Hate Watch with Devan Costa - My Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Threesome

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

John had a double date at a motel in Long Beach at 11am, we look for apartments he could live in for cheap, kids are doing stand up now, John's Street Corner https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately, I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. The beard looks good.

Oh, thank you. I think I told him, I picked him up, and he looked like Rennerborn. Yeah. He said I looked like Jeremy Renner in Born Legacy when he's at the cabin. When he's in Alaska. When he comes out of the ice cold water. Exactly. Some guy's going like, how did you get here so fast?

He goes like, went over the mountain. I jumped off the ravine. I walked, dumbass. You look like your biggest enemy is snow plows. You do look good, Jay. What is the point of this? You like to do it sometimes. You like to show yourself that you have fur trapper jeans.

No, it was my girlfriend kept being like, hey, you should grow a beard. And then I kept just going like, no, it looks disgusting. And then I was kind of like, well, wait a minute. The only reason I would care about looking disgusting is if... It's for other women. Right. So then I'm like... You go, fuck her.

No, I'm like, if she wants it, I'm like, okay, here you go. It looks good. And now I keep going like any day I'm going to wake up and look like Serpico. But instead, like it looks decent on this, but in real life, if you take a real close look, I look like a 4chan moderator or something. It's okay. I think you look good. Damn. I do like baby boy Joey, though.

Why not? I'm going to see what happens. I love baby face Joe. I'm going to keep it going for a while just to see what happens. It would look way worse if it didn't connect

to the mustache, but it kind of does. Nah, let it go really long. Get big wooden pipes. Yeah. I want you to look like... Like a hobbit. I want Joey to grow so long

he starts looking like he has a pet falcon that he puts his arm out and it lands. You went all leather. I'm going for a living man aesthetic. Yeah, sure. John, how's this? It's going fine.

Everything's going well. I'm trying to think of anything. I keep meeting weirdos on the street. No. I saw a guy milking his cock outside my door one day. I went around the street. No. No, I saw a guy like milking his cock like outside my door one day. Like I went around the corner and it wasn't like

I've seen a million like a million homeless guys' cocks. You know what I mean? Like we know. That's just in the last week. But like this dude was so disturbing because he was like

on the corner just like rubbing it. And I was like, oh God, nice to see that. But yeah, everything's going fine. You hated him

but you loved it, didn't you? Yeah, I sucked him. I immediately put it in my mouth. I was like, I was sucking his balls. He was like, oh, God, nice to see that. But, yeah, everything's going fine. You hated him, but you loved it, didn't you? Yeah, I sucked him. I immediately put it in my mouth. I was sucking his balls. He was like, oh, Johnny, rent's due. That was actually the mayor of Los Angeles. I was kidding.

I went to the Pershing Square shop and there was a Rastafarian guy who was 80 years old. He sounds like he's a white guy from the Valley and it just disturbed me. He sounded like me. He was like, hey, what's up guys? How you doing? He was like a 70-year-old Rasta. A very dark-skinned black man. He's from here.

But it was weird. Am I being psycho? The over-pronunciation of the R's. He just had... He didn't sound black. It's also just for sure a black dude with dreads. Yeah. John was like, rasta.

He's a rasta. He's a rasta. Yeah. Yeah. Siki Marley. Don't worry. Be happy. I was like, I'm for John.

Just a crip. That's all. He's like, I'm from Englewood. No, but he was like, hey, what's up, guys? Like, hey, how are you? And I was like, dude, he was also like very homeless. That's the California He's like, I'm from Englewood. No, but he was like, hey, what's up, guys? Like, hey, how are you? And I was like, dude, he was also, like, very homeless. That's the California over-pronunciation of the R's. That's our only accent here.

Am I weird? He was black. I know it seems crazy. Am I weird? You don't all talk the exact same. I know that's wild. No, but, like, you think there'd be, like, a little bit of affect or some shit. But he straight up sounded like he's from, like, fucking.

You hang out with too many black people. You sound like where you're from. yeah yeah no i know but all right john has like an entire what do you want him to sound like exactly do it do the impression like how like rastafari man right here like praise john like shit like that but like he sounded like Tyler, like from the Valley. He was like, Hey, you're doing a weird thing with race.

Yeah. You just, you're called racism. Yeah. Oh yeah. You have a whole, you have a gaggle of them. You're like a slave owner.

If he bought slaves, cause they thought they were cool. Yeah. Are you talking about my black friend? Yeah. No, it just so happens that the, the,

the apartment complex next to my apartment is just, it's just a lot of black people. So those are my regulars. But yeah. Yeah. Sorry you guys are insecure and I could just hang out with everyone fluidly. You know what I mean? I have great groups of friends.

Nah, kind of. The only thing making. Kind of seems a little fetishized a little bit. Right. It's uncomfortable because you're classifying them like a race scientist. Yeah. You're not just being friends. I just said it was weird.

Like, dude, it's weird to see a black dude with dreads that's like seven years old talk like that. John's like, dude, I got Ronnie coming over tonight. He runs a 4.2. It's like fucking sick, dude. But also, that just- He can jump the highest of all of them. That one night, the other half are Latino, and that one night, they just couldn't make it. They didn't come to the bar.

Okay, so you got both sides. You're like, you know it's going to make it. I know, but there are older- Well, I'm going to talk to you right now. A lot of the people that come to the bar okay so you got both sides you're like you know it's gonna make it but there are older well i'm gonna talk to you right now like a lot of people come to my bar commuters and shit and like usually the white guys are like older i don't know what it is i think like white people the younger white people just don't take the train as much you know yeah and like and like or they live out in orange county or like shit like that white people it's a weird demographic sum this up white people don't take public transportation. No. Unless they're speaking to themselves.

Yeah, but the thing is, I don't have a lot of white millennial regulars. You have a lot of like... Zoomers, none. There's a few times I've been there and a really kooky white lady from San Diego who's like, I'm just visiting my daughter and my blood type is Pinot. And I just, you know, I'm here

I saw her, she's going to ASU she just was gang raped and there's a lot of kooky divorcees. All the white dudes that come to your bar, they're like seemingly normal and then you realize that they're the most like corrupt, demented people of all time.

There's a darkness inside of them. That one guy we were sitting next to that day, he had like four suitcases with him. And he was like incredibly handsome. Yep. And in great shape. Oh yeah, I remember that guy. But then he had the box vape also.

Yeah. Which is a clear indicator. The one with the coils. Yeah, it's an insane person. Oh, this guy. Yeah, you're like four bags with him and you're like, oh God. Yeah, he's got like a vape

that looks like you call an airstrike on it. This fucking old guy, probably like in his 40s, white guy came to the bar day. Honestly, incredibly handsome guy, but he had the shakes when he came in.

He's like, hey, what do I get? I was like, get a double IPA. He just has Parkinson's. No, no. He was like, I'm fucking alcoholic.

Give me some beer. I gave him some fucking, yeah, he had Parkinson's. It's Michael J. Fox. He was like, I need beer for my Parkinson's. I know fucking exactly what you need, dude.

I was like, I need beer. He's like, You got the shakes, you fucking drunk. No, he was an alcoholic. But he was incredibly nice. He was really cool. And then he just started showing me his pictures on his phone. And they're all of illegal Uzis and pounds of drugs. I was like, dude, that's crazy.

I was like, you have to delete that off your phone. It was like Uzis Like it was nuts to me It was nuts Dark eyes It's funny if we don't We tell John to tell us something And then we just stay silent

Nice Uzis are crazy And then every story he tells He goes it was just fucking crazy It was just crazy We I don't know. It was a fun day, though. We just watch everything slowly fade out. All we have to do is stop helping.

Even if it's a great bit, we just go, ugh. I just hang myself. I jump from the eighth story of my building. So what's the latest, though? Do you have a little bed yet? Do you have yoga mats? I got a fridge and a microwave and that's like good.

And then I'm going to get, I have a desk. Everything I've ordered is like late. You sleeping in the fridge like Joker? I'm sleeping in the fridge. No, I'm just sleeping on the floor. It's fine. It's just the place I sleep. You took a couple of days off drinking, right?

Because the last time I saw you, you were going on eight days in a row and you were wild. Oh, I drank last night, buddy. Oh, okay. Yeah. Have you taken a day off? Took a day off before that. Progress isn't linear. I'm on the same run you are. I took Wednesday off.

That's it. I have to stop. It's getting bad. It's actually becoming insane that now Joey drinks the least of all. I don't know what's going on. It's because I'm trying to get shredded right now. Yeah.

Joey's getting shredded. He's playing chess. He's like turning into a fucking, you know, like a Muslim in prison. I got the beard. You got the beard. You're going to start coming in with a bow tie on. Yeah, I got to join you, man. I got to start.

I got to get better. It's so much funnier than when our lives are falling apart. I mean, look at John. Yeah, it is. Perhaps we should all just kind of become homeless. It's amazing. It is great content. Yeah, I'll talk to my wife about it.

John was hilarious this one night. We drank with Connor the whole day, basically. And Connor had a show, but we were like, it's probably going to get canceled. It's going to be a bad show. And then, of course, it was. So Connor couldn't fully go with us you know like drinking level but we ran into that anheuser-busch guy oh that guy kicks ass john knew like the anheuser-busch

like salesman guy and so the guy bought us a bunch of like beers and we weren't expecting to keep drinking and then the gold room john bought nachos right and they're like gas station nachos oh they kicked ass and then and then I'm the nacho king brother so he also by the way less than 45 minutes before this

ate a entire cheeseburger fries double cheeseburger fries so fat he had like a bunch of drinks and then we go to gold room and he runs into the Anheuser-Busch guy

that guy gets us more beers he gets more nachos then the bartender goes hey dude do you like want these nachos my boss made them but the people like it was a mistake

and John's like put them here bring them over so John eats two plates entire plates of nachos unbelievable then we go with Connor to his show

and it's like empty but John and I kept doing this bit I don't know if this will work on the pod but it was making me laugh so hard it was Columbus Day

it was Columbus Day oh yeah my bit I was gonna go on stage it's indigenous people day to a lot of people and I was gonna go on stage. It's Indigenous People Day to a lot of people and I was gonna go on stage going, it's Columbus Day, motherfucker! And then Sean and I go, yeah!

