Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Rapid City
Episode Date: July 11, 2022Joey returns from South Dakota as we mourn the loss of Tony Sirico and other mafia movie legends, recap our time in Rapid City, South Dakota and talk about how Anne Frank had white privilege. Get week...ly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/
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I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate you nuts, and I hope all the
bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.
Well, we're on, so unless you want to incriminate yourself
speak now or forever hold your
peace
yeah we were just talking about fun stuff
yeah
with fun people just some locker room
talk yeah just boys being boys
boys being boys some real pussy grabbing talk
yeah
so she kept saying no
and then what'd you do imagine starting a podcast like that Yeah. So she kept saying no.
And then what'd you do?
Imagine starting a podcast like that.
All right, we're on.
All right.
So she just kept saying no.
I went for it.
But was it like a boy no?
Like a no?
Yeah.
We all know 20 no's means no.
Yes, come on.
Let's get real.
She was like at 17 and I, you know.
Bro, you know how hard it is? Shooter's going to shoot.
You know how hard it is to work past adamant nose?
That takes real game.
Yeah, that takes real game.
It's day game stuff, brother.
Yo, you got to have the instinct.
You got to go beyond the books.
You got to nag them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nag them good.
That's how I always felt about pimps.
I think we've talked about this, but they're like, you don't understand the game it takes
to get a woman addicted to heroin
and then beat her until she has
sex with men for money. That's what
we call swag. You gotta be
real suave.
Look how massive
Jace looks and look how small
I look next to him. It's partly
an optical illusion. It's kind of an optical
illusion, but it is
crazy how Jace could kill us all
with his bare hands.
I'm going to start maintaining this stance.
Do a stance on the podcast.
Out of insecurity.
Because you're burning me emasculated.
Yeah.
You just pull out dumbbells like Holly Walnuts.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
Tony Sirico.
That was very sad
he was very sick
for a long time though
he started having
like Parkinson's
or something
he had like
dementia
remember in that reunion
he did not look good
he couldn't really
talk
I had him on a couple
podcasts
he'd just be like
hey
yeah
hey
Sopranos
still holding it together
he goes remember me
remember this
my hand can only do this now.
Because of my rheumatoid arthritis.
Very presidential.
Stuck like that now.
Oh.
Hey, they glue my fingers like this in meet and greets.
Because I can't bend them no more.
No, what a weird guy.
What a life.
What a unique talent that we will never see anything like ever again.
No, the guy was like a legitimate gangster. then wound up playing one of the greatest characters ever with amazing comedic
great comedic time i saw a tweet that was like apparently during table reads when characters
would get killed off everybody was always very like oh i'm so sorry you're going to be leaving
the show and then and then um tony circo would come in 10 minutes late and they'd be like, oh, he's dying?
He'd make machine gun noises at the character he's about to die.
He's a legend.
Yeah, and he told the writers,
Pauly can never be killed off
or be a rat. And they were like afraid of that.
And they never made him. It was never a rat.
Well, actually, he talked to
John Sacramone here and there,
but that's not being a rat. He was he was petty yeah yeah and he's the last one he's literally like the
last guy that lives he lives through it all yeah yeah that iconic shot of him with the cat yeah
it's amazing that's almost like the most depressing part of his character is because he's so he's such
a neutral member of the crew they're like we got to take out the big guys and there's a point where
they're like well what about paul he won't and they're like, we got to take out the big guys. And there's a point where they're like, well, what about Paulie Walton? And they're like, nah. He lived through the 70s when the Columbos were going out.
I lived through the
Columbo era by the skin of my balls.
And he has, I think,
my favorite scene ever in television.
Just Christopher going like, you ever feel like nothing good
is ever going to happen to you? He goes, yeah.
And it didn't. So what?
So what?
Really, it actually kind of freeing.
It does. It makes you feel great.
You're like, yeah, let's just go get a steak.
Who cares about life being meaningful?
Right, exactly. Go drink
a bang energy drink and do a
vape or something.
It's been a rough, weird month.
It's like all the mobsters in movies
called each other. They're like, is this your week? You doing it you doing it yeah it's like you're gonna die this week right did you watch
many saints all right let's all yeah tony sirico james khan ray leota yeah and uh gilbert godfrey
the rat pack
oh yeah and ash Ashley Babbitt.
No, I'm kidding.
Wait, who was Ashley Babbitt?
She died in the Capitol riot.
She was the one that got shot in the face.
Yeah, that was a pretty funny video.
Yeah, it was good, unfortunately.
It was sad, I guess.
Yeah, it'll always be funny to me to die in the Capitol.
I mean, this is...
Have you ever seen this interview with Tony Sirico Jays?
Yeah, maybe. This shit is insane. I mean, this is... Have you ever seen this interview with Tony Sierico, Jace? Yeah, maybe.
This shit is insane.
I paid for them.
I did what I had to do.
Did you ever go to jail?
Yeah.
How many times?
Treat times.
A few times.
A couple of treat times.
Did you kill?
You gonna ask me that?
That what?
I mean, it already is like a masterful performance.
He's just himself.
It looks so good, and he's so just, I mean, they don't make guys like this anymore.
No, no, no.
Will we ever have guys like this on screen ever again?
No, not like this ever.
No.
No, the whole genre is dying off.
Yeah. You're dying off. Yeah.
Erasing me?
Yeah.
This type of person will never exist again, ever.
Do you believe in God?
You gotta ask me that.
I'm a fucking atheist, you dumb fuck.
Have you ever read Richard Dawkins? The God Delusion?
Fuckface?
God, huh? I read a guy
by the name of Christopher Hitchens, you
fucking mook.
He used to go on real time with Bill Maher
all the time. Bill Maher
was great. He shits on every religion,
even Islam, which he needs to get
shit on from time to time.
They do some fucked up stuff.
I know it's not popular, but they do some, you know.
It's not popular.
Listen, they knocked down the towers.
My cousin was stealing out of those towers.
He died.
It's terrible.
It's a terrible tragedy.
I think he tells like a story about like essentially killing a guy in this interview.
He's like, yeah, I threw him off, you know, I threw him off like an eighth story, you know, threw him off you know i threw him off like an eighth story you know he was off a boat threw him off a boat
it's really hard for me to explain i just went downhill from there
it was an eventual divorce and that's why my kids and me are not that close.
I wish I could have changed that somewhere along the line.
I was madly in love with this girl.
I mean, I was madly in love with her.
I left my wife for her, left my two kids for her.
Don't ask me why.
I used to just, I was quiet around her.
But the moment somebody would look at her, or I would think they were looking at her,
or maybe even you're right.
Maybe I wanted to show her that I was in her defense.
I gave a lot of guys beatings for her.
For her.
Sheeps at Bay one night.
Joe's Clam Bar. This is it, yeah.
And I was inside getting cigarettes.
And she was outside ordering whatever.
And some sailor came by and was talking over.
And I freaked out.
And I'm telling you, I freaked out.
I went outside and I just started wailing on him.
But I mean, I gave him a beating.
Look at those beautiful pillow legs.
I wasn't in my right head. I mean, a bad bad time in my life that's why I'm telling you about it I'm not ashamed of it I am ashamed of it but this helps me when I was done giving him
that beating I threw him over over the the rail into, into the bay, and he hit the boat.
There was a fishing boat there.
He hit the boat.
I don't even know to this day what happened to this guy.
He goes, that guy was Christopher Reeves.
To this day, don't know what happened to him.
No idea.
Great Superman, though.
My favorite, Superman III, the quest for peace.
I don't appreciate what Eminem said about him in the 90s. i did not appreciate how much they had richard pryor in that movie i personally
edited him out these guys abandoned their families like for breakfast yeah well i always love those
guys later in life they like are like they just don't understand like morality or like how things
they're like i don't get it you know i robbed and beat people for 30 years and you know,
things don't work out
somehow.
It takes them to like 75
to be like,
yeah,
I've been thinking
about my life.
I don't think
I did a lot of good.
I have some regrets.
I have some regrets.
but they're so like,
they can't be like,
actually like,
you know,
like a therapy type person.
Oh no,
yeah.
Yeah,
so they're like,
no,
so I just,
you know,
I'm in my apartment
by myself
and nobody comes and sees me anymore.
That's just how gangsters
do it.
He's just steaming his tracksuits
in his apartment by himself.
Six pairs of white shoes.
Watching Married with Children.
Laughing like a psychopath.
On a sofa with the covers on it.
Laughing like Cape Fear by himself.
Applauding in his studio apartment.
That's one of the funniest scenes ever, by the way,
is when Tony's so sick of him on their trip to Florida together.
And then he's finally like, okay, I'm back to my own hotel.
I'm away from it.
Thank God.
And he goes out into his balcony and he hears him again.
And he's disgusted.
He's watching TV.
It's fucking annoying.
When he's stealing all the fucking muffins from the
hotel lobby.
For the road.
He's telling some stranger
some story about
committing a crime.
We go down to Baltimore. What are you talking about?
Oh, basic.
God, rest in peace.
Yeah, it's a sad day.
Sad day.
James Connick,
who I didn't know
was Jewish, by the way.
I didn't know either.
I didn't know.
He also ended up looking.
He looked.
I saw him five years ago.
He was James Connick.
Now he's Freddy Krueger.
God, he turned into
Kirk Douglas overnight.
As Sonny Corleone in The Godfather, he was an unmistakable force on screen.
Volatile.
Combustible.
But for many of us... he had such broad shoulders.
Yeah, he was like, that was 70s Jack.
Yeah, yeah.
Brian's song.
You know, they have a button-up shirt on, like their shoulders are going above their ears.
They're like, hey, whoa, whoa.
Hey, I got PTSD from the war.
You know, I'm a street guy, but I hear voices in the walls.
I'm haunted by everything I've ever
done to a woman. And Ray Liotta,
how did Ray Liotta die? He was like, he
just kind of went to sleep, right? Yeah.
I think his head was just too big.
It just like gave out.
His heart couldn't beat enough
blood to his head. It's like when a
mineshaft collapses because it's too
big.
One of his folds just like folded
in. Yeah, there's a bunch of Chilean people trapped
underneath his head.
Yeah, I can see him just doing that
laugh from Goodfellas and then just part of his
vein pops out of his face. The laugh
probably, yeah, like, like, you
know, made him die quicker.
Like that probably set something off in the
nineties. He's doing that. You get brain freeze while he die quicker. Like, that probably set something off in the 90s when he was doing that laugh.
Just going, hee, hee, hee, hee.
Yeah, you get brain freeze while he did it.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I know.
Well, this is the quote.
But lately, I'm getting the feeling.
Also, right before Ray Liotta, didn't that guy
Herman something back?
Yeah, you talked right over the quote.
What?
You talked right over the quote.
They've all seen it.
We're playing the quote. All right, play it then. What is the quote? Yeah, you wrote the quote. Well, I talked over it. You talked over the quote. What? You talk right over the quote. They've all seen it. We're playing the quote.
All right, play it then.
What is the quote?
Yeah, you wrote the quote.
