Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Oceans 7-Eleven

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

Kodak Black throwing rocks at news anchors after getting released from jail, gas station clerk stages robbery with Danny Ocean https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Are you back?

Are you back in your mania? I have a weird bad vibe about you right now. I'm drunk. Oh, you what? Yeah. Why? He got me like... He had two shots and a shot before he left. No, I had two shots and I'm drunk. Oh, you what? Yeah. Why? He got me like- He had two shots in his shot before he left.

No, I had two shots in a big ultra. Oh, God. Yeah. Because the guy was apologizing to him, being like, I'm sorry that I sent a picture of the cup that you pissed into and left massive health code violation and probably a crime. Sorry I sent a picture of it and sent it into the group text with the other owner. I'm so, so sorry. Here's three drinks on the house.

It's so funny because you probably should be fired for that. I was encouraged to do it. Then he called me. He called me the day before this and he's like, dude, I'm just so fucking stressed out. I got to go like write this fucking thing

and I got to go to an interview for my big brother thing. You're like giving yourself jobs. You're like adopting a child. It's like a homeless guy like adopting a kid. It's actually pretty cool. It makes no sense. You're like giving yourself jobs. You're like adopting a child. It's like a homeless guy adopting a kid. It's actually pretty cool. It makes no sense. You're out of your mind. You're going to be the first ever to do Big Brother and then ask the kid

if he can crash at his place. That's why you're doing it. That's why you're doing it. It's like role models. I did the training. Guess what? If I'm the best big brother at my organization, I get to meet the president of the United States. Okay.

Well, wow. Hey, buddy, you're never going to meet the president of the United States. I might meet the president. No, no, no. Dude, come on. I just like how you turn it into a contest immediately. I'm going to tell the kid, I'll be like, hey, I'll make a deal with you. Okay. What are you going to do? Change your life. What are you going to do the kid, I'll be like, hey, I'll make a deal with you. Okay.

What are you going to do? Change your life. What are you going to do? Do all this stuff. We'll both meet Trump. You know what I mean? Okay, all right. It's going to be Trump.

It's going to be Trump. But also, what are you going to do when you meet Trump? You should just punch him as hard as you can. No, that's gay. What if you punch him in the chest as hard as you can? I don't know what I'll do. When do you ever get that? He's going to ask him to live in the White House because Trump doesn't stay there.

I'll be like, hey, you got a spare room at Mar-a-Lago? But they, yeah, no, you can meet Trump, but also, like, it's cool. It's nice. Why did you think to add that to your life right at this time? You want the honest answer? I was watching Magnum P.I.

You're giving yourself, like, court-ordered obligations. That's something that usually, like, you're giving yourself, like, court-ordered, like, obligations. That's something that usually, like, you know, you're giving yourself, like, community service. It's called civic duty. John's like, listen, dude, I gotta fucking clean up the side of the fucking freeway this weekend, dude. It's called civic duty. Oh, are you forced to do that? He's like, no, dude, I just fucking gave it to myself, dude.

So, like, okay, first of all, there's a lot of kids that live in gang-infested areas in Los Angeles. You just want to be, you're doing this to, like, you want to be, you think you're cool. You want to be Hillary Swank. You think this is freedom riders. Okay, so I was watching Magnum P.I. and in Magnum P.I. there's an episode where like they all like coach little league teams and I was like, that was like a normal thing back then.

And then I remember my grandfather was constantly doing charity work. He was a president of the Lions Club. Yeah, when they, what were their lives? My grandfather kicked ass, dude. I didn't realize the Lions Club was just a drinking club club did he have his life together yeah he was the man right he liked to volunteer work like he volunteered to be a nazi he was pretty fucking sick no no he had polio he couldn't be and he killed dogs no my grandfather didn't

oh no no that was my dad's uh okay okay i'm asking though where did they like did they have money saved up were they they people? Magnum's always broke, dude. You fucking watch Magnum P.I. You know he's always broke. You're such an idiot. Hey, by the way, I am...

He's always doing free fucking cases. I already am. You sincerely thought you thought I meant Magnum P.I. You thought I meant Magnum P.I. You thought Devin was being like, so Tom Selleck had money saved up, right? I really, I'm starting to... I'm going out there,

and I don't like you that much right now. I'm going to help a child, and it's going to be okay. I love him more than ever. You're pissing me the hell off. You know what's bullshit? Is they tell you like, if you take him to a Dodger game or something,

because you get free Dodger tickets, it's like the kid knew a Dodger game. That's why you're doing it? No, I'm not doing it of the free tickets but they were like they were like hey if the kid asks you for like a hat what do you do and i was like i'm buying the fucking hat it's like 40 bucks okay yeah that sucks but like fuck it it's like you're in a position to do that yeah you're in a position to do that yeah you're doing great they were like no no no you can't have the child think you're like an 18 are you gonna show the kid how to like how

to like walk in front of cars and get hit and then sue them yeah it's no it's like uh it's it's so when I first when I first like volunteered the guy was like hey like what do you do and I was like well I'm a bartender and also like a size one of my income comes from a fucking podcast and he was like so what's the name of the podcast and i was like i don't really want to tell you and he was like no it's cool dude like i love joe rogan like don't worry about it and he like and i was like okay and then he was like also like adam carolla was in our program and all that shit but like he still kept pushing me for the name of the podcast i eventually told him but like everything's good so far i don't know here's the thing what if you get paired with like a kid that just like his that's a white kid and his dad just works late hours

and he doesn't play catch? That's fine. I don't care. You're going to be so disappointed. You hate that. You're expecting to raise a kid like Jamal Johnson. You want to do Big Daddy. That's what you want to do. I want a kid who's like, I don't care about any of that stuff.

I'd like to have a child who is insecure in the way I was insecure as a kid. You know what I mean? You're in a position to help him. Dude, this kid's going to bully the fuck out of you. John's going to come home crying every day. He's like, he's just so mean to me. He scooped up my titty.

I can choose to have a different little after the first meeting. You're going to fire your little brother? You're going to fire your little brother. That's fucking crazy. Imagine how damaging that is to a fucking kid but i am they can't really get somebody that like is supposed to care for them no they want you to get no because of that they want you to like very quickly they want you to like so for like the first six months you're not supposed

to take them to the movies because like you want to get to know them and movies are like a thing where like you don't talk you know what i mean like it's and you want to get to know them and movies are like a thing where like you don't talk you know what i mean like it's and you're not supposed to help them out with their homework too much they don't want them to think there must be so many pedophiles first six months no sex jesus christ just get to know them i'm a mandatory reporter now the state of california i'm really if i hear of anything your life is like a video game But in life But it's like you're racking up points That you can't cash out anywhere

Yeah my life fucking kicks ass dude I don't wake up at fucking 11 I fucking go out and I do shit You don't You're getting nothing done every day You're hammered You drove here drunk Yeah I woke up at 530 this morning

I did laundry You suck ass right now I hate you I really hate you right now I hate your energy I hate the way you walked in here I hate it You also listed a menial chore I can't stand you energy. I hate the way you walked in here. Dude, you also listed a menial chore.

I can't stand you right now. I can't stand the way I walked in here. No, I love it. It's fun. It's nice. I never done anything. I haven't done anything like this voluntarily. We used to have to do a Christian service.

I feel like I've heard enough about this. Yeah, me too. You should adopt yourself. I'm pretty upset. Devin's dad fucking once again didn't remember. My dad has some weird thing where he has face blindness with Connor. Really? And he just refuses to acknowledge who he is or know what he is.

I've known the man for 10 years. Connor got drunk with him at a bar and talked to him. Dude, I see this. There's a bar in Eagle Rock Lounge. Sam used to work there. And I was there one night getting fucked up with a few other comics. And I see Daryl there. So I sit down and start talking to him. And we're having a great time. We're laughing it up. And I go there one night getting fucked up with a few other comics and I see Daryl there. So I sit down

and start talking to him and we're having a great time. We're laughing it up and I go, you know what's so funny? You said that because the other day Devin said this thing and he goes,

Devin who? And I go, Devin Costa, your son? And he goes, you know Devin? And I was like, we've been talking for two hours. No clue who I am.

You're not that forgettable. I watched them walk up and my dad said hi to both of you. Like, hey, the old days. And then he turned his back, and then Connor goes, hi. And he goes, hey, yeah, uh-huh. He literally- He goes, hi, Daryl. And I went, Connor. He introduced himself to you.

Unreal. Classic stuff. Classic stuff. Anyway, John, you still suck ass Regardless of that That Connor said I do not like your energy And I'm over you already

I love you and I'll never ever be jealous of you I'm not jealous of you How could you get jealous How would I be jealous of you sucking ass I don't know Your energy stinks I have great energy right now. I fucking came in here hot. I hate

that. You're all mad. I like when you build up. You like to build up to that. I like to build up to the hot. You walk in, you go, dude, I'm gonna chug this Medela Aura as quick as fucking possible, dude. I'm fine. Why? Why are you chugging? Because I'm happy, dude. I'm just not good enough. You're having a good time. I'm manic, dude.

Leave me alone. Let me manic, dude. It's just... It's how I operate, man. Week after week. Week after week. Shut up. God. He's being insane.

You're being wild. Dude, we were pulling up to your house today and he goes, oh, fuck yeah, Devin's at his bunch of faggots with ladders. And I was like,

just park. There's an open spot. He goes, that's wheregots with ladders. And I was like, just park. There's an open spot. He goes, that's where I'm parking, you idiot. And I was like, all right, well, you made the ladder sound like they're a big deal. Yeah, he's not listening to me. He's crazy. He's going crazy. You're losing it.

Sorry. Worried sick about you, Jeff. We're all really afraid for you. Love you all. John, I'll say this. I don't think about any of you. Your heart's in the wrong place. And we'll move on.

And we'll move on. All right, so there's a pretty good news story I saw the other day that I almost felt like it was, like, fake. It felt like a parody or something. But apparently Kodak Black, rapper Kodak Black, he got out of jail or prison. I mean, I think he, like, just goes to prison, like, every other day. I feel like he, like, writes a room there. Yeah, exactly. It's like an apartment complex to him.

Yeah, I don't really know. Yeah, exactly. It's like an apartment complex to him. And so I guess he got out and started throwing rocks at all the newsmen. Cool. And that's really funny. So let's watch this. The rocks hit my photographer right in the ribs. This was serious.

You know, it is very usual in our profession to interview people coming out of jail, especially noteworthy people. What is unusual is what happened today. Rocks being thrown and threats being hurled. That guy's so sanctimonious. Also, I've never seen like a news reporter dress like that. Me neither. He's wearing like a V-neck sweater. He's way too casual. He looks like he's about to go on a date. Threats being hurled. Don't throw anything at our camera. Kodak. He's hiding.

