Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Barton Twink

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

John is now homeless and pretending to be a writer who lives in an office space, YouTuber gets shot doing a prank, Raiders fans fight each other, footage of Bob Dylan ruining a concert, drug addict calls cops for his drugs being stolen, John's Replacement Corner https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Yeah, from the top, go ahead.

Okay, okay, hold on. We've been drinking like we're in a movie. Uh, yeah, The Hangover. Great start. Great start. Anyway, folks, we just finished a great workout. We all worked out today. You can see I have my workout shirt on, and now it's time to reverse all the effects.

Yeah. Cheers, guys. Cheers, everybody. Great, great day doing chest. My chest is so strong. Yeah, my body needs the glycogen right now. I agree, dude. So it's a restore.

Anyway, welcome to Haywatch with Connor McNutt. Thanks all for being here. What is glycogen? It's sugar. It's what the body returns from sugar into. It goes carbohydrates into glycogen, right? You're correct, but you have to stop answering stuff for Devin because we found out when we let him be a moron.

I have a great skill. It's the funniest thing in the world. Yes. And you keep bailing him out on accident. That's what I'm here for. And it's the biggest mistake. No, no, no. You have to let him be a moron. I have a great skill. It's the funniest thing. Oh, really? Yes. And you keep bailing him out on accident. That's what I'm here for. And it's the biggest mistake. No, no, no. You have to let him be done. I'm here to bail you out, buddy. I'm gonna need to be bailed out. It's like 2008.

2008, you know. It's like a rape threat against John. Oh, yeah. Bailed out from what? John also kind of lied today about the gent. Who really knows if he worked out I have video dude don't fanatically pull it out it's one joke

we were all working out and John was just kind of sitting there just watching us like a fucking pervert it was sexual it felt sexual I was touching myself when you were watching Connor do his reps there was like gay energy coming off you I was staring at him and then he'd look at me and I'd turn away

yeah I was uncomfortable dude it's okay david did you notice that he was being like salivating over john's gay i know let's just get down to brass taxer john is gay he has like a lust for men you made out with that guy a long time ago i made out with two guys made out with two guys but i've never seen him do it to like a close friend and it was odd he was kind of like there was when i was doing no no just like be that gay when i was doing chess i mean look at his and this is very vascular when i was i showed him my veins i have like such great veins and john yours are horrible connors are great let's just get to the bottom of it man i felt like an asian woman at red lion today that's how i felt oh boy

i was getting a pump in remember when i was saying people are gonna a lot of women are gonna come out against me yeah well they're gonna come out against me? Yeah. Well, they're going to come out against John. I'm going to get sued by Red Lion. John was at Red Lion, and he was so hammered, and we were talking to our friends. Did we not talk about this already? No, we did not. I don't think.

I was wasted. No, we did not. No, no, no. I was doing all right. Well, first off, you did all right. I was just doing all right. I was doing drunk. You vomited in the parking lot

Of a van I ate too much I ate too much And drank too much beer It was too much in my stomach It wasn't a drunk vomit You literally like Puking rally

Like a 19 year old It was crazy Puking what? Puking rally Yeah and then Get yourself going Well I had so much food And then I drank so much beer

And then I just had to Exit it out You're a gluttonous Piece of shit Insanely gluttonous And then you sat And then you kept Putting your arm around that poor, that sweet angel. Brian was sitting next to me.

My arm was on around him. You're breathing down her neck with a vomit breath. Yes. Sorry. And Connor looked at me, and Connor was like, dude, what the fuck is John doing? No, I came back from the bathroom. That's what I do now. I came back from the bathroom.

I went, whoa. Stop that. Next one, whoa. Whatever that is, stop that. Whoa. Connor said, stop that. Stop that. You actually want a whoa? Whatever that is, stop that.

You want a whoa? Connor said stop that. And then the lady asked her friend, or asked Brian to switch seats with her. Oh, really? So a man could sit next to you because you were being like... I thought, no, I thought it happened before.

It was like going to Brett Ratner's house. I'm like, let me see your feet. It was really uncomfortable. I thought it was before. I thought Brian switched seats with her and she sat next to me. They switched seats a few times. It was like uncomfortable. I thought it was before. I thought Brian switched seats with her, and she sat next to me. They switched seats a few times. It was like rape musical chairs.

I don't remember much of that night. No, no. You were like not, you never would do anything, but you were just being really creepy. I'm a big guy, and I like to touch things. I'm like Lenny. John was just like, so what is it? And she like just. John was doing that.

He literally had your arm around her her and she had just met you. The waitress started. You were only whispering and then laughing so loud. That was you two. I laugh. I cackle. You had two voices. You were like, so what do you do for a living?

Yeah, I cackle. You'd let their ears get used to a gentle tone, a quiet, gentle tone. And then you'd start like screaming like the Joker. It's like an Abu Ghraib kind of deal. It's like sensory overload, right? You have to listen really closely to hear me speak, but then when I have a good time, you have to go far away, so you don't know where

you're safe. So you're trying to torture them. Yeah. At one point, John... We didn't get to the part where I make them hold wires and stand on a box and shit. Man, so yeah, John's also, after that, he was accused of rape. And now he's homeless. Cops came. Yeah.

I don't know if people know this, but just. So I, okay. Didn't I not talk about this on you? John brushed his teeth in a gym bathroom this morning. I had a bathroom. That's horrible. I was in this, it was like, I've been doing it for like two days in a row. But I had like, this isn't that funny, but like I fucking, I was like. I think That's horrible. I was in this, it was like, I've been doing it for like two days in a row, but I had like,

this isn't that funny, but like I fucking, I was like, I think it's hilarious. I think it's kind of sad. But like the, it made me frown just now, not voluntarily.

No, it's actually fucked up. John's living like, it's great for the podcast, but it's tragic as fuck. John is like, it's in that movie Into the Wild,

but he goes to downtown LA. It's like Pursuit of Happiness. Alexander Supertramp at the YMCA. I like, I'm renting a commercial space and I'm living in it, but it's a little key about it. Holy shit. Oh, I know.

He's also been farting up a storm. Did I fart in here? You farted when you walked in. Also, I came in and I forgot you pissed in a bottle on the Patreon. It was sitting on the table. I put it outside. Thank God. I was encouraged.

That's what I said. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I'm renting a commercial space. I'm living in it. And I'm like, not supposed to live in it, but it's like 24-7 access. So it's okay. Yeah, dude. But the thing is, is like, and like, I was like, listen, listen, listen.

The cost of rent is worth it, in my opinion. Hold on. End goal. Okay, real quick. Can we talk about, so what are you saving each month, do you think? I'm probably saving right now. This isn't just because of rent. This is because of all the kind of like, what do you call it?

Amenities? No, amenities, utilities, things like things. I've taken off $1,500 in basic. So you're saving? How is that possible? Wait, what? Not just rent. I'm saying not just rent, but like other things I've eliminated from my life.

Like what? Like my jiu-jitsu gym membership. Fucking utilities. Yeah, but that has nothing to do with living in a commercial. Right. That has to be separated. I'm saving probably $300 a month on rent at minimum. So you're saving $3,600 a year to live in an office? No, I'm probably saving about $300 a month on rent at minimum. So you're saving $3,600 a year to live in an office.

No, John's like, I stopped taking hookers out, so that's a big chunk of the money, and I stopped doing black tar heroin, so when you add it all up, I'm saving like $100,000 a year. I'm saving, it's all big. It's like a pile of stones, and I keep adding stones to it, and my pile gets bigger.

Yes. Like a homeless guy. Yeah, exactly. And his stones. Yeah, but the logic is so flawed. I don't go, I'm saving a lot of money by not owning a Lamborghini. No, but I mean, like, my option, here's the thing, though, is like, peace of mind is, I hate roommates.

I hate roommates. Yeah, but the peace of mind of not being thrown out of where you live in the middle of the night because you're squatting in a commercial space. My favorite thing about this is that there's security guards that are there throughout the night, and John told them he's a writer and that he writes at night. I tell them different things. Here's my favorite thing about this is that every night John gets off work at 10 p.m., he's going to take the train back to—he's going to walk downtown LA, go to your office space, and you have to walk past these security

guards, and you have to pretend to not be tired. You have to withhold yawns. Oh, no, no, no. So you don't get kicked out. I go, no, I play into the tired thing. I just go, long day, guys. Time to burn the midnight oil. And I get up there like, fuck.

You say time to burn the midnight oil. Like, you're going upstairs to meet with the lost generation. Yeah there like, like, fuck. You have to burn the midnight oil. Like, you're going upstairs to meet with the lost generation. You're like, I have Gertrude Stein and Hemingway

up there. I'm like a Barton Fink. I got a midnight Paris up there. I gotta get it. I gotta work all night. John, do this.

The elevator opens up. This is my impression of like three weeks in when John can't withhold a yawn. So, so I'm the security guard and you're walking by me

and I'm eyeing you and you just go, Hey! You sleeping up there? So do you write in a sleeping bag by chance? Is that what you're doing? Well, the thing is they can't, like, it's not

illegal to sleep in an office. It's just illegal to live there. So that's in court, John will be like, it was a power nap in between my work. Your Honor, I live at Devin's house, and this is his address, and this is my residence. Are you okay with that? He has no choice.

Wait, you're bringing my name up in court? I use your address for everything. He's going to claim that his address is your address. Oh, no, you can't know enough of that. You can't help it. You've been using my address for a decade. You can't help it, bud. You're making Devin an accessory.

You should sue him. I'm going to sue you. You're never going to sue me. I'm going to sue you for everything you have. Dude, I'm a master. I'm going to sue you for $7, bud. I'm a master of lawsuits. No, I, yeah, I'll be fine.

It's going to be cool. You're going'll be fine. It's going to be cool. You're going to be fine. It's just funny. Yeah, it's just funny. No, but it's like... It's interesting. There's like horrors that live across the hallway from me. You're living in the Florida project.

Yeah, and like it's just... But it's fun. So there are other people living in the commercial space? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Well, they take like... I see them out my window. It's kind of like a rear window situation. And it Well, they take like Instagram. I see them out my window. It's kind of like a rear window situation

and it's like they take like modeling pictures and like lingerie. Could it be a modeling studio? No. Yeah. Joey, yes.

It's probably a modeling studio. I'm just saying like I use living wrong. The problem is there's definitely other people living there. I see like things. There's a guy

out front named Sport. John walks up and before he lets him in, he goes, you hip? He's like, you can fuck her ass, you can fuck her mouth. And then John looks at him and goes, you know, my life, I've been thinking about getting one of those mugs that says I should get organized. And then you

manically walk upstairs and sleep on the floor of an office space in a sleeping bag. Devin pulls up in an Uber. Travis Bickle had a better room than you did. My room, it's going to be once it's put together. Bickle had a fucking stove. Bickle had a stove, yeah.

I'll have a stove. How? You don't have a stove. It's going to be a hot plate, buddy. Oh, a hot plate you're plugging in. You don't have a bathroom. He has to put a stove. You don't have a bathroom. When Johnny wants to take a shit. Do you have a bathroom at all? Yeah. No, it's in the hallway. But he has to put his... You don't have a bathroom! When John Neat wants to take a shit... You don't have a bathroom at all? Yeah. No, it's in the hallway.

It's like a hallway bathroom. But he has to put... He has to wake up and be like, I gotta take a shit, and then he has to get dressed and then walk out of the hallway and go to the bathroom. That sucks, John.

You're gonna hate that, dude. You should totally commit and just wear a 3D suit every day. Yeah. I think, like... Yeah, it is kind of hard to, like, dress to shit. Like, there's, like, a dress code to shit.

Yeah, that's really depressing to have to put on pants to go take a shit. Yeah. And also, like, but it's fun. I'm having a good time. I'm in a lot better mood. You're about to be shitting your pants even more than ever now because of this. Having to put on clothes and go and, like, oh, let me make sure nobody's in there. You're going to be shitting your pants five times a week.

It's not the morning shits that bother me. It's those middle of the night poison shits. You ever had those? And guess what? Where you actually need to shit so bad you wake up in the middle of the night. I haven't. So rarely does that happen. I don't know.

It happens rarely to me, too. I don't know if that's. It sounds like a big concern for you. I got to put this in a wig. Do it with the camera, at least. Oh, and it happens the camera, at least. Oh, and it happens rarely to me, too.

No, like, like, poison shit. He goes to the doctor, he goes, Doc, I've been having those poison shits again.

Yeah, it's like, you're like, what have you been eating? He's like, ah, poison? No,

but you feel like you've been poisoned? Like, you wake up in the night, your stomach's like, clamping so bad. I know what you're talking about, yeah. You know, but like, that would suck. I have your stomach's, like, cramping so bad. I know what you're talking about, yeah. You know?

But, like, that would suck. I have to, like, get, like, put pants on and shoes. Yeah. Fucking sucks. Man, this is... But I did wake up one night... This is worth $300 a month to you. Fuck yeah.

Well, also, like, it's cool. I woke up in the middle of the night... It's so cool. To me. It's charming. It's all that matters. It's fun. It's fun.

And, like, every girl's gonna be like, hey, oh, you don't have a shitter in your house? That's so that matters it's charming it's fun it's fun like every girl's gonna be like hey oh you don't have a shitter in your house that's so hot that's so charming yeah a girl comes over she's like

where am I supposed to shit question number one there's gonna be no women in my place that's what every woman needs to know I might have zero

John your place is really cool and all but where do I take a fat stinky shit I can't obtain a guy that doesn't have a hot toilet for me to dump loads. But they can't piss.

That is funny, but they can't piss. They can't go and check their makeup. If John fucks them, they want to go piss to get no UTI. They have to run out. It's like they're dating Hey Arnold.

They have the communal bathroom. It's just like, you got to go over there. But there's a... Hey Arnold. This is all a part of your Hey Arnold fantasy. My Hey Arnold bathroom. Yeah. So it's like, you got to go over there. But there's a, but like, I woke up. Hey Arnold. I saw a part of your Hey Arnold. My Hey Arnold arc.

