Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Justice For Jane Doe (ft. Conner McNutt)

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Danny Masterson has been taken from us, Jimmy Fallon is a drunken monster, woman forces her son to pose for photo after dog died, The Tam, Conner's face-off with ugly brooklynites https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Support the show and get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com with promo code HATEWATCH20    

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. I didn't know, honestly. You stole your own headphones.

I didn't steal them. I bought them and then never opened the box. And never brought them over here and just thought I did. Yeah, because that was at the time when we were like, we're going to have like 17 people on the show. And I was going through my closet the other day, and I just found the Amazon. I was like, what the fuck is this?

And I opened it up, and there was headphones in there. No, I've been gas lit for over eight months. You go, I don't know, dude. Where'd you put the fucking headphones, dude? I told them, right? John, you're fired. You're fired, John. Here's what I remember is you making Devin, like, ask

a bunch of friends. Yeah. You're like, dude, ask fucking Richie, ask Jace, ask Ben. You're like, I bet it's that fucking cocksucker Ben, dude. It was that cocksucker Ben. I literally hit everyone up, almost like acting like somebody had stolen from me. You look crazy, dude. I like rifled through Ben's studio.

I'm like, what the fuck, man? I know I fucking brought him. Shut the fucking door. Shut the fucking door. Yeah, I killed Gracie. Oh, well, that's nice to know. I don't have to use these stupid. Look, I don't even have any fucking.

I'm on a leash here. Is that just the way I like you, man? Have you always been? No, because I had to buy these when we had the pedophile hunter on. Yeah. Because we didn't have, because John was lying to me and didn't bring the headphones. So we didn't have enough, so I had to go out to Best Buy and buy these headphones, which suck.

By the way, pedophile hunter, Colin Shoemaker, he has not, he won't post our card reveal. I think it was bad. I think it was bad. You know, we have to be doing something wrong if we're a bad look for a pedophile hunter. So it was like he does these card pulls, and he has a format for it, and he has like a cast of guys, and he does it, and they all cheer in the background, and that's a big part of it. The cast of guys wasn't there to cheer.

He didn't have Trey Lamb, which hurt. Wait, you mean nothing? And then... I'm so lost. I have no clue who you guys are. But no, he's got a bunch of cheerleaders in the background usually and they're parodying a real card pool thing where everybody yells.

So I don't know. My guess is that ours probably didn't have that. They probably sucked. Yeah. We were all like, what the fuck is this? He had to explain it and then we're like, alright, sure, we'll say whatever you want. We didn't get it. He was just getting our fingerprints. Well, anyway.

Guys, they got Masterson. Oh. Danny Masterson. I mean, one of my favorite actors. I mean One of My favorite actor One of One of Hollywood's best Finest actors Connor's been in a bad mood

All day about this I do I Can't even talk to my girlfriend Sean Penn's at the Oscars He's like Danny Masterson One of Hollywood's

Finest actors He's been Closely accused He's on the Immemorial At the Oscars So I mean I don't know There's a little news story on it

Let's check it out It shows actor Danny Masterson Has been sentenced to 30 years to life in prison For the rapes of two women The judge issued the sentence That's a lot Am I crazy? That's a lot

I don't mean to That's a lot. Don't mean to be like a rape. I'm going to say right now. I don't think it's enough. I mean, like, like 30 years to life. Well, you know what? There's not really any info on how they like what the evidence was or how. I mean, you know, this is some women saying that they were raped.

There's no info. But there's no. There has to be. It happened in a trial. It happened in 2003. They came out with it 20 years later. He better be making human centipedes in his fucking house. He drugged them, apparently.

If he drugged them unconscious and it was a full actual rape, then 15 years each rape, that makes sense. But that happens all the time. And if there's not actual evidence evidence, how does anyone actually know if they were drugged? Well, the lawyers had to show this. Must be pretty good. I mean, listen, everyone here knows I'm a rape apologist.

But this is non-biased, my opinion. This is a non-biased one. And I think he did it because he's a Scientologist. And they're already insane. And you want to know, this also marks the end of Scientology's run. If they can't protect Masterson... I think it might be bigger than that. Tom Cruise is like, what am I even here for?

Guys, we're jumping ship. Tom Cruise is raping a bungee cord right now. Travolta's like, I got a bunch of masseuses that are going to be coming after me. Tom Cruise skydives just rapes clouds I think it might be bigger than that then

because that means I feel like it might be like Scientology turned on Masterson right could be something like that well I think they

you know even Ida yeah Ida had a night with Masterson. Don't say it like that.

Yeah, you got it. They didn't do anything. You said it like something might have happened. No, he didn't. My girlfriend was one of the two women who accused Masterson. No, no, no. Masterson. He had a night.

Masterson didn't rape my girlfriend. We all seen her. She's a uggo. So, why would he? Masterson saved his rapes, okay? He hit them wisely. They were like Hadoukens. Like he'd rape a podcaster.

He's got his bag in it. Ida hung out with him and his boy Michael Pena out in Texas one night. They drove around, had a great night. Ida said he was the most charming, wonderful man she had ever met. So this is just the info I have.

I don't know. And so Ida's really against him being charged with this. Are you serious? I mean, she just doesn't know where the evidence is. Oh, God. Has she looked into the case? But here's the thing about Ida. She loves rape.

She? She's like, this should be legal. She's Iranian. Yeah, exactly. It's like mandatory there. It's her culture. Yeah, it's a cultural thing.

It's like a speeding ticket there. It's a speeding ticket. Yeah. It's like, it's Middle East dog fighting. But yeah, anyway, it's weird. The it's like it's Middle East dog fighting but yeah anyway it's weird the bizarre you know

the degree of separation from me and Masters so we know nothing about this case well watch this like once again there's you know you're kind of wondering

like but where like how do they actually I didn't know testimony was enough to give somebody a 30 30 years in prison well there has to be they have to be able to prove, I'm guessing, that there's a fucking bug.

I know, there's a really annoying bugger. I'm guessing they have to be able to prove, like, I was there that night. He doesn't have an alibi. There has to be more than just he said, she said. I bet, I hope. Was it 20 years ago? 2003 was when these happened, apparently. Oh, shit.

That's why it's a little like, right? Right, Connor? You're coming around to me, right? No. You're right. Is that why you brought Connor on this episode to turn me? All right. Hearing impact statements from the two victims.

I love, like... He looks great. By the way, he's got a huge Hollywood family. Like, his wife is Bijou Phillips. She was in, like in Almost Famous. One of his kids is in The Walking Dead. It's a whole nepotism fam. I love this shot of him with his black Starbucks coffee.

She's got her coffee in her mug. You can tell they're like, there's no way he's going to move. Rich, come here. Prison time. He's wearing a skinny tie. Yeah. I mean, they just got back from Pink Dot.

They're just like a Hollywood couple. By the way, as we watch this, I'm looking up evidence, so I'm not texting or anything. I'm going to try to find what evidence they had. You can try. You can try. I'm telling you.

You'll never get my boy. You'll never get Masterson. Describing the trauma they have suffered from their encounters with Masterson two decades ago. One telling him in the courtroom, quote, when you raped me, you stole from me. Well, this all comes after Well, I mean, okay, he's charging with theft then.

There's a difference between rape and theft. When you stole, you know, when you steal from the liquor store, they don't charge you with rape. She's like, you stole from me and I'm simply asking you to give it back. Give my pussy back. Give it back to me right now.

I want my innocence. All right, all right. On those two counts of rape in a retrial. Oh, my God. Look at how casually he's sitting. Look at that fucking cartoon. All right, that's a rapist. Who the fuck is being charged with three counts of rape

and folds their legs in court? It's like Jimmy Neutron. Look at him sitting back like that. That's crazy. Our legal contributor and host of the law and crime network brian buckmeyer joins us now brian what do you make of the sentence i think it makes sense uh especially based on the allegations i think for masterson and his defense uh they came out winning in some respects because the charges were not run consecutively this could have been 30 and 30 years

rather than just 30 years with the life in prison, sorry. Which basically means that after 30 years, he will have a possibility of going before a parole board and asking to be let out and still be on parole while having some form of liberty. Once again, not a lot of info. Joey, what have you found? So far, nothing. I'm not- That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. There's like no, it's all anecdotal. There's like no... It's all anecdotal. There's like no hard, cold, hard

vex. I'm going to keep reading, but so far nothing. Alright, well, we got Joey on it, folks. So listen, we have five more minutes or else Masterson's fucking in. Yay! With allegations like this and no admission of guilt or no remorse, that would make it very difficult. Look at him.

He's all fucking... He's just doped up on Scientology. His final moments during his sentencing is him putting all his cards into this appeal. Dude, there's nothing. Once again, that was like a nothing story. This is the only evidence that I think we have. Where the fuck did it go?

By the way, dude, if I was on trial for rape, I would be freaking the fuck out. I know. He's just casually walking. Every video of me would just be like, oh my God, no, no, no. I didn't do it, I promise. I know.

The courtroom sketches of me would be like, no, fuck. If somebody's walking, my legs would not be crossed. I know. I'd be like, I'll suck your dick, Josh, please. I'd be freaking out. You're not sitting like Lex Luthor. That's what I never understand. When people are falsely accused of things and they're supposed to act like normal,

I'm like, dude, if I was in court for that, I would be like, are you fucking kidding me? Are we really doing this? Dude, he really has the demeanor of a supervillain in a superhero movie where they realize he wanted to be caught. And he's in the prison like, this is all part of my plan. And he just rapes everyone in prison. He just wants to rape more, actually.

Yeah, that's why he put himself away. You guys have no idea what you did to me. I'm in a buffet right now. He actually, after he raped them, he thanked them. So this is the only thing that was a little interesting. Everyone's like, you know, like, Conan is bae. This blew my mind. Conan called it, but this is funny.

You have no accent, though. You have no Long Island accent that I can discern. Not really. I've been in L.A. for like 10 years. And it just goes away naturally, right? It goes away naturally, and there's also certain words that there's nothing you can do about. Like my friend, Bode Elfman, he always teases me, and he says, Hi, my name is Danny Masterson. Would you like to touch my balls?

You know, doing an imitation of me. So why are you asking people to do that? That's the more important question. I mean, you got them. Accent aside, that's the more important thing. Exactly. I've heard about you.

And you'll be caught soon. I know you will. I will. We live in a simulation, dude. That's insane. No matter what happens, there's a clip from 20 years ago of somebody being like, yeah, I'm a fucking triple murderer.

And then, you know, David Letterman's like, yeah, we all know about that. It's also like, I mean, I know Conan's a good guy, but the way he's saying that almost sounds like, you're getting sloppy, buddy.

Yeah, right. You're making us look bad. We've all heard. Yeah. We've all heard. Well, that's interesting. It kind of brings up, like, that 70s show, what? Let me just really fast say that I'm going to.

Yeah, you have the facts? No, I don't, but I don't want to keep reading. But so what I'll say, and then get off this, because I made a, you know, I promised people that I would do research and due diligence and I unfortunately I have to give up but so what I saw and I'm giving up because I care about the podcast. You promised two minutes ago. I know but I'm getting. I appreciate it Joe.

I'm trying to like listen to you guys and I can't do it but so his ex-girlfriend, this is the most damning piece of evidence that I found, his ex-girlfriend that was like confirmed ex said she woke up to him like forcibly raping her. And he was like, she was like pulling his hair to get him off. Right. Like actual physical, like serious rape.

Well, yeah, I imagined like the stories were bad, but once again, I didn't know a story was enough. Well, no, no. But the reason I thought that was semi-compelling is because it was his confirmed ex-girlfriend. It wasn't like some Jane Doe shirt, right? By the way, who is Jane Doe? That's the most raped woman on earth. This Jane Doe is a real floozy. Dude, I mean, every case I read, I go, Jane Doe got in the shit, kicked out of her, she got raped 80 times.

You're like, Jane Doe got murdered again? Jane Doe needs to stop dressing like a slut. Has Jane Doe thought about what she's wearing when she leaves the house? Because it's like non-stop with her. I can't believe Jane and John Doe broke up. That's why this all happened. Well, my favorite thing is, okay,

Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, and like all these Hollywood retards are writing these letters about him. By the way, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, and all these Hollywood retards are writing these letters about him. By the way, Ashton Kutcher was a big... He was working... He stopped human trafficking and stuff, which is just hilarious.