We just stand in the back, two deranged, drunk white men in the back laughing like the Joker as Connor goes on stage to like three people at like a hipster bar like, it's Columbus Day, bitch!

And we're like, yeah! The Green Goblin. Fuck indigenous people, bitch! That kills Nick. It's Columbus Day, motherfucker! It made me laugh so hard.

I couldn't stop laughing all night. I really wish there was just at least four people in the audience because they wouldn't have canceled the show. I know. Truly zero people showed up. I got canceled? Yeah, I got canceled. Zero people showed up.

I thought Devin was like being sarcastic. No, I knew all day. The second I was tagging the flyer, I was like, there's no way a single soul will come. What was the venue? We Know Vino. We Know Vino. It's like the bar,

but downstairs that wine bar. When I heard that was still open, I was shocked because that was 10 years ago was the shittiest open, Mike. And now you're doing shows there. It's insane. Well, no, I'm not.

That's the thing. It doesn't happen. They make a poster. I go down. I went downstairs at 8.15. The show starts at 8. There's not a soul down there. I go up to the host and I go, so is it canceled?

And they're like, we're going to wait for a little bit. And I was like, for who? What are you talking about? There's no one at the bar either. There's not a soul in the whole shop. Well, my instincts are correct. It's like, it must be, I guess, ladies buying wine, keep it open. But the show has to stop.

It's a bizarre place Also there's a big glass window That you can see the show going on But most people refuse to come in So they just sit there drinking wine outside of it It's like a loser aquarium You just watch people flailing Just people slamming the glass

Do something Yeah flicking it You would hiss Like an iguana The monkeys in 28 Days Later Oh yeah Man Yeah we had a blast

It was fun We had a fun time I like John out Out in the streets I like street John I hate the streets hard Street life I went to the Intercontinental

Yesterday What is that You went to The fuckingcontinental yesterday. What is that? You went to the fucking super nice bar on top of that big giant building with the Korea sign on it? This is what's also great. He's homeless, yet he goes to rooftop bars. You can just get a beer there for like $10 and just hang out at the nicest bar in LA. By the way, that work event I told you guys about, it's hosted at the Intercontinental with Jeff Ross hosting. Let me read this text really fast.

Oh, what was that? Oh, what was that? Who sent that to you? I went to them in New York, like the open bar places. Tell that while I find this text. Well, I don't really know. They were just like these open bar events when Joey's on his work conference thing. But I don't see how somebody could host it.

Well, so this is an award ceremony. Giving awards to the guys who are like the best at Filipino call centers. Yeah, okay. Scumbag awards. Exactly. And then so I brought Connor to that one. We've told it on the podcast. I don't know if Connor's ever been here when we told it.

I don't think so. But I had a plus one, so I brought him, and he was just eating all the hors d'oeuvres and chugging all the free booze. Oh, yeah. And then I started, I just lied, and I was like, yeah, he's like one of them. Wait, did we talk about this on the podcast? We talked about it a while ago, but rehash it. It's a great story.

I started telling people, I'm like, oh, this is one of my biggest publishers in the world. He does seven figures a week. And then. He does look like he does. And there was a bunch of kids who were like interns being like, dude, just tell me your secret. Give me some tips, please. And I was hammered and I was like smoking cigarettes. And I just at one point, I looked at hammered and i was like smoking cigarettes and i

just at one point i looked at this kid and i was like buddy you want advice for a game you're not even playing by the by the end of the night there was like senior level like business guys like coming up and like trying to poach him they were like trying to steal him away from me and i kept being like guys guys i'm not working I'm just with my friend tonight. I'll come over and be like, whoa, he worked for me. We just never let anyone know that he wasn't a huge pub fraud. Would that be fraud if you took one of those jobs

and just been like, hey, I want $60,000. That'd be crazy, though. Imagine if you lied your way through that. If you lie, I think, if you lie in writing, in writing if you lied, yeah. We could have gotten away with like, oh yeah, just hire him as a consultant and then we could have tricked

him. But anyways, so. Hold on real quick, Joe. You are jacked. Oh, thank you. Good shirt choice. Good shirt choice. Oh, you got the Ryan Gosling sweater from Blade Runner. It's coming along. It's coming along nicely. But so there is now one of these events, one of these it's an award ceremony for all these scam artists that do do these Filipino call centers and shit.

And so it's in Los Angeles at the Intercontinental, and I was saying let's all go to it. But here is the email blast that they sent out advertising this scam event. I've had the privilege of attending numerous award shows, outsider industry industry and witnessing the grandeur of events like the Oscars and the Grammys on TV. It's always been

a dream of mine to see performance marketing have its own very glamorous award ceremony. Alright, buddy. It's always been

a dream of mine to have it to watch an award ceremony. He's also bragging about watching the Oscars on TV. Which is insane. That's his ceremony. He's also bragging about watching the Oscars on TV. Which is insane. That's his qualification.

He's watched the Emmys on TV. Oh my god. So then he goes, so that's always been his dream. And he goes, and guess what? The Affie Awards is here to make that dream a reality. Picture this. A formal gala, complete

with a red carpet photo op, exquisite drinks, a sumptuous dinner, and incredible networking opportunities. But if you know me, you know I'm all about taking things to the next level. Wow. That's why I'm absolutely stoked to announce that the hilarious comedy legend himself, Jeff Ross, the Roastmaster, will be gracing our stage, mingling

with the AFI winners. We can't predict what he's gonna say, but one thing's for sure, it'll be comedy gold. Wow, dude. Wow. Joey, you gotta go. No, we're all going, is what I'm saying. It's on the 16th.

Oh, I'm in. We gotta get like suits and shit. You should reply. We might have to get suits. You should reply, I quit. I don't work for him. Why'd he send it to you? He sent it to like a giant list. Mass email.

Mass email, yeah, yeah. Jesus. That bar is great though. Let's go check it out. It'll be funny. And also like Devin's been to Jeff Ross's house, haven't you? I have, yeah. You've like, he had like women locked up. And you just saw cornrows? check it out it'll be funny and also like devin's been to jeff ross's house haven't you i have yeah you've like you he had like women locked up and you just got cornrows i watched tiffany haddish

in a hot tub uh hang out with like complete and total losers like just like you know homeless open micers twerking on open mic working on top of an open mic who has like like open sores on his face type of guy that looks like you know you walk into a Denny's at 4 a.m. and he's just, he asks for napkins. He's the hand sanitizer. Like he cut himself shaving, but it's like leprosy. It was like those types of people.

She was like, we ain't ready, we ain't ready. She's just like dancing on top of like Yucco the Clown. It was insane. And then I went to Jeff Ross' bathroom and he had like, you know, it was a nice place in like the Beverly, I don't know, it was in the hills somewhere. It was insane. And then I went to Jeff Ross' bathroom. It was a nice place. It was in the hills somewhere.

But it was a bizarre, bizarre night. I just stood in the corner. Did he all recognize you? No, are you kidding me? Jeff Ross recognized Devin? At the Affies. No, no. I didn't even talk to him. I didn't even shake his hand or anything.

I've been in green rooms with him, and he's never once recognized me. But if he sees you at the Affies, he's going to be like, wait, why the fuck are you here? No, absolutely not. Are you afraid our cover's going to get blown? No, no, I'm hoping it happens because it's going to make the story way funnier.

I've been spotted. I've been spotted, Joey. Quick, Jake, we've got to get out of here. Ross recognizes me. You've got, like, a base jumper. this guy doesn't do seven figures as a publisher. And I'm like, get down! Everybody get down! He's the roastmaster general, you know?

Oh, God. He'll spot us. We should all get on top of each other's shoulders and get a big trench coat. Like the little rascals. Or 12 feet tall. All we have to do is bring like a 14-year-old girl and Jeff Ross will be our best friend.

Oh, yeah. His cornrows stand on end. He's like a cat. Jeff Ross, he like floats to a 14-year-old girl like a cartoon, like smelling a pie.

Oh, man. We've called him a pedophile so many times on this podcast. Well, I mean, there was a big article. I heard that was fake, by the way. Really? I heard that was fake, by the way. Really?

I heard that was fake. But listen, you guys want to call him a pedophile, it's up to you. Well, the Duke lacrosse team is full of rapists.

I mean, Connor's the one doing stand-up. He's the one that should be worried about it. He's not a pedophile. He just really liked the company of that

14-year-old girl. There's nothing weird about it. He actually wasn't, I think she was like 15, but he got her a job At the cellar And then everyone's like Well they keep going home together

That's odd That is That is strange Somebody debunked it But I don't know the details So maybe you guys are right All I'm saying is I don't know

If I was hanging out With a 14 year old boy Consistently That's nuts You'd go That's weird Yeah we wouldn't go like Oh I think Connor's

In like the Big Brother program Yeah You know Like it's odd You're like Is it your cousin I'm like, I think Connor's in the Big Brother program. It's odd. Is it your cousin? I'm like, no. I'm just a cool guy. I would give Connor the benefit of the doubt.

I'd be like, I guess he's mentoring some Tonga street rat or something. I don't know. Here's the thing. I'm not one to fucking, I can't complain. I can't pile on to these people because there will be a lot of stories coming out about me.

I just am trying to get ahead of it, but I am waiting and I'm prepared. This is my favorite. And I have a legal team prepared. A lot of stories. How bad? Dude, it's really, really bad. Are we talking jail time or what are you...

If they want to... We're talking the chair. We're talking lethal injections. Every question you guys ask, I just start with, ah. It's just, it's bad. I don't even want to talk about the chair right now. I mean, it's not one of these gay, modern me-tos where it's like, I texted mean. You're talking about knife.

