Handsome - Pretty Little Episode #6

Episode Date: September 27, 2024

Fortune and Mae address an out-of-this-world would-you-rather, plus signature scents and more on a brand new Pretty Little Episode!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, Handsome's, two May facts for you. One is that Handsome has its own coffee and coffee mug that you can get at handsomepod.com along with so much other great merch. And second fact for you, Sunday, September 29th is National Coffee Day. That's fascinating, May. I know I'm going to be drinking my quadruple shot decaf latte that day straight out of my handsome mug. So go to handsomepod.com, get your coffee, get your mug and cheers!

Pretty Little Episode! Hello and welcome to one of our special Pretty Little Episodes where you, the listeners, are sending in your questions. Today you got me, Mae Martin, and I'm joined by? Me, Fortune Feimster. What's up, Mae? What's up, Fortune? Just look at us.

Look at us. Being handsome. Are you ever tired of being so handsome? Every day, it's a burden. What about you? Never. I never get tired of it. I never get tired of being this handsome.

It's a responsibility for sure, but one I am gladly taking on. Yeah, someone's got to do it. I had like a half hour like acupressure, I want to say like reflexology in Chinatown this morning and I forgot to bring my bank card and then my phone, like Apple Pay wasn't working. I don't know. And then I said, I got to go. I said, I'm so sad. And I was like, you was using a translate app to communicate. And I was like, I'll leave my bag here and come back in like an hour or something. And they said yes.

And then now I've gotten very distracted. Oh no, you haven't been back. I haven't been back and I've just remembered and I need to go. I need to get the hell. Okay. After this, you have to go back. I'm going to go straight there. Cause they were really like, okay, no, we trust you.

And I was like, I'll be right back. Yeah, you got to keep that trust. I got to get that 40 bucks. Between you and they're like, well, we do like this bag though. Yeah. Oh God, I wonder what's in there as well. All my notebooks with my sad journals. Well, I have noticed that a lot of Canadians do pay with their phone.

Like they tap their phone on the things that have their credit card information. Is that a Canadian thing? I don't know. Maybe it's also an American thing, but I just notice it more here. Oh, yeah. You always do that, tapping the phone?

Yeah, I usually do, but I don't know why. I went to my wallet on my phone and none of my cards were there. I think I had, it's a long story. I had to try to get more iCloud storage. As I'm saying this, I sound like sometimes when I listen to true crime documentaries and they're like, I wish I could give you my phone records,

but I accidentally updated my phone. That's what it sounds like, I murdered someone. Did you have your sad journals in that bag? One sad journal? Yeah. That's pretty priceless to some people. They would love to see what's in that journal. Oh man, they'd be so disappointed. Really? Just like, yeah, like I write poems and stuff, you know? You read us that one poem you wrote when you couldn't sleep.

Oh, about the bear, the bear video, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you get massages? I love massages. Yeah, it's good, right? Love them. I could get them all the time if that made sense in life and I had nothing else to do. When I went to Thailand, which you know is a favorite spot of mine, I got a massage I

think every day. Yeah. Because that's like a big part of their culture and I could eat pad thai and get massages every day. I think I need to move to Thailand. That's a really nice life you're describing. Yeah. Yeah.

It is. Yeah. Well, as we know, I went to massage school mainly to get massages. Like I... I did. Nothing with it. Yeah. Yeah. What else is going on?

Well, I'm trying to, I'm finishing up the edits on my special, which I'm very excited about. Amazing. I'm excited too. I do give a little nod to our pod. I am special. Mm-hmm. Like I just, I say, keeping it handsome at one point.

No way. Yes, I do. it handsome at one point. No way. Yes, I do. And everyone's like, woo! For the eagle-eared listeners. That's so cool. Yep. Oh, actually, you know, I had two handsome references in there. I also make a pretty little lady statement at one point.

What? So two handsome shout outs. Tig did a handsome shout out on her special. So on your next special, you better think about the handsome shout out. Pressure's on. What if I slip it into the thriller scripted show I'm filming where I play a different character

but I'm just like, I'm listening to this podcast at the moment. Or you have to just throw in the word handsome somewhere but in an ominous way like, yeah, he's looking very handsome, but I don't trust him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I normally don't trust very handsome men, I will say.

That's there, yeah. When they're too handsome, I'm like, I don't know that you've had to have a personality because to be a handsome man. I don't trust you in your non-personality. I don't know. I don't know. You know what I mean.

I hear you. Yeah, that's why I keep it handsome enough, but not too handsome. I like big ears or something like that will make me trust someone. One feature that's a little asymmetrical. I'm like, okay. A wonky eye. I trust you. Yeah.

Tom York, very trustworthy. Amazing. Well, should we hear what our questions are today? Yes, please. From our lovely, handsome listeners. Yeah. Our pretty little ladies and pretty little ladies and pretty little handsomes, pretty little cowboys.

