. It doesn't look that appealing to me. Yeah. Yeah. I like the, I like people knowing my work and wanting to come see my shows and I like that level of it.

But people camped out at our hotel all day, all night, to just catch him for two seconds. Not to see me. I think I'd be too... Like in the version in my head, people are kind of casually joining me on the sidewalk as I walk and I'm like, come on guys. And then everybody starts following me

until it's like a parade and we're, but we're all like friends. Like then we all go party. Yeah, it's more aggressive than that. Right, it wouldn't be like that. It would be more like. Ah, ah, ah, all these people were like losing their minds. You know what, I went into a clothing store a few weeks ago

and I was meaning to tell you both about this. Yeah, why didn't you tell us immediately? Well, I wish the story picked up, but that's the end. I just, I went shopping one day. No, I walk in and this woman behind the counter, she said, oh my God, oh my God. And I was like, what? And she said, my husband is such a fan of handsome.

No way. I was not expecting that curve ball. Yeah, that's amazing. She didn't even, she wasn't like, and I think you're funny too, or I've heard it and I love it, but she was just like, I can't wait to tell my husband. I won't rest until someone says, oh my God, my grandpa loves handsome.

I want a grandpa. And do we love grandpas? Yes, we do. Yeah, write in if you are a grandpa and you cannot get enough of this handsome crew. Yeah, you're handsome. You're handsome, Potter, I love you. I do have a surprise.

Oh, what is the surprise? Should I do it now? I mean, the world is your oyster, my friend. No time like the present. Does it involve the guitar behind you? No, I wish. Does it involve the green couch? Wait, speaking of green,

I have to tell you one other thing. When I was at the airport, flying from LA to Toronto, I'm going through security and they flag my suitcase and they're rifling through it. And the one said, is green your favorite color? And I said, it is. I said, is green your favorite color? And I said, it is. I said, why do you ask? And she said, well, your suitcase is green

and your whole outfit's green and your shoes are green. And I didn't even notice that. I had on a green winter coat that I was bringing to Toronto, green camo pants, green suitcase. That's funny. It was so, I- I like that she's making those observations. I never, no,o pants, green suitcase. That's funny. It was so, I- I like that she's making those observations.

I never know, I've never had that. I told her, I was like, I'm so impressed that you know that. She was like, well, I mean, you're head to toe in green and your suitcase is green. And I truly, my response was like, yeah, how did you know? Anyway, so ridiculous. What would they say if they opened your luggage, Fortune?

I don't have anything, just big old ponties. They'd be like, yeah, they're like, hand me them ponties. These are some big ponties. And I'd say, well, I'm a big girl. That's what I said to Arnold. I said, yeah, big guy. And he goes, yeah, big girl.

I go, no, no, no, no. It doesn't translate the same. What did he say? He was like confused, because it was very literal for him with language. And he's just like, oh, okay, well, to each their own. I need to grab a pen for the surprise. Do you mind? Are we playing a game? Not at all. I'm so sorry.

Whatever it takes for a surprise. We can cut it out if we want. I'm just gonna grab a pen. Why would we cut this out? And I do wanna remind people, it's very important, that not all surprises are positive. People can be like, hey. This could be a negative surprise.

This could be really bad news. May is barefoot if you have a foot fetish. Hello and welcome back. Okay, I've grabbed, actually Tig, it's a green pencil crayon just for you. Oh, in full circle on September 26th. Okay, so Tig, you probably won't remember us saying. And I'm wearing a dark green shirt.

Oh, yeah, you are. Thomas is wearing pea green. I have a fake green plant behind me, as you know. You sure do. Guys, stay on point. Okay, okay, sorry, sorry. I might remember what? You won't remember probably us saying this on the podcast,

but we- For sure. Fortune has never done an ad lib. Do you remember this? Oh, yes, yes. Kind of, yes. I do remember that. Yeah, Fortune. I forgot what an ad lib is already. Well, we're going to find out because guess what?

I got one. Okay. Are you pumped? Is this a good enough surprise? I'm pumped. I'm very pumped. Okay, so. I'm as pumped as I ever get.

Yeah. So how it works, Fortune, is I'll ask you for words. And then I'll plug them into a story. And then we'll read the story to hilarious effect. OK. So first of all, could I have an adjective? Happy? Happy, OK.

Could I also have another adjective? Happy, okay. Could I also have another adjective? God. Any old adjective. I really did imagine this being a lot more electric. Stinky, stinky. Ooh, stinky is good. Stinky's really good.

Not only is that good, it's the correct answer. Could I have a type of bird? A cardinal. Great. And a room and a house? Kitchen. Okay. I don't get to play?

Oh, oh yeah, sorry. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, Tig. Tig. I mean, I don't really like games too much. I don't get to play this game. No, but of course you should be involved. Tig, what's a verb in the past tense? I don't know to play this game. No, but of course you should be involved. Take a verb in the past tense. I don't know what a verb is.

