Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Poly Pimpin'
Episode Date: June 3, 2024Family rage stories, being a Dad who's daughter comes home with a boy, women getting pregnant as an excuse to be fat, cop has had it with local ratchet https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast https:/.../raindance.org/festival-programme/somethings-more-than-one-thing/
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It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know
But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end
The best is over
many Americans I think feel that way
I
Sober right now this is bullshit. You're sober fucking water. How are you talking sober?
Beverly Hills Hilton
huh
Hotel whatever the fuck it's called the Beverly Hills Hilton where you're going Hilton. I believe so. Yeah
I've been there one time. I went there one time and Big Sean was the table next to me and he kept ordering women
from other tables
Really? Yes. He's, I'll take that one.
Literally the waiter would come and he goes,
can I get anything else?
He goes, yeah, what's that girl doing over there?
And he'd be like, let me ask her.
And then she'd go to the table and she'd be like, okay.
And then she'd walk over to the table with Big Sean.
By the time I left, he had like nine women at his table.
Wow.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
That's awesome.
And then I went to the bathroom,
and I'm pissing in the urinal,
and I rip the nastiest fart that's a power move
though and I look up and he's right next to me and I fully Sean I slowly fall
mix on go just whiffing my fart Big Sean smelled your shit dude my poop
articles have been a big Sean's no that's a good of ripping a fart in the
urinals actually like it's socially acceptable I believe I think if you're
if you have to rip a fart it should be in the urinal or in a stall. The whole point of the bathroom is to release it's a go fart
Yeah, I come
I've never I've never jacked off in a public restroom and I feel like I'm the only person I've heard often really
Yeah, they never just me. It just seems so illegal your balls has never been overcome with they have- They have been, but I'm like, I'll get caught.
I know I will.
Did you ever jerk off in like a stairwell or?
No, no.
I've never jerked off publicly once.
I've been caught so many times.
I pulled my car over one time like,
like eight, nine years ago, like on a road trip,
I just jacked off on the side of the road.
Never once done that.
I jerked off going 75.
I couldn't take it.
Really?
The pulsing sensation going,
rushing through my body.
I never had that in my entire life.
I remember,
I've been so horny on the airplane sewer,
I'm like, I gotta jack off, I have to.
And I go to the bathroom, I'm like,
there's no way I'm doing that.
Oh, dude, you're a coward.
I like, if I'm in a new place,
I like to jack off in any new area.
Like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant.
I like to mark my territory.
I'm not kidding. I really did like
it would be fun to see cum get flushed out of the airplane toilet. You know, it turns into a spear
and just your cum flying out. That'd be cool. I the mile high club for me. I'm like, I'm not going to
like fuck a woman on this flight, but I'm going to jack. How has anyone ever done that? How is
that ever been? I do it. What are are they gonna drag you out of the bathroom?
Yes.
No, there's no air marshals on every flight.
Yeah, but if you start fucking in a bathroom,
like they see two people go in,
there's people constantly around.
Yeah, it is, and it does seem like really,
I think it must be those flights
where it's the really big flights,
where there's like a middle row.
I was on those back and forth from China, yeah.
And it still was the bathrooms were still bad.
You go back to the bathroom,
there's just a bunch of flight attendants
hanging out back there.
I'm like, there's no way you're getting there.
Yeah, but flight attendants are floozies.
Yeah, they're sluts.
Well, let's do whatever you want.
Flight attendants are sluts.
Slut from 100.
Flight attendants get that job
so they're always in new cities to have new dick.
That's true.
That is true. That's the only reason.
That is the only reason they do that.
What do you think? Spring water, god damn it. That's true. That's the only reason. That is the only reason they do that.
Spring water, god damn it.
Enough of you.
Sorry, I'm taking Devon's last water.
This is the only water I have, Alayna.
Let's pour me a little one of these.
I don't know how to have water without soda.
Lovely.
So, I remember.
You're drinking my last water.
Shut up, queer.
I remember.
You're so mad at me. I remember drinking my last water shut up queer. I remember You got you you you what do you remember John I remember I was at the borders in Glendale
Do you remember that one? I love that borders on brands the orders great. I met Kirk Douglas there
That's why really well cuz I'm I was a weird freaky kid. So one of my heroes growing up was Kirk Douglas
Was he like 90 at that he was like 93 years old. Yeah, he looked like an old Nazi on trial
Just he was like eating dead skin off his face and shit he's cold member snacks. It was disgusting
Yeah, but I met Kirk Douglas there. I was a big Kirk Douglas fan.
But that was because I was a kid
and I found out about all his like his rapes.
So that's why I told my dad.
All those guys raped.
Oh, he was like a champion.
He all, yeah, he raped apparently.
So I remember-
That's nothing to me.
Like he had like two, three, I had like two, 3000.
I remember one of my first most memorable
jargolf experiences.
I walk into the bathroom at that boarders
and this like teenage kid.
Hot damn.
I know, dude.
This teenage kid comes out of the stall and he goes, dude,
there's a bunch of magazines in there. Don't look at them, dude.
Because he came in the.
He came in the magazines.
He stole a bunch of playboys, left them in there.
He come tribute.
Yeah, he was ahead of his time.
He was ahead of his time, and then he saw me
walking into the stall after him,
and he saw how young and new-ball I was,
and he was like, I can't adulterate this little boy.
So he tried to be like, I'm gonna rid myself,
wash my hands of the whole situation,
tell him don't look at those magazines.
First thing I did was beat my fucking dick,
like, for like, as much as I possibly could
to those magazines.
Because you got off to the fact that
another guy just jerked off before you.
Not at all, I wasn't thinking that. You saw his cum. Did you? No, no, no another guy just jerked off before you. Not at all.
You saw his cum.
Dude, you're, you're, you're, you're.
No, no, no, no, you saw his cum.
No, no, no, how dare you.
You spread those sheets and you were like,
ooh, ooh, ooh.
You couldn't help but to touch yourself.
You smelled the pages.
I'm like, I'm like, it's a perfume sample.
Yeah, the perfume sample, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
I used to jack off.
I'm getting notes of unemployed, 37.
And you busted all over the, you mixed your cum in the magazine
with that 35-year-old man.
Some of my first jack-off material as a child was,
my mom had a New Yorker.
Sure.
And there was a whole write-up on breast cancer,
and it was women showing their tits.
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
I was jacking off cancerous tits.
I've jerked off to National Geographic
a million times when I was a kid.
Oh yeah.
Just like a woman in a fucking tribe.
Yeah.
Tits hanging down her knees.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm busting that, no problem.
You thought that was just like ball honeys on a...
What's ball honeys?
You're like, that's jerky to ass.
Yeah.
You go, oh my God, Lacey Duvall's in Africa.
Ha ha ha ha. What's jerky to ass doing in Sabo? Oh my god, Lacey Duvall's in Africa.
What's Cherokee to ass to an ensavo?
What the hell?
Jada Fire's?
Jada Fire's in Senegal?
I reached back into the farthest point of my brain to bring Jada Fire.
I remember Jada Fire's braces period. Oh, how could you forget?
What a time what a time back when pinky was attractive back when what does pinky look like now?
like a toe
Pinky porn star current and see image
current image
Get the explicit ones fuck it okay, that's that's even new that's old that's old, but she still looks like shit Yeah, guys are fucking that
She had her time dude. She was like she yeah, she had like a like Tyrannosaurus Rex body. Yeah
Yeah, you know why not that's not too bad. She had like a she had like the Down syndrome body
Yeah, she did she had downs body the pony kick chest and like when you see like a downs girl
Who's like kind of in shape and you're like?
Alright, yeah, yeah, is it illegal to fuck Down syndrome woman?
No, if you're normal if you have if you can think no if you're normal
I mean you have the capability of thinking is it elite is it considered evil to fuck a Down syndrome?
Girl, I wonder it has to depend on where they are
Here's the thing shouldn't we make it so they're mentally kind of always like not like a kid
That's the thing. It's something like aren't I don't know how that works is like I've met people with Down syndrome
I'm like you're holding a conversation. You're fine. I think it would be evil no matter what yeah I wouldn't never do it
Yeah
I think anyone that was but I don't know what the legal repercussions are of it
Because also you'll see unlike those like like love on the spectrum. You'll see a guy with autism
Have like match up with a girl with Down syndrome, and I'm like that doesn't that's on the same thing right?
Autism is like social a lot of highly functioning autistic people. That's what's what I'm saying. Yeah, but they'll date a girl with downs
There's no downs. You know, you don't meet people like in life and they're like, you know living life and and you go
Yeah, he's downsy. Does that fall under like the Romeo and Juliet?
Autistic you say that about people that you meet all the time. Yeah
No, I feel like I feel like a guy with autism dating a girl with Down syndrome is like,
it's like when a senior dates a freshman.
Yes.
That's what it feels like.
Right, right.
I, you know.
You're like, this is kinda weird,
but there's actually,
I mean, you guys are in school together, I guess.
I don't.
Down syndrome people just have really low IQs,
but autistic people, I feel,
are way more socially awkward than people with Down syndrome.
Yeah.
You know? So maybe it might equal out in a way that
Are you guys?
That's sweet sweet burning
Are you guys gonna give a shit if you have are you both gonna have kids, right? Yeah, I'm gonna
It's private autistic your downs. You're gonna have kids for sure. Definitely, yeah. 100%? Yeah.
Okay.
I hope to.
That's cool.
I better be in the running for
For what?
Godfather, whatever.
Yeah, sure, whatever titles there are.
It's going to Josh and Janelle.
I'll make you the godfather.
I want you to know,
when I'm not doing the podcast,
I'm a very responsible, good person.
I see you all the time.
You know me. Yes. You know who I am. That's why good person. I see you all the time. You know me.
Yes.
You know who I am.
That's why.
Come on, let's tighten it up.
We all know the god's alien, right? Let's make this episode more sane.
We all know the godfather gets first dibs.
Isn't that what it means?
You can fuck my kid, Devan.
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
So you're gonna have, you're gonna have,
I have to say I'm kidding.