All the folks. Hello, handsoms. This is Jenny from Minnesota. My question is, would you rather be possessed by a demon for 48 hours or abducted by aliens for 72 hours? Whoa. OK. Yeah, I feel like I know what May's gonna say.

A billion percent. I, it's crazy to imagine choosing possessed by a demon. I feel like. I'm like, you're going up in space or wherever the aliens are taking you. Yeah, probe me for three days. Probe you, yeah, you don't care. No, I'm open to it.

I'm open to business. All for the good of science or whatever it is. And to finally have confirmation about extraterrestrials and what's going on in the world. I'm up for it. As if I'm going to survive it, I'm up for it. But being possessed by a demon. You want to come home at least. Yeah, like, because a demon, you don't know what you're going to be doing for 48 hours. You could be really messing up some relationships in your life. You could get fired from work, you could get, you know, say something to your family that they don't ever free and you come back from it, go, I was possessed by a demon. They're like, sure, sure you were.

Exactly. Yeah. I feel like there's more community around alien abduction and people being like, yeah, I believe you, you know, then, then demon possession. I think people would believe aliens over demons. Yeah. Possessed by a demon. And you just although mainly when people are possessed by demons, it feels like they're bedridden and just being like, fuck you. And their head spinning. Yeah. So if you just got a buddy to lock the door.

I love that it's just an extra, just a little extra time with aliens. Not much. Just, yeah, one more day. Yeah. Can you handle one extra day with an alien? I would hope they would take you back to wherever the thing, I don't want to go to space, but if I have to, I guess with an alien, they know their way around things. We're not having a map quest this journey.

In space? Right. And you want to see their home planet? I want to see their home planet. I want to see what's going on because there would be a lot of people very interested in this information. No one wants to hear what the demon had to do. I know, because not all aliens are bad. I think some might be nice, but most demons are bad. But I've never heard of a demon that possesses you and then just does a lot of charity work. Yeah, demons by nature are not good.

Misgivings makers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what the scariest thing is when they start talking in the voice of your deceased loved one or something and they're like manipulating you, you know, they're going, oh, it's your mother. And you're like, no, I know it's not you. And then someone's having to throw holy water on you.

Yeah. I'm going alien because I feel like the odds of it being a more pleasant experience are higher. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe you get a little Polaroid to take home of you and the aliens. Maybe. Or they're like, you can never talk about this to anyone ever. Yeah. Although there was that movie, maybe it was Johnny Depp or someone goes to bay. He's an astronaut. And when he gets gets back he's just slightly different with his wife. That is a risk. You could change.

You could change. Maybe they implanted something in your brain or something. That's true. That could happen. Yeah, and you've been probed. Yeah, there's risks. There are risks involved. Demons, you're horrible for 48 hours and then they're done. You come on the other side, no harm, no foul. You don't know what happened. You were possessed, so you don't even remember it. The alien stuff, it's sticking with you.

So there are bonuses to each and minuses to each. Speaking of this, have you heard about this NASA? I mean, it's maybe not. Is this a May fact? No, it's like, it's the craziest news. May news item? These two astronauts who were supposed to be going for a nine day trip and now they're stuck up there.

Now I saw that headline, but why, do trip and now they're stuck up there. Now I saw that headline, but why do you know why they're stuck up there? It said they couldn't come home for like a year or something. Like a malfunction in their craft and I think they had landed on the International Space Station or they were near it and so they had to emergency like and now they can't get back and yeah it could be like. That's the nightmare. and yeah, it could be like- That's the nightmare. I know. But then in the article, it was like, if astronauts, it's a one in 241 chance

of something seriously going wrong. I don't like those odds. That is not good enough. The odds are not in your favor. No, and like- Although I know not a lot of people go up to space, but yeah, it's one in 241. It's not good enough. I need like one in a million. Yeah, up to space, but yeah, it's one in 241. It's not good.

I need like one in a million. Yeah. Yeah. Should we hear what Jenny has to say? Yeah. Personally, I'm going to go abducted by aliens. Why? Because whatever happens would only be happening to me versus the demon thing.

Who knows what kind of shenanigans I could get up to with that. That's right. Thanks so much for the pod. Keep it handsome. Oh, thanks Jenny. Keep it handsome. Yeah, I'm glad you made that choice. Yeah, I feel good about it.

And you did it and it was out of altruism. Mm-hmm, thinking about other people. Yeah, pretty handsome quality. saving money isn't always easy, Thinking about other people. Yeah, pretty handsome quality Saving money isn't always easy But when it comes to your home insurance policy all state makes it fast and simple to get a quote and make the switch All state is here to help you save on home insurance check all state first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings.