Well, I talked over it.
You talked over the quote.
So you can play it again.
You think you're a funny guy?
Talk over it.
It was a three-second quote.
We all have like a fake mafia stare down.
It was a three-second quote.
And you couldn't not talk for three seconds.
You're fucking with me.
You're fucking with me.
Yeah, good fellas on a podcast.
Anyway, what were you saying
You fucking mutt
Jesus Christ
Just play the quote
Herman he died like two months
Before Ray Liotta too
He played
He's just one of the
Four dudes that have died this year
Four mafia actors
He was in that scene
No he was in
The Sopranos, I think. He was in...
Oh, Hesh died? No, Hesh is
close to dying. He's in his
90s. Hesh is dead?
Yeah, I killed Hesh.
Yeah. Hesh is dead?
I don't think Hesh is dead.
Jerry Adler's still alive. Oh, you're thinking
of Veach. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Robert
Loggia. Oh, yeah. Robert
Loggia. Yeah.
Who played a Puerto Rican,
I think, in Scarface. Yeah, I think
so. They literally just put Trump makeup
on him and a mustache. They used to always do that.
The whole, you know, the good, the bad, and the
ugly, the Mexican is played by
Woody Allen.
This would throw Jews
out. He's got a tan.
If I see your gringo ass around here
anymore.
Truly, this has been
the good and the bad and the ugly.
The water,
the agua, it accepts my stomach.
Montezuma's revenge is a
killer.
Oh, Bobby Lee, don't go have sex with her.
She's only 15 years old. Don't go in there.
Complaining about the prices in a cantina.
300 pesos.
You guys don't have any
tuna sandwiches?
He's in like Tijuana.
Can I get a whore
without any gonorrhea?
That would be fantastic.
I swear,
every single one of them,
it looks like a fucking
marshmallow factory
burned down down there.
All the Native Americans too.
Every Native American
in like old cowboy movies
was played by
Italians.
Italian guys.
They're dark enough.
Yeah.
Oh man. Yeah. Well, played by italians italian guys yeah everything was so dark enough yeah yeah oh man yeah well it's it's we got to get used to this every one of these guys is going to start
going yeah i know none of them are in good shape like at all no they all look like shit they're
simply getting old it's also remarkable he even like tony sirico even made it to 79 really like
smoked drank fucking you know beat up you know, beat up. Yeah. It's amazing.
Just the life these guys live
is unbelievable.
Yeah.
The party,
the partying,
the parties.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Their dicks don't fall off
at like 40
and they all get shot
in the head at a diner.
Like,
he probably had like
a syphilitic brain.
Yeah,
probably.
Like Al Capone.
Yeah,
exactly.
Yeah.
He was,
must've been fucking
and he seems like a guy
that just wouldn't go to the doctor.
No, not at all.
I fucked a girl in a Santa hat once.
It was too distracting.
Yeah, he just has worms in his brain
from some weird STD he got in Mexico.
Yeah, and then they spend the rest of their lives
just going to these Sopranos meet and greets
where people are just throwing, I'm sure,
capicola and salamis at them and cigars oh yeah yeah yeah yeah james gandolfini
died because he like just the the food that tony ate was every scene they're doing 50 takes he's
eating like 30 lasagnas in like a two-hour span yeah yeah i mean there's scenes in the sopranos
where you can't you can almost not hear his lines from his heavy, like, mic nose breathing.
Yeah.
Yeah, he already had a breathing issue.
He sounded like a pug.
Actors always complain about
when they have to do an eating scene
because, you know, like,
oh, no, I have to, like, keep...
They bring out, like,
if we did 20 takes,
I have to eat this thing 20 times.
But with Gandolfini,
there's, like, a famous story
where he would just keep eating even
when they'd stop filming all right all right cut
he's like yeah i know i know yeah he's just grabbing meatballs off the plate
tony we can wrap all right i'm gonna it's crazy i don't even have the energy to keep like doing
your scene he's not just passing out in food comas.
He's like, I'm going to take this tree of meatballs,
go listen to Green Day in my trailer,
and then just hate myself terribly.
Because apparently that was true.
He thought he was a terrible actor, right?
He had low self-esteem.
Yeah.
It was incredible.
He didn't do interviews, James Gandolfini,
because he said nobody interviews truck drivers.
Nobody cares about what they do.
Why am I any different?
He thought of himself as a piece of shit truck driver.
Yeah.
Even when he got that big pay raise,
he just divvied in amongst the cast.
I think because he literally was like,
why do I get paid more?
When he died, after he died,
a bunch of stories came out where it was like,
oh, and we found
out that he paid my mortgage.
Some anonymous guy paid my mortgage.
We didn't know who it was.
We found out it was him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was just doing stuff.
And the stuff he did for Jamie Lynn Siegler and Robert Adler.
Eiler.
Eiler.
Making sure that they didn't spend their money too much and calling their parents.
We're now memorializing James Gandolfini.
I mean, that's really who it comes back to.
Let's be honest.
Tony Serico just died.
We're like, Tony Serico, he stood so close to Gandolfini.
Because he was great in The Surprisers, but it's not really like acting like that.
He's himself.
Yeah, exactly.
And he had 38 years on James Gandolfini, all right?
You had your day in the sun, Tony.
All right, enough of you.
We gave him due time.
We go from being, it's amazing.
You're like, all right, what do you want?
A big party?
Shut up, Boldy.
Tony Soprano died 12 years ago, all right?
I'm still mourning it.
I went to David Proval, who played uh richie april on the sopranos his
instagram this is when you know it's like god fuck dude this is you get to this age and everything
must be so sad every single post on david provol's instagram is a picture of an old guy in mob movies
that just died the only thing he posts are like oh i had a great time but it's just a picture of
an old guy with a fucked up face and he's just it's his whole instagram it's just like an obituary yeah yeah
r.i.p jimmy gout foot yeah yeah yeah and then you look up you look up the guy and it's like yeah he
also he uh killed 12 children they're like he did a great walk-on piece on uh fucking some dumb shit he played a mobster in the
adams family tv show a very good app on line order svu yeah how did you love there's this
whole cabal of just italian actors who only do these movies and nothing else at all oh yeah
yeah i mean uh tony siragusarano's legend, also just died.
Which one was he?
He was just a bodyguard at the bank.
He played for the Baltimore Ravens.
Oh, okay.
He's dead?
He died, yeah.
That's the one that hurts.
Yeah.
I'm going to go home, guys.
I didn't know that.
He actually died in the hot dog eating contest
Joey Chestnut
Joey Chestnut
did you guys see that video
kick of that guy's ass
with hot dog all in his mouth
it's the first time I've felt proud to be an American this year
that on crutches he choked out a guy
who was the guy that ran up
he was like a vegan protester like he was protesting eating meat yeah yeah you heard about these assholes who are
deflating svu suv tires in uh san francisco as like a protest yeah they're just going around
for what because it's a gas guzzler yeah and they'll leave a note on your car like sorry it's
not you uh but the you know our officials aren't doing anything about it so i'm sorry i know this is inconvenient but we're protesting sorry your whole family might
get wiped out on the way home what what does that even do they deflate the tires as you can't drive
yeah you can't drive you gotta now call a go get a new tire i mean it's yeah it's your just call
triple a and have to bring a tank out they're just city full of retards.
Yeah, you're trying to make your point to
just inconvenience your fellow citizen
like yeah, yeah, they're stepping
in shit while they do it. Yeah,
they're deflating a tire and they get
stabbed between the ribs.
The big heroin needle. Someone's living in
the tire and pops out and robs them.
Yeah,
it's like, hey, in the winter,
make sure to scare the homeless people out from under
your car before you start it.
Like they're just cats.
You have to go and be like, hey,
hey, come on.
Shoot.
Just scurry around like little bugs.
Yeah, they sell bug spray for homeless people
in San Francisco. You gotta put off
on before you take a walk down the mission.
Yeah.
I just figured out Harvey Milk, by the way, was a pederast.
I was like, I had no idea.
Harvey Milk?
Gay?
Harvey Milk is gay?
I'm watching Milk.
I'm like, whoa, whoa.
All right.
These are some liberties.
All right, pal.
He was a pederast?
Yeah.
His boyfriend in the movie played by James Franco was like 15 years old.
Oh, really?
In real life.
Different times.
Different time.
Gays have different...
They play by different rules.
Are we allowed to say that?
That's a cultural thing.
Yeah, yeah.
They play like Aussie League football.
It's just a little different.
Yeah, it's just...
They play international basketball with the big triangle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The ball's a little smaller.
Everything's a little younger.
That is a thing that you gets like it's like you're not sure like is he really though or is he was he like yeah sure he was he is like a stuff like technically right in the gay community it's
like you in them i don't know the movie it's like he's taking in suicidal right confused young gay
man and fucking movement and then on top of it, you maybe get a little
kickoff.
You get a little
something for daddy.
It makes perfect sense.
Right.
He's taking in a bunch
of like vulnerable kids.
Right.
Of course he's fucking them.
He's a pervert.
That is really the way
to make a charitable country
is to be like,
as long as you're doing
some good,
you get to fuck every couple.
You know,
every 10th one
you get to fuck.
Exactly.
Like Sandusky.
He had a big charity. He only fucked like 40 of them sandusky had a charity yeah yeah that's how he was fucking the kids oh well that makes it all anyone who's taking in like people who are like
in a bad place i'm suspicious subway jared same thing he was molesting kids through his charity
really yeah and they'd always be like, find a vulnerable,
no parents, shitty home life
situation. Those are the kids you
end up molesting.
Because they're just hotter. Right.
They're nice and thin.
Also, there's nothing better than
disenfranchised pussy.
That disenfranchised
pussy would be hidden different. I love that
disenfranchised booty hole. Not my disenfranchised pussy I love that disenfranchised
booty hole
Not my disenfranchised ass
getting molested by Subway Jared
Your parents said you're going to hell
Just got here from Nebraska
Why don't you live in my camera shop?
I'm Harvey Milk
We do things a little differently here in Frisco
The milk man's coming now
Your parents made you live in a cupboard for two weeks This thing's a little differently here in Frisco. The milkman's coming now.
Your parents made you live in a cupboard for two weeks, you say.
Well, welcome home to milk land.
Yeah, why don't you throat this twink for me?
Remember when Kevin Spacey got caught being a pedophile,
and he was like, listen, folks, I'm gay.
I'm gay.
That was like his excuse. No, really.
He's like, I'm a proud gay man.
I've always lived as a gay man.
And that really feeds into the thing. He's like, no, no, gay man. I've always lived as a gay man. And that really feeds into
the thing. He's like, no, no, no. They were
14-year-old boys.
You don't understand. They were
boys. That got him in so much trouble.
That's like, God, somebody
like, he's a known thief. And he's like,
listen, everyone, I'm Puerto Rican.
Everybody's like, oh, oh, sorry.
My apologies. We'll delete the article article i didn't know you're something i don't
understand and then his next move was to be like i know it will save me doing frank underwood into
a camera every few months i'm sad he doesn't i was sad the first christmas he didn't do it i know
it was funny to me. Because every Christmas Eve,
you'd be like,
hey, everybody,
I'm back to...
