Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Doorman Devan
Episode Date: May 9, 2022We dive into the world of YouTuber's making stealth camping videos, Kevin Samuels dying (RIP), the DC sniper, random acts of violence, taking action in the streets and then Devan tells us why he'd lov...e to be a doorman in New York City Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast https://www.manscaped.com : Promo Code “HATEWATCH” Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
it's all right it's all right just chew up your jerky chew it up enjoy your jerky
from last week just because he's taking advantage of a drunk man who
leaves his fucking leaves everything everywhere 25 bag of fucking literally everywhere i went
oh it's old trapper oh shit oh What? That's some good jerky.
Old Trapper?
How come beef jerky's so expensive?
Because it's so much meat.
I made beef jerky one time.
I made like a giant, I got like a broiler steak.
It was like this much meat.
And then I jerkified it.
And it just.
It like shrunk.
It's just like it makes nothing.
So it must be like tons of meat going into that thing, you know?
I guess.
It's so good.
It's weird to pay that much
for paralyzed steak you know whatever um it's all yeah it's dry you could buy a beef turkey's
literally like 11 12 dollars and i'm saying you get like a ribeye at the store and it's like way
better but yeah but a ribeye made into that amount of beef would be like, that's probably like three ribeyes.
No, it's not.
Yeah, for sure.
Three ribeyes?
That's a big-ass bag of jerky, bro.
All right.
Maybe two.
What are we, rooster cog burn?
I don't need fucking.
Well, you know, it's like it's an old timey thing.
I get it.
I watched a YouTube video of this guy.
He just makes salt pork all day.
Yeah, you do that a lot.
You watch weird.
I love you.
You got me into.
Steve Wallace. John got me into wallace john
got me into videos of a guy that just he just camps he's like autistic and he can't stop camping
he's the best he just steve wallace rocks he makes all these videos where he like has a wife and he
has like a nice car he calls her beautiful wife he's like my beautiful wife my beautiful wife
is alone tonight and i'll be camping under this overpass. He camps in like Belize Station parking lot. Oh, he's like an urban camper.
Yeah, he does like stealth camping.
Stealth camping.
He goes to like gated communities.
He's like, I'm just going to try and camp under this tree.
Pull this guy up.
It's awesome.
Well, he also makes really tasty looking meals.
What's his name, John?
Steve Wallace.
He's camping with Steve.
Camping.
That guy rocks.
With Steve.
Yeah, he makes, no, he doesn't make good
looking meals. The meals look like shit. He makes the whole thing like
I'm having 14, uh, you know,
manwiches tonight. Stealth camping
in Roundabout. So this is him.
He's just trying to, he's just camping
like in the island
of a street. I've wanted to do this video for a
very long time, but I haven't been
able to find the perfect spot to do it.
And of course that is
the roundabout.
We're going to camp. I'm going to camp in a roundabout today.
I also know every type of butterfly
on earth and I can name them.
Here's what I like about
camping with Steve.
He camps in a roundabout, sets up
his tent, and then proceeds to get
fucked up. He just drinks.
Yeah, he does just drink. He gets fucked up and then
he eats the most food.
He eats so much food.
It's really weird.
He thinks he's creating
man caves
all throughout the city.
He'll eat an entire lasagna.
He'll get fucked up on beer
and then he'll be like, I'm making a lasagna
in my camping. He'll eat for a family of four easily eat like a lasagna in my camping.
It's like he'll eat for a family of four.
And then security comes in the middle of the night
and they beat him with sticks.
Get the fuck out of here, you fucking autistic weirdo.
So we can cut to him.
Right behind me is the perfect roundabout.
I called him the other day to see if it would be possible.
He's Canadian?
It's not going to be big enough.
This is how you know we're doing so terrible as a country.
He's Canadian.
He's not even our country.
He's not one of our countrymen.
He's not one of us.
There's this weird new thing
where there's so many people making videos about camping.
Yeah.
You know?
Tent or hammock or even a cot.
But on the ground, I should be just fine.
Rush hour is happening right now, so there's
a lot of traffic coming through.
He's gonna camp there?
That guy rocks.
I'm gonna wait for it to calm down a little bit.
But in the meantime, I gotta grab dinner.
It's a roundabout in a major road.
Alright, let's get...
I love that he did a glamour shot of the roundabout.
Like he had to be like, look at him.
Oh, he also dresses up like
he works for the city. So that's like fraud.
No, there's one. There's one
fraud. There's one where he's like camping
in like an industrial, like a commercial
lot or something. And he like wears a
suit and has like a briefcase. He's like, I'm
just camping.
He's the best.
He likes to fit into his environment.
Look at his face. He's so harmless.
He's a great guy.
He's also got a crazy scar down his face.
I like to think that he got it in a knife fight.
No, this guy doesn't get knife fights.
Imagine if he did, though.
He got it in a horrible
chemistry set accident.
Tinker toy? Yeah. Okay. it you know in like a horrible like chemistry set accident yeah yeah okay past walking into the over
into the roundabout it's going to be what's uh where we're going to camp tonight so i have to
crawl under there a little bit i got this bag of dog turds i'm going to move around that's all he's
got is just that bag?
I'm going to take this.
He doesn't set up a tent or anything?
No, he usually sets a tent up.
Because you never know when it can rain.
I think this one is just going to camp.
Then we'll get set up here.
Imagine the shits that man takes.
You know what's also amazing?
He has to go set up the camera, turn it on.
He has to get all the different angles for something.
Yeah, he's real Bear Grylls.
So pathetic.
And then he goes home and edits all this.
And then he edits it all.
And his wife's dealing with the kids.
And he's like, I'm editing.
I camped.
And I make a lot of money doing it.
It's soft enough.
The ground here is soft enough that I'm just using a ground sheet.
OK.
It's soft enough, guys.
We can do it. enough I'm just using a ground sheet okay so then if you cut ahead it's like
no it's cut to him chowing down it's gonna come around probably talk to me oh
so see yes he usually he gets spotted right and he gets all nervous this way
and he's like okay looks like somebody is looking at me I'm uh I'll just walk
around just about a perfect roundabout if I've ever seen one I like I was Looks like somebody is looking at me. I'll just walk around.
Just about a perfect roundabout if I've ever seen one.
I like how he's trying to be all in-cuck.
He's walking in the middle of an intersection. Filming himself with a giant rig.
No one's going to notice me.
What if he went to the roundabout and Jordan Peterson's already camping there?
Wait, why?
He's not too much of a bike guy.
Yeah, he's like, He's not too much of a hick.
He's like, Professor Peterson, what are you doing here?
I lost track of where I was last night.
You know when you take Xanax
with some alcohol and you immediately
black out? I'm a doctor, I would know that.
I've just been sitting in this roundabout
jacking off.
What men
go through these days is horrible no no bed to make in this round
i'm camping in this roundabout because i have an overabundance of testosterone
you turn him into mickey mouse
so i certainly cannot uh just crawl in there and actually i think that's a peace officer
which is he's officer dude fuck these other countries
they have that here
they call them cops
really?
a peace officer
I want to see them chowing down on some chef
those peace officers are about to sodomize them
with a nightstick for fucking camping
so
let's see what happens a little more waiting
and then I can probably consider myself in
the clear.
Yes, I broke a lot of
stuff. Somehow like a pedophile.
It's creepy. He's just like, just a normal
roundabout, nothing to see here, nothing wrong
with little man boy love. He should get charged
for underage camping. I'm gonna
camp inside this kindergarten playground
underneath it. I'm gonna camp there.
I'm gonna camp in this 10-year-old girl's bedroom.
Under her bed.
Today, I will be camping
in the ball pit at Ikea.
I'm going to be camping
in this Planned Parenthood later. A lot of people
have been complaining about their children going missing
under the balls, but...
Walk around, and
I will say, if you're seriously
stealth camping, go in right before dark, if you're seriously stealth camping,
go in right before dark,
set up,
stay very quiet,
don't talk to a camera,
don't have any lights on,
and definitely don't get out and walk around
to show what it looks like
on the outside.
Like a goddamn fool.
Am I right?
The reason I do that is...
I love that he has this light.
What's he cooking?
He's making tacos tonight. Dude, he makes the most food. Look. What's he cooking? He's making tacos tonight.
Dude, he makes the most food.
Look at this fucking guy eating.
He's making tacos.
He makes these giant, that's a burrito, bro.
That's not a taco.
And he'll have like five of those.
This is what fuels him.
You can tell he like does it to get out of the house.
His wife must be a real fucking battle ax.
Seven has these 1960s terms for when it's a real a real fucking battle his wife must just give him hell
so he's he's he's like i he's like i'm just gonna take some fucking like burrito mix
to the underpass i'm gonna get the fuck away this is the natural end of man this is like you know
how like scorsese said like taxi driver was his most feminist film because it portrays like the
natural end of man this is actually what happens yeah just eat tacos it's not taxi driver Scorsese said Taxi Driver was his most feminist film because it portrays the natural element.
This is actually what happens. This man just eats tacos.
It's not Taxi Driver.
It's Steve does stealth camping in Roundabout.
This guy was written by Paul Schrader.
He's a Paul Schrader character.
I hope at the end of his YouTube series,
it ends with him strapping a bomb to himself and blowing up something.
They wouldn't let me stealth camp inside of this Ikea.
I usually prefer to use a pita.
Then he shows you how to make a burrito.
Dude, he eats so much food.
This is so sad.
John, why are you watching this?
He's the man, dude.
I used to watch this with my mom every morning during the pandemic.
It fucking rocked.
Kind of helped.
I did watch a lot of camping stuff in the pandemic because I was preparing.
Everybody was ready to go.
Everyone was ready.
Yeah.
Ready at a moment's notice.
But anyway, that's it.
Where'd you get whiskey?
John.
It's upstairs, but you can't have any.
You fucking cunt.
It's all out.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know you fucking...
You're the one that's always saying you don't drink and shit. be consistent that we you want to drink what do you got not here but
after yes all right good god dude joey and i this week it's just the same it's deja vu all over again
he fucking we tortured that barbecue place again what'd you do twice in a row what'd you do well
i wasn't expecting to do another fucking midweek binge with Joey.
