Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Sad To See What He's Become (ft. Ben Avery)
Episode Date: May 27, 2024Ben spirals throughout the episode as he eats an entire McDonald's family pack, weight gain corner, chaos ensues, fat guy shot by cops, auditor arrested https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know
But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end
The best is over
Many Americans I think feel that way
Is your mark you fucking pig?
Pig alright, so we're here with the two fattest men in America Ben Avery and John
Pig alright, so we're here with the two fattest men in America Ben Avery and John
Man Dingo fat fight we got a big we got a big corner
There was a poll that I saw on reddit where it's like should they bring corners back and then one option was no
They're gay and they suck sure the other one was yes bring them back
It was a steady even split corners are great dead even split Wow, so but we're bringing it back. It's kind of like it does feel gay to me now. I forgot about the corners
I think they're pretty gay both sort of Ben's waking. I enjoyed them. They were a classic part of the show
Mm-hmm. I got nothing for tonight. So it's really it's all gonna weigh no pun intended. It's all gonna
Make fun of another fat guy
I can't make fun of another fat guy. Yeah, you can.
I can like, fat guys make fun of fat guys.
I can warn you.
I can like warn you against fatness, you know?
No, the way to do it is you pretend that you're not fat.
I'm punching out of my weight class here.
John was, back in the day, John was so big.
I'm so fat.
John literally looked like he was Uncle Buck.
I look like that's, it'd, like a scene in Red Dragon.
I'll just take my shirt off and flex in front of you.
You're like, oh God, no.
Yeah, just like diarrhea and shit.
That's the worst thing.
Do you get a workout from riding
that stupid motorcycle around?
Is that a?
It's considered light exercise.
He does, cause he has to walk it everywhere he goes.
It's considered light exercise.
I'm winded. He's walking, but he now, he has the wheel of 600 he goes. It's considered light exercise. I'm winded.
He's walking, but he now,
he has the wheel of 600 pound motorcycle.
So yeah, it's like, my thighs are getting stronger.
It probably, you probably feel a little, you know,
this is as strong as your back has felt in years, right?
Because- Yeah, my back is so weak.
Huh?
It's been carrying my belly around all my life.
Maybe it'll make it strong.
I have little hips.
Why would your back be weak if it's carrying your belly
around all the time?
I think it's because it's worn out, dude. No, it's like when a chick with huge tits has back problems
Yeah, or it's cuz he gets railed by game
You know what's funny by the way is getting called like fat on a podcast a bunch of like I'm I'm I'm actually very hungry
You guys are calling me fat. I'm like why I'm really hungry canceled a door dash order right before we started
Well, who's gonna be there to take it
What'd you get Joey you can?
It's gonna be here in three minutes. Oh god. This is a bit. What did you order? No, I'm actually I'm really hungry
I feel like my hands are shaking. You got the new Ozempic McFlurry. I was looking at a
I feel like my hands are shaking. I'm so angry.
You got the new Ozempic McFlurry?
Oh, I was looking at a fast.
They grind them up in the machine.
What are you doing?
I've never seen this app.
I'd rather you look at my browser history
than my DoorDash history.
Okay, so here it is.
You know Ben has a special DoorDash
where he doesn't have to pay delivery fees,
which is the fattest move of all time.
It's called DashPass.
You have DashPass.
Like it's Disneyland.
Like you have the FastPass for food.
This line's too long. I wanna to bond with you about my Postmates premium But I can't do it because you're fat and I you have a postmates premium. Of course I have postmates premium
Joey you're fucking fat too. What are you talking about?
Why would you say that to your friend? Fat attack. Why would you say that to your own friend? Fat attack. Joey's fat.
You're gonna come on and be mean. That crazy. You're let me read this fat order
One classic Big Mac pack
The pack oh yeah McDonald's of course she's I went for the pack so a pack is a
Big Mac with nuggets I think and then do you know what it is?
Yeah, Oh fries nuggets
Big Mac no you ordered two Big Macs holy well Ben two fries what's going on
with you people I think it's two two two right if not I'm gonna be mad are you
trying to kill yourself I think it should be I think I got two fries two
Big Macs I got 15 nuggets I got one sprite one coke both larges
And then it's 32 bucks for McDonald's. So he's like
Money to get fat on McDonald's
I don't go out to the bars. So, you know, I get I get to have a little fun on the on the dash That is true. You should start drinking man. That's like three beers for you guys when you guys go out with tip
That's three beers in a and if I three beers is 300 man. That's like three beers for you guys when you guys go out with Tim. That's three beers in a fucking.
Three beers is 300 calories.
That's probably 4,200 calories.
I'm speaking fiscally here.
There's no saturated fad.
Oh, money wise.
Money wise.
No saturated fad.
Sure, that's a good point.
I do spend.
Look, it bends the fucking watch.
It's about to snap off.
That thing will be flat by the end of the show.
We have to wear like shop glasses to sit by.
Oh, the Dasher's here, hold on.
Oh my god.
Let me do some exercise.
Guess we started a little early.
That's all right, we'll do a long one.
At least we can, he's gonna mukbang.
Run up there fatty.
So he's gonna mukbang on the show.
Try and get some exercise.
The only exercise of his day.
We're gonna have the Kumio yogurt argument on fucking.
We should just like implement sound effects in the show
Is this a good one?
Any time you put it into a soundboard over there? I could if I cared we don't we're not gonna figure out that
Yeah, not I don't do a fart one would kick ass. Oh, what it sure should we should we write boobs on a calculator?
I do, yeah. You dumb fuck.
We do an episode that's like,
ah, wha wha wha.
Damn.
Where'd you find this, son?
Look at you, already going really hard on the Johnny Walker.
No, I'm being very temperant right now, actually.
John's big thing was like, hey man,
I'm actually gonna clean up my act,
I'm not gonna do the beers today.
I'm like, oh cool, and then he's chugging scotch.
Yesterday John goes, yeah, I think I have the fucking flu,
but I'll be there for the movie.
In the Uber here, he was like, dude, Devon is,
I got like a little sinus thing,
it's like a little fucking sinus thing.
Devon's all gay, thinks I got the flu.
You told him, you asshole.
Literally said, I think I have the flu,
you fucking selfish asshole.
I'm making you guys stronger.
You're a piece of shit.
I'm making you, you know when you get chicken pox
they bring all the kids around
and you give them chicken pox?
Ben you're supposed to close the door.
Yeah but chicken pox never comes back.
You born in a barn?
Look at that fucking bag.
This is the same thing Nick Roquefort said about you.
You left his door open to his whole place
and he goes whoa that is heavy.
Hot mustard cup?
Oh I guess cause the drinks but that is heavy.
I think Ben ordered the sweet and sour sauce cause he's a big fucking Rick and Morty like like
Yeah, it's like a meme order
It's the epic sauce
Wow
Well
Okay
13 so what do you so what do you do Ben you you you down your McDonald's you watch the Wheel of Fortune and then you go to sleep and you're lazy boy
Is that what you do?
Are you really good you're gonna eat you're gonna eat of this shit, it's actually great
But that buns on it's a mukbang so you can at least heroes
All right. Let's look at this try eat into the mic. So you okay?
Take a big bite of the Big Mac I feel like we should do the corner immediately
Yeah, let's actually do that okay song did you see I don't have a song
I was saying like weapon of choice about fucking I know the fucking perfect song
fucking
So I got I think I did good on my sauces I'm pretty good at picking sauces usually
I've heard it was a fucking I got a sweet sour hot mustard
This is very this is an honor of Morgan Spurlock who just died today the supersize me guy
That's why it was on my mind. His two favorite things were bottles of booze
and McDonald's apparently.
Yeah, that thing was all bullshit.
Apparently he was getting fat because of booze.
He was drinking like a bottle a day apparently.
And then he died of cancer.
And you know the best thing about when somebody dies
is nowadays is that immediately people go, he was vaxxed.
And then they start posting the office gifts
under your death going like couldn't have been me this they go they go me
watching all the people that got vaccinated behind and it's Jim Halpert
like smiling like and he's been battling cancer for like before the virus
imagine that's your legacy that sucks also Ben. Here's the McDonald's guy died and he was
Two orders of fries and two ten-piece chicken McNuggets, I really don't want 20 nuggets though
I do want the two Big Macs, but I really only want like eight to ten nuggets
They came to the right you ain't fucking with me. I'm gonna I'm gonna try to up
You know, I'm just gonna listen. We all know you're preparing for your role in apocalypse now, too, but
Colonel Kurtz you're gonna have to settle down
Look at that. I was like, I'm like shaking. Yeah
You know, there was a guy there's a video
There's a video out right now
Of a guy that was in prison
for 19 years and he has his first Big Mac in 19 years
and he's sitting in his car and he looks just like you.
