Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Raging Bapa

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

A crew of thicc boys watch The Gringo Papi, Joey turns into Jake Lamotta, John shits himself at a a Korean bbq place and then we all try and plan a trip to Mexico Get weekly bonus episodes: https://ww...w.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast https://www.manscaped.com : Promo Code “HATEWATCH” Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Yes. I don't even want to talk about that. Shut up. You've been talking about it for 30 minutes. And I'm the guy that doesn't talk about stuff. You talk about everybody that you send women pictures of you coming. Well, John,
Starting point is 00:00:11 I think that they like it. John was very confident about his theories. My theory is, what do women want? My theory is, women love, women will take, what do women want?
Starting point is 00:00:21 A soft, a soft dick with cum picture over a hard dick. You were so much fiery like five minutes ago. I was trying to capture lightning that was in a bottle that passed. The lightning's gone. I think it's still there. The lightning's gone. I'm just saying you have to do something with your dick pics.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Okay, dick pics no more. Nut vids. Yeah, you got to have more nut vids. There needs to be bells and whistles with the dick pics. It's got to look like Christmas lights and shit. Yeah, I put a little Burger King crown on mine. I put the jack-in-the-box guy. I put it on the antenna.
Starting point is 00:00:49 I put it on the end of my cock, and it shoots off when I cum. It's a fun time. No, it's like you have to... Non-cum dick pics are like so 2021. No, like 1999. It's like black and white. Like, oh, you take a Polaroid? It's the 8-track player of dick pics.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Give them something, you know? So you're saying hard cock is out, soft cum is in. No, I'm saying, like, if there's a diet, I think women would take, like, a half-hard. First of all, half-hard dick pics are pretty dope. Yeah. When your dick's all swollen, it's not even fully, like, erect, but it's all swollen and meaty.
Starting point is 00:01:24 And if that covered with cum or cummy, a girl would take that over a hard dick. Okay. That's just my theory. Yeah, interesting. I heard that guys that are uncircumcised make women cum better. Is that true? I think that's a cope for uncircumcised men. There's something about the movement with their skin.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Uncircumcised guys made that up. Uncircumcised guys are the Sith Lords of fucking dicks. They hide and they act like they're better than us. Do they? Yeah, they always do. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows uncircumcised guys act like they're better than us. They always do that, dude.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Dude, they're always fucking acting like they're better than me. Yeah, they're always acting like they got something more. You know what I mean? Because they have a fucking onion ring around their cock still and a piece of calamari still attached to their dick. It is really weird. Yeah, it's a suck of my ass, you fucking weirdos. I've never heard that about uncircumcised,
Starting point is 00:02:20 that they're more confident. I always thought it was a lack of self-consciousness. Really? Yeah, no one has heard of this, what you're talking about. I always thought it was a lack of self-consciousness. Really? No one has heard of this, what you're talking about. I get a vibe. John makes up his own rules. I do. I'm a confident man. I think uncircumcised guys, they're all European.
Starting point is 00:02:37 John will say things that you're like, I'm like, what? Everyone knows black people love horses. You're like, do they? Alright, I guess in your world. I did have a long conversation with a woman who comes to my bar that's black, and we had a great conversation on the differences between white and black people, and the main one I had was cleanliness.
Starting point is 00:02:58 Black people are weird, clean freaks about certain things sometimes. Socks on. What? They keep their socks on. they keep their socks on either socks on they uh they um what did she do that what i've noticed black people tend to hate seeing feet yeah yeah yeah i really hate when white people wear flip-flops uh they say like get your bunions that's every time they'd say like every black household like every night at one point somebody in the house goes like bunions
Starting point is 00:03:27 I feel like they don't walk outside barefoot get those corns out of here they don't walk outside barefoot ashy bunions they don't walk outside barefoot they don't walk outside barefoot one time I was at a laundromat and I saw a black dude
Starting point is 00:03:43 Lysol-ing the inside of the washing machine before putting his clothes in there and i thought that was oddly clint clint like clean interesting yeah and i was watching an episode of bar rescue where they went to marshall lynch's like family's bar first of all i gotta watch this ace great go on it's great as they go to marshall lynch's family bar by the way he's only 5 10 marshall lynch yeah yeah i thought he was like an eight foot giant for some reason no he's only 5'10". Marshall Lynch? Yeah. I thought he was like an 8-foot giant for some reason. No, he's just like powerful and compact. So they go to his family's bar, and like every episode of Bar Rescue,
Starting point is 00:04:13 like John Taffer always goes in there, and he's like, this kitchen's fucking filthy. Get the fuck out of my cock. Is that what he says? He's just like, suck it. John Taffer goes into the kid's... They go to Marshawn Lynch's bar, and of course the bartender's freestyling
Starting point is 00:04:33 and threatening to shoot customers and shit. Of course, is he? No. John goes, of course. Of course. John goes, of course the bar is in the back of an Escalade. He's feeding his fish. His tropical fish.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Not one word was spoken about the cleanliness of the bar. And I was like, I know that place is spotless. I know that place is spotless. You know, that's every episode of Bar Rescue. It's always a million complaints about how dirty it is. Yeah, it's always like this Irish schlub who's running this place in New Orleans. And like, there's like a fucking fucking giant fungus growing in the back. Yeah, Tapper runs his finger
Starting point is 00:05:08 under the thing and it's like all dusty. It's like 80. But they go into Marshall Lynch's bar and they don't mention one thing about cleanliness. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:05:17 I know that place is fucking spotless. It's got to be clean as fuck. I don't know. I don't watch Bar Rescue. It's fucking good. The guy I got in a fight with a few weeks ago outside of Red Line,
Starting point is 00:05:28 he thought it was a brag to yell at me. He goes like, hey man, don't talk to me that way. I was on Bar Rescue. And I was like, well, that means your bar sucks. Yeah, your bar blew. Yeah, they only pick bars that are terrible. Yeah, he just said it like he won an award. I was like, you won an award for worst bar.
Starting point is 00:05:43 It also really threw everybody off because there's like a verbal dispute going on. Devin's yelling at somebody, he's yelling at and then he goes like, I was on Bar Rescue and everyone stopped and was like, why would you say that? Even the people on his side were like, what are you talking about? Don't say that in fights, man. Jeez, that's a really bad thing to bring up in a fight.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I think he probably just panicked. It was like, famous thing, I was on Bar Rescue. Right, right. You know, yeah. Devin's legendary streak of getting into fights outside of Red Lion. And inside of Red Lion. Well, it was the, what's the workaholics guy?
Starting point is 00:06:17 Blake Anderson. Blake Anderson. We've already told it. That was the legendary one. And did you tell this already with this? This last guy? Yeah, we talked about it. I think we did on maybe a Patreon or something. I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:06:27 But the Bar Rescue guy, that was the funnest. That was so fun. When somebody gives you gold like that. I know. When they're in a big fight and they go like, hey man, nobody talks to me that way. I was on Bar Rescue. That's like being like,
Starting point is 00:06:39 it's like being like, hey dude, nobody talks to me that way. I was on to catch a predator. David has a way of forcing people to explain themselves in a way that I've on to catch a predator. Devin has a way of forcing people to explain themselves in a way that I've never seen before. Like the barbecue pit. Somehow they're trying to explain
Starting point is 00:06:52 to us that they have a Michelin star and all this. It's like, why are you explaining yourself to Devin? Trying to win this idiot over. Did I convince... Devin doesn't work at the restaurant business. Joey's covering the tab. He's not paying. I don't know why you're... Devin just has an authority
Starting point is 00:07:08 because he's a local or something. He has the energy of somebody like, I'm from here. I know what I'm... He's so confident. They're just like, please. I'm an LA townie. I walk in like, you know, you better be doing things right in my town. I act like there's not like 30 million people living here.
Starting point is 00:07:23 But it works. Everyone moves here every day. Devin thinks the population of LA is 15,000 people. It's like literally, yeah, yeah. I think I'm living in like Dorchester. Except instead of like
Starting point is 00:07:33 starting bar fights, you're just really snobby. Yeah. Because it's LA. Did I convince that the barbecue place, Joey, that they don't have a Michelin star?
Starting point is 00:07:40 I was like, no, you guys don't. No, there's no way they have a fucking Michelin star. No, yeah, you were basically just, you were sort of just like, sure. No,
Starting point is 00:07:46 the head, no one believes that the head chef was like a dishwasher at a Michelin star restaurant or something. That place has horrible food. No, it was just like an Asian guy on a laptop. And the guy pointed at him and goes, he's got a Michelin star.
Starting point is 00:08:01 And the guy in the Asian, the Asian guy was just sitting there just going like, like, what is going on? And Devin just kept, ignored him, just kept on the attack. I was really good that night.
Starting point is 00:08:13 I was like, Michelin star. I mean, the food tastes like a Michelin tie. Hey. And I got on the bar and danced.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Everyone raised me up. Yeah. Yeah. We were chanting his name. Chanting my name. They go, best joke ever. Now we gotta leave those people alone.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Dude, it's been excessive. We've been really dominating that place as of late. You brought a homeless man in. We talked about it, but you brought a homeless guy in. He's hot boxed the place with a piss smell that I've never smelt before in my life. As soon as he sat down next to me,
Starting point is 00:08:48 I was just like, I almost started puking. He was smelling. It's like the guy had been living on the streets. It smelled like a bum. Oh, so he was one of the piss-smelled bums? Yeah, yeah. Because there's bums that smell like BO. It was the strongest
Starting point is 00:09:04 piss-smelled I've ever smelled. It was like putrid. And you guys were sitting at a booth with this man? No, at the bar. At the bar. We were sitting at the bar. We brought him into the bar. We gave him shots.
Starting point is 00:09:15 But we gave him some money. I was like, he was so sweet, actually, though. He was so nice. Alan. I couldn't be like, you got to get out of here. Alan was a great guy. Devin loves remembering homeless guys' names. Alan.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Devin, I remember when we were drunk in New orleans and this this homeless dude who was just like his name is chicago devon's like no his name's david like devon kept getting drunk and correcting me like no his name's chicago he kept referring to chicago was his slave name that's the name that's his street name it's dehumanizing honestly no bums should have cool street shame on you shame on you there's a homeless guy in my town called Streetlight Charlie. I thought that was the coolest shit ever. That is a cool name. His name is probably Charlie, but Streetlight Charlie is like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:09:52 They always have cool fun names. They have great lives. But yeah, we brought this homeless guy in and nobody kicked him out because they need the business. He's the homeless guy. The homeless guy was like, these wings suck. He said that?
Starting point is 00:10:06 No, we're kidding. He's like, Michelin star. I mean, it tastes like a Michelin tie. We're like, we say the same joke. He's like, shit, it smells like piss in here. Yeah. Oh, damn. Have you ever heard of an NBA player?
Starting point is 00:10:20 His last name was McLeod. Doug McLeod? Another one. I don't know. Ernest? Why do you know him? What's going on? He came to myLeod. Doug McLeod. Another one. I don't know. Ernest. Why? Why do you know him? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:10:27 He came to my bar today. He was like old. He was like in his like 60s. Oh, he was an old NBA player. Yeah. I don't know. It could have been back in the day. They were like playing.
Starting point is 00:10:35 They were getting drafted in the war coming back. Like they were. Oh, really? Yeah. They were. Yeah. He was like, he was like six foot nine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:41 He was like an old black dude, but he just kept calling his friends a bitch N-word and then challenging them to fights oh and then drinking uh and he's at a train station like a vagrant he's no no no no he was he was he was with a guy uh another guy and he was like uh it was crazy though and it was just like three old black dudes just talking shit to each other but one of them was an ex-nba player had face tattoos i've never seen an old black old dude with face tattoos old dude face tattoos wow yeah it was crazy people old dude with face tattoos? Yeah, it was crazy. I wish you remembered what player was. People all tatted up with the face. It's so common now. There's a guy, Joey's Jim,
Starting point is 00:11:12 that comes in and I'm like, I get visibly afraid when he walks in. I'm like, are we being taken over by the MS-13? He's got so many tattoos all over his face. I've never seen him. And he works out in vans. And he wears a Juice WRLD shirt. Oh.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Like, he's one of those dudes. There's some weird people in my building where it's like, yeah, there are... What race is he? Mexican? He might be just like a white guy that looks Mexican because he got so many tattoos.
Starting point is 00:11:37 A lot of white face tattoos. Yeah, white guys are really into face tattoos now. But he's probably like a famous rapper or something. Because how is he in that building? Probably. I don't know. Everyone that lives there must be somebody kind of like. Well, the rent.
Starting point is 00:11:49 They're alone. At least the rent is like, the cheapest rent, I think it's like 2,400 bucks or something. A month, yeah. Yeah. But the face tattoos, it's just, it's horrific. I feel like in like 20 years, they'll be in like Don Dishub commercials, like the ducks from like Katrina, but it'll be like it'll be like that guy
Starting point is 00:12:07 and you'll hear music they're like trying to scrub his fucking shitty ice cream cone off his face Don helps cover up your horrible decisions yeah yeah whatever can't find him you know what
Starting point is 00:12:22 we were talking about sending you know dick pics to women and cum shots and whatnot. You know what really gets women going? What? Is if you send them the gringo poppy. Oh. You guys heard of that? Shops do specials. Brennan Shops do specials.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Oh, no. You didn't know it was called that? No, I didn't know. What's the joke? I thought you were a self-respecting homeless cat. I am a homeless cat. Does he call himself the gringo poppy? I don't even It's the name of his special
Starting point is 00:12:48 I don't really know He's like I'm the gringo poppy It's just It doesn't even make sense He's not Mexican or anything What does gringo mean again? It's like white guy? So he's a white
Starting point is 00:12:56 Pop White So the special is called the white dad The white daddy Poppy means dad right? Well I think the goof Because I am a homeless cat I haven't been keeping up with her lately.
Starting point is 00:13:05 You've been clocking in at Chang's, right? I haven't been lately. I've been taking a break at Chang's. We're talking about the Fighter and the Kid subreddit, by the way. They have their own language. It's one of the most well-developed underworlds ever. It's like Pangea or something. It's fascinating.
Starting point is 00:13:19 It's insane, but it makes me, as an MMA fan, they have some of the funniest Brandon Schaub jokes that I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. MMA fans have the, like, they'll do a million Tony Ferguson jokes, and every one of them is like, was this written by, like, George Carlin or something? At one point, they had, there was a video where Brandon Schaub was on The Ultimate Fighter, the reality TV show, and Rampage Jackson was just talking to him,
Starting point is 00:13:48 and there's this clip, the Homeless Cats posted it, or somebody posted it, and he just gives Brandon Schaub, he goes, what's that on your shirt, and just gives him a really light tap on the face, and the top comment was, can't believe that didn't knock him out.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I've never seen anything like that place. It's amazing. They deserve their own wing at the Met Gala. I mean, Met Gallery galleries are. They really do. They're incredible. They work hard. It's like they're making great content.
Starting point is 00:14:22 They're editing really good videos. I've never seen devotion like it for anybody. They don't miss anything. You can't move that guy. They hate him so much it's love at this point. They can't live
Starting point is 00:14:33 without him. They can't live without him. Bees on honey. Did you guys see this thing where he bullied Bobby Lee or something?
Starting point is 00:14:40 I started to watch that a little bit but I'm out of the loop. He acted like Bobby Lee was running the subreddit and shitting on him. He raised an OP on it. This sounds made up.
Starting point is 00:14:50 The whole thing sounds fucking made up. We talked about it. He didn't talk about it, but they talked about it on this. Bobby Lee's girlfriend actually got him into trouble. Are we allowed to watch other podcasts? It's not copyrighted, right? You have to be able to, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:15:04 This is that H3H3 podcast. Brendan Schwab. But you're down. Brendan Schwab? Well, here's what I'll say about it. Brendan Schwab? Oh, Brendan Schwab. Yeah, Brendan Schwab.
Starting point is 00:15:18 I call him a Schwab because he looks like a Schwab. You know, don't they call those Schwabs in the air? Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Schwabs. Can people even talk? These people have, like, millions and millions of dollars and tons of pockets,
Starting point is 00:15:33 and no one even seems, like, literate. I'm, like, on Schwab's side already. Schwab speaks as well as this Ethan guy. Yeah. They're like, and Ethan, you know, wasn't punched in the head a bunch of times. What's his excuse? Yeah. At least Brendan Schwab's punched in the head a bunch of times What's his excuse? At least Brendan Schaub's like the Aaron Hernandez of comedy I think Ethan actually has like a Tourette syndrome or something
Starting point is 00:15:51 Oh really? Yeah that blinking thing he does Yeah Yeah I don't know what his issue is So he does have it But at least Brendan like tries I mean he's just bad At least he's out there
Starting point is 00:15:59 They both have brain issues At least he's out there doing the fucking Gringo Poppy shit He's got Thick Boy The Thick Boy production company They make songs and and shit but like i'm on the fighter man cash you heard that one really yeah yeah fuck he has at the end of his special let's actually let's god we already did we watched this on the patreon but we're not gonna watch the whole thing obviously but yeah but the well this is the this is how it starts so this is i think it's the intro and outro song Well, this is how it starts. I think it's the intro and outro song. We did shot everybody!
Starting point is 00:16:28 The special is that it's not like a Jimmy John's. How do I buy this? You guys want to watch one joke? Yeah. Are we allowed to? I think. Where's this fucking shot at? What's up, Dallas?