We're talking about Viking-level raping pillaging. Yeah, like Northman-level antics. You're cutting people's heads off. Like Devin Bussman in a loincloth, spear in hand. He's catching a double-sided dildo and throwing it back. Rape the dad first to show dominance. Yeah, I put a bunch of plates on the dad's back. I tied them up.

Golden State Killer style. No, them up. Golden State Killer style. No, PCK. Golden State Killer. That's the scariest thing I've ever heard. That's horrifying. Oh, God, that's a horrifying thing. Well, I do like the initiation of, like, he really just wants them to, like, have balance, you know?

Yeah, it was like spinning plates. It was like a vodka wax. I like turning it into a, like, let's see. You know, listen, you're probably out of shape, you old buck. Like, it was during Bouncy's Blades. It was a Mr. Meadey technique, you know, listen, you're probably out of shape. You old buck. Like it was during bouncy's blades. It was a mystery. I love that. It's nice.

Cause I'm listening. I'm coming from a different place. Like there is a lot coming out about me soon. If you sleep at Devin's house, he wakes you up in the middle of night by flashing a flashlight in your eyes. Yeah. You know, it's just the typical,

like the typical stuff like drugging and, um, uh, uh, some, like drugging and... Some drugging. I couldn't get my hands on many roofies, but... Just light stuff, like binding, torturing, and killing. A lot of it was just very aggressive, refusing to hear the word no. Yeah, dude. Some knives involved.

Some knife play. Would you ever stab? No, no, no, no. You'd slice. You'd threaten. We'd do like blood oaths. Blood play. Blood play.

It's like a satanic thing. Blood play. Think the movie Hostile. That's kind of Oh man I fucking I hope it's not soon Because we're having

So much fun On the podcast lately We'll fight it As long as we can Well there have been People have sent me Like they're writing a story And who knows

When it'll be out But I'm excited To see my name Up in lights Yeah At least for that Small amount of time. Front page of the paper.

Front page. We'll see. You know, we'll just have to take our talents to the compound network or whatever. Connor's like a green room guy. You're like a red room guy. We're starting a new podcast with Kale Harmon. Kale Harmon. Devin gets life in jail, and he's like,

So, Your Honor, I can't hang with my boys anymore what are you what are you saying life I go alright but we record on Fridays at five how does that work out

he's recording a podcast with a phone in prison he's a glass yeah he's having a conjugal visit with all three of us they're like this guy's a fucking kinky freak

we're like smuggling podcast equipment in I have a switcher in my ass. And we're just screaming and laughing and everyone's like, they're fucking the shit out of each other. Remember when that Brock Hampton guy got, here's the thing,

let's get serious here. Amir, when he got canceled, I thought that was the turn. I was like, that's when I realized the new generation is gay as shit. Because those guys, they made some good albums.

They were like, they were kind of like, they posed themselves as like punk rap, you know, wild, like odd future, crazy shit. And then they canceled like their oldest member for like being rude in text messages. Yeah. I've always hated that whenever somebody gets like quote unquote me too, because they had like a toxic relationship. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah.

That's not, that's not my business. Even like the Angelina i'm like i don't yeah that's not yeah that's not my business even like the angelina jolie and brad pitt stuff it's like what he got mad at his kid yeah every dad spazzes every once in a while what do you want exactly my dad lost his mind in a subway sandwiches when we were a kid if he like lost his job for that i'd be like what the fuck is going on like yeah what was bp accused of just like he like apparently like hit his kid at the airport or something like that. I remember the plane. He didn't hit the kid, though.

He probably just shoved him. He gave him a pit shove. Probably yelled and went, Pit's not punching any kid. Pit's not gonna punch a kid. Also, he probably gets upset. He looks around and he goes, like, fucking, his name's Bashar.

Wasn't Maddox sharing their bed? I didn't even get to name him! Wasn't Maddox sharing their bed when he was, like, 14? Hmm? I heard that thing. Who? Maddox, their fucking Vietnamese child. I heard he was, Maddox sharing their bed when he was like 14? I heard that thing. Who? Maddox, their fucking Vietnamese child. I heard he was like sleeping in their bed.

Oh, right. That's insane. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, it's like he was, you know, he was with Jolie, and he had to go along with adopting the world, you know? Yeah. That's got to be annoying.

That's annoying as fuck. Let's be honest. They don't love those kids. I mean, let's, you know, come on. You mean, how could you? How could you? How could you? You love? Yeah. It's got to be annoying. It's annoying as fuck. Let's be honest. They don't love those kids. I mean, let's, you know, come on. You mean, how could you? How could you? How could you? You love your blood.

You can appreciate the strange kids. They're leasing their children. You can try to help them and give them, you know, but, like, after a while. It's not the same. Imagine you're Brad Pitt and you're fucking, you're going, like, what is going on in my kitchen? I fucking pay, this is a 33 million dollar and this house it's like the fucking

lord of the flies in this place it is okay like Angelina just brought home another fucking little savage

he brings home like a North Sentinelese guy Brad Pitt's just opening his fridge being like who keeps buying QP mayo

I'm gonna fucking kill myself tired of this shit dude it's gotta be annoying you live in the Hollywood Hills and there's kids we eat Hellman's in this house against Fred's meeting. Like, who keeps buying QP mayo? I'm going to fucking kill myself. Tired of this shit, dude. It's got to be annoying. You live in the Hollywood Hills and there's kids. We eat Hellman's in this house. You wake up.

You're like, fucking, can somebody stop Bashar from swinging from the chandelier like it's a vine? Okay, I pay good money for this place. I did not expect this. Bashar's making a suicide macaroni necklace. He's like, Mowgli, will you get off the goddamn couch?

You come home one day, one of your kids is on a raft in the bathtub with a tiger. You're like, oh my God, this bitch, Angelina Jolie, has ruined my life. She's adopted everybody. They're watching Life of Pi and Angelina Jolie's like, I want one. Can I get one of those? And he's like, the tiger? And she's like, I want one. Can I get one of those? And he's like, the tiger? And she's like, no, the boy. Fucking Brad Pitt's raising Dev Patel. It's gotta be a fuck, it's annoying.

Occasionally you give him a shove at the Terminal 7. Yeah. Right? Come on. You said you guys were tired today. I'm picking up the slack. I think I'm doing some pretty good bits tired today. I'm picking up the slack. I'm just laughing. I'm laughing.

I think I'm doing some pretty good bits over here. Connor and I are killing it. Connor's like, I said stuff. I don't have to laugh at your fucking jokes. I'm saying my own stuff. No, I didn't say that in terms of, I meant in terms of the subject matter. I didn't say you guys weren't laughing. Oh.

I said, I always go. I'm having a jolly time. You're having a jolly time? Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck is your problem? Yeah, what's up with you? Devin gets all nervous. You guys took it that way. Insec having a jolly time. Yeah, what the fuck is your problem? Yeah, what's up with you? Devin gets all nervous. You guys took it that way.

Insecure! Yeah. Yeah. What is this? What? What do you got here? Oh, I don't know. There's these guys that do these,

they say, can I see your apartment? And I thought we could do a tour of like, where would you want to live if you ever get your life on track? Yeah. Oh, we should do that. Where would I want to live if I get my life on track?

Should we do like an apartment tour? Dude, okay, I'm going to be real with you. I tried to get Devin to come over so hard. I knew I was going to do it so hard. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do a crib for him. Yeah, but the problem was that specific day, I was too lazy to wake up and take a piss,

so I pissed on a Gatorade bottle. Of course you did. And put my pants on, and I knew Devin was going to see that, and he would have loved it. By the way, we got a big John's gun corner. It's called John's Street Corner. And I got a lot of questions. A lot of them are about you shitting your pants. Street life!

I haven't shit my pants yet. I haven't shit my pants in a while. It's only been five days or whatever. I haven't shit my pants in like a year. No, but because you've had access to a toilet. No, there are times I don't have access to a toilet, and I don't shit my pants. My sphincter's gotten strong.

I highly doubt that. John has one of those warehouse signs that are like, 55 days since our last accident. Yeah, I haven't shit myself in a minute. Oh, I remember this. The day we were hanging out with you. You shit your pants like three months ago. You texted us.

What are you talking about? You texted us in the group text. I don't remember. I have a broken brain. He doesn't have any memory. His syphilitic brain also doesn't help his memory at all. It's rough. It's rough.

It's tragic. It's a lot. It's tragic. There's a big thing I'd also love to talk about. I'm sorry the way I am. John, I think, is going to be all weird about it. What? Well, I mean, you know.

I had the worst threesome ever. There we go. Thank you. You vulnerable king, you. I fucking There we go Thank you You vulnerable king you I fucking Hey you're a vulnerable king Now you get the cat Hold on

Like the LeBron celebration I literally I fucking I like I So you know I get out of a fucking relationship And I'm just a

Disgusting person For like fucking a month Yeah And I'm like fucking Hitting up my old squeezes And I'm just fucking I I like I was like I'm getting some tail I'm getting some strange Yeah I'm getting fucking hitting up my old squeezes and I'm just fucking I was like

I'm getting some tail, I'm getting some strange I'm getting some fucking pussy by that he means he's actually fucking animals with tails I hit up this one chick and then I hit up another girl and I'm like, you know, they're both bisexual and I just put them in a group chat together and I set up and I get a fucking hotel room in Long Beach

can we see the group text? no, no, you're passing too much right now so you throw these two hotel room in long beach god can we see the group text let me read no no okay but hold on so let's set it up so you throw these two you threw them together they love one of them was like the women you slept with and then you put them in i only slept with one of them and the other one i slept with yeah so one was like 32 mom and then the other was like 31 the other one was like 23 and then i was like okay you threw him in a group text. And then I go to my car. It was bullshit, dude. And one of them showed up early, right?

And then you fucked that one for like 20 minutes, just catatonically depressed, like not feeling anything. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. And then the other one showed up and then you did the weigh-ins. She was... I don't know why you get this idea. Coming in at 400 pounds. She's a mom. She drove to Long Beach at 10 a.m. to go to a Motel 6.