Like an action word. Yeah. I don't know what action. Ran. No, let's see. Past tense. Past tense verb. Hopped.

Oh, great. Okay. Good one. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Fortune. Don't forget that double P so it's not one. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Fortune. Don't forget that double P so it's not hoped. Fortune, thank you. Thank you so much for flagging that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, if you're listening, you can play along at home. Also, and thank you for letting me play. Of course. I'll get another one from you. A verb, another verb, but present tense. Present tense. Skip.

A name, a name. What do you mean a name? Like of- First and last. Of a person? Yeah. Elvis Presley. A noun. Church?

Great. Sorry, Fortune, I've really taken over. I wonder if there's any psychoanalysts listening to this being like, so interesting that they went with church. I think there's a lot of psychoanalyst grandpas listening. Mm-hmm, I think so too. A liquid, should we say pee? I was gonna say urine.

Great, great water. But it's all relative. Okay, a verb ending in ing. Laughing. So innocent. I feel like I should have. Fortune's like happy, laughing. I know really sweet ones from you.

Yeah, I'm going filth in my mind. Okay, we got three left. Tig, a part of the body, plural. Plural. Yeah. What was that for? Did you? Butthole.

That's not plural. No, no, no, but TIG has the answer. Would it be buttholes? Yeah, it would. Okay, let's go with that. Plural noun. Cars. These are really, really like above board cars.

Yeah. Oh, do we want it dirtier? I think so. Oh, we're trying to do something funny, Fortune. Then let's scratch cars. Okay. Yeah. Sex wings.

Sex wings. Yeah. Great. Fortune's doing this like a third grader. Sex swings. Lollipop. Yeah. Glad.

Puppy. Glad. Puffy. Lollipop. Sorry. My head's not in the gutter yet. A verb ending in ing. Tig, since you are so rated R. No. What do you got?

No, you do your little dorky contribution. I was gonna say fingering, but that feels like too. No, that's good. Okay. Yeah, we got sex, wings, and fingering. It's picking up. And puppies. And a noun.

A noun, so puppy. Your turn, Tig. Pony. Okay, okay, we're done. It's been a long time. I haven't done a Mad Lib also since childhood, so I have no idea if this will be good. You went and bought this?

I could, to be honest, Thomas Googled it and sent it to me. Okay. Okay, ready? Yeah. It was a happy, cold November day. I woke up to the stinky... I like it already. I think I like Mad Libs. Thank you.

I woke up to the... The stinky smell of cardinal roasting in the kitchen downstairs. Oh, go on. I hopped down the stairs to see if I could help skip the dinner. My mom said, see if Elvis Presley needs a fresh church. So, so stupid.

I need to get these for an accent fan. See if Elvis Presley needs a fresh church. I lost my spot. So I carried- It doesn't matter. So I carried a tray of glasses full of pee into- This is where it starts taking a twist. Into the laughing room. When I got there, I couldn't believe my buttholes.

Thomas is chuckling. I couldn't believe my buttholes. I couldn't believe my buttholes. That would be such a fun thing to casually say that you have to. Or multiple like, oh, my buttholes. I couldn't believe my butt holes. Okay. And this is the final sentence and it's a real doozy

and I'm really proud of us, the final sentences. So it's, I couldn't believe my butt holes. There were sex wings fingering on the pony. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Handsome homeowners, we know you want a great deal on your home insurance policy.

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you know, anything like that. Do you think they'd go PG, they'd be like? Well, no, because they also, you know that TV show, they used to love that cartoon when they were little, the cartoon Peppa Pig. Yeah. Peppa is a little English pig and they loved it. And then as they got older, like when they turned six,

they started looking up this version of Peppa Pig on YouTube, where somebody voices over Peppa and says the most outrageous, weird stuff. Oh my god. And they laughed so hard. It was funny. It was like Mad Libs. They would just interject a weird word in the middle of things.

And that was kind of when Stephanie and I weren't totally hip to what they were. Well, yeah, that they were accessing YouTube on our TV and the TV like upstairs, we call it the chill out room. And so we were like, what you guys can't just be going on YouTube and listening to weird raunchy peppy pink. I bet they'd do it.

They'd be great at mad lives because they have like esoteric knowledge. They'd like, I feel like they'd put in sort of weird Pokemon or baseball words. That would be very funny. You know what they're really into now? What? Two new things.

They're obsessed with golf. And I mean obsessed. Like get up at six in the morning and they wanna go to the course. And then they also, every night, play poker with their grandfather. I love that. Like online or in person?

In person. They have their little chips and they play poker for about an hour before they go to bed and I don't know if we are good parents or not. I want to get in on that game so badly. I could do Mad Libs all the live long day. That was really joyous. What a treat. I've had enough.