You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Hey, handsomes. It's your friend Tig. My brand new album, Hello Again, the audio version of my latest comedy special is going to be available everywhere September 27th.

Download it on platforms like iTunes, buy actual vinyl and yes, CDs at my live shows or get it directly from my record label at secretlycanadian.com. Go to tignotaro.com for more info. And remember it's never too early to start holiday shopping. All right. What else we got? What else we got? This is me being excited for questions. Anna's called in my room. Hello, handsoms. This is Kate, short time listener, first time caller.

And I have a question for you all that I would love for you to answer. Kind of a two parter, but the first part is do you have a signature scent? And if so, what is it? And the second part is if a brand or something came to you and wanted to make a signature scent based on you, what would you call it? Kate. Do you have a signature scent company? Call us.

Do you have a signature scent? I'm not aware of any of my co-hosts in their scents, the truth be told. I know, you got to get a little closer next time because I do have. You do? Okay. Although I haven't been wearing it recently because my co-star in my show is like very sensitive to smells. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, but I like, it's called Comme des Garcons. It's called what? Excuse me.

Come what? Come, come dig our song. Saying that. Yeah. Fortune. Fortune. It's come dig our song. I guess that means like the boys, but it's. Oh, does it yeah like COMME Anyway, and it's called is it French. I'm assuming I guess so it's called Kyoto the scent

I found it ages ago, and it's kind of like woodsy like yeah I don't even know what it would smell. It's like a boy smell you know and I like it like yeah like a strong like it would smell, it's like a boy smell, you know, and I like it. Like a, yeah, like a strong, like leather and tobacco. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I think since I started testosterone, my actual, like pheromones are changing and the smell smells different on me. Interesting. And I don't like it as much anymore. So I might have to find a new one. Well, that is the thing with scents.

They do. It does smell different on every person. Yeah. What about you? I don't have a signature scent. I go through phases where I'm into cologne. And I think it is it Giorgio Armani? Maybe had a good one that I was liking for a while. Yeah. Is it aqua digia? I don't know. And also that could not be the scent. Oh wait, it's in my bag. Should I go look?

Yeah, get it out. Yeah, hold on one second. Thomas, what do you smell like? I've used Old Spice deodorant since I was 13. Oh man, so it's that fresh Old Spice scent. Yeah, but I can't even smell it anymore. Like I feel like my nose just became blind to it. I was wrong.

It's not Armani. Cause Armani, I don't even know if they have scents. Maybe it's just clothes. This is Mont Blanc. Oh, is Ryan Reynolds the face of it? I feel like in airports, I feel like I've seen an ad for it. Maybe it's Ryan Reynolds. I have no idea, but this is the travel version.

Oh, okay. I like it a lot. Mm, yeah, it smells good. It's good, it's a good one. It's a nice cologne. Would you wear it when you're going out to like an event? Truth be told, I forget to wear it. Yeah.

So I am not known for a signature scent, but when I do remember, I really enjoy this and I'm not being sponsored by Mont Blanc. This is a free shout out. I like that we both got French, like, come bigger. Mont Blanc. You missed Thomas saying that he smells like Old Spice deodorant, but he doesn't smell it anymore

because he was wearing it since he was 13. Oh, so now it just blint. It's just part of who you are. Yeah. And then I just reached out a frame and grabbed my old spice deodorant, which is called Captain. And I got it because Parv and I have that role play. The captain and the cabin boy. So but interestingly enough, if I don't smell like cologne,

I wouldn't mind smelling like fruit. Sorry? Like a fruit basket. Oh, like the basket. I came up in the time of Bath and Body Works. Okay, okay. And that was the go-to lotion.

They all smell like a melon or a cucumber or a lemon or a grapefruit. I'm into it. I feel like in the nineties, it was very sweet sense. Like the Gap had a lot of perfumes that we would wear. Yeah, very fruity, sweetie, sweetie. Sweetie in middle school. Yeah. And even like lip balms that were like chocolate milk.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, next time I see you, I'm going to be sniffing around. Get a sniff. See what's going on. Yeah. Come de something. Come de granite. What is it? Come de garcon. Garcon? Come de garcon. Come on, garcon. What?

Should we hear what Kate's signature scent is? My answer is that I'm on the hunt for a signature scent, so I don't currently have one. But I'm always drawn to things with sort of woodsy, outdoorsy kind of vibes. Well, now you kind of vibes. So I think I would have to call mine something like homoerotic summer camp. That's similar to what yours is, Mae. Homoerotic summer camp, come dig our song. That's what come dig our song stands for.