The heavyweight slut of the world. It's not fat. I don't know what you're talking about. And in this corner, weighing at 475 pounds, the thunder thighs from down under. She's got a lack of confidence for her age, therefore she's here. And then I fucking, yeah, it was just like

some of the worst sex I've ever had with two people. But they loved each other, right? Yeah, they loved each other. They fucking hated me, dude. The most demonic detail. What were you doing? Well, I'm good at, Well, I'm good at fucking. But the thing is, I made sure they both came,

and then I was like, whatever, it's my turn. And then it was the worst. You came on their faces and shit. Yeah, it was fucking horrible. It was the worst thing ever. So you made them both cum? Yeah. So why were they mad at you?

They weren't. They weren't. They loved it. They all hit me up. They want to do it again. I'm like, no, I don't want it. You told me you didn't make them cum. They made each other cum.

They made each other cum, but I was fucking them while they made me cum. Wait, wait. Yeah, very good. Hey, good job, buddy. No problem. I'm just trying to get the story straight, dude. No, no, no. But I usually...

Hold on. I waited until they made each other cum first. You usually make women cum, but this time you were in a bat. You were out of it. You're very good at sex. You're very good at sex. I'm not very good at sex. I can last a while.

John, please teach me. I can last a while. I don't do the... Okay, so guys will nut really quickly. I've had dudes come... You just don't do the kegels. John was having sex like the guy in Fargo. He's a pancake house.

Just staring into the distance. Pancake house. You just don't do the dick kegels. No, but they're like, it sucks because they want to do it again. They want to make this like a thing. They eat each other out. They come and go, you're smooth, smooth. Like Anton Chigurh.

Just a psychopath. Here's the thing. the most deranged part is that one of the women had a kid and imagine dude i just i i couldn't here's the most demented detail to me in the story is that this was at 11 a.m yeah that's what time it worked out and if i found out that my mother went to go meet up with John and some other random woman to have sex in a hotel at Long Beach at 11 a.m., I would kill myself. God, dude.

If I was seven years old, I would find a gun and blow my fucking brains out. Was it even like a motel, like a chain motel? No, it was not a chain, brother. It wasn't like... It was like, oh, shit! They snuck on to the Queen Mary.

That's what they did. That's in the aquarium. No, I showed up. This fucking Indian guy was like, I was like, I need an early check. Can you go sad threesome? Exactly. No. I show up there.

It's like, he's like 35 bucks for early check-in. 35 bucks. Oh, my God. I dropped like 110 on the room. Did they split it? Fuck that. I'm a gentleman. You fucked a big bed bug? You just had sex with a giant bed bug?

Yeah, I fucked a giant bed bug. Dude, it was better than the hotel we stayed at on the way home. Remember that fucking place? Oh, in Albuquerque? Every channel was softcore porn? That was insane. One of the channels was you and these two sad women in Long Beach. Is there a medication that stops crabs Every channel was softcore porn? That was insane. Every channel, yeah. Me and Devin, we stayed at a hotel. Anyways, I'm not trying to... One of the channels was you and these two sad women in Long Beach.

Is there a medication that stops crabs and bed bugs? I just don't know. You know, like the Kafka cockroach that's laying in bed? Just that cockroach that's like, John, I'm ready. I was just like, dude, it was... I literally... Blooming up with Raid.

I can't tell you. I can't tell you how, how much I wasn't into it after like seven days of drinking and just not doing, and just hating. Were you hungover? Oh yeah. That's weird to me because I'm the horniest when I'm hungover. Me too! When I'm hungover, I'm really horny. No, no, no.

But, but, but like the thing is, is like fucking someone you really like or love is different than just like fucking some rando. I would have rather jacked off than had this threesome. Sure, yeah. And they want to do it again, and I don't know what to do. I've just stopped responding. John, did they want to do it again or not? Yeah, they did.

They did. Dude, they wanted to do it again. And John, were you really good at having sex or not? I'm great. You made them come. Yeah, I made them come. Okay, they want to do it again. Yeah.

Okay. Are you going to do it in a better mood? No. I'm thinking this time. I think you should try it again. Yeah, I'm thinking now. I'm thinking move it to, like, let's move the location to, like, Downey. Yeah.

Let's go to Downey. Let's go to Doritos. Let's go to Doritos. No, no, no. Let's go to- The Auto Square. The fucking threesome at a Toyota dealership. You guys should just go do it at a Sealy Serta.

Yeah. We'll have it at the Hooters in Culver City. If he doesn't call me, your mattress is free. That was the worst fucking EJAC I've ever had. You came on somebody's face? Both of theirs. Oh, so they were like both sitting close to each other. And imagine them like they're into it.

They're like, oh, that's so great, daddy. Love you, daddy. That's so great. They're like jiggling balls and shit. And John's just like. I'm just like. I'm like, call it, friendo. Like just fucking jerking off on their face.

It's just crazy because it's like if anyone else told me the story and they were jaded about a threesome, I'd go, you smug cocksucker. But your life is in such shambles. Yeah, they don't know. This is kind of sad. No, because you know me, and I'm just like, you know where I'm at, and it's like, fucking, I don't want to deal with this shit. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going through

the motions. I'm getting out. I'm calling my way out of this. I'll be fine in a moment. But it's just such a tone off from being such a condescending, like, y'all know when you're not even into the threesome? Yeah, yeah. Usually it's a humble break, but with John, it's like, I'm confessing to a tragic situation. I got two pitches like two

bitches like swallowing my cum and i'm like who gives this threesome this this threesome was not on black twitter no there is no black people on twitter like yeah i totally get that we know when you have your hand on the stove as you fuck them yeah no there's no one no one no this is like a requiem for a dream type threesome yeah a little wayne is. 100%. Ass to ass. Ass to ass. Yeah. A little Wayne Grow threesome. You know, they're nice ladies, but also the worst part about it too is like, imagine...

You wore a bank robber's mask the whole time. You shot like an ADT security guy. I'm like, the bank has your money insured up to $250,000 fucking dollars. No, the worst thing about it though is like, you know, at the end of it, like, you know, the woman wants to talk to you a lot. Yeah.

But it's different level of hell is when it's two women talking to each other. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. And I'm sitting there like, I just don't want to hear this. And eventually it got to the point where I was like, hey, guys, I'm hungry. You guys got to go. Yeah. One is bad enough.

I used I'm hungry as the excuse. One is bad enough. You fucked a podcast. Yeah. It was horrible, brother. You fucked a podcast it was horrible brother you fucked a female podcast I fucked my favorite murder that's what happened

it was horrible yeah you fucked Caller Daddy I fucked Caller Daddy you were literally on Guys We Fucked I wish it was horrible

well thank you for revealing that that was very funny yeah whatever you're a vulnerable king it's so funny because you were so nervous to tell that story

you're like my mom and dad listened to the show and It's so funny because you were so nervous to tell that story. You're like, my mom and dad listen to the show. Your life is so weird right now that your parents would hear this and go, at least he's getting laid. My dad one time, I remember, never mind. Your mom would go, Johnny, so you had a pillow? So you didn't sleep alone for once.

Dude, my mom's so happy with me right now. She kicks ass, dude. She's like, oh, you're doing your thing. It's the most unconditional love ever She kicks ass, dude. She's like, oh, you're doing your thing. It's the most unconditional love ever. She doesn't care. She's like, oh, Johnny, don't do that. My mom will like, it's like the thing that pisses my mom off if she thinks I like stole her iPhone headphones from her house for some reason or something.

She's like, where'd my iPhone headphones go? I'll be like, what? Your mom's trying to bring it. Yeah, I could like rob a liquor store and she'd be fine with it. This is crazy. She's bringing you a casserole at your place, trying to sneak it by the security. Dude, the security love me. At midnight.

You know what's great? She's like, he's a writer. He needs his tool. I just like going. It's crazy because I'm sure it's like I've never lived in New York. I've spent a little bit of time there. But it's just that little pocket of L.A. is so much different than everything else. Sure, yeah.

What, where you are in downtown? Yeah. We were there the other day. I tried to drop Connor off. He was trying to get a puzzle at the last bookstore. It's a hell over there. It's a hell. But I was right in front of your place.

Yeah. Why don't you come hang out? You weren't there. You were at work. Oh, whatever. It was Wednesday. Okay. All right.

I guess that's that. Whatever, dude. I don't know. What do you want from me? John, this isn't a threesome, okay? Act accordingly. Well, John, you could live in Christy Brinkley's $30 million Hampton Castle.

Yeah, let me see this shit. I don't know. I mean, I don't even know if this is going to be good. Give me the $25 place. Do they have, oh, living in new york city projects for 25 a month all right oh that doesn't count dude it doesn't count let's see like people get shot so people that's me dude oh yeah yo there's this one white dude he said he a he a writer and shit yeah i put my ear up to the wall the other night it sounded like the gayest threesome of all time.

I mean there's a lot of crime here. Welcome back. Dude, thanks for having me. Dude, you've definitely been to the projects now. Three bedroom, one bathroom, and how much do you pay? $800 a month. So New York City Housing Authority, depending on your income, change the rent you pay. I know that there have been people in the same building that have paid $25 a month for rent because it depends on their income. You walk in, this is a lot of space like i've seen an apartment new york city uh kitchens like everything's so close behind you and you have no space it was a living room it's a really nice place yeah this is this is crazy so john i wish i had a stove i wish i had a sink you know you have like what do you have what is it it? You have a picture of it? Nothing. I have nothing.

He has a mini fridge? I got a mini fridge and a microwave and a sleeping bag, brother. What have you been cooking in the microwave? And a piss jug. I get protein plus meals and I get breakfast burritos. What's going to happen this winter? Is there heating? They have heat? I'll put a sweater on, though.

I'll build a little fire. I never use heat. So I get stupid. I, though. I'll build a little fire. I never use heat. So I get stupid. I run hot. I'm like a vulgar. I never use heat either, but it is. So you're going to be using like. You're going to be like a little otter.