You've had enough? Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool. I was kind of hoping that you would say that I could do one and we'd do one more where I could do it, but to be honest, it'd be overkill. We've already, we had,

couldn't believe my buttholes, we're not gonna talk. Couldn't believe my buttholes is the phrase of the day. Yeah, there's no way to top that. Yeah. I really thought you were gonna play us some kind of song with your guitar just hanging about willy-nilly. No, I think I know what it would be like. Anytime I've tried to improvise a song on this podcast

and we kind of go around and then it gets to me, I really let the side down. We know that's true. When it's like an improvised rap or something. Oh, I don't think you've let us down. No, no, no. You nail it in a different kind of way. Mm-hmm. kind of way.

Kind of abstract. In an abstract way that brings us joy. Thank you. I saw the Indigo Girls the other night. Oh shit. Speaking of music. How was that? Amazing.

They're incredible. I always love watching them. Amy, I always say Amy Rae because how do you just say Amy when you say Amy Ray? Yeah Listen to handsome no way and Emily doesn't Emily I think does but I think Amy Amy's a big fan. Amy talked about it We just Emily and I just didn't talk about it, but I think Emily does but Amy was like I feel like I know you guys just from

Listening to the podcast. That's so nice. I feel like people know you guys just from listening to the podcast. That's so nice. I feel like people do. I was really shocked by the response to the bear video discussion online. People were really invested in the bear video and the bear poem and poem. I do have sort of an update. Yeah, give it to us. I think I vaguely updated you that after viewing the video, yeah, after viewing the video, my world imploded.

And so I became obsessed with the fact that I've been cursed by the video and that my dread was correct. All of the omens were correct. And now I've opened up. Wait, I'm sorry. What are you talking about? Okay. So I don't know if you remember the bear video. You remember the bear video, right?

I do, I do. So you were watching it. May was worried that there would be a curse that came with watching the bear video. Yeah, and remember I wrote the poem, The Computer Shut Down. Pwim. The poem, Pwim.

And then I eventually did watch the video, which I don't know if we have talked about that. We did talk about it. Yeah. And then I've been feeling like something weird is going on since I knew, maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but since the bear video, things are weird. May's world imploded. My world imploded. So my friend mentioned the bear video to a friend of hers who is this Italian woman in her 50s, very spiritual woman. And she was like, OK, I'm going to do a malocchio on you.

Take you of Italian. You know what this is? A notaro. A malocchio. A meatball. Meatball malocchio. It's a spaghetti. It's Polish.ball. Meatball, molekio. It's a spaghetti. That's Polish.

It's a curse to undo a curse. Like she's going to break the curse. Oh, you're going to get double cursed. No, no. Oh, no, no, no. Do not say that, Fortune. No, double curse like they cancel each other out. Yeah, yeah.

Kind of curse. And so, sure she texts me. I don't know. I've been triple, I've been quadruple cursed and nothing got canceled out. Oh Christ, well she did the spell yesterday and she was texting me, she's like, first of all, do you have an orange in the house? I was like, yeah, she's like, throw it out.

Throw it out. Right away. I was like, okay. So I threw the orange out, she goes. Wait, you're on the phone with her? A lot of people like this can just say whatever. Exactly. And you're like. What did she? I love that people like this can just say whatever. Exactly. And you're like, oh my gosh. What did she charge?

What did she charge for you throwing an orange in a trash can? First one's free, Tig. It was free, first one's free. She was very invested in the story and she said it sounds very much like you've been cursed by the bear video. By the bear video, really?

Yeah, man, by the bear video. I'm willing to watch this bear video. I don't want anything to do with it. Don't risk it. Hey, I've got oranges that I could just toss out like nobody's been, I'm not even into oranges. Can you, could you technically have turned that orange into orange juice or you just had to get rid of all of it?

Fortune. Interesting. Great question. I think it had to be out of my vicinity. Okay, so we talked through orange. Did you throw it out of a window? No, I threw it right in the garbage, outside of the garbage bin. Outside, okay.

Okay. You got rid of the orange, what else you? And you had no questions. She's just like, oh my God, get the orange out of your house. You're like, absolutely. Right away, yeah. Well, I felt cursed, so at this point,

you're willing to do whatever. Sure. Yeah. Also, it's 926, and this was late last night, so at this point, you're willing to do whatever. Sure. Yeah. Also, it's 9.26, and this was late last night, so I'm like, this is auspicious, this is interesting. And then she says, do you have some salt? And I'm like, yeah, she's like, put it in your pocket. I'm like, of course.

So I put it in my blower. I'm sorry. What do you mean? Like you put a salt shaker in your pocket, or you put just a pinch of salt? Pinch of salt in the pocket, in it goes. And she says, okay, you're gonna feel something. I won't tell you when I'm doing the malocchio.

She says, but you'll know. So- You're gonna feel grains of salt in your nether regions. And did you have any moment that you thought that maybe on her end of the phone, she's like covering her mouth, laughing, and saying to the friends, like, they just threw the orange out.