Starting point is 00:16:54 Wait, is this like a pirated thing? It's on YouTube. But did he release it? Yeah. Okay, I think it's fine. I hope. I don't know. We might get sued by Thickboy Productions.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Let's risk it. Who cares? If you sue us, we got a great war. Who cares? Big war going. And he's doing it at a club where there's, you know, like 40 people there. Yes. He's doing it at the fucking Peter Pan ride at fucking Disneyland.
Starting point is 00:17:22 I'm not used to this. Dallas is a little different. There's some ladies in the crowd tonight. Dude, shut up. You're not used to this? Dallas is different? There's women in the crowd? I mean, what?
Starting point is 00:17:34 Suck a dick. Who? Let's do a... I want to just know who these people are. Let's look at them. Let's study these people. Full screen that. Who?
Starting point is 00:17:43 How did he... He just thought that was a trick. How did he get into that? This makes perfect sense, actually. Because they have to pick the best looking people to make the front row. That's Schaub's best looking fans. Really?
Starting point is 00:17:57 That has to be. That blonde that's in the corner there, she's got a... Unless her body just turns into that in the front's in the corner there she's got a unless you know her body just turns into that in the front that blob but she looks skinny who this is the blonde right there oh right yeah yeah they got better looking people i don't know these are just the but they were probably like i don't want to be seen i don't know who this is i got tricked like somebody just paid me to come here these people really like you think they're fan fans? Or are they just there? Somebody paid them? I've never met a real fan of Shob in my life.
Starting point is 00:18:28 A friend of mine worked at a comedy club in Tampa. And the way he made it seem, and I think it applies to Dallas, is like, people just go. It's like the comedy club. They don't even know who they're seeing. It's just a revolving door of clowns. They also put another clown up. There'll be a description of who they are
Starting point is 00:18:47 and their sort of style of comedy for Brennan Schaub. It'll be like, oh, you know, Joe Rogan has his podcast. People will just show up. And they give tickets out for free. And Schaub's promotion company, they got busted by doing a thing where they said, this is a homeless cats thing. They had a whole promotion. Cite your source a homeless cats thing. They had a whole promotion.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Cider Source, the homeless cats. They had a whole promotion, and this is actually proven. They did a big promotion. If you give five stars on Brandon Jobs' IMDB for his special, then you get the chance to win this prize, basically. It's like incentivized traffic. It's fraud.
Starting point is 00:19:26 That's considered fraud uh any review site will consider that fraud right so but the homeless cats got wind of this and it's the lowest rated thing in imdb history because the cats came in the cats came in and what just a million one stars they're superheroes god imagine having a fan base that just fucking hates you that's all they do wild but it's this is this is the punishment okay if you're grifting like he is where you're not a comic but you're just like getting in on this like you know this era where rogan you can just make some money and have a bunch of podcasts and he's he's it's this it's like a it's a cash grab for him so like but you do that, people are going to, they have eyes, they're going to be like, you suck, though.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And you're like, you kind of can't even speak well, and you're a liar, and blah, blah, blah. So we're going to attack you. But yeah, go ahead and keep making your money. But that's the natural, it's like a natural repercussion. Yeah. The guy has not, he's done comedy for like three years. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:20:24 He's had two specials and he has tons of podcasts with people that are maybe a little aggressive and bad. And so they're on to that and they're going to go to your IMDB and they're going to give you one star
Starting point is 00:20:41 because that's the only thing we can do. All us cats can do is come together and and maybe the cats will create scratch away they'll code a bot with a using a network of proxy ip addresses that are designed to do one star reviews in mass maybe you'll have the lowest rated imdb of time. What else can you do in this situation? You have no other options. You've left us with no other options, Shub. It's a small price to pay for how much money you have coming in
Starting point is 00:21:13 for being bad at what you do. You bag a homeless cat into the corner, they're scratching. What do you expect to happen? The homeless cats are feral. Brenda, what do you expect to happen? For Christ's sake, Brenda. I mean, for Christ's sakes, Baba. Baba.
Starting point is 00:21:27 God. Poor job. Yeah. At least he doesn't probably remember much, so he doesn't. He probably wakes up every day, and he's like, I'm the king of the internet. He's like, oh, what's this?
Starting point is 00:21:39 I forgot about this Reddit thing. He probably forgets every day. It's Groundhog's Day. It's Groundhog Day for him. It's like 50 first dates. He's like, ah. 50 first dates. He makes it very more Rogan and Callan. It's just make sure the right newspaper is out
Starting point is 00:21:51 so he's not freaking the fuck out. Every day they give him the LA Times the day before the Callan allegations came out. He's like, nothing new here today. He scratched his purple Porsche last night. We got to buff that out real quick before he wakes up.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Oh, fuck. So, okay, here's, this is the crowd. I mean, look, that's this guy. This, this, okay. So it's like, yeah, it's like, it's like white guys that look like they're trying to be black by like, if they curate their beard. Those two conservative Latinos on the right are for sure conservative latinos probably love him those guys work at t-mobile and they fucking yeah people at t-mobile look like they party it's wild yeah right there's
Starting point is 00:22:35 something about t-mobile employees they look like they go to vegas every i'm like you're buck wild like they they they look like they all do like poppers and E and all sorts of things. Yeah, they do. I can tell as well. They have to. Think about what their lives are like. T-Mobile. Can't even work for Verizon like a real man. Everyone that works for Verizon
Starting point is 00:22:54 thinks they're like an entrepreneur. Yeah, they're like madmen. People that work for Verizon, they're always like Armenian guys that listen to Jay-Z and they frame their bachelor's degree on their wall and shit. And they're like,
Starting point is 00:23:02 I'm just like gay. Right next to their Scarface. They always wear a shit. And they're like, I'm just gay. Right next to their Scarface poster. They always wear a suit. Back to the grind, bro. You're selling fucking androids. You're not an entrepreneur. Alright, let's... I'm used to that.
Starting point is 00:23:17 My demo, 18 to 36 bros. That's what I specialize in. We won't watch the whole special on the Patreon Patreon by the way Check it out You did? Me and Richie did The whole thing?
Starting point is 00:23:28 We watched the whole thing It's only 25 minutes It's only 25 minutes It's not a real special Yeah it's 25 minutes What? Well it's the best Oh
Starting point is 00:23:34 He curated like the best bits Huh He cut out the fat It's actually genius He's a curator He cut out you know Enough of these long specials Full of you know jokes
Starting point is 00:23:43 That people have worked on Just get out there And fucking dance around for a little bit. You know, he wants to put his best foot forward. So I kind of want to just study the crowd here. I don't mind it, though. I'm the bro whisperer. That's what they call me. How is he not?
Starting point is 00:24:00 How is he white, dude? I have no idea. I'm saying this the other day. We went over that. Yeah. He's got like Easter Island face or something. How is he white, dude? I have no idea. I was saying this the other day. We went over that, yeah. He's got like Easter Island face or something. Well, he's been punched in the face so many times.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Yeah. He got you. Dicey, dicey. Has that worked on you, bro? I love you, Texas. That's how it is. Hell yeah, Boppa. I love it.
Starting point is 00:24:23 I love it. There's always one guy. No fucking way, bro. Oh, he's doing that. I don't even know what's happening. That needle's not touching this fucking temple, daddy. I can't believe I'm watching this for a second time. This is my fifth time watching it this week.
Starting point is 00:24:43 I've literally shown everyone I know. Look at that still. I watched it with Tim everyone I know. You have a mental illness. Look at that still. I watched it with Tim like three times. We're obsessed with it. Oh, name drop to get out of it. Then you both have mental illness. No, not Tim Dillon. Tim Jones, the guy that works at 7-Eleven.
Starting point is 00:24:58 He loves it. The homeless guy, too. He's a homeless cat. Imagine being at these jokes and you're in the back going like, whoo! Like, like,
Starting point is 00:25:12 I'm just doing like, he's literally just prancing around like peacocking and stuff. This whole vaccination stuff, I'm not anti-vaxxer, man. I'm vaccinated, but it'ser, man. I'm vaccinated. But it's all in their marketing. They fucked this whole thing up in their marketing.
Starting point is 00:25:29 Without Operation Warp Speed, when they launched that, I remember they're trying to get everybody to get vaccinated. Hold on, hold on, guys. Go to Krispy Kreme, buy a dozen donuts, get vaccinated. Like, the fuck? That makes sense. Fat people are like Hell yeah Fuck this That's good
Starting point is 00:25:46 Cause it's like If you're fat You like donuts I can't even listen I'm taking my headphones off Joey Be a Come on
Starting point is 00:25:54 Come on Let's give it two more minutes You need your catnip It's so confusing I might have called my mom I was like Hey mama Are you getting vaccinated She's all I wasn't called my mama. I was a gay mama. Are you getting vaccinated?
Starting point is 00:26:05 She's all, I wasn't. And then, you know, I love donuts. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I wish I could kick his ass. I know. He's just so big. He would kill me.
Starting point is 00:26:16 He's so big. He seems fun to hang out with, like, you know. Yeah. Just on his own, like, you know, with him. Maybe. Right? Maybe. Well, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you know, the guy just on his own, like, you know, with him. Maybe, maybe. Well,
Starting point is 00:26:26 I don't know. Yeah. I mean, the guy's ride or die. Yeah, of course he is. He'd let you get away with anything. You could like tell him you killed somebody. He'd be like,
Starting point is 00:26:35 Oh, you want to do a podcast? Like you tell him you like murdered your families. Like you want to like join forces. You like, you like raped like five women in the 90s. Let's like do a show called like the King and the Sting. Whatever the fuck they do.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Everybody scared the shit out of him from getting vaccinated. Remember that idiot? He's all over the news stations. The first moron to get that Johnson and Johnson. Clearly a meth addict. They just, nobody checked into his background. Remember that?
Starting point is 00:27:04 They put him on the news He's sweaty as shit He was on all the major broadcasts He's like, holy shit, dude This is heating up, guys Stop, get off your phones I'm gonna be on my fucking phone I'm on mine and I'm gonna stay on it
Starting point is 00:27:20 Until this is off Hold on, we got one more crowd shot Joey's on his phone. He's on the fighter and the kid Reddit right now. I mean, on your phone. You're posting clips.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I'm posting clips on the subreddit. God, you're a fucking devoted cat. I'm a cat. I'm a homeless cat. You're clocking in it, Changs. Do what you gotta do. Thanks. No, I just gotta make,
Starting point is 00:27:37 I gotta finish this post. It's all in marketing, man. Like, they need to hire some just dime-piece actor we've never heard of. Just blast him all over the news, right? Just somebody who's fine. Get him on there. Just put him all over the news, all over the nation. Like, yeah, dude, I get the Johnson & Johnson.
Starting point is 00:27:57 I feel pretty good. I feel great, actually. If I'm being honest, one side effect, I just want to be up front with everybody. I can't even speak. Dude, like, seriously. I mean. He's not saying anything.
Starting point is 00:28:10 He's not. He's not saying anything, but his tempo is like out of a joke. That's how stupid comedy crowds are, is that you just hook them on a rhythm, and you could literally be up there going like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Yeah, he keeps speaking like a sin. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da. And then people just laugh.
Starting point is 00:28:26 They're all tired from work. Everyone's doped up on Coca-Cola and fucking taquitos and shit. And everyone's just shitting their pants and brain dead. Here. I mean, look at these. They're like seals on the front row.
Starting point is 00:28:42 This guy's like, Dick, get big if you get vaccine. His jokes are literally like that level. Imagine if you're dick big. Imagine you get the vaccine, you got a big dick. Then people are like, whoa, that'd be like a fun side effect.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Oh, yeah. They make a t-shirt where it's like a vaccine and then a huge cock and they sell a million. Wouldn't it be funny if Red did that? That's Target. You know when you go to a wall a t-shirt where it's like a vaccine and then a huge cock and they sell a million. Wouldn't it be funny if Red did that? At Target. You know when you go to a wall t-shirt at Target, there's one with a big cock. It's a syringe
Starting point is 00:29:13 and a huge cock. And it says Gringo Poppy on it. It's next to the McLovin IV t-shirt. Look at this guy. Look at this foo. He right here. That's a white boy. Is that a white guy? It's hard to tell in Texas.
Starting point is 00:29:30 It's hard to tell in Texas. This guy, I don't know. He loves queso. It's good to be in Dallas, man. No, it's not. It's good to be in Dallas. I know. Oh, yeah. Woo! I mean, I can't. I can't believe the shooting is special
Starting point is 00:29:44 at this fucking place. It's 25 minutes long. It's crazy. That's insane. It's like an episode of Rick and Morty. It's a 25-minute comedy special. There's supposed to be an hour. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:58 There's a reason I shoot my special here, man. You guys just give me so much love. Because there's a reason I shoot my special here, guys. It's because my career is plummeting. Every day, I am on my way out, guys. There's a reason I'm here shooting this special at a Dave and Buster's. Texas, man. Yeah, thank you.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Thank you. I haven't touched a mask since I touched down. It is fantastic. Look at these. Look at this guy. Look at this, this, this. Go full screen. This guy right here.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Oh, is that fucking? He looks like the master. He looks like. He looks. Is he It Man? He looks like the guy that trained him to do. He trained him to do comedy. This is like Mr. Miyagi.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Yeah. Of Brandon Schaub. Look at him. He's like, tell them about the big deal. Yeah. He goes. He goes. He goes.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Brandon Schaub, look at him. He's like, tell them about the big deal. Yeah, he goes. Watch this guy in the crowd. He goes, do that dance again now. Okay, dance across the big deal. He goes, talk about the women in the crowd. You haven't touched them. You haven't touched the mask. You haven't touched.
Starting point is 00:31:06 It's time to go. You're segueing into dating. Tell them it's great to be here. Mask on. Mask off. Say you like Dallas a lot. You must say you have never seen a woman in crowd. They will be there for you.
Starting point is 00:31:23 Talk about the other people with the virus. Anyone to the donut okay go into talk about how the corona came from my people alright get it going
Starting point is 00:31:35 you like this John you're into this that's great I'm into it I'm back in we're doing a shop double feature double feature guys
Starting point is 00:31:41 what do you want out of us it's 25 minutes you know why he looks Latino? Because I think he's had work done. He's been punched in the face a million times. He's got tan-ass skin.
Starting point is 00:31:49 And he's fucking, you know what he does? He does his eyebrows. His eyebrows are like fucking plucked. Threaded or whatever. Yeah, like threaded or whatever. Well, he's also brown. He's like got brown skin and shit. Yeah, that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:31:58 He looks kind of, he looks like he's something. He looks Mexican. Yeah. That's what he looks like. Yeah. It's crazy that he's something. He looks Mexican. Yeah. That's what he looks like. Yeah. It's crazy that he's white. I mean, it's kind of crazy. Like, I honestly feel like Jake LaMotta,
Starting point is 00:32:12 like his comedy career was better than Merle's. It's a similar venue. It's similar. Like, to the end of Raging Bull, he's just looking at himself in the mirror before the show. He's backstage. He's super fat now. Super the mirror Before the show He's backstage He's super fat now
Starting point is 00:32:27 Remembering his career Lomato was a bit of a thick boy if you will Exactly The last half like the last 20 minutes This is Jake Lomato like trying to sell like thick boy clothing He's like what the fuck is this fucking Reddit Fucking homeless cats. Coronavirus makes your fucking dick big.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Nice to be here, Dallas. I usually don't do shows like this. There's a lot of women here tonight. My shows are usually a sausage fest. He's at the Copa. Remember the vaccine? The first guy got it, that fucking guy? Come on.
Starting point is 00:33:25 That PR, you know, it's a PR problem. Can you imagine being the first guy to get the J and J he's like I thought I thought what I thought that I thought he's like it's a nice to be here uh uh dicey dicey good to see you papa what what callan what she was 16. wait what are you talking about i checked her id he's like what are you talking about he's like you're telling me annie lederman's a comic they're talking about locking us back down i can't go through another lockdown straight up my the shop household barely made it through the last one we eat our way out that last one we did not do well with it also Dallas
Starting point is 00:34:07 my lockdown's damn fran I got a five year old and two year old you guys know what I'm talking about I would rather do anything else
Starting point is 00:34:13 than be locked down with those fucking demons 24 7 there we go all the children demons he goes he goes Sugar Ray Robinson
Starting point is 00:34:22 he goes love him never met him. Joey's impression's amazing. He does the greatest De Niro face. Here, hold on. Let me try to find the last scene of Raging Bull. He's like punching the wall.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Can we play that? If somebody else posted it. I think you're allowed to do those Fandango. These ones? These movie clips? I don't know. What the fuck is with this guy? Let's not risk it. Yeah, alright. We've done too much.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Fight with me other week. We get locked down. We're fucking bitching at me. You know, Fauci. Mask. This is horrific. You, uh, you try to post on my Reddit? He goes, Bobby Lee, you make a subreddit about me? Bobby Lee, are you a homeless cat?
Starting point is 00:35:34 He goes, Bobby Lee, I linked an IP address. Bobby Lee's like, what are you fucking talking about? You're a fucking fat fuck. You're fucking sitting there like a fat fucking fuck. He goes, a lot of people have been talking. They say you're a homeless cat. You've been clocking in at Jenks?
Starting point is 00:35:55 He kicks the shit out of his brother. He goes, punch me in the fucking face. Punch me right in the face. Take a hit. At the end of the special, he's like, never got me down, Dallas. Never got me down.