But now, because your buddy that you used to hang with in Austin... Now it's kind of chill. It's not that bad. This is my favorite. There was one of these quotes. He's like, no, it's kind of chill. It's not that bad. So this is like my favorite. There was one of these quotes. It's hilarious. It says, it's all the people that are defending him.

Hold on, where is it? Wait, they're defending him? Yeah, they wrote letters to the court, dude. They wrote letters. Here's the thing. In addition to Rabisi and that 70 show stars, the writers include actor William Billy Baldwin. First off, imagine being like,

yeah, I'm going to get off. Dude, Billy Baldwin. No, dude. As long as Baldwin sends a letter saying, I'm badass. Is Alec available by chance? Because his lawyer's like, Stephen, anybody?

Billy Baldwin's like, he used to love crushing cans. And, you know, we used to be in New Braunfels. We used to, like, shoot deer. Oh, you think I'm going to jail? Wait till you meet my friend Tony Shalhoub. He won't let that happen to me. Your Honor, I know Monk.

But, yeah, I mean, China Phillips, who's the daughter of John Phillips and of the Mamas and the Papas band members. I mean, it's, who's the daughter of John Phillips and of the Mamas and the Papas band members. I mean, it's just... What the fuck? It just is... I don't know. It's an odd case because it's like, I think that...

I think he is guilty, but I also think there's a large part of this that they're not saying is because... I'm pretty sure after this happened, probably 2003, 2004, 2005, I think he went to his mafia, the Hollywood mafia, which is Scientology, and they probably were very aggressive and violent in trying to shun them. That is something that I learned while I was reading

is that one of the girls that he raped, one of the Jane Does, came to Scientology and basically said, like, guys, Masterson raped me last night. He anally raped me. He drugged me in his hot tub, then raped me in the shower. And apparently Scientology said like,

no, that's not rape. You need to take this class to learn about what rape is because that's not rape and you need to apologize. And like, so they were definitely aggressively defending him and probably intimidating her and shit like that.

Yeah, so maybe they're like, we don't have a ton of actual evidence, but the fact that these women were intimidated by Scientology, why would they be intimidated so hard if you didn't do it? He's definitely guilty, but I think I'm with you where it's like, you have to have evidence. That's the one thing I don't understand here. Not a lot of DNA. Sounds like Scientology is giving him up a little bit. I bet this gets appealed that he doesn't do

30 years. I think it might be something like that, but it also might be something with the US courts being like, this is a fuck you to Scientology. Make an example out of the guy. Because they keep getting away with shit, sweeping it under the rug. They're like, sure, you don't ever need to pay taxes, but Masterson's out of the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they keep getting away with shit, sweeping under the rug. Right. They're like, sure, you don't ever need to pay taxes, but Masterson's out of here.

It's like an untouchable style group going after Scientologists. And also, it's like such a funny tale that they're out of touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. The U.S. courts are like, they're gonna be devastated when the star of that 70s show goes to prison. Are you guys gonna start paying taxes yet?

And they're like, no, have Masterson. Take Masterson. He's the queen's gambit. But if you touch Travolta, we'll drone strike the U.S. Capitol. I mean, did you guys watch that 70s show? It was a good show.

I liked it. I think there's a part of this where it's like a lot of people, I think they think they're their characters. Because wasn't he like kind of a scumbag? Yeah. He was like a gentle stoner. Gentle stoner. But there's like scenes where like, there's like a whole meme going around where like

I think in the show, they go where do you see yourself in five years? And he's like prison. Oh, the old rape storyline. The rape storyline. There was a rape story line Well I mean What's the theme song I bet we could redo this

Listen to this Hell yes Remember this Remember this That's him driving away From a rape Hanging out Down the street

The same old rape I committed last week Not a thing to lose Cause I'm in Scientology Talk to you We're all alright We're all gonna rape Yeah!

Hello, Wisconsin! Hello, rape! Been a while since we got a song. We're all alright We're all gonna rape Yeah Hello Wisconsin Hello rape Been a while since we got a song Yeah that was great I know yeah we needed to I want more songs We wanted to pump some energy into this You should have waited

Cause now I just want songs Oh man I just want songs for the rest of the I just want a shotgun The instrumental We'll all go take turns. Well, this is a big Hollywood episode, folks,

because, I mean, I don't know what's going on this week, but Jimmy Fallon. Mm-hmm. Jimmy Fallon. What the fuck is that? Well, they're just

saying that he's... Where the hell did this come from? He's a psychopath. He's a psycho? Look at this. Look at this. Oh, my God.

Look at that unhinged photo of him. Wow. It's funny that just the smile can be, if like it's edited right, can make you look like, like, you know,

like here's Johnny. You're Jim. Exactly. So chaos, comedy, and crying rooms inside Jimmy Fallon's tonight show. Uh, it was a particularly tense day on the set of the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon.

The host, known for his warm and congenial presence on screen, was acting especially dismissive and irritable during production meetings. A former longtime employee tells Rolling Stone, he stumbled through rehearsal in front of a studio audience who typically sits on rehearsal. There's bad Jimmy days and there's good Jimmy days. What does it mean? That makes you just go,

I don't want to be around for a bad Jimmy day. He's walking into 30 Rock being like, bad Jimmy day, folks. Stay the fuck away from me. It's a bad Jimmy day. Holding a shank at his writers. He couldn't, okay, so they say Fallon seemed to be confused during rehearsal that day in 2017

when he crossed out jokes on the piece of paper he's holding riff at the audience for a bit then quizzically looked back down at the same sheet of paper he couldn't remember he had just crossed it out himself the employee says I was like oh my god he seems drunk he doesn't know what he's doing this could be awful this could be the end of the show right here uh I mean this whole article is just full of like there's not really like a like what it's just him getting a little drunk who cares he's just a hammered you know fucking excitable freak don't make me defend felon yeah there's nothing he did he's the boss there's nothing he did to employees that was worse than making them right

for the tonight like truly that is a worse punishment than anything. And one of the most harrowing things I read in this article was somebody saying it was their dream to write for Jimmy Fallon. Oh, God. In The Tonight Show. That's devastating. Dude, that's devastating. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Are you reading this, John? Yeah, I'm reading it.

So he would. They have crying rooms for people to go in and cry. It's commonplace to hear people joking about wanting to kill themselves on the staff but that just you know that's not saying much

they would refer to guest dressing rooms in the offices these people are fags dude crying rooms yeah well it's funny because

Jimmy Fallon is so presentable as not that guy. Like, when I heard he got the Tonight Show, I never understood that, because he's such an animated... He's quirky. He's not like a talker.

I never thought of Jimmy Fallon as like, oh, yeah, he's going to be great asking questions or in conversation. Like, he's great at impressions. The only time I ever tuned into the Tonight Show and was like, that's fine, was when it's a skit where he's being able to show off what he did on SNL.

An impression or something. The interviews and everything, it's horrific. So I imagine him just, he's got a coffee mug full of vodka and he's obviously chained to the desk like all these guys are. How would you not be drinking heavily if that is what happened to you in your life?

Because Lorne Michaels is like, oh, he's able to channel this kind of sweet, lovable character on the show. Let's force him to be that in real life. Oh my god! What a great start! I'm gonna shake you! It started getting exhausting. He's like, I can't keep this up! He's like, I gotta get fucking hammered all the time!

I would too! I mean, i've heard from people i know yes connor yeah that like please i was waiting well also like if you ask lorne to this day who is favorite cast member of s and l in history he goes jimmy fallon what yeah and i think it might be some kind of like weird puppeteering that's insane jimmy fallon i own him yeah jimmy my little puppy dog j Jimmy. I can make him do whatever I want. I love Jimmy. You're the tightest ass.

Watch me. I just, I press up. I press up on this remote and he moves. Because I walk into this little doorway and I become him. Remember that chess player who had the vibrating anal beads? Yes. It's just Lord and Jimmy. Laugh.

Laugh. Jimmy's like, ah! Ah! Ah! He's just been coming this whole time. His laugh sounds weird. He's coming.

He's hammered. They're like, no, he's being controlled by Lord Michaels with anal beads. He is a monster, though. Yeah, he's... What?

Do you know stuff? He gets really drunk with staffers. Come on, leak some private info. I mean, I can't, no names or anything like that.

No names. I have friends who currently, this feels even kind of bad to do. No names. I know people who have worked there, and the turnover there is insane, too. Yes, that's what this whole article is about. It's constantly new people. People are like, holy shit, because, dude, when you get a writing job for, like, the Tonight Show, you start off five grand a week.

Your life changes, and it's a whole year's show. So you're making five grand a week for the rest and it's a whole year show so you're making five grand a week for you and the rest of your life apparently like supposedly yeah and then like three weeks later they're fired with no reason and they have no idea why and uh and he is just a fucking drunk psycho who yeah they don't talk to him drunk you have to also be very generous and you can't be like firing people for your reason. Your behavior has to like really line up. He's a mean drunk. It's not like we're all like we love getting drunk. We're like it's the best. He's like

your drunk dad. He's drunk beer bottles. You know it's like an abusive stepfather type thing. Hold on let me find this clip. But yeah there's you know I heard a couple stories of him like first couple years where he would get drunk

with his employees and writers and be like, let's go, come on, let's go out. Let's get fucked up. And then the night ends with him, like, wrestling people to the ground. Yeah, yeah, well, I told you that. But yeah.

Well, I didn't know if you wanted to say it, so I was going to pretend I just heard it from somebody. heard it There's no names involved But there was a guy who got hired To the show Connor McDutt is our new New York City insider He moved back finally

You're safe Missed you bud I missed you guys too New York City sucks You're safe I love it there No it's great But you're home I'm home You're home now You're home I love New York. No, it's great, but you're home. I'm home.

You're home now. You're home. I love New York, but you're home. Thanks, buddy. You're home, and now you are going to ruin every industry chance you have being on this podcast as much as possible. So this was a very interesting clip to me because you could kind of see what

people are talking about here. Because they're doing one of those weird gags on the show where they play like a trivia game or something and there's just some random guy there and jimmy is on his team and the other celebrity and neil patrick harris is on this other random woman's team and they're both just civilians and jimmy loses because the guy like keeps stuttering the like it's like playing uh charades because the guy keeps stuttering. It's like playing charades, and the guy can't get the words out, and Jimmy kind of gets on him in a Jimmy way, where to the crowd, no one will notice, but to us, well, yeah.

Also, real quick, I just love that the only way you would ever watch The Tonight Show is as evidence. Yes, it's the only, ever. Dude. That's so funny. I need to be in Zodiac. Yeah. Like, okay, wow, what a segment. Carpool karaoke, yeah, you can see the murderous look in his eye.

Like exhibit A, carpool karaoke. We come into this basement one day and there's just red yarn attached to headshots of Jimmy Fallon, Patrick Harris. James Corden. I mean, it's hilarious. Like, okay, we got got your tweet was great today where it's like it was Ellen

James Corden Jimmy Fallon and it's like we're in True Detective with like these people that come off as the nicest most just jovial people and every five years

there's an article written about how they're fucking they're doing Korean water torture they're the Tuttle family yeah yeah it's unbelievable they're they're like they're like the family that like uh the family that like like tortured that poor kid out in palmdale remember that remember that documentary where they killed that kid the the case of Gabriel Iglesias. Oh, shit. I didn't know you had a little Mexican kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's crazy.

Like, they've been in these, you know, they're living the high life, and they're the same as, like, people that are drinking steel reserves and, like, throwing, like, darts at their kid's head. Go, go, go, go, go, go. So watch this. You need to figure out how to change the channel.

Remote, remote, go, go. No! Yes! I have a tricky, tricky teammate. Look at that. Did you guys hear him stutter? He goes, He's fucking nervous. He's in New York.

The Big Apple. Connor, back me up here. He's like, what man? Your nervous Yeah He's in New York The Big Apple Connor Back me up here He's like what man Your first time ever On the Tonight Show Get it together I also love the Competitive spirit of Jimmy

Like he's like If I fucking lose to NPH I'll fucking kill this guy Who got free tickets here He's like Lord's gonna fucking Burn me with a cigar If you embarrass me

In front of Doogie Howser one more time, I'll fucking kill your family. I don't know what I'm saying. Look at this poor guy. Was it gin and tonic? And he goes, yeah. Oh, dude. Come on, brother.