It's highly possible. These Americans and Canadians. They'll do anything. These are mainly through voice note we're communicating. She's like, fuck, and she's like, this guy, Joe. She goes, you're telling me you're watching a video from a guy called Joe. She's like, no, you telling me you're watching a video from a guy called Joe. She's like, no, you won't catch me watching a video

from a guy called Joe. So I believe, like I'm, she has a commanding presence. Was this Joe from the Button Factory? Yeah, did you ask her about Joe from the Button Factory? No, but I could, I mean, this was Joe's job. That was a missed opportunity. Next voice memo. Next memo, okay.

So she gets a bowl and she puts olive oil and water in it and she shows me a picture of it and it's chaos. Like droplets of olive oil, willy nilly everywhere. And it looks crazy. She goes, this is bad. Oh no. She goes, this is really bad. She goes, normally I would use three matches

but this time she goes, it takes six matches. Six matches, she's gonna burn her village down. She's putting the six matches, I guess, in the water. And this is oil? Olive oil in water with some salt. Oil and water don't mix. Yeah, I mean, you're not gonna get some smoothed out situation.

It's gonna be chaos if water's in oil, it's not gonna gel. But after the six matches and the prayer. some smoothed out situation. It's gonna be chaos if water's an oil, it's not gonna gel. But after the six matches and the prayer. Well, let's wait. So she does the matches, puts in the bowl. She said if I was there,

she would throw the matches at me, but I wasn't there. And you're still on the fight. This is a witch. Yeah, I know it's a witch, it's a good witch. I think this is somebody that is maybe pretending like she has some power. How did you meet this person again?

Is this a Craigslist? Is this a friend of Craigslist? If I typed in how do you help me close the bear portal. It was a friend of a friend. I think I know who friend it is. Who? Is this a thing? No, no, no.

It's my friend Carolyn, but yeah, cut it out. So she shows me the olive oil in the bowl after the six matches and the prayer. And the olive oil is neatly organized. It's almost become like this beautiful image. Okay. And she says, I can confirm there was a curse on you. It is now lifted.

And she's like, it was bad. And I go, I know, I fucking know, I felt it. And she goes, have you been having headaches? I said, I have one today. And she said, it'll go, it'll be gone soon. Sure enough, headaches gone. That's usually how it works with headaches. Yeah, true.

I don't wanna poke holes in her thing she's got going here, but usually they go away. So like if you're having a hard day, toss an orange out of the window, get a little pinch of salt in the pocket, put some oil and water in a bowl, and then light it on fire? I know that she's like, do you have any?

It's gonna go away. And you're like, oh! What? And it did! Listen, I don't wanna disrespect the molecule at all. After Tylenol! Four hours later, it was gone.

After extra strength Tylenol. So, and for the record, I'm making light of it, but I truly feel lighter and then also you seem lighter I will tell you this right? Yeah, and then also she said well listen, she's like I did the Malocho I want you to know I've passed on a photograph of you and the whole story to Zia Tia. She goes Let me tell you Zia Tida. She goesia Tida, one of the oldest people I know, and they call this woman the portal. And so Zia Tida is gonna-

Does she know they call her that? I thought this was a TikTok personality. No, it's, I think her aunt or something, and so this older woman is gonna also do the spell for me. You have to have a double undoing of spells? Wow, man, you were really- I don't think that, I don't think Joe the driver meant. All from this bare video,

what was your driver thinking introducing this curse into your life? It's a question for Joe, but I think he didn't mean to curse me. I think it's like the ring, like it cursed him and he had to pass it on and he didn't understand. Oh, like he can't help himself.

I'm gonna start a side business doing this where I just am on the phone with strangers. But she didn't recharge, Tiff, so are you okay with not making money? No, I'm gonna charge. Oh, okay. Whatever she did, I think worked because you seem lighter, your aura seems clearer.

This is the stuff I like to hear. I don't know if it's the natural light coming in through your windows. I feel like it was the mad libs personally, because you haven't had the energy to do a mad lib and Google how to do one tells me a lot. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I'm happy for you, my friend.

I know you've had some energy going on. Depletion, dude, it's been an unexpected grieving period, but now I do feel lighter. And I feel like maybe the bear needed to be witnessed and now, oh, that was it, the final thing, she said I gotta do a painting of a bear. Well, of course, that's the natural thing that would. Yeah, she said, wait, have you done a painting of a bear yet?

I said, no. Did you tell her you did a poem about the bear? Have you done a painting of a bear? You're like, well, of course, that was the first thing I did after I watched the video. Whether it's for me or someone I care about, nothing's better than jewelry when it comes to a gift to mark a milestone, make a statement, or just show your love for the people in your life, including

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I did. I told her about the poem. You did a poem. I told her about the poem. And the poem was long. Plane. Yeah, and she said, that's fine. And she said, delete any like pictures of the bear video or anything from your phone. Cause I did have some.

