Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Lazy Home Invasion

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Joey's apartment got broken into and he didn't bother getting out of bed, Conner tells a light hearted story, Devan's lawyer gives him good news, republican debates https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. I'll say one.

I'll give you access to a Miller if it comes down to it. Yeah. John is very, he makes his own rules for life. I think you'll appreciate that later, though. Are you drinking Seagram just because you get to say Seagram 7, like give me a 7 and 7? No, that sucks. Are you drinking Seagram just because you're gay? Yes.

Wait, are we recording? Oh, lovely. It is the official drink of, like you said, it's old ladies or homeless people. Old ladies are, yeah, bums. Most people that die with a bottle in their hand on the street, it's a bottle of Seagram. Yeah, it's like Seagram's gin or Seagram's whiskey. But, yeah, it's just smooth whiskey. I don't think it smells.

It kind of tastes like... It's a blended whiskey. It's by definition. What is the blended? What do you mean? It's like it's a blend of... Let me take a look. So it's a blend of like...

It's like 80, probably, I don't know how much percentage, but the majority of it's rye. And then there's a little bit of bourbon in there. It's disgusting. Yeah, it smells like't know how much percentage, but the majority of it's rye. And then there's a little bit of bourbon in there. It's disgusting. Yeah, it smells like somebody's breath. Smells like bad breath. Smells like your uncle's breath. Smells like he molested you. Very good.

Why would you know that? Did you fuck him after? Yeah, just tell him who's boss, dude. And you're doing no ice whatsoever. No ice, just tequila and sparkling water. That sounds awful. You have great cubes up there. I don't care.

You don't need cubes? No, I don't care. Okay. It's kind of a cold night. Yeah. Should be drinking whiskey to warm up. Feels great. Love drinking whiskey in the winter.

Nice. It's like drinking a heater. Yeah. It's great. It's like fucking a man. It's like fucking a man. The friction. Warms me up.

The only friction that warms me up in the winter is that man on man grinding. I have a good drunk friend sleepover when I'm like, ah, the heater's out working. We're going to have to get in our sleep bag together if that's all right with you. Everyone start jacking it. What are you doing, John? Get my vape out, dude. Worry about yourself.

Nice. I had a man break into my apartment. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, I forgot about that. Guy literally broke into your apartment. While I was home. It was strange. It was like, you ever have a hangover and you're

walking around and you're like, I just don't care about anything right now. Yeah. And you're thinking like, well, what if something happened? Would I start caring? And you still didn't. And you're like, I wish something would happen so I could test this to see if I really don't care or if I'm just kind of sleepy or whatever. Like a diehard scenario or something. Yeah, I'm always like, alright, what if a shooter comes in or something? But so i could test this to see if i really don't care if i'm just kind of like sleepy or whatever like a diehard scenario or something yeah i'm always like all right what

if a shooter comes in or something but so i'm laying in my bed hungover and it's like noon it's like 12 30 noon and then uh i hear a knock on my front door and i just ignore it because i just i always ignore knocks i'm like what if it was one of my friends they would text me or call me yeah if it's my apartment building they can email me like there's just no it's not food i didn't order food i ignore all knocks why would i answer so the knocking goes on a little bit longer than usual and then i'm like what is this fucking leave i'm like i'm not gonna answer and then so i'm like still laying in bed just so hung over and then i hear what sounds like my balcony door opening So hungover.

And then I hear what sounds like my balcony door opening. And I'm just like, what was that? Some kind of like air pressure thing where it just like it was cracked and then it popped open. So I just kind of like lean my I'm in my bed. So I haven't like stood up or laid up. I just kind of lean my head through my door so I can see through. And there's this black dude just standing like right in there. Just standing, just looking at you?

He's looking around like he thinks nobody's home because he knocked for so long and nobody answered. Right. He doesn't know you're hungover. He has no idea that there's a hungover bear just hibernating. He's just like, did you not hear me knocking? He's like, you're kind of ruining my whole scam here. You're supposed to knock or you're supposed to answer. And so I'm just like this and

i'm so tired that i don't even have like the energy to go like what are you doing i just kind of give him a look like and then he's making eye contact with me and he's going like he starts getting all flustered and he's like oh is this the place where I'm supposed to pick up the stuff and I was just like no and then he was like oh I thought I was supposed to pick up the footage or he's got

casual about it yeah yeah oh man he's like the strike's over I gotta pick up the footage of this place I'm still laying in my bed like no and then he just starts going like oh my bad like I like so his what he's trying And then he just starts going like, oh, my bad. Like, I've like,

so his, what he's trying to say is like, he had to pick something up from somebody's apartment that he didn't know. So, and they didn't answer. So he hopped over into the balcony, broke in and he was going to go dig around and try to find what he needed. He wanted some dirty laundry. And your door was just open,

right? My balcony door. His balcony door is open. I've broken into his place before. That's how, and now I'm like, I better start locking it. I wonder how, was he like homeless looking? No.

Nice, he looked, that's why. He might have been legitimate. He might have been like, I thought this was the argument. Yeah, I don't think so. I think he's a professional criminal. He's like, Warner Brothers. I bet that's a good thief. He's like, Warner Brothers sent me.

I'm here to throw away the Looney Tunes movie. Right. Because in what scenario would you go to a place to pick up something that you need, you don't have, you don't know who's in there. You don't know. You've never met the person, but you feel comfortable breaking in. It's like, it makes no sense at all. No.

So then he just kind of took off and I was like, all right, I'm, I didn't even stand up to lock the door. I was just like, okay, he seems to be gone. Another guy comes in in 20 minutes. Joey's like, I scared him off. He won to be gone. Another guy comes in in 20 minutes. Joey's like, I scared him off. He won't be coming back. There's a bunch of people at the bottom of your apartment. They're just like, he's hungover. He doesn't even get out of bed. You guys can keep hitting this place.

You guys can wander in there. He doesn't even get up. You can go there every Saturday. He will not get up. It's like Uncle Charlie from Willy Wonka. It's for the taking. 20 minutes later, you just hear upstairs. I'm going, is this not the place I'm supposed to pick up the dude? He keeps doing it floor to floor.

I was kind of like amazed though because it was like, I really feel like it could have got a lot worse and I still would not have cared. Like he probably could have come in and raped me and I would have just like

shaken it off and been fine. Well, at least he was one of these home invaders. Yeah, he would have shaken it off. I would have been, I would have been traumatized. This is my favorite Joey lore is if he gets raped,

he'll be fine in like 30 minutes. Yeah. This kind of proves it because people thought I was lying when I said that before. But it's like, no, I'm unfazed. And I was just going to let it go, too. But I happened to be texting John. And I'm like, dude, some fucking guy just broke in. And John called me instantly.

And I told him the story. I was very concerned. John was like, well, dude, you have to call the cops because what if he goes and like kills somebody? Or what if he goes and it's like a single woman alone in her apartment? What would happen then? What if he raped her or something? And then so I was like, well, what's funny is the apartment across from you, the balcony across from you, those people

like have like lives, like they have stuff. They have like things. Not that you don't have a life, but it's like, what is he going to steal from you? Some old views pods and you want some dirty underwear? Like your place, there's nothing to take. No, I know. I think because then so John was like, you have to call the cops. And I was like, what is he going to steal from you? Some old Views pods? And you want some dirty underwear? Like, your place, there's nothing to take. No, I know. I think, because then, so, John was like, you have to call the cops. And I was like, all right, I will.

Because if somebody gets raped or something, I'm going to feel bad. It'd be on your conscience. Yeah, and then, so, I called them. And I was like, hey, guys, not an emergency. But this just happened. Like, if he, you know, I want to report it just in case this guy raped somebody. And, uh. Did you make sure to say that?

Well, I didn't say rape but i'm like just because i don't want to sound like a pussy like i'm wasting your time i'm like i'm only doing this because if something bad happens i want to do the right thing so don't yeah don't tell the cops i'm a pussy when they come you know i'm like i didn't even want to do this but yeah then two cops came and they were just looking around they're like did he steal my apartment's kind of a mess yeah and they're like man you ruined the place they're like, did he steal anything? My apartment's kind of a mess. They're like, man, you ruined the place! They're like, there was a struggle here, right? He turned this place around!

He turned this place upside down! Jesus Christ! He's the first ever robber to bring trash into an apartment. He's like, what do you estimate the damage is? Like $600,000? Look at this trash. But then, uh, no, it's just like, I ended up just talking shop with him. It's the best, dude. You know how, like, it's just like I ended up just talking shop with him.

It's the best, dude. You know how you're like cops are, you know, I'm a rebel. I don't like cops. I'm not a narc. And then you start talking to a cop and you're like, blue lives matter. And you're like, I could be a cop. Yeah. And we were just sitting there and then he's, we're talking about, because I have a canvas

painting of the Cinerama Dome on my wall. And Chinatown, too, right? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, oh. Very cool print. And this cop, he's been on the force since 2004. He's like, oh, you ever go to the Cinerama Dome when it had that old sign? I'm like, no, no.

