Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Cinephile Nate Diaz
Episode Date: September 26, 2022Cinephile Nate Diaz, Adam Levine sext messages, Devan saw an Instagram model fake her day in real life, a chess player cheats with vibrating anal beads and Shia Labeouf turns into E-40 on Jon Bernthal...'s podcast Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's good to be in something from the ground floor.
I came too late for that.
I know.
But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end.
The best is over.
Many Americans, I think, feel that way.
Apparently when he fought Jon Jones, he had like an insane high level of testosterone.
Who, DC?
Yeah, DC did.
That he was probably also on steroids.
He's like, it's my turn now.
It's my turn now.
I'm Daniel Cormier. I'm gonna you up you fat you really come from stockton bitch you're like you you fat mother
every photo of the big dances he's like i'm not surprised
what was that running joke
we had, John?
That he like,
for whatever reason
he was obsessed
with the new Elvis movie.
We had this like
retarded riff
where we were like,
he like wins this fight
and he's like,
Nate Diaz.
Nate Diaz is a big
Baz Luhrmann fan.
He's like,
real cheese respect
Baz Luhrmann,
motherfuckers.
He's like,
he's like,
Mulan,
motherfuckers.
Austin Buster kept that accent for two years, fuckers. Mule Vule Vuvgu Shepik Wild, motherfuckers.
He's like, my favorite movie is Amelie, motherfuckers.
He just gets really into like a new movie.
I love magical realism, motherfucker. She just gets really into like nouveau. I love magical realism, bitch.
Jay-Z slaps and great Gatsby, motherfucker.
Nate Diaz loves art films.
You see, 3,000 years of longing, bitch.
He's like, anyone see that movie Cold War?
It's about like two different people in a long-term relationship over the course of 30 years, motherfuckers.
Anyone here see Belfast, motherfuckers?
I'm not surprised.
I fucking love Carol, dude.
It's a forbidden love, fucky.
Yeah.
Real G's watch Citizen Kane, motherfucker.
Yeah, fucker.
I just got Criterion Channel on my Roku, bitch.
Real G's have the Criterion Collection Channel, motherfucker.
No surprise.
Real G's realizing the move for love makes you realize how love just kind of fades away.
And you miss your chance sometimes, fuck you.
Stockton all the way.
Ever seen Bicycle Thief, motherfucker?
Yeah, we watch Eight and a Half and Modesto, bitch.
He's like, great train robbery 1939, motherfuckers.
But he's so stupid, he thinks the train's coming.
That movie scares the shit out of me.
He points a gun at the camera, I thought he was going to shoot it.
Most people don't even know this, but Cassie and Sundance Kid's the first buddy film ever made, motherfuckers.
You point a gun at me, you better not miss, bitch.
Die Hard's a Christmas movie, bitch.
Die Hard's a Christmas movie, bitch. Die hard, it's a Christmas movie.
He's just an R slash film guy.
I do love those fucking guys who are like,
if you've seen like 10 of these movies,
you're like, film viewing's elite.
It's like, good fellas.
The Wolf of Wall Street.
You're elite.
Starfish. Elite. The Wolf of Wall Street. You're elite. Starface.
Elite.
Inception.
Infinity War.
Avengers Infinity War.
Like 18-year-olds who are film buffs. I still want to keep running with the Nate Diaz cinema.
Go ahead.
No, no, no.
I like that.
Like Nate Diaz complaining about Avengers movies.
He's like, Avengers movies ruining cinema, motherfuckers.
Just get another ticket to your rollercoaster ride, bitch. Scorsese was right. It's nothing more than a theme park for you weak-, motherfuckers! Just get another ticket to your rollercoaster ride, bitch!
Scorsese was right, it's nothing more than a theme park for you weak-minded motherfuckers!
You need to come from Stockton, bitch!
I'm watching Amelie tonight with the homies!
Those CTA workers are overworked, maybe, bitches!
We're watching The Player tonight, motherfucker!
One of the best things you can do on a Sunday afternoon
With these ladies, watch Chocolate Man
Double feature with Frida, bitch
Frida, we're doing a Robert Almond double feature, bitch
I fucking love you in here, mister
I'ma fuck Conor McGregor up
Despite the fact that I love Billy Elliot Motherfuckers
Oh fuck
Phantom Thread bitch
It was a beautiful meditation on toxic love
It's about mental toughness bitch
He's like
Joe Rogan get over here
He's like I wanna call everybody, get over here. He's like, I want to call everybody here out.
I'm not the only one
that respected inherent values,
motherfuckers.
Leave sex to me, motherfuckers.
Yeah, and McGregor would just be
the Marvel guy fighting him.
Exactly. He's like, what's the
big bad guy?
Thanos. God, I hate that guy.
I hate anyone that ever brings up those movies.
The Avengers?
I can't stand them.
I don't give a fuck at all.
It's like one long video game loading scene.
Every movie is just like,
I might as well be waiting for my level to start.
It's so corny and hacky.
What I hate now is that they've permeated cultures
to the point where you see people making art about
Infinity War and stuff.
I saw a guy make a 10,000-page flipbook about Thanos.
And I was like, this is so much work and talent dedicated to complete stupid bullshit.
Yeah, right.
Like really putting your heart and soul into a breakdown of those movies.
It's a piece of art.
Like it's crazy Black Panther is now like a black movie.
It's such a bad fucking movie.
Yeah, anyway.
Is it a bad movie?
I thought it was a beautiful movie.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You will go to art galleries and shit, and there's just like fucking Black Panther themed art.
Like Wakanda.
It's like, what the fuck?
That's what you got?
I think Black Panther 2 was great, too.
It hasn't come out.
We're not with you on that, John.
Black Panther is one of the best
movies ever made.
I think that's a good thing.
I think Chadwick should have won
the Oscar for Ma Rainey's
Black Bottom or whatever it's called.
Yeah, me too.
That was the actual name
of the movie.
It's the weirdest name ever.
I said it right.
I was like, that has to be
a racist thing I made.
Ma Rainey's Black Wonder Emporium.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was supposed to be Heath Ledger.
Every year there's a movie like that where it's like,
I think he could win for Snuffleupagus.
You're like, what?
Yeah, the Puss-a-Marium of
Dr. Retardo.
Dr. Retardo.
The Adventures of Baron Monchowsen or some dumb shit like that.
He's like, 824 is fake good art, motherfucker.
It's pedantic and it doesn't go anywhere.
It's gotten totally banal, motherfucker.
For pseudo-intellectuals, motherfucker.
Come at me, bitch. Come at me, bitch. Come at me, stalking motherfucker. Stalking motherfucker. For pseudo intellectuals, motherfucker. Come at me, bitch. Come at me, bitch.
Come at me, stocky motherfucker. Stocky
motherfucker. Everything everywhere I watch
made me cry. I called my mom afterwards,
bitch. Yo, but shout out Jonah Hill
mid-90s respect, but other than that,
banal motherfucker. No, mid-90s
bitch. Scaling in the 90s.
Like, if you watch everything all at once
Like the bagel
But there's the eye
And that's like the opposite of a bagel
Motherfucker
I didn't really like that movie though
The everything all at once
I walked out of it
I couldn't take it
It was just like watching a Chinese schizophrenic break
I wish it was just about watching a Chinese schizophrenic break.
I wish it was just about them running the laundromat.
I liked all that and then when it got all
crazy and it was very repetitive.
With the gay daughter, it was awesome.
Working at the laundromat and stuff.
And then it turned into...
I don't know. I didn't get it.
I didn't get it.
It was like she's saving
the daughter. What was it... It was like she's saving the daughter.
What was it about the mom and the daughter?
Basically, like, a big culmination of that relationship.
That relationship.
And then it's also, like, I think a grander theme on, like,
well, there's, like, no reason for us to be here,
but, like, we just have to still find, like, meaning and joy
in that type of life.
Right, right.
Okay.
Of just living, like, a simple life of just doing laundry
and fucking owing taxes and you know just bullshit like how do
we choose life based on that
okay gotcha
I liked it to be
honest sound off in the comments if you liked
the movie oh by the way Chuck we have
our new sponsor Black Rifle Coffee
we're actually not sponsored by them
we're just worried we'd be killed by a marine after the
last episode
we made fun of fucking people
just terrified of showing any femininity.