But definitely draw a picture of it. Yeah, I'm gonna paint one and maybe I'll send it to Thomas we can post it. No, don't send it to Thomas. We don't want him to have anything to do with this bear. That's true. Except, in the painting, I'm going to do a circle of salt. Or no, I'll do a little bit of salt in the bear's pocket and some olive oil.

Bears don't have pockets. Oh, shit. Yeah. Do you know how I keep curses away? How? It's an ancient thing that was passed down through many, many zetias. It's you go circle, circle, dot, dot.

Now I've got my cootie shot. That's really powerful stuff. And you just say it. We don't have to go to a doctor for that shot? No, it was passed down for many generations. It's how you ward off curses and cooties. I feel like you're mocking. And you don't have to do anything with fruit.

Tig, you think I'm mocking? I feel like you might be. This has kept me free. Why do you think I'm saying words like happy and skipping and laughing? In the middle of a heaping load of turmoil or illness or something and they go to Fortune and Fortune says, circle, circle, dot, dot, dot.

Now I've got my cootie shot. Now you've got my cootie shot. Now you've got your cootie shot. Can you give someone a cootie shot? Thank you. You know what cootie sounds like? What? Your favorite word. Cooter.

Fortune. Fortune Marie. I'm glad that you're on the upswing, Mae. Well, I hope that if there was any residual bare energy left over the pod, I've now cleared it. But now that we know you're better, we're very grateful. Look, just to clarify, I'm still deeply depressed. But I think the portal is closed.

That's the most important thing. Close your portals, everyone. Close your portals. Close your portals, okay? That's what she said. Get your cootie shots and close your portals. Close your portals. Close your portals. Close your portals. Close your portals. Close your portals everyone, close your portals, okay? That's what she said. Get your cootie shots and close your portals. Close your portals, portals being buttholes.

I couldn't believe my buttholes, my portals were closed. I can't believe my buttholes. The only portal I'd like to open. Fortune? Fortune? No, don't you go there. The only portal I'd like to open would be from our question asker of the day.

That's right. Nice transition. Today's questioner is a standup comedian, host and podcaster whose latest special, Someday You'll Die is available to watch on Macs. She recently made huge waves, like ginormous, like one of those, she's been doing the standup for a very long time, but had one of those career moments where like the entire, it felt like the entire world

was watching the roast of Tom Brady. And she crushed it in a way that like the entire internet was like, holy shit. So she's on this huge wave of success. She's so funny. She was just announced as the host of the upcoming Golden Globes. No way. I didn't know that.

She's killing it. She is very funny. A friend of the pod, Nikki Glazer is asking today's question. Hey handsome, it's Nikki Glazer. I love all three of you so much. I'm so excited that I get to do this. Okay, my question for you is what is the best compliment you've ever received? And I like this question because it allows you to brag a little bit, but you like have

to brag so no one can be mad at you about it. And also it just encourages people to get more compliments because I think what we're gonna learn is like the smallest little thing can really change how someone feels about themselves and like the trajectory of their life potentially. So I'm excited to hear your answers and thanks. Nice.

Nice. Oh man. Oh, man. Oh, can I say I knew Nikki, I met Nikki when I was like 23 or something. And we went to visit Sabrina Julie's friend of the pod in New York. And it was like we were still young enough that we were like crashing on each other sofas and stuff. And Nikki came over to watch movies and Sabrina went to bed and me and Nikki stayed up for maybe six hours and just watching clips of Leonardo DiCaprio on YouTube.

We were watching. That's hilarious. It got to, you know, when you go into those YouTube holes, we were watching things like the trailer for Marvin's room, like things like that and being like, yeah, that's a good one. And then we just, and then we wiped out. And then I think we all hung out the whole next day. It was really fun, but Nikki was-

Did you snuggle? Yeah, I was like, did any making out happen? I mean, I know Nikki's straight, but. Is anyone, I think I was angling probably. Figured, I figured you were. Were you really? I think maybe I was a little bit, but honestly we were both then,

as soon as we started watching Leo, maybe that's what was creating the sort of- We both wanted Leo. We wanted Leo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's maybe what was creating the energy in the room as we were watching just endless clips of Leo. But man, Nikki is so like funny bones, funny.

Yeah, so funny. I've known Nikki, I think since she was, I feel like maybe she was 19 or something. I met her on last comic standing. Oh, no way. Yeah. And I just really enjoyed her. And, you know, I have to say. About Nikki, what's that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's funny and everything and whatever. Tom Brady and whatever. She has such a great laugh. Yeah, she does. Yeah. And she loves it when comedians make her laugh. Yeah, and I think, I remember noticing that right away, being drawn in by her laugh. Like, I was like, I wanna keep making her laugh.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But yeah, she's got a really great laugh. She's a vegan. Oh, no way. I know. Yeah, she's a vegan. She did a photo shoot where she was naked for PETA. No one's asked me to have a naked photo shoot, but good for her.