Frank Underwood.
Frank Underwood here.
He goes,
I've been accused of licking 14-year-old balls
like a small cat sips his milk.
That was the Frank Underwood.
It's just a bunch of analogies.
Politics is like when you're in the park and you hear the birds and the trees.
Yeah, no, that was literally his, he's like, I know how.
I'll just come on as the most evil character in all of TV and be like, well, my daddy said
that the younger the bearer, the sweeter the juice.
Knock on the table.
He was like, oh my God, Christ. it was it is like yeah he's like he just
went in i think that's a trauma response for him right where he's like oh my god like everything i
ever did like i'm now just known as like a rapist pedophile to people yeah yeah so uh what was the
last thing i was acclaimed for my frank underwood character, who's evil. Who's an evil character.
So I'll be him
to even speak publicly.
His other choice was just to come out as the guy
from Seven. Just like
covered in blood. Yes, yes. Screaming.
I mean, that's wild.
Him doing Frank Underwood.
He's like in court. He's like, your honor.
I was a president of the United States.
If the president molested a child,
it's not a crime. You're
going to prosecute the first sitting president.
My wife is currently the
president. An executive
decision, Your Honor.
I need, Your Honor, I
needed the adrenocone to
run this great country. You know what this says about democracy, Your Honor, I needed the Adrenacone to run this great country.
You know what this says about democracy,
Yana, for you to prosecute me?
A president.
Ah, yeah.
Well, um, this is maybe the most fun headline
I've seen in a real long time.
Anne Frank!
Did she have white privilege?
Twitter debates. I also love that it's TMZ
TMZ doing it yeah like they ran into her at the airport
Anne Anne
Anne over here Anne
stop hiding Anne
Anne you don't need to crouch anymore Anne
we're right here Anne
Anne Anne for Jewish Anne Frank
hiding in the attic Anne any comments
Anne were you just on first class
was that first class you just got off and
is that white privilege and
they're at the office
with that big container of water he goes
and Frank I mean what did she even do
holding frappuccinos
some dumbass
with the backwards head he's like I don't even read
her dumbass book
they're all laughing. Who reads
anymore, dude? Yeah, just a room
full of sociopaths cackling.
TMZ's awful.
But this is
literally a thing.
Hold on. I want to make sure I say this carefully.
Yeah, Anne Frank had white privilege. Bad things
happen to people with white privilege also, but
don't tell the whites that.
Oh my god. Yeah, Anne Frank, that Ary frank that arian piece of shit people on twitter that are like yeah listen and the nazis gave and
frank a fix-it ticket it was you know yeah can you imagine if she had been black what they would
have done right yeah i think that family would have let a black stay in the attic i don't think
so that's why the black people had to stay in the basement.
A lot of people don't talk about that.
Exactly.
And they didn't give them something to write with.
Everything is truly over when you see headlines like that.
Anne Frank had white privilege.
Yeah.
Does that even mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, she's not even white.
She's Jewish.
She's Jewish.
Right.
But no, their thing is that they don't even see the people saying that this is white privilege.
They're like, she's white, she couldn't just blend in.
Just put on a uniform, man.
Get to goose-stepping, man.
The Holocaust was like a game of hide-and-seek.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Anne Frank has been unofficially uninvited from the cookout.
Anne Frank's uninvited.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
And this is a serious question.
Were there Jewish people who passed as non-Jewish during the Holocaust?
I'm sure.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Probably, right?
Don't hear about that at all.
How did they do it?
Did they take your blood or did they just check your...
I think you were...
Probably it was just known if you're Jewish.
People outed each other and they were scared.
So they'd be like, yeah, Jew, lives right over there.
Lives right over there.
Right.
Get him.
Well, even a lot of the Jews became capos in the camp
and that was how they got by.
It was basically like running the other Jews.
Yeah.
If you read like Man's Search for Meaning,
he said that the capos were sometimes
so much more vicious than the guards themselves. Right, right. become like the i guess i don't know what the jewish
version of like an uncle tom is right yeah yeah that's a that has to be something in psychology
in general because that happens time and time again it's like the black cop is actually meaner
to yeah it's like a self like a self-hating type thing yeah yeah yeah and then that boxer just
boxed his way out, just killing Jews.
Yeah, just knocking out Jew after Jew.
He was like, this is the easiest boxing.
I'm just fighting Jews.
I know.
They're weaklings.
Give me an Aryan.
Yeah, give me a Goy.
I want to see what my medal is.
You're talking about that movie, right? Yeah, yeah.
The Ben Foster movie.
Give me someone worth their salt.
Yeah, I love Ben Foster,
but that was a little tough to watch the trailer for.
Yeah.
Anyone sees Bobby True Love,
tell them Jake Mazurski's looking for him.
Ben Foster's one of the most underrated actors we have.
He's amazing.
He's amazing.
I watched that movie the other night where he's ptsd guy with his daughter living in the woods
oh i haven't seen no trace oh yeah that's a great movie yeah it's really good he's just
from the war and he like can't sleep without hearing the sounds of helicopters and screaming
children and he has a daughter and they live in like a national park outside of portland okay and
then they get you know like caught and it's all about them like you know getting uh they they try and
give them like a regular house but the guy just can't stay anywhere because he's like running
he's running from his thoughts and and then eventually the daughter and them have to you
know they have to make a decision like you're you're i don't have the same problem as you and
you know ben foster uh then he kills Anne Frank.
Talk about white privilege.
I want to raise a starter,
but I got a mission.
We need you for one last job.
One last job.
Big helicopter landing.
Yeah.
Four-star general gets out.
They're like,
Anne Frank had white privilege.
They're like,
how come she gets the attic?
She gets the best view.
She gets the penthouse. Oh, the penthouse for Miss Frank. Miss Frank. Oh. Oh, she gets the attic? She gets the best view. She gets the penthouse.
Oh, the penthouse for Miss Frank.
Miss Frank.
Oh.
Oh, she gets peace and quiet.
I got to work every day.
Oh, she gets to have this great long life. What'd she live till?
14?
What a life.
The master bedroom is in the attic.
Oh, Queen Anne.
Oh, Queen Anne.
Here she comes again.
Just writing about her period all day.
Getting it edited out.
Anne Frank wrote on Miss Maisel, actually.
Yeah, that's true.
Third season.
Yeah, she was just in the attic like,
what's a girl got to do to get a good bush around here?
Anne Frank really lost her touch later on.
She couldn't write.
Yeah, Anne Frank has officially fell off so last week yeah one hit wonder yeah like let's see another book all right yeah her
book wasn't even like didn't even have like black people or yeah or an ending her book didn't even have black people in it. Or an ending. Her book didn't even have POCs or
trans people mentioned. Right, that's very true.
Fucking
ableist piece of shit.
What are other words?
Xenophobic.
Xenophobic.
Trans hater. She never left Germany.
She never did? No.
Yeah, because she was a Nazi.
She loved them. Fucking white privilege bitch.
Go to the, like, more comments.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Popeye needs a spinach.
You have to listen to trap music to shit on and fight more.
That's the Thick Boy Nation song. I have to listen to the beginning to shit on and fight more. That's the Thick Boy Nation song.
I have to listen to the beginning of the Gringo Poppy real quick.
My apologies.
We should, at mid-episode of every episode,
have to listen to that.
We're Popeye eating his...
We gotta take a break to do a quick
Gringo Poppy.
Just to fall in love with comedy
all over again.
It's actually a really good song.
It's actually really catchy.
I can't stop.
It's stupid to pretend like it's not really good.
Joey's P.
P.O'd.
I'm P.O'd.
I don't want anyone to trash that song if I'm here.
I wasn't trashing it.
I love it.
It hypes me up.
I'll flip out. I'll flip that.
I'll flip out.
Jace, we talked about it a little last week,
but what do you think of the whole Jordan Peterson
going down this weird rabbit hole of, like, I don't know.
He's, like, now become what he hated.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, he's just very silly.
Yeah.
It's very silly. Yeah. And when he cries all the time, he hated. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's just very silly. Yeah. It's very silly.
Yeah.
And when he cries all the time, he just cries in every video.
What was the thing he said that everyone's mocking?
He goes, screw you, woke moralist.
We'll see who has the last laugh.
We'll see who cancels who.
Up yours, woke moralist.
It's like, dude, you sound like a guy getting bullied in middle school right now.
We just have these.
These are like Marvel characters.
They're just like weird comic book characters.
He did like Joker-fy himself.
He did, yeah.
He's like the kid who gets bullied, and then he's like, well, my mom said that's because
you actually hate yourself.
And then they just start pummeling him again.
Right, yeah.
He just needs to get a lot of pussy, in my opinion.
I know.
Stop fucking your daughter and get out and meet someone else.
He's fully married, though, too.
It's like he's got a wife.
Who is his wife, okay?
Like, what is going on there?
It's Miss Piggy.
Is she ever there to tell him to just relax for a second?
I mean, what is his wife?
I think she's probably just some poor like poor lady that fell into you know
she got hypnotized by his weird you know you know philosophy i feel like his wife it's just a head
in a in a glass jar filled with xanax they just they come and they him and his daughter they kiss
like an aquarium with his wife's head in it every morning and they go this is for you yeah yeah like the two-headed baby that died and they put it on display at the fair right that's
his wife this is impure formaldehyde yeah yeah she's the brain from teenage mutant ninja turtles
in the big guy's body it's like in mystery man when janine grofglo throws the uh
she has a bowling ball their dad's skull in it.
I've put my wife's head in a magic eight ball.
Jordan Peterson just pulls it out.
He just like bowls over a bunch of trans people in front of a campus.
He throws it at Elliot Page's head.
He won't stop dead naming him.
Yeah, him.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Sorry. Yeah, he just gets caught thank you. Thank you. Sorry.
Yeah, he just gets caught up in these fights
that nobody needs to fight whatsoever.
We don't even care anymore.
I liked him a lot when he was just talking about it.
And here's what Joseph Campbell,
here's what Carl Jung said about the dragon in the lair.
Right.
And then all of a sudden he's just like,
the thing is trans people,
they don't even suck dick good.
He's gone crazy.
Trans people, they don't even suck dick good he's gone crazy trans people they don't bust it open
yeah trans
the hero's journey is not about fucking pussy
that is not the dragon's lambir. Trans people, do you even squirt?
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
No, it's just, it's sad.
It really just shows you how fame just destroys a person's brain completely.
We said it last week.
I don't want to keep doing it, but it's like, he really has like now become the same thing that people misrepresented him as.
Yes.
So it's almost like if people just keep telling you you're something,
he fought it for a while, and it's just hard to keep fighting it,
and now he's just kind of leaning into it.
Yeah, if you fight monsters, you become the monster.
Yeah, who said that?
Coach Carter?
Yeah, it was Coach Carter.
I realize that every week I say Coach Carter said something.
That's your Mark Twain.