We should just have everything here
that is on podcasts that actually have them
as sponsors. We should all be drinking liquid death.
Kratom.
Black Rifle Coffee. We're just taking blue cheese
before every episode.
We're doing Squarespace
on the podcast.
We're wearing nothing but MeUndies.
Shit.
MailChimp.
Apparel.
Whatever.
Real G's like Rashomon, motherfucker.
Oh, God.
Every frame of painting, motherfucker.
Tony's you.
Keep making videos.
Come back, man.
Double indefinite.
You're one of the greatest film and all our movies of all time motherfuckers
I'm gonna fuck you up
McGregor
strangers on a train
close second
underrated
well should we get back into Adam Levine since the things
that we were just talking about?
We were dunking on Adam Levine.
I mean, he's one of the greatest
sexters of all time.
I mean, it's just he makes your pussy wet.
It is funny.
I think he was not really apologetic.
He was like, yeah, I fucked you or whatever.
I wasn't really embarrassed about the sex or anything well he's no he's claiming he never had sex okay he's claiming
he just fucked up by even messaging them and he got caught up but he never had sex with any trying
to see the booty yeah trying to fuck that booty he definitely fucked that woman there's no way
yeah well it's just funny like if if my sex like ever got leaked i would just like fucking kill
myself like examined to this level.
There's nothing worse
when you're desperate and trying to get away.
Yeah, exactly. When it's like 2 a.m.,
I haven't slept, I'm incredibly horny,
some woman's messaging me, and I'm just like,
your ass is like fucking crazy town.
You wake up the next morning,
you're like, oh my fucking god.
You wake up, you've just been typing baby noises like,
goo goo gaga, goo goo gaga.
Yeah, I'm telling a woman to step on me.
Little boy wants his milk.
You wake up the next day like, why didn't she come over?
When is the letter my balls?
Also, the saddest thing is when when you just like are infatuated with
like a girl or something and you just you like you send them the text and you're waiting and
waiting and waiting for hours for the response and you're playing that game and you're just
losing your mind for however long you're infatuated with it and then it gets to the
point where you you will you will ask them anything just to try and get a response. Like you'll be like,
hey, do you know the time?
My phone's cracked. I can't see what time
it is. I just really, please get back to me real quick.
That's all I want. That time
when you guys have been talking and then you can
suddenly feel her having lost
interest but hasn't told you yet and
the response is just later and later and later.
They take a day to respond and then you set a timer on your phone for like interest but hasn't told you yet and the response is just later and later and later yep and they're
just they take a day to respond and then you set a timer on your phone for like okay four hours
then i'll respond yeah yeah because you're trying to play it cool too like oh shit i'm just like
living life and i forgot i'm just like living life i forgot to respond to the hottest girl
that i'm trying to get with right now man pasting my part smoking inside yeah trying to forget that
you've already told her you love
her yeah yeah you're just like me sprinkling crack on a sheet of aluminum foil you find out
you find out that they're like going somewhere like i'm going back to nebraska to visit my
family and you're like you send them like a picture of like you're making corn that night
you're like just thought you'd appreciate it. I'm happy for dinner.
I'm going to kill myself.
Serendipity.
Right?
Just anything to send them.
Yeah, I know.
Look, my car has a door, too.
You sent a picture of your car door.
Look, we're so similar.
Please, please, please come.
Please be in my life.
You just sent him a video of you loading one bullet into a gun and spitting in the chamber.
Oh, man.
I remember those early days.
Just wanting anybody.
Yeah.
Just please text back.
Please text back.
It was very funny.
I'm getting an anxiety response to that.
It's like going through that so many times.
It's brutal.
When they leave it on read, when they have the read receipts on, unbelievable. They don't know what we're going through that so many times. When they leave it on red, when they have the receipts on,
unbelievable.
They don't know what we're going through
when it's on red for hours.
You ever do the spaz out text
where it's like you send one thing,
you get a response,
and then your answer to it is like 10 text messages.
You're just like, yeah.
And then you're like, I'm on a roll.
I'm being so funny and charming.
She's going to love me.
And then you can picture them
walking into a police station as their phone
still as their phone is getting texts are still coming in that 19th message
trying to write like Hemingway.
You've texted him so much that you have to send like, haha.
These are a lot of tags.
So if I don't come across, sorry for the novel.
Yeah, you're like the girl in Wedding Crashers. I'll find
you.
Yeah, it's
brutal. And the funny thing is it's like not even really
your fault. You just like ran into somebody
who like whatever mental illness they have.
They're like, yeah, I love bomb somebody and then get bored
and move on every two weeks. And to you, it's
everything. Yeah, you're like you have
a relationship with them in your head. Yeah. Yeah, because you're like oh this one this is the one i never had
somebody come on this strong before they seem so into me and then just like fucking switch yeah
it's never been this strong before they responded once yeah they'll respond to be fair i've done
that to people too and the entire time and they get on the other end you're like i fucking i should
send the text but i haven't i know how it feels yeah i'm gonna let you and then you finally you text them you don't want to text them and you send them like
another text kind of short and then they respond right away and you're like oh fuck yeah god damn
it yep hey so nice meeting you tonight you too and you're just you just look at that like i think
we really have something yeah yeah what are you doing tuesday no response. Yeah. Glad I'm not doing that anymore.
Me neither.
It's really enough to make you kill yourself.
It really is.
It's so exhausting having a relationship with an imaginary person
that gives you enough to make them feel like they're real.
Yeah.
Because they'll text you, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You're like, oh, God.
You're like jacking off to the Y and yeah.
You're like, oh, my God.
She typed that Y. She typed three Ys and hey. Oh, God. You're like jacking off to the Y. And yeah, you're like, oh, my God. She wrote. She typed that Y.
Yeah.
She typed three Y's in hay.
Oh, man.
It's like four Y's in the hay.
Oh.
I'm going to come on your smiley face emoji.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
Any emoji, a blushy face emoji.
You're like, we are married.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
Going through her Instagram and finding her last boyfriend.
Be like, OK, I'm almost as hot as that guy.
Yeah.
I'm probably funnier. so I got a good chance.
It's like a picture of him lifting a bus full of children.
Rescuing women.
It's a doctor deadlifting
500 pounds.
He has a stethoscope on and a lab coat.
He's in space.
It's him receiving an award for biggest
dick of all time.
I think we got we gotta get competition going
well let's see what Sumner Stroh has to say
more about fucking old
Adam Levine
old hound dog Levine
I have no choice
but to name my child after
a heart
a heart a heart. Heart.
My first
born son is named after a
heart.
I just wanted to make a part
two.
I feel like it's obviously necessary.
Hindsight is
2020.
She looked that up today. She's like, what are her sayings about hindsight? She's like, hindsight is 2020 she looked that up today yeah she's like what are sayings
about hindsight she's like hindsight is 40 hindsight 40 30 just added them
hindsight is 10 plus 10 right they say hindsight's like 2020 because if like you divide 20 by 20 it's
like two you know and the two of us together is like one she's also ghetto
i was just trying to do dumb voice she's like hindsight is late
you're like just the long nails and like huge hoops no like for real i thought retrospect was
a type of clothing i I had no idea.
She's just, I think, upset that she didn't get fucked.
I wanted to go in and talk about how remorseful I feel and how embarrassed and disgusted I am.
Is that why you keep posting publicly about being in an affair?
It's also crazy for her to say she was manipulated
when she didn't have sex.
No, right.
She said she had an affair, so she had sex.
They literally act like like like children
yeah they act like they were like put in a car seat and taken to have an affair
like somebody kicked them out of the car like we'll pick you up later
all right how do you go fuck adam levine we'll pick you up at uh seven
to look at it and think like oh she's playing the victim but in reality it had the opposite effect
something i now realize i didn't touch on enough was the fact that um one of my friends had
attempted to sell it um which i realized yesterday so whenever they reached out to me for comment
and so i was completely frantic oh Oh, to like news outlets. Yeah, TMZ or some shit.