He's having like a religious moment.
It looks like me.
It looks like you.
He's like an Aryan brother of death.
No, he doesn't look like you.
He's black, of course, but he.
He.
It's been 19 minutes since his last Big Mac. Ha ha ha ha ha at breakfast to lunch as a prison sentence.
I was gonna do my time and get back on the straight and narrow.
Do you have questions, Joey?
Oh yeah, I got a bunch.
Okay, well.
You know what happens?
Rock and roll Ben Avery!
Rock and roll Ben Avery!
Rock and roll Ben Avery!
Rock and roll Ben Avery! Rock and roll Ben Avery! Rock and roll Ben Avery! Rock and roll Ben Avery! Rock and roll Ben Avery!
Rock and roll Ben Avery!
He likes to drink gravy!
He likes to drink gravy!
He's so fucking fat and gay!
He just franchised a Chick-fil-A!
He shuts it down all fuckin' day And eats all the food
Rocket Robin Avery, Rocket Robin Avery
He likes to drink gravy
Someone in his life's gonna leave him whose name is Kade
This is the best song I've ever heard!
Yeah, franchise chick plays crazy.
Woo!
Come on, that was amazing!
That was an amazing bar.
That was fucking good!
That was one of the bars, son!
Welcome to Ben's Wicked Game Corner!
You know what? I'm already back into the corners.
I forgot about that voice.
Oh, that's exciting. That's exciting.
Voice is back.
I got a lot of questions.
A lot of them were about John being fat.
Oh, no, no, no.
We're moving on from that.
And I, I, it was so many.
You're not fat anymore, buddy.
I love you.
No, I'm fat as shit.
No, no, no.
Ben's fat.
Not you.
He's tall.
He's gonna lose weight.
You can't say that while you're doing that.
God.
But so a lot of gay, gay fat stuff from John that I had to delete.
But I got a bunch of good ones about Ben being bad.
Here we go.
First question.
Hi, Joey.
Very serious question from Ben's weight gain corner.
Ben, do you believe yourself to be living a self-fulfilling Nietzschean prophecy, where through staring into the abyss of fat retarded people,
you are becoming them, from Luke Kozunic.
Yeah.
Oh my God, yes!
He's lost so much will and God.
Look at him on the screen.
The McDonald's is perfectly aligned into the camera.
This is, it's awesome.
I feel so good right now. You look, it's awesome. I feel so good right now.
You look, McDonald's is amazing.
You look happy.
I'm so happy.
You call me fat all you want, I don't care.
It's nice that you're confident in it.
The thing is, the armor of being fat is just eating.
Cause when you eat, you just don't care
that people are calling you fat.
You're like, I feel so good.
It's the M&M sort of like rebuttal.
Like I'm gonna say all this shit before you can call me fast
I'm gonna yeah, I am fat. I am a fucking bum
Can't afford my mortgage and I'm done
Question that I want everyone to know is a fact Ben bought a home and he can't afford his mortgage
1.5 million million I't afford his mortgage. 1.5 million. 1.5 million. 1.5 million. I thought I could afford a mortgage of $14,000 a month.
This is all true.
With property taxes upwards of 60,000 a year.
This is all true.
I thought I could afford that
even though I don't make that much money.
Yeah, it's all true.
It's a bank at a kickoff.
And the bank loaned it to me.
Yeah.
And now me and my wife and my baby
are gonna be out in the street.
You're rolling in it. Your accountant is also your dietician. I see I think that's what's going on
The only one who bites off a little more than he can chew
Here's a question for me real quick, but who's your biggest I will be homeless in a month that's actually true
That's this so it's I'm upside down on my mortgage on my home in Los Angeles that I
Own Ben is I'm not you guys really caught me with my pants Ben will be living down the hall in a second
He's gonna go sleep here like later tonight. I'm not kidding Ben is like moving into my place
No, he's not what's good kind of is is are you gonna let him use the bathroom?
Yeah, the bathroom over there.
I have to undo this like wooden plank that the lady that left recently that she put up, but once that's over
I demanded Devin opens the double door so I could fit
Very good, very good, yep.
By the way, who would you say your biggest inspiration is for like being fat?
Yeah.
Well, Dawn or like Joey's world tour or like who?
Look, you look up to this is for me. I just thought of it. You know that Ben doesn't call ubers
He calls moving companies to like
I love we've gotten back to like your mama joke
Yo mama you fucking McDonald's ass motherfucker
I fucked up coming into this whole world being really really skinny
And then cuz now I've gained 40 pounds, so I'm really only I weighed myself. I'm technically 15 pounds overweight
I weighed myself
You're doing you should have started fat. I got a lot of guys, but I went from 180 to 2
I'm probably close to like 220, but I drop back down around 210. Here's the thing.
When 80 was your fittest?
Yeah, okay.
Here's the thing, you only wanna make your liver fat.
That's it, everything else you want to tighten up.
Well, what's weird, I keep feeling pressure right here.
It's gallbladder stones.
That's how you got to fat thing.
You gotta stop drinking coke and shit.
Is it right here?
Yeah.
Yeah, stop drinking soda.
What is that sodium?
Yeah, cause this has the most sodium.
There's so much, that's an insane amount of sodium.
I had that.
This makes me feel better.
A fucking salt goat would shoot itself in the head
if it had that amount.
Hey, hey, hey.
It blows its head off.
Can I spit?
A fucking Himalayan salt goat would kill itself if it had that amount of sodium in its system.
You have stones in your body.
Will that kill me though?
You have stones.
It'll, it can go necrotic, yeah.
I mean like, no, no, no.
It can go necrotic.
No, it'll like, burst, won't it?
Like, it's like, you gotta get them removed.
By the way, it kills people for sure.
The gallbladders are like the size of the end of my pinky, but it's full of, yours is full of stones.
By the way, a lot of guys, a lot formerly like tall skinny guys so many questions and they have questions
Let's listen to these questions. I compiled them into one next question. Have you gained any power in your drive?
Since becoming fat. I've gained power since I've started shadow boxing seriously, but have you gained is your drive better now that you're fat?
No, it's hard I have to stretch before I swing because it's really hard to get my
hips out of the way because I have like mom hips John daily or whatever I
thought that maybe the best here's what a lot of people don't know about PGA
tour professional John Daly come to tie a major champion John Daly. Two time major champion John Daly. Best friend of Donald Trump.
A lot of people don't know that John Daly
is insanely athletic.
He can kick a 50 yard field goal.
Oh weird, right now?
What's the assume arrest?
I don't know if he's still,
he can't walk 18 holes anymore.
Okay.
He couldn't.
He sued the PGA Tour to let them,
cause he wanted to use a golf cart
cause he can't walk
Greatest fucking thing I've ever it's your suit. That's like discrimination. It's like
Smokes like two packs a day and I think he drinks 24 diet cokes. He said a day
And he has cancer
He's fighting for the the one that it's caused by diet coke the prostate
Ladder bladder cancer. Yeah, I could remission or is it like act like bad. I mean is a guy like that ever and
Give me healthy I knew that guy got bit by a brown recluse spider John Daly did on his way back from Britain and he had it arrested
Somebody kneel on this spider's neck for
Somebody kneel on this spider's neck for Johnny.
Okay, okay next one. Is Ben trying to time his weight gain
as his daughter grows up so that he can be
the exact fatness as the whale when she is a teenager
in order to reenact his beloved movie, The Whale,
starring Brendan Fraser from Alex Weiss.
They say like art in movies,
like you look at it different once you have a daughter the only
The way I look at art different is like when I watch the whale I kind of see myself as Charlie and him like looking at
That's the way you're the greatest thing I've ever done and he's like crying and like
Like I do vicariously kind of live through that movie in a different way now because I've seen it maybe 15 times now
I don't know why but and we're like the kings of watching movies over and over but that is the craziest thing
The great thing about the movies
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of you get whatever you want out of the movie. So some days I watch it
It's like it's as funny as like happy Gilmore. Mm-hmm. And then other days I watch it
It's as sad as like Requiem for a Dream Wow or the rest for something. You're gonna be stealing her baby food
Great segue to the next question has been gotten hungry enough that in a bind he used his wife's breast milk for cereal
Lisa V
wife's breast milk for cereal Lisa V. Have you ever like ran out of milk and you had to use your wife's breast milk because you're so hungry for cereal? So you know why I haven't tried it?