Just every quote
attributed to him.
Coach Carter once said we have nothing to fear but fear itself.
The coldest winter I ever had
was a summer in San Francisco.
Coach Carter.
We do these things not because they're easy,
because they're hard, Mr. Cruz.
To the baseline!
Did you guys see this?
Just another day at an O'Reilly's Auto Parts.
No, what is this?
Check this out.
Just an employee being harassed by a woman.
And then she shoots her.
You act like you ain't been here long!
Stupid-ass bitch! Fuck, your mama's stupid. Now come back here. harassed by a woman and then she shoots her.
What's crazy about this is that this is in the Hamptons.
This is Montauk.
That's actually, it's being filmed by
Awkwafina.
That's Awkwafina in the video.
Is it the woman filming yelling that
or the woman with the big diaper on her head?
It's the woman with the cheetah leopard thing on her head.
I guess because she got her curls.
I don't know.
Got her hair done.
I don't know why people wear that.
Yeah, yeah.
They have a big brain under there.
Yeah, it's a big brain.
Big.
Oh, my.
Oh, oh.
Big.
What?
What?
What?
Big. What? she's so strong
jesus
i hate this part of a girl fight
they just hit him on the top of the head
over and over
this girl makes it a man fight
she goes and gets her blama
oh my god
oh shit
shot her in the ear nobody runs or leaves Gets her blama. Oh my god. Oh shit.
Shot her in the ear.
Nobody runs or leaves.
Oh shit.
Imagine if you get shot and the video of it, there's a big eye
emoji on the video.
And the guy filming is like,
they shooing people up in the ear.
Sprite commercials are getting weird.
I'm loving it
across the screen.
Oh, oh, oh,
O'Reilly.
O'Reilly.
Auto part.
Woo.
I'm out of here.
Time to go
Watch out
When I get out of here
Grab the battery
I'm out of here
I'm out of here
Oh my god
Talk about a bad day
Wow What a bad day.
Wow.
What a bad day at work.
I had to play that, not for any reason other than I was like, gee, wow.
Yeah.
What an escalation.
The best person in the video is stealing a car battery. Yeah, he's like, yo, grab the battery.
He's like, thanks for the diversion.
Get the good wipers, the $20 wipers. He just showed back up at the diversion. Get the good wipers.
The $20 wipers.
He just showed back up at the house.
He's like, bitch got shot.
I just took the battery.
His mom drags him back by the ear like the police.
She's like, return this battery to them.
You stole his battery.
They shoot him.
How dare you?
Yeah, him just walking out with like four brand new rims. The cops pull up to shoot him. How dare you? Yeah, him just walking out with like four brand new rims. Yeah,
the cops shoot, pull up, just shoot
everybody,
but also don't go inside. They just
shoot it from right. Yeah, exactly.
It's the Evaldi police.
Yeah, they're like we heard that accent from across
the block. We're scared to go in
worried a woman is going to be very
mean at us. We saw that
hairdress cover that we still don't know
what that's called and got very afraid.
Sounds like the DMV in there. We're not
going inside.
So Joey,
fresh back from South Dakota.
Yeah, I drank
like five.
Joey got a first class flight on the way back here from Denver.
I had to.
Because I had to.
What is the Denver flight?
It's like two and a half hours?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I drank four days in a row.
And then so you're hungover.
And if you're not in first class.
First of all, first class sucks.
No matter what.
If you're hungover.
But I did it.
And then there was like a, you know, they just keep bringing you booze. They treat you so hungover. But I did it, and then there was like a,
you know, they used to keep bringing you booze.
They treat you so much nicer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They give you cookies now, I heard.
They give you fresh cookies in first class.
They offered them, but they gave me food.
It was the worst fucking food.
It's always bad, but this was the worst
that I've ever had in my life.
What airline were you on?
United.
Oh, yeah.
It's not great.
They just serve him parts of that
Asian man that they dragged off
five years ago. Yeah, here's
a wrist. Here's a
finger of the Asian
doctor that we brutalized.
Yeah, my meatloaf
has teeth in it.
I was back.
It's yellow.
From years of smoking while crouching.
Anyway.
Sorry, Joey.
Sweet Devin came to visit me.
My meatloaf tastes like green tea.
It's weird.
The girl from the Cecil Hotel, the water tank.
So this is our finest bottle of a dead asian woman
they made a wine out of it welcome welcome to united there's a purple vagina in my food
what is this that's considered actually good luck in their country
if you get the water tank is good luck that Yeah, that means two more months of winter.
The groundhog days, they just check a water tank.
A dead woman in it.
They just pour out.
Everybody starts booing.
But that was a fun trip.
I went...
Trying to get back to reality.
I went to South Dakota.
David came.
I guess, what did you think of South Dakota?
I loved it.
It was like a lawless, fun, weird place.
It's beautiful.
I was surprised how beautiful it was.
It's so pretty. It's like Montana.
Yeah, yeah. But even hillier.
The black hills are amazing.
They're the only thing that's black.
Well, the vegetation, in my
mind, South Dakota is just
literally just flat tundra.
And that's it. No, it's much hillier and
more beautiful than I ever could imagine.
Most of it is flat, but
this one part is... Joey's part is Rapid City.
You met Sweet Brock.
You met
who else?
I met
Brock's girlfriend Jenna. We all got
hammered in an old west town
Deadwood and then woke up
at 7.30 in the morning
and started right back up
and got kicked
out of a casino
breakfast. We weren't even being that crazy.
We were just talking loud.
I don't really remember.
Either yours or Brock's.
I think we were making jokes about Donald Trump getting
fucked in the ass or something.
It annoyed the old people.
Somebody came up and was just like, hey, we've gotten multiple
complaints about you guys.
It got so bad that the cook came out.
It was like, listen, y'all are going to have to just go.
We're paying. Relax.
The cook was like, I just did four
bumps, but you guys got to get.
It's amazing to get kicked out of a place in
South Dakota. In an old west town that used to
be no lawless area like where wild bill hickok like is buried in calamity jade they're like
kicking us out it was a prostitution based economy that's how the city started and now
we're getting kicked out of a casino basement for being slightly too loud about trump stuff
so then we drank all day that day at like
Brock's family's bars.
It was the first time in my life I ever sat in a parking
lot waiting for a bar to open up at 11am.
Me, Joe,
and Brock and his girlfriend were sitting
in a parking lot and we were like, well it's
1049, we gotta wait a little, like
11 minutes. And we go in
and it's packed!
The bar's packed at 11am
we had a great day
and then we go to the country club where everything
happens right yeah so
the country club maybe we
talked about it at some point but it was the place
where we played poker in the basement
and I like they'd
have like a weird underground poker
game where the bartender would come give you
food and like you know you could order from the menu
and fully catered,
but you're gambling.
And so we'd do that
and it's this odd place in South Dakota
where people go
and it's a small community
where people will just go there
and spend 16 hours a day there.
It's the place to be
if you are living there for your whole life. just go there and spend 16 hours a day there. It's the place to be for, like,
if you are living there for your whole life.
You gotta be in it at the country club.
Okay.
A lot of...
The night I spent, the next morning,
I told Joe, I was like,
there's a lot of wife swapping going on at that country club.
You know what?
We're used to...
That was the vibe.
And I...
Devin's like a fucking genius
because I found out that's actually happening.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I had no clue that was happening.
Devin made a goof on that.
I was like...
I could tell immediately.
Those small communities, that's like all the deal.
Yeah.
It's just fuck each other's wives.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like your joke about the Facebook timeline.
Like, everyone in town's just going to fuck my wife.
Yeah, the wife who fucks the whole town.
There was some after party after where I was like,
how many, I was like, in Jack City,
I was being all horny.
I'm like, is there going to be a bunch of single chicks
at this thing?
And they're like, no, but they do wife swapping.
They're not even kidding.
And I was just like, yuck.
Like, no, I'm not going to that.
I would also love for you to go to the wife swap
with no wife.
Just like you went to the potluck
and you didn't bring anything.
You just keep saying she's in the bathroom
for seven hours.
I try to trade like a vape for a woman.
There's just one guy
who's like, oh wait, I didn't get a wife.
Joey's just fucking some poor woman.
So the best part
of that day that we go alone in a room.
Yeah.
He's like,
well, I gotta wait
for her to come out of that bathroom.
Jesus.
His wife's just getting power fun.
That would be funny
the guy left. Sorry.
Just the guy left out of the wife's of the wife's. Yeah, like really Mitch Mason. The guy left. Sorry. Oh, no, no. Yeah. Just the guy left out of the wife.
Yeah.
Like really?
Mitch Mason.
Boogie night.
She must be somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He just eventually gives up.
He's like, I'm going to go to the concession stand.
It's a nachos.
It's got to be somewhere.
Him and his wife try.
Maggie's like, you won't believe it.
I didn't get to fuck any wives.
You got eight guys. All right. Well, that that's cool talking to a guy in a corner he's like
yeah joey's fucking my wife he didn't bring a wife so i don't have anyone to fuck
you gotta pick up a whore just to bring her and then there's a big issue at the end like
joey gotta talk to you uh your your wife's a democrat
you know why why was just pounding your wife's pussy.
She mentioned she voted for Kamala Harris.
She said something about the K-Hive.
So anyway, I smothered her.
I did you a favor, brother.
I put her down.
Did you a favor, brother?
Buried her on the mat hole?
Yeah, the wife gangbang was good.
We had to take Joey's wife out back and just shoot her
i'm such an asshole i've realized nobody in south dakota even talks like that
but anybody other than from new york or la i just go like so i was there and everyone's like
hey there bro like i just have the same voice for everyone from new york to la i do the same
thing when i'm visiting my family.
And they're like, how was I?
I'm like, oh, yeah, my, you know, my granny came in.
She's like, hey, I'm dead.
She doesn't talk like a bird.
Yeah.
But it is like hillbillies, though.
And they don't talk like that.
But it's the same kind of person, though.
It's more like closer to Fargo.
A little bit closer to that.
But not even that.
But not even that.
But same personality.
Yeah.
But Devin was so funny.
We went to this country club, and we were on a bender, though.
So we get there after a long bender.
Already been up since 7 a.m.
We drank the night before.
Drank all day.
We get to this country club.
And Joey's like, it's the whole point of me being there basically
i mean because joey's just like well fuck i mean this is where everyone is like i hadn't even met
joey's mom at this point right i was there for two days and she just wasn't around and then we
went to deadwood so i hadn't even met her so we get to the country club we're all fucking so drunk
and there it's a big day like it's a big golf thing that day. It's like a tournament.
So all the men are going hole to hole.
So it's, I don't know,
it's just some big deal. But we get a cart.
We just take a golf cart because they're just
for the taking. I don't know.
There's just keys and all of them. Joey just grabs one.
We drive over. We finally
find them on this massive golf course
and I meet all these
guys that are like, you know, Joey's known his whole life golf course and I like meet all these like guys that are like you know
Joey's known his whole life and shit and I'm like
getting introduced
and there's a moving bar
like it's a golf cart
bar. That's probably standard.