I saw a Tarantino movie there, and I was trying to remember which one. And he was like, oh, Hateful Eight? And I was like, yeah. And then he's like, dude, I just fucking watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood for the sixth time last night. And then we were just like talking. Is this me as a cop? Yeah, yeah. No, I know.

He was like, my bro is so fast. And then he was just like talking shit about my apartment building and how it's not secure. They don't have cameras in the hallways and all this stuff. What? They didn't have cameras in the fucking hallways? Your apartment's insane. Like, they're overlooking a lot there. I don't know what's going on.

The cop was kind of like, dude, you have a case you have a case you sue them that whole tv fiasco you fucking throw it right back on them emotional damages you're molested as a kid he raped me no no he didn't rape you but he could have i said it scared you yeah yeah you should walk into the lobby tomorrow with a neck brace on and just wait just from. I have a truffling. Coughing. You're just holding your ass. Yeah, I just hold my ass. You pull a condom out of your fucking back.

You have a headache bag on your ass. I put like a used condom in like the bottom of my pants. I go, ah! I go, what was that? Did it just fall out of my ass? You're dragging it by your foot like a piece of toilet paper. I go, was that from the burglar? Jesus.

Jesus. It's a magnum. He was a black guy. You got fucked in the ass so hard there's little birds flying around your ass. My asshole's dizzy. Now, it was cool. I do like the idea of you shrugging off a rape, though. You come in the next day, you're kind of sad.

We're like, what's up with you, man? You're like, this guy just raped me last night, but it's all right, I'm all right. It's like the These Guys sketch we made. He gets cummed on his face, and he goes, just these crazy guys. I think I would be the... That is one of the funniest.

I just remembered that. I'd be in a bad mood for like a day for sure. Joey, what it is is it's a testament to being hungover. Yeah. Being hungover can be a beautiful thing. You could go through something like that. You're like, I could give a fuck. You're like, I'm going to order food before I call the cops.

But in any condition, I think if I got raped and you gave me like, let's just say generously a week of like clean eating, healthy, I'm like going to the gym every day. I'm like waking up, going to sleep on time, getting a good night's rest. I'm over it in a week. like clean eating, healthy. I'm like going to the gym every day. I'm like waking up, going to sleep on time, getting a good night's rest. I'm over it in a week. No way. No nightmares, nothing? You really don't think you care about a race?

I slept like a baby from that break-in, and I don't think... Yeah, because you weren't raped. I think if you got raped, a lot of people break-in would freak a lot of people out, John, right? It feels, it's violating. Yeah.

You feel violated by it. Yeah, for sure. Especially in an apartment where you're top floor. The whole point of apartments is no one can break in. It's way harder. I look at my front door all the time and I just go... They don't have cameras in the front of the

building? I think they do in the front, but not in the hallways. In your hallway? That's insane. My neighbor, my next door neighbor has a ring doorbell, so I told the cops I'm gonna go He has a ring You could try to talk to him

If you want He might be able to Like give you the footage So they might do that And they said they might He said this And I was instantly like Is this Sabinam?

No no No no They're not gonna do that The cop goes Yeah I would ask them But I'm seeing Killers of the Flower Moon For the seventh time

He's like I got the DVD of Death Proof On blu-ray but uh no so he sees your chinatown poster he's like i raped a chick in a jacuzzi one um oh and the lobby door never closes oh yeah so that's how we got in yeah almost definitely you have a legitimate like everyone lets you in though there or that I let people in also like if you're

a delivery driver and you come to drop off somebody's food and you just look at the schematics of how because every floor is set up

like where you can get to the balcony if you go out this thing then he could just be like well fuck let me just go I bet nobody locks those

if you're a savvy thief you're like I bet nobody even locks those because they think it's no one's going to do this. Let me connect you with my guy. Like, you can literally just, like, if you plan on moving out, my lawyer. Who's your guy? If you plan on moving out in, like, a year or two.

John thinks he's, like, fucking Warren Buffett because he has a lawyer. Yeah, I know. Yeah, no, I'm saying I got a guy. John calls me every day with a new plan. He'll be like, dude, I just found 50 cents on the floor, so I'm thinking we go to Madagascar. That's the best. No, you can, if the front door doesn't lock.

What? I was going to say, John watches Lincoln Lawyer, and you're like, I want to be just like that guy. And we're like, a lawyer? Like, no, living in my car. That guy's awesome. No, you could get like 50 grand from this, probably. If you move out in like two years, it's going to take a year and a half.

You're like a fucking gypsy. Yeah, no, it's called being a pro plaintiff. You're the only conservative gypsy I've ever met in my life. I'm not conservative. You're a right-wing gypsy. I'm not right-wing. Yeah, you are. I'm super left-wing.

You love cops, guns. I like the idea of cops and guns. Big dick swinging. Under my justice system. Like red-blooded American. Under my justice system. Like red-blooded American. Under my justice system. I like movie cops, and I happen to like these cops. I like drive-thru concrete cops.

Exactly. These guys were gritty, and they were helping me solve a crime. They were bringing me into the fold and shit. I was almost like, dude, you got one of those fucking sticker badges. I'm going to put it on my shirt. One of those Punisher badges? Yeah, yeah. You going to ride along With them

I wanted to No but it's crazy That a man broke Into your fucking apartment Because they didn't Lock the fucking lobby How long has that door Been out

It's been So they fixed it At one point And then it rebroke This is actually crazy Like cause that's The whole My comfort being

In your place Is that no one Like we're up above It feels very secure Yeah Yeah Feels very secure My girlfriend H houses are scary there's just a door ground level you can bust down the door i mean yeah valerie's always refused living on the ground floor of an apartment yeah i don't trust you first floor even if it's the most beautiful apartment she's ever seen i'll

never live in the first well the other day when we went to joey's gym the bottom floor of his apartment complex there's those those those those apartments that have like a little mini bullshit front yard with a fence. There was a homeless guy just sleeping in front of the door in their yard. Yeah. No, it's fucked up. So there used to be 24-hour security. Yeah, there was all those

Nigerian guys that would wander around. And they loved it because they love whipping people and shit. Africans love hitting people. They were looking for trouble constantly. Dude, Africans are well-trained. They got rid of the security? Yeah, there's no security there.

So we can just party on the roof with the fire pit. There used to be all these different African guys walking around like, Hey, what are you doing? One of those guys caught me having sex on the roof one time. Have I ever told this on the pod? I know. I was on the roof. You never tell sex stories the roof one time. Have I ever told this on the pod? I know. I was on the roof. You never tell sex stories.

This is great. And we were up on the roof. We were up on the roof. Dude, finally. We started. I won't say who it was. It was a girl. I just don't want to give it away because it might embarrass the person.

Sure. But so. My mom doesn't care. But no, we were having sex and it was like late at night. And so I was thinking like, no one's going to come up here. It's safe. And if somebody does, we can hear and stop. So like, um, out of nowhere, one of these Nigerian security guards just appeared.

And the girl like jumped off me because she was she was like oh fuck fuck and then you know how like snipers say that the worst thing even worse than wearing like bright orange the worst thing to give away your position is movement you've heard this right yeah every sniper will tell you this yeah so my i was like sniper theory split second decision i go i'm just not gonna move i think you're confusing snipers with like T-Rexes or something. Is this Jurassic Park 1 theory? Every sniper knows this.

I took a flare out and I started waving it over my head. You sure you don't? If there's two snipers and they're trying to find each other and movement is what gives them away. So that's, anyways, that's what I'm thinking. And it's kind of dark, and I'm just like, I just can't move.

But then I realized. Your cock's out? My cock is fully out. And I was just sitting there like this with a boner, and the guy looked at us, and then he was just like, and he just turned around and started walking away, and then I was just like, I think it worked.

I think somehow being still worked. Yeah, your cock out works. He walked away. He goes, that's a weird tree. But then he goes, he comes back and he goes, you're not homeless, right? Just making sure you're not homeless. I go, no, no, no, we live here.

Still cock still out. And he goes, okay, good. Your dick was out and you were talking to him? Yeah, just real quick. I said, yeah, I live here, yeah. It wasn't like I was looking him in the eye and having a conversation. Were you having, like, sex sex? Or just, like, a hand jug?

Full sex. Okay, interesting. Great. Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. On that rooftop? On the fire pit rooftop, yeah.

Damn, dude. That's like Michael Mann sex. It was. That rooftop. That's a crazy view. That song starts playing. Yeah, that's that grainy sex. Yeah.

It was like Coyote running. What's upon a time. Wow, I really still can't believe you got broken into. You know what? It's because I think from the street, he looked up and he saw those balconies. That's what I said to the cop. He goes, there's a hallway. I could easily jump that and just check.

That's exactly what I said to the cop. I go, listen, I'm no detective. I said that. And then I go, but a smart thief could even look at this building from outside and tell that he could probably break into these pretty easily. Yeah. And the cop was like, yep. He was just like, yeah, I think so too.