He comes up from behind like a furnace throwing rocks at the news reporter. Don't throw anything at our camera. Just out of jail. Look at Kodak Black. Kodak Black looks like he's survived the electric chair hundreds of times.

He looks like he's electrocuted for breakfast. Like he's unkillable. Look at him. He's so crazy looking. He's like Jamie Foxx in Spider-Man. He's electro. He looks like he has CTE from, like, rapping. I've been having it and chilling, bro.

Chilling. He's been chilling in jail since December, but he accepted a plea deal. I've been chilling. I'm collecting so many rocks every day to throw them at reporters. The judge sentenced him to time served. Kodak's been in custody since plantation police. I'm starting to think he's not mentally well. No, he's, like, ret report, dude. The judge sentenced him to time served. Kodak's been in custody. I'm starting to think he's not mentally well. No, he's like retarded, dude.

I'll be honest, this is like the best he's ever looked. He does look good in those jeans. Okay, I'm not going to back down from you, Kodak. Mr. Black! Mr. Black! Stand down! We're not backing down from you, Mr. Black. This is his 300.

I thought I was about to be born in less than 48 hours. I ain't worried about y'all. That's unreal. That's amazing. Look at that again. I wanted to get your son to say hello to you, and you threatened to punch me. Is he high? Don't threaten to punch me again. I wanted to get your son to say hello to you and you threatened to punch me. Is he high? Don't threaten to punch me again.

He's just nuts. He's just crazy. You know how to me. You understand what I'm saying? He's a crackhead. I'm gonna call the cops on you right now, Kodak. You know how to me. You want to threaten to punch me again? He's walking down the stairs really cool too, like the Joker kind of.

It ain't nothing like you seen on bt kodak sings his way out of jail all right all right just like that he's gone he goes and nasa hit just like and another hit this rock against your head just like that he skirted away truly bizarre situation this guy is so angry. You deserve it, pussy. Fuck you. It's got like a same hook energy. He does.

He's like, I am so sorry for everybody who had to see this. There was unspeakable evil today. Yeah, exactly. Kodak Black. I love Kodak Black.

I think he's been accused of rape hundreds of times, but so have I. Thousands, actually, for me. Tens of thousands. I can't even believe it. 1,200 was the last count. 1,200 was the last number. It's getting to the point where I just laugh it off. All you can do is laugh. All you can do is laugh.

All you can do is smile. One more? That's going to take me then. Have fun with that one, sugar dicks. There's another video. This lady, this is classic. This woman backed into a car, kind of fucked the bumper up, and then she just tries to fix the bumper in front of the lady.

There we go. My car is damaged. It's where? Right here. If you want to see, you can come over to the set. Why are you hitting my car, lady? It has. It's not damaged.

To be fair, she fixed it. She did fix it. She fully fixed it. She fixed it. That's the annoying thing about when you get in little accidents. People will be like, yeah, it's fucked up, the bumper. Sometimes it's like you can't even see anything, and you're out $1,500. The amount of times I've just been like, we're good, dude.

Just fucking go. I'm good. You're an evil person if you really care that much, unless it's like a brand new car. I got clipped by a bunch of dudes who look like they're like, you know, get work at Home Depot, lawnmowers and shit in the back, and they hit my, they rear-ended me, and I was like, you guys are good. Yeah. I'm not going to ruin your fucking life.

Yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah. I have a hunk of shit. I drive a jalopy around, so I just like run into shit all the time. I drive down the middle of the street, and I go, hit me. Go ahead. Hit me. Kevin's the best guy to drive around with middle of the street and I go, hit me. Go ahead. Hit me. Devin's the best guy to drive around with.

Yeah, because people see his car and they're like, all right, well, this guy's not scared for a little bumper to bumper action. My car's got like fucking severed arms on the hood. Yeah, your car's got call sorts and there's blood all over it. It's great. If Devin starts changing lanes, everybody just gets the fuck out of the way. It looks like I'm constantly driving through, like, protests. You might as well have, like, a siren.

My car literally, yeah, it looks like I drive to the farmer's market every Sunday. You look like a player in, like, Twisted Metal. Yeah. You know? So the best part of this video is yet to happen. Watch this. Would you tell her to get away from me?

She's crazy. She immediately, she runs over and just starts hugging like this. She has snow bunny privilege. This like Tuskegee airman. And this guy doesn't know who she is. It's not damage. He wants to fuck so bad. And this guy doesn't know who she is. It's not damage. He wants to fuck so bad. What you're supposed to do in an accident

is we exchange information. Bitch. Bitch. Mouse death is on my side, bitch. You are a crazy bitch. I love people that are crazy, but it's all on, they call you what they are.

They flip it on you. It's kind of like you. Yeah. That was like, she had like a playbook for like being filmed. She's like, okay, if I'm crazy, find the closest black person and hug them. Hug a black guy. I'm not racist. Yeah.

Look at this. Yeah. It's a good one. Would I touch him if I'm racist? Exactly. Yeah. No, it's a good one. Joe, why don't you explain this thing?

We had a little scam robbery. This is so good. It starts as security footage at a 7-Eleven. There's an Indian dude working the register. From all appearances, he is viciously robbed. And it looks very convincing. Like, oh my God, this is such a violent robbery. I can't believe that he survived this.

And then the police come and start investigating, and it kind of unravels quickly. And you realize maybe it's an inside job. Indian dude behind the gas as a gas... Really? Okay. Why is that a thing? I have no clue. Let's just actually, without being racist, try and figure this out.

Why do all Indian men work at gas stations or smoke shops? I think for the same reason that Jewish people got into money and banking. It's just, no, listen to me. Hear me out. Listen. So they have a homogenistic community. They all came here. They got together, and they're like, hey, we'll just all get into the convenience store.

I think John's actually right. It's just like been getting passed down from generation to generation. Okay. Somebody figured it out. They started sharing info about how to do it. And now it's just kind of like they know how to do it. And also they are grandfathered in. Their father owned one.

His father owned one. It is shocking when you see like a non indian person at a 7-eleven though i saw a white one you want to be like hey you know the guy indians are this you're not gonna do it it is true i i fucking went to a 7-eleven in san gabriel and there was a like 35 year old white woman working there and this is the most racist thing i've ever done in my life i was like i'm just surprised i literally looked at her and i was like i'm surprised you're working here and she was like well my husband's in what if she hit you back she knew she knew immediately what if she hit you back with a flawless indian voice though what's so crazy

about this i was it was it was wild and i was like wow okay all right yeah yeah interesting what i gotta say that lady's a huge loser for getting roped into that world. You don't gotta do that. You didn't come here. You didn't escape a mud pit full of diarrhea and snakes to get here. Wow. What?

India's a large place. I'm saying parts of it is like that. The rest is great. You didn't survive a face-off with Nandina Jones to get here. Yeah, come on. They have a massive problem with public defecation in India. That's why I said that. We know.

We know. That's why I said that joke. Great input, buddy. No, they actually have. Chris Rock said when he landed in India to do a show at the airport, there was a kid taking a shit in the middle of the airport. Yeah. On the floor.

They actually have, like, an urban legend. They have, like, an urban legend where, like, there's a demon that'll come out of a toilet and kill you. So, like, people in rural areas in India are afraid to use toilets. They just poop in fields. So, like, they had a mass. It was called poo in the loo. They had, like, a massive public movement to, like, poop in toilets.

That's a great excuse to just shit wherever you want. Yeah. Yeah, the first guy I knew was like, there's a fucking demon, dude. I don't know. Like, you just fucking shit all over the place. You go, no, there's a demon in the toilet. He shit in my bed. Yeah, well, the demon can't, he doesn't like bedrooms, so.

You should start using that when you shit your pants. Yeah, I will. When you piss at work in jars, you should go, I'm sorry, I'm married to an Indian man. There is a demon in the den. Your boss sends that to you and you reply, you're like, we got to get an exorcist in here, man. This is fucked up. All right, so Joey, what is this again? So it's an Indian cleric state basically gets robbed, but it's kind of stupid.

It seems like, yeah, so it looks a lot like he got robbed, and then he calls 911, and the cops come and start to investigate. Okay. Not quite what it seems at first. Security video captures what looks to be a Georgia cashier being held up by a armed robber. Well, yeah, he's, like, not attacking him. That was a fake punch. Go back to that fake punch.

That was so fake. It looks like the fakest. Police say the whole That was a fake punch. Go back to that fake punch. That was so fake. It looks like the fakest. Wow. And then he acts like that knocked him out for 20 minutes. Yeah. Dude, I would be like

hit me in the face as hard as you fucking can. Or just like point a gun at me. Yeah. Did the cashier not know his cameras were still on? He's now robbing

his own register. God, Jesus. Oh. Oh, come on, dude. That was all right. That was a decent fake punch. No, that was a great fake.

No, his falling is bad. No, the punch was weird. That's the other worker. Who is this beautiful lady? And then another guy comes in. It's the same guy. So this guy did this so he could pocket,

so he could share like four grand with two other people. Four grand is generous. It's actually 5K. It says 5K right there, yeah. It's like not a lot of money. 5K for these guys It's actually 5K. It says 5K right there. That's like not a lot of money. 5K for these guys is a lot of money. Not at all.

Buy his toilet paper. Maybe that's what he was looking for. Because they all have diarrhea. Because he's Indian. You know they have a huge problem with defecation

in the streets in India. Yeah. John. Because of all the curry. Did you know that? Yeah. Fuck you, dude. Maybe they'll buy

some toilet paper with their money. I fucking hate you, dude. I hate you more.. Fuck you, dude. Maybe they'll buy some toilet paper. I fucking hate you, dude. I hate you more. I hate you, John. You've ruined this whole episode from the start. You're ruining the podcast. That was great. That was the best episode we've ever done, dude.

Kidding, kidding, kidding. I wish he'll die, but he's still there. I'm so mad at Connor. I hate these guys. I fucking hate them. I regret inviting him to the wedding, but... That was the worst. Hey.

You need med? You need an ambulance? He goes, Oh, yeah, no, that was fake. He's the worst liar. He goes, No, no attention needed. That was scam. He just says everything. They go, Scam? He goes, Oh, no, no, no.

No, robbery. He goes, Acting? He goes, oh, no, no, no. No, robbery. He goes, acting. He goes, Robert De Niro. Hey, you're talking to me. Acting. We are acting. It's scam, Mr. Police Officer. Like, so then you're under arrest.

He goes, no, no, no, no, no. He goes, do you arrest? Do you arrest Leonardo DiCaprio? So then why you arrest me? Because you take Aziz and Zari to jail. He goes, sir, sir, we handle this. You take any F-bar you want. You leave. You go.