Yeah the cart girl.
By the way this was
this was very funny by the way
is like for
months people are going in my group text, the cart girl is so fucking hot.
Yeah.
And there are extremely weird, horny messages about how hot she is.
Brock said that all day.
He's like, dude, the cart chick's really hot.
But we get there.
We get there and it was like Roseanne.
I heard she's got our teeth.
What happened was the real cart girl broke her arm.
She moved to L.A.
Pauly Shore's.
She's living in Pauly Shore's guest house.
They fought over her at the clubhouse.
Yeah.
Snapped her arm.
The real cart girl was just an average girl.
But Joey was so hammered by this time.
Joey also looks like Johnny Cash. He's got his
sunglasses on, and he's just like, people are
like, Joey, I haven't seen you in ages!
Joey's like, word!
Word! Give me a drink,
buddy!
Word!
He's like, not even,
he's like, the cart
girl literally made a joke to Joey, and
Joey's standing there, and then Joey's like, the car girl literally made a joke to Joey, and Joey's standing there.
And then Joey's like, yeah, I'll take a white claw.
And then she goes, Joey, you know who I am, right?
And Joey goes, of course, of course, of course I know who you are.
He had no clue who she was.
No clue.
By the way, there was like, audibly, people were saying, I could hear people, like she could hear them too.
People saying like
sorry about the car girl.
In front of her.
And you're like
I'll get a whiskey Coke.
Sorry about this fat broad.
It literally was like
I heard that a few times too.
No, she could hear
There was a big disappointment
for all the men that day.
Everyone woke up that morning
like so happy to go see
the cart girl.
And it was just not
what they expected.
They're going to be like,
hey, sorry.
Anyways,
you guys want to look
at porn on my phone?
Make it up to you.
We'll play porn on my phone,
buddy.
I'm sorry.
Sorry to kill the boner.
My bad.
And so also, all the guys were all obsessed with this young...
You know, like the small towns where there's one guy that's maybe good at one sport,
and he's kind of good, but they all like,
he's the next Tiger Woods.
This guy's going to take us to the top.
Everyone kept talking about some kid named Harry Harry, Harry Nielsen or like,
Harry Nielsen.
Harry,
I don't know.
They were like,
they go,
you see how Zane,
yeah,
they got Zane or something.
So the minute we get there,
Joey and I are keeping in mind,
we're just like,
it's a whirlwind.
We're like,
Hey,
nice to meet you.
And everyone goes,
do you see Zane on that par four?
We're like,
no,
he goes,
God damn.
People like hitting their knees and then
driving off in a golf cart following
Zane. We never even saw the kid.
We don't even know who he was. He was an imaginary figure
to us the whole day. People kept telling
Devin about Zane.
Every...
Somehow they wanted us to care about Zane.
Joey and I are literally sitting in a golf cart with our
sunglasses on. We're holding drinks and we're
just completely catatonic
and every 10 minutes a
new old guy would pull up next to us like
and you go like, do you guys see Zane
on that hole in one?
Hot damn!
Joey's dad was
super into it. Even on the way to the airport,
Joey's dad was like, Zane was killing
it today.
Everyone is obsessed with this one kid.
Yeah, the one kid who's going to make it out.
That craze, he's just the only golfer who wasn't hammered.
Basically.
He shot like an 87.
My friend Cooper came back from Lincoln.
He's a lawyer.
Lincoln lawyer.
The Lincoln lawyer, yeah.
He's the Lincoln lawyer.
So he came back
And you're exactly right
Like he's a
I think he's a good golfer
But he drank so much
That he was just like
Couldn't
You know
Like golf
Yeah yeah
It was a three day tournament
Where each
You know like
Each day
They rack up the scores
And like whatever
On day three
You go to the derby
Or whatever
Yeah
And Co coop just kept
he and i were just trying to like we're going to bars trying to get puss
staying up till 4 a.m with the you know yeah you're all in like your mid-30s at this point
yeah so it's really getting you hard 33 or maybe at least 33 maybe 32 but
Coop's 33, or maybe at least 33, maybe 32.
But yeah, just like he was up all night trying to bang fat chicks.
And then he'd wake up and go to the tournament,
and we'd be in the group text, and he would just go like, ooh.
He's like, yikes, boys.
You seen that cart girl? Oh, my God.
He goes, cart girl's not helping.
Cart girl.
And then he goes, like he missed a putt.
Like he literally missed a putt.
Like you chew.
Yeah, where it's very easy.
He just tapped it.
Like a forefooter.
Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.
Yeah.
No, like missed the ball on a puck.
Oh, God.
That's how drunk he was.
Holy shit.
And so just my friends being drunk.
But none of them made it to the Derby.
My dad made it with his friend.
They were okay.
But yeah, what a disaster.
It's funny.
The town is very for being like kind of puritanical, like family values,
like we keep to ourselves type place.
It's, it's promiscuous.
Everyone's like horned up.
I got a lap dance by like a 60 year old lady the first night in town.
Remember that Joey?
This woman just came over to me and was like, my friends think I can't dance.
You're going to get a lap dance from me.
And I'm like, what? Okay.
Where was this? It was just at a bar
in Rapid City, like right in front of a fucking Andrew
Jackson statue.
There's like a cop, like, you know, with his knee
on a Native American in the corner.
Yeah, my dad
and I picked down up from the airport, and then
it was like 11 p.m. or something. Yeah.
And so I was like, well, we can go
drink at my mom's and watch TV and smoke weed.
Or we can go, you know, there's like might be one bar open.
And it's called Patty's.
And so we went there.
It was open.
We went.
And then, yes, I'm like.
This older broad just came up to me and like sat me down.
She like pushed me into a chair.
And then she just did this horrific
geriatric dance.
You can hear her hips clicking.
She smelled like Bengay.
Oh, God. Hold my teeth,
honey. Her pacemaker's
going up. She goes like,
I used to be the cart girl.
I was
the Rose of the Town
child. Hometown full of cart girls.
I've taken cum from this whole town.
There was a Native American guy with a bloody bandage.
Yeah, there was.
Literally, the guy from Fargo, the Native American from Fargo.
Chief, yeah.
There was a Native American guy drinking in the bar.
He literally looked like Anton Chigurh. He looked like Lewin. The Native American from Fargo Chief. There was a Native American guy drinking in the bar with like,
he literally looked like Anton Chigurh.
Like he had a,
he looked like a Lewin,
Llewellyn Moss.
He had his own like bandage over his shoulders.
It was just like an open wound.
He had a visible bloody bandage.
It was like a classic.
And so then we go to like the hipper bar,
kind of like around the corner.
Yeah.
And they're blasting little Dickie like unironically.
And there's a guy at the bar rapping every lyric to little Dickie.
It was a trip.
It was a fucking trip.
That's fantastic.
Fucking great.
I would love it. I got to go back like every year.
There is something about small towns where everybody's like, listen, there's nothing
better coming.
Yeah.
We just got to.
Yeah.
Just suck and fuck each other. Yeah. And just gotta just suck and fuck each other.
Yeah.
And get blackout drunk.
By the way.
It's just fun.
It's kind of what everyone should be doing.
Yeah, no, it's like a more pure way to live.
Well, it's just.
Just carpe diem.
If we're all being honest with ourselves, it's like, you know, let's just fuck a bunch of, you know.
I don't want to say it, but skanks.
Joey.
Joey, how dare you?
Joey, you sick son of a bitch.
I'm a sick fucking pervert.
Call me crazy.
Hey, if that's a crime, take me to jail.
I was hoping that Devin lands
and goes and meets everybody in your town.
They all just talk like our caricature of Joey.
Yeah.
He's like meets your mom.
He's like, hey, how you doing, buddy?
How you doing?
Show his mom.
He's like, word.
He's like, word.
Really great to meet you.
Word.
Word.
Look at this joker.
I made casserole for you scumbags.
My parents are like normal, but everyone else is a maniac.
But so then we went to Deadwood.
Yeah.
What did you think
of Deadwood
Deadwood was great
a little corporate
it's a little like
it's like the Times Square
of South Dakota
you wanted to be
because you're like
a cowboy movie
yeah I wanted guys
just you know
I wanted guys on the street
like there's a snake
in my food
no it was really fun
but it's just
you know casinos
and we danced
with that Appalachian lady
Mickey Whitaker yeah we danced with one Appalachian lady. We danced
with one of the ladies from a soft white
underbelly episode. She put the wood
down so she could tap on it.
Devin's like, what's your name?
She's like, ah!
Yeah, she just made bird noises
at me. Deadwood
was fun as hell. We went to a bunch of
saloons. Oh, what was the thing when we
walked? Brock kept making fun of me because we were going to go to like this nice steakhouse.
It was like upstairs.
So we walk into this place and we go up the stairs and this like fat couple is rushing down the stairs.
And the guy goes, just turn around.
Turn around.
Get out.
Get.
And we're like, what?
And I, when I see, I'm from LA.
I'm like, oh, mass shooter.
I don't know what's going on. run i sprint out of the place and then we get out front and it turns out all
they were doing was like food is terrible there
you ran to the police station.
He did say it kind of like,
I thought there was an emergency. He said it in a way where I was like,
it can't be about the food or the service.
He made it seem like a fire was happening
or something bad was going on.
He was trying to do a bit.
No, he was completely sincere.
It was him and his wife,
and you could tell they go out to a nice place
once a year, and they hated their night
and so they were like,
you wait,
if we see you eat here,
we'll kill you.
Like,
they hated the place
so much
and then,
what we do the next day?
I don't know.
Next day.
We just woke up
and then Joey and I
went and found,
we looked for Joey's
debit card.
Joey lost his debit card.
Mr. Inbetween
is the greatest
fucking show ever.
Saving my life.
They've told me about it. I haven't watched it.
So fucking good, by the way.
Too busy watching Stranger Things.
Really? Yeah, they made them even stranger.
You thought it was strange, folks.
What even is the show now?
Aren't they all like fucking 30?
Yeah, they're all 30 years old.
I sort of watched that and it was like borderline pedophilic.
Yeah, a little bit.
Really? I'll check it out.
They're like way too young to be
but they're all like horny.
Yeah.
I don't like that fat one.
He's looking all weird now.
The one with the curly hair.
He used to be cute. Now he's weird. I don't know. I don't like that fat, the fat one. He's looking all weird now. The one with the curly hair.
The curly hair.
With the teeth.
He used to be cute.
Yeah, well the- Now he's weird.
The funny thing is,
I don't really watch the show,
but the four kids,
or the five kids from it,
they all look like grown,
jacked men now.
Yeah.
Like the black guy looks like,
like Scotty Pippen now.
Like he's playing a 14 year old.
He's legitimately like jacked.
Like he looks like a college basketball player.
They're supposed to be 14. They're supposed to be like 14, like 14 i think yeah they all look like they're 30 years old and then
that kid just morphed into like a bigger fatter child like he just looks yeah now he looks like
he has down syndrome he does he looks he looks like there's yeah like he gets fed through a tube
he's got a colostomy bag yeah Yeah, I'm sick of them being stars,
those Stranger Things kids.