Yeah. I'm the bird man. I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw a Latino dude like walking down the hallway and he had like slides on and like basketball shorts. I was like, you live here. Like, there's other people who do it, you know. Are you going to become friends with that guy? No, I've, I'm slowly becoming friends with the security guards.

Yeah. Yeah. Are they cool? They're chill. They're okay, I'm slowly becoming friends with the security guards. Yeah? Yeah. Are they cool? They're chill. They're okay. Okay. What race are they? All, like, Latino.

I don't know. They could be El Salvadorian or something. Have you been talking to them about, have you been trying to speak Spanish to them? No, all I do is I talk to them about ghosts. That is pandering. That is easy. Yeah, that's pandering. That is pandering.

This fucking place haunted. What do you mean? That's so pandering to Hispanic people. Of course, that's all Judd does. That's all they want. They love ghosts. You don't love ghosts. I love ghosts.

You know Mexicans love ghosts. No, all I do is watch Ghost Adventures. Every Mexican is obsessed with ghosts. It's their favorite thing. All I hear is because there's security guards at old buildings in downtown LA late at night. You go like, hey, have you ever seen Casper? Yeah.

Is Casper here? They're like, my cousin? Well, no, they all have cool little ghost stories and stuff, and they're like, it was very spooky. They love saying spooky. It's a spooky culture. Ghosts in your building? One guy says there is.

Another guy who I trust more says there isn't. I trust the other guy more because he brought it up with, this place is okay, but like the place I used to work at, it was haunted. How far are you from the Cecil Hotel? Have you asked them? Not that far, but none of the guys work there. That's a little further south,

but yeah. Yeah. A couple blocks though, right? I don't think so. It's not that. It's not docking my location, but we're going to be real secret. John, it's downtown Los Angeles.

Yeah, no one's going to figure out where everything in downtown LA is you. I'm on there. When we filmed that movie, we were staying in, like, we were filming a lot of it in, like, a place like that where, like, these guys, like, bought it and then were selling it on the, like, underground, like, renting it, like, in an Airbnb-style way, but they weren't allowed to do that. Oh, really?

Yeah. It's a bunch of scam artists downtown. What kind of blows my mind about downtown is if you actually just kind of open your eyes a little bit, how much actual abandoned property there is. Like, there's a lot of real estate there. And, like, it's kind of crazy. There's so many homeless people, and there's so much property there that could be used to house these people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John's like, there's so many floors to sleep on. Exactly. No, like on Broadway. John goes on Skid Row, and he goes, any of you guys looking for a roommate? By any chance? Exactly. No, like on Broadway. John goes on Skid Row and he goes, any of you guys looking for a roommate? By the way, it's not that much better to sleep inside on the floor than outside on the floor. You're not that much better. It's way better.

What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Rain? You have a roof. You have a roof. It never rains. The weather's perfect. You have the breeze and fresh air.

It's cold. The fresh air of the homeless community you're sleeping amongst. You have security. You have walls. You have the breeze and fresh air. It's cold. The fresh air of the homeless community. You're sleeping amongst. You have security. You have walls. You have shelter. Yeah, no one's stepping over you. That's a lot better.

Find a little fucking nook. Get a doorway to a business that doesn't have occupancy. Do you ever do homeless calculations? Like, do you ever have that fantasy of if I was homeless, I'd live there. That's a great spot. Yeah, I do that a lot. And I'm always shocked by where like homeless people set up. Yeah.

Like under freeway passes. I understand it's covered from like. It's so loud. But it's so loud. It's crazy. I don't understand why they don't go to like hiking trails and like just like go in like the bushes. They'll get removed. You're not understanding the life cycle of a homeless person.

They go to Skid Row. First, they go to the beach. They get thrown out of the beach. Then the local beach homeless guys that are accepted there beat the shit out of them and they steal their fucking bike, whatever they have left, their shopping cart.

Now, they finally make their way on a bus back to like, alright, fuck it, I heard Skid Row has drugs. They get to Skid Row and now they're looking for their little block on Skid Row. And like, alright, well the heroin block hates me because I'm doing fucking meth. They go to the meth block. Hopefully, they fit in.

It actually is. Like it's the Jets and the Sharks. It totally is. What if you do both? It's like the zebra with the cheetah. It really is. No, it totally is. What do you do both? Are you like, it's like the zebra with the cheetah. It just depends on what wins. If you're chill, you can hang out

with the heroin guys. Well, heroin guys, they all do both. They do speedballs and they do uppers and downers Wherever you end up at chillness wise is where you go

on Skid Row. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah. Then like if you're such a crazy asshole or if you hate everybody in Skid Row, you find your own little spot under a freeway. Yeah. Or you get kicked out, and those, the guys that get kicked out of Skid Row are the dangerous ones.

Those are the guys that end up in your neighborhood where they punch an old lady in the face. Or they point a gun at her instead of stopping. Like, I got attacked by that homeless guy one time with his bike. That was the guy that had just been kicked out of Skid Row. I could point a gun at her instead of stopping. I got attacked by that homeless guy one time with his bike. That was the guy that had just been kicked out of Skid Row. I almost scared him. Was it like a community justice

that kicked him out? No, I'm guessing. That's a total guess. That's just my theory. I think the... Well, John will give us more updates soon. Yeah.

When I get kicked out of Skid Row, I'll let you know, buddy. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's cool. Anything else? So if you have a girl that comes over and you have to tell her Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's cool. Anything else? So if you have a girl that comes over, do you have to tell her, like,

bring a typewriter? Like, you better... They won't let you in unless you act ready to write. You have to open the LLC to fuck me. The problem is all the security guards think I have a wife. So, like, I told her. I made up, like, a big lie. Like, when I got there, I was all flustered. I was like, I told her. I made up, like, a big lie. Like, when I got there, I was all flustered.

I was like, dude, like, my wife's, like, so angry. Oh, so that's a good idea. So then when you have women over, they'll just be like, he's so cool. He's, like, cheating. He's, like, cheating on his wife. He's using his office to cheat. He's so cool. He's so cool.

I told them. I told them. It's like the loser Copacabana. I told them I have a wife and that she works mornings and I work nights and I'm driving her insane and that's why I'm renting this place and I'm here all night.

So unnecessary to weave this. The lies are fun. That's the best part of it though. He's just having fun. I'm saying not necessary. I'm like, well, Joey, none of this is necessary. Everything in my fucking life,

none of it's necessary, but it's fun. It's fun. You're taking fucking life. None of it's necessary. But it's fun. It's fun. You're taking the worst possible route in every decision. John talked about it. He brushed his teeth today at the gym. Oh, this is the sad thing. And then he looked in the mirror and he thought about his parents seeing him this way.

Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I was like, I'm not saying that. I mean, yeah. I instantly thought about your parents seeing you. Yeah. I was like leaving the gym and I was like, oh, man, they might be a little disappointed. But the end goal is to like, I'm going to stack a lot of cash.

How long is your lease? It's only a year. A year. I'm going to... Oh, dude. That's a long time, dude. Did you know that? A year lease?

Oh, yeah. I know that. Yeah, that's a long time. John is like if Jesse Pinkman didn't buy his parents out. It's whatever the opposite is. He just keeps trying to get in. They go, Jesse, we're selling it. You can't.

And he goes, I don't have the keys. Oh, yeah, I'll be out of there in a year. I was thinking about calling your mom before you made this decision. She knows, but that's... I actually talked to my therapist about this. My therapist was like, what do your parents think about this? And I was like, if you called my mom, she'd probably be like you know yeah he's just

always doing stuff like that yeah johnny no she loves you no matter what but does she worry about you oh she's always working to my mom if i walk down the street my mom would be the same level of worry no matter what it's always the same little worry but she's always just like johnny just he's always going dude you're gonna be the first person to make the therapist go, Jesus Christ. John's going to buy the AMC movie pass for shelter. He's like, yeah, I'm seeing like eight movies a fucking month. Yeah, I'm like an A-lister, so. I'm on the AMC A-list.

I see seven movies a week just for the air conditioning, and I kind of put my seat back, and I take a nap. Like, sir, you only watch movies when it's, like, raining. I basically had to, like, defend this with my therapist for, like, an hour. And I was like, listen. Therapists usually don't. Do they speak up? Your therapist is straight up saying, stop. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Hear me out. I'm exaggerating. It wasn't an hour. But he was like, he was, my therapist, like, the cool thing about therapy is, like, they agree with you for, like, eight months. And then, like, eight months in, then they're like, hey, have you thought you might be retarded or you're wrong? Let me question a couple of things. And then they start doing that every session,

and then it's like, oh, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Have you had a breakthrough? Have you had any big breakthrough? All the time, yeah. Can you give us your biggest one? I need to stop fucking... Living in office spaces? Well, it's funny because every time he thinks he's healed me,

I throw him a curveball, and I'm like, I'm homeless now. So he's like... You're going to get malfied pretty soon, where your doctor is going to be like, I can't fix you, like, just stop coming. I'm making you a better homeless person. He agreed at the end, eventually, because he was like,

listen, I wouldn't have agreed with this if there wasn't some sort of long-term goal where you're going to focus on it and you're going to save money. Because a lot of my anxiety is money-based. And the less I have to think about money, the happier I am. So that's like – So give us your big breakthrough. Give us the big breakthrough before we – The big breakthrough is I need to like fucking think about my – So like what i do is

oftentimes like if i if i'm ever confronted with something about myself i'll like instead of actually thinking about it and like trying to fix it i'll oftentimes be like i'm sad because of someone else in my life some bad happened to them or they're annoying me or something else and like my my therapist always like you're really transparent like if if i sat i'm the first guy to be like yeah i'm a fucking retard like i'll sit down and be like this is a dump so you're like everybody else but i'm incredibly deflective i'll be like i like i don't want to look at i actually don't want to think about myself too much so i'm trying to work on that okay yeah so you'll you'll like uh say this is not my problem i'm mad about something that isn't my fault kind of yeah like yeah. Not usually that way. I can kind of see that.

John's therapist is at dinner parties, and all the people at the dinner party are like, they're sick people, Melfi. You need to drop him. Giving him updates on sociopathic homeless people. Giving him articles. No, I know, I know. He's a chill guy.

Yeah, you're the first ever self-inflicted sociopath, you know? I'm's a good guy. He's a chill guy. You're the first ever self-inflicted sociopath. I'm not a sociopath. Sociopaths don't think about other people. You're not a sociopath at all. You have a ton of empathy. All I do is think about how I'm... You've got as many other supporters. You're for everyone else but yourself. That's what I'm trying to work on right now.

The hard thing is you can tell me that all day. You can tell me that all day. You've told me that a few times. the thing is is like i don't listen to you guys because i have like i've years of like you know i look i know you too well like i'm like what the fuck is devin telling me this he's got his own fucking issues you know what i mean like so like it's it's easier when it's just a complete stranger who like you're like oh you have a fucking person at your train station, not one of your stable friends. No, no, no.

Who has a pretty stable life. Like a therapist. Like a stable guy. You're clearly going the therapist too though. It's like, it's the same thing you do with everybody else

where you're just like, oh, this fucking lady sucks. Like she's, I bet she fucking sucks. Like she's got her own problems. Why is she such a bad therapist? I'm listening.

She's like 20 bucks an hour. That's the whole thing I'm working on. 20 bucks an hour. That's the whole thing I'm working on. She's a very cheap therapist, right? No, mine pays on scale. He's not a cheap therapist, but he pays on scale because he's a good guy. You have a Groupon for a therapist?

Yeah, he's also my chiropractor. He's also my chiropractor. Well, things will get better, I think. And, you know, if it works out. When are you going to get, like, because you're literally sleeping on the floor, right? Oh, I'm so, I plan on. You're living like you're on the lam. Like, you're living like you shot somebody and, like, the mafia's after you.

And now you just have to sleep on the floor. Yeah, I'm living like Josh Brolin. You're like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. Yeah, yeah. I, like, yeah. I like... That's actually a step up. Don't tell me that. He got his own bedroom

with a bathroom with those fucking Polish people. They got arrested day one. True, true. You are. You're like Walter White at the end. You have like one copy

of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium on VHS and you just sit in a dark room waiting to take a shit in the hallway. The landlord comes to a victim and he's like, could we just hang out for five minutes? and you just sit in a dark room waiting to take a shit in the hallway. The landlord comes to evict him. He's like, could we just hang out for five minutes?

You're hoping to get evicted so you can hang with the landlord. You're like, oh, good, my best friend's here. My room now is just boxes of shit and a pile of clothes and a sleeping bag and a chair. It's very psychotic. I'm going home tonight ordering a shit ton of shit off Amazon and I'm just going to slowly build it over the next month. I do think eventually it will look okay because John is kind of good at

that shitty apartment. I'm obsessed with interior decorating. I know it's gay. That one of mine ended up looking good. Do you look at Reader's Digest? What's it? Architechture Digest. Yeah, Reader's Digest.

Architechture Digest is so fun. Yeah, I get ideas from everything. I've always had a nice, tidy-looking, cool apartment. It's also fun, too, because it's a challenge because it's such a small space. Connor keeps up a wonderful place. Connor also lives a reasonable life. He's got a fiancé, and he's like, no, he just is a reasonable person. I was saying, so you know furniture. You've handled a lot and he's like, no, he just is a reasonable person.

He's handled a lot of furniture. Pretty soon at John's bar, homeless people are going to start kicking him out. No, but it's fun. It's exciting. Homeless people walk in and they go, you can't serve us! I'm having a great time. You're being a great sport about it and you seem happy. You're in a much sport about it. And, and you,

uh, you seem happy. You're in a much better place. I feel like you're doing this to me. Like, well, you've been in like a manic mood the last couple of months and you seem like way better living here. Living.

Yeah. Because I'm alone. Finally, the last time I was truly happy, I was living in Boyle Heights alone. They should do that show alone. That survival show. For you living in an office space. show they're like how's he gonna shit what's he gonna do i had like it's just like two empty bags of wrap snacks and like he's like it's

five a.m wrap snacks i love wrap snacks have you ever had wrap snacks yeah they're so good i mean it's just a wild the baby flavor is amazing what's the baby flavor it's just a wild choice. The baby flavor is amazing. What's the da baby flavor? You have a baby flavor? Da baby. Da baby, Devin. Da baby. He'll have like a hot barbecue. It's just good. I'm more of a little baby flavor, personally.