You're going to get cold. Huh? Huh? You're going to be coming over here all the time around Christmas time. I'm not going to come over here ever, dude. I don't want to be at your fucking place. Thank you. I don't want to be at your fucking retard house.

I don't want to be this fucking shit hole. You're going to be this fucking shithole. Devin keeps being like, you're going to be here all the time. I'm like, I don't care. That's also Devin kind of hoping a little bit. Devin's like,

you want to watch TV with me? I love my best friend. He's imagining Christmas and he's like, oh, me and you on Christmas together. Oh, I wanted to carve pumpkins. I just have to tell Ida,

come on. We should carve pumpkins. I'm going to carve a pumpkin. He's like Oliver. John's like, Devin, what are you doing today? Devin's like, the dick riding is crazy. I love this. This is my favorite season. The next three months are going to be wonderful.

Are you going to decorate your place? Yeah, I'm going to get spooky stuff and put it all over my place. Devin Costa, my place is scary enough. Yeah, your place is already, it's Halloween every day. Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. Are you going to hand out candy to your neighbors?

Yeah, dude. I'm going to hand out candy to my neighbors, bro. No, I want to come here and hand out candy, low key. Okay. Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah. Okay, so you're already, like two weeks, you already want to come back. I've always wanted

to i've handed out candy here before you know like yeah we used to do it all the time yeah and then devon devon the entire one time i was handing out candy here and devon was like no we gotta film the kids and we'll make a joke out like you want to do something yeah i was i had to convince devon not to like when children open the door for trick-or-treating not to have a camera on their face i had some i had some shit kicked out see the camera i had some brilliant gag yeah they couldn't see the camera that's not weird john doesn't understand how to make it in america yes brother i i think i understand more than anybody here you know you gotta get down and dirty yeah yeah i have a business plan what's your business plan oh I'm not going to share it

It's going to be crazy It's a passive income I can do it for like six grand And it's a really good idea Well tell us John you can't see anything You told your threesome story You're not going to tell your business plan

Mobile charging stations Around LA for homeless people That's all they fucking want Every homeless guy wants to charge his fucking phone mobile charging stations around LA for homeless people. That's all they fucking want. So you're going to charge homeless people? Every homeless guy wants to charge his fucking phone. They got to go to the public library. They got to do some shit like that. I'll find places.

I'll pay three grand for a fucking vending machine. Don't they have them? No. They got to go to like the law library. Yeah, there's public charging places. No, no, but the thing is, is like I've never seen that. They're all over New York.

Your business plan is to get rich off of homeless people. So your target market is people with no money. He's like, no, here's the business plan. First, I've got to buy iPhones for homeless people. And then they need to charge it. That's where the money comes rolling in. There's no way to charge for the fucking phones. Jesus Christ, John.

Watch me fucking. I'm going to roll in. I'll make an extra $600. Hey, buddy, we're watching. All right? We're watching. Patiently waiting. You guys will rue the600. Hey, buddy, we're watching. Patiently waiting. You guys will rue the day.

God, man. I hope we do. Can I take a little shooter of that? I fucking love Pendleton. Not that much. Do you have a cup? I was going to use your cup. I was going to use your cup. I don't know about that. Like a waterfall. I don't know where your mouth's been.

I know. It's not good. Jesus Christ, you just ate out Kathy Bates last week. I don't know about that. Like a waterfall. I don't know where your mouth's been. I know. It's not good. It can't be told us where it's been. Jesus Christ. You just ate out Kathy Bates last week. Vagabond in. I don't know if I want really your germs in my cup. Sorry. Sorry, pal.

I know you're breaking ankles and all sorts of creepy shit out in Long Beach. I love the Long Beach. Why'd you choose Long Beach? It's the mid-place between me and them. Where do they live? Who gives a, in the middle, in the middle.

What do you, what do you want? Details? Like a map? You fucking weirdo. They're like La Jolla seals. Yeah. That's how I was fucking La Jolla seal.

Both of them were solid. You said a marina and you're like, do you guys hear that? I think I hear a princess Siren Do you want to keep watching this? Do you want to see What you can get in New York

For 25 bucks? No this already sucks It already sucks You chose a shit video Oh did I? Yeah Really? You suck ass

Really? Fuck you You fucking blow I'm never going to bring you Those fucking headphones Dude I've been loving Those videos Those kids doing santa

That's like all I've What is that shit? i'll try to send it to you send it to me i've heard about these kids people have sent that to me today i didn't know really know what it was i'm gonna take note of it it's two neighbors had a fence to spit which is pretty funny oh those are crazy no you go on reddit you go on reddit people are going nuts oh people are obsessed with like this is my like like, property line. Like, this isn't yours. Yeah, it's silliness. Joey, let's see if you like this.

It's all up to Joey, honestly. I do everything I do for Joey. Which post? These posts? These posts aren't yours, dude. They're my fence. That post is not your post. Bullshit, you want to build on that?

There's some mowing guys. Are you crazy? You must be smoking that crack, dog, because this all belongs to me, dog. Imagine caring, by the way. It's like a primal thing. Yeah, it is. It's a monkey thing. It's just so sad.

Humans are so... I mean, this guy has kids. These people both have kids. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Yes, it does, bro. If they make a mistake, you just fucking sue them. Is this fence here?

No, but it's an ongoing dispute. What are you fucking doing, you otter? What are you doing? I accepted another post, dips dispute. What are you fucking doing, you otter? What are you doing? I accepted another post, dipshit. You fucking retard. I accepted an airdrop, okay? Some of us have access to internet and know about airdrop.

Accept it after. Finish the video. I didn't know it would do that, scumbag. I bet you didn't. Yeah. You would know. Yeah, I did know. Yeah, you knew immediately. You did know it would do that? I'm not an ot. Yeah. You would know. Yeah, I did know. Yeah, you knew immediately.

You did know I would do that? I'm not an otter, so I know tech. It's so funny that that's like a thing. Yeah, yeah. Like bears know tech. That's so weird. John's beating hard on you, but I did know. But let's keep going.

It was silliness. Absolute silliness. Yeah, John, listen. Shut up. You got to get it together. You're losing your read time. I'm never going to bring you this. I'm going to sell those headphones for fucking gutter ass.

You're never going to be able to do anything about it. For gutter ass? You're going to die. We're going to all visit you like Eazy-E in the hospital soon. You'll be sitting there giving us some teary-eyed fucking weepy bullshit. I close your eyes. I go, I just smother you. He's gone.

He's gone. He's died. Fucking read bar. John's just fucking the ooze villain from Power Rangers movie. Oh, man. You are a enigma. I'm insane.

You're so insane. Look at him. Look at that face. I'm scared right now. I kick ass. Watch the video. You look like you run a pizza shop called Skeezos. I look like, I don't know, I look awesome.

Yeah, Valerie loves you, but she is, like, sincerely worried. She's such a sweetheart. She's like, it's just not okay. She hasn't been, I mean, these guys know I've been through it before. You know what I mean? I'm going to be fine. That's not an excuse, though. These guys know I make bad decisions.

It's almost like you've learned nothing. Yeah, well, there's something beautiful in that. That's why you're doing it, though, and that's what's annoying about it. Exactly. That's what's so annoying about it. I'm never going to end, dude. John, how much money did you have when you moved out?

You could have moved into a place that's a real place. Yeah, why not? But you know what? Fuck it. So once again, I really just want to break down the numbers here. You're saving $300 a month. No, I'm saving far more than that.

No, $300. We did the math. On rent. No, on rent. On rent specifically, but there's other factors. Where else are you saving? In about three months, I will be saving about $1,500 a month. Yeah, but you could have moved into a place for $300 more and then

still cut those... I don't want to deal with other people. No, $300 more, you could have had a studio. No. For $800 a month? No, $300 more. Than $800 a month? Yeah. Yeah, no. $1,100 downy. Yeah, sure.

Maybe, but no, I'm not living down there. You'd have a bathroom. No, you could like find something in Koreatown for like $14. Listen, man. I'm not into it, man. So like, wow. Yeah. Just not into it.

So what are you saving on? I mean, are you parking your car on like a ferry? I'm saving on gas. I'm saving on utilities. I'm saving on rent. Eventually when I sell my car, I'll be saving on the car payment Insurance payment And then

Then you'll be Ubering everywhere So you're losing money on the Uber No I won't He's getting a motorcycle Honestly I mostly take the train In low key dog Like

No one pays for the train In this fucking city No one pays the fucking train Also do you know about The motorcycle that he Shut up Connor Oh yeah he's been saying He's gonna get a motorcycle

For like three I'm gonna get a motorcycle In like three years. I'm gonna get a motorcycle in like three months, probably. Yeah. It's been going on for quite some time. His plan is to die and save money. Right. You're gonna get a motorcycle? Don't, please don't get a motorcycle. He's like, you know what it fucking costs in a coffin, dude? It's like zero dollars. I heard, didn't you, when

you did the motorcycle class, didn't you like almost crash the motorcycle? I was the worst guy in the fucking class, dude. You should not get a motorcycle. You're gonna get didn't you like almost crash the motorcycle? I was the worst guy in the fucking class. John, you should not be in a motorcycle. You're in a motorcycle and you almost crashed. You have to do these like fucking,

they put up cones. You have to like zigzag through the cones. And like, I was like on these like Yamaha 125s and like, I'm like fucking going up. I'm failing. But like,

there's no real life situation where you have to zigzag through cones. Right. You know, like what the fuck is that? John's like, here's my get richrich-quick scheme. I buy a motorcycle, then I paint on a wall.

It looks like a tunnel going into the other side. And I crash as hard as I can into it, and I die, and I save so much money. But the thing is, is, like, I zigzag through the cones on, like, the, like, second-to-last cone. I fucking lose it, and I literally jump off the bike and then hop on one foot, like, three times and jump back on the bike and then throttle that bitch. And the

fucking guy waves me over. And I'm like, oh shit. And I stop and he goes, hey, that was a really good recovery but never do that again. And I was like, oh cool. And then they passed me. So I got the pass, but also that pass, the CHP

class, I'm going to be riding dirty on that thing i'm not gonna have a motorcycle license let me check that shit anyways i know like a bunch of guys don't have a license this is your plan oh god whatever dude just deal with it you guys wait three months i'll be laughing when someone drops a piano on my head and then i have piano keys for teeth and there's little birds swill around my head you'll be laughing when I'm rolling it as an anvil drops onto my forehead. John views himself as the motorcycle guy from Racing Arizona. Yes.