Like $200.
Yeah, she's on eBay.
She's on Craigslist.
I didn't touch on some of the things that I initially would have liked.
So in this video, I'd like to address some of those things.
I only came forward because I wanted to kill whatever story the tabloid had.
The most important part that I didn't definitely gloss over is the fact fact that I was Also, is she in a side of a vacuum?
What is that noise? I don't know where she is. She's doing this video
in a Dyson vacuum.
She's in her aquarium home.
One of these LA aquarium homes
where all the poor people watch you just be on
OnlyFans.
All these people living in tents and they just look at you
and you're like weird gentrification home where your whole living room is a big
human aquarium.
It looks like a vegan hit man lives there.
It's no soul to anything.
No chair has any soul.
Everything's smoothed out.
It looks like a blue bottle coffee shop where they live.
And they just,
all the homeless people in the street,
they watch her just like,
like set up a video and she,
uh,
compares like how,
how deep she can get a cucumber versus a banana.
And she makes a hundred grand a month off that.
You know, I saw one of these people in the wild the other day at the gym.
Yeah.
An OnlyFans-like lady?
I don't know.
Like an Instagram influencer, whatever. Hot girl.
I was at the gym.
I'm like running and I see this woman outside pretty attractive
yoga pants and all the shit and she keeps sitting down and like opening a book and like reading but
like i would look back up and she would then not be reading anymore and be adjusting of a tripod
for her phone oh really so she was setting up she was she was setting up her virtual day for her
fans like what she's doing and how smart and active she is so she was taking pictures of herself reading for half a second while having
a starbucks and then she was taking pictures of herself like writing in a notebook you know like
she's like at hemingway and then she came into the gym five minutes later and then she's next to me
on the bike and i look behind and she's set up the tripod again for her phone camera.
And she keeps getting on the bike but not
riding the bike like you would if you want
to get in shape. She's like
standing up on it
so her ass is all out.
She's doing the whole sexy pedaling
thing and she would do that for
half, like 30 seconds and then go
back to her camera and do that and then she'd go
look at the videos and then she left the gym.
Fat pig.
Didn't even work out.
She probably threw the book right in the trash.
Oh, yeah. The book was
like Captain Underpants or something.
She got it from one of those free
libraries.
She got it from one of those free libraries that were just
on a suburban street.
She just grabbed the power now yeah she didn't even look at what it was it's in every fucking free library it's in every every free library is the worst book of all time i always
check it's terrible it'll be like level two spanish level two spanish bill bill cosby's
fatherhood and then and then always a malcolm gladwell in there yeah yeah yeah but yeah i was
it was uh it was crazy because it's like, man, that's like her job.
Yeah.
That was her day.
Her day is setting up to fake her day.
Faking her day is her day.
Yeah, I used to work out at the LA Fitness in Glendale,
and you would see people who like same type of thing,
just huge, gigantic, bubble ass.
And they would get in the pussy workout machine
where you just close your legs back and forth. But they would grab onto the top of the weight rack and then
like get all the way up in there so they're just in doggy with the tripod set up just filming their
ass in the middle of like a you know there's like fucking chinese guys doing the toe touch the
shoulder workout yeah crazy and then some guy walks over he's like hey i like your shoes and
they go get the fuck away from me!
And they post it on TikTok.
And they're like, those women that go to the gym where they're purposely trying to get upset at a man for looking at them.
Trying to shoot a fake reaction video. That's like a new thing now.
Yeah, where they're literally naked at the gym.
And they're like, everyone's looking at me.
These men are sick pigs.
Guy just comes up, hey, you're actually breaking the equipment when you use it like that. Screams at me. These men are sick pigs. Yeah. Guy just comes up. Hey, you're actually breaking the equipment when you use it like
that. Screams at him.
I don't think you're supposed to
titty fuck the
machine. Man, you have like
a five pound weight stuck in your ass.
I don't know if that's on purpose. Could you
please stop sucking the dumbbells off?
All right. Back to
Sumner Stroh Stro Very honest lady
Who does sound like she died in the Civil War
Sumner Stro
My dear Sumner
The way your cheeks clap clap clap
In that video you sent to me
Six semper fi
Six semper fi
I need to see
I need to gaze upon the booty
Sumner so I need to see. I need to gaze upon the booty.
Sumner, so.
Have you ever read James Joyce's love letters to his wife, by the way?
Yeah, they're fucking crazy.
He was like the ultimate G.
I didn't even know people wrote like that back then.
Yeah, he was like in the 1880s,
like, I need to suck your fart out of your ass,
you fat bitch.
He's in the 1880s, like. Did he to suck your fart out of your ass, you fat bitch. Yeah, he's in the 1880s,
like... Did he have an eye patch?
What's that?
James Joyce.
No, he had a bad eye.
He had an eye patch
temporarily because
of a bad eye.
Probably from eating
all that ass.
Yeah, it was probably
my pink eye.
It was just horrible
conjunctivitis.
Oh, fuck.
That Irish maniac.
Just like a guy
accepting the Pulitzer Award
and just eating his wife's ass
in some boardroom somewhere. No, it was like the 1880s Award and just eating his wife's ass in some
boardroom somewhere. No, he was like
the 1880s and you read his love letters. He's like, I'm
gonna eat the booty like groceries.
What the fuck?
Is this real?
You're a bars. Oh my god.
My love, you have the best wap I've ever
experienced.
My dearest Gertrude, I would love to give you
a blumpkin while you
fart out of your arse, I would love to give you a blumpkin while you fart out of your arse.
I'd love to collect your menstrual blood in a glass and sip it down.
My position of being new to L.A.
Also, he was.
She said I was in the position of being new to L.A.
I was I was new to L.A.
I thought this is how I thought this was like Border Patrol.
I thought this was the same as when they say you can't bring any fruits and vegetables
in from across the border.
Just following the rules.
I had to hit up a married celebrity.
You get at the airport, they go, are you sexting Adam Levine?
Yes or no?
There's no accountability whatsoever.
Nope.
Vulnerable position of being new to LA.
Also, he was DMming me straight from his verified
instagram account i didn't have any reason to further question it but i now realized that
that was likely a manipulation tactic of his you know just messaging you from his uh identity was
that a manipulation tactic i've now realized that the reason he used his phone number was uh
was mental warfare.
I realized... It would have been better
if he catfished her or something.
Yeah, like, what does that mean?
If he was on WhatsApp,
it'd be way more, like, mysterious.
You know what I mean?
Like, he was trying to hide his identity.
Like, I was manipulated.
I realize now, like,
I was playing checkers,
but he was playing chess,
and, like, he was manipulating me.
A manipulation tactic of his, you know, just hiding in plain sight.
What?
As soon as I realized that was not the case.
Hiding in plain sight?
Regular Hannibal Lecter, this guy.
He's wearing a tan suit and talking to me over a cell phone.
He's just like Robert Durst.
What I did in the role I played in this.
In the role I played in this.
Again, in no way was I trying to gain sympathy.
Right.
And I fully realized. But that's why you're posting this right right i'm not the one manipulated getting
hurt here it's beyond let's look at some of the messages because he is a he is a fucking wordsmith
i think he's realizing she gained nothing from this you know what i mean yeah that's very telling
she's kind of telling on herself right there yeah there's you know what does she sell the story to
tn well she's like i was you to understand, I was trying to do this
as a form of social currency
to move up in the world
because I'm a sociopath.
Yeah.
This is what he wrote.
Watching your ass jiggle on that table
will permanently scar me.
Are you serious?
I'd do anything for it.
I'd buy it a steak dinner
and whisper sweet nothings into it.
Did he really type that?
He wrote that.
Oh my God.
He's like Ron Burgundy.
Yeah, Jesus Christ. God. He's like Ron Burgundy. Jesus Christ.
Man. He epic sauce
his way into some pussy.
I'll take that
sweet ass to a nice chicken
dinner. Yeah. He said the only thing better than
that ass is bacon for the win.
Bacon
for the win.
I may need to see the booty.
I may need to see the booty. I may need to see the booty.