So you are gonna have kids too?
Insha'allah, yes.
What do you mean, like God willing?
God willing, yes.
Okay, now, but here's the thing.
Are you guys gonna give a shit if you have a daughter
and they are 16 and they are dating
and they wanna fuck a boy at school
and they bring that boy home and they fuck that boy Are you gonna like flip out? No
Okay, Connor. I
mean I
It's obviously hard cuz obviously something changes when it happens. Yeah, get this more protective. She becomes a slut
No, you have to let them know and now I'm disgusted, but that could that could but that's also like I'm chunky
No, but no, well, no, no, no, no, 90% of that is true.
Women that have, any woman that has sex is a slut,
but like, but it's hard to define,
I know, I'm kidding, obviously,
but like, when, if you have, I don't know, like-
We're all very insecure about the jokes
we're making tonight, for some reason.
No, I'm fine.
If you have a daughter and she's fucking her boyfriend in high school and she's 16.
Do they love each other?
Yeah, I guess it def-
That's what I would say.
I guess it's decided by that.
If you love him, you can fuck him.
The reason I brought it up-
I'd go, honey, let me watch.
Let me see the patch.
Okay, check out this video of a dad going crazy on his daughter for sneaking a guy guy. Yeah, this is gonna turn her into a slut
He has a hockey stick
Dumbass calling your daughter
What are you doing? Dumbass.
Calling your daughter dumbass.
That's insane.
Matt!
Well, she's calling her father by his first name.
What are you doing?
His first name.
She's saying Matt.
No, she said dad.
No, she said Matt.
She said dad.
Oh, my bad.
Matt, stop!
Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Yeah, he's a fucking loser.
He's already failed.
That's a sign of like that your kids hate you
if they call you by your first name.
That's stepdad. I don't know, Steven! they call you by your first name. That's stepped out.
I don't know Steven.
Yeah.
This is also the plot of Fear, the Mark Wahlberg movie.
Oh, right.
Yes, yes, dude.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Hell yeah.
I saw the bruises on his chest.
That wasn't even a bit,
I was just trying to like get his heart like.
I'm sorry.
That's what you do.
You make your daughter,
okay, so this is,
you make her watch all these classic movies as she's growing up
So she gets used to like the gentleman, you know, I mean like Cary Grant and shit
That's we do when she's like a little girl
You make her watch all this shit and then you make her think that you will fucking kill
You will kill yourself and kill her kill her boyfriend in the back. All right, right you not actually
I've read this in baby books you make
Actually, I've heard that I've read this in baby books You know you make make make your daughter to kill make your daughter aware that you'll kill her yourself
And if she's a slut make it in the back of her head
But also the front you encourage them to have sex with people they love and then you're solid gold
But how do you decide here's the thing cuz they won't really fall
I'll be like listen what do you do mess around I feel like if I have a good relationship my daughter
And I know her and I go you're you're a fucking you're a whipper snapper
You're you're sharp skank. You're a fiery
Piece of ass you're a fiery piece of ass. You're a fiery hot piece of ass. And if you want my daughter, I'll tell you
No, but if you have a good relationship with your daughter and they're 16 and they're
Bringing a guy home from from school and they're 16 and they're bringing a guy
home from from school and they're banging him I don't feel like you can
really do anything you gotta like kind of let people you kind of let them I
feel like you break the trust tree I'd be like if you get upset you got a kind
of like yeah yeah be like is this okay how do you feel about him I just want to
meet the guy yeah meet. Let's meet him.
Right, yeah.
You know?
I can't wait for you to be a dad.
Why?
I don't know, this is gonna be-
You're gonna be aggressive Irish dad.
You're gonna be a crazy dad.
It's gonna be crazy.
You think I'll be a psycho?
You're gonna be a psycho.
I get worried about hitting my kids.
Because I have rage inside of me.
I know.
Trust me, I mean I've been worried.
I get therapy for you.
No, come on.
I talk about you.
No, that's not true. I'm a little worried. I am worried. I'm worried one day I'm just gonna fucking. No, come on. I talk about you. No, that's not true.
I'm a little worried.
I am worried.
I'm worried one day I'm just gonna fucking.
It's okay to pop your kid, I think.
If they cross that line.
Deep rage inside of me.
Did your dad ever hit you?
No, one time.
Once, like actual punch or?
One time, no, like bent me over, spanked me brutally.
Wow, weird.
He must've got back from black church.
I don't know where that came from.
He watched Kings of Comedy that day.
He was fucking ballistic.
He's like, Bernie Mac said.
My nephew's a fag.
My nephew came home in a pinstripe suit.
He was like, so I'm beating that ass over.
Do, do, do.
Talk to your mama like that.
I ain't scared of you.
Baby, I respect this shit.
So your dad spanked you.
He spanked me one time. Your mom ever slap you? you. Baby, I'm gonna smack this shit out of my head. So your dad spanked you? He spanked me one time.
Your mom ever slap you?
No.
John, you?
My mother, so we, I, all throughout my childhood,
we never got bent over the knee spanked,
but we got like, if you were being bad,
they'd whap you on the ass.
Okay, a whap.
And that was scary, and that,
I think that's a good middle ground,
and also, but my dad would do this thing
when I got older, when I was like a teenager.
My dad has a shake, his hand shakes,
and you do this fucking thing where he would literally
just press his fucking finger in your chest and it would hurt.
And he'd be like, you fucking suck.
Imagine that, but five times harder.
And he'd be like, you fucking retard.
My dad would never.
My dad.
He'd call you a retard?
No, he never called me a retard,
but he'd scream at me like once a year.
He called me a fucking idiot because I smoked cigarettes and his fingers shake.
How old were you when you started smoking cigarettes?
Because of him.
He knew.
Yeah, he smoked, right?
He knew.
Ridiculous.
So your dad never hit you?
Never slapped you?
No, I got spanked consistently throughout my childhood.
My dad's rage though,
when my dad would scream as a kid,
it would like rattle us to our core.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
So that's all he had to do.
My dad has a very deep voice.
You've heard my dad talk.
Sure.
When he yells, I swear to God, to this day, it makes me so uncomfortable.
That's all he has to do.
He spanked me that one time.
I was like, heard you loud and clear, dude.
I won't.
No clue.
I was like six or seven.
My dad had a fucking... My dad is probably considered a
like technically like a
quote unquote a rage-aholic
my dad
He he had a gold tooth in the back of his mouth
Because he had like fucked up dental work as a kid so he had like a gold tooth And when I saw that gold tooth, I knew it was time to run
And when I saw that gold tooth, I knew it was time to run
Yes impression and it always cracked me up you do the do the thing I do it on the table
Well, I would go Devin do your dad when he's angry and you would we were like teen when you're like 20 We you do this thing
Slap the table
Hit something and and it was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life
Like I used to be like I was actually that trope
of the kid afraid of his dad coming home.
Like I would see, when I was a kid,
I'd be all excited, I'd be waiting at the window,
like oh he's parking, yay!
And then as I got older, I was like this is a hell.
This is a hell on earth.
And I love my father,
cause you gotta fucking, you gotta like be realistic
with yourself about stuff.
You gotta be realistic with yourself about human dynamics
and what people are trying their best, I guess.
I don't know, I just love, I fuckin', he's,
it wasn't that bad, but he was.
Your dad's also the kindest man I've ever met.
He's also a good person, but yeah, I remember, you know,
my dad, I remember my dad slapping me
in front of my grandparents when I was a child
and throwing me on a bed.
In the face?
Yeah, slapping me in the face and then grabbing me by,
and then throwing me on a bed in front of the whole family.
And that didn't do him well in the PR circle.
Yeah.
His public image was muddied.
My extended family was not stoked about that.
And then we're talking like fucking,
you know, they were like old, you know,
World War II veteran people.
And they were even like, whoa, what the fuck?
Where is this coming from?
So you had the gold tooth.
My dad did this, he went.
I can see your fucking dad doing that right now. You're like, oh, I'm my bad, dude. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry
Yeah, did your grandpa's ever yell at you?
my grandfather
My grandpa was so drunk all the time. He was shitting his brains out 24 7. My dad's dad is like
Textbook alcoholic where he was literally drunk all the time
And if he wasn't drunk he was on the toilet having diarrhea
Yeah, like every time I ever went to my grandparents house. He was on the toilet. That's crazy
Yeah, my point when my dad won Christmas by my dad by his dad a padded toilet seat
He's like you're there all the fucking time. So here you go
My grandfather polio and he couldn't walk right in? So he was in wheelchairs his entire life.
And then towards the end of his life,
they got him an electric wheelchair.
My grandfather was built like a fucking gorilla.
Like the guy had pencil legs,
because for 50 years of his life,
he could use his legs, but his upper body was just shredded.
And I remember, and I'm named after him as John.
And he would, I remember he,
they got him an electric wheelchair
because he was getting older.
And I, we would, growing up,
he had a garage full of wheelchairs. And all that we'd I we would growing up He had a garage full wheelchairs and all that we go into is we go to the house me and my cousins
We'd all get in wheelchairs and we'd roll down the street real quick and like do all these crazy shit in the wheelchairs
But one day I was like, I'm just gonna steal his electric fucking murder ball
It was amazing Laguna Beach we were just fucking going on hills on wheelchairs
I remember I was like, oh, I'm gonna take his electric wheelchair today cuz he hated the electric wheelchair
He's fucking big and I fucking know what I fuck I can go downstairs. I'm not a liberal
I'm not liberal fuck the fuck the environment my polio ridden grandfather was anti-ada
Yeah, couldn't comprehend why people would need he demanded a those crazy a diesel wheelchair
Hop in the wheelchair.
Seriously, no, but I took his electric wheelchair
and I slammed it into some drywall in his hallway
and it like made a crack.
And I remember just hearing my grandfather go,
what the fuck was that?
And then he comes out of his wheelchair and he looks at me
and he goes, what the hell are you thinking about?
And it was like my dad squared.
It was like the scariest thing I've experienced.
But yeah, no, the guy was terrifying.
And I could see where it came from.
Sure.