He was like, yeah, yeah. So anyway, like when Leo can't remember his lines. And then he's like, he didn't even want to file a report. No, you have to force him to file a report. Well, the guy was like. That's how you sue. Well, the guy was like, do you want to file a report. No, you have to force him to file a report. Well, the guy was like. That's how you sue. Well, the guy was like, do you want to file a report for this? And I was just like, it's up to you guys.

I just don't want. They don't want to do paperwork. I know, but I was, I didn't want to seem like a pussy. I was like, it's up to you guys. I just don't want something bad to happen. And I didn't report him. And that's kind of like on me. And they were like, and then the old vet was like, fuck it.

Yeah. Rookie do the paperwork. Fuck it. And the rookie sat there. I love rookies. Fuck rookies. He said rookie? No, no. But the guy was like, the it. Yeah, rookie do the paperwork. Fuck it. And the rookie sat there and did it. I love rookies. Fuck rookies. He said rookie? No, no, but the guy didn't know what he was doing.

So it was an obvious vet rookie scenario where the vet was just going like, all right, yeah, now you got to ask for the description, dude. Like walking him through basic shit. I can't believe he wasn't homeless and just trying to find booze or something. He had a nice polo shirt on. He had a COVID mask covering his on. He had a COVID mask covering his face. A little too late for that.

Can you describe the man? You're like, he was dripped out, swagged to the max. He was impeccable. You're so political and your brain is rotted from political talk. You just keep going like, what are you you still afraid of covid

you fucking cock he doesn't occur to you once he's just hiding his face yeah man i wish i was there for that you i would have loved to see what what you did what do you think devil would have bent over and gotten raped that's what would have happened i would have i would have

immediately i would have ran into the glass window and fallen four stories. He runs into the wall. There's an outline of Devin. I would have freaked out. Yeah, dude. I was too hungover to freak out.

John stopped a home invasion at this place once. Oh, yeah. I was fucking, oh, God. These guys came to the side of the house. We're watching TV. I had the window behind me open. We were watching a Jack White video on YouTube. I guess, I don't know.

And then I remember- That's really, really inconsequential information. Shut the fuck up, faggot. No one needed to know what we were watching. Hold on. I was about to, I was talking. You weren't the one who stopped the home invasion. I know, I was setting it up, retard.

I set it up. Because I didn't know your syphilitic brain is going to have a bunch of holes in it. I remembered who we were watching. Wow. What important info. Thanks, Grandma. Hey, when was your haircut?

Tuesday, Wednesday. Maybe it was Thursday. Anyway, so I'm taking over the story now. We start hearing a voice on this side. Was it cloudy outside or anything? It was a little muggy. John, we're listening. We started hearing voices.

Boom! We're in the living room and the walkway behind us. I opened the window. We're sitting there watching TV. All of a sudden, we hear a guy. I'm right here. Come up here.

Come up here. It literally was that. Just come to the side of the house. And we're like, we aren't renting to a cholo. And John and I look at each other and we're like, the fuck is that? So I'm like, okay, I'm going to go outside and check it out. I'm going to go out the front, and I go to the side where the staircase is. And at the bottom of the staircase is literally a little hom a little homie, and he's, like, standing there

on his cell phone. He goes, yes, like, the coin machine. A little homie. He's got, like, big, giant Levi's on, like, that's flannel, and he's, like, posted up. His feet are, like, bit bird, like that. He's, like, he's on his cell phone. He's, like,

yes, like, the second stop, like, down, like, you come on he's like he's on his cell phone he's like yes like the second stop like down like you come on down here he's wearing an airbrush memorial t-shirt for himself he goes rest in peace edward in two years i'll be dead i looked at him and i was like hey man what are you doing and he goes uh i'm just talking to my girl and i go uh do you live here and he goes no and i'm i go what are you doing here and he goes just hanging out exactly literally that he was like i'm just hanging out and i was like you got to leave and then he went you could search me if you want i knew if i went down there because i was at the stop of the stairs i knew if i went down there and i was like okay he would like deck me or some shit yeah so i was

like you gotta go man and then he just left you're like, what's this right here? He goes, that's my dick, homie. I'm like, how come it's getting bigger the more I stroke it? Be funny if we had, be funny if earlier that night,

John, we had, pretty good. Pretty good. You've lost your mind, John. What's with you? That's so dumb. It just reminds me of the gay porn bloopers.

Huh? Nothing. It's just stupid. It's just funny, dude. There will be a day where people will be like, I can't believe that guy makes a living in broadcasting. I think people will be furious, I can't believe that guy makes a living in broadcasting. People will be furious. Oh, man.

What were you saying? Forget it. It's over. There's this thing called timing, and the timing's out. You think too much. Timing's done. You think too much. Be like me. Don't ever think. Don't think. Never once. Work at a train station. Live in your car.

John the other day told me he went to check his credit card because he was like, I think I'm paying the minimum on my credit card, right? Yeah. And he went to check it and they gave you. Oh, yeah. You realize that your minimum, it used to be $500 and they gave you $1,500 more. They gave me like $2,500 more. And you were like, hell yeah. Didn't you just went and you bought a tv or you went and bought like a month i immediately spent 500 on like a bed oh good you got a bed that's good yeah you do yeah yeah it was bad

just keep paying the minimum oh you know i'm just i'm i'm actually like i woke up and i was like i had like a coming to god moment where i took like the bottle of gym meme in my fridge and i was like I had like a coming to God moment where I took like the bottle of Jim meme in my fridge and I was like, oh, I'm throwing. You had some stupid performative moment. You're like, I would pour this down to the drain to be more cinematic, but I don't have a sink. But yeah, I've been. He throws it against the wall to be cinematic, but it's a plastic bottle of liquor.

That's what it was. He throws it against the wall to be cinematic, but it's a plastic bottle of liquor. That's what it was. I don't have a city. Someone's like, flush it. He's like, someone's using the bathroom in the hall. I lost the bathroom key, so I can't really do that.

It's a long, long scene where he's walking to the YMCA to flush his whiskey. I was just like, alright, I'm going to start being better. I talked to my therapist. You have a cool therapist, by the way. His therapist told him, just drink on Fridays. His therapist is Cotter's dad. My therapist, I was like, like dude i've been drinking like every day and getting fucked up like every day i don't know what to do about it and he was like john don't get fucked up every

day just get fucked up on friday with your friends see that's practical he's giving you like a realistic i'm not an alcoholic right you know but i But I was on the fast track to being one. Sure. But yeah. Honestly, the biggest harm in my drinking habit is I choose not to drink at dive bars. And I drink at the most expensive place on planet Earth. Has he given you any other advice? Like maybe live in an apartment? Yeah. He's really ashamed of me.

Yeah. He's disappointed in me. But it's okay. Your therapist is ashamed of you. You call him. He goes, but it's okay. Your therapist is ashamed of you. You call him, he goes, ugh, not again. Your therapist is going, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. He's your therapist's uncle Ben.

My therapist was the guy who was like, John, you know you're effectively homeless right now. And I was like, yeah, dude. And he was like, okay. His secretary walks in and he's like, this is not my client. Please. I don't know this man. He gets that I'm a wildcat. He's just like, just drink on Fridays.

I was like, okay. He told me four drinks and I'm on, right now, drink six. Of the week? Of Friday. You've been drinking all day? I had two beers and a shot before I came here. That's why you were all fucking catty over the phone.

He was all loopy and fired up. Loopy asshole. He tried to change the whole night. I don't want to go to fucking... I don't want to go... Hold on, how about this? How about this, cocksucker? How about those West Side fucks come out here and drink with us

instead of us always going out there? We're the ones who have the fun. That wasn't the plan. We've had this in motion for about a week. What's the difference? You're now being selfish, narcissistic, John, where you want to change the whole thing. I don't need you to come with me. You don't need to come with me.

I'll just go somewhere else. John, we had these plans all week. John's like, hell yeah. Take your own cars. We're going to go see Mark at Johnny's in Manhattan Beach or whatever. John's like, we're going, right? Yeah, we out of nowhere john always always and he always tries to sidetrack it for like the least the like the least attractive other option i've ever heard of he's like yeah he's like dude i know i i have a friend that runs a chucky cheese he says we could like drink in

like the back room he's like you want to meet up with him later he's like tell mark and everybody to like meet us at the back of a chucky cheese Cheese. There's an alleyway. It's sick. There's a needle riddled sofa in there. John's actual plan for what we should do instead is meeting up with a bunch of Marines because it's the Marines' birthday. John collects kill machines as

friends. He does. He's obsessed with guys that have killed people. Let's go hang out with Carl. He's a fucking kill machine. He's got 18 guys that have killed people. Like, dude, I got this fucking, let's go hang out with Carl. Dude, he's a fucking kill machine. He's got 18 confirmed kills. Guy was a fucking sergeant, dude. Like, he knows some shit, man. Like, trust me. Like, you're going to love kill machine.

