Hate Watch with Devan Costa - The Open Wound Cafe

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

A rooster moved into the neighborhood, insane neighbor won't stop working on his backyard, Dwight Howard responds to being gay instead of being accused of sexual assault, Devan speaks to his lawyer, Bad Episode Corner https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Let's fucking go.

Alright, what should I drink first, Evan? Why do you need so many beverages every week? Because, first of all, I get thirsty. And I feel like this is all I can do. He doesn't get thirsty. I come down here after we are finished recording and they're all still here. I steal his drinks all the time.

John's wasting all the money he's saving living like a homeless person on drinks that I get. Don't buy those and just get yourself a studio. You don't have to be homeless. No. Those add homeless. No. Those add up. No. Those add up. Oh, no.

He's spending like $10 a day on this shit. No, not at all. Oh, yeah. I've seen you spending like that. Well, I'm a bad spender. That's what I'm saying. We know. I'm a bad spender.

I ball out with my boys, though. That's the thing. When we go out, we do it big. I get apps. Yeah. John is the guy that loves getting apps. I love getting bad spender. I ball out with my boys though. That's the thing. When we go out, we do it big. I get apps. Yeah. John is the guy that loves getting apps. I love getting apps for everybody. He does.

John's living in an office space so he could buy us apps. He loves a lettuce wrap, like a chicken lettuce wrap. Oh, it's fantastic. Nachos. Dude, Joey DTLA has the best fucking lettuce wraps I've ever had in my life. They're so good. They're so crispy. Is that where you shower?

Yeah. I shower at a really nice restaurant in downtown LA. That's where I go. So, do you have the video? Show me the video. The fight happened today. Send it to the Haywatch group chat.

Oh, I'm not connected. You gotta airdrop it. Oh, how do I do that shit? Who's the otter now? So, what happened? Honestly, it's not that entertaining. Yeah, but your reaction's funny. You closed the door

Immediately Like oh Nothing to see here It's also like We've talked about John's bar being Such a shithole So many times

On this podcast But no one's ever Really seen it I don't think Yeah This is a shot From right outside Of his bar

Oh this is cool Whoa Holy shit dude You learned it fast I will say Yeah wow Yeah it's because I'm not a nodder.

I adapt. I'm like a velociraptor. Have you ever airdropped anything before? I've airdropped pictures of my dick to you, dude. Did you like that shit? This is going to be a rough hour. Pick it up the Conner slack early. Yeah, your little fucking sidekick's not here anymore, buddy.

You're about to get a train run on you, dude. Okay, so this is one of those fights where the guy starts sidekick's not here anymore. You're about to get a train run on you, dude. Okay, so this is one of those fights where the guy starts, you know when they kick your head when you're down? Yeah. It's a real brutal. It was going to go really world star-ish. Is this the whole thing? No, I had to chop it up. Because I don't have

a lot of space on my phone anymore. The guy sent me the video and it was like a four minute video, but this is the best parts basically. That all include me. But yeah i chopped it up look at john walk out full screen that so we can see what john looks like he's he looks kind of scared to me he pops out like hey what's going on here and then he's like oh shit i shit. I go, oh, God. And then they get close. He goes, oh, shit. He closed the door on them. And then the guy kicked, he fucking, he, like, kicked him in the head when he was down.

He kicked him in the back. But what I was worried about is, like, so I go back out when I hear them leave the doorway. And then the guy takes the other guy to the ground. But in the process of taking him down, it wasn't, he down, he hits his fucking, he throws him against the wall. What was his takedown? Just muscling him down. Pushed him, grabbed him, clenched him through. And then he kicks him in the fucking back, but it looks like he kicks him in the head, but he had sneakers on. I wasn't too worried.

Look at John here. You're just watching a guy get kicked in the head at work. But my stance is insane. That's your job. I'm standing. Yeah, you're just kind of like, hey. I'm like an NPC. I'm just like, it's fucking.

Yeah. But yeah, so that was how I started my day today. You got to get another job, buddy. We've already talked about this. What a place. You fought this for a long time. You're always like, no, it's legit. Like, it's a fine bar.

Don't worry about it. And then everyone. Those crackheads that fight there. Yeah. It's like a crackhead gladiator ring, it's legit. Like, it's a fine bar. Don't worry about it. And then everyone... There's crackheads that fight there. Yeah. It's like a crackhead gladiator ring. It's great. But why won't you get a new job at a different place? Because I'm lazy.

But you want more money. You're not lazy. You just went through like a huge arduous process to become homeless. I've never seen anyone work harder to be homeless. Also, it takes a lot to deal with that kind of shit. Like, if you worked at a nice place, you could be even lazier. I've gotten used to it. I'm like Willem Dafoe in Platoon at this point.

I'm just fucking in it, dude. Don't you want, like, bigger tips and shit? No, dude. I did great today. He goes, no. I did great today. I don't want bigger tips. I'm doing fine.

It's like an easy job. It's a good job. Okay. It's easy. It's chill. I'm cool with it now. How is security doing so far at the new place? Are they questioning you?

Great. They're wonderful. They're laxers. Oh, no. Our bouncers kick ass now. So I have a bouncer. No, I meant your house. Where you live.

Oh, they don't give a fuck. No issues. No suspicion. No. Good. No. Well, everyone might notice that's watching. There's a big giant pumpkin on the table because John manically bought like $60 worth of pumpkins last week.

So I got drunk and I was on my way to Ida hour and I was like, I'm kind of fucked up. And I was like, I better show up with Ida loves holidays. Sure. I love holidays. Sure. So I went, I dropped $70 on pumpkins at Vaughn's. It was like seven. He spent so much money on pumpkins.

And then he kept telling me he's like dude next episode like we need to carve them on the show and i'm like what why why would we because it's fun but it's an it's an audio based shit like why would we be carving pumpkins we wouldn't be able to talk that's just that might be like i realized i realized you're the only one the mic stand i was like that's like uh like on thanksgiving we all make like like paper turkeys on the show that'd be great like the most boring episode of make paper turkeys on the show. That'd be great. It's like the most boring episode of all time.

What would be the point of that? Sounds fun. I don't even think John understands this is recorded every week. He has no idea people listen. He thinks we just hang. I think he just thinks we're hanging with equipment on. Yeah, it kicks ass. He just thinks we put on equipment to hang out.

Yeah. We're like astronauts. We put on suits to go to space. Oh, man, dude. Last week, we went to this after the episode. We all went with Joey to his work function. Oh, yeah, we talked about it on the last pod. We talked about it near the end.

We're like, hey, we're about to go after the pod. So a little update on that is that that night we go to this really nice hotel, drunk after the podcast. Joey's like, just follow my lead. Just say you work for this and that. And we're like, okay. So we go to the top of the Intercontinental Hotel, like really, really nice hotel.

Like the dopest building in LA. Amazing building. And we walk past security, and the security goes, you here with blah, blah, blah. And we just go, blah, blah, blah. Yep. And we get right in, and there's a bunch of charcuterie and drinks. This was our fault.

It was John's fault. It was also- I was the smart one. No, you went straight for the food. No, we would have been kicked out regardless. No, we would not have. Yes, we would have. They let us in.

All we had to do was walk in casually, mingle a little bit. Yes. Act like we're networking and trying to do biz. That's it. And then we kind of like one at a time gone, got as much food as we wanted and nobody would have said shit. No one said shit. But immediately John walks,

we walk right. It's like literally we walked right past the security, got right in. John goes, John just hightails. Cause I'm getting mine for the charcuterie. You blew it. You could have gone way more.

I'm a, I'm a fucking shark. I'm a predator. I'm getting mine. Immediately. It looked like fucking, it looked like You could have gone away more. No, I'm a fucking shark. I'm a predator. I'm getting mine. We immediately, it looked like fucking, it looked like Rats-O-Rizzo. It looked like a bunch of, it looked like the Midnight Cowboy showed up, and we just were fucking. Well, I'm just surprised they let otters in the building.

But the thing is, it was like. Great. Very good. It was, it was, it was, I'm getting my fucking, I probably, in that, in that 10 minutes, I probably had like 20 bucks for the charcuterie. Oh yeah, I had like a couple lobster rolls and all these things. Yeah. Kept shoving my face.

And then this white lady just came up to us. And I just pretended. We should have just beat the shit out of her. Push her around. Throw her off the building. Wake up. It's like fucking the end of Departed. This white woman who didn't even look official.

She just looked like a member of the party. Do you guys have passes? Yeah, so she was at the door. I think she might have been the lady who asked us, are you here for this event? I don't remember seeing her. I think it was her. I thought it was a black security guard lady.

She was standing next to the security guard. She eyed us immediately and I knew it. My alarm went off and I said, better get as much charcuterie as humanly possible in the next five minutes. So I won. Her radar was up. We still got away with it.

You know, we definitely left like up, but she looked at us and she was like, all right, you knew the name. I said some shit that like made her confident that I knew the industry and stuff. And then, but she was like, would this, like, Devin's wearing gym shorts. We were all dressed.

I was wearing like an Under Armour shirt. It was like, we just didn't look, everybody else was semi-formally dressed. We looked like shit. We all looked like shit. John looked like a lumberjack. None of us were meant to be in a business meeting on a rooftop.

I have like a tattoo. I'm the only, it was, she was, she was eyeballing me the second I was, but the thing is also is the second they started,

she started questioning you, we all got real quiet. Like we're like fucking, like we're dealing with cops. I just kept acting. I just, my, my move is I act like

I can't understand words. So I just kept staring at her like a fish, just like, she's like, do you work here? And I'm just like, I just keep eating food and looking right at her. And then we kept patting her plates. We really are just such trash people. It's beautiful.

It was nice to share it with that. So then we get kicked out, right? Can I real quick? I'm very proud that we all, when confronted with authority, all of us shut the fuck up. Yeah. And then we follow Joey's lead, who was the person who knew the most. Joey, do you remember what you were saying to her? You were really trying everything.