I have selection. I have strawberry, gummy, grape eyes. Whatever you want. Grape eyes. you leave. You go. I have selection. I have strawberry gummy, grape eyes, whatever you want. Grape eyes. You go. You go. We have Doritos Dynamita. Would you like Doritos Dynamito? You go. You go. You do not. You want to go to the Academy Awards

to arrest? Why don't you arrest everyone at the Academy Awards then? I am scammed. This is scammed. This is what my country do. Harold and Kumar? Is that a scam? Is Harold and Kumar scam? Oh, so you arrest Kumar, not Harold. Wow. Hey, but, hey, I need a description. Where did he go? He goes nowhere, scam. Hey, I need a description. Where did he go? He goes nowhere, scam.

Different scam. What did he look like? Give me a description. What was he wearing? He was wearing black hoodie. Black hoodie? Yeah. All right.

He had black hoodie pants. That's what a toddler lies. Yeah. It's kind of adorable. I love this guy a little bit. He was so big. Big guy. He looked like big backwoods. He was so big. Big, big guy. He looked like big backwoods.

Black male, Hispanic, white guy. I'm not sure he was wearing gloves, and he was completely covered. Okay. When asked if the robber had any weapons, Patel said he had a knife. Tim, would you be advised he does have a knife? I fucked up there. He doesn't know if he has a gun on him or not, but he said he had a bulge in his pants. I'm not authorized for video, sir, because I just work here. My manager is probably been sneaking around. Hey.

The... Where's your manager? Sir, I wasn't even supposed to be here today. You seen clerks? Call them. She's on 10-21 with us. Ma'am? Sir, sir. How about I give you mental You cannot find these in California.

How about we have a dealhol, George? You cannot find these in California. How about we have a deal? What a lovely lady. How about this? You leave, I throw in Froome float for free. He ran out the back door? We hear that. Why is he here? I think the lady's actually innocent.

Yeah, for sure. I don't know about for sure. But the lady came in, actually innocent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I don't know about for sure. But the lady came in, though, and started taking stuff, too, I thought. No, no, she came to check on him. Oh, to check on him. She's like, oh, my God, you've been knocked clean out.

Oh, my God, you shit your pants. Oh, my God, this is a nightmare. Does he have his gun out? Yeah, he's got, like, his AR out. What the fuck is he... No, no, he's got a red hot sight on his fucking hand. Oh, it's a hand on the hand. Once outside, that's when the officer encounters a man

later identified by police as Danny Curtis who tells them he works at the gas station. Danny's a fucking menace. Hey, come out right now. Whoa. Whoa. You work here. Come here.

I'm working. Come here. Come here. Oh, they use homeless labor for menial jobs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He works here. Come here. I'm working. Come here. Come here. Oh, they use homeless labor for menial jobs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He works here? All right. It's not him?

He's like, hey, man, you need a warrant to come in my house. This is fucked up, dude. I live in this dumpster. That's crazy that the guy was like, hey, it's a black man in a hoodie. So you... No, he didn't say black man. He just said it's a guy in a a guy he would go out knowing that dude's out there no so that guy changed his hoodie though if you look at the surveillance oh it's the

same guy dude oh my god oh my god yeah that's lovely that guy doesn't actually work there he works there and he's the guy from the inside job. Oh, wow. Both. Is this like an AM, PM, or like a franchised gas station? It looks franchised. It looks like an official one. Wow, this is amazing. They have a lovely eating area in the back with these tables. I'd love to go sometime. All right.

You're good. You're good. I promise. Am I good? All right. I'm just going to keep fiddling around with this cardboard box. This is my job. I fiddle with this box.

I just kind of, I got to move a box every once in a while. I've been back here. I stay back here. I fiddle with this. He's like, all right, man, I'm going to go back to bed. So you let me know if you need anything. Everyone just keeps admitting to it being a scam. This dude's like, no, man, it's a scam.

Don't worry. Don't you worry about it, brother. Bro, look how bad I need the money. Come on. Do you believe me? Come on, man. Fiddling with boxes on motherfucking day. You know what they pay me?

30 cents an hour, man. He goes, Sherlock Holmes, I'm fiddling with the box. He goes, man, we what you call a fucking thespian, man. We acting, bro. We tried to trick you, bro. We tricking you, bro. He goes, leave us alone. He goes, I got $5,000 in my pocket right now, bro.

He's like, bro, unless you're here with an Oscar for me, get the fuck out of here, all right? I promise you I didn't. No? Yep. They see that I like it about to freeze, then they get out and got you. That's what I'll tell you didn't. No? Yep. I ain't seen nobody out here about to freeze when you get out and knock. That's what I'll tell you. Yep. Yep, he did.

I ain't seen nobody. So he's already suspicious. Yeah, he's looking around. He's looking for the money. Black mask, black hoodie. I promise you. I promise you I didn't. Patel, in the meantime, continues to...

He's a good cop, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, to, like, figure out... He's like, he's... I hope he makes a detective from this. Who has access to the story. He's a good cop, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, to, like, figure out... He's like, he's... I hope he makes a detective from this. Who has access to the cameras? She's calling someone. Okay.

The cameras, that's Hollywood. Who has access to cameras? Scorsese. Take Scorsese to jail. Why'd you take Scorsese to jail? It's so funny how just no matter what

that accent is just you're done. The minute I start doing it you commit or not. You're just finished. You can do it. I didn't know you had

a worker out there. I heard noise coming from you said he ran out the door. He goes best supporting actor. I'm just making I heard noise coming from the city ran out the door. He goes best supporting actor I heard noise and I saw movement and I was like somebody back there. You told me he ran out that door Okay Yeah, why wouldn't you tell him back up to arrive Patel delves more into the robbery telling the officer

He was robbed twice by possibly two different robbers Yeah, he's fucking up so bad right now. He's the worst liar So he took a chain to yeah He's getting greedy yeah, he's getting greedy There's two of them. He's like. I'm sorry, I came twice. Big beautiful baby was in here. Big pussy, big pussy was so distracting to me. I couldn't see his face. The big pussy, there was so much pussy in front of me.

Just show me bubs. By two people with a span of one. Not at the same time. He came here first, he didn't rob nothing. He just snatched the thing, punched me, and ran away. And then after, I called my employer, why he's doing this. For the money! No, but is he getting a payout?

Yeah, they're sharing five grand. What's hard to get about this? But he's not the owner. He's stealing from the store. He wouldn't steal if he's the owner. Oh, they're sharing the money. Oh, sorry. Sorry, fellas. Sorry, fellas.

Sorry, fellas. That's crazy. Jesus Christ. That's not a lot of money. He's taking from... It's more money than they make. Yeah. You weren't the cop in that.

I would have solved this in 30 seconds. Sounds like it. I would have said. You couldn't grasp the situation. John's like, so who are you... You guys make the gas? John's like, so you guys make the gas? John's like, I thought you said they were actors, Devin. I'm not following.

He goes, are these all your products? John's a copy shows up. He goes, you know there's a big defecation problem in India. People shit on the street. He just keeps bringing that up the whole time. He's like, sir, I was shot. I'm bleeding. He's like, but you people are shit in the street.

Because there's a demon in the toilet. You understand that? So hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on. He goes, hold on. It wasn't one person. It was two. There was two people.

You got punched in the face by one person, and he ran out. Fucking retard. Where did the second one go? No. First time he person and he ran out. Fucking retard. Where did the second one go? No, first time he came and he punched me. Sir, please leave so I can get my $2,500 and buy... I want to buy... I'm going to buy Castle. If I can get this $2,500, I will be rich, man. Your Officer, please. I'm just trying to get some pussy, please.

Just please leave. Sir, I am $2,500 away from being a millionaire. You do not understand. This is scam. What don't you get about scam? All the same people, yeah. Was it wearing the same stuff? They were both wearing black hoodie.

Black, the exact same black hoodie, black mask, everything? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yes. All right, give me, hold on, hold on. He goes, okay, let me wipe my hand because I am nervous lying. The caller, the worker is saying that. This is a good cop.

He's sitting down. He's being dramatic. He's taking a shit. He's like, suspect's taking a shit. It's a nerve shit. Dude, this guy fucked up so bad. By this time, more officers have arrived to the scene.

Do you know how much they took? How much was in the register? It's a whole damn money. I don't know like a million dollars. It doesn, I don't know, like a million dollars. It doesn't calculate? They took a million dollars from me. It was keys right here. 5,000 to register is crazy.

I forgot the original thing was Ocean 7-Eleven was the good. That's good. That's already the name of the app. He took the big bills and the other bills. And he had gloves on. He had gloves and... He had gloves. Yes.

Yes. It's like when you ask a little kid, like, so your dog ate your homework. He's like, yes, yes. He's Indian. Yeah. The three dogs eat my homework. Dog came back.

$100 went to that one. Different shirt. You're not going to know how much was taken unless y'all do an homework. Dog came back. Different shirt. You're not going to know how much was taken unless you all do an inventory. Yeah. We always keep more than $3,000 in here. And it was a whole day money in here. All day. So we got to the safe.

So it was just like a day. We got to the safe. Or the drop or whatever the fuck. I think under the register they had? How about we work on a deal I give you this travel mouthwash you leave You were unconscious He says he was knocked out for 20 minutes like a Steven Seagal movie. That's crazy.

What do you guys know on Mr. Patel's agent? The 37-year-old male, he was saying he was knocked unconscious when he was hit. And one of the vice-heir had a weak moment. All right. Whoever come, they did it for the first time. Because first time, they didn't took the money, nothing. They come for the money second time. The officer asked Patel for another description.

Man, his story is all over. This is terrible, bro. Yeah, he's fucking up so bad. What a terrible story. Gloves, a black hoodie, and black jeans, but that's all he saw. Then the officer takes down his information while Patel appears to be visibly shaken. My whole body is shaking. I know, buddy.

Lying is so hard, man. You're stressing me out. Now it's dumping it. I bet like in India, there are no detectives because there's so much crime. If you just say like, hey, I don't know,

somebody robbed us. They're just like, okay, never mind. So he's like, okay, yeah, this is easy. I'll just do a fake heist. Yeah, a big cobra and a sheriff hat shows up in India. There's like 3 billion people there.

You can play the flute and it'll be fine. I would like if he just keeps adding guys who robbed it and eventually becomes 11 of them. And he's like, one looks like Brad Pitt, and the other one looks like Matt Naiman, George Clooney Devin goes the thumbnail thing and skip to after the officer. I'd never read on his rate. It doesn't have like beats All right, I'm gonna go check on the guy in the dumpster Check on how we Is he finished with that box yet?