He's like, I have a disability, and I thought this was gonna be fun. He's like, you fucking retard! Today, Junior! Junior! you're making me lose on my own show also jimmy this is your only fan be nice to him this is so i mean everyone's so fucked up everyone's so fucked up dude no matter what people have they're monsters this is insane look at i mean it's just like every every couple years we get this i know with alan i mean it's why can't anyone just be cool you make they make more money than god yeah like

just relax why is everyone such a psychopath? You never hear stories about Conan. It's obviously just character. Well, the thing about being in comedy also is that I've known this for years. We all knew about Ellen for years. Yeah. Like, everyone who gets in trouble, it's always like seven years after the fact. Yep, yep. And I've never once heard anything about Conan.

Conan's like a genius, though. Like, he's an actual Harvard genius. Right. Who is, like, self-aware and, like, he's, like, genius Right Who is like self-aware And like he's I'm not saying everybody from Harvard Is like super self-aware and smart or whatever But Conan gives me the impression That he's really in tune

He is With how his behavior is He wrote on The Simpsons Which if you wrote on The Simpsons It means you essentially predicted The next 40 years of humanity Yeah, yeah Like in the 90s

Yes I mean you're pretty evolved Yeah, yeah So I mean it's just the Yeah, so you're pretty evolved. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it's the greatest comedy show ever made, probably. You change the channel, and he goes,

Moken Ball. Jesus, dude. He's making fun of the guy's daughter. Don't do it. But he has a big smile, and he's Jimmy Founds. It's funny that this is something that

Trump literally did. Yeah, literally. Well, you know what? It's interesting, though, that Jimmy's getting away with it because he is in my, like, I want bloodlust from Jimmy. Like, when I watch the show, I go, this sucks. You're a bore. Yeah.

But this, I'm like, hell yeah. Show more of that and I'll start watching. I go, attack that stuttering, muttering prick. That's what I want to see, but that's not what the world wants, you know? And then you get your fine world that you... Look at what you've done to Masterson. You think TV will ever be the same without Masterson? Okay?

Dude, please stop bringing it up, man. I can't keep trying today, all right? Do you guys have any fucking clue? I want to, you know... The ranch was just getting started. I don't know the ranch. He was on the ranch. What ranch? know The Ranch. He was on The Ranch. Could you show on Netflix?

Get it together. Could you show any less respect to Masterson? The Ranch on Netflix. It's a sitcom where they cuss. They've only had 17 seasons in the span of eight months. Hey, these guys knew the reference and they didn't laugh. Okay? I would have been fucking belly laughing at that.

Shame on these guys. Thanks. No, man, but seriously, I wonder if anyone in court was like, Your Honor, I mean, the ranch was just getting started. You got Ashton Kutcher, Sam Elliott. Also, an insane show.

It's been on for so long. My mom has watched every episode. It's just their soap operas. Yeah, pretty much. That's what on for so long. My mom has watched every episode. It's just they're soap operas. Yeah, pretty much. Netflix just puts out soap operas. That's what Yellowstone is to me. Yellowstone is trash. I refuse to believe that's a good show. I watched two episodes and I was like,

anyone, I don't care if this somehow gets better. It's what I've seen is indefensible. Everyone says season two starts being good, but I'll never make it to season two to ever confirm that. Everyone always does that. You want to know why? Because they go, I've devoted 13 hours of my life to this already, so I have

to keep going now. When I see that, I'm like, well, this is just Sons of Anarchy, which is also dog shit. Sons of Anarchy with cowboy Republicans, basically. It's just porn to these people. They're like, I could be that. I could have a ranch. It's just porn to these people. They're like, I could be that. I could have a ranch.

It's like an idea of people. I could scare a bunch of Asian tourists by shooting a shotgun in the sky. God, if I just got the opportunity, I could be that guy. Yeah, there's like Buffalo doing hits in that show. It's for retards. It's insane.

I mean, that taps into a Republican dad mindset so well. I have this thing with Republican dads where I'm like, dude, you all, they love guns. They want their families to get murdered. Yeah. They don't actually want to, but they kind of do. No, they do. Quietly. They want to be the punisher so bad.

They want to be in court and they want to be so bad they want to be they want to be in court and they want to like jump over and like beat the shit out of a black guy exactly and killed their family yeah they're like i wish the motherfucker would try to come to my house but like they they do wish that yeah they really want that's why they're always upset about like all the commercials with the fucking security systems it's never a black guy. Yeah, I'm like, a white guy's breaking into my home. You think I could shoot a white guy breaking into my home? I'd fucking make him dinner. Dude, like, a Republican dad

right now, like, if he had the taken phone call where they're like, we have your fucking daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd go, I'll be right there. And then he would hang up the phone and go, fuck yes. Yes. He goes, I just hit the fucking jackpot. Yes, dude.

Yes. It is true. Yeah. They have a weird fantasy. Yeah. So that's Sons of Anarchy. That's Yellowstone. I'm like, you guys are just pussies.

Yeah. Yellowstone is like, Yellowstone's much bigger than Sons of Anarchy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Actually, I don't know if that's true. I don't know. Sons Yellowstone's much bigger than Sons of Anarchy ever was. Really? Actually I don't know if that's true. Sons of Anarchy was huge. Sons of Anarchy was fucking huge. It's the number one rated show

on TV for years. Oh yeah yeah yeah in the middle of the country definitely. I know a ton of people who are obsessed with it. I'm a little warped because Sons of Anarchy

is based on and filmed in Tonga. Sure. So Sons of Anarchy was a big show and it was around that time when there wasn't 8 billion shows on TV, but I'm saying

the fact that Yellowstone's that popular with there being so many shows is a testament to how fucking popular Yellowstone is. Yellowstone's a huge deal. It's only popular because they can't make a Turtle Diary show. Yeah. Alright, well

good stuff. I mean, we covered Hollywood. Hollywood's a crazy place. Yeah. Alright, well... Good stuff! I mean, we covered Hollywood. Hollywood's a crazy place. Sorry, Hollywood! Sorry, Hollywood! Get it together, Hollywood! Hey, we'll let up if you guys get it together.

We'll stop bringing down the fucking hammer if you guys pull your shit together. I mean, I don't know. What else is in this article about Fallon? Do they ever get into anything crazy? What's the craziest thing he did? Did you read this, Connor? A lot of podcasters would read it before. I skimmed it.

I skimmed it. I skimmed it. I mean, it's all stuff I just already know. Yeah, that's the thing. I kind of didn't read it because I was like, Connor told me like a million stories about this let him lose why are you holding him back so i know a guy who got hired on the uh it's just a lot of pressure they ever it's all the whole article is just like they all felt a lot of pressure and he was insane yeah

basically there's no like story where he's like you know can you think of any like stories i know a story of this guy who got hired to late night with jimmy fallon before the tonight show and it was like his first couple weeks there. And they all went out drinking afterwards in Gramercy. And then they all went back to his place in Gramercy. And he was like, let's wrestle. I'm going to wrestle the new guys. And he put one of the new guys in a headlock, like a sleeper hold.

He passed out. Oh, no. He didn't let him tap? No. And then he woke up in his bed the next day. Whoa. Did Jimmy Fallon knock me out? My boss?

He doesn't respect a tap? Yeah, Jesus. He's hammered. He's drunk. Wild. And then... By the way, Joey, you don't respect a tap. Yeah, what are you talking about?

You almost killed Richie last week. He attacked me first, and then if he tapped, I... Unbelievable, the ODD. I'm not kidding. I thought... I watched that, and I was like, we're gonna be at Richie's funeral. You're about to... This sounds crazy. You're about to million-dollar baby Richie.

Do you remember throwing him? Yeah, yeah. So Richie goes like, dude, you want a slapbox? He comes up to me and goes, do you want a slapbox? Why is Richie doing that, by the way? I don't know. I was so hammered, you just can't do it to me, that hammer. And then I was like, dude, you want a slap box? He comes up to me and goes, do you want a slap box? Why is Richie doing that, by the way? I don't know. I was so hammered, you just can't do it to me, that hammer. And then I was just like. You're poking a tiger.

Exactly. So whatever happens, happens in your world. It's like, yeah, if you slap a fucking, like a dumb animal, it's going to fucking bite you or something. So you're a dumb animal in your mind. Yeah, I was blackout drunk, you retard. Of course. You were blackout drunk? I was blackout drunk, you retard. You said you You were blackout drunk? I was blackout drunk, you retard. You said you remembered

most of it. By the way, here's how the story went. Word for word, beat for beat. No, I was, I remember this. I wasn't blackout drunk, but I was very hammered, and if you challenged me to slapboxing that drunk, and then you just clocked me in the side of the head harder than is appropriate for...

Oh, did he do that? Yeah. And then, so, I was just, like, still not being angry, but I just, like, grabbed him and just, like, tossed him just to, like, be like, hey, look, well, you know, a little rough, like, horseplay. Yeah. He'll admit that, I think, if he remembers it. Well, he snapped up because Richie didn't want to be, like, look bad,

but, like, you almost killed him. Well, he snapped up because Richie didn't want to look bad. But you almost killed him. I thought so. He landed very awkwardly. No, no, no. He landed the way I was very surprised at how well he landed. He didn't post up. It's because I dropped him nicely. Richie landed well because Richie's been in like 80 car accidents.

So he always knows. Richie's always told me you just gotta like see it coming and then just relax wait wait what yeah Richie has this strategy for car accidents

where he's like I just know how to be in them now this is true though it is true where if you tense up you'll get injured but if you just go like

after like a hundred insurance scams how big a psycho do you have to be to be relaxed moments before an accident just a big rig coming your way and you're like,

you go, time to get my wiggle on. Just shit yourself. I also dropped them carefully. It looked probably more violent than it was and also I just got fucking clawed. Well, it was just on concrete. That was the thing. Yeah, that's why I dropped them so gently. It was not gentle.

Dude, I took you home. I just said it was a graceful drop. I took you home one night in New York. You were so hammered. I was like walking you to your hotel room and you almost like, you attacked me as if I wasn't me.

It's like you came out of a black and you're like, who the hell are you in my room? And you threw me against a dresser and I was like, oh my God.

Look at Joey's face during this. Because that's happened with me a few times. No, it has not. There's been a few times No it has not There's been a few times where you Like back in the day when you were like Like I

Another level of hammered Where like I don't even know how you're standing Like I don't even know how I'm I don't know how I'm not dragging you across the floor Where out of nowhere you would have like a moment Because you know the alcohol hits in different points Sure yeah I have moments where I do And sometimes out know where you would

just be like like turn into a monster with me you're born out but I would never hurt you well you hurt me have I ever hurt you actually you've actually I think you sent something with me where you

go like you could you smell my pheromones or something I know but I'm saying I've seen you with other people me where you go like, you smell my pheromones or something. No, no. I physically hurt you. No, I know. But I'm saying I've seen you with other people that you do know. No, but you have I ever. No, never with me. Thank you.

I can't say this. It's like Predator when she's a pregnant woman. What did you say? Don't make him say it again. They heard it. But no, I do remember Connors. I don't remember it, but I remember he told me the next day, and so I know it's true, but I can't deny it.

This is also peak Roy. I don't know what. I was on Roy's. Yeah, this is peak Roy. I was like, I'm going to lose this fight. You know what I mean? I was like, holy shit. Oh, no.

He's fucking huge, dude. Oh, my God. Joey was so direct. Oh, yeah. God, when you got on Roy roids I have a picture of you In a swimming pool And you were just Dumpy as hell

Then like five months later You're shredded It was insane Yeah No I I'm about to get back on Connor Since Connor moved back

To Los Angeles I've been going to the gym With an otter You know Devin Yeah At least I go to the gym I know we go every day

Congrats Don't make fun of me No Devin's looking great I looked at your shoulders The other day I was impressed Devin Yeah At least I go to the gym I know we go every day Congrats Don't make fun of me No Devin's looking great I looked at your shoulders The other day I was impressed Devin is a We're the gayest podcast

We're the gayest podcast That's great That's great I know Honestly Connor's the hottest guy here I know Devin's body Like the back of my hand brother Yeah we explore each other

And I love it Every inch of it Yeah Yeah yeah yeah But no what I was saying Is that Devin and I Just kind of go And we like

Whatever We just like Do cardio shit To burn calories So we don't get Like out of shape But Connor came back And we had like a bear sesh

Are you working out With Joe Oh yeah He goes to the gym with us now Oh fuck So I had my first Like serious upper body day We have a whole

We have a whole group text Called gym boys And You'd be in it If you weren't like working it's really fun because we work out and then five hours later we're all blackout drunk i know we all act like we're helping each other that's the problem with drinking with with devin and then also now connor's that we get fatter doing it because we're like all right well we have to drink now. We're hanging out. It's crazy. Let's go have fun. I have a weird theory. Not a theory. It just makes me feel better.