Right, yeah. So she just basically said, like, did you guys get passes? And I don't want to lie. And then, like, oh, now I'm just lying and I get caught. She's like, okay, let me see. So I was like, yeah, I'm here for the Affies. And she's like, I know you're here for it, but did you buy the pass?

And I just kept trying to be like, yeah, man, Express Revenue, the company that I work at. Fuck, I'm not going to believe that. Nah, fuck it, whatever. If you do internet marketing pay-per-call, message me if you're not complete trash. We'll do some

biz. We'll use some Filipinas together. We'll have fun. Fuck yeah. But so then I'm just trying to not fully lie to her face. And she eventually was just like, let me see your badge. And I think I might have been like, oh, we left it in the hotel. And then it just got to the point where it was just like, you guys have to go.

And then the security came over. That black chick came over. it was just like, you guys have to go. Yeah. And then the security came over, that black chick came over, and was just like, touching me and being like, all right. Yeah, and then she got the black security guard involved, and then that's when I like,

I go, I don't fight. Yeah. I don't fight working class black people. And I was even like, oh wait, I have to get my friend. I don't get, I don't make their lives

harder anymore. Sure. Yeah. You know. You're a hero. The white woman, she was annoying, and we should have really

fought back. We should have hit her with a pipe or something. We really should have just started shoving her around. I even asked her. You were going to ring around her. Asked me fucking questions, bitch.

He just attacked the lady running a fucking conference on top of the Intercontinental. So then we go out and we go to the intercontinental rooftop bar and we're just such idiots. We like think like, Oh, I will just drink here.

I mean, there's like millionaires up there. We all get, I think I got a, I got a bud light. I think it was $14. Yeah. It's like a $10.

It was insane. So we sit there, we're like vaping and shit. People keep asking us to stop, it's like a $10 Modelo. It was insane. So we sit there. We're like vaping and shit. People keep asking us to stop. It's like we're just, we really weren't like, we're not ones for this world, you know? So then Joey's like intent on getting back into it. By the way, his work party.

I do recon on the security guard. So I go up to a security guard that's on the side entrance of the place. The other entrance, the back entrance. Immediately we enter bear mode. We let the otters swim. And then we enter bear mode. I go to the fucking, I go to the security guard. I find out he's four months on the job.

I find out his name. And then I go back and I give Joey this information. Yeah, so my big plan was, I'm like, all right, let me see what I can do with this. Because I was like, first of all, that white lady that was in charge of getting security to kick us out, she looked like sleepy and kind of drunk. Yeah, Joey kept saying, give us like, he goes, we're going to try again in 10 minutes. She looked a little sleepy. Joey's like, she's the guard in Pirates of the Caribbean.

She's sleepy. She can sneak faster. Trying to lure a dog with keys in its mouth. She's on a chair going. Well, I was. She's a little sleepy. She has a nightcap on. There's two birds sawing through a log.

We kept saying, like, let's leave. And Joey's like, guys, she was a little sleepy. Just give us some time. I was right, by the way. Later, I went back in. We'll get to that. But she was gone. She was totally gone.

She went home to sleep. But yeah, so John gave me the intel on the Mexican security guard. Christian. New guy on the job. So John goes up to a Mexican security guard, finds out his name, talks to him a little bit. Then John wanders over to our table and then tells Joey his name and everything, then Joey goes up to him

and the guy thinks that we're, like, scouting him and he's like, how the fuck do you know my name? Wait, no, don't, Joey, tell what you said. Yeah, no, so I was just like, let me just see what I can do with this guy. Yeah, get a little wacko. No, let me just try, like, maybe I can try to get us all in somehow.

Yeah. So I walked over to where he was guarding and there's a glass, like French glass doors and he just opened it for me and then I go, whoa, you saw me coming and you opened the door for me? I go, you're pretty damn good at that.

Also could simultaneously be taken as like one of the most condescending things. I sold it hard, though. Yeah, if you weren't sincere sounding, he would have wanted to stick your ass. I counted so sincere. I was like, God, how did you even see me coming? You're good. You're good at opening doors. And then I started going.

We started talking, and I go, you know, I like, I like what you're doing. I go, do you ever think about taking this to another level? The security stuff? And he's like, what do you do? You said his name though. No, no. I said it later.

I go, I'm talking about working for the big boys. And he's like, who do you work for? And I can't tell you that. I go, do you want a job, Christian? You said his name. And then he got all excited and he was like, I'll put your phone number.

I have his phone number, by the way. He gave it to me and it saved my phone. And then I was like, okay, we'll be in touch. And so my big plan was going to be to go, here's your first mission. You were trying to MK allltra the security guard. What a lobster roll. You go,

Christian, for your first mission you need to let me and three of my friends have salami. And then you guys made me realize something that was actually good. It was that he could get fired. Yeah.

Oh, for sure. So then, because they'd be like, how do you guys get back in? And then Christian would end up being like, oh. We're social engineering. I let Jason Board over here in because I'm trying to get scouted to be a spook. But then, yeah, so that didn't, because everyone's like, no, that's fucked up. So then you guys all left. We left.

We went to another bar and you didn't understand the concept of time that night. So you hit us up like two hours later and you guys were like, you were like, you guys, you were like, come upstairs. Like you thought we were waiting in the lobby for like two straight hours. Well, you guys were down the street. Kind of. We're like four or five blocks away.

Walking deep into downtown LA. And then you were like, come over. Like, I'm MK altering Christian. No, no. Joey's got him tied

up to a chair. He's flashing a red light in his face. No, so what happened was while you guys were still there, I walked back just by myself.

And the owner of the event was there with a black chick. Now that white lady was gone. She's sleeping. Like a bo chick. Now that white lady was gone. She's sleeping like a bozo. Just sleeping

on the job. And then so I walk up and the black security lady kind of nudged him and she was like a little bit like, oh, this is the guy I was telling you about. The guy that he snuck in. These are the guys that ate all your lobster rolls. And then so the guy looks at me and before I can even say anything

I go, listen, sir, I'm in the industry. I gotta be honest with you. I didn't buy a pass, but I live right down the street. Can I buy just a pass to this? Is that okay? Can I pay for a pass to this? I'm trying to do some biz in here. He goes,

get the hell in there, network. I love salesmen. That wouldn't have worked for like four dudes though. No, it wouldn't have. Yeah, that's the thing. That's why it works. That's why Joey Solo worked. Like, you know.

If we were sneaky, we could have gotten away with it. We just had to, I should have like game planned with you guys before. I'm like, okay, we're going to go in. She was so casual

about letting us in that I thought like nobody cares. Like we can do whatever we want. That white bitch ruined the whole thing. It also wasn't even that packed. there was like 30 people out there nobody was in line for the food probably it was 800 no one was touching the food nobody's usual yeah i just my whole life i've been a mark for that type of stuff you know i don't look like i'm supposed to be in places like those none of it yeah to. Most people don't use the food.

No, no. Nobody was eating. Nobody eats. There was like a giant thing of food nobody was touching. The guys in the kitchen are going to eat it later.

That's all it is. I can't deal with anything high class or high society. I can't. I've gone to museums before and security just follows me around.

Like they know I'm like I don't care. I think you're like a cat bird. They know like I shouldn't be at a museum. You're also wearing

like the basketball shorts that go like right above your ankles. Yeah, De shouldn't be at a museum. You're also wearing the basketball shorts that go right above your ankles. Yeah, Devin dresses like Adam Sandler. I didn't wear basketball shirts. That's why you can't get away with stuff like that. He's wearing a faded DC shirt. I don't know what you're talking about.

He doesn't wear basketball shirts. You always look like shit. What the hell are you talking about? You look like you work for the subway system. I do, technically. Everywhere you go. You look like shit. What the hell are you talking about? You look like you work for the subway system. I do, technically. Everywhere you go. You look like a public worker. I don't know, man. You look like a fucking government employee.

Yeah, well, at least I look like I belong somewhere. You know what I mean? I don't know what that means. God. Really just making this bad, aren't you? I'm mad at you. I don't know. I've had a rough week.

I know. I knew this was going to be bad coming in. It's been exhausting. I walked in here. I was like, oh, this is going to be shit. What's so exhausting about your week? Yeah, what's going on with your life, Danny? Lady across the street.

Okay, so we got these new neighbors across the street, right? Not the ones in the same house that are bullied? The old guy that always had the rickets and shit. An ambulance would come like 30 times a month that guy they moved out i think they're like they're being beaten to death by jamaican nurses right now that couple they left their kids sold it jamaicans got a rubber hose right now they're being used as uh fucking you know they're in a they're in a freezer right now being punched by rocky those two old fucks so they moved out they let their kids sell it and

it's like a huge place across the street um and so white uh young hip rich tesla owning white young, hip, rich, Tesla-owning white couple moved in a month or two ago, right? My neighborhood used to be predominantly Mexican. Hispanic. There used to always be... Occasionally, there'd be a person with a rooster in their backyard. You know? Rooster.

It's a Mexican area thing. Absolutely, okay. And it's charming when it's owned by a Mexican family. Yeah, it's like, oh, they need the eggs. Whatever. They need the huevos. They're cockfighting on the weekend, like, whatever. They have an android that doesn't have an alarm on it, and they need the rooster

to be their alarm clock. I don't really know. I don't get it. It's a classic thing. Roosters, you see a donkey, maybe, or whatever. You know, whatever. This white couple, they're rich. They bought a rooster. And they have a rooster somewhere.

I can't see it, but it's somewhere on their property. And it goes off all day and night. It goes off. It's constantly going. It's a car alarm. And it's just been pissing me off. It never ends. It's around the clock, this rooster. It's affecting my sleep. And also it's just been pissing me off. It never ends. It's round the clock, this rooster.

It's affecting my sleep. And also it's kind of annoying because I don't even know. The area is so progressive now. It might not even be. It could be just a guy that identifies as a rooster. And he's just, you know, I don't know. Everything stinks.