Apparently it tastes like snot. You gotta try it. That's not true you've had it. It's okay. It's okay.
Well he's it doesn't taste like snot. Also yeah yeah, that's had a baby. So what you're a fatter pig does it for sex?
Yeah, you did it with like a there's a woman act dating a lactating woman. Yeah, that's a hormone problem
John for a while every chick that he would meet he would go like every every chick that was pregnant or black kidding
I'm sorry that he met he would try to get her milk. milk. Yeah. It was crazy, it was a crazy period.
I'm not really stank.
But it was fucking ragged.
Sometimes John, I hear things about John.
It was fucking perverted and sick.
John would save it to make ice cream later.
Here's a girl who'd come to the bar
and try to juice it into a fucking shot glass for me,
for old times sake.
What a place, dude.
A train station with a lady squeezing her tits
into a shot glass.
John basically. I'm like, stop, not in front of the camera. What a place dude a train station with a lady squeezing your tits into a shot John John
Not in front of the camera John's the official bartender of back page clients
Okay, next question top three most underrated foods for punch gains from Marchi punch gains
Pawn show your belly. I do I think I got the big one You gotta do a lot of butter and bread butter and bread butter chicken and naan stuff like that. Okay
Why are you doing this Benjamin? Don't you care about your child?
He's going to have an absent father due to obesity and death. Don't you know gluttony is one of the deadly sins?
I'm really I'm really turning it around because when I when I do work out
Days I work out. I don't Benji if I don't work out then I'm really turning it around now because when I when I do work out Days I work out I don't binge eat if I don't work out then I'm fun
Yeah, this is this is Ben whenever he gives me an explanation of that he worked out that day
He goes like this. He goes I did the salt bike and he and Ben goes like this he goes
I did this and it just it's something about it reminds me so much of my old
85 year old Jewish grandmother
Her workout Exercise of my old 85 year old Jewish grandmother telling me about her workout routine.
Do you ever sweat when you exercise?
When I'm shadow boxing now,
because I shadow box between reps.
Yeah.
Okay, here's a question that I'm gonna read,
and you guys have to guess who it is.
It says, I love watching Ben get bigger and bigger each week.
It's Matty Rap.
It's actually-
Yes, it is.
It is.
Of course it is.
He goes, it's actually very erotic.
Has he ripped any of his clothing accidentally?
Does he feel consistently gassy?
So the one thing I've really liked.
So Matty Rat actually told me
he fucked his first obese man recently.
Because of me getting fat?
I don't know if it was because of you,
but this is a new thing for him.
He's now fucking really, really fat guys.
So I think I've made Matdie right develop a fat fetish
I think he seems to be like oh he likes bellies and he's always been into John. Yeah. Oh really he wants to fuck you
What does he he calls John John's?
Like cock fat he calls it his pouch. Yeah, which I've always loved Maddie
How much would Maddie pay does he rich is he a wealthy a wealthy man? Would he eat? No, unfortunately no.
I don't think so.
No, no, no, he's not.
He could fund this whole thing and fuck John.
We just have to sacrifice John.
I think he wants to get fucked by me.
I don't think he wants to fuck me.
Hey, give us.
He'd be down for whatever.
Maddi Rat, raise 1.5 million for us to shoot
like a pilot of sketches.
Just shoot an hour of sketches.
I don't think he's got access.
And we'll give you John's ass.
For you?
John's ass.
That wasn't me. That was me.
That had to be Ben.
Wow.
I think it's the gallstones.
I know, it's crazy, right?
You have gallstones.
It is a common thing if you eat a lot of soda.
You need to stop drinking soda, Ben.
You need to stop drinking soda.
So I just stopped drinking soda and they went away,
but I had to get like an ultrasound at one point.
But Ben, if you keep having this happen,
you will eventually have a day where they,
that's a lot of sodium too.
Is that the second Big Ben? It's a lot of sodium too. Is that the second big bet?
It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah
Ben is Ben is creating a the Grand Canyon in his in his gallbladder. Yeah, there's there's mountains forming
Yeah, it hurts next question. Hang on here. You gotta figure it out after this. This is sick. This is sick
You ordered this ten minutes before the podcast started. This is sick. I wouldn't. This is fucked up. You ordered this 10 minutes before the podcast started
This is sick. I wouldn't have been able to get through this. I almost fainted on the live stream
I did you're a sick man with sick thoughts and people like you should die
It does feel like it should be fucked up in a jail cell with wines. Leave the rest of your life
It does feel a little bit like an Ethan Hawke kind of like you're punishing yourself. You're hurting. Yeah, this is
Insane
Well, I got a bunch of questions like this I swear to God I had ten different questions calling you Ben chafery because you're now
If you spent a day at six legs would be a fucking nice for you
All day with your kid get the powder up not chafing so we can
You walking around all day with your kid get the powder up not chafing so we can I don't chase since I switched to the corduroy, but I do have rashes on the back of my knees of course
Of course you do back your knees. Yeah, they went away when I started taking cold showers two weeks ago again
I don't take a shower. There's always there's always like a secret little like like tricked everything with the Avery's
Everything's go. Oh, no, I if you take cold showers the chafing goes away. Shut the fuck up
Fucking fat mongoloid. Okay, here's a...
Saying that to your best friend.
I love my friends.
But I love comedy more.
By the way, let's take into account, two Big Macs,
you just imagine it would make you sick.
It would make all of us-
This is very similar to my fattest order of McDonald's.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on!
It would make you sick to your stomach if you had a plate
and you put six pieces of fucking McDonald's buns on it.
I would have to be starving.
You literally couldn't eat those McDonald's buns.
You'd have to be starving.
You would look at six McDonald's buns plain,
you'd go, ugh.
But if you smother it in fucking saturated fat sauce
and little flimsy, fake patties that have been sitting
in like fucking weird Water and wax oil great
Yeah, but like can you imagine when you when you actually think about a Big Mac that is three slices of bread
Ben just ate six slices of bread and fries and nuggets and fries and not you ate half a loaf of bread
No, but the middle bun is the bottom one which is less bread than the top. That's not true.
Did you measure it out of panic one night?
It absolutely is.
You measured the middle bun?
Did you look it up?
Picture of a Big Mac right now.
We don't need to.
And then measure it.
Everyone on earth knows what a Big Mac looks like.
Google it. Google it, faggot.
No, I run the show.
I run the show now.
You're the producer.
I run the show now.
OK?
He's the captain now.
I'm the captain now.
You fucking God, look at you. Here's a big question
We got a lot. Hello Ben. I this is just one of them. We got a bunch of these hello Ben
I'm a tall slender frame man such as your former self as of now. I have been unable to become a fat grotesque
What's the best way to get as fat as possible from Jodie?
and I don't get this question because
Like the only person dumber than not figuring out how to lose weight is the
Guy who can't figure out how to hate that shit. It's so easy. Just fucking eat more
There's people out there that don't know how to gain weight. I run into those it's so annoying that is that is a really obnoxious thing
Eat more
Pastries, eat more if you're not getting fatter
Exercise less and even more you know You're going to get fatter.
When your girlfriend orders Pad Thai, eat all the rest of it.
Because they take two bites and then they go, oh my tummy.
And then you eat all the Pad Thai.
Just eat noodles, eat carbs.
I don't get it.
Unless you've got a can of milk.
Don't eat milk.
By the way, at what point do I stop taking shots on this podcast?
What point do I get to fucking defend myself? It's the corner. can't I mean you can't cuz you're fucking you have too much time
You're so fat you see you're on your ten-piece McNuggets. Is that that? Did you finish the first ten piece?
They're like, oh, it's our best customer give them a couple extra you're gonna get a fucking sponsor red phone at McDonald's HQ. So
He goes I got this one guys
By the way, I want to shout out the lemon party listeners real quick if I may we sold so many autobloat
Every sponsor has dropped us we make no money from ads. They don't even pay as much money We sold them so much. They were they were so appreciative. It's all how many we sold by late
Do you know these people the hundreds of?
Just got an email that we sold so many Oh who's the genius that thought of like, oh, this is a good show
That's actually such bullshit though, cuz those things are eight hundred
That's actually such bullshit though, because those things are $800.
What?
They're $800.
I think people took out loans to buy.
People apply for credit cards.
Financing an auto blow.
It was like the scene in Catch Me If You Can
when Christopher Walken's trying to get a loan at the bank
to keep his life afloat.
Money-bending.
But it's for an auto blow.