Hey He goes yeah man I'm just working on this box Right there Okay you can skip this part These are like Wrongly accused guys That we're just walking by Okay

Where did you get this? You're just You're just looking At guys' chains I wanna watch this That's exactly what I would do Is this not an interesting guy? Well so he just

Kind of goes like No it's not me. You got the funniest part right there. He's lifting his chain up. He's bringing up his fucking chain. And the guy's just like, I don't know. Well, the guy said he got his chain stolen. You know what I mean?

Yeah, so that's why he was asking. But he's an innocent man. Did the Indian guy say he lost his chain? Yeah. Oh, really? I missed that. Oh, OK. So I would do the same thing.

Did he take his chain? Yeah, the guy that robbed him took his chain. All right, look, right now you're being detained, all right? You're not under arrest, but you're being detained. The officer then cuffs what they believe to be one of the robbers. This guy's like, man, I was just about to eat some chicken katsu and a bunch of other Hawaiian crap. He's got a gold chain and he's sweating and it's like 17 degrees outside. Just keep showing.

Yep. You gonna keep mirror? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. He said that the guy who was wearing a mask Man, look at this guy's fucking Easter Island head.

That's crazy. He's just Samoan as shit. Let me get back to Ono. This man's made out of macaroni salad. I just want to take a break out of there real quick. Okay, relax, queen.

Working here, we cover a lot of body exams. Look at you. What a lovely woman. That's when things go wrong, like a work injury. Enough of your ads. I love her. Here we go. Now they're investigating.

They brought in the bomb squad. Turns out they're hurt locked. For his shits. Oh, my god, dude. What state is this? I'm going to say Pacific Northwest. Oh no, Duluth. Duluth.

It's Minnesota, yeah. Wow. It's a square one police station. And they got like a lot of casinos inside the gas stations and shit. I think Duluth is Minnesota. I think so, yeah. Somebody attacked me about this once, about actually Duluth. I didn't know.

I know Duluth is a city in Minnesota, but there's another. There's another Duluth. There's like something. But yeah, no. So yeah, let's just say Duluth. It seems like that. Yeah. Okay.

Also, they said 17 degrees outside, so it's safe to assume it's Duluth. During the robbery, when police questioned him. Oh, there's the other accomplice again he's like in the back he's like I'm just doing boxes again you know what's funny I'm holding empty

cardboard boxes officer he's like one thing to invade my regular home but my vacation home how dare you motherfucker he goes no I'm just in here we doing

beacon rewind in the back also you're about to find out somehow there is a worse liar than the indian oh no yeah that's when officers begin to notice the employee might be the suspect wait that woman's an employee yeah the big woman yeah let's see that key real quick he goes oh that's the five thousand

dollars i just actually that is what he does. No, shut the fuck up. What you got in your pocket there? Oh, no. Oh, it's just five grand from the register. Oh, this is lovely. Come here. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. He tries to run. Uh-oh. He's a good cop. He is good. Man, people are stupid as shit. Danny, listen. Stop.

Sorry, Rod. His name's Danny. What's your last name? It was Ocean. This is an alternate universe where I'm Danny Ocean. Segwayed out of casinos, huh? You're the quickest man I know. Holy shit. You're so drunk.

I'm so fucked up. You got cash flowing out of your damn pocket. Oh, no. they got him. Just relax real quick, Danny. Just hang on, alright? Man, he's fucked. It's done. Stop, Danny. That's crazy his name is Danny.

This is why Fargo is such a perfect movie By the way It's like every crime that happens in this area It's just always so dumb Yeah this is like a Coen Brothers Like What could you keep moving around Danny Oh buddy

Danny You're going to prison Danny Listen Okay Danny Danny You're going to prison Danny Listen Guy Where's that key You start You start pulling stuff Out of your pocket

You got cash Falling out of your pocket Unreal dude I can't believe He reached into his pocket Where all the cash was That's unbelievable Does he try to like Like talk his way out of this?

He actually does. So he plays dumb. First of all, he's got serious drug problems and he is dumb. But then he's also smart enough to lean into that. So he plays dumb. And they actually let him go and then figure it out again. Shut the fuck up. Well, yeah.

So they back off for a sec. He's like, dude, listen guys, they pay me really well here. Well, these cops sound like good people. I don't think they want to immediately go towards this black dude who's involved in a giant scam.

We're going to give you the benefit of the doubt. We know you're not going anywhere, so we can continue the investigation, but we're not going anywhere. So we can continue the investigation, but we're not going to, you know, take you to jail right now. Their tone is very like, it's very sincere and sweet.

Yeah. Like most cops have been like, he's got cash on him, kill him. They're like, Danny, what do you expect from us, man?

You got cash on him. Yeah, exactly. No, they're being cool. All these, I've noticed there's the one thing in all these body cam footage videos,

they like get vetted. There's somebody watching them that goes, this makes cops look good. This doesn't. We're throwing that out. Like, every time we watch these, the cops are always, like, level-headed for the most part. I think the dudes doing the FOIAs are fans of the police. Yeah. They're, like, Blue Lives Matter guys.

Yeah. It was a Blue Lives Matter podcast. Like, the guys that hate cops, I don't even know if they know how to do FOIAs. You know? Right, right. Good point. Oh, dude, you got fucked up on crack. This guy does look like George Floyd.

Oh, yeah. He does. Kind of, you know, right? Not, Devin's not being racist. What's wrong with saying that? He literally kind of looks like George Floyd. If you're just listening, Devin's not being racist. What's wrong with saying that he literally kind of If you're just listening, Devin's not being racist. Perfect.

If you're just listening, it is a white guy. He doesn't exactly like George Floyd. Oh, he's about to cry, dude. Oh, fuck. Don't you be honest with me. Man, you know,

like, you know what's fucked up about this? It's like, you know how bad your life has to be? Like, if you risk so much for this little amount of money. He's like a borderline homeless drug addict. There's part of this video that we may have skipped where they discuss, like,

oh, Danny, we've arrested him a hundred times. He never knows what's going on. Oh, they know him. He's like a poor guy. Yeah, they know him. He's a usual suspect. He's like a town character. Yeah.

Yeah. And he's usually, like, you know, petty, you know, stealing a bike or whatever. And now he's getting into the arts. Yeah. He's an actor now. Yeah, exactly. Him and Dev Patel. Be honest with me.

It's nice to see people team up. That warms my heart. Yeah. I keep imagining the conversation they had out back, smoking a cigarette, where he's like, there's a hefty amount of money in that register, Danny. Danny's like, man, motherfucking shit, I could use $2,500,

I tell you. It's a very diverse robbery. It's awesome. People coming together. Yeah. It's great. You just let them go, dude. Yeah.

Danny's like, what the fuck are you eating? He's like, no, this is called chicken vindaloo. It's spicy. What's like the Indian Tom Pearl? Every Indian guy on earth.

Wow. I guess the demon in the toilet would be the Indian Tom Pearl. It is so crazy to do a podcast where we all look like this and we just keep talking about Indian guys. We're having big vats of diarrhea in the kitchen. I love Indians, by the way. They keep beating me in chess, so I hate them. They're amazing. But the nice ones are the sweetest people on earth.

They're great. They're the friendliest, jolliest people. I think I've said this before, but all the kids of very strict Indian families that have moved here, first generation, I guess, they're amazing. They're super Americanized. They're super black.

They're doctors and shit. They're awesome. They're Danny. They're a very odd minority. They're considered Asian, but they're brown. It's crazy. What?

Yeah. They're like, is there? I mean, I kind of got what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I'm picking up what I'm throwing down. It's like crazy. It's like, you know, they're good at chess.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's a billion of them. So if like a fraction of 1% are decent at chess, it's like, okay. I love Americans, and anyone can be an American. You know what I mean? Amen, brother. And they're amazing Americans. And anyone can be an American. You know what I mean? Amen, brother. And they're amazing Americans to me.

They're great. They're the best Americans. No one's a better American than Danny, though. I love Danny. God, Danny, this is depressing me. He looks so fucking sad. Free fucking Danny. Danny got out.

He must have somebody that's getting him out. He's been arrested hundreds of times in Duluth. This is a bad one, though. It's been arrested hundreds of times in Duluth. This is a bad one, though. It's called the Jail's Fold. This is a bad one. But don't you think if you're the cops, don't you just go like, Danny had a real interesting one tonight.

Dude, Danny's implementing fucking acting into the whole gig now. They probably like it, but they're also like, well, we can't let him out because he's going to keep doing these. Let Danny put the money back in arresting the guy. He never gets away with it, so it's kind of like, just let him keep doing it. Aren't they bored in Duluth?

Yeah, we'll get the money back. They'll just sit around the station and be like, it's a fucking slow day. Let Danny out. Yeah, they're like, Batman needs Joker, you know? Like, Danny's in jail. It's time that we have to lay off about eight cops. We've been worried about layoffs. It's a slow day.

We need to meet our quota. Let Danny out again. That's so good. There's a cop holding a gun to Danny. Danny's like, face it, you need me. You'll never pull that trigger. You're nothing without me. I can't do me. Show me!

I can't do it! Show me! Because the person that's on video going to the dumpster is wearing all black. Dude, Danny looks so sad. Did somebody go back there to that dumpster wearing all black? It's a sick hoodie. It's like a Target hoodie. Dude, dude.

I love it. I love Mossimo. And Goodfellows. I love the Goodfellows. Danny told the officer the cash was all his, but the officer begins to start quoting goals in his story. Man, do you know how, like,

it's my cash, I stole it. Black dude living in, like, an incredibly white area. Like, let him go. He wears racing shirts. He lives in such a white area that he has to care about NASCAR and shit. Come on. Let daddy go.

I bet you that's like a misprint shirt where they didn't win that year but the team already did. Or it was coastal raping. Was the... Wow. It was a meaningless joke. It had nothing to do with anybody. No race. I think you was a meaningless joke. It had nothing to do with anybody.

No race. No, I think you're a sick fuck. I think you're trying to say something. No, I just thought it was funny to say. I think you're a sick racist I just think it's funny to say rape. It'd be really... Also, this is the most racist podcast

of all time. We turn on you at an hour. We're like, whoa, David, too far, man. Not cool, dude. That is not true. The most racist podcast is Lemon Party. That is true.. The most racist podcast is Lemon Party.

That is true. I'm a libtard cook. Yeah, you're... Yeah. I'm a libtard cook. We brought in a libtard. I'm a snowflake. Unbelievable what you stop us from doing.

I know. I'll kill myself. I think John just over-served Danny. By the way, what fucking gas station is this, dude? They have casinos, they have a post office. There's a post office here. That's like a Midwestern thing. Is that a Midwest thing? No, that is the mall. Yeah, they probably have like a

pharmacy as well. Optical center in there. Yeah, exactly. No, in Duluth, they call this gas station downtown. Are you heading to the city? I'm heading to the city. Oh, man. Yeah, this is crazy.