But I get there on Wednesday to go to the gym.
I'm trying to go to the gym again.
And I go to the gym.
It's like 2 p.m.
I get there.
I go up to Joey's room.
He's completely blackout drunk at 2 in the afternoon.
It's a work day, too.
He's working.
There's a giant empty bottle of fireball in front of his computer.
Fireball?
Fireball.
Like insane.
Oh my God.
It's like crazy.
He like drinks like he's,
it's like a caught,
like it's like a thirsty Thursday,
but he's alone.
He's doing like jello shots,
like alone.
So he's hammered.
He lets me into the gym.
He won't leave.
He keeps standing there and being like,
go. I'm gonna watch
you you better work out
so then he finally leaves and then i just see him i'm on the bike and i just see him wandering
around his pool like making people uncomfortable and being a freak then he goes back to his place then he
calls me like incessantly 20 minutes after i like he just saw him he goes dc what are you doing
i'm like i'm working out you just let me in you don't remember any of this he goes
so then i go back and we end up i i like trying like i'm just like i stayed to like because i
felt i was like i need to like nourish him with like water like this is insane yeah it's three
in the afternoon so i get some water and i'm then he like fucking we just we then we go out he's
like come on let's hit some bars i'm i'm okay i feel okay i feel like i'm like are you sure you
better not cause a scene like i had i had to, like, I don't want any fucking, no more jokes.
No more stuff.
When you go to a place and you keep doing something weird.
No more antics.
I'm sick of the antics.
You can't just keep, you can't grab a cop's gun and you can't, you know, walk into the
kitchen of a restaurant and like steal all the paychecks or whatever fucking thing is
on your mind today.
No more.
It's uncomfortable.
We go back to the mall.
He does the whole diarrhea gag again.
We go straight to the arcade.
He refuses.
He says he like forces me to film him while he asked these people if the arcade still smells like diarrhea.
Again.
I have video of it.
It'll be on Patreon.
And then we go back to the
barbecue place late at night. He's like,
we gotta check him out.
We gotta check him out.
We gotta check in on him.
He goes, let's check in.
Let's check in on him.
Actually, we meet a
homeless guy out front. Smelly,
stinky homeless guy. Really nice,
though. Really nice guy. Not nice though. Really nice guy.
Not too crazy, but sweet guy.
Joey just forces him to
come into the barbecue place with us.
So we bring this
homeless guy, Alan, in with us.
Who's wearing a giant
piss-stained
construction jacket.
And he's just holding these people hostage because he tips
them like $300 every time.
Exactly, because he tipped them a bunch of money last week, so he's like,
I run this place.
So he's bringing homeless people in.
I'm sorry, I have to shit.
What?
So badly.
Really?
I am so sorry.
Oh my God.
It's gnarly.
God, this is insane.
I know.
Keep going.
God, your bowels are so weak.
It's because I...
Just hurry up and go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
Just go.
No, not again, dude. All right. Tell Ida... I love you. Tell I like, I'm going to go. Just go. Just go back. Just go back. Just go back. No, not again, dude.
All right.
Tell Ida.
I love you.
Tell Ida you fucking.
Ida's going to be disgusted with me.
Leave her like 20 bucks.
This is not okay.
So we bring.
Tip Ida, dude.
She's handing you paper towels.
Tip her.
This is a nightmare.
Wow.
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Korean barbecue with John and he shit himself
while we were eating Korean barbecue? Like at the table? Yeah. No. Wow. Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Korean barbecue with John and he shit himself while we were eating Korean barbecue? Like at the table?
Yeah. No.
Yeah. And then he shit himself one time taking
a walk around the lake. Is there more to that story? That's it.
He just shit himself. I mean. We were having Korean
barbecue. We go outside. He takes a drag
of a cigarette and he goes, I just fucking shit my parents.
And then he goes
and then he leaves. He goes back into the Korean barbecue
place and wipes up.
John's the only guy I've ever met that can eat.
And within 15 minutes after he ate, he's like shitting.
He like needs to shit it out.
Immediately.
Because it's like four meals ago.
Yes, because he doesn't even eat.
His body can't track which meal it was.
Yeah, no, not at all.
He has no clue what's going on.
Not at all.
So where were you with the Joey story?
Now that we just bring this homeless guy in,
and it's like, luckily I was drunk,
so I'm like not too nervous about how weird this is.
It almost at this point would be,
sorry to cut you off,
would be better if we got kicked out of the barbecue place
so we can stop going back.
I can't wait for them to ban us
because it's getting, it's so intense now joey just we keep
every time i go there if he has any drinks in him he like refuses he's like we have to go inside and
just i have to fucking run the place he has to make his collections he always has to go to these
always making his collections he's like he's like he works for like his own mafia the mafia of like
annoying of annoying people yeah
like that's the that's the equity is is be annoying people like like he he puts a list
of people he annoyed in an envelope and he hands it to an imaginary boss at the end of the week he
goes like he goes like good week good week we had a good week so we bring the homescreen joey
the bartender's like god damn it it's the same guy that like likes us but he's like now like realizing with this hell that he's committed to
because like joey like tipped a lot right and so we got the homeless guy at the bar and joey's like
shots get him a shot get him a shot so we all take shots with the homeless guy we're talking
we're like of course one of the only people there still but there's still people's peppered throughout we just look like we're just we
have no respect no respect for the place it's so and then we go out front and we just scream
with this homeless guy for like 45 minutes like right out front of the establishment
was he saying the homeless guy was he what sane yes he was he wasn't like insane he was just like god guy but okay he said he was
homeless basically because like social anxiety and like he's been homeless since he was 17 he
looked like he was like 50 and he but he had like a plan like he's like when i asked him like where
he stays he like knows that he's like an expert you know one of those pro homeless okay he knows
exactly what he's doing like he has a bike and he has, he had a bunch of clamps for tents.
Okay.
I gave him like 20 bucks just because I was drunk and I liked him and felt bad and blah, blah, blah.
But he was, wasn't like,
yeah, we didn't bring in fucking, you know,
a wailing homeless man.
He was just homeless, but reeked,
like reeked of piss.
So I couldn't even believe they let us walk in.
It's only because joey just
keeps paying off these people i looked at he had his bank statement open on his on his computer
he tipped like three of those restaurants we went to last week all hundreds of dollars he tipped the
the filipino place like a hundred dollars what his bill at the filipino place was like three hundred
dollars and i was like well your drinks must have been 50.
You must have tipped like $250 to somebody that has no memory of you.
They're never going to treat you better when you come back because they don't.
I don't remember who was even the bartender there.
Neither do I.
Then the Japanese restaurant I saw in his bank statement, it was like a $200, $250 bill.
I'm like, what the fuck?
We did not spend 250 dollars there
you did it especially yeah he just must have tipped them like hundreds of dollars
he's just throwing money out the window for bits it's insane just so he can walk around and be like
a legend just so he could be this like guy being a legend. Just so he could be this guy. He's like paying off being a legend.
It's the legend fund.
Yeah, he's the Little Tokyo Badger.
He goes around badgering the entire neighborhood,
making his collections.
He's literally, he's the raccoon of Little Tokyo.
The raccoon.
He's the only raccoon. Isn't that what a South Dakota fan's called?
The raccoon.
The raccoon.
Because everybody that I've ever met
that's one of Joey's old friends,
they all say that they've all had a night where they've woken up
in the middle of the night and Joey's going through the fridge
or going through a room in their house like a raccoon.
So he's been named the raccoon for a while now.
We brought a homeless guy in.
He's an absolute legend.
Oh, God.
But it's just when it gets to a
point where you're like can we just take a night off of the bitch yeah like one night no bits
because i'm always right next to him and then i gotta like handle some shit or like then we went
back to the wine bar fucking again he bought like a he keeps going like like the guy's like telling
us about all the wine and the legs and the whatever
the fuck these wine guys say you know like the notes and the nose and all that and we're like
just taking the shots of it like yeah seems great to me and joey's like i'll have two of those and
they just assume he means bottles so they're just stacking bottles in a bag and they're like 60 70
dollar bottles of wine so then joey buys 200 worth of wine bottles of like natural wine at this place
and then he takes it over to the barbecue place and he goes like let's try and get him to serve
it again and i'm like no fucking use it on like a girl or a nice night you're having you don't just
blow this god he's just fucking it's like we already did that. You already did it.
You already gave people
really nice wine for free.
And they didn't even...
The establishment didn't want
you to do that.
And they let you.
Anyway, Johnny, you done shitting?
How do you shit so efficiently?
If I said I had to go take a shit,
I'd be up there for like an hour and a half.
It's because you're weak.
It's because I enjoy alone time.
It's not alone time.
I'm going to waste half my life on the toilet.
Okay.
I don't think I've taken what you sell.
I just told the story about Joey taking the homeless guy in.
He's been tipping hundreds of dollars.
Yeah, the guy rocks.
He's been tipping hundreds of dollars at every restaurant we've gone to.
He tipped my boss like $100.
My boss texted me the next day and was like, do you mean to do this?
I was like, yes.
Yeah, he keeps doing it to every place.
I don't think I've taken a shit this week that hasn't violently stained a toilet seat.
Yeah, I have those.
It is insane.
It's like my shit this week is made out of peanut butter.
It's fucking wild.
What is that about?
It's coming out of my ass at like a thousand feet per second.
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
Oh my God.
It's like...
I have those weeks where it doesn't leave the bowl.
No, no, it's just...
I've had to literally...
It's like a shotgun.
I've had moments where I've had to grab a bunch of toilet paper put my hand in the ball and push it it's like i loaded a blunderbuss with a bunch of black powder and then just filled
the fucking barrel with peanut butter and fired it yeah well this is why so many girls are hitting
john up from the podcast yeah and the thing is is like the uh uh uh what was i gonna say um
boy you're really in my mess.
Dude, well, the thing is, I'm 11 hours deep, and then I get fucking, I get like, I relax, you know?
And then I got to shit.
Right.
That's why you have to evacuate.
Yeah, poor Ida.
You're like a dead body.
Poor Ida.
I go up there, and I go, Ida, put your AirPods in.
Yeah.
Oh, you shit.