It's for an auto blow.
He's the thing.
I mean, an auto blow. It's for an auto blow. He's the thing, you know? I mean, an auto blow.
So I turned Natalie Wood into Driftwood.
Oh.
OK.
What does that smell like?
Our ad lady emailed me, by the way.
Our ad lady emailed me and said that we got upgraded.
They're going to do even more ads,
and they want to do the vacuum glide is going to be the next one.
So stick to it.
What's the vacuum glide? It's the next one so stick to the back is
like a Cadillac of blowjob machines wow it's like we got promoted or like you
guys can sell the escalates you have to sell the cameras anymore okay what does
Ben smell like is he beginning to smell worse since his weekend can I smell you my daughter's actually really good actually he smells good
thanks buddy you smell really good I fortunately you smell good that's sorry
Ben never smells no no just the one thing he does he showered every day on
the tour okay favorite kiss constantly he's always brushing his teeth I have a phobia about
smelling bad especially my Brad yeah you brush your teeth all the time you think
it like counteracts all this.
It's cute.
It's said he's like, I'll just, I ate, now I brushed,
now I canceled it out.
No, best is have a guy that like eats like this
and then he drinks a glass of water and does four pushups.
And he's like, I'm good.
Okay, to my question, favorite gas station snack
and what would your last meal be?
Oh, that's great.
My last meal would be this one
so I could escape this room with you guys.
Oh God, you don't gotta be very mean.
You don't gotta be mean, you fucking big-time.
What's with you tonight?
Stop.
You've been a dick since we got here.
He's a big-timing scumbag.
Yeah, you're being an asshole to us.
I guess I.
Talking about the autoblobs.
He thinks he's better than the hate watch.
That's fucking, yeah, you're a big diva.
It's sad, it's sad to see what Ben's becoming.
He's like, you guys are in a basement. He's like, I'm gonna fucking, you're a big diva. You're maybe your friend to see what Ben's becoming Yeah, he's like you guys are in a basement. He's like I'm gonna fucking you guys are pieces of shit
So okay, actually this is what is your last milk?
I think my hormone levels are crazy cuz I'm like a pregnant woman. Oh, yeah, I can't be blamed for anything
John's gonna suck your tits at the end of the show
Sweet sweet milk and by the way, I love hate watch how dare you what is your wanted to be on this show?
What would your last I really actually I'm curious what is your last meal like what yeah
I'm not even kidding or doing a fat. Yeah, what would your last meal be? I want to hear yours after this too
But Ben's had a lot of meals man Ben's had a lot of fun
Years after this too, but
Man Ben's had a lot of fun
You're gonna fucking laugh I will get I would fly to Austria, okay, and I visit the grave of Hitler and then
The best meal I ever had was McDonald's in Vienna
So it's a it's like they have a special McDonald over there you can eat McDonald's, you don't feel bad. And it's so much better.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What is the difference, do you know?
They have like 10 different ice creams.
I mean, is the Big Mac different?
Everything's different.
So they just have better beef and stuff?
No, just better quality stuff.
Better quality and they just really.
They're not allowed to use the same oils that we do.
I wanna go back to Europe just to eat McDonald's. You know back in the day like in the 90s like the fries were like
Fried and like beef tallow. Yeah, there's the smell. That's how I got it was amazing
You might just be expensive. You might just be flying back to like 1992 rural America
Yeah getting McDonald's the way it was here and then you understand it. Yeah. Yeah, if you go to Europe
You just like you get McDonald's you go to Blockbuster. It's the fucking
Favorite guy go watch a Mark Maguire game. Yeah, you go play video games a Circuit City. Yeah, we're gonna get an NPM
Yeah favorite gas station stack. Oh everything there. Are you kidding me the whole fucking trip?
I'm actually with this guy. What was it dude every gas station? We went to you got some sort of what he good
What's his biggest thing? What do we go to like a Tim Hortons? What do they have out in the East Coast?
Ben would walk up to me
Fucking stuffing his Ben would walk up with like just carnival food, right?
I go like I don't even I don't see a ferris wheel
Carnival food somehow.
Have a candy apple.
Yeah, yeah.
It's insane.
You got a big turkey leg.
I'm a big stuffed animal.
Okay, then what's your last meal?
My last, I mean, obviously my last meal
would be like a combination of different cultures.
Sure, go ahead.
What is that?
Is somebody's phone close to the mic or something?
No, we're getting tapped.
Mine is on.
I hear like a thing.
So, everybody be quiet for a sec.
Yeah, there's interference, dude.
Is there interference?
It's gone now.
It's fine now.
I think it's you.
I think it's reacting to the food.
It doesn't want you to die.
Burger King was trying to figure out what they got wrong.
The Roadcaster Pro is very annoyed
with your eating habits.
Joey, my last meal would be first off,
I have to have a great eggplant parm.
I love eggplant parm.
What is that?
Sorry, it's a blue cable.
No, it's not.
It's something with Ben and his fat shit, fucking fat ass.
I wonder if it's-
It's something to do with Ben's fat bullshit. I wonder if it's... That shit's fucking fat!
It has something to do with Ben's fat bullshit. We've never experienced this before.
It's the worst case. Fat interference.
Connor sits there every fucking week and the mic knows he's in shape.
And it doesn't do this shit.
Do you think my, I'm so fat my hand heats up the mic and it starts buzzing?
Cause you have so much lead in your body at this point that it's like interfering with the tech
Yeah, I could get like a fucking like I fucking x-rays and shit. Yeah, and there's no like radiation
They don't know fat. It just protects me. I have no clue what's happening with you my last meal Joseph le fleur
I mean obvious I would do three please I would have three cultures dishes on it. I would go Italian
Incredible time eggplant parm like a bolognese peppered bell
You're a fucking you know what I fucking resent you I add another fucking another log to the fire. What's funny about this is a lot of people are gonna think you're dead serious
Just makes it funnier to me. No, it's it's hilarious. They're retarded. They think we hate each other now. Our fans are in comas.
They're Tony Soprano like seeing Kevin Finnerty.
They're absolute morons.
God bless them.
God bless them all, but anyway.
So I'd go with Italian.
And then I'd go combo box, like shitty Chinese.
Ooh, that's, I so far, this might be mine too.
It's pretty amazing, right? And then might be mine too. It's pretty amazing right and then
And then third
Every sushi roll on the planet sushi just
Tons of sashimi and sushi and all that shit. Those are my three favorite dishes final question. That's very good
Let's just skip to the final question
John John can we get yours?
Like a fat shit get your last meal
I'm gonna be honest. I would just be like a whole roasted chicken and like 20
God you suck ass dude a whole roast. That's it. Yeah, what's the bar?
Yeah, and then like 20 cigarettes
You wouldn't even be in Dead Man Walking the fucking main character would be like this guy sucks
Interview him. I don't know man
Roasted chicken makes me like shit myself to me like castor oil You know what here's the thing with that guy's to piss them the fuck off
Guys, here's the thing with fat guys. Just to piss them the fuck off. Guys, here's the thing with fat people, like John,
is that they pretend they don't even give a fuck about food.
Even on their, yeah, John's like,
I don't even fucking care, dude, I'm just.
What do you mean?
It actually might be the fattest thing
because it's instinct, it's like an animal.
It's like a pig, it's like a whole roasted chicken.
Joey, John always acts like he doesn't care about food.
I? He doesn't care about, you don't care about places. I have an roasted chicken. Joey, John always acts like he doesn't care about food. I?
What are you talking about?
You don't care about like places.
I have an obvious thing.
I always say like, we gotta go to this place,
and John's like, yeah, whatever, dude.
I don't fucking care.
Yeah.
I did that last night,
because Devin's so fucking picky with the fucking delivery
order, I don't give a shit.
Yeah.
I eat anything.
Because I'm fat.
Because it's one of the great pleasures of my life
is a nice meal.
Let's stay focused.
Dang. So anyways. I think my last meal, The great pleasures of my life is a nice meal. Let's say focus
My last meal I think it'd be a bunch of chocolate cake and a pack of cigarettes, okay and
Cut like couple Mexican Cokes. I haven't craving cigs actually lately. Here's the final question. It's a crazy coffee
Don't look last question final question a fucking crazy
How long do you plan on eating four bags of candy, buffalo wings, along with drinking an icy and a Coke,
when you go to the movies, not even trying to be mean,
but not even 500 pound people or psychotic little children
do this, from Katie Avery.
No, actually, I swear to God.
Holy fucker. I swear. Woo! You did that. I, actually. I swear. I swear.