What's the little baby? I have no idea. Oh. I got the bad bunny flip. I stuttered on the name. I like the ice spice Dunkin' Donuts. That's my favorite. Me too.

I love that commercial too. It's such a good commercial with Affleck and her. It's got so much sugar in it, it turns you autistic like ice spice. I do like the conspiracy online that she has Down syndrome. She definitely does. It's so fucking funny. It's so funny. She definitely has Down syndrome.

Yeah, you're right. I mean, look at her. Hot. You don't get a fat ass that way unless you kind of are retarded. It is a Down syndrome. Yeah, you're right. I mean, look at her. You don't get a fat ass that way unless you kind of are retarded. It is a Down syndrome ass. You have a retarded ass. Absolutely. Why did God do that? It's not like Atlanta big.

It's like padded room big. Yeah, it's like love on the spectrum big. It's like, yeah, it gives you facts on butterflies big. Yeah, why did God do that? I don't know. I don't know why her hair was like that. facts on butterflies. Yeah. Why did God do that? I don't know. I don't know why her hair was like that. Her hair is normal now. Why did God give retards fat asses?

He's like, you're going to love dinosaurs and have a BBL. Yeah. I mean, God, God love them. But you ever feel like you're seeing the same retard everywhere? Do you mean because Down syndrome people look the same? Like the same guy is all over the country. Yeah. It's your best friend.

He just transferred. You're like, I see him once a week. I should stop saying stuff like that because I can already hear the people that clip stuff. Be like, that's the clip. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not using it. JP, Gabe, we're talking to you. It's wild.

I mean, there's been an uprising of hot Down syndrome chicks. I've seen those. It's wild. I mean, there's been that, like, there's been, like, an uprising of, like, hot Down Syndrome chicks. I've seen those. I've seen those. It's crazy, because they have all the meat there. Yep. They just got to trim it up. Yep. You know what I'm saying?

What the hell? It's like a block of marble. So they just do some crunches. Exactly. And you're on a treadmill. It is. You got the best ass I've ever seen in my entire life. Exactly.

We need to start ice sculpting these tarts. I've seen those real. It is bizarre. There's a lot of like mild down syndrome like hot pop stars now. That's like the future of BBLs

is we use the CRISPR technology. Yeah. We get DNA from a retarded girl. We inject it into like you know an influencer.

Injecting an extra chromosome into her ass. That's right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Man. her ass. Right, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Man, Ice Spice. What a lady.

I don't really... In every interview, I'm like, you are off. There's something off about her. I like her for some reason. She is hot, though. I miss the... I agree. I realize the afro is what made me attracted to her, though.

She's got normal hair now. She just looks like chicks I'll see at the gym or something. None of that's her normal hair, I think. Oh. I like the orange afro. I don't think she was the one girl in her family that just had curly orange hair. Dude, I'm also so dumb, though, when it comes to black women. Because they're all wearing wigs all the time.

And I still do a thing where I go, I'll see a girl one week and the next week I'm like, wow, she grew like seven inches of hair overnight. That's crazy. You can't comprehend the weave. I still do it every single time yeah yeah weave why did i it looked fucking it's a great they they look real i remember when i was a kid and i realized that like it wasn't their hair when i saw like a fight and like they pulled the weave like i got your weave bitch and shit yeah i remember my second girlfriend had a weave and she would never let me touch her hair and it was really weird isn't it wild when you see like a just a stray weave on the street?

Yeah. Something bad happened. It's like the ghetto scalping. My dad. It's like being in the old west. Being in the old west and you're like this is a rough neighborhood. There's the revenue. There's weaves everywhere. Tom Hardy but he had a weave. The Comanches are around

the corner. It's like our days fly over until we get 200 weaves, and I want my weaves! Not even ghetto, I just mean, whatever, there was a fight that happened. I saw a lock of a weave today. Saw what? A lock of a weave.

Just a chunk of hair. Definitely a weave. Don't know what happened. My dad used to, we'd walk down the street, and if we saw a high heel, I'd be like a child, my dad would stop the family, and if we saw, like, a high heel, like, I'd be like a child. My dad would, like, stop the family and, like, look at us and be like, a woman was raped here. Wow. Like a stray high heel.

A woman was, your dad said that to you. That was crazy. Man, I don't like how black women feel like the need to do the weave thing. I think it's, like, internalized, like, they feel the need to do it. I don't think they like it either. I like black women's hair. I like when they have their natural hair. I think they's like internalized, like they feel the need to do that. I don't think they like it either. I like black women's hair. I like when they have their natural hair. I think they look really great.

Wow, I think you're going to get a lot of points back on that take. Clip that up. That's my idea. Clip that up. Clip that up. Yeah, exactly. All the chicks from D.C. are forgiving you right now. Those fucking bitches. Those D.C. are forgiving you right now. Those fucking bitches.

Those D.C. bitches. It was so annoying because I was like, when I got in trouble by all those black ladies in D.C., I was like, I'm not talking about you, obviously. I'm talking about the frumpy whites. About everyone except for you. Yes, literally everyone except. And let's not act like D.C. doesn't have the most segregated. It's like one of the most segregated cities I've ever been to.

You cross a bridge. You're like, like, like segregate. It's like one of those segregated cities I've ever been to. You like cross a bridge. You're like, now this is where black people are. And then you're in the D in like, you know, where Congress is and shit. And there's this frumpy white fucking, you know, politicians and shit like that. Yeah. Was that when you got removed from TikTok? Yeah. Okay.

For the most harmless joke I think I've ever made. Yeah, that's crazy. What was it again? That women in DC look like Jim Gaffigan. What was it again? That women in D.C. look like Jim Gaffigan. It's like, and that like got me in tons of trouble and I got,

I can't, you know, this podcast, we could have taken off by now if we were allowed on TikTok. They heard us. The idea of a black woman being like,

I don't look like Jim Gaffigan, it's like, yeah, no shit. It made no sense to me. I'm like, why are you offended by this? They just don't know who Jim Gaffigan is.

Sure, yeah. That's why. I know. I wanted to just get on there and be like, listen, you people are fucked up. You go, listen, lady, you don't look like Jim Gaffigan. You look like Cedric the Entertainer. That's me making my apology. Trying to clarify.

Oh, man. Yeah. Well, I guess Should we You know Connor You know how we were Watching all those pranksters Back in New York

A couple months ago And we kept talking Loaf Kept talking about Wouldn't it be great If one of them was like Attacked Yeah

Shot Oh yeah Well it happened Hang on a minute This is gonna get us banned It's violence And it's from Fucking Twitter

It'll get us banned This is not video Of the shooting There's There's Video of the us banned. This is not video of the shooting. There's video of the shooting on Fox News. We watched it on a news channel, and we got removed from the 7-Eleven video. Violence always gets us banned. I'll cut it out right before the shooting, then.

All right. I saw that it was in a mall, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay. Tonight, Fox 5 is obtained. Look at this asshole. Just already. Fuck you with your backwards hats i mean it's like also you're like so outdated what is this like why you dress like ti is this like 2007

you pop in bottles of in the club with some dub or whatever the fuck right that rap crap right bottles in the club you know what i'm very good you know what i say rap stands for r.i.p recharge attempting poetry second week in a row we're gonna keep that one going look at them youtube prank that ended with a shooting a loudon county jury found alan coley not guilty of the most serious charge connected to the shooting at dallas town center david caplan's working this one tonight you got your hand dollars like minnesota right something like that what happened yeah jim tanner cook did they say dallas dallas town center joe cook going to public i think i'm thinking of duluth venezuela d-u-l-l-e-s typically have negative reactions to we're going to walk you

through this video without audio first, then we'll play the whole thing for you. On April 2nd at Dulles Town Center, Cook was being filmed as part of his YouTube page as he walked up to Kali, who was picking up a food delivery. On Cook's phone... Oh, the guy was a fucking DoorDash guy. ...voice play a vulgar message...

And he looks homeless. ...that was repeated... Real quick, pause it real quick. Also, if you get DoorDash and you make play a vulgar message. And he looks hopeless. Real quick, pause it real quick. Also, if you get DoorDash and you make the guy go to the mall, kill yourself.

He should be shot. Yeah. You're one of the, you're embodying some of the greatest evil on earth. You shoot the prankster and then go and shoot

the guy who ordered the food. Make it a rampage. It should be like falling down. It's unbelievable. Times to Kali who tells him to get away or he'll call the police, is what it appears to say in the video. Kali tries walking away.

Look at this guy. Cook appears to follow. I mean, the guy looks like a homeless DoorDash delivery guy. The lone shot. That's John's, he's next door. Jesus. Rings out. Here's the full video.

He's being intimidated. Stop. Let me escape. This is the officer. What? He didn't quit thinking about my tweet. What's that even? out here's the full video he's being intimidated here we go this is awesome all right i'm gonna pause it there she pulls out like a little he pulls out like a snub 38 like joker and Joker. Watch it off screen because maybe they blew it. I bet they can't even watch it. Watch it off screen?

Just watch it right now and play it on. They didn't even show it. They froze it like Butch Cassidy in the Sundance game. They did. It's like the ending. We can watch that though on that. That's going gonna be kind of sick to see they pause it that's what i'm saying no we should watch it on video on that all right

all right i think it's safe watch us get banned yeah maybe what i'm so scared of algorithms like what if they have like a soundbite look it up guys don't do it all right so but anyway here's this here's the here's the hero the hero the city I hope he's like, this is like the modern Bernard Getz. That's the most tired looking man I've ever seen in my life. I love this guy. Yeah, he's been door dashing. Good God. It's pride to puppies.

That's not even his fucking, that's not even his jumpsuit. That's like, this is what the door dash makes you wear this. Kali did have a concealed carry permit. Cook has recovered. Kali was found guilty of That is so sick to be like delivering DoorDash And just have like a snub 38 in your pocket Like Joker

That's so cool He also doesn't need it No there's no need You know he's been waiting for a moment He got a little jumpy here At least he pulled it on the right people You two pranksters are the only people that should be shot. I'll agree with you. That guy

didn't deserve to get shot whatsoever. But I can see why the judge... You know what, John? Let's get back to the streets. I wish I had... I wish I had more context, though. I have context. No, let's find this guy's channel and watch some of his pranks. Very good.

Let's build a case against him because right now I don't feel great about him getting shot. I would like to see more. Thank God this happened. I do know context on this and let's keep investigating. This guy was playing a message that was accusing the shooter

of being a pedophile. Oh, wow. And he knew he was being filmed so he's like, oh, this guy's actively filming me. I'm not sure if he knew he was being filmed, so he's like, oh, this guy's actively filming me. I'm not sure if he knew he was being filmed, but he's like, this guy's accused me of being a pedophile. He has like eight feet fucking tall. Yeah. The YouTube guy. So then he's

cornered and he's like, I'm being attacked. The YouTube guy seems crazy. He's like, this guy gonna fucking stab me. I don't mind his shooting there. I think it's fine. It's also fine because it's a white guy with a backwards, like, flat br there. I think it's fine. It's also fine because it's a white guy with a backwards like flat brim hat on like it's 2004.

He's dead? Go fuck yourself. No, he survived and he's complaining here. Then he's complaining? This is all this guy's ever wanted. This is all he's ever wanted.

This guy's been begging to get shot his entire life. He went streak head so bad. Here's the thing, folks. Here's the thing, Connor. A jury was like, yeah, those guys were annoying as fuck, and they acquitted the guy of all charges for shooting him.

Not all charges. Was it all charges? No, he was guilty of shooting in a confined public space. Oh, guilty. It was a little loud. It's crazy that he didn't brandish the weapon. He was setting off firecrackers. No, it's like two years max sentence or something like that.

He'll be on probation. Yeah. But the jury was like, no, we didn't think it was a problem that you shot him. It wasn't murder. It wasn't attempted murder. This is the YouTuber complaining with his mom. The greatest jury of all time. They're the best.

Oh my God. Keep the videos and keep it pushing. That's what it is. Okay. Any white guy. All right, bro. White guys that's like legitimately say keep it pushing. I already think they should be put in camps.

Keep the backwards, backwards white Yankees camp. say keep it pushing. I already think they should be putting camps. Backwards white Yankees camp. You're the white guy in the barbershop. You're like, I'll give you a fade. What if the reporter pulled that? He goes, keep it pushing. The reporter goes, Like Jack Ruby.

Jack Ruby. Yeah, that guy is, that DoorDash driver is the Like Jack Ruby. Yeah, that guy is... That DoorDash driver is our generation's Jack Ruby. Yeah. Who was the guy on the subway? He's our generation's Kennedy. Who's the guy on the subway? Bernard Goetz.

Yeah, he's Bernard Goetz. Is he vaping there? No. He's sucking his thumb. Let's see. I'm letting off like Bernard gets. Why won't this work? Well, don't move it around, Otter.

Shut up, John. Sometimes it's like no matter how much we practice or prepare, there's still an Otter. John, why don't you shut up, okay? I wasn't speaking right there. Don't act like you know what having Wi-Fi is like. Well, if something's not playing. The internet's a little shoddy right now. It's like, hey, it's called a computer.

It is upsetting because I just know that this is the greatest thing to ever happen to the prankster. That's why I'm upset. I know. He's also into it. He's alive. He's got street cred now.

Now his page is going to blow up. Fleshy part of the thigh. His page will blow up for all the wrong reasons, though. People are going to be like, you suck, bro. You got fucking shot. You have too much faith in humanity. He just doesn part of the thigh. His page will up for all the wrong reasons, though. People are going to be like, you suck, bro. You got fucking shot. You have too much faith in humanity. He just doesn't care, though, too. It's like the island boys are fronting

each other. God damn it. This guy fucking blows. The mom. I know my son's an obnoxious piece of shit, and we accept what the jury said. I almost shot him every fucking day that week. I've been slowly feeding my son poison,

and he, like, won't die. My family and I are just grateful and thankful that I have my son here. And he's almost 18. I'm going to kick him right out. I can't wait to never speak to him again or be legally responsible for him. Now, if only he could stop listening to hip hop music.