Starting point is 00:36:10 Gringo pop. If I was locked down with the bros, Dallas. Okay, this is a good, this is a good, this is a good bit. Okay, here's a good one. Yeah, this is a good one. Okay. You know how much more fun we would have? Oh my God, dude.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Do you think he writes? It's a very well-written special, obviously. Yeah. So can you, you know, he's probably got, you think he has a notebook? I'm guessing he has a million notebooks. He has a gel pen. He probably has a ton. You think he goes to coffee shops?
Starting point is 00:36:40 Yeah, he's got a gel pen. Gel pen. He's a a gel pen gel pen he's sparkly gel pen he's he's writing it on the back of a bunch of subpoenas given to brian callan it's crayons on the back of a callan subpoena some guy's serving in paper he's like they keep giving me stationery at the coffee shop. He's like, I do most of my writing at Chuck E. Cheese with Chris D'Elia. Like play video games
Starting point is 00:37:17 all day. We'd work out. So this is his good joke. He's about to drop the hammer. I'm sorry. We'd play video games all day. We'd work out. At night, we'd fuck each other. Because they're gay. That's good.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Because gay... Well, that's the John. Maybe it's a little subversive for you. A little irreverent comedy. You didn't get that? John. You know what? That was a little bit...
Starting point is 00:37:45 So do you think in his notebook he wrote I'm gay in the joke and then I'm hanging out. That's how he started it. He goes, first of all, I'm gay. He goes, I'm gay. There's an arrow down there. Me and my boys were also gay. Gay with who?
Starting point is 00:38:00 My boys. Then he goes down and he goes in quarantine with my boys. And then he goes down, he goes, in quarantine with my boys. And then he goes, he thought for a second, he looked at his espresso at the coffee shop, and he goes, what do gay guys do? And he goes, they fuck each other. He goes, that's the punch.
Starting point is 00:38:14 He goes, if I hit that, if I hit that at the right timing, it's a home run. It's a home run bit. He goes, I think I just did something that was genius. Yeah, me and my boys, if we were locked down together, we'd fuck each other in the ass. It's a home run. This is a home run bit. He goes, I think I just did something that was genius. Yeah. Me and my boys, if we were locked down together, we'd fuck each other in the ass.
Starting point is 00:38:29 He calls Chris D'Elia. He tells him the bit, and Chris D'Elia's like, dude, can I use that? Do you have Chris D'Elia present? Oh. Chris D'Elia unwraps. So you go over there, and then they get out like... Christelia peels a 13-year-old off his fucking face and then gets on the phone.
Starting point is 00:38:57 I saw that she was wearing a training bra and I'm like, she is perfect for me. She was getting out of the car. Like, you like got to go. He's like, you know, when like an underage girl is going to school,
Starting point is 00:39:21 dude, I'm one of those, like, you know, those, those, those cars, you put quarters into the mall and it moves back and forth he's just cat calling 12 year olds
Starting point is 00:39:29 yo like james outside of one of those with a roll of quarters he's like who wants a ride he goes look your ride's over isn't it i got it i got another one because you you need another one and then I give him the cord I put it in like that's why I don't do college gigs but I'd love to get some elementary school gigs you know Chris Lee is doing elementary schools
Starting point is 00:39:59 to fuck the girls cause he's interested in the women Chris Lee is he sold out of Montessori last week to fuck the girls because he's interested in the women. Crystal is. He sold out of Montessori last week. He's like, oh my God, like,
Starting point is 00:40:13 you know when like your girlfriend like gives you a macaroni necklace and shit? And you're like, this like sucks. It like sucks, right?
Starting point is 00:40:22 The thing about like drunk girls is that like you can't even get like the small ones drunk he's very close to ramon it's like illegal yeah he's very it's about one octave away from ramon you know what's funny is that he's not allowed back at the comedy store and like the comedy store like kind of sucks without him yeah they need comedy store doesn't have there's not an energy there anymore they gotta get to let these abusers as
Starting point is 00:40:43 captain jack said it would be much better if they let the molesters back in. Captain Jack had the best. Captain Jack. Captain Jack should run the comedy store. He should. There's a period. Give him the new manager. Yeah, he should be the booker.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Dude, is Captain Jack watching myself? He stays in full. He can't get out of it. What if Johnny Depp starts running the comedy store after the trial? Like, he becomes the booker? Yeah. That would be... I would love to see that happen.
Starting point is 00:41:10 That'd be great. Yes. He's like, put up Geppetto. Geppetto's got a tight five. He goes, Geppetto's got a tight five. Put Geppetto up. He goes, I'll stand at the back of the stage. I'll throw him grapes.
Starting point is 00:41:23 He goes, what's really the difference between any of these comics and an actual dancing monkey? He goes, no, really. Think about it. What's the difference? He goes, truly think about it. He goes, if you get down to brass tacks, every comic is merely a dancing monkey. He goes, literally. Literally.
Starting point is 00:41:43 He goes, these people are dancing monkeys. Oh, fuck. He goes, I'm pretty sure Geppetto has more brain cells than Brandon Schaub. He goes, the guy can't. He's like, I don't get it. He goes, okay, let me explain. Schaub, come over here. He's like, Geppetto, come. He's like, now do you see it? And the guy'sob, come over here. He's like, Geppetto?
Starting point is 00:42:06 He's like, now do you see? And the guy's like, oh, okay. Geppetto's got like a tight fade. Geppetto's wearing sick boy outfit. He's wearing a bomber jacket. Geppetto's wearing like fucking joggers and fucking Nikes. Johnny Depp's monkey, Geppetto. He's like a hype beast.
Starting point is 00:42:22 He's got a podcast. He has marijuana leaf socks on. Oh, fuck. How does he finish this? It was all, the fuck? No. I thought we were going to play video games, bro. Joe, can I go in?
Starting point is 00:42:40 Sorry, man. Make that two. I love that. No, fuck no I'm not into that dude I'm not I don't want to be locked down with you anymore
Starting point is 00:42:49 I just what are you gonna do bro you're bored this would be a bit of a backtrack so you can you can not do it
Starting point is 00:43:00 if you don't want to but I kind of love to hear Jake LaMotta do that joke the gay joke do you remember it? He's like, and we fuck each other. The one that ended like, and we fuck each other.
Starting point is 00:43:10 I tuned it out. He'll do the next one. I'll do the next one. Pay attention. LaMotta being like, and we fuck each other. Like saying that punchline. I wasn't listening. I would have done it. No, I would have done it for you, but I just simply, every word that Chop says in one year.
Starting point is 00:43:26 In and out. Exactly. In and out. Are you telling me that Brenda doesn't resonate with you? It just doesn't sink in for some reason. Brendan Chop elevates an audience to a level that we cannot comprehend.
Starting point is 00:43:36 He is reverential. These people are having an incredible... These people are having a great night. He doesn't remember anything either. His CTE is contagious. Yeah. This is Brendan Chop's starry night. These doesn't remember anything either. His CTE is contagious. This is Brendan Schaub's starry night. These people are all happy.
Starting point is 00:43:49 He's painting a picture for us. Here's the thing. It's a slow start, but it's all setting up. It's setting up a crescendo. We're being simpletons. We're putting it in a box. This is merely the fulcrum of the special. The fulcrum of the Smash Bros.
Starting point is 00:44:05 The fulcrum. Dream. I never thought I'd say this to a live audience. One thing that I'm grateful for, for the governor of California, Governor Newsom, for locking us down for an entire year and ruining small businesses. Because I wouldn't have realized this
Starting point is 00:44:21 unless I was locked down with my family for an entire year. I realize my girl's not cool. She's just not... She's not a friendly human being. I married a goddamn rattlesnake. She's like... This is my girl. This is my girl, man.
Starting point is 00:44:41 This is what I'm dealing with. Yo, listen, L.A la is different than texas my they just opened my son's school last week he's literally he's up so many words it's crazy well you know you can't get it out he speaks like it's like he's like a like a table that needs those things under it to even out like like he can't connect his words together you got to give him like his tongue is too big his His tongue needs a handicap ramp to get to the next fucking word. In school in a fucking year. They just opened it last week.
Starting point is 00:45:10 First day of kindergarten. So I got him his first day outfit. He somehow has a cauliflower tongue. Oh my god. I'm surprised I haven't seen that on the subreddit. That's top comment on a big homeless cat's thread. That is greatdit That's top comment On a big homeless cats thread That is great, that's fantastic
Starting point is 00:45:28 Dicey dicey I love the homeless cats, you know, of course We intellectually link up Bapa's got cauliflower tongue Giant backpack, backwards hat, looks just like me I'm walking up for school, I'm like dude It's about to be lit as fuck All his little friends out front in their first day outfits I'm like, dude, it's about to be lit as fuck. All his little friends out front
Starting point is 00:45:46 in their first day outfits. I'm like, oh my god, you guys are cute as shit. I need to document this. I go, T, get tight. I need to document this for Delia. Chris is going to love this shit. Chris is going to love this. He's like, spread your, touch your ankles. Touch your ankles real
Starting point is 00:46:02 quick and let the green go pop and take a photo of you for Delia. He asks all the girls, he goes, who here has tits? Does any of you have tits growing in yet? Oh, you do? Okay, get out of the picture. All right, get out of the picture. Get in my van.
Starting point is 00:46:15 Get in my thick boy van. I'm collecting panties for Delia. She gets it. She looks at it. She goes, crop out the uglies. Resend. Oh, yeah. What?
Starting point is 00:46:30 Excuse me? That's ruthless, Papa. Yo. Damn. Dicey, dicey. Dicey, dicey, B. If that's a true story, his wife is like a psycho. Yeah, it's like a weird joke. He's just telling the crowd. He's like, my wife's an a psycho. Yeah, it's like a weird joke. He's just telling the crowd. He's like, my wife's an awful human being.
Starting point is 00:46:48 Yeah, just like a horrible person. Like your wife is an irredeemable human. She's a piece of shit. I think he cheats on her and shit, too. She deserves it. She does. She's actually that type of person. They deserve each other.
Starting point is 00:47:01 These two trash fucking cucks. Stumass. Here, you guys missed the punch. Let's hear that. Oh, he goes, he goes. He goes, oh shit. Can't miss a punchline. I said, you're in a group chat with other parents, dumbass.
Starting point is 00:47:21 There's a guy going, oh shit. He goes, snap. What? What? He said that to the wrong group. Damn. There's a guy going, oh shit. He goes, snap. What? What? She said that to the wrong group. Damn. Oh, hell no. What?
Starting point is 00:47:32 What? What? What? Oh, what a mistake, brother. Woo. There's guys in the crowd going like, woo. Doing the Ram Jam. It's such a lie, by the way.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Like, obviously, this never happened. I don't know, though, dude. It's funny that he can, okay, when you're doing, you get to make up whatever you want. I believe that his wife said. You get to lie, and he just was like, I don't know, my wife's like a piece of shit. Here's what happened. He got home. She liked the photo. He got home, and he just was like, I don't know, my wife's like a piece of shit. Here's what happened. He got home.
Starting point is 00:48:05 She liked the photo. He got home, and then she was joking with him. It was like, what if he just, crop out the uglies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh, my God, can you say that? What if you sent that to the boot camp of everybody in it? I believe that part, but yeah, he didn't do it. Like, she didn't send it to the parents.
Starting point is 00:48:18 That's like the dumbest fucking lie. No, not at all. Oh, Sam. There he goes again. Numb that tongue. Numb that tongue with some whiskey. I married a Mexican. Married a Mexican.
Starting point is 00:48:34 I thought you would like that. Listen. I thought you guys would enjoy that. I don't mean like Taco Bell Mexican. No, no. I'm talking Guadalajara. Born and raised. Came to the States 10 years ago.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Illegally Mexican. The real deal. Holy field. By the way, look up what his wife looks like right now. Okay, first off, she's not from Mexico. Really? She was born and raised. She was born at the Kaiser Permanente down the street. Oh, so she's bougie. She's from LA. She's not from Mexico. Really? She was born and raised. She was born at the Kaiser Permanente down the street.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Oh, so she's bougie. She's from L.A. She's bougie. She's from L.A. He's just like lying. She's like Guadalajara Mexican. I know this from being a homeless cat. She has like a weird, huge, fake ass.
Starting point is 00:49:18 She has a huge, fake ass. And a bunch of the other cats that I'm friends with at Chang's. A couple of the other boys at Chang's, they put together this montage of Joe Rogan, Shob on Rogan's podcast, where Rogan is clearly just going like, I hate fake asses, dude. Yeah. And just like bringing up how fake asses are gross and fake. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:40 And Shob getting uncomfortable because his wife has an actual fake ass. Yeah. It's a whole montage. Is it 100% fake? Yeah. It looks like too big. No, it's like, pull fake ass. Yeah. It's a whole montage. Is it 100% fake? Yeah. It looks like too big. No, it's like, pull it up. Yeah, you can pull it up.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Pull it up. I don't want to, like, you know, I don't want to, like, dox these people's families. Well, give us a fuck. No, no, it's not. She's been doxed. Don't look. Don't. It's not her address.
Starting point is 00:49:57 It's, uh. All right. Hold on. Hold on. The cat. We got to hold the sanctity of the big fake ass. You know. Shop just beats the shit out of all of us.
Starting point is 00:50:05 You gotta type in like fake ass or something. I can't see what you searched. Oh, there you go. I love using that tone. Is that her? That's her. Superman, I can't. That doesn't look fake.
Starting point is 00:50:19 Full screen it for Joseph. You know. Well, you can see... That's not even that bad a one. Oh, no, I think that's just, like, a fan of his. That could be anybody. All right, hold on. Let's, like, go to who Instagram.
Starting point is 00:50:33 You got to do, like, do Reddit. Put Reddit in the search as well, because that will bring the homeless cat results. Yeah, let's get to the cats. We need some help. Why would you go anywhere but the cats? It's just like, my boys at Chang's
Starting point is 00:50:49 are like flipping out right now. Where's the P.F. Chang's joke come from? I mean, I assume Brandon Chobb said it, but like, why? So,
Starting point is 00:50:55 why P.F. Chang's? Yeah, so Chobb was like, all these people hating on me in the comments. He's like, it's a bunch of fucking guys working at P.F. Chang's.
Starting point is 00:51:04 He's like, it's a, it rocks. Yeah, pf changs he's like it rocks yeah it is and then i think it was the same uh uh rant where and then he goes it's like it's like a bunch of homeless cats dude okay and it's like all right so i was having a stroke yeah it's uh you know he's all over the place aggression and impaired judgment for cte she's cute though here it is she's cute she. She's cute. She's got a pretty face and stuff. Big asses don't always look horrible. I love a chunky Latina. She has a pretty bad one in certain pictures.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Certain pics. But listen, I'm not a judgmental pig. I think everyone's beautiful. That's, you know, yeah. She looks kind of like Snooki. That's not the... Are you're are you on her instagram yeah no go to the reddit thing i can't find an immediate reddit thread about her fucking
Starting point is 00:51:51 otter can't i think it's a bear trait to be able to use that's like a picture of her ass yeah but the reddit guy even homeless cats. Actual video evidence of Brendan Schaub cheating on his wife? The clue on that. Let's stay on fucking track here a little bit. We can double back. Otters get distracted pretty easily. These otters, they have such a terrible-
Starting point is 00:52:21 Showing Brenda on ass implants. Is this the clip? Yeah, this is what I was talking about. When she shows all these pictures of her giant, perfect ass, she's showing an extremely unrealistic representation of a human being. So what she does is she hires photographers to follow her everywhere and take pictures. This is the cats doing the editing. Yeah, the cats.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Great editing. So that's her before? Yeah. I love the fucking... What are they zooming in on? Oh, they're edit, edit, edit. Oh. Oh, they're going to draw on her like it's Nip Tuck?
Starting point is 00:52:54 Oh, they're taking... Yeah. I love the music. They take the fat. They cleaned away all the lumps. And then she looks amazing. Right? That is a dumper.
Starting point is 00:53:02 That's gross. That is a dumper. But here's the thing. That's not real. That is all fat that someone stuffed into your That is a dumper. That's gross. That is a dumper. But here's the thing. That's not real. That is all fat that someone stuffed into your ass like a giant diaper. And when they smooth it out and put it on Instagram with all the retouches and everything like that, this forces women to think that this is possible, that this is normal. My girl's ass beats hers, by the way.
Starting point is 00:53:22 But it's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. Do they have evidence it's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. Do they have evidence it's fully? It's not? And she's got a body that makes sense. Yeah, the plastic surgeon is a homeless kid.
Starting point is 00:53:32 What's going on here? This is right. Plastic surgeon's Bobby Lee. Maybe I'm being a hater. H-A-D-E-R. You're a hater, B. A hater. Hater, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:42 Hater. Papa. You're being a hater, Papa. Dicey, dicey. But I'm almost positive I've seen a picture of her B. A hater. Hater, yeah. Hater. Papa. You're being a hater, Papa. Dicey dicey. But I'm almost positive I've seen a picture of her ass where it was just so obviously fake. But I could be wrong. Maybe I'm being almost good. It probably is.
Starting point is 00:53:55 Everyone does it now. Nobody works out. She's done us a service. How dare you? It's not a real ass. This is a disaster. I would not kick her out of bed for you fucking graham crackers. Look at those pictures. Yeah, I know. Those pictures have been sent to a Christmas. These aren't that bad. I would not kick her out of bed for you. Look at those pictures.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Those pictures have been sent to a curse. These aren't that bad. Her thighs are a little bit too thin for her ass. She didn't get that where it's done so much that it looks obviously fake. I saw worse ones. I know I saw worse ones. But it ain't great. She's got a little dumper.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I saw way worse ones than that. That's not what I was talking about. Whatever. Whatever. All right. Moving on. Can we get back to fucking business, okay? For Christ's sakes. I haven't even gotten into things.