That booty's better than when the ice cream machine's on at McDonald's after 1 a.m.
Remember when Tiger Woods got caught with all that shit?
Oh, that was great.
That was so great because he was so like, it was so lame.
Yeah, yeah.
His message was like, hey, it's Tiger.
Please delete those messages.
My wife's mad at me for getting so much pussy.
Sometimes I think about you and my penis gets hard.
Hey, what's up?
It's Tiger.
One of the greatest athletes of all time.
I've been realizing lately that when I think about you naked, my weenie gets hard.
I feel things down there.
It feels tingly.
You know when you go on the drop on a roller coaster?
That's what you make me feel like.
It's poking through my Nike
Air Kaki Chinos.
Unfortunately, that is the golf version
of a gangster.
Just a guy who had sex with two women.
Tiger's dad was basically
the pro
golf dad version
of DJ from Hustle & Flow. He was tanking him. Wasn't Tiger just standing like the like the pro golf like like golf dad version of like dj from hustle and flow yeah
like he was like taking him and like just like what like wasn't tiger just standing outside of
like rvs as his dad yeah his dad would take rvs to tournaments and then fuck like women who looked
by the way just like the women tiger was into that's what they said in the documentary in the
rv while tiger was outside yeah that's just a straight ball and move.
That's hot.
Yeah.
I'd high five my dad when he walks out.
Can you also imagine sucking off a Tiger Woods dad?
Have you ever seen him?
He's pretty rough looking.
Yeah.
Just huge trucker hat and giant black glasses.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
It's Tiger.
It's Tiger.
I'd like to stick my golf club in your pussy.
I have some
odd requests if you're open to it.
I'm willing to pay.
Did you guys see this chess grandmaster?
They think he's cheating
by using anal beads in his butt
that are vibrating and giving
him the right answers.
Yeah, it's connected to a
chess computer.
It's connected to Deep Blue
or something. What are they saying
it is? I mean, that's
it. That's really all I know about it.
The guy looks like Jack Harlow.
He does look like the guy who would
do it. He does. You can see, it kind of
looks like in this picture, he has one cheek up.
He's trying to hold the beads in.
He's just fingering the chess pieces all weird.
He's just like, on passant.
Yeah, the whole time he's sweating.
He's just like, I'm going to castle.
Night two, four.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Did you guys watch any of Shia LaBeouf on old Bernthal's podcast?
Oh, I love that.
That was great. The real ones, I love that. That was great.
The real ones.
I love that name already.
It's such a good podcast because he never even has to speak.
Jon Bernthal is just such a man.
People just fucking yammer and yap the entire two hours.
I love the way he sets up Shia all the time.
He's like, yo, but for real, dog?
Bro, talk about your daughter, bro.
If you want to, if you can.
He's like, I can't, dog.
I can't change your life.
I love that Shia has done so many.
I think he literally thinks
he's his character from The Accountant.
He's just lost his mind.
Yeah.
Because it would be like,
you got to understand, dog,
when you got a daughter,
you're looking at her son.
You know what I'm talking about?
And she's a real G in front of you.
You got to change that shit.
And it's just like,
these are two of my most favorite actors,
but it shows you how just retarded actors are.
Their brains are just wiped.
They don't exist anywhere.
They're picking up personalities.
Shia just says things all the time.
He's working at community centers in Englewood.
He's like, listen, dog.
When we were marching on Selma, I was right out in front.
And this wise man on the street told me
one time like you know like he just talks like
a cholo too
I would love to work at Home Depot bro
I need to eagle his job I stay at Home Depot
that's my spot
it's also amazing
like Jon Bernthal's getting away with this cause he's
technically like an abuser
what'd he do? Shia
but Bernthal's like immune.
He'll have anybody on.
Yeah, yeah.
He's just so positive.
Everybody likes him.
Real G's like John Bernthal, motherfucker!
And what you think you know you need to focus on
and what you're worried about
with your relationship with her for the future.
I'm not worried about much anymore. Worried? Like I i don't live in words i don't have a bunch of
words what do you need to work on yes it's that california over pronunciation of the r's yeah
fear yeah there's a lot i need to work on first off just in terms of having a daughter and knowing
your daughter is one of my daughters daughter like schoolboy q we're having a daughter and knowing your daughter is one day... My daughter? He says daughter like schoolboy Q. When you're raising a daughter.
Yeah. Daughter. Keep my daughter
extra fat. Search your name
in a search engine and see that
you know...
You are a deplorable
disgusting
piece
of shit.
And that shit... I love Bertholdt.
Bertholdt's like,
I have from now until she's...
That's why I invited her here today, though.
You're a worthless piece of shit.
You're a worthless piece...
And I fuck with that energy.
I really fuck with that energy, Shia.
To create a relationship with her
where she knows me more than this...
This idea who I am in the public. He's like, my daughter looks at me like I'm her dad. to create a relationship with her where she knows me more than this idea
who I am in the public.
He's like, my daughter looks at me like I'm her dad.
That's a lot of pressure.
When that hits, like you say,
because it's funny.
He's like the straight Ezra Miller.
Yeah.
That's like the same career trajectory,
same talent.
Ezra's a lot crazier i think yeah
that was like holding people at gum yeah what is that doing dog day afternoon right now
like some gay club and like bally or whatever what did he do no they literally like released
like ezra miller's like holding five children hostage in montana and they said they were like
i swear i watch video it's like him at like margaritaville just yelling Attica.
There's also been a funny moment where ABC News is like,
Ezra Miller is holding five children at gunpoint.
His rep said
he's not available for comment.
Their reps?
Because he's non-binary.
ABC is literally corrected.
Their rep said they're not available for comment
on the five children they've kidnapped and hooligan point oh my god he's been like abusing that whole thing
for his own sake right like didn't he he was trying to get out of a tip of the cops arresting
him basically by acting like he didn't exist he's doing a charles manson kind of he's amazing yeah
yeah it's actually brilliant yeah he's like actually i'm not as a miller so you can't be
arresting me i am they right How could we commit that crime?
He's like a sovereign citizen.
Me and who else, officer?
You're going to arrest all nine of us?
Me and who else?
Are you arresting my progressivism?
Is that what you're doing?
I'd like to see you fit all these people in this cop car, sir.
So what?
I shoved a baby up my ass.
So what? I'm smuggling babies in my ass but just like yeah fucking yeah brian williams having to report that seriously
ezra miller cannot be reached for comment about showing a baby
they have not responded
and uh it's it's really funny because the fucking uh dc uh comics is like they still
got to release that flash movie because it costs like 500 million dollars oh shit so they're just
like not firing and they're not canceling him they're just like they've got him like locked away in a compound i
think now yeah he's just in a straitjacket yeah because they literally have like half a billion
dollars riding on his stupid flash movie yeah he's just like he's just like stabbing like children
and dogs this is a great industry yeah it really is it's truly you know full of the sickest people
who ever existed it truly is unbelievable i you seen the video of him choking that woman?
Yeah, outside that bar.
It's insane.
Where she's just like, oh, Ezra.
Chokes her down to the ground.
Talking to Zane.
He's like Swedish or some shit.
He's like, oh, I'm very nice to meet you.
There's also a video.
Yeah, I don't know.
Choking and slamming.
Yeah, that third one.
Third one.
Third one.
It rocks.
Hell yeah, dude.
Dude, fucking pull that choke for me.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Do you want a bite?
Oh, she has like a...
She has the neck brace on.
He's actually choking a woman with a neck brace on.
You paused it at the perfect point, but keep going.
Do you want a bite?
Is there a video?
Oh my God.
Holy shit.
Oh my God. Ezra,ra chill that's right chill out dude
he's slamming a woman against the floor like doing a takedown
yeah that was like stone cold sounds like nate diaz when it slowed down
she's all happy yeah she just comes
She's all happy.
Yeah, she just comes.
Bro, bro, bro, bro.
Bro, bro, bro, bro. Jesus.
Yeah.
Perks of being a wallflower, motherfucker.
Real G's moving silence, bitch.
Stopping.
It's 17, bitch.
Freak city, motherfucker.
There's a clip.
There's also a clip of him.