Yeah. And so he's got. Kill machine. He's got three kill machines that he wants us to go drink with at, like, it's like, what is it? It's an Elks Lodge, but for like. American Legion in Hollywood. It's the, it's the ipso facto American Legion post

in America, quite frankly. It's baller. It is beautiful. That bar is probably the top five Art Deco bars in LA, and it's members only. We might be able to get into it tonight. I'm not sure about it, but the thing is I know what's going to happen is we're going to go to that house. It's not even a guarantee.

It's not even a once again. I know it's guaranteed. We're going to go to that house, we're not going to be able to drink any of the liquor in that house because Mark's going to be like, no, dude, don't touch the Jameson, dude. Johnny always says, drink whatever you want. Last time we went there, the exact same thing happened. We're driving 45 minutes to do something we could just do here. Why don't they come here? Why are we always going out to their fucking neighborhood?

He doesn't have money to drive. Well, that's their fucking problem. Johnny has a good big house. It's not that fun. Why are you changing it last minute? You don't have to fucking do what I'm doing. Why are you changing it? I'm not changing it. I'm inviting you. I'm not forcing you to do anything. You're the weird codependent one who thinks you have

to come along with me to do anything. Wow. I'm saying I have this amazing option. What a crazy thing. I have an amazing option. What a crazy thing to say I'm codependent. No. I don't. I have an amazing option. I'm not trying to argue with you.

The comments are all going to be like, enough. Like, just fuck already. Like, what? I'm just saying you're the one that all week was like, we're going to see them. And then last minute you change. Because I. That doesn't sound fun to anyone, John. Well, it sounds fun to me.

No one wants to go hang out. To hang out with strangers and have a fun time. With Marines that sounds like a blast no it's not getting fucked joey unless we're going don't be silent right now i did like that place looked cool yeah yeah it's not gonna be a fun time at johnny's connor already was like i'll let you know at the end of the podcast which means it's not a fun time it's not gonna be a fucking guaranteed fun time nobody wants to go to fucking manhattan faggot beach to go drink fucking three fucking beers this is some fucking place whose fire pit doesn't work by the way the outside sucks ass the inside sucks ass there's a giant dog that won't stop drooling on you and nobody gives a fuck you said you wanted

to go yeah it's gonna be fun to see the boys, but I wish the boys would come and do fun things instead of hang out and fucking goon all night to whatever the fuck we watch on TV. It is 4-2. The two should come meet the four. Yes! Yes! Yes! That's what I'm saying. I'm just saying we agreed to it like last week

with them. If it was, yeah, why not? John's just being. No, I'm not being anything. The thing is, if we weren't going out there tonight, we'd be going to 33 Tabs or somewhere fun. Yeah. We're not going to do that out there. Why don't you text them? You could have texted them a lot earlier this week.

I'll give them a piece of my fucking mind. I'll spend 45 minutes there, and then I'm fucking skedaddling. So you better bring your own fucking car. You're going to skedaddle after 45 minutes. It's going to be the great skedaddle, buddy. Dude, I'm really fucking mad. I'm going to skedaddle out of here. To's going to be the great skedaddle, buddy. Dude, I'm really fucking mad. I'm going to skedaddle out of here. Toodaloo, motherfuckers.

I hate you guys. You fucking bitches. I'm skedaddling. I love those guys. I love them to death. But the thing is, I do. I 100%. You're already talking about it.

You're going to see them for 20 minutes and then leave. Yeah, I'll hang out with them because that's how dudes work. You just see a guy and you them because that's how dudes work. You just see a guy and you bounce. That's how dudes work. You know what I got to hang out? It's a fun night. Let's go live. It's fucking stupid.

I don't want to hang out. We're just changing scenes. That's what we do. That was gay. Yeah, why not? I'll be gay there. All we're doing is we're switching out We're switching out Devin's fucking like

You know Artsy fartsy Fucking couch For a More modern Fucking couch What even is going on right now You lost me

Artsy fartsy couch No we're We're switching out It's not even fucking me We're switching out We're switching All we're doing is Switching scenery

We're not doing anything different We're not meeting any new people We're not doing anything interesting Listen to what he'll any new people. We're not doing anything interesting. Listen to what he'll do just to do what he wants to do to satisfy people he met like a week ago. In John's mind, the Marines birthday, it's like Christmas or like New Year's Eve. No, it's not. I just like seeing, in my butt, in Yenny's mind, it's Christmas. And I like seeing Yenny.

He was in the Marines. I like seeing him have a good time. He's a boy. He's having a blast. I love seeing my boy have a good time. You like to see your boy have a good time. He's having a blast. I love seeing my boy have a good time. He's a great guy. John just likes to see his boy have a good time. Known him for fucking

16 years. We saw him last week. Yeah, I want to see him again. Yeah, but you planned this earlier this week. He says funny things. And then the last minute you changed it up. You don't want to see your oldest friends. What the hell?

He's the oldest friend. I've known him more longer than I've known you. You haven't hung out with him nearly as much. I hang out with him all the time. I lived with him

for like fucking three months last year. Because you need well we all know you ride the rails and stuff. You use people a lot for their couches.

Alright. But yeah. Well let's have a fucking fun night. Back me up for a second. Don't back down. He's being a little wild. No. He's like fucking Mark doesn't have any kills. Like for a second Don't back down He's being a little wild No

He's like Fucking Mark doesn't have any kills Like I can't be killing him He's like Does Mark have any confirmed kills Yeah He hit me He hit us up a week and a half ago

Like we're going Friday right Like we're gonna go see Mark Yeah I'm gonna see Mark I'm gonna hang out And all that shit And immediately all day He's like changed his mind

Yeah Because some guy Cause a guy Like invited him to a Fucking mess hall Well we'll see what happens I'll probably I'm probably gonna end up Hanging out there for a while Because a guy invited him to a fucking mess hall. Well, we'll see what happens. I'm probably going to end up hanging out there for a while.

But every time I go over to Johnny's house, it's just fucking depressing. I'm sorry. It fucking sucks. You sit around, we hang out, and we're just like... Johnny hates his own friends. I think it's a fun thing. You'll see Connor. It sucks. You'll see Connor. John's doing Connor. It sucks. It's just a hang with friends. You'll see. You'll see Connor.

It fucking blows. John's doing a real queer eye for the straight guy. He's like, oh, God, what is this laundry on the table? I think you're projecting. You're the gay one here. It sucks. You're the one that cares about the aesthetics of a home. No, I'm not saying aesthetics.

I don't care about the aesthetics of a home. All I'm saying is all we're doing is hanging out on a different couch. Right. Yeah, that blows nothing better no that's your you want to go waste a bunch of money didn't you just come into this thing about a thousand dollars on booze the last few weeks yeah and it was amazing and now you want to go out the best time ever you want to keep going my therapist encouraged me friday night i go out with the boys right i can spend as much money i have a lot of money right now you look

like you look like every place you show up to in one of those self-driving trains where they pump it this morning i texted the group chat but this morning i'm literally walking outside and this black guy's riding by me on a bicycle and he looks at me goes hey yo what up psycho he called you a psycho he called me psycho which is such a funny you love that that's cool no i didn't think it was such a funny word yeah it was funny it was i liked it because it's like it looks psycho but on the other hand i'm like why did he choose best downtown la cat call i've ever heard or insult i ever heard was this homeless guy when we were filming uh that indie movie in a downtown in a skid row and uh the director uh he like always tucks his shirt in. I think it was Holmesboro, but he has a pretty big ass.

We were walking back to the trailer and this homeless guy goes, fuck out of here, fat ass faggot. That rules. He calls the director a fat ass faggot. He's just a really cerebral-like guy just walking. And he's holding a briefcase. All of his writing.

And he's a fat ass faggot. And this crazy guy called him a fat ass faggot. All right. Okay. Can I get something off my chest before we move on? Yes, please. My brain is so preoccupied. This is not funny either. No, it's okay.

It might actually ruin everything. It's fine, dude. We don't do anything. I saw someone die last night at the nursing home. I just can't move on. I feel like I got to tell you guys. Okay. Yeah, what happened

He was just going to the bathroom He fell back and Smashed his head up And then Oh Holy Oh so he didn't just die like in bed Like holding hands

No no no Like I saw him violently die He He like just fell backwards He was peeing and fell backwards No he was walking to the bathroom In the hallway And he hit the tile

And he hit his head on the handrail Down And then Was it Blood No blood but walking to the bathroom in the hallway and he hit his head on the handrail down and then uh no blood but i could see the sack of blood building in the back of his head so he's bleeding his brain do you know people i thought they have to lead you to the fucking bathroom at these places this woman was she was like right next to him and then he just went back she dropped the ball and she would i felt so bad for this lady. She kept being like, oh, it was a mistake. Just this old Filipino nurse

being like, we were just going to the bathroom and I was like, this poor lady has to live with this now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then everyone's doing CPR on him.