This is like the place to be. Yeah. What a place. Fucking poor Danny, dude. And dumpster, okay? Uh-huh. All right. I went back there.

You were back there. Yeah. You were in the same And dumpster, okay? Uh-huh. All right. I went back there. You were back there. Yeah. Yeah. You were in the same thing right there, okay? But until then, like, you get what I mean? Dude, his tone is really cool. He's being very cool. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, Danny, come on.

I'd love to see you next week. There's a bunch of cash, okay? And you got to, like I told you, you got to put some cash in there. Yeah. All right? Yeah, my pocket, yeah. All right? Yeah, my pocket, yeah. All right, so. Come on, dude.

Be honest. He's like, I'm a baller, motherfucker. I'm a motherfucker P-I-N-P. This job's a front, motherfucker. He goes, I'm a motherfucker gangster. He goes, I can buy and sell you. He goes, you don't think I have money on me at all times? I own the Duluth PD.

He goes, I am Duluth. Then you got money for all your pockets. He goes, that's pocket change, man. Who else? Oh, now it's illegal to have a grind set? All right. He's like, I just opened for Cat Williams. He goes, you know how Cat pays.

It's all cash, homie. John is so out of it. God bless you. Jesus Christ. Why'd you get so drunk before the show? Because it kicks ass, dude. You finished both of these already? Yeah, dude.

Those beers are so good. Can I have a White Claw? No. No. No. Well, like, you're going to level up and get back? Drink that Celsius. Drink your Celsius.

Don't chug it right now. I'm chugging it right now. Drink that Katerit. Well, you made a rule. Get some energy. You have to drink both. I'll give you a white claw. You made a rule once. I'm going to drink the Celsius and then I want one in the white claw and then I'll drink the other. I'm adding a new clause. Devin, let's keep watching. I'll give you a white claw. You made a rule once. I'm going to drink the Celsius, and then I want one in the white claw, and then I'll drink the... No, I'm adding a new

claws. Devin, let's keep watching. I fucking hate you, dude. With crazy days on the schedule, you're going to need to fuel up. Factor has you covered with their pre-prepared, chef-crafted, and dietician-approved meals. God, I love Factor. That get delivered straight to your door, Connor.

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You can just leave it on the pot. No, I'm just saying. No, I'm like a go-getter. I'm a go-getter. You're not, obviously. You have time to spend. Yeah. You know, you don't care about how your food tastes because you're obviously, like, you

know. No, letting it simmer, that's all the taste. No, your food. You have to give it time. Your food hasn't been crafted by scientists and dieticians. So, anyway, I've had Factor. It's one of the greatest things I've ever had. How does it come? It's like

in the mail? That's so gross. Food in the mail? No, all you do is throw it in the fridge. It takes two minutes to heat up. You have food for the whole week. But how does it get to? You can get moving through the mail, Joey. It's an invention called the mail. That's so gross. Food in the mail. It's not gross. It's the best product there mail. That's so gross. Food in the mail. It's not gross. It's the best

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with code HATEWATCH50. Don't listen to Joseph. He's a sad man. Sad, sad man. Who has no flavor in his life. No, I do. I have like multiple, I do seasoning and I know.

They factor does too, pal. No, they don't. Yeah, they do. I'm sure it does well in the mail. I bet it holds up quite well. It does. No, it's like also learn something. Cooking is fun to learn.

You can learn how to do a new thing and people like when you cook You're such a fuck It's impressive Cooking's gay Get factor if you're a real man Good night You're gay

Keep cooking Nancy Nancy You know you didn't see anything you don't know anybody that could have done this or nothing like that You know He's like, Danny, we love you, man. Come on, Danny. Danny, we think this is funny. Just tell us. You're the coolest guy in town, Danny.

Danny, you're our only black friend. Knock it off. You're not under arrest. All right? You're being detained. Okay? Because in the video, again, there's somebody going back there.

It really feels like the cops are going to be like, so all of us are going to turn around and if you put the money back, no one will say anything and you can go home. It does feel like that, right? It really does. Was Danny the guy that came in and fake punched him? Yeah. Well, I got to say he had a lot of moxie to him

when he did that. That was a very bad fake punch, Devin. The guy fucked up. That burp smelled so bad. God damn it, John. You're really a monster tonight. Oh my God. I just caught it.

That's fucking awful. I fucking destroyed that white clown. Are you digesting a turd? Hey, look, guys. At least John is killing on the podcast tonight. Dude, I fucking mocked. Dude, you were so good a couple nights ago with the Patreon. Dude, people hated me on that. What are you talking about?

What do you mean? When they hate you on that? Dude, you were all mad that I got the fucking death metal shit wrong. Fuck these faggots, dude. I swear to God, if you listen to some fucking Radiohead, you fucking retards. They don't care. They're just correcting you. Shut the fuck up, you fucking retards. They love you. to some fucking radio head you fucking retards they don't care they're just correcting you fuck up you fucking they love you no fuck off you fucking death metal

faggots what what are you what are you what are you what are you fucking what are you listening it's literally death metal is the fucking more manly equivalent of fucking emo music you fucking queers go off no fuck off sorry i got gorgoroth wrong you fucking retard i don't even know what black metal was. Fuck off, black metal queers. I don't give a shit about your fucking gay music. I have a black friend named Ali who I love and I miss. He moved, but...

I like Ali. He's a great guy. When I first met him, I was like, what do you listen to? And he goes, I love black metal. And I was like, oh, is it black guys? Black guys play metal? He was like, no, it's like a genre. Yeah, Ali gets laid.

That's a thing. Ali's like a cool guy, but like the black metal is, black metal's the gayest genre of music. You're really going on, like you've been attacked. You're pissing these guys off even more. Dude, leave him alone, man. No, fuck off. John, you killed him. Fucking, I'm tired of this shit.

Tired of this shit? Do you really? Sometimes I can't believe I paid you. You only chugged four beers, and you're like, who did this to me? That's the attitude you have. Nah, listen. How did you chug this already? You drank the whole electrolyte?

Listen, buddy. He consumed all of this liquid. He's about to throw up. You drank the whole electrolyte? Dude, you're about to... Look at... He just consumed all of this liquid. He's about to throw up. You drank that whole Celsius? Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's so much. Devin Costa, I got a big gullet, brother.

Oh, God. I got a big gullet. It's only been 30 minutes or something. It's like... That's insane. That's an insane amount of stuff to take in. I got a big gullet, dude. I got a big fucking mouth.

And John has plans after this, apparently. Yeah, I got to hang out with people and shit. Who? Buddies. Some fucking milf, dude. Your probation officer? Yeah, no. My little brother.

I think it's a little brother later. First day with the little kids. My little. No, you're not hanging out with us? You're abandoning us? Yeah, I'm abandoning you. Thank God. Well, actually, yeah, you do suck ass.

Wow, you guys suck my ass. It's reverse psychology. Exactly how you want me to hang out with you. Who do you have to see after this? I'm hanging out with my neighbor. You're a complete mess. And then another neighbor. And then Cecil B. DeMille's great-granddaughter.

That sounds like the party of the century, dude. What? Two other guys that live in an office and then she sold DeMille. I was invited like three days ago and then another guy who is... Sounds like I'm hanging out with my neighbor and then another neighbor.

And then some athletic club people. And then I'm hanging out with Montgomery Clift. And then some athletic club people, you know I'm hanging out with Montgomery Cliff. And then some athletic club people, you know. I got to make appearances. I'm becoming a thing. Yeah, I got to see James Dean. I was partying with the board members the other week. What are you talking about?

I'm the man, dude. What is with you? I just fucking go out. I've never seen you more manic, to be honest. No, so this is what happens. I have like a month where I'm horribly... Don't fuck off. Leave me alone.

Just fucking let me do my thing. Don't let me explain myself. You shouldn't see anybody in this state that you want to ever like you again. I'm going to be fine in like 45 minutes. Do you think anyone that sees you tonight will like you? It's not alcohol or... No, I'll be fine in 45 minutes. Give me like a fucking...

Give me like a cracker and I'll be good. You haven't been fine in 45 minutes. Give me like a fucking... Give me like a cracker. You haven't been fine in 31 years. I love how you know my exact age. I love you. He's one of your best friends. He's my best friend. Devin and Joey are my best friends.

Whoa. I know. You got so mad at that. Fuck. I love you too, Connor. Should we wrap up what's going on with Danny? I'm going to be honest with you. Can I say something real quick? Yeah, of course. So when I did the, I love you, Joey.

I love you too. I love you so much. Where is this going? I have no idea. This is going, someone had the references for the Big Brother Little Brother program. Yeah. I put Connor and Devin down That's weird because

You've put me down And I've like I'm a slam dunk every time Joey's also by far The most professional amongst us No no no But I feel like Joey knows how all this type of shit goes

But Joey might sabotage it a little Everyone is so scared That I'm gonna like sabotage I've never done anything To actually hurt anybody's life I do like innocent goofs I gotta say like Innocent goofs This is something where I was like Here's the thing Listen Here's what's going. I do like innocent goofs. Innocent goofs.

This is something where I was like, listen. I know you wouldn't let me down. Devin, go ahead. With Joey, there is a huge misconception that just because Joey is an incredible goofer. I'm self-destructing.

Don't do anything. Unless you're completely blackout drunk, I know I could rely on Joey to really help me out in a very business like, you know that

corporate world. If John put me down as a reference, I would have been very happy to say, I would have lied. I would have said, he's not a pedophile. See, that's what I'm scared of. No one has ever called him a pedophile.

There's not a giant group of people that listen to him all the time on a podcast who believe he's a pedophile. And then I would say, he's a stable guy. He's a good influence on a kid. you don't believe me listen to this it's john's gun corner no no but truly i guess i understand i know because of joey's goofs but keep me off your stupid list but i would i would i've i've put down joey as

number one at times when i need somebody to give me a fake because joey's an amazing liar he's phenomenal so i've and john john is so he has such bad covet brain one time he was applying when I need somebody to give me a fake, because Joey's an amazing liar. He's phenomenal. And John is so, he has such bad COVID brain. One time he was applying to a job, and they called me, and I just lied. Did they? I lied my dick off. What job? I can't remember, but it was some lady,

maybe at a bartending job, probably your current job to be honest. Yeah, yeah, probably. And I was just like, you know what? If you hire this guy, he's going to be your best bartender you've ever had. Are you serious? Oh, fuck.

I feel bad. It was this big. It was like, this is what Danny wishes he could do. This kind of lying. Is that bad? I mean, you just keep burping. Relax. I'm a burper.

He doesn't have disgusting burps. He doesn't have monkey pox. He doesn't shit his pants. I've been eating a lot of seaweed lately. Anyways. monkey pox. He doesn't shit his pants. I've been eating a lot of seaweed lately. Anyways, let's... You fucking live like a seal. You're a terrorist, dude. You're a maniac.