He was in like a Whole Foods
and one of the employees
came up like filming themselves
they go oh my god
it's Ezra Miller
they go Ezra I love you
and he goes
you have like two choices
one I leave you alone
number two I choke the shit out of you
like that
like that
he loves choking people
you just see like the guy
like turn around
like what
the fuck
what is it
Ezra Miller
like Whole Foods
Ezra Miller threatens
uh
quirk maybe threatens to knock out fan maybe oh second one yeah oh this is awesome What is it? Ezra Miller, like Whole Foods? Ezra Miller threatens clerk, maybe.
Threatens to knock out fan?
Maybe.
Oh, second one.
Yeah.
Oh, this is awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
This is going to be great.
Okay, first off, how is Ezra Miller so famous right now, though?
He was in the Harry Potter movies.
He's in the Harry Potter movies.
He's the Flash in Justice League.
Yeah.
Okay.
He was in We Need to Talk About Kevin.
He's actually really good at that.
He's a great actor.
Playing a school shooter, appropriate. Did you ever see that movie City Island? No, but I heard he's very good at that. He's in We Need to Talk About Kevin. He's actually really good at that. He's a great actor. Playing a school shooter, appropriate.
Did you ever see that movie City Island?
No, but I heard he's very good at that.
He's very good as a kid in that, yeah.
He's a great actor.
I present people always.
Hi.
And always just knock you out, and then you won't have to panic.
Right.
Whoa.
You just gotta knock me out.
You just let me know.
Yeah.
No?
What?
What?
Always.
Hi.
And always just knock you out
and then you won't have to panic
right
you just gotta
knock yourself out
just let me know
yeah
no yes
what
he's like mentally
no he's like
completely mentally unstable
this is him with the cops
and he says like
like they're not using
his pronouns right
oh amazing
he's a genius
he's using
he's using all this shit
to like get out of it
you're non-binary
I don't want to be searched by a man I'm non-binary get a get out of it I don't want to be searched by a man
I don't want to be searched by a man. I claim my fourth amendment rights. You better not touch my pussy get your hands off my pussy
I filmed myself when I get assaulted for nft crypto I'm assaulting this bar twice in a row.
I film myself when I get assaulted for NFT crypto art.
What's your name and your badge number?
White key.
Ezra.
Full name, full badge number.
Control 131.
I mean, just, I mean, arrest.
He's wearing a fucking, wearing a My Cousin Vinny suit.
Looks like a bellboy.
Yeah. Okay. I bellboy. Yeah.
I was a soldier in the army.
Okay.
You could have told us that.
I said I ran away and played all of these theatrics.
You could have just told us that.
I'm sorry.
Bro.
You could have took care of this thing real quick.
We're so about to be non-binary.
What's up, Howley?
Why are you non-binary? Why are you non-binary, bro?
Oh, you're kind of like a...
You're kind of like a sea turtle.
You got no sex, bro.
He's like drinking a can of coffee.
What is non-binary, bro?
He's like, brother.
Brother.
Where next you at?
You identify as Spam Masubi?
Okay.
I claim my Ninth Amendment rights to not be...
Ninth?
What's the Ninth Amendment?
What the fuck is the Ninth Amendment?
What's the right to have a bussy? I've never heard anyone say they claim my Ninth Amendment rights to not be... What the fuck is the Ninth Amendment? Let's sort that out. Right to have a bussy.
I've never heard anyone say they claim my Ninth Amendment rights.
Yeah, what is the Ninth Amendment, John?
Can you look that up real quick?
I'm looking it up real quick, fellas.
Ninth Amendment of the United States Constitution
addresses rights retained by the people
that are not specifically...
Oh, it's...
What the fuck?
I don't know.
That's one of those bullshit ones.
What does it mean?
What does he get out of it with the cops?
Let's read.
If granted power is found, necessarily the objection of ev one of those bullshit ones. What does it mean? What does he get out of it with the cops? Let's read. If granted power is found, necessarily
the objection of evasion of those rights...
Hold on. Oh, the text. Here we go.
Real G's claiming 9th Amendment,
motherfucker!
It's people who are
retained, basically. People who are
retained have their rights. So they don't have to
say anything? Or like they treat them well?
Like Miranda rights and stuff like that,
I believe is what it is.
Unlawfully persecuted for a crime of no designation.
Disorderly conduct being something I am unguilty of.
He's really rehearsed this.
I claim my Fourth Amendment rights.
He's really good.
Yeah, he's one of those guys who go to the checkpoints.
Yeah.
The little constitutions.
He's doing an audit.
Yeah, he's an auditor.
Ezra Rose, the First Amendment auditor. He's doing an audit. He's an auditor. Ezra Rose, the First Amendment auditor.
He's at a post office.
He's like, no surgeries and seizures.
I do consent to surgeries and seizures.
And then eventually you skip to the 20-minute mark in the video,
and they're breaking the window of the guy's car and pulling him out as he wails.
Yeah, as he's waving the little tiny constitution at him.
He's like, you'll pay!
Just getting his teeth busted in.
This is illegal! You'll all
pay! And then you find out all of the cops
got promotions and they're all
partying and he's dead.
Yeah, he was killed. It's a party.
He was killed in prison for being annoying.
He was like, we're not getting treated right in prison.
He's hanging out with a natural man.
By law, we're supposed to have 10-minute breaks, and it was 8 yesterday.
He's banging the 10 cop against the cell.
His whole cell is loaded with GoPros, so he can talk back to the warden.
I know.
Probable cause that you will not be able to offer in a court of law.
I claim my Fourth Amendment rights to not be unlawful.
Hey, you just touched my penis.
Please don't do that.
I'm not transgender, non-binary.
I don't want to be searched by a man.
I'm transgender, non-binary, and I don't want to be searched by a man.
I claim my Fourth Amendment rights.
They're Nerf guns.
The cop should have said he's non-binary.
He has a Nerf gun.
There's my belt buckle and my Nerf bow.
He's like laughing.
Please don't take them from me.
From my life in New Jersey, I know y'all are not those cops, but please, please do not damage my nerves and my hands again.
It would be really, really awful for me.
Sorry, sir.
I'm sorry, I'm not a sir. I'm transgender, not binary.
Okay. I was just a sir. I'm transgender, not binary. It's not a big deal. Okay.
I was just trying to be respectful.
I said sir.
Yeah, what do you say, sir?
Sir.
I don't know.
Yeah, what do you say?
Yes, Adam.
Yes, Adam.
You just say okay.
You just don't call him anything.
Sure, dude.
Yes, I am.
You just don't say anything, right?
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
What do you say, John?
I think so.
Your fingernails are painted black.
You must know something about this shit.
I know a little bit.
It just came from an NCR concert.
I think Zir is the non-binary one.
I think Zir is the non-binary.
So you'd say like Zir.
Zir?
It sounds like Zadum.
Zam?
It's like the Buzz Lightyear.
It sounds like some Inspector Zim shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You could say folks.
Folks.
Oh, yeah.
They love folks.
Yeah.
With an X. Non-binaries love folks. They love folks. Yeah, they, yeah. You could say folks. Oh, yeah, they love folks. With an X.
Non-binaries love folks.
They're like bad comedians.
Folks, listen up.
Just a bunch of non-binary people.
Oh, he's telling us.
He just told us.
What did he say?
He said you could use the term mix.
Mix?
It's all sacred religious material?
Man, he is on so many drugs.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well.
He was really kind of going off.
Yeah, he's popping off.
Yeah, I kind of like it.
He kicks ass, dude.
Wow, he really kicks ass.
Well, he's going crazy in like a schizophrenia way, which I think is kind of fun.
Yeah, I mean, he's obviously very unhinged.
Yeah.
He's probably got a, I mean, does he take hormones and stuff?
Is that the level he's at?
Maybe.
Or does he just claim he's a minder?
I don't believe so.
He looks like it.
Yeah, because he doesn't look like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
He's not giving me horny.
He's not giving me horny.
Hi, this is Ezra Miller. he really is the joker yeah aka
the bengal ghouls the mad goose wizard and um this is a message for the bad good mad goose
dude he's the bad goose wizard fucking idiots that's what you call non-binary people yeah
this is mental illness and psychedelics mixed.