When I drink in workout clothes, I feel somehow like it's counteracting the bad effects. If you put on a headband to get fucked up, somehow you're like, no, it's like a sport. My body's in sport mode.

You're wearing a wicking shirt. John, you've been saying you want to lose weight. Why don't you fucking start coming to the gym more? I need it. Well, I can do it on Wednesdays. I can do it some days of the week. Let's do it. At like noon to three-ish?

Yeah, just the days I work nights, I can do it. Please come. You're welcome, obviously. I can honestly do it like four days a week. Oh, dude, start coming. So start coming. Yeah. I was just sleeping.

Gym rats. Gym rats? At noon, you're sleeping? Kind of. a week oh dude start coming start coming now yeah i was just sleeping gym rats gym rats kind of i take a long day like time to get started i didn't get a coffee we'll go like two we'll make it i've been i've been having um uh fucking mc2 oil now that should change mct really yeah because you're honestly i think you're on like that you're on you're on rogan griffs from 2011 yeah it's wild no i went to i just started the rogan griff like he's doing the backlog dad. You're on Rogan Griff's from 2011. You just started the Rogan Griff's. He's doing the backlog of Rogan Griff's.

Next week he's going to be like, have you guys heard of DMT? I'm like, we need to stop seizures. You know it's released when you die, right? I found a big jug of it for like $20. It was crazy. It actually is good, but don't do the butter shit. Now. Like the butter coffee?

The butter coffee that that guy, Dave Asprey. I just thought your dad does the MCT oil every morning. Yeah, he puts MCT oil in his stuff. Your dad looks amazing. That's like a Mediterranean diet. They're like healthy, good oils. Good, but yeah. I have Lion's Mane mushroom coffee.

Everyone's on the Lion's Mane and the re the mushrooms and the ashwagandha. What is this shit? I have no idea what this is. I took Tonga Ali and I do lion's mane. Tonga Ali too? Tonga Ali actually works. What is it? It's like a natural It's like a natural tea booster.

It's like a fucking root from China. Do you need your tea upped? I don't think so because I'm balding. Yeah, I don't think so, but I just like the idea. If you didn't lose your hair, you could get it back. Stop taking fucking... No, that shit fucking sucks. No.

I took the pills that get your hair back. I was crying during movies and shit. It was fucking retarded. I never took you for a Santa Cruz shirt guy. I had this shirt for a while and I found it in my trunk. I thought you called all of them stupid shirt guy. I had this shirt for a while and I found it in my trunk. I thought you'd call all of them stupid hippies. I like the shirt. You're a very conflicted, contradictory man.

That's how I like to make it. John has unique shirts. I invite criticism. John has great shirts. I have a great shirt guy. But John just doesn't make much sense to me because he's like a hipster but then hates hipsters. He's got a Waylon Jennings then hates hipsters. And then he's a...

Yeah. No, he's got like a Waylon Jennings shirt. I'm constantly inviting arguments. Well, all great men are contradictory. Yeah. So I will give you that. Yeah. I'm constantly inviting strife and arguments.

Have you been to Santa Cruz? Yeah, it sucks. It sucks ass. Have you been to Santa Cruz? Santa Cruz rules. It's full of homeless guys and shit. You haven't been there since... It's stinky.

Have you been there since the pandemic? No. But Valerie went to college there, so I go up there all the time. I imagine... Really? Yeah. Oh.

It had a charm when I was there. Banana Song? Beautiful. I mean, like, downtown, like the Del Mar Theater. I mean, that's beautiful down there. Yeah. I mean, it's a beautiful area.

Yeah. Yeah, stunning area. I saw the beauty, and I remember going as a kid, and I was like, it kicks ass, the boardwalk or the pier and the rides and all that shit.

I went on my own. Also, dude, I was getting college pussies. Exactly. You were in this romantic, charming period where you're going up there on a train, right? Yeah, that's fun. Nostalgia.

Nostalgia. They got the banana slugs or whatever that is. I never saw one when I was there. Because they stay away from me. We're not in the woods. We're in the woods. Stay away from me. They hate me. Whole woods. We're in the woods. Stay away from me. They hate me.

Whole fucking life been waiting to see a banana slug and none of them are around for me. All I see is the mystery spot bumper stickers.

Fucking bullshit. But no, I went there on my own. I went to go see Brian up north and he had to work all day so I just turned into this gay housewife where I'm like,

all right, well, I'll figure out what to do today. Take a day trip. Yeah, so I took a day trip on my own to Santa Cruz, and I was like, man, this place sucks. Dude, it was the most homeschooled I'd ever seen literally in my life. Oh, interesting. Like the entire, you know next to the downtown district where there's like the basin, like river?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is literally, that is the biggest Hooverville I've ever seen. next to the downtown district where there's the basin river. That is the biggest Hooverville I've ever seen. That was the famous one in California. It's non-stop tense. It was all over the news. It was the most homeless people I've ever been around in my life. Well, I haven't been there, so... But I still saw the charm. It's cool. You can imagine how it was once nice.

It was once cool. They'll get it back, I guess. But we just gotta start, you know, we gotta start fucking killing. Poisoning people. Kind of like, you know, put them in camps. Give them a bunch of chainsaws or something. All we have to do is accuse them of two

counts of rape. 30 years. Oh, man. Yes, I mean this thing with Jimmy Fallon, they're talking about people like they were saying, it was the lowest point of my life. I didn't want to live anymore. I thought about taking my own life all the time,

one former employee says. I knew deep down I would never actually do it, but in my head I'm like, yeah, because I don't know why, because they're fucking lying. If you killed yourself because you worked for Jimmy Fallon, that'd'd be so funny you're like the biggest loser alive okay because i'm gonna blow sprains because of jimmy fallon just leave his note is like i couldn't handle fallon deer hunter anyway wow fell tougher than he looks.

He's like Ed Buck. Fallon's tougher than he looks. I could beat him. That's a fascinating life. Connor, you ever think about like if you, like, like what, because, you know, there was a period of time where like you and I would have been, that would have been like a dream to have gotten a writing job on that show. Yeah, I mean, I would still, in a heartbeat.

Sure. You would accept it. It's a lot of... No, I know, but it's... In private, you'd be like, this sucks, but it's paying me. Every guy I know who gets a job in comedy, it's a nightmare. Sure. But you're rich now.

Yeah, but it's very temporary. It feels like a settlement check. Yeah. Like, you get 30K at once, and then they fire you, and you have, like, a rape story. Well, I think that's why Jimmy's under so much heat, because he's the only late-night host who has this work environment. I mean, like, even Corden, the guys who work for Corden, I know friends personally who work for him, and they're like, he's a sweetheart. You know? Really? Yeah. Dude, that guy hates waiters or something, I know friends personally who worked with him, they're like, he's a sweetheart. You know? Really?

Yeah. Like, he's a sweetheart. He hates waiters or something, I guess. Yeah, many of these are just delicate. Yeah, I mean, Fallon has, for this to be like an actual story, and Ellen the same thing, it's like, in a work environment, they have to be such monsters for this to come to light. And also has to be talked about for like 10 plus years. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. But what about, well, but cordon i thought was worse than both of them it's like waiters and shit i don't know i don't think he's i think to his work staff i have friends who worked for the show they said he was fine he's cool yeah that's a weasel move let me be nice to the people that can like that i can profit off of yeah and then i'll be rude to everybody that doesn't matter yeah i mean that's preferable i think like if you're if you're a boss somewhere you know i mean it's a better, but it's like a phonier, worse person. For sure.

I'm not going to stand on Instagram and be like, no, Corden's a more amazing... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's a death sentence in this industry. If Cotter were to defend James Corden's character on a podcast... I'm just saying, like, you have to prioritize being a good boss in these situations. Sure, sure.

Well, yeah, it sounds like, I mean, Jimmy just, it sounds like I could see myself being a Jimmy.

For sure. I could see myself being like, come on, we're all going to get me a fuck up tonight. No, but I'm like,

and then I wake up and I go, I'm sorry, I put you in the sleeper hold. Oh, dude, I'm sorry you're paralyzed. There'd be so many stories

like Joey wrestled me on Joey late night or whatever. Like, no, I'd wrestle everybody. Can we do a sketch where Joey runs the most popular late night show in the country? And you get me too, but it's all the reasons. They're almost not even that bad. He forced me to a bomb truck. He forced me to eat 30 wings.

He made me watch Daniel Cormier compilations all night. August 14, 2023, Joey made me do Edward Forty Hands. The Fedor highlight is burned into my eyelids. Who's this bitch? Well, this shit, I don't even know if we want to segue to this, because this lady is a monster. This is a woman, I don't know. This looks great.

You want to watch it? Oh, yeah. All right, so this woman. What are we talking, like monster, like it's going to get us banned? No, no, no no it's just fucking mom forces her son to take a thumbnail for her youtube channel just after his dog died hell yeah and he's like legitimately crying about his dog dying and she's completely sociopathic about it and like yeah i know you're crying but like look into the camera like this shit you know where you like you go i mean jimmy Fallon's an upstanding citizen

Compared to this What are we talking about We appreciate it I love you guys Part of our family So if you could pray for us We appreciate it I love you guys

Come closer She just stops crying immediately Put your head right here He's really crying By the way, fakest cry I've ever heard in my entire life Come closer for the video closer closer. Well, she just stops crying immediately He's really crying. Yeah, by the way fake is cry. I've ever heard of my life. She's still wearing a fucking Act like you're crying. Oh my god No, I know but go like this holy for the video, oh my god like this put one hand up like this dude i fucking told you guys this this this video is like darker than like sophie's choice this is disturbing it's disturbing it's crazy there's something it almost makes me think it like is staged like like she's such a

horrific piece of shit i'm like i hope this is staged yeah there's no way, though. It's just insane that anybody can have this influencer mind. Imagine just an abusive alcoholic father from the 50s being like, a day in the life of beating my children. I wake up first thing in the morning. I drink three shots of whiskey. I go to work. I fuck my secretary. I come home, and I punch my kid square in the face.

He goes, son, act like you got a black eye for this. Son, now pretend I hit you. You did hit me, Dad. You beat this shit up and pretend to hold your eye, hold this frozen pack of peace to your eye, now pretend I hit you. You did. It's got that music behind

it where it's like a day in the life of a woman that works at Google. Exactly. Yeah. It's got that music behind it where it's like a day in the life of a woman that works at Google. Exactly. Oh, my God. That's great. This is crazy. And the kid's like, I'm really crying. Like, what is here?

This is so, this is heartbreaking. I know. I know. It goes on. My jaw literally dropped. Can we report this to CPS? Another 40 seconds. I'm sure a bunch of people have. Right?

I hope. I want to see. Child porn services, bunch of people have heard. I hope. I want to see. Child porn services, right? Yep. Yes. Very good. Very good. Right?

Very, very good. Hey, you know, we like to keep the heat coming here, folks. You know, it's a Hey Watch podcast. We're a punk rock podcast, you know? Child porn services. Also, want to hear another great joke about it? What is CPK? What?

Child porn kitchen. Oh, for real? Yeah. Why do people think it's a California pizza kitchen? Nope. Child porn kitchen. What's FBI? What are you, a goddamn female body inspector?

Oh, my God, dude. Holy shit. I got a mug on the way. Oh, that's fucking sick. I saw a mug on Amazon that said female body inspector. It said FBI. And then it said that on the back. I go, I gotta get that.

I go, that's gonna make everybody laugh. This is perfect for my sick twisted sense of humor. This is gonna show off who I am in this shirt. I go, when I'm out at the lake with the family, I can't wait for breakfast to show that off.