Woo.
You did that.
God bless Katie.
No, I asked her.
I asked her to submit one.
God bless Katie.
I asked her.
You know, about six months ago,
she was way fatter than me.
Oh, actually, okay.
There is a video submission I forgot.
So Ben got so fat that it's become a political issue
and Fox News has been talking about it
Yeah, it's become like political like Devon. Could you Google this really fast?
What is this go to YouTube and just go Emily Wilson Fox News just so they like they can see
You guys got Emily to submit something. No, no, she did it. She's like she listens
You want the video? No, no, just go to Emily Wilson Fox News so people can know who she is
Okay, and then just watch anything and just like show like 10 seconds of her like doing a take
You guys want some of these nuggets?
No, thank you Emily Wilson as a former California Democrat and the host of Emily saves America Emily
I already said just like you see her going on the Jesse water is coming
So is it crime?
Is it quality of life?
What is actually dragging lifelong Democrats
away from the party and looking at other options?
It's everything. All right, we got it.
No, no, wait.
Let her go for like 10 more seconds.
It's everything. It's quality of life.
It's crime.
It's the homeless, it's the homeless growing
and getting more and more violent.
Okay, yeah, yeah, that's a new. So she's going off. I'm going to get homeless people. Hom's the homeless growing and getting more and more violent. Okay
So now it's like so the her new issue that she's tackling apparently she's thinking about Ben be a fat She's grifting with Ben being fat now. Yeah
Look at her go. So this is you know, not many things make me
sicker to my stomach than all the perverted liberals putting our kids and things like sex ed
So they can learn about doing God knows what at the drag shows they attend the only thing that really makes me sicker
How fat
Just turning me on
Is this a J.O.I or a god damn crazy?
Wait wait go back
The cost of food.
Sean interrupted the whole fucking reveal.
Ben Avery has gotten.
This is what I'm talking about.
Even with inflation and the cost of food being this high,
you continue to stuff your face.
That is weird.
With butter chicken.
Kind of crazy, Ben.
Like an animal.
I know you love the whale, but you're really.
Ben, you know, even a broken clock is right twice a day
She did all this work Emily I met her once and she was a she was a sweet person
I don't agree with anything she does or her career
She's but I like her politically. We don't agree and like, you know, none of us are political
So just any kind of even if you're a Democrat being political, it's just like we were not into it
But this is a nice submission. Let's let's finish it and we'll move on. I like and I watch some body cam
Joey's a political by the way, I was really political Zionist
I was like I wish Joey a Republican now
What's just embarrassing to like I'm gonna have you voted is the guy who blacks out and makes chili every night
You gotta get that mic up to your face you fat fuck
No, I wasn't I wasn't pretending people cared about it I was just trying to separate myself much like you. Yeah from these political
It's unfortunate. Shame on you for trying to spin it like that.
I like I liked Emily genuinely when I met her. She's a nice person. But I couldn't not tell her I I think she's a
Horrible scumbag for the country and for the culture of America, and I think what she does is a kind of evil
That's kind of gay
Is it?
Is it?
No, she's bad.
Well, now because you're pretending like she's affecting things.
She is.
No, let's be honest here.
Devin just hates women.
Yeah, that's exactly what's going on here.
Honestly, yes.
He hates women.
Yeah.
You think if this was a guy, I'd be like, hell yeah, dude.
No, you just wouldn't care.
Yeah, I do.
You'd be like, do your thing.
Do you think that?
No.
I actually think that.
Like Dr. Carlson.
That's kind of a wook, dude.
No, listen.
Hey, get yours.
Yeah, secure the bag.
Exactly.
Let's finish this and then move on.
Secure the bag.
I just, you know, she knows what she's doing.
Yes, she's actually like in on it.
As you can see by this goof.
Morton Downey Jr. kicked ass. ass who Morton Downey jr.
You know Morton Downey jr. Like an old pundit or something
Is that Robert Downey jr. Who are you talking about?
He's like he invented the chicken nugget you idiot
He's like he invented the chicken nugget you idiot. I'm so fucking retarded.
God damn you.
You fucking, what is with you?
I love being fat dude.
You love being fat?
Yeah.
I can't believe how much you just ate.
I'm still going faggot.
I love when Ben calls you faggot.
He did. Put don't know why.
Put those in in post.
Someone added that, me killing him, blood shooting out the back.
Oh, someone didn't like that.
You'll drink it up because you think it's ketchup.
Okay, let's finish this and skip the body cam.
...become it as a father.
Typical liberal, you'll probably abandon your child anyways.
Look at you when Trump is in office compared to now.
Look at you when Trump is in office compared to now.
You're like the person I see when I'm at Denny's and I look over and they're alone.
They have a big plate of pancakes, butter, syrup, everything on top of it.
Sad to see what you become, honestly.
Jesus. Does that- Oh, she works. New angles. New angle. Syrup everything on top of it sad to see what you become on it
Angle I don't go to Denny's my fucking poor see she
She she mauled you hard you fat fuck she owned you she owned you
Part of part of me kind of gets turned on by like a hot lady. It's a jail. I'm
Got it watching of course
And seriously you literally need to come and ten nine
Totally get why guys pay massive amounts of money for that now. I totally get it that made you get it That was the first time I've ever understood it. That's the first time I've ever got it. Yeah, I've that's an alien thing to me
I totally get it now. She's gonna love that. I think she's horny for you
Well, it just just my meter started doing this a little bit
Oh, it wasn't like, you know, sure line. Sure. But I'm like, oh, there's something there.
You're going to check out.
It's kind of like when you see a video of someone fucking an animal and you go,
well, there's it's doing this a little.
No, it's doing this like a little bit.
No, no.
Someone's fucking an animal.
You see a woman getting fucked by an animal.
No, you said someone fucking an animal.
You didn't say a woman who's naked with a woman.
You know, it's so crazy. been turned on by thought about that an animal that's crazy. You guys are really immature and you need to grow up
That's gonna now act like he was joking you are fuck that's illegal first of all is like never it's not legal not in
These are legal. It's not a little bit fuck my horse
You guys are so fucking gay too. You're like, actually it's illegal to have sex with your firm animal.
I knew he was going to try to act like he was joking.
He's like, yeah, who cares if it's illegal?
It makes my dick hard.
He's like, you fucking chattel fucking men.
You can't marry your cousin.
He's fat and he's into bestiality.
He's gay and he's into bestiality.
Sad.
Sad to see what Ben Avery's becoming by the second.
Come on, if you see a hot lady getting fucked by a horse,
you just look at it, it's a little bit, you go,
but then you go, it's not.
This is the weirdest take that I've ever heard.
No one's ever felt that way.
And then you're looking at me like,
you're like, John, come on.
John, come on.
I, I, no.
You just, you said you could see your jugs and her big ass
I'm gonna be honest you I've maybe seen like chicken like a lady getting fucked by a horse or something
Like it's not something I seek out or I'd want but I just don't like a hot lady getting fucked
Yeah accidentally on for can there's like a gift for like 20 seconds. I've maybe seen that and I still words
It's like
I still was like, Oh, get out of here. You know, I think it's no, you have a meter.
You know, European women and shit.
It's like what? No, that's really weird.
This is gross.
It's not even funny to check.
If you're fucked up, it's crazy.
It's like 40 percent of the world like fox animals.
They fuck like goats, like chickens.
It's like those that about palaces are poor.
I can't believe how much men just ate I can't kill the two big Macs to
Still sub nuggets. No, is that gone all the fries to large fries? What a fat fucking piece of shit
Okay
Now I'm gonna continue why I could eat a little bit more but the rest of the nuggets two nuggets after that
It's just funny for me to keep eating
Yeah, you should kill it dude. You got a finish. You got a finish. The only way out is through bro. No, it's okay
You have no responsibilities like
You're like you can get away with this, you know
You didn't. I feel like people buy horse still those by the way.
You have to talk to the mic.
I've seen those.
Talk to the mic.
He has no respect for Haywatch.
This is why he's like pretending.
He's such a hot shot.
He's such a piece of shit.
He ordered food.
He's Hollywood Ben.
I knew this was coming, man.
All big time in Ben.
I'm giving you guys golden leads here.
All right, what leads?
What leads?
Into the toilet?
Just talk to John about how he sleeps in a sneaker.