You know, fucking... How do you kill a rooster? That's what we've got to figure out now. I don't know where it is. I kind of want to break into their property you know, fucking. How do you kill a rooster? Hmm? That's what we gotta figure out now. I don't know where it is. I kind of want to break into their property and snap its neck. You can like, you can like probably.

Like a coyote. Okay. Okay. Okay. Also, this guy, real quick, another thing I've been talking about.

Oh, that guy's out of his fucking tree. There's a guy behind us, folks. The manure. There's a, there's a yard here. There's,

it's an, obviously like they're a gay couple. And I think it's like a like they're a gay couple and i think it's like a you know i don't know he he hired like a guy he probably bangs to like redo his backyard and i think the guy has like like schizophrenia and he's like one of those crazy people that like he's like an always sunny character yeah where like no it doesn't matter how pointless the work is he's always working it's like when Jesse from Breaking Bad was like

hey you have to dig a hole so this guy's been renovating and like doing yard work on this backyard for a year and a half straight he's there at 2am sometimes I see him basically every time I come here

it looks like a civil war. It looks like a trench warfare. It looks nice sometimes, and then he comes and destroys it all and redoes it. It looks like a Hooverville. And he's there around the clock. He's destroying his work. He redoes it.

There's a lot of crazy people out there. People understand homeless people are more, certain types of homeless people, they a lot of certain types of homeless people. They are more productive than any of us are. It's just for things that never go anywhere. There's homeless guys. They wake up at the crack of dawn. They go, I got to get these cans to Del Mar by noon.

No, they're working way harder than they would have needed to at a regular like nine to five. Yeah, it's just a meaningless thing. It's like a guy wakes up and he's like, I got to get this NSYNC t-shirt to the Goodwill in El Monte. Yeah. And he spends all day trying to do that. And that's like, he's having a productive day.

But it's meaningless. He is, his life is worthless. He's spinning his wheels. He's spinning his wheels. This guy, round the clock doing this shit. So I just feel like there's like constant chaos in the neighborhood lately. These people, the neighbors over here, they abandon their house. You're in the burbs, they abandon their house.

I don't know what's going on. Everything's really bothering me. I think we can make what would chickens eat? Pellets? Yeah, poison. So you get a slingshot and you start shooting it. You shoot it over their house like a slingshot.

My dad's best friend in the 70s, he had a dog that wouldn't shut up it was his neighbor's dog and he just got a bunch of ground beef and rat poison and like throw it over my dad my dad's buddy and he threw it up yeah that wouldn't shut he worked a graveyard shift it was the 70s dude it was the 70s i know you can't do it but he was going insane he put a bunch of rat poison and ground beef and threw it over their fence, and then the dog died.

And then he had peace. That's really fucked up. You're going to kill a rooster? I don't agree with that. That's bad, dude. I think it's fine. That's fine? A dog?

It's not a big deal, man. I'll kill a thing with scales and shit. Roosters have weird necks and stuff. Roosters, it's like the Werner Herzog thing Where he's talking about chicken There's nothing behind the eyes They are so Look into a chicken's eyes And you will see the eyes of a monster

Yeah I mean just If it's inconveniencing you That's crazy It's not that big a deal It's almost just more annoying That they're like adopting Like East LA things

Well it's like homesteading That's what they want to do they think they want to believe they're like little house on the prairie yeah they're like like yeah exactly it's all that bullshit i don't use lotion i use my husband's semen on my face yeah piss therapy free bleed yeah and you know i just this is what the neighborhood is now It's no longer Fucking enchiladas It's It's It's

It's horrible Yeah this sucks What is this Jack Nicholson shit I don't know I feel weird today You both are fucking off I fucking

I get in the car Joey's complaining about Some esophagus issue And he's like I just feel nauseous i feel nauseous i feel a little i try to do that i feel kind of like run down we're touchy feeling in this i'm a little like i almost feel like on the verge of sick but i'm not sick we love to kiss each other we love to hug each other i don't know what's going on and i try to touch

joey's head and his rape instincts kick in he goes get off of me yeah we're joey what the fuck was that we were at a red light and i go and, ah. And I'm just on my phone or something. You text me. A weird hand comes over and just starts rubbing me. I didn't rub it. I went over. I went like this. I went to go, ah, Joey.

No, no. He was lingering. It was very weird. Joey doesn't like. Well, if I'm gay with anybody, it's you, pal. That's nice, but it felt weird. Listen, Joey texts me. I thought I'd miss it.

What's so crazy about that? Go ahead, Devin. When Joey's drunk, he likes touch weird. But listen, Joey texts me at fucking... I just thought I'd miss you. What's so crazy about that? Go ahead, Devin. When Joey's drunk, he likes touch. He likes hugs. Yeah. When he's not... I like hugs sober, too, but it was just a weird thing. Joey, 3.42 p.m. texts me, miss you, brother.

And I go, I miss you, too. Because you was about to pick me up, and I was thinking about it. I miss you all week. That's lovely. I haven't seen you in like a week and a half. I miss you. I want to rub your head. Yeah, but that's gay.

No, it's fine. We do it to each other all the time. Nothing wrong with that. Joey and I got some existential news this morning about, you know, there's a reason Connor's not here and it's whatever. And so he'll be back when he can. But so send him your thoughts and everything. But like it kind of fucked us up. I think so. I think so. I haven't

been on the right mind, in my right mind. If it weren't for that, I probably would have let you do it. And that's why we drink. And, you know, maybe in the next 20 minutes, this will be the funniest episode of all time. Give me a little nip of that. Oh, yeah, let's drink. Let's drink up. Let's drink up.

I'm about to get sick. There's nothing better. COVID's going around again. Oh, is it? Yeah. Good. Good. I love that thing.

Did it stop at some point? I liked COVID. I enjoyed it. You're pouring it into a Gator Light zero bottle, you fucking trash. It's Pendleton. It's not fucking good whiskey. Who gives a shit? Jesus Christ. Devin acts like this is like 12-year-old scotch. It's just fucking a Canadian.

You know when I saw Killers of the Flower Moon, I looked at it and I go, you know, I could see John being one of these white guys. Oh, fuck yeah. I could see it as well. I could see John happily poisoning an entire Native American family. He'd be the easiest guy to convince to just be like, hey, if these guys happen to die, John, we're going to get a lot of cash. Yeah. What's your point?

I'm not fighting that at all. Crazy thing to not fight. Crazy accusation to not defend you. If it was the 1850s, I'm going to be the worst guy of all time. Really? Look at me now, dude. What do you do now? You're lovely.

You're a great guy. I am a lovely man. You take homeless people to Sizzler and shit all the time. I would probably not be that way, actually. You keep using time as an excuse to commit atrocities. You're like, oh, I'll kill dogs. I'm going to slaughter Native Americans. I had a long conversation with a friend after I saw that movie.

And I was like, you know, back then, remember the part where he tells the guy, like. Don't spoil too many things for the listeners. Shut up. Remember the time where he tells the guy, fucking, you know, I didn't sign up to kill people. And the guy goes, well, it's an Indian. He goes, well, you didn't say that. Yeah. Like, back then, racism was science.

You know what I mean? Like, they were literally. No, that's true. At the turn of the century, there was eugenics. It was like, and what's the skull measuring shit? Race science. Race science. Phrenology.

Phrenology. That doesn't make it okay. Well, no, I'm saying it does. But back then, it was literally, they saw these people as like, yeah, they're not us. They're like animals. I mean, I think I would have. I'm not justifying it. I think I would have overcome that.

I think you're a sick maniac. I think you're sick. You would have been a French fur trader in the 18... Oh, you come from a long line of people who've raped. You came... Remember that... Remember in the... No, I'm French-Canadian.

My people came over. George St. Pierre. We're related. We came over. We fought for the Civil War for the Union. Did you not see The Revenant? Remember all those French fur traders in The Revenant and they're raping Pocahontas that's literally your family member no no we came we

came during the civil war we started fighting for the union never never harmed one hair i mean native americans had you're killing dogs you live in a pretty gnarly place with native americans as your family's from you don't think you took some land at some point we got there long after all that shit went down really Really? Oh, yeah. I want to see some records. I got it. I'll show you after. You come from a known family of Nazis.

You are a Nazi. You're a Nazi. You're a self-admitted Nazi. What? No. Yes, you are. What are you talking about? You don't remember anything, but you've had a lot of episodes here

where you just explain your family history of Nazis. Yeah, dude, we're fucking old Nazis. I'm not a Nazi. We have weak sphincters your family history of Nazis. Yeah, we're fucking all Nazis. We have weak sphincters. We're all Nazis. Yeah, I'm not a Nazi, but I have family members that were Nazis. My grandmother was a first-generation American from Germany. She had cousins still in Germany and shit.

Whatever, man. I am a seventh-generation American. I've probably been here longer than I are to you guys. And we come from a long line of very noble Pennsylvania Dutch fucking people. You're from Pennsylvania? All my family's from Pennsylvania. Like miserable deer hunter people?

Yeah. Literally like probably like offshoot Amish kind of. Deer hunter, man. I came in, Devin was watching Deer Hunter. I came in probably during the last 20 minutes of it. I watched it for the first time in like 15 years. Dark film. The Deer Hunter I came in probably during the last 20 minutes I watched it for the first time in like 15 years dark film

you know the Deer Hunter it's a movie it's a movie about a guy that would rather play Russian roulette in Vietnam for the rest of his life

than live in western Pennsylvania yeah it's really it's actually it's just the whole movie is an indictment

on living in Pennsylvania that's the whole point of the movie the whole point of the movie is movie's an indictment On living in Pennsylvania That's the whole point of the movie The whole point of the movie Is like it sucks so much ass Living in Pennsylvania That I would rather Play Russian Roulette With a bunch of like

Fucking hysterical Fucking vermicelli savages So I really like that part Of the country though I really love I've been around Pittsburgh and stuff I think it's creepy I think all the parts

Outside of Philly and Pittsburgh In Pennsylvania are creepy. There's a weird vibe of like... Ohio gets weird. You just don't know what's going on in those homes. That's where the pizza bomber was. All those creepy people came together and they put a bomb around that pizza delivery guy's neck. Yeah, there was no reason for it.