By the way, someone really quickly telling Chris D'Elia they're gonna call cps he's like yes please oh my god yeah that'd be awesome love that place that's great dude you're not gonna like be able to open a room now after that you know that right you're done fuck you you your chance. This pot is already costing you money. Remember when we watched that clip of him doing like 30 minutes of crowd work in Denver? And there's empty seats. Oh no! And there was protesters outside.

Yeah. And he's making fun of the protesters, but his crowd is so dumb, they don't even know why he's being protested. And he's just like, I don't know, there's fucking, Ied. And he's just like, I don't know this fucking, I have good hair. It's crazy, dude.

Crystal is, but he's still like killing it. If you open for Crystal, Leah, do you have to like, do you have to have been like deprived of oxygen at birth? Or like, like,

like does, does he make you like take like Nas before? Like, does he make you like suck balloons before you like go on stage? I don't know. How does that work? I don't know who opens for him work? Does COPD open for him? I don't know who opens for him, but I know that like Schaub, for example,

not to say that they're the same, but they're close, I think. Schaub's a little better, I think. Sure, sure, I know. But yeah, I know what Schaub does, because I heard about this, is he will take locals. So if he goes to Seattle, he'll go like, whatever, who's your best local guy? Right. And they're clueless. And they're like, whatever, who's your best local guy? Right.

And they're clueless. And they're like, oh, he's famous. We have a sea lion. Yeah, pretty much. Exactly, yeah. But so he'll find people that have nothing else and just be like, you open for me. I'll pay you nothing, but this is a show. I mean, most comics are just so broke, they'll open for anybody.

Exactly. That's the thing. That's really it. Yeah. And Shob pays in like Dave and Buster's coins. Anyway. Enough of Schaub. Okay. Schaub has like had actually like a

he's he's he's he was forged through fire. And he's I think he's I think he's come out of it like a like a penis. I think Schaub's gonna have like a great couple years. I love him. I think he's great's gonna have like a great couple years I love he's great honestly like

I love him if anyone's due if anyone's due for anything I love him dude when I visit Connor in New York it's so funny because we have to force ourselves to like go out do things and like look like I'm in New York City it's like it's you know it's

the best city on earth i think and every time i'm there we like barely leave the place because we're like i don't know man we got this look at like what it's burt kreischer documentary about how he lies let's just watch this i also frequency i also had like the best bar and restaurant like half a block from my apartment so It was a place called 99 Rogers. I was like, why would we go anywhere else? We got my TV in the living room. 99 is right there. We'll go get hammered, come back, pick up more beer, watch some Bayes Frequency.

That's most of my trips when I would see Connor in New York. I'd be like, let's go to that place half a block away. Let's get fucked up. Let's eat a little bit. Let's go back. This is like a new porcel little bit. Let's go back. I got, this is like a new porcelain duck.

That is quality time. If anybody wants to deny, like that's some of the most quality friend time that there is. Yeah. It's amazing. You've seen New York.

Haven't you seen anything else? Well, no, I mean, it's like, it's hilarious that I'm not, like I spent money on a, on a travel

and I'm like in this beautiful city. I have family there. I never see them. I'm in this beautiful city. I have family there. I never see them. I go, sorry, sweetheart. I go, sorry, Aunt Lorraine. I'm watching the try-hard doc. Bert Kreischer has been lying. That laugh isn't real, Aunt Doris.

Sorry, Lorraine. Bert Kreischer embarrassed himself in front of Adam Sandler one time. Anyway, back to the most depressing video we've ever seen. No, go like this. Put your hand like this. Oh, dude. Oh, my God. Let them see your mouth.

Oh, no. Let them see your mouth. Oh, wow. I don't know, Mom. I'm actually crying. Oh, dude. Look at me. Look at dude. Look at me. Look at me.

Look at me. Oh, what an absolute piece of shit. It's like a little Pinocchio allegory. He's like, Mom, I'm a real boy. Look at the camera. Oh, and she's got a mask on. Yeah, I was saying, she's fucking still wearing a mask. Look at the camera.

Oh, dude. Come on now. Can we rescue this kid? I can't watch this anymore. Can we rescue that child? Can the't watch this anymore. Can we rescue that child? Can the Hate Watch podcast find out who that is? And we will fucking, I will fly out to where he lives. We'll be like big daddies.

And I will show up at the door. Yeah, I want to be like a big daddy. My name is Kevin Garrity. I'm here to pick up my son. Take him to a McDonald's breakfast and shit man that's crazy now that's like life-altering tragedy for that kid that would fuck me up bad oh yeah you know what makes me wonder about that is like okay in terms of like okay say you do call cps can they technically is that child to be like like that would be really hard to prove it's hard to prove, right? Because it's not an action

or it's an action, but it's not it's not like a beating. It's not like ignoring them and leaving them in a hot car. I think that's worse than beating your kid. It is, but just proving that to a board. Like behavior like that.

It wouldn't be treated that way, but that is for sure. It might put them under a microscope. That's why they need podcasters to come in. And we're in court. We're like, nah, judge, that is fucked up! It's his fucking dog! Oh, man, that's crazy, right? It's so sad that my brain is stuttering.

I know. I didn't think that was going to be as sad as you were hyping it up to be, but it was ten times sadder. I told you guys. Don't lie. You've probably been using your Manscaped ball shaver on your face. So it's really time to pick up their beard hedger.

It's a cordless trimmer with a rotary wheel that gives you 20 different haircutting lengths, all with one guard. No more messy drawers full of add-ons. I love Manscaped. I used it to shave my face earlier today. I shave my balls.

I shave every fucking thing with it. You didn't use the ball one on your face, did you? No, never. Okay. Because you can get a great facial trimmer. What's wrong with that? It's just not. You don't want to touch your balls to your face, first of all.

And second of all, the face. Well, of course, John has no problem with that. Yeah, whatever. It's skin. It's disgusting to do that. face, first of all. And second of all, the face. Well, of course, John has no problem with that. Yeah, whatever. It's skin. It's disgusting to do that. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. And then second of all, they build stuff for the face specifically.

No, you're a gross person, John. You're just like, you're not. You guys have done that? You're not of this world. I have. I actually, I've used the ball trimmer on my neck before. And they know that people are doing that, and that's why they do it. That's why the fucking people that write these things are brilliant.

Amazing, Manscaped. Who the fuck do you have writing this? Hey, Hemingway, I didn't make you work for Manscaped. Unbelievable. You know, Mark Twain wrote Manscaped. Best start. But God damn it, Mark Twain, you are amazing, and I'm glad you're writing for Manscaped now. So I've used everything at Manscaped ads. But goddammit, Mark Twain, you are amazing, and I'm glad you're writing for Manscaped now.

So I've used everything at Manscaped. I have all their stuff. I use their nose trimmer. I literally use Manscaped. Like, I'm not kidding, guys. Like, you just buy the package, and all of it comes, and it's like everything Eddie needs. I use the nose trimmer. I have crazy nose hairs.

Oh, dude, the older we get, I use the Manscaped nose trimmer. I'm not kidding at all. I'm not even goofy. The older you get... Yeah. Oh, that's bad. The older you get, the hair on your head starts going to your nose, I'll tell you. Very good.

Because it leaves your damn head, goes to your nose. If I could take it out of my nose, put it back on my head, I'd be a young man. Look, guys, if I had facial hair, I would use Manscaped. No, truly, man. I'm not kidding. Every single razor I have is from Manscaped. It all works great. I shave my face with it.

I shave my balls with it. They have these amazing ball toners that for the summer, I brought it over to New York. Connor's girlfriend made fun of me, and I would go, well, with your balls? Fiance. And I go, you can't smell my balls

through my shorts now, can you? And she used to always complain about that. What? I don't know either. She said, Devin's coming

and he's bringing his stinky balls. They have great ball deodorant? They got not anymore, honey. He's sponsored by Manscaped. His balls don't stink

so bad no more. I go, honey, he's doing by Manscaped. His balls don't stink so bad no more. Honey, he's doing pretty well. I'm actually not kidding. Manscaped, if you get that full package, man, it's everything I've ever wanted. Because every guy has to order on Amazon from some shitty company for their facial shaver or for any of that stuff.

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He manscapes, too. Matty Rhett, he manscapes. Fucking buy one, I'm serious. And go kill somebody. Thank you. Well, I mean,

I have so many. It's like, whatever you see and like, you know, it's a grown woman who identifies as non-binary has full-blown breakdown

over being called a lady. She's crying for like three minutes. But this is like, I get a little tired of doing these things. Well, now that you said it, we have to watch a little. She's dressed like Velma. You can move on

or, you know, alright, here we go. Let's give it a little watch. Here's this retard, folks! Here's this retard, folks. Can we give it up to what we've done with our lives? Congratulations, guys. We're doing exactly what we've done with our lives? Congratulations, guys. We're doing exactly what we've always done our whole lives. We used to sit upstairs and just, for lack, you know, no pun intended, hate watch stuff, and we'd call it a hate watch.

And for whatever reason, it took me about five years to figure out that that should be the name of the show. And we had a horrible name. Hate that you love it? I think that was fine. That was a terrible name. That was a mouthful. It's crazy that all we do, we just pull up shitheads. It is wild. Watch them. A lot of people

will sit there and reflect and be like, man, if you asked the 10-year-old me what I'd be doing with my life, he'd kick my fucking ass, dude, because I'm not doing anything that I would have thought that I wanted. But we are. We're doing exactly... If you would have asked me, I'd be like, I would be getting hammered with my friends. We'd be eating like pigs.

We'd be hanging out and, like, just talking shit. Yeah. It's like, no. That's great. And not every episode is us watching stuff, but it's amazing that, like... Talking shit, though. Yeah.

So many of these episodes are just simply, like, the world is our oyster. Everyone sucks so much ass, and we capitalize on our hatred. Yeah. It's beautiful. Somebody needs to. Cheers. Cheers to that.

Yeah, this could have only happened. Cheers to OP. Cheers. Anyway, here's this retard. Let's restart it for the people at home. Anyway, here's this retard. Let's restart it for the people at home. Honestly, don't know what to do, but like, there was like a really bad experience.

Oh, God. Basically, I was just getting a drink at the bar and they called both Azul and I ladies. By the way, it's already a fake cry, right? Yeah, absolutely. If you're doing that. Because no, who sets up their phone and can keep crying? You know it's going broad. Yeah, you're a sociopath. She has a friend named Azul.

Azul, yeah, yeah, yeah. All I know is if this were a JOI, I'd be asking for my money back. I was hanging. J-O-I-C-I-P-O-V. I was hanging with purple and blue and red and green. They don't even, like, their friends don't even, they're like, their colors, they don't even exist. Beelzebub and Azul.

She has a horse tail butt plug in while she's doing that. We're done drinking the drink. I went up and I was like, some people don't remember. Oh, here are her non-binary boyfriends rubbing her back. I didn't know. And then a gay bar switch. Don't say boyfriend, dude. You don't know if that's a woman or a gay. Probably not, dude. Oh, here her non-binary boyfriend's rubbing her back. Don't say boyfriend, dude. You don't know if that's a woman or a gay. Probably not, dude.

Don't assume gender. You want to make her cry more? The hentai t-shirt was throwing me off. Jesus Christ, June. Wait, what is she complaining about? She was called a lady by a bartender at a bar. At a busy bar, I imagine in fucking New York. Yeah.

I feel safe. It's a bad turn to around. Zika is so mad at me. bar at a busy bar i imagine in fucking new york yeah dude this would be the only character that they kill in mad men like mad men's not a violent show but like if she existed in mad men she looks you know she has like the red, she's wearing the 1950s. Now what have I told you? We could kill her. What have I told you? What have I told you? I had a handgun.

We've exhausted all her options. She cried over us calling her late. Should we throw her out of the window? He goes to a gay bar, he's like, what's going on here? I say we recreate the opening montage of the show and throw her out a window. They're pitching a doll called Retard based on her. You can press these buttons.

Dondre, it's called Retard. Somebody at a bar that gets offended. You called them a lady. It's obviously a woman. It's going to ruin the world. The doll wets itself. And it has a weird Samoan boyfriend. He hit the bar.

She's wasted. Because he was like, are you serious? Dude, don't jump to conclusions. These people are naturally drunk. Yeah, let's not blame booze on somebody. They're drunk on society. Like whatever society has forced them away to think. I mean, trends and, you know.