You're literally a seal. You're like a human walrus. I am. You really are a walrus. Yeah, this kicks ass, dude. God damn you, dude. I love you. I love you, too. Thank you God damn you, dude. I love you. I love you, too. Thank you.

We all love you. I love you all. They all love you, man. I love you. They love you so much. From now on, let's maybe start the chugging when we record. I'm doing great right now. You keep getting drunk Like Judy Garland I haven't drank

The last two nights That's a big deal for me Don't say it out loud What a brag Wow Big man That's a big deal for me brother Really?

You're drinking that one? I'm drinking a shit ton Let's finish this It kicks ass Is it because you live in a little weird fake New York? I have a neighbor. I have a neighbor that I know will be there at 2 a.m. So I'll be like, yo, you home?

And I'll go hang out with him. And then we'll watch Japanese movies. And he has a handle of Jim Beam. Do you guys ever get gay? You're drinking Jim Beam, too. It's good. Have you guys ever done any gay stuff together? You're drinking Jim Beam, too. It's good. It's good. Have you guys ever done any gay stuff together?

No, no. Me and him, no. We watch Japanese movies, drink Jim Beam. He always, every week, he texts me. He goes, listen, he gets Amazon Fresh every fucking week, and this Amazon Fresh is just a handle of Jim Beam and a bunch of IPAs. And then, like, one ambrose around, two ambrose around,

I hit him up, and then, like, he was still's around, two emeralds around, I hit him up, and then, like, he was still up because I see his lights on, and I'll fucking beat you up. He's sleeping there, too. He's living.

Dude, there's a bunch of guys. Homeless office guy. No, this guy has a house. Well, this guy has an apartment, but he doesn't want to. But he wants to get away from his wife.

Exactly. So he fucking, he hangs out with me, and it's fucking kick-ass. Dude, he's got a bunch of video game systems and shit. Dude, if I found out

that my husband was cheating on me with John. I know. I kill myself so fast. Who are you fucking? He's like, I-ass dude. He's got a bunch of video game systems and shit. Dude, if I found out that my husband was cheating on me with John... I know. I'd kill myself so fast. Who are you fucking? He's like, I'm not fucking anybody. I drink with a homeless man at 2 a.m. She's like, that's worse.

You know, I'm joining this country club. It's fucking great. Yeah. You guys are going to hang out. So you're adopting a child and you're joining a country club. Dude, I party Like, I literally had this Writer's I had this

I've said this before But when you describe John's life It sounds like a roast It's brutal I've never met anyone like this No, I love You just list the details

Of his life And you're like Oh, God Take it easy I fucking So I have this Writer's group I go to Once a month

We're like I don't know if we Can do this I don't give a shit Let's finish this Let's finish this. Let's finish this. Let's play the thing. We'll say it on Patreon.

We'll say it on Patreon. All right, we get it. Yeah, it's going to be huge on Patreon. Shut up, fucking queers. I fucking hate all of you. Flannery O'Connor over here. Jesus. You have a writers group?

Yeah, a really embarrassing thing happened there, but you know. What? I don't want to tell you now. You can't tease us. Like, what embarrassing thing happened, John? Yeah, sorry. I was going to do a great story So I show up to the writers group

And they gave us a prompt And the prompt was city And I went in there and I wrote something It's like 50 people At this fucking writers group And the writer of Chocolat is there And I go Did you go because you thought He invented chocolate Chocolat is there. And I go. And I show up.

Did you go because you thought he invented chocolate? I'm like, dude, no way. He's Willy Wonka. But I show up and I get in the group and I go up. And this is the second time the writers group has ever met. So the second time I go, I'm like, hey, I'm reintroducing myself. There's a couple people who haven't showed up get to the embarrassment

shut the fuck up there's a couple of new members I get there and I go up front I go hey I'm the bartender at Trax at Union Station and I sit down

and I go up to the podium I start reading my thing and this lady goes I know you you've hit on me in front of like 50 fucking people oh god that's the whole thing

yeah it was horrible Jesus Christ so you ran into a woman at the writers group that you hit on me in front of like 50 fucking people that's the whole thing yeah it was horrible Jesus Christ so you ran into a woman at the writers group that you hit on that you hit on wow Miss Doubtfire was at

this writers room she sounds just like that dude it was crazy she sounds like just like that man this is kind of embarrassing what a wacky

wild story she didn't accuse you of anything else crazy no I thought you were gonna like shit your pants or something I read my thing and she said I hit on her and it was in front of everybody. It was embarrassing.

Oh, no. Wow, you're a straight guy that hit on a lady. Whoa, that's so embarrassing. I was slightly embarrassed. But I recovered, you know. Back to Danny. Back to Danny, man. I have a good time, you know. Fuck you all.

So, I start looking around and I gotta find any sort of ski mask, Danny, man. I have a good time, you know? Yeah. Fuck you all. So, when you get up there, and they start looking around, then I gotta find me any sort of ski mask, no black hoodies, no black nothing like that. No.

Oh, shit. What's that? What's that? For him. Okay. Yeah, so I don't do that. I've got the money from scratch offs. But when officers look at their surveillance footage from outside, they note Danny went

to the dumpster in a black hoodie hoodie then later returned in a different hoodie. Minutes later, police take the cuffs off Danny because Patel was adamant he couldn't have been the robber. It's so insane that they didn't just think, do we know anybody else that doesn't work here that could do the robbery? And just drive off. They would have got away with it.

Just run away. Just get out of here and that's it. Simple as that. I don't know if this show still airs, but the world's dumbest criminals, this is like a perfect crime for that. They're being really fucking cool right now. I mean, they seem human. Yeah. Hey, Danny.

The $20 bill of your phone and your lighter's up over there. All right, buddy. You're. Yeah. Hey, Danny. Hey, the $20 bill, your phone, and your lighter's up over there. All right, buddy. You can go. You're good. Go get it. Thank you, Danny. Thank you, Danny. They know he's not going anywhere.

So they're letting him go for a second. Well, they know he's not going anywhere. Right, exactly. They give him the benefit of the doubt for a sec. That is an insane jacket, by the way. Go play with the box real quick while we solve this case. Doing ride-alongs before I even went to the academy. Wait, what was that?

I know Danny. That was their thing about, oh, I've seen Danny since... He did ride-alongs before he went to the academy. They taught me about Danny and my ride-alongs. Patel didn't know that. Patel's like, oh, paparazzi's back. Okay, paparazzi. Is that the Bollywood?

Oh my god, TMZ, they're always coming. Did you hear his ringtone? That was his ringtone. What was that song? It looks like he changed into something different in the dumpster. Really? Yeah. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun There's no way. I know I shouldn't have trusted you, Danny! He turns on him. Are you telling me Danny is a master of disguise?

Tourist. Okay, finding back there. You say it's definitely possibly not him? No, not him. Okay. Because I know, I know. Like, we work from last two months, so I know how he talk. Oh, dude.

He's a fucking lying piece of shit. I'm going to go look in, like, the cooler and stuff inside. Yeah, so that's where, yeah, I went in there. The only problem is, is, like, that one lady was all back in there, too. So unless they're in on it together, maybe. They find a script. Unless they're in on it together, maybe? They find a script. Unless they're in on it together. It's a pile of prosthetics and wigs.

They find a book by Uta Hagen. How to act. He noticed that she had a little bit of cash on her. Wait, she's in on it? No, I don't think she's in on it. No, she can't be Joey. Come on. No, I believe she's innocent. She just has some cash. Okay, good. Leave her alone. A dollar, two dollars. Is this dollar two?

I'm Miss Cleo, baby. I saw this coming years ago. That's fucking wild. Yo, Leo, aren't you a darling? Let me see your palm. Oh, yeah, you a Gemini. Come on, I don't need none.

I got about $40. $40. I guarantee you, though, she heard them plotting it and was like, you leave me out of this shit. Crazy ass motherfucker. I'm just trying to go on. I'm trying to put some food on the table for my kids.

Yep. Yep. She's so sad. It would be so funny to do this show for another five years, and then we all try and go into the real world. Danny beats our ass. It would just be so funny We have this show

We leave it up And then like Joey and I We're all going out For like SNL We just like Keep wondering why Like nothing happens

For us Speaking of SNL Hey let's do a plug Let's plug our friend My best friend My new best friend. My new best friend, Shane Gillis, who I... He's going to be on SNL this Saturday.

That's true. So check him out. He's my bro. Tomorrow night. Yeah. It is cool. Yeah. I'm very...

I'm excited. It feels like a real comedy has like, we're dropping like a sleeper cell into like a, like an improv troupe. And we're gonna like, like he's like a, it's like the departed. He's like Leo. Yeah. He's gonna be in the middle of SNL,

like ripping a wire off and like dropping it into a fucking fountain. Holding his hand out straight. Yeah, he goes, he goes, I watch Bowen Yang pitch jokes and my hand, my hand stays calm. He's doing dips in a fucking jail cell. He goes, I'm around mass hacks, and still my hand stays...

I'm excited, dude. We've been talking about it all week. We're like, you know, see how it goes. We're going to be a bunch of queers. We're about to... We're going to go... The first SNL episode that I've ever watched.

We literally, yesterday at the gym, Joey's like, Joey, I've never heard you say this. You go, should we all meet up to watch SNL?

It's like a UFC. It's a UFC. Yeah, it's going to be, it's a UFC. Very excited. Check out our boy Shane Gillis on Instagram.

Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Check it out. Check it out. What should I have with the little guys? Oh, fuck. What the fuck was that? Oh, it's a guy mom. Oh, fuck.

I thought it was a rat. In the cooler? Yeah. When they get the beer, I try to keep my beer cooler. Where's Chessie fucking Weber? Oh, yeah. They don't cut to him. I want him to try.

He only does murders and shit. He's like, yeah, give this to the new lady. That guy's a hot shot. He's a big hot shot now. I said, you want me down 911? He said, wait a minute. Let me gather myself. I got suspicious. I'll try it now. I said, you want me to dial 911? He said, wait a minute. I'm going to gather myself. And so.

I got suspicious. I got him water. I got to piss so bad. I got to pee too. Well, you stay. I'm staying in, brother. I'm not moving a fucking muscle. If I had a choice, I'd keep John and kick Joey out.

I fucking hate you both. And that noise, beep, beep, beep. It's always the beep that gets me. And then I'm always trying to think and I hear something. And then they say, no, it's not a beep. It's crazy. What is she talking about her smoke detector?

What was that? I don't know. It's always beep, beep. Is that even racist at this point? It is racist. I don't know. But didn't it start from being true or something? Yeah, I don't know.