Ooh. There he is. In my little office. office by the way Ben hit me up earlier this week he goes he goes
I know Connor's out of town like you want me to do hey watch I'm like sure
little did I know it was all a fucking ruse to sabotage the show
hey man if you wanted to be mean you could have just like texted us and wait
what's this all about yeah it's so. I'm the man when you prepare videos of hot ladies call me
For me did this is I've never seen someone be gaslighted she was
She did a great thank you, she's wonderful. Yeah, I think you're ready for that cuz I wrote it I wrote it for
Did you write it? I?
Know Joey right Joey doesn't have ghost right? I wrote it for Did you write it or did you use AI? No I wrote it
Joey doesn't have ghost writer
What the fuck
We AI'd the entire fucking Dragon Drink thing
Dragon drink we did
But also no I changed it a little bit
I wrote it in AI
And then I was like
I go let me
By the way you guys know this is the first time you've ever actually
Even said to my face that the dragon drink ads were fake
I just had to deduce it on my own and then we stopped doing what you've never told you you never told me
I just figured out I told you immediately dude. It's on fucking camera. You told me after our big fight
No, I told you immediately so you know we did tell you I went upstairs
It's all you're trying in a bathtub after the fight. I told you immediately. So you knew we did tell you I went upstairs. It's all you're crying in a bathtub
After the fight. I told you it's fake. Yeah, not after the fight, dude. Yes
I told you the definition of after the fight. Oh, yeah. Well, I god damn you know the fight continued for like a while
Well, I definitely know what it was. No way
I had never been in an actual fight
That was just like a fucking silly ridiculous thing And I was like overly drunk, but like was it well an actual fight
It's like when you I think people think of like oh they are they're screaming at each other
Yeah, but then like five seconds they were hugging. I know it wasn't five seconds. It was like a good couple hours
Well an hour, why are you being such a stickler?
Because it was annoying as shit
Joey texted me at 4am that night and he goes I love you
I woke up and I was like 4am that was at 6pm. okay, bud. I was worried about you. What kind of tub you crying about?
Well you guys were faking an ad okay, so I was going and being really weird about like the other stuff well
Then and that you know you know you were being weird. No. I wasn't being weird at all
We can discuss that we can't even do it on the pod. No we can
So well let me just say the one playing drag and drink. We can't even do it on the pod. We can. So well, let me just say, come on, explain
drag and drink. That's the cutest fucking baby. By the way,
I have a very cute baby. How did you know? Oh, she has like
your door to Ben. Your baby's very cute. But listen, you
don't want to turn into this guy. It's enough already. I
wasn't showing him. No, show me like a picture. I think it's
good. I think it's not. I get it. I think it's good. I get
it. The baby's very cute, but I'm on my podcast right now, and I'm not
And I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about your baby
I'm over it. He was he's over it baby in this hour
No, that's
Wow Do with the podcast look I was trying to show them there maybe as a phone maybe as a phone See it oh wow for hey, what's up fat ass?
Will bleep her name? Oh fuck
I've a lot to believe here tonight
Here it says Katie texted me you're getting McDonald's again stop
All caps stop
Is well if I order McDonald's one night I usually didn't order McDonald's the next night and I'll do like a three Wow
That's really like disciplined view
But then I stop.
Thank you buddy.
But should we, so let's, the dragon drink thing for the newer listeners, John and I invented a fake ad.
And we said like, hey this is just for me and John.
It was Cosmod's official sponsor.
Let's say this, it was because you guys thought I wasn't sending you the ad money you weren't
Yes, I was it was involved in every payment
For the record that was Joey's never told you no no cuz we discussed it on the fight
We said like okay listen all right give us whatever
I just thought it was a funny just let us in on it at least but so so we
Invented this thing Devon started introducing weird shitty ads
And we're like this is supposed to be
Podcast we're not we're not lemon party. We're not a bunch of fucking
We don't have a baby. We don't have to worry about
We don't know we don't yeah by selling underwear
Happens to shows that's a good thing
It's a positive thing
Well lemon party should have ads because it's a bigger show and also Ben has a family and everything like that
God forbid we ever become a bigger. Yeah, let's make 25
We're not gonna grow the show by making 25 bucks on a fucking underwear positive thing
anyways, so me and John invented like a drag and drink ad which is like
Drag is really lost and just moved on dragon drink
Yeah, but exactly didn't lose. Yeah, you lost you lost the argument moved on. It's very funny. It's just very funny
Anyway, that guy won the argument or whatever
Dragon drink is a Dagestani energy drink
that they make almost kind of like mocktails
because they can't drink over there
because they're all fucking Muslims.
It's like one of the sponsors of Cosmon.
You know what I mean?
So, Conjot TNF, he sponsors this dragon drink.
They have a drink called Meca-Cola.
Meca-Cola kicks ass.
And they have a Mojito drink.
And so, John and I started reading broken English.
So, Joey's actually right in a sense that I thought this was real. I thought you guys were getting
Shit you guys are making way more than even the show is an ad so I'm gonna alright, so fuck you
No, I'll go we'll have an ad war fuck you. We'll have an ad war.
We'll have an ad war.
Your ads sucked and our ads kicked.
Mine were corporate ads.
His ads were actual ads.
You can't, we're writing funny ads.
Why do you shut up, you fucking,
fucking ungrateful fat fuck.
I'm totally grateful for this podcast, dude.
No, you're not.
I love this podcast.
This kind of exonerates me now because I feel like I was getting attacked and I feel better that John's getting a quarter
So I'm gonna attack to course
An abusive guy he's really he thinks I don't care about this podcast. I've been to every fucking episode
Being alive in front of a camera is like quality content
Sadly John John John is this like you can't comprehend that for me
It is as long as I'm there. It's fucking kick-ass dude, and I fucking rule and it is I kick ass on the man
I mean, you know you could judge life is so crazy that it is right now. Yeah jokes here or there
I make jokes constantly, buddy.
Here or there, a joke would be nice.
I'm a fucking comedian now, technically.
Yeah, people call John a comedian.
And he is.
John's the funniest guy.
The minute we turn the mics off, he's hilarious.
Because we're like out in the world,
and I'm saying horrible racist stuff on the radio.
You don't say horrible racist stuff around people.
No you don't, you just say like funny stuff.
I got in trouble at the club.
For saying a racist thing?
I said no, I said my cum tastes like battery acid
out loud at the fucking bar.
I thought it was locker room talk.
It is, I know right?
Right at the fucking bar.
And then your club got upset at you?
They made a complaint, a formal complaint about me.
Well you got to relax.
Who brought it up to you?
Some fucking bitch.
You have to relax man.
But yeah, no, I'm here, you know.
I love you. I'm always going to support you, dude.
I'm always here. It's not enough, apparently.
And suck me.
I'll be honest.
Like I, John and Joey, I think like I consider like one Devon, one of my best friends.
It's kind of I'm kind of realizing I have a better time just hanging out with you two guys without Devon there.
It's kind of better without him in a way.
So yeah, it's just kind of a shit. What do you do? Just hang out with you two guys without Devon there
This is hard to hear we're fine, dude
Have a great time with you guys Devon comes around I feel insecure I feel threatened
He's abused I feel scared almost sure definitely separates in a tax doesn't make you comfortable. We make you can kill our love
For money doesn't get Joey and I
It's cuz everybody I fucking though is just other than John and Joey, but everyone else I know is just such a fraud
Just absolute frauds. Everybody in this room, everybody here except John. No, it's like it's like it depresses me.
It makes me sick.
Like these these these other these other people besides John and Joey are just like always
just fucking just just making up stuff.
We're talking about constantly whining about nonsense, constantly telling me about
nonsense in their life.
Oh, I don't know how to.
I had had seven thousand calories last night.
I feel like shit.
I don't know how we're going to record.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, my kid, my kid, my kidneys hurt.
My kidneys hurt. I have gallbladder stones. Oh, please come to my wake
Wait, I thought you were doing impression of Ida who are you doing?
Well, you're much like a woman you know, it's funny by the way I actually always feel better than Devon because I don't drink. Devon has like a French fry and he goes, I feel like shit now.
That is a hypochondria.
That has nothing to do with drinking, pal.
You're so healthy that you could absorb all this and it doesn't affect.
I'm Superman. That's a good spin.
My show. I'm super size man.
It's good. You know how much my fucking
I have to get physical.
I have to get physical therapy to like stretch out my shoulders because they hurt from carrying your show
Yeah, yeah, yeah soak it in get all that fucking lead in you bitch no nicotine
Can't even wake you up fucking waste hours of our time on lemon party
I got all my energy right here, but it's those nuggets you fat bitch. I
Keep thinking the California sign on the McDonald's cup is a lemon
You would think that cuz you're so drunk you're seeing double
saying that to your friend. You would think that because you're so drunk,
you're seeing double.