They're always on red carpets. I'm like, he looks like
a fucking duck.
Yeah, and it's always funny. The news articles are like,
they're so normal.
They're literally like, I don't think anyone's
molested them yet.
It's so strange.
They haven't been chewed up and
spit out like we do every celebrity in America.
Call Dan Schneider.
Where's dinner entertainment when you need it?
So what else did we do, Jerry?
The Deadwood was really the portion
of the trip and then the country club.
You missed my friends, Haley and Dimitri,
the legends. You didn't meet them,
but they're good. I hung out with them a lot.
What did we do do I think after that
we just kind of went
there's a lot of flirting
with like
55 year old women
it's a lot of that
it's like a lot of that
it's a lot of
it's fun
I like that
I like it too
I'm like tone deaf
but Devin is so right
there's like
wife swapping
going on
totally
they would fuck you
it's not even wife swapping
no I realized it after
because I stayed there long enough
and there was like
a bunch of weird stuff
where it was just like...
They're fucking just...
Like, why is this...
Like, I...
Because I would go like,
oh, is your husband
like golfing in the thing?
Because I was like
hoping that she's single
so I could try to bang her.
Right.
And she's like, yes, he is.
But then she would be
like super flirty
and then he's like, oh.
And then the husband would come over and she would be doing it in front of him.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got like a big grin on his face looking at you.
Yeah.
It's creepy.
It's creepy, but good.
Yeah.
Fun and beautiful scenic.
See?
It's beautiful.
Joey and I had the worst meal of our lives at this one restaurant in Rapid City.
Firehouse.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was awful.
All the food is like,
they literally just like,
they microwave like a hungry man meal
and they charge you 20 bucks for it.
No, we went to downtown Rapid City
and I was like,
all right,
Murphy's,
this is the place we went to.
It's a decent place, actually.
But then I was like, all right, let's keep walking a little bit.
Try to, you know, reacquaint myself.
We also got harassed by a homeless guy,
a Native American homeless guy,
like 10 minutes into being in the city on the first day.
I was like, you can't escape these people.
It's unbelievable.
I came from L.A. and I'm already being harassed?
Devin was hoping to get there and escape from all the nonsense.
And then there was a native...
He doesn't know about Native Americans.
Yeah.
He kept going, like, what's their deal?
What's up with this weird...
What's up with this Italian guy?
Yeah.
Why does this Italian guy got braids?
Marlon Brando's pissing me off.
No, but that's a massive issue out there.
No, I don't know.
We just watched Mystery in Between.
We just watched a lot of TV.
I might just fly out there not even to see anything anymore.
He has a great, Joey's family has a great TV set up.
My favorite thing is just watching TV with my friends. You're going, Joey's family has a great TV set up. My favorite thing
is just watching TV
with my friends.
You're going to fly out
to do a kickback.
Yeah.
Just a little kickback
in the basement.
They have a mini golf,
little mini putting course.
There's even a gym.
A little gym.
In the house.
Joey and I had
our own like wing.
Yeah.
Tremendous.
Devin was being so funny.
He kept going,
he goes,
this is my dream house.
He's like, every room is designed for optimal TV watching.
Dude, every, literally, they don't
even, you walk into the house,
it's just a great big kitchen with an island
and then a giant living room with an
L-shaped couch and every couch has
mini fridge with booze in every room.
Stocked with booze, diet
cokes, anything you need. Waters.ze in every room. Mini fridge stocked with booze, Diet Cokes, anything you need.
Waters.
Waters.
Every room.
And there's three of those rooms the minute you walk into the house.
And then there's like a jungly one they made.
They made like a tropical one where it overlooks the hills and stuff.
And there's a fireplace.
And then they have another one in every room.
It has a goddamn fridge in it.
And it's just,
no wonder he's the most well-watched man on earth.
He grew up, you know,
it was like his dad was training him for the Yankees
of TV watching.
Yeah, he was the Marinovich of watching TV.
No, it was like,
imagine if your dad didn't, you know,
kick your ass at the end of Apocalypse Now.
He'd platoon.
He'd platoon. I always say Apocalypse Now say apocalypse yeah no we just like sit there and watch this
apprentice but now fun fun time right well that's what i do like you go like i'll go back and visit
my parents and we're just all we do is watch tv and then it's like because the it's like whether
you want to do something and they're like yeah we can go to like raisin canes it's like 35 minutes
away and then i'll be like yeah i'll go pick up some Raising Cane's, I guess.
And then my parents are like, hey, Jason's doing a Cane's run.
What do you guys want?
And they're texting me like, get a gallon of the sweet tea.
Make sure no coleslaw.
It's like a big event.
It's like, okay, we could drive an hour and a half into Dallas to go to like Billy Bob's or some dumb shit.
Drive all the way back home.
No, I remember when you were home for like a week,
you were sending out an SOS for
oil.
Weed.
Yeah, weed.
Cartridges. That was the word I was looking for.
Yeah, when I was back home
for a while, I was like, there's nothing to fucking do.
Yeah, for like five days, you were like, please, someone, Richie, you used to do this, I think, illegally.
Yeah, so please, one of my scumbag friends, send me weed.
Statue of limitations has to be up.
Just please send anything.
Yeah, I was going to say, going back to that golf thing, I remember when I was like a teenager,
I thought I was going to try and be like a pro or
something I was like not good enough but I played with all these old guys at big spring uh country
club and they would get so drunk one guy literally had a bloody mary cooler like he had an igloo
cooler he put in the back of it and he would just fill it with like like a whole thing of tomato
juice and a whole thing of vodka and he just drank and they all had like fucking like you know wc
fields faces yeah and there was one guy one time he got so drunk that we're on the 18th t and it's
like a raised t-box so the t-box is like maybe seven feet off the ground and he goes to swing
and this is like a 58 year old man he goes to swing and he just he falls off the t-box like
onto his shoulder and his neck. He's like fucked up.
We're like, are you all right?
He's like, I'm fine.
I'm just embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed.
And then we watch him just drive home.
And then he died in his sleep.
There's a million of that kind of thing happening constantly in places like this.
At one point, somebody goes, you guys remember Jim Abner?
And I was like, no, I don't, no.
It is, by the way, so funny watching Joey around all these people
because I just think Joey's just already been naturally just unique from day one.
So I just kept imagining Joey pre even leaving,
like as a kid just looking at people like,
what?
Yeah.
When you saw that,
like angst about being there.
Yeah.
Joey's 12.
He's still like word,
buddy.
Like I just,
Joey's just like already,
you know,
he's just thought much deeper than most people there.
Well,
now I'm like getting older.
I'm starting to go like,
I understand you people a little bit now.
Right.
Yeah.
But so, but yeah, they go, Jim, I haven't, you remember Jim Mavner?
And I go, no.
He was the governor.
He was the mayor or something.
Look him up.
Sure.
That's his real name.
And they said, they go, well, we suspect that he's a pedophile.
We suspect.
And then my mom goes, well, he's to takeophile. We suspect. And then my mom
goes, well, he's to take
your brother, Louie,
to Florida
like once a year.
To golf.
And then everyone
was like, well, he was molesting
my brother.
And so I texted my brother. I was like, did, he was molesting your brother. And so I texted my brother
and I was like, did he try anything on you?
And
he denied it up and down.
But just odd
things.
The governor was molesting your brother.
It doesn't happen.
In a big top hat and cigar.
Exactly. It just doesn't
happen anywhere else like that where
yeah i was i was literally my my mom was in town and we were literally just talking old
like childhood memories and we were talking about the the coach that molested five students or
whatever yeah and then me and ben were like yeah you remember that uh that uh uh kid's dad you
played basketball with and i was like oh, oh, yeah, he used to.
I remember we hit the showers after a game,
and then he would just go into the locker room and be like,
all right, Zach, we got to go.
And then he would just stare at the lockers.
And me and my brother looked at each other like, huh.
Oh, anyway, I think we're fine now.
Just like you were surrounded by pedophiles and weirdos at every turn. We had a PE coach that would...
This hopefully doesn't exist anywhere else, but there was a...
The shower had a glass wall that went to the office of the PE coach's office,
and he would sit there and eat bananas
while we showered.
What?
That's such a creepy fruit
to be eating, too.
Yeah, he would eat bananas
while we showered.
Like, real slow-like?
Yeah.
Would he, like, really work them?
Creepily, yeah.
Yeah, he'd work them.
He'd just lick a big lava ball.
He was working them, dude.
He was working them. Him. He was working him.
Him using nothing but his teeth to peel it.
But no, everywhere you go, it's like somebody, you're like, all right, we're going to this bar.
And they're like, oh, God.
This chick's got, like, oh, I used to, I had an abortion with her.
She's now married to my best friend.
I'm like, oh, God.
No. Yeah, my mom was like, so you remember that neighbor we had and i was like no and she's like you remember you know you had the tractor you'd
always scream at his kid in the yard i was like oh yeah yeah you like beat his kid up or whatever
and she's like yeah well anyway so he was a pedophile he got caught and he was gonna go to
jail he ran off died in montana in a big racing accident his wife
got the insurance check she's loaded so she's living on the hog
i'm starting to think that just like boredom turns you into a pedophile
like well we already fucked all the wives yeah it's like i mean that's look at that big sky
how many times can we swap yeah like we already swapped lives it's like, I mean, look at that big sky. How many times can we swap?
Yeah.
We already swapped.
What?
Yeah.
One guy's just like, what if we did a kid swap?
All the kids just putting those plastic Tonka keys in a bowl.
All right, who's got the Barbie car?
The Malibu Barbie car?
The Jeep Power Wheel. You got a Jeep Power Wheel? All right, who's got the Barbie car? The Malibu Barbie car? Oh, man.
The Jeep Power Wheel.
You got a Jeep Power Wheel?
Did you just drink a little?
Yeah.
Oh, it looks like it's my lucky night.
Next up, ooh, a Hummer Big Spender.
Gas guzzler.
Gas guzzler.
Gonna need a lot of double A's
to get you home
we're having sex
with the kids
no there's just
something about like
in the places where
there's not really
that much to do
honestly
yeah
it's a weird
it's a weird
small old place
I saw the uh
girl that
that uh
gave me
limberance
in Las Vegas
oh you did
I didn't
I never
oh and I never met her when I was out there.
I know.
She had a boyfriend.
Did that help?
Because it's over.
You killed him.
He just went ghostly white.
You shot him dead.
You started talking like Tony Sirico in that interview.
You know, I did it for her, but I had limerence.
I was real messed up over this girl.
I had the limerence.
It's a disease.
Real messed up.
I'm not ashamed.
I am ashamed.
Shot her boyfriend out back of a Hardee's.
You have limerence? He's like, do I have what? I am ashamed. Shot our boyfriend out back of a Hardee's. But we went to the...
Do you have limerence?
He's like, do I have what?
So we came to this...
I showed up at this party.
She was there.
I was like, oh, nice.