Starting point is 00:54:36 That was trash. Let's watch art. Oh, this shit is... You gotta put it on the screen. Sorry that I'm the producer, host. I'm everything of this guy. I did a lot of white flat asses before her and it just never worked out for me it just would never work out sorry that I'm the producer host
Starting point is 00:54:48 I'm everything of this guy I do everything not a great one huh dude dude I've been struggling
Starting point is 00:54:55 bro get with the Latina bro you know why cause they're fun and they're spicy no doubt definitely spicy
Starting point is 00:55:03 real spicy right real spicy you know what spicy means they're spicy. No doubt, definitely spicy. Real spicy, right? Real spicy. You know what spicy means? They're assholes. That's what that means. What do you think about that one? Imagine Jake Lamont.
Starting point is 00:55:17 He's like, yeah, my wife, one of these Mexicans. Because you know how they say, food is spicy. In Mexico, it's spicy. He goes, this is good. They're talking. It's because the ass.
Starting point is 00:55:43 The ass is spicy. It's what. The ass is spicy It's what Oh my god I think you're a fool I don't know See the ass That's spicy, eh? Say, say, say papa
Starting point is 00:56:03 Hey, okay, Papa Oh, fuck yeah Oh, fuck Jake, are you a thick boy? Yeah, me, my friends, we get together in Santa Monica We get our bicycles We all wear the same t-shirt It says thick boy My friends, we get together in Santa Monica. We get our bicycles. We all wear the same T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:56:28 It says, Thick Boy. It's a small but loyal community. And we ride our bikes down four blocks. Not a big ride. But it's enough for us to get together. Then we go to the food trucks. We have a fill on lobster rolls. And we're sweating because we're all fat pigs.
Starting point is 00:57:06 And then I charge them $50 for an autograph, and I send them home. Jake LaVonna, Brendan Shaw. Sorry, man. Dude, when we first got together, she was cooking authentic Mexican food. We can't actually watch the whole thing. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Maybe we can. I would love to stop. No, let's do it. I would love to stop. No, it's I would love to stop to actually, but we could do him talk. We could do them. It's different. It's different with Joey and Johnny here, so it's not the same. Yeah, as the Patreon, but I'm completely I feel at this point. I just feel bad for our
Starting point is 00:57:40 patron subscribers. I have to watch the special twice, though. They do have us but there's some commentary. Let's just listen to the last song because I thought the last song was really sick. What did you say about our Patreon? I love them. Patreon guys. Patreon guys. Cancel. They get a different view. Oh, okay. They get a different view.
Starting point is 00:57:56 They got you on the walls. Oh, you're saying who gives a shit. With the full crew. All right. And we're not going to do this the whole episode. Of course we love them. I happen to love everybody. Can we watch the mountain lion closure? Because Brendan had a mountain lion. And so he got a gun, but he didn't realize
Starting point is 00:58:10 mountain lions were mountain lions. What? And then at the end of the... And then his last joke, he just goes like, so it was a goddamn mountain. It was big. All right, thank you, Dallas.
Starting point is 00:58:19 That's like the joke. Ow. Well, no, dumbass. It's a line of the mountains, dude. It's fucking... This thing was Mufasa. I think I could watch... Oh, he's doing a Callan thing.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I honestly think I could watch Joey doing Jake LaMotta just, like, verbatim doing the whole special. Like, 25 minutes of just Joey staying and Jake LaMotta. If Joey was Jake LaMotta doing all these same jokes, it whole special, like 25 minutes of just Joey staying. If Joey was Jake LaMotta doing all these same jokes, it'd be like the funniest thing that's ever happened on Earth. I thought I heard him out like,
Starting point is 00:58:52 I said, what is that? Probably a little small cat, something like that. So I go out there, you know, I'm like, oh, whatever, whatever. I go, oh, big fucking, the biggest cat ever. Big fucking. whatever, whatever. They go, oh, big fucking, the biggest cat I've ever, big fucking closet. They go, big, huge, way bigger than a regular cat. They go, couldn't believe it. They go, it actually now makes sense.
Starting point is 00:59:18 It's a lion of the mountain. You know, makes perfect, the name actually matches. It's a good of the mountain. You know, makes perfect. The name actually matches. It's a good description. Good. Very good. Oh, that's so good. Whoever named it, spot on with that.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Big cat, big dirty mountain cat. Big dirty mountain cat. Big Dirty Mountain Cat. Big Dirty Mountain Cat. All right, here we go. It's about to end. Dan, pull it up. On the screen. Oh, I panicked. Dude, I panicked.
Starting point is 00:59:56 I went, oh, shit! I slammed the door. Dude, I threw my AR-15 like this. I fucking threw my night vision. I'm not even left-handed. I was like, oh my God. Still got my Ugg boots. Still got the big dick.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Not a big deal. Still got my Ugg boots. My big dick. As long as I got my big dick. I'm sorry. Let's move on. I got the Ugg boots. Big dick.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Pretty good. As long as hug boots, big dick. Pretty good. As long as I got my big dick. My wife's giant fake ass. Every night. I got in that ring app the next morning. I went, yo, we got a mountain lion prom, y'all. That's the closer. That was the big ending.
Starting point is 01:00:52 The bass starts playing. He plays himself off. With his own music. He goes, I got in the ring app and then I told my neighbors there's a mountain lion. Who's this guy getting up on stage it's the host or whatever his closer is literally like he's like so I put my right shoe on put my left shoe on
Starting point is 01:01:16 he goes I got both shoes on y'all thank you now I'm wearing both shoes alright peace now I'm wearing both shoes he's like thick boy nation he puts a cane around his own waist both shoes. Alright, peace. He goes, now I'm wearing both shoes. He's like, thick boy nation. He puts a cane around his own waist and drags himself
Starting point is 01:01:29 off the stage. He goes, 600 bucks to meet me after the show. Peace. Fuck. This song is sick, though.
Starting point is 01:01:39 It's really sick. This song gets me going. Oh. Kiss shit. No way, class, I'm a fan now. Just because of this song. This song is kind of dope. I forgive him for everything.
Starting point is 01:01:57 It's a great song. He's just a slick editor. I think that's his trick. Yeah. Thick boy squad. Thick boy squad. Thick boy nation. Th thick boy squad thick boy squad thick boy nation is bill burton their fucking crew no they well what the fuck was that picture it was just a picture like like he they that but they're trying when thick boy squad started playing on the fucking
Starting point is 01:02:19 comedy he took a picture with bill but you have a picture with bill burr it's like i know but when when the thickick Boy Squad started going, it was like the net picture. No, he's not a member. Bill Burr is not a member of the Thick Boy Squad. Imagine Bill Burr. Of course, I'm fucking with you. I know that, but it's funny. It's a funny edit. He's probably a little frustrated that
Starting point is 01:02:37 this picture is in the special. You know something? I'm a part of the Thick Boy Squad now. Sometimes you just gotta, you know, you gotta, you know, you gotta clock in the chains, you know? I went over to Chang's. I was like, just checking in on you. He goes, you know, I'm in a part of Thick Boy Nation. We get a lot of ladies.
Starting point is 01:03:03 He goes, you know, I'm in a part of Thick Boy Nation. We get a lot of ladies. Because normally, you know, Thick Boy's got a bit of a bro whisper, you know? But thank God there's some ladies at the show tonight. All right. So that wraps up the gringo puppy. I mean, I don't know. Do you guys want to watch Bobby Lee talk about him getting bullied by Brendan Schaub, apparently? Is this real?
Starting point is 01:03:26 What do you guys think? Well, you know what? There is a better clip, I think, to watch. There's one where Schaub... Well, go on Schaub. It goes on fucking Tiger Belly, man. Well, Schaub goes on his own podcast and gets really sad about the homeless cats. Oh, really?
Starting point is 01:03:39 Let's watch that. Yeah. I like that. I mean, what else is funny? Yeah, yeah. So he starts saying, like... He's like, I... Because there's a million clips of Schaub going like,
Starting point is 01:03:47 he's like, I don't read the comments. He's like, none of that shit hurts my feelings. They're all homeless cats. Bretton Schaub was on Tiger Belly? Yeah. New. New? Yeah, he went on yesterday.
Starting point is 01:03:59 I wish there were, like, highlights. I'm going to ease into it. We can't put the whole thing on. No, I know. I mean, what are we doing? I don't want to do this. We're turning into Red Bar now. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:09 Rest in peace, too, by the way. Apparently, I don't know. He passed away? Somebody told me online he's dead. I don't know. The Red Bar guy's dead? Maybe. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:04:17 He's gone. Kevin recently told me, by the way, I let him in to use my gym. I just sat at a coffee shop watching Red Bar. And here's what he did. Yeah, he flooded the toilet at my coffee shop in my building. I was watching Red Bar videos. Watching Red Bar. I took a dump.
Starting point is 01:04:32 He took such a long dump watching Red Bar that he flooded the toilet, couldn't fix it, and then just ran out. I ran out. Of course. I ran out. Well, you can't. You're not going to go report it. You have to run out. Who the fuck reports it? But it's kind of crazy to go into my bathroom at my coffee shop that I go to every day,
Starting point is 01:04:49 flood it while watching Red Bar, and then just sprint away without fixing it. I wasn't trying, John. I've literally reported when I've clogged toilets at restaurants. I didn't clog it. You're proud of it. John's proud. Well, here's the thing. I vomited in toilets at restaurants when I just vomited in there.
Starting point is 01:05:12 John, by the way is this is a side this is this is a sidebar but i so where john shit his pants at the cream almost i'd curse at that fucking place i almost did it again again my pants so we went back to the site where john shit his pants at the cream same exact place too we went there and so john starts like puking and shit well so first of all he in the middle of the meal he goes oh oh he goes dude i'm gonna shit my fucking pants what is with your bowels it's fucking cursed i mood IPO. It's fucking cursed. I haven't done that in years. It's what? It's mood IPO. What's mood IPO?
Starting point is 01:05:47 I'm cursed there. That's where he shit his pants. It's like they play the brown noise while I'm there. It's crazy. It's like in the background, there's some Korean guys in a booth upstairs. It's going to play it. It's like Spassky versus Fisher.
Starting point is 01:06:02 They're beaming the brown note down into his brain. So he claims that he's about to shit his pants. He goes, takes a massive dump, comes back. Then he orders so much food. Listen, cocksucker. All right. To be fair, I didn't know it would be that much chicken. The meat would have been light work.
Starting point is 01:06:23 It was a lot. The meat was light work. They bring out these fuckers. I didn't know it would be that much chicken. The meat would have been light work. It was a lot. The meat was light work. It was two chicken breasts. These fuckers bring out two butterfly chicken breasts. Big chicken breasts. Yeah. They're pretty boring, too, to get chicken breasts. No, it's spicy chicken.
Starting point is 01:06:38 It's decent. It's decent. You always do one chicken. And then we get through the... We're not even eating it, but we cook it, and then Joey get like, we get through the, we get, we get, we're not even eating it, but we get like, we like cook it. And then it's like, Joey's like,
Starting point is 01:06:46 I'm tapping out, bud. Well, because I got to eat two pounds of meat. Or they charge you for it. Or they charge us $30. Well, why don't we just hide it in the salad and stuff like that?
Starting point is 01:06:53 We did that. We didn't have enough salad left. I brought that. I brought, I go, we should just use Devin's trick. Let's hide it. I bring that up every time I go to any Korean barbecue place.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Oh, that's all I do. I tell everybody that I go, if you're not, I go, my friend Devin hides the extra in the salad. There were times me and my friends, we used to put it in our pockets and go to the bathroom and just throw it in the toilet so we wouldn't have to pay.
Starting point is 01:07:14 Let's just explain this because cream barbecue isn't that well known. It's not everywhere. Cream barbecue is a thing where you go, you pay like maybe 20 bucks and they bring you unlimited amounts of raw meat and you cook it and there's all sorts of little they give you little side dishes kimchi fucking weird salad yeah yeah all sorts of crap it's good and it's great it's like it's really fun and it's like a communal like experience and you can just eat for hours yes and drink and have a great time but if you if you're getting you know too big for your britches
Starting point is 01:07:45 and you start thinking, no, I'm going to keep eating. I'm starving. That's every time. And you order tons of meat, then they bring it, and then you're like, holy shit, I'm fucking full.
Starting point is 01:07:54 And by the time there's a ton of raw meat on your table, you're like, you have to pay for all that if you don't finish it. Koreans are, I don't want to say cheap, but they're conservative. They're very conservative.
Starting point is 01:08:04 They don't, they're slow to bring you, you know, water. They're not going to ask you, do you need another refill? Yeah. So you got to hunt them down. What ended up, I think what they realized is like people kept just being a little bit, you know, their eyes were bigger than their stomach and they would order an extra three plates and then not finish it and there was no punishment. So they started doing a thing where they say,
Starting point is 01:08:25 okay, if you do that, if we see an unacceptable amount of meat left on the table, we're doubling your bill. Yeah, your bill goes up. At this place, it's doubled bill. Holy shit. That's a lot.
Starting point is 01:08:40 Usually it's by weight or whatever. But they just know Americans are so fat and stupid, they're just going to keep ordering food that they can't eat they didn't comprehend that I would eat the food then just puke it in their parking lot but real quick though Devin's big scam was I would go with my friends and we'd do that all the time
Starting point is 01:08:57 and we'd be like holy shit I'm so stuffed and there's tons of food left on the table that we haven't cooked so we would just usually hide it in the salads and the sides that they gave us. Or if we didn't have any salad left, we would just grab it with our hands, put it in our pockets, and each take turns going to the bathroom.
Starting point is 01:09:14 It's a great escape. We're letting dirt out. We've been digging a hole and we're like, what do we do with all this dirt? We're gonna get caught. We go outside during a recess and we let it out of our pockets. You slip it out of the bottom of your pants. Yeah, the bottom of my pants.
Starting point is 01:09:29 That's what we would do with the Korean barbecue. Works every time. John did the mistake of ordering way, way too much. I ordered three plates of meat. Two of the... What fucked us was the chicken. No, you ordered three. The bread meat. Honestly, if you order chicken at Korean barbecue, you're kind of like a fucking... That was your order. two of the what fucked us was the chicken no you ordered three like in the four different red meat
Starting point is 01:09:45 honestly if you order chicken at cream barbecue you're kind of like a fucking that was your order that was your order you wanted the chicken it's a stupid
Starting point is 01:09:51 stupid I didn't want the chicken I don't think so I've ordered chicken you've ordered chicken listen I like it I like it
Starting point is 01:09:57 I've seen you order chicken it's chicken when they bring the meat out it's usually not a lot of meat it's usually like a little plate of meat like if you get intestines, two intestines. Well, they saw you.
Starting point is 01:10:07 John, by the way, ordered intestines. They saw John. They were like, oh, thick boy squad here. I walk in there, they're like, fucking oh, shit. I had three Diet Cokes, and it wasn't free refills. I just kept ordering Diet Cokes. Was it in cans? In cans.
Starting point is 01:10:21 What is with Asians in the cans? Enough! Get a fucking soda machine! If we get Fountain, then it must be free. Joey, Joey's sitting there. At one point, I'm ordering my third Diet Coke
Starting point is 01:10:32 and Joey just, nobody's, you know, they're like aloof. All the servers are aloof and just Joey goes, get this Hero Diet Coke. Yeah, because, because I could,
Starting point is 01:10:39 I literally couldn't eat one more bite and John's like, all right, I can do this, dude. All right. I got big horse legs, dude. He's like, he's like, I can do this. I think I can do this. There was so much meat. He's like, alright, I can do this, dude. Alright, I got big horse legs, dude. He's like, I can do
Starting point is 01:10:45 this. I think I can do this. There was so much meat. He's like, but I think I'm going to need a Diet Coke. So I go, Diet Coke for the hero. Bring it over. Bring it over now. It's always fun to drink carbonated beverages while you're eating a ton because then you burp and you feel like you gained some room, but you really didn't.
Starting point is 01:11:01 It's an illusion. You keep going. Yeah, you also have to eat really fast and that's why korean barbecue the the waiters they take their time to bring you the food because they want you to fill up exactly it's all they're all they're snakes that's what you gotta wait i'm gonna start giving my order while just putting the waiter in a choke hold it's like i'm in uh what's it called roadhouse anyways we used to go to cream barbecue and we want we would just these people hated us when i was like like at in high school which one was it it was like 9.99 it was the castle meat was like a castle it was like it was the cheapest shit ever there was a pack of people
Starting point is 01:11:34 out front waiting to get tables it was horrific but like it was great it's still fun and we used to go and to get our money's worth because we all had no money and ten dollars was like a lot to us at the time we'd in between we'd all take turns going out into a car and smoking a blunt like we'd eat we'd get all full and then we'd sit there and act like we're still like no like keep it coming and then we'd each take turns going to the car and like getting insanely high and read regenerating our appetite so we'd come in and they were just they would get our money's worth why are they still here we've been for like we were there for like three hours my in and they would be like, why are they still here? We were there for like three hours. My friends and I would have days where, again, we were broke like that.