They're like, he slipped on your fucking ketchup. And dude, fucking Valerie's sister had to do CPR and like shattered his ribs doing it. He's so old. Oh, they broke his ribs dude and

then the fucking paramedics came in and they i was like this guy has no chest came in they shot him in the face wake him up i just never seen i the guy's chest sunk like fucking four inches and his stomach kept getting bigger as they were doing it was almost oh my god things i've ever seen they say that you're actually you should break ribs to do it in the right way I think, right? But at this point I'm like

I think they shattered his chest plate. It was fucking awful. Yeah, like your goal should be to keep them alive not keep their ribs intact. Right, right. What is with this fucking

Mario Kart nursing home you guys got? There's oil spills all over the floor. Banana peels. What is going on? You got turtles spinning around him.

He got blue-shelled. He's at the finish line of life, and he got blue-shelled. How old was he? Old. Old, old? Old, but not in hospice. He wasn't dying. You know what I mean?

I mean, he was in a nursing home, but I've seen him around in the last two weeks. Yeah. Nice man. That sucks. That's really rough. Fuck, man. Yeah. That's tough, buddy. There's nothing funny about it. funny no that's just crazy you watched a mandala for the first like 30 minutes of the podcast i was like yeah right funny joke yeah you keep seeing his ghost over there

as they were giving cpr you're going i'm sorry kane you know what's crazy is I was like we were just about to leave like we were leaving the nursing home and as we're walking out that happened right next to you

and he was blocking the door oh like it was the hallway to leave yeah so this is so fucked up but I was just like Jesus Christ

this is so awful but I had to I was also stuck there for like another hour and a half yeah I was still so selfishly being like, couldn't you wait? Yeah. I was just about to get out of here.

First off, I didn't need to see this. I didn't need to see this. And now I'm delayed. Yeah. And my parking doesn't validate past nine. Like, couldn't you have done this in the woods like Kane? Yeah. I really just kept thinking like, damn, if we left 30 seconds earlier, I wouldn't have had to see any of that.

That's rough, man. That is really rough. Anyway, what funny videos you got? Well, I thought this was funny. Paramount tweeted this. This is Paramount's actual, Paramount Pictures. It's a picture of Robert De Niro with the glasses on from Killers of the Flower Moon

and they tweeted under it. They go, you know he had to do it to him. Sunglasses. Very good. Dude, who is running what does that even mean? What is the other meaning? I think he's talking about the Native Americans.

No, I know, but is there that can't be, it must be like some kind of fashion thing, right? He's saying the sunglasses, There's a sunglass emoji. He's wearing the crazy glasses. Well, I thought it. I think that's what you say when somebody dresses super fast. Dresses crazy.

No, no. The guy who was running the Paramount account thought he was just being mean and funny. Let me tell you, the guy who's running the Paramount account, Christopher Columbus. No, he truly was just like, yeah, he looks fly. Yeah, but it just doesn't work for a movie like this. And then realized there was so much more context to saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably never saw the movie.

Yeah, he was just like, oh, here's a cool outfit. Yeah, exactly. Didn't actually watch. Yeah. This is like a picture from Adrian Brody and the Panties, and being like, damn, he flies! You're like, damn, heroin chic. Bro got the riz.

Jesus Christ. The internet's great. I love that just anybody is running the accounts of an entity as big as Paramount Pictures. That's the funny thing about Twitter is that there's these giant corporations on it and God knows who's running the account. It's gotta be like

four people. These people get in trouble all the account. It's got to be like four people. These people get in trouble all the time. No, I think it's always just one guy. It's just one dude. That's crazy. Yeah, it's their whole job. Yeah. That's wild. They get in trouble constantly.

Oh, here we go. There was a sequel to the gerbil bitch that we made fun of last week with the iced coffee. Oh, God. The husband's in on it now. Let's go. The cuck. Me. Look at this scumbag. Now he's doing his jokes. Now he's trying to on it now. Let's go. The cuck. Me. Look at this scumbag.

Now he's doing his jokes. Now he's trying to laugh it up. There's a reason people don't let me drink coffee. And it's not because I don't like it. It's because now my husband has to deal with me the entire trip home. And we still have another three and a half hours left. He's making fun of her looking like a fucking chipmunk. That's kind of vicious.

This dude rules. I love him. Dude, he hurt us. He went home. He did the work. He came back a stronger man. He goes, I'm going to fucking mock you. You fucking beaver woman. Oh, man, that's good.

Good for him. Look at that. Dude, he's gonna kill her one day. Definitely. He's gonna beat the shit out of her too. He's not gonna strangle her, he's just gonna beat her to it. You wanna know how you kill her?

You deprive her of wood. Her teeth start growing into her brain. He starts poisoning one of those like gerbil bottles with a little ball on it. His next video is going to be him like going like, ah, ha, ha,

look how funny I am and he knocks her damn over. Anyone following the Republican debates? I've not been, no. It's a fun time. It's just, it's the bits

that was like the six of the biggest retards on the face of the earth. The next out of his fucking mind fucking with no charisma trying to like, you know, one up each other and insult each other. And they're all taking, they're all taking notes from Trump's playbook.

They're all trying to be bullies, but no one's a better bully than Donald Trump. So I don't know. I actually, uh, I don't quite remember what this clip was, but it amused me five days ago and we'll see. That's how we move forward.

This is this guy. This Vivek Ramaswamy. He's he's a bit weird no he's an odd Indian Jimmy Neutron he's like a first generation American uh he um what did he invent didn't he invent something he he like created some like he's a very rich man yeah he and but also he's an an ex-stand-up comedian. Oh. Whoa, what? He's got my vote. Ex-stand-up comedian. Are you serious? Yes, ex-rapper.

He's an ex- What? He would do stand-up raps. He would do stand-up raps. Vivek. Explain him a little bit. Very smart guy. I listened to one interview with him.

Very smart guy. All I remember is he was a stand-up comedian. Used to write hip-hop, shit like that. That's him. That's not him. No, no, no. That's Very smart guy. All I remember is he was a stand-up comedian. He used to write hip-hop, shit like that. That's him. That's not him. No, no, no. That's a different guy. I'm sure if he's running for office... He deleted all his stand-up. He deleted all his stand-up.

Yeah, but... What a piece of shit. He's kind of against that whole... He wants to get all the old people out of Congress. Yada, yada, yada. This is him rapping. This is him rapping to lose yourself.

He wrote down the whole crowd He opens his mouth But the words won't come out Wait a second. Anyone can do this, should I? The clocks run out

Time's up Oh, the plow Snap back to reality Holy shit. I think he's He's so mad But he won't Get off that He's so mad He won't Get off that He's so mad Holy shit. I think he's... The wrong crowd, bud. Jesus.

This is crazy. He got a lot of flack because he's very America first. I really love how much John misinterpreted you pulling that video up. He goes, anybody can do that. As if we all thought it was so cool. He's not that cool. I could do that. I was like, I did that last week.

In the shower. We're like, no, that's the lamest guy ever. And you're like, anyone could do that, though. That was fucking brutal. No, that's the lamest guy ever. And you're like, anyone can do that, though. That was fucking brutal. No, he's very America first. I think he got a lot of flack because he said, just let China invade Taiwan. Fuck them. That's his whole thing.

You like him, don't you? Kind of a little bit. He's young. Get young people in there. Get young people in there. But what I think he's really vying for is a VP spot with Trump. He says he's not, but he is. Okay, so here he is.

Of course it's Eminem, too. To avoid making the mistakes from the neocon establishment of the past, corrupt politicians in both parties spent trillions, killed millions, made billions for themselves in places like Iraq and Afghanistan, fighting wars that sent thousands of our sons and daughters,

people my age, to die in wars that... It was everybody in the 313. Put your fucking hands up and follow me. It really sounds like he's rapping at the beginning. Yeah, he's got that cadence. Yeah. ...advance anyone's interests, adding $7 trillion to our national debt.

And Joe Biden sold off our foreign policy. Joe Biden's son, Hunter Biden, got a $5 million bribe from Ukraine. That's why we're sending $200 billion back to that same country. What even are these numbers here? I mean, what is going on with the money? Money's fake. Never heard of them before in my life. $7 trillion, and then they gave us $14 billion.

And then we owe the national debt $14 billion. And then we owe the National Debt Coach $14 billion. It's all fake. And I'm like, I made $11,000 last year. I mean, what are they even talking about? Debt is fake, right? Well, I mean, if we didn't invade Iraq, we'd be in a lot better position financially as a country, I assume. Well, I've always been of the opinion,

and listen, I know this might sound a little crazy, a. Well, I've always been of the opinion, and listen, I know this might sound a little crazy, a little stupid, a little ignorant. Just print money, baby. They do that. That's the thing.

Print more money. That's what they're doing. That is what inflation is. That's literally what they're doing. Print more. Send me more. They're doing it.

Send everyone more money. Print it. Makes sense to me. Everyone should get a check. I agree. I've always, everyone knows my platform. I'm running for local city council next year

in Los Angeles and my platform's gonna be like, we're just gonna give you a check. Everybody gets a check. You also solve the drought. The drought, I'm gonna go, people go, people go, what about the drought in Southern California? It was a crazy drought. I go, put a bucket out next time it rains.