That's how he pictures himself. Yeah, he does. But in real life, he's like a Walmart guy on a rascal scooter. Dude, I had to. Nah, you know. It's like reverse body dysmorphia for lifestyle. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. Whatever. You're like a bulimic for good decisions.

Yeah. I just need to purge. You just vomit them up. I'm having a great time. I don't know. Didn't you say recently you thought Applebee's waitresses make a thousand a night? Oh, dude. Some fucking faggot on Reddit is getting on my ass. Wow, dude.

Listen. Listen. It's just so funny to be like, I'm having a great time when the last 15 minutes are about how you're not having a great time. Yeah, whatever. And then you get set off by a guy on Reddit. You're in shambles, dude. On the track here, he was like, dude, the last two weeks have been hell. No, if you're working a fucking baseball game

and it's a packed-ass Applebee's, you can make like $1,000 a night. What? Like the highest ever record for an Applebee's waitress? Like everybody tips $200? No, dude. Also, he got... I'm not even dealing with this shit.

I'm fucking dying. I'm so hot, dude. Is that a fan? Yeah, it is. God, I'm so hot. Look up what they're making tips. If you're a fucking high-end Applebee's, bro, you can kill me. A high-end.

The one at Knott's Berry Farm? Yeah, dude. How much can I make being a server at Applebee's? I currently have an interview lined up to be a server there and was wondering what the pay would be like. I'll keep the story brief. My bigoted parents have disowned me and I have to move out of the house as soon as possible so I'm taking a job there. I'm sure they own a horse.

They're already not fucking making money. How much do servers there make on average is the side question. Would I be able to afford say $800 a round? Is this you? If I'm not mistaken,

I made the most there out of anywhere I work per shift. The bad news is the shifts last until 3 a.m. We made our money from volume, not decent tips. You'll make money, but you will also hate your job. I'm talking, wake up in the morning and be absolutely pissed you have to be at

work that night. Sorry your parents failed. I know an Applebee's general manager. She's like, yeah, you can fucking kill it at Applebee's if you fucking put your head to the grindstone, you know. Never rely on serving for steady grindstone. Ben Affleck and Good Will Honey over here. Yeah, I mean, no one is saying a specific amount.

No one's making $1,000 at Applebee's. I made... At one point, I made $600, $700 as a fucking bar back. Unless fucking Allen Iverson comes in and tips you $1,000. You're not making $1,000. Marshawn Lynch could come in, though. You know what? I never know.

Who gives a shit? You heard one story about a $1,000 night, and you're just like, that's what they fucking make. Doesn't Marshawn Lynch love Applebee's? I think so, yeah. Have you had a Riblet? A Riblet? They're so good.

No. It's oxtail, but like... John fucked an Applebee's waitress one time. We were there with Joey. We fucked two in a hotel in Long Beach last week. Yeah, that was a crazy fucking... That was the only girl until I beat this... She was fucking hot.

She was attractive enough. I get to pick her up. Joey called her sugar tits. Joey called her sugar tits, and then Joey asked for a number afterwards. I was joking. No, this is... Don't save face. And then asked for a number afterwards, and she looked at me and went, I want his number.

So what happened was I was coming off of a bender. It was like a 28-hour fucking gambling bender it was it was like a 28 hour fucking gambling bender yeah exactly it was new year's eve where i was doing like a bunch of pills and drinking and it was like a lot i think it was longer than 28 hours the best part about it is after this bender we go see spider-man with my mom fell asleep yeah it's joey devon me who else is there richie uh jordan no jordan and then we go see spider my mom and and my mom's going Joey's literally at the end of an intense bender. He's falling asleep. He's ordering beers.

My mom's going, Joey! Joey, don't fall asleep! He was like a New Year's cartoon character. A guy with a bottle with a bag around it. A lampshade on his head. Yeah.

He's like singing withshade on his head. Yeah. We all get Delta variant. He's like singing with old ladies and shit. He's looking at John like, baby knew you. Thank God you're here celebrity. It's like Jimmy Stewart. He said to Mary, happy New Year everybody.

Happy New Year. But the best, everybody got COVID that night except me and my mom. I picked it up at the casino. Yeah, Joey gave everyone COVID. Yeah, John's got the one example where he's not super spreading,

but just last thing on this. That was an intense super spread. I was doing a goof at the Applebee's. I didn't find that chick hot, to be honest. No, no, no, you were, you were, I was doing a goof.

You were doing a goof. Thank you. That's all. I never thought you thought her, thought she was hot. John is the only one who's like, she's so fucking 10 out of 10. John was into her, dude.

John was into her, yeah. And then John fucked her. She was dope. She looked like one of those Dodge Rams where on the back wheels they make the- She had an insane ass. The part of the trunk goes like, the part of the truck goes bigger outside.

She had an insane ass. It wasn't that insane for you. Like the wheel coverings? The wheel coverings were huge. Didn't you have to bang her at her grandparents' house or something? Her grandpa was fucking Italian, so I had to go in there like 2 in the morning to avoid it. She snuck into her grandparents' house because she's probably homeless again.

This is the first school I've ever been on a date on where the second I pick her up, we start making out. That was the weirdest thing. It really was crazy. It was way too easy. And she spit in my mouth. It was like in Sideways when Thomas Hayden Church fucks that fat pig at the rib shack. He loses his wallet. It was like that.

It was. It was exactly like that. It was just the El Monte version of that. We had a good time. We had a great time. You did. You fucked her a few times, right? A couple times, yeah.

Hell yeah. Sick. But yeah. Did she live like she was making a thousand a night? Yeah. That's why she lived at her grandparents' house. Yeah, she. Are you not paying attention, Devin?

It was where she had, like, a big giant dog, and I had to, like, fucking navigate this big giant dog going into her fucking place. It was weird. Really? It was like Kojak. It was bizarre. The dog was jealous. She had been fucking that for months.

Yeah, that's the worst. I hate women with dogs. Kojak? You mean Cujo? Kojak. Kojak. Not was bizarre. The dog was jealous. She had been fucking that for months. Yeah, that's the worst. Kojak? Do you mean Kujo? Kojak. Not Kojak the Night Stalker. Kujo. Who's Kujo? The evil dog. It was horrible. I don't know. I was driving home with her one night.

I was driving home with her and then she looks at me and I look at her and she just spits on me. On my face. Yuck. It was like a kinky thing and I was like, I don't like this. I'm like, I don't like that at all. She spit on my face and kicked me out of the car and said, never call me again. She's a real kinky girl. A kinkster.

A real kinkster. She had this mace kink. I go on my phone later. She had a mace kink. I go on my phone later. She had a mace kink. I'm telling you, man, I met the kinkiest girl. She had a court restraining order against me. She put me in handcuffs, took me down to the police

station. She was like a real kinky. She was into rough sex. I'm just sad your fiance is worried about me now. It's like hurting me. Can'm just sad your fiance's worried about me now. It's hurting me. Can you blame her? Everyone's worried about you. You guys are like men. She's like a sweetheart. I don't want to worry anybody.

Everyone's worried about you. It's your fault. Everything's my fault. Not everything, but this. First time you met Connor's fiance, you were talking about having a threesome in Long Beach. How you felt nothing. She was like she was like staring into the second time i met her it was the second time i met her and then she was like i'm one of the guys and i was like all right whatever let's fucking let it fly yeah yeah she is one of the

guys but like she's cool as hell but it doesn't mean you can like she's a woman that like has actually one of the fucking guys I'm gonna talk about the threesome in Long Beach I had I'm sorry I didn't mean to nah it's not I don't think that's quite you guys were edgy

you guys were like edging me you guys were trying to get information you were edging me you were edging me yeah yeah

well the first time she met you you just puked in the parking lot and were too drunk to talk and the second time you said the saddest threesome of all time.

She just, she has ears. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, she's just like a person. Yeah. I have to piss really fast. Oh. Wow. I don't need to piss.

At all. In the slightest. Should we watch that, the kids doing comedy thing or the rest of this fence? Yeah, I mean, I don't know if this is just like targeted harassment,

but everyone... The hate watch, we're not hate watching anything anymore. It's, oh, fuck. Well, no, I mean, I don't know if this is just like targeted harassment, but everyone... We're not hate watching anything anymore. Oh, fuck. Well, no, because you've given us... Is that Patton Oswalt? You've given us a bevy of topics. That was great.

Yeah, you're really the main character. Killing it right now. Yeah, John, you're like, you're the hate watch. You guys hate to watch me live, apparently. I'm watching your life right now, buddy. I can't get over these videos because it's kids shouldn't do stand-up, but the comments are so unbelievably mean. I've seen porn funnier than this.

Someone stuffed bro in a locker. Not my proudest nut. Hit a treadmill. Hit a treadmill pork chop. Clearly not enough bullying. Bet little bros is not bulletproof. Man, it's crazy crazy i love the internet dude it's a little kid doing stand-up for the first time and he can't read the comments without

we are an evil evil society where's the fucking pick on me call my names and they push me down or try to because they were not strong enough to push me over. It's going to be like a rock. Hell yeah, kid. Okay, real quick. I just want to say this. That sounds exactly the same as any stand-up in L.A. Yeah, I know. He's really not worse than most comics I do shows with. There's nothing different about him. His cadence is the same as most comics in Los Angeles.

He's built the same. He's built the same. He dresses the same. He looks just as unhealthy. He looks like he drinks 12 beers a night. And for some reason, it never makes him funnier. He has the cadence of the sing-songy, fucking alt-comedy cadence.