Starting point is 01:12:09 It was in high school. And we would just, the day leading up to Korean barbecue, we'd only eat lettuce to expand our stomachs and to just make us really hungry so that when we go to get Korean barbecue. Is that a thing, really, the lettuce thing? My buddy just said,
Starting point is 01:12:22 my buddy was like, you eat a bunch of lettuce. That sounds like that stoner bullshit where stoners are like. And we get insanely high and we go to Korean barbecue. If you like smoke weed and like eat a mango, like the citrus and the mango, like. Get you a higher bro. You go like, you get so much higher. So much higher.
Starting point is 01:12:41 But so John is being a hero. He decides to eat this insane amount of food It was really actually impressive I couldn't believe how much he ate He hated it It was not funny It turned the evening into just not a pleasant experience It was like a Korean torture
Starting point is 01:12:56 I was sweating on the amount that I ate I was miserable It was horrible He was so miserable He was not having fun. It ruined the night. It fucked up. It really fucked up.
Starting point is 01:13:07 I want to get Kit Rambo and have a nice walk. No walk for you. Go get a coffee. So he finishes it. Go to Tom Tom's. Get one of those Korean coffee places
Starting point is 01:13:17 that they stole the Starbucks logo but they just called it Tom Tom's. Yeah, exactly. It's literally the Starbucks logo but they just go Tom Tom. Everything's like brown sugar this. Everything in Koreatown, they just get to the point of everything.
Starting point is 01:13:27 Like the bank is called Open Bank. Open Bank 3. Every fucking Asian-like business, they just get straight to the point. It's like, donut in mouth! 24 hour! Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:41 And they all have a carbonara on the menu for some reason. They love carbonara. Every Korean has like have a carbonara on the menu for some reason. They love carbonara. Every Korean has like a weird carbonara. Koreans are obsessed. They love fattening American dishes. They love like cheesy fried. Dude, there was a coffee.
Starting point is 01:13:55 Fettuccine Alfredo. There was an actual coffee shop behind my apartment in Koreatown, my first apartment, that yellow weird coffee shop. Yeah. They had Alfredo. That was their only food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had bacon Alfredo. It was like a carbonara. No, that yellow weird coffee shop. Yeah. They had Alfredo. That was their only food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had bacon Alfredo.
Starting point is 01:14:07 It was like a carbonara. No, that's like a classic, like, it's like comfort food for Koreans. They love, like. But so anyways, John does this. We go outside and we're about, we got to take this walk. And I actually have video footage of this and we're going to release it on the Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's John walking out of this thing and puking in the parking lot in broad daylight in front of
Starting point is 01:14:26 like it's like a lot of people could have seen him puked in the parking lot and then so that's on video but then after that not on video then we went on the walk and he was puking for about 45 minutes here's the thing I want to make fun of John
Starting point is 01:14:42 but I have an even sadder story when I was in Brooklyn Alone for doing that show Like a month ago I Pause? Pause It was Sam J
Starting point is 01:14:51 May 20th I don't know HBO They probably cut me from it But Did they? I have no idea But I
Starting point is 01:14:57 You know The things I said Who knows They're getting a bomb If they did But go on So they put me up At this like nice hotel
Starting point is 01:15:04 For like a night. I'm like, hell yeah. I feel like a big shot. Christ sakes, I'm getting a whole 600 smackaroos for this. I'm rich. I'm like, whatever. I don't know. It's rainy and cold, but I'm going to fucking explore Brooklyn on my own.
Starting point is 01:15:20 I go out. You're like a Bob Dylan album cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's all right. My North Face. Devin's like, boom. i go out you're like a bob dylan album cover yeah yeah yeah exactly it's all right my north face i'm williamsburg so like i'm walking around and i go to an italian restaurant and i get like a ton of drinks and i like stuff my face with like italian food like tons of fucking pasta and
Starting point is 01:15:41 shit and it's like not even that good it's just one of those hipster places where they opened up like they're whatever yeah i thought it would be good because google maps that it would it suck then i'm walking around i'm just like i'm like disgustingly full connor can't hang out with me like nobody can hang with me that night so i'm just like well i'm like i'm like fucking travis pickle like wandering around in like a north face jacket when the real rain's gonna wash the scum off these streets with a stomach full of pasta and then i go to a bar and i like stupidly start drinking like beer like pounding like ipas and watching like a nets game on my own and then i'm like i get like intensely like sick like i'm like oh my god because i think
Starting point is 01:16:17 if you eat and then drink beer the food the you know it's like shaking a beer like it starts foaming and i felt just like disgusting right so then i i can't even i it's the first time in my life i've never finished my drink i left like half a beer on the counter and i like i like closed out and i walk over to the hudson river where the hotel was like right on the water it was like beautiful and i'm walking down a side street and this lady's walking her like poodle me, and I'm just like, ugh. And right as she's about to pass me, I'm like, no! I throw up everywhere. I throw up so much fucking gnocchi
Starting point is 01:16:52 and chicken parmesan, and I felt so good. And then she's looking at me like, oh my God. And I walk away, but I'm all happy. I'm like, I feel fucking great. I jumped in the air. I tap my feet together but I'm like all happy. I'm like, I feel fucking great. I like, I jumped in the air.
Starting point is 01:17:05 I like tap my feet together, like at the end of a movie. You just feel like a million bucks. I went back to the hotel and I got really fucked up on my own. I was at the Gold Line station the other week and this fucking like heroin addict gets off the train. And the second he gets off the train, he stomps on the train and just immediately just goes and his vomit's on the ground. I was like, projectile vomits on the ground.
Starting point is 01:17:25 And then this like Paisa behind him wearing like a cowboy hat, he like walks up to the guy. The guy's like reeling over, like what do you call it? Reeling over like a rail. And he's just like laying there and the guy goes, you okay, buddy? Too good? Are you good?
Starting point is 01:17:39 And the guy's just not responding. And I'm just like, what the fuck is going on? And then the Paisa dude looks at me and just goes, yeah, yeah! And walks away. Yeah, yeah! He does that fucking yeah! I puked. I puked. What is it called?
Starting point is 01:17:54 He did that! He did that! It was amazing. Richie, what is that restaurant in Santa Monica on the ocean? It's called like Hillstones? Yeah, Hillstones. Oh, Hillstones. That's one of them, yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:08 No, okay, Hillstones, I think, yeah. It's like right on, the view is the ocean, right? Hillstone's a little bit back. Fuck, I'm thinking the wrong place. But whatever, it's like- Meat on ocean? No, no, no, it's like down the street from where we lived with Timmish. And if you like went down toward um uh the ocean no toward um
Starting point is 01:18:28 fuck what is the uh where did tony stark live malibu malibu yeah so whatever oh i know what you're talking redstone oh redstone whatever something hook i think redstone red hook i don't know redstone whatever anyways yeah whatever some restaurant treadstone me but me and my friend johnny who's like a sophisticated family man i got drunk with him and his family and then i like fell asleep at his house like let's go to this restaurant tomorrow morning and have like a nice little lunch and we got there and they're like let's just get a bottle of wine this year. And I instantly chug it. I started ordering so many drinks. I ate such an insane amount of food. And then, like, I was fucking blackout drunk with him and his wife and his kids.
Starting point is 01:19:15 And they're like, we got to go home. And, like, we'll see you later, Joey. And I was like, okay, bye. And I just stayed there. And I kept getting drunker and drunker. And then all of, like, the seafood and the pasta and everything that I ate I walked like three steps outside and there's like
Starting point is 01:19:32 instant beach and I sat down there they have a big boulder like right outside of it I was just sitting there like trying to breathe and not puke and then just like it just hit me all at once and it was the most insane amount of puke that you could ever imagine just like fucking gallons of puke like it was like the exorcist i was just puking and puking and there was like families walking by me just like laughing
Starting point is 01:19:56 and i was just like like a like a homeless cat i was covering it up with kicking sand over my puke. It was the most embarrassing thing ever. You're disgusted by yourself. I made myself sick. Again, right now. That's my puke story. In high school. In high school.
Starting point is 01:20:22 Remember when you first started smoking? You never smoked cigs. I remember when I would get really drunk in high school. I used to, do you ever, remember when you first like started smoking, you never smoked cigs. But I remember when I would like, I would get really drunk in high school and then I'd take like one puff of a cigarette and I'd have to puke. Thank you. That ever happen to you, Joey?
Starting point is 01:20:33 There's a thing I know where people. Yeah, you get nauseous. So I remember that was like, that would happen all the time to me in high school. And I remember I was at this girl's New Year's Eve party and I was like 16 and I'm like really fat. You know what I mean? I'm just a monster. and i'm like really fat you know what i mean i'm just a monster and i'm like i'm leaving your fucking house and i had to and i take a drag of a cigarette
Starting point is 01:20:51 and i just i'm like oh i got a vomit now so i go over this like hedge and i just like puke into this hedge and out of nowhere this little dog just comes up and starts eating my vomit and i remember just looking down at it i'm like oh god and i just start puking again and i cover the dog with my puke i puke all over the white dog it's this little white dog the dog was just fucking covered in my vomit and i just uh i go back inside and i'm sitting there just acting like nothing happened and then all of a sudden I just hear this girl just somebody fucking puke on my dog and I was like
Starting point is 01:21:28 oh fucking hell but he's went to the In-N-Out in Glendale it was great man oh my god great night never found out that's great
Starting point is 01:21:35 poor dog you're a fucking scumbag puked on a dog but yeah I puked the Korean barbecue out and then I was convinced that I speaking of dogs
Starting point is 01:21:42 I was convinced I had a fucking it was his classic jujitsu stuff convincing as a of dogs, I was convinced I had a fucking chair in my stomach. It was his classic jujitsu stuff. Convincing as a what in his stomach? He goes,
Starting point is 01:21:48 I got a stomach chair, dude. He's like, bro, I got a stomach chair. I was straining my fucking stomach. I can't take a deep breath, dude. I might go to the hospital.
Starting point is 01:21:57 I was like, do I have to go to the fucking, it was so much pain. I couldn't take a full breath and it was like a sharp pain every time I got to here. I was like, dude,
Starting point is 01:22:02 did I just rip a hole in my fucking stomach vomiting? Yeah, when i was at the fucking cream cream barbecue and i'm sitting i'm sitting there i'm just like let me recover for a little bit on a wall and then this like cute girl by the way there's like a bunch of my puke next to me because i'm sitting on a wall and then joey's sitting next to me in dmx pants and this cute girl walks by with a dog and i just heard joey looking at her like hello doggie as it's going by and she looked at us so this absolute look of just revulsion. Yeah, John's got, like, puke all over his mouth.
Starting point is 01:22:30 We're two men in our, like, old 30s just sitting there. I wonder if we'll ever grow out of this. I hope we get to, like, I hope we're like this. I hope we don't. I hope we're like, honestly, like, our biggest win would be, like, Joey and I are, like, 55. And we're like, we went back to Smoke City Char Bar. We harassed them again. No, we're still getting 86.
Starting point is 01:22:50 25 years later, we brought another homeless man into a new establishment. I will never grow out of this. I know a lot of old people who haven't grown out of it to, you know, they're kind of our canary in the coal mine. Yeah. No, I hope that in the future there's a story where we're like, Devin, we're outside red line.
Starting point is 01:23:10 He beat a guy with his cane. We'll be married with kids and stuff, but we at least have to maintain some integrity. We have to do something. We have to keep it up. We've got to be aging degenerates. We have to age gracefully as degenerates. Right?
Starting point is 01:23:25 The minute anyone gets boring, you're out. I couldn't agree more. degenerates. Yes. We have to age gracefully as degenerates. Right? Yeah. The minute anyone gets boring, you're out. I couldn't agree more. You're out of the crew. Couldn't agree more. Truly. I hate... Stakes are high. Boring. We've already lasted this long. If anyone, if you guys ever have a period of your life where you go, where I try to talk about a TV show or
Starting point is 01:23:41 a movie or anything or an album or anything and you guys go like, I just haven't gone go like, I haven't seen a movie in years. I'm busy. I have kids and the wife. Those people, shivers up my spine. That's so scary. Shivers up my spine. You're a sicko.
Starting point is 01:23:58 Kids are the hardest one. People that don't take the time to at least consume themselves with some media. I know a lot of people with kids that have managed to stay cool. Oh, really? Yeah. Because they didn't give up. It's not okay to give up. You gotta set aside time. I hate when people act like, hey, I'm an adult. I
Starting point is 01:24:15 know about nothing going on at all in the culture or in the news. I'm beaten down by life. I go to work. I come home. When I get home, the wife's a handful. What am I supposed to do? Who's Joe Rogan? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:28 Right. All right. Enough of you. Christmas. There's always some fucking jizz bag like that. There's always some guy. There's always somebody at some family event where you're like, there's those boring people on Earth.
Starting point is 01:24:41 At some point, he goes, I am learning a lot right now from you guys. Yeah, exactly. They always say that. Oh, God. Kill yourself. What happened to you? What's TikTok? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:24:50 And you show them and they're like, this is great. You know, yeah, so I was puking our guts off and we sneak in the Langham, get to the roof of the Langham. You guys went to the roof
Starting point is 01:25:00 of the Langham? Went to the Langham. Joey's old apartment? This is kind of a good one. It was beautiful. We're just kind of sitting there. We went on a walk to Create Town. Yeah, we did an infiltration real quick.
Starting point is 01:25:08 And so, yeah, we walked by. Well, they're filming a Bosch outside the Langham. They're filming a Bosch. Yeah. There's a security guard sitting in a chair, and I told John, I'm like, the only time they ever put a security guard right there on that street
Starting point is 01:25:21 is if they're filming something in the Langham. Yeah. And every time they're filming something in the langham yeah and every time they're filming something in the langham they keep the back gate open because that's where the film guys bring their shit in so we can go in sneak up to the roof so we so we walk over to the gate and there's security at the gate and they're like eating pizza and i go oh you get enough for everybody and they're like and like okay cool guys see you get enough for everybody? And they're like, oh, so slick. And they're like, okay, cool, guys. See you later.
Starting point is 01:25:46 Have a good night, buddy. All those things. Yeah, just real buddy. Walked right by. They gave me chills. Yeah. So slick. Just a couple of disease bears
Starting point is 01:25:53 being as slick as you could imagine. Oh, God. We could be sneaky as fuck sometimes. No, like, honestly. We're talking to every security guard we come across. We should work for the CIA.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Yeah, we're approaching security. I can get into North Korea just talking to Koreans. I just walk across the 38th parallel just drop me and john hey how you doing yeah exactly drop us off you know in in uh russia and we'll end it in you know five seconds but so yeah go up another big fats on the roof security guard we're like you guys making a bosh he's like oh yeah blah blah blah blah explain that joke real quick i don't know how many every time they're filming something in la it's an episode of bosh okay there yeah that is true that's the joke if you ever see trailers anywhere and they're like
Starting point is 01:26:33 shutting down a street it's because they're doing bosh they're doing a bosh season 43 season 40 yeah exactly and but literally like by my apartment devin and like used to come over for weeks and weeks and maybe months in a row and it was just always bosh. Bosh every time. I couldn't find parking because of bosh. So we get to the roof and we have a nice little moment. We had a lot of memories up on that roof. We did a French kiss.
Starting point is 01:26:58 Yo, and we fought. We fought. We fought, dude. We played video games we fuck it was a nice little walk that was kind of the end of the story we infiltrated, we went in, snooped around
Starting point is 01:27:12 we harassed security guards kind of had our way with the place and then we just bailed that was a fun night, John puked a hundred times it was fantastic honestly I feel a little less guilty about eating cream bar look at Devin texting on his own podcast. This is the most unprofessional fucking scumbag.
Starting point is 01:27:29 I was writing on the Fire in the Kid subreddit real quick. You're pathetic. I have an alias. This is so unprofessional. I'm sorry. My alias on the Fire in the Kid is Bobby Lee. Let me just do a quick announcement. Guys, Joey from the podcast.
Starting point is 01:27:49 Thank you for listening. Manscaped, promo code hatewatch. Don't buy that. He was just texting in the middle of the podcast. If you buy that, you have no integrity. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm talking to everybody. I wasn't texting.
Starting point is 01:28:04 I was writing a review. It's on video. I was writing a review. It's on video. I was writing a review on Pornhub. Now listen to me. Why do you hate Manscaped so much? What is your deal with Manscaped? They scammed Devin into perpetuity. They did not scam.
Starting point is 01:28:15 It is a scam. No, we don't. It's every podcast. No, we want people to use promo code Hatewatch. Promo code Hatewatch. 20% off everything. Free shipping. Free shipping. 20% off. When you found out about this contract, you were furious. use promo code hate watch promo code hate watch 20 off everything or free shipping free shipping
Starting point is 01:28:25 20 when you found out about this contract you were furious well how did devon like snake charm you into thinking that it was okay it's because it's not an official contract misconstruing two separate events i have no problem with the result of this trial run offer or whatever comes from we'll we'll write it out. What I was annoyed with is that Devin blindly signed his name on something. Yeah. It's kind of my thing.
Starting point is 01:28:51 I kind of sign it. You know, it's kind of cool. I love signing anything. It's hilarious. It's a badass move. It makes me feel fucking... He goes, yeah, bring that overall sign and get it out of here.
Starting point is 01:28:58 I love it. It's hilarious. No one's ever going to ask me for an autograph, so I'm just like, yeah, give me that contract. Woo! No, but my big point...
Starting point is 01:29:07 Forget about the contract. Forget about that. My big point was, the guy texts on his own podcast, if you're paying for a Patreon subscription, cancel it. Just simply cancel it. This is disrespectful. You're just trying to get out of the fight. You're trying to get out of the fight.
Starting point is 01:29:21 He's trying to get out of the fight. We're gaining money every day. We're almost at a thousand. We'll be at a thousand next month. He's stuffing himself in a Korean barbecue. And you're going to have to get, we're going to, you know, and we've given you many outs.
Starting point is 01:29:32 We've told you for the last year, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do it. You always tell us you have to. And then you always like up the ante. You're like, I don't even think it should be an amateur. I think I should fight Jon Jones.
Starting point is 01:29:43 I'm not fighting unless it's Daniel Correa. You make it even worse for yourself. You're like, I'm not going to fight until the guy has an undefeated record. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:29:52 These are two separate things. First of all, if you have an ounce of integrity, cancel your subscription to the Patreon. That's number one.
Starting point is 01:29:58 Why do you say that? Why are you doing this? This is great, actually, because it bothers you. No one's going to
Starting point is 01:30:04 cancel. Counterproductive man. I'm saying, guys, because it bothers you. Nobody's going to cancel. Counterproductive, man. No, I'm saying, guys, really, if you're like... People online love to do shit for me. They'll be like, yeah, good, funny stuff, Joe. Just cancel. No, cancel it and then message me and say that you canceled. If you can provide Joey a screenshot with you unsubscribing from the Patreon, what will you do?
Starting point is 01:30:21 I'll send them 50 bucks. I will send... If you cancel, I will send them 50 bucks. I will send, if you cancel, I will send you $50. Show me proof. You're officially panicking about the fight. He wants receipts.
Starting point is 01:30:34 This is an official, this is a bad time. You can get out of it, Joe. You don't have to do it. You guys, they're trying to do otter mind games. Of course, Carl's is an otter tactic. It's okay to feel fear. Oiled up otters dealing with these like slippery here's a slippery otters dealing with you you know you you these otters have bears emotional intelligence yeah they got oily wet hair and they're you can't grab onto them so what i was afraid of the fight
Starting point is 01:31:01 i secrete like. You do? On to contracts that you didn't read. I secrete ink on to contracts. Anyways, let me finish my point here. First point is cancel the Patreon. I'll give you $50. Second point is either way I'm going to do the fight
Starting point is 01:31:20 even if we don't get to $1,000. We have to get to $1,000. Hopefully we never get there because people will cancel. Hopefully they cancel. We have to get to what did we say last time? A thousand bucks. If we get to five thousand we up the ante.
Starting point is 01:31:36 We said that we were going to do something even crazier. Do the hike or some shit. No one cares about the hike. What else was the other one? We had another one. We'll think about it later. I'm going to do the fight. I've been training this week so far.
Starting point is 01:31:50 I've run 22 and a half miles. I know. I've seen you. We've been gym rats together. You're a gym rat. Devin's been training hard. Within one week, I immediately saw results. What are you doing? I do nine miles on the bike.
Starting point is 01:32:04 Nine is crazy, by the way. My friend Brock just bragged about What are you doing? He's killing it. I literally, I just, I do nine miles on the bike because I don't. Nine is crazy, by the way. It's like nine miles. My friend Brock just bragged about doing like four miles. It's like. Yeah, it's pathetic. Pathetic. I watch Red Barn. I do nine miles on the bike.
Starting point is 01:32:14 Yeah. And then I see him lifting in the room and he does the. I lift and I do the rower thing. And then I do that weird like where you hold yourself up and you do like those sit-ups. Kind of the ab thing. I do that. I do 10 of those. Ab lifts. I only do 10 because I abs I do 20 and I'm gassed abs are hard and uh and then I um and then I yeah and then I leave and I uh I sit at coffee shops and I take
Starting point is 01:32:38 shits look at my look at my vein when I which one was it on the video oh that is a great look. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. But so anyways. Look at that vascular. Wow. Thanks, man. But so I'm doing the fight. I've been running like crazy because here's my thought on the fight. There's no way that I'm going to be better
Starting point is 01:32:54 at actual technical boxing in 8 to 12 weeks than an actual guy that's been training for years. What I might be able to do is have better cardio. Mm-hmm. I think I've been training for years. What I might be able to do is have better cardio. I think I've been training for 10 years. No, not 10 years. An amateur guy that doesn't see me coming,
Starting point is 01:33:14 who underestimates me. How often is he training? We're talking about an amateur that we don't know yet. Some amateur, some mark that is out of season. He doesn't have a fight coming up. We target him. He underestimates me. If you want to see the fight,
Starting point is 01:33:30 to the Patreon subscribers, a little curveball for you. Cancel your Patreon subscription. Send it to Joey. Get $50. Put it back into the Patreon. Get us to $1,000. Force him into the fight.
Starting point is 01:33:40 Yeah, somebody just give us... No, I'm going to release the fight for free. Just give us $80. Give us like $100 and we'll be at $ No, I'm going to release the fight for free. Just give us 80 bucks. Give us like 100 bucks and we'll be at 1,000 and Joey will have to do it immediately. No, we're so close. No, but actually all the boxing stuff
Starting point is 01:33:53 is going to be on Patreon. Yeah, Patreon only. And Richie and I are going to get together and we've been planning stuff and talking to boxing gyms. And we already have a lot of good stuff filmed and when i start sparring with people and dealing with like the mexican trainer it's gonna be very funny it's all gonna be on patreon so so so maybe don't unsubscribe don't unsubscribe
Starting point is 01:34:17 patreon.com hate watch podcast join us we honestly, I don't know how other people's patrons are. I think it's a lot of times just episodes and stuff like that, but we give you, if you like our dynamic as a friend group, the strongest friend group in Los Angeles. The strongest friend group on the West Coast. Literally the only
Starting point is 01:34:40 friend group in Los Angeles. I feel like there might be a group of guys that rob banks or something that we don't know about. Yeah, they're probably pretty close. But we are... Yeah, there hasn't been a harder crew in LA since the team from Heat. The North Hollywood shootout. Yeah, those two guys are tighter than us.
Starting point is 01:34:56 But people don't get it. They're loading their AK-47s. They're like, you ready to die, brother? Alright, let's fucking lock and load. In this crew... In this crew, you need to be... And we can do that at any time. In this crew, you need to be able to puke in five minutes or less. What separates us is we live it. We all hang out with each other pretty much every day. We're constantly hanging out.
Starting point is 01:35:19 We are all the ultimate friends. And there's a bunch more that we don't even let on the podcast. The other boys? friends yeah um and there's a bunch more that we don't even let on the podcast but uh there's a couple lost boys huh wait until they meet the bench you guys haven't even seen the bench players it's like when you start tony hawk and there's those like mystery guys that you haven't yeah yeah yeah it's like there's like there's like four dudes like yeah we haven't even brought Bucky Lacek on yet. But, yeah, so like, fucking, we, on the Patreon, there's a lot of in-depth, fun things that you, you know,
Starting point is 01:35:51 what we're doing that night. Like, I, you know, Joey has been harassing this arcade and asking them if they, when he goes, like, Joey on the Patreon, the video on the Patreon where Joey goes back to the arcade that smells like diarrhea and he asked the guy he goes he goes can i he goes do you mind if i smell and the guy's like oh i guess
Starting point is 01:36:12 and then joey goes in and he goes and then he walks around he sniffs and then he goes well done he goes well done actually it's not here my favorite comment that i've ever seen on the patreon ever came over his name, but he go, he saw that video, the first one. And he goes, oh, it's a diarrhea audit. It is a diarrhea. We're literally auditing a place for their diarrhea smell. These people, honestly, like the people that listen right now, they're, they're actually
Starting point is 01:36:40 pretty cool. Like I actually like really. Oh, the fans are. I like, they're really cool people. I enjoy. I really enjoy them really... Oh, the fans are on. I like that. They're really cool people. I enjoy every interaction I've ever had. We really honestly appreciate you. There's one thing I want to send me. Hit me up on Instagram. I want to send me a fucking t-shirt.
Starting point is 01:36:51 And I was like, I don't really feel comfortable giving away my address. One day we'll have a P.O. box or something. Just do a P.O. box. Just give him your address. I don't have a fucking P.O. box. Give him your address. You live with other people. Maybe he'll kill the roommate you hate.
Starting point is 01:37:04 No, I just, you know. He's a good guy. I hear you. He's a good guy. What type of shirt? Was it the Tuggett shirt? One guy made a Tuggett shirt. I trust the fans.
Starting point is 01:37:11 I trust the fans. I'll give them Joey's address. One guy made... No, don't do that. Did you see this one? One guy made the shirt where it looked like the Lakers logo. Oh, it said Tuggett? It said Tuggett, and then it said Time to Die.
Starting point is 01:37:23 That was great. We're going to have t-shirts soon. We're going to have t-'re gonna have t-shirts yeah yeah yeah no let's not do that not yet we will at some point but we have to get to a point where it's not embarrassing like the thick boys all of a sudden it's like this well we can have cool t-shirts i'm just so sick and you're so anti everything that makes joey wants me to just keep fucking crawling back to his apartment. Joey's afraid if I start getting successful, I won't be over at his house every night watching Two Days in the Valley, Hammered, watching him throw tomatoes at his TV
Starting point is 01:37:58 because he's suffering from limerence. If we get that Manscaped contract contract don't be all alone I was watching TV at Joey's like a month and a half ago and we're watching a movie
Starting point is 01:38:11 and he's you know drunk and we he gets up I'm not listening because my vein is popping
Starting point is 01:38:16 and I can't stop looking at it it looks amazing and he I hear oh oh I hear I hear a
Starting point is 01:38:22 right by my head because I got a fastball on me. He fastballed a... Randy Johnson over here. He literally threw a tomato at his own 75-inch TV. Almost broke his TV. I was in a bad mood that night. The funny thing is, Joey has no groceries at his house.
Starting point is 01:38:37 He just keeps tomatoes around. You don't even have any food. You have no water, just tomatoes. I have water. I have water bottles i always have water you have water now you used to literally the flowery richard he looks like he wants to kill me for my water bottle for about a year and a gatorade a year and a half gatorades that whole i don't think you drank water for a year i had gatorade you only drank water that was like you
Starting point is 01:39:02 know riptide rush flavor yeah you were on like the Idiocracy diet. This water's flavor like rattlesnake. By the way, there's nothing wrong. It's like Gatorade is water. It's full of coloring and weird shit. You have to drink regular water. They're saying this because they're otters and they want to be in water.
Starting point is 01:39:20 What a new age otter fear. Otters are like, oh you shouldn't just drink. Did a diet coke give you 95% water, bro? Aren't you getting tired of just blaming everything on an otter move? Everything's an otter move. Aren't you tired of being a fucking otter? How about that one?
Starting point is 01:39:37 No, I don't think about it. I would hate to be a disgusting bear like you. I was running 10 miles a day. I needed the electrolytes. That's why. Yeah, but you still need water water. No, it's water in there. Yes, but it's full of coloring and shit that you don't want to just...
Starting point is 01:39:52 What's with this coloring fear? There's coloring. I'm scared of coloring. What? Imagine if every time you drank water, you were like, let me put... It's from the berries they put in it. Let me put some... Yeah, berries.
Starting point is 01:40:01 Let me put some blue number five in this. They make it out of berries. They make it out of berries. You're right. You're right. You're right, actually. No, it's actually because we all know, you know, glacier freeze is a real thing. And so is... Glaciers are like the healthiest water they make.
Starting point is 01:40:15 Yeah. It's like if it's frozen. It's like God made an ice cube. No, you're right. So that doesn't make any sense. There's no getting through to these dumb bears. Well, they act like they're pinnacles of health, but we can outperform them in any athletic thing ever john you just threw up because you ate too much i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it because you can't eat you probably
Starting point is 01:40:32 can't even fucking idiot i also eat too much as a hero john you also can't throw yeah you're like that's not my fault i love john i love John, but he makes these big claims. He's like, I'm the peak of it. It's fine. This isn't a claim. I'll beat you athletically. John can't throw. Let's do the hike. He can't throw a ball. I never was taught. My grandfather's
Starting point is 01:40:57 polio. I wasn't taught how to throw. I wasn't taught by my grandfather. Men just don't know how to do it when they're naturally athletic. He knows how to throw. I wasn't taught by my grandfather. Men just, you know, know how to do it when they're naturally athletic. He knows how to scratch. He knows how to... He's a bear.
Starting point is 01:41:09 He knows how to scrap. He's scrappy. He knows how to stuff his butt to hibernate for the winter. John posts pictures on his Instagram with, like, a story where it's like he throws, like, three eggs on top of some, like, potatoes.
Starting point is 01:41:23 Oh, it's delicious. He's like, man shit. No, this is my morning breakfast. That looks really good. I'm a good cook. That looks good to me. You think I'm doing that as like a man thing? I'm a good cook.
Starting point is 01:41:33 Athletic man shit. I'm a good cook. It was creamy coffee. Three eggs on a potato. No, Sean's not doing man stuff. I'm kidding. He's a good chef. No, you're insecure about it.
Starting point is 01:41:41 You don't cook your dope breakfast like me, dude. Those are good breakfasts. Sean's a good cook. You bought breakfast. I know it. I don't cook your dope breakfast like me, dude. Those are good breakfasts. John's a good cook. You bought breakfast. I know it. I don't buy breakfast anymore. What'd you make? I'll eat...
Starting point is 01:41:49 I don't eat breakfast. Breakfast is for losers. You don't even make good food. The only meal I make is breakfast. I'm a fucking great cook, Joe. Devin has never cooked for me. What? You've never cooked for me either.
Starting point is 01:41:59 I made you a fucking giant. What a weird thing to say publicly. Devin has never cooked for me. I come home. There's never roses. Who made those amazing quarantine meals? You. I wasn't there, fucko.
Starting point is 01:42:17 I don't remember because I got coronavirus. God damn it. He had COVID. How good was it, though? I was there. It was really good. We had brats. John has shot brain. We had fucking sauce. He had COVID brain. How good was it though? COVID brain. I was there. It was really good. We had brats. Yeah, John has shot brain.
Starting point is 01:42:27 We had fucking sauce. We cooked a lot. It was very good. I was cooking. You've never cooked for me. That was literally, we lived the shot bit. Where we had, God, that was the best few weeks of my fucking life. You've never cooked for me.
Starting point is 01:42:36 You've never cooked for me. I'll cook for you today. I'll cook for you right fucking now. Why don't you cook dinner for us at Joey's? Tonight? Joey's doesn't have pots and shit. Let's go back to Joey's. I'll buy some pots.
Starting point is 01:42:44 We'll buy some pots on the way home. What time is it? I got shit to do. I got shit to do. You always have shit to do. I'm really busy last three weeks. I got three projects. You don't have anything going on.
Starting point is 01:42:53 We all forgot your Warren Buffett. I gave Ida. I gave Ida. He's really busy. He's like, I met a producer at my bar. He's like, he made. He's busy. We get it, Katzenberg.
Starting point is 01:43:01 He was a PA on Waterworld. Yeah, hey, how many margaritas did you make today? Listen, success breeds jealousy. All right, I recognize this. No one's jealousy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got stuff to do. No, we get it.
Starting point is 01:43:12 I got stuff to do. Yeah, I know. You're Jeff Zucker. We get it. You got a lot going on. John's like, you're all jealous of me, all right? I'm always in pain. I work at a train station.
Starting point is 01:43:20 I have to deal with heroin addicts and homeless people all day, and you're just jealous. John's like, I'm always in pain. I am. I'm in constant pain. I have constant joint pain and gastrointestinal issues. I went to Green Barbecue. I threw up my dinner. You're just jealous that you don't stuff yourself to the point of vomiting.
Starting point is 01:43:40 That wasn't my choice, Richard. It was a necessity. I didn't want to pay $30. John has an interesting body. I'm just jealous. John's body is weird. It moves very quickly. It moves really quick. John's the only person I've ever seen where he'll literally eat an entire meal and within 20 minutes, there's
Starting point is 01:43:53 a fully fleshed out turd waiting like that. He just immediately shits. You know when the anamorphs goes from a person like cat, it's like food to shit but just constant like down my body
Starting point is 01:44:07 you know what I mean like it's the constant so if something gets introduced the last one comes up you have a hard time there's like a time glitch in your
Starting point is 01:44:14 you know what you know my only complaint about John who's my one of my dearest friends what's your complaint your only complaint
Starting point is 01:44:22 go ahead my only complaint what your only complaint go ahead he. My only complaint. What? Your only complaint. Go ahead. He's just not likable. No, I'm kidding. What is it? You have a hard time being just another member of the hangs that we do after the pod and stuff.
Starting point is 01:44:39 No. Okay. I'm going to be honest with you. You never can just sit at Joey's and get high. This is clearly a complaint that he just cooked up right now. No, no. We're getting real. We're getting real.
Starting point is 01:44:48 We're getting real. Joey, John can't hang at your place. He never can just sit there and hang all night and have fun. I don't really like Joey's furniture. He always has to go. He always has to go do some nonsense. Don't really like looking for parking? Don't really like Joey's furniture?