I'd be the most grateful mother in the world. And if only that DoorDash driver could stop listening to hip hop music. Everything else matters right now. And that's it. I want to thank the prosecutors, the Commonwealth prosecutors. The mom's like, I don't care. The mom's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He got shot.

I can't believe I had to show up for this. Are you getting horny off her, John? Oh, John, is this a mommy? It's like fucking. Do you like that? You like that? I don't know. I did think of like a J-O-Y the second I saw her.

Do you like those necks that look like a sledding ramp? Yeah, like a guy's. Do you like those necks that look like a Jamaican bobsled team goes right down it? Honestly, it's crazy that she's not furious with her fucking son. She's had time to process. She processes. She goes, he's a fucking retard. Miss Jones and Eden Holmes, they did an outstanding job presenting this.

She looks like Mickey Rourke. Before the fighting career. You know, the jury's the jury. He's still being a YouTuber. What is that? What is that? How about a headshot for you? Execute that man.

She heard about this shooting and she was just like, finally, it finally happened. Dude, she goes home every night and she orders DoorDash hoping that he shows up again. It's not him. She goes, I don't even want the food.

Get out of here. She's like, Your Honor, what restaurant was he picking up from why is he doing this face because he's retarded because he's really stupid and we respect that also did did he oh look at she's like you goof how'd he recover from the shootings like he seems fine he got like shot in the stomach no internal damage nothing i don't know I hope there's something involved. Like he can't eat eggplant anymore. I do hope this is a side effect. I hope this face is just...

He's having a stroke. We can only hope this is a side effect. But I know it's not. He's too retarded to feel pain. She goes, sorry about my son. He's a bit of a comedian. What's your message to the people who might have a question? Look at this white-ass town.

What is that? I don't know. Profound. Like and subscribe. I don't know. Probably. We'll see. How disappointed are you about this?

I really don't care. It is what it is. It's God's plan at the end of the day. You believe in God and you're doing this. As far as opinion about his content on YouTube, do you agree with it? God, she's like a giant woman. Jesus. I support Tanner and whatever he does.

Of course his name's Tanner. Tanner. Fuck Tanners. Unless you listen to the show and your name's Tanner. Yes. No, that's about it. your name's Tanner. How hard was it for you to watch that video again? I know you had to step out. Yes. No, that's about it. She's just like,

ultimately, it's God's plan. What is his name? You just gotta keep it pushing. Do we know his name? Let's go look at his... Coley is his last name. Tanner Coley. Keep it pushing. That's what it is.

Jesus Christ. Keep it pushing. Shut up. Tanner Coley maybe that was the shooter's last name it might be C-O-L-I-E was somebody's name

Tanner Cole oh great that was the shooter's name I think damn he looks dumb oh it was damn it

what is this fucking guy's name just go like Tanner shot YouTube yeah I'm sure he's like done a vlog about it Just go, like, Tanner shot YouTube. Yeah, I'm sure he's, like, done a vlog about it. Look in the hospital.

Fuck. You guys, talk amongst yourselves. Anyways, what do you do, Joe? What I've been up to is watching an otter try to use a computer. Yeah, wow. Jesus Christ. He really is bad at Googling. It's crazy.

My favorite thing that Devin does is he puts in the, he'll put in like the, at the search bar, like google.com. Like he's typing like HTTPS. He's like, he's like my computer teacher in seventh grade says

it's not secure if I don't put the S. YouTube shot YouTube channel. That's going to work. Well, how would you, how would you find it, retard? YouTube shot YouTube channel. How do I find work. How would you find it, retard? YouTube shot YouTube channel. That's the best search I've ever seen in my life.

Unbelievable, dude. Good fucking God. YouTuber shot in mall and then look up article and it'll say his name. Oh, Alan Cole is the homeless shooter. What's the fucking... Tanner something.

We're moving on. Tanner Cook. Tanner Cook. Wow. Fucking like.5 seconds. This is now the hate watch with Connor McNutt. Tanner Cook. Nothing comes up.

Classified goons. This is their... Oh! Classified goons. Cool name. First video I got shot two months ago. One point for Joey. Detained at airport.

All right, let's watch this. You're detained. You're detained. Schneider-Prinkel, knock it off, or you're going to go to jail. Quit videoing, mother... Stop! Oh, no. All right, so I thought of this idea where I walk around, just as if I was, like, a security

guy, and I'm like, hey, I'm with the sobriety patrolety patrol unit and I'm like I got to test you out to make sure you're good so you can keep you know going on with just unbelievable what you can make a living off of doing now I say that is like you know we like we do basically targeted harassment you're a bad example but in general in life I'm talented more talented these people yeah you're more. I don't know yeah. Oh really don't Get back to the streets. Okay. Once you get to rei and buy yourself a new home What you're doing and so where is you right now see if we can get a couple people confused like this a Friday patrol unit Are you are you sober right now to be able to be walking around?

You know I do a couple tests. I like wasn't even he's just sexually harassing women why didn't that work i'm with the sobriety patrol unit i gotta do a couple tests on you guys i'm with the sobriety well it's not optional i go you can suck my dishes it's a double step test though i just want you guys could you guys put your hands together like this? Raise them up Why are they listening down at your sides? And then take it take a knee these construction workers are actually I Mean the victims deserve to die for me. I'm sober and I should not be asked these questions

Okay, I'm with the Sobriety Patrol Unit. I'm just going around testing people to make sure they're sober to keep walking. Can I do a couple tests on you? Okay. So can you... Is this guy holding a banjo? So go like this. Side by side.

Like this? I think that's a horn. And then go like this. Like this? Yep. And then go, give like a crouch like this. Okay. Hold that stance for 10 seconds.

I mean... Human beings are the dumbest fucking animal on earth. All it takes is a uniform and we'll just do whatever you say. We'll agree with anything you say. Hey, we learned that during COVID, bud. Very good. Don't get me started. The plandemic.

The plandemic. Fucking the vaccine. We should watch Plandemic today. This hurts, dude. Hey, watch Plandemic. This plandemic. Fucking the vaccine. We just watched Plandemic today. This hurts, dude. Hey, watch Plandemic. This isn't even fun to watch. What would you do if he stopped you, Devin? I'd say, get the fuck away from me, retard, before I shoot you.

Now look up. How do they not know it's a joke by now? He's hopping and jumping around. You gotta keep going. It's just because everyone, I mean, look at how disgusting and out of shape this guy. No one's brain's even working. No.

Everyone is filled to the... This guy's also like a band geek. He's so scared of everything all the time. Everyone's just filled to the gills with fucking high fructose corn syrup and microplastics. The construction workers stopping there was shocking to me. That's nuts, yeah. I can't believe that was real.

I can't believe they stopped. If aliens ever see this footage and they are capable of wiping us out, we're fucked. Yeah. Let's go to the bigger markers here. No, aliens are coming down and they would find the door dash driver and crown him king. You are the one just one amongst your race. Another guy just doing jumping jacks for him.

Well, honestly, they're at ASU, so this just proves what we already knew is that everyone that goes to ASU is mentally retarded. It's just a bunch of people to get drunk and fuck. The whole school is one frat. It's one big frat. How do you get detained at the airport?

Like, where does this go? I guess he goes to the airport. I was in Tempe one time on New Year's Eve. This isn't interesting. He stinks. Burn in hell. This guy was crossing the street and he fell and, like, face first onto a curb.

And he popped up and all of his teeth were missing. Oh, God, dude. And he goes, how all of his teeth were missing. Oh, God. And he goes, how do I look? Do I look all right? And I was like, yeah, buddy,

you look great. How do I look? Do I look all right? Yeah, in Arizona, those towns in Arizona suck ass, like Tempe and Phoenix

and all those. I mean, it's like, you know, they're nice and clean and shit, but like, it's just a big,

it's like the mayor's P.F. Chang. It's the mayor is P.F. Chang. It's just a big P.F. Chang's. How? P.F. Chang's everywhere in Arizona for some reason because they don't want Chinese people there, so they just have white Chinese people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, they hate all the most racist people ever, like Mexicans or like... It's Judge Sharpeo or whatever. He's got everybody in tents and stuff. Yeah, he's got them wearing the pink uniforms. In the pink uniforms. Arizona was where that guy, the bald guy shot, Gabby Giffords.

Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that dude's fucking photos were cool as hell. What happened to that guy? What was his name? He's in prison. I hope he's okay. That's the DoorDash shooter.

Yeah. You don't remember this? No, no, no. Some, like, I don't know. It was a while? He's in prison. I hope he's okay. That's the DoorDash shooter. Yeah. You don't remember this? No, no, no. Some like, I don't know, it was a while back when like shootings were like a big deal. Now they're not.

Now we don't care about any of them happening. Now they're sick as hell. Yeah, so what are you gonna do? Well, hopefully we can only hope for Tanner Cook's demise. I need a dump. Jesus Christ, John.

I need to take a dump. Sorry, guys. You're fucking, I I gotta take a shit We're 50 minutes in I gotta shit This is John's system we ate an hour ago And he immediately digested it already And he's shitting it out My guts are like Full of like grease that just like

Shoot everything out How many meals ago is this What meal is this dump What dump will this be? What meal is this dump? I'll look at it and I'll let you know when I come back. This is really just... This is terrible, right? Just lock the door when he goes. Yeah, beat it. Look at this animal.

What a disgusting maniac. What a disgusting pig he is. You know the drill. Yeah, let's talk shit about John now. Take a seat. Take a seat. I have some great footage. Okay, folks.

It is Raiders fans versus Chargers fans season. One of my favorite seasons. I feel so much better already, dude. I feel so much better. When Raiders fans. Your back is so much more jacked than John's. I know, it's crazy. I just tapped you on the back to be supportive.

Did you hurt your hand? I was like, holy Christ. I need a cast. I like it over here, dude. It's the seat for you. It's a better seat. Get John over there. We'll get him an outhouse in the corner.

We can efficiently record. We just have to refocus the camera so now it's not on John. I should do a whole episode where John can't even tell he's not in frame. It's just on us. Yeah. That's what we're going to do. If you put John over there, he does just shit and piss in the bottles, though. Yeah, we could just put, I'll put like a portable toilet over there. He knows his place over there. Yeah, he should be in the corner at all

times. He could sleep there, too. And we used to go, hey! Hey! Knock it off. Man. He is a fucking, such a mess. I know, he's gross. He's holding in shits because he's homeless. Oh my god. I wanted to laugh at what he was saying, but I actually got pretty sad. Yeah, I know. It made me sad too, but I don't care.

A lot of this is making me sad. It's still funny, and it's good podcasting, and people will like it, but as a friend, it's making me think like, this, maybe should I step in? Of course I care, but I've told, he asks me my advice months on end,

and I tell him, and he just goes, dude, you fucking don't agree with anything I say. I'm like, right. Imagine if a guy was telling you he's going to be homeless on purpose, and you're like, yeah, don't do that. He's like, dude, you never agree with my life plans. You have exhaustion. John's like two months away from getting into real estate.

That's how bad shit's getting. That would mean he's killing it. Oh, my God. That's the end of the getting. All right? That would mean he's killing it. Oh, my God. That's the end of the rope for men. Real estate. Yeah, he's like, well, this tent is... He sells tents. Oh, boy.

What are you going to do? Well, anyway, folks, we have some excellent footage here, Joey. In Southern California, there's a beautiful time of the year. It's called Raiders fans versus Chargers fans season. And all these videos get released of Raiders fans and Chargers fans beating the living shit out of each other. It's kind of like how I know the seasons

are changing. It's like my version of the leaves turning. The leaves falling. You know, when I see two two, look at these ladies. It's two Rookas in a big battle. Two Rookas. Right? Is that what they call them? Yeah, that's like a term for like a girl.

Home girl, your girlfriend. It's two guys. And just watch the boyfriend's response. So this bald guy right here, folks, that's the boyfriend of the woman that is going to get hit and he could care less. He's putting his jacket on and smiling as she gets attacked. And he's like, she got herself into this.

And she's got a fatty. That's why you go to these things. Yeah, and she's stacked. You go to Dodgers games, and you just look at these women, and they're all tatted up. They look like they should be, like, next to, like, the Ducks in a Don Dishope commercial. But they're all stacked, and you don't even know

how they got the body because they don't ever seem to work out. That's genetic. That looks real from this angle. That is a fake ass. I think it's fake. Really? Let me see. That's fake. Go full screen. You're closer. It's fake. It's just a little too good. I think it's fake. It's fake.

From that smaller view, it looked maybe real. Well, you have to start asking yourself the question, why are all these women that I see that have horrible diets and never seem to work out, why do they have great asses? Also, that BBL stomach is a day giveaway. Yeah. Where it's like matte for some reason. You ever seen like a BBL stomach?

It's like a recreated stomach. There's no texture to it. It's just like matte. Is that where they take the fat from? Yes. But then they like re-stitch it up and then the belly button's like a perfect circle. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. It's wild looking. You'll start noticing it. Okay. It's crazy. BBLs are fucking everywhere. Yeah.

All over this town. It's also fucked up because it's like such a fad. Yeah. It's like the Kardashians came in. They're like, this is the body type now. And then people who are poor are spending their life savings

to get this fake ass. And then they can turn around and be like, now actually like, this is the body type now. And then people who are poor are spending their life savings to get this fake ass. And then they can turn around and be like, now actually heroin chic is in. And now you have this monster ass and fat titties. Right now it's a way to look good without doing any hard work. Without doing any work. You don't have to go to the gym. You just get the thing and then it's like, I can keep kind of in a slob. But it's contemporary looking good.

You know what I mean? It's such a fad that it's like, if an alien came down today and they saw a woman look like this, they'd go, that's not a human being. They'd go, what is? Like, could you imagine an alien seeing Khloe Kardashian? Yeah. They'd go, what the fuck is that? She's literally transformed over the years.

She's a completely different person now. It's crazy. She used to be fat. Hey, buddy. Oh, we're doing the gag again. You know the drill. Yeah. Get back in your seat.