I think I inherited my mom's dad's like inner rage.
I don't know if I've said this on the podcast before,
but there's one time we were all kids,
me and my brother, my two cousins,
they were fucking with my grandpa.
He was hosing like the backyard, all the grass
and flowers and stuff.
Which was, by the way, such a classic grandfather.
Grandpas loved gardening.
The minute you hit 70 as a grandparent,
you're obsessed with your tomatoes.
My grandpa had roses and carrots, it was hilarious.
He had a power hose, he was just fucking spraying this shit.
And my brother and my two cousins were running up behind him and kinking the hose
And he turned around they'd be gone. They'd run away. It was like a fun prank
They were doing I came late to the party and I ran up one time
I was like, what are you guys doing? And they kinked the hose and they ran away
Grandpa turns around just sees me there. I'm six years old
He fucking nails me in the face of the hose and I fall back and he's standing above me
Just spray
As hard as he can you little motherfucker
Just like trying to recreate the civil rights
I'm also getting I'm getting more muddy. He's like getting more into it
More hateful he becomes he's getting like more flashback
We sitting above me just be you remember
To the point where my dad like had to like run and like full like football tackle my grandpa
Oh fuck, they're like our family's
I don't know if I could say this is just the story your uncle Joe was talking about. Yeah. Yeah full on like football tackle of my grandpa. Well, fuck. They're like, what the fuck is this?
I don't know if I can say it,
but is this the story your uncle Joe was talking about?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sorry. Yeah.
OK. OK. Yes.
I told you recently. Yeah.
Just stood above me, fucking spraying me in the face,
Harzi Kube with like a power hose.
I get hurt.
Yeah, that's crazy.
I'm soaked. I'm covered in mud.
My dad tackles him.
And I'm like, I have that rage in me.
Yeah.
Where it's like, gritting your teeth
and hurting you.
You know what I gotta say though,
you have rage within you, but you definitely
are really good at not, you don't show it
in embarrassing ways.
I've never really seen you become enraged
in a crazy way.
I'm guilty of that.
I also get tested so much more than anyone else I know.
That if I succumb to it every time it happens, I would just, I'd be of that. I also get tested so much more than anyone else I know that if I succumb to it every time it happened
I would just I'd be in jail. Yeah, I
Was much angrier when I was like late teens early 20s. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm like, alright people just kind of don't like me
Yeah, people fuck with me a lot if I acted on every single one of these I something about it
You know my grandfather never
Mo my what I knew my grandfather my grandfather
wanted to have a
Great retirement and sail off into the sunset, but the minute he retired he got emphysema
Oh, and so a year into his retirement
He had you know an oxygen tank and couldn't do any of the things he wanted to do couldn't couldn't go live
You know on lakes, do retirement shit.
He was a World War II veteran.
And so it was really depressing and horrific for,
I didn't know, I was a kid, but when I found out later,
because he was always just the guy
with the fucking oxygen tank to me.
That was his life.
My grandmother was like Livia Soprano-y.
A little bit.
Like she was the one, I loved her,
but she was the one that was like, whoa,
a little strange.
Like, you should make me a bologna sandwich.
By the way, bologna sandwiches are incredible.
Oh yeah.
They're the best thing on earth.
A World War II generation grilled baloney sandwich
is fucking unbelievable.
Just seasoned with trauma.
With some white bread toasted
and you put a little mustard, little mayonnaise in it.
You fry that baloney.
Fucking unbelievable those World War II savages.
But my grandmother would be the type where like if I...
If...
No I'm talking white Americans, like savages.
This is an equal opportunity. My grandma's favorite thing was canned oysters.
She would just put a bowl of canned oysters in front of you.
It'd kick ass.
There we go.
Yeah.
But my grandmother was the type that would be like,
she would show rage in very strange ways.
Like she would constantly tell this,
she would always say like her doctor,
she had like a doctor right obviously.
And she would go like, she would just go
on these weird long rants about how like,
like, my doctor, you know, I said like,
I said do I really need to drink drink water is water really?
It's water really like that important, and she would she would I don't know if she's made up
She would go her doctor would
Anything anyone said to her was like violent sounding like it knew how she retold stuff so she would go and my doctor said
You don't need water! It's a load of shit!
That's how she would tell a story at dinner.
And we'd be like, what the fuck, who, what doctor are you seeing that screams at you like that?
That's crazy, grandma!
I had a stolen Valor grandpa.
Like, my grandpa was the lifeguard.
It's Nazi stolen Valor. Nazi stolen Valor grandpa. My grandpa was the lifeguard. Nazi stole the Valor. Nazi stole the Valor.
My grandfather was like the lifeguard
at the Laguna Beach Officers Club
all throughout World War II.
And he just kept insisting he was like at Guadalcanal.
If it's really fucking funny.
And like I remember, like at the end of World War II
they would just bring piles of fucking weapons
to the docks and if you were in the Navy
you could just grab where the fuck you want to take it home and my grandfather
I guess grabbed a rifle and a bayonet my dad sold the rifle a long time ago
But I guess my grandfather held on to the Japanese bayonet. I still have it this day in my fucking office
But I remember my grandfather like one day he was like he's wheeling and he's like John
I'm gonna give you something and I'm like, okay
And I take it over he wheels into his bedroom and he, and he opens up the closet, and he gets the box,
and in the box is his bayonet, and he dusts it off,
and my grandmother's standing behind him,
and he goes, I want you to have this.
And my grandma, I pull it out of the sheath,
and it's like this shink, it's like this big bayonet,
and my grandmother goes, that's an ugly blade, John,
and my grandfather goes, you shoulda seen the chap
I killed and took it from.
Oh my God.
Dude, he was like stolen valid lieutenant Dan
Yeah, he kicked ass and then I guess after he he stayed in the Navy for like a couple years after World War two yeah and
This he lied to get into damage control on a boat
So like damage rules most important part of being on a boat.
Like if the boat gets torpedoed,
you're the first guy in there that fixes everything.
So he said he was a pipe fitter
before he went in the Navy, which was the utter lie.
He didn't know anything about pipes or plumbing or anything.
And he gets in there, he's just bullshitting his way
for like years on this fucking, the USS Purdy
he was on, the P-U-R-D-Y.
And this guy caught onto him.
And the guy started following my grandfather everywhere
on the boat.
And eventually he followed my grandfather
into the showers one day.
And then eventually ratted on my grandfather.
I said, this guy doesn't know what he's doing,
whatever, whatever.
And my grandfather went, had to report the skipper
because the guy ratted on him.
And the guy was like, hey, this guy's saying
you actually don't know how to do your job, yada yada.
And my grandfather just said, yeah, I think the guy's gay.
And then they kicked that guy off the boat
It was Billy bud
Yeah, that was his my grandfather was big into revenge. He fucking loved revenge. Yeah, I think my dad's dad was a closet homosexual
Really? That's where all his rage comes from. I think yeah, what makes you you think that? They all think that he just had very silky hands,
he moved very effeminately,
but was like just drunk all the time and was into poetry.
That's Irish, though, they like poetry.
No, but there was something off of, you know what I mean?
He could've been like a Christopher Walken Irish guy.
He was kicked out of the Navy for being the, quote unquote,
worst soldier they had ever seen. Did your family-unquote worst soldier they had ever seen. Oh, did your family have?
That's what they said to him that was a story I've been told from my dad I
Love that. Did your guys families have things where they were like very anti the women in the family like ever being able to do anything
Besides not at all. My family's incredibly progressive and yeah, okay, so
One of the reasons that I fucking really despise that old country horseshit and like
Not Islam because they weren't like Muslim, but like the Arab
sensibilities Latin
Antiquity part when I was a little kid I would
notice these things, my mom is hilarious. You guys obviously know my mom. She's a great
woman. My mom has a huge personality, she's an incredibly funny, talented person, has
so much to offer and has. But she didn't really do something
she could've done with her life, I think,
in terms of she could sing, she was funny as fuck.
My mom could've been like Lucille Ball,
in my opinion, knowing my mom.
And when I was a kid, my mom was the funny woman,
like everywhere we went.
And there were these old fucking Arab family members,
and I remember my mom talked too much,
they would literally look at somebody
and they'd go like, they do the yap yap yap.
They do the yap yap yap.
Oh that's horrible.
Or they'd act like whatever she was saying
was completely ridiculous and insane.
And as a kid, I remember noticing that
and becoming who I am today, a very hateful man.
Very disrespectful of culture.
Who also hates women.
So it rubbed off on you, that's actually crazy.
You learn nothing from it.
You actually just mimic their behavior.
Wow.
Connor, I hate untalented women.
My mom is a queen and a saint,
and she's insanely talented and hilarious.
I think all women are talented and strong and beautiful.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
I think my mom was in the.4% of women
that are worthwhile.
.4%?
No, but I- That's what the doctor said, the doctor said, she's in the upper percentile of worthwhile I
But I remember seeing these old
Fucks that fart in chairs all day like being cocksuckers to my mom and being so I remember
It kind of like shaped. I think maybe like my lack of respect for other cultures
I'm like, oh all all you guys just like are scumbags.
You know, and I'm not.
I just shit on American women.
Yeah, some of those customs, too,
where it's a compliment to burp after a meal.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's certain cultures that are like.
Oh, I think it's like your family.
No, no, no, no, I'm saying that's how I became racist.
It's like friends of friends,
grandparents were like,
you'd be sitting at a dinner table and they'd burp and fart and they'd be like,
that's cause I think it's good. And you're like, yeah, it's disgusting.
You guys are funny. I had like an opposite reaction. Like I,
I traveled so much in early twenties and late teens and I get, I,
I remember I was in Vietnam and I, I,
I was so nervous about large gatherings of foreign people because I just pictured if you like some Jason Bourne event where I get slinch
I don't write for being American and I was this I was I was at this cafe
Like if you're an American you envision that you have to like snap seven men's necks so you can yeah
You're like like take it on away. Yeah
Johnny boy nothing to worry about not a rope big enough on this fucking planet's a lynchery.
Very good, very good.
I remember that.