Well, she's not drunk. She got her drink taken away from her. Yeah. I wonder why. How? And then they kicked us out. Yeah. Did you think that was going to happen? Like, how am I supposed to feel this is the first time that I've like told somebody I felt brave enough to tell somebody my identity I just wanted to let him know and I told him it's okay that you didn't know he was still mad at me for being myself and for my wife. For being myself.

You're annoying. What are you talking about, lady? He cuts to the bartender. He's like, ah, she was fucking taking a piss behind the bar. I would love to see her at that bar in the famous Boston video where that guy walks by. Yeah, the Tam. Have you guys seen that video? No.

Oh, it's real funny. The bar's open. Yeah. Fat faggot. Fat faggot. And then that guy Oh, it's real funny. The bar's open. Fat faggot. And then that guy goes, Oh, your mother. Oh, your mother. Yeah, it's the best. You haven't seen that video?

No, turn that on. You haven't seen that video? No. Are you kidding me? It's the greatest video in human history. I haven't either. I might have seen it. By the way, how do I find it?

I always have this problem. Just put it in the tan box. I think I bookmarked it. Don't search Twitter. I bookmarked it. I put it in the tan Boston. I think I bookmarked it. Don't search Twitter. I bookmarked it. I put it in the tan Boston. Search. Devin can't search.

No, I haven't. I haven't. It's so frustrating. You can't look it on YouTube? He's at odds. Go to YouTube. It's not on YouTube. It was on Twitter.

It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's insane. Go on YouTube. He'll never find it. John, you know what? Every time you've had the sticks, you just look at fucking... He's sacrificed. He'll never find it. John, you know what? Every time you've had the sticks, you just look at fucking...

He's sacrificed. He throws me to the wolves. He acts like I can just come up with a show on... Which, by the way, I did a good job on the fly. I have no clue what he's ever doing. Anytime he takes over the podcast, I walk outside and go take a piss. I come in, John's just like doing his taxes on the show.

First video. There we go. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious the bar is full it's hilarious that's my favorite video ever in human existence it's incredible it's hilarious, right? Oh, you murdered your mother. And then this guy, bag it. And then this guy laughing.

That's like the greatest encapsulation of guys I've ever seen in my life. I've spent so many nights. I've been to Boston maybe 12 times at this point. I always get a drink at the Tam. Because of that video. I walk in, I salute the sign. And then I get hammered there. Is it like those types of guys there?

Or is that just like a special night? It's those guys there. They're there? I mean, dude, if I saw those guys, I'd ask for their autographs. I'd make a photo of them. I'd go, do the line, do the line through the line dude oh god isn't that the greatest

video of all time oh it's fantastic now imagine they bust into her home so just imagine this girl was at the tam imagine this girl is at the tam

and they go oh you're not a lady, huh? You fucking faggot. Faggot. You faggot. You cunt. Oh, my God. By the way, in that video, I just couldn't imagine as an adult being like,

and they were like, really mad at me? It's like, that's a nine-year-old. Yeah, you're a baby. Well, that's what these people have done. Like, this type of, whatever this shit is, this thing where people don't have anything and they're non-binary

and they have all these, like, you have to call me by this and that and whatever. I don't mean to sound like, you know, like I'm a guest on Rogan, but, like, it's because they live through an infantile lens. A lot of this is like they're infantilized.

Then there are some mature non-binary people. I'm sure they exist. Yeah, but if you're mature non-binary, you don't start crying if somebody goes, what's up, dude? You just go, actually, it's this, and you go, okay. Yeah, cool.

I've never even seen that in real life either, though. I think you just shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Right, yeah. They don't care. If you're mature, you're just like, I get it.

I don't think I've ever been corrected. And I've been around people where I'm like, I don't know, you could be in V for Vendetta or I don't know what you are, but I'm going to call you dude because you're a man. But they could be like,

no, you don't call me that. But they never do that because they just know they don't want to do that. If they look like chicks, I call them ma'am. That's the rule. Ma'am? Ma'am.

I've had a lot of people be upset at me for saying that. I just, dude, I call everyone dude by default. I say dude. What's up, dude? That's sick. John also is quite bad at this because remember one time we went to Manuela, remember? And John, we were meeting our friend Haley. Yeah.

And John came to join us and he was trying to be cause he's like an industry he's a service industry oh that's that lady she's pregnant she looked fucking weird there was a lady in a tight black dress John asked a fat woman that was working at this place

how far along she was she looked like the fucking coffee alien from place? How far along she was? Sincerely. She looked like the fucking coffee alien from fucking Men in Black, dude. She was thin, but had a big fat belly. The cockroaches? No, the ones that drink coffee in the little apartment. Yeah, the long cockroaches. I thought the cockroaches in the head.

She had a big giant belly, but she was skinny. She was walking around in a dress that was way too tight. She had a fat deposit. visits like a poor african village how far along are you the whole fucking village is pregnant i didn't know eating flies was great for pregnancy oh my god all these children are pregnant i called i called i called i have like i have like four Latino contractors who come and visit me at work sometimes

and like there was an old white guy who came to the bar who had a literal like Anton Chigurh haircut that was white and I didn't see him out of the corner of my eye

but I said what would you like ma'am and he looked like an old lady and the guy had turned and he like visibly was like shaken by that and then every Latino guy started laughing at him

but yeah I miss gendered people by the way this is a weird coincidence it's not your fault. You were around Latino hyenas. Yeah, they were like, dang, you got to play it on me. A Latino hyena came up to us on the pregnancy night. A Latino hyena.

Oh, yeah, he agreed. So he ran with the turn. Immediately, it didn't even phase him. So two things happened was, first, she sent us all shots. And I think she was so humiliated that she was like, I have to acknowledge this. Here's a bunch of shots. She bought us a round of shots. The next thing that came, the guy who brought them over was a Mexican waiter.

And he goes, did you call her pregnant? That's right. He was like, he was like, he was like, he must have hated this fucking chick. Yeah. He was just filled with joy. He's like, tell me again. What did you say? Everybody at the restaurant talked about it.

Everyone in the back was talking about it. Why are you wearing that fucking sock? But then John made it worse because she came out. She walked past us and John apologized. Yeah, I'm a nice guy. I'm sorry. Nobody wants to talk about it. But it was one of those weird situations where an apology

makes it worse. She had been moving on. She had been moving on. And you're drawing more attention to her stomach. And then we had to have this awkward moment

where she's like, no, I guess I'm just mad as shit. And then everybody, she's got a big gun. It's weird. Everybody just goes like, oh, what?

She's pregnant? And you look right at her stomach instinctually. So now she's just like, oh, this, goddammit. Hopefully she learned a lesson then. We were all just touching it.

It turned into like the whole restaurant just coming up and touching her belly. How far along are these nachos? That was good. That was the biggest social blunder I think I've ever seen you have. Yeah, that's crazy. You're very good socially.

You did it. That was the worst I've ever seen you have. Yeah, that's crazy. You're very good socially. You did it. That was the worst I've ever seen you have. Where you called a chick fat on X at your bar. Wait, what? Really? I don't know. I can't stop. I've called dudes chicks.

Wasn't there like a chick with a black and white thing and you called her like a cow or something? No. I don't know. What? Oh, she was wearing a black and white dress. Yeah. And he was like. And you were like, you look like a cow.

I mean... Yeah, yeah. I swear to God I remember that. Joey's like, oh, wait, that was me. I don't do those. I'm very, like, empathetic. Is Joey throwing on... No, no, I really...

I swear to God I thought that was John. Maybe, but I don't remember it. If that was me, I don't remember it. I'm going to try to remember after. John's crazy as bar. I got to say, folks, John, go down to Trax Union Station because hopefully he doesn't work there much longer. I love Doxie.

Yeah, I'm the most Dox guy on him and his. Well, they already know who you are. Guys take photos of me. It's fucking weird. They already come and take photos of you. And don't act like you don't love it. You get a big fucking rush from it. You love it.

John likes talking to people and meeting them, but I get why it's creepy. John texts me every few days like, dude, these fans came in. They fucking... No, they come in. It's cool. But when they take photos of me, it's weird. He likes meeting them, but yeah, he gets creeped out. Those are the ones I like.

Those ones you like? I like those ones, too. They follow me to my car. Don't talk to me. Just take a very good photo of me from a distance. I like the Lee Harvey Oswald fans that come and they set up shop in the back. It's a photo. A hundred yards away.

Devin's like, ah, there's a fan here. And you're like, where? He's like, he's a hundred meters over there. He's binoculars. He's got a ghillie suit on. Yeah, no, come to the bar. I'll talk to you. But John is hilarious at his bar because I took Connor there for the first time the other day.

And like, it's wild. You're like a great bartender. Yeah. It took you a while to actually get the hang of like making people drinks like properly. But like, you got really good at it two years in. That's what I said. Personality wise, he's the best bartender. Personality wise, best bartender of all time.

I'll see John. I'll show up there and I'm standing in the line. And John is talking about about how much he comes. And he's completely unaware, and then there's an old lady like, excuse me, I want more pinot. And John's like, oh shit, sorry lady. And he pours her a glass of Chardonnay.

And John's just been talking about jizzing. No, you are like a bartender from a Judd Apatow movie in like 2008. Yeah, yeah, no. I try to. Where like your buddy's there and you're like, dude, I need to get my dick sucked.

And you're like, another gin and soda? All right, got you. I got to keep it, like if kids are around, I got to be like, you know. Where are kids allowed in a bar?

Because the kids are allowed in my bar. They can't sit at a bar, but it's technically a restaurant too. So there's like children in my bar sometimes. It's technically a train station. It's not a train station. It's a shitty train station for vagrants yeah i've met so many insane people there the train station in my mind it's a beautiful it's a very classy bar yeah who are

those people that you always say are fans of us that are there oh yeah yeah they're they're uh i met them through the podcast manhattan they're really cool yeah yeah yeah they come by they uh they they they're the nicest people they're great yeah they're they're like weirdly like well because i ask them what they're up to or they ask me what i'm up to and i'm like hey come by yeah no but uh that and then uh dude fucking don't we talk about crookshank the first the first gun corner guy so so connor to catch you up a fan of the show, Elliot Cruikshank, Australian maniac. Great fan, though.

Great, great guy. He was on the Patreon for a while, just going off on me. Brutalizing me. Brutalizing John. Turning him into mincemeat. Showed up, pulled a knife on me. Had a switchblade.

Wait, what? Like, as a joke. Before he went to have a cigarette, he pulled a switchblade on me. And I was like, what the fuck? And then, yeah, no. It was funny. But then he turned. He's a little 22 what the fuck? And then, yeah, no, it was funny. But then he turned.

He's a little 22-year-old excited guy. It was funny. It was funny. It was fucking around? It was a joke, yeah. He brought his girlfriend in. Yeah, he was fucking around. No, but he was like.

I never heard of this detail. Well, he's a strong man. I was about to tell a lighthearted story about a troll. And then you go, he actually pulled a knife on you. Oh, no, he was joking around. But I was like, where'd you get that knife? Or you just don't stand up for yourself. No, he pulled a knife on me. There's a guy. He's doing the fan. He was, like, joking around. I was like, where'd you get that knife? Or you just, like, don't stand up for yourself. No, he pulled the knife on me.

There's a guy doing, he's doing, like, the fan. He then raised me in the back. There's, like, a De Niro character that's gonna keep showing up to your bar. Cut his tattoo out.

Yeah. Now you're visiting LA. This fan comes to the bar all the time. I'm like, what's his name? You're like, Danny Masterson. No, yeah, he's cool. So, yeah, Crookshank

was brutalizing John. He invented John's gun corner. He invented John's gun corner. We brought him up on the show a bunch, and he kept talking shit about how John knew nothing about guns and everything. And then we brought him up, and then I think he apologized,

and then he showed up to John's Gun Corner. Showed up. Flew to LA with his girlfriend. Oh. Wait, he didn't fly down for this. No, no, no. Okay, okay. No, no.

But he's very, very nice. He's like 22. He's like a child. So it's like fucking, he, no, no. Okay, okay. No, no, no. But he's like very, very nice little, you know, he's like 22. He's like a child. So it's like fucking, you know, he comes in, I guess he works on a loading dock or some shit. He works at a timber yard or something and he just listens to podcasts all day. But yeah, he's like a super nice guy. That's cool.

He sent me a message and he was like, hey, is John working today? Like, is he, he knew where you worked already? He had me like four times. No, he messaged me because is John working today? I might go down to visit him at the bar. And I just like i don't know the dude messaged john like i don't i i we're gonna be in court someday because we accidentally just told somebody like yeah he's there yeah my head blown off yeah no yeah i've had i've had other encounters this one guy came in one time and like uh he was like going to tijuana and then he like he like just came back

and talked to me about banging hookers and i was like that's like what i think our most of our fans are like basically a fan the fan said that to you yeah he was like the weird thing is they'll come in and i think they're too nervous i don't remember what's his social yeah i think i think they'll be too nervous to talk to me for like 20 minutes and then they'll come up to me and like really random like i'm a russian or some shit. They'll be like the podcast by the way. And I'm like why didn't you just say that? Well you know John, I gotta say you're like a very

you're a really pure soul for being comfortable with the fact that like most people would be weirdly like in this, I don't know, like embarrassed about being like the guy that's serving a fan that's a classic like trope in movies and stuff is like the waiter that's like known for something

and he's like oh and i'm here like that type of thing oh i don't care i run that bitch that's my fucking room you know what i mean it's great yeah come in it's happened to me in new york i was a mover for five years and i've shown up to clients' places, and like 20 minutes into the move, they're like, did I see you at the Bell House last night? I'm like, yeah. And they're like, you were so funny.

And I'm like, where do you want your couch? Dude, I had a guy recently, like right before I moved, where it was like an hour into the move. Like we're at the unload now. We're moving into his new apartment. And he goes, by the way, are you a comic? And I go, yeah.

And he goes, yeah, I think I see you at the Union Hall a couple times. And I was like, cool. And as a joke, I was like, was I funny? And he goes, not my thing. Holy shit. Oh, no. What a scumbag. And I was like, holy shit.

I'm holding a box of yours right now, man. Just drop it. Yeah. That guy's like a legitimate piece of shit. Legitimate psychopath. Yeah, that guy is sick. I don't care. I was like, even if you didn't think I was funny,

you're supposed to just lie to me right now. No. You're kicking a man while he's down. That's crazy. That's sadistic. People are like actually, yeah, they turn into monsters. That's sadistic. Especially with me, too.

People are just. Connor has a thing about him, folks. We'll wrap it up on this. Let's talk about, because this is a fascinating thing, and I've wanted to get into this for a while, and now he's here. I know we will do months on this, but Connor makes people uncomfortable because he's so handsome.

He's so white. No, and he's bizarrely hilarious. He's so white. No, and he's bizarrely hilarious. He's got a great head of hair. No one's ever met a guy... He's still pretty. No one's met a guy as jacked, white, and with this good

of a jawline as Connor. That is funny. It fucking freaks people out. I've known Connor, how long have we known each other since 10 years I've never seen anyone get more unwarranted bizarre hate in my

entire life like people are just like I fucking hate that guy have you ever met him and they go no and you're like wait what if you have one real conversation with Connor it's so disarming because you're like, oh, this is the most down-to-earth guy ever. He's from Tujunga.

He's like a working class dude. But no, he looks like a guy who isn't. I couldn't look less like a working class. You look like a Wall Street guy who's not funny at all. You look like you ride on yachts and eat like shrimp. In New York, I look like I got a moving job to piss off my dad. Right, so like have fake adversity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't need the company, dad. I'll make my own way. Yeah, hate never comes from above, you know what I mean? Yeah, people just, I don't know. It's weird, dude. Yeah. What was this fucking show with those trendy Brooklyn hipsters the other night? Oh, yeah.

No. Oh, my God. This was one of my last sets in New York. Guys, listen to this shit. This is wild, dude. Oh, my God. my last set in New York. Guys, listen to this shit.

Oh my God. Wild, dude. So I'm doing the show at Union Hall, which is the place I was at all the time, which is a great venue. Union Hall's great.

It's great. You were there, Joey, right? No, no. I guess you weren't the right guy. No, no. I ran a show there for like three or four years.

And I'm doing a random show. It's my friend Joey Dardano. It's his show. It's a Sunday night. Joey Dardano, who I... Verbally abused. I love, but I guess I got drunk, and I told him he sucked ass.

I kind of told him he was... Well, because I love him. Yeah. Oh, yeah, out of love. It's out of love. Okay. It was out of love, and I just was like,

what are you... Because he was up there. He's like a dancey... He's a dancing... Isn't this Connor's good friend? This is mean. He's like a dancey. He's a dancing, like. Isn't this Conner's good friend? This is mean. No, it's not mean.

I love Joey. He's an extremely talented guy, but he's a very, like, animated guy. And he's funny when he's, like, doing, like, his thing. Theatrics. And I watched the set. He did, like, 15 to 20 minutes up top, and he was just, he was, like, pretending, pretending he was like Seinfeld or Stanhope or something. He's Farley and he's one of the funny,

like, Joey's made me laugh harder in person than almost anyone I know. Yes. Physical wacky comedy. Legitimately hilarious guy. I am not lying.

I love the kid. I'm just saying, like, it was bizarre because I went to New York once and I saw him and he was up there fucking doing the bachata

and like, you know, like doing crowd work and like killing and then I saw him the saw him and he was up there fucking doing the bachata and like, you know, like, like doing crowd work and like killing. And then I saw him the second time and he was up there like, everyone ever think about death? Like observational bullshit. And I was like, it was bizarre. Yeah. So I shit on him in an Uber and I was mean and it was bad and I felt bad the next day.

What were you saying? Were you saying you stick to the wackiness? I was just saying you're not funny. And like, what was that? I was just saying you're not funny. And what was that? I was just saying, what the hell was that tonight? You ruined the show and it was bizarre. Meanwhile, I'm getting heat for making fun of Gavin Matts. No.

Okay. Dropping a lot of names over here. No more names. Sure. Sure, I defended Gavin Matts. I'll put that on the record. Gavin Matts is a good comment. Not your own best friend, Joey Dardano.

I was saying he's the funniest guy I know. He just said it. Absolutely. He's a buffoon. He would be one of my groomsmen. No, but I'm telling you that it was a good guy. Not your own best friend, Joey Dardano. I was just, I was saying he's the funniest guy I know. He just said, he just said it. Absolutely. He's a buffoon. He would be one of my groomsmen. No, but I'm telling you that it was a bizarre night because he was trying to turn,

he was trying to be like a, like an observational comic. Okay. And it was like a lot of long setups and it was like, I was like, this isn't the guy that I knew and like,

you're not even doing what you were supposed to be doing. Like, you're funny. Like, do what you know how to do. So I just, I went off in the Uber and it was,

it was bad. I was like hammered and it was my first night in New York. I had no sleep. It was, it was a horrific flight what you know how to do. So I went off in the Uber and it was bad. I was hammered. It was my first night in New York. I had no sleep. It was a horrific flight. I'm going to give myself some excuses. I'm not that bad of a guy, but I was being a little wild. So I didn't see him the whole week. I was out there. He never hung out with me.

And then I saw him at the last day. The second to last day I was there and he did a show and he went up and he killed yeah in a packed room and he was like very legitimately funny but he was doing his old school shit he was doing what I told him and by the way it starts a set by going yeah he starts a set this set's dedicated to Devin Costa in the back who told me I should kill myself the other night that's very funny yeah that Yeah. That's very funny. That is, that's a good way. Yeah, so I felt, I felt, I think it, I think it helped everyone.

Sure. Well, he also just respects you so much, so that's why, you know. And I, I, the thing that I felt nervous about all week was like, yeah, I did that because I do, I don't, I'm not going to like talk shit about somebody I like, I don't care about at all. What are you doing, John? Oh, God. You're going to miss the story.

John, you're missing a story right now About a guy you don't know Or have any Who we'll never meet Well the story Has nothing to do with Joey No but yeah anyway So So Yeah

That That was what That was my Experience with that guy He left at the worst Possible time Whatever Listen

And now you're gonna go back Into your story And I'm gonna tell a story And he's not gonna be here This is what I'm saying I'll fill him out later Yeah we'll fill him in. So anyway, Connor.

Let's keep talking about Joey. So, you know, I shit all over this guy. I just keep repeating myself. Should we do Gavin Matts stuff? No. No, dude. To fill in time. No.

Or go back to your story. I'm going to do Gavin Matts. Well, Gavin's like a good comic. Great comic. Joey Dardano listens. No, but okay, so what happened? What do you mean? Gavin Matz was like, you told me he was telling a story.

Sure, I was hanging out with Gavin. In person. Connor was hanging out with us. By the way, we're like, this name dropping. This name dropping is crazy. I'm only doing this because Connor won't go back into his story, and I need to be talking because we're on a podcast. Well, all right.

Should I Dardano? Well, you were like I guess, I mean, should I dare not? Well, you were, you were like, you were like hammered. Joey's, Joey's being very funny. I heard,

I heard he was destroying. It was just very funny to watch a guy come into a room not knowing any, a single person. You know what it was? It was people

not being sick of me yet and when you first, it's like when you first get a taste of me. You were using that. You were using that against people. Sure, exactly. And then... Yeah, you're like, hey, new city.

Yeah, exactly. I was like, I'll burn this to the ground and go back home. Also, he was on time that night. Joey was being awesome. Yeah. So funny, you know? I heard. Yeah.

Not only you, I had like numerous sources. Garrick was being awesome. Yeah. So funny, you know? I heard. Yeah. Not only you, I had like numerous sources. Garrick was also there. I actually really liked him, but so at some point he told like a long story and then me and my boy Napoleon Emil.

Emil, yeah. Emil. You've mentioned this guy like a million times. I fucking love him. I love Napoleon. And Ryan Donahue. Yeah.

My boy. Love him. Same here. We were goofing up, Gavin, but I actually really thought he was a nice guy but anyways John's back

let's hear the rest of this yeah John I had a fucking very good bring up a bunch of people so long story short Joey long story short

this guy kept like like telling a story and Joey just kept fucking with him gotta be honest buddy this story stinks and then like Napoleon and other guys

would be like what the fuck dude like they started other guys would be like what the fuck dude like they started joining in just being like dude this sucks it was just a funny pile up

well that's classic that's what you know um you and I we're fucking that's what we do every day we're street people we're street people

we're street rats we're monsters yeah anyway dude sorry so I'm doing this show um Sunday night Union hall there's been like 15 people there it's dead in that room seats like about 100 120 oh wow so it's light

and joey's hosting the show and he goes up he does a great job and it was like a 15 people audience but they were like in it you know i mean it was like all right we're small but mighty yeah this will be fun and uh at the start of the, there was this couple in the front row who were like hipsters in like 2006. You know what I mean? Post-punk hipsters. Yeah, like out of date kind of, but they never like moved on. And he's like pudgy from drinking IPAs. And she's wearing like big stupid glasses.

She was almost like rockabilly. Oh, God. They were behind the times with sucking ass. Yes. Exactly. It was just like, wow, that's crazy. They were behind the times with sucking ass. Yes. Exactly. It was just like, wow, that's crazy. That's like an inception of sucking ass. They sucked ass when they were new.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So, a couple people would drop in at the show. I'm closing it out. Joey's like, you can do a long time if you want. You can do 30 minutes if you want. And I was like, well, I don't.

There's fucking 15 people here. I'm not going to do 30 minutes. You know? Yeah. Anyway, the show goes on. They're great's awesome especially this couple they're like phenomenal they're getting called out by every comic being like you guys the best they're like yeah we're the laughers you know oh we love comedy so much and i was like all right well i'm excited i'm actually do a long set tonight you know right i go on stage and i am i I hate saying this, but I'm crushing.

You know what I mean? Like it's 50, like everyone was doing well, but I was like head and shoulders above. Like it was productive. I did new material. I'm on stage for about 12 minutes at this point. And I looked down at them whole time. They're just mad dogging,

arms crossed frowning at me. And I was like, all right. And I know I would never normally do this, but I was just like, I gotta be honest guys. I'm having a time of my life up here. You guys haven't even smiled at me.

Yeah. And they go, yep. And I go, okay, what was that? Do you guys like really hate me or something? And they go, yep. Whoa. What? And I go, why?