Yeah, holy shit. I love that. Do you remember that the gap used to have one that was fresh cut grass and it smelled exactly like fresh cut grass? But I don't know if that's an appealing thing to smell. I don't. To some, there's someone for everyone, but that's not for me. Yeah. Well, thank you, Kate, for that. I love that question. Hi, Handsome. First time, long time. Big fan of the pod. My name's Mary Love. I'm in Louisville, Kentucky. And I look forward to the day when I see a woman just kind of walking around her garden

with pigtails and think, is that Tegna Taro? She disappeared years ago. My question for you today is who is your favorite TV mom? I love, we didn't even comment on how our last questioner said that she was a short term listener. I was a short-term listener. I know, short-term listener. Short-time listener, first-time caller.

I wanted you guys to know I'm new to this. I just started listening, but I have something to say. Listen, we welcome all the short-time listeners. Hopefully you're becoming a long-time listener. Yeah, okay. TV mom, favorite TV mom. I know I'm trying to think of all the sitcoms in my head from, because I would have been more influenced by one from back in the day.

Yeah. Can I do some impersonations and then you see if you can guess? Absolutely. Okay. Homie! Marge Simpson. That was not my best, I'll be honest. But enough to make me know who you were talking about.

Yeah, how about this? TAM! Home Improvement. Yeah. But I don't remember her name. I'm giving it away by saying the husband's name in every... I loved the mom and home improvement. I know, I can't think of her name, but yeah, she was great

She's amazing really funny Yeah, who would be I was that it that's it that's all I got Here we go. Are you name this TV mom? I? This would not be who you would think of being like the quintessential like sitcom mom, but the mom that made me laugh the most, Peg Bundy. Oh, really? Yeah.

She was a badass. Marrying the children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was always in those outfits, walking like this. And, ow! And she like never wanted to touch them and always had that like cougar print on. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That is actually pretty formative, I think. Yeah. They don't that that was that show was such a different breed of show. It was like the anti

sitcom. Yeah. Yeah. I used to think a lot about the mom from Buffy because I don't know if I feel positively about her or not, but it was a very strange performance where like, it almost felt like she was improvising her lines. Oh, really? And she was great, but also it was kind of a crazy character because her daughter's like, yeah, I'm a vampire slayer and I gotta save the world tonight.

And she's always like, Buffy, do you have- But she wants her to like clean her room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, mom, I just saved the world and my boyfriend's a 400 year old vampire. She's like, do you have to go out to like clean a room? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, mom, I just saved the world and my boyfriend's a 400 year old vampire. She's like, do you have to go out to the, yeah. What was her name? Joyce Summers.

If you watch it through the lens of imagining that the actress is improvising all her lines, it's very funny. And then everyone's just rolling with it. I also loved, this was later on in life, but did you ever watch Friday Night Lights? No, never. Connie Britton's character. Oh, that was a great TV mom.

Oh, and the mom in Arrested Development is amazing. Yeah, very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also liked Clara Huxtable back in the day. I don't know that person. From The Cosby Show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god, I love George Costanza's mom. The Costanzas are hilarious. My little Georgie. Yeah, she's so funny.

Her and Jerry Stiller together? Oh my god. Should we hear what Mary Love has to say? What a fun name, by the way. Yeah. For me, I'm a millennial woman with my own mother issues. So the obvious answer is Lorelai Gilmore. Present day, I'm married and I'm a mom now myself. So it's transitioned a little bit to Emily Gilmore. It's still Gilmore Girls, but I kind of see where Emily was coming from. So thanks for what you guys do and look forward to hearing your answers. Oh, that's so nice. I got into Gilmore girls, but I know I know there but my favorite mom of all time because I was only thinking of sitcoms Would be Sally Field and still Magnolia's. Oh Yeah, oh my god. Yeah

In that scene at the funeral. Oh my god about that. I Weep during really? Yes, she can. I weep during that. Really? Yes. She can make you weep. She's got that. God. She's like, Oh, that was amazing. I don't have the line. I don't remember the words, but it's Shelby. She should be here. Oh my God, Fortune.

If you're watching on video right now, you're pretty captivated probably by my performance. That was pretty great. Thank you. I want to see you do a really dramatic performance like that. Free help me! You never know. Yeah. You never know.

Well, what another pretty little episode, Mae. This was such a treat getting to chat with you, my friend. An absolute pleasure. Don't forget though to tell our listeners if they want to send us a question, just go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and you can send us a question and we'd also love to hear your answer as well. So yeah, keep sending them. Please and we'll keep answering them. That's right.

As long as we live. Forever and ever. All right you guys. Keep it pretty. Pretty, handsome. Work on it. We're going to work on pretty. Handsome. Work on it, we're gonna work on it. Work on it, we're just workshopping, workshopping. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulett.

Email us at handsomepod at gml.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. Hey handsome's we know that price is at the top of the list when you're looking for home insurance and you want a great policy too. So check out Allstate, make the switch and start saving money now. Check Allstate first and you could save $574

on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state, based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.