They try over and over again.
It's like a three stooges sketch.
You just keep snapping rope after rope.
It's like the electric chair.
They're trying to find chains.
You have to do it multiple times.
No, they uh-
They fry him, like your chair starts eating his arms.
You have to fry chicken nearly. Yeah. You have to be triple fried. No, you're like you're like they fry me like you change starts eating his arms
You have to be triple fried
I was in Hanoi and I was at this cafe and this big gathering of fucking Vietnamese people And I remember just being like oh shit like maybe I should bounce out of here cuz I'm where there's I was in the
middle of a protest in Kenya that also like freaked me out a bit and I was like
I should get the fuck out of here and I was like I asked the cafe worker
I was like what what are these people meeting up for and the guy just looks me goes
Oh, they're just picking up their kids from school and I went oh, we're like the same people
We're all the same fucking people right I know it's still I know
Fuck you guys, but other cultures pick up other goals to take up their kids from school
And they all get and it's remember the bullshit line
I'm not gonna pretend like John's being crazy with this like I didn't even know they had schools
You remember the bullshit lines. I'm not gonna pretend like John's being crazy with this like I didn't even know they had schools
They're picking their kids up from child soldier camp
Honey how many blood diamonds did you collect today?
No, it's it's it's weird It's it's like once you recognize like the echoes of colonialism when you go to places like that, especially China
That's the other thing is like when you're at-
China.
China got fucking, China was a lucky Pierre
for like 300 years.
And then you get elbowed in the back
at a fucking nightclub because of that.
Yeah, I'll kill that guy, I'll kill that motherfucker.
Well, they would have beaten you to death.
Not that guy, I was like a fucking hit nightclub.
No, the cops would have fucked your shit up.
Well, if this is the public episode,
Connor was elbowed extremely hard while he was in Shanghai Shanghai
Thank you, and then a guy flipped him off to his dog. It's very fucking double dude
Double double holstered me. How old was he?
Probably like 23 you probably could have punched him and got away with it if you ran. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, you're really missing out
What do you mean?
There's a second confrontation where you missed out
on punishing the man.
I don't wanna do that though.
Yeah, but you do.
I did.
I did really badly.
It ruined my night.
One day you will.
I know, I know.
Connor felt really bad about this
and started thinking much deeper about like,
you know, how he conducts himself
and how he looks.
How I conduct myself and how I look.
One day Connor's gonna hurt somebody.
His general, you know, state of being alive.
You know, you guys keep contributing to me
being like handsome.
I think there's like a...
What do you think it is then?
I think there's like an essence I give off.
I think it comes down to like hormones and pharaoh.
You're being weird.
I think they smell something on me.
No, you're just a handsome white man.
But I'm not even that, like I'm not that.
Your body is morphia.
Your body is morphia.
Connor, do you remember back in the day,
I said the joke about how you look like
you're gonna kill your wife on a yacht someday.
You got this weird, you got this lifetime movie
husband look to you.
You're a hot guy.
Where you look like you're gonna just fucking
get away with murdering. I look like Logic.
I don't, I mean I'm not like.
Logic's a lot uglier than you buddy.
Okay. Yeah, Logic's got horrible acting.
But I'm not giving that off when I'm walking around.
Connor, Connor, I think I'm handsome.
So what the fuck do you think you are?
You also play into it with how you dress.
You keep wearing it, you wear it.
So why do they?
You wear these big shirts, tightest tights.
I try to be off the scent.
You like to look, you dress like fucking weird,
baggy, like SpongeBob clothes,
you like wanna make yourself a square,
you don't even like, you need to like start playing into
like how good you actually look.
It would be worse if I did that.
Yeah, it'd be way worse, cause you're hot.
This is my porcupine, I'm, this is my,
Cause they think you're,
You're like a chick who was raped,
wears baggy clothes, cause she doesn't wanna get looked at again.
These people are fucking with you.
That's what it is.
Cause they think you're like a fraudulent,
like white, white, like chiseled guy.
Yeah.
That you can't be dressing all big.
You could've just popped your shirt off.
Start killing people.
Yeah, start killing Asians.
You should start wearing like
Jim Tan laundry like shirts and shit.
Yeah.
And like, like tight.
Let's go, let's go to the Beverly Hills Hotel tonight.
Kill wheelchair bad.
That's your first victim.
You talk sideways to me one time, I'm killing it.
Crazy.
What do we got here, Debbie?
Okay, so we got an entitled 18 year old
with a terrible attitude meets a no-nonsense cop.
I mean, by the way, I haven't watched it,
but I feel like that title, this better be good,
Entitled 18-Year-Old with a Terrible Attitude
Meets a No-Nonsense Cop.
Who the fuck is writing these?
I gotta meet, yeah, I got a good feeling about this one.
Is the person that writes these headlines
the guy that was like going after Spider-Man
like at the Tabloid magazine? The Sheriff John Bonnell. Entitled 18-Year-Old with a Terrible Attitude These headlines the guy that was like like like going after spider-man like
Like the sheriff John Bennell entitled 18 year old a terrible attitude meets no nonsense calm. It's the same person who writes porn titles
I love people screaming their heads off. I feel like cops scream. This guy would get fired in LAPD.
I think this cop does scream.
Good.
Get wild!
I don't care!
Get wild!
He's yelling right now.
There we go.
That's all I watch.
That's all I watch.
420.
For 20.
Reports of a fight.
Reports of a fight?
Reports of a fight?
Through a window.
Upon arrival, the officers immediately
recognized the woman from previous encounters.
That's the hood.
Why do uh women in the hood wear shower caps?
Well black women have to wear a cap to protect their hair while they sleep and stuff.
Yeah but this is the middle of the day.
Well they're lazy.
What do you think? That's their pajamas. Do you think black women are like, do you think they Yeah, but this is the middle of the day. Well, they're lazy.
That's their pajamas.
Do you think black women are like,
do you think they're like bats?
That's part of their pajamas set up.
They sleep throughout the day.
Why women who wear sweatpants,
black women wear bonnets, you know?
Okay, interesting.
Yeah, it's part of their pajamas set up.
And they're beautiful.
They're in head to toe pajamas.
They're beautiful and they smell like coconut.
You know what, women are a little too lazy for my taste.
I couldn't agree more.
Women are obsessed with just like sitting in beds.
Every girl I know.
Like meh, I'm just, I just need,
I can't believe most women don't have bed sores.
Every girl I know, every girl I know is a sleepy bozo.
All they do is take naps all day, every day.
They're tired all the time.
I'm like, from what?
I was hanging out with a girl who literally told me,
I just get more REM sleep than the average person.
And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
They're obsessed with sleep.
I guess it's because their bodies are constantly like,
you know, women are like, you remember the Xbox?
Remember when it had the red ring?
The red ring.
The red ring.
Every month they have a red ring of death
and they just go like,
put a bunch of towels over me and heat me up. And then the game will play for another two weeks. Every month they have a red ring of death and they just go like
Put a bunch of towels over me and heat me up and then with the game will play for another people is like ours Connor, where's your wife? I'm like, I'm rebooting her in the in the bedroom
Yeah, women suck ass and we're done with you and we're gonna fuck ourselves. How about that whores?
Fuck you guys. How about that? I?
Don't need girls. I got John and I don't need any women in my life
I'm just so I'm just so distraught because I don't know if you guys know this Ida left me
I didn't I didn't know about this, but I found out on reddit. We don't yeah, I've been thinking about it for
I didn't know about this, but I found out on Reddit. Me too.
Yeah, I've been thinking about it for...
That's how I found out.
Ida Leffner.
How do you feel?
Dude, how's single life?
Um, you know, it sucks, but also at the same time, I never thought I'd know Kyrie Irving.
So it's cool that she is in a relationship with Kyrie Irving.
Yeah.
And that's nice.
So you guys didn't break up, you opened the relationship.
We opened it up. Yeah., but she's favoring Kyrie
I'm kind of like her pimp. Yeah. Yeah, you're pimp, you know
And then she's got a couple John's right now named Kyrie Irving and Luca Donchic
That's a very funny sketch the poly couple where the guy thinks he's a pimp
He just keeps saying he's a pimp. He's like, yo, she's fucking all day.
And this girl's just fucking everybody.
He's like, I'm a pimp.
He's dressed like a 70s pimp too with a big hat.
Fur coat.
He's like, hey bitch, get over here.
Show me some love.
She's like, shut up.
And you're like, damn, classic whore.
Classic bitch.
It's like Iceberg Slim said, you know?
But anyway, no, I'm like distraught right now because my girlfriend of eight years left me.
Yeah, you guys don't know this,
but every time we cut, you know,
between episodes, Devin's just a puddle of tears.
He's a fucking pussy.
I can't even take it.
I can't take it.
It's pretty pathetic.
I'm getting the ick, actually.
I swear to God, I swear to God.
The other day, PJ Washington hit me up on my Instagram,
he's the place for the Mavericks,
and he said, yo, that bitch eats the cum really well.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Dude!
Oh my God.
And I was like, PJ, you don't need to let me know this stuff.
That's between you and her. And her pants pants and where's the thousand for the hour and you go PJ
Also, it's great to learn something new about the love of my life through you. I go Derek Lively listen
I know you had a great time, but you're still late. Where's that thousand dollars?
Oh wow, and also I heard Greek happens. That's 400 extra
Also pretty low pretty low
I don't charge much for Ida's ass. No, you're a good guy. I
Just asked is like fine with me. And so like 400 for Greek is okay
I
Know we're having fun. Let's watch this. We're having her my girlfriend's a fucking
Ex-girlfriend
Left Kimberly she fucking left me. Yeah
Fuck an NBA theme
The entire roster she's fucking the bench. Whole fucking theme.
She's fucking the bench, dude.
Jason, she, I rent her out to let Jason Kidd punch her.
We all know his history with women.
Jason Kidd beats the shit out of Ida.
She's the official whore fucking punching bag
of the Dallas Mavericks.
That's her title. Wh fucking punching bag of the Dallas Mavericks. That's a title.
Whore punching bag.