Yeah, put out buckets. We're not putting out buckets. It rains a few times a year. Apparently, we don't collect any of it. There's also a whole fucking ocean. You don't have a Brita filter? Go to the ocean. Fill it up.

Filter the water. Filter the fucking water. It's easy as cake. It does seem like, I don't know why that's not a thing. I literally don't get it. I looked it up. Hold on, shut up. Then they say, I mean, I'm sorry, Libby.

Then they say, oh, the ocean, you can't drink it because it's full of salt and all that stuff. Then I'm fucking, when I'm hungover, I go drink salty drinks. It's not that's electrolytes. So the ocean's full of electrolytes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we talking about here? Look, all I know is we've got to stop global warming because these polar ice caps keep melting.

John's going to have nowhere to live. And that's a really sad future for this planet. But apparently, like, you can desalinate. I can literally go down to the ocean and, like, desalinate water on, like, the individual level very quickly and very easily. It's not cost-effective to do it on a mass scale. It's just like a piece of glass,

but if you want to do it on an industrial level, it's insane. Oh, shit. It's not cost effective to do it on a mask. It's like a piece of glass, but if you want to do it on an industrial level, it's insane. It's just not cost effective. I think they did it in Australia. This is great news. Right before my campaign, my lawyer just asked me. Yeah, the women that were coming out against me,

they apparently, all of them, have decided to drop it. Dude. Drop the case. Cheers. I think it's fake. Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah, well, I mean, it makes sense. I hired some goons to intimidate them. Don't say that on the podcast, dude. Go, they went to their homes and they told them they'd kill them and stuff. Oh, scare them a little? Yeah, yeah. So they were afraid. They're not testifying anymore, so I think I'm okay.

That sounds fine to me. Which is crazy because I fucking raped the shit out of all of them. Oh, dude. He just raped the shit out of them. Sounds like I win again. They dropped the case. They dropped it. They dropped it.

They're not testifying. They don't even need me to make a statement. They're like, hey, just don't have that guy come back and we're good. No, they didn't even make a stipulation in the case where I have to put a public apology out or anything. If that guy doesn't kill me and my family like he said, you'll never hear from me again. Those guys I hired were great. They must have really done a number on them.

They sound scary. Man, I really just hope there's no future where you do have a weird drunk night and there's some weird false accusation because this will be

the worst thing of all time. Yeah. No, I don't. I didn't do anything. Like, your honor, look at this clip. He's an irate. This shit.

Hey, you know, it's the confidence in myself. Yeah. You know, I have confidence in myself. Yeah, Teflon Dev. I don't talk to people. I don't talk to women. Yeah.

I don't look at them. You're well known. Yeah. They're boring. They're boring to me. Yeah, no, I don't have time for that. What did you say the other day? You said there's two types of movies.

There's good movies, and then there's movies women like. Oh, no. I was like there's movies women like I was like what I said as I go women always have this weird thing where there's girl movies and then there's boys movies and I'm like no there's good movies and then there's girl movies that's the only difference

exactly that's perfectly put and if you ever need some help if you're getting in trouble I have a bunch of guys they're fucking unbelievable It's perfectly put. It's perfectly put. And if you ever need some help, if you're getting in trouble, if any of you guys are getting in trouble, I have a bunch of guys. A bunch of guys. They fucking unbelievable how quickly this happened. I'm talking, I mean, a few weeks ago, it was 1,200 women coming out against me.

You gang is gone. I first thought it was 12, but apparently 12, I don't know. I had a- That's full point in the wrong place. I went on- I drink a lot, so. I went on a binge, and I don't know what happened that weekend. I don't know, but apparently I saw a lot of them.

It was one weekend. It was only one weekend. So that's a lot, though, for that. 1,200 in one weekend? That's huge. You're telling me. That's when I woke up to the news. I was like, oh, my God.

Did they have a nickname for you on the news? Was it like the Rapist of Silver Lake? The Worst Person to Ever Live. Wow. That's what they called me. My lawyer told me that's what they were running with. That's crazy, because we were calling you the coolest guy of Silver Lake? The worst person to ever live. Wow. Is what they called me. My lawyer told me that's what they were running with. Oh, that's crazy, because we were calling you the coolest guy of all time. I know.

Well, that's what the boys always say. But the women, they go, that's the worst person I could ever imagine living. But, hey, scot-free, baby. Fuck you. I'm happy for you. Fuck you. You go, fuck you. Fuck you, whores.

I got away with it. You're sick. Yeah, well, it could come back. Who knows? We'll see. This would be a running. Fingers crossed. This might haunt me for the rest of my life, but I'll always fight it.

I have a lot of connections. I have a lot of connections. I will rule with an iron fist fist and I will fucking intimidate anybody trying to take me down okay when I run for office next year yeah

I got your back no matter what I don't care how many people you rape anybody in my way yeah I will rape and pillage

the more Devin rapes the stronger I support him honestly I mean it's so fucking it's just like when it's just so it's so easy he's like Jet Li from The, it's just so easy. He's like Jet Li from The One. It's just so easy.

Every time he rapes, he gets a little stronger. He's Shang Tsung of raping. Yeah. At this point, I'm doing it as a flex of power, you know? You're going for the record. I just like the feeling of power. And dominance. I was like Richard Ramirez. He likes seeing the fear in the light of their eyes.

I don't even enjoy the sex. It's just dominating. Yeah, that's what they say about almost all rapists. They do it for the feeling of the power. It's not rough or anything, but when I get away with it is when I really feel good about it. That's when you get a little buzz. Was it not rough?

It's not rough. You know, I saw one comment a month ago saying I love any time Devin does that bit. I've just been doing it because of that one comment. I was like, oh, this guy likes it. Oh, it's my new thing forever. That guy's a rapist. Probably.

Hey, don't fucking throw that rapist. Probably. Hey, don't fucking throw that on him. Sorry. Sorry, I love you. All right, back to the next thing. Back to the next thing. A million dollars back to that same country. The fact of the matter is the Republican Party is not that much better. You have the likes of Nikki Haley, who stepped down from her time at the UN.

Bankrupt or in debt was her family. Then she becomes a military contractor. She joins the board of Boeing and otherwise and is now a multi-millionaire. So I think that that's wrong when Republicans do it or Democrats do it. That's the choice we face. Do you want a leader from a different generation who's

going to put this country first or do you want Dick Cheney in three inch heels? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yes! You guys didn't even hear the full insult. He goes, which is there's. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Yes! You guys didn't even hear the full insult. He goes, there's two

of them next to me. He made a gay joke about Rhonda Santus. That's what I thought he was doing. Oh, really? Remember I brought up

that theory that he's wearing heels all the time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's online, dude. Yeah, dude. What a fucking king. That rules.

But he was stealing a double. He forked his opponents, basically. Here's one attack that hits you both. That's quite good. That's a bullet through one head. It goes right to a double. He forked his opponents, basically. Here's one attack that hits you both. Yep. That's quite good.

That's a bullet through one head. It goes right through the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see. Bring it back a little bit. Listen to Nikki Haley for a second after. Or do you want Dick Cheney in three-inch heels? All right, Mr. Rooks.

We've got two of them. On stage. Woo! Damn. Well, right after that, Nikki Haley goes, you're scum. Dude, that is a great burn. That's a great burn, dude. That kicks ass.

That kicks ass. He's from the Trump playbook. I kind of like him. It's the Trump playbook. I kind of like him. Whoa, that was awesome. Yeah, that kicked ass. That's an incredible writing, actually.

In which case, there's two of them next to me. He's a stand-up. Yeah. He's a comic comic. He's a comic, dude. He's at Kill Tony next week. Man. Nikki Haley's a little psychopath.

You know anything about Nikki Haley? I know nothing about any of these people. I remember she was on Rogan a lot back in the day. Wasn't she a veteran? No, she wasn't on. That was like Tulsi Gabbard. Oh, Tulsi Gabbard. Fuck, they all blend into one fucking whore.

They do. This is the craziest. If this is somebody's first time listening to this podcast, they're like, who are these guys? Imagine somebody turning it on the minute I do the rape gag. First time. Well, like recapping this episode, like, well, Connor saw a man die last night and they wasted no time talking about Devin's rapes.

The worst people of all time. And then that John guy said, they're all the same whore. This is the sneaky Haley bitch with Vivek. He's got a big ass head. Stunning rebuke of rival Vivek Ramaswamy today. You're just scum. In fact.

You're just scum, In fact. You're just scum, you stinky. You fucking smell. You're a damn stinker. You're a stinker. You're a curry boy. You're a stinker. He says she didn't go far enough. That was showing a lot of restraint. That's all I'll say. That was showing a lot of restraint. Alright, pussy. It turned nasty when the

tech billionaire targeted Haley's 25-year-old daughter, Rina. Hell yeah. His daughter looks like somebody. She's like, he's all cocky because Andrew Schultz gave him a career. What does his daughter look like? His daughter looks like somebody we know. Every chick we went to high school, the sister school.

She looks like Liam Neeson's daughter from Taken a little bit. Yeah, the one that can't run? Yeah, yeah. Nah. In the last debate, she made fun of me for actually joining...

Look at Rhonda's. Is Rhonda Santus even like a... Is he alive or is he being like controlled by a remote? What is wrong with him? Have you seen his smiles? Have you seen

DeSantis smile lately? Dude, he's constantly not trying to trip in heels. That's all his brain is doing the entire time he's alive. He's like, don't fall. Don't let them know you're wearing high heels. Look at this. He doesn't know how to smile. Ron DeSantis. Oh, goddamn. Fuck the Young Turks. Fuck you.

You fucking Young Turks. You genocided Armenians. The Ron DeSantis is in Japan for some reason. The wrong DeSantis is in Japan. He completely malfunctioned when asked about his failing poll numbers. This guy will never be president. All right, get to it, retard. I'll show you falling behind Trump.

Any thoughts on that? I'm not a candidate, so we'll see if and when that changes. I'm not a candidate, so. I love this era that you could get away with so many flubs and weird moments. Because back in the day, Howard Dean literally lost everything because he just went like, I mean, Nixon didn't win because he didn't wear makeup at the debate. Oh, really? That's like the whole thing.

It was the first ever televised debate between him and Kennedy. And Kennedy wore like a full face of makeup because it was on TV. Yeah. And he didn't. And Nixon just looked like shit. And he looked like a pale piece of shit and he lost for that reason.

I'm not wearing makeup like a woman. It's so funny. Like, that's why it's so hilarious people were surprised Trump won. Yeah. It has nothing to do with politics. You're like, of course he won. He's wearing so much makeup.

Yeah. He's beautiful. It's all about, it's all about aesthetic. It's all about aesthetic. It goes to show, yeah, yeah. Trump was the hot one.

You're like, who you voted for? I'm like, the hot one, obviously. Donald Trump. TikTok, while her own daughter

was actually using the app for a long time, so you might want to take care of your family first. Leave my voice. Your voice. Let's go. Let's fucking go.

I love when they attack family. Fuck yeah. I love when people that are going to be running the country next attack family. Hey, it's fair. Her own daughter was using the app. She probably had ProVox, probably had famous fucking TikToks. I find it funny that you're against me using TikTok when your own daughter's camel toes on TikTok,

which I have watched millions of times. Do you know how many times, how many loops I have on her camel toe? I don't count sheep. I count her pussy lips. Every night I go to bed. Oh, fuck. For a long time, so you might want to take care of your family first.

Leave my daughter out of your voice. Out of your voice, you dumb fuck. Everyone's so fucking stupid. These are the choices we have. This should be the first election where nobody votes. Where they go, all right, everyone get out. And there's no nothing some the problem is that some idiot will ruin there's always idiots that do it it's like

that little faggot in school that used to no one did the homework but two one guy did yeah and then the guy goes everyone turn your homework and one kid stands up and turns it in you go don't don't if no one did it he can't fail all of us. Sure. And then they all ruin it. There's always that little scumbag. That little cocksucker. Little cunts. The next generation of Americans are using it.

And that's actually the easy answer. It's all anyone's talking about today. You're just scum. You're just a slumdog millionaire. That's what you are. She goes, and that's the problem with that poo. And everyone's like, boo! Boo, you whore!

That's the problem with that poo. Evening. Who's that? Let's cut to a whore on CNN to talk about it. Who's that beauty? Jesus. That a whore on CNN Who's that beauty? Jesus That is right up your alley, huh? Oh my god, yeah, I want her to debase me

Oh god You don't go after people's families You don't go after people's children I think she meant keep my daughter's name out your mouth That's what she meant The fireworks made for a tense post-debate stage When the families joined the candidates to take photos. Ron DeSantis posed with his wife, Casey.

Nikki Haley's daughter and parents stood with her, just steps from Ramaswamy, his wife and young son. And we got our first look at Bachelor Senator Tim Scott's girlfriend. Dude, this guy, Tim Scott, is frustratingly retarded. Let's look at Tim Scott. Who the fuck is Tim Scott? Scott's got a girlfriend and we... Girlfriend. Look at Tim Scott.

Those dentures are falling out. Look at him. There will just never be a cool black Republican. I don't think it's possible. No, no, no, no. I'm going to be honest with you. The fucking Carson guy. Ben Carson.

How is he cool? He was fucking... Didn't he separate Siamese twins and shit And then said he stabbed a guy That was the lamest guy of all time That guy sucked ass and then didn't he die of COVID He died Fuck off Well I like him I thought he was interesting

Sorry about that Didn't he say he was interesting. Sorry about that. You're like, didn't he say he stabbed a guy? Sorry about your favorite politician. I'm a Ben Carson fanatic. He stabbed a guy? What are you talking about? Didn't he say that? He wrote a biography where he told a story about having to stab somebody.

Yeah, that's cool. And then everybody picked it apart. They're like, that was a crazy story that you just told. I like that story. Everyone thought he was like a sick freak. He separated Siamese twins though, right?

John doesn't I quite like that story. I think so, yeah. He was a surgeon, yeah. Fucking Ben Carson he's the man. Yeah, okay. Tim Scott's got a girlfriend

and we saw her on the stage. He told us 27 years old. He's 58 years old. Oh my God. Her name is Mindy Notes. Jesus Christ. She's an interior designer.

His teeth look like a fucked up fence. They go, Forrest Gump just saves him in the jungle. Tim Scott, also the owner of Bubba Gump. Tim Scott knows 50 ways to cook shrimp. Oafs. She's an interior designer and mom of three. Once again, Republican frontrunner Donald. And Trump just killing it, just doesn't even show up He's just doing, he's like selling out like Madison Square Garden the night of the debates

He's like, sorry, I got better things to do He's like, I'll see you in the semifinals, I'm not dealing with these retards I don't deal, I don't mingle with the lower class I'm doing Madison Square Garden. Bringing out a tranny. I'm going to call him a fag for an hour. Trump refused to participate, but his supporters were there. Some of the audience chanted for Trump and were repeatedly asked to tone it down. This is a contest to see who's going to be Trump's second.

Keep restraining yourself. The former president helped. Look at that. They got Lloyd Christmas on the crowd at Trump's campaign. This guy with a giant cowboy hat. He's like, hey, big gulps, huh? He's running briefcases full of cash.

He's like, we bought a cowboy outfit to ask. We've got Doug Dimmadome here, owner of the Dim Sale Dimidome. Rally, just 20 minutes from the debate at the same time. Do you think we did the right thing by not participating? Meanwhile, President Biden was in Illinois today. We're so fucked. Meanwhile, President Biden tries in Illinois today at a union... We're so fucked. Meanwhile, President Biden tries to walk.

Oh, man. He sucks so bad. He's so fucked up. Ali, when this happened... What is he wearing? You okay? I want the press to know that wasn't me. Pretty good. What, he farted?

Pretty good. Pretty good for an old worthless fuck. Yeah. God. The first time... That was like the first time he's been kind of on the ball. That was the most coherent moment of his entire presidency. Yeah.

God, he looks like a fucking nutcracker. It'd be funny if he said that and everyone's like, woo, and then he steps into a rake. Smacks him dead in the face and he dies right on the spot. The first president to assassinate himself. It's what the press know. That wasn't me. This was actually me.

And he shits his pants. What if you saw Joe Biden die today at the nursing home? Alright. Alright. Anything you guys want to close on? You know? Any closing statements?

Any closing videos you guys have? What do you have up? You have a million tabs open. I got a bunch of tabs, Johnny. I could do this all day. Do that. Do that. This lady?

Yeah, do it. Okay, so this is one of those where they ask people in the streets to a couple. They go, you look through his phone. He looks through your phone. Oh, no. That's never good. These are amazing. No good can ever come to man.

Which is beautiful. I mean, this is a beautiful thing. How long have you been together for? For like a year and a month. A year and a month? Okay, so look. So that means he really cares. If the man knows it's been a year and a month.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I go like, I don't know if I get long. I go long time. Well, they just probably celebrated their anniversary. And he's just like, yeah. Anniversaries are gay as hell, by the way. They're lame.

Throw that out there. I think anniversaries are a as hell by the way they're lame throw that out there i think anniversary nothing gay recipe for disaster no yeah oh yeah no she's cheating on you you know you're yeah you're fat so she checks she checks his phone first She goes that's his best friend That's his mom That's his sister

It all checks out She goes that's Chick-fil-A That's McDonald's That's Carl's Jr. Yeah he texts them on a You know on a personal basis That's his trough hookup That's the guy he buys troughs from

That's his feed connect He buys feed That's his trough hookup He loves feed That took a second That's his feed connect. He buys feed. He loves feed. That took a second. John is like fucking absolutely retarded today. I had some seagrams.