It was one of those where she couldn't even hear it?
I said, you you gotta put your
airpods in wow it was really oh no it was a loud one it was like oh the phone the intro you know
the initial the initial blast is gonna be like you know yeah so super are you are you in there
like through the door you'd hear like oh no i piss like that though and you guys know this i go yeah
who doesn't yeah everyone does that or something but when you shit do you is it just lots of fart noises no no this one was just
like a oh i couldn't have her hear that she did hear it and then i was like i had to put your
airpods in through the fucking door and she was i was like i had to leave the room she's like i can't
she puts her airpods in it's just sounds of me shitting yeah i was addicted to listening to people shit uh she uh oh god anyway poor lady
um but yeah so i don't know i've been sore all week too because i'm trying to go to the gym
the gym how do people do this consistently it's just the night i'm in like a constant state of
recovery everything's so like i couldn't go yesterday it's also still hurts listen these
two tough guys it's also everything so two tough guys. It's so heavy.
Lifting stuff.
I don't like lifting it
because it's so heavy.
What are you benching now?
I don't bench. I lift weights
like Spongebob.
You can't do that every day.
I don't do it every day.
I started back up.
I've been crippled all week. I couldn't do it every day. I started back up. I tried to get back into it. You've got to get a routine now. And I've been crippled all week.
I literally couldn't even move my neck.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like...
Well, the soreness goes away the more you do it.
Yeah.
Well, I guess I'll keep doing it.
Take some creatine.
It really sucks ass.
I can get in there.
God damn it.
Then you sweat.
You're tired at the end.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
It's working out, dude.
Why do people do that to themselves i don't know dude i just
like you know god john you ever heard of kevin samuels no what do you do he's this black dude
that died recently that's like kind of famous for he's i don't he's like one of those like
one of those guys that's like in the black community where um he would just he was like
a life coach kind of like. He would just tell men,
how you got $10 in your bank account
and you want to get a 10?
You think you should be with a 10?
Or he'd tell women over 35,
how you over 35 and you're single
and you think it's everyone else's fault?
You need to lose some weight, bitch.
That type of shit.
He died.
I have no clue who this guy was until yesterday. Then I like a little deep dive on him and like so much of like
black twitter like hated him and then other people like really liked him because he spoke the truth
because he spoke so this guy kevin samuels has made a career off of shamelessly disgracing black
women for profit he emboldened the most toxic individuals to project tired and harmful narratives
about black women dead or alive what a disgraceful life to. That's all I got for that misogynist.
And this is when people didn't even quite know if he was dead yet.
They just heard a rumor.
And he is dead now.
Rest in peace.
I opened Twitter to see a bunch of fat, broke, sad, n-words, bitches
celebrating Kevin Samuel's death.
Never watched the man, but the fact that that man's opinion
hurt y'all that bad is crazy to me.
He was a whole father.
Condolences to his fam.
Blah, blah.
So anyway, it was a very polarizing death. He was a whole father. Condolences to his fam. Blah, blah. So anyway, it was a very polarizing death.
He was a whole father.
He was a whole ass father.
He was, yo, Kevin Samuels was a whole ass mood.
A whole father.
So then I found this, this.
The way they talk on this website.
I don't know what they're talking about.
Kevin Samuels, crazy savage moments.
And I think you'd like i
think you'll like this guy johnny let's see trust issues with women or whatnot so i'm like sharing
my location so this is him just like on instagram and people like women like ask him questions on
like instagram and he's like it's like a live video to make them feel comfortable are you
Are you having therapy?
Yes, I have.
In the past.
You need to go back.
Oh my gosh, really?
You're already trying to make him feel comfortable two weeks into it.
Right.
It's too much proving to do.
You're not his wife.
I'm just being nice and being like, hey, like...
No, it's not. No, no. It's not being nice.
She's into it. She's also, like, into him.
She also wants to fuck Kevin Samuelsson.
That's not normal.
That's not normal. You want to be
nice? All right. Let's go out a couple of times.
I need you to give me $10,000. Be nice.
Be nice.
Come on, be nice. I mean, come on, be nice.
I need $10,000, and we need to go ahead and run
a soul train on you. Be nice. No mean, come on, be nice. I need $10,000, and we need to go ahead and run a soul train on you.
Be nice.
No.
Of course.
So there are things that's crazy.
Hell yeah, Kevin Samuel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sharing your location with somebody you've gone out with twice is crazy.
Yeah, that's some crazy shit.
That's some crazy shit.
Life!
I give myself a solid 9.8.
Queen.
Look at... Look at the look he gives her
god damn
that's it she was not a nine not enough for a lot of men because i'm pretty and i'm still single so what do you want
i don't i don't know i really don't know what i want because these men they don't know what they
want he literally he talks to women that are like over like the age of 40. Like he treats them like he's like throwing away like expired hummus.
Like it's,
he's,
he's just,
he's as like,
no,
he's just like,
I don't,
he's like,
you're a loser.
And that's it.
You said you're how old again?
33.
John,
you didn't,
you ever ran into guys like,
I feel like this is very Atlanta type guy.
Uh, maybe they're like reverends or whatever. Here's like the, the black dudes. John you didn't you ever ran into guys like I feel like this is very Atlanta type guy uh
maybe they're like
reverends or whatever
here's like the
the black dudes
I ran into in Atlanta
is like uh
they would like um
there wasn't like a
it just
I just ran into like
the coolest ones
that was the thing
that's it
alright let's get back
John has nothing today
why don't you go shit again
no no no no
why do you want me to
run into some fucking guy
like this at my fucking cafe?
What the fuck do you want from me,
shitbag? I got some suited guy coming in.
I asked if you've ever seen a guy like this
and you started responding.
Who sees guys like this?
Just say no then.
Your answer was like, dude.
Shut up, Richie.
Fucking retard.
I only know the coolest black dudes in atlanta black dudes all i knew was cool ass black dudes yeah the
ones i remembered were just cool but that's like every black dude no not every black dude's cool
because there were tons of ones i run into that i didn't remember the ones i remembered were just
like cool guys which black dudes don't you like uh the ones that don't like uh oh the ones that
are the ones that are needy the ones the needy like uh oh the ones that are the ones that are needy the ones
the needy ones look at the ones that are just like the needy people have nothing worse than
the needy blacks no they're just picky they're picky the picky picky ones you know i worked at
a restaurant to be like like they're very specific about what they want they'd be like i want like you know this to be treated equally you know they're like you know they just have like a million additions to their fucking orders
like just eat the fucking biscuit you know what i mean just like everybody else
so you're feeding them dog food now like out there they're biscuits and shit they got biscuits
and grits and fucking shrimp you know they'd be like can i get the shrimp next to the next to the
grits on a plate with like separately yeah can you make me like well can you mix caramel and
chocolate in with my latte that's the reparations yeah i guess and then they you know they wouldn't
tip you after that yeah it's a nightmare it's a super nightmarish thing you'd be like i'd be like i'd be like yeah sure of course
buddy i'll give you of course it sounds horrible it's great i'm thinking in my head and then i
just get bamboozled once that's our goddamn ancestors fault yeah where'd you work by the
way oh dude this guy this guy this guy's no no no fucking everyone's so everything you just
mentioned was like red lobster and grits
and biscuits you're like you know when they ask you like oh can i have the cheddah bay biscuits
next yeah they're like yo can i get like what restaurant is this popcorn shrimp no they uh
can i get the surf and turf but i want the surf do you ever think about how racist your ancestors
were um like if you go back far enough like they were really bad i don't know about you but everyone
was i mean even like one generation they're you ever think about how racist like black people's
ancestors were and every everybody's ancestors were because everything by people people everyone
stayed within their own nobody liked other people were there ever racist jews you ever talked to a
mexican they fucking like hate el salvadorians and shit and the guatemalans hate the hondurans
it's like and to us they all look like Mexicans.
Huh.
But they all hate each other.
Everyone's racist.
It's ridiculous.
Everybody's racist.
Every country is so almost...
There's a lot more racist countries than us.
And we suck ass.
But, right?
Yeah, I don't know, man.
I feel like you...
I'm thinking, shitbag.
Oh, you think quicker.
God damn it.
It's been a long day. I hate you two on here. Without Joey, I'm thinking shit bag. Oh, you think quicker. God damn. What a long day.
I hate you two otters.
Without Joey, I'm lost.
You're the slowest Buddha I've ever fucking talked to.
Chinese finger trap by these two otters.
Yeah, that's right.
You don't have your pal here.
Calm down, Johnny.
Relax, Johnny.
This is already.
I'm on edge now.
It's already a classic episode.
It is.
It's a good one.
We're at odds with each other.
You already took a shit in the middle of it?
God, dismiss me.
I'm going to point out real quick.
I have never left this podcast to take a piss.
That is true.
Everyone else has.
I've never left this podcast and I had to take a shit once.
It's because you drink like a Native American dwarf.
You're a fucking lightweight.
You're a pussy.
That's why you never piss.
Only men piss because they've been drinking.
You both have really pretty eyes.
Thanks, buddy. What the fuck's going on? I have green eyes. Only men piss Because they've been drinking You both have really pretty eyes Thanks buddy
Yeah
Thanks
Thanks
What the fuck's going on
I have green eyes
No you have more bluish eyes
No they're green
Richie's got these amazing hazel eyes
By law
Green eyes by law
But Richie has better eyelashes than you
Yeah sure
Yeah
Anyway
Anyways
Enough gay shit
Enough okay
Fucking
Play this shit
You need to get your finances in order
I don't know what you think
Who you gonna pull Working as a bartender.
Oh, dude.
He's fucking, I need this guy in my life.
Get yourself some Gucci flip flops.
You need to get yourself a ham bag.
You need to start acting like you're worth a shit.
And a manscape.
And a manscape.
You need to get your manscape on. You need to get your Manscaped on.
You need to shave them little balls.
Shave that tiny dick of yours.
You need to make it smooth as eggs for these bitches.
Manscaped.
Promo code hatewatch.
Go to manscaped.com.
What do we got now?
Promo code hatewatch.
Make that little twig and two berries smooth.
We might be there by now.
I'm not really sure.
We're going to give them one more.
We'll find out.
But we're going to keep,
we don't want to keep
saying the ad.
We hate it.
We know it's stupid,
but anyway.
Anyway, back to Kevin Samuels.
To save for no money.
Yeah, we got no money, man.
Yeah, we don't.
Please help us.
You know?
Like, we're fucked up.
Yeah.
Our situation's fucked.
I look like I,
I look like I owe people money.
I mean, look at me.
It looks like a nightmare.
Oh, Devin's wearing shorts.
Yeah, he's fucked.
Yeah, I suck ass.
Oh, shit.
Kevin Samuels.
So regardless as to what men want, you don't know what you want?
I mean, I know what I want.
What is that?
To be fair, how are you going to answer that question?
They're not willing to be honest.
To be honest with you, I ain't going to lie.
I don't know what I want in a man. Like, I've been screwed and't going to lie. I don't know what I want in a man.
I've been screwed and fucked for so long,
I don't know what I want in a man.
Just in this little bit of time of talking to you,
it's been chaotic.
I'm just asking you just the basic stuff about you,
who you are and what you want.
And the way you told the story is,
yeah, you can't make this shit up, people.
Here's the thing, man. the way people were celebrating his death i know we're only two minutes into these savage moments he does not
deserve the level of hate yeah people treated him like he was fucking you know like it was he was a
rapist or something it's crazy most people were like happy like just making jokes about him dying
and i'm like what the fuck?
He this is he's an entertainer.
He's a grifter.
Let him fucking grift.
Well, who isn't grifting?
Kevin Samuels for life.
To let you know, I love this guy.
I made a 360.
The 360 puts you right back where you were.
But I understand what you're saying.
I made a 180.
I found Lord and I got a man that's got money now
you found the lord yeah where'd you find him at i don't know he was lost i didn't know where the
lord is okay this is all inside of last four months right three months four months yeah it's
a lot of changing in three or four months you You said you got a man that has money now. Yeah.
Oh, God.
This woman is repulsive.
Okay, she just blows her nose in a disgusting manner
in the middle of talking to the Lord, our God, Kevin Samuels.
She's taking a shit.
And he's disgusted by it.
Also, I wear my bonnet in public.
I saw what you had to say about that.
You know, I get where you're coming from, but at the same time, like...
You can't make that shit up.
Hmm?
At the same time, you what?
Did you tell me to shut up?
No, no, no.
I said, go ahead.
You said, at the same time...
At the same time, I just don't see what the issue of wearing a bonnet in public is.
Did he tell her to shut up? I got married, but I don't see what the issue of wearing a bonded and public is did he tell her to shut up i got married but i don't she wanted advice on how to get her back but she's married
yeah you're currently married yes oh yeah no no no
oh you gotta be kidding me ma''am, are you trolling me?
No, I'm not.
A platform with a million folks actively talking about
leaving your husband to get back with your ex.
Because he's high value
and I felt like...
And the reason you want to
break your covenant with God
and wreck your home
of the pipe fitter guy
is because the previous guy was higher value meaning he earns more money?
Yeah and his social status, how he looks.
What would the world say about that man?
It would say that this woman he got back with is the one he always wanted.
She belongs to the streets. She's for he always wanted she belongs to the streets
she belonged to the streets yeah this guy is like harmless so far i mean i'm waiting for the videos
where he's like kill yourself you dumb like when does that happen they always want to take me to
court yeah what does that mean it means that it's like when i break up from with a guy I don't do divorces because they can't take me
Even them in the dust in the dirt
They don't act right it's just like an internet Maury. Yeah, exactly
Why are you so why are you why are you such a poor judge of character to pick me and you gotta leave when i'm back oh damn oh damn why are you such a
poor judge no ma'am i know ma'am i listened to what you said you came in and talked about how
you feel like you're in divorce court because you gotta leave these men in dirt and all i hear is
you're a judge of character picking men because you don't leave quality meaning you're absolutely right so god please stop sending me that's what
no no god ain't got nothing to do with it no god ain't got nothing to do with it
i love how he's a christian man yeah don't you bring god into this like he's like don't you
bring i didn't know jesus was lost black guys are like christians they're like christian but they're
like they don't they don't let you not be funny and say shit.
That's what I love.
That's like the cat.
They're opposites of Catholic.
They're like, don't blame God, you trifling asshole.
And you're like, oh, so you're a Christian man, but I can still call women hoes.
All right, I'm into it.
Yeah, that was awesome.
Love it.
Let's skip a little ahead.
I want to get to to is there any juicy does he ever get like so far i have not seen at any moment
that is has allowed for people to be happy this man died right yeah this is i'm starting to get
like a little creeped out like what the it just sounds like he's opinionated he's just a tough
love guru yeah and he honestly he's telling i will say this though you've gone from 35 to 43
just like that that's amazing i did didn't i yeah he's like god damn this crazy
oh that this is this is a good one this is a good one
but then she lies about her age i will let you guess that i don't i don't i don't play
those games you leave the answer my questions or I'll bid you a good night.
43.
One thing I don't do is I don't do these things.
I don't know you, so
we all know this.
Keep going.
I will say this, though.
You've gone from 35 to 43.
Just like that. That's amazing.
I did, didn't I?
Yeah. Just crazy. from 35 to 43 just like that that's amazing i did didn't i yeah just crazy i don't like
and then he just moves and he just like drops her
she wants him to stop promoting marriage relationship you don't have to put a title
on everything gagan that's what you need to start telling these people a title you know I need
I need it what I need to do is I need to direct people to this video and show you what's wrong
you don't need to put a title on nothing it needs to just be free flowing yeah yep and over here
stuff works where you at it don't you don't need to put a tile on everything you could have you
can have you can have babies out of wedlock. You'll need to be married.
You can do what you want to.
So what does everybody gripe with him?
Is that he's a misogynist?
Is that it?
What are the claims?
What did he do?
That he's just insulting, kind of?
He's tough.
He's tough love?
I don't think he doesn't care about his family. This is on Twitter.
All I can say...
He's judgmental? This has 10,000 retweets. All i can say this is on twitter all i can say he's judgmental this has
10 000 retweets all i can say about kevin samuels is if you spend your time disrespecting people in
life don't be surprised the people disrespecting you in death no matter how cruel it may be the
legacy you leave behind will be known by the fruit you bore while you were here i mean that video i
can't imagine that that's what these people i don don't know. I have no clue. Like, how could that be enough for these people
to say what they're saying about him?
At least in those videos, the people came to him.
I'm sure he's spoken openly on platforms or whatever,
and then it drew them in, but it's like,
But they're acting like he was, like, harassing people.
These people were calling into him,
and he was then telling them what he thought.
So they already liked him.
Right.
And they already secretly agreed with what he said about people and life they're looking for someone to
tell them what they don't want to hear it blows my mind that like a lot of these like clap you
know these twitter fucking you know what do you call them like sjw's i don't know i hate even
using that term well this is yeah you're right like so you're like i hate that these people are
so what was it so you're telling me kevin this, look at this tweet. I hate that these people are so, what does it say?
So you're telling me Kevin Samuel said high cholesterol and had a whole heart attack and
wanted to talk about fat women?
Okay, here's the deal.
That's kind of funny.
But the thing is, is like, like, they're so surprised that a Christian older black man
has this opinion.
Like, it blows their minds.
Well, these are black people mostly talking about it.
Yeah.
No, that doesn't mean anything.
It's that this is who he is.
He's not being ashamed about who he is.
Like this harkens back a memory of something that was,
that was almost like a repeat of this a while ago.
It was the same kind of thing where it was like,
these people have no concept of another opinion to the point where they're like oh we're so blissfully unaware that like of course this
man thinks this way and of course he's going to speak this way and he's totally up front with who
he is and what he's saying why are you why are you surprised or angry why are you this level of angry
it will i mean i i get it because he hits him hits a nerve with the truth people hate that
everyone we live in an age of lying
you're literally
you're considered a bad person if you tell the truth
it's insane
that's how crazy we've gone
I forget who said it
Oscar Wilde
soon society will drift so far from the truth
that it will call the people that speak it crazy
or it'll villainize the people.
It was like George Orwell or something like that.
The Oscar Wilde quote is like,
if you're going to tell the truth,
you better make people laugh
because otherwise they'll kill you.
Right.
And that's another one.
Yeah.
You can even flip this.
Who's Trump's vice president?
Mike Pence.
Mike Pence.
Why are you surprised?
Why are you flabbergasted at this man's opinions?
He's a Christian right-wing extreme no people acted like they hadn't they hadn't seen politicians
50 years before that it's like are you retarded yeah can you just why are you so furious about
this and what are you going to change by saying these things blows my mind anyway he's fucking
it's like it's like complaining about how gays are treated in iran or something it's like well
what the fuck do you what do you think you know right yeah it's it's like it's like complaining about how gays are treated in Iran or something. It's like, well, what the fuck do you what do you think?
You know, right?
Yeah, it's it's people that have infantile views of everything.
And if you if you if you fuck with that a little bit, they go like, it's not nap time.
They're like kids.
It's we're dealing with children.
Everyone's a kid.
Read the fucking bible being a realist implies uh that there's nothing to change
or that we we can't do anything which i believe we cannot so i'm i'm kind of uh you know i just
that's that's where i'm coming from i'm negative i guess but it's such a all these problems are so
big but you know everyone likes to act like no i'm gonna change it or we're gonna change it and
it's it's talking like that.
Well, there's too many people.
There's too many people that believe this shit.
You need to get a strap.
You need to get the strap.
You need to load up a gun.
And you need to take action.
You know what?
That's the only way to do it.
That's the only way to make moves.
All of these.
All of these.
All these protests.
If you care, which I do not...
You think wearing a fucking pussy hat is going to do anything?
Go kill a man in Times Square.
Oh, wow. I didn't know you guys were so cool.
Go chop a man's head off in Times Square
that raped somebody and then maybe that will
cause some change.
Here's your two courses of action because you're not going to change
these people's opinions with your fucking lame ass tweets.
Go assassinate...
Wait for them to die. You wait for them to get old and die or you firebomb their
house at three in the morning yeah you know what i mean like what do you what do you think what are
your options you're gonna you're gonna that's and these people and these people think that like this
public shaming this whole like cancellation thing is gonna work it's just causing people to double
down it just makes them more hateful. They're doubling down. Enough community organizing.
Organize a militia.
And not some fucking lame-ass Antifa shit either.
No.
Don't burn a fucking Reebok store down.
Okay?
No.
Get calculated.
Get smart.
You know?
Try.
Okay?
Think about things.
3D print stuff. Mm serial numbers have have safe houses
in different areas have methods of communication between each other where if one person was to be
found they wouldn't know how to communicate to the third person make your own language
you could do that yeah you can you can easily do that. Because you're going to want to communicate outside of what the government can track.
Facial recognition technology is becoming.
Get a car that is OnStar capable.
Made before 2006.
Nobody actually wants anything to change.
They want to profit off of it.
Here's the thing is, people, it's so much easier to gain sympathy than it is to gain
success in doing things like, you know, like a sass.
That sounds like something Samuels would say.
You know what I mean?
Kevin Samuels would say that.
Well, the thing is, it's like these people go on and be like, yeah, all that shit.
It's easier to gain sympathy than success.
Kevin Samuels would be like, how you going to kill the president?
You ain't got a scope on your rifle.
You don't even put scope in your mouth.
He goes, get out of my face, Macy bitch.
Hold up what the DC sniper, the trunk of his car looked like.
Let's just show this real quick.
Oh my God.
What a fucking rig.
Best rig on planet Earth.
It was incredible.
It was like made by Michael Bay.
Okay, listeners, if you...
DC sniper, trunk.
Yeah, that was a whole father right there. This guy was a whole ass movie. He was a whole ass father. Yeah, that was a whole father right there.
This guy was a whole ass move.
He was a whole ass father.
Yeah.
This dude was a whole ass move.
Look at this.
There's a diagram.
Look down.
Look at that bottom left picture.
This dude had an AR-15 or whatever.
He had a scoped rifle.
He had a sniper.
He basically removed the rear seat of his car okay so he could lay down in it
draw the little tiny hole in the trunk of his car and then would snipe people from the back
you couldn't find this guy yeah and he was just like killing bad people right that shit was so
scary when i was a kid no he was oh yeah because i was around you he was killing everybody he was
is that a black guy when i was a kid yeah. Yeah. Muhammad. Awesome. He was like the first black serial killer I ever heard of.
Yeah.
When I was a kid, I was terrified.
I was terrified.
Just the thought of getting sniped randomly was terrifying.
Yeah, like GTA 3.
Because I remember they were telling people in D.C.
to like not even go, don't even go to the gas station.
Like just like stand at the gas station.
I remember the first day it was happening.
I was at my friend's house and i was like about
to leave and then his mom was like stop stop stop stop stop and like i was just walking like
a couple blocks she wouldn't let me walk i just like waited there until my mom picked me up
one of the shootings was at this like gas station uh right near my friend's house like an aspen hill
she was great i used to go there all the time how long
was i would take the bus out on doing his uh his business i want to say it was like they had two
three weeks they had a really it was a while yeah yeah yeah they did right he had a he had a buddy
he like trained like his son or his son yeah yeah that's why that's why i kept saying he's a whole
father he's a whole ass he's This can do more than any march.
I agree.
This will do more than any Twitter hashtag.
Well, you got to kill people that matter.
You can't just kill random people.
Also, I love how in the diagram they made the guy white.
Of petroleum companies.
In this fake little thing.
There's people that have, we've all received low level lead poisoning because of their actions and oil spills in the gulf of mexico
um no like if you have a problem would be cool if you have a problem with elon musk buying twitter
don't leave twitter i'd respect you more if you fucking go out and yeah make some moves yeah
be a whole ass move yeah make a whole ass move. Yeah, make a whole ass move.
A whole move.
A whole assassination.
Make a hole in the trunk of your car.
A whole ass hole.
A whole ass hole.
Yeah, it's like fucking.
Yeah, that's the problem with revolutionaries these days.
They just ain't a whole ass move.
They half assing.
They half assing the move.
Carlos the Jackal was like hijacking airplanes every like fucking week in the 70s
yeah and he's gonna weigh with it who Carlos he's like a famous terrorist Carlos the Jackal yeah I
watched the whole miniseries I was like that was the shit what a name yeah he's the coolest guy
who's Peruvian or something he just kept hijacking planes and taking embassies over the guy was the
coolest like do shit like do some real ass shit get a gun yeah stop being a fucking loser yeah so this is
what it looked like it kind of looked like walter white's like at the end when he killed the uh you
have a little cooler in there for sandwiches yeah you had a cooler in there had a couple
gatorades and for arizona iced teas because you know come please johnny drink powerade
he had some backwoods rappers he's. He's hotboxing his assassination truck. He's hotboxing the truck that he's shooting people from.
I want to buy that car so I can hotbox that trunk.
Look at this truck.
If we reach 50,000 Patreon subscribers,
we will buy the DC sniper car and hotbox the truck.
So he was from New Jersey and he drove down to DC?
Another genius move.
Why has it got Jersey plates?
Another fucking genius move. Yeah, that is smart. If he did dc another genius move why is it got jersey plates another fucking
yeah that is smart if he did that another genius move i mean not not having the jersey plates but
going to a different state to do things yeah and then going back to your home state look at this
he made it comfy for himself too i think it's like it's not like a pillow or he had like orthopedics
no shell casings were left at any of these places you You know, no real evidence. Yeah, how'd they catch him?
Look at that shit.
Oh, yeah, no, that's fucking too much.
Yeah, they got him.
They got him.
Doesn't matter how.
They just got him. Doesn't matter how.
Yeah, we don't need to see, but, you know.
Point is, they got him.
If you don't have an alibi, you know,
it's pretty easy to get a murder.
I think someone spotted him.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, they made a movie about it,
but I didn't want to watch it
because it just creeped me out. Yeah, I'm a movie about it, but I didn't want to watch it because it just creeped me out.
Yeah, I'm a little scared.
But yeah, anyway.
Hey, folks.
Back to Wallace. Hey, folks.
John. Yeah.
Our gal
Amber Heard
took the stand this week, buddy.
What? Yeah. It's the
trial of the century.
Oh, my God.
Trial of the century.
Neato.
And I got a lot on this. Kevin Costner?
First off, this trial is hilarious and insane.
There are so many ridiculous moments.
John, Richie didn't even know this.
This woman farted on the stand the other day.
What?
And then called it out.
She goes, yeah, that was me.
What a gal.
Check this out.
Can you just describe for those of us who have no idea, like myself,
what does arnica cream look like?
That was me.
Oh, yeah.
I'd scramble up there like a goblin.
Oh, my God.
What is that, Mozart's girlfriend?
I'd scramble up there like a goblin,
try to shove it in a scuba tank.
Dude, I've never seen anything public like this
that has involved so many women and their bowel movements.
It's like a Benny Hill episode.
This is insane.
Amber is shitting all over the house.
This woman takes the stand and she just shits
herself. She's just
sharting on the stand.
Who is she by the way? I don't know. Why'd she make that noise?
Why'd she make that movement? Obviously it's
Amber's best friend. They both just sit around
farting with each other like Terrence. Amber and this girl
are like Terrence and Phillip. Well she was
trying to move one ass cheek away
so that it would be silent. Yeah, she lifted it up.
She lifted it up.
But her fat ass made it make a big sound.
Her big pog cheeks made that baby sing.
She's quite beautiful.
I mean, look at her neck.
Yeah, beautiful.
But I can never look at her again.
Women are supposed to go through life never letting you know they've ever taken a shit. Did that Johnny Depp's
reaction to this?
He's like,
ooh,
I don't think she made a grumpy.
He probably had
a traumatic reaction.
He's like,
oh no,
not again.
I mean,
it's literally insane though,
this trial,
like the moments here.
I can't believe
that lady farted on the stand.
And then she called it out.
Kevin Costner calls out
Amber Heard.
Kevin Costner, right?
Kevin Costner said
that, okay, Amber Heard appeared in the 2014 movie Three Days to Kill with Kevin Costner calls out Amber Heard? Kevin Costner, right? Kevin Costner said that, okay,
Amber Heard appeared in the 2014 movie
Three Days to Kill with Kevin Costner.
The two were at the movie's after party,
and Amber Heard was singing the praises
of her then-boyfriend Johnny Depp for all to hear.
Probably for attention, since using his name
is about the only way she can get it.
At least one person at the party
wasn't impressed with Heard's name dropping.
Kevin Costner called her out, saying,
when you broke up with him for a day or two, though,
it didn't take you long to find your way into my trailer naked, though, did it?
He said it in front of 10 people or more.
This has reportedly been confirmed by other people who are at the party.
What a fucking kid.
I mean, I don't know if that's true, but if that is, that's insane.
God, she likes old dudes.
You know, with her history,
of course it's true.
He used to pump gas
next to me.
I'd wake up in the morning.
He lived near me
where I grew up.
I'd go to the fucking
Chevron station
and have like eight ATVs
and just be filling up
with gas.
He's one of those guys
that just be filling
the ATVs with gas
and fucking Amber Heard.
He legitimately thinks
he's like a cowboy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, fuck him. Let him. He's one of those actors that has lost his mind He legitimately thinks he's like a cowboy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck him.
Let him.
He's one of those actors that has lost his mind.
Yeah, he's lost his mind.
I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about.
Did you see that field?
Don't bring Sam Elliott into this.
That man's a...
He thinks he's a cowboy, too.
Sam Elliott.
He has a great voice.
You know, you're...
Sam Elliott thinks he's a cowboy,
and he's just from, like, Sacramento.
Yeah.
But, yeah, okay. So, anyway, this is... You were about to say something about Kevin Cosner.
You ever see the Field of Dreams thing?
Yeah.
The movie, Field of Dreams.
The MLB did a Field of Dreams game a year or two ago.
They do it in a cornfield and shit.
Then they have all the White Sox players walk out of the
cornfield and Kevin Costner is the first one
and you could tell he legitimately
thinks he created baseball.
Did you see the video?
I'll pull that up.
He really did.
I was watching it at my buddy's house and I was like,
Kevin Costner is selling this so hard
he must actually think he's in field of dreams.
It's hard for me to separate the ego of men versus the ego of the actor.
You know what I mean?
Like part of me is celebrating the ego of just like some retard man.
Imaginations are infinite.
This is Fox news or Fox sports.
I'm not sure I could play that hold on hold on there was another clip of it that's mlb.com god damn it i wonder if we will
get taken i don't know a major league baseball fuck you this one hold on hold on there we go
hold on okay there he is he's there's the intro Hold on.
Okay, there he is.
There's the intro.
Here we go.
This kicks ass.
We're making full screen.
Sculpting a baseball diamond from a farmer's field.
God, he's cool.
Longing for summer as seasons are painted on its canvas. God, he's cool. I'm Kevin Costner. And on this field, we once made a movie about dreams.
Of baseball and years gone by and much more.
Naked Amber Heard just wanders to the corn.
Yeah, Amber Heard pops out of one of the cornfields and does like come here finger.
She's fucking a corn stalk. I'm on break with Johnny
He really believes
In every movie he made
It's real
Damn look at that guy
Damn baseball sure has changed
Since the 50s
You got a bunch of Puerto Rican guys with big chains on,
wandering out of cornfields.
Cuba and the Dominican Republic.
This is what it was like in 1950.
Yeah, a bunch of Dominican guys.
Daddy Yankee wandered out of a cornfield and hit a home run.
The legend of Bagger Vallejo.
Here we go.
He just gets mugged in the cornfield.
He gets stabbed.
Those fucking Puerto Ricans stabbed me.
He had a switchblade.
Hey, fool, you in the wrong cornfield.
So then it cuts to the live feed, and he walks out,
and look at how hard he's selling this.
He turns around.
There's three switchblades in his back.
This is like Apocalypto.
Yeah, look at him.
It's like a bot chasing him.
Yeah, he's the finisher.
He kills everybody that tries to escape.
Why is he dressed like Hannibal at the end of fucking Silence of the Wild? He's the finisher. He kills everybody that tries to escape. They got bones in their nose.
Why is he dressed like Hannibal at the end of fucking Silence of the Wild? He's dressed like he's, you know, having a weekend in the Hamptons or something.
Look at him.
Ariel shot of this.
Look at him.
Look at him stand and look around all confused like,
whoa.
Smile and wave, you fucking asshole.
You people are all here.
I was just working in my cornfield.
He was like, I'm going to get halfway through him
and take my sunglasses off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Smile and wave.
He goes, I'm starting to think this is a field of dreams.
Smile, wave, and jog.
Am I dreaming?
He goes, what am I dreaming right now?
What kind of boots are those?
Kevin Cosner.
He probably actually thinks he killed...
He's confused.
He's not...
I don't even think he's in character right now.
Am I in dancers with wolves?
He's legitimately confused.
He's like, I killed Wyatt Earp just last week,
and now I'm at the Field of Dreams.
Oh, fuck. Who are all you people?
I know.
He gets a microphone.
He goes, everyone, welcome to Yellowstone.
Would you walk up to the mic?
Just be happy.
Look happy.
He's supposed to look like he's in awe of everything and like, whoa, what the hell?
Because all the players come out of the cornfield.
Yeah, it's big.
They all swim.
How much better would it be if he smiled, waved, and jogged up
and then all the players followed him out of the cornfield?
Yeah, I don't know.
Now he's doing like a fuck.
Oh, my God.
Here we go.
Now the Field of Dreams music starts playing.
He's like, oh, my God.
What's he got in his fucking baseball?
In his sunglasses.
In his sunglasses. In his sunglasses.
You think they're playing this music a lot?
Yeah, they're playing it throughout the whole stadium.
He's looking around like he has Alzheimer's.
And then look at the team come out of the cornfield.
That's not the original team.
He goes, wait a second.
That's not the 1952 Yankees.
What the fuck?
He just grabs his dick.
He starts yelling at the cops to arrest them.
I'm waiting for these guys.
He's like, number 40 stole my wallet. Half these guys still have ink on their
fingerprints
but anyway so you guys get it
that was great he really took
that very seriously
I love that
actors are just
they have mental problems
they're all insane narcissists mentally ill. Completely mentally ill.
Anyway, back to Amber lying about
sexual assault on the stand.
Oh, fuck. Sexual assault.
Johnny Depp's not capable of rape.
That guy's a fucking...
Come on.
Kevin Costner.
Look at this fake crying. Tremendous.
You see all the people comparing her
to Rittenhouse? Yeah. Rittenhouse was better. Tremendous. You see all the people comparing her to Rittenhouse?
Yeah. Rittenhouse was better.
Yeah, he was.
At least Rittenhouse
actually went through something.
Right, yeah.
He was punching me.
No tears. You ever seen anybody
Well, how are you going to see tears, Devin?
It's like a fucking 360.
Your makeup would run.
You would see tears.on it's like a fucking 360 her makeup would run you would see tears
it's all fake she's a bad actress she looks like this disheveled milk lady
what she's saying this fucking c-list she's like she's like i know what'll get them i'll
dress like i work for swiss miss
oh wait wait come back well that was that was that was i don't know why that that was just the clip but um what's she
saying she's just whining like a little whining like a bitch and uh okay so here's here's this
thing this kind of apparently is a big deal this kind of blew shit open there's this new unheard
audio recording from australia and it's proving her very
very wrong. Why is this all taking place in Australia?
Because every weekend for them
was just a vacation. They're going to Sydney.
They're always just going places to hang
and do drugs.
Did I do this to the whole floor?
Sit down.
Sit down. Sit. Listen here.
I think it's the doctor.
This is Amber in a video she herself recorded of the actual Australian incident where she
admits to have caused a lot of damage.
Does she work for the KGB?
Why is she always recording shit?
But yesterday while sobbing her heart out.
Because she's been trying to fucking build a case.
Because she's a psychopath.
Around the room.
I remember.
A little broken bottle.
How do you not start cackling? She claimed that she couldn't remember anything little broken bottle.
She claimed that she couldn't remember anything except broken glass everywhere while she accused Johnny of making that mess.
This new audio also has her admitting to hurting Johnny.
I love him.
I never meant to hurt him.
Is there something we can give her?
A nurse says.
She was so sorry because she didn't want to lose him.
But yesterday, during court, she claimed Johnny was the one who assaulted her and hurt her.
You're going to kill me and you won't even have realized it.
Why?
Why?
While listening through the entire recording, no one is talking about Amber's injuries,
but are all concerned about Johnny.
We are really concerned about Johnny.
The doctors present, Dr. Kipper and Debbie Lloyd, who are members of Amber's medical
team, looked and sound concerned for Johnny's severed tip and how it might infect him but
don't talk about Amber's so-called horrifying injuries Johnny's head of security at the time, Jerry Judge, says on the phone that Johnny is the
priority at the moment and not Amber. The only injury on her is scratches on her arms or legs as she claims,
someone would have mentioned it or even she herself,
but no one throughout the entire recorded clip has heard mentioning it.
And she's even heard sympathizing with johnny
poor johnny amber says i love him yesterday she claims that this incident happened at night and the next morning another incident happened of johnny peeing on walls johnny took his um they're
all trying to like pants and go tit for tat with like peeing and shitting everywhere. Yeah, he peed outside.
He didn't shit the bed, Amber.
And rest in peace, Kevin Samuels.
I'd love to hear his take on Amber Heard.
Oh, yeah.
Kevin Samuels,
you'd just be like,
so what do you want exactly?
He goes, what do you want?
I just want someone to hit.
Well, why do you think he would have to aggressively hold you back?
Is it because you severed his middle finger, you crazy bitch?
He goes, I saw Zombieland.
It's a subpar performance.
You're in it for four minutes.
You stink. He's in Zombieland for a second uh she's never really been in anything she's a terrible
actor she's not talented she was just hot you were an aquaman stay underwater bitch yeah
just stay there drowning bitch you're drowning bitch only people that i love you are underwater
i would love to be the head of a security team for a celebrity and have to deal with a crisis
like Michael Clayton or something.
You know what I mean?
I love how this guy's talking like the priorities journey.
Yeah, I'd love to have anything happen.
Self-inflicted wounds.
This is bullshit.
Anything to happen.
I'd love anything to happen.
I'd love to be a part of anything where anything happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just drop it.
You know?
I'd love to be like, you you're working for a team of people
feel like you have a community or somebody's kidnapped oh cool now we gotta we get to
focus on this until until we devon devon's always till we solve the kidnapping you always want to
be on a real state funny devon's working with this love stakeouts yeah love the sound of rain
hitting the car you don't really know what your purpose is but you're sitting and you're waiting
didn't you got a couple sandwiches got a sandwich you're sitting and you're waiting. Didn't you?
Got a couple sandwiches.
Got a sandwich, a coffee from A&P.
You listen to the radio.
You listen to a ball game on the radio.
Yeah, I love it.
Didn't we do that?
We used to do that.
We used to get so bored we would just go sit in my car and drive to a neighborhood and just sit outside of houses.
I don't remember this at all.
Well, you know.
Jesus.
Corona did a're on me.
You'd suck me off.
These neighborhoods.
That's what you don't remember.
Blacking it out.
I love a good stakeout, though.
I'd love to be a part of it.
Why don't we do that again?
If Devin worked with this guy, he'd be like, it's about Johnny right now.
His finger's seven.
Devin.
He'd be like, ah.
He'd be like, just drive the car over to the hospital.
You'd crash the car on the way there.
I probably would.
You'd just get scared.
They'd go, Devin, you, ah!
I'd probably fall for Amber.
I'd be like, I don't know, guys.
She's pretty fucking hot.
You're like, I'll take Amber.
I'll take Amber tonight.
Is it illegal to follow people?
I've always been curious about that. When I was doing postmates. We could actually just pick a guy. Is it illegal to follow people? I've always been curious about that.
When I was doing postmates.
We could do a stakeout, but we could actually just pick a guy.
I've always wanted to do that.
I've always wanted to follow a random person.
PIs do it.
My dad used to do that in the 70s.
Different rules back then.
I know.
He said, I used to do shit that I would get arrested for.
They would just pick a random person and just follow them in their car.
My dad would just, him and his friend Art would just follow them in their car.
And, like, people would, like, flip out.
I think it's legal.
Yeah.
It's gotta be.
Yeah, well, how do you prove any harm?
Yeah, how do you prove it?
You know, hey, I just live around here.
I guess you'd have to be dumb enough to, like, if someone confronted you, you'd be like,
yeah, I was following you.
At worst.
Now you're getting arrested.
What if you just go, yeah, I was following you. I think at worst you're getting arrested. What if you just go, yeah, I was following you.
I think at worst,
the cop would just be like,
where do you live?
All right,
writing report,
get out of here.
Yeah.
That'd probably be the worst thing that happened.
Probably,
yeah.
Take a little note.
But you could probably be a dick to the cop
and be like,
what the fuck are you doing?
Follow people all the time
in like road rage,
you know,
incidents.
You do?
Yeah,
I threw a full cup of coffee
at a guy's window one time
and then he followed me
up the two freeway
recording me.
I had an Asian guy get out of his car, a Korean guy get of his car and koreatown and like come up to my window and
be like and like start punching my window oh dude the korean guy did that to me yeah i just
i just sat there smirking at him making him i remember i was with my friend and his dad
uh his dad was in the passenger seat like old man like you know like old pasty white dude
uh and we're driving it and
then the guy cuts him off and he like lays on the horn and his dad like i guess taught him to do that
like you hold the horn down and like just follow the guy and the dude it was a pretty nice car
pretty cool black dude just like stops the car like screeches to a halt pulls over gets out like
walks up to the car and he's like yelling at him through the window.
I just remember my friend's dad the whole time was like,
beat his ass, Sean.
Beat his ass.
Beat his fucking ass, Sean.
Telling his kid to kick the shit out of somebody.
And my friend is like staying sort of tough,
but also like I'm not putting the window down.
I'm just like get in.
He was just like, go, get out of here.
And his dad's like, kick his fucking ass, Sean.
Kick his fucking ass. Interesting. Yeah, he was a psycho and that man was the dc sniper i remember
one time i embarrassed and like a 70 year old man in front of his wife uh me and my brother my dad
are walking across uh pacific boulevard and like uh santa monica and these guys are riding bikes
this dude's old guy's riding a bike with his wife his wife. My dad's like an idiot and just doesn't know
what's going on around him. My brother's
6'4".
My brother's like me, but he's huge.
He's a big boy. He's walking behind me
and I was just pissed off that morning.
My dad's walking down the street and this guy
is on his bike and he's on a leisurely ride.
My dad walks in front of him
and the guy goes, bicycle here!
I just remember I immediately shot back, shut the fuck up you old faggot walks in front of him the guy goes bicycle here and then i just remember i
immediately shot back shut the fuck up you old faggot oh jesus i would shut the fuck up you old
faggot and he went fuck you and then oh no but i remember my brother started jogging after him was
like i'm gonna fuck you up i swear to god in front of his wife. In front of his wife. His wife was like,
Jimmy!
Or like the best thing ever is my behemoth of a brother
starts like slowly jogging after the guy.
Like, if you don't stop,
you got to keep going or he's going to kick your ass.
I swear to God, same friend, same dad, this story.
But when his dad was like really young,
he told us this story like trying to, I guess seem cool to us. I don't But when his dad was really young, he told us this story,
trying to, I guess, seem cool to us.
I don't know what his intention was.
He was like, yeah, I was riding a bike down the path.
There's a trail near his house or whatever.
He grew up in the area, so he was like, I was riding down that path,
and two black guys, they come.
One's behind me, one's in front of me.
Two black guys.
One's in front of me, One's in front of me.
I'm looking at them. I'm getting
skeptical. The other one,
the one from behind me pulls and they
ride off. I'm like,
they're trying to fuck with me.
So I run.
Trying to fuck with me.
These black bastards.
These black bastards are trying to fuck with me.
Kill any black bugger I could find.
My friend had been raped.
I have a special set of skills.
So he rides.
He catches up with them just because they sort of made him feel weird.
And just like he catches up with them and then like bashes into one of the other guys.
And this dude also was like a rugby champion. So he's like a tough dude. Bash into one of the other guys and this dude also was like a rugby champion so he's like
a tough dude bashing into one of the dude's bikes to take him out the other guy like obviously
stops like yo what the fuck goes to fight him he grabs like a rock or something like throws him
just like beats up these two black dudes and just like rides off like fuck you what was this
feech lamana what did wait wait what did they do again to start it one road in front of him one road
behind him we're like trailing him and to like try to like jokingly scare him maybe maybe maybe
and then and then they wrote off i remember uh and then he caught up to he caught up to them
wow and then he they fucked the wrong one my he's a psycho. He died. He's dead.
My dad was killed by some bicyclists.
My buddy Sean had his dad.
I had his buddy who was like from like.
What if that was it?
John just goes, my buddy Sean had a dad.
This guy was like a union.
This guy was like a union painter in Chicago.
Right.
And like he, I remember we were, and he, he was, he just, Sean lived in, like, the last, like, white hood in Chicago when I was, like, 19.
I remember going, there was, like, three city blocks of just, like, poor Irish people.
Right.
And, like, I remember Sean just, Sean's dad just being a union painter.
He's always, his dad would constantly just get in fights on the red line in Chicago.
That was a thing.
And, like, he gets, and one day we're, like, sitting there with his dad,
and his dad just admits to killing a guy in front of a liquor store.
This is just an episode of Shameless.
It was insane.
Don't just talk about it.
No, no, no.
This guy goes, I was drunk, and I was coming out of a liquor store,
and this guy pulled a gun on me.
And I didn't even think.
I just grabbed the gun and pushed it up,
and the guy shot himself in the head.
And I ran away.
Holy shit. I was like, what the fuck? I guess that's himself in the head and I ran away. Holy shit.
I was like,
what the fuck?
I guess that's technically
not killing somebody.
I guess not.
It was like a slip accident.
His own accident.
Maybe the guy lived.
Who knows?
Maybe he shot his jaw
for something.
He didn't come back
and defile a plea.
Fuck no.
He just ran off.
Yeah, he just ran off.
That's what I would do.
Did he read about it
in the news at least?
I don't know.
Interesting.
I love random acts of violence.
Yeah. Yeah. It's always, you know, there's so many of those where it's like just somebody slips and falls wrong or happened
at the fucking union station somebody slipped lady got punched in the head and then she got killed
by transient i don't love that random act of violence that's a let's scratch that no random
acts of violence are the scariest thing that'll ever happen. They, uh, uh,
I don't,
I don't,
I don't flash my lights to tell people their lights are off because of that
old,
that old,
yeah.
Devin always gets nervous at me because I gang of the gang members that
were,
they would like,
if you flat,
if you,
if they would keep their lights off on purpose and whoever flashed them
first to be like,
Hey,
your lights are off.
Like turn them on.
They would kill you.
Yeah.
I'm a prolific honker and road rager and flasher.
Yeah.
I don't, I only honk if I'm really fucking just going crazy but i i really try not to i i'm
very i road rage is very real people get people will just fucking kill you or shoot or beat the
shit out of you yeah in la at least i don't know yeah doing postmates and uber and shit and having
those long days stuck in traffic and we were going. And I would just see people at their worst all the time, including myself.
I was terrified.
Yeah.
Remember when that guy got shot?
The delivery pizza driver?
Yep.
He was honking the wrong dude.
Yep.
He got shot in death.
Yep.
And I remember I needed a job at the time.
And I was trying to gauge the right time to walk in and be like, hey, you guys.
You guys have an opening.
Those guys make bank.
I saw you guys have an opening on the news.
Somebody was killed. You walk in. You're like, sorry. I saw you guys have an opening on the news. Somebody was killed.
You walk in, you're like, sorry.
I have experience.
Sorry about that, but hey, I don't honk at people.
You walk in wearing a bulletproof vest.
You're like, I'm ready.
I'm ready for this job.
Yeah, you're dressed like Gus Fring.
You have an ankle pistol.
All right, let's wrap it up a little more
of this Amber stuff.
We're going to get more this week.
I can't believe this thing's still going on.
Dude, it's going to go on for two more weeks.
Damn.
This trial is fucking...
Who's the last person to take the stand?
What a goldmine.
Amber Heard, I think.
I think so.
I love the picture they have of this guy.
He looks like a Bosch character.
Yeah, he does.
The audio also shows that Amber admits to having gotten angry with Depp
and that she was the first to punch him in the face.
And she admits it also, that she hit him first.
She actually hit him in the face.
And she admits to me, she threw a, she's from, she's his first.
But during her testimony yesterday, she claimed Johnny to have...
Amber used to walk into Johnny's house and this guy would be like, you're a cop.
You're a cop.
You're a cop.
You're a cop.
You didn't look at me, you're a cop.
You're a cop.
Citizens try.
You can't spell citizen like that.
You can't spell citizen like that.
I'm going to be late for supper.
And that she'd never heard him.
What makes us believe that Amber is actually lying is the fact that this new audio is the
audio she herself had recorded before submitting it as evidence in 2016, meaning it's not manipulated
or anything.
But when it's cross-checked with all the stories she formulated yesterday, it just doesn't
match up.
The audio also shows that she herself had indulged in drug use. Let's fuck him with her for pills. You know what I mean? Like you got all this like inside info. I'd love to be a security guy.
I'd love to just be a doorman in New York.
You can't guys stop doing coke.
Yeah.
It's fucking with your BPD.
Just being a door guy in New York.
Johnny,
you know,
Johnny Depp gives you fucking 500 bucks every Christmas.
Yeah.
Thank you,
Mr. Depp.
You got a long coat.
Thank you,
Mr. Depp.
Much appreciated,
Mr. Depp.
Much obliged.
He goes,
happy holidays to you and yours,
Mr. Depp.
I could be that guy Yeah
I'd throw
I'd throw all this away
For that
Would you wear a little hat?