It never even made sense. They just kind of wanted to fuck with a guy. They were bored. They were bored psychos. You get a lot of weird white witchcraft out there. That's the dark side of like hexing, like the fucking this shit. Yeah. They would curse each other and kill each other all the time

and fuck each other's sisters and then fuck their own sisters. It was a real mud people kind of place. Look at how excited John gets when he talks about that. Fuck each other's sisters and they fuck everyone's sisters. It's crazy. It's like a wild lot of fucking sisters and mommies. He just started this by going, I love

Pennsylvania. It's gorgeous. It's nice. It's beautiful. There's like a lot of bedrock. Just a lot of rock. I like rocks and trees. Bedrock? There's a lot of rock. A lot of rocks. You like it because there's a lot of rock. What a selling point. It looks like Sleepy Hollow.

You should head up the tourism division of Pennsylvania. I should. Fuck your sister. There's a lot of rock. Pittsburgh has more bridges than Venice. It's like because it was the steel city. Yeah, the bridges suck ass. Yeah, but they're cool.

You're really comparing Pittsburgh Bridges to Venice? I'm like, hey, listen, Pittsburgh's got more bridges than Venice. They got a lot of bridges because, you know, people need to kill themselves. There's a lot of options. It reminds me of Sleepy Hollow. But then again, every time I've been to Pittsburgh, it's like winter. Whatever. Sorry, I'm carrying this fucking podcast right now. I was letting him think he's like winter. You know. Alright. Whatever. Sorry, I'm carrying

this fucking podcast right now. I like letting him think he's carrying it. You're carrying it up into like a volcano. You carry it. Yeah, you guys

keep talking. I'm just gonna shut up. I'm just gonna shut up and anytime you try to make fun of me I'm not gonna respond. How about that? The audience hears that

they're cheering, right? Yeah. Suck my fucking dick. You're Sisyphus. They're like, finally. Do you know anything about Dwight Howard? No. Do you guys either know who Dwight Howard is?

I know he's a basketball guy. He's a basketball player, right? So he is, there's always been rumors that he's gay, right? Kind of. Fuck yeah. And he won't respond. He goes, I don't need to talk about my personal life, this and that. So he was recently

accused of sexual assault by a man. So he's been accused of gay rape, right? And he put out a statement and no one he doesn't seem to understand he's being accused of rape. He just keeps talking about not being gay.

Yeah. Get to it that ain't nobody business where i put my shit in y'all just okay okay maybe a lot of people i mean i'm sure a lot of people are like yo that's gay you gay as hell bro but like you could be gay it's fine the thing is thing is there's a dissonance. There's a dissociation here from the fact that he's being accused of rape. He's like, y'all, here's the thing, man. He's like, y'all don't need, it's none of your business where I put my shit at. He goes, an unwilling man's asshole with

none of your damn business. None of your business. Willing or unwilling. He goes, it's none of your business who scream no at me. If you want to know what people doing in their bedroom and who they messing with and sleeping with. He's admitting he's gay. You are weird. You're the weird one.

You're weird. Shoot, y'all heard about that? Dwight. They said Dwight was in a text message and a guy. Nigga, who cares? Yeah, so it's true. This is what he says to the detective. They're like, did you rape this guy?

He's like, what's wrong with you? You weirdo. He goes, you weirdo. They're like, we have the results of this rape kit, Dwight. And he's like, who gives a shit, man? I'd love to see that in Brokeback Mountain when the wife confronts, she confronts... Jill at all?

Yeah, whichever one of them. I know what you're doing up there in the mountains. He's like, you weird, bro. He goes, who cares what I do in the mountains, bro? And Estelle Marsden. You're weird, bro. Who cares what I've been doing in the mountains?

I ain't no queer, bro. Who cares who I was text messaging? You're being accused of rape, Dwight. You just made me want text messaging. You ugly. They go, Mr. Howard, we found your DNA under his fingernails. People don't... That's great.

People don't believe in gay rape in society. It's only in prison. No one cares if you've been raped by a man in life. Unless it's pedophile stuff. Remember Terry Crews? He was accusing a guy. Brendan Fraser. What happened to Brendan Fraser? He was raped by a cheeseburger? He was groped by a man.

That's not rape. I think it's sexual assault. Brendan Fraser was a hot young stud and he got groped. That's a nut tap. That's guy shit tap that's guy shit they're probably goofing

that's guy shit guys can do that I'm sick of me too's against man on man crime same men on men sex it takes a lot to fucking rape a dude

that's the thing yeah like you need like two dudes yeah yeah I mean you know fucking the things

we did in middle school I mean what if those what did you do in middle school oh my god during the me too movement if those lunch tables could talk are there things gonna come out about you During the Me Too movement, if those lunch tables could talk...

Are there things going to come out about you? We would hump the shit out of those lunch tables. Yeah. Oh, my God. Non-stop, we raped the shit out of lunch tables. We used to all line up and get in formation after school. The train. Where it was like a big train.

One of us is fucking the guy's ass, and then he's sucking off our friend, and then that guy's sucking off another guy, getting banged in the ass. And we'd do it in front of cars and like the principal. Oh, you're faking. Yeah, we're fake. We all had our clothes on. We were in our school clothes and we'd all make faces like his cars drove by. You're the only person who ever did

this. No, that's not true. Everyone like fake fucks in high school and middle school and stuff. Did you fake fuck in middle school in South Dakota? You don't do that exactly. You fake trains, right? With your buddies. I know what he says.

There's a lot of gay hijinks. Yeah, we do gay hijinks. You go up to a table and you go like. Yeah, yeah. Everyone laughs. Everybody laughs. Yeah. That's a great joke back then.

Yeah. What's your problem? What are you pretending? You had real gay sex. Yeah, we had real, joke back then. Yeah. What's your problem? What are you pretending? You had real gay sex. Yeah, we did it. We went all the way. No, me and my friends, we would,

yeah, we didn't do that. I can't think of anything. We would do shit, if we were watching a movie late at night, we'd all sleep in one bed. That's probably the gayest we got. It's pretty gay. I had a kid.

There was a couple of those kids that would jack off in their sleeping bag. Yeah, that's weird. Right around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you wanted to, like, kick them out. You wanted to, like, deport them.

Me and my buddy used to jack off together when I was, like, fucking 12. We were such scumbags. We used to, like, remember we used to fucking go to, like, friends' houses and, like, we used to, like, bust into the living room, like, late at night. And, like, one of my friends would, like, grab, like, a picture of, like, my friend's grandma. And he'd pretend to start jacking off to her. like late at night and like one of my friends would like grab like a picture of like my friend's grandma i remember one time my friend was like she's dead and he's like good dude he's like i like him when they're dead stop checking up to my grandma dude i had this buddy in middle school like his mom was so fucking hot and we would like

and he was like my main dude like we would hang out all the time and like we would like watch like road trip and we would like uh pause during the amy smart tit scene and we'd like take turns jerking we like like we go to the bathroom and stuff no he would exit i jerk off he'd come in it was very like animalistic yeah yeah but then we hurt his mom his hot ass mom he goes you're in dude me and my buddy with taxi made me smart in middle school but the the uh his mom would leave a stack of victoria's secret fucking catalogs oh yeah in the bathroom those are the days but like use your imagination on it but low key yeah like i understand being like a woman like being like hey i have a kid that's 12 like i'd rather

like you know but you know that mentality's like i'd rather be drinking in my home than fucking but like what meant i was just like why are you leaving us porn she probably was porn it's just Victoria's Secret magazines Brother The catalog Those were out Those were casually out At a lot of homes

A big stack in the bathroom Brother man A lot of homes A lot of homes I don't know I used to beat the fuck Beat my dick off To those fucking things

See here's the thing Is that a guest bathroom Where she has girls over Like her friends No brother I always thought Victoria's Secret Never showed enough

Yeah you see nipples in the catalog. It's nice. It's a lingerie. I've always wanted pussy lips. Through the bra. You want pussy lips? I need clit. You need loads. I need, yeah. Where'd you find porn as a kid? Did you ever get magazines? Little thing called the internet.

No, no, no. Did you ever jerk off to magazines though? Yeah, I jerked off to there was a part of the New Yorker where women were talking about, like, they had something with their breasts. It was like breast cancer or something, and they had tits out. I would jack off to their breast cancer tits. There's a woman with one tit, and she's got like shit. They called me the mastectomy kid.

So me and my buddy, my mom would go, you jacking off to mastectomy. Mastectomy. Devin wears a pink ribbon. Mastectomy? Double mastectomy kid. So me and my buddy, my... My mom will go, you check it off to mastectomy. Mastectomy. Devin wears a pink ribbon. Is it double mastectomy, right? Mastectomy. Am I tripping out? Mastectomy. Mastectomy.

I don't know how the fuck it is, but I was lucky I had an older brother who had a bunch of Hot Rod magazines and Playboys. I would just sneak into his fucking... You had the internet. No, I like magazines. That sounds like John was raising the 50s. He had a Hot Rod magazine and some gum and harmonica. No, he was into import cars and shit.

You got molested online. These hot Filipino chicks, their ass is out on the import cars. Didn't you get molested online? Yeah. Can we talk about this? Oh, yeah. No, this is crazy. You were molested online through the computer by a woman.

I had a year long Relationship with like A woman in her 30s When I was like fucking 12 Explain how this goes Explain how this goes Well it's a very dark time In my life And it's kind of crazy

You're just fucking Throwing this out here right now You talked about this On an old pod Oh really Yeah yeah Whatever So I

Also real quick Give your address Yeah so I No when I was like 12 I was open to the internet And I would go to like AOL chat rooms and shit And I had like this Fucking like year long Relationship with like A woman in like her no, when I was like 12, I was open to the internet and I would go to like AOL chat rooms and shit. And I had like this fucking like year long relationship with like a woman in like her

thirties when I was like fucking 12, 13. And I was like, I would just beat off for her. Yeah, no. She would like just show me her tits. Did you know you were young? Dude, I was, imagine me at 12. I'm so fat. And like, fuck.