Starting point is 01:44:59 Oh, really? I do it all the time because I love my pal Joe. I pick him up all the time. How many hangs do we do? Yeah, but you don't park. Or I pick him up and I go take him out. I look for parking. He's trying to throw me under the bus because he's been exposed
Starting point is 01:45:10 as a guy that can't hang out with his own friends. You can't hang with your own friends. Joey now gets what I said. You understood what I was saying. It makes sense. John leaves early. Anytime we have a big group thing at a bar or something, He never is just
Starting point is 01:45:25 along for the ride. He's always got... He can't be part of the crew and just hang. He can't just be part of the crew. I'm industrious. I gotta sleep. He's gotta go do something. I'm industrious. I gotta sleep. You might be the least industrious out of all of us. Don't double down. Listen to what we're saying. Take it in.
Starting point is 01:45:41 I'm taking it in. I'm defending myself. You're getting defensive. I finish like 30 movies a week with this guy. Joey and I watch like every movie all the time. I put in the time. Richie puts in the time. We all put in time. You're not clocking in at Chang's.
Starting point is 01:45:56 You're not clocking in at Chang's. Jiu-Jitsu three times a week. I work from 11 to 4 usually. Nowadays it's Dodger season, so I'm working until like 7. I work 12 hours a day. Well, it's Dodger season so I'm working until like 7. I work 12 hours a day. Well, it's Dodger season now. Well, you wake up earlier than me. John says it's Dodger season like he plays for the team.
Starting point is 01:46:14 You're a bartender. The fucking bus picks up right next to my bar. God damn. Anyway, so the thing is I'm busy. I'm just a busy guy. No, I'm not angry. I'm angry. What's it called? Joke angry. No, I'm busy. I'm just a busy guy. No, I'm not angry. No, I'm kidding. What's it called? Joking.
Starting point is 01:46:27 No, no, no. Fucking, what's it? You know, the fucking weird. I don't know. All right, Baba. Neurotic. Neurotic. You overextend yourself, though.
Starting point is 01:46:35 You do. And that's how. Overextended, overexposed. That's what's going to give me the big bucks. You could give yourself more time. You could give yourself more time. I try to give myself. To do other things that are maybe more fruitful've as i've gotten old we'll see you
Starting point is 01:46:47 i've been god for like two years so the thing is i'm different now i give myself personal time i'm working on myself we're entering i'm entering my 30s is that true shape of my life i'm uh i mean he's slightly different but as far as like overextending himself and i'm always doing something i got i got i got no no no no no but also these last like three weeks these looks like Slightly different. But as far as like overextending himself and... I'm always doing something. I got... How's that different from before? But also these last like three weeks, these last like three, four weeks, I just happen to have a bunch of things happening
Starting point is 01:47:11 at the same time and it fucking sucks. Okay, I don't even mean that. I mean, even in general. My sister's getting married next weekend. Like I got tons of shit. To you? Are you planning it? Who the fuck cares?
Starting point is 01:47:22 No, I gotta be at the fucking wedding. I don't know. It's in town. I had to get a suit. I don't know. It's in town. I had to get a suit. You didn't even have to fly for it. You're not even flying anywhere. I had to go fucking find a suit from Persians and go to the Mexicans and get it cut. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:47:31 The slightest bump in the road for John is like climbing a huge mountain. It's like unbelievable. Yeah. I know. You guys are losers. Right. Bunch of losers. But then he'll cancel the wedding just to show us that like guy who camps out he'll
Starting point is 01:47:46 watch that for hours well that that calms me down but then we're like hey let's put on that's a great i love that that's basically what i'm watching a movie he's like i'm out i'm out i'm going home john leaves really fun hangs with us to go home and sit in his bed and shit his pants there's been like three situations where devin's wanted me to hang out and I've been like, I gotta get some sleep. I got work tomorrow. And then he remembers and he hinges on to those three times. John's like, I can't do it tonight, dude. I met somebody at my bar and I have to meet them to do
Starting point is 01:48:15 a poetry reading. He's always like, I'm gonna get killed by a woman on a yacht tonight. I'm sorry. I fucking met a really weird person. That's why you got me here. I got the stories. I'm always doing shit.
Starting point is 01:48:27 We love you and you'll still have the same amount of stories. We're going to go to Chiapas. You still love the same amount of stories. You already told us we're not going to Chiapas with you. I mean, uh...
Starting point is 01:48:35 Because we're not going to camp in the jungle with you. I'm not getting fucking shot. I'm not camping in the jungle. I'm not camping in the jungle. I'm not camping in the jungle. Hey, Devin, Devin. If you go to Mexico,
Starting point is 01:48:44 I'll go. Nobody knows what you guys are talking about. So, John, what do you want to do for your birthday? I want to go hang out. Okay, so Nigeria was too much. Too expensive. I crunched the numbers. Too expensive.
Starting point is 01:48:57 That's everyone's idea of a fun birthday. Nigeria. Yeah, so it's too expensive. I'm going to Chiapas in Mexico, and I'm going to hang out with the Zapatistas. Who are they? Marxists. Those were the boot salesmen on Reno 911.
Starting point is 01:49:13 Yay! The Marxists. They live in the jungle. They got cool ski masks. Yes. So you're going to hang out with them, and then what do you do after that? I'm just going to learn.
Starting point is 01:49:23 After they're done, I'm going to go. Learn what? Where do we come in? How do you want us to come in? them, and then what do you do after that? I'm just going to learn. That's what they're done. Learn what? Where do we come in? How do you want us to come in? I don't care how they live. What was the invitation you extended? I said, if you guys want to come along, then hang out in the jungle. Here's the thing that John is being so annoying about.
Starting point is 01:49:36 We desperately want to hang out with him on his birthday and do a fun thing, but in a fun place where we have fun. This is my definition of fun. I don't want to do a thing where I like. It doesn't sound fun to have fun. I used to do my definition of fun. I don't want... I don't... I want to do a thing where... It doesn't sound fun to have... I used to do all these crazy things. What is it? Your sweet 16?
Starting point is 01:49:49 I really don't want... I'm sorry, 30. It's a big one. Sweet... Yeah, it's a big one. Oh, for my 30th, I'm going to have red ants crawling my dick hole
Starting point is 01:49:56 while I hang out at a cartel. How about this? We'll do both. We'll do both. We'll have a nice fucking birthday. We used to do joint birthdays. Remember that shit? Yeah. Why don't we do a joint birthday on your birthday. We used to do joint birthdays. Remember that shit? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:50:05 Why don't we do a joint birthday on your birthday? Mine's the 14th. Yours is the what? Why don't we do a joint birthday on your birthday, and then me, on my birthday, I'll do jungle shit. You're going to go alone on your birthday? No. You know who's going to come with me?
Starting point is 01:50:15 Who? Joseph. Who's that? Who the fuck is that? Fucking Weed Farm Joseph. Oh, really? Yeah. What?
Starting point is 01:50:21 Yeah, he's still laying down. The guy who fucking... No. He's... All right. Cool, but... What are you doing? We're just going to go visit the Zapatistas.
Starting point is 01:50:29 He's like an anarchist. It's like a political vacation. I want to go learn some... Joe, this is a real cry for... Just buy a motorcycle. Yeah, it's so sad, dude. Just buy a motorcycle. What happened to the motorcycle?
Starting point is 01:50:38 Yeah, what happened to that? I'm 200 bucks a month for jiu-jitsu. Right, right. No, that's... 200 bucks a month for jiu-jitsu. There's an excuse. Of course there's an excuse. I did something else.
Starting point is 01:50:48 That was better for me. If I'm going to injure myself, I'm not going to wrap my head around a telephone pole. I might as well do something that helps me. A lot of excuses. I'm an extremely healthy human being. I'm being like a very... You are.
Starting point is 01:51:00 You're being great. I feel great. You look great. You're kicking ass. I'm tired. But that's why we're wondering why you want to possibly go get eaten alive by bugs in the Mexican forest. Every time I go somewhere, I learn something, and I haven't done something like that in
Starting point is 01:51:11 a long time, and I want to spend my 30th birthday somewhere where I think it's meaningful. Why don't we all just go to a fun city in Mexico where you have fun? Because it's not. It's a great excuse. Maybe we'll end up doing that. Maybe we'll find a middle ground. But the thing is, this is what I want to do. I want to go out there and do something that I want to do for my 30th.
Starting point is 01:51:26 Get raped by villagers? It's very strange. Yeah, John's like, hopefully they... It's not that strange. I just want to go on a... I've been moving all over the place for like two years, and I'm fucking... Let me go do something fun. And it's time to go to a safe place, like Chiapas, Mexico.
Starting point is 01:51:42 We can go to Guanahito. You told us Guanahito is literally the most dangerous place in mexico no it's the most dangerous state but the city's fine state what the fuck just they got states down there wow they got states i thought it's just mexico and they're not different states like chihuahua is a state they don't carve it out on the map it just says me Mexico and there's a city. Yeah, but that's because... I thought it was like California and like Chiapas. Look up Mexico's state map.
Starting point is 01:52:09 Look up all the states in Mexico. It's got a population of like 190 million people. Of course it's got states. Also, check the population of Mexico. If I get that correct, I'm going to shoot myself in the face. What was your guess? 190 million. This right here, this dynamic,
Starting point is 01:52:23 this is like how everyone feels about destination weddings. 128 million. Fuck. Okay. You fucking idiot. 128 million in Mexico. You don't know anything. I got past 100, though.
Starting point is 01:52:32 That was interesting. Anyways, look at Mexican cities. I thought Mexico City had like 50,000 people. Yeah, exactly. Joey thought it had like, it's got a population of like 10 mil in the metro area. No, no. It's like over 20. It's like 30 mil people.
Starting point is 01:52:42 Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it's all the states in Mexico, buddy. They got a bunch of them. These aren't states. These are cities. Mexico is the state. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:52:50 I mean, it's the country, but it's the state. It's the big. You can call it a state, too. The fucking drink coaster fucking map, you retard. I didn't even realize that. Go to Google and go down to one that's different colors. I missed it. Devin pulls up a map.
Starting point is 01:53:07 It's just a coaster someone's trying to sell. Those are all the states in Mexico. Ferdinand Magellan over here. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So fucking a Copernicus. These are all states.
Starting point is 01:53:19 Those are all states, buddy. Sonora. But they never taught us this in school. Yeah, because they don't need to. Yeah, right. Because you don't go there for your 30th birthday. I don't know what I'm going to do for my 30th birthday, but
Starting point is 01:53:29 you know what I know what I'm going to do? What? What are you going to do? I'm going to do me. I'm going to do me. I'm going to do me. Nine million people. John's so fucking awesome. Oh, I got 10 mil. You're right. No problem, man.
Starting point is 01:53:45 The thing is, we could go to Cabo or something. Or we could go to just anywhere in America and it'd be great. It'd be a great excuse. None of our girlfriends have to go and we can all just have fun. Okay, this is my last ditch effort. How much
Starting point is 01:54:01 is a fucking round trip ticket to Hawaii right now? $1,200, my guess. I'd love to go to Hawaii. $1,200. I'm not doing it if it's over. If it's over $600, I'm not doing it. Well, what date? It depends on the date.
Starting point is 01:54:11 August, late August. I'm going to guess $1,200. Here's the thing. That's hard to fucking tell your girlfriend that you're just going to Hawaii. Put it up on the screen so we can sweat this live. $1,200. Babe. Sweat this live.
Starting point is 01:54:22 Babe, it's John's 30th. All right, we're all planning our vacation. It's like $484 to go to Honolulu. We're going. For a round trip. Maui, baby. Mau1,200. Babe, it's John's 30th. It's like $484 to go to Honolulu. We're going. For a round trip? Maui, baby. Maui, baby. Not Honolulu.
Starting point is 01:54:30 Maui, baby. Maui. We're going Maui. We're going to get an Airbnb in Maui. If that's fucking true, I'm going tonight. Okay, like,
Starting point is 01:54:38 what is it, August? August. Round trip. Do like the week of like, the guy has a show up there on like two days before my birthday. August. Round trip. Do like the week of like... I can't even read this. Show up there on like two days before my birthday. What are you doing, Joey?
Starting point is 01:54:50 So say we go for seven days. You're full screen it, Joey. What is he doing? I'm trying to read the screen. I'm trying to help you out, psycho. Relax. Holy shit. 386 bucks round trip United for a week.
Starting point is 01:55:07 I've been so wrong about every number that I said. We're going to Maui? Let's go to Maui. Do I need a pass? No, it's a state, right? It's a state, you fucking idiot. Hell yeah, it's good. Well, I don't even know why it is a state.
Starting point is 01:55:16 They're all fucking weird. They all, they're not us. Look up some Airbnbs. Look up some Airbnbs in Maui. It's not United. Yeah. Unite. They're not fucking.
Starting point is 01:55:26 I don't like. This is great podcast content. I don't think Hawaiians even think they're us. Yes, it is. Fine, John. We'll get Airbnbs. We're all doing ours into this bitch. I thought the last episode went a little off the rails at the end, but the beginning was
Starting point is 01:55:36 really good. I love you guys, though. I'm just kidding. I mean, if you guys want to join us in Maui. Yeah. Come to Maui with us, folks. You know what we'll be? It's a small island. It's going to be in late August. We, come to Maui with us, folks. You know what we'll be? It's a small island.
Starting point is 01:55:45 It's going to be in late August. We're going to be in the... I think Maui's the... We could do Kauai, which is supposed to be the garden island or whatever. Yeah. Nobody's on it. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:55:55 I don't know much about Hawaii. I mean, I like... I think Maui's cool because I think it's got an airport. I like L&L Hawaiian barbecue. Let's go to Maui. Okay, let's go there. I go to Pasadena. I'm going to go to Maui. What's the difference? I'm going to go to Maui because also, go to pasadena i'm gonna go to maui it's the difference
Starting point is 01:56:06 i'm gonna go to maui because also that isn't that where jurassic park is filmed i'm pretty sure i don't know and okay we're gonna go to maui but i'm not gonna just do beach shit i want to do like hiking shit too we're gonna do some hikes okay i want to go see the jungle yeah sure it's hawaii though so the jungle's like easy it's like nice it's like some i feel like hawaii like doesn't have like all right we'll go we'll go upstairs upstairs and look up some Airbnbs in Maui. But don't the locals in Hawaii like hate whites? I don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 01:56:28 Don't they hate, I saw, forgetting Sarah Marshall, they were really mean. Dude, I don't give a fuck. What are you guys getting me for my birthday?
Starting point is 01:56:35 Devin, what do you want for your birthday? What do I want for my birthday? I never know what to tell. What if I get Devin
Starting point is 01:56:43 a hoverboard? What do I want? What I want for my birthday is what if I get Devin a hoverboard what do I want what I want for my birthday is like I don't know world peace I want somebody to I really just want Kobe back
Starting point is 01:56:55 I just want that's so sad you can't say that anyway let's move on what do I want what is actually I never know what a fun thing
Starting point is 01:57:02 I want for my birthday you just clearly not Jesus I'd love you know why don't we why don't we put our skulls together we'll do a joint birthday What do I want? What is actually, I never know what a fun thing I want for my birthday. You just clearly not. I'd love, you know, why don't we, why don't we put our skulls together?
Starting point is 01:57:08 We'll do a joint birthday. The greatest thing I've ever wanted to do. Like, I just want to go to like new Orleans with all you guys, like on a train. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, I've never been to Hawaii.
Starting point is 01:57:17 So let's go to, let's do, we just went to New Orleans. I like Hawaii. Cause it has all the, it has all the, like the feeling of all those shitty countries you want to go to. But it's not.
Starting point is 01:57:26 It's like Hawaii. But you can see through the water. Yeah, you can see through the water and it's like American. I'll go to Hawaii on the promise. I'll go to Hawaii. On a vague promise that later in life you'll go to a shit country. Because you go through the jungle but you don't need all those shots and shit. And there's not people dancing around fires.
Starting point is 01:57:41 Those stars and stripes are wailing. I want to swim in Hawaii. I want to go to Hawaii and i want to i want to swim i like that i want to go to hawaii i want to have like a punch drunk love moment i want like i want to call somebody and like the the telephone like lights up like when they pick up and it's like a very like i what i want to do once i knew you know what i want to do in hawaii is like go see me what i want to do in hawaii is go see one of those presentations of Hawaiian culture that are extremely offensive now. Oh, where they bury the pig? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:58:07 That they show like mad men. A luau. A luau, yeah. But there's luau's and then there's like whatever they showed Americans in like the 50s. I want that version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they're really making the Hawaiians dance. I want to go to Hawaii and join a surf game.
Starting point is 01:58:21 You know, tap dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see them tap dance. I want to go to Hawaii. And then they're just like, they hate it. And you know, it'd be fun to kind of like, I want to go to Hawaii and like destroy like a, like a six hour flight. I want to see resentful. It's easy money. It's like New York. I want to go to Hawaii. I would love to like destroy like a historical like rock or something.
Starting point is 01:58:40 I want to do some Jake Paul doing that. That'd be Logan Paul. Yeah. Superstitious. I am. Yeah. I'd love to go to Hawaii. Like you want to do some Jake Paul shit? Not doing that. Logan Paul shit. You know how superstitious I am? Yeah. That'd be cool. Insanely superstitious. I'd love to go to Hawaii and buy land. You want to do something impulsive? I want to buy land and start fracking. Yeah. They're like, there's no oil on the island.
Starting point is 01:58:53 I'd love to go to Hawaii. You're like, deeper. Deeper. It'd be fun to kick some people out of their home, like Chavez Ravine. Really just kick people out that have lived there for hundreds of years. Has anyone ever gone over there to grow bananas or anything? Fruit? Let's go over there. I don't think anybody's thought of that yet.