I love this kid. Me too. Pop school's great, but I do have a new bully. My younger sister. She scares me. She's seven, and a nightmare. She's worse than any bully I've ever encountered. And then I realize, like, she wasn't my sister the whole time.

I'm like, I'm genuinely watching you being like, okay, I'm listening. Yeah, same. No, like, it's fine. It's fine. But, like, get a day job little n word that's all the comments don't quit your day job little bitch I have another one where you actually will hate this wait let's finish this

she's adorable so she will say get out of my baseball, I will wreck you. Then I tell my teacher on her, my mom, she's like, I will never. And she puts on this super cute face. And it's so annoying. I have literally like 14 sisters.

He's literally like the exact same as most comics I see. I hate this so much, but then I was just thinking like, I feel the same feeling at every show. I watch grown people that like move here. And they're truly less competent than this. Yeah, he's a better comic than them. I just sent you another one though that will actually make you upset. We'll finish this little shit.

Oh, school's gonna be hard for one, two, three, four. I think you need to cut this for four. That was the whole fucking joke. Very good. Don't criticize the stand-up. What do you think? There needed

to be a punchline there? Joey's like, what a little hack. I'm just saying, like, his parents, somebody step in and be like, hey, here's a way to end it. Like, you fucking retard. Are these all going down at the Ice House? Yes. The Ice House is like the hackiest place on Earth, so that makes sense.

His name's Emerson. Fuck off. Look it, I hate you, the comments. Where's the joke, little bro? I was already having a bad day. Now I want to kill myself. I fucking hate you the comments where's the joke little bro i was i was already having a bad day now i want to kill myself i fucking hate you you definitely know what food is too i mean jesus no the other the other kid got it easy because he was actually all right yeah people i personally hate him read that fucking one praying on your downfall enough i will make sure you don't succeed

dude there's one about... There's one comment that's like, oil yourself up. I'm on my way. It's crazy. They're just like, I'm gonna rape you in the comments. It's unbelievable. Never been suicidal until now, thanks. I fucking loathe you, Emerson.

Jesus Christ, dude. This kid must be seeing this stuff. This was the least funny thing I've heard in a while. This brought my mood down and disappointed me more than your parents are disappointed in you. You ruined my... Jesus. Dude, we are finished. You still need to be executed, dude.

I mean, I know it's a funny online joke, but you'd think you'd just give it up to a kid. Yeah, but this one's sincere. You know what I'm saying? The other ones are like, they're going along with that bit. Right, the running online joke. People're going along with that bit. Right. The running online joke. People are actually upset with Emerson. They hate Emerson Pauly?

I want to see this before I judge any commenters because I might agree. Make sure you unmute it, Devin. All right. Thanks, John. God. Okay. Sometimes it's crazy. It's crazy.

I'm nine years old and I'm in love. I'm nine years old, and I'm in love. You're probably thinking, are you even old enough to know what love is? I already know about the birds and the bees, so I definitely know what love is. Thank you very much, lady in the front row. Lady in the front row is like, what the fuck? It all started on my face.

You calling me, she's all drunk, she's like, you calling me a whore? You little fucking faggot. I thought you, I thought you killed you everything.

You calling me a whore? She's like, you calling me a whore? My grandparents in Florida. I flew unaccompanied minor, which meant I had to sit in the back of the plane the entire flight with the flight attendant. Score.

Because she was hot. And I'm not trying to brag, but your boy has game. Halfway through the flight, the flight attendant, Heather, and I were sending selfies to my mom. Bam. All right.

She was telling me her life story. I was telling her mine. I mean, she even brought me all the pretzels. I also hate that his name's Emerson. Emerson's the worst. The worst.

It's like, you know, your name's Berkeley. There's something burnt into my fucking head. I was outside of fucking the Echoplex one night and there was like this like 30, we must have been like 20.

We were down there and there was like this like 35 year old mom and this kid runs out onto the street and I heard she followed and went, Gene Lennennon you get

back here and i wanted to wrap my lips around a nine millimeter and blow my brains out of the top of that gene lennon that's brutal so what do you think is a john lennon and gene uh wilder yeah no that's what they named that's what they probably named him after or horrible i think it was a girl something we can't do john let's make it gene Or be horrible. I think it was a girl. Something like, we can't do John. Let's make it Gene. No, it was a little boy. A little boy. It was a little boy. This little boy got...

They either named him after Gene Autry, which that doesn't make sense because they probably think all cowboys are racist. So no. So they love John Lennon. And then Gene Wilder. Has to be. Or, yeah, I can't think of it. That's the worst thing I've ever heard.

Gene Hackman. Gene Hackman, maybe. What about the other Gene? They loved the conversation. Gene Simmons is cool. Wasn't the guy in Silver Streak and the Willie Walker? Willie Walker. Chocolate Factory, Gene.

That's Gene Wilder. Gene Wilder, yeah. Oh, is that? No, Gene Wilder was the playwright. I don't think they were putting thought in it. I think they just didn't want to name the kid John Lennon. No, Gene Wilder's Willie Wonka. Oh, but who's the other?

Billy Wilder. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. I was in love. Okay. But at the end of the... I don't like... Here's also another thing.

Like, you know, everyone, you know, the last couple years, the Republicans, everyone's like, they're fucking sexualizing our kids and shit like that. It's like, stand-up is like... I don't want to see a kid up there

talking about, like, being attracted to, like, flight attendants. Yeah, it's bizarre. It's creepy. Because you also know that his parents wrote it. That's what I was just thinking. He's got, like, some horny dad being like, oh, it's going to be funny to see a little fat kid talking about, like, being horny. Yeah.

His dad's like, and then, like, call, like, my wife a bitch. Call your mom a fucking whore. He's like, then my son Emerson took her into the bathroom and fucked the living shit out of her. He's like, I can't write that. I can't write that. He's like, scratch, scratch, scratch. And then and fucked the living shit out of her. He's like, I can't write that. I can't write that. I scrapped her shit. And then he knotted it all over her face. Oh, fuck.

I can't say that. This is Noah Baumbach and Greg Gerwig's kid. It's not going to work. No, no, no. Can't do that. Can't do that. Oh, fuck. Emerson, you little faggot. Hey, guys.

Emerson, you little faggot. He goes, Dude, I had this memory of like back in the day. There was that open mic that was in like an art gallery for like close to downtown. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, and I remember one time the owner of the art gallery's son did a set and he ran like 10 minutes

and I had such bad like stand-up disease brain where I was like, this kid sucks, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, why did, I mean, I've heard a million people do that fucking joke and Chris Estrada was like,

bro, you gotta cop that. He's not relaxed. He's like a child. You're actually upset about his actual material and I was like, whatever, dude, fucking hack. No, this set is like

the kid in like the science fair that had like the fucking perfect, you know, the parents made the whole like the project for him. They had clay. They made it look like an old... A perfect volcano that's all art design and shit. Yeah, with the hot dogs

that look like people and shit. You're like, you didn't do this, Emerson, you little fuck. Fucking little fraud. Fucking fraud. You hack, bitch. I better not catch you outside, little Edward. The joke. That's like the meme. That's the title of the episode writer Morgan titled the episode my beautiful dark twisted threesome when I asked her to ice cream she said I'm too young for

her that was my first heartbreak. Was he a pedophile too? I was like, is this dick too young for you, bitch? No, I can't write that. That's not gonna work. His dad is a black dude for some reason. His dad's like Marlon Wayans. It's like, shit, mama, how about you blow your back out?

No, I can't say that shit. I'm gonna crack it wide open. He does look like a kid that is a pedophile. He does. He looks like he pulls out a handkerchief and he blows his nose with the handkerchief. He looks like he molested himself. He just looks like a pedophile if he was a kid. You ever see a kid that looks like a pedophile?

This is him. He looks like Pee Wee Herman's enemy. Yeah. Exactly. If this kid, if I were to be told he's dating another kid, I'd be like, you can't. You can't do that. He's still Peter Herman's bike. He looks like if he was in

Pee Wee's Playhouse, he would be fucking the couch as soon as he talks. He's like, oh, fuck! He looks like the chocolate kid in Willy Wonka. Connor also looked like this when he was a kid. I looked like this when he was a kid. I was like that when I was a kid. That's true, but Connor wasn't having his parents write him stand-up.

No, I know, but he looked exactly like that kid. He did look, yeah, I guess. I did? Yeah. Pull up a picture of young Connor. Yes, he did. Have you not seen a picture? How do I find this?

Can you airdrop a picture? Airdrop it, and then Devin will fuck up again. I mean, all right. He's like, and then we went over to Kane's house and we beat him. We killed him with a Gatorade. I know what you're thinking. Aren't you too young to murder an old man with your friends? I didn't fight a couple of times.

And then we went over to Cain's house and he was racist so we killed him he called me the n-word everyone check out the patreon patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast for one of the greatest episodes we've ever done what was the name of the app?

Tahonga Killingfield that's my favorite app ever and also we've had a great tap out Tunga Killingfield. Tunga Killingfield. That's my favorite ep ever. And also, we had two back-to-back. We've had a great tap out. We've had a great month and a half. We've had some of our best episodes of all time. Our last two Patreons are the two best.

Yes. Connor's a little boy. I agree. Look at little Connor. That's a fucking perfect match. Did you comb his hair? Come on, Emerson his hair Come on Emerson Look at little Emerson

You literally look like Anton Yelchin You look like you're looking at the jeep that killed you How many years was this Apart from when you killed Kane A year Holy shit that little guy killed Kane You killed Kane a year later?

Yeah, that's wild. You killed Kane. Man. Here's another more shocking. Imagine, John, imagine the guy that sent you to hell. You're a naked 70-year-old man. The guy who sends you to hell. Yeah, this is the Grim Reaper.

This is the Grim Reaper. The last thing you to hell. Yeah, this is the Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper. The last thing you see before you die. That's the Grim Reaper. Oh, fuck. Fuck, dude. Oh, my God. All right, let's finish this little shit. Seven.