No, you had pictures of yourself? We beat off on video. Oh, on video. On a webcam, dog. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Fuck me up, man. Oh, on video. On a webcam, dog. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, it fucked me up, man. I think it like hyper-sexualized me.

Did it fuck you up or did it secretly? Yeah, I had to go to therapy. Was it secretly like rad? I think, no. Well, okay. It was half rad, half like. Then you thought about it as you got older. Later.

So what I. Yeah. I remember there's a point in my life where I started having panic attacks and like, not like crazy ones. I've had way crazier panic attacks, but I started having like minor panic attacks. And I was like, and a lot of it was related to like sexuality. And my, my responses to that anxiety were like, I would become hypersexual. And I was like, why is this happening? And I thought I was going through, I was doing like, and the weird thing is, is like, I had a hypersexual. I was like, why is this happening? I thought I was going through, I was doing

like, and the weird thing is, is like, I had a lot of trauma. When you have a lot of trauma like that, or if you've ever been through it, laugh it up, Joe. A lot of trauma. Rape victims out there are going like, what the fuck? I'm gonna be, that's the other

thing. I'm not gonna No, no, no. I'm not gonna pretend like a guy had a knife to my throat and I was fucked in a garage somewhere like the power dynamics are crazy

this is as far as like sexual assault goes this is probably if anyone if anyone out there has been sexually assaulted you don't have to say that

go back no disclaimer you're gonna be fucking if anyone out there has been sexually assaulted mine is probably completely minor and is a small speed bump we know John everyone knows you jacked off they weren been sexually assaulted mine is probably completely minor and and as a small

john everyone knows i'm just jacked off for the internet they weren't sexually assaulted okay yeah so anyway so i uh uh but the thing is i started having like these these thoughts and this one i was like 26 27 yeah and i should jack off to her uh that's the exact so i went and i saw a therapist and and all this stuff But the thing is I realized I don't remember a lot of it And I was like

Weren't you on Jack and World? That was way later What is Jack and World? Dude, pull it up buddy Do they still have it? Does Jack and World still exist? I thought that's where you met her For some reason

No, no, no It was like an AOL chat room What is Jack and World? It was where they It was like How to jerk off with a banana if you're like 13. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jack and World was awesome. They taught you how to make a Fifi. It's the anarchist handbook for jacking off.

Yeah. But anyways, I, yeah, it was just like, I don't remember a lot of it. I don't even remember what she looked like, which is weird. Blacked it out. Yeah, blacked it out. Trauma blackout. Trauma blackout happens. I'm sorry you went through that. I blacked out a lot of part of my life. I'm so sorry a lot of it. I don't even remember what she looked like, which is weird. Blacked it out. Yeah, blacked it out. Trauma blackout. Trauma blackout happens. I blacked out a lot of part of my life.

I'm so sorry you went through that. You're being sarcastic. No, I didn't. Everyone's going to think you're a fucking scumbag. I think they're going to listen to this and go, like, John's trying to act like he got actually molested. No, I literally made a disclaimer. This is nothing compared to what other people go through.

I never had that. If I am a scumbag, I apologize. Yeah. I wish that happened to me. Same. I never had that. If I, it must come back. I, I apologize. Yeah. I wish that happened to me. Same. No, but that's, that's the fucked up thing is,

is, is it was like at the time it was so exciting and fucking cool. And like, but the problem is, is like it, like you're so impressionable at that age. Like, you know,

like remember when you watch like lion, the lion King and you're like, I want to fuck that female line. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean though? Nala. Nala. You want to like, like you're so I want to fuck that female lion. You know what I mean though? Nala. Nala. You're so impressionable sexually at that age.

When something like that happens to you it is like a bunker buster to your fucking sexuality. You're watching CatDog. You're like I just want to jack off. You want to jerk off. Courage the cowardly dogs on you. You want to jerk off to Aunt Jemima's syrup bottles.

It's crazy. It looks like a woman. You know what I mean? It's like a bunker buster to your psyche. It's not healthy. You can hypersexualize that. I understand that. Do you ever think about trying to go back and find her

and just getting her locked up? She is a pedophile. If I ever were to— Let's send Shoemaker over. Yeah. Send Shoemaker to find her. You know, if I ever were to, like, meet that person, it would just be really sad. And I'd just be like, why'd you do that?

Like, you know, it'd be really depressing. What if she had big, huge tits? What if she got better looking? Then I'd be like— If she— Dude. Then you'd be like, hey, me. I mean, honestly, she became a big mommy.

She could get you back in one second. In one second. Oh, easily. I could see John going and confronting his. I'm like, I'm like, I'm here to fuck you. I'm going to do it. John's the horniest guy. He goes and confronts his, his, his, uh, his rapist.

She's the exact model of what I want. And he's like, meet me in Long Beach at 3 PM. You know what? If you want me to go to the clubs, meet me. That's a joke. If you want, if you don't want me to go to the cops Meet me That's a joke If you want If you don't want me to go to the cops You better meet me In Long Beach

At 11am I got another woman on the way You got a milk dog It's a It's a It's a weird Dumb footnote Do you think it's the reason

You're obsessed with mommies Oh And milky Maybe Baby Baby wants some milky I didn't tell my therapist About that

But I mean like yeah I've always been I've always been into much older women and that's probably one of the reasons. Is your therapist a man or a woman? My therapist now

is a dude. Was it ever a woman? Yeah. What's the point of getting a therapist without like going and like having jack off fantasies

to them? I don't understand. Well that's because you're sick in the head and you don't understand how anything works. Why does anyone go to therapy?

I think I prefer a woman therapist. I prefer a woman therapist. I prefer a woman therapist and then I want her to run her hands through my hair too the whole time. Sam. Give me a haircut. Massage my scalp. No, I want to confide. I want to open up. I want her to cry when I say certain stuff.

Yeah, I want her to laugh at the things I say. And then when we say bye to each other, she hugs for a little bit too long. A little too long, yeah. She's not going to hug you when you say goodbye. Yours isn't? Mine will. Well, mine's a dude who looks like a guy on the bus.

I'm giving you my fantasy therapist. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's like Gianna Michaels. She has like a glasses. It's like in The Departed where she goes, you know, I'm recommending you for someone else. Oh, she's mad at you? You want to get a fucking cup of coffee or what?

Yeah. And then we sneak off together. Everyone wants that Departed. That Vera Farmiga therapy. I was so mad. That was an ass double for Vera Farmiga in that film. That's not true. Oh, no. That was the fucking up in the air.

Vera Farmiga in Up in the Air has an ass double. Vera Farmiga in The Departed, that's her. One of the hottest women of all fucking time. God, she's fucking hot. God, she's fucking beautiful. She's good. She's very hot. Very beautiful.

Her piercing blue eyes. I used to jack off to her scene in Departed all the time. Really? Yeah. I haven't jacked off

to normal scene quite some time. I'm talking about when it first came out and I was still young. 2006. In the theater? I didn't jack off in the theater, but I checked off.

Did you see the part in the theater? Yeah. I did, too. Did you? Yes. One of the best moments of my life. Yeah, my dad took me. That's awesome.

Yeah, my dad also took me to the... I've seen Killers of the Flower Moon four times. Yeah, you're out of your mind. Are you fucking serious? I saw it last night. You're so insane. I saw it last night again. With who?

With Ben. Oh, okay. I see it with all my... Wait, once with. Oh, okay. I see with all my... Once with your dad, once with me, once with Ben, who is the fourth? Once with my dad and my girlfriend, once with you, once with Richie, and then once with Ben. Oh, Richie had one. Mm-hmm. And I will see it a few times this week.

I bought AMC's A-list. I'm an A-list stub member. Stub-less member. Do you have like a brag for a movie you saw in theaters that nobody else saw in theaters? Interesting. That's an interesting question. I have one off the

top of my head. No one else saw in theaters? Yeah, like something that everyone kind of like a cult classic people didn't realize was good afterwards.

Brawl in Sublock was one that we had. You and me, that's my second. That would be my second. Give us your first. My number one is I saw Wicker Man

with Nick Cage in fucking theaters. That's pretty sick yeah I saw that shit in theaters wow the bees the bees

the bees become a meme yeah what is Wicker Man oh a phenomenal movie it's better the remake is better than the original

which is kind of crazy it's a crazy Cage movie yeah if anyone's a fan of 70s cult films you can like suck me off if you ever if you ever thought cause you are very like you're kind of like pickup artist films you can like suck me off. John, have you ever, have you ever thought, because you are very like,

you're kind of like pickup artist adjacent. You know that, right? How do you mean? You have like pickup artist vibes. I don't know what you're talking about.

Doesn't John have like pickup artist like, I'm charismatic. You're day game adjacent. Yeah, you do. Because I, you just say day game stuff. Like I could see,

What's my day game? Like I've heard you, you said stuff like this to me. We're like, dude, fucking, I got this new thing. I walk up to game stuff. Like, I could see you... What's my day game? Like, I've heard you said stuff like this to me where like, dude, fucking, I got this new thing. I walk up to a chick. I go, what's your favorite color? Yeah.

You have like... So that's kind of... You have like lines. Day game-y. Yeah, yeah. You have like a horse. So it's socially acceptable for me to talk to any woman

who walks in my bar. So it's nice to have a few things in your holster, you know? Can we start like filming you do day game? If I buy some like... Devin's never coming to my bar to

film me. No, not to your bar, but if, like, out in public, we go to the park, and I'll buy, like, some drones and stuff, and we can, like, get, like, aerial footage of you, like, creeping on women. Yeah, sure. Why don't you buy some drones, find out where your neighbor's fucking rooster is, and kill it, and then we'll do day game. Can you buy drones that, like, are, like, that also

kill? Does Obama sell drones? Look up drone capable of payload on fucking Amazon. See what the cheapest one you can find is and we'll get a big corn. What we'll do is we'll get a fucking we'll lace a fucking rice cake

with like fucking rat poison we mix with fucking water and shit. We'll just drop it on that rooster and we'll kill that fucker. That's pretty good. It's not even really the rooster. It's more the people. I don't like white people getting roosters. Kill the people. Let the rooster live.

I think it's obnoxious. It's a rooster's house now. We should just cook the rooster. That's food. I should go there with an AK-47 and slaughter it and then blast where comes the rooster? Hell yeah.

I'm just firing in the sky. Yeah. Have they caught the main shooter? Do you know? The main guy? Yeah. I haven't looked into it at all. You don't think they've caught him?

I just thought of it. I don't know why. I haven't heard them say they caught him. Let's watch this. Let's dig into it after. Yeah, that's crazy. He killed like fucking a million people. He killed like 18 or 20 people.

He killed like 20 people. From the one photo I saw, he looks like every other guy. That's the one thing. Probably a 5'10 brunette guy with a beard. It's also Maine where it's just like not. Update of 25 minutes ago. Details about the suspects. Is this going to get us banned somehow?

What? Is this going to get us banned somehow? It? Is this going to get us banned somehow? It's the news. Who gives a shit? We're supposed to be allowed to watch the news. But hasn't this gotten us before? I don't think so. Let's just risk it, whatever. It's about potential warning signs before last night's shooting.

It's like Fitzy from The Departed. Is he Latino? Fuck is in the suspects warning signs before... Like Fitzy. Fitzpatrick. Oh oh he does look like Fitz when I say barrier in the marsh I'm not gonna make it home for supper you're a cop anyways

we all watched Departed this guy's a creep Lester whatever his name is anyone named Lester creeps me the fuck out your name's Lester I don't trust him. You just, what? Yeah, it's half of molester.

Yeah, it's weird. It's like your name's like a file. You're like, what happened to the pedo? A file? Very good. Right? Roughly. Brock is in the suspect's hometown.

Sam, what have you learned today? Lester, law enforcement says a gun was found in that white subaru they are looking right now to see if it's the same weapon i'm about to stab eight college girls in their house this does look like uh colbert he looks as colberg as a news anchor now yeah shooting as we are hearing from the cart family who says that they alerted authorities that this is someone. How have they not found him? Like, what are the cops in Maine? Are they just like, what is it?

A bunch of. It's a tiny state. What is it? A bunch of lobsters? Very good. Very good. I bet he. It's a lot of woods, right?

Yeah, I guess. So I think that he probably did like an Eric Rudolph where he did the shooting and then he had a plan where he was like, oh, I'm going to go hide in the woods. I have food saved up. Maybe they're just not prepared for something like this. I think both. What goes on in Maine? What is Maine? It's like Stephen King movies and a bunch of like...

Yeah. It's like one of those states that was like a 1700 state. So like the borders, they were like, we don't need that much space. We'll just have a little state. It's got like over a million people. Yeah, but it's so small. That's a lot. A million people's

not a lot, brother. In a little tiny state? In a state that small, that's a lot. It's gotta be the size of LA County, though, right? Maine? How big is Maine? The whole state? I guarantee it. Oh, I don't fuck this shit. Who cares? Fuck this guy. We're not watching for him.

I put on clips. John is such ADD. Like I put on a clip. John thinks we're watching it for the journalist. John's like, dude, let's fucking call. John's like, dude, what's so interesting about this journalist? I'm like, he's elaborating on a story. That's what we're commenting on.

It's a big story. He doesn't care. John loves chaos. He's an agent of chaos. I'm a joker I tell John about horrible things happening all the time And he just moves right on If you knew half of what I knew

John is constantly He has zero self-awareness We're going to be in a world war in two years And we're all going to die You've been saying that for ten years I predicted COVID You were right once. The broken clock kind of situation.

I'll go into this in the Patreon, but we're all going to die in like two years. Somebody in our group text will be like, hey guys, I can't make it today. To the hang. Family tragedy happened. We're all like, alright buddy, love you. We're thinking of you. And then five seconds later,

John will be like, dude, what the fuck is with the bathrooms at the fucking at Ross? I like to text. You have no timing. I'm like, hey, I'm so sorry to hear that. That did not happen today. I was the first guy to respond. Connor told us this horrible, like, he's like,

something's obviously going on, and you just go, dude, fucking fight's breaking out at my bar. No, John goes like, he goes like, so sorry to hear that, dude. There's a huge fucking fight here. He literally goes, so sorry to hear that. And then like five seconds later he goes, dude, fucking weird ass fight going on. It's the bookmark. It's the bookend of our fucking podcast.

It's the video of me in the fight. He used to do that to Jace all the time. Like when Jace was going through like a crisis to crisis, back to back to back. Yeah, Jace would say something about something personal going on, and then Ja would just be like, Dude, Dave and Buster suck. Fucking whiz, kick ass. The nachos at fucking Denny's are the best nachos in the world.

I'm trying to share. I stand by that opinion, but the thing is, I'm just trying to share the information with the pals. Yeah. What's the point of this? Not many people have this. Mental illness? No, yeah. No, us.

Not many people have us. Oh, that's true. The corner, the keystone to us is information. So, like, if there is something good, what's the point? We can't fuck each other, you know what I mean? We're not making each other cum. Right? So, what do I give you? I give you Denny's nachos. If you need to know

what the best nachos in the cities are, you know, it's Denny's. This is the weirdest offense of what you're being accused of I've ever heard. Very strange. I stand by this. I'll fucking explain this all day. The point of a network is to let each other know good information, yes? We're not a network.

We are a network. We're a bunch of pals. That's an odd way to look at a friend group sharing tragedies. I care about you. No, beyond the tragedies, I'm saying, Joseph, Joseph, if you're looking for good nachos. I go to you. That is true. Yeah. Yeah, that is true.

Yeah, so you know what to get. That doesn't. You know where to go. Anyways. Don't quite get it. I don't get what you're saying. That is a fact, but. Very smart. That doesn't. You know where to go. Anyways. Don't quite get it. I don't get what you're saying. That is a fact. Very smart.

Finish the video. I'm confused. By that. I'm surprised I haven't had a piss yet, quite frankly. Hometown of Bowdoin, Maine. Area-wide shock. It's mind-blowing. Everything about it.

Look at that guy's tits. It's unbelievable. It's bullshit. That's why we're watching this. It's like meatloaf and fight glove. That's crazy. Us laughing in the thumbnail It goes family shooting suspect heard voices And we're like look at his tits You can titty fuck that guy That's crazy

Those are big tits They're fine tits I think he lost a lot of weight He's wearing skins That guy, that's crazy. Those are big tits. They're like fine tits. They're fine tits. Are they pierced? Like, what's going on? His nipples are all hard. I think he lost a lot of weight. He's wearing skins. He's wearing Kim Kardashian's bra with nipples.

When family reveals chilling details about the decades-long Army reservist, his sister-in-law telling NBC News they alerted police... So the guy was in the Army and obviously got kicked out, right? He's in the Army Reserves. No, he didn't get kicked out. He's in the Army Reserves. No, he didn't get kicked out. He's in the Army Reserves. He was in there for a decade. Is that the same thing as the National Guard?

No. So the National Guard, so the Army Reserves is like, uh, God. They haven't caught this guy. They obviously still haven't caught this guy. This article, this thing came out like 10 minutes ago. Hey, he's on the run. He's probably in fucking Texas by now. Well, so what's the Army Reserves?

They just made a mayor in Texas. I think the Army Reserves, I honestly don't know. You get training, though, but you on the run. He's probably in fucking Texas by now. Well, so what's the Army Reserves? They just made a mayor in Texas. I think the Army Reserves, I honestly don't know. You get training, though, but you chill in America. It's kind of like the National Guard, probably. A little bit, yeah. It's like the G League for the Army. I think it's like, but I do know the National Guard, the National Guard deploys more than Army Reserves.

Army Reserves is a lot of training and support and logistics. Sure, if they go National Guard, then if we run out of those guys, Reserves. Like, Army Reserves is a lot of, like, training and, like, support and logistics. Sure, if they go to National Guard, then if we run out of those guys, Reserves. Yeah. Army Reserve are the guys that, like, they're like, you need to work on, like, killing women and children. Yeah.

You need to figure out the fuel depot for killing women. Yeah, yeah. You don't know how to bust into a village. You're not even doing it right. Yeah, so, I mean, I don't know. They didn't catch this guy, by the way. So, if you're living in Maine, what do you shoot up?

Keep your eyes open. I think he just shot a bunch of things. It was a bowling alley. What a hack. He obviously heard about Dylan and he heard about the Pioneers. He heard about the Columbine kids and he went and shot up a bowling alley.

I don't like bowling alleys. Bowling alleys are very, very sweet. You don't like bowling alleys. Bowling alleys are very, very sweet. You don't like bowling alleys because that's where you suck off all those dudes you meet. You know what I mean? What the hell, John? Why would that? No connection whatsoever. That's where a lot of gay sex happens, in bathrooms and bowling alleys.

Really? Really? How do they stay on their feet? Those shoes are so slippery. How do you fuck a man with bowling shoes on i just uh i must look like a fucking uh like a looney can leverage bowling alleys they're on the lanes i think bowling alleys are like second to like spas what yeah there's like kids at bowling alleys. The fuck are you talking about? No, we're talking about like 1980s bowling alleys.

Oh, okay. Like Times Square bowling alleys? No, like way out in the Burbs bowling alley. That's where all the gay sex happens. What is your obsessive gay sex happening, dude? You're like, the main thing constantly on your mind is other people having gay sex. It's crazy. You're so fucked up.

I'm fine. Dude, I got out of the movie like on Sunday night at John. gay sex. It's crazy. You're so fucked up. I'm fine. Dude, I got out of the movie on Sunday night and John, it's like 1am, and John calls me and he's like, come to Astro. We had a great time. John had three diner salads in a row. I had two. He had two diner salads. Just get pancakes.

John's also the type of guy that goes to diners and he gets pasta. He got chicken marsala At a shitty diner They pour like fucking They pour like shitty red wine Can I defend myself I always order a diner salad when I eat at Astro's

But then I found out the thing I wanted to order also included a salad So I was like yeah double up Sure That's alright And they're the best Astro's salads are the best Double up. Sure. Yeah. That's, come on. That's all right. Sure. Yeah. And they're the best. Astro salads are the best. I'm starting to realize there's nothing funny about looking at the image of the shooter. No, I was just curious.

I was trying to break a story. I thought maybe we just caught him or something, but he's still on the loose. Shit. There was the, well, I mean, look at this, John. What is this? Look at this. Look at this lady serving people at IHOP. It was eat breakfast.

Looks like my next girlfriend. She's on heroin falling. Looks like my next girlfriend. Set them piercing, braids fucking nodding off on heroin. There we go. Yeah, there she is. Are you going to find her? I'm in love with her.

Yeah. IHOP, good God. She's nodding off while taking an order at IHOP. Yeah, there she is. Are you going to find her? I'm in love with her. Yeah. IHOP, good God. She's nodding off while taking an order at IHOP. Yeah, dude. Obviously on heroin, right? Probably. Yeah, nodding off is an opiate. Look at her snap out of it.

Probably fentanyl. It could be Xanax or something. If she didn't sleep and that's a high dose of Xanax, that's possible. She needs a speedball. That's what she needs. Yeah, she needs to juice up a little bit. She needs to juice up a little bit. Every time I go to an IHOP or a Denny's, I mean, it's amazing the amount of open sores.

Yeah. Everyone that goes to IHOP or Sizzler or Denny's, like, they don't know about Band-Aids. There's just open wounds. Well, there's so many. It's like, what are you going to wear Band-aids all over yourself the open wound cafe open sword cafe you walk into a fucking like denny's there's a guy with a cannonball wound he's just got like a giant gaping hole in his gut i was in a small town of the cascades and i went to this gas station what are the cascades these mountains in washington and i went to this gas station. What are the Cascades? These mountains in Washington.

And I went into this gas station, and there was literally everyone in there. Looked like they had the plague. It was crazy. Yeah. Just fucking dripping. Yeah. With fucking heroin. You know, Oregon and Washington, they don't get enough shit for, like, having, like, they

have a lot of white hillbillies. They not only have a lot of white hillbillies, they got a lot of racist and creepy shit going I drove to Oregon to see my friend at this stupid Oregon college back when I was like 18, 19. And the drive there, it felt like you're in the middle of the country. Like it's a bunch of creepy, weird.

There's also like a KKK feeling there. There's like two real cities. The Pacific Northwest, that green room shit. There's Portland and Seattle. And then there's like shitty places like Tacoma and stuff, but 99% of it is where people think Bigfoot lives. Yeah, I think the rainforest.

Wrong turn, hills have eyes kind of shit. The rainforest brings the worst out of white men. We all become Rambo, and we all start fucking laying traps and being racist. Yeah, Rambo takes place in the greenery. You start doing heroin and fucking laying booby traps in the woods. Yeah. Or you start, you pick up guitar, you start shredding, you become Allison Chains. You pick up Kurt Cobain.

You're Eddie Vedder. Which way, Western Son? Do you want to be Allison Chains or do you want to be a racist skinhead who leaves booby traps on his property? Oh, shit. Hold on, guys. Hold on. I'm getting a call from my lawyer. Hold on. Yeah. Hello, shit. Hold on, guys. Hold on. I'm getting a call from my lawyer. Hold on. Yeah.

Hello? Yeah. So what's the next step? Okay. Well, can we, like, how do we silence these women? We can't.

So it's going to... I should turn my... I should turn myself in like as soon as... Well, last week it was 12. It's 1,200 women coming. What? 1,200 is a lot.

That's a lot, dude. That's like a whole high school graduating class. Well, what? How about we do it? Can we go like a... What about majors? Jonathan Majors and all these other guys.

They got away. What do we do here? You're more of a Masterson, I think. Yeah, you're a Masterson. That's what he just said. He just said Masterson. He just said I'm more of a Masterson. All right.

All right. I'm recording. Call you later. All right. Bye. Sorry to hear about that, dude. You're going to be fine. This shit is getting crazy.

There are so many women coming out against me. They're stacking up. I don't know what to do here. Have you ever seen 300? Can I kill somebody? Should I hire somebody to kill me? No, don't do that. No, that would be bad.

Just stand your ground and, you know. Deny, deny, deny. Deny, deny, deny. Deny, deny, deny. You're at the hot gates of Thermopylae, and they're the Persian army, and they're coming. I didn't do anything to most of them. Well, don't say that. A lot of them are riding on the backs of the ones I did do stuff to.

They're hysterical bitches. I know, and that's what I told my lawyer last week. He said that doesn't fly in court. That's ridiculous. You can't tell a judge, look at these hysterical whores. He said I can't go on the stand and say that. Your lawyer sounds like a cuck. What a cuck.

He's a fucking faggot, dude. The guy getting accused of rape, and he calls his lawyer a faggot. Imagine doing that on the stand. I'd be like, your honor, my lawyer is a fucking faggot. It's kind of what Bundy did remember when Bundy came out of like he wouldn't

he fucking wadded up his uh jail cell with a bunch of toilet paper and he wouldn't come out and he fucking like wedged it

I didn't know this what did he do I didn't know this he fucking like wadded up a bunch of shit into his jail cell so they couldn't open it. Fuck yeah.

And then so they're delaying a huge, the biggest trial of like the decade. Need more time to study. No, he was just pissed because they weren't like letting him. Yeah, maybe you wanted to study yourself. He was pissed off they weren't letting him murder women. He's like, you want to let me rape and murder whores? What's this prison thing? But they finally brought him out, and everyone's delayed.

The judge is furious, and he walks out, and the judge is like, okay, Mr. Bunny, thank you for welcoming us with your presence, gracing us with your damn presence. And then Bunny goes, your honor, and he starts pointing at the judge. Yeah. And just goes, don't you point your finger at me. And he goes, all right, I'll point it at my lawyer. He probably deserves it more anyways.

He's like a piece of shit. He instantly turns it on his lawyer. That kicks ass. Bundy was a smart guy. Also, the judge started cracking up immediately. Charmed him. Yeah, the judge wanted to suck Bundy off. Yeah, it was really weird.

You know what's creepy about Halloween is that it's kind of like a holiday for Bundys. People love, I've never vibed with Halloween. I love Halloween. I like the Halloween. I like pumpkins. I like love the kids. I bet. I think it's charming when the kids are like, it's nice

to see a kid be excited about his outfits and his costume. I like handy candies. You got some parents that are all like, look at our cute little kid. They're all happy. It's nice. Great time to meet single moms. I feel wholesome.

I feel wholesome. I don't know what you're talking about, John. I feel wholesome. What are the single moms? What are you talking about? Taking the kids out trick-or-treating. They come to your house. I pretend this house is my house.

I go, I own this big house in Silver Lake. I go, hey, I'm handing out candy. I love candy. We used to hand out candy every Halloween together. Well, you wanted me to film the kids

that I was handing out candy to, which is weird. And I was like, no, this is when I pick up girls. No, no, I didn't want to film the kids.

I wanted to film the teenagers that come because near the end of the night, teenagers start coming in the door. And I've had a couple arguments with them. I go, what are you? I go,

what are you? You're in school? They're just wearing normal clothes and I've gotten in fights with people. I saw a post on Instagram couple arguments with them i'll be i go what are you i go i go what are you you're a student in school you're too old they're wearing normal clothes and i've gotten in fights with people i saw a post on instagram defending teenagers trick-or-treating no it's bullshit it was like a woke post like just let them be them like they're just having a fun it's like dude fuck off no you don't get to go trick-or-treating fuck you you go fucking you go fucking do drugs in the park like a normal smoke weed and go to the graveyard. You don't dress up anymore, bitch.

Fucking retard. You go watch scary freaky movies and you kill a cat and you do normal shit. Put a firecracker in a cat's ass and grow the fuck up. Yes, worship the devil and try to get fingered. Yeah, exactly. But I don't understand Halloween. I think it's kind of a

bizarre holiday to me. Because the people that go to not scary, where everyone's dressed up holding chainsaws and knives. That shit doesn't scare me. It doesn't scare me. I think it's a bizarre indictment of our culture that we do at the same time, we are against murder.

We're against violence. And then we have a holiday once a year where we do like to dress up like murderers. We're desperate for stimulation. People dressed up as Dahmer last year. Or people are going to dress up as Dahmer this year. Yeah, his victims are still alive. Or some of his victims' families are still alive. There's a guy walking around with Jeffrey Dahmer.

It's sick. It's sick. You know? I think it's an odd holiday. Yeah, you should write a congressman, you know? Yeah. You ever think about Ron Goldman's family? I think about them sometimes. I don't know who Ron Goldman is. The guy that was killed by OJ the waiter, had his head

chopped off by OJ. Oh, he's fucking his wife. He was apparently fucking Nicole, or just bringing her back her glasses. They were divorced or like separated though. You never know. Bring her glasses. That's a great theory. I heard OJ killed Ron Goldman because he was a Zionist.

By the way, OJ's a big OJ's a big Palestine guy. You just reminded me of my favorite OJ joke ever. It goes, what did Ron say to Nicole when they met up in heaven? Oh, God. What?

What? Here's your fucking glasses. That's good. That's lighthearted fun. Did you see OJ tweeted at Will Smith, and he was like, hey, Will Smith, hit me up. Really? Yeah, I think I saw it the other week. He's like, I could teach you how to handle your wife.

God, what if the piss, I'm going to bail John out and piss first. Hell yeah, brother. I have zero desire to piss. It's the Devin and John three minutes. What's up, Johnny?

Nothing, bud. How are you? Fine. How are you? I'm doing great. What's this? What did he bring? This?

Bikini. Watch this lady. This lady, this is an influencer, and she tries to jump in a frozen lake, and she doesn't understand how ice works. Look at her. She's going to get really fucked. She's too little to fucking jump in that lake. Look at this.

Oop. Okay, here I go. I have a bikini on. I'm hot. You get really fucked up, man. I love how stupid everyone is. The world is our oyster and we will shuck it. Pilot, you try not to shut off plane engines.

Pilot, did you see that? Did you see that? This pilot shut off. Man, he's the man. He shut off a plane. Like a commercial pilot? Yeah, he almost crashed a plane. Oh, wow.

He's a flight, real life flight. Look at this. Pilots who tried to shut off plane engines had taken mushrooms, not slept in 40 hours. I pulled both emergency shut off handles because I thought I was dreaming and I just want to wake up.

An Alaska Airlines pilot tried to kill the engines on a commercial flight earlier this week. Every reaction seemed to coalesce around a single question. Hey, bud, why'd you do that what would joey ask the questions it's like and joey answers hey it was just a goof i was doing you know that was dreaming joseph emerson the pilot who had attempted to shut off the engines on the embryo blah blah blah told police in an interview that he had taken psychedelic mushrooms the first time before but

you know i don't know i've been I've taken like an eighth of mushrooms before. And I think even on that, I would know, like I shouldn't shut off a plane I'm flying. Well, I wouldn't fly a plane on an eighth of mushrooms, but also this guy sounds like a real badass. Alaska Airlines can't catch a break, dude. People that fly Alaska Airlines are like constantly trying to take those things down.

I took an Alaskan Airlines prop plane one time. It was crazy. You ever take a propeller plane? No, I don't know what that means. It means a prop has a prop on it. It has propellers on it. You ever take a plane with propellers? The things that spin around.

Spin. No, I don't get in those. You never got in one of those? No. Like a small local flight? That's how everyone does. That's probably how you get to Rapid City, low-key, right? No, they have little jets.

Oh, word. I've been on a few of those where I low-key, right? No, they have little jets. Oh, word. I've been on a few of those where I'm just like, oh, shit, this is kind of badass. Sean thinks to get to Rapid City, we have to get in a plane like we're going to Bolivia. Why wouldn't I think that? Like we're flying into the Amazon. It's one step above that. It is one step above that. Why wouldn't I believe that?

Sure, no, it's one step above that. It's a Southwest flight that's the smallest plane you've ever seen on Southwest. There's like 12 people on it. I was on one of... I'm going to take a piss too. Wow, you stink. Great timing while we're in the middle of a conversation. Shut up, fag.

Fuck you, dude. Get out of here, John. This is my... I mean, man. This is fucked. This is fucked up, dude. You're fucked. We're trying to broadcast.

We're trying to do a fucking show. This is an odd one. I know. I'd say this episode is fucking show. This is an odd one. I know. I'd say this episode is like a... This is like our sub... This is a strange, strange ep. Well, we're reeling from possibly, unanimously, for sure, the worst ep we've ever done on Patreon. That is true.

And we have a corner for it. But I'm not gonna condemn it. It was a... It was my favorite episode. This just shows you. Contentious episode. Very polarizing. Not even polarizing because everybody hated it.

Here's the thing. I put it out. I didn't even know we even called Matt. When I edited it, I was like, oh, I guess we called Matty Rat. I didn't know what we did. I didn't know John made a guy cum. You know what happened? I forgot about the whole thing.

I'll take John made a guy cum, Matty Rat. But here's why I think it happened. We did a pod on Friday. We usually do every Friday we record a pod. We did a pod two days after we podded. Friday, then Monday, because that's the only day we could all do it. And then so we were like, fuck, we don't have anything to watch. We panicked.

And then John was obsessed with making maddie rat come and so we're like all right dude you did want to call maddie rat though no no i just wanted to say hi but john you just wanted to say john turned it he's sort of gooning him and making him come with joi here's the thing the last few weeks we've been dealing with john's mania yeah john's like going john's it's like The last few weeks we've been dealing with John's mania. John's like... It's like podcasting with fucking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Right. His memory gets zapped every five seconds. Who knows what's going

on with him? Sure. He's in a Charlie Kaufman film like the last month. We really go at his pace. But yeah, it wasn't... We'll do a corner at the end. What is the name of the corner? It's just like the bad episode corner.

The bad episode corner. People really, really, really were really upset. They hated it so much. They really hated it. It's like, fucking folks, this is a fluid... This is a non-binary pod. We are one thing and another thing week after week. We do it twice a week all the time.

They're not all going to be weird. I agreed with every single comment because I didn't listen either. I won't listen. I refuse to listen. That was right before we went to that work event. I uploaded it and I went, the name of this episode is the best part of it. Yeah.

But I don't even know. It might be good. I don't know. Some people get a kick out of that. J.P. Ryder Morgan and Gabe Redman both said that it was their favorite episode ever. Hey, listen. You got to take risks. What other podcasts out there are fucking calling Pakistani gay guys and fucking with them that are fans? Making them come. By the way, not fucking with them. Let fans. Making them cum. By the way, not fucking with them.

Let's save it for the corner, I guess. Yeah, we'll save it for the corner, but I'm just saying, we try new things here. Every other podcast you guys listen to is just about fucking people hanging out, saying next to nothing for an hour,

and you guys act like, we are the, listen. We're highly critical people. Our whole podcast is criticizing everybody, we we are the because listen we're highly critical people our whole podcast is criticizing everybody so we get the most we get like a lot of like very critical fans yeah i get it i understand and i really i couldn't disagree with a single comment no i read every comment last yesterday i was playing golf with ben jays and i was reading comments throughout the day and i go yeah you're right I'm sure you hated it.

I guess it stinks. Oh, we're talking about these haters, dude? Let's do the corner. Should we just do the corner? The bad episode corner? Yeah. Sorry, guys. I took a piss and immediately went up there and the second I left I just started giving me snacks. Okay, nobody... But yeah. Alright.

So the bad episode corner, right? Yeah. Okay. Here, I have a little... I thought we could play these. Really nice. Last week, honey, we did an episode where we interviewed a gay packy. And we talked to him. John gave him a JOI. A lot of our fans did not enjoy it.

But that's the game of podcasting. One week it's great, the next it's odd. You never know what you're going to get on the hate watch pod. Oh yeah, you are, who knows what we do here. Is that all the comments? Is that all the hate we have? Send in your hate. Yes.

Next week could be worse. You never know what you're gonna get. Hey, next week, next week we might just, we might just, just watch porn the whole episode and not say a single word. Is that all the hate?

Is that all the hate, my friends? Is that all the hate? I know you're out there on the Hate Watch Patreon, and you're afraid that listening to a gay Pakistani come will make you gay, because you know you're secretly gay. You're a bunch of Dwight Howards. Just admit it.

You're gay as shit. You listen to a show full of a bunch of retards that make fun of people all week. And then occasionally they try and implement a new angle and you hate it. That's all right. You're nervous. You drive a big truck so your wife doesn't think you fuck men.

We're well aware of what's going on. If you don't like that episode, you're gay. You're overcompensating fags. How about that? Not going to apologize. That being said, I hated the episode too, honey. It going to apologize. That being said, I hated the episode too, honey.

It was quite bad. I thought it sucked as well. And all your complaints are very, very realistic. And we hear

you. But it's one of many. And you're going to hate other episodes in the future. So get used to

it, fag. That's the end. Welcome. get used to it, fag. Very good. That's the end. Welcome. Get used to it, fag. And then boom. Welcome, welcome. God, no. Can I fucking defend something really quick? Sure. Okay. People hated you, by the way. People were really upset. I don't give a fuck.

I literally don't give a shit. Number one, fuck, okay, listen. He's a gay Pakistani paleontologist. Okay? I'm sorry you're fucking like from Dayton, Ohio, and you don't comprehend why I might give him, might goon him. He's a packy bastard. He's a packy bastard.

John convinced that everyone that didn't like it is jealous because John didn't goon them. Yeah, exactly. No, he's a tip of the spear fucking hate watch supporter. John's a fan of, John is like really into the fact that like, John's upset that people think he didn't, he didn't J-O-I right. I J-O-I'd perfectly, but I could J-O-I. John's like more thinking about himself. He's like, dude, people are fucking, they don't think I'm good at J-O-Is, dude.

That's fucking, fucking bullshit, dude. No, no. I can fucking make people cum, dude. I'm the best J-O-I-er of all time. So for the corner, I didn't ask for questions. We're just going to read the comments that hated it the most. So here we go. Welcome to bad episode quarter.

I missed this voice. So first comment from a guy named Red Bar Sweater. Red Bar, you know Red Bar? Yes. He wears a sweater. We get it, yeah. Here's a comment. Mighty Rat has never been and never will be funny.

It's shitpost filler content. When are you changing the name of the show to Hate Talk? I want to see you making fun of retarded videos on the internet. If you don't, I'm calling Rob Dyrdek over to your basement to beat you with a giant laptop. Very good, very good. Very good, buddy. We understand your complaints, sir. Listen, we didn't do much of that either this episode.

So after this corner, we got to like, maybe we do like another 30 minutes where we watch some stuff. I'm down. I'm down to watch. Get into it. We'll give them a two hour extravaganza. We always try to watch stuff and then like John gets gay with somebody and it sidetracks the whole thing. Can't help it. I just support the brothers.

It's my go-to. I just support the brothers. I, it's my, it's my go to, I always want to help. It's been a weird, it's, it's, it's a,

you know, I feel like I'm getting, I'm definitely, