Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Escape From Alcatraz
Episode Date: April 17, 2023Devan rants about how lazy Daddy Long Leg's spiders are, Cashapp founder killed by tech guy, woman caught cheating at Spirit Airlines, young woman pulled over for driving high, gets arrested and annou...nces she has a gun on her and is possibly pregnant. Bob Dylan rendition of John's Gun Corner. Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast
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It's good to be in something from the ground floor.
I came too late for that.
I know.
But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end.
The best is over.
Many Americans, I think, feel that way.
Hey!
We're back!
Um...
This room's getting pretty dirty.
I gotta clean this.
There's a lot of daddy long legs in here.
I threw away a bunch of cans into a bag and then put it in the corner.
It looks the same to me as it always does.
But there's a lot of spiders.
Yeah, it looks like a scene out of Seven or something.
There's gonna be a guy on heroin in a bed in the corner.
Who does the PR for daddy long legs?
on heroin in a bed in the corner.
Who does the PR for Daddy Longlegs?
You guys ever remember the disinformation we got on them when we were children?
The good spiders.
You remember your parents telling you,
they're the good spiders.
They save, they kill out the bad bugs.
They don't?
Have you ever seen one in action?
They never are doing shit.
They're lazy pieces of shit.
Daddy Longlegs are charlatans.
They're in a union. They're fucking assholes. They never Longlegs are charlatans. They're in a union.
They're fucking assholes.
They never are doing anything.
Look at them.
Look at that.
Look at those two.
They're doing nothing.
Where are they?
They're right there.
They're over there.
I thought that was dust.
They're all over, and I never see them in action.
Like, yeah, this was a bad bug, and I'm going to kill it for you.
I'm going to play devil's advocate.
I don't see any other bug in here but Daddy Longlegs, though.
No, I saw a little fly.
They don't do shit.
They're fucking lazy.
They're on welfare and shit.
You know what I mean, Joseph?
Like ODB in the limousine.
Yeah, come on.
Let's run with this.
Whole episode on Daddy Longlegs.
That's the whole topic.
Let's do an hour and a half on Daddy Longlegs.
They're really catching in on their great reputation
and you're this is a good point and a good topic and i said we'd go with this you go with it right
it's honestly i've thought about it for years they're fucking getting away with murder these
daddy long legs who named them daddy long legs i have i don't know like a weird max hardcore Weird Max Hardcore.
James Dean.
My daddy long leg.
That's so fucking... It was always...
When you were a kid,
everyone, I think,
got the daddy long leg speech.
I got that.
I heard...
I got that before the birds and the bees.
I still don't know how to fuck,
but I know about a daddy longlegs, and it eats mosquitoes.
And I've never, have you ever once seen anything in a daddy longlegs' fucking web?
I've never seen, they're just pieces of shit.
Yeah, no, they're not.
Right, John?
Yep.
Sit up in your chair.
Move your, I don't know, you look like a little tiny, you look like a.
What? I like being tiny. Lift your seat. No, no, get up. Oh, this one's broken, dude. No, your... I don't know. You look like a little tiny. You look like a... What?
I like being tiny.
Lift your seat.
No, no.
Get up.
Oh, this one's broken, dude.
No, there.
I lifted you up.
Now you're all tall.
Now you look big.
You look like fucking...
Well, this one will slide down on its own.
You look like Verne Troyer there for a second.
But anyway, you guys heard about this guy, the founder of Cash App?
He was stabbed to death in san francisco last week
and it was being used as a big thing to say like yep typical san francisco probably you know like
crime like it's the democratic politics you know yeah uh he must have been stabbed by a homeless
guy like elon everybody was jumping on it came out today that he was killed by uh another like a co-worker and he
was talking to his sister oh yeah oh he was fucking his the co-worker's sister something
like that we're gonna watch the news story in a second but it's it's interesting to me
uh it's also interesting it's just like i don't know cash app it's just such a i didn't expect
a guy like this to run cash it like i just thought the owner of Cash App was just some loser
he looks like a massive douchebag
Cash App just sucks so much ass
it feels like it was invented by a guy who just needed
a way to buy pills without
going to the bank
it's like an app
it's like a pawn shop app
it's like the official
if you use Cash App to send money, it's like, it's
always like a guy, how you send
your child support. It's the only money
sending app with a fentanyl emoji.
Yeah, Cash App's always been very, like, seedy
to me. It's a very weird, weird
way to transfer money to
people, but check out this news story
on Bob Lee. Rest in
peace, Bob. Suspect for
Robert Lee. Robert Lee. Bobby Lee.
Bobby Lee.
Oh, Jesus.
Suspicious. You might be on to something.
Maybe he was stabbed to death by the prostitute
he power-fucked in Tijuana.
Connect the dots. Connect the
dots, retards!
Accused in the murder of tech executive Bob Lee.
San Francisco law enforcement announcing the charges against the man you see there.
Nine days after the deadly attack, the crime rattled much of San Francisco
and put city officials on defense to quash misinformation.
KTVU's Emma Cernofsky, live now in San Francisco with details.
And Evan, the police chief said the suspect and the victim, in fact, knew each other. Yeah, that's right. Heather,
authorities revealed today that Bob Lee knew his killer. That suspect also worked in the Bay Area
tech world. He's now charged with murder. People who commit crimes in our city of any capacity
will be brought to justice.
San Francisco Mayor London Breed and law enforcement officials...
Her name's London Breed?
Is everyone a fucking porn star in San Francisco?
London Breed?
London Breed?
And then the mayor cumshot McGee spoke.
The governor, Burt Reynolds Reynolds from Boogie Night.
Chief of Police Dirk Diggler had this to say.
Massive break in the killing of Tech Executive Bob Lee.
From day one have been on this case.
We all know he was a member of the Confederacy.
It was time to take him out.
And almost continuously
around the clock
police arrested 38 year old Nima Momeni
what the fuck
Nima Momeni
this is the tech world my friend
everyone's name sounds like an algorithm
you know
nimamomemi.com
killed boblee.org
early morning hours Thursday a neighbor
captured audio of police ordering him to surrender
Momeni also worked in tech founding expand IT oh that's right yeah the
killer we asked police chief Bill Scott about a motive, but he wouldn't say.
Can you say anything about what precipitated this killing?
Can at this point?
I can't say at this point.
We do know from the evidence that they knew each other.
He goes, oh, he was cum drunk.
He goes, pussy had him crazy.
He goes, Navid Momene makes David DePape look like Brian Koberger.
He goes, listen, the thing is here, he wanted to fuck his sister.
Lee was killed in the early morning hours of April 4th along Main Street in the city's Rincon Hill neighborhood.
Talk about shadow band.
Jesus Christ.
He showed his desperate final moments
as he pleaded for help before
succumbing to his injuries.
Lee was the multi-millionaire founder
of the Cash App and a well-known
tech executive who recently
moved out of the Bay Area for Miami.
Here's the General of the Confederate Army.
For the family and the friends of
Mr. Lee and for the city of San Francisco.
Yeah, that picture.
Look at that picture of him.
Rest in peace, but... The Bay Area for Miami.
He looks like he led an army of Vespas into Vicksburg.
He's the host of the...
And they're all on bird scooters.
Bunch of guys in gray uniforms.
You're just happy that for the family and the friends of Mr. Lee and for the city of
San Francisco.
The killing stunned the Bay Area high tech community and made international headlines
stirring a debate about crime in San Francisco.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk seized on the killing.
Very sorry.
Very.
What is he? how does Elon talk?
I can't do it.
I can't do that South African shit.
What is that South, what is a South African accent?
It just all ends up like blood.
My man, my man.
He has an American accent.
He doesn't really have that.
But he just, he's autistic.
Yeah.
So it's just like an autistic voice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Blaming street crime and calling out
district attorney brooke jenkins reckless and irresponsible statements like those contained
in mr must tweet jesus that assumed she looks like she works at twin peaks
awful like mascara she's like at the DMV. Like purple mascara over her eyes.
Jesus Christ, she looks like she gives $10 lap dances.
Looks like she just washed out of the WNBA.
She also looks like she just took a shower.
That wet hair.
Why do people like wet hair?
I don't know. I think that makes it less frizzy.
You put her product.
...serve to mislead the world in their perceptions of San Francisco.
Outside the office and home of the alleged killer
earlier, neighbors were stunned
to learn of the arrest.
He was friendly with everyone.
He said hello to everyone.
He was a very nice guy, very welcoming.
He showed us his unit. We showed him
our unit.
They're talking about their cocks.
Yeah.
We all love to show each other our units, you know, our pieces, if you will, your joint.
What does your joint look like?
District Attorney Brooke Jenkins has filed one homicide charge in this case,
as well as an enhancement for using a knife during the commission of a murder.
The suspect is due in court tomorrow, where he'll be arraigned.
Reporting live in San Francisco, Evan Cernofsky, KTVU, Fox 2 News.
Reporting live from San Francisco, I'm the gay porn Henry Cavill.
Look at that big cum catcher that reporters got.
What a stash on him.
That law enforcement remaining tight-lipped when you have an ongoing investigation like this.
But did they say anything about whether they believe that the suspect had remained here in the Bay Area for the days following that crime?
the days following that crime?
Yeah, Heather, they're not saying a whole lot,
but they did arrest him at his live workspace in Emeryville.
So it appears that the suspect, they're keeping an eye on him.
They are following the evidence,
ultimately building enough of a case, they said,
to make an arrest and have enough evidence to turn over to the DA to get a warrant.
Imagine working in tech and stabbing a guy to death,
and then you get back to your job on Monday,
and you're just like, oh, yep, that's racist.
Ban them.
Okay, transphobic.
Okay, let's shadow ban them.
And you literally stabbed a man to death less than 24 hours ago.
He surrendered to the cops.
Why didn't they put him in jail?
Wait, is he out and about?
Is that what they're saying?
No, no, no.
They didn't know who did it until, and then they went to his house.
Oh, that was when he did the surrender.
Okay.
To proceed with the criminal murder charges here, Heather.
Yeah, it really is remarkable after such a high profile case that, as you mentioned,
that suspect arrested right there at his home, just across the beach.
It's also remarkable you're reporting on this, seeing as how we all know you were at Charlottesville with a tiki torch.
Look at that guy's dressed like Zelensky.
Anyway,
interesting times,
interesting times.
I love,
I kind of love to see,
uh,
I kind of like seeing,
uh,
that the tech industry is eating themselves alive.
You know,
I like how you're using this one case of a stabbing to be like the goddamn
industry's collapsing.
You're like, sell all your shares of Apple.
I think the pendulum's swinging, boys.
Sorry, Singularity.
Hey, ChatGPT, go fuck yourself.
You mind if I just paint the front?
Whoa, what the fuck?
Okay, cool.
What is going on?
She fell for it.
What is this?
Something started playing. Should we watch it now? Okay, cool. What is going on? She fell for it. What is this? Something started playing.
Should we watch it now?
Yeah, whatever.
These guys...
I watched it earlier today.
These guys...
It's really mean, but it's kind of funny, actually.
They ask the Best Buy employee to open up the glass
because they want some AirPod Pros.
And then they take the AirPod Pros.
They go, can we be at the front?
Well, don't spoil it. Come on now, Devin. And then they take the AirPod Pros, they go, can we pay at the front? Well, don't spoil it.
Come on now, Devin.
And then they stab Bob, leave him.
Excuse me, ma'am.
The internet's been wacky all day.
Do you mind if I just pay in the front?
Sure.
Okay, cool.
She fell for it, yo.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Yes?
Would you mind being in video?
No, that'd be fine.
All right, so pick a number between one and ten.
Let's say seven.
Seven?
Well, it's your lucky day.
You just won brand new AirPod Pros.
And then they pin the stolen item on this poor old woman.
Oh, my God.
They're giving Elizabeth Warren AirPod Pros.
Whoa, you're kidding me.
Really? Yeah.
Why? You won.
Nothing, you won.
How come? You win.
Have a good one.
Then she walks out.
These pricks.
That was posted on...
Would you mind being a video?
...on Whatabunchalosers.
Somebody said...
Yeah, that's hilarious.
But that's pretty funny.
How are they losers?
They're funny as hell.
Yeah.
I love those guys.
Those guys kick ass.
Yeah, they kick ass.
Oh, man.
Do you guys see this guy get forcibly removed from a flight
because he kept asking for a gin and tonic before the plane took off.
Is this footage of me? It's you.
No, I didn't see this. This is you in
10 years when you have money for first class.
This is me three years ago. This is you every year.
This is you every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
First class is really
hard to get kicked out of, by the way.
This is first class because it's the closest
to the pilot, right?
I like how they let people in first class be like,
they're like, yeah, you paid good money.
You could enter the cockpit quicker than everybody else.
That's right.
It's like a terrorist thing.
If you want to do some shit.
They like raise the rates for terrorism.
They're like, it's going to be a couple hundred more dollars for you
to be closer to, you know, slit the neck of the pilot.
Well, that Malaysia Airlines flight, there's literally a hatch that you can be closer to you know slit the neck of the of the pilot well that malaysia
airlines flight there's literally a hatch that you can go down to the control room from first
class that's right yeah yeah yeah what was that about the malaysia airlines shit well so it's
just like a security um it was like incompetent security it was a bad design where like somebody
realized it's a very exploitable thing where if somebody has uh the
wherewithal to operate this tech and they pop open the hatch and go down there they could control the
plane so they realized that after the plane crashed and but they don't necessarily think
that that's why it went down but they just realized oh that's a big security risk you
guys see that thing about the fourth plane on 9-11 recently?
I saw that.
It was a fourth plane, and it was kind of similar.
They were hiding under the plane from the hatch, I think.
Oh, was that like the thing TMZ did?
Yeah.
I didn't watch it.
I haven't seen it.
But yeah, I heard about it.
What is it?
I don't know much about it, but there was a fourth plane.
They didn't do it, but the terrorists were hiding under the plane.
I'm glad you brought it up.
That's all I have on that.
Harvey Levin
held a Frappuccino
and talked about 9-11.
All right.
All right, let's see this guy.
We're not going to go back to port.
We're not going to go back to port.
We have an investigation now.
Now you have to talk to the port.
We're going to get up out the sea, and we need to exit.
You can record.
You can take pictures.
You're going to actually move from the pilot off the plane multiple times.
Why do guys never,
when they come to you
and say you gotta leave,
it's done.
I've done that before.
I've tried to not go.
Yeah, but they always
take you.
What they do.
Well, so no,
let's talk about you,
Joseph.
What happened, Joseph?
A flight attendant,
I don't want to do
the whole story,
but should we do it?
It's an incredible
whole story.
I remember you
giving me updates
and then we had to get
Richie's sister
to let you live at her place.
It was so long ago.
But so I was on a plane.
I was going from Denver to Rapid City.
And the thing kept getting, so we got onto the plane.
I was already hammered by the time we got onto the plane.
Then in the plane, they made an announcement like, hey, there's going to be a little bit of a delay.
Give us like 30 minutes.
We have to just do one thing.
We have to check something and get like a part replaced or something.
And I was really hammered.
And also, though, I do know a little bit about airplanes where I'm like, oh, wait a minute.
If they have to replace a part on an airplane this late, it has to go through so many different checks and balances and processes to get approved
for flight yeah so i started going to like my my seat mates just saying like this plane's never
taken off and it was it was uh it was for christmas so people were like getting really
stressed out by me saying that yeah they were just like dude shut up like shut up yeah and then it
so then 30 minutes passed and it's like 45 minutes and i
somehow convinced the uh the lady the the waitress flight attendant um stewardess stewardesses now
because that's like apparently it's the same as whore yeah i don't know when that happened
i don't know either but um i was i think she was trying to convince me to calm down because
she's i asked her to bring me booze while we were still on the ground and she started doing it nice
she's like this should calm him down she thought like it'll it'll like yeah you know calm my nerves
not knowing that it's just gonna fire me up yeah so then i just i kept just getting more and more
animated where like every time they'd be like i'm'm sorry guys, it's going to be like just a little bit longer.
I got,
what the fuck did I tell you guys?
I started like really kind of rubbing it in their faces.
Well,
I'm just like,
I'm like trying to be like,
look,
I was right guys.
Like I,
you guys told me to shut up.
Like I'm trying to get us off this plane so we can go get another flight.
You're on the plane.
Just like Attica,
Attica. Attica!
But then so
I swear I got two hours
or something like that passed and they finally
go like, guys, the flight's not taking off.
Please get off the plane.
Go back into the airport. And I
start celebrating
because I'm so happy to be right.
So then we all go
back to the airport and we're all going to Rapid City.
So the next flight is one of those small airplanes where you have to walk upstairs to get onto it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where they make you walk onto the tarmac and shit.
Yeah.
That always feels bad, right?
Exactly.
Where you're like, what is this, like a rental plane?
Right.
Or like Indiana Jones.
So I'm in line with all the people that I just upset.
So I'm in line with all the people that I just upset.
And in line, we all see it's one of these outdoor tarmac planes.
And I just go like, oh, and they're so sick of me.
No group of people have ever been more sick of me.
And they hate me so much.
And so we're in line, and I see the thing, and it's freezing out and i'm like oh you guys think this one's taking off i gotta look at that piece of shit it doesn't even
have a tunnel are you out of your mind yeah and um and then so like people are like are really
furious with me and we get onto the plane and I bet like five people were like, hey, get
him off. Like they must have said that
on the way in. Yeah. Because I went and I sat
down and like the flight attendant came over
and was like, hey, you're too drunk. You got to get
out of here. You can't be on the plane.
And I was just like, oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
Like I'm trying to keep my
composure. Like trying to be
as sober as possible. Just like, what are you
talking about?
I'm fine.
Yeah.
And then,
uh,
I'm better than your plane.
Right.
I thought if I could just say,
like string together one coherent sentence,
she might go like,
seems fine to me.
Like,
nevermind.
But she just walked up to the cockpit and like got somebody else.
And then like,
as soon as she came back, it was very obvious.
Like, oh, I can't talk my way out.
And then I did leave on my own. But I did try one time of being like, no, I'm fine.
Did they bring a security guy?
No, it was just like another flight attendant.
Another flight attendant?
You were like, all right, I'm not going to fucking.
Yeah, it was just like the guy made it clear.
The next person came over and they made it very clear.
Like, this isn't up for debate. Like, the decision's been made. You have fucking. Yeah, it was just like the guy made it clear. The next person came over and they made it very clear. Like, this isn't up for debate.
Like, the decision's been made.
You have to.
Right, right.
Or like, we're getting out of the police.
So you're basically, you were spreading dissent.
You were walking up to a plane saying like, this thing's going down.
Yeah, I was doing a lot of, and I was just being loud and annoying.
It's one of those tiny planes where they have to like move a backpack from the front to the back
so like the weight
is down.
So it doesn't barrel roll.
Yeah, and you're supposed
to feel really good about that.
You're like, yeah, okay, yeah.
No, they got the shih tzu
up front in the back now.
So we'll be good.
Dude, flying to Rapid City
when I flew there
was kind of scary.
It's sketchy.
They give you
the shitty small plane.
You get the shittiest plane ever
when I was entering Rapid City.
It was so small, and it was kind of terrifying.
It's like one step above a single-engine Cessna.
But they're all built in the 70s.
They still have the ashtrays.
It was a Southwest flight, but it felt like there was 17 people on the flight.
It was the smallest plane I've ever been on.
They're spooky and dark and small and old.
They sent you in like a poor private jet.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, let's see what this return does.
I'm sorry.
I'm respectfully unmasking.
What crime are you?
You're not being respectful.
We're asking.
I don't have a connection.
You're not.
I'm asking.
Do you?
Okay.
I was just trying to get the connection sheet for everyone. So. How come black people working at the airport is such a thing?
What is that?
Like every worker at airports is black.
It's the only black people in the town always work at the airport.
They might have a program to support black people.
I have no idea.
I think it's because it's benefits.
Benefits, and maybe there's just a lot of jobs there.
Or maybe it's like equal opportunity shit.
It's a government job.
Black people probably like it
because they feel like they're sending white people to the sky.
They're like, get the fuck out of here.
Get up there.
And then we keep landing and asking them questions and shit.
It must be annoying for them.
Also, our friend Tino has a cousin that works at an airport.
Yes, exactly.
Tino is, like, literally, he lives in the air.
He has a cousin that works at an airport, and he's always flying for free.
He gets free flights, and I've never seen anyone abuse it like him.
He flies everywhere.
He's, every time I'm on his Instagram, he's in the sky.
Yeah, no, he'll fly from LAX to Burbank.
All right, let's skip ahead.
Let's skip ahead to a little summer madness.
Now he's filming.
I love everyone films thinking that's like a big thing.
That'll change it.
He's like, wait, you think I look stupid?
Then you're going to look like an idiot.
You haven't even seen my point of view.
I think he starts like really bitching out at the end.
Now he's holding up the plane Like a scumbag
Anyone holding up any plane is a
Worthless piece of shit
And that's the other reason I just didn't fight it once I realized
Cause I'm like oh well all these people
They're innocent
Exactly
If only Al Qaeda had that same thought We gotta get to the sound here
This guy kinda sucks
Now they're dragging him
Now they're gonna take him
Put the cuffs on him
Oh I love watching black guys arrest a white guy
Fuck yeah
Yeah get off the plane Oh this is the best David Banner said, get off the plane.
Oh, this is the best.
David Banner said to get off the plane.
Yep.
There he goes.
Stop, stop.
Oh, he becomes like old.
He turns into a little bitch.
Stop, stop.
Stop.
Stop! Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! It's not true! Get out of me! Stop!
What a bitch.
Man, working at an airport must be insane, dude.
There is constant chaos at airports.
Oh, it's gnarly.
It's insane.
You're also talking to John, who works at Union Station,
which is a million times worse.
That is true, I guess.
There's like... We're free-flowing, you know?
The biggest difference is that everyone paid like a dollar to get in the train.
If you're on somebody's flight,
they get way madder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause you have like sophisticated,
like rich people yelling at you.
John has like baddie loony.
Yeah.
Nobody,
nobody jumps in front of a plane in the air.
People have paid like,
this guy came in on a borrowing time and he's like,
yo,
check this shit out.
He just had to pick you
just kept showing me pictures of a homeless man without a head next to this train the train ran
over jesus christ what yeah people just jumping from the trains and i guess he was like he's like
dude it took him 20 minutes to get a fucking blanket over this guy he's like i'm i'm drinking
a michelob ultra until they get the guts off the track yeah no every once in a while like
they're just there'll be like a it'll be like 10 p.m and i'll just get like a bunch of people in the bar and i'm
like somebody killed themselves on the san diego line and they're like yeah that happens like that
often once a month probably somebody just jumps in front of the train oh all the time yeah how
does it not derail the train trains are really strong i guess bodies are not that bodies are
pretty weak it won't rain like thousands of pounds i, but if it runs over a body, it doesn't kind of like derail.
Do you still think pennies derail trains?
No, no.
I mean, I still, I try it every Friday.
The train, it's like a mass of meat.
It's not going to stop a train.
Yeah.
How do you derail a train?
How come all these trains with chemicals on them are always getting derailed?
I think the tracks are really, like, so I remember when I lived in northern Michigan,
there was a, they only let one train go through the town a week because the tracks were in such
bad state they wanted to like preserve it for as long as humanly possible for they could repair it
so i feel like a lot of the infrastructure in places like it's just shitty infrastructure yeah
yeah it's the demorants very good yes yes so speaking of uh uh airports this guy wife confronted and caught red-handed
trying to board a plane with the man she was cheating with i love saw this a few weeks ago
and i love a good cheater getting captured i mean i used to watch cheaters all the time
i know she's doing some whole other.
I know she been doing some whole other.
I know she been cheating.
I tell you what, she going out of town with her sisters.
Might be.
Your sister at work.
the you talking about you going out of time with your sisters.
Yeah, OK.
Hold on.
See who she at.
Excuse me.
See who she at.
Yeah.
I tell you what, you going out of time with your sister. I got you. Yeah.
I got you.
Your sister at work.
She just called me. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He's on a hunt right now.
He's like John Wick.
They think it's a gang.
It's LeVon Wick. I am not the one to They think it's a gang. It's LeVon Wick.
I am not the one to f*** with.
Think this shit's a gang?
He's talking to himself.
I am not the one to f*** with.
Straight up.
I know this f***ing here.
Is she over there?
Where is she? Frontier?
What is Frontier Airlines?
It feels like the official airline
of like deer.
Alaskan Airlines is the like Republican
airline. They have like Black Rifle coffee.
They do? Yeah, it kicks ass.
I was going through Alaskan Airlines
like magazine.
They'll have like Kid Rock advertisements
and like fucking, you can buy Black Rifle coffee.
Remember Virgin Airlines?
Yeah, it still exists, doesn't it?
They merged with something.
Yeah, they merged.
They're no longer, but Virgin used to be like.
It was the best.
It was like a Tower Records in the sky.
Yeah.
It was cool.
It was pink.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really good food.
That's your, who, who, yeah,
that don't look, that don't look your mother.
There they are, I think.
Oh, they don't look your mother.
I don't look your sister. Oh, yeah, he spotted them. Oh, they got, I think. Oh, shit. I don't like your sister.
Oh, yeah, he spotted them.
Oh, they got the wheelchair ready.
He got her.
There she is in an American flag hoodie.
Hey, Anisha.
Hey, Anisha.
Who's this?
Oh, shit.
You with your hands on them, though?
She's in the Olympic team.
Who's your boss?
Dude looks like Mikhail Bridges.
She's an Olympic ho.ic dude looks like mikhail bridge She's an olympic. Oh
There's my feet. This is my woman bro. So what you so what you doing her nation? She's like I've been doing gymnastics
This is my brother
Come in talk to you. Why you why you why you behind him?
Come here, let me talk to you.
Why are you behind him?
What's wrong with this camera?
First of all, just stare at what the f*** you got going on, bro.
Matter of fact, who is you?
I'm her man.
I'm late stage Black Panther.
I'm Fred Hampton with AIDS.
I thought you was going to tell him it's your sister.
I am.
This ain't your sister.
Okay, you know what?
F*** it, you're right.
It's not my sister. This is the f*** I've been talking to for two months. Boss, so who's you boss? Don't
even bro. Hey bro. Don't even go there bro. I ain't gonna
touch you with nothing in this **** bro. So so this is this
is how you gonna do me? Yeah. How long we been here? We've
been talking for three months.
This is a deleted scene from Die Hard 2.
And who you live with?
Not you.
So this is why you ain't making my home?
No, I haven't.
You haven't been showing me no attention.
You haven't been showing me no attention.
Good job, bro.
Hit the phone away.
I'm putting you on Facebook. Your mama gonna see what Hit the phone, boss. You all on camera.
I'm putting you on Facebook.
Your mama don't see what type of **** you is.
What type of **** you is.
Bro, what you mean?
Watch out, bro.
Boss, I'm not even talking.
And look, y'all flying Spirit.
Y'all flying Spirit.
Got him.
Spirit Airlines is like, it's like a waffle.
It's like a flying waffle house.
Just fights and madness break out on those things.
I think that would hurt me worse.
I'd rather be like, I'd bust them doing first class.
Okay, I get it.
That's fine.
Makes sense.
Later.
But she's willing to cheat on a spirit guy.
A flying bus.
You're a flying spirit? You broke his fuck. He broke his fuck. cheat on like a spirit guy flying bus so you sold this why you tell me that you fly out of town with your mother I didn't think you was going to come. Bro, first of all, shut the fuck up talking to me, boss. I didn't think you was going to come. Because this ain't got nothing to do with you, bro.
I'm trying to be a player, bro, but you just keep dipping that shit.
This ain't got nothing to do with you, boss.
I'm saying what?
I'm saying what?
Oh, dude.
First of all, what you doing with your fist up for, bro?
I'm saying what you trying to do.
What you trying to do, bro?
What you trying to do?
I'm saying back up, bro.
He's about it.
There he goes.
He punched him.
Hell yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, I've never been in that position before.
I imagine I would hunt them down, too.
Have you flown Spirit?
I've never flown Spirit because it's fake that it's cheaper.
They charge you like $70 a bag.
Yeah, you can cheat your way through it.
It's a fake.
Everyone thinks it's the cheap airline.
It's like, just fly Southwest because after you pay for your bags,
you're coming out about the same thing.
I've never
gone Spirit, so I don't know. I flew it
once and it was just like...
What'd they do? Did they take you out to the tarmac?
Did they have you hop on a bird?
They gave me first class. It was the only time I was
like, oh, whoa, weird. First class in Spirit
Airlines? What's that? They gave you a Capri Sun?
Yeah, they're equivalent of first class.
They're like, hey...
It's the same seats, but it's closer to the front.
You have the most leg room, and it's a bigger seat or something.
And they're like, hey, you just have this.
And I was like, okay.
Yeah.
That's cool.
But the seat doesn't move back.
It's fucking retarded.
Yeah, because that costs money.
Yeah.
Costs money.
Regrinding is cash, brother.
It's a Chuck E. Cheese.
Man.
Well, what else did I have today
okay actually I wanted to show you guys this video
I think this might be
one of the best things we've had in a while
where is it
alright so
what the fuck is this thing
I watched one of these like long
okay yeah yeah yeah
hell yeah
this girl grabs a gun during DUIRS Okay, there was, I watched one of these, like, long, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, hell yeah.
Oh, no. Okay, this girl grabs a gun during DUIRS, screams for her mommy.
Oh.
And, but the video really, that headline doesn't even explain that.
I mean, it makes me a little excited.
It's awesome.
So let's check it out.
It's this, like, Asian girl who, like, just smoked a bunch of weed with her friends
and then gets in a car
and then gets pulled over
and just doesn't seem to understand
anything about the law
or what's not allowed.
Yeah.
Is she born in America
or does she have like an accent?
She's born in America
but she's just like,
she's just,
she's resorted.
She smokes so much weed
it's given her down syndrome.
Yeah. I love a good like American. It's really, it's she smokes so much weed it's it's giving her down syndrome yeah
i love the good like it's really it's yeah it's really good it's like a little princess she's
she's like she's just like a little female hype beast like no brain yeah it's awesome all right
you have a driver's license i don't have it on me but i know my driver's license why don't you
have your license on you i forgot it can i call my mom no ma'am there's no reason to call your mom
slurred speech she She got several things going
What's she balling now?
What are you upset about?
Why is that? Okay when you smoke or when you drink alcohol or anything that is intoxicating? Okay, you can't operate the vehicle
I was parked when I smoked.
Huh?
I was parked when I smoked.
What a retard.
He doesn't understand the concept of like, no, no, but I didn't smoke while driving.
Oh, what a fucking retard. That's like Joey and I being like, no, no, no, we finished the 36 pack in the car.
Parked.
And then we left when we were done.
What's the, officer.
Oh my God.
What are you missing, officer?
What are you missing here?
Dumbass.
But immediately after you're driving. I 21 my cousin's gone on me pardon me What? I might be pregnant, too. I don't know. Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, no.
I might be pregnant, too.
She just reached for a gun.
Jesus Christ.
Hell, yeah.
Even the car behind me.
Okay.
I'm trying to get my car registered and insured, but I'm going to my mom's house.
She's supposed to be doing it.
Okay.
All right. Because I couldn't register an insurance
because the paper was signed wrong.
I used to smoke weed with so many groups of friends
that had girlfriends like this.
Yeah.
Where they're just like these gelatinous stoners,
like where their brain is just melted
from the amount of weed.
And they've never read or watched anything
of any value whatsoever.
No, they think like the sun and the moon is the same thing,
but it just changes.
They think the moon is the sun turned off.
Yeah, yeah. Their waitress says
that kombu sushi...
Yeah.
Wow, you're really firing
shots up. That's for us.
That's for us.
So that tag's expired, right. That's for us, yeah.
So that tag's expired, right?
It's on the back of the car?
I just found that out just yesterday.
Okay.
All right, do you have a driver's license?
I don't have it on me, but I know my driver's license.
Why don't you have your license on you?
I forgot it.
All my stuff is in my mom's car.
I'm meeting her right now.
Okay.
You want me to call her?
No, what I want you to do is write your information down here for me.
I need your Florida driver's license information.
Do you have a Florida driver's license?
I'm from Rhode Island.
Have you ever had a Florida driver's license?
No, I just moved down here.
Give me your name, date of birth, and your current address.
Hey, go ahead and call it out for me, would you?
Yeah.
I don't know if you'll be able to read that tag or not.
I'm sorry, I've just been going through a lot. I don't know if you'll be able to read that tag or not. There you go, 15. That's 15.
Sorry, I've just been going through a lot.
I understand.
When I moved down here, my family's moving also.
Okay.
The fact that they moved in, the fact that they moved from,
the fact that I moved down here and we're moving up,
and then the fact that I moved down here, I caught them when.
Spit it out.
I mean, she literally can't speak. He goes, oh, you moved down here i caught them when she literally can't speak
oh you moved down here and they're moving up there okay go ahead she'd have a better chance
if she was just like i just got to this country and i don't speak a little bit yeah you know
okay i understand completely do you and i'm still like i'm sorry i just you're fine
um do you want my license number and keys?
Your license number?
Yes, ma'am.
That would be very helpful.
If she gets stupider as the video progresses, I feel like she had it together right here.
You know what I mean?
If this is together, I mean.
I mean, she's very low bar by you.
If you think that's together.
She's forming, you know.
But I can guarantee she gets stupid
all right how old are you you look very young
he goes how old are you dragon lady she goes she goes it's the a she goes i'm very young she goes i'm 21 she goes it's the she goes thank you it's the asian in me
yes um it's a rhode island is that right Yes. Sydney, how do you say your last name?
I'm just going to, yeah, my mom said that she was helping me.
We tried to register it yesterday.
Yeah.
It's just one of these people that's been coddled their whole life and just keeps talking about their mom.
Yeah.
And they're like, you're 21.
Yeah.
You can't keep saying like, well, no, my mom has it and it's my mom.
I'm going to my mom.
Yeah, she's acting like she's a toddler lost in a
Walmart or something. You're an adult.
Nobody cares about your mom.
Yeah, there's children that fly alone.
You can't...
They said that
the person that sold me the car didn't sign in the right
area, so we had to fix it, and I forgot the car.
I forgot to get the car. We'll figure it all out,
but you gotta give me a minute, okay?
This officer's also being, like, really cool.
The whole time.
He's being patient so far.
He's being patient.
He hasn't even asked her to get out yet.
This car, inside this car.
No, it was in my mobile car.
No paperwork for the license plate.
There's the female officer.
No, it's in...
Can I get the picture from her?
It's in her car, because I tried to register it in my car yesterday.
No, that's okay.
What I'm gonna have you do is set your phone down
and come on out over here and stand with the officer on the curb, okay? While I figure out this car, okay?
You just leave your phone in the car.
Can I call my mom?
No, ma'am. There's no reason to call your mom.
If we need it in a minute, we'll get the phone for you.
Just stay with these officers right here.
Just come to that window.
Now he's going to talk to his... I'm live and I'm going to stay live.
She looks like she's got impairment
and you can smell the burnt cannabis in the car.
Yeah, there's a bunch of that.
So she's actively driving a smoke.
Oh, there's some in there?
It's old.
How do they test you for weed when you drive?
They have swabs.
They have swabs.
For your mouth and shit?
Yeah.
THC.
And then I think they're authorized to just look at you.
And in the same way they could give you a DUI without a breathalyzer,
if your eyes are fucked up, if you're not coordinated, they could give
you a
driving under intoxication. I don't like that
eye thing. That doesn't
prove shit.
They would need more because you could just be like, I have
sleepy eyes. I'm tired.
A lawyer could get you off on that, but if they
had enough things put together,
and then they can force a swab at the station.
Right. They'll make you take swab at the station right they make you
and that will make you take blood at the station blood test i don't know if that works for weed
because you'd have to prove that it was within x amount of time yeah yeah i'd love to kind of go
to a i'd love to be a guy that like i get taken i go to a holding cell for seven hours but i panic
and i think i'm there for like the of my life. I'm like an idiot
and then they open the
cell doors and I walk out and I'm like Muslim.
I'm like reading
tattoos. I'm covered in tattoos already.
I'm reading the Quran and shit.
You've sucked off like ten prisoners.
And I'm like, what?
I'm like, I've already had sex with
30 men.
You're letting me out?
I want to go back in.
I'm like Brooks from fucking Shawshank.
You've been institutionalized already.
I'm like, I'm institutionalized.
My shot caller's gonna kick your ass, pal.
Get your hands off me.
They're like, buddy, it was a DUI in South Dakota.
It's six hours. You're out.
Disorderly conduct, sir.
It's a misdemeanor.
I'm like, I just don't know how to don't know how to get back to life after this.
Tell that to my belly full of cum, asshole.
You're telling me I'm released seven hours later and I have an ass full of cum?
And I follow the Prophet Muhammad?
I walk over and I have a bow tie on and shit.
Like, well, I'm W-Liner, sir.
I'm out of here.
Five hours in, I'm like heating up
cans of tomato soup
on a hot plate.
I've already just become a member
of the prison system.
She's been active smoker with us now
right before she got in the car,
but she's slurred speech.
She's got several things going.
John, you press uh spacebar i have to pee real quick okay you run the you run the show gotcha half a second gotcha switch over to like an nrn let's do some industrial shit
let's watch the fedor highlight uh come on we always do that Let's do uh
Um
What are you thinking
Let's do uh
Any good new street fights
Oh um uh fucking um
Oh my god
Tip of my tongue
Hawaiian fighter
Mark Hunt
No
Jiu Jitsu guy
Jiu Jitsu guy
Bald guy Oh BJ Penn BJ Penn Mark Hunt? No. Jiu-Jitsu guy. Jiu-Jitsu guy.
Bald guy.
Oh, BJ Penn.
BJ Penn.
That's old school.
Yeah.
There we go.
His highlights?
Yeah.
Have you seen his street fights?
His street fights?
He got knocked out by a really fat bar sender.
Ooh.
That's great.
Oh, I mean, BJ Street fights in two months?
Why the fuck doesn't this work? Oh, god. Hey, hold on. Punch again, punch again.
Oh, oh, wow.
Why?
Stop it.
Yeah.
Ooh.
He just gets really hammered.
Ooh, he got rocked.
He gets really hammered and just like fights everybody in his cell.
Stop it.
Oh.
We got to give Devin the sticks back Hold on a second
Go back, here we go
Keep watching this
BJ Penn street fight
BJ Penn, god
You know, you just
You guys aren't as sophisticated
The last time I got a BJ
It wasn't in a pen
Yeah, damn right
That's the type of jokes to keep this show running The last time I got a BJ, it wasn't in a pen. Yeah, damn right. Very good.
That's the type of jokes to keep this show running.
Let's keep the damn lights on, though.
How do you think I keep the lights on in here?
Jokes like that, retard.
You unfunny retard. Retard.
The fuck's the video now, John?
Oh, you know.
Are you guys into this?
No, yeah.
I want to see.
Her cousin's gun is crazy.
And she's pregnant.
We'll see.
What, she balling now?
Is she balling?
Yep I've seen a lot more mustaches in the cop world lately
They're all fans of Come Down
Yeah, yeah, yeah
They're all Nick Mullen fans
Oh, she's got an Ultima?
Oh my god
Hey, Sydney Can you stand up for me? You're looking like the ring girl, Sydney Stand up so we can talk, okay? Oh, she's got an Altima? Oh, my God.
Hey, Sidney.
Oh, yeah. Can you stand up for me?
You're looking like the ring girl, Sidney.
Stand up so we can talk, okay?
Everybody like this is driving a Nissan Altima.
If you see a Nissan Altima, just know for a fact that they're smoking a blunt and they're
drinking Arizona iced teas and stuff like that.
Specifically that year and that body type.
I've seen a million of those.
Meanwhile, Twinker is speeding by on his way to the next 14-year-old.
They're fucking stereotyping
these tinted windows
Nissan Altimas. Meanwhile, Twinker
is riding around in his blue Kia Soul.
He has a Yaris.
Yaris. Fuck, I got
that wrong. I thought it was a Soul.
I think it's a Yaris. I don't think
it's a Yaris, bro. I think it's a Soul, buddy.
I think that color doesn't bring Toyota to me.
They have the only...
Kia Souls have the ugliest colors on Earth.
Kia Souls is the only thing you can get where it's like...
It's like a flat blue.
Remember that lady who was like really sad about her mustard colored...
The Kia Boys?
The Kia Boys stole?
Yeah.
We said a Yaris.
When we...
On Twinkers, we said Yaris.
I remember because I was kind of sober.
Maybe it was a new Yaris.
I thought it was a Subaru.
We might have just said Yaris.
Nobody committing crimes is in a Subaru.
The only people that drive Subaru.
Come on.
The only people.
If you're driving a Subaru and you're committing crimes,
you're committing like environmental crimes.
Like you're blowing up dams.
You let monkeys out of the cage.
You let monkeys out of the zoo and shit.
If you're driving a Subaru, that's the crime you commit.
You go to the store, you steal
a bunch of cliff bars,
track mix, that type of shit.
It's like Point Break, guys.
Exactly. Mountain climbers.
They steal camel packs
and whatnot.
Hiking boots.
Right, John?
What else?
I don't know.
I go, John, I'm paying you now.
Go!
Nature references.
Nature references. Go!
Reference stuff.
Rapid fire jokes.
Roast the shit out of a topic.
Now!
I sent you $480!
I mean, sorry, I can't go off on the REI co-op.
Well, you know.
Quite good.
No!
Perfect.
Come on, man!
Selling your damn self-show.
Well done.
You're selling your damn self-show.
Let's step on over here in the shade.
What are you upset about? My cousin goes i'm retarded why are you so pissed off she goes i just i have thoughts and i can't form them
sometimes words i don't know how to say she got the results back just then yeah right now
How touché.
She got the results back just then.
Yeah, right now.
My cousin had passed away, and I just need her.
That's why I moved back.
Also, here's another thing with these families.
There's a lot of families out there.
Everyone cares way too much about their cousins.
I have two cousins that I care about,
but I don't even see the other one almost ever.
But I would be devastated if something happened.
But I don't know. You know, I got
a lot of households. I've been involved
in a lot of friendships, and everyone's always obsessed
with cousins, and I'm like...
Well, what race?
Well, they're always not white.
White people don't give a fuck about their race.
Italian people are the only ones
that care about their cousins. They're not white.
But they care about cousins, though. They're the white. Yeah, for sure. Right, yeah. But they care about cousins, though.
Yeah.
They're the whitest that care about cousins.
Yeah, yeah.
If my family knew we were Italian our whole lives, we would care, I guess.
But we thought we were Lebanese.
We were eating hummus for, like, 40 years.
Yeah.
We've been eating hummus for 40 years, and we didn't even know.
You're 23, and you came back, and you just, like, threw all the hummus at me.
Like, oh, fuck.
Well, we still have that dirty, dirty blood in us.
Dirty, dirty blood.
Of course, we just have that unfun.
We have that in us.
But it's like I would much rather have had like,
I would have rather had those reunions, you know?
But then we did our 23 and Me,
we all found out, like, we're way more Sicilian.
We're way more, like, Sicilian,
and my dad's Northern Italian,
so I got, like, more Italian in me than Lebanese,
but I thought my whole life I was a fucking raghead.
Yeah.
I mean, Sicilians are practically ragheads anyways.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But, like, you know, I would have rather had, like,
I would have rather had, like have rather had like fucking you know
pasta at the family reunions
than fucking Cuba Day.
What's with all these grape leaves guys?
We're dirty. Well you know
my grandfather was the darkest
like member of his family
to the point where everyone thought like he was
actually secretly black. Holy
shit. Yeah. Whoa.
We never proved it, but...
Why are you jerking off your Modelo?
You're talking about your grandpa.
I'll run with it.
You know, my...
My grandfather.
There we go, Dev, yes.
He...
No, but I don't know.
It's weird, the 23andMe stuff.
It just cuts out everything you thought, you know?
Yeah, I found out I was just Scottish.
Like, I thought I was German my whole life that sucks german's so much cooler well i got a german last name at least you guys have a
history of a of a minor conquering yeah and you know they you know everybody's like one percent
sub-saharan african yeah i'm one percent papua new guinean i'm 0.3 percent sub-saharan african
buddy boy okay so let you show me some respect.
That's less than 1%.
You said you're everyone's 1% Sub-Saharan African?
Yeah, everybody gets that result.
Oh, well, then I'm 3% Sub-Saharan African.
Oh, I thought you were 0.3%.
No, I'm 3.
Yeah, that makes sense being Sicilian, though, because that's like...
Makes sense.
When it comes to my rage, it makes sense, yeah.
And my pea brain.
And the fact that when I see bricks, I want to just start laying them. When it comes to my rage, it makes sense. And my pee brain.
And the fact that when I see bricks,
I want to just start laying them.
Oh, you're talking about the Sicilian part?
Yes! I thought you were talking about the Sub-Saharan African part.
No, the Italian retard part.
Oh, you thought I was going to...
Isn't that funny? We just solved racism here.
Why would it be bad if I said...
I meant, why is it okay to shit on Italians?
Like that.
Huh?
Italians and Jews have been jumping off the white train.
Not okay, John.
Let's go back to this.
Yeah, John, enough.
You're being really racist.
You're about to get us all sorry.
Yeah, John, you're a sick, sick freak, you Scottish racist piece of shit.
The goddamn race scientist sitting next to me.
Fucking groundskeeper Willie over here.
I don't know what I just want my car.
Fake ride.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up.
We about to run your car
when you were driving, right?
So there's not a problem.
She's like,
I just want my Juice World shirt.
I just really want it.
Bring me my triple X
Tentacion clothes.
This is not why
I just got that from you. I don't want to be alone. You're being honest. Take the sunglasses.
And I'm going to work.
If you're worried about that license plate, we're going to figure that out.
That's not going to be a huge deal.
Let me tell you why I have officers here.
I'm going to work with you here if you suck me off.
I was just thinking, is this the kind of terror like the average soldier in Vietnam face going through the villages? Or they're like, they just stared at us.
They're like, they were all high.
They all just wanted their moms.
They all wanted their mommy.
This is what kicked off my life.
In just a few seconds, I'm going to do a roadside
evaluation to see if you've operated a vehicle
in a state of impairment off of the cannabis that you've
been smoking. You can't operate
a vehicle in Florida after you've consumed,
ingested, or whatever.
She's like, what?
So, we'll talk about
all that. I just left my mom. Look at how quickly
she went from sobbing to normal.
This makes me just, women,
they can do this shit.
It's bullshit.
If this was a guy, the guy would be on the ground by now.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'd be done.
Yeah.
They're giving her so long.
Like, literally, I just left her.
And what?
Like, in the parking lot.
And I told...
And then she told me to go drive the car
and drop it off, and that's it.
Okay, and we'll figure that out.
And she said she was going to meet me.
Okay.
I just want my mom, please.
Yeah.
Okay, well, we've got to do this first, okay?
Let's step away from this tree
so I don't have this in my face.
Here, we're going to turn around and face me now.
You're 21 years old.
You're an adult.
You know, there's some things that you're going to have to figure out on your own in your life.
And this is one of them.
Just because you and I are talking doesn't mean you're in any trouble at all.
All right?
It just means you and I are going to have a conversation.
I'm going to evaluate you to see.
You've obviously been smoking marijuana.
I'm probably about to fuck you.
Yeah, I left it at the house.
So, do you have a medical marijuana card?
No, I smoked at the house with my brother.
My mom was there.
What a dumb bitch.
When you smoke or when you drink alcohol or anything that is intoxicating.
What an absolutely dumb bitch.
She just said it.
That's insane.
It's like she's never, it's like she's went her whole life without knowing cops exist.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, like that she could get pulled over one day.
Well, it's crazy that like there's people out there that just like like you said earlier like they've never read anything yeah
they've never ingested anything decent they never watched anything good and their lives are just
bullshit and they just smoke weed all day and just become jelly people yeah and they clog up our
fucking streets these people are in line in front of us. They fucking, they take shits.
We have to figure out
what to do with this lady shit.
They're all at fucking
Coachella right now.
Oh, yeah.
And it's fucking,
dude, you should have seen
these three Australian chicks.
You know what I would do
if I ran,
if I was fucking,
if I was governor
in California?
Yeah.
If I was like,
well, really,
if I was just like,
if I was a dictator,
this is what I would do
at Coachella every year.
Dictator Devin. I'd come out on stage at at coachella i've talked about this in the early episodes of the
show but if i was the dictator this is my favorite thing i'd come out coachella right i'd be dressed
like fucking stanley tucci in the hunger games i'd have like a big top hat on oh you'd have like a
like a fiery beard i'd have a big crazy beard and i'd come out and when everyone's on ecstasy
they're all dancing to some bullshit song
or some EDM. EDM, not really Coachella.
Skrillex is playing or something.
More so like a Skrillex thing or like, you know,
Coachella works. Escape from Wonderland.
Bad Bunnies.
That type of stuff. I'd come out on stage
and I'd hype the
crowd up, you know, and they're all dancing
and I'd go, I'd go, do you guys want
the cage to drop? And I'd go, you guys want the cage to drop and i go you guys want the cage to drop don't you and they go yeah
they agree with me and i and because these are all they're all on ecstasy and shit you know
like they think it's a new song yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i go and then i'd go that's
right you want the cage drop and then then I'd go, drop the cage.
And a giant prison cell would drop all over everybody in the crowd.
And they'd all start panicking.
Like, what?
What's going on?
They're like, how are we going to eat?
I'm trapped.
And then we'd take all those people.
We'd drive them to like Death Valley.
And we'd make them dig holes for the rest of their lives.
Oh, like in holes.
For the rest of their natural lives, they'd have to dig holes.
And they'd live in internment camps, right?
So it'd be like a big Japanese,
we would just use the same Japanese,
the internment camps we used for the Japanese people,
we would just use those
because they're still like tourist attractions,
so they're still there.
It's like Sandy to race track.
Little cabins and shit set up
and just every day I'd blast Drake over the intercom,
you know, like zero to 100 real quick, real quick.
Just over and over again as they just dig holes.
And you'd have to give them a lot of water because they're all in ecstasy and shit, you know.
Oh, you keep giving them drinks.
Or I'd take them all to, like, Alcatraz.
That'd be fun.
Take a bunch of, like, EDM people to Alcatraz.
Be like, it's Escape from Alcatraz.
It's not Escape from Wonderland.
It's Escape from Alcatraz be like, it's escape from Alcatraz. It's not escape from Wonderland. It's escape from Alcatraz.
There's a big EDM festival.
Fucking the Mickey Mouse head guys there.
And I take like-
The Mickey Mouse head.
Fucking that guy.
Like 100,000 people in Alcatraz, right?
Yeah.
And they're all on ecstasy.
And if they want to live, they have to swim back across
the channel.
Which is a bunch of drowning.
But it doesn't matter if they drown because they need
it.
Nick Diaz is like swimming by. I'm going like,
who are these fucking freaks? Here's why it's
not inhumane. They're on so much ecstasy
they need the water when they drown.
They're so dehydrated.
You know? And they need the salt because they drown. They're so dehydrated. Yeah, they're so tricky to see.
And they need the salt because it's the electrolytes.
Yeah, sure.
So that's my plan, really.
So you're doing something good, yeah.
Yeah, I just want to put people in camps.
I really love the idea of internment camps for most of society.
I love that.
Right?
Yeah.
The rock, too.
Imagine me on stage going, drop the cage.
Yeah.
I got a big cane.
I'm twirling a cane. I point to all my security. You got big puffy pants. I got a big cane. I'm twirling a cane.
I point to all my security.
You got big puffy pants.
I go, get him!
But the song's playing so loud,
people don't know what's happening
and think it's part of the performance.
They're being tackled by security,
being dragged to a truck.
How long do you think it'd take them
to figure it out?
Their brains are so puny,
they would still think they're at the festival.
Why is the cage still here? It'd be like 13
years later. They'd be like, what a festival.
They just dig in holes
all day. All goddamn
day. We feed them baloney.
I thought
it'd be like Jurassic Park where they
have like every once a week they lower a cow.
You know what I mean?
All the hippies have to
like pick it apart yeah they'll pick it apart yeah but not hippies but what are they called
what do you call retards burnouts burnout retards fucking hypeys yeah dipshits i i've i just i love
i love camps i'm a big fan of camps not you heard it here camps. Devin loves concentration camps. You heard it here first.
I'm a big fan of them.
Devin's a big fan of Dachau.
I'm a proponent of modern day work labor camps.
Labor camps.
1945 is considered modern day.
Labor camps.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Obviously, they weren't doing any work.
They were getting killed in the Holocaust.
They said they were lazy.
Before we go much further.
work. They were getting killed.
They were lazy. Before we go much further.
Alright, well you got me
there.
Can we finish this damn day?
Yes, let's finish this returnd.
You can't operate the vehicle.
I guarantee she has like a
flaming hot Cheetos tracksuit
at home. Yeah, she has a Pickle Rick
fucking pair of pajama pants.
Pickle Rick, yeah.
I was parked in the next one.
But immediately after you're driving.
It's like drinking six beers.
It's like drinking six beers, waiting 20 minutes, and getting your car in drive.
Oh, we made the same point.
You didn't drink and drive at the same time, but you did after.
Why isn't he calling her retarded?
Because he can't.
That's so fucked up.
I wish it was like a cop from 1976.
It's just like, are you dumb, ma'am?
Yeah, right. You got one of them learning disorders, you stupid little bitch. That's so fucked up. I wish it was like a cop from 1976. It's just like, are you dumb, ma'am?
Yeah, right.
You got one of them learning disorders, you stupid little bitch.
Yeah.
He says.
You stupid little bitch.
Imagine like bad lieutenant pulling her over.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, do you think this is okay?
Do you think it's okay?
Do you think this is good?
Yeah.
They're going to watch me.
Devin has a really good bad lieutenant impression, actually. Oh, the Nick Cage one?
Yeah.
Nick Cage is a soft Elvis.
That's all he is.
He's like, sorry.
You think you should drive your car high?
You think you should drive your car high?
Why don't you get out of the car and you're going to suck my dick?
You're going to watch.
You're going to fucking watch.
You got a boyfriend.
Daddy to touch you.
Because I know I'm your mommy.
How about a new daddy?
Bring your boyfriend over here right now.
Watch him.
I want him to watch.
Yeah, you fucking stand there.
I keep pulling a gun.
You fucking stand there.
That seems so disturbing.
You watch your girlfriend fuck me.
Yeah. Oh, shove a bond me up my ass. It's so disturbing. You watch your girlfriend fuck me. Yeah.
Oh, shove a bond me up my ass.
...substance, okay?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
So you and I are going to have a little evaluation going here.
It doesn't mean you're in any trouble, though.
Mental evaluation? Part of that evaluation.
He's like, say ABC the regular way.
He goes, spell your name.
Can you spell your name?
Miranda warning. It doesn't mean you're going to jail. Have you spell your name? Miranda warning.
It doesn't mean you're going to jail.
Have you ever heard your Miranda rights?
You have the right to remain silent type thing?
You ever heard that?
It doesn't mean you're going to jail when you hear this.
It means I want to ask you a specific question when I'm done.
He's being very cool.
You have the right to remain silent.
You listening?
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to talk to a lawyer and have him or her present with you while you're being questioned.
If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent you.
You can decide at any time to exercise these rights, not answer any questions or make any statements.
It's like getting arrested by Mr. Rogers.
Do you understand the rights? I read them to you.
Yes.
And having that in mind, are you willing to talk to me now?
Yes.
Okay. All right. It's going to be real simple. I'm not going to trick you.
I'm going to ask you some
questions and I expect an honest response.
Don't lie to me. I would rather you not answer
than to lie.
I'm going to put my gun in your mouth now.
How long ago was that?
Probably like 30 minutes ago.
I'm going to need you to deep throat
my gun.
Put the barrel of the shotgun in your ass.
I got to see your gag reflex.
He just flips.
He did start the total sociopath.
You do not have a medical marijuana card.
No.
About how much marijuana do you have in the joint, we'll call it, that you smoke?
I only had a gram in the joint.
One gram.
About an hour ago,
one gram. Yeah. Jesus. Damn.
Are you a diabetic?
No. I am anemic.
Pardon me? I'm only an anemic. Okay.
You're anemic. You don't have epileptic seizures?
No.
Do you see a doctor weekly or monthly?
No. Okay.
What does anemic mean? It means your blood
doesn't clot.
So when you bleed, it's harder for you to heal.
But isn't that a good thing if you have blood clots?
No.
No.
It's a very bad thing.
People with blood clots get blood thinners, but people with anemia, their blood is too thin.
Yeah.
So you want the middle ground.
Yeah.
Huh.
I somehow always thought there was a relation between anemics and people that use enemas.
I could see how you'd find that relation based off of the word.
My blood's clotting.
I got to get this out of my ass.
You're a buffoon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Are you prescribed any medications?
No.
It was just my tarred pills.
Have you been taking your tarred pills today?
Just whatever they give you for Down syndrome.
Bad medication.
Have you been popping your Looney Tunes vitamins?
Have you been playing with your little race cars today?
No, I'm not.
The last thing I took was antibiotics, but I don't take them anymore.
Okay, that was a while ago.
Yeah.
Okay.
Did you have an STD?
Based on what you're telling me, then you have pretty good health.
Is that right?
Yeah, I used to pass out a lot, but I don't pass out no more.
Now, how's your pussy?
Nice and tight still? Nice and tight still.
Nice and tight.
You got like a yeast infection?
Is your pussy bacon bread?
From anemia, being anemic?
Yes.
Okay.
I noticed that you've walked without a cane.
You've walked without crutches.
You don't have a handicap placard in your car.
You don't have any physical defects that keep you from simply walking, turning.
Besides being ridiculous.
So what I'm coming to is you have a mental uh defense okay oh i do have like my tailbone is broken i supposed to go get your
tailbone yeah yeah i got my back blown out go get checked out but i never went and i was like how
do you know the tailbone is broken because i went to the hospital okay so how long ago was that they
told me i had chronic pain.
It was in Atlanta this year.
So it's been a while.
Is that why you smoke marijuana is for the chronic pain?
Yeah, it helps me sleep and stuff.
It helps me get through the night.
If you smoke it for chronic pain, why don't you...
She's so stupid.
She didn't say yet.
It's medical.
It helps me not have pain all day.
She goes, yeah, at night.
Well, she didn't have a medical marijuana card in Florida.
It gives me that. Sure. She's from Rhode Island. Well, she didn't have a medical marijuana card in Florida, it gives me that. Sure.
She's from Rhode Island, whatever.
Get a medical marijuana card.
I just haven't had a chance to go back up north
in Rhode Island from where I'm from.
Let's get to the field sobriety test.
Do not move your head. Do you understand?
Here we go.
She's going to start crying.
Yeah.
Ma'am, right now,
what I'm trying to ascertain
is whether or not you're dumb enough
to suck my dick to get out of this damn thing.
Doing fine.
Ma'am, your brain seems like it could use some lubricant.
Doing fine. doing fine ma'am your brain seems like it could use some lubricant doing fine stop making that face stop making that face that reminds me enough
you're all the same this ain't the ho chi minh trail
open them up there we go, bitch! Open them up.
There we go.
He's like, open them up.
Are they open?
He goes, can I ask you a question?
When I get the vermicelli bowl, how come the meat is hairy?
Have you guys figured that out yet?
You mince the meat, it's all smashed up, but it seems like there's hair in it. He goes, okay, let's skip all the goddamn rigmarole
nonsense. He goes, you explain
to me right now, how is the banh mi
still $2 in some places?
I mean, is it a trick or something?
Because there's food in the
bread. So how is it
so cheap? I can't
even get a French roll by itself
for $2.
What are you guys doing?
What is with the Vietnamese iced coffee?
Why is it so sweet?
Can you also explain what is with the numbers
at the four places?
87, 86, 43,
45.
Where are the rest of them?
He goes, what's up?
Where are the other numbers?
Where's 1 through 79?
Where's 1 through 79,
you bitch?
But this
gun is...
What's with your obsession
with cucumbers?
And daikon?
Daikon!
Why is there always carrots and cucumbers in the sandwiches?
It's just the target guy.
Listen, if you don't tell me about what the number on the boat place means,
I'm going to blow your brains out.
He goes, or you can suck it.
Time to die.
Oh, God.
The Tugget guy, it graduates into Suck It.
The Suck It guy.
He's at like a graduation.
They're like, congratulations.
You can now tell people to suck it.
He pulls the gun out.
He goes,
I was told that was Magnum.
Come loud.
He kills everybody at his graduation.
He goes, suck it.
He sounds suck it.
He gives like a black belt speech.
The suck it guy.
The suck it guy.
All right.
Is there like a bump where you go to?
I want to see her try to run.
When she get there.
We'll keep moving, okay?
Alright.
My little brother, can you call my mom to get him?
Can you, um, can I just call her?
There we go.
This is the one that must get an arm.
Yeah, give me a moment.
Come over here.
Oh, this is the one they give her the field sobriety.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at fucking mid-90s rolling by here.
21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
It looks like he's putting her on his Instagram or something.
Yeah, he's like, this is going to make a hell of a reel.
Until I tell you to stop.
Did they draw a line?
Yeah, they're like helping her out.
They even drew a line.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Is that their driveway
now they're arresting her here we go for uh suspected DUI okay
yep just right now all right we'll explain more what's going on
yeah you're under arrest for operating a vehicle that's the talks can we believe it would be cannabis what's going on we will take care of that listen I'm gonna double lock these
so they don't tighten up on you all right we will we'll take care of it
unless your mom runs the jail cell down at County.
I don't know why the fuck we need her.
He goes, trust me, you're going to be having sex with your mom soon.
It's just a total creepy thing.
He goes, you can get out.
There's one way to get out of this.
You can scissor your mom.
You let me watch you your mom we actually got your mom in the back of this patrol car over here
here we got one last offer your mother's in the back of that cattle wagon over there
and you can touch it you're not officer officer tug it he goes we're taking you to cracker barrel I did your neck. Officer Tugget. Officer Tugget.
He goes, we're taking you to Cracker Barrel immediately.
That's so stupid. We're the dumbest idiots on the planet.
We're just such retards, honestly.
We're dumber than this Asian lady.
We are.
We're way dumber than her.
100%.
100%.
And that's the beautiful thing. We're here. That's what people like about this show.. We are. We're way dumber than her. 100%. 100%. And that's the beautiful thing.
We're here.
That's what people like about this.
You're fine.
You're 21.
You're an adult.
Damn right.
They keep telling her she's an adult.
Very skinny.
She's very fucking hot.
Super tiny.
Please call my mom.
We'll bring the phone with you.
You'll get that opportunity, okay?
Please call my mom! Mom! Wow. Kind of a the phone with you. You'll get that opportunity, okay? Please call my mom.
Mom.
Wow.
Kind of a twinkrous energy.
Yeah, a little twink.
Maybe that's his sister.
That's the cousin she's talking about.
He goes, I'm on my way to my cousin.
She's going to go, why are you so upset, little girl?
My cousin, he just got arrested at Ralph's.
He crashed his car.
He got arrested
at a Ralph's
or Bed Amelia,
but he's got
a fucking sick Yaris.
My cousin,
he was trying to buy pills
because he has diarrhea.
A guy had a picture
of his anus?
You goddamn pig
tried to pin something on my cousin, too.
Relax, relax.
Please call my mommy.
Okay, we'll...
You'll have the opportunity to do that later, okay?
No, they're being very nice. Yep, you'll... You'll have the opportunity to do that later, okay?
No, they're being very nice.
Yep, you'll get out.
Yeah, very skinny.
I'll kill myself. That kicks ass, dude.
That's the last one.
Hang on.
It's another goddamn Twinkrus minion.
Like he's the Joker.
Twinkrus is just separating in his apartment.
He's just running around like this. Tw Ingress is just separating in his apartment.
He's just sitting in his apartment
like Deadpool and just cutting off body parts
and throwing in a retarded Asian woman.
It's like dividing like a fucking starfish.
We're going to stay live for the vehicle search, then we'll be off.
I have my cousin's gun on me.
Oh, it hurt me.
What a time to announce it, you retard.
Also, it's on her.
It's like not just in the car.
Like, it's in her waistband.
It's got so insane. Tucked into her sweatpants.
I have my cousin's gun on me.
Stop.
Stop. Don't reach. I've got a gun. Wow,ed into her sweatpants. How have my cousins gone on? Stop. Stop.
Don't reach.
Don't get a gun.
Help me.
Let go of it.
Let go of it.
Let go.
Let go.
Let go.
Let go of the gun.
Do you think they're making up that she's reaching for it?
She is cuffed.
I think she's reaching.
I mean, her hands are behind her back and she's cuffed.
I mean, you can still operate a fucking handgun of your cuff.
You can shoot some wild pot shots, potentially.
You think she's that stupid?
She's grabbing.
I think she was trying to get it out.
Hand.
Yeah.
She's like retarded.
I think any resistance in that scenario is like,
stop.
Like you're reaching because what they want is like,
just go totally limp.
Like don't move at all.
Yeah.
So if you like start like even like slightly,
um,
like muscling movement. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah start even slightly muscling back. Any movement.
You're reaching for it.
That is sketchy with a gun.
Yeah, very sketchy.
I'm sorry.
Let go. Just take it out.
I'm scared. I'm traumatized.
We're calm. We're good.
I'm traumatized.
Did you say I can't read?
She's like, I'm sorry. I can traumatized. I'm traumatized. Did you say I can't read? She's like, I'm sorry, I can't read!
I want to see the gun.
Okay, alright, alright, we'll figure it out.
Where's my ex-boyfriend's cousin?
Can you call my mom?
No, you'll do that later.
Alright, let's finish the search.
Yep.
Get her a position we can. Yep.
Just make sure nothing else happens.
My life is over.
I didn't do nothing, I promise.
I go to the gun range.
I'm queen.
You can search me, I promise, y'all.
I promise, y'all.
We did search you.
You have a gun.
You're high with a gun.
You can search you. You have a gun. You're high with a gun.
Also, there's 28 kilos of cocaine in my gut.
There's also heroin in my sphincter.
She keeps announcing new things.
I have bazooka in my trunk.
There's ecstasy pills in my ears. I have ecstasy pills in my ears. I've got ecstasy pills in my ears.
There's ecstasy pills in my ears.
I got a ring for my brother and my cousin.
She's really also a snitch.
She just keeps snitching on her family.
I might be pregnant, too.
I don't know.
Poor thing.
Go ahead and stand up.
Here we go.
Stand up.
She also strikes me as somebody who never quite knows if they're pregnant or not.
She's been pregnant since she was seven.
She has no clue.
She just takes Plan B every morning like a Flintstones fighter.
Ma'am, you're not pregnant.
You ain't Taco Bell.
Let's finish the search and then...
Let's finish her.
We're going to take her over here.
Let's finish her off.
Let's get on her way.
Let's throw her in front of an alligator.
Let's throw her on a big thing of spikes,
Mortal Kombat style,
and just move it along here.
We're going to rip her spine out of her back.
Or a ripper spine out.
We got to continue what we're doing.
All right, we're good.
You can see the paper behind.
I go to the gun range.
I go to the gun range.
I promise you I do.
I understand.
You got a gun permit on you?
No, but I go to the gun range.
They allow to.
That's a concealed carry, but we can talk about that later.
I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
She's so dumb.
I'm so dumb.
I go to the gun range, though.
Okay.
She's like,
I was just,
I was bringing it
to his school.
Everything she says
gets her in more trouble.
She's like,
no,
so then I was on my way
to a pay line
to call a bomb
to get into the White House.
That's crazy.
You think they would've
let her in the cop car?
No,
they would've searched her
eventually.
Oh yeah,
before they put her
in the cop car.
Yeah, that's wild. Yeah. No? No, no no they would they were kind of in a casual like she's just a dumb
ass they may be of let they may have found it at the station yeah because they were handcuffing her
and then it was just they were gonna i don't know i don't remember exactly but i think before you go
in the cop car you get patted down yeah yeah for sure all right it would have been nice if you told us about it from the beginning you got a brown paper bag i probably
don't to be honest with you i got one in my trunk yeah go get it uh my file folder and like the
second pocket i got brown paper bags can you grab those out please there you go yeah she had a
concealed reading level.
I wasn't worried about the gun until her hands got on it. That's what I said, yeah.
I wasn't worried about the gun until her hands got on it,
and then she wouldn't release it.
That's what I said.
Plus, she's going to pull the trigger.
And then Stav had to leave Comptown.
Fucking bullshit.
All right.
Was there one in?
He's going to...
There wasn't one in the chamber?
No.
Good job.
That's a fucking gun.
That's about it.
Speaking of guns, John's Gun Corner.
Oh, yeah.
John's Gun Corner?
All right.
All right.
Let's do it.
Let's do a little...
Do you have some questions, Joseph?
Yeah.
Do we have a new song?
I was thinking of, like, let's do, like, a Bob Dylan thing.
Yeah, do, like, do you have Hurricane?
I'm going to do Highway 61, I think.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
You guys ready?
John's Gun Corner.
Coming up.
You got questions, Joey?
Yeah.
All right.
Yes, yes.
All right.
Here we go.
You guys ready?
A little John's Gun Corner.
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh. Oh yeah Uh huh Well God said to John
Give me some food
John looked up from a pile full of poo
God said gross
John said yeah
Just another day being fat and gay
On highway 61
Fat and gay on highway 61. Fat and gay on highway 61.
John's gun corner.
John's gun corner.
People ask him questions.
He doesn't know shit.
Doesn't know shit.
He talks out of his ass more than he shits.
Oh, yeah.
John's gun corner is John's gun corner.
The big man in the sky
He wants to fuck the big man in the sky
The only man big enough to take his cream pie
That's right, dude.
John's Gun Corner
That's a compliment, dude.
Whoa, where are the guns? Let's get the guns.
Oh, yeah.
Welcome back to John's Gun Corner.
These are getting kind of hard to do.
They get harder each week.
It never ends.
It never ends.
We've put ourselves in a hell of our own creation.
Why have we done this to ourselves?
However, welcome back to John's Gun Corner.
A couple guns pointed at us.
First question from J.P. Ryder Morgan, my favorite.
Yay!
He goes, okay, fellas, it was a little
hard to come up with a gun corner question this week.
Even he's having a hard time. Yeah, wow,
JP. It's getting difficult for the folks
at home. However, here it goes,
John. I want you to pick three
iconic gun movie scenes from bad
to awesome. Example,
the scene in American Gangster
when Denzel Washington blows the brains out of that dude in the street.
Yeah.
That's my question, Joey.
Love you, brother, and all the boys,
John, Richie, and Devin.
You guys are the highlight of my week.
J.P. Ryder Morgan, go ahead.
I mean, the best gun scene ever is Heat,
the fucking bank robbery.
That's the best gun scene ever?
That kicks so much ass, dude.
That makes sense to me. That kicks ass. I'm not talking's the best gun scene ever? Yeah, that kicks so much ass, dude. That makes sense to me.
That kicks ass.
It's not even like the most...
I'm not talking about like the most accurate, right?
Like just the coolest.
Just the coolest one.
And then like medium...
I don't know.
What's the worst one?
Fucking probably...
You know what?
Everybody overhyped the shootout in the mall in the Matrix.
Was it the mall or the bank or the fuck they were?
Where they're like hopping off of walls and shit.
You remember that?
Oh, yeah.
That was like the lobby of a skyscraper.
Yeah.
Everybody thought that was the coolest scene ever.
It's not that cool.
It's not that cool.
You liked Mr. Inbetween gun stuff.
The Mr. Inbetween.
Mr. Inbetween has incredible gun trees.
Mr. Inbetween.
Well, not only just because of the gun stuff,
but because of like it's in Australia
and they have all these like kind of like surplus firearms
they're using,
which is what those guys would have.
Like one of the dudes is like an old World War II M1
and like the other guy's got an L1A1
and like it's just a great gun.
And you said you liked how he loaded
the shotgun. Yeah he was
he had this like short barreled shotgun
and he was just loading it. Very good.
Very good. Here is a
question.
Just thought of the perfect gun corner question.
Who would win in the shootout?
Rex Engelbert, the hero of Nashville.
Against Eric and Dylan from Columbine.
Oh, my God.
Rex Engelbert would fucking body those guys.
Now, I guess, how do you see that fight going?
And also, he did a stipulation.
Their propane bombs actually go off in this scenario
because that column by the bombs didn't go off.
Well, if their propane bombs go off, then Rex is gonzo.
Engelbert gets killed by the bomb.
Yeah, I guess, yeah.
What if he detects?
What if he survives and he's good?
What if he disarms the bomb?
I wouldn't put it behind Engelbert to disarm the bomb like Die Hard style.
Make a choice.
Engelbert.
Engelbert.
Engelbert.
Okay.
Another question.
Question number three.
I love the voice Joey puts on for this.
Gun corner situation.
John is on a business trip in Thailand.
He does business with an attractive lady boy.
And John argues price per hour
The ladyboy's pimp comes at him with a Glock 40
And John has a gun hidden in his ass
What gun is it?
And he can't say AR-15 from Dalton
We've already done this
What can I fit that says zip gun?
That was the gun I put in my ass
He's already done this fucking ass gun
Hey, list Dalton
Pay attention
Dalton, pay attention.
Dalton, pay attention to gun corner.
You idiot.
God, Dalton.
God damn you.
God damn you.
God damn you straight to hell.
He wants a goddamn zip gun in his ass, you idiot. That's the gun you fit in your ass.
9mm zip gun in his ass.
Okay, next question.
What gun would John use to kill Devin's potential rapist?
And how would Devin stop John in order to still have sex with the perp?
I would never let that happen.
And then he says, sorry for the bad English.
I am from Holland.
Enzo.
Oh.
Oh, shout out to Holland.
Weird Italian guy.
Dirty eye tie from Holland.
He's an Italian from Holland.
His name is Enzo.
He's got to be.
Enzo.
Mamma mia.
I think I would have to use like a sniper rifle to stop Devin's rapist because Devin would
be in the middle of nowhere.
I'd fight you.
I'd fight you really hard.
I'd have to do it from a distance.
Devin would jump in front of the bullet.
I'd rather be raped with a bullet wound.
Devin would let you start it.
He'd go into a bullet time and finish him off before the bullet
made contact.
Okay, next question.
If John had to create a multi-purpose
weapon that was perfect for
mass genocide and
passionate gay sex,
what would he create and what
attachments would it have from Josh R?
I think it would be like a gun that shoots
AIDS-ridden cum.
AIDS-riddled. AIDS riddled.
AIDS ridden?
That's a riddled or ridden?
AIDS riddled.
AIDS ridden.
Can't you say ridden?
No, both.
Both.
Yeah, you know, just spray it around.
But that would take a long time to kill people.
If they got AIDS.
Maybe like syphilis.
That's got to be quicker.
Untreated.
I don't know.
Mass genocide, but gay sex.
I don't know. That's a tough one. That's fine. be quicker. Untreated. I don't know. Mass genocide, but gay sex? I don't know.
That's a tough one.
That's a tough one.
That's a bit fine.
Two different things.
Okay, this is from a friend.
Yeah.
John is a fat man, which makes me think
he could hump around a machine gun and ammo,
but is also gay,
so seems more suited to a hooker gun
or some European bullpup.
When the lizard pedophiles try to take over.
Which will he prefer?
From Nate Yenny, your friend.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, Nate.
What's up, dog?
Damn.
Probably a fucking gay European bullpup, dude.
Okay, European bullpup.
Next question.
Love you, Nate.
Would you rather never be able to touch or use a gun ever again
or have me beat your ass red?
Heads up, though.
If you choose the me beating your ass option,
all the guns are poison somehow
and will kill you even if you look or touch at them.
Oh, that's not a joke.
I'm also going to serious beat your ass.
Thanks for your time.
From my brother, Louis,
from the Louis Lafleur's
premium quality call-in show
on Twitch.
Check it out.
Dude, I have a list of guys
I have to fucking fight
when I go to South Dakota now.
This is crazy.
You've been trolling
the Bone Crusher.
You got Brock.
I got Louis now.
Now my brother, Louis.
He lives in Minneapolis.
Joey, shout out
Louis' info again.
Oh, yeah.
Louis Lafleur.
I love Louis.
It's on Twitch.
If you search Louis Lafleur's premium quality call I love Louis. It's on Twitch. If you search Louis Lafleur's
premium quality call-in show,
it's on Twitch.
They have stuff on YouTube as well.
They have a YouTube channel, but the full
episodes go on Twitch. Check it out.
Check it out. Louis is very funny.
I saw that picture of him dressed like Henry VIII.
It was one of the most intricate costumes I've ever seen
in my life. It's actually my favorite show.
They get like... they're immature too
yeah but they're like uh absurd and uh it's it's just very fun and you don't need to know anything
else then it's it's joey's older brother who wouldn't want to look into that he's of course
this guy has everything to do with... It's Joey 1.0.
It makes me laugh harder than any other podcast type of show.
Yeah.
So, would you...
I'd rather have Louis beat my ass to red.
Okay.
Last question, and then...
All right, then we're good.
We gotta...
Because we gotta get...
Yes, yes, yes.
We're taking...
I'm taking young Joseph to dinner tonight for his birthday.
Everyone shout out Joey's birthday on Instagram.
Happy birthday, Joey.
Love you, Joey.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, my birthday was a few days ago, but we missed it.
We missed it.
It was a Monday.
It was a Monday.
Who the fuck does a birthday on a Monday?
I sent you a very nice text.
What was with your parents?
They popped you out on a Monday?
What the fuck?
Well, they did the day of the week changes.
That's right.
That's how it works.
Now we have to explain a calendar.
Okay, last question.
Let's skip over how ignorant our host is.
Host of the show doesn't understand calendars.
Yeah.
Okay.
John's Good Corner.
What gun would you use to break into the podcast studio to rob and hold everybody hostage?
Think Jackie Jr. at the card game.
It's a Sopranos reference.
He doesn't, yeah, because he hasn't watched the best show.
This gun has to have enough bravado to scare the otters
to the point of overpowering them
and enough of a blast to blow your head off
if you don't succeed.
From Ryan W.
I would just, like, I don't know, use like a machine gun.
Machine gun.
Like a tech nine.
Well, that settles it.
That settles it.
Yeah.
Let's head over to the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast.
Well, you learned what the Patreon was.
I hope.
I hope it's right.
Let's check it out
That's like 200 episodes deep
Hatewatchpodcast
Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast
Yeah that's what my company is I guess
I literally never
Never remember
I don't care about any of this bullshit folks
We do this to bring you the best time
On the internet
It's solely for entertainment purposes care about any of this bullshit, folks. We do this to bring you the best time on the internet.
It's solely for entertainment purposes. I don't ever
want to become one
of these gross podcasts that has like 50
ads and they're just kind of
As soon as Devin has the
ability to have 50 ads,
there will be 50 ads.
You know what? I got hit up by a guy that wanted to do
ads today on our show now
because the Lemon Party heat, I think, and whatever.
And I was kind of like, I don't know.
What was he offering?
I don't know.
That's what I'm saying.
If it was a legitimate money offer.
It was a sheath underwear ad.
And then he said to send me the numbers and blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, okay.
The ones that cut your balls?
But I'm like, I don't know.
I just don't want to infect.
Once again, we're the Punk Rock Podcast.
Just subscribe to the Patreon.
What's more punk than selling out?
Support us independently.
You need to be punk rock when no one's offering you money.
Support us independently.
Sure.
Tell your friends about it.
I like that this podcast feels like a big piece sometimes you know like it's a
big piece of shit i like that it feels like a i like that it feels like a big piece of shit
i i like that like nobody has to be like okay isn't that like that bullshit you know it's
this non-stop depravity and insane moments. It's like when you get in-school suspension and...
It's all the coolest guys also have in-school suspension.
Well, I was going to say they always have the kind of the retarded kids in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're kind of...
This podcast is like getting in there and sitting in on the special ed room.
Yeah.
Going to bathroom during in-school suspension was always fucking hilarious.
That's where you see the kids smoking cigarettes and shit.
Or jacking off.
I saw fucking Anthony Landis giving himself a tattoo
in fucking the bathroom during suspension.
Yeah, that guy.
It was crazy, man.
Yeah.
Our high school was full of that.
Goodbye, everybody.
See ya.
Good night, everybody.
Bye.
We love you.
Hey.
John's fat Yep
Oh