You know the goddamn drill. Get back in your seat. Dude, it's Get back in your seat Dude it's fucking insane What now John I had to fucking What now It's like every time I go up there It's like a fucking

Ida's just like Gatekeeping the bathroom She wouldn't like Take a dump It's like I have to Answer like a riddle Before I could shit And like go in the fucking

It's nuts dude You should You should have It was like the I'm gonna be honest with you It was the smallest turd It was kind of fast. It seemed like an emergency.

My toilet can't take it. I shit fast. You know this about me. Yeah, but why was it such a big emergency if it was so small? Because it felt, it was, okay, you want the real deets? Yeah. Okay, so you ever have a shit that's like a tiny turd surrounded by like a bunch of farts?

Oh, yeah, but it's right, it's like a fucking. And you feel there's something in there, but it's mostly fart. Unbelievable. Absolutely. Yeah, so it was like that. there's something in there but there it's mostly fart absolutely yes it was like that it's like a squib i was just i was being safe to be honest and i knew you know i i'm doing this like a pit stop i gotta like do this to continue the marathon no no you're homeless you get paid from this but you gotta also take shits in between it yeah yeah i'm sorry and i was like dude like i'm sorry but it's crazy like i'm like i i was like it's unhinged i can't shit here there's one but it's crazy. Like, I'm like, I was like, it's unhinged. I can't shit here.

There's one bad. Well, you just had a row. I was just like going back and forth. I was like, Ida, it is nuts. I can't shit here. I hope she screamed back, get out of here, you fat faggot. No. No, she's nicer.

We actually, by the end, it was okay. It was okay? Yeah. After I took the shit and she smelled it. We were good. But it's crazy. It's like, it's like fucking, I don't know. Too much involved with shitting here.

Yeah, because it's, you guys, it's not. Don't back her up. You like save them up. Can you fucking, it's nuts. You save up your shits to come here. It's disgusting. You're like a fucking flat earther. What are you talking about?

No, there's like a lifestyle thing with how you shit. Like most people, you get up, you drink a coffee, you take a shit and that's kind of it. Yeah, do you not do that? What is your shit? Do you shit once a day? Yeah, I get it out in the morning. Sometimes it's two in the morning. You know? It's a lot. It's all morning. Can I be real with you guys? I've been drinking for three days straight. A lot of this is beer.

You've been shitting like this for years and years. This is a life thing. I've been there before. Once my diet's in order and I just take that one dump a day, it's great. I've never seen you like that. I was that when I fucking... The initial 70 pounds I lost. You were dumping all the time.

You were taking an accident until you lost all the weight, dude. Yeah, dude. When you shit, is it all like... Is fat coming out in it? Is it blubbery shit? It's like a yellowy, sinewy fucking shit. It looks... Oh, man.

Well, you know, you get a pass this week because we're all so sad for you. And you're going to keep giving me passes. All right. Anyway, we're talking about there's a Raiders fan, Chargers fan fight between two Rookas, two girlfriends. Oh, two Rookas. Yeah, we were just discussing. This is obviously a fat ass, a BBL. Did you just learn Rookas yeah we were just discussing this is obviously a fat ass a BBL did you just learn Rooka

no I just think I just thought I wanted to say it during this it is what they are that's what I think of yeah my Rooka

yeah my Rooka so it's like your girlfriend yeah yeah it's two guys with their girlfriends it's their Rookas their Rookas their Rookas

yeah yeah yeah anyway it'd also be better if this lady got my version of a BBL, which I talked about at a lemon party, which is a Bill Burr lift. That's my favorite surgery that I hope hits the market soon where women are... Did you burp again?

They go get surgery. No, actually. Go on, Devin. They go get surgery to become Bill Burr. So they get a fat ass and they sound like Bill Burr When they walk out That would be sick Wouldn't that be great Like a Latina

What do they sound like A Latina Like Yeah you know It's like It's like It's like You know

My husband He's fucking annoying me You know Like I was trying To get some dick That's quite good That's great That's quite good Hey everybody Welcome great. That's quite good.

Hey, everybody, welcome to the Monday Morning Podcast. You know? I don't know, you know? Next time, give that... Mexican from Boston. Sounds like silver.

Give that to Haywatch first next time. I know. I should have brought it to Haywatch first. Your name's in the goddamn podcast. I know.

You're wasting... Who knows when these things come to me, you know? One of you hand me a McUltra. Oh, enough of you. Jesus Christ. Here, would you shut up? Oh, thank you, buddy.

This is the one I gave to you, though. Yeah, I'll get a new one. All right. The Raiders chick's going to fuck me up. He out. so look at so the boyfriend gets up he's like i'm gonna get my fucking raiders jacket and shit could you full screen i'm gonna we're gonna get the fuck out of here he's like let's get out let's get out he's tired of this he's a raiders chick looks big she's got a big fat ass. And look at her shoulders.

He's like, trust me, this bitch behind us hasn't gotten any surgeries, doesn't care about her sexuality. She will fuck you up. We're getting the fuck out of here, okay? Hell yeah. She is not ready. I knew the one in the red hair would be fucking gnarly, dude. Well, she's fucking jacked. Obviously, she's shunty as fuck, dude. Okay, shunty, we're throwing.

The internet is really fucked for some reason today. I don't know what's going on. There's an otter. There's an otter at the sticks. Did you take a shit? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. The boyfriend's not doing a single thing. He's smiling.

He's like smirking. He's like, yeah, she deserved this. He's like, now she won't get as many from me tonight. Also, like a lot of like Latina ladies, they always have a huge back tat. They have a very... Tramp stamp. Yeah, it's pretty cool. That's far more than a tramp stamp. That's an extensive tramp stamp.

That's like a tramp-sistine chapel. Yeah. Oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, damn! Oh, that's another girl. Another woman's getting in. there's a lot of like internalized like rage there between these two women because they've like given up and they just wear like black all day and like giant jerseys and stuff you know like they dress like kevin smith and and they're a little upset that there's like a woman they're

upset that there's like a woman in front of them that's also a Raiders fan, but she's still done the work. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, this girl had an unfair position, dude. She was lower ground, back turned. It's not okay. It's not okay. You can also tell she's just not a fighter.

The way she puts her hands up, her reaction time, it's like she's never— She's not a fighter. She was just talking shit she didn't expect to get hit. Most people would get their ass kicked in that angle though. That girl would have beat my ass from that angle. She had the high ground and she's coming from behind smacking me. I'm done.

I'm getting wrist control. I'm tying up. I'm tossing her about four rows down. When she wakes up, I'm already mounted and I'm fucking hammer fisted. You're about four feet lower than her with a barricade between you two. You're fucked. No, I'm getting close.

Also, not any girl, but this girl would beat your ass. No chance. I'd put money on it. I get why you think that. I think she'd kick your ass. I think those women would kick all of our asses. I think that's what I'm saying, too. They're in the dominant position.

They're big. They're fat, they don't fuck around. And they got their guys next to them. Also, imagine if their guys jumped in. It's a different story, but one-on-one, I'll kill her. Regardless of guys, women fight dirty initially, like, inherently. Yeah. So it's like, if you square up with a girl or with a guy, you're like, all right, we're throwing clean punches. They're going to pull your hair.

Yeah. with the guy, you're like, alright, we're throwing clean punches. They're going to pull your hair. Grab my hair all you want. When I get my hooks in and I start changing fucking directions. Dude, a chick from Bellflower grabbing you by your hair and under... Well, he doesn't have the

hair that they have. Dude, they can't grab that. They'll grab something. You can grab all you want. It's like you can't fight gravity. When I toss you, good luck. You might rip some hair out, but you're going sailing. I don't know, man. I'd love to see you buy

ad space. Around LA, where you're like, to any women that think they can kick my ass, I'll take you sailing. We should set up a new fighting arena where instead of a ring, it's just a bleachers where like some fat Mexican chick has a forefoot advantage.

Man, I bet at the end of this they all start yelling to each other like, I'll see you at Six Flags! Fuck you! I'll see you on Goliath, bitch! That was like the Chola version of that scene from Revenge of the Sith. She's like

Anakin don't do it I got the higher ground and shit she has a back flip she's like you underestimate my fucking powerful she's like

I hate you so I have a question for you guys I think we're kind of not in that era now but you know like like there's always

like like stories of legendary musicians that era now, but you know, there's always stories of legendary musicians that you go see them, and they have zero respect for their fans or the crowd, and they play with their back turned and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't had that experience. Every time I've seen Legacy Act,

it's the best show I've ever seen. But I've heard of that. It's always been a thing. I remember my parents said Miles Davis is a piece of shit. He'll flip off the crowd while he plays. That's awesome. Prince famously used to do a private concert and then say, hey, no lights are allowed. So you can't even see him at all. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. We saw Kanye, and he kept stopping the music halfway through. He was literally a day later, he went into rehab and canceled was so cool yeah that was so fun that was so funny john and i went to the life of pablo tour and we were just two losers there standing at the forum and like we didn't know what to do and we had no clue what to do because all these women were around us dancing with their boyfriends and we were just together like a gay couple like we were just standing next to each other like yeah yeah my dad got us tickets for my birthday i was like i remember looking at john like beautiful morning

it was uh very uncomfortable grind on you i don't know i get on john i'm just like it was it was amazing, though. It was a very fun concert. It was like going to church. It was great. But there's this footage on Reddit drop that really made me laugh, because it's Bob Dylan, and he starts playing with, I think, what band is it? What year is this?

I think he starts playing with the Grateful Dead, and he's just so out of it, and nothing he's singing makes any sense. He's ten times better than the Grateful Dead. Well, yeah, the Grateful Dead, yes. The Grateful Dead is literally a soundtrack to ruining's ten times better than the Grateful Dead. Well, yeah, the Grateful Dead. We have fully blown. The Grateful Dead is literally a soundtrack to ruining

your fucking life. Fuck the Grateful Dead. I went and saw Dead & Company a couple months ago in New York. Yeah. Worst shit I've ever seen in my entire life. The Grateful Dead and their fans

are fucking retards. And they're fucking losers, dude. They're fucking losers. It's a bunch of 75-year-old men who've dedicated their lives to look like Jerry Garcia. Dude, the worst ones are the young ones.

It's the saddest shit I've ever seen. I had a shotgun pointed at me by a fucking member of the Rainbow family in fucking Illinois. The guys, it's literally, they're literally the biggest fucking retards on planet Earth. Dude, it's so lame. They're horrible, acid-dealing, meth-dealing fucking faggots. They're drug dealers. They're a gang.

They're hardcore. They're scary. Deadheads? Deadheads. Oh, yeah. Well, there's like a subset. The like a... There's like a gang. The ones selling nitrous LSD and shit, they will kill people.

But they aren't even deadheads. Those are guys who are just like... They're seeing an opportunity to sell drugs. Yeah. So they throw in a tie-dye shirt and they go to this concert. The thing is, well, the nature of acid is like...

You have to... It's really hard to make acid. You need like a lot of equipment and you need the right chemicals. So it's actually really, really difficult. And you need to have a song on that's 37 minutes yeah with like an ankle chime that a guy shake like it's it's it's i i've never met a bigger group of losers in my fucking people that make songs that never end oh my god supposed to be a chorus i kept going can we leave after this song and you go yeah after this song it's 25 minutes later it just keeps going it just keeps going it's like you're watching them try and

figure out how to make the song hippies are like evil they're like intrinsically evil like they're all ashbury district of san francisco that's where all this bullshit started by the way yeah and now it's now that now the people in hate ashbury they're just like rich kids that like left their parents house in marin county and they went down there and, they're just like rich kids that like left their parents' house in Marin County. And they went down there and they had some like black guy give them dreads. And now they play like one string on their shitty guitar that they don't know how to tune. And they sit there and they go ganja. Bro.

Ganja. Also. You got any ganja? I can't believe how often I still see white people with dreadlocks. Every time I see that, I go, have you not been on the internet in the last 10 years? Where is the DoorDash? You are public enemy number one. Where's the DoorDash shooter when you need him?

I remember my grandfather, me and him, my grandfather was in his wheelchair. Me and him were watching Bullet, and I was like 10 years old, and he looked over at me. Bullet takes place in 1965 in San Francisco. My grandfather looked at me and went, hey, Johnny. I went, what? And he went, look at how beautiful that city was before the hippies fucked it up. It's even worse now, and it's not run by hippies. It's now run by, you know, shit libs.

It's lawless. I'm going there on Friday. I'll let everyone know what's going on. You better get the poop maps. By the way, we should discuss why you're going after this. Can you grab me a Michelob? Yeah. They're right there.

I got to talk to you. He has the big boys. Let's watch Bob Dylan be a... These are actually grab me a Michelob? Yeah. They're right there. He has the big boys. Let's watch Bob Dylan be... These are actually normal sized Michelob. I'm just so much bigger than Connor.

Yes. So look at Bob Dylan. Don't know where I am. Don't know what I'm saying. I mean, he's got to be in his late 40s at this point, right? Look at the Grateful Dead. They're like, what the fuck is he doing?

Yeah, he's way better than any of them. What is Bob Dylan doing right now? Whatever he's doing is way better than anything he'll ever do. Look at his look on his face. He's like, dude, what is going on? Bob Dylan's just like, the times They are changing

He's like speaking His own language He's speaking Dylan It makes nothing sense. It was some wind in. It's a wind in. It's a wind in. It's a wind in. Yeah, Fandango. The prices are a-changing.

Fuck Jerry Garcia. He goes, all these fags behind me don't know shit. Oh, time. Oh, young man. He goes, all these facts behind me don't know shit. Oh, the time. Oh, young man. He goes into every song he's ever made.

He's like, oh, the times they are. He's putting up one finger. He's like, one second. Oh, I'm blowing in the wind like a lady. And the times they are. And it's all right, ma. It's all right, ma. It's all right, ma. I'm only bleeding.

Dude, he plays all of his songs back to back and then he looks at them and he goes, how does that fucking feel? Doesn't feel too good to sit through that, does it, huh? You guys ever heard of songwriting retards? It's funny. Jam bands. The same story about Van Morrison, too. Van Morrison apparently is a real piece of shit. He's always a piece of shit.