Starting point is 01:59:08 I know they grow coffee in Hawaii. A lot of coffee. It's the only state where coffee's grown in the United States. A lot of java out there. We'll get those Kona cookies. There's no reason to be tired in Hawaii. It's all that java.
Starting point is 01:59:24 They got their morning cup of joe. I kind of wanted to go. They got their morning cup of Joe. I kind of wanted to go and do some spicy, dangerous shit. I thought you'd hate Hawaii. I thought you would say Hawaii is one of my favorite places on Earth. I used to go there all the time as a kid. Oh, wow. Lucky you. What was your life like, Mr. Big Shot?
Starting point is 01:59:41 I had a good daddy. I had a great daddy. Didn't teach you how to throw. Didn't teach you how to throw. Didn't teach me how to throw. Took me to Hawaii, though. Which would you rather have, Devin? My dad never taught me how to throw, either. He's missing a muscle in his chest.
Starting point is 01:59:54 He's a fucking faggot. Yeah, we'll figure something out. You guys have got to sweeten the deal somehow. Sweeten the deal? Look at these planes. Find some Airbnbs. Look up some Airbnbs. Let's do this.
Starting point is 02:00:10 Maui. You are such a princess. This is all John does. I'm not kidding. You're a big thing. It's so fun to look up Airbnbs. I'm not kidding. Every time I've ever hung out with John, the night ends.
Starting point is 02:00:19 He's like, all right, so we're going to Hamburg, Germany. I found the Airbnb. And then the next day he'll be like dude this is fucking sick and then a couple days go by and it's just it's like we never even talked
Starting point is 02:00:30 no he's like dude I can't fucking afford that I'm trying to save up for a motorcycle I'm way too fucking busy I can't go I'm all over the place I'm an industrious man
Starting point is 02:00:38 you don't know what you want I don't know what I want but I know a few things that I want I'm actively attacking them. Okay?
Starting point is 02:00:47 Actively attacking the things I want. Richard. Get in there. Don't scoot in. Everyone else scoots in but you. I'm scooting in. Just break that fucking Sony Soprano thing over your leg. Don't do that.
Starting point is 02:01:01 That would be so terrible. I'm scooting as much as I can. God damn it. Oh, really? That's what you... Well be so terrible. I'm scooting as much as I can. God damn it. Oh, really? That's what you... Well, scoot in. I can't. There's a leg.
Starting point is 02:01:10 Pull up the Airbnb so the boys at home can see them. Oh, these are... $2.37 a night. You get to live in a... All right, how many people are we bringing? So we got... Full screen that. $2.37 a night and you could live in a flower.
Starting point is 02:01:23 That's nice. Is that a flower? I don't know why. This is fine. Who cares how many bedrooms, baby? It looks great. How many bedrooms, baby? This looks great. This is great. How many bedrooms? We found it. How many fucking bedrooms?
Starting point is 02:01:38 It's only $2,100 in total for a week. I would chip in. Yeah, that's not that bad for anybody. Everybody chips in. it's not that much. For four people? How many bedrooms? Two bedrooms. Yeah, no,
Starting point is 02:01:49 this is the mistake everyone makes when they get Airbnbs. We show up to the Airbnb and there's two beds and there's five dudes going there. Who cares?
Starting point is 02:01:56 There's couches and shit. No! You're ready to, we're gonna be like hammered every night. You're about to sleep in the jungle. Yeah, you idiot!
Starting point is 02:02:04 That's exactly what I was about to say. Now you need a bed? All of us need a bed. No, we don't. You're not about to sleep in the jungle. Yeah, you idiot. Now you need a bed? All of us need a bed. No, we don't. We're going to be blackout drunk every night. We're not putting on PJs and watching the Wheel of Fortune. I would have a bed in the jungle. It would be a hammock, but I'd still have a fucking bed. I'm not sleeping on a couch. You hardcore pussy.
Starting point is 02:02:17 You are such a weirdo, dude. If I'm vacationing, if I'm relaxing, I got a bed. What a freak you are. If it's your birthday, right? You get the bed. I got to bed. What a freak you are. You're a freak. Am I insane? No, if it's your birthday, right? You get the bed. That's both of our birthdays. Okay, well, so you get a bed. Who else?
Starting point is 02:02:29 You get a bed for sure. The birthday people. Yeah, hopefully there's not a P in it for the princess. Jesus Christ. Very good. Very good. Good, Richie. Very good.
Starting point is 02:02:39 All right, look up. Just humor me. Look up five bedrooms. Five bedrooms? What city is this? Why Maui? Maui? Look up five beds.
Starting point is 02:02:49 That was a cheap plane ticket, by the way. I couldn't believe that. I know, me neither. What the fuck? We should do a group vacation for all the Reddit followers, too. You guys can make it. If you guys want to trip in, you have to sleep outside on the beach. Do we have any listeners in Hawaii?
Starting point is 02:03:05 You'd have to be a homeless cat if you do. Look up beds. Look up four beds. Let's get a little hate watch. They don't even do it by beds. You dumb fuck. Yes, they do. Let's go to settings.
Starting point is 02:03:15 What fucking house has five beds besides the embassy? Vacation homes. You can find a house with five beds. I know. How do I type in? How do I type in? They're acting like I want a solid gold toilet seat
Starting point is 02:03:26 it's a fucking four bedroom house you're gonna ask me for Saddam Hussein's palace it doesn't have beds you just have four adults if you type in four adults it doesn't say beds
Starting point is 02:03:36 you're like a fucking 68 year old man trying to figure out this shit okay look at no you go search and then you go
Starting point is 02:03:44 fucking filters baby and then you go fucking filters, baby. And then you go to bedrooms. Beds, right here, dipshit. Four. And then you go show 257 prices. That was so fast and easy. Good God. There we go, Devin. Devin, you just got cucked. Good God,
Starting point is 02:04:00 this fucking moron. Look at those bear synapses firing at all cylinders. That was bear instincts. This is a rare rare find the bear necessities all right look at this this is a rare find but it's not on the ocean i want it to be really forgetting sarah marshall-lee you want that one i want i want no no look at all these places got ocean views i i hate coral though what's this 288 fuck coral coral around coral richard what sucks. You ever try to swim around coral? Richard.
Starting point is 02:04:27 What about this condo? You ever try to swim around coral? No. It's the worst. You cut your feet up. Look at this condo. Is it on the sea? It's like Sferry.
Starting point is 02:04:36 These beds are not very good. No fucking coral. No coral. Coral is stupid. I want access to a beach. I want four beds. No jellyfish out there. I want no coral. No, there'll be jellyfish around. You just gotta be careful. Yeah, I want to want access to a beach. I want four beds. No jellyfish out there. I want no coral.
Starting point is 02:04:45 No, there'll be jellyfish around. You just got to be careful. Yeah, I want to be like right on the beach. I don't want to get stung. I want to be right on the beach. Will you guys go fishing? Yeah, of course. We'll do anything.
Starting point is 02:04:53 I love fishing. So why? I'll do anything. I want to eat one of those pigs. All right, bros. We'll get up at fucking 4 a.m. I went fishing with two kids. I want all the women to be like,
Starting point is 02:05:02 I want their flowers and shit. And a pig with an apple in its mouth. I want a pig and the apple. Yeah like, I want their flowers. And a pig with an apple in its mouth. A pig and an apple, yeah. I got scammed by a man in Mexico who said, I'm looking for a fishing trip. And he goes, Do you want girls in the boat? He goes, I'll do a big party boat.
Starting point is 02:05:19 We went out there. It was two Mexican guys covered in scars. They were both grimacing in pain. They wouldn't look at me. And they continually told me to stop talking, in fact. They drove me deep into the ocean. It got very uncomfortable. Were they girls?
Starting point is 02:05:44 No. As I'm stepping into the ocean it got very uncomfortable girls no on like as i'm stepping into the boat he goes oh the girls canceled bull he's like i'm sorry and i'm like okay all right whatever yeah they don't want to be on your scummy fishing yeah and then i thought it was going to be like a yacht it was uh it was like a cartel boat it was the shitty little there's a bunch of coke underneath it yeah is this that bad? Look at this. This is a condo, but... There's coke anchored to it. Look at this window. You look out the window and it looks like you can kind of walk over
Starting point is 02:06:11 to the grass and the ocean. Yeah, I like that. I'll sleep on the grass. This is... How much? $351 a night. Oh, that's a great deal. It'd be only $3,244 for a week. At 3,000?
Starting point is 02:06:27 That's a lot of money. $351 per night. That's not that much divided by what, four people? It's really not that much. Well, because Airbnb has, okay, $386 cleaning fee, 401 service fee. Airbnb is fucking bullshit. So how much is it in total? $3,244 before taxes.
Starting point is 02:06:45 Jesus Christ. I mean, we're not even at $1,244 before taxes. Jesus Christ. I mean, we're not even at $1,000 on Patreon. We're fucking... $800. There's the deal, fellas. We're going to bring the studio to this place. I would pay that, by the way. Yeah, we'll record on the beach.
Starting point is 02:06:57 We're going to bring the studio to this fucking place. Well, that's going to be difficult. We're going to have a week in Hawaii. Oh, by the way, that would pay itself. Every night we're going to do a new episode. That would earn itself back instantly if we did content there and we did like tours and and like we filmed ourselves going around we did like we edited uh edited yeah you're right and we're like a vacation show with with the podcast team and but what would you guys rather see more
Starting point is 02:07:20 us having a good time in hawaii or devon with a gun to his head in the jungles of Mexico. You know what I mean? So if we want to sell content, you know, Devin's sitting there, he's crying. They're putting the gun in and out of his mouth. That never happened. They would recruit me. They're making him suck the barrel like a cock. They would recruit me.
Starting point is 02:07:39 No, they wouldn't. They'd hurt you. They'd make him run in a zigzag pattern. They'd recruit me and they'd hand me a gun. They'd hurt you in a while. They'd make him run in a zigzag pattern. They'd recruit me and they'd hand me a gun and they'd be like, you're really cool, but to be a member of our crew, you have to kill Fat Man. Gringos, Gorgos. No, no, no. And that would be great content. Well, you'll put that on Patreon, you executing me in the jungle.
Starting point is 02:08:02 You have to kill Gringo Gorgos. I'm crying. I'm zip-tied. I got duct tape over my mouth. They're making a dog eat my balls. Yeah, so, I mean, what's the best content, guys? Do you want us in safe, fun places? Do you want us in dangerous, scary places?
Starting point is 02:08:19 Tell us where you think it would be fun for us to go and, like, film it and stuff. The only problem is, like, I wish we had enough money to, like, hire a guy that films us and does it all. I always have to do everything. We got a guy. Well, no.
Starting point is 02:08:28 First of all, unleash me in Mexico. I'll give you the best content ever made. Brian works. Yeah, man. He'll drop. No, we can find a guy in one of the... If we go to Mexico, we can find a guy that will film us, follow us around, do everything we want for 20 bucks a day. Yeah, he's going to drop his box of chiclets and then grab the camera and run after us no i'll have a talk i know these guys i
Starting point is 02:08:50 know how to talk to him trust me i'll get his idea this is the thing i'm like yes what do i say to him yeah what do you say well i go okay it's nice to meet you i need somebody that i can trust and then i spend like a day with him just drinking i get to know him i find out where he lives yeah and i go okay so i'm an american if something happens here you're you know it's getting reported to you know your local authorities yeah the navy seals it means exactly yeah it means war exactly it's gonna be a national incident okay and so once he realizes that like i'm not going to let some minor camera theft go, he's suddenly going to go like, OK, it's going to be worth it. And then the final cherry on top is I go. And if you can do this without robbing us or fucking us over, I will give you a thousand dollars at the end of this.
Starting point is 02:09:39 You give him a thousand bucks? No. But by then I'm out of the country he's not allowed in america you'll never find it oh no we're scot-free so we can go we can go we can go you get right back to america you vote trump 2024 keep him right out i. The wall just got six feet down higher. This could very easily be like, we could be like doing like parts unknown stuff. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 02:10:10 Yeah. We could be doing like safe Maui shit. Hell yeah. We could do both. You know, that's the ultimate dream of this podcast.
Starting point is 02:10:16 To be fair, like to let people know like why we're doing this weird thing right now, like talking about this. We've been talking for a while about like our desire to take this show on the
Starting point is 02:10:26 road. We want to do live shows at some point, but we don't think we have a big fan base. But we really want to do Insomniac style shit. But with a group instead of just one host. You know us and we do... You know what you do?
Starting point is 02:10:40 I can't believe how wildly entertaining New Orleans was. I mean, John and I could have had our own show. We hung out with tons of different street people. Crazy shit happened. Well, let's do a dry run in Little Tokyo, in my neighborhood, at all the spots that we've talked about. I say we do a dry run in Maui. And go to the spots that we've been trolling. How do we figure out the filming licenses and stuff?
Starting point is 02:11:00 Dry run Maui. We'll talk to them. Johnny, I'm talking about a dry run where we can just do it very easily. A dry run is a place. We know that place. A dry talk to them. I'm talking about a dry run where I can just do it very easily. Dry run is a place we know that place. It's dry run should be in a place we're totally unfamiliar with.
Starting point is 02:11:09 No, a dry run is a thing where it's a test that you do where there's no risk of failing, right? So we don't have to spend money. We can just grab our phones,
Starting point is 02:11:17 film it. We'll talk to the pit. We'll talk to, you know, the other, we'll talk to the diarrhea arcade. We'll talk to the local places and just be like, and by the way, we won't talk to them. We'll talk to the diarrhea arcade. We'll talk to the local places and just be like, and by the way, we won't talk to them.
Starting point is 02:11:28 We'll just film. Yeah, I don't think we have to. We don't have to. We don't have to have a license to film people. No, we do, but we'll just break the rules. All right. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 02:11:37 So we'll just do it and see what happens. All right, we'll see how it goes. And we'll edit it together, and when people see it, they're going to be like, I want to see these guys in Mexico or in the jungle or whatever. I'm not going to the jungle. I'm going to go to a place. I'm going to take you. There's going to be one time when we go to a place
Starting point is 02:11:55 where you guys are at significant risk to contract HIV. We will give you a camera and you'll do like a Blair Witch project style thing in the jungle. We will be miles away at a bar. He's going to bring the footage back. It's going to be 600 hours of him jacking off upside down on his own face.
Starting point is 02:12:20 Yeah, like his dick is caught. Like the spinal cord's hanging from the tree. He's a predator. Yeah. I was going to say you're chumped. yeah like his dick is predator like the spinal cord hanging from the tree and predator yeah i was gonna say you're some delta force guys are upside down no yeah john's upside down he's treating his dick like kyle rittenhouse's ar-15 yeah yeah yeah exactly but again you know uh but yeah this is the ultimate goals do all of us have a song like are we have we ever like all? Listen to a song
Starting point is 02:12:55 Damn in before you say that again What do we play when we When I fuck put your fucking your fucking dental dam on my face That is the I'm not even being Small town what is that fucking journey song Don't stop believing Don't stop believing
Starting point is 02:13:14 Hold on I love that song Pump the bricks Where did that come from What was behind that? He's trying to end the podcast with a song. Yeah. That's it?
Starting point is 02:13:28 Okay, let's think of it really quick. No, I will. If it's maybe, but no, probably not. Okay, what is your pick, Richie? Let's all do a pick. Well, John, the only one. That would work. Once we all fail with our picks, we'll go to that.
Starting point is 02:13:42 I was thinking of a good song, but the only thing is John's a little bit on the outs on this one, but Schoolboy Q, John Muir would be our anthem. What are you talking about? I love John Muir. I love John Muir. Yeah, I know, but you were gone. We were like in San
Starting point is 02:13:58 Diego and Joey, me, Devin We were watching Devin, the first time you watched John Muir's Schoolboy Q was I was with you with Mark. I was there. Look at Richie trying to distance me from the group. John Muir actually made Connor sick.
Starting point is 02:14:13 I see what's happening here. My John Muir memories. I bet I wasn't, but I was there. You're also not a rap fan. I love rap. What are you talking about? I listen to a lot of rap. Oh, I thought it was just an otter thing. I didn't realize. John never plays. Oh, sorry. i'm not infatuated with john never plays rap all right yeah john doesn't john doesn't like rap i listen to freddie gibbs all the time i love freddie gibbs no you don't i love freddie gibbs you listen to him here and there you're just you're just
Starting point is 02:14:37 i got like i got like i got like you listen to freddie gibbs and then you go straight to your fucking hang them hang them high songs. You sicko. How many Freddie Gibbs albums do I have? Nobody cares about that. You don't listen to them. You're not listening. You're not a bunch of Freddie Gibbs. It would only mean something
Starting point is 02:14:54 if you pulled out a bunch of CDs. You're like, dude, I'm obsessed. Look at them gatekeeping hits. Let's wrap up on this. Let's show John Black culture right now. Let's wrap up on this. I love this. What's Freddie Gibbs' nickname? Freddie Gibbs?
Starting point is 02:15:08 Big Boss Rabbit or whatever the fuck. I don't like John's face. It's hurting my feelings. I know you're a fan. Is that him? Is that the name? Big Boss Rabbit. It's one of them, yeah. Gangsta Gibbs.
Starting point is 02:15:24 I'm looking for Gangsta Gibbs. Go Gangsta Gigs. It's one of them, yeah. Gangsta Gigs. I'm looking for Gangsta Gigs. Go Gangsta Gigs. All right. What are you guys touching me for? We're going to fucking kill you upset. Another song. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'all love me. I know y'

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