Let's go. I had some seagrams. You are losing your mind. People are worried about you, and this is going to make it a lot worse. Let them. Are you okay? You're twisted. I'm fine.

I'm doing fine. You sure about that? Yeah, dude. Jesus Christ, dude. He's so red. Am I red? Kind of, yeah. Oh, whatever. You did a bunch of niacin before this.

It's the seagrams, dude. The seagrams. Okay. All right. His sister, his cousin. Hold on. So you know everybody through the phone yeah basically i'm okay all right so now we're gonna go through her phone uh-oh she was what like i thought it was only your phone oh jesus i thought it was only your phone

he's like what he's like oh don't make me text mcdonald's again my phone died my phone died he goes i just seen you turn it off he He took her to the carnival, dude. He took her to the fucking carnival. It died. It died. Like our relationship, bitch. Like the fire in our...

I gotta say, I think this is fake. You think so? Yeah. Really? They do fake a lot of these, but... Two on the nose? Two on the nose. Well.

This guy seems legitimately, I don't think regular guys are this good of actors. He seems like he's actually. Yeah, but she seems like a bad actor in this, doesn't she? She does seem like a dippy Latina. Because she is acting in life. She's acting for her boyfriend. You're right. She's like afraid she's going to get caught cheating.

I can see this being fake, but let's keep watching. Keep watching. She's like afraid she's gonna get caught cheating. I can see that she's much. Let's keep watching Your phone was just at a hundred. Yeah, she going to believe him? You trust me. You trust me. Why are you going to believe him? Just in the park. You didn't have your phone. No. My phone died.

I love this music. Turn it on. Try to turn it on. It died. No. It died. All right, man. Simple. I don't know, man.

He passed the test. But she fell. I passed. I think it's real. I think it's real. I would guess fake. I'm saying know, man. He passed the test, but she fell. I passed. I think it's real. I think it's real. I think she's crazy. I would guess fake. I'm saying fake, too.

But I love these guys. I love these pranksters who are like, what's up, YouTube? Today we're going to the carnival, and we're ruining lives. Yeah. I do think that's real. I don't think a regular guy like that could act that way. Devin's like, I just don't think Mexicans can act. They're untalented. guy like that could act that way. Devin's like, I just don't think Mexicans can act though I'm talented.

I just think that that seemed like real in the moment Mexican hysteria. Where are they going to find these people? I think it's real. Exactly. I love prank videos. All day, watch TikToks. I'm sure that guy just went up to him and goes,

hey, let's do this fake video. You say this, you say this. It's very easy to fake. I think it's fake. You think if it was fake, she would have, it died, and then he would have taken her phone from her and then turned it on and then looked up. Yeah, if that was real, that would have been, like, an ugly situation. If it was fake, I'm saying they would have taken the phone.

Here's what we're not taking into account. So that guy's lucky to be with her. For sure. He's already a pussy cuck. Which is why that guy chose them. I know. So that's why I'm saying I think it could be real, because that fat Mexican guy is not the type of person

to be in the position to grab her phone out of her hand and be like, bitch, what? He's just lucky she's even pretending to be with him. Maybe. I think it's fake. Yeah, we'll see. I guess fake, but who cares? Also, Latina chicks are

way more forgiving when it comes to looks, I feel like. Yeah, for sure. Connor's like he has a Mexican girlfriend. Connor's like jacked and he's got a tight face. Connor happens to be handsome.

I found that Latina women are more like you're handsome. They don't give a shit because their whole goal is to feed you one day. It's amazing. It's one of those beautiful things. Latina women will be with you if you just turn everything into a competition. Black women too. Black women love you. Just turn everything into a competition

with a Latina chick. Just be like, I bet you can't throw this paper in that cup. And they're like, yes I can. You're like, I bet you can't throw this paper in that cup. And they're like, yes, I can. You're like, no, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. And you wind up fucking them. I bet you can't make me cum with your mouth.

Then you're like, I bet you can't suck my dick. And they're like, yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, you can. No, you can't. You're like, I bet you won't give me three beautiful children. Yeah. And they're going, I bet you I will. I bet you won't let me meet your mom and dad I bet you won't let me meet your mom and dad That's why we are stupid Stupid

I think we've done some good work here today It was a very intense episode I got away with what I've been accused of 1200 murder 1200 sexual assaults on my record. You were facing a death penalty. Did they do the death penalty for that?

You were looking at the death penalty. So they were going to extradite him to Utah where they were going to kill him by firing squad. What he's done. Connor saw a man die. And Joey had a home invasion. And John is losing his mind. And John is just, every episode, John, it's like bringing a Darren Aronofsky character on the podcast.

Every episode. John is a, that's a given. You see that they're making an Elon, Darren Aronofsky's making an Elon movie? I saw that. Fuck off. Elon. Whoa. Darren Aronofsky's making an A24 Elon Musk bio.

Is that confirmed or is that just like a thing that Mike made? I thought I saw it was confirmed. It seemed like it was confirmed today. Darren Aronofsky. He sounds like a fancy European that Mike made? I thought I saw it was confirmed. It seemed like it was confirmed today. I hate Darren Aronofsky. He sounds like a fancy European guy. I feel like a what? Yeah, I like him.

I love his movies, but I know. He sounds like a fancy European guy, but he's really just some fucking Guido from Jersey. Because he's Russian? Did you see Mother? How does he get Guido? Yeah, Mother sucked, but did you see his others, John? Did you see his fucking Anthony Bourdain episode? He seems like the worst guy on planet Earth.

I don't care. I just watch his movies. I love his movies. He makes fucking things to distract us before we die. I love his movies, but I do kind of know what John means.

He seems a little annoying. He's a little boring. Sure, he seems a little overly intense and into himself and a little like a... Most directors do. Yeah.

Well, my big fault is when it comes to any kind of like author art or anything i judge the person based on their personality if that personality is accessible via media or whatever you know what i mean no watch anthony mordain episode made no sense no yeah but if you like if you didn't like scorsese's personality would you be like his movies suck right no probably i mean don't, there's not a lot of like, sports-azy documentaries out there, are there?

Do we know a lot about There's a whole lot of him talking. A lot. Well, he seems like a great guy. He's on TikTok with his daughter.

He seems awesome. He had me with the fucking Marvel thing. Yeah. That was the best thing ever. Yeah. You had me at Shinebox. That was,

I don't really understand your take on Darren Aronofsky. He's, he, the wrestler is incredible. The Wrestler is incredible One of my favorite movies Requiem for a Dream is one of the most fucked up movies anyone could ever see That's a masterpiece If The Wrestler was the only thing he ever made

I would still be like That's one of my top five filmmakers The Whale was great Black Swan Black Swan's pretty good I haven't rewatched it in a Yeah. I haven't seen The Whale yet. Black Swan, yeah. Black Swan's pretty good. I haven't rewatched it in a long time. I hated Mother, though. I don't know what Mother is. Wasn't that with Jennifer Lawrence?

The dancer. Anton Chigurh. Yeah, Anton Chigurh, yeah. What do they do? She's Mother Earth and he is God. That's the whole... Very allegorical. Yeah, it's a very allegorical movie. And you get it right away, and you're like, all right, enough.

That's right, Sophia. Very allegorical. Thank you, thank you. The sacred and the propane. Should I try and sign up for a Jeopardy where it's all Sopranos trivia? I honestly feel like I could win. Oh, for sure.

I'm autistic. Absolutely. I would love that show. You know what I thought you, is you pull references that are not even like quotable. I know. The other night at Ben's house you were like, eat something, eat something. And I was like I wished it. I'm fucking starving. You're like, no, I'm doing Jack Nicholson from The Departed.

Why would I know that? I don't know. It's one of my favorite parts of the movie. Eat something. Eat something. Devin's holster is amazing. What he can pull out it's crazy yeah just suck him off already god damn it remember when he did

Wolfman the other week fuck alright let's wrap this up Connor you're gonna run that show soon in LA? oh yeah but that's not until January. I'll announce that later. Okay.

Yeah. Big stand-up show coming from Connor, though. And the Hate Watch fans, it might be an opportunity to go support some Hate Watch members. There's like three of them in Los Angeles, but if you're ever in LA, look up Connor. We'll all be there. Oh, yeah. It's the new Hate... Let's call it the Hate Watch Stand-Up Comedy Show.

Yeah. I think Connor's going to name it. I'll run it by Matt Lockwood. I want to name the show These Words, These Words. I told Connor, if you do that, it would immediately be a huge hit with any hate watch fans. It was either going to be These Words, These Words or just Michael Richards Live. I love that. I love that.

It's one of those two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'll see. It'll probably be neither of those, to be honest. But we'll see. Kramer at Chocolate Sundaes. All right, folks. It's 420naughtyboy on Instagram,

Joey Arlofleur on Instagram, John Badman on Instagram. Two Ds. Don't follow him. Don't follow him. Thank you for listening. We love you. See you next week.

Bye-bye. Good day.