Wear a little
Yeah I'd wear a hat
I'd love to tell people
About where to go
I'd be like
No you don't
Well you don't
Rockefeller Center
They're doing the ice skating
You know
Around this time
Door man Devin
Whatever I can do for you
Mr. Depp
You have a good one Hey Devin Hey Mr. Devin I'm not too sure About your other You know Your other this time. Doorman Devin. Whatever I can do for you, Mr. Devin. You have a good one.
Hey, Devin.
Hey, Mr. Devin.
I'm not too sure about your other, you know, your other girl here.
Devin, where should Amber and I go to dinner?
Oh, Mr. Devin, there's a great natural wine bar up the street.
Corner at 73rd and Houston.
Where's the best Italian food?
Oh, Mr. Devin, you got to go to Quality Meats up the block.
That's where the mayor goes.
All the biggest people go.
And then everybody in New York also, they always know where Derek Jeter lived.
They're like, Jeter had a house over there.
I'd love to be a door guy, though.
Shock.
You can just chomp it up with legends.
And they're just like, that's Vinny.
Oh, we are. You're coming in kind of late today, Mr. De you coming in kind of late today let me get you to your floor all right that's great then ph that's the penthouse big spender
miss streep somebody had a long night let me get you to your room oh you let me get those bags
from you looks like you were at uh macy's all day I don't know. It's like a 1950s New York.
Oh my. Thank you for the
burger cookie, Mrs. Strep. I appreciate
it. Oh my god. I love
these chocolate tops.
You guys are going to Peter Lucas later?
Here, let me get some cash for you.
Doorman Devin.
Doorman Devin. I love Doorman Devin.
He's a charmer.
I know, Mr. Depp.
Go to Red Eye down in Manhattan.
It's got a great robot.
What's your face, Mr. Depp?
It looks a little bruised.
Where's the top of your finger?
Where's the top of your finger, Mr. Depp?
Don't worry.
I'll hit the buttons for you.
I don't want you to hurt your finger.
Mr. Depp, everyone move out of the way.
I push all the regular...
Everyone that's not a celebrity, I just push out of the way i i push all the regular everyone that's not a celebrity i just push out of the way i've i've done somebody wants a picture of mr depp what do you do oh you go
whoa whoa whoa whoa no no flash photography i would go uh i go no fucking pictures
and then i turn to johnny devon go sorry about that mr depp we try to keep a tight
ship here i don't know how we got in here.
You know,
that's Jimmy.
No fucking autographs!
Then I turn to Mr. Depp and go, sorry, Mr. Depp. I don't know how we got in here.
You're always letting people
in, but freaking out. I let them in, and then they do
something, and I go, ah, fuck!
Ah, fuck.
They're like, is this the same? We just like, no!
It's like a kid with leukemia.
They're like, I want to be on.
It's the fucking Make-A-Wish Foundation show.
What do you do? You're going to make Mr. Depp depressed.
Get the fuck out of here.
Listen, I feel very bad, but Mr. Depp doesn't have time not have time for this i have cancer well hey we all have it coming okay kid
listen i just get a picture can i just have one picture no i always flip out and my accent goes
away anytime i flip out so johnny depp's like is this guy actually like a New Yorker? Like, what is going on? Anytime he screams at people.
You have a shrill.
Devin, Devin, I'm telling you.
It always gets really shrill.
Devin, it's okay.
I'll sign the autograph.
Okay.
I'm sorry, Mr. Depp.
I just don't want these people bothering me.
You know, you pay good money to live here.
It's, you know, prime real estate.
That's my job.
Can I have a picture too?
No!
Sorry, Mr. Depp.
I don't know what got into me right there.
It's okay.
How's your family doing?
They're okay.
Ma's got the cancer.
Ma's got cancer.
Oh, my God.
What type of cancer does she have?
Colon.
Her whole asshole's rotting out.
That's nuts. Yeah. her whole asshole's rotten out. That's, uh, that's...
Yeah.
I think it's fake.
It's fake.
Ask for another autograph.
Yeah, it's funny when it's a depth.
I'm a huge...
Get the fuck out of here!
Devin, Devin.
Devin, it's...
I'm telling you, it's funny.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Please, please, just like... Nobody fucks with Mike. I'm telling you, it's fine. Please, please.
Nobody fucks with Mike.
I just want a picture.
Listen.
Hold on, come on.
Mr. Depp.
Come on.
Can I get a selfie?
Shut up!
Devin, please.
Could you just take me to my apartment?
Please.
Mr. Depp.
Of course. Of course, Mr. Depp.
I have leukemia and I want pictures.
Get the fuck out of here!
You cancerous fuck!
Sorry, Mr. Depp.
I don't know where these people came from.
Just forget about it.
I hope you don't have guests next time.
Anyway, Mr. Depp, do you think I could get like $50,000?
Of course.
Can I get like $50,000?
Of course, Devin.
You know, they call me Dorman Devin.
You know, that's what I do.
Anyway, if you want a great chopped cheese, it's up to me.
Hey, there's a bodega down there.
Don't let them charge you the dollar for the orange crush.
It's only 50 cents.
No, Johnny, you tell them.
You know, you tell them I sent you.
And, you know, you let them know I sent you.
It should be all free on the house.
On the house, Johnny.
Because I don't have a millionaire.
I want to pay.
I want a millionaire.
Because I want to pay.
Because I don't want a bodega.
I want an apple.
I want a green or a red apple.
A green or a red apple. Johnny want an apple. I want a green or red apple.
A green or red apple.
Johnny Depp's the type of guy, he comes home.
Johnny, I love the idea because he's such a meander.
He takes forever to talk.
He goes, I want a green or red apple.
Maybe a Bruce banana.
Green or yellow banana.
Johnny Depp's the type of guy. I don't know.
The yellow or the banana is the more sugar content.
The banana, you know. have a guy like i don't know right the other way the banana is the more sugar content
johnny depp trying to decide on fruit
i have the cotton candy i mean i've never seen them advertised i don't know if they're that good i'm quite i'm quite hungry i mean but an orange looks like a bit much but a clementine
i don't have two clementines but then i might I'd have to have two clementines, but then I might as well...
If I have two little cuties,
I might as well have one orange.
He's the type to name one of his kids Clementine.
Oh, that was the fucking
beginning of the Rolling Stone article written about him.
He literally walks out to meet the journalist
singing My Clementine.
Of course.
Remember in the show
Girls, John?
Remember What's-Her-Face's boyfriend, the guy Desi?
The guy that plays guitar and he's like an actor.
He's like a total New York douche.
Remember him?
Yeah.
That's like unsuccessful Johnny Depp.
Oh, yeah.
Remember that one scene where they get the cabin in the woods?
Yeah, he's on opioids and he breaks it.
Girls is actually like a great fucking show.
That was hilarious. It was a great show. I is actually like a great fucking show. That was hilarious.
It was a great show.
Yeah.
I wish it ended
with a nuclear explosion.
That's how it should have ended
because everyone dies
in a nuclear fire.
That would have been immense.
Yeah, that would have been great
but anyway.
Anyway, nice to see you
then, Mr. Depp.
You looking good then,
Mr. Depp.
I think I got it.
Doorman Devin,
I'm like, I'm in.
I love Doorman Devin.
I could do this forever.
Johnny, I'm a big fan
of Pirates of the Caribbean.
You know, I just want to see you and touch you. I just stab. I just shank you. I just in. I love doormen. I could do this forever. Johnny, I'm a big fan of Pirates of the Caribbean. I just want to see you and touch you.
I just stab.
I just shank you.
I stab.
And throw you behind the counter.
Throw me in a trash can.
You fold me up into a trash can real quick.
You go ahead.
The legs flop up.
I appreciate you being a fan.
I'm just quite tired.
And my doorman here is trying to let me in.
Just one.
It'll take two seconds.
Just one picture. It's for my mom. It's for my mom. It's for my fucking mother. Oh, you know, I'm quite tired and my doorman here is trying to let me in. Just one. It'll take two seconds. Just one picture.
It's for my mom.
It's for my mom.
It's for my fucking mother.
Oh, you know, I'm very tired.
I'll be out in a few hours.
Just one picture.
Mr. Depp, you don't have to deal with this.
Get the fuck out of here!
All right.
We got to go.
I'm going to get kicked out of my own fucking place.
Is this the episode?
It's a good ep.
It's a good ep. It's a good ep.
It's a nice ep.
It's on about an hour 30.
Oh, wow.
Oh, shit.
We're giving you what you need.
We got a lot.
Did you guys do the page?
We did a page a few days ago, but we have to do it.
No, I got to go.
I got to go.
Not now.
Well, we got a Patreon extra episodes, so that's a good way to bring that up.
Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast.
Manscaped.
Promo code hatewatch.
Get 20% or 15%.
Something like that.
15% off.
You get like 50 cents off.
You're buying it to support us.
We'll just buy it.
If we get to eight, we'll stop bringing it up and then blah, blah, blah.
We promise we'll negotiate.
They're probably using us and it's a complete scam, but I don't know.
We're trying to do this right.
I don't know.
Manscaped. Promo code hatewatch. We we're trying we're getting to a thousand on patreon
the fight is coming joey who is absent tonight joey's a lovely man he he just refuses to not
fight a amateur likely mexican he won't fight he At this point now, Joey is now insisting on fighting a pro.
Yeah.
He said he wants someone maybe who's done some pro fights.
A thousand.
That's the goal.
A thousand.
We're 140 away.
Somebody could just fucking go in there and give us $140 and the fight could happen in a month.
Yeah.
Easy.
But, you know,
we'll see.
Just join up.
It's a good place.
Just join up.
There's a lot of fun stuff
happening around there
and if you also join the Patreon,
you get access to tons
of personal videos
that I post
of our drunken,
ridiculous nights.
You can see video Joey
going around town,
all the stories I tell
in the, you know.
Ton of extra.
Ton of extra crap.
Yeah.
And also,
it just makes us feel good
because this is
what we're trying to do.
So thanks for listening, folks.
God bless you.
We love you all.
We love you all.
Later.
Love you guys.
Good night and good luck.
Shut up.
And pray for Kim Wexler.
Good night and good luck.
Pray for the great Kim Wexler.
That was great.
What an app.