Even in the height of his fame, he's an asshole. Him at the last waltz watching him, you're like, you're fucking wasted. I love Van Morrison, dude. You're drunk. That's so funny to me. You don't piss. I love Van Morrison, but there's a part of me that was like, I was so angry when I found out he was Irish.

Why? Because he sings like a southern man. It just kind of bothered me a little bit. I'm not like a... Okay, listen. What do you know about county fairs? I know they probably have them out there, but if you listen to...

What's that song where he's like, and we let the water run away? Wait, he's like born and raised in Ireland? He's Irish. He's straight up Irish. Yeah, but all these guys have voices. It's Blue-Eyed Soul. Their singing voices never sound like where they're from.

Also, finding out that CCR is from San Francisco pissed me off, too. I understand that. That's always pissed me off. The woman who sang Son of a Preacher Man was fucking British. Dusty. Dusty Springfield. There's British. She's British.

What is she? Son of a Preacher Man. It more annoys me that people from the UK are singing Southern songs. Honestly, you should take it as a compliment, dude. That's how influential we are. Who are these people without us? I understand that. I understand that.

Who are these fuckers without us? Exactly. They need to come here. The Rolling Stones. You have to learn how to do an American accent to be a successful actor. Yeah, exactly. Like ABBA. ABBA wouldn't be big if they didn't fucking sound like they're from here.

I heard, but ABBA, though. ABBA is like a lot of... ABBA was like... Sweden was like the Korea for pop music of the 1970s. Like, most amazing pop music came out of Sweden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's great.

Sweden had a... It was very influential. And they're all like Nazi experiments. Did you read about that? No. Wait, what was? ABBA. Swedish?

ABBA was a Nazi experiment? ABBA... I don't know if it was... No, listen. These burps are brutal. Oh oh i'm so sorry it's devastating are you bourbon we had we had fucking pokey john i'm so sorry dude i'm trying to do it to the side i always forget that burps are bad too it's the asshole of the mouth it's it's crazy but abba i think one of the singers in abba was the result of a Nazi breeding science experiment.

She was a hypoallergenic person. Because they used to have these breeding centers for SS officers. That's cool. I guess she was the daughter. They made great music. I hope they keep doing experiments. That's what SOS was about.

She was like, please save me from a fucking Nazi breed. You can dance. You can die. You can die. Fighting for my life. See that child. See his mom. Put them in the chamber.

This is the Red Room. Red Rooms. Can we get back to Bob Dylan speaking nonsense real quick? I love his look on his face. He's so confident, too. He's like, I hate the grave of death. He's not saying anything. The only thing that makes sense is the times they are changing.

He can be saying anything, dude. He can be saying literally anything right now. Was this the 90s or the late 80s? I don't know. What is this? This has got to be the 90s. I wish we could find footage of like... Is Jerry Garcia in this?

I don't think so. I walked away to piss. No, you could tell Bob Dylan though. It's like, oh, you guys don't fucking respect music. I'm just going to start fucking blabbering. I'm just going to blabber. He watched them do a sad news show. Fuck it.

All right, this is what you guys like? I want to see a concert of Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, and Miles Davis all together. And at the end of it, they shoot their crowd. I've heard such stories about how much they hate. It's just a Steven Paddock machine gun setup. I love people that hate everyone that's there to see them. Worst concert I've ever been to was Modest Mouse. What? Really? One of my to was Modest Mouse. What?

Really? One of my favorite bands. Terrible. Why? Dude, people left. It was at the forum. And like literally packed arena. Halfway through the set, half the audience was gone.

Wow. Just every, they didn't do like a sound check. I don't know what they did. I know so many of their songs. Did they play float on? Dude, they did. and I couldn't tell it was Float On until a minute and a half into the song. That's how bad it sounded.

It's not the fans then. No, but that general lack of respect for your audience. If somebody sucks, I'm fucking walking. Especially for Modest Mouse. You better be tight if it's Modest. I'm not saying they're bad. You better be good. You better be fucking tight. Float On perfectly.

Float On kicks ass. They kick ass. I'm not saying they're bad I'm just saying like Modest Mouse yeah you better be good you better be fucking tight you better float on perfectly yeah yeah float on kicks ass yeah they kick ass is that the what else do they have float on what else I got knocked down

into a cocktail the other day I hate that song you don't like that song that's float on I like that song float that's float on

you just said you like float on what was the chorus of float on that's dashboard what that's dashboard confessional no no no no the song called dashboard by Modest Mouse oh I was thinking What was the chorus of Flood On? That's Dashboard. What? That's Dashboard. Confessional?

No, no, no. No, the song called Dashboard by Modest Mouse. Oh, I was thinking of that song from Mr. Inbetween. Something On. Oh, yeah, that's good. What is that? The Murdochs. Something On.

Rolling On. Rolling On. Rolling On's better than Flood On, but Flood On's good. Flood On is like, I drove my car into a cop car the other day. Maybe I heard it so many times, but, you know, rolling on is very good. Modest Mouse is kind of like,

they were trying to do like a modern The Band sound. Like they kind of sounded like a wild, like. No, that was like their mainstream hits, though. It's like their old music was like very like Seattle punk grunge. Yeah, it's post-punk. Yeah, it's awesome. Post-punk, yeah. They're awesome.

I'd love to see. I just want to see. I want to hear. I want Van Morrison to show up to every concert and kick people off stage. I always picture Van Morrison eating a cheeseburger, like wasted, just brutally hitting on a waitress. That's what I'm saying. He's like, I'm standing there sitting there through a bunch of fire gas. He's like, the fog. He bombs the people.

He presses a button. Bunch of people the crowd are killed. A bunch of claymores that'sores in front of the fucking audience. And it's time. Miles Davis comes out and he starts playing It Never Entered My Mind. People are being slaughtered. And Morrison's like,

You're my victims. Victims. I love the band Robbie Robertson died recently one of my favorite bands the band every time you tell someone your favorite band is the band it sounds like you're lying you're making a joke

you like music who's your favorite artist the band what music do you listen to I like the music You're making a joke. You like music? Who's your favorite artist? The band. The band. That's like if you were going, what music do you listen to? I like the music. Is Levon Helm still alive? I think so. Robert Robertson was the singer, right? No, Levon was the singer.

He was the drummer. Oh, Robert Robertson was the drummer? No, Levon was the drummer and he was the singer. It's one of the famous bands. Robbie Robertson was? No, Levon Helm was the singer. Who was Robbie Robertson? I don't know.

I asked you. I only know Levon. You might not know. I only know Levon because that was what Elton John's song was about the singer of the band. Who was Robbie Robertson? I don't know. I asked you. I only know Levon. You might not know. I only know Levon because that was what Elton John's song was about. I love the band, man. The band figured out a way to encapsulate the Civil War into music. Oh, yeah. They sound like the Civil War.

The night they, what is Dixie? The night they drove old Dixie down. So amazing. Their cover of Atlantic City. It's hard to kill Bruce Springsteen, but they killed him. Keep up the statue of General E. Lee.

It's John's favorite song. Robert E. Lee was a good man. If you come to Atlanta with me in like a month, we gotta drive outside the city. And go to the places you really like. With the willow trees yeah no like stone mountain and like it's crazy you love it it's a farm

they have like it's it's just weird seeing a confederate graveyard like you know like some of these old plants i know it's so depressing isn't it it's really no no well well i remember i was there right after Black Lives Matter in the main cemetery in Atlanta. You went there, so that was the timing of it. You were like, Black Lives Matter is happening.

They need me. You're like, I need to go to a plantation right now. Well, they had like, in the center cemetery in Atlanta, they have a memorial

to this Confederacy, but it's like a giant lion. And people were throwing paint all over it and shit. It was just crazy to see. It was weird. Yeah. I do like the idea of you going to a Confederate graveyard

and just crying. I went there to make out with a girl listening to fucking Typo Negative. That's what I did at a Confederate graveyard. Sometimes you open your mouth and it sounds like a mad lib. It's unbelievable. We had a great time. It was great.

She was nice. Nah, she was nice. Nah, there's no video of Van Morrison hating his crowd. Do we have any other good body cam stuff? Oh, my God. There's a man that called 911 saying he gave $25 and didn't get his drugs. Fuck yes. He tells the cops that. He's like, they didn't give me my drugs.

But I don't know if it's going to be mean because it's obviously a guy, like a destitute. Well, we don't have to laugh at him. Oh, we don't laugh at him. going to be mean because it's obviously a guy, like a destitute. Well, we don't have to laugh at him. Oh, we don't laugh at him. We'll laugh at the cops. We'll laugh with him. Fuck cops. And I don't know

if there's cameras or what. Wow, this looks like JPEG Mafia. You do run off of my money and I'm not getting no pussy and I don't got no drugs.

This guy kicks ass. Flat out. Is this snow on the bluff? Did he just say I don't get no... This is snow on the bluff. I love when they're in the car i love when the cops pull up in the car yeah you like it when they pull up i like when they pull up i know you mean that because it's like they're arriving on the scene i'm seeing what he sees he's seeing this for the first time it's

exciting it is it's awesome you're seeing it for the first time. It's exciting. It is. It's awesome. You're seeing it for the first time with them. That was the best one. When he pulls the AR-15 out of the trunk and goes in there and ices the fucking school shooter. That was the best cop. Yeah. Which somehow we were able to watch an entire video of with no problem. Because they blurred the shooting.

Yeah. They did. And I don't want to do nothing that's irrational, but either you're going to give me my money or something's going to happen. What's the address? He's just being honest. And what's your name? And my name is... I'm sorry, what was it?

D-Air? His name's D-Air. Can you spell it for me? D-I-E-R-R-E-Z N-U-T-S And what's your phone number, please? That was great. Thanks, buddy. D-I-E-R-E-Z-N-U-T-S. And what's your phone number, please? Apostrophe.

That was great. Thanks, buddy. That was really fucking good. Okay, do you know this guy's name? Nah, so I was on Sullivan Avenue in Cypress at this little, it's like a church building. I was just sitting under it because it was raining, and I had like a little bitch on it. And a guy said that she could give me some drugs. So I said, I really don't want to do none. But when he said he had some teeth, Drew took my $25 and went in his green house on Dakota Avenue and didn't come out.

This is like calling the cops because you're like, I gave this hoe $25, and she said she'd gum me. And she didn't. She had teeth. It's only the same thing. No, see. I've reached the peak. You've made these calls before. About drugs?

You will be making these calls. These calls in about a month, yeah. He's black. He has one of the- You draw calls. He goes, there's a guy taking a shit in my office space. Wait, what did you say? Can you turn around back real quick?

And he had on black pants in his green house on Dakota Avenue and didn't come out, so. Okay, what'd he look like? So he went to a drug, drug den and they took his money.

And he had on black pants and a black, a sack or a book bag. In a way, he is kind of like helping. He's like telling them where the drug dealer is. He's a snitch.

He's at the end of his rope. Like, he's like, I've got nothing. I finally tried to buy some, like, weed or whatever he tried to buy. Yeah. He's like, then they fucking robbed me. He's like, I don't even care. I have nothing to lose. I'm calling the cops.

Yeah. He's like, I'm technically clean because they stole from me. Yeah. He's like, you can't get me on anything. Don't argue with these people. Don't argue with them. Don't argue with them. This is what's interesting Like you know those people

Like in If somebody Starts having a drug overdose You're doing a legal drug Somebody around you Starts having an overdose And everyone's like I don't want to call

Because we'll get in trouble Is that really a thing? So they stop making that a thing If someone's having a drug overdose And you call the ambulance They will not process it But they don't know Drug addicts don't know that.

Yeah, they're so paranoid. They still get freaked out. They'll throw a body in the trunk and drive them to the fucking ER. Ambulance drivers aren't cops. They're not reading the latest news. Firefighters aren't cops. I remember having that paranoia when I was going to house parties as a kid. There was one time I was at a house party and this kid was doing a bunch of whippets.

Oh, that's so scary. And he passed out really hard on the couch. And everyone kept being like, you bitch! You fucking little bitch! And I was so scared that I went, he's a little bitch! And then I put my fingers on his neck to check his pulse. I want a sweetheart. I was like, yeah, what a pussy!

Yeah, he's a bitch. He's all right. He's good. He's a little bitch. Connor's putting a mirror underneath his nose. Yeah. No, yeah. No, they won't prosecute. Because I guess

EMTs and paramedics, they're not cops, so they'll show up and help you out. I guess they're going to be like... EMTs are also fucking assholes, dude. EMTs are retards. EMTs suck ass.

Paramedics are what you want. That's crazy. EMTs are assholes. Dude, they are assholes. They don't know much. They have a hard job. EMTs don't know much. Paramedics know all the shit. They have an attitude also.

They're fucking rude. I was working in a warehouse in New York, and this lady had a seizure, and she passed out on the floor. She's having a full-on seizure. Yeah. Called an EMT. They show up. I'm freaking out.

And I go, she's right there. And the guy looks at me and goes, oh, that's her? Ugh. Oh, really? What a prick. You should be allowed to punch him in the fucking face. I couldn't believe it here's the thing EMTs are dicks

they act like they're saving lives right now they just left a scene where they had to put like a baby's brains back in it's head like oh you got a seizure sorry okay yeah I guess we'll give her a ride they just see too much it's like when you watch

like some procedural about people that work in a hospital and everyone. You have to be very, I think you have to be very blasé about this. It's like detective. If you're in the medical field, you have to have bedside manner. Yeah, yeah, no.

You have to be polite. Doctors need bedside manner. Your regular day-to-day is not mine. EMTs are not expected to have that. No, I think they should have more empathy. Yeah. I've never seen a woman have a seizure before. No, I think they should have more empathy. Yeah. I've never seen a woman have a seizure before. Don't make me feel like an idiot also.

They see it nonstop every day, plus a million worse things. If you have some big idea to hire EMTs that can somehow manage to stay empathetic about a seizure, if they're seeing guts, here's the problem. They don't get paid enough. The problem is everybody that is supposed to, that we need, we don't pay enough. They don't get paid enough. The problem is everybody that is supposed to, that we need, we don't pay enough. They don't get challenged enough. People like that, and that's in every fucking world.