I'll never forget you, Heather. No punchlines. I'm in version Pauly. I love that version. Let's do the corner. The corner? Yeah. Fuck, dude. Oh, shit. That's right. We have a corner. Alright.

Sing the song, Debbie. What's the theme? John's street corner. Ask about John Bay homeless. I know, but what, so it's like, ask about his homeless, ask about John Bay Homeless. I know, but what kind of music theme we're talking about? Good question. Okay, so this is called John Street Corner, right? Yes.

Okay, all right. I think we said we should probably do, like, YMCA. Oh, yeah, it's perfect, because it's gay and... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very good. All right. La, la, very good Alright La la la la la Oh yeah Young man

There's no need to be down I said, young man, wipe the cum off the ground That you sleep on There's no need to be sad You sleep on the floor, we're all worried about you Oh yeah Are you a masochist? I said, young man, it's creepy

How much your life sucks shit I said, young man, It's creepy how much your life sucks shit, I said, young man. We're all worried about you, but we don't know what to do. He's gonna bathe at the YMCA.

He's gonna bathe at the YMCA. I'm off beat, but it doesn't matter. Trump's bad as shit And he makes bad life decisions And you can't do anything about it Oh yeah He's gonna bathe

At the YMCA He's bathing at the YMCA He lives life Like Richard Ramirez But he doesn't kill anybody And it makes it worse. Yay. Uh-huh.

Living next to a famous book. You gotta cut all that shit out. God damn it. Wait, cut what out? I can't. Dude, I've been docked so many fucking times. There's a million books. Shut up, Joey.

They don't want to come to your place. I'm going to fucking talk to you. You can't let anybody know I live there, dude. They fucking call me and they fucking know. I didn't say enough. All right, yeah. I'm going to talk to you later. Just keep doing it.

If somebody can find you. Do the fucking call. If somebody can find you with that info. What if they're going to stand up to the- Show yourself. Oh, now you just said it. Now you just said it. Now you just said it.

You said it in the song. I think I said, like, a faint... You just said it then. Yeah. Very good. He's a man gang. Woo! He's living at the YMCA.

Very good. Yeah. He's got... All right, you have... But also, everyone knows you work at Union Station. Yeah, but that's fine. Very good. Yeah. All right, you have it. But also, everyone knows you work at Union Station. Yeah, but that's fine. No one does anything.

That's not my housing security. That's worse. It's easier to kill you at Union Station. We'll have a conversation later. No one's going to find your shitty office. Dude, everyone fucking hates me.

Welcome. Welcome to John's Street Corner. Welcome to John's Street Corner. Okay, thanks. I'm rusty. I'm rusty. Yeah, you are. I thought it was very good. It was great. John's Street Corner. Okay. Thanks. I'm rusty. I'm rusty. Yeah, you are. I apologize.

I thought it was very good. It was great. It was very good. Okay. First question. Don't act like that's any different. Before you sleep on is phenomenal. Thanks.

Look, we'll edit out the... Yeah, just fucking... I'm not editing anything out. It's... Well, Devin's phone number is... Okay. First question. Hey, John.ats on homelessness yeah

thanks buddy hey John congrats on homelessness. This is so sincere. Just like, hey, man, congrats. What is it? Now that you're living, sorry, now that you're like the traveling freaks of the yesteryear, are you going to band together with other homeless freaks

and start your own carnival? Which is that dad's dad or John's dad created Carnival the HBO series. I'm actually fucking considered like freak show royalty. It's kind of crazy. I bet. It's like they, okay so bearded lady came to the bar. Let me finish the question.

Will you fulfill your father's prophecy and bring his hit show to real life wonders or will you curl up in a ball, scared, tired, hopeless, and cold, as if your tight boy butt was sodomized as you beg for God's mercy? Good luck, Bong Van Dam.

Bong Van Dam's a fucking... Oh, I love Bong Van Dam. He's one of my favorite guys. I'm actually like... So a bearded lady came to the bar one day, and when she found out who I was, she literally was like, brother and hugged me and shit. All the Venice Freak Show people,

if I can hang out with them whenever I want, it's kind of crazy. How do they know? They know my dad because my dad knows all the people. Do you know Carnival, the HBO series? It's all about freaks. He's a hero. His dad It's all about freaks. Yeah. So, like, I'm a, you know, freaks love it. He's a hero.

His dad is a hero of freaks, and yeah, so he's- I'm an honorary carny. Oh, so you've met them through your dad. Yeah, so I've met, like, the Wolf Boys and, like, the Sword Swallowers and, like, the Bearded Ladies and the Midgets and shit. But also, that show got them, like, a lot of positive- Got them a lot of positive shit, and, like, through that, like that like basically I'm just kind of like an honorary carny

we should get you down to the Venice Freak Show you just stand there it's not there anymore and people walk by and they go oh my god you're doing nothing at all

they're like oh I can't even look at it like I didn't know they had the fattest man in the world at this point next question very good where is John going to find an air mattress Next question. Very good.

Where is John going to find an air mattress that is structurally capable of supporting the weight of his large, gay, oily ass? I hope he's well. Clint. At your fucking mom's house, Clint. Clint, that was mean. John, you just fucking lit him up. Next question. Hi, John. What is the best way to stay warm while on the streets?

So what I do. John, let me finish the question. What? Hold on, John. Blankets. Hold on there, buddy. Blankets. Small heater.

The unending fucking from a man who paid you in gift cards. God bless the Haywatch listeners. The unending fucking from a man who paid you in gift cards for use of your holes. I'll hang up and listen from Joe Hess. So, like, layering and then I'll wear a straight up, like, Donald Duck hoodie while I sleep. You wear a Donald Duck hoodie while you sleep? No, like, I'll wear, like, a hoodie with, like, nothing. It's just nice.

You remember that scene in Batman where he's like, you got to take care of your core? Oh, yeah. If you just wear a hoodie and just be naked while you sleep, it's, like, ten times better. It's just nice You remember that scene in Batman Where he's like You gotta take care of your core Remember Batman again? Yeah If you just wear a hoodie And just be naked While you sleep It's like ten times better What do you mean? You mean like nothing

Nothing My balls are out My balls and dick are out It also hasn't been cold yet though Hasn't really been cold But there's a couple I keep my You know what?

I'm gonna be honest with you AC on I don't pay for utilities So AC on constantly Kicks ass I always do It's amazing So like I keep that on

i'm just so snug very good very good next question is john planning on performing degrading sexual acts for the security guard to stay living in the office space from maddie rat my favorite guy yes i plan on opening my rosebud for him and then letting him slowly cream inside me. And then draining his fucking nuts all over my face. There's nothing like the first time a big man flowers. You're gonna come in 10, 9, 8,

7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Come now. Come now, Matty Red. Come now. Come for the the boys you're welcome maddie red if you don't come to that you're an asshole yeah dude if you don't come to that i fucking hate you you're fucking an asshole dude by the way he messaged me and he goes i'm joy i must tell you i find connor so so handsome and i And I responded, I go,

Connor thinks you're handsome, too. I also told him Richie had a wet dream about him. What? I told, that didn't happen, but I told Matty Ratt that Richie had a wet dream about him. Okay, next question.

What's up for John's street corner? Dear sweet John, what would you do when you inevitably shit your pants in your new office? P.S. You are a fat kid from Gabe Redmond, the retired video editor. I love you, Gabe. You know, I'm just going to deal with it, big dog. Well, what? Like, so you shit your pants. Somebody's in the bathroom.

Nobody's. It's a lot. There's no way. But you can't. You's in the bathroom. Nobody's. It's a lot. There's no way. But you also can't shower. Throw my underpants away, buddy. Get to go to the gym. Yeah, I'll just go to the gym. How far is the gym?

25-minute walk. So you're walking 25 minutes with shit in your pants. No, dude. I'll just throw my underpants away and then go poop and then fucking go to the gym. You're still going to have shitty legs. Oh, wonderful, Devin. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What happened?

What happened? Oh, oh. Well, I've been sleeping all day in a motel on Long Beach having threesomes with women that are 6,000 pounds combined. Oh, it's a damn shame what the world's coming to

for people like me and people like you. I've been shitting myself in the pants full of poo But that's what it is, that's what it is Living in the poo world Living in the poo world Oh yeah, I'm living in the poo world Staring off into the distance Having sex with two fucking women That I just fucking met I don't feel well. Staring off into the distance, having sex

with two fucking women that I just fucking met. And I don't fucking know who the fuck that I am. So I drown my sorrows with food and I keep drinking, living in the poo world. I felt like I was in the front row

at a concert right there. That felt... Put the phone out, dude. I was about to be like... If only I could get the lyrics right. I'm all over the place. I would pay money just to hear you perform music like that all night

and just chill. I'll just drink and listen. Yeah, exactly. Okay, last question. Last question. Let's go. This is a. Okay, last question. Last question. Let's go. This is a good one, I think. From our friend Enzo,

the dirty Italian man from Scandinavia. It's Enzo Ferrari. He's alive. He's a weird Italian listener, but he lives in the Netherlands or something. Okay. If John could pimp out Devin on the street, how long would it take him to get off the street? And how would he keep him from fucking all the guys for free?

And so... God, I'd sell Devin to ask. What? I would sell Devin to ask to gutter bend. Right, so he's trying to make money by pimping you out, but you're constantly trying to fuck all the guys for free. I could get minimum $300 a pop for you, dude. Whoa, that's a huge comment.

Thanks, buddy. That's cool. You got to slick a little ass. Yeah, you're lucky. You're lucky you know me. I'm lucky, dude. You're a lucky man. Yeah.

So that was the last question. That's it? Yeah. All right. I guess that wraps up this episode. That's John's Street Corner. Beautiful.

Let's head over to the Patreon. Okay. You know, I think we had a good time here. John, thank you. You're being a vulnerable king as usual. Yeah, dude. God bless everybody. Connor McNutt, 420 Naughty Boy on Instagram. Joey Arlo Fleur on Instagram. John Badman on Instagram. Two D's.

And HatewatchPod on Instagram. And thank you for listening, folks. We love you. Good night.