I'm happy for her. Yeah, but you still, even though nobody's asking for it, you still put it online of you in the shower. I still do it. I still do one. What animal would you use? Because it's usually someone posing with an animal. The animal has to hide your parts.

Yeah, like didn't Gillian Anderson do an eel or something like draped around her back? Really? I might have made that up. Yeah, maybe that's in your fantasy. I think she had an eel. I don't even think Nikki had an animal in front of her. I think she was just like, what of it?

Yeah. What of it? What was it on a billboard or just like, I don't know Yeah, what of it? What was it, on a billboard or just like, I don't know, it was like a campaign. I mean, she's everywhere right now. She is, and I'm so happy for her because she's been doing this for so long and it's so funny. She is the girl about town right now

and it's so cool to see. Stephanie and I were laughing because Max and Finn came home from school one day and Finn, this is like weeks after the roast, I think. And Finn was like, what is the roast of Tom Brady? Like that is how big the roast of Tom Brady. I mean, obviously Finn is obsessed with sports. It was huge. Yeah, but the fact that he came home

and was asking what that was, was like, wow, that must've been pretty big. Well, she's an incredible roaster, and she puts a lot of work into it. She practices for months. She does not phone it in. No, she's a hard worker. Yeah, Jackson and I were watching the roast,

and we were watching it live. And she did her set and it felt like a gymnast routine. And the and the person just did this incredible performance and like nailed the landing. And it was something in comedy you don't get to see very often anymore because there are very few live events that involve comedy. Oh, it was it was like streaming live. Yeah, it was streaming live. So there was that pressure too.

There was no editing. It was like, and she just hit every joke, every joke. It was like bam, bam. And it just kept building and building and like bam, bam. And I like immediately wrote her like, oh my God. That was like, it was like watching a work of art. It was very impressive. I gotta watch it.

I get anxious in those roasts. I can't handle it. I can't do the roast myself. It's so hard. Yeah, would you get upset if someone roasted you? I'd feel- I wouldn't get upset. I wouldn't know what they were gonna-

You can pretty much guess what people would say about you, but it's probably not fun. Everyone's shitting on you. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't really speak to me, but I do like ribbing and roasting people just one on one. Just casually. Yeah, casually.

Yeah, yeah. And I love when they do that to me, but. I can see you did pan roasting people. Yeah, I think people would pay a lot of money to be one on one roasted by you. Okay, what are we talking? Maybe their loved ones. For your other side hustle.

Yeah, you're doing the Malo-kios. And then also people can, their loved ones can send you a file on them and you'll study up and then roast them one-on-one. Maybe I could join, what is that website where you pay to get videos? OnlyFans. Oh, Cameo. OnlyFans, please. OnlyFans, yes, I'll be in a bikini. Please get an. Only fans. Oh cameo. Only fans. Only fans. Yes. I'll be in a bikini.

Please get an only fans. Oh my god. Roasting people and doing molecular. Choose your own adventure. I'm all in. So from the ultimate roaster, she actually wants to know about compliments. Yeah, that's nice. So what's the best compliment you've ever got? It's interesting because I don't really, like I always appreciate it when someone compliments. I mean, obviously that is a nice thing to hear. And I think it's, I've been trying to be better about complimenting people because like Nikki said, it is nice to like just kind of put that out into the world. You notice something that someone does that you enjoy and taking the effort to tell them,

I think, does go a long way. Yeah. A compliment doesn't necessarily stand out for me at the moment, as far as somebody that's told me something I do, but something that I'll never forget because I'm so obsessed with this person is that I interviewed Carol Burnett on my radio show during COVID times. So it was over the phone and she complimented my name. Did she mean to call you?

She sure did. We interviewed her for about 30 minutes and I grew up like loving her, She was like, you know, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this.

I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this.

I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do this. I'd ever seen and I was like, who's this magical woman who has this effect on my grandmother? And she just means so much to me because I feel like I really, I didn't know how much of watching her was like, I was internalizing in my own comedy eventually. And so it's been my dream to meet her.

I've never gotten to meet her in person, but I got to talk to her on the phone and she said, fortune. That's that's such a lovely name. I really love that name. And then I got to tell her about my grandmother loving her and watching her. And that my grandmother, the fortune was a name my grandmother wanted me to have. And I got to just tell her the origin of my name, Fortune. That's great. And she was telling me that, you know, how special that was and what a cool thing that

was. And so it was a little compliment, but it led to me getting to share something really important to me that I don't think my grandmother in a million years would have ever thought I would have had the opportunity to tell to someone like her. That's amazing. Yeah. Do you ever feel like you're conscious of the compliments you want people to pay you so you're altering your behavior? Like, like, like, tell us about this little insight into me. Well, because I'm showrunning right now, so I'm on set every day

and you kind of feel like you're hosting a birthday party a little bit. Like there's a pressure to be super present and like keep morale up. And like I noticed like, cause I would ask crew members like what's your, what's the best experience you've had on a set? And everyone, like I'm in Canada, right? So everyone has worked on the same things and like 80% of the crew and the cast were like Sarah Pauly, who's the Oscar nominated director, Canadian.