If you're being a fucking dick, you've got to challenge it and be like, why are you acting like this? When they show up, you should go, put him up! Not like that, but I'm just saying, if somebody's being a fucking cocksucker, everyone just lets them get away with it. You've got to let them know.

Here's why I'm covered in blood and bones. You gotta let him know you're being a fucking cocksucker. Here's why. I'm covered in blood and bones. Yeah, you're an EMT. You're not a paramedic. EMTs are fucking, they're literally like, you can take like a three-week kinesiology class and be an EMT.

Well, that's paramedics. You have to be like years of work. So let's start paying them more to make it a real job, require a degree. Yeah. And then if we can get

enough of them, I agree. Just realize that Logan Paul It's really good. Have you ever had a Prime? We're sponsored by Prime. John bought five beverages. This is why I have to pee and shit so much. Stop doing that.

I fill my body with liquid. I'm literally like a water balloon. Alright, let's pull up some fucking BJ Penn highlights and just listen to it. Let's play this. We already got to go. Normally, I would agree with you, John. How do I pull it up on the thing? It's the shit.

Hold on. Just tell me which one it is. Oh, I can't tell you because I'm far away. It's this one. No, no, no. It says, oh, you hit on right there. There we go. Nailed it.

We'll call the police. I got this. Okay. See how proficient I am in technology? Are you standing outside? I'm like this fucking otters. I'm outside their house. I'm not going nowhere.

I'm not scared of nothing because they got my money. Yeah. And tell me what you look like. What are you wearing? A blanket. I'm fine as fuck. Tall, like 6'5", jacked. Light skin.

Big dick. Light skin. I look like Drake. Are you the one on your Instagram that you say you're like 6'5 jacked light skin big dick light skin I look like Drake are you the one on your Instagram that you say you're like 6'5 I used to have

yeah that always busted me up when I looked at that my bio used to be 6'5 billionaire every time I saw that I would laugh my ass off

cowboy boots or cowboy boots damn I'm sorry a cowboy boots and what and a red t-shirt and I'm sorry. Cowboy boots and what?

And a red t-shirt. And I'm using the cover as an umbrella. Sarah, don't argue with him. Don't argue. Don't argue with him about it. Are you white, black, Hispanic, Asian? What do you think, bitch? I'm black.

They're like, on our way, right now. Coming as fast as we can. Don't you fucking move. And who's the other person in the background with you? He's like, I'm black. They're like, so are you the criminal?

I don't... Are you calling about yourself? Sarah, it's just a little... We have to... Okay. All right, we'll get somebody out to you, okay? Yep.

All right. George Zimmerman's on his way. Okay, we're going to send some guys down to arrest you. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what in tarnation is going on? What in tarnation? Come on. Jesus fucking Christ.

I thought that was Connor doing a voice for a second. I was a black guy, and I called the the police and the cop showed up and he said, what in tarnation is going on? I would just run away. Never mind, officer. Go get the fuck out of here, dude. You call the cops, the guy shows up,

he's like, I say, I say. Can we skip to a spike? Someone robbed you? Right here, there's the spike. Okay, good, good. Hey, you're a shooter, some shit. Uh-oh, black dude said that he know where to get some ice from and she said that she

like to smoke it so because i'm trying to show her what time is i gave does he not know drugs are illegal i mean it's very pure and and i love it i love how pure direct challenge he's yeah he's just like what do you get he's he thinks if he says it casual enough the cops would be like so she didn't give you the ice? All right, well, show me where they are. Silly. Yeah. So you guys were going to buy drugs?

Yeah. The lady's like, you can't say this to the cops. It's pretty cool. Yeah, don't lie to this man. Don't lie. He's like, I bleed blue, brother. He's like, I believe blue lives matter. Flat out.

There's no need to sugarcoat what's going on. Don't need to sugarcoat what's going on. Dude ran in his house and never came out. Dude took my $25 and we was on cell phone. I do love drug addicts that wear masks on their chin. Yeah. I do love the idea that they still wear masks. Well, a lot of the places I think he goes,

they require like methadone clinics. Do you think when they start overdosing, like this, you think they slowly reach up and put the mask over their mouth? He's like, cover your nose, cover your nose. Also, if you're committing a crime, it's like, okay, here's a great excuse.

There we go. It was a great time for criminals. Dude, I still see shysties every fucking day. What's a shystie? Like the ski mask. Pooh Shystie, the rapper. Is that where it came from? Yes.

Oh, I thought it was just a term for like a paper-thin ski mask. No, it's the Nike, like, only eyes comes over. Like, rappers wear them all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Pooh Shystie popularized that. It's a rapper, yeah. Love Pooh Shystie. So people call him Shysties. I was on a show one time. There was a guy there that I was supposed to know. But Pooh Shiesty popularized that. It's a rapper, yeah. Love Pooh Shiesty. So people call him Shiesty.

I've heard him. I was on a show one time and there was a guy there was a guy there that I was supposed to know named Big Pooh. And I've never felt older and whiter in my life.

He went Big Pooh. I was like, hello, Big Pooh. Big Pooh's here. Oh, is giant crap here also? Is fat piss here as well? In Cyprus right here, just sitting in a little vintage right there. That's in front of that little church building.

And I don't know if there's cameras or what, but I'm just telling you, dude ran off with my money. And I'm not getting no pussy and I don't got no drugs for it. So I'm just kidding. This guy kicks ass. I'm not getting no pussy. Oh, man. Flat out. Flat out flat out all right he goes legit really going on well i'm not going to be able to get your money back yeah okay like that part's cool but dude he wants to be an informant he's like all right yeah he is trying to he's he this is he watched like a scene in Wire, and he goes, I could be like Bubbles.

He's like, will you pay me $100 every time? He goes, I want to be Ohio's Bubbles. I want them to give me $20. I want them to buy me a catfish sandwich, and I'll tell them what people are doing. That's all right. Wallet chain? I'm sorry. I'll just show you.

I don't have no weapons. I don't. That is crazy grabbing. Heet chain? I'm sorry. I'll just show you. I don't have no weapons. I don't. That is crazy grabbing. He's brave. I got you. I don't, man. Homeboy, grab your money. We're in the house.

Okay, hold on. I hate when cops do that. The cop is code switching. You come out. You go, what in tarnation? And then five minutes later, he's like, so homeboy was like going to. He's like, homeboy was capped, and then he took your money. So homeboy was like capping.

He's like, so what's breaking then? He goes, he goes. He's like, listen, my slime. He goes, listen, I can see you living brazy and shit. But like, and then he gets back in the car and goes, hey, you won't believe the tornado that I was witnessing. Took it and ran and didn't come out. So.

Okay. Therefore, at the end of the day, instead of doing some bullshit, I said, I'm going to stand here until the police come in. I'm not scared of you. Like, I'm not scared. Like, you stole my shit. And I don't care. Do what you got to do.

But I'm going to call the police instead of do something crazy. He's like, I'm going to get to the bottom. So, you were just bicking back being boo. Whole boy came up and robbed you for $25. Shit. Shit. Bick and back bing boop. Why you ran off on my shit? There are guns down there.

They're sticking around. All right. You're under arrest. Okay. I'm sorry. Not yet. Do you know these people here, then? Great. He's going to arrest this guy. He goes, oh, yeah, they're crackheads. Okay. I'm sorry. Do you know these people here, then? Do they arrest this guy?

He goes, oh, yeah, they're crackheads. We're all crackheads. But do they arrest this guy, though? I don't know. We'll see. I don't know these people. I'll be so happy if they don't. Okay.

I followed a dude down the alley. A dude went in his house. A dude went in his house with my money, so he stopped me from getting pussy because he ran off with my money to get her right. I love how he keeps

mentioning that he got cock blocked. He wants the pussy. That's almost genius because he's talking to another man. That is almost like psychological.

He's just like, the cop might eventually be like, man, this dude didn't get laid. His dick's not wet. This is fucked up. He's like,

no, I'll be fine. That's the only way to really relate to a guy. Yeah, it's drug code violation. He has a separate piece

of paperwork for it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, you know, we ain't gonna be able to help

you get your money back or your drugs or anything like that. I'm not trying to get money or drugs.

I just want something to happen. I'm just mad about this pussy shit. That'd be funny if you got really angry he goes who the fuck says some shit about drugs he goes this is about the law i paid for some shit and i didn't

get it they stole my shit this is like this is the beauty of drugs he He's so high. He's like, everything's everything, baby. The cops, everything's everything. I'm an honest guy. I'm going to tell the cops what happened to me. I was robbed. No, he's such a street guy that he's like, cops are street guys. We're always doing the street law. It's like calling the cops and being like, he wouldn't let me shoot him.

We got to get to the core of the issue here. He ran away. See, I'm trying to kill this motherfucker. He runs. The cop goes, what in tarnation is going on? He goes, I was trying to kill a motherfucker. He skedaddled. He skedaddled.

The cop's like, I mean, shit, it is crackhead season, so I'm going to... He goes... It's crackhead season. Hey, the tweak is good this week. They all fly north for the winter Like geese He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer

He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's a lawyer He's said that he had a gun now? Yeah, so the gun was on his hip. The guy didn't just say, give me your money. The guy had his gun shown. He was like, oh, grabbed money and took off. And this happened right at... He's trying to help the community. Can the cops legally do anything about this? I don't know. If a guy was robbed

while committing a crime? If somebody's confessing to attempting a crime, if they wanted to be sticklers, they could be like, well, you've just confessed. Yeah, we can take you. But a cop has to do

a bunch of paperwork though which is what I think he's like especially depending on the city if they've got big problems they can't do but what if they go oh but there was a gun involved

and a gun was pulled on this man maybe they can help him in some way there's no evidence that you bought drugs no they can investigate no matter what any kind of info

from a guy like this is considered an informant but I'm gonna piss before John says the n-word, and then hopefully I'm back. I got to pee, too. I'm fucking... This is crazy. Sorry, bud. John!

What a bizarre... I told you I'm transparent but deflective. What is with you today? Full of liquid and shit. You're like a... Full of piss and vinegar, buddy. You're like a camel. Young, dumb, and full of cum.

Well... All right. That's what I love about you. And then he went running down this alley, ran in the house. Yep. Yep. But did he threaten you at all with the gun, or did he just had it out? He had the gun out on his head.

He snatched my money. Was it on a holster? He was holding the gun information for a minute, and then he was like, shit, this is going nowhere. All right, so he told you that he knew where to get ice, and you were like, that sounds cool. I'm about to do that. And you pulled out money, and he had his gun in his waistband,

and then he grabbed it and ran in his house. Let's go to this bump. Now they're going to investigate the house. Oh, he's investigating. They're actually investigating. Because they're like, well, we could arrest a bunch of people here. I mean, right? Yeah, yeah.

I think he's like, potentially this could lead to more stuff. He said nobody came running in here recently either. Man, the South is like a rainforest. Look at that. I don't know if they... Did they say they've been staying here the whole time or did they go walking? They're on the street.

She's a 49. He's trying to get her drugs for 49 activity. And it's kind of fun because he just flat out says it. It's kind of fun. I think. He goes, I don't know about you, but I remember a great fucking day. I mean, it's unbelievable, the shuffle going on. There's nobody else in the house?

Yeah, I got my brother. Just your brother? John is so unprofessional. Say hi. Is he all right? What's his name? Oh, that's my brother right here. This is my brother.

Hello. We might have a, I don't know, these people here. What's going on here, Japanese porn? It's all pixelated. All right, let's go to the last bump. Okay. Honestly. Alright, let's go to the last bump.

Okay. Well, maybe I know it's kind of a silly thing to say, but probably Ixnay on the Uggdrays there for a while. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Ixnay on the Uggdrays. Let's see how he responds to pig blood. He just goes, what? Maybe find a way to attract women that don't need i don't need acquired such a case the guy laughs what's your name man he's like what fucking world are you living in you white bitch the cops like so my report says like you pulled up like like you pulled up and they was like blase blase and then you was like whoopty whoop whoopty whoop

then they ran off your drugs like key key key key key key am I getting this right? so that's in my report whoopty whoop blase blase key key key okay well alright what in tarnation is going on here that's in the report so life in jail

actually that's 25 bucks What in darnation is going on here? That's the report. So, life in jail, actually. That's $25. Yes, sir. I got the description. About $510, $150. Had a little beard of some kind. Champion backpack.

Nah, blue champion hoodie, black backpack, black pants. Okay. Blue champion hoodie. Is it black guy you said? Yep, black guy. How about skin tone? Dark, light? Dark, real, real, real dark. Black, black. Okay. Blue champion hoodie. Is it black guy you said? Yep, black guy. How about skin tone? Dark, light? Dark. Real, real, real dark.

Black, black. Okay. He goes, okay, that actually really pisses me off, so we'll find him. Now I got steam coming out of my head. Wait, wait, wait. He goes, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark. And the cop goes, gross. You should have said that first, brother.

He goes, real dark, like dark, dark. The cop's like, well, all right then. Swap team would have been here. You said that first, brother. He goes real dark, like dark, dark. Cobb's like, well, all right then. Swamp Team would have been here. You said that first. Man. He's like, how dark? On a scale of Drake to Blood Diamond. So you got Digimon Hanzo and Drake.

I know his name is Digimon Hanzo, but I can't. It's so hard for me to refer to a man as Digimon. Well, most people just call him Never Back Down. Yeah. This is Digimon Hanzo, and this is Pokemon Jackson over here. I'll never forget in that movie, Blood Diamond, when he yells, he goes, I am not your partner! He's a great actor, that guy.

I wonder what happened to him. He's been in a bunch of Marvel shit. Oh, has he? Was he the Give Us Us Free guy? Or was that different? I don't know what that means. It's a slave movie. Where he's screaming, Give Us Us Free.

12 Years a Slave. You're the one that Chew would tell EJ for, I think. Yeah. They both have kind of crazy African names, but you're nuts. You're racist. I'll take it. That's well established. Continue.

All right, let's finish this. By the way, do we have time for the corner? Yeah, let's do the corner. Okay, yeah. This is another big spike, so I think they might arrest him now. I'm not sure. Thank you, sir. Oh, they just didn't arrest him.

That's incredible. He has a wallet. Find better places to hang out, too. They gave him $25. Here's a voucher for CeCe's Pizza. Get along. I'm doing 49 stuff. Yes, I love these.