That doesn't even make sense.
Why would that be a symptom of seeing double?
Oh, that does make sense, he's right.
Because you're drunk.
No, that's not what he's saying.
He's saying you're seeing the California.
It's yellow, it looks like a lemon,
but it's the California.
It's clearly not the shape of a lemon.
It's the shape of the state of California.
When you hold it in your fat way,
it looks like a lemon in your drink. You're saying when my fat obscures the yeah, which would be the healthiest thing about that drink would be a lemon
Thank God there's some fruit in that but of course there's not it's just the McDonald's sign
I don't think we can even prove that like bad food is bad for you
I give you look I literally can't believe you're still chilling. I can't believe it. This is this is the Cooley.
It's unbelievable how fucked up.
It's happening. Hey, Devin, instead of your.
You're insane.
Devin, Ben, you want a grape?
It's a classic ONA.
Oh, you guys fucking playing games in your phone over there.
Huh? You just texted me.
The count won't even look at me
But uh, yeah, it's actually sad it's I hate you see what I've become
Really sad what you heard I start ganging up on myself sad what you're doing to your son sad
We have body cam. Of course we do. We
watch body cam. Hey by the way did you see that fat guy fire the two pistols? I did.
John Hulme style dual wielding that was the sickest thing. Let's watch that real quick.
Someone sent it to me on the live stream today and I was crying laughing. It's a 10 second
clip. A 350 pound guy comes out dual wielding glocks and he starts firing at the police
It's my favorite police camp footage is he's I think 500
He goes he goes like this the cops go surrender now like I have three kids I want to go home and the guy goes he has big gym shorts and a big Kirkland
shirt news goes fuck it
in a big Kirkland, but you just go fuck it.
Will we get banned for that? Remember, we got the fucking.
Oh, no.
What do I do?
I don't want to fucking mag dumps into these cops.
It's amazing.
I love how it's dual wielding pistols.
We are moved for Indian guys hitting a dude with a stick.
No, there's no shots.
There's no like you can't see anybody.
I like this on the live stream, Devin.
I don't get flagged.
So.
Just on YouTube. There's no like you can't see the live from Devon. I don't get flagged so Just
That no no shit, but it looks exactly
Fat guy dual will
Not cops is it gonna make YouTube I think
Demolition man now you gotta go you gotta Google this shit, bubba
then dear elena show
Shame on you Ben
Well, it sounds amazing. It's actually very good. It's like one of my favorite things I've ever seen
hell wait
This guy's yeah, fuck. Yeah, dude. It's right. It's such a fucking piece of shit though
Skip to like three minutes in
Like right keep going
Yeah, this this angle right here, okay, so right for you screen. Yeah. Yeah, just so good. We're winding rewind it rewind it
You gotta get his audio before he goes out it's so good.
Wait rewind it.
Yeah right there.
Here we go.
It's not even a motel 6.
I gotta wait for three kids man.
It's the last thing I wanna do.
Wow look at him.
He's called a plumbageable troop.
He goes fucking and he starts dual wielding. Watch him drop the mag.
So sick.
This guy is awesome.
Did you shoot him?
He's getting more magazines.
He got shot in the hand.
Look at how casually he's like reloading.
He got shot in the hand.
Whoa.
He got shot in the hand that he surrendered.
That guy's gonna be treated like royalty in prison.
That guy's gonna be treated like royalty in prison. That guy's gonna be treated like fucking royalty.
Are you injured?
Yeah.
Where are you hit?
I haven't seen this part,
but I hope he looks up at the cop and goes,
people are amazing.
I'm on fire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I believe I've been struck as well.
You're perfect.
You're beautiful.
They just shot the shit out of a fat guy.
Are you good?
He just got winged.
That was excessive.
Ben, do you get nervous seeing footage like this?
Yeah, cause he's not...
So this was a domestic abuse call.
This guy was...
He was gonna kill his girlfriend who was pregnant.
Yeah, he beat up his sandwich girlfriend who was pregnant a beat up a sandwich
Start punching is
Stick a butter called the cops
Keep keep drinking your soda. He was gonna are you mixing sprite and coke? Yes, that's so weird suicide
The the guy he was gonna kill his girlfriend who was pregnant
So it was a domestic abuse call and then he came out firing now the the man in the video who was shot
Who's very fat,
he went to the hospital for his wounds and he survived.
And I was like, yeah, of course he did.
It makes sense, cause I was like,
if you have that much body mass,
you wouldn't really want to be in a firefight,
but it's actually perfect.
You can take more hits and not go down.
Have you seen Bulletproof with Adam Sandler and Damon Waynes
No, so there's how you know I have it's called ball proof
But so David wins get shot in the head in the opening scene. They put a play
And anyways, there's a huge fat guy in the movie weighs 600 pounds
He takes like six shots and just doesn't even react. I know one of the best things. I think maybe if it was like
Well, here's the deal. Your your hitbox is bigger now, you know, I mean these counter-strike turns
That's what I mean your hitbox is bigger
So like the odds of them hitting something vital but a bullet will definitely pass through fat like fucking of course
No, it's just a funny, you know, and it's also just like I love it in movies when a giant guy can take bullets
It's so dumb and it's not real but it's the coolest fucking
No, I think it is real because a lot of that isn't necessary
Otherwise we'd all be that big so when they get that fat you could shoot him in a part of their body that has
No effect on their life
You remember in Wild Wild West when Will Smith he has the or high noon when he has the big trench coat and there's all
The bullet holes in it. Yeah. yeah yeah that's what is that your fat you get done at the end
and it just it looks like like a block of like cheese like you just turn around
the light can pass through it and there's little keyhole in a door there's
a big shit he goes back he looks down he's covered in bees but he shot ten
times it goes damn there must be a miracle here
I would love to take a fat guy's belly and stab a knife into like a desk and like get him stuck there
You could do that. Yeah, yeah, because of his fats on the table you could
Pin someone's hand to a
Because they're not gonna die
Yeah, but they also can't go anywhere. So if you ever think about how one-dimensional you are with fat people come on
Music bed this is Insane at this point you ever think about like you know, maybe you should get a new grip
You know, it's here's what's funny.
So I wanted to come here to hang out with you guys
because I love you guys.
And like I don't get out of the house a lot, you know,
cause I got a newborn and everything.
Cause you can't fit out the door.
So you were airlifted here.
Yeah.
And I wanted to hang out with you guys
and have a good time.
And I come here, I'm completely attacked.
Really?
I've been, I didn't know there's videos prepared
to humiliate me seemingly. those were that was a quarter
That was a that wasn't from us. That was not us
I kind of feel like I'm on the Truman show right now where all this is pre-written and
group text and all this
I feel I posted a story bad. I posted a story on Instagram, and I just said hey you can ask Ben any questions
You want he's gonna be on the show? I?
Thought it'd be nice questions
What's your creative process?
Yeah, I can't control what they said so
That's a lot like the Truman show with you are you getting sadistic on them?
Show with you are you getting sadistic on them?
Sorry to see double which is one Ben
Very good. That's very good. It actually would have been yes weren't fucking you guys suck my ass
Is this a patreon death we're gonna make the pay I don't know what the patreon is gonna be like Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. They're gonna be like, John rules. He's a comedy legend like Lucy Kay.
It's amazing.
People have had like, they're full lobotomies.
They, no offense, John, I love you,
but they talk about you like you're Kevin Hart.
Yeah, it's like, you guys did like comedy for 10 years
and I just like was homeless in Atlanta.
And I'm just the funniest guy on earth.
I have to agree with the people on that.
His life is just hilarious right now.
It's fun.
It's not fun.
I love John.
I love John, but they're like,
they say insane things about your comedic abilities.
Yeah, his kick is awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He kicks, he stopped himself.
Fucking kicks ass.
He stops himself, he goes,
I know, it's awesome.
He somehow didn't say kicks ass, he said it's awesome. He knew, he He goes, kick, no, it's awesome. He somehow didn't say kicks ass.
He said it's awesome.
He knew.
He's like, I've been saying it too many times.
His vocabulary is opening up.
The people love me.
I'm glad the people love you.
They should.
John, you fucking rule, and I love you a lot.
Love you too, buddy.
Some would say he kicks ass.
They say things like you're like, they're like,
you're funnier than like Shane Gillis' stand up.
That's because you guys can't comprehend me, dude.
Yeah, he transcends whatever you guys know.
He I agree. He does.
He kicks ass. I'm not even being sarcastic.