They were like, her sets are so great. She's such a good listener. And I was like, fucking Sarah Pauly, I gotta get. So now I met her on the plane. I saw her on the plane to Toronto. She's amazing. Yeah, such an amazing person. So I, yeah, so then that made me She's amazing, yeah. Such an amazing person. So that made me think, okay, I gotta be super.

So I'm going up to every crew member. I'm like, every background artist, I'm like, hey, great job today. And how's your uncle? Yeah, great. They're like, what uncle? You're like, I hope they think this set is just like Sarah Pauli's.

Exactly, exactly. But it did make it, I was like, oh, people really notice these little things. Oh yeah. Yeah, I think, yeah, just taking the time to like say something nice to someone or notice something about someone and it'd be genuine. Like, you know, it's also helpful.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or if you're trying to get compared to Sarah Pauly, that's fine too. I just had some, my best moment of the past few months in the Bear Portal was a coworker told me that I have Joshua Jackson energy. And let me tell you, Pacey from Dawson's Creek,

I modeled my whole personality off of him. So I'm glad it's working. There you go. Nice. That made me feel good. Same cast member told me I had mosquito energy though. So, you know, take some. Well, somewhere between there.

Somewhere between a mosquito and Joshua Jacks. Yeah. What about you Tig? Oh yeah, I have a very boring, I mean, I think telling this and hearing this will be a snooze fest. Bring it on. Should we do it as a mad lib?

Just pick some words. No, but when I tell this, maybe we can drop in the sound of somebody deeply snoring. Okay. But I'm embarrassed to say this, but it meant so much to me because it, I can't, I'm, I don't know, I't know, I'm embarrassed to share it. What's happening? Let's hear it.

It's so basic. It's so basic. And it's also, okay, Stephanie, every now and then she will just say to me when I'm sharing something with her, when we're sitting and talking, she'll sit and I think I'm also embarrassed to say this because like we were saying earlier, I like to rib people. I love when they read me and I love that. But she'll just say, you're so nice. And look, I'm not looking to be the nicest person in the world, but it's such a basic compliment that for some reason it means so much when Stephanie says it to me because she's obviously,

I don't, I can't make any sense of it, but when Stephanie says, oh, you're so nice. I just think you're a nice person. I'm like, Thank you. Like, I, I don't know why I like hearing that. And I don't I guess you know what, I've figured it out. I don't hear it a lot. Because I think that I have a weird personality in that I am dry. I'm deadpan, I rib people, I come across in whatever guarded way, but I'm not a perfect person, but I do think I am nice. You got a good heart.

We've talked about it before, you in a crisis, you're showing up for people. I will be there. I will be there. That makes sense then. Yeah, so're showing up for people. Yeah, I will be there. I will be there. That makes sense then. Yeah, so to have someone. Yeah, I think that is why, now that I think about it. Because I do not hear, people, and I, there are not people walking around the planet going,

oh my God, do you know who's so nice? Tig, Tig Notaro is so nice. That is not the word that would describe me. But side note, I do think I'm a nice person. And so when it comes from Stephanie, I can't make sense of it other than I think I don't. Don't care about. That makes sense.

And I think too, it's coming from someone who sees you dealing with many people. You know what I mean? There's very few people in our life who are watching us deal with friends and business and relationship and so many different facets of real life. So you're seeing someone who's commenting on that from seeing you deal with all these different walks of life.

Yeah, that's nice. That is nice. And maybe it's just that I, it's probably a mix but I really I'm as I'm talking it through I Do acknowledge that I just don't hear it ever except from Stephanie I think cuz every every time anyone's is like if I talk about the podcast with friends and stuff They're always are just the word they describe for you is always hilarious and funny. That's always the words that come forward. Which is flattering too.

It's very nice to hear. But you know, but like, funniness is not synonymous with kindness, like necessarily. No. Like it's not a given, right? So that is, it must feel good to be like, oh yeah, and I'm kind, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know.

It's specifically that nice, like. So many people hate that word, I think. Exactly, and that's why I was like kind of stumbling over it. It's so overused, it's so, it's a boring word. It's like, okay, yeah, I'm nice. Well, because when people use it for like, when they're dating someone, like they're nice. And everyone's like, oh. Yeah. Yeah'm nice. Well, because when people use it for like, when they're dating someone, like, they're nice and everyone's like, oh, yeah, yeah. They're like, uh, synonymous with boring.