Hopefully I can bang her or something, you know?
And gave her a hug.
Went upstairs.
And then this guy's there.
And I go, oh, my God.
No one knows that i'm like devastated
i think you're just you're just kicking it like it makes no sense they're like joey you're okay
you're like i'm just thinking about the cart girl buddy
you see that fat pig
today you're all expecting a hot car girl he's a goddamn wreck of a woman you see that big wreck of a woman they're big ham hocks god we were all one of them where's the hot car girl
i'm more worried about her arm but but so uh
it's like oh i make a funny act yet i play cool I play a cool, great poker face.
Nobody, you know, I'm like,
meanwhile, I'm devastated.
Shattered.
Harper.
I couldn't.
Also meeting the guy, too.
Yeah.
And now he's like a fat hillbilly.
He's like a big, tall, fat hillbilly.
He's like a fucking.
Really?
I wanted him to be George Clooney.
I wanted him to come with like, so you feel better. C.B.J. or something. He's like a fucking... Really? I wanted him to be George Clooney. I wanted him to come with
ceviche or something and teach us
about culture.
Oh, I get it. He's a greater man
than I'll ever be. But instead, it's like Vincent D'Onofrio
in Men in Black.
He's like,
sugar water.
You're like, this is the
guy? Are you kidding me? I'm pretty sure
he's an alien.
And then it's an odd,
to no one else,
it's odd.
To me,
borderline psychedelic,
brutal experience.
So I'm sitting there just,
you know,
probably breathing like a fucking,
you know,
lunatic,
like Tony Soprano,
just like,
oh my God. And then, doing the Joey. you know, lunatic, like Tony Soprano, just like.
Oh, God.
And then.
Doing the Joey.
And then the guy goes in, and I missed him for a sec.
He goes in.
He's like, goes to the bathroom. I try to go to the bathroom right after.
And I go, oh, somebody's in the bathroom.
And they're like, yeah, somebody's in there.
Then I sit back down.
There's like five of us here at this point.
And then, so now we're just sitting there and there's one person missing we all know it's him and then so we know he's taking a dump because he just goes on forever and so this chick
is just looking back anxiously every five minutes while i sit there in like massive pain because
she's also anxious about this right right? She knows too, right?
She's aware that this is weird, right?
Probably. Yeah, a little bit.
So you guys are both
mutually playing it cool.
Which is weird because you guys are even sharing
a moment in that.
Mutually sitting in the awkwardness.
Yeah, exactly.
You're looking at her and you're like, look at this. Another reason
for us to be together.
All we do is connect. you're like you're looking at her you're like look at this another reason for us to be together I was trying to spin it into that
all we do is connect
yeah
I gotta get
how long his shit is
I gotta
you know how quick
I shit
remember my quick shits
yeah Joey goes
I don't take
I don't go to parties
and take shit
to the first five minutes
of arriving
I don't do
after he walks out
five minutes of arriving
he goes
takes a massive
that is deranged.
Joey walks to the bathroom. Watch how
quick this is.
Just speed runs as shit.
I should have announced.
He gets in a shit
competition. Baxter,
time me.
It's Joey in the
bathroom just blowing veins.
Yeah, he gets a hemorrhoid.
He has to crawl out of the bathroom. He can't walk. He's like, bathroom Just blowing veins Yeah he gets a hemorrhoid He has to crawl out of the bathroom He can't walk
He's like it didn't go as planned
They're like 18 minutes
Fuck
He's like I still want to be with you
Just crawling out of the bathroom
I come out crying
Just going see how fast I walk
Two streams in your face No one can shit blood this fast
No better
Joey, you okay?
So Joey, how'd that end?
Just not like I just like played
Nothing
That's what you have to do
I very easily should have just gone like
Oh, very great pick on this guy
Taking a massive dump right away You know should have just gone like, oh, very great pick on this guy.
Taking a massive dump right away.
You know?
You should have outfitted the situation.
No.
I was like,
because I love the host of the party,
it's Haley and Demetri,
who I mentioned,
greatest people.
Becoming some of my favorite people in the world.
So I didn't want to wreck their party.
Right.
But you really wanted to.
But you are.
I wanted to, man.
You really wanted to, yeah.
What would you have done?
You'd have taken your shirt off
and like flexed.
Right, you would have challenged
to get to a push-up contest.
Look at these traps!
Gadouche!
You'd like get your head in the wall,
your head butt like a painting. Right. Joey just walks out, I found these dumbbells in the wall You headbutt like a painting
Right
Joey just walks
I found these dumbbells in the other room
We should all
We should all see who can do the most dumbbell curls
Joey walks in a room
One thousand one
One thousand two
Oh hey there
Fat turd shit fuck
Oh I did a thousand I did a thousand
I did a thousand
pushups while you were
taking a dump
five minutes into a party.
Let's see your shot.
He throws it at him.
He throws it at his head
and it kills him.
It was actually a nice person.
He was nice.
He was a nice guy?
Yeah.
Alright.
Oh, Brock's dad.
This was the
he pulled the worst
bar trick ever on me.
I was like so drunk. He's like, oh, you He pulled the worst bar trick ever on me. I was, like, so drunk.
He's like, oh, you're going to see this bar trick.
And he, like, just takes a toothpick
and stabs me in the forehead with it.
What the fuck?
Deep into my forehead,
where I was, like, bleeding a little bit.
Jesus.
And I didn't remember it, really,
and it stuck in my forehead.
And then the next morning, I woke up,
and I was like, the fuck?
I was like, oh, yeah, that fucking guy,
like, he hit me, he stabbed me with... There with there wasn't any like preface to like he told
a story or something i was like you gotta see this bar trick check this out and then he just
did it he was i think he was a little i was he was a little i think he was a little threatened
i was like you know what i was telling stories actually uh his daughter i saw her at the country club a few days later,
and she goes,
he was pissed off
because Devin was being really funny.
I sensed it. I said that the next day.
I didn't know that. You've got a good radar.
I didn't realize. You were right.
That's nice to know.
That happens to me all the time when I go back.
He has all his money.
He's a big deal in the town.
And I could just tell he's like, you LA queer, like, you know, like that.
And so he then just did this like vicious bar trick on me.
And then I woke up the next day and I talked to Joey about it.
I'm like, that's not even a bar trick.
That's like pulling out a knife at me.
I'm like, check out this bar trick.
You just stab a guy.
He's like, look, it stayed.
I'm like, that's not a trick.
If you stab flesh
deep enough, a thing
stays. I woke up so hungover
and forgot about
it. I was blacked out. I was like fully
black. I couldn't even talk at that point.
I was so drunk.
So Devin's like,
who is that guy that fucking
stabbed me with a toothpick?
And I was like, oh,
that must have been this guy.
That's a bar trick that he does.
And Devin's like, how is that a trick, though?
He stabbed me.
It's like not really a trick. There's no trick.
There's no trick to it.
It's like, hey, spider, check out this bar trick.
But he does it to himself all the time.
He's just like, it's a really...
I could tell.
I heard him speak.
He's actually funny.
I liked him.
He's a good guy, and I like him, and he's funny,
but he does that to himself.
He's just kind of like a stuntman.
Like, he's like...
He's like Steve-O.
He's Steve-O.
He's Steve-O, sort of.
Yeah.
Yeah, I woke up the next day...
It annoyed the fuck out of me, though, when I thought about it.
I woke up the next day under the impression that an actual bar trick was pulled,
and then I had to rack my brain.
I was like, no, man, just stab me in the head.
By the way, Devin was just like...
Everyone that he talked to that I was just like, I love Devin.
That's nice to hear.
I was pandering a lot. Anytime I wasn't getting the laughs, I would just just like, I love Devin. That's nice to hear. I was pandering a lot.
Anytime I wasn't getting the laughs,
I would just be like, anyway, Trump 2020.
Stop the steal, whatever.
Hey, just listen.
So all them homos out in LA.
I did it. Every time I'm out
in LA, I just talk shit about LA.
I know how people think.
And I also think the same way.
I'm an LA townie.
Majority of people were around.
That night, Joey was so finished
by the time that I was even entertaining
all the people. Because it was an all day
two day thing.
After like three days.
It was like three straight days.
I'm talking to his family,
his family's friends,
all his old friends. Not not all but like a few
and i was raving about joey because i don't know i there was a sense it wasn't an actual sense but
i just feel like people don't quite understand how truly hilarious joey is like he's the funniest
person ever in my opinion and so i'm just i was just drunk and raving about your son is the funniest fucking guy
and me and Brock
was like backing me up
of course
but
and then I would
Joey wasn't doing me
any favors though
because I would like
do this big spiel for him
and then I'd be like
I mean look at him
and Joey would be in a chair
like Hannibal Lecter
just like
just at a nice country club,
just shaking in a chair.
Like the bartender tied his hands up.
I'm like,
look at your son.
He's a brilliant genius.
And Joey's just like,
I was actually,
I was doing a hero move actually.
I was like,
you know what?
I want to let Devin shine. I was doing a hero move actually I was like you know what I want to let Devin shine I was like
I've talked to these dumb asses enough
I could tell you were like
I've met them all I don't care
No I love all those people
But I was like no no no
This is a good time for Devin to talk to them
Like black fully out
And not
Shut my brain down and let these.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let these, you know, fruits.
It was crazy.
I didn't end up paying for it.
I feel like bad.
I don't know who paid for me.
A steak just showed up to me.
I kept yelling about like, I want a steak.
How do you get a steak in this town?
Because all the food I ate was horrible.
And then a steak just like arrived.
Well, that's.
And then.
By the way, that's an odd.
I don't know.
Chase, you go to country clubs.
Sure.
This is a weird thing in this place.
You can just order and be like,
put it on their number.
Put it on the number.
That's every country club, I think.
Put it on A35.
Nobody checks.
Nobody asks for my number.
So I just got away with murder?
I got probably 15 drinks and a whole steak. I didn't pay for my number. So I just got away with murder? I got like probably 15 drinks
and a whole steak. I didn't pay for
one thing. I have this
app that tracks my spending
and it kept going like, you've spent
like $8,000 less than
usual.
Yeah, your app's like, are you okay?
You didn't spend $9,000 on
bars. Your app is like, are you okay?
Yeah, and it's because you go
to this place and
you're the first person who gets his card
shut off for not spending money.
They're like, this guy wasn't at any
Barney's Beaneries this weekend.
He's dead. Shut it off.
They don't check. They just go like, one day I bought charcuterie and a bunch of, like, I spent so much, but I bought a bunch of stuff.
And at the end of the night, I was like, okay, so I got to pay for my stuff.
I had charcuterie and, you know, I described my order.
At the country club?
Yeah.
And they were like, somebody already did that.
And I was like, what? Who? And they're like, we don't know. It's closed. And they're like, somebody already did that. And I was like, what?
Who?
And they're like, we don't know.
It's closed.
And they're like, nobody cares.
That's crazy.
Can I ask, was it during the tournament?
Yeah.
So that might have been part of it.
Or no, it was before.