Yeah.
I'm getting that.
It's like a full.
Also, is he like balding?
Like what is it?
How high is his hair?
His hair is really weird.
Yeah.
I don't like about him.
Chapter of the North Carolina Ku Klux Klan.
Whoa.
Hello.
First of all, how are y'all doing?
Sir, you're not non-binary.
You have lupus.
It's me.
Look, if y'all want to die're not non-binary you have lupus it's me um look if y'all want to die
i suggest just killing yourselves with your own guns okay um but let me fuck your goddards
keep doing exactly what you're doing right now and you know what i'm talking about
and then you know um we'll do it for you. Guns are only to be used to move
one group of children to another location.
That is it. He's like calling
his parents. He's like, I'm going to fucking take the
Klu Klux Klan to task today.
Yeah. It is weird he has beef
with one specific chapter of the KKK.
That is interesting. He's like, the rest
do good work.
He's like, the Asheville KKK
step up.
Step up.
I don't like how they're organized.
He's just critiquing them.
He's not even really upset.
You've had your reports from the Grand Wizard, and you've not obeyed.
The Birmingham KKK needs to do better.
He's posting reminders on Twitter.
Reminder, the Asheville KKK
does not treat their people right.
Reminder.
He's burning a big star of David
in somebody's lawn.
Trying to get all inclusive.
Let's go back to Shia now.
Shia.
Back and forth, these two lovable lugs.
Yeah.
I just went through something like that with my kids
because my kids can fucking read now.
Whoa, dude.
My kids can fucking read.
When you're the Punisher, this is how you have to talk.
Yeah.
Well, they are the guys who think that gives them authority
when they're talking.
Yeah.
You're just like, my kids are watching fucking Barney right now.
Yeah.
Because I feel fucking peace from the fucking universe.
You two fucking kids back there watching
Dora the Explorer, you little fucking
adorable fucking assholes.
So I've been
practicing this fucking mindfulness with this fucking
Buddhist monk. It's fucking wild,
man. My brain's like fucking on fire right now.
Fucking shit. Fuck. Fuck!
Ben, do you see
an opportunity? I just remember him in Walking Dead.
Remember when you were walking dead? It Walking Dead Remember when he was in Walking Dead
It felt like every scene he was just like
Rick
The whole show is just him yelling Rick
Rick
Carl
There's zombies
Zombies Rick
There's a walking dead
You're gonna do me like this Rick
Rick I didn't fuck you up
he's such a man he's like maybe the last
man left in Hollywood yeah well it is also funny he's like
the positivity guy in every character he plays
like yeah the Punisher killed 85
cops
he's always playing like a dirty cop
yeah yeah
he's in the remake of American Gigolo
I'm a picture for myself
didn't like it that much that's'm picturing for myself a bunch of people.
Didn't like it that much.
That's what I envision for myself.
It's not, you know, I used to judge my worth by the films and stuff. And like, I think about my Christmases during that whole path.
It was just so fucking solitary and lonely.
Or it'd be like this new girl.
And that, I mean, it was always like some like very
intangible
vapid
vapid
no intrinsic value.
Nobody that can
vapid
vapid
I imagine that
there's dudes
on my phone
that are like
vapid
of this program
I'm in.
They are just like
human moleskin notebooks.
I feel like they call each other
and they're like,
you want to share words?
I'll give you vapid and Bernthal's like, I'll give you vapid,
and Bernthal's like, I'll give you daft.
He's like, do with those what you will.
Yo, I got a good one for you today, dog.
Blatant.
You could use that in a number of ways,
a myriad of ways.
I'll sell you myriad next week, Shia.
That's a double whammy, dog.
That's two for one today, dog.
Yo, bro, like, instead of saying
short-sighted, start saying myopic. People think
you look fucking smart as shit, motherfucker.
Dog, I started using
solipsism, changed my fucking life.
That's solipsism.
That's like when you're being like a
bitch to yourself.
Yeah.
And you don't have to say that.
You say the big word.
Yeah.
In a myriad of ways.
Like I said, I'll sell you that next week.
They sell them to each other.
Yeah, I'm like, fuck it.
I got a vapid going on.
Go die.
Go die.
I got Bernthal's vapid.
Ladies and gentlemen, going once, going twice.
Going twice.
Five on the five on the five. Five on the five on the five. And vapid sold by Bernthal to vapid. Ladies and gentlemen, going once, going twice. Going twice. Buy one, buy one,
buy one, buy one.
And vapid!
Sold by Bernthal
to the lady in the back.
Do that what you will.
Ezra Miller's there
trying to up the price
every time.
Ezra Miller's setting
this cabin on fire.
He's a Chris Torter.
He's going on a spree.
Ezra Miller goes on
a huge spree with cops yelling at killing them we're not calling him uh
referring i was just in terminator 2 driving a helicopter after an 18-wheeler
his whole manifesto is just about misgendering
around sometimes in my house even now and i think what like how you know how did this happen and
he's like what how there's a door he's like i didn't he's like john i didn't build that
i'm in a house i didn't build so you know when you look at things with a different perspective
like that yeah yeah like i'm trying to have gratitude about doors
he's like the maserati he's like the play I'm trying to have gratitude about doors. Shia sounds like E-40.
He's like, the Maserati?
He's like, the pay.
He's like, listen, John, you're living in the pay.
Shit gets hacked, dude.
When you have a daughter, you can't just ghost ride the whip anymore, dog.
When you got a daughter, that's real trap shit.
Real trap shit.
Vallejo.
Vallejo.
Like a daughter, it changes your life.
You know what I mean?
Yo, for real.
Yo, that's real, man.
Yo, tell me about that.
Yo, I'm telling you.
He's like, when you're living in Sunnyvale,
a lot of shit can happen, dog. When you're living in Sunnyvale a lot of can happen dog
when you're married to Mia guap he's like I was a little kid doing Transformers
Megan Fox they're using me I went through phases with that white girl I just can't be with that yay anymore had to leave yay area. I was on the yay on Indiana Jones.
And the temple with the crystal skull.
But I've been thinking deeper now.
What does Barathol's hat say, by the way?
Burn local.
Maybe it's like a weed company he's into.
And it's his weed.
And it's local.
That's all they do.
Fuck him.
He's like, it's fucking great.
Burn local weed.
Fuck you. He would like, it's fucking great. Burn local weed. Fuck you.
He would have started Black Rifle.
When you smoke it, your whole fucking body lights on fire.
You got to drop and roll, motherfucker.
It's real shit.
I think it's the relationships.
I think my daughter will be able to.
My daughter.
My daughter.
When it does come time for her to be like Oscar Grant died
The whole community was at a loss
The racism of the bar is unacceptable motherfucker. No mad lands, overrated
piece of shit, motherfucker.
Come at me. The last black man
in San Francisco, bitch.
Oh, fuck.
Yo, sorry to bother you. It was artsy
trash, motherfucker.
Fuck that shit. That expression
is bullshit, dog.
We don't play that in Stockton.
No one respects Sean Baker, motherfuckers.
Coming for the Throne Academy Awards.
He's like, you snubbed him for Florida Project, motherfuckers.
Red Rocket was pretty good, too.
Should have been up there.
It was a weak year.
Just Nate Dan's doing like Oscar pulls and parties.
Anthony Hopkins,
I did not have that on my bingo card,
motherfucker. Fuck you.
I thought you had that on my bingo card.
No matter that it was made by a Chinese
stealer, motherfucker, that ain't real art.
That ain't real art, motherfucker.
That's poor propaganda.
Yo, I'm tired of nepotism in Hollywood, motherfucker.
We need some new talent.
Motherfucker.
Ain't no nepotism in Stockton, motherfucker.
I just love how he talks like he has no teeth.
He's like Lady Bird for life, motherfuckers.
I think the new Barbie movie is going to be an art house back to piece, motherfucker.
Yo, Marriage Story is actually pretty good on a rewatch, motherfucker.
He's like, My Rich Story is totally over your look, motherfuckers.