You better knock it off, buddy. Just wait until the end of the fucking episode. Would you fucking relate? We have to do another episode after this, retard. God, you guys fucking suck ass. Couple of fucking queers. God, I can't believe you sometimes. Come on, come on.

No. I am helping you out. Johnny, we're helping you. We're helping you. This is my day to fucking let loose. You gotta still be conscious. I'm fine. I'm doing great

Oh god Come in Oh god Dude I'll fight you Dude I'll fucking wrestle Your ass right now I will stop you at nothing

Alright Don't you dare You're gonna cancel On your friends There's no way You're gonna see people I'm fucking out of here Bye

Okay Kick roll And it's over Yeah How dare you I'm sorry dude Come on bro You are fat I'm sorry I am fat here. Fine. When it's over. How dare you? I'm sorry, dude. Come on, bro. You are fat. I'm sorry. I am fat, but just be nice to me. You look better. You look better lately. You look great, actually. I'm losing weight.

Yeah, not being able to afford food is really doing wonders to you. I can afford food. I'm just not eating and I'm drinking instead. It's crazy. God damn you. Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine, dude.

It kicks ass. All right. What are they? They're trying to get the logos together? How much time do we have? Didn't make me take a piss. I need to take a piss when Joey gets back here. All right. I'm going to pee. What are they? They're trying to, like, get the logos together? How much time we have? Are you John? Didn't make me take a piss. I need to take a piss when Joey gets back here.

All right. I'm going to pee. Joey, thank God. Jesus Christ. Unbelievable. Jesus. He's Joey. He's out of his fucking mind.

How did you do an episode with that fucking moron? It was such a nightmare, to be honest. Where I was like... It was a funny... It turned out good, I think. But, by the way, also, I should just say... The episode started out like 90 minutes. I wanted to do a million, but... Yeah, you had to cut something.

I told a story about a buddy who then said hey you got to cut that out because this is a this is the story you just told is possibly going to get me in trouble with the fbi and so i just said all right you're my bro but then he said he wanted to call in and tell it himself and he goes goes, yeah. And I said, I go, what are you talking about? You just told me you could be in very bad trouble about this. And he goes, yeah, I'll tell it, and I'll leave out all the incriminating stuff. I just said, no. Like, he loves the attention, but he's still, like, scared about getting in trouble.

Yeah. But, yeah, no, so anyways, yeah. Bad dentist. Episode was 48 minutes. Bad dentist no so anyways yeah episode was 48 minutes bad dentist episode cut down was then 48 minutes um and then yeah working with john by myself was such a nightmare man he's such a it made me start going like how have you been doing this for this amount of time coordinating with him trying. Coordinating with him, trying to... I should have a cattle prod and I should just fucking...

I should be constantly buzzing him. We should get, like, an electric fly swatter and just tap him in the head every once in a while. He should have a shock collar on the entire time we do this. He literally goes,

he goes, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I play the video and he goes, how much fucking time have we done this? He's so bad. He's hilarious. He's the funniest guy in town, but he's just, no, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I played the video and he goes, how much fucking time have we done? He's so bad. He's hilarious. He's the funniest guy in town, but he's just like out of his mind.

I know. We're so close to finishing. You know, we're going to finish the video. I'm not trying to wrap up quick because this fat retard wants to like fucking, you know, hang out with the guy that invented Dilbert or whatever the fuck he's doing. Hey, what's up, John? Love you, buddy. You're killing it tonight.

What a night for you. That's the longest piss I've ever taken in my life. Did you? Yeah, I was like crazy. Anyway, back to Danny. Back to the thing, dude. Keep it going, bro.

Okay. You suck thing, dude. Okay. Keep it going, bro. Okay. You suck ass, dude. I hate you so much. Damn you! I thought you were better. No, dude. What are you thinking, dude? I just thought you had it together.

What, you had it in your fucking mind? I suck ass. I thought you had it together I thought you would figure I thought you figured it out no no I'm not nervous at all no

I want to find out who your therapist is and say what so he actually last month he was like he told me I don't need to see him anymore what he was like listen buddy he's like i fixed it you're perfect he fixed me your therapist literally quit on you that was crazy oh he fired you yeah your therapist fired he's like i have no hope here i have to yeah it's like when melphy left to talk about because john john kept stealing articles about how to cook steaks from the magazines in the lobby. How do I ferment onions?

Dude, fermenting onions are so fucking good. All right, all right, enough. You shut the fuck up. Fuck you. The rest of the episode, you shut the fuck up. Fuck you. Fuck you. All that cash goes.

Oh, my God. Are they looking for more of the cash? They found it in Danny's pockets. Now it's just, like, due diligence. Like, I think we've solved this, but let's make sure to do a thorough sweep he finds like this syrup for the soda machines he goes jackpot jackpot now i've always wondered not to keep delaying us but i've always wondered what are the laws around like cops being able to do their own investigation? Because I always thought

beat cops are supposed to just kind of show up, hear what happened, detain, and then, like, I didn't know they were allowed to fully... There always seems to be these fine lines. They're not quite allowed to investigate. I know where you're going with this. They're allowed to investigate as much

as they want. What they can't do is... There's a bug. Yeah, there's a bug they want. What they can't do is, there's a bug. Yeah, there's a bug in there. What they can't do is interrogate without fully reading Miranda rights. And so that's where they get in trouble a lot of the time. Where they'll start asking them questions, and then the guy will incriminate himself, and then it's inadmissible in court.

They're supposed to figure out what's happening until detectives get there. And they can interrogate a little bit but they have to show up to a scene and they can't they can't redo your Miranda rights until you're under arrest and they can't arrest you until they have an official thing

like a reasonable articulable Yeah, because I didn't know they were even allowed to like you know, to accuse you of lying about of acting like you're doing it. They just have to be careful to not fuck up the future investigation.

Yeah. Okay. Alright. It's a bag of poop. It says props. Props for our scam. It's a big bag poop. It says props. Props for our scam. It's a big bag. This is props for the scam, and it says the date, and it says the exact time. Duluth PD says they attempted to contact the manager and the owner of the business, but were unable to reach anyone.

According to the incident report, officers reported Patel had no visible marks or blood on him at the time. He was checked by emergency responders, but refused treatment. Days later, during a police interrogation, the police caught him red-handed. That's you. Okay? Oh, no. Oh, Danny. Oh, come on. Okay? Oh, no. Oh, Danny. Oh, come on.

Don't send him photos. Okay? Look at your shoes. He starts crying. He goes, I look beautiful. Look at your hands. Could you send these to me? I'm going to post them on Instagram.

He could if he had his wits about him. He could be like, man, a lot of brothers got Air Force on. You could just say, what do you think? I'm the only black guy that has those shoes? He's a lawyer. No, he's got dead to rights, and he's been through the fucking system enough where he's like, I am guilty.

They got me. He's not going to play that game. He's like, all right, you got me at this point. Look at that painting. Look at that awful art. What the fuck is that? Fucking the Grand Canyon? What is that?

Yeah, it looks like, yeah, like Zion National Park or something. The establishment, the city camera that shows you going into the dumpster, coming back out in different clothing. Don't look good. I got to be on. What's with this guy's accent? He's like, listen, I got kicked out of the Bronx, and now I'm in Duluth. I think he's trying to do like Quentin Tarantino, like I'm going to talk. I want to do a little bit of a black guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A black guy. It's going to be whether you're going to be charged one crime or another. Curtis ended up coming clean about the whole ploy, saying Patel put him up to it. Was your intention to do this by yourself? No, it was the deceptive Indian. That's fucking Indian, motherfucker. Who told intention to do this by yourself? No, he was staged. It was the deceptive Indian. That's fucking Indian, motherfucker. The dude told you to do it.

He was staged. Okay. Which dude? The dude that said he got robbed. Okay. Patel. Patel told you you got robbed. I guarantee he's free today.

Okay. You think? Yeah. If you cooperate, you're fucking free. You're supposed to make a deal before you cooperate. you're fucking free. You're supposed to make a deal before you cooperate. No, I mean, they're going to consider that. Oh, yeah, the judge will consider it. For sure.

He's fucking out there doing his thing. He's answering his phone. I'm in here. That's like the sheriff. No, that's the sheriff checking on him. Just being like, Danny, did they get you?

They're like, did you come in? Yeah, they got me. I'm in the goddamn sheriff. The sheriff is like his dad. He's like, all right, I'm going to pick you up. You know how many

fucking strings I had to pull? I mean, he's like, Danny, you're the only thing keeping the police force alive here at Duluth. That's amazing. Okay. So Patel told you to do it both times yeah it was it was the chicken

patel mr patel okay danny told the detective the female employee had nothing to do with the robbery and was underwear the two were in on it together As for why the conspiring pair carried out the robbery, Danny said Patel wanted to collect his insurance. He asked me. He was like, is this robbery where you get the insurance? Or something like that.

He didn't even know what he was fucking doing it for. I mean, they were doing it. He knows, dude. He's just like he can't articulate himself well. You did not keep the money. No, I didn't. I was scared. I was too scared to do that.

Okay. What happened to the knife? What knife? You supposedly that you was holding a knife. No, man. That was a lie. Should I throw it away? You threw it away.

What happened to the Nike shoes? The Nike shoes? Where Nike? The Nike shoes you was wearing. I don't think I wear them. Yeah, you changed shoes at first. The first time when you snap, when quote unquote you said you snatched his chain,

which I know it wasn't true because the camera shows him taking it off. Come on, be honest with me, Papa. Where are those dirty shoes they use at night? You don't know that either. This part of it is still a mystery to me. There's a lot of stuff. I don't know the mystery of the Nike shoes?

Yeah. Like, I actually don't know. Because he's already confessing. Why wouldn't he just be like, oh, I changed shoes by the dumpster? Yeah. So that, I still don't know. It's like the tongue in True Detective 4. Oh, yeah.

I stopped watching. How could you forget? I stopped watching True Detective. Well, the Episode one. I stopped watching True to Death the last season. Well, the finale just happened fucking a week ago. Did you finish the whole show? That's crazy.

It's the worst show ever made. I stopped watching after episode three. I couldn't take it. They hired that director for another season. I know. I know.

Because it did Iron Man numbers. A lot of people watched it. Because people can't believe how bad it is. They keep watching it. Yeah, they hate watching it. They hate watching it, yeah. I watched every episode

with Valerie. I couldn't tell you a single detail about it. It's meaningless. It would start, my eyes would roll into the back of my head. And I'd be like,

what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? And then I'd come back. Yeah. The second credits rolled.