Well, when I was hanging out with all the people,
we had drinks with your mom,
and they ordered some bread and cheese
and then the tournament
ended and then we hung out with all the people
that were in the tournament and then that's when we were drinking
a ton and I got a steak.
They needed crack down on security.
We could fly out there and just eat for
free at this fucking country club.
No one's tracking anything.
It pays itself back.
Everyone go there and it just pays itself back.
Meanwhile, there's just one random guy in South Dakota,
like 20 grand in debt.
He's like, who bought all this charcuterie?
Who bought 19 rum and gum?
He's like, why am I losing my house?
That's how that homeless Indian became homeless
any guess
we put it on the Indian guys
he was an Arrowhead member
put it on Chiefs
there's an actual guy
there's one Native American guy
that comes there and he's actually called
Chief
really Jesus Christ you gotta do it there's one Native American guy that comes there, and he's actually called Chief. Everybody calls him Chief.
Really?
Jesus Christ.
You got to do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was a great pitcher in high school.
Oh.
Okay.
That's also, I love those small towns where they'll be like,
it'll be like this 85-year-old man, and you're like, if you ever saw that man pitch a baseball, my God.
And they're like, oh, he was a pro?
It's like, no, no, he never made it out of high school.
He once struck out five batters in
one game at the park yeah at the park at the rec league game yeah okay that's that's good to know
because i actually had in la i would have been like panicked about that like because i it was
so much money that i'm sure it was on somebody's tab so like i would have felt like those guys are so rich yeah i'm finding out more and more
where it's just like uh they have private jets and shit and like oh really oil tycoon yeah well
there you go especially living out there where everything's so like relatively cheap well and
they're all old so they bought it when it was actually cheap yeah now it's kind of more expensive
but they're like grandfathered into a good house or whatever.
Yeah.
Everybody I went to college with, they bought houses at like 24.
Exactly.
Like with their first salary.
Right.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I got to go back.
I know you hate mushrooms, but I got to do mushrooms out there because it's perfect mushroom
land.
Everything's gorgeous.
You saw Pactola Lake and you were like-
That was amazing.
Yeah.
You were like stunned by it
Dude, it's so pretty
It's a lake
with the black hills
It's all so nice
It's just stunning
There's really beautiful parts of this country
that you just don't hear anything about
That's what I'm telling people, you don't need to leave
We got it all here
Just moved to nebraska
it really yeah no it's america is just so fucking beautiful
yeah i got i got kind of weirdly patriotic on july 4th i felt weird for that but yeah i was
at the dodger game on the field and they're doing the fireworks i was like god damn mexicans oh yeah
there were like three cellos standing in
front of like they didn't need to move out of
my day.
Get these illegals out of here
on Independence Day.
Joey, real ball game
before we wrap up, tell the story real quick
about like right before you left and then I'll tell my
story at the airport on the plane
when you walk out with your dad, the country
club with your dad, the last thing somebody said to you as you were yeah so uh well you tell yours first okay so on
the way to south dakota because i i got uh it was a had a layover in salt lake city and then you take
like a plane that holds like 20 people to rapid city because like yeah whatever you get like a
private jet but it's it's almost like so small you're like afraid it's gonna crash you feel every bump and the guy next to me i'm in
the very back of the plane and the guy next to me this old man sweet old guy but he's on his uh he's
writing notes on his phone and they're like giant notes like the font is giant because he's older
and i look over because it's he's almost holding it like at me i don't
know he just does and i was just listening to music and i would turn i'm like i could just
see every word and the whole thing was like he he's like just got back from seattle uh deb and
john wanted me to speak at kyle's funeral and they go he goes uh kyle was a goes, Kyle was a
car expert,
was an incredible mechanic,
but
he
was high on fentanyl
and was murdered by the police.
He was
writing his own
journal on his notes. So he He was texting this? No, he's writing his own journal
on his notes app.
So he remembers
why he was in Seattle.
And he's like, they wanted me to speak.
It was a horrible time
and fentanyl's ruining the planet.
And I'm just like, oh my god,
where am I going right now?
Also, you can't remember that?
Yeah.
But so Devin goes like, that was like the most
Midwestern thing I've ever seen.
He's on fentanyl and murdered
by the police.
The kid probably moved from South Dakota to
live in Seattle.
Like Joey.
Things went off the rails.
Things got a little dicey.
It was a parallel universe
Joey.
But then so at the
at the country club
on the last day
I was going there
and
I'm
another
bender
it was a con
by the way
I drank like
every day
brutal
for my body
but so so we're last day i wake up and i'm like i have to go back to my last day i have
to say goodbye everybody would be very rude if i didn't go and then uh so i'm like drake my dad we
roll up to the country club and it's just me and my dad and uh there's a lady walking toward the car as we park it. He goes, oh, Nance.
Hey, Nance.
So we get out and Nance goes, hey,
if you see Bobby,
you shouldn't
be using real names. It doesn't matter.
She goes, if you see Bobby,
show him
a little extra love.
Because his brother just blew his brains out.
Listen, this is the type of thing you say as somebody's got their window down in their car.
They're rolling by you.
They tell you this.
I just got their brains blown out.
Blew his brains out.
It's like a nice sunny day on the golf course.
Just real quick. All right.
All right.
Okay.
Very good.
And he's being a sweetheart, of course.
And then we're like, into the club.
See, Bobby, make course. And then we're like, into the club. See Bobby, make sure,
show him a little love.
Just like,
show him a little love.
You walk up to him and go, Bobby, I heard
your brother blew his brains out.
That's devastating, buddy.
Anyway. I wouldn't,
but Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
That's what you say there, blew his brains out.
Blowed his brains out.
And that's a little taste of Rapid City, South Dakota for you.
I had a great time.
I can't wait to go back.
We should just make a thing of it.
Let's name this pod Rapid City.
Rapid City? Yeah. I was going to call it Cart Girl. Let's name this pod Rapid City. Rapid City? Yeah.
I was going to call it Cart Girl.
That's good, too. Or Remember When.
We did a lot of...
Now we're just talking.
We should have this conversation.
Sure, of course.
Anyway.
I missed the fuck out of you guys.
I missed you, too. I stayed there way too long.
I'm always worried any time you leave because you're just the type of guy
that is just like, I don't know.
I got a job at the
wiki mart.
I'm running the oil refinery, buddy.
I kept...
There was some odd draw
to it, I'll admit.
But then I kept
reminding myself, okay, but it becomes like negative
40 degrees in the winter and this is only fun well not only but mainly because i'm back and
people are like visiting like they're happy to see me and stuff if i lived here it wouldn't be
this all the time right but uh and you know you got a picture three months in also like yeah
exactly yeah and there's people like trying to hook me up with chicks and stuff because they're
like trying to keep me there right uh-huh sounds terrible it was quite nice like everyone's throwing
pussy at me i mean it was quite nice it was quite nice but uh yeah no it sucks sucks. It doesn't suck, but no, it's not that good.
It's not as good as it
felt if you lived there.
No, yeah. It's that tendency
you know, the fucking, the new
city will be great.
Greater than everything currently.
It's just the same bullshit
everywhere. It's good to be fucking back
then. It's great to have you back. And I'll miss
those guys too, but jeez. It's time for good to be fucking back then. It's great to have you back. And I'll miss those guys too, but geez.
It's time for the fucking place.
You know,
them to come out here occasionally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
we went,
one of their friends,
one of Joey's childhood friends
works at the liquor store in town.
Yeah.
Eli owns it.
Or he's just telling us stories.
He's like,
oh yeah,
that lady,
she,
you know,
they got a Dewey and you know,
so now they take a taxi here
Every day
And you know they're here four times a day
Like you know
It's fun but it's dark
There's a chick that I was banging
And he would text me and be like
Oh she just
This is so funny
This is so funny
She would come in and buy
Just nips Four times a buy just nips. Like four times a day.
Four times a day buying like two nips.
Two nips at a time.
And he would text me and go,
oh, she just bought fireball nips.
Expect a call.
And then like clockwork,
she would call and I would
screenshot it and be like, yeah.
She would do it.
Every time she would go to buy nips,
she would call. It was so weird.
She called Joey like 14 times one night
and then
she blocked Joey.
Like Joey was harassing her.
That piece of shit.
We'd be walking into a casino or something
and Joey would be like, listen, I'm with
people. Go away!
I wouldn't say that. But no, I was like, I'm with people. Go away. I wouldn't say that.
But I was like,
I'm with my family.
Stop.
And then she'd be like, you're blocked.
And then she would unblock me, spam me ten more times.
Fun trip.
Check out the Patreon, folks.
Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast.
Have an episode that'll be out on their day or two.
And in the Hattaker, electronic shaver for men.
Oh, yeah, and also check out the Hattaker.
Fuck Manscaped.
They won't return our calls.
They tricked us.
Joey was 100% right, by the way.
I thought they had to respond.
We literally sold more than they asked,
and they won't get back to us.
Mine broke.
Did they ever pay you?
Of course.
It broke, yeah.
Mine broke.
And it's a shitty product,
and they support pedophilia.
They fucking suck.
Manscaped is running a sex trafficking ring.
Child sex trafficking.
Unless they call us back.
Unless they email me back
and then I'm like, oh my god, they're a charity.
Return it. Return it
if you can. If you bought it, return it
because they suck my ass.
It is nicely
shaved because of them.
One last thing. I was back and i i was
like a there was a a guy that i wrestled with and i was like hey man we're trying like i'm in in la
we're trying to do this boxing thing because of the you know oh right yeah yeah i agreed to this
thing on the pod on this podcast that i do and you know you know we but it's hard We can't find a gym and stuff. And he fights like semi-pro
MMA stuff. And I was like,
could we?
Do you have a gym that we could do it at?
And he goes, yes.
Oh shit, really?
Hell yeah.
So he goes, yeah, I have a gym.
They'll let you film. Do whatever you want.
I'll find a fighter you can fight.
So if we want to do it there, we can.
Maybe we do a trip back and do it there.
That would be awesome.
That would be awesome.
That sounds like a fun reason to fucking go back.
Exactly.
All right.
Sounds good.
Big Dead would fucking fight back.
That's a huge announcement.
Huge announcement.
Well, let's not make it an official thing.
These psychopaths will come kill us if we don't do it. No one cares, but no one's furious about how we's not make it an official thing these psychopaths come kill us
no one cares
but
no one's like
furious about
how we're not doing it
no they're not
some people have been like
would you drop it already
just put up a podcast
I don't care
it is ridiculous
like no
I'm gonna have my friend
get beaten
in the head
for you
yeah cause we said so
like five years
we said it as a goof
they're like no we love. We don't want it.
We're like, no.
He's fighting Adesanya
next Saturday.
I don't want the fans to think we're dishonest.
We're willing to die for that.
Joey's fighting George St. Pierre next week.
It's going to be good stuff
though on Patreon. I'm going to be good stuff though on Patreon
that'll be great
a lot more
I'm going to post
some of the stuff
we talked about
in South Dakota
on the Patreon too
so check it out
patreon.com
thank you
bye