Come at me, bitch.
First cow, bitch.
First cow.
It's about your first cow, motherfuckers.
Fighting over the milk.
That was a really big deal back then.
Milk may be really
abundantly available
nowadays motherfuckers
but in that time period
it was really precious.
He's just staring
into the camera
bloody face
ranting about
first cow.
I wish I could be
in the North Man
motherfucker.
It's a metaphor on masculinity
than traditional folklore, bitch.
Oh, fuck.
Green Book warmed my heart, motherfucker.
Who her father is.
She'll see a man who...
Why didn't Barbie Ferreira Had a bigger part in
No, motherfucker
A cameo
She's bigger than that, bitch
She's a huge part of
Euphoria, motherfucker
Euphoria season three, baby
My favorite show, bitch
Woo
Woo
Woo
Woo All right Back to Shia just about it that's it took accountability for it and then made
course corrections and then gave his life to something bigger than himself and
found solace in a program of principles service love you know that's that's where i'm aiming at
so i think it'll be a christmas one
day where she just wakes up and goes damn dad's got a lot of friends who are these people and
my mommy will say like you know dad had a hand to play and like these people finding the same
thing he found that's what i'm hoping for yeah not if she's false because everybody does do like
me listening to somebody like complain but i don't really want to be there.
It's too emotional.
You're going to be able to talk about it with her,
and you're going to be able to be there with her.
The reason I've always connected to you is because you have depth and weight
because you fell on your fucking face and then got back up and kept it moving.
What happened to Jon Bertholdt?
People don't have depth and weight.
It took you like, you were like 22
and you barely had
any movies out.
Yeah.
It was like,
you suffered.
You suffered, man.
You went to one of the
top private schools
in Georgetown.
You're from a very rich family.
Did he?
Yeah, he did.
Birth, okay.
Yeah, he did.
I like both of these actors.
I love them both.
I don't know.
It was around the Washington area.
It was like one of the
top private schools.
What was it all about?
I probably, I don't know.
Anyway, move on.
The message that they have to share, they can tell you all about what to do and how you're supposed to do it but very few
people have the life experience and this child is a big part of that you know there's a lot of
miracles that have taken place in my life just in this short period of time that that takes me out
of this belief phase into like oh i can touch it yeah solid. Solid, solid. And I played with faith.
You know, when we did Fury, I was toiling with faith,
but it was all like the purpose was performative.
When I did the peanut butter falcon,
I thought I was like retarded.
Burton thought, like, can I buy performative off you?
Me and like the homies have been making,
we're trying to make an NFT line around gratitude
Right
To be good in the movie
Right
Not to save yourself
Or save somebody else
And when I fucked up in the past
It's like you know
You get a call from Brad Pitt
What fuck up
You know
There wasn't no calls this time
My mother didn't talk to me this time
You know
Nobody
All my All my friends became
acquaintances the antithesis of being a friend shy is like yeah shy is like i'm gonna have to
take antithesis from you walking away i am not gonna walk away oh is that how you say antithesis
man i'm all i was all fucked up bro i was all fucked up, bro. I was all fucked up on that one.
I am always going to support you.
That being said, the things that, you know, this person said, like, I can't, I can't fuck
with that.
And like, and like what you said, you were right, man.
Like I, I fucking hurt people in my life.
You know, like I know what that is.
I know what it's like to be in that Valley.
I know what it's like to be left behind.
Um, I don't know what it's like, you know behind I don't know what it's like you know to put my hands on a woman
or a woman's hands
that's crazy shoot a dog in the face
driving around late at night with a 22
and just like shoot straight dogs
and shit what's it like to like grab a woman
by the neck
shoot a straight dog
I found real peace in my life when I like
I decided I need to carry like this little black
kid up a mountain because my, he didn't carry a
gypsy up there.
So he's just all his movie roles are confusing with real life.
Yeah, exactly.
He's like, I was in the desert digging holes.
Yeah, the onions were like, I got killed for stealing some shoes.
I didn't even steal.
And you think that'd be a bottom, like learn some discipline.
But no, I'm just digging holes and I'm right back to the grind.
I'm right back to the grind.
My only real friend left was Rick Fox.
Everybody else disappeared.
They vanished.
Everyone was gone.
E-40, Keke the Snake, Andre Nicotino, all of it. But no matter what the case is,
my job as your friend
is to,
in whatever way you allow me to
or you allow me.
What's he looking at him?
That wise face.
He's like,
yeah,
you're saying some real shit right now.
Yeah.
They're just,
they can't stop acting.
They're just so.
I think it's shy.
I went to too many LAA meetings
and just hung out with like guys from the barrio who like got sober.
And now he's like,
this is me now.
I am this.
Yep.
He's like just clinging to any personality.
He can't like not make it.
It's a SoCal white guy thing when they,
when they are like kind of adjacent to,
for lack of a better word,
becoming a wigger.
They do.
They,
they adopt like Hispanic,
like vocal fry kind of.
Yeah.
Cause you can't go wigger anymore you have
to go hispanic vocal fry guy yeah yeah like you're more authentic yeah be a prop part of that process
is to make sure one you never do it again make sure two that that that you're in a healthy
process and number three that i'm a support system for why you're going through that um
but it is also a weird thing
you can't take all these principles like gratitude and mindfulness and like all this stuff they're
talking about but they have to like make it like masculine and manly exactly like that it's the
same thing as like fucking you know death wish coffee or something yeah like it's the exact same
thing he says like i'm trying to live in the fucking moment right now yeah yo i got like a
group of fucking guys it's like an army dog and we're like on top of each other, keeping each other accountable.
Because he just doesn't want to say like, I have a community.
Because that sounds like kind of gay.
Yeah.
He's like, yeah, like.
Yo, he's like, I don't have a community.
I have an army of soldiers backing me up 24 seven.
And everything's always a huge revelation, too.
It's like, yo, I hit him up and I was telling him my problems and he's just like,
yo, you're exactly where
you need to be. And I was like, damn.
He looked at me and he turned me on
the phone and he goes, you got to put some gratitude
in the attitude.
Yo, you got stinking thinking. I was like, shit,
I never heard that before.
Stinking thinking. If you think about it, you got a disease.
Break that down. It's like dis-ease.
It's called dis-ease. It's called
dis-ease, dog.
For real, everyone comes in the meetings and they
go like, yo, why is that fucking picture upside down?
It says think, think, think because your thinking is fucking upside down,
dog. That's what I'm saying.
But you don't fucking know that unless
you stick around and you put your ass in the seat
and listen. Live, love, laugh.
Life, live, laugh, love, live.
You can switch that shit around
still has the same motherfucking message you can put it in any order still means the same thing
you still got to embrace vulnerability as a man and fuck it in the ass
yo get down and dirty with that shit he's like we were in fury we're essentially
ex-marines yo like myie, like he has my back.
Like he stuck his finger in his ass and he said, smell that shit.
I was like, oh, fuck, man.
Buddy, I didn't know I was going to help me, but I did it.
I take it one day at a time.
And I take that day and I fuck it in its ass.
I bend it over and fuck it.
Because I'm a badass spiritual warrior.
Instead of hitting women, dog, I just hit the big book.
I just hit the 12 steps. I just hit the 12 steps.
Real men hit their wives in pink.
Yeah, dog.
I've been going to mad ketamine theory for my
depression.
I've been taking psychedelics with a
spiritual warrior that I pay $1,200
an hour. He's like, the thing that people don't understand,
the hand that I use to
choke FKA twigs,
I painted my fingernails.
I'm embracing my feminine side.
The same fingers that can shoot a dog
can also paint a painting.
That wasn't a shot at you, by the way.
Oh, I didn't think so.
You gave me a look.
Are you okay today?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
Oh, yeah, it's hitting you?
Yeah, I'm tired.
The PCP, it's hitting you?
Yeah, I found out how it works.
That was like, where am you? You answered it a little bit. Let's skip ahead a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Hitting each other with big gloves. You bastard. It's like out of the box.
And there's two flintlock revolvers.
Choose your weapon, Mr.
Burnthal.
Mr.
Burnthal.
Mr.
LaVos.