Like, what happened? They go, it's the whole thing, dude. And I was like, well, it's the whole thing dude and i was like well what's the whole thing and they're like it's just the jokes they suck oh no that story it went nowhere the best audience members i've ever seen were like the story dragged on. And then they go, and the way you look. This whole 90s boy aesthetic. It sucks, man.

They literally go, everything about you, man, it's trite, dude. They drop trite like three times. It's just trite. The jokes are trite. The story's trite. The way you dress, it's trite. And then they go, you're mid. Dude, blow their brains i was like oh my god by the way by the way adopting black uh black culture and also they're like 40 yeah did you let them have it dude no because it was one of those things where i'm like i mean i did it was bizarre it wasn't even like a normal like

no but i heard con Connor told me about it. I was like, that's like, I don't even know what. I was so, also, you know, like one thing I've learned about standup. If I was there, I would have like shanked. That's why I was asking. I, you know, I'm still in the game,

so I'm still doing standup. And it's just like, I've just learned something where it's like, it's never fun to be the angry guy. You don't want to lose your cool. It's a fine line. The only thing you have on stage is you're a composure. You know what I mean? And you let that go stage is you're a composure you know what I mean

and you let that go then you're a psychopath yelling at the audience and that's not fun so I was really just inquisitive I was like I mean I don't get like what happened

you know I was like really where did I go wrong I was being so mild too because I have material where like if they were upset I would still think they're pussies

but I'd go fair sure I didn't do any of that shit I was self-deprecating I was observationaldeprecating. I was observational, you know? And they just kept hammering away. And it sounded like dialogue.

It was almost like they had written it. Pre-meditated. Oh, wow. They were self-hating white people. Yeah, I was self-hating white people, and they just hated me because I wasn't like, I don't know how to exist in a black space. Yes, exactly. You didn't do jokes like that.

I'm just confident, they're like fuck you man and they're like calling me misogynistic and racist and I was like I talked about Tom Cruise for five minutes like what are you talking about and they kept hammering away at how I look it was so weird and at one point I was like you guys are more mad at

how I'm dressed than anything else like and I was wearing this like New York Knicks like Looney Tunes shirt which is a cool shirt it's a great shirt i saw you wore it the other night it's a no it's an awesome shirt and the guy goes dude this whole fucking like warner brothers shirt it just it sucks ass dude like and i was like what's wrong with the shirt he goes maybe it was like an h&m type thing and i was like what are you talking about meanwhile they're wearing like striped like t-shirts it was like tim bur Burton robots. They look like Tim Burton robots. They look like Coraline.

You know what I mean? Yes. And then he goes, he swear to God, he goes, dude, maybe if it was one of those Warner Brothers shirts. Like the seat of police Warner Brothers. Oh, yeah, that's it. I was like, dude, you suck so bad. And at one point, I had to clear the air.

I was like, by the way, just so everyone knows, none of this hurts my feelings because you guys look fucking retarded. You're the most retarded people I've ever seen. You said retarded? I said retarded on stage like three times. Fuck yeah. Devin always hears the reeter. Go ahead. And it killed, and I was like...

I'm at a very progressive venue. Yeah, dude. I've been there, yeah. They deserved it so much. The whole audience, too, they deserved it. Because we're over it, too, by the way. Dude. Those people don't know how in the past they are. Yeah.

They might as well be in the 80s. They might as well have, like, what is that horrible, like, mullets. They might have jerry curls. Like, they might as well be eating fondue. Like, they don't even know how behind the times they are how about this theory they came in high on cocaine and then by the time you get on stage it wore off yeah i think they were very drunk and they start sobering and i think they start sobering up yeah but also that has nothing to do with it no they it's their thing their erratic behavior maybe like made them talk they also kept saying i was asking for it and i was like

i was like you know like i'm having a good time up here and you guys are not so i'm like trying i'm being i'm being like a good connor you know what's interesting about that it kind of sounds like what rapists yeah odd verbiage for a progressive venue exactly so dude so i get off stage and i'm like that was insane by the way i was on stage for 30 minutes slam brother just talking to him and um i walked backstage and this girl was in the show was like so embarrassed she's like oh my god connor i'm so sorry about that and i was like right it's not your fault she goes those are my two biggest fans and i go those are your biggest fans she goes yeah i'm so embarrassed and she's like i don't you know don't think i'm like with them i all this stuff and i go straight

to the bar because i want to like talk to them afterwards me like what the fuck was that by the way like people have no I'm I'm jacked up yeah yeah Connors jacked yeah like I I can I I'm on stage my hands are shaking but I was so unbelievably calm cuz I was like I want to he's front row I want to kill this man like I wanted to dude I don't care how big of a loser you are if you call me trite in mid and tell me I suck to my face, it's still gonna, like,

have, like, a visceral course. Yeah, it's fucking a lot. You can be it. I'm like, I wanna beat this shit out of this pudgy, five, six, you know what I mean?

Yeah. And I walk to the bar, Joey goes on stage, and he, like, closes the show by, like, freestyling songs. It's very fun. He's very good

at it too yeah by the way not joey lafler because podcast sounds are like nearly retarded so they'll just be like did no dude they stand up tell me his dates the joey the joey that devin verbally abused he goes on stage and he freestyles a song about like killing them oh very good how the audience should kill these people and they spaz they're like you can't kill us don't say that and everyone's like no one's gonna fucking kill you guys what are you talking about and they stand up and they run out of the room oh what the fuck dude they really did and then i so the show ends and every single person in the audience came up to me and they're like,

so what was that? And I go, what do you mean? And they go, like, do you know them? Like, we didn't get the bit. And I was like, dude, everyone thought

they were plants. It was so weird. It was fake. They thought it was fake. It was so weird in that left field because I was killing. Oh, wow.

And they loved me that they were like, weird alt bit that Conor's doing. Even Yedoye, who is one of my closest friends and he's seen me do Sam for the last 10 years, was in the back of the room like, Conor's pulling some weird shit right now.

I've never seen Conor do anything like this. Because it was so scripted and it was like... Because they were so bizarre. The whole time I was on stage, I was like, dude, do I know you guys? Is this payback for something? I was so confused. So, dude, everyone thought it was fake. And I was like stage i was like dude do i know you guys is this payback for something i right we're so confused so dude everyone thought it was like fake and i was like that was real and everyone's like that was real like they felt bad and uh i think it's over next morning i wake up i'm tagging a million instagram stories from this lady calling me a misogynistic racist piece of

shit she's like a tattoo artist like idiot white fragility you have her and i don't know no no dogs i just want later i'll show you later yeah uh yeah fuck this lady yeah fucker i'll pull her up right now doctor yeah my whole goal in life has been to develop a fan base like the ona pest if anyone's out there wants a bunch of homeless cats homeless cats you're getting ducks getting docks what's she gonna do but yeah just a million like calling me misogynistic and racist and like abusive like she kept calling me abusive i was like dude i'm pretty sure i was the only guy who was abused that night you guys were just mean as shit to me and from the crowd from the crowd and then they kept saying i

was heckling them in these instagram stories. And I was like, no. You weren't even responding to the Instagram stories. I just asked them what was up. No, they're mentally ill. They're mentally ill Brooklynites. But what I'm saying is like, so I didn't do any misogynistic or racist material. You just have that face. So it's like I literally walked on stage.

They saw me and they filled in these blanks. Yeah. The Terminator readout. They go the red scan. I've seen it happen a lot of times to Connor too. People just see him and they just they get the heebie-jeebies. That's fucked up. It's because

everyone in comedy or everyone going to a comedy show is out of shape. They're a fucking complete loser. Their parents are paying for everything they do and they see a guy like Connor, and they go like, why aren't you fucking on a yacht somewhere?

They don't get it, and they feel offended. They go, why are you in my space? It's that type of feeling. I've seen it happen with Connor a million times. I've seen it happen with a lot of weird people. It's just funny, because once you know him,

you're like, he's the opposite of that. Connor is From Tujunga Connor is He's He's bringing up Tujunga Connor is Connor is literally

Like it's Watts Like No but it It's It's worse than Watts It's white Watts Yeah it is It's an

Yeah yeah yeah Have you been to Tujunga John? Motherfucker I grew up next to it You would be spit roasted in Tujunga There would? Motherfucker, I grew up next to it. You would be spit-roasted in Tujunga. There would be two meth heads. They'd throw you on a barbecue, and they'd fuck you to death. Tujunga growing up was, yeah, it was like corrugated. There was a lot of industrial buildings down there.

You know what I mean? Down Foothill? No, that's not the Sun Valley. Yeah, yeah, that's not the Sun Valley. Look at meth and bikers. It's meth and bikers. Yeah, good on Funnel. In fact, where Connor's family kind of...

Whatever. Where they kind of live, you have to drive through this canyon, and every time I've driven through it, somebody in my car that's from that neighborhood goes, yeah, that's where the KKK used to bury black people. It's insane. It's like a crazy, weird...

It's like a white ghetto. It was crazy weird, it's like a white ghetto. It was like Hell's Angels. White and Mexican ghetto. It was where Hell's Angels ran all their meth out of in the 70s and shit. Crazy. I don't realize how crazy it is until like nights, like the other night with me and Josh, and me and Josh are just like telling stories, and you're like, what? Right, you guys

are telling me shit, and I'm like, that's crazy. I first bonded with Connor by saying like he described his hometown to hunger to me, and I said, that's like the South Dakota of California. like, that's crazy. I first bonded with Connor by saying he described his hometown to hunger to me and I said, that's like the South Dakota of California. It's the exact same thing. It's like a meth-filled, biker-filled wasteland. It's pretty cool.

Hell yeah. Well, I think we've done some good work here. I think so too. Let's wrap it up. Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast. Connor, what's your stuff? Instagram's 420naughtyboy.

Hell yeah, dude. That's why they hated you. They checked your Instagram and they go, oh, what a horrible handle. They go, that is,

we knew it would be that. I was abused by 420naughtyboy. I always want to delete it, but Valerie works in like corporate America. Yeah. And every time one of her like

co-workers finds out that I'm a comedian they're like oh what's his Instagram and she has to tell somebody who makes like $250,000 a year she's like

it's 420 naughty boy just punishing her and I go I'm back in maybe I'll never change this handle no fuck it dude you gotta keep that forever

I mean I still have a Yahoo email like there's like people there's like high end people that have have wanted to email me. I'm like, it's EZD. Yahoo.

EZD. Because I made it when I was 14. Anyway, we love you. Thank you for listening. Real quick. There's a guy sent merch. The Illuminati guy. Oh, I heard about it.

Somebody sent you merch, but you haven't checked it, right? No, I got it. Well, Lemon Party, too, apparently. The occult technician. Oh, yes. The occult technician. So he sent us a bunch of shirts and hats and stuff. And then he sent us the book that George Bush was reading to the kids on 9-11.

Not the actual book. No, yeah. So it was like a copy of the book from 2001, but it was addressed to Ben Avery as a baby gift to Ben's new baby. Got you, got you. So that was kind of funny. He said a bunch of stuff and it's like, obviously, we'll

never give any of that to Ben because it's just not safe. It's ours now. And it's also not safe. It's not safe. We can't let Ben have something that his baby could be around from a guy. Ben takes it. His newborn child crawls on it. They die.

Antrex. Sure. But so anyways, thank you for sending it, though. We love every listener. We don't trust you at all. And if you're into like the Illuminati or like a, I bet he's a flat earther. I don't know that, but I bet he is. Yeah.

Go check him out. Buy his shit. What if we ate those cookies from't know that, but I bet he is. Yeah. Go check him out. Buy his shit. What if we ate those cookies from Anna Pittman and we all just like... No, Anna Pittman is a legend. Anna's amazing. What is her bakery? Modern Stems and Sugar, I believe. Anna Pittman, Modern Stems and Sugar, possibly.

Check her out. Best cookies. Best hand-drawn cookies in the biz. Very good stuff. And check out the Low-T podcast by Yarmul. He's the man that made half the shit in this room. And hopefully he'll fucking redevelop our studio. T-E-A.

This place sucks ass. I did a bad job with this. I think it looks pretty good. I think it looks fine. It's not the worst. I say that to hear the compliments Yeah Anyway

Thank you for listening folks We love you Good night Night