It's awful. And I was like, what happened? It's truly awful. I can't tell you a single thing that happened in that show. It made True Detective

season two look like season one. Masterpiece. Yeah. No, exactly. It was fucking I think it was the worst season of TV

that I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, I'd say so too. I watched the entire thing and I truly believe it's the worst season of television I've ever watched

in my life. And it's got a 97% Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah. What if Danny brings that up right now? Because y'all worried about this fucking fake robbery. He goes, y'all ain't going to force cream pie me, are you?

I was going to do that to me in here, right? He goes, listen, man. He goes, like, when am I going to get out of here? There's two Force cream pies. The whole show is women raping men. The women force it. The women force the guys the cream pie. It's like a fucking dream, dude. What the fuck? Two women with zero...

Jodie Foster lost all charisma and ability to act, and then the other woman is like... You're watching George Masvidal act woman is like it's just you're watching like like George Masvidal like act Jorge it's just the word you can't even believe how uncharismatic the act

she's a former pro boxer she used to have the world championship for female boxing that's great that's great and like oh yeah now she needs to be an actress I don't get it no charisma if she was if she an actress I don't get it no charisma if she was if she had charisma

I would have loved it I'm not it's not against her I'm just saying she stunk it's actually John like if you want to jack off

to something you're running out of stuff you would go crazy you would like her it is like it's kind of like watching like it's like

she's a yeah she's a tough bitch she's tough it's like Tony Ferguson no it's your it's like your biggest fantasy Alright You'd love her

You'd love her You'd love her Worst fucking show ever Worst show I've ever seen In my life And I can't believe They gave her Issa Lopez

Another season That's stupid How about this I don't like to call women This often Cunt Whore Dumb whore cunt

And your show sucks? I take no joy out of seeing that. You didn't deserve any money given to you. You ruined everything. You ruined it. Imagine your show is so bad that the actual creator of the show, who's also an EP on it, is posting on Instagram about how awful it is. Apologies to season two. He's reposting them. Yep. People have been like

I was so wrong about you and it's just a picture of like Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn. He's posting that. And he's reposting it. His name's on the show. Yeah. That's how bad it is. Get the bag, brother. It's crazy. But yeah, good for him. Good for Nick. Also, I was just thinking about I was talking to Mark about this. Good friend. Nick Pizzolatto

is a good friend of mine. I was talking to Mark about that today. Because I told him, I'm like, did you watch True Detective Season 4? And he goes, no, but remember when Devin made that tweet about how True Detective Season 2 was the best show of all time? And then Pizzolatto retweeted it and was like, yes, this guy knows what he's talking about. And he followed me and then his wife followed me, too. Yeah, not realizing that you were... That was all... But then the minute they followed me, I was like,

if you talk to me about it, I'll say good. It's fucking great. I liked season two more than season three. Season two was at least fun bad. Three was so boring, too. Three was awful. The Herschel Ali one. Four is easily the worst. Give me something to make fun of. Three was awful. Yeah. The Herschel Ali one. Yeah. Four is easily the worst.

Three probably... Give me something to make fun of, is what I'm saying. What was even four? Yeah. Three probably made... It's this new Jodie Foster with the chick that... Oh, that's four. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Three probably made more sense than two. No, no. It's a better show. It's a better show. But it's not... Three is better.

It's so boring. It's so boring. Season two is so bad, but so entertaining, because it's so bad. Season one is... Yeah, eating up the dad on the lawn. Season one is incredible. I rewatched it like a month ago. Me too.

It's fucking great. But yeah, also, like, you got to bring in Casey Fukunaga. That guy's also a large part of why season one was amazing. Interacted every ep of one, right? And then again, yeah. And then also, you know, listen, for Nick, Nicky, and Nicky P, my buddy, who still follows me to this day. It's a cool thing. I say after this, me, you, Nicky, and Shane, we all go get pizza.

No, but like, okay, so season one, Nick, Nicky, Nicky P, he worked on it for like a decade, dude. That guy, that guy. It was the culmination of. He bet his life on that show, and that's why it's so fucking brilliant. And then this studio goes, make another one in a fucking year. And then you get this kind of a sloppy, it's not as, you know, there's not as much focus. No, they made him like shit out of a new season. They rushed him.

Which is the problem with everything, you like like look at jordan peele get out incredible he worked on that forever right and then he makes us and you're like what is even yeah i'm not really sure what even the point of this is what even was this that's why paul thomas anderson is still like he'll never do anything wrong He's like, you don't like Phantom Threat. No, I hated it. Why did you make that sound? Licorice pizza and Inherent Vice are boring and shitty. I forgot about Inherent Vice.

What about Licorice Pizza? I actually haven't seen that yet. Well, you know. But I bet you, but Inherent, why do you like it? I kind of liked Inherent Vice low key. Well, you're retarded and you you, but Inherent Vice, you like it. I kind of like Inherent Vice low-key. Well, you're retarded, and you're the worst member of this podcast. All right, back to Danny. Come on.

Love you guys. I meant that as a joke. Final point on that was, though, that regardless of his execution, he's not being rushed. He's like, I'm going to make exactly what I want to make. Sure. Where P's a lot, they were like, oh, make something. I think he's got fuck. I don't know. I guess this is what I have. PT sometimes gets too

much freedom to it. Like, no, no, no. But season one, you had people telling him he was doing something wrong. That was season one. You had people that weren't afraid to tell him he wasn't a genius. And then season two, you had people that were like, okay, this guy's a genius. I'll do what the fuck he wants.'s usually how things are something to prove exactly season two it's season one it was like okay who the fuck is this guy whatever fuck him and season

two it was like okay we're gonna have an aid subplot and it just went crazy season one's also like it's set in and he's from the south he's from louisiana i think Nicky P. Yeah. And so he just understood that, like, there's that oppressive, cloudy, humid vibe. The Vernon shootout in season two was retarded. Season two is awful. The whole thing is. Yeah. Well, they call it, like, the Southland also in season two.

Like, Vince Vaughn is, like, he controls the Southland, and I was like, already bad. No one in L.A. refers to it as the Southland. Yeah, we don't say that also there's no one is really like highly aware of like Vernon no yeah you know Vernon no one in LA is like dude that was in Vernon last night

and run DMC bullying him at the end of the fucking it's either Vernon or like PCH in Malibu like that's where like there's an old dead guy at a park bench off PCH. I don't know. I tried re-watching it and it makes

my head, I feel like I'm getting an aneurysm and I couldn't keep. I thought maybe I was too harsh on it so I put it on. It was the product of the guy getting it right. Last thing on this and we'll finish this is that when PTA makes it her advice, he knows exactly how this is going to turn out.

Based on a book, and it makes no sense. No, but he wants to make this thing exactly how it turned out. Yeah, I bet he has no regrets. No, no, exactly. He did what he wanted to do. I wanted to make something like that. Pizzolatto was just like, I'm rushed. It didn't turn out how exactly I wanted it,

but that's just, I don't have the experience. Well, I think Pizzolatto is more of a literary, not to do like a Matthew McConaughey quote from another movie, but he's kind of a flat circle. He's an above the shoulders, very acidic guy. It's very wordy and verbose and philosophical. And he had everything. He knew everything he wanted to do in season one. It's a masterpiece. It's one of the greatest television shows of all time.

It's not, I mean, it's not 13 episodes. It's like eight, I think. But it's amazing. And then you just, you're like, oh, fuck. It's like asking a brilliant novelist to write another book in like nine months. And he literally literally he's amazing because he quit i think his life as a professor yeah and just moved out to la and and bet on himself he was still a maybe i'm wrong but i believe he was still a professor when he sold true detective he sold it yeah well he but he

makes sense you had to i. I could be wrong. He told me one night over dinner. I guess you know better than me because you guys talked about it. Me and Nicky P. Unbelievable. I know you guys haven't watched Watchmen. But it's also

the series? Phenomenal. I love the series. It's phenomenal. The creator of that was like, I won't do season 2 even I love the series. It's phenomenal. And the creator of that was like, I won't do season two even though they asked me. Good. Because this took so much work to make, I can't just turn it over and make another one right now.

It's integrity, yeah. What was that on? HBO. Huh. It's fucking awesome. You should watch it. I fucking love that show. I love the movie.

I love the comic book. Yeah. Anyway. I love the movie, too. Great movie. A lot of people hate the movie. A lot of people hate the movie. Let's finish this.

Never mind. Keep going. All right. Well, let's finish this and then... Let's see what Danny's up to. You see how... You need to be... I don't know why...

I don't know why you did this to begin with. There must have been a reason. Yeah, money, dude. You don't know why you did this? You were telling me that you never kept

any of the money. What? But yet, he told you to do it. And so if somebody tells you to jump off the roof, you're going to jump off the roof? Okay, very good. Very good. All right.

We get it. You get your big moment out of this, cop. Copper. So you threw everything away. The black shoes, the Nikes. All right. We recovered the Nike shoes. You left them in the dumpster.

Oh, they got the shoes. My bad. I forgot. I think I stopped watching. They thought of the shoes, though. That's impressive. Oh, yeah. I think that's kind of 101 looking at footage.

So he staged it. Danny said Patel brought him home one day, and that's when he masturbated. This is kind of the end of it. Yeah, we're done. We're done. Danny, you know. I'm going to do another 30 minutes. You know, what are you going to do? He got roped into it by a deceptive Indian man. Danny got fucked up in the 30 minutes.

He got roped into it by a deceptive Indian man. They are deceitful. They are deceitful. He's a deceitful guy. They love scams. They love demons and toilets and pooping. Scams. They are very well known for scams. There's actually a really big

humanification and public problem in India. Yeah. It's a big issue. There's actually a really big humidification and public problem in India. Yeah. It's a big issue. Let's wrap it up. You know, God bless Nick Pizzolatto. I'm waiting for his next thing. I couldn't imagine what it's like

to watch a woman rape your child in front of you on HBO. How do you not keep up with any of it? There's no clue we're talking about. Season one, his baby project. That's what he's talking about.

Yeah. Anyways, 420 Naughty Boy on Instagram. 420 Naughty Boy. Shane Gillis on SNL. God bless Shane Gillis.

We're rooting for you, buddy. Can't wait for tomorrow. Please come to my show, North Hollywood, March 9th. Ticket link is in my bio. It's a fun fucking show. By the way, I will say, I actually went to the last one.

That was maybe the most fun I've had. I'm not even saying this to pump Connor up. At the show? Connor's show was so fun. It was amazing. Shout out Spencer. Shout out Ricky. Shout out Jason.

Sheehan, yeah. Jackson. Sheehan said today he loved Logan's set he wished he wished he could have seen yours you can watch my set

I'll kill you you little fuck fucking Sheehan bailed on you that was so disrespectful you can watch my set I'll kill you you little fuck

I'll rip your fucking head off Sheehan you listen to me Spots would have watched Spots would have watched Spots would have watched yeah

anyway we love you all. Thank you for listening. See you. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Goodbye. Love you.