He kicks us. John does kick ass.
He's great. Thanks, buddy.
That is OK.
And honestly, I haven't seen comments like that.
The comments that I see are accurate.
They just go like, yeah, I don't seen comments like that the comments that I see are accurate. They just go like yeah
I don't know those nice fucking hilarious right now. I'm gonna add nicotine to that vape
Don't push. That's a lot. You're inhaling a lot of bullshit for nothing
It's like at least it's kind of like life, huh? You just shovel shit all day in the hand you fucking nothing at 10
Yeah, I just got a metaphor you just keep sucking at the teeth and you fucking nothing. That's kind of like life. Yeah, it's just kind of a metaphor.
You just keep sucking at the teeth and you get nothing out of it.
I literally can't believe how much you just ate.
I didn't finish it.
That's a shocking amount.
How many are left for crime of all four nugs?
So you ate 16 chicken McNuggets, two double doubles and two orders of fries
and two drinks.
That's what you are.
Shrinks eat them all. One large drinks. That's what you are shrinks. You know, I want two large drinks
That's what you just can eat them all once
Would you grab Van Gogh's brush out of it I
Have a good video of an auditor going to a police station and thinking he'll be fine
He actually he actually makes a mistake and gets arrested
I love a bad out of there. Yeah, who doesn't know don't know better
You know likes that boy, what is it? Oh, that's all right? Which is really still my bad I'll see you later when I need services
Okay, cheap these people good
Hey, you guys actually did the right thing this time. We're just going to come chat with you Sam.
So basically we were discussing with them obviously the first memorize that you have
right to go in there and do your public information request whatever you're doing.
Do you mind if we just move over here?
Sorry. So we were discussing options with them and stuff like that. Ultimately at the end of the day, man,
you've come in, you've done what you wanted to do, right? You gave them your request. Is that my understanding?
I don't answer questions.
Okay, so you gave them your request in writing. Ultimately all your business here is done.
They've asked you to lead, they've asked you to record. So ultimately... Are you telling me my business is done? Yep. So
yeah, we are telling you business is done, okay? Alright, I actually have more business.
Sam, so here's the deal bud. If you go back in there, you're gonna be arrested for trespassing,
okay? I'm not trespassing, I'm exercising American right. American right, Steve. We're
telling you right now, if you go back in there, you're going to jail for trespassing. No,
I'm not trespassing, I'm gonna Do a restricted area
People who are like
This guy's a case I think those people in that building ever write to privacy because aren't they like filing for courts
The cops told me only in restricted areas the cops told him something that I believe in
Yeah, I believe that they were correct and what they told no legally there. They're not I think they
Can't be filmed because they could be like cuz the
Areas first amendment first amendment auditor visits a public services office to conduct a foyer
Breaking building policy regarding filming a policy meant to protect the P
To of those needing service he was he was trespassed and he returned to 30k volts of education
I feel like that it's a personally identifiable information. It's not yeah
I think people go there to follow restraining orders
I've seen a million audits. Why would you question this guy's correct?
He was allowed to walk back there. He could argue. He has like a decent case in court
I'm not saying like they could rule against him, but he has a decent case
He announced that he had more business to do inside the you know what is this police station so he announced he had
more business to do and then he he can go in see the comments the comments
don't know better than me then comments I wish I could see the video of the
inside of the building that's true thank you yeah no nothing knows better than
Joseph yeah no I'm an expert on this stuff. I think he's in his he's wrong
I think he's probably wrong and he's probably right. He's a scumbag. He's an asshole
Those cops knew they could do that. They were like, hey, if you go in again, we're gonna do this to you
No cops don't know. I think those you've seen a million cops
I don't know cops aren't supposed to know the law. They're supposed to see what's going though
They do know the law, but they're supposed to like see what's...
They're not supposed to like...
They just can't be experts on every law.
It's impossible to be an expert on every law.
Well, there are specialists like lawyers that are experts on some laws.
That's a good point.
Knowing every law is simply impossible.
They're tasing the fuck out of me.
He fucked and punched me!
Fuck me!
Let go, let go.
Ah! Ah! Thatfucker! Ow! Ow!
That's great. I love this.
I do love it. I'd love to be there.
Ow! Ow!
Ow!
He's screaming like a bitch.
Give it to you again, bud.
Ow!
These guys need the sauce.
These guys need to taste the sauce. I guys need a taste of the sauce.
They got him. They got him bad.
Alright Sam, you're under arrest for trespassing, totally condescending.
And resisting arrest.
That guy knew he was doing something wrong and still did it.
Of course, they all are doing something wrong. They want that lawsuit. It's not illegal. It's wrong
Yeah, they want I think it was illegal what he did cuz because I think he filed a thing or something
And then I think something had to do with
So the technicalities you need to be have some business to conduct in order to
So he had already conducted his business and then he announced I have more business to conduct
That's what he said
You know a lot of the LAPD and all everybody's complaining about the LAPD's budget how it's insane
You know a lot of that is just settling lawsuits because they what fuck up so much. Yeah, that makes sense
I make sure they're getting sued for it Oh, just tons of abuse and just things
where they're fucking people up for no reason and shit.
I don't know, that's what the cops
are kinda supposed to do though, right?
I know, I-
They're supposed to be a little reckless.
I think they're like comedians to me.
Well, me and them are just having this conversation.
Like, we need to go, I feel like there was less abuse
back in the day when they could just like
be like American gangster cops and like kick doors in.
They should be a little wild.
Yeah, yeah.
They actually, they should have put a guy's face
through a plate glass window without feeling it.
Kneel on a neck. Every once in a while. No, I don't even they should all put a guy's face through a plate glass window They'll honor neck
No, I don't think the kneel on the neck shit happened in the 70s
That was just like fucking it was like they would just beat your ass and you wouldn't do it again or some shit
I'm saying sometimes they got a new I feel like the knee on the neck thing was like, okay
You have to safely subdue this person in a way that like, you know, you put your knee on their neck
But back in the day they would just be here. No, I don't think it should be like
1970s like where they're all like Charles Bronson like death wish You know you put your knee on their neck, but back in the day they would just be here No, I don't think it should be like
1970s like where they're all like Charles Bronson like death wish But I do think like I do think like cops should be allowed to like spit on people
Agree, they aren't a lot of cuts. I think they should be allowed to pants people spit on them
Yes, yes, they should be allowed to pee. Whatever they want. They should all swirly. Yeah, they should they're they're probably great
be allowed to pee wherever they want. Give people swirly.
Yeah, they should.
They're they're probably.
Great.
Rub your face in dog shit.
Yeah.
They're already treated differently, right?
They have fucking guns.
They can kill anybody they want.
I think if they were allowed to, I don't know, a little bit more.
Go off, King.
I think they need social liberties.
I think cops.
I hate how cops have to act very diplomatic and professional.
I think they should be allowed act very diplomatic and professional.
I think they should be allowed to swear while on duty.
It's in him.
Swear at people.
Yeah.
I think they should be allowed to use
any sort of slur, epithet, anything.
They should be encouraged to smoke cigarettes.
Appropriately.
Gook.
They can't abuse it.
I agree.
Cops should be able to describe who they're arresting.
Should we wrap it up with that?
Thank you for listening, folks. I believe this is a Patreon, but if not,
patreon.com slash hatewatch podcast.
The great Ben Avery was here from Lemon Party.
patreon.com slash Lemon Party, come check us out.
Check out Lemon Party. party Joseph Le Fleur on
Instagram John Batman on Instagram
We love you very much John, you know, you know take it easy a little bit. I'm fine
I'm not you bought the red label Devon and there's still I bought the red label buddy
When I came over the red labels on the counter because I can't put it in the motorcycle Because he left it at my place here. He can't put it in his fucking I could drive down the street
Oh, the red bottle red label man. Can I say something? I just realized looking like deep into John's eyes
Is that he's terrified know that John's like he has like a beautiful like soul and stuff
Sweet I love John. He's a sweet baby. I love John.
He's so pure.
I love all of you so much.
John is a sweet baby.
You guys are gaslighting me.
This is fucked up.
You're a sweet little baby.
That is a fashion.
One day John is gonna unlock something and you're gonna unlock something inside and you're
gonna blossom like this beautiful orchid.
It's happening as we speak.
Yeah.
He's hit a cocoon.
He's a beautiful man.
He has sexy eyes. I love them stop
I like I just like what I there's a lot to like
Me up, dude. You can't do this to me. He's beaming
All right switch to the page. Love you all love you. Have a good night