You go forward and they're both just dressed like cholas.
High knee socks and like slides.
They're riding little tiny bikes around this pool
they got the big handlebars both have shade pads raiders
something like presence i stopped thinking about the email
the gun almost disappeared and it was like i'm sitting here on this
this skype call oh he's gonna present the first time in my life he's talking about this i want on my hustle. The gun almost disappeared and it was like I'm sitting here on this Skype call and I'm present
for the first time in my life. He keeps talking about this gun.
I want to write a dude in the chat box like, hey, bro, you know,
I'm so happy he didn't kill himself. I love
Shia LaBeouf. Yeah, you know, I actually, I listened to
this and there is, I mean, he's insane
just because he's been through so much, but there is like
it's like I'm really glad he went through this journey.
He seems to be decently okay now.
I do think part of that is him just
clinging to whatever he can tape together of a personality
because he had no childhood.
But he does seem to be a lot better.
He does.
That means he's a fucking dumbass.
Yeah, the way they talk and whatever, they're bros,
but I fucking love both of them.
Jon Bernthal and Shia LaBeouf are so likeable.
Yeah, I think they're two of our greatest actors.
It's just they're funny to make fun of.
Like I said, I think this is more of a sign
of how stupid actors are.
These are the two most brilliant ones.
Well, they're also just like, Bernthal's
also authentic enough to
dude, it's awesome he's having him on.
The whole industry has blackballed him.
It's really cool of him
to risk whatever he can risk.
There is a nice moment or whatever
at some point when John Bernthal
was like, I was making a point. I could tell point when John Bernthal was like,
I was making a point.
I could tell you were closed off.
I was like, I'm going to be your friend.
And he's still there and whatever when they work together.
Shia said the only people who stuck by his side were Sean Penn,
which is never a great sign.
The only person in your corner is Sean Penn.
And then he said Brad Pitt, too.
He stuck by Fidel Castro's side, too.
He's hanging out with El Chapo.
Sean Penn and who else? Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt pitt yeah hell yeah he said brad pitt was more privately sean was like the
only guy who publicly defended sure yeah yeah shauna uh canoed over to his house with a shotgun
like after katrina brad pitt he's got the un helmet on
that happened right i'm not making that up did he yeah sean pin was at katrina
in a fucking yeah he was like wading through the water and doing it on his own yeah yeah
with like a fucking shotgun yeah he's always there a photo i think so yeah i think so yeah
sean pin i mean at least he did it yeah yeah that was he was studying for i am sam
yes exactly that's why he's in the that's why he's in the... His whole life is studying for I Am Sam. Yeah.
No internet connection.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
They're trying to stop us, dude. Yeah, they don't want us to know this, dude.
Well, where are we at time-wise?
Maybe we move this into Patreon.
Here he is.
A little teaser.
He's got a shotgun.
I know there was...
He's in the water lifting up
BB King.
He's like, we gotta get Charlie Parker
out of here.
They're airlifting
BB King to the Superdome.
And he's playing the guitar the whole time
under the helicopter. BB King to plug one ofome and he's playing the guitar the whole time under the helicopter. They used BB King
to plug one of the fucking leaks in the room?
He's like,
Mr. Penn, Lucille's still in there.
I need you to go grab Lucille.
Somebody get BB King his diabetes
test kit.
Oh, fuck.
BB King's using Lucille to paddle
to safety.
He's like, now this is him.
He's like, we got Lunel.
Look at this one.
He's rescuing Lunel.
Here's another picture.
He's like, getregory in the van
oh fuck
who's this guy i don't have it i don't have a i don't have a joke here
tiger woods dad
yeah fuck oh fuck yeah hey this is him a little here's another boat picture
yeah right in the car yeah yeah just driving i mean it's actually a very good for him dude
fuck yeah something kicks ass god damn the whole city was underwater that's crazy yeah you should
watch the documentary kat Diaries on HBO.
I actually, there's, for whatever
reason, because I'm a big Katrina
truther. You think they blew it up
on purpose? I do somewhat, yeah.
I don't even know that. I think they purposely didn't
send help for a long time to make it
impossible to come back from.
They completely knew that was going to happen, but they
just didn't give a shit. It was just like poor black neighborhoods
that were going to get destroyed. And didn't give a shit yeah it was just like poor black neighborhoods they're gonna get destroyed almost nobody's back like from that it
was like removed and they're it's pretty crazy and it's all told from the perspective of the
kids like 13 year olds where their whole life changed overnight and then they were sent to
like houston to live or like indiana they were all bullied all treated oh we were in texas i
remember like there was the flood of it was the best state basketball tournament i've ever seen next year because there's everybody from katrina was like you were like oh my god fucking
harlem globetrotters out here it's unbelievable and they're playing saxophone on the bench
yeah people people are giving me red beans and rice i'm like what's this
i've been eating potato casserole for 20 years but yeah no it's uh and it's the only city i
remember when it when it happened it was the only city i remember when it when it
happened it was the only time like they were ever like hey let's just not build this like just
destroy the city yeah yeah like they've never said that about any other city that's like faced a
massive catastrophe they wanted those those those bad those whatever low-income neighborhoods to
just fucking be be uh ruined yeah they can move private developers can come in and put a harrah's
casino up and all of that.
Wasn't there a sniper?
That's what Chris Kyle said. That was the lie
he made, that he was sniping people
from the Superdome. I think there was
a guy who was just killing people.
There probably was. It was total chaos.
We were there. We talked to a cab driver.
He told us about that massacre
on the bridge. Remember that shit?
That's insane. You just had off-duty cops with AK-47s just killing people trying to leave.
There was just people in the streets with guns.
It was like zombie apocalypse.
I even remember there was whole houses that they would spray paint X's over.
They'd be like, dead inside.
Don't go in.
And it would say, looters will be shot.
Anyone that comes close will be shot.
Sean Penn was here.
Sean Penn was here.
There were private military contractors wandering around the street.
It's crazy.
I went there a year after it happened
and the water line was like on the level of the freeway,
like the on-ramp that's above.
Really?
Like, you know.
But you could still see it.
Like in La La Land, like the 405 turn.
Like that high up you could see the water line.
It was that underwater.
Fucking unbelievable.
It's my favorite city on earth
it's a fantastic city
and I do think they did a relatively good job of not
letting it get completely taken over it's sadly
still kind of like they are building casinos
and bullshit that all that shit is there
it's still but it's still such an
authentic it's like the only American city to me
that still has that
ring of like what it was
exactly you know you go to austin it's just
fucking tech nashville it's just like honey like it's like uh people going on bachelorette parties
yeah like yeah new orleans is still new orleans yeah there's not yeah there's not really like
yuppies living there or anything you have to really want to live there to live there yeah
there's not like that really annoying young professional that's like ruining new orleans
like they fit they just they don't change their home and they don't build some shitty like we said box aquarium gentrification house
yeah i think they've done pretty they've done a pretty good intentional job of keeping like
historical zoning going we're like no you're not tearing down fucking the house that william
faulkner like wrote inside right you know right yeah there's just a feeling there it's just a
really interesting eerie feeling in new New Orleans when you're there.
I get a lot of people from New Orleans coming to my work, too,
because I guess there's that chief or whatever.
The Southwest chief goes directly there.
Yeah, the train from Union Station goes straight there.
You get a lot of classic jazz dudes.
It's amazing.
Rick Bono here.
My name's Rick Bono.
Rick Bono.
John Goodman gets off a train.
He's like, whew.
You just see an alligator playing a trombone.
My name's Sleepy Pete Johnson.
It's just all the people from Splash Mountain,
all the animals coming in.
Briar rabbit.
It's wild.
American tragedy.
I'm not surprised, motherfucker.
Creole food's the best in town, motherfuckers.
Po' boys for life, bitch.
George Bush hates black people.
George Bush hates black people, motherfuckers.
Should we wrap it up?
Yeah, I think that's pretty good.
All right, folks.
Thank you.
Like, subscribe.
Please help us.
And thanks for listening.
Love you.
Bye.
That's it, motherfuckers.
That was great.
Yeah, that was fun.
That was so funny.