Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Paw Patrol (ft. Collin Shumaker)
Episode Date: July 17, 2023Famed pedo game show host Collin Shumaker joins the show as we watch his hunts while drinking snake venom whiskey and give him his own corner segment Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com.../HateWatchPodcast support Shu https://www.patreon.com/user?u=82328791
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's good to be in something from the ground floor.
I came too late for that.
I know.
But lately I'm getting the feeling
that I came in at the end.
The best is over.
Many Americans, I think, feel that way.
The people get what they wanted, alright?
We have Colin Shoemaker,
the greatest pedophile hunter in all the land here.
And, uh, we, uh, we haven't hunted any pedophiles yet.
I'm honored.
I'm starstruck.
It was funny when I told Ida I was busy.
She was like, who's doing the podcast today?
And I was like, pedophile.
I was like, a hunter.
Hunter.
He's a hunter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, so very happy to have Colin here.
We already hung out with him a few nights ago.
Yeah.
And he's got his suit on.
Did you do a hunt yesterday?
No, I didn't.
I tried, but all my people bailed on me, dude.
Like me?
Like us or your other people?
No, no, no, the other people.
I had people that were supposed to be helping with security.
I had people that were supposed to be helping with security. I had people that were supposed to be helping filming.
They all just stopped messaging.
The only people still in are the pedophiles.
That's it.
Yeah.
Oh, and they will not bail.
There's no chance of bail.
You should ask the pedophile to hold the camera.
I should.
Yeah.
I was considering just having to meet at my hotel and just do it solo.
Because they have
security there yeah why not yeah you'll be fine well i don't know i'm who was your security what
were you gonna do for this uh for which one who are you gonna hire it or who was gonna go with
you yesterday like security it's a bunch of people that messaged me on instagram and they were like
oh the one guy he was like oh i have, I have these, the camera guy for like
a big channel.
You know, he's name dropping all this stuff.
I'm like, okay, okay, cool.
He's like, oh, he's in.
He told me he was totally down.
I gotta say, this sounds like it's just a bunch of pedophiles trying to hide in plain
sight.
Like, I'll hold the camera.
Dude, I hate pedos, dude.
Nothing chaps my ass more.
Yeah, I guess we should, we should guess we should have tried going with him on one.
Well, he's hunting tomorrow, or he could.
You have another hunt tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm going to try and do a few tomorrow.
I got a couple that are set up.
I put it out on my Instagram like anybody who could help,
and I have a ton of DMs.
How many hits do you have?
What do you mean? How many pedos are on the market right now? help and I have a ton of DMs. How many hits do you have? What do you mean? Like how many pedos
like are on the market right now? Right now I have
four. I think
two are going to be down to meet.
How often are you right about that?
Yeah. Oh, very regularly.
So you kind of know the ones that
will meet. Yeah, what are the red flags where they're
like you don't think they're going to show up?
Red flags that they're not
going to show up. They're too pussy to sketched when they seem really sketched out about
the age okay which is like oh when it's like even too young for a pedophile yeah well like listen
i'm a pedophile but eight come on yeah yeah that uh when i don't have the right story or like i'm
i'm not in the zone yeah i'm not you didn't do the work story or like I'm not... In the zone?
Yeah, I'm not in the zone. When you didn't do the work.
Yeah, you got to put in the work.
You got to put in the work.
I'm seducing these guys.
Sometimes you get a little lazy.
You get a little lazy and you start...
Like, yeah, your cock looks cool.
Dude, I had one I sent the wrong picture to.
It was down and I had already sent two photos
and then I accidentally sent a third
of a different decoy and I was like
I'm fucked. What was the picture of?
Just someone that... How'd you try to recover?
I just deleted
him and blocked him.
Well yeah, because if they
report you, sure, sure.
You're fucked, bro. Really?
Because you're committing a crime. No, no, no.
I'm not committing any crimes.
Well, he could get banned from the chat app and then not be able to hunt trap more pedophiles exactly so if i'll have like i'll have like three on one app and then if i fuck up and get banned
that that app i'm fucked and i lose those other two potential pedophiles it was so funny he met
us at john's bar uh Wednesday night, I think.
And there was a phone.
He had a phone. There was another phone on the bar.
And I'm like, oh, maybe it's his girlfriend's phone.
He brought his girlfriend. And then
I realized he has a burner phone.
He has two phones, like he's Leo in The Departed.
Exactly.
What are we talking?
He's just responding. He goes, what are you going to wear for me?
He thinks he's talking to... Let's do it can we do a live
you called this phone on a you called this on a kid's phone ask him what you want what do you
want me to wear that's what i should say yeah you're talking to a guy right now yeah this is
this is insane wow dude i didn't know we did like erotic podcasting here oh dude he's talking about
like uh he's talking to a 14 yearyear-old. You're using a brand new
iPhone as your burner. You're doing well.
Well, no, no. That's your pedophone.
It's a brand new iPhone.
Yeah, well, you trade in...
Your burner phone is better than your real phone.
Yeah, that's what I don't understand. He's using, like, some
Cricut Metro PCS piece of shit at his
real phone. You should switch over. Your green
texting is bullshit. Verizon
has a deal right now. Shout out Verizon, bro.
Yeah, happy Honda days.
You trade in your old phone.
If you add a new line to your existing plan, you trade in your old phone.
You can get the new iPhone for free.
Okay.
Well, I guess security is better on the iPhones.
That's all it's about for you.
I guess.
Can we watch the Blizzard hunt?
Yeah, let's try that.
Colin, where is the Blizzard one?
Is it on your YouTube?
Yeah, it should be on there.
This is for people who don't know Shu.
Oh, God.
He's got someone on the hook.
It said he responded.
What did the guy say back?
Hold on.
It's not showing up.
He already killed himself.
Do you have a skirt?
The other funny thing is at John's bar,
he was actively hunting on his burner phone
and other regulars at the bar were kind of just going like,
wait, what's going on?
He does what?
Well, he hunts pedophiles.
He's actually killed a pedophile before.
And so right now he's hunting more pedophiles
and he's trying to bait them into a meetup
where he's going to put them on a game show
or call the cops if they don't get three out of five questions.
My chef was nerding out over you.
He saw Colin come in and he was like,
oh my God, it's the fucking guy.
He's got a big star in the industry.
He knows him?
Yeah, he came in the next day and was stoked that he knew Shu.
He came in and was like, dude, I can't believe that guy's your homie.
That's so crazy.
I love Shu, but I really couldn't picture a more pathetic man.
It's like, oh, Brad Pitt's here!
The pedophile hunter!
It was very funny.
Well, he's also...
That's another guy hiding in plain sight.
Everybody who's a fan of Shu is a pedophile.
That's unfortunate.
This is why I'm going to say this.
We're the only ones that are fans of you that aren't pedophiles.
I think everybody else that is, they're all fucking around they're no they're up to something
no they're up to something i don't know how come your glasses your sunglasses look like they're
like pro ukraine glasses they're like black and yellow or a blue and yellow yeah i actually picked
them out just for that yeah i was looking on amazon and i saw the blue to yellow i was like
oh we got to get them good good we just sent troops over there. We gotta... We did?
Over to Europe, yeah. Oh, nice.
They just activated guard and stuff.
Oh, great. They're gonna go to Poland.
That'll be fun. That'll be a fun time. Yeah, fake news.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hunting pedophiles in Ukraine.
Here's Colin. Teamwork likes you.
Oh, shit. I gotta switch out our fucking accounts.
You know, I pay for... I just want everyone
to know out there, I pay for YouTube. This is the first time you've
ever tried to meet a child for...
Yes.
It's called the newly pet game.
You had to get...
So first off, did the blizzard just kind of happen?
Was it kind of like the filming of Pine Barrens
where you weren't expecting that,
but it made everything so much better?
Yeah, there was no snow when we started.
When we had initially started messaging,
there was no snow on the ground.
It was starting to get...
It was raining, I think, initially.
And we're like, oh, we got it.
And then we messaged this guy on Sniffies,
which is just like a map of cocks.
Sniffies?
So it's like a game.
It's like Grindr, I guess.
Devin's pretending like he doesn't know what it is.
Excuse me, I'm all natural. I get's pretending like he doesn't know what it is.
Excuse me, I'm all natural.
I get men in the wild.
He goes to truck stops. Devin's like 1970 gay guy.
I'm an old school gay guy.
Yeah, he's like jumping into bushes and shit.
We're all pretending like we don't know what Sniffy's is.
I've literally never heard of Sniffy's.
I'm a gay man.
I have sex with Trey Lamb.
Listen, here's what we got.
So messaging this guy, he's down to meet, right?
And within five minutes, he knows that he's meeting, I think, a 14-year-old.
And it's just pictures of me, like my yearbook photo.
And he's down to meet.
And my homie, he's like, okay, we're headed over there.
And he wanted to meet him at like a Smith's or something because they were open.
But we ended up meeting him at a, I think it's called Paradise Buffet.
So we're at a fucking buffet parking lot
and by that time, the snow
is coming down. Yeah. And we're
sitting in the car waiting for him and he just walks over.
Damn, dude.
A lot of hunters, they love
hunting right before a blizzard or right
after because you can track the paw prints and shit.
Yeah. He goes in the middle
of a blizzard.
I love paw prints and shit. Yeah. He goes in the middle of the blizzard. Oh, the paw prints!
This is my favorite haunt I've ever seen in my life.
Three out of five of these questions correctly,
and we're gonna call the police, okay?
Okay.
How we doing today?
I'm doing great.
What's that? The weather out here is terrible, isn't it? Yeah, it is. What's that?
The weather out here is terrible, isn't it?
Yeah, it is
What's your name?
My name is Bill
Bill, nice to meet you
Nice to meet you too
I'm Colin, I'm the guy you saw the picture
So this is Utah, right?
Yep
Do you ever go out of state?
This is the first time I've been out of state
Right, oh, okay
Okay
Yeah
What are you doing out here today?
This guy's dressed like he's in the French Connection
Yeah, he is
Just came out here to say hi to somebody
Yeah
That somebody's me
Those are pictures of me as a child
So you're hitting me as a child
Okay cool
I never noticed that
He goes okay cool
Cool
Cool
Why does that guy have a camera?
Oh you're the guy?
Okay sweet
Do any of them ever
Are they so dumb
That they're like hey you look older
Than you did in the pictures But they still still, like, want to have sex?
I think that's what he was saying.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Oh, word.
He would have been down.
I like how he's also still concerned about just simply being cold.
Like, he's got his hands in his pockets.
Like, he's like, yeah, my life's over.
I've just been caught as a pedophile.
But God, can you get, I'm really cold.
Do you have any hand warmers?
No, I'm not here to meet a child.
Oh, you're here to meet a child.
No, I'm not.
We have all the pictures.
Look, we'll call the police immediately if you don't stand here.
By the way, you call the cops all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Interview with us.
Okay.
Okay.
Does that sound fair?
Fair.
All right.
Have you ever done this before?
No, I haven't.
This is the first time you've ever tried to meet a child for sex?
Yes.
Really? Really. What if this was
Jack Lemmon?
I just had no clue.
Jack Lemmon is his
old great actor. He was in
Some Like It Hot, shit like that. How old are you?
27. Well,
I guess we're just autistic
here. It's okay. That's not your fault.
You just keep hunting pen pals, okay?
Look into Jack Lemmon.
Julie Pet Game. You have to get three out of five of these questions
correctly we're gonna call the police okay okay in 2017 the philadelphia eagles had what record
what was their record i have no idea you have no idea that's one strike that's one question
I have no idea. That's one strike. That's one question you got incorrectly.
Who starred in the film Titanic?
Leonardo DiCaprio and I don't know the lady's name. I don't know.
That's correct. You got one right. Hey, how about it?
Hey, give me a high five, man. Give me a high five. You got one of them right. You make him high five.
Oh, fuck. That's good. Right. You got to get at you. Oh, fuck.
That's good.
All right.
You got to get at least two more questions correctly or we'll be calling the cops on
you today.
Can you name a quarterback in NFL history?
The question is name any quarterback?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Joe Namath.
Joe Namath.
I'll take that.
I'll take that.
What was the name of the dog in Up?
I have no idea.
Oh man.
I didn't see Up.
He didn't see Up.
He did.
He did.
Look at his face.
He's so distressed.
Oh god.
He's so fucked up.
Why didn't I see Up?
So stupid.
What are you doing?
There was probably a lot of kids there.
He didn't see up.
That's two questions correct and two incorrect.
You have to get one more correct.
What is the age of consent in Utah?
18.
Wow, he got that one right.
Maybe you rethink your life a little bit, huh?
Maybe stop trying to meet children for X-Man.
I wouldn't be meeting him. I was gonna see how old he was, really.
Yeah, I know you were.
I was gonna see how old he was.
What is that?
Yeah, what is that?
Yeah, I guess see how old he was, really.
I don't know, he's like lost his teeth.
Bullshit.
Yeah, you're not fooling anybody.
I know, I was gonna see how old he was.
Yeah. Well, your face is gonna be-
I was gonna see how old he was and then regardless, fuck him you're gonna be online people are gonna know this is the so then do you find out
like like like the cops go and arrest these guys or like is that is it a crime to to to come and
meet but not no one's there or like like how does the law work with that like do you find out these
guys are actually arrested or do they just get like a slap on the so some of the rest so some of them for sure have been arrested for it uh it's not like i don't really look into
it but other people do and they've sent me like what what happens right so like the one guy he
was arrested he was sending like photos of his dick and each one of those is a charge okay he
sent like 20 some photos so Each photo was a charge individually.
For this guy,
we didn't call the police that night.
We had no idea what the fuck we were doing.
That was your first one?
That was my first one. I had no idea.
I went to the police the next day and was like,
look man, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
I caught this guy. He thought he was meeting a child for sex.
Showed him the chat logs and everything.
Then they do their own investigation from there okay so it's interesting i was yeah because i wonder if technically it is a what he him just showing up and no one being there is is some sort
is that a crime yeah it is can they take him away yeah yeah okay because it's the it's the intent
right so in the chat logs he knows he's there to meet for sex,
and that's what does it.
Have cops ever not arrested a guy,
and then you're going like, I got the evidence.
This is a crime.
Here's the law.
Yeah, episode six, the last one, was a pretty young guy,
and he...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, because...
But I didn't know...
I mean, I feel like i might know the law
better than the cops because they it's a weird law it's a specific weird yeah because they say
that they need to be explicitly sexual but in utah luring a minor out of their home just that is a
crime uh and yeah he he was but this guy was young so the cops are like he's pretty hot yeah
And yeah, he was... But this guy was young, so the cops are like, he's pretty hot.
Yeah.
Bro, he was. I was considering
as soon as he showed up, just being like, listen, turn the
cameras off. I'm going to call the cops
if you don't suck my dick right now.
Do they ever hit you up afterwards
and be like, what was that about? Yeah, they do.
Their families hit him up and they go, he's dead now.
Let's get into that.
Save that for the Patreon.
Save that.
Two Mary not have killed, allegedly killed a pedophile.
I didn't kill anybody.
I didn't kill anybody.
You may have let somebody down.
You changed the weather in his life to a constant blizzard.
Do you block them
or do they keep reaching out to you?
So there's another...
This is crazy. Episode
7, which didn't get released because
I went and filmed
something else and we
formatted the SD card
so the episode got deleted.
And I didn't have it backed up already.
And this guy,
uh,
he,
yeah,
he messaged like the next,
like that night,
like after we caught him,
had the cops show up,
they,
they were like,
yeah,
obviously we're going to send this to SVU.
So they sent,
they took our phones to,
you know,
everything went to SVU.
And then later that night messaged on the account and was like,
whatever the decoy's name was, like Cynthia.
Good night, Cynthia.
So he's like retarded.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Man.
Such a fuck up.
Dude, I'm sorry to think pedophilia is fucked up.
I'm starting to not like these guys.
I don't.
You know what?
They rub me the wrong way.
Yeah, dude.
He was a big fan of Ari Shafir.
Oh, really?
Dude, it was like the whole time.
That checks.
That checks.
That checks.
Yeah.
The whole time that after I was like, all right, we got trivia.
He was like, I'm not doing it.
We'll wait for the cops.
He literally was just so, so what do you do?
Oh, you do stand up.
Oh, you like, you like Ari Shafir?
He's just talking to us.
Yeah, he's literally just talking about Ari.
I'm like, Ari Shafir is edgy like me.
What's also funny is.
He goes there.
I fuck kids and Ari is also edgy.
Yeah, not as, not much like Bobby Lee.
That, right.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, that story.
Jesus Christ.
He got away with that, though.
Yeah.
It all moved on.
I put out a Twitter poll asking if people think he did it.
Personally, I think Bobby did it.
I mean, I think it's a true story.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you're meeting him tomorrow in a parking lot at a Target.
In Tijuana.
Yeah. What's your second meeting him tomorrow in a parking lot at a Target. In Tijuana. Yeah.
What's your second favorite video on your channel?
Come on.
Give me the best fucking pedophile you got.
I don't know, man.
Give me the Charizard of pedophiles.
I mean, I think five was pretty good.
Five?
Okay, Drippin'.
Oh, no, that's a podcast.
That's a podcast I did with somebody as he got chemotherapy.
Shout out Donny Benelli.
Man tries to meet 15-year-old girl?
Yeah, that's a pretty good one.
Okay.
Can you slide your cock into this 15-year-old girl?
How many eyes does a bee have?
All right, guys, we got another one.
This guy's name is Jeffrey.
Jeffrey.
Guys, I think we've already talked about this, but for the people, do you have a gun on you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Like your open carry.
What do you carry?
Concealed carry.
He just killed it.
He's meeting a 15-year-old girl.
So it's Jeffrey.
He's got a German shepherd.
His favorite color is green, just like my eyes and favorite plants.
I mean, the immediate pedophile.
Nobody's about me that's like a grown man with my favorite color skin,
just like my eyes.
I like macaroni and cheese,
and I like rubber duckies.
I mean, it's an obvious pedophile.
The minute he made that about me,
he should have been taken away.
Shoe sees that bio and he's like,
slam dunk.
Oh, dunk.
Dude, it's like NBA Jam.
Did the daddy daughter play?
Little does he know daddy's showing up. Hopefully Jeffrey can answer some trivia. I love you, Shoe, but. Dude, it's like NBA Jam. Did the daddy daughter play? Little does he know daddy's showing up.
Hopefully Jeffrey can answer some trivia.
I love you, Shu, but I gotta say it's funny that you always look like more of a pedophile.
That's what I'm going for.
That's what I'm going for, bro.
Is that actually it?
Yeah.
So you grow your beard out, wear ill-fitting suits and shit?
I got you.
Okay, that's funny.
Chance for us.
Jeffrey!
How we doing tonight?
What's going on?
You want to come over here and stand in the light a little bit?
No.
He goes, no.
Can you come in our spotlight?
That's a big boy.
Can we have some trivia questions?
Maybe we don't get the police involved.
No.
I'm good.
You're good?
I think you will really enjoy it, all of it.
I know how to do it and not hurt you or make it a bad experience.
Just takes patience and, well, you haven't.
I like how he said he knew that's what this was
like. Oh, you knew you were on a game show?
You knew you were walking into a game show, dude?
How'd you know? Well, I also
love how he just, it's like
he's acting the same way like somebody that
like they decide
to finally see their dad again after like
four or five years and they're like, I knew
you'd be this guy.
I knew you'd treat me like shit again.
Come, I hope you do for the first time
when I slide my into you.
When you slide your into this 15 year old girl.
How many eyes does a bee have?
We have some trivia.
How many eyes does a bee have?
Somebody get his license plate.
Just get his license plate. Just get his license plate.
Dude, you're on the war path.
You can read it.
That's illegal.
He's what?
Oh.
What?
That's a crime.
You filming him?
Yeah.
Or not blurring it out?
Yeah.
I think I was supposed to.
Oh, that's okay.
Oopsies.
I think that's the least serious crime going on in this video.
My homie actually saw him at the gym today.
Are you serious?
He's out and about?
Yeah, he's out and about.
Dude, it's like a Euphoria episode.
From what I heard, he has pending charges already.
So this is getting added to it.
So when he goes to trial, he's going to go away probably.
I love pending charges.
It's just like it's a game downloading.
Your life ends the minute that the game finally downloads.
Are they going to show this as evidence in court?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
That would be amazing.
That would be phenomenal.
You'd think they would.
Yeah.
There he goes.
There he goes.
Oh, Jeffrey.
He looks like he hit that car. almost hit that come on jeffrey
where you headed disqualified he loses the game show yeah yeah yeah so how many of these guys
have you had that like that blizzard type interaction with where they're fucking taught
like they answer the questions and stuff how many of how many have you actually gotten to play the game? I think those are, I think four.
Okay.
I think four of those seven.
So this is you reporting this game.
My favorite color is green, just like my eyes, and favorite plants.
First I was like, aren't all plants green?
He's doing a weed thing.
It's all about marijuana.
Yeah, I call him out.
Man.
For the cops.
Only on Hate Watch.
Are you dumber than a pedophile?
Yeah.
Starring Devin.
Is that a reference to marijuana?
Jeffery, you have a koala on your arm.
Is that to represent that you have syphilis?
Clean your fucking mirror, Jeff. It looks like you have jizz on your face.
Motherfucker got the lollicon pass.
He's got the VIP, the very immoral pedophile.
Bitch ass looks like he showed up to a kid's swim meet.
You're a child predator and you went to a second-rate school?
Why this dude's nipples so uneven? His belly looks like a beagle's nose i think his
nipples are cancer motherfucker looks like he had a c-section looks like he failed doing the japanese
suicide ritual sudoku i've never seen pimples on a six-pack before dude got a nipple on his arm
this dude looks like he's transitioning to both genders. This facial reaction. This is everybody watching this video.
This man is wearing lower age competition shorts.
Looks like he stole some kids shorts.
This guy's dog is the only cool thing about him.
All right, what's your best one besides the Blizzard one
where the fucking guy like actually like tries
to answer questions.
He like buckles down.
He's like, all right, this is it.
He goes, my freedom.
My freedom, my freedom's on the
line here four four okay the one right before that this one man sends yeah eggplant and you
don't view that sending a picture of your to a minor is an advance on them do you send pictures
of your to your mother he's like not for I like Morrissey and he's the spooky Latino he's
like you're in the newly paid game if you answer three out of five questions correctly they're trivia questions i just wanted to take the kid to haunted mansion
i like jack skellington i love that ride and jack skellington tim burton's the
we won't call the police ashton how's it going man how you doing your name's ashton
yes you are
Your name's Ashton?
Yes, you are.
Do you want to stand over here with us?
Do you want to line up here?
We can get the police involved if you'd like.
You're in the newly-ped game.
If you answer three out of five questions correctly, they're trivia questions, we won't call the police.
Does that sound fair to you?
Uh, sounds fine.
What is the name of Michael Jackson's ranch?
Dude, it's like solicitors outside of the grocery store.
Like, would you like to save the environment?
He goes, that sounds fine.
I'll sign it.
Come on, bro.
Come on.
Come on, bro. What's his name?
He has like a white accent.
His name's like Braden.
Oh, Ashton.
Jackson, I think.
I'm sorry.
The correct answer is.
He said Ranch Jackson.
Ranch Jackson?
That's what it should have been called.
That was his answer to Michael Jackson. What is the name of Michael Jackson's rant?
He thought it was called Ranch Jackson.
It's an estimated guess.
I get where he's going.
At least he knew it was something ranch.
Right.
So he goes, Jackson, Ranch Jackson.
If I don't have any guests, I'm going to jail.
Honestly.
Yeah, why not?
Yeah.
You should have let him off, dude.
Yeah.
I'm starting to think you're a piece of shit.
Don't you believe in second chances?
Yeah, I do.
Everland.
Correct answer was Neverland.
All right, this is your second question.
What was the name of Jeffrey Epstein's plane?
Yeah, I don't know.
You don't know this?
Okay.
You'd think that's the Holy Grail to pedophiles.
Yeah.
Epstein's plane.
They look up to those guys.
They should know the name of the ranch.
They should know the name of the plane.
That's like an NBA player not knowing who Michael Jordan is.
Yeah.
The pilot of that plane is like their Sully.
Yeah.
Two incorrect already.
What is your last name?
Michael.
Your last name is Michael.
I'm going to need to see ID to prove that that was correct.
Okay, so Michael's not my actual last name, but that's why I prefer to go by.
Okay, well, what is your actual last name then?
McFarland. McFarland.
Can I see the ID?
Ashton Michael McFarland. Oh,
Michael's your middle name. I gotcha.
Wait, wait, wait. We're interrupting this because
I think that's like snake wine, bro.
This Japanese whiskey we got
sent to us smells
I thought it was whiskey. It smells like
That is fucking What's Irma? Aruma? I thought it was whiskey. It smells like ink.
What's Irma?
Aruma?
Hayabusa Aruma.
What is that shit?
Hayabusa's the jiu-jitsu place.
You and I just drank that.
A guy that works on a submarine
that listens to the show.
He's a Navy dude that works on a nuclear submarine.
So he sent us these little mini Sapporos,
so he's stationed in Japan.
That's like, I think that is a...
Can I see that, Devin?
I thought it was whiskey, but it smells like other shit.
It's a liqueur.
It's a liqueur.
I think...
Is it?
It's a liqueur.
It smells like printer ink.
It smells fucking more.
So yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is, I think they do use...
It's snake wine, bro.
Yeah, they use snake. You're drinking... Okay, so this is what you think they do use snake. It's snake wine, bro. Yeah, they use snake.
You're drinking.
Okay, so this is what you just drank, Devin.
That's made out of snake?
There's like a benign snake venom.
So, it's named after the Habu snake, which belongs to the pit viper subfamily of vipers.
And basically, yeah, they soak this snake.
Are you fucking kidding me?
It's safe to drink.
It's safe to drink, brother.
But they mix this.
They basically soak a dead snake in that liquor and then you drink it.
Can I get a White Claw?
Because I don't think I ever want to drink anything brown ever again.
That's absolutely horrific.
This is so funny that Devin drank what he hates the most.
That explains Hiroshima.
Okay?
And I'm going to have
a big live showing
of Oppenheimer
at Hiroshima
later this year.
That's crazy.
That's bullshit.
So the alcohol makes the...
That's bullshit.
That's snake juice.
Man.
You drank snake juice.
I didn't drink any.
I didn't drink any.
But I don't even want
to drink my Jameson now
because it was in the same cup
as the snake juice.
Yikes, man. Well, the venom dissolves and becomes non-poisonous. I don't care. Why drink my Jameson now because it was in the same cup as the snake juice. Yikes, man.
Well, the venom dissolves and becomes non-poisonous.
I don't care.
Why do these savages do that?
Wow.
Jesus Christ.
Why?
A very nice fan sent this, and you're being ungrateful.
Oh, no.
He's the American.
Where's the challenge coin?
Oh, so actually, so when they lower...
The Sapporos were great.
They freeze the snake and put it in the bottle.
And then the snake thaws and wakes up and then dies no it does so it's like all aggressive
and releasing all the venom wow and then it releases all the venom and you just drank that
devon i didn't you keep saying lying i did you not drink it you drink take a sip i don't take
a sip i don't do that i don't associate i've had snake wine before i don't do snakes i'll take a
little bit give me that bad boy. I hate snakes.
Come on, Devin.
You can't.
It's great.
I'm not drinking any of it.
It's not bad.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Join the group, bud.
Nope.
It has a weird...
It tastes like plastic.
Yeah.
A little venom-y aftertaste.
Yeah, it's got...
My lips are numb.
Which is what I've always thought was missing.
Yeah.
From booze.
Snake venom.
That's what I've always wanted.
I've always wanted...
It's good, but it needs something.
So the bad smell comes from the intestines of the snake.
Oh, that's lovely.
So snake shit.
They remove, yeah.
So it's full of snake shit.
Yeah.
Snakes are biblical psychopaths.
Yum, yum, yum.
I hate snakes so fucking much.
I hate their existence.
I want them all eradicated.
It's going to ruin the ecosystem if that happens.
I'll kill all the rats, too.
Same time.
Fucking Greta Thunberg over here. I kill all snakes and all rats.
But then you need bugs.
I'll kill all the bugs too.
I want to shave the pubes
of the ecosystem.
I want to have a clean cock
of the ecosystem.
No more annoying little shits.
No more fucking flying things.
No more little bugs. No more snakes. No more little annoying little shits. No more fucking flying things. No more little bugs.
No more snakes.
No more weird shit.
The world would...
Strikes.
Anything that strikes could suck my cock.
That would ruin the world.
I don't care.
It's already done, bub.
I mean, I think the rest of the animals will die
and then we're going to starve to death if that happens.
I'm going to make a cocktail with this.
It'd be kind of funny.
Because of a crazy guy?
Because of, like, a guy with the brain of a teenager
that just, like, killed all snakes and bugs?
It would be funny.
It'd be funny to watch everyone perish that way.
Sure.
Yeah.
We need more, like, we need, like, a wackier apocalypse.
Because the apocalypse is approaching,
and it would be just funnier if it was just, like,
it was more, like, mistake-driven.
Like, just a guy, like, in his ego.
Right. He's doing that. that he's like I just hate snakes
so we're gonna kill them all
and then that's gonna
fuck up the entire ecosystem
and everyone's gonna like
rot and like
starve to death
but I don't know
I just don't like them
they're just kinda gross
and it's all about me
I'm a little scared of them
I'm a little scared
I don't like their mouths
and he ruins the whole world
I feel like we would
bounce back though
If all the snakes got wiped out
We'd figure it out
Oh we'd figure that out really quickly
Yeah that's
It's not like
You know actually
I think it'd be a lot easier
If we figured out if like
All like deer got wiped out
I think snakes are actually
Pretty integral
What do snakes do besides
I feel like the smaller they are
The more important they are
What do they do besides rats
Nature finds a way
They kill the rats
Jurassic Park
Well then we just make like
Coyotes and shit
Birds you know
More coyotes
Make more birds.
I like birds.
They're up there.
They're not down here fucking biting me.
No steaks.
More coyotes.
Right, Colin?
Come on.
What do you have to say about that?
Well, what animals have gay sex?
That's the ones we should eradicate.
The ones that have...
All the animals that have gay sex.
Is that what you think?
Yeah.
All you consider humans animals?
No.
Oh, okay.
Except for Trey Lamb and I, because we have gay sex all the time.
Who is this Trey Lamb?
I feel like you keep talking to a guy that plays for the Indiana Pacers.
Sounds like it.
Who is this guy?
Yeah, who is Trey Lamb?
He's my roommate.
He's a stand-up comedian.
Oh, Jesus.
You're just gay bashing your roommate.
He's a stand-up comedian.
No, no.
No, I'm not gay bashing.
No.
We're gay.
You're gay with Trey Lamb.
I'm gay with Trey Lamb.
You're doing a joke for you, Trey Lamb, and then four guys in Utah who know who Trey Lamb is.
No, not even those four guys in Utah.
They're not going to listen to this.
Just for you and Trey.
It's literally just for me and Trey.
I feel like our podcast should be illegal in Utah.
Yeah, it probably is.
What is with Utah?
Aren't you guys all...
How many wives do you have?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
I have one girlfriend.
I know, but what is...
Yeah, the Mormons.
Isn't everyone you're around
like a freak?
Like a white freak?
Isn't it like the killer's lead singer?
That's old news.
It's all done?
You're embedded permanently with pedophiles.
What do you mean no?
They have seven kids they fuck.
They don't have wives.
They don't have seven wives.
You have to buy liquor at a weird store and shit.
Utah? You mean a liquor store and shit. Utah?
You mean a liquor store? No, they have state liquor stores in Utah.
Yeah, what's up with that?
Well, it's a liquor store.
Isn't Utah like a sundown
state for liquor?
Like if they see you drinking, they'll
lynch you. They're super gay.
They're really gay about that, right?
And all the women look like utter shit.
Not the real women. I mean the Mormon women. you. They're super gay. They're really gay about that, right? And all the women look like utter shit. By the way,
not the real women,
I mean the Mormon women.
Don't they shave their heads?
No, they don't shave their heads, Devin.
Oh, that's acidic Jews.
I'm sorry, I'm getting my cults wrong.
By the way, real quick,
Amigans at Press, some of his best audits are in Utah at the
state-run liquor stores.
They're not private businesses,
so he can go audit them.
I saw one one time I stopped in Utah
and it looked like a fucking DMV they're selling liquor at.
It was the weirdest thing ever.
We'll dig into that later. The people know.
Do you go to jazz games?
No, I haven't. Really?
Nope, not yet.
That sucks. Why don't you go?
How long have you lived in Utah?
You look like you play for the Jazz, like in the off time.
You look like one of the replacements.
Thanks, dog.
They'll just call you occasionally.
Yeah, thanks, bro.
Honestly.
Yeah, three years.
Oh, okay.
So you're a newbie there.
Yeah, kind of.
So North Dakota to Utah, right?
No, North Dakota to LA.
North Dakota to LA.
LA, Utah.
Why Utah?
I forgot.
Yeah, what's up? They just were kind of close if we wanted to come back, LA. North Dakota, LA. Why Utah? I forgot.
They just were kind of close if we wanted to come back to LA.
Did you meet your girlfriend
in LA?
No, I met her in Utah.
What do you mean it was kind of close then?
I went to Utah because
we didn't go back. You and Trey?
Oh, really?
We all met doing stand up out here
Is Trey black?
No
He's named after one of the characters from Boys in the Hood
So you and a bunch of
You and a bunch of comics met in LA
What the hell is going on in Utah?
Salt Lake City
It's so weird
The fucking lockdowns and the riots and everything
Who's your other roommate
g baby he's white too everyone's white no this is rico david perez shout out david perez oh hey
is he he's like definitely not mexican at all i bet no he is okay i thought he was another white
guy you know david perez dude. I'm a Mormon.
Alright.
Well, you know, I guess we got down to it a little bit.
But I'm still confused. Utah is a very interesting place to me. You should come out,
bro. I'd love to. Let's do it. We'll go out.
Because I want to go to
Salt Lake City because my family was too poor to ever stay
in Salt Lake. We always stayed in, like, Brian
said. We lived in the kitchen
of an Applebee's for the weekend.
But yeah, we'll go out.
This is going to be your fourth question.
What is the airspeed velocity
of an unladen swallow?
I don't know. By the way, is this uncomfortable for you?
I know people don't usually like
a bunch of people watching this stuff.
It's cringe. It's cringe fag.
It's cringe as fuck.
It's cringe as fuck.
We'll go to other pedophiles after this.
Okay.
It's funny also, by the way, Joey, that we've been for the last month saying, like, listen,
the people don't want us to do, we do too much pedophile stuff.
The people don't want it.
So for the next four weeks, nonstop pedophiles.
Not a big Monty Python fan.
I'm only phone smart, that's all.
He's only phone smart. Oh, I'm sorry, man.
But don't worry, we won't let you
go empty-handed. I like how he's on his phone.
He's jaded. He's like, this dude's boring
as shit, bro. He's like, my freedom's
on the line. I'm bored as hell, bro.
Phone smart just means you're retarded.
It just means you're an idiot.
Got you a nice shirt here.
Our phones
are the same as every once in a while,
you might as well just pull out a bunch of carbon monoxide and like take a hit.
Shut your brain down.
Meet a child for sex and all I got was this lousy shirt.
And by the way, let's talk about this.
I'm glad you paused at the right moment.
Yeah.
So this shirt, talk about the genesis of this shirt
and talk about how you've been banned from TeePublic for making this shirt talk about the genesis of this shirt and talk about how you've been banned from t public for making this shirt so initially uh i went to the mall in layton utah and i went
up to you know just one of the regular guys that just does the t-shirts that have like sonic the
hedgehog and it says i like to eat ass or whatever fucking bullshit yeah sure and i was like you make
custom shirts and he was like yeah what do you want it to say and i was like, I'd like to eat ass or whatever fucking bullshit. Yeah, sure. And I was like, you make custom shirts?
And he was like, yeah, what do you want it to say?
And I was like, I'm going to write it down.
So then I wrote it down.
He looked at it.
You didn't announce it over a megaphone in the mall?
No.
So real quick, though.
I should have filmed it.
I should have filmed it.
I know.
It says and twice.
Well, I just want to read it, though, for the people that are listening.
I tried to meet a child for sex, and all I got was this lousy shirt. Yeah. It doesn't say and twice. What are you talking about? It does. a child for sex and all I got was this lousy shirt.
Yeah.
It doesn't say and twice.
What are you talking about?
It does.
It says sex and and.
Oh, I didn't see that.
Nobody did.
I'm so surprised.
Online, nobody saw that.
Man.
I was pretty surprised by that.
That's like the Joey Peeps.
It's a big fuck up.
The Joey Peeps Memorial.
That's all they were telling me.
It's a fucking nickname.
What's this?
Fucking Peeps.
His last name's Pepper Reddy. What's this? Fucking peeps. It's a surprise.
His last name's Pepperelli.
Oh, okay.
But yeah.
He goes, it's Jason.
Yeah, I got the shirt made at a mall,
and then after he decided,
I had to show him a couple videos
before he was cool with it,
and he was like,
are you going to bag for it?
I was like, no, I'll wear it out.
So then what happened later, though?
Didn't you make it on t public and you got banned
on t public or something so then a bunch of people were like oh you need to release this as merch
and i think i sold like seven or eight of them that's crazy i mean it is all pedophiles yeah
that is insane that anybody would buy it it is crazy but yeah and then uh t public when i got
my last order someone just someone bought it and then uh t public when i got my last order someone just
someone bought it and then like the next day i got the email that was like we've banned like i'm my
account is banned you can't make t-shirts and i made normal ones that just said like the newly
ped game and you can't even do that well t public sucks their quality sucks you can you have there's
other routes just yeah you can you can go with a different place. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I gotta find it. Gotta figure it out.
I mean, you were just selling cum rags for pedophiles, basically.
This is for you.
You can take that if you want.
You want it?
Sure.
Okay.
Well, the police are on the-
I like how jaded this guy is.
He's like, bro, like, I got, like, other kids to see.
Like, can you, like, let me go?
My favorite line out of any shoe videos coming up, actually,
I forgot about this, is when the guy like starts being like yeah i like this shirt she's going like what what
he's like that's kind of crazy that you like that shirt it's the one time that i like break
character and i'm like a real person for a second where I'm like you out of your mind no I don't
really have much need for where did you meet this this I don't know how much need for sex
is that what he said yeah he's lying interesting yeah okay interesting grinder I guess you met this
person on grinder and what is grinder technically it's a social but it's mainly for hookups but I don't really
hook up you bring condoms I don't care it's like I love it he's like he's like
I just to eat out of yogurt in like I said I don't I'm not really sexually active. You're not sexually active?
It's probably in his pockets.
You can check my pockets.
You look so funny.
You look so deranged.
It looks like it should be the opposite.
This guy should be interviewing you.
I also love the beautiful backdrop.
Oh, yeah, look at that mountain.
Gorgeous mountain in the back, covered in snow.
Provo, Utah, bro.
Why wouldn't your cameraman just walk around and have that actually in the background?
Yeah, you gotta show him Roger Deakins work.
I got that one.
I got that one.
You got that one?
There we go.
There's a deep cut.
There we go.
Famous pedophile hunter, Roger Deakins.
I don't want to touch you, man.
I don't think anybody does.
But you sent pictures of your penis to a miner.
They're not actually, well, kind of mine, but not fully.
What do you mean, not fully?
Only one picture was mine, but that's all.
He's like, it's like a turducken penis.
I have like a liger dick.
It's like two dicks.
You don't view that sending a picture of your penis to a minor is an advance on them?
No.
You don't?
Do you send pictures of your penis to your mother?
No.
Usually when people ask.
No, dude, she's like old.
She's like of age.
Gross.
For pictures, they're like, that's like old. She's like of age. Gross. She's looking for pictures.
They're like, that's what they mean.
Like I said, I don't really care for sex at all.
You don't care for sex, but you're on Grindr.
Yeah, just to socially meet people.
And send pictures of your ass.
It's like, I don't really care for sex.
I just want to meet the community of Baby Shark fans.
I haven't found people that love baby sharks
you want to hold up the shirt let the people see it you're good you want it i'm good
yeah are you gonna wear it some baby maybe you're gonna wear this it's a shirt i know but the shirt's pretty crazy to wear
well i just want to say that i do not condone suicide all right i do not condone suicide
however our last contestant did blow his brains out so don't do that man you texting another kid
right now he didn't he didn't. He lost.
But he's not walking away empty-handed.
He got a nice little t-shirt out of the whole situation.
He says he's gonna wear it.
Did a fan walk by?
Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, that's crazy to wear.
Get that shit to the gym or something, dude.
That's wild.
This motherfucker's not wearing that to the gym.
He's like so bored. He's like he's like literally on tick-tock
Rolling you like a careless. He doesn't seem to understand the gravity of this moment
Yeah, and you call the cops on this guy. Does he get arrested? Oh the cops show up
Yeah, he got taken away. He got charged for sending photos. Okay. Hell yeah
Double or nothing what he gets the kid if he wins
Let's go.
Let's step over. Let's go speak with them.
How's it going, officer?
No, great. He's got all the chat logs and all the messages and everything.
Cobb's like, what the fuck?
Go wait over there for me.
Cobb's like, can you arrest yourself? You're gross as shit.
Throws him the cuffs. He's like, just fucking put him on.
That's fucking funny dude holy shit up
against the wall right there let me talk to him and then i asked him some trivia questions while
we waited and told him that if he got three out of five right i wouldn't call the cops but you
know obviously you guys were already on the way so so does the cop like take your phone read the
messages and then just be like, that's enough for me?
Or does he have to verify that that was him texting?
Yeah, he'll get both sides.
I mean, the cops are going to talk to both.
But the guy admits that it was him, basically.
But if he denied it, would they just have to let him go?
Well, they would probably ask.
They'd probably try and ask for his phone and see, right?
But they'd need a warrant, though, right?
So if he just kept denying it up and down...
Yeah, I don't know. I've never encountered that.
Usually they're just standing there like,
oh, shit, I'm fucked.
They're just so dumb that they say the wrong thing.
Yeah.
We're going to watch one more of Colin Shoemaker's
wonderful newly-ped game.
By the way, this is just in its infancy, his show.
So support Colin Shoemaker on
YouTube and everywhere else he is.
This will be on NBC soon. Because at some point
this will be like... Peacock's picking it.
Peacock's gonna
pick it up soon. You should play the retard
one. Is that this one? Oh, dude.
No, no, no. It's banned
on YouTube. Oh, that's right. Is that the one that you
sent us? Yeah, privately. I was like, I don't...
It's too fucked up. Can I play the voicemail? On Patreon. Oh, we'll do that on YouTube. Oh, that's right. Is that the one that you sent us? Yeah, privately. I was like, I don't... It's too fucked up. Can I play the voicemail?
On Patreon. Oh, we'll do that on Patreon.
Okay. Patreon, by the way, is going
to be like the craziest
shoe highlights.
This might be the wildest Patreon.
It's gonna be deranged. Dude, it's gonna be...
It's gonna be lit. It's gonna be gnarly.
I might go home.
Because I'm scared of what...
The shoe Patreon is could be so fucking nuts
that I'm not even comfortable.
Joey was sweating the entire car ride over here.
He was super fucking nervous, dude.
Alright, I'm going to play your last one.
Is this episode six worth it?
Yeah.
How old was the child you were here to meet?
Maybe like 15.
15.
How old was this guy?
14.
Early 20s.
Okay.
This is interesting.
This is a very young pedophile.
It's a hip pedophile. I gotta say,
like, when I, you know, you ever see
a kid that looks like a pedophile?
You ever see, like, a child?
Yeah, dude. He's a pedophile. Oh, a little kid.
Like, even if he were to fuck somebody of
his same age, it's like, that's gross.
It's not allowed. That's not allowed.
Like, a kid with, like, a handkerchief.
What are you talking about? Like? Young Sheldon? Yeah.
Young Sheldon.
Young Sheldon pulled out a handkerchief
and blew his nose and then put it back in his pocket
and be like, that kid needs to be locked away.
What a little sick freak.
Oh my god. That's not the trivia question.
That's right. He's taking a big ass
shit. That's my camera guy.
She goes into the bathroom and waits. Yeah, that's my camera He's taking a big-ass shit. That's my camera guy. Shoe goes into the bathroom and waits.
Yeah, that's my camera guy taking a...
He had diarrhea.
Oh, I thought it was the pedophile.
Oh, so did I.
Josh Stolten.
You guys are like a regular Woodward and Bernstein.
Do you know that shoe?
No, I don't.
Shoe!
The water game, guys.
You should know that one.
Aren't you like an engineer?
I didn't know that one. Aren't you an engineer?
I didn't know that one.
Come on.
Shoo, you're an engineer. You're making too deep of cuts.
You're trying to make yourself...
You gotta keep up, bub.
You gotta make it in this comedy game.
You gotta know references.
You went to college and graduated.
Here's the thing, Shoo.
I only know the reference.
You ask me any info, I go,
fucking, I don't know.
I just say the reference to come off smart.
You need to start.
You need to take some notes.
Devin knows, like, B actors from, like, the 1980s.
He'll just be referencing them randomly.
Woodward and Bernstein, though, come on, true.
I should have known it.
It's a pretty famous one.
I'll agree.
I should have known that one.
Bob Woodward.
What's the other guy?
Make it up.
Bernstein Bear.
We would believe it, no matter what you say.
How you doing today?
Here we go.
I'm doing great.
We're having fun here.
Drink up, Chew.
I'm a snake wine.
Everyone needs to drink more snake wine.
Drink the snake.
Come on, it's full of venom.
It's great.
Are you empty?
I have a good one.
I'm going to do a snake wine, Chew.
Drink up, drink up.
That's like 20%.
And by the way, thank you with a man who we can't name, but he's a lovely listener.
We really, we really thank you.
The man living on a nuclear submarine who sent these little baby Sapporos for three
foot seven Japanese men on the go.
We even like the snake wine.
It's out of focus on that spot.
You got to be back.
Oh no, it's impossible.
Focusing is so hard. Look at how tiny that beer is. That's a beer. That's just a focus on that spot. You gotta be back. Oh, no, it's impossible. Focusing is so hard on this thing.
Look at how tiny that beer is.
That's a beer.
That's just a little tiny Sapporo.
It's just like, I guess this is just for like hangover shakes.
No, dude, that's a tall boy Devin just looks.
Yeah, he's giant, dude.
Devin's eight feet tall.
I think in Japan, though.
Devin's 90 foot tall.
I think in Japan, this is looked at like for like on a Monday
after the Japanese businessman has like, you know,
shit in the mouth of a dominatrix
and had a crazy night
where his balls were stepped on by high heels.
And he just did everything crazy.
And he's hung over his shit.
You just drink a little baby Sapporo on the go.
Well, Japanese culture has...
Cut out that hangover.
They have such an obsession with cuteness
and that's borderline pedophilic.
This is not a practical product.
It makes no sense.
Nobody needs this.
First off, it's a beer.
Well, for them, that's huge.
Yeah.
That is a tall boy for them.
I guess you're right.
I mean, but boy, it's so bizarre.
They're appealing to hipness and pedophilia.
I literally thought this had to be like a.
I thought it's sake.
Like, yeah, sake, like a harder liquor or something, but it's just beer.
How many ounces is it?
Dude, it's.
It's.
It's got to be like six.
No, it's got to be three.
House scribble sign.
House.
Yeah.
House scribble sign.
Yep.
All right.
You're on the newly ped game. So this is like a cool pedophile, though. All right. You're on the newly ped game.
So this is like a cool pedophile, though.
Like, this is like a pedophile that would be in Euphoria.
Like, this is like a Jacob Elordi pedophile.
Like, this guy's kind of sick.
I'm going to shotgun my Sapporo while this plays, by the way.
He looks pretty cool.
Okay, Joey.
Man, I hope you're okay after that.
Hey, this is a game show.
If you answer three to five trivia questions correctly,
we won't call the police.
By the way, I've always wanted to know about these old-timey suits,
these old, like, 80s suits where it's got the patch.
What is the patch under the elbow?
What was going on back in the day with guys in these suits?
Were they, like, grinding?
Were they falling off their skateboards?
Crawling army style
while you're sneaking up on a pedophile, basically.
Is there any explanation
for the patches on these old suits?
They used to have patches on shoulders and shit
and also a rifle sling wouldn't sling on it.
But what is the patch on the elbow there?
It's so strange. It's such a bizarre design.
You know what? It probably was the first place
on a suit that would wear out
so they just decided to make it more durable.
Just put a shitty patch under it.
Back in the day when they wore suits every day.
I mean, they're horrific suits.
They're terrible suits.
Good job, Joe.
Thanks.
Thank you.
I don't think you wear that for style.
And your fucking Grinch tie.
The Tucker Carlson tie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. carlson on christmas time
does that sound fair yeah so how old was the child you were here he's like listen bro like i
gotta go play like tony hawks pro skater can we like wrap this up maybe like 15 15 you wanna 14
14 14 that's not the trivia question i just wanted to reaffirm that. So your first trivia question is how many eyes does a bee have? Two. Six. Between two and one. Five. I mean I have to say that's incorrect. All right your second
trivia. Bees have five eyes. They do. That's crazy. I would have guessed two. I would have guessed two too.
Yeah. Yeah. Well we're pedophiles. The question. Who was the spokesman for Subway from 2000
to 2015? Oh my god, are you kidding me?
That's a layup, bro.
That's a fucking layup.
He doesn't know.
He doesn't know?
He's a zoomer.
You should be ashamed of being a pedophile.
That's ridiculous.
You play in the league and you don't know Kobe?
It is crazy.
All your questions are pedophile lore.
This is insane.
How crazy.
That's disrespectful.
I'm offended.
He's making pedophiles
look like idiots.
That's almost more offensive
than the pedophilia.
Yeah, yeah.
You're like,
oh, you're making
pedophiles look bad.
Yeah, this is insane.
Yeah, dude.
There's a bunch of guys
in prison that are like,
oh my God, dude.
What the fuck?
Yeah, dude.
I like the guys from To Catch a Predator like having a group and they're just like, oh my god, dude. What the fuck? Yeah, dude. I like the guys from To Catch a Predator
having a group, and they're just like,
you didn't fucking know?
No, they kill him over that.
Yeah, exactly.
They're more mad about that.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can call your mom.
We had to tell her the entire situation, though,
just so you know.
Why?
You know why.
Can you guys explain what's going on?
He's too
casual, dude. He is cool as a
cucumber. Oh, dude, no.
He is freaking out. Is he freaking out?
Yeah, he's freaking out.
By the way, I cut this
down from about 45 minutes
down to this. Oh, really?
Yeah, dude. So what does
that 45 minutes entail?
Like, what is going on in that 45 minutes?
I mean, he is stressing the whole time, dude.
Yeah, well, no, he's just, like,
like, he kept on asking, like, why we were doing it.
I don't understand.
What are these guys here for?
What's this?
Anytime anybody made a movement,
he was like, what's he handing him?
What's that?
Oh, like, he thought he was going to get, like, executed. Well, he gonna get like executed well he's like yeah probably but he was like stalling quite a bit and also like
i knew enough about him before we ever met like i knew i knew that his mom was a lawyer before we
even oh dude so i bring it up before he does so he's like, this guy's a cop. His mom's like Gloria Allred.
He thought that I was like...
Because I knew way too much about him.
Because he didn't say his name
on the app, and I knew
his full name. How'd you know his full name?
I can't reveal that.
He can't
give us his tricks.
Why can't you reveal that?
No, no, just calm down.
I do a little research
on some people and I figure
out what we're dealing with. I'll tell you
after. Reverse image search. I'll tell you guys
after because you guys, I'll never
catch you guys.
We're not
going to do this, by the way. We're not going to do
this because all the questions were like, we
had one question, but I did a Collins Pet Corner.
Oh, we didn't get any questions?
I did, but every single question was,
what are you going to do when you catch John?
Some variation of that.
Damn, I thought we were going to have a corner.
Come on, guys.
We got to do the corner.
We got to do the corner.
We'll still do it.
I feel like I got more questions that were not John related.
I have a few.
People were responding to my repost.
You find those questions.
So his cortisol levels are like through the fucking roof.
He was just like any slight movement.
He was like noticing and shit.
And like he was just freaking the fuck out.
And he didn't know what was happening.
Yeah.
That sucks, dude.
Dude, he was stressed, bro.
Dude, that sucks.
That kid's ass. I feel bad was stressed, bro. That sucks.
I feel bad for him.
I'm so sad for him.
Yeah.
Look at how he's holding his phone.
We're trying to expose people who are child predators. It is crazy that even a pedophile can look fucking sick
in winter gear.
Anyone in winter gear
looks like they're up to no good
in a cool way.
Not in his way.
They're bad boys.
But I love the winter.
You get to put a hood on and a big biggie jacket.
He's a cross-country runner, this guy.
I've always wanted to just stand in front of a brick building in New York
and be like, baby, baby, with my big North Face on shirt, a hood.
Winter wear kicks ass. It's nice. You guys have that in Utah. You guys get to look cool. You're still on a hood. There's no winter where it's kicks ass.
It's size.
You guys have that in Utah.
Like you guys get to look like snow on the ground.
You get to look like you're up to no good,
but in like a cool way,
not a pedophile.
Were you worried he'd run?
This is like a cross country runner.
Did you bring like a fast guy with you?
Me?
Hell yeah,
dude.
I'm starting to think you should do these like with your gun,
like in your hand,
holding it on them.
I do that as a bit now because like everybody in the comments says
that I should just shoot them when I show up.
Yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, I want to keep the trivia aspect though.
What's the capital of Montana?
We caught you.
You're here.
And now we're asking you trivia questions.
Maybe you call your mom and ask her who the spokesman of Subway was after we explained the situation.
He's like, dude, I'm like too young and handsome to be a pedophile.
He's like, dude, I'm two years old.
He's like, dude, I'm fucking three.
I love when you get stern with them.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's great.
Oh, man, he's freaking the fuck out, bro.
It was at this moment that he knew he fucked up.
Very good.
Can I sit for just like one second?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For Subway?
Yeah, for Subway.
I know it's a lot of...
They really think that you're such a morally reprehensible person
that you will let them go if they answer retarded questions.
That's so funny to me.
Isn't that gold?
That's the joke.
I mean, that's the whole thing
is that you get them in their moment of panic.
They literally think if they get...
Like, this guy's like,
if I just get this question...
It's like, who wants to be a millionaire?
Basically, he thinks if he gets it right,
he's like, all right, I'm scot-free.
I'll go home.
I'll start all over.
And the stakes are even higher
than who wants to be a millionaire.
Oh, of course. Of course. I'd rather... over. And the stakes are even higher than who wants to be a millionaire. Oh, of course.
I'd rather, if I was a
pedophile, I'd rather get off with
pedophilia than win a million dollars.
That's so good. Believe you me,
I'm well aware. It's a ton of pressure for you.
Can I do another question?
It is like phone book energy.
He's stalling so much
because he thinks his life is over and he's trying to
savor the last bits of freedom he possibly has.
Oh, he's looking for routes.
Filibustering.
He's filibustering.
Very good, Joey.
He's looking for escape routes.
He's going to go on a long soliloquy.
Like, yeah, it's a pedophile filibuster.
Yeah.
You want to skip it and come back to it?
Can you name an R. Kelly hit?
Name one R. Kelly hit.
Ignition.
That's not bad.
He got one right.
Hey, that's pretty decent. look at the relief in his face
when he got that right he like it's like it's the end of a movie the end of a
movie that's pretty decent which bone our babies born without we got some
solid questions this time many good's complimenting your questions.
He goes,
you guys run like a tight ship.
You guys are fucking good.
You guys have all bases covered.
Genuinely.
They're just filming this
for documentary purposes, you know, so that
nobody can say something happened that didn't.
And there's plenty of evidence from a bunch of angles.
I hate what you guys are doing right now, but I respect how good your questions are, man.
Couldn't answer some trivia right.
What's taking the trivia apart, though? That's what I want to talk about.
Have a little snake wine.
We don't have to talk about that.
Snake wine, Jeb.
Because you're hitting me at a 14-year-old boy. I think that's way more important what if i just start pouring it on my methods of uh getting this out to the mass what if you pour it on your body
and you die like you die of the venom it's it the venom is rendered useless because of the liquor
but the crazy thing is they they the snake they put the snake in like frozen in the venom and
then when the snake thaws out and wakes up, it starts freaking out. It wakes up and starts freaking out and spinning venom everywhere.
So I didn't know, if you freeze something, like, so when they woke up-
It's cold blooded.
Oh, that's why it woke up.
So it'll stop moving if you make it cold enough.
But like Ted Kennedy, or like Ted Williams never woke up.
Like when they froze him.
He never was like, ah, ah, ah, and then they just shot him in the head.
So only snakes can wake up
after being frozen? Any reptile, I'm pretty
sure you put them in the food.
And then they wake up and they're furious because they're in the bottle
and then they start spitting venom everywhere and then they
die in the bottle. Because of the liquor?
Because of the liquor and then they die. The liquor
kills them? Hell yeah. Fuck yeah, dude.
There's no metal shit on it.
Is there like a fucking way to watch a video that have the process of that?
Fuck yeah.
We should do it after this.
We'll do it on the Patreon.
I don't hate that, dude.
You'll hate that video.
Of course I will.
No, I actually like it.
I'll like it because I want to see snakes die.
Die, die, die.
You will kick the air.
I hate, I kick air all the time.
I'm not kidding, Colin.
I hate snakes so much
i'll sit on the couch and if i start thinking on any mildly deep level about a snake and i and i
go and i i i envision it going like yeah i'll i'll just sit on the couch i go he i've seen him
i'm sitting on the couch just literally fighting the air i hate panic attacks i fucking hate them
bro i don't know if I have anything like that.
Pedophiles.
Pedophiles, yeah.
That's unanimous, though.
I think everybody's unanimous on that.
No, I don't think a pedophile can kick the air.
Yeah, nobody's really scared of them.
I'm not sitting there just imagining.
There's something about a snake that's worse
than a pedophile. We've gotten to it.
They're worse.
Snakes are worse. They're worse.
Snakes are worse.
They're scarier.
They fucking, they bit the poor girl in true grit.
Sure.
Oh, yeah, the snake pit.
Scumbags, these snakes.
They're pedophiles.
They're pedophiles.
They want to bite you so then they can fuck you when you're a kid.
Anyway, he's going down a weird route.
That's what I've always said.
Colin, this is what we do here.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm a fan. I know.
I'm well aware. I watch
every episode. I know. That's great to hear.
Does anyone want my snake
juice, Jameson? Pass it over. It's all yours.
Me and Trio will drink it.
We're going to finish this by the end of the Patreon.
Alright, here we go. We're going to finish
this. By the way, the coolest pet of all
time. This kid kicks
ass. He obviously knows how to do a 360.
He knows how to kickflip.
I bet he ollied his way here.
He knows how to do the sex change thing.
You can do a 1080 on the vert.
I can picture him on the way to the meetup
listening to the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater soundtrack.
Yeah, I may do everything I can on the Superman.
On the Superman.
Whatever.
I should have had him do a backflip or something called the Pet Olympics.
Yeah, that's another one.
There's another segment.
You know, at some point.
He's just going to get a pedophile, paralyze himself on a park bench.
That's nothing cooler than that.
Yeah, no.
Would you be liable?
Yeah, we've already, we've written the Pet Olympics,
and we have, like, figured out how to, and it's definitely illegal.
Now, do you have an LLC set up?
Because you could get sued, but you don't own anything, do you?
For what?
She owns a house.
You own a house, right.
Yeah, what should I?
I don't know.
What are you doing, bud?
I think you should make.
Is that a lie?
Can we say that?
Is that bad?
Are pedophiles going to hear that
And be like
Let's take his ass?
No I don't think
They have any right
I don't think they have any right
You want my tenants bro?
You can have it
By all means
I think on the off chance
That you
That
I don't know
Somehow there's a legality
Where they're not
You don't have the right to do it
Somehow
I don't fucking know
You should make an LLC for yourself.
Yeah.
Sure.
Just to protect you.
Why not?
Why not?
Yeah.
Yeah, I should probably do it.
Yeah, exactly.
But you're fine.
Devin's Legal Advice Corner.
Devin's Legal Advice Corner.
I mean, listen, I'm the one to talk.
Devin knows about LLCs.
He talks about them all the time.
I talk about them all the time.
I never make them.
There's 17 of them.
We have a lot here at the AY Podcast.
Anyway, back to this guy.
This kid, I'm not kidding.
I don't know. I think he's fucking hot.
You want to fuck that kid.
He's cool as shit, this kid.
This kid's cool as shit. I feel like he listens to Orville Peck
and just
fucking...
What the fuck is Orville Peck?
He's a gay country singer.
He's a gay country singer.
He's super good right now.
You are lost in the sauce.
You are too hyper-focused on pedos.
No, no, no.
You're not thinking about Woodward and Bernstein.
You're not thinking about Orville Peck.
Those three names have never been mentioned
in the same sentence ever.
That is true.
Woodward and Bernstein and Orville Peck.
We like to make history here. All right, back to the kids. Those three names have never been mentioned in the same sentence ever. That is true. Woodward and Bernstein and Orville Peck.
We like to make history here.
All right, back to the kids.
That's true.
Who are you then?
My name's Colin Shoemaker.
Elaborate on that.
I'm a stand-up.
So by the way, where are you guys?
Is this like a rest stop?
It's a park.
It's a park?
It's a park in Provo.
And this is like where I guess people go and eat barbecue and shit? Yeah, also we are trespassing.
Because it's night and it's not allowed to do that?
Yeah, exactly.
I find that hard to believe.
Who do you think I am?
Do you think they add that to his crimes?
And he was trespassing.
He didn't get charged.
I wasn't running the decoys on this guy.
Someone else ran the decoy.
He was just talking about making out. So. He was just talking about making out.
So because he was just talking about making out
nothing explicitly sexual, he wasn't charged.
Why is making out not sexual?
That's so weird.
It needs to be penetration or something.
Here's the thing.
Some sort of sodomy.
I think I've already
solved it in my mind.
This guy is the son of a cop.
A lawyer.
Lawyer, yeah.
What kind of lawyer?
His son of a mom is a lawyer.
What kind of lawyer?
And she showed up fat as fuck.
By the way, they cut this out of Jimmy Rexbutt's podcast,
but she showed up fat.
She was fucking disgusting.
His mom, I just want to say publicly,
his mom looked like a fucking, What was the California raisin?
Bro, she looked like a fucking...
She was fucking disgusting, dude.
Really? Why did that get cut out?
What kind of cuck podcast
are you going on? Well, I went on this podcast
called Jimmy Rex. Are you going on podcasts
that have no views, but they're still editing?
They're like, we can't say
that here. We're a big deal.
Yeah, well, Jimmy Rexx he's like a he's
a gary v type oh god oh my god yeah he's got a hustle he's got whatever he's got his thing
he's out in utah he's got his thing going it's it's whatever but uh yeah he cut out like all
my funny all the funny shit that i said why because he was worried about legal responsibility?
Not just that, but I said a lot of anti-Semitic stuff.
Cool. Oh, well, that
is different. You failed to mention.
Well,
some people's anti-Semitism is
other people's comedy.
He's talking about how he did
Krav Maga, and I just said that
Kind of like Kanye? You were on your Kanye tip? Yeah, well, no, I was like Krav Maga and I just said that... Kind of like Kanye?
You were on your Kanye tip?
Yeah.
Well, no.
I was like, Krav Maga,
that's Israeli self-defense, right?
That's where you find a Palestinian and you beat the fuck out of them.
Very good.
That's not anti-Semitic.
That's funny.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
He cut that.
Is he a Jew?
No.
What a loser.
And then he was like,
I went to Palestine
or I went to Israel
and I was like,
is that where you were trained in Krav Maga
by a bunch of little Jews?
And he was like, they're normal size.
So I was like, not in my mind. In my mind,
it's like a bunch of Ben Shapiro's teaching you how to fight.
He cut all that.
He just cut out some easy jokes.
Those are like funny, normal jokes.
That's kind of odd.
It's all anti-Semitic.
It's the Kanye shit.
But you didn't like him calling his mom a fat fuck?
It's like, you know, listen. This guy's mom.
Not even his mom. This
guy's mom. Not even Jimmy Rexbottom.
Jesus. And his mom's
fat as shit.
What was her attitude like?
Oh, dude, she was fat as shit attitude.
Yeah, she was a fucking fuck.
What'd she say to you, dude?
Well, she probably stopped at a fucking Carl's Jr. on the way over.
She's like eating fries while she's like yelling at the cops.
Freebasing aspartame.
Bro, she was so...
Freebasing aspartame.
Did she say anything to you?
No, nothing to me.
She was like...
Smart lawyer.
Because he called her...
She's nervous around people of justice.
Normal size.
Yeah.
He called her, and she was talking on the phone, talking to the cop.
And the cop was like, look, man, I understand, but you are currently suspected of a crime.
You need to give me your ID.
And he's like, his mom's on the way, right?
So she comes over,
gets him out of it, because it wasn't explicitly sexual. But
I stand by, Utah has
a law where you can't lure people under
16 out of their home
for any reason. And the person he was trying
to get was a 14-year-old? 14-year-old. He thought he was
meeting a 14-year-old at the park at
11. You should follow up with this.
Yeah. Fuck this family. Fuck that fat bitch.
Expose the mom, dude.
I'm not trying to get sued.
Make an LLC tomorrow.
Make an LLC tomorrow.
Make a full fucking...
Get a doper lawyer.
Get a cooler lawyer than she is.
Like a jacked, cool lawyer.
She's fat and you're in court
and she sucks.
All the lawyers I've gotten
advice from are also stand-up comedians.
Get a lawyer
that looks like Dave Bautista.
I got that one.
There we go.
Alright, let's finish up with this
fucking hot pedophile.
He's hot. He's sexy.
He's so sexy.
Ryan Sheckler's the friend of fuck kids.
Call your lawyer.
They're going to keep filming, obviously.
Yeah.
He goes, can we call my lawyer?
We'll get the police over here.
It's Alan Dershowitz.
He knows a lot about pedophilia.
He was on Epstein's plane.
I'm trying to strive to be like him.
Can I talk to my mom first?
Did you call?
Mom, you call? Mom,
you did?
I need help.
Okay.
He goes,
Mom,
I need help.
This just sounds like
a Making a Murderer.
It sounds like
Brendan Dassey.
Like,
hot Brendan Dassey.
Like,
I'm gonna...
Mom,
will you record
Baby Shark for me?
You see,
I grabbed the
cue cards
because they had the answers on them.
And I was like, oh.
You know I'm cheating?
I didn't want him cheating.
If he gets off the phone and wants to keep going,
I gotta... He was gonna meet a boy, right?
Yeah. Okay, so he's like down low.
Yeah.
Family's probably Mormon. They probably don't even know
he's gay.
That's probably worse than him trying to fuck a child.
It's gay pedophile.
Fucking kids is par for the course for Mormons.
Yeah, for Mormons?
Jesus.
He's calling his mom right now.
Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to my decoy.
The guy who called the cops.
He's in the car away from the...
Oh, okay.
I messed up.
Okay.
All right.
He just goes, I messed up.
Yeah.
I love that.
He messed up.
The only reason I kept that in is because he's just talking.
He's just like, I messed up.
He's talking about being caught for...
It's like the funniest way to say this.
He's talking about being caught
for being a pedophile
and he's acting like he, you know,
he accidentally...
He left some eggshells.
He crashed the BMW.
I messed up.
I broke the side mirror of dad's car.
Oh my God.
Officer Wood?
So this guy over here, he's here to meet
a 14-year-old boy. See right here?
Right here he's saying,
it's stupid, but I'm 14.
That's okay. Been there.
Totally get that.
John's mom showed up and he was not charged.
His jock wasn't explicitly sexual in his chats
and only discussed making out.
He was not charged for trying to meet a 14-year-old
in a park at night.
Well,
talk shit about his mom.
Quick pause, dude.
Devin's good on the sticks.
I'm doing a lot here, you know?
You slide your cock into this.
Jesus Christ.
I didn't get to that quick enough.
Yeah, okay.
Do you guys want to do this corner?
Oh, yeah, let's do a corner. Do you have a song?
I don't, but I can try something.
Sure, let's try a song. Do Ignition, dude.
Hold on, no, no, no. I've already done Ignition.
Oh, we did? Let's try...
Let's try...
Do My Sharona. That's a song about a little girl.
Hold on, I think this is funny.
Actually, wait.
Do you mind? I hate to do this.
Can we do the ad for Dragon Drink?
Oh, fuck.
God damn it.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
Chew, you're part of this, bro.
I got it, I got it.
Hang on.
I'm going to go pee real quick.
Oh, that's funny.
By the way, I'm like, we're coming.
We now have like ad fights because I got HelloFresh like coming as an ad.
Are you serious?
No, you don't.
Yeah, yeah.
We got HelloFresh.
So you guys got Dragon Drink.
I got HelloFresh. We're in the battle. How much are they serious? No, you don't. We got HelloFresh. I got HelloFresh.
We're in the battle.
How much are they paying? No idea. Probably nothing.
You guys are getting way more from Dagestanis.
Which one would
have something available tomorrow?
Because I'll hold it
in the pet hunt.
Do Dragon Drink.
My ad is for like next week.
We can't get dragon drink tomorrow.
It's going to be like...
Oh, dude.
How funny would that be to do during a pet hunt?
By the way, who's joining me on it?
On the pet?
See, tomorrow is a bad day.
Tomorrow's a bad day.
No, no.
You guys are really manly, actually.
What do you mean?
For not joining me. No, no, you guys are really manly, actually. What do you mean? For not joining me.
No, that's really like, that's brave of you guys.
Because we're not scared of being viewed as pussies?
What is your angle?
Yeah, yeah, you guys are really brave and manly for...
You're being sarcastic.
Oh, you're being sarcastic.
No, not at all.
Not even a little bit.
I don't know where this line's coming from.
I would love to go on a haul with you.
Here's the thing right now,
is that today is the anniversary of a great tragedy.
I watched, by the way,
I went down a rabbit hole last night.
I watched, I mean, for probably two hours,
Jack's stand-up.
Jack Van Recipe's Jack Knight died one year ago today,
and quite odd to be experiencing this tragedy with Shu.
But, no.
So that's why we can't go.
We're going to be doing something to honor him.
I get it.
So anyways, Devin, sorry, we still didn't do the episode.
I'm co-host two.
Okay.
So I'm co-host two.
You're going to be guest Shu.
All right.
Cool.
Dragon drink. Also on my leg. Okay, here it goes. Devin. Cool. Dragon drink.
Also on my leg.
Okay, here it goes.
Dev, be quiet, please.
Please stop, Dev.
You're trying to sabotage me.
I'm not trying to sabotage you.
He's getting HelloFresh.
When you do HelloFresh, I'll be fucking quiet.
Dude, you think I was a fucking mouse in this room.
By the way, I've never done an ad around you guys.
I think I've done one ad around you.
I always forget we even are supposed to do an ad.
And I think people think that I'm doing them just for myself.
I didn't know that you guys were turning this into a competition.
But hey, we can both play that game.
We can go to war, Bob.
Sure.
I love that.
You do Dagestani groups and I'll do American official ads.
Real ads.
Real ads.
Xenophobic. Xenophobic. That's fucking xenophobic. Real ads. Real ads. Xenophobic.
That's fucking xenophobic.
Real ads.
All right, let's do this.
What the fuck does that even mean?
Cum delivery.
You don't know what xenophobic means?
How did you graduate college?
What's going on with you?
I know what xenophobic, but it's just such a gay fucking,
oh, it's this, it's that.
What does it mean?
It's a different culture.
He thinks it's like when you hate Xena Warrior Princess.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, wait.
Devin, could you please find that video that we airdropped you last time?
Please.
Can you play it again?
Yeah, that's part of the thing.
And fuck Dagestanis.
No.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't actually say that.
Bleep that out, please.
Stop that.
Really?
Yeah, we're going to edit that out.
You can't say that.
No, they'll get pissed.
They're going to be,
dude, Godmoth is going
to fucking wig out.
I thought, bro,
I thought everything was safe.
You're good.
Dragon drink.
No, not for sponsors.
We can't,
because they'll get it.
They're sensitive.
Okay, dragon drink.
Play this.
That guy would rip you to shreds, Colin.
Oh, God.
I love how they don't play the music long enough or the ads.
It's so quick.
It's like, dang it, he said he don't quite get it.
He's in blue face.
Dude, they're so close.
What the fuck?
Okay, but anyways, here we go.
All right.
As-salamu alaykum, dear listeners.
We have an extraordinary sponsor to introduce you today.
Welcome to the world of Dragon Drink.
Wa-ak-al-li-yum, as-salam.
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Peace be on to you all.
I'm Shu.
And let me tell you, Dragon Drink is the real deal.
It's the secret behind strength of mountain men from the Caucasus.
That's right, Shu.
For centuries, the people of the Caucasus have relied on Dragon Drink
for their incredible energy and unwavering strength.
It's as if the blessings of Allah flow through their every sip.
Absolutely.
And you know what makes it even more remarkable?
Dagestani fighters, renowned for their prowess in combat,
endorse Dragon Drink for its exceptional benefits.
Allah Akbar.
Oh, mashallah.
Mashallah.
When I'm out there chasing down and killing the toughest child predators,
Dragon Drink fuels me like nothing else.
It's
blessings and energy
are second to none.
Inshallah.
Dragon Drink is the perfect companion
for your daily adventures
or your intense workouts.
It's unique blend of flavors and
powerful ingredients will leave you
revitalized and ready to conquer any challenge.
And let's not forget the taste.
Drag & Drink tantalizes your taste buds with its delightful fusion of exotic flavors, making each sip a journey of pleasure.
Chew.
Chew, come on.
Inshallah it does.
And the best part is hate watch listeners can experience the wonders of Dragon Drink, too.
Just visit dragondrink.com.
That's dragondrinkenergy.com
for a taste of divine blessings.
dragondrinkenergy.com
Correct.
And that's for a taste of divine blessings,
unyielding energy, and the spirit of the Caucasus.
So, dear listeners, why wait?
Embrace the power of dragon drink and let it infuse your life with the blessings of Allah.
Now, let me be clear here.
Allah is just an Arab term for God.
It's non-denominational.
Allah Akbar.
Yeah, that's also for everything, too.
Well, it's perfectly fine, but I just want to explain how much...
Don't get on him about that.
Don't get all aghast about that.
I'm not saying it's great, but
Joey, I just want to also say
it is a huge pain in the ass to clean up these fucking ads.
I know.
Basically what happened is that...
They fill up typos.
What happened was...
You see, what happened was...
They reached out to us with an ad
and then their website crashed.
From all the people flocking from Hatewatch?
I wish that was why.
That can't possibly be why.
Maybe they're running...
That's what you guys tell everybody.
I'm going to tell the Degasetti guy that
next time we talk.
I think they're aggressively marketing.
I think they're aggressively marketing right now. That's what I'm going to say. But noasetti guy that next time we talk. I think they're aggressively marketing. I think they're aggressively marketing right now.
That's what I'm going to say.
But no, we have to be honest here.
But so anyways, no.
Website crashed.
The guy won't respond to us.
And we realized he didn't give us a promo code,
how you're going to track the results of our ad,
like blah, blah, blah.
Won't respond.
Website's down.
I think something probably happened over there
that we don't know about.
But so anyways, yeah, Dragon Drink Energy.
Check it out.
Yeah, something happened.
Hello Fresh is going to have a code.
Fuck off, too!
They haven't even given them a code yet.
So no one's buying it.
We just advertised for it and then
everyone that's a listener goes like,
I literally went to their website. It doesn't exist.
They don't even have a website.
They have a website. It's down.
They paid us in advance.
Who gives a fuck?
You got it.
We're the men of our word.
It's just your reputation.
They're a good company.
They don't have a website.
Is the Mecca Cola website still up?
So many viewers.
Isn't Mecca Cola the same thing?
This is what you got to tell people.
That's what I'm going to say.
Sorry, Devin, go ahead.
What?
Mecca Cola is the same thing, right?
I don't know.
I feel like Mecca Cola maybe.
Aren't they Dagestani?
They have a Mecca Cola flavor of dragon energy drink,
but I have a feeling.
They have Mecca energy.
Well, Mecca, that is, dude, if Ariel have a feeling... They have mecha energy. Well, mecha...
That is...
Dude, if Ariel Sharon saw that fucking symbol with mecha energy on it,
on a fucking flag being waved by Hezbollah,
they'd be freaking out.
Support mecha energy, too.
Oh, is he Dagestani?
No, Ariel Sharon's a big Jew.
Oh, I thought I was talking about Hezbollah.
Be electric.
Oh, Hezbollah.
Yeah, he's Dagestani.
Be electric.
Be different.
Mecha energy.
Thank you, Devin.
Megadamonous. Well, I love you guys. Thank you. I want you guys to make as much money from these Dagestanis as possible. Yeah, he's Dagestani. Be electric. Be different. Thank you, Devin. Magnanimous.
Well, I love you guys.
Thank you.
I want you guys to make as much money from these Dagestani.
HelloFresh.
Hey, HelloFresh is good.
We don't have them yet.
Don't even, don't overdo it.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
No point.
HelloFresh doesn't exist as far as we're...
They don't exist yet.
Next week.
Next week.
Oh, my God.
What a company.
Next week, what a company.
Sure, sure.
Are you getting some free HelloFresh?
Oh, yeah.
I got us all some keto dishes.
They're going to send them to my place.
We'll try them out.
Cool.
Because they asked me for which ones.
Do you want the chef's delight, the keto, the veggie veg?
And I'm like, I don't know.
We're all trying to be healthy.
Let's do keto.
Sure.
Good call, Dev.
Well, it's going to be a lot of meat, right?
Oh, the corn.
I imagine, yeah.
It'll just be like human meat.
Yeah, you just want meat.
Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
It's disgusting meat.
Well, that's the Dagestani version of HelloFresh.
Yeah. They just ship you meat from a human. It's disgusting me. That's the Dagestani version of HelloFresh.
They just ship you meat.
It's also funny.
It was called, like, the guy sent me.
He was like, it's called, like, Factor Meal Kits.
And I'm like, okay, then I type in Factor Meal Kits and then HelloFresh.
I don't even know which company it is.
Interesting.
It's all podcast nonsense. Dragon Drink is really straightforward with what they give us.
We know where it comes from, the Caucasus.
We know what it does.
For generations, it's powered the mighty mountain men of the caucuses.
They've had this energy drink for generations now.
For generations.
I've heard a lot of HelloFresh stuff's good, though.
They've had these canned energy drinks.
So do we have questions for Shoes?
Yeah, do the song.
Do we have questions for Shoes?
Yes.
What is this called?
Shoes Pedophile Corner?
Yeah.
Shoes Pedo Corner.
The newly ped?
Yeah, the newly ped corner.
Alright, I got a song, but I don't...
It could be really bad.
We're going to try it out.
That's what someone says right before they do something amazing.
Let's try this.
What the hell are you doing?
Let's go, D. Costa. You got this, bro.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Shoes Pedophile Corner. Oh, D. Costa. You got this, bro. Okay, hold on, hold on. Alright. Shoes pedophile corner.
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Cupid,
draw back your bow
and let your
arrow go
straight through this pedophile's
heart for me.
For me. Cupid, please make him cry and let your arrow fly.
Straight through this pedophile's heart at HEB.
Oh, that's right, he's at HEB.
Saw him in aisle six, I and kids
Decided to record him and call the police
Woke up the next day and found out that he
Jumped off a cliff
Oh, Cupid, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go Straight through this pedophile's heart for me.
Nobody but me.
I hate pedophiles just like you.
That's why I do a game show and my name is Shu.
Walking up to pedophiles all over the land
And I ask them a few trivia questions
And they think they'll get away
But there's no way to get away
No way to get away
Regardless of what happens
They will kill themselves
At the end of the day
Oh yeah
Cupid, drop back your bow and let your arrow go.
Straight through a pedophile's brain for me.
Oh, nobody but me.
I don't know.
That was good, man.
That was fantastic.
Thank you.
Thank you, buddy.
Thank you, buddy.
Welcome to Shoes Pedophilic Room.
First question.
Colin, is it hard
being the most ballsy man
in the underground comedy scene?
From Pierce.
I don't understand.
That makes no sense. What was that?
He's complimenting you, bud.
Thank you. Who's that from?
Pierce. Say it again. It's from Pierce Brosnan. He's complimenting you bud Thank you Who's that from? Pierce
It's from Pierce Brosnan
He's the most ballsy comedian in the underground
Thank you very much
I will show my balls on the Patreon version
Thank you very much
Do you ever get exhausted by
Oh my god I'm hunting pedophiles
Millions of people or hundreds of thousands
Are seeing it online
One of them killed themselves Maybe more This is overwhelming God, I'm hunting pedophiles. Millions of people or hundreds of thousands are seeing it online.
One of them killed themselves, maybe more.
This is, like, overwhelming.
No.
You wake up hungover and you got a death, you know, on your hands.
You know, you're not anxious.
I'm chilling.
I would be anxious.
There was definitely a week.
There was definitely a solid week where I was.
Yeah. There was a week where he was definitely a solid week where I was. Yeah.
There was a week where he was anxious. Did you have nightmares?
Yeah, like a week.
A week.
Well, the week.
Yeah, the week after the guy killed himself, there was like a solid week.
Like my roommate got a, he got a Simpsons oil paintings in from like another country
from Scotland.
Who the fuck are you living with?
Trey Lamb.
from Scotland.
Who the fuck are you living with, Shu?
Trey Lamb.
This Trey guy gets so many strays today.
Oil paintings.
Trey Lamb and he and I are gay together, by the way.
He got these
oil paintings of the Simpsons
and he didn't remember that he even ordered them.
So we just got
on our door the little pink notice
like, hey, you have a package at the
postal service and it said my name it didn't say
his name bro I didn't leave my
room that entire weekend because it was right after the guy
killed himself I was like oh there's legal papers
I have to sign for it
oh dude I was freaking
the fuck out yeah so
there was a period where
I was anxious but I'm chilling now
what is Trey's most disgusting habit as a roommate?
Yeah, besides being a pedophile
What are shits like?
When he doesn't cum in my ass
Very good
You're gay as hell, Trey
Big fat Trey
Trey's a gay man
Next question
Are you worried you could stumble onto a dangerous person
Associated with real underground human trafficking
like Franklin Scandal slash Epstein level shit?
Love you guys.
Pump the sequel on the show from UFO.
Great editor.
Great.
Great editor.
Oh, yeah.
UFO's amazing.
Good stuff, UFO.
All these guys kick ass.
So are you ever scared?
Gabe Redman, too.
Yarmul's UFO.
Brilliant people, and I love them dearly.
I was never really here at the moment.
No, I'm not worried about that.
I'm not worried
or I'm not like, oh fuck, I might catch one.
It would be cool as fuck
if I caught one.
I would fucking
come buckets if I caught
somebody who was involved in some real shit.
Have you ever talked to a pedophile that made you think, like, maybe they are connected to something bigger?
No, the guys that I'm talking to right now are Lyft drivers.
But never one.
These guys are SoundCloud pedophiles.
Yeah.
I'm not stressed about it.
He's not dealing with, like, signed pedophiles. They're not on a label.
One day you're going to show up in a parking lot.
Hunter Biden's going to be there.
But if you're like Kevin Spacey
type or something, if they ever
responded, dude,
I try
to avoid catching people who are too
prominent. I've never
had the opportunity,
but in my mind, I'm like,
I don't want to catch someone that could kill me.
Like a government official?
Yeah.
But if I did...
It's not worth it.
But if I did,
if I had one message in me for real,
I would show up.
And I would put them...
You'd have to.
I would be insane not to. Idea for you.
Right? Idea for you. You make a LinkedIn
for a child star. You start hitting
up dudes on LinkedIn that are like old
successful guys. You up
your game. And then you
Who's the guy that used to run Nickelodeon?
Dan Schneider. He didn't run
He didn't run but
He managed like the stars.
Hold on tighter. She's a fighter Schneider. Dude, if you have Schneider, hold on tighter.
She's a fighter, Schneider.
Hell yeah.
That's a 4chan.
That's what 4chan called him.
Of course she was on 4chan.
Are you fucking nuts?
Of course I'm on the chain, dog.
Very funny story, actually.
Our dear friend, it's his memorial today, our great friend Jack Knight, who a year ago
to this day i
love this story went to a park and he vaccinated himself um we uh they activated the clot one year
ago today a year ago today they the powers that be decided to give him his clot um but but i was
once with jack and we were at the head of Nickelodeon's house for some fucking weird reason in this
backyard. She's this big dyke
and she kept doing cannonballs
into the pool.
The only thing I knew about Nickelodeon was
Dan Schneider. She kept doing cannonballs
into the pool, really bothering us, getting
water on us. Me and Jack were just trying
to hang out and talk to some people.
Jack also really cared about his
clothes. He was a black dude.
Of course he did.
Black guys are the only people on Earth
that never have a crease. There's never a stain.
If you have a stain around a black guy, you might as well
run for the fucking hills.
He was a black guy? Okay.
What did you think he was?
I'm kidding.
So we're at this
lady that apparently is the new
head of Nickelodeon, right?
And she looks like female Dan Schneider.
But she keeps doing cannonballs into the pool,
like a very needy, attention-seeking person.
She didn't even have to duck her arms in.
It was all fine.
It was nothing.
Her arms are...
She was so fed it was a cannonball no matter what. No matter what she she was it was all fine naturally circular arms she was so fed it
was a cannonball no matter what no matter what she was number six's mom when she was when she
was born she did a cannonball okay right out of the pussy yeah uh so so it was like getting annoying
and shit and then so jack and i just started like we're drunk we just started like talking shit
like a like you know when you're talking shit about somebody but not to them but you're like you can hear me yes it was that yeah you know what's going
on the best type of shit talking that's the that is the best type so we're in the backyard it's
this like beautiful pool but this giant home and she had just moved in so it was like fairly empty
and we like she gave us like a tour earlier we're like right okay uh-huh never-ending amounts of
rooms so we just started making these jokes where i think we were. We were like, right, okay, uh-huh, never-ending amounts of rooms.
So we just started making these jokes.
I think we were like, we started saying out loud,
like, where's Amanda Bynes?
We started joking about,
is Amanda Bynes in a cage in the basement?
Amanda bound, bro.
Amanda Bynes is bound, dude.
This was also when Amanda Bynes was in the news
because she was going viral for tweeting hysterical stuff.
And the big headline was like,
Amanda Bynes was indoctrinated by Disney.
No, Amanda Bynes is dating Delonte West right now.
They're both on the same freeway off-ramp.
Does anyone know who Delonte West is?
The homeless NBA player.
All right, well, should have got more.
Gotcha, bud. Does anyone know who Delonte West is? The homeless NBA player Alright well Should've got more Colin who's Woodward and Bernstein?
Who?
Who the fuck bro?
Alright more questions?
Was that the end of the story?
That was it
That was it
We just started
You had funnier things
Last time you told me the story
She never said anything else.
We just kept going in
on like saying
that she was like
running a pedophile ring
at her home
full of child actors.
Devin forgot
some of the punchlines
so he had a bunch
of funny things.
That was the punchline.
You forgot
other jokes
that you guys had
that were very funny.
I don't think I did.
When you told me this story
there was a lot of other funny
Say one of the jokes.
Name them. I don't remember. All I know is Well, this story, there was a lot of other funny... Say one of the jokes. Name them.
I don't remember.
All I know is...
Well, now you're fucking...
We can go to court over this.
I got an LLC, so...
He had like five Amanda Bynes's.
Okay.
So, we got Amanda Bynes.
It's still good.
It's still a good story.
Shame on me for...
Joey, you are spreading dissent.
This is a very funny story.
Okay, next question.
Shoes pedophile corner.
Dear Colin, which of the following would you rather choose?
Number one, every pedophile on earth is outed,
but they're immune from prosecution.
Or two, every pedophile on earth is killed instantly, but no one is made aware of the reason for their deaths or their crimes.
From Joseph.
B.
Yeah, number two is the obvious choice.
Number two is the layup.
They're all gone.
But if...
They're all gone.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Oh, he's going to sing another song.
No, no, it came on an accident.
I apologize.
But if every pedophile is outed, that raises awareness and maybe stops?
Nah.
Nah.
It's better if they die.
You know what stops?
You know what stops?
If they all die.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Next question.
Who would be in Colin's top five favorite pedos of all time
from Michael?
Oh, my top five pedos of all time.
Like celebrity.
Like ones that I'd like to catch.
Who are the most talented ones?
Then going down to loser.
Not your favorite guys to catch.
Who are your favorite pedophiles?
Who are the ones where you're disappointed to find out they're a pedophile?
Oh, number one, Chris D'Elia.
Really?
Over Michael Jackson?
Bro, I don't...
Bro.
It's kind of crazy over michael jackson yeah
fuck michael jackson michael jackson's gonna probably be like okay so so number one's delia
delia is i don't care what anybody says delia is fucking hilarious okay wow i have no shame
about saying that dude that's crazy chris delia sucks at stand-up but he is very very very funny
on podcasts i don't agree with that. No one saw that
take coming, by the way, from Shoe.
I had no clue. So that number one is Chris
D'Elia. I'm not clubbed, dude.
That's not Chris' to find out, dude. Number two,
Bill Cosby, because he was probably the
best at stand-up that got caught. He's not a
pedophile. He fucked of age women.
He just raped them. Oh,
my bad, my bad, my bad. Jesus, shoot.
Jesus, shoot. Keep your sex criminals in order.
You're right, you're right.
Okay, so, yeah, number one, D'Elia.
Number two.
Don't give him.
Come on now.
I feel like he's going to forget some stuff.
You know, you're right.
Five is a lot to name.
I don't even...
Yeah, there's a lot of pedophiles to name.
Oh, man.
But the most...
I mean, you should have sent me this ahead of time and had me prepare for it. No, there's a lot of pedophiles with names. Oh, man. But the most... I mean, you should have
sent me this ahead of time and had me
prepare for it. No, that's the point of the show.
Okay. This ain't stand-up, bub.
Prince Andrew.
You guys are
so gay about stand-up.
One can say the opposite of me.
But you're right about it.
That's the thing. You guys are so right about it. You guys're right about it. That's the thing. You guys are so
right about it. You guys are right for quitting.
Okay.
Pedophiles, pedophiles.
The guy from
Touched by an Angel.
Oh, is that the dude who did Snow?
Or Powder? Who's Touched by an Angel?
Oh, the 7th Heaven guy.
7th Heaven? No, Touched by an Angel. Oh, the Seventh Heaven guy No, Touched by an Angel
Didn't that guy kill himself?
He's going to be five
I'm just trying to think of them right now
Can I give mine real quick?
Yeah, I forgot
I don't know enough pedophiles
Come on, you've got to do more research
if you're going to do this for a living
It goes Michael Jackson.
Easy.
Probably R. Kelly second because he did have a couple that were underage.
Amazing singer.
So that's two incredibly incredible talents.
Then you got...
Actually, I'll put Michael Jackson, Woody Allen, then R. Kelly.
Love that.
Woody Allen's not...
He's innocent.
Woody Allen ate out a child.
Did he?
And the maids...
He seems pretty guilty. He's pretty damn guilty. Is out a child. Did he? And the maids caught the maids. He seems pretty guilty.
He's pretty damn guilty.
Is there proof?
No, not proof, but there's testimony.
There's testimonies of it.
Multiple testimonies.
Shut up, Max Bamey, bro.
He was telling me he watched.
Probably one of the smartest people I know,
and he is a huge Woody Allen.
He knows everything about it.
Is he a fan?
That sounds unbiased.
He's a huge Woody Allen fanased he's a huge woody allen
guy he knows he knows about he knows about he watched all the documentaries he read all the
books i'm not saying it takes away from the art listen here's the thing about this whole art
artist that like when people go like you know there's people getting upset at people listening
to kanye lately do you realize that yeah kanye could literally i could hear i could hear on the
news kanye setting up labor camps and people tell me that and i go i mean it's an artist brain you know it's amazing what they can you know it's a
hey it's the mind of an artist if woody allen's guilty i i've never i just never watched anything
about it there's a four-hour documentary on uh on hbo that's pretty damning the family's hysterical
as well but it's it's pretty he seems listen i don't Mia Farrow. I think she's a crazy bitch, too, that
adopted the whole fucking world, and I think she's doing
something to those kids, too. I don't trust
her narrative on it, but
these maids walked in on him like eating
out a child. Ew, bro.
Yeah. It ain't
great. That's a Woody
Allen thing to do. Just hearing from him,
it's a Woody Allen thing. Yeah, like he's such a pussy
like this.
Also, what do you think a pedophile is the type of guy to...
He's got eating out of kids.
Wouldn't you think a pedophile is the same type of guy to marry his daughter?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Which he did.
Yeah, I know.
I know about that.
He's such a loser.
He adopted a kid and then married them because he knew he couldn't get pussy any other way.
He had to adopt them.
By the way, everyone... He had to adopt them. By the way, he had to
grow his wife.
We're all missing a very important
pedophile that was disappointing. It was Tom Sizemore.
Tom Sizemore? Tom Sizemore
doesn't count. Sizemore's
number one. Sizemore's the number one.
Sizemore just got the wind knocked out of him.
He'll be fine.
Okay. Hillary Clinton.
Pedophile list. Hillary Clinton
was more like the CEO of pedophilia.
I don't feel like she did it.
I think she ran a company.
I think she was the Viacom of pedophiles.
Okay, so it obviously goes Michael Jackson,
most talented pedophile of all time. I disagree.
Roman Polanski.
Roman Polanski. And then Jackson.
Roman Polanski. No, Alexander the Great,
dude, is the best pedophile of all time.
Nobody cares about that shit.
Who even knows if that's real?
Pop culture.
All your history bullshit.
Nobody cares about history.
Oh, horrible histories with Dan Carlin.
Devin's probably a great guy.
It's great.
No, it's great.
I'm sure there's a bunch.
Show me the proof.
Show me the proof.
Show me the footage.
George Washington never existed.
And neither did Jesus.
Okay, so.
Polanski, Jackson,
Woody Allen, R. Kelly,
Spacey. Boom.
As far as my Hollywood talent,
there's no heavyweights bigger than that.
That's how you do it. That's how it's done, Shrew.
What are yours?
Kevin Spacey's one of the most talented fucking actors of our time.
Kevin Spacey's unbelievable. Yeah, that fucking actors of our time. Kevin Spacey's unbelievable.
Yeah, that's why I'm
in you at five
with Spacey. You don't think he's a pedophile, though,
do you? No, I do. You think it's like more
of the gay community. You're like, you give it up to the
gay community. That's just what they do.
They just fuck 15-year-olds at parties.
Yeah, no, it's chill if they do. Also,
who knows if Spacey's actually, I don't actually,
he's such a good actor,
I'm willing to go there with you.
Well, my point was going to be,
he should be higher than five.
Why is Polanski number one?
Because he made Chattatown and nobody else did. He's one of the best directors of all time.
Yeah, but...
Nobody else made Chattatown.
He's the most talented guy, in my opinion.
I like his work.
Oh, you guys are movie fags.
Yeah, we're movie fagski You guys are movie fags
What a way to marginalize
This is an I left LA opinion
You guys are movie fags
We get it
You had enough Ruffalo's pizza
and you had a shitty life
I hate LA now
I'm a comedy fag
I get it
I put D'Elia number one.
It makes sense that you guys would put.
That is Neil Brennan.
D'Elia's a he-bophile.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're right.
Technically not a pedophile.
That's the biggest pedophile thing ever to differentiate he-bophile and pedophile.
The fact that you know that.
Yeah, I can't believe you know that.
I only know that because everyone was making fun of Neil Brennan for saying, for making the distinction.
He made the distinction?
Neil Brennan was like defending him.
Like he's not a pedophile.
He's a hebephile.
And I'm on horse,
I'm on horse tranquilizers and I'm going to kill myself.
Oh dude,
that's rough.
So now,
so the next like 50 questions are some variation of what would you do if you caught John being a pedophile?
Yeah.
What would you do,
bro?
So like you have a hunt going,
you meet a guy at a parking lot and it's John. I show up. I'm like, okay, you're walking towards me pedophile. Yeah, what would you do, bro? So, like, you have a hunt going, you meet a guy at a parking lot,
and it's John.
I show up, I'm like,
okay, you're walking towards me,
and you're like, what are you doing here?
No, no, no, because prior to that,
I'm messaging, and I see the pictures of you.
No, but it's just his dick.
It's just his dick.
You don't see my...
No, I got a see-all.
By the way, by the way,
John gets arrested for pedophilia once a day.
It's like my cousin Vinny being held in contempt.
Everybody's always being thrown
in prison for the night.
I would ask for
some pictures. I'll get
the face. I'm going to find out ahead of time
and if that's the case, I'm calling
both of you and I'm going to go
you can't say anything to John
and I'll tell you why you can't say anything to John
here in a second. You need to agree to it first.
You're going to join me on a hunt,
and we're going to catch him together.
We're going to do a podcast.
How about we come out to Salt Lake and do a hunt with him?
I'd be down.
I would be down.
We'll do that.
100% down.
And what I would do is I would just make it seem like
we're just doing this podcast.
We're, like, hanging out.
Devin, pull up the chat logs that I was telling you about.
Where are you?
Wait, what are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
Exactly.
What are you talking about?
Wait, John.
What?
We have chat logs right here that say that you're trying to be a shot.
John, we have to make a line.
That's not me.
That's not me.
That's not me, bro.
That's not me.
It was supposed to be like 17, 18. That's how I would do's not me, bro. That's not me. I was supposed to be like 17, 18.
That's how I would do it for real though
is I would set it up
and then I'd be like,
all right, we're winding down.
What I would do is I'd immediately pull out
the.357 in my pants
and I'd blow my brains out.
You'd blow your head off the wrong way
where you shoot your face off
and then for the rest of your life
we have to wheel you around with no face.
I'd finish the podcast.
I'd finish the podcast with no face.
And I would immediately, as soon as you blow your brains out, I'd be like, how many eyes
does a bee have?
To your dead body.
There are seriously 30 questions about how John is a pedophile.
Come on, guys.
Hey, guys, I want to have-
You have Shoemaker here. Hold on. I want to let the people know I appreciateophile. Come on, guys. John is... Hey, guys, I want to have... You have Shoemaker here.
Hold on.
I want to let the people know I appreciate it.
It's really funny.
You guys are exactly the type of fucking...
They get it.
You're the type of followers I always wanted.
They get it, bro.
I always wanted to grow these types of people.
I love you.
You all get it.
You're all me.
Yeah, you got those grassroots...
Yeah.
They get it, dude.
They get it, dude.
Real astroturf.
They know they're not going to write real questions.
They're going to go, John's a fat gay pedophile.
Yeah.
A few guys just saying they like the card pool stuff.
Do they have any questions?
No, that was it.
No more questions.
Just saying that they liked the card pools.
Oh, they were saying like, so yeah, they wanted to know what was the background on card pools.
How do you get into that?
Oh, I just watched these guys' backyard breaks.
They pulled the LeBron James triple logo man and freaked out.
I was like, that's gay as fuck.
Let's watch one of these.
Where is this show?
Where do I watch this?
On YouTube?
Yeah.
Can you pull up shorts on there?
Yeah, I think so.
Backyard breaks?
Yeah, if you want to pull up backyard breaks.
Just bring up LeB lebron lebron they pulled this like lebron card freaked the fuck out and i
was like well i know the osama bin laden rookie card exists and it's worth five million dollars
this thing oh yeah so wait how did they buy it the lebron yeah they bought a case of uh it's
called flawless nba and it they just opened a bunch of these.
$15,000 a box.
I think there's like 10 cards per box.
And one of them could be worth $5 million.
It's a lottery.
You're putting a Toyota Yaris down on a fucking box of cards.
How do you then make the $5 million?
Who do you sell it to?
Other people who buy our cards.
$5 million.
Like Drake.
Oh, dude, yeah. Drake was bidding on the
Triple Logo Man. He opened cases
of these fucking cards. By the way, what's special
about this card? It's
the logo
from his jersey. They cut it out of game-used
jerseys. The NBA logo
from him playing for the Cavs,
him playing for the Heat, and him playing for the Lakers.
So it's all three of the Logo Man's on one card.
It's a one of one.
It's the coward card.
It's the one of one.
Okay, alright, so this is it.
Guys, is this it right here?
Is this it?
It's horizontal.
I need you guys to get the cameras out.
My heart is beating so fast right now.
Get this clip ready.
Clip it.
Let's go be great, guys.
Get it ready, boys.
Let's go be great.
Oh, my God.
No.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
They're really gay.
Oh, my God.
No.
Oh, my God. Oh, my gay. No! Oh my God!
So those are the actual logos
from those jerseys embedded in a card?
Yeah.
So it's the actual real logo.
Game used, yeah.
They scream like little girls.
We just watched two retards make $5 million.
Let's play a shoe one that he does
and then end this.
Okay. I love Mr. September. Shoot, do you have these on YouTube? Yeah, they're on my YouTube. make five million dollars let's play a shoe one that he does yeah and then and then and this okay
i loved uh mr september do you have these on youtube or on your yeah they're on my youtube
can i tell you my favorite one is uh the north is kim jong-un oh yeah oh my god that was oh my
god yeah that was so fucking funny who was screaming that uh garrett proc shout out garrett
proc he's on my podcast the north korea kim jong-un is so fucking funny. Trey Lamb's a gay man.
What does Oman mean again?
Bill Cosby tops Herodin.
More knockouts than Tyson.
Y'all have been sleeping on this card.
Quayleau killer.
Fuck.
Bill Cosby tops Herodin.
Go back to Kim Jong-un.
To the right there, yeah.
Bill Cosby tops Herodin. Every time I do the Kim Jong-un, the right there, yeah. Bill Cosby!
What the hell?
Tom Faraday!
Every time I do the Kim Jong-un, it says the Bill Cosby one.
Huh.
George Bush rookie card.
This is great.
Bill Cosby!
It's all the same thing.
Dude, what's wrong with your YouTube?
You're an otter.
I'm clicking different videos.
Okay, let me blame you.
There's an otter firewall.
It's bears only can pass.
Watch me click the Hillary Clinton. It's going to be Bill Cosby again.
I am not suicidal!
Hillary Clinton
gold parallel
rookie card!
Oh my gosh!
The leading devil herself!
Oh my!
It's a pizza game. Holy shit.
A Benghazi bully.
I am not doing it.
Those are great.
That's a great idea, man.
Thank you.
It's crazy that they made those cards.
I can't believe that's a real thing.
I thought you made it up when I saw the videos.
Those are all real.
It's insane.
What do those go for?
The Hillary is like 20 bucks. Did you get the Desert Storm trading cards? It's bullshit. I do those go for? The Hillary is like $20.
Did you get the Desert Storm trading cards?
It's really good.
I have a shitload.
If you find a chemical Ali, I will take that shit.
I got boxes in the car, bro.
I got boxes of them.
I'll just give you a box of them. What is your Patreon?
User 830.
Are you serious? You don't have a real Patreon?
It's impossible to find his Patreon.
Yeah, I tried to.
There's no way for me to switch it, I guess.
You can't switch it?
Make a new one, dude.
If they just go to my Instagram and just follow me,
just go to my link tree.
Colin M. Shoemaker on Patreon and that is patreon.com
slash user question mark u equal
sign 823-28791 very easy everyone out there check it out uh yeah i mean let's i don't even think i
can zoom in on that but he's obviously he's a you know he's a titan of industry and he's a he's a
tremendous businessman and he he knows how to set up his websites properly.
So that's Colin Shoemaker.
You can just go on Google, type in Colin
Shoemaker Patreon.
What's your Instagram?
Colin Shoemaker, Colin Shoemake, I think
is the one that everyone follows.
Colin, two L's, C-O-L-L-I-N
S-H-U-M-A-K-E-R
Support Colin. He does good work.
He's risking his life out there.
And, you know, I hope, you know, I just see nothing but more good things happening for you.
Thanks, bro.
Just keep doing shit, man.
You too.
All of you guys.
Thanks, buddy.
Thanks, buddy.
Yeah.
Thanks, buddy.
No, we've been doing this for a decade.
I'm the biggest shoe fan in the world.
You guys are going to kill it.
You have no idea.
I will say, living in Los Angeles,
I've met a lot of celebrities over the years.
Just randomly, you run into them.
I've never felt like anything.
I've never been starstruck.
Except for around shoe.
I had butterflies.
Thank you, shoe, for coming.
Thank you for doing this show.
Thanks for having me.
I know you guys don't get guests.
We love you, buddy. We don't take guests usually. Devin, do a little shot of snake wine before we leave, dude. Nope for doing this show. Thanks for having me. I know you guys don't get guests. We love you, buddy.
We don't take guests usually.
Devin, do a little shot of snake wine
before we leave, dude.
No, not at all.
A little tiny shot.
I don't do snakes.
I don't drink snakes.
Come on.
I'm never going to drink a snake.
Thank you for listening, folks.
Join us on the Patreon
because I think we're about to have
a fucking wild ride on the Patreon.
It's going to be real fun.
We love you.
Thank you for listening.
Good night.