Like on Seinfeld, that would be a reason to break up with someone. She's too nice. Is that on an episode? No, but it just seems like it. That would seem like it. Look at you show running Seinfeld. Yeah, did you not know I show ran Seinfeld? All right, let's hear Nikki. I like it. Look at you show running Seinfeld.

Yeah, did you not know I show ran Seinfeld? All right, let's hear Nikki. The best compliment I ever received was when I was playing field hockey my freshman year, my coach was pregnant and her husband would come to all of our games and was really supportive. And he one time told me that he hopes his daughter is like me like grows up to be like me and I was like but I'm so bad at field hockey

he was like oh god not your skills if it's field hockey god no he was like I remember being offended by him being like oh no he almost like threw up no she's way more athletically inclined than you are but he was like I just want her to be a nice person like you are. And I just was like, that always meant so much to me that someone would want that. So that's probably it. Or when someone told me I looked like Jennifer Lawrence when literally three fourths of my face was covered with a mask during combat.

So I shouldn't have taken that as a compliment, but I did. All right. Look at that from one nice person to the next. That's right. That's so funny. And she wasn't at all embarrassed to say that somebody said she was nice. And I was like, oh, this is the hardest thing

I've ever said. Because I just really feel like my personality doesn't make sense with that word. I think it does. Really? The one I wanted to say that I went with like a jokey one, but the actual nicest compliment was Parv's daughter said that we were saying what animals we were and then she said that she said you're like a willow tree because you protect us and you give good hugs. Isn't that nice?

Yeah, that was a nice one. I think when a kid, because kids don't bullshit, you know, so when they say something nice, you know. Yeah. I did have some people tell me online that I have nice legs. That meant a lot. Famously nice legs. You got good legs. Famously.

Everybody's talking about those. My gams are so strong. And I'm glad that someone noticed and cared, you guys. We don't see your legs a lot, Mantig, because they're usually out of shot. They're down here. I'm looking for them. Don't think I'm not always on the lookout for them.

My gams are popping out of my jeans right now. You just can't see them. Yeah. What I was gonna also say real quick to go back to Nikki Glaser is, I feel like I said that to Stephanie about Nikki that she was a nice person. Look at that.

Yeah. Yeah, I had to bring that back around. So now she's been doubly complimented. Yeah, but it is, I feel like she's an open person and engages with people, with kind of everybody. Yeah, she seems pretty self-aware too, which I like. She'll be like, here's what I think right now. I'll ask her a question about what do you think about this?

Or she's like, here's what I think right now. This could change at some point, but this is my initial thoughts. I'm like, you know, she's yeah, very reasonable. Yeah, reasonable. I think she's reasonable. A reasonable person. I like reasonable.

I'm like the old grandpa that loves handsome. And she loves hanging out with her parents a lot. Oh yeah, she's got a good relationship with those guys. Well, I encourage everyone to go out there and to compliment someone. If you see something about them you like, or you know of something they do, like legs. Yeah, or if they're nice.

If they're creating good vibes, tell them. Also, it's good to remember the nice things people say about you. It's so easy to focus on the negative and your internal voice becomes negative. But remember that field hockey coach. Well, I will say when Nikki asked this question, I had a hard time calling up compliments.

Yeah. Even though I know I have gotten many compliments. And you keep track of them, like in a little book. Normally they're in a notebook somewhere. Where that notebook is right now, I don't know. Okay, well that's the end of the episode. We will definitely have to find this notebook. This common book. Say some nice things to people.

It will make their day, I promise you. And what you could do to make our day is to keep listening to our show here, watch it on YouTube, tell your friends. Rate and review is really important and actually clicking subscribe and sharing your favorite episodes with friends and being like, come on in,

come on in to the Handsome Crew. That's right. Also check out our merch. We got new merch, including our Iagos t-shirt, our Keep It Handsome hoodie for the autumnal weather. And don't forget to listen to our pretty little episodes every Friday where we will be answering your questions

that you send in. Also, I think I've announced that I'm gonna be in Kansas City. It's true that I will be, but I forgot that it's a corporate or private gig. So, sorry, sorry, sorry. They'll have to see you another time. Well, I'm gonna eventually at some point be back in LA.

So check out the Largo website, so I'm gonna be there in November and December and dynasty typewriter as well. Oh yeah, I'm still doing comedy bar shows in Toronto and just having a grand old time working out my new material. So come on down. If you come more than one time, you might hear the same material again. I'm working out a new material. I have one last show for my live, laugh, Love tour November 16th in Santa Rosa, California. So join me in wine country.

Well, yeah. And, you know, until next time, I would just highly recommend that everyone listening. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast!

What a podcast! What a podcast! Hey, handsoms. It's your friend Tig. My brand new album, Hello Again, the audio version of my latest comedy special is going to be available everywhere September 27th. Download it on platforms like iTunes, buy actual vinyl and yes, CDs at my live shows or get it directly from my record label at secretlycanadian.com. Go to tignotaro.com for more info.

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