I'm well. All right, sorry. What a pleasant experience. Leave them alone, too. They're going to get you. I know. Yeah. Thank you, man.

They're going to get you some kind of disease that you can't shake off. Thank you, man. Eight. Wow. That was actually heartwarming. That was nice. I'm so happy the cops didn't do anything. Yeah.

It made my day. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What a strange episode. Yeah. Whatever. Am I doing something to the show that's making everyone... No, no.

Making it better, Connor. No, it's been way better. It gets weirder and weirder. Way better, bud. These are the ebbs and flows of podcasting. It's natural. You know? Speaking of which, are we doing the corner?

Yeah, what is the corner? I got a corner here. This was Devin's idea. A fan had this idea where it's the fan conspiracy corner. Do you have a song for this, Devin? So it's conspiracies by the listeners. I don't have a song. But what is it?

So the guy was saying, let's do Shakespeare music. What is Shakespeare music? Dude, Axe Files. I thought we were going to do like an Immortal Techniques type thing. Oh, my bad, fellas. That's too hard.

There once was a man named John Oh, my bad, fellas. That's too hard for me. There once was a man named John who started sucking ass at his job. So Devin brought in his best friend, who's much more talented. And the friend made quite the impact within just a few weeks. So John started getting nervous, shitting himself, pissing multiple times an episode, living in an office space.

Some would say John's now homeless. This is so weird. I don't know what I'm homeless. This is so weird. I don't know what I'm doing. This is so fucking weird. And then the man Devin brought in took his seat. And made John uncomfortable. God damn it. Like the rest of his life, John will be sleeping on the floor.

Fuck you, fatso! What made you get the fucking, that music? Because it's like, the post, I think, if I remember correctly, the post was very like, I'm like Machiavellian, and it's like It was like, like Perot. Yeah. I brought Connor in to like, really fuck

with you. Like, evening theater. I think the best way to do this is to let Connor read it, by the way. No, no, no. You have such a good thing with how you read the questions. You read the questions. It's way funnier, though, I think, as Connor viewing all this, coming into it. As a fish out of water. I fully disagree, if I'm being honest with you. You would just do it. I'm not going to do it.

Joey will never stop. His ODD is going to kick the fuck in. It's way funnier if you do it. I'm not going to do it, then. I'll do it. I circumvented his ODD. Did you see that? I circumvented his ODD. The corners have such a good tone to them

because you do the reading voice. I'm not going to do the voice. I used to do the reading voice. I'm not going to do the voice. I used to do the announcer voice. Yeah. I'm going to play the music behind while you read it. Do it lower, though. Yeah, it's lower. Okay, here is a post that a listener made on the Reddit hate watch pod.

Opens with, Venturing behind the veil of this podcast it feels eerily reminiscent of the Stanford Prison Experiment. As if we've stepped into a complex game where Devin, ever the shadowy puppet master conducts each move with a Zimbardo-esque deafness. Zimbardo. The deafness. Zimbardo. The players, well, John, consistently cast as the vulnerable piggy.

I'm going to get that tattooed on my chest. The vulnerable piggy. Vulnerable piggy. Vulnerable piggy. Finds himself ensnared in a web woven by Devin's calculated schemes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Then there's Joey, marked by his ODD, an unmistakable penchant for alcohol,

who unknowingly plays the pawn in Devin's grand theatrical chess game. Oh! The cunning maestro might be subtly trying to direct the audience's gaze towards Joey's overt romance with a drink. A sly... A drink. A drink. A sly ruse to obscure his own veiled indulgence.

Wow. Indulgences. He's agreeing with you. Sure, I never said this, but I see what he's saying. And as for Joey's OTT, Devin, paradoxically, detesting serpents, maneuvers around in it like a snake. He slyly amplifies Joey's erratic behaviors in front of their audience, casting Joey as the unstable maverick. The crazy town loon, if you will. Hello, governor.

Devin also subtly highlights Joey's abrupt departures, stoking the flames of discontent between Joey and their ever-watchful fans. Music's annoying as shit, sir. I like it.

Making Joey appear even more the antagonist in this narrative than Connor with a silence that reeks of Machiavellian undertones. You cackle now. It's like, what is Shakespeare? You go like, Itu brutus mama tambien.

Itu mama tambien. Itu brutus mama Tambien? Et tu, Mama Tambien? Et tu, Brutus Mama Tambien? Et tu, Miruka? Then cut over the silence that rakes of Machiavellian undertones, punctuated with a strategic patience straight from the art of war. Poised and observant, he awaits Devon's clandestine cues, ready to either exploit John's vulnerabilities or, in a twist, push Joey out of the limelight that he requires. And when the maestro Devon felt the pinch of those biting Patreon comments, we were gifted a glimpse at a breathtaking ballet of deflection.

Puppet master. It's very well written. Casting doubt while revealing nothing. This is the one listener not on drugs. This seems like a lot of drugs. He might be on drugs. He might. Adderall. But he's got it together.

No, this is, I love this guy. There's like no punctuation mistakes. This is Matty Ratt's new account. I'll tell you the name after this. Okay. This isn't just podcast banter. It's an opus of psychological warfare, strategy, and concealed motives.

At the center of it all is Devin, the mastermind pulling strings, scheming to usher in Conor as the new comedic prodigy while silently plotting the replacement of those he once called friends. Wow. And that is

fucking mean. So what's your defense, Devin? So AdventurousButton127 on Reddit.com hatewatchpod. I mean, it's all true. Yeah. I'm out for blood.

I brought in Connor. He's in your chair because you can't stop shitting I've taken one shit on this podcast And you pissed too I piss a lot yeah Cause I'm drinking now You can't stop emptying yourself You just keep pissing

All I need to do is I need to be milked in so many ways I need to be milked in my urine And in my poop And in my cum I brought in Connor You know You know why I'm here Why Connor and of my cum. I brought in Connor. You know why I'm here?

Why, Connor? I don't have a dick or asshole. What? You're like a Kendall? I don't pitch or shit. He's a eunuch. I'm the perfect podcast partner. We're trying to cover all of our bases.

You don't have a dick or an asshole. I don't have a dick or an asshole, sir. I'm perfect. I can't piss and shit during the show. I don't have a dick or an asshole, sir. I'm perfect. I can't piss and shit during the show. I can't rape anybody. Good luck canceling us. Yeah, good luck getting me. Sure, I can be racist. But that's what makes the show good.

Let's end this whole narrative that I brought Connor in for any other reason. Then he's great. Devin loves his brother. And he would only make the show better, which it has been. I want to insert a new narrative. It's just helped. It's just like steroids. I have a new narrative that I want to bring to the zeitgeist.

Oh, Joey, tell us. When I went to New York for work, I saw Connor. We met. We broke bread. We had beers at a weird bar. Yes, sire. We broke beer. There we sat, and I told Connor, hey, listen, Connor.

We're even talking. There we sat. I said, Connor, listen to me. I am sowing dissent here. I want you on every episode. And the reason is to put Devin in his place. And so Devin can understand that we could replace him at a moment's notice. And I think it's working.

Well, I said at the beginning of the episode, I said, welcome to Haywatch with Connor McNutt. Exactly. So that was part of his dropping his, his perfect seat. Double cross, triple cross. Very good. Yes, yes. Very good. What else?

Was there any other good parts of that that we should say? Was there any comments on it? He's saying your ODD, basically, it's taking you out of the limelight that you desire. Or no, so yeah, no. Connor was trying to get me out by siding with Devin on something to get me out of the limelight. I don't really have a response to that. That's not, that's not true.

Also, also, I will say that, like, so one of his things was that Devin tries to, like, you know, he tries to emphasize my drinking as if, like, people, like, that's what people like about me. It's kind of like the show. It doesn't hurt me, though. I'm not saying that's what people like

about me, but it's not like, oh no, people want Joey off the show because he's drinking. There are no comments like that. I wouldn't do the show if you didn't do it. I was doing it without you for a while just because you were hard to wrangle. And Jace was here. And Jace was here and Richie and stuff.

But then once you made the commitment to come every week, I was like, thank God, this is all I've ever been wanting. Yeah. So I wouldn't do the show without any of you guys. Devin's in building his team. In a weird way, it's fun. It's crazy. Not in a weird way. It's actually a fun.

It's a fun theory, but here's the thing, folks. I've finally built the perfect team. Devin flew across the country to pick me up. We are... Like a psychopath. This is, unfortunately, it's The Warriors with Kevin Durant. Connor actually... Connor has the most to worry about because it feels like he came to...

It's like you joined a 73 win. You're in Rainbow Six. You're Spider-Man joining the Avengers. Yes, yes, yes. It's a little too easy for Connor. Whoa. That's what I too easy for Connor. Whoa. That's what I'll say. Connor also has been working his nuts off doing comedy.

How about we send Connor down? He's the funniest guy on planet Earth. These championships have asterisks. I will say that once you join a thing and you're not terrible, of course the comments are going to be. Oh, yeah. Thank God he doesn't suck. Maybe the most seamless transition

I've ever seen of anyone on a podcast that already had a good dynamic of Connor on this show it's just helped and it's been great and Connor's good I was saying this weird compliment and we'll stop sucking Connor up why would I not bring on somebody I've known for 10 years that we have

great chemistry look at Devin ruining my compliment that was about to create we were talking i was talking to connor about like you would be great in a writing room because you're just like you're good at like adding to jokes and stuff at all times and i realized you're just great in rooms any room come on this room you take him to a shitty little show in glendora everyone else is bombing he does okay it's like he no he's like

he does okay thanks man the king of Glendora he does good well it's weird to see you doing stand up it's like watching like a master at his craft

and it's weird to see someone like no you're really fucking good it's crazy to see someone this young be that good if I were booking

shows in LA I would definitely be texting Connor a lot and be happy if he could make it to my show. If you listen to this show and you're in stand-up and you haven't hit up Connor McNutt, take notes. Do it now. I hope everyone's doing well on your shitty little show

if you're not. Also, if you listen to the show, you probably run the worst stand-up show of all time. And I'll do it. Yeah. I'll do it. But. I'll do it. But to move on from that, let's talk about,

what does John actually bring to this show? Listen. I feel like I'm in Defend Your Life right now. Let's go. John, defend yourself. Defend myself? I am. There once was a man named John.

I'm really gross. He shit his pants at Don. I'm really gross. I'm not ashamed of being really gross. So that's what you bring is you're gross and you're not ashamed. I bring the weird gutter energy. He's on a podcast he doesn't listen to. He moves right on when it ends.

You know what? He wanders the streets. That's what I bring. Trying to find a place to release his calm. That's what I bring. There once was a man named John on the hate watch pod. He got kicked out of his seat within three

weeks and he sits in the corner shitting himself. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Yes. He lives off of old timey food that he finds in a dumpster behind Spring Street.

Where does that come from? He probably has all the diseases that already run around the town he lives in. The only man to bring AIDS to the ghetto. He moved to the town

to feel normal He sits at a Denny's that's 24 hours With his open wounds He's full of open wounds He has a bag that he walks around town with Full of dead snakes I literally have an open wound in my eye right now. Everything you just described is what I bring to the podcast.

His body doesn't heal any of his wounds. Exactly. And we're back to this! We're back to this now! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! He kicked out all of his roommates while in an eviction battle. Fuck them.

He got kicked out of his house and now he lives in a room I gave up my house. at the top of the Cecil Hotel. Gotta think. Gave up my house. Gotta think. He claims everywhere he goes

he claims women are hot, yet they're not. Every single person he talks to is going to suck him off, yet they don't. That's what I bring to the podcast. All right, buddy. I didn't take into consideration any song this week. I haven't heard a lot of that. I thought that was great. I got out of my element. It right, buddy. I didn't take into consideration any song this week. I haven't told a lot. I thought that was great. I got out of my element. It ended up working. You're being humble again. I was nervous

about the song, the music, and it was great. What's that instrument? What is that? The fucking Amadeus Mozart playing. It's like a banjo kind of thing, right? It's a keyboard. Yeah, it's like a literary banjo of thing, right? It's a keyboard. It's a literary banjo. A mandolin?

A mandolin's a guitar. A little tiny guitar. That's what it sounded like to me, John. It's not a fucking keyboard. It is literally a keyboard instrument. If it's programmed to sound like a fucking mandolin. I think David Bowie was living amongst Shakespeare. Look it up.

John is here to confidently give us false information. No, hold on. That's why he's here. For my next song, it's called Ziggy Stardust. Hold on. Keep talking. It's a mandolin. No, it's not a mandolin.

Yeah, Shakespeare wrote changes. Ch-ch-ch-changes. John has a ch-ch-changes. He'll be dead within nine months. Oh yeah. Ch-ch-ch-changes. John's at the Dallas Buyers Club

hoping they'll find a cure in the next few weeks. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. He's living on the street. Harpsichord. Of course. Not a keyboard Changes. Harpsichord. Harpsichord. Harpsichord. Of course.

Not a keyboard at all. It is. It is. It's a little keyboard. No, it has keys on it, but that's not what they have. It's not like a cat. That's what I meant. It's got keys. What are you talking about?

You're acting like the air instrument. That's what it looks like. What are you talking about? It's not a keyboard thing. No, that's not the one with the air components. John was acting like they had a Cassio. What are you talking about? It's like a piano, but it plays like good things. It sounds like thing. No, that's not the one with the air. John was acting like they had a Casio. What are you talking about? It's like a piano, but it plays like good things to sound like that.

No, dude. Suck my dick. That is a key instrument. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they made whoop that trick on. All right, let's wrap it up. All right. All right.

Thank you for listening, folks. Connor McNutt, 420 Naughty Boy on Instagram. Joey Arlefleur on Instagram. John Badman on Instagram. Thank you.leur on Instagram JohnBadman on Instagram Thank you God bless We'll see you next week Bye bye

Can we do another hour? Do you care? Do you guys want to keep going? Sure Join us for the Patreon Patreon.com Slash hatewatchpodcast I'm in for this

But we'll do I'll do as long as you want On the Patreon We did two hours Fuck yeah dude I want to do three I mean