No, but it's just it sucks to have,
when your woman leaves you.
Devin's been, you know, I've been trying to get him
to go to a strip club or something, he won't do it.
He keeps crying unless he's not.
No, because I know, she'll come back.
Well, it really fucks me up that you keep referring
to her as your girlfriend. She your girlfriend. It really makes me sad
You're living in delusion. She's gonna come crawling back
Hallelujah, he's gonna come crawling come on back because her fucking legs don't work after getting fucking railed
I just gonna come crawling back to me limping limping. Yeah, I'm gonna turn her down
She come back in a wheelchair, but she crawls back to me. I go get back to you rolls back to you get back to the shelter bitch
Get back to your shelter bitch
These women these hose
No, but in all honesty my girlfriend of eight years is like a bitch. Shut the fuck up.
Go back there. I'll talk to you guys in a second.
What's going on?
I'm pregnant!
Oh Jesus Christ.
The funniest line delivery of a cop of all time.
I'm pregnant!
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
Fuck yeah, dude.
No, this, I think this guy is based, because he screamed at her in the promo, so like,
I think he, this guy like knows her, probably.
My window, please.
Please, sir.
Why is it always something with you, Ola?
I don't know, bro!
I don't know, bro!
I don't know!
Why is it always something with you?
I'm not your bro. We've been over this't know. Why is it always something with you?
I'm not your bro, we've been over this.
I apologize.
It's always something with you, Ala.
Yeah, it can always be something.
Can you turn your windshield wipers off?
I'm sorry.
Can you stop? Get in the car, Ala.
Get in the car!
Shut up and get in the car, Ala!
He is so familiar with her, it's insane.
Shut your door! in the car. He's so familiar with her. It's yeah, she knows
Shut your car door
Generation and and going up
There's zoomers to our whole generation no everyone in our generation and zoomers they all go like Yeah, bro, like no fuck. I'm not broke. Everyone's a bro. No matter what race you are
You say it like a black guy bro used to mean something
Yeah, I don't know I don't know that's new necessarily I think it's kind of new over familiar
I think black people kind of always talk like that and now but everyone took it now black culture
Just the most popular is the culture. He's a man in the 70s. Everybody's like me a man
Come on man, you know, I need that fucking syrup doc. What a shit hole. Imagine living on this street.
It looks fine.
I'd kill myself.
That looks like shit, Connor.
What are you talking about?
That looks fine.
All the houses are big.
You got a front yard.
Those aren't houses.
Those are shit boxes.
Those are houses.
No, that's like four people to an apartment.
That's a faded memory of a house.
That's a house.
That's a faded memory of a town.
So who here's messing with Abba?, oh he's defending her a little bit
Which one of your blacks so here who hears messing with Allah so we went up to Allah she was like whoop-de-whoop yada yada yada
This I want to go. No, she pregnant. OK, so she thought it was something else. She comes over, writes her wish. This cop takes us right there.
Well, how they end up back over there?
What's up with her jeans?
So there's a style. That's crazy.
I had to pull it in the garage.
So we just ravaged this one over here.
He said he is sending a video.
Then she called me again.
She's about to come and bust my truck windows out right here.
So basically, just waited until she came.
And since she got here, she tried to get her money back.
Then she started doing all this, this and that.
That's what happened.
I just didn't want my shit getting broke.
So I pulled back up.
Because literally, she like, I'm about to come break your shit.
I pulled up.
She coming around the corner.
She still living at her mom's?
With who?
The cop is like playing it.
He's like, the cop is like,
she still living at her mom's?
What is shit?
He's code switching.
Yeah, the cop is like,
acting like Jason Williams right now.
He's like, yo, which one you messing with, Allah?
He's doing like between the legs, like questions.
He's like, so she still living at her mom's
Backwards chair like Michelle Pfeiffer
Let me kick you straight playboy never heard a cop say she's still living at her mom's and shit
No, you're not no, you're not you're the black, bitch, you have to pay for this. No, you're not. Did you hear the black woman go, no, bitch, you gotta pay for this.
I gotta go, I'm not being arrested,
I'm not being detained, so I have over.
Give me my money, give me my money.
Oh, there's always a debt involved
that no one knows about.
Hearing a black woman say that.
The black woman going like,
you didn't pay for your motherfucking Fanta last week.
Bitch, like, bitch, I did that non-dairy creamer.
What'd you say?
What'd you say?
I don't know, dude.
Non-dairy creamer?
What did you say?
In my head, you know what happened is my brain's.
Because you think black people are lack of intolerance.
No, no, my brain's so fried.
So you go there, they're all like obsessed with non-dairy
creamer.
My brain's so fried.
In my head, I thought baby formula,
because they're black,
and then what came out was non-dairy creamer.
Why would baby formula be a black one they all have an underground trade a baby formula
What?
Are you just thinking of Alfredo so they'll trade baby formula because you could buy with EBT for like Newport cigarettes and shit
You know about that
Dude you're alright. Let's look into this. What?
Pulled into the tab because yeah, what yeah
What do you like so like you can buy baby form with ebt and the state the price of baby formula?
Stays pretty standard so what you'll do is you'll take the baby formula. What do I even type in a baby formula underground trade
Won't this come up on so why is baby formula kept under lock and key because they'll trade it for like fucking like
cigarettes like this article is gonna say like cuz of you know a
recent series of memes and
Social network one-liners purport to expose the moral bankruptcy of capitalism by asking rhetorically. Why is baby formula kept under lock and key?
Why is Baby Formula kept under lock and key? The explicit inference is that it's only a profound form of greed that would see such
an essential good critical to the most vulnerable human beings being so securely held.
It is at least shameful and more likely evil, the assertion continues, that infant formula
is maintaining cages and supermarkets, revealing the sinister character of the profit system. First, baby formula regularly appears on lists
of the most shoplifted goods.
So are you saying that black people
keep stealing baby formula?
Is that?
Well essentially you cut drugs with it
because it's non-toxic and then you can trade it
for like liquor and shit.
All right, so but what?
So how does that have to do is like black people are definitely there's like an underground market for baby formula
Yeah, I remember when I was in when I was in like
When I lived when I worked on Jefferson and Crenshaw at that warehouse. What are you doing? I'm excited
Jack Nicholson excited
What worked out Jefferson and Crenshaw I'd go this liquor store and be like booze and like fucking snacks and shit
But then they'd have like a bunch of baby formula and I was like, what are you guys selling baby formula for?
It's like a liquor store. They totally get a shit. Yeah, and then some guy was like, yeah
Brenda's got a baby and then Vin Rames came behind me and put me in a headlock and gave me the cold
And then Vin Rames came behind me and put me in a headlock and gave me the golden butter speech
Yeah, dude, I just weasel me this is me explaining my insane bomb and it's five minutes Oh, that was a bomb. So you lied about the whole point my joke. It was horrible. My brain scattered. I
Love you. All right. I love you
You were doing good work today, that's what you said so explain once again though I love you
So explain once again though
Black people do it with baby formula. All right, hold on. Hold on my favorite part of his explanation was throwing newports in there Just just to secure the fact that he's like, I am racist
Yeah, Arizona is T's
formula crime
Patch kids and fucking chicken alfredo and fucking root beer
This is the bit the New York Times underground baby formula New York Times is the formula crime ring, dude The New York Times is not gonna fucking like do they bust it wide open
This is written by Cherokee Daass
written by Pinky
written by Pinky
I don't know, this is too much to read
back to the video
back to the video
sons of bitches
back to the video
John, you really took us off track
in a good way
Did she give you my money? I don I don't know you. What are you?
What are you?
I'm not gonna tell you.
In all the years you've dealt with me,
when have you telling me what to do ever worked?
And I'm not trying to tell you what to do.
No, you are.
Okay, I apologize.
I'll sit here and listen to you.
I understand. I admit like out of the car.
I think he's dealing with her
in the best way anyone could deal with that woman.
And he's very familiar with her and he's giving her,
he's setting strict boundaries with her.
He's like, look, I love you!
He's like, no kissing!
He's like, in all those years, how many times
have you told me to use a condom has ever worked?
Let's talk.
I don't want to get out the car,
can we just talk like this?
Get out of the car and let's talk.
You were already out of the car screaming and yelling at me.
Right, I'm not gonna say it doesn't matter. Get out of the car and let's talk you were already out of the car screaming and yelling at me
Right, I'm not gonna say it doesn't matter
I'm just trying to get the f*** out of here
How'd the window get broken?
I don't know what the f*** is, the f*** right there in the grey jogging suit
Okay, don't say that again
She said the N word
Yeah, and he was like, don't do that again
He goes, you not like us
He literally was like, don't say that again He goes, don't say that again. He goes he goes you not like us He literally is like don't say that again. He goes don't say that again. You not like us
Yeah, I'm sorry the guy in the gray jogging suit is my baby dad. Yeah, okay. I don't know nobody else
And the guy in the black one. He's the brother. I don't know nobody else over there, okay?
Okay, and I was over here. I was with her
How come I don't know how else to say this, but ghetto people, I guess.
How come they all, I literally don't know how to,
I don't know how to define stuff.
I mean, God knows.
Everything's racist these days, you know,
this fuckin' PC culture.
But.
But.
How, what is the thing with these communities?
This is a Hispanic woman.
She might be white. White, I is a Hispanic woman.
She might be white, I don't know.
I mean, God knows, I have no clue.
Polish.
She has my complexion, she looks pretty red.
Have you noticed this thing in kind of hood communities,
I guess, where it's always like,
no one is ever known by their name,
they just always go like, this man,
or like, they'll do a thing where they go like,
this man just said, and it's like,
you could just say it's him, his name,
but they do like a, like this man just came here
and said this.
You know what I mean?
I know you mean my man also,
and it doesn't have the same ring to it.
You know what I mean?
Like I know what you want to say. No,, I mean like I I know what you want to say
No, I'm saying like yeah
Not conveying what yeah, you want me like this real and word. Oh, no, no, that's of course that's that's that's the common one
But I'm saying like there's also a thing where somebody will say something say say it's funny and they'll go like man
This man just said
more like this
They separate themselves from
Like the person directly next to them that just said something. Yeah, it's like their friends since they were like four years
Yeah, but they instead they they don't go like yo, they don't they don't say like they don't say like hey
They don't say like they don't say like hey John
Baby for me. Yeah, they don't go like John just said like if John did that whole baby from the thing and like
Like this woman was here. She would go this man Just said baby formula is a black mark like they they they make you like a headline
I think it's the funniest people on planet Earth and they could do what they want. Who's that?
The poor people who's they?
those people.
Poor people.
They can be, being poor.
Poor people.
Being poor makes you so funny.
It's hilarious.
You could just say like, this man said baby formula.
It's the funniest thing you ever heard in your life.
Yeah, cause I think this is a white woman with dreads,
by the way.
She's like cornrows.
She's gotta be at least like half as big.
I mean the car is blacker than her.
Absolutely, yeah.
The cops about to arrest the window.
Yeah, tinted windows.
The ghost is where I've been with her son.
I left my baby dad's house yesterday night.
He dropped me off, I have messages.
I don't need all that, how'd the window get broken?
I don't know her, I have no idea.
Why is every single one of them saying
you broke the window?
No one was over there
No, they're gonna team up again. I'm gonna watch this video because apparently when the neighbor says video
Video watch the video sir. No, I'm not gonna be in the color
I'm not trying to be like that. Why is it like this every time I deal with because bro. I'm not sure
Individual that's what you call it. Well, you can't stay out of trouble. I'm your husband. I'm a f***ed up individual if that's what you call it. Well you can't stay out of trouble.
He's like I'm not your bro, I'm your husband.
I love you, come home. The kids miss you.
Man this is weird.
This is great actually.
Since I turned 18, my records clean. I have not been in trouble so.
But you're always dealt up in drama.
I think he's trying to help her I think he's legitimately trying to
help her yeah and it's bullshit I think he's like I actually think he's like
kind of in love with her I've also noticed something with women like like
women love drama
you know me I'm always like miss me with that it's just bitches be obsessed with
me with drama but I'm I look at them and I go miss me with that shit bitches bitches be obsessed with me with dad But I'm I look at them and I go miss me with that bullshit
fake ass shit
You ever notice that about women bitches love drama bitches love drama
It's so funny if you if you meet a woman for the first time and then you come with come to her with like a secret
They like freak out they lose their mind
Huh, if you give me like a woman if you mean like a woman and you're like, I have a little secret for you.
Like this thing that just happened today that's scandalous.
They like lose their fucking mind.
Oh, right, right, right.
They all like.
They love.
They're like little rats.
Tabloid gossip.
Yeah, it's insane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like, they're rats.
Rats looking for fucking cheese.
Women are little rats.
They're like vermin.
They're looking for cheese.
That way you're skittin' them.
They're like vermin're like bare men.
Well shit, you're always dealt up in some bullshit.
She's pregnant, dude. Get her away.
I'm not trying to use it as an excuse, it's cause, I don't know, I'm not gonna make no-
Is she pregnant or just-
She's got BPD and she's pregnant. Yeah, that's not normal fat. That's pregnant fat.
She's a fat bitch.
Nah, that's pregnant fat. You can tell she was fat. I've also always wanted to do a video
where we go out into public and we go up to pregnant women
and we go like, man, you gotta lose some weight.
You fat as shit.
You punched him in the stomach.
Fat as shit, bitch, what is this?
You go, this and we're fat as shit.
Yeah.
You grab their obviously pregnant belly
and you go, you fat as shit, bitch.
Is that a good one? How about we we do that you feel me from afar. I'm at the Galleria
Cups of our being pregnant. God bless you that I grabbed their stomach
shit, bitch
Cran you walk on that you should be worshiped as human being
Your ability to never stop
should be worshiped as a human being.
Your ability to never stop.
It is wild. You have a holster that's endless
with endless things you could say.
Just smack in a pregnant belly like a drum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You go, I need a fatty shit.
Oh, pussy so white.
I need a beer.
I don't know, man. I wanna see, give me some bumps in so white. I need you.
I don't know, man.
I wanna see, give me some bumps in this video.
Let's see what we got going on here.
Pregnant women need to get it together, by the way.
I don't like how pregnant women get to have
this whole nine month period where they're fat.
It's like figure it out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Something gets bigger, fine.
Get some abs on top of that mother fucker.
Figure it out.
Also, if you're pregnant, it's a sign you're a whore.
Exactly.
I don't care how long you've been married.
You're disgusting almost like.
Anytime I see a pregnant woman, I go like,
you're parading around the fact that like you got
someone cummed in, you cream pie whore.
Someone busted inside of you and you're like,
look it, let's have a party.
Yeah, I'm just a big receptacle.
That's what I see.
That's what I see, I don't give a shit say I don't give a shit I give a shit what what you are you're fucking whore to the bitter end
Pregnant women are fat bitches
Yes, what is happening?
This is the second episode we did.
And I think it's going better than the last.
It is.
Because we got warmed up, we got lubed up.
We weren't useless dynamic.
No, but pregnant women get away with murder.
It's like you don't get to just be fat.
They get away with murder a lot.
I put some little guy in you.
A planned parenthood.
Some kind of little guy.
Figure it out, like work out and like get rid of that belly.
Cause like it's like, you don't get like a nine month
period where you're like fat.
Getting fat is getting away with murder.
You get away with murder.
They're literally doing the opposite,
they're creating new life.
Murdering my.
They're saying they're getting away with murder.
But murdering my fucking boner though.
It's all for them.
Murder my boner though.
Exactly bro.
Murder my boner.
I saw a very hot pregnancy at a gas station.
Murder my boner bro.
John?
Hey bro.
Oh sorry bro.
Thank you brother.
Got you bro.
Thank you bro.
Yo this man got his bitch fat.
This man.
This man.
This man.
This man.
Let's see what. What's her name, Allah? Allah. Allah, Allah. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm a blow a nut in that bitch. I'm a treat that bitch like tower seven
They know they know
Because right now I'm investigating a possible crime where you broke a window damn looking or not free to go
Okay, she looks like one of the ball brothers. She looks like the fourth ball brother. I don't know if you know I'm sorry She's gorgeous. She's beautiful, and it is a courtesy. I have not put you in handcuffs
While I investigate this okay, well what you gonna put me handcuffs like is that what you're saying?
Why are you always such a? Okay, well what you gonna put me handcuffs like is that what you're saying?
Fucking bitch she's literally like he goes. Why shit you're used to it. Yes, I don't care.
Because you can't stay out of trouble. I don't care.
He's trying to help her. You think you got it all figured out. I don't care. I know.
Dude, he's full Hilary Swing in freeminders.
This is one of those moments where he might be making an impact in her whore life.
She's been dealing with fucking retards all her fucking
Yeah, and all of a sudden she's got this guy in front. Yeah, he's like you want me to yell to fuck with a poet
The rose that grew from concrete bitch
I
Don't know
Get out of the car get out of the car. I'll get out of the car goes get out of the car fake black bitch
Get out of the car wigger bitch
Down the car wigger get out of the car wigger get out of the car wigger
He's like your hair screaming right now. Either I quit the podcast or he leaves.
This will all be cut out and now we're starting now.
Are you being serious right now?
I'm 100% serious.
Can I at least call my family and tell them?
You can call them when you're booked in.
Are you being serious right now?
Let's go.
Let's go. You're being serious. Yes. Get out of the car
Okay, yes, sir. Get out of the car. I'm dragging you out of the car
By the way, the woman driving could care less
Yeah, she's like playing candy crush. She's so nonplussed by this whole thing. She knows how to deal with cops. She's like I don't give a shit
She's like she he she wants her white friend to be taken away. She's like sick of this white
Go no give me your phone
Be nice Oh don't drive me, I'm a girl! She's pregnant bro, be nice. I'm broke! He's not pregnant, she's just like-
She is pregnant, she's fucking pregnant!
They said she was pregnant, she's pregnant!
The cops did?
No, the other family, yeah.
Baby daddy.
It can't be manhandling her, come on.
She's been lying to the whole neighbor, that's her excuse for being fat.
Yeah, she's been eating Rippets too much.
Here's the thing, like fat women get pregnant to have like a nine month excuse.
Vacation.
Yeah, it's a big vacation for them.
I go, yeah, but we saw you before.
I don't care.
Oh wow, you turned that food baby into a real baby?
Oh wow, what are you, two pounds heavier?
I don't give a shit.
Shit them both out.
There's some at the level that we're all drunk, especially'm sober right now. Oh, Dev, I'm fine. Same thing, I'm like, I don't know if this is a bit or like... No, seriously, like pregnant women stink, dude.
Figure it out.
You don't get to gain weight while you're with me.
I don't know, I'm not drunk.
I'm sober right now.
I'm not drunk.
I'm sober right now.
I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. No, seriously like pregnant women stink
Figure it out. You don't get to get gained weight while you're with me
gross disgusting
Disgusting disgusting baby. Oh my god
No! Broke a police car!
It doesn't matter!
Fuck it!
Oh, I'm pregnant!
Damn, he's like 28.
Fucking fuck!
Oh, fuck!
She obviously doesn't give a shit about her kid.
She's fighting the police.
Yeah, she's throwing bricks through her fucking window.
No, this is like her getting an abortion.
Yeah, right.
She can't afford to go to Planned Parenthood.
She's just like...
She's gonna fight cops.
She's just like, I'll fight a cop today.
Fuck!
That's great. He'll put a knee on my yeah, yeah exactly she's like, please like fucking George Derek Chauvin my baby
There's an Asian cop just standing and watching the whole time who gets charged with murder
There's an Asian cop just standing there like.
He's crouching smoking a cigarette.
He's crouching smoking a Marlboro Lion.
Just watching this pregnant belly get meat on.
It's that Korean abortionist from Bronze Hall log 99.
He's got the white suit on.
He's crouching, he's just saying the worst things of all time, he's got the white suit on. He's a city, he's crouching,
he's just saying the worst things of all time.
He's like, one less hood rat.
One less person shoplifting from my store.
He goes, I will call CVS,
I will tell them about the good news.
Oh my God. that's fucked up
Dude, yeah, it's so fucked up that they did all those things and thought all those things and it's not us
We're just making commentary what they're doing and saying it's just trashy trashy people it's not a race yeah yeah yeah
get off of me!
get off of me really!
look how pregnant it is!
then stop fighting!
now!
she's got BPD
she looks like DJ Khaled
get us a 32 also
stop!
she needs to get it out come here come here come here I don't know if she's pregnant. She looks fat as shit.
That's rapid weight gainer. Hold on, let's get that angle.
Get that angle. Hold on.
Yeah, she's pregnant. That's rapid awake.
That's a fat bitch.
She's not pregnant.
She's got a food baby, I'll tell you that much.
Is that stretch marks or is that grass?
That's stretch marks, buddy.
That's stretch marks.
I really don't believe she's pregnant.
I think she's pregnant, bro.
What, is she pregnant with fucking hyper-bad?
Bro, if they're already pregnant, what is she?
What is she, fucking Octo-o mom what's going on here?
They do an ultrasound it's just a jawbreaker inside of her
Nightmare
These might these might actually be our two best
The fans will tell us that we should kill ourselves
Off my shit like that my stomach is leaning to the right, please
Is that hey, is that the mom you want the mom that goes get off my shit like that?
Yeah, you go some so what you see, the mom that goes, get off my shit like that? He goes, so what, you see this video, what do you go,
so mom, I was just shit, do you?
And then that's what you do, you walk into the room,
you blow her head off.
With the gun.
With the gun.
With the gun.
And you go, fuck you, you trashy bitch.
I'm the fucking, I'm the hood Mark,
I'm the hood Huckleberry Finn,
I'm gonna get out of this bitch.
And I'm going down.
You said my shit.
I'm going down river, and I'm gonna become a great writer.
You go, you go.
What the fuck?
He walks in and he goes.
The kid's watching this.
He goes, you think I'm your shit, but I'm the shit.
Clack clack.
Pow.
And he says that actually while he kills his mom.
He goes, he goes, clack clack bow. Yeah, he says it. He says kills his mom he goes he goes
The guys who fight they go
He's blasting DMX go to sleep like go to sleep bitch what die motherfucking die
Bitch shut up pregnant whore! Stay down! Stay down!
They're like Puma's cheapest shit these days, bitch!
He goes face!
Fucking ridiculous!
Do you understand me?
This is getting fucking stupid!
Now you're definitely going to jail!
Oh now you fucked up!
I was going to the bathroom!
You fucked up!
I was going to the bathroom!
Get in the car!
I can't do it! I can't do it!
I can't do it!
I can't do it!
I can't do it!
I can't do it!
I love screams.
Yeah, you like the lamentations of women.
That's how I get it.
People like white noise.
I get to sleep to screams.
I love a good scream.
I fall asleep to screams.
12 hours of ASMR hood chicks screaming.
Every night. Every night. Every night. Every night. Every night. Every night. I fall asleep to scream 12 hours of ASMR hood chicks screaming every night
Every night
12 hours and it's Bart Simpson looking at a rainy window 12 hours of hood
Every night I turn to my wife and I go can I put on some white noise?
That's okay, and I go okay. Thank you so much. I turn to my wife and I go, can I put on some white noise? She goes, yeah, that's okay. And I go, okay, thank you so much. And I turn over and it's like,
you bitch motherfucker, let me go, I'm fucking at you.
You go, can I put on some white noise?
You just put on the Ben Shapiro show.
And I am like honk shoe snoring.
This kicks ass, I'm having a great time.
If you don't like this, suck my dick, faggot.
Fucking get off everything and stop listening to us, faggot. Fucking kill you, faggot. Fucking get off everything and stop listening to us faggot.
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Faggot.
Fuck all you faggots.
I'll say the word over and over again, faggots.
Fuck you.
I love you all actually and I'm not affected by anything.
I'm not like Ben.
I'm not like Big Bozo Ben Avery.
Big, big boned fat ass. Big boned Avery. Big, big boned, fat ass.
Big boned Avery.
What a fat fuck.
It's actually sad.
It's honestly, it's crazy what he's becoming.
Yeah.
I don't wanna talk about it,
it makes me sick to my stomach.
No, it makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm gonna throw up.
It makes me sick to my stomach,
what he has become, what he is,
and how he treats me.
Go get all their info, He has become what yeah what he is and how he treats me The officer proceeded to gather statements from the witnesses
Let's see what a bomb sack is what's gonna be boring shit
Last one you don't want to see them
Last one. You don't want to see them describe what they just saw. You know, the big body bitch came over here through a brick to my motherfucking window.
Go to the next big bump.
So one to the right. There we go. Beautiful.
Now, why did you even come over here?
You just read just through the bars and starts punching her in the face.
He goes, come here, I got something to tell you. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but there's no reason to even talk to me.
He goes, well you've been a bitch!
Hi.
Hello, how you doing?
Do you guys see anything?
I see drug deals going on 24-7.
Hell yeah, they interview the one white family.
That white in the gray right there. He's the main guy selling.
24 7 I'm getting ready to go to work here in a couple minutes. I get off work at 2 in
the morning. He's out here dealing drugs. All day long, all night long he's out here
dealing drugs. Well did you see anybody? Did you see anybody actually do it? No. That's
his second girlfriend and the first girlfriend she got her back window busted out with a big little big rock
I bet the rock was over there, but it's gonna. There's two rocks sitting there. We have a nice neighborhood
It's something that's like over there 24 7. Yeah, it's nothing but drugs are on here this this
This is a nice neighborhood except for that
Yeah, I agree with the more more you call the more complaints that we get you know we can start making a new
plane and hopefully get them out.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
Because by the way, you're hot.
Tell me everything that happened again.
Basically, she was over last night.
I was doing drugs.
Basically, we was like whoopty whoop.
Whistle tip go woo.
Whoopty woof, yada yada yada,
blasé blasé.
Blasé blasé.
And then this bitch got pregnant and shit.
Where you at?
I'm pulling up to the house like,
I just got back boom boom.
Going to the house, this is my cousin's girl here.
I gotta say, every one of these videos we watch
where people are getting questioned by the police,
I'm like, god damn, where'd they get that hoodie? That's a nifty hoodie. It's full of shit. They got at Modell's sporting goods
Yeah, that's a good Nike hoodie
You don't have anything nice Connor most basic Nike hoodie you dress like shit
That's the reason you're getting trash
You look like utter shit.
I'm a fashionista!
Oh, you dress awful.
Yeah, you're all Abercrombie, buddy.
You're all Abercrombie. Look at those shoes.
You both dress terribly.
These are blood stones. This is work pants.
Those are inexcusable, but this is my excuse for work pants.
This is a dope shirt. You both look terrible.
I look great. You, uh...
You look weird. I think I'm the second best dressed
Like a square man everywhere you go you wear big pants you both look fucking awful
You're the one that's always you always have Devin Devin wears joggers and I don't wear joggers anymore
He wears joggers and he wears Nike SB. I think I'm the second best dressed person on this podcast after you. Thank you
I'm gonna say that Connor Connor. So if I was jacked as you, I'd be the best dressed person.
Connor likes to wear like Columbine pants.
Like in the bowling for Columbine video
when they show how many guns you could hide
in the big pants.
You know nothing about fashion.
That's why you look how you look.
You look weird.
Your girlfriend dresses you.
You're a Brooklyn faggot.
Sure.
I just say that.
No, I'm abusing that word.
I'm abusing that word because of my mental state right now.
Devon wears jaggers.
I wear Bird Dog.
He wears Bird Dog.
Given to me by the great Tommy Pope.
Yeah, cause he's fashionable and he was like,
I would never wear these.
Look at this schlub over here you want these he
Pond them off to you that is true. He did but Tommy wears like weird like
Jogger esque no pants no Tommy wears like capris and shit. He wears like where they like you show the ankles
Yeah, I don't show my ankles though. Yeah, my ankles Tommy Tommy's often asked me where I buy my clothing
So you gotta buy me a drink before you see my ankles. Tommy's often asked me where I buy my clothing. So you gotta buy me a drink before you see my ankles
This is gay. Cancels you fucking fat retard your fat. I've always had strong calves
Don't blame for that cuz you're actually fat Devin. I'm not fat at all
I'm fat as shit. I'm not fat at all. You have body dysmorphia and I will fucking- you do have intense body dysmorphia
It's kinda crazy. If you fuck with me, I will poke holes and that till the day you die good do it you look a little fat to me from your trip
Well, I know it's not true. That's a good one
Really I feel like your muscles are they're diminishing you have the finishing returns
You're kind of like lazy with everything and say he's less vascular you're less vascular by the day
Yeah, and uh, here's the't know, I haven't seen it.
I haven't really seen you.
Here's the thing, you gave me the ultimate trump card,
you said your body's Morpheus,
so now I just know that it's all fake.
No, you do have body's Morpheus.
Yeah, and I look incredible.
So everything you're saying to me,
you're trying to poke fun of the body's Morpheus.
No, same the opposite.
You think you look better than you do.
I know I look good.
You know why people keep having problems with you?
Why?
When you're out in public.
Why? It's because out in public. Why?
It's because of your general personality.
It actually has nothing to do with your body.
You suck ass.
And John is the best member of the podcast
And has been for quite some time. Yeah, I kick ass dude. John kicks fucking ass, dude
I would I would shake your hand if you didn't just sneeze into both of them. I see my elbow
So much mist off that fucking
Evan gets crazy sneeze. I'm so sorry. I'm so gross. No, it's okay. Don't you, don't touch.
I didn't touch my hand.
Don't touch me.
But thank you.
Love you.
I love you both.
I love you both.
Connor, I hate you.
Connor's getting fatter by the day.
It's just hard to watch.
Every one of my friends is getting fatter by the day.
Meanwhile, I just sit back, I drink and I laugh.
I laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh it up.
I have a great time looking at all my friends.
You tits and love handles disgust me actually.
You have a slow descent into madness.
Your body's actually so bad that you've developed
like a weird posture to hide your body
and I've noticed and it's gross and sad to me.
What are you talking about?
What is this posture?
You hunt your shoulders over a lot to hide your tits.
Hunt your body, that doesn't help with the tits.
It makes them look more fuckable.
No, no, no. If you hunt somebody, you squeeze them together. I don't do that. He's doing this all the time. So he can hide his tits Make them look more fuckable
That's nothing to do with my tits no I actually I'll tell you my
My maneuver for my tits lie to me all you want buddy I try to make my shirts bigger like you but I don't buy big sure I don't have my
Like a scared Nancy
These are shirts that fit me because my back is so fucking jacked
that I don't fit in other shirts.
You could fit into so many small tits.
If I put your shirt on right now, it would rip off.
Connor, you're not proud of how hot you are
and it pisses me off!
Whatever, you look like shit.
Wear tight-fitting clothes.
You disgust me.
That's gay.
You just salad, man.
I know, that's why I yelled it.
You're a fucking disgusting, slimy piece piece of shit We're assless chaps Connor
Connor you know chose your car
Connor do you understand?
Do you understand the the sacrifice? I may fuck you on this show
You know Connor you've done nothing
But ruin my reputation.
Interesting.
I'll leave, I'll quit right now.
Have fun with these guys.
Have fun with John and Joey.
He was having fun with me and him for a year and a half.
We had a great time without you.
Yeah.
And then you come along.
You ruin it, you cause dissension between us.
You come along with your perfectly timed stories
and your well-worded riffs and your great additions
and you fucked it all up.
You know what I like about this
is that you were being mean to me
and now you're backtracking and complimenting me.
He'll do this.
It means you don't think I can take the criticism
and I take that as an insult actually.
I have no actual podcast criticism of you
but I think you dress like utter shit.
And I think you look like a square bozo all day.
I think you wear pants with like way too many pockets.
You wear like weird big Brooklyn pants.
These pants are ridiculous.
They look good.
Carbonar pants, they look good.
They're hip.
They're great pants. I don't know what's hip. I don't care, but what's hip well that's your that's your main faults as you're saying
He dresses bad, but I have no idea what's hip right now. Yeah, yeah, you have no clue
Well you guys are I'm a fashionista so you're very hard your victims of the moment
No, you're a victim. I'm not a friend's cock keeping up with trends brother
I simply am myself no matter what era it is yourself sucks. Yeah yourself is bad
Yeah, I'm a I'm poor. It's poorly styled and I'm myself is amazing
You guys have a weird thing where you need to keep up with like what is what's hip right now?
No, I'm I create what's hip in my own world. That's the thing. No, you don't I do no, you don't I do
How is that true whatsoever? I just wear what I want to wear. How do you create? What's hip?
What are you talking about? You're wearing like stuff that you see on magazines and stuff. I just whatever I want to wear
No, I wear what feels good Connor doesn't do that Connor wears what I'll come in here wearing a sock on my car
I just kind of wears what his area is dressing like yeah, but he doesn't need to keep he's cuz he has body
He's Murphy and he's like he's like trying to dress down
He like tries like hide that he's like in shape cuz he's like nervous about like Chinese men
Elbowing him and flipping him off. Have I not been dressing like this like since you've known me. I
Forgot what you dress. That's actually 20. Yeah, that's not true. You have absolutely true
I've been wearing big flannels and big t-shirts since you met me when I first met you you wore tight fit you were tight
Oh, yeah and big t-shirts since you met me. When I first met you, you wore tight fitting. You wore tight fitting stuff. Oh yeah.
Cause I remember it was a problem.
Also that looked bad.
That looked bad, but there's a middle ground.
You were like a little boy then.
You immediately went into like.
That was a blip in my timeline though,
because my entire childhood,
I dressed big clothing constantly,
dickies, extra large shirts.
And then I got fit.
And I was like, let's show this off.
Let's show it off, yeah.
And then I was like, this actually sucks. I look like a corny fuck
Well, you don't you don't either word. It's not like there's no middle grain. You don't need to wear
It's not like it's either Jim tan laundry like shirts or fucking
giant square
Pants you wear it you wear square stuff. I can't stress enough how much I don't take
This seriously yes me neither You wear square stuff. I can't stress enough how much I don't take this seriously.
Yeah, me neither. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Where are we going after this? Um, well I don't know. I'm going to Wheelchair Pass.
I'm supposed to see my family.
I'm taking my bike too. I'm totally sober now.
You're taking your bike to go see Wheelchair Pass?
I didn't ride it yesterday.
In Beverly Hills?
I'm going to pull up to the Beverly Hills Hilton
and I'm going to go to the valet and I'm going to go
where can I put this? And they're going to go
I'm going to go right in front. Right in front is where I'm putting it.
Because I don't know how to drive well
Very cool. I might I might be able to get out of my
My family thing I don't know but
Going to Beverly Hills sounds like a lot
Wow I tried to drag us out and
You know we'll see what's going on
33 taps it is.
Love that place, the best place, cheapest drinks.
If I go to 33 taps, I'm gonna immediately get a quesadilla
and I'm trying to avoid that right now.
I'm actually feeling really good right now.
Me too, I've been good.
I've been good.
They have salads there.
I know, but I never want the salad to have in Costa.
The second I sit down there, I'm like,
give it a fucking kiss.
Dude, the fucking avocado salsa shit, I think it was so fucking good. They've a second I sit down there. I'm like To the fucking avocado salsa shit. I know so fucking they have a good protein boy
I think we should I think we should I guess we should do a podcast that we can there's no reason why we can
We're now talking about oh, we're gonna do afterwards the noise there's a taps. Yeah, it's love you guys
I'm I'm I'm ready to another 40 minutes. Yeah, love you guys. I'm ready to another 40 minutes. Love you guys so much
Okay, so anyway June 8th
Live life love it's gonna be so fun. It's been so long. I know it's so fucking long. I miss Logan
I'd start calling Logan randomly you call Logan. I call Logan a lot. God damn. Yeah, I hit him up on Instagram.
I don't even call Logan.
I love that dude.
I love Logan dude, he's awesome.
He's so nice.
The other day he like posted this picture
of these like soy sauce eggs.
I was like, what are those?
I know.
And he was like, they're soy sauce eggs.
His Instagram story makes me laugh every time.
We talk for like 15 minutes.
And by the way, if you're in London,
I'm still waiting on my passport
cause I don't know how this passport game works.
It's gonna take a minute dude.
Like paid for expedited whatever the fuck
But I hope I get it in time and I'm supposed to be in London
June 23rd at 6 p.m. At the Genesis Theatre buy tickets at
rain dance org festival
slash program slash something more than one thing.
That is a lot of things.
Just say the link is in your bio.
A lot of slash link, link will be in the,
I guess the link will be in my bio now.
God, more work for me.
Oh, by the way, that drunk Englishman.
That drunk Englishman.
If Manipulate Mansplain Manifest shows up
to the London premiere of my movie.
Yeah, he's going.
He hit me up.
He hit me up.
He's going.
He's gonna be there.
He hit me up and was like,
tell Devin I'm gonna be there.
And I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
And I was like, oh, it's the fucking dude.
He's going there.
Tell him it's canceled.
That was the funniest thing about the guys,
the director and the producer of the movie is like,
they were like, yeah, you know, know how many listeners like they're trying to like
get the lemon party hate watch you know listenership to try and help because we
need people to come out because this could be a thing where like the movie
could finally get like actually sold to like Netflix or something like at this
premiere so it's it's like this is our big moment and people have invested a lot of time and a lot of debt into this.
Not me, but I care deeply about the movie and these people
and they're like, yeah, can you, you know, maybe, maybe.
Just, they're trying to like use like 11 party hate watch
to like, you know, help it.
And I was like, I don't really know if the pretty much all white movie we have
would be helped out by the Lemon Party hate watch fan base.
I'm not sure you want these types of people showing up.
But I'm gonna promote it until I go,
because I feel, you know, I feel like
there's enough sane people out there that could come.
But I don't really know our listenership could come, but I don't really know
our listenership in England,
and I don't respect the British.
And I think anyone that's British that listens
is a worthless, limey retard.
How about that?
Anyway, come out to the premiere.
Come out to the premiere, English fans.
We all love you.
I actually do love you, and you guys are smarter and you will understand
this movie more than American audiences.
Wow, you think that's true?
I don't think that's true.
I do a little bit, I don't trust our nation
that we live in, I trust British people are-
How do you think the Shanghai audience would receive it?
There are a bunch of bugs, so.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jill! Hey, John. Jill. Ooh, uh. There are a bunch of bugs, so. I don't, whoa. Whoa, whoa.
Chill.
Hey, John.
Chill.
Relax, man.
They're not bugs.
It's the hive.
They're not bugs, they're insects.
Whoa.
They all follow each other.
They all live in the hive.
Whoa, dude.
There's a queen bee, it's crazy.
I'm Chinese.
They all.
Shanghai.
You wish you were Chinese.
How do you say it?
Shanghai.
Shanghai.
Shanghai. Shanghai. It's called Shanghai.
Shanghai night, Shanghai noon,
two of my favorite fucking movies of all time.
Let's go.
We were calling it Shanghai before I think
they even started calling it Shanghai.
You know what I mean?
Did we, wait what?
Oh, so they tried to call it Shanghai
to separate themselves from us?
Shanghai was like a mud hut in 1840
when we were calling it Shanghai.
Right. You know what I mean?
Like, fuck them.
What the fuck they do?
Yeah, fuck them.
Fuck them.
Fuck them.
Anyway guys, God bless you.
You know, Jeff, actually, you know,
if you are in Lake England and you're a sane person,
come out to the premiere, see the movie.
It's only 10 bucks.
Don't get drunk and fondle people, you fucking-
I think I'll be there if I can get my passport in time
and we love you and June 8th live laugh love to be so fun and
No, no, I have nothing no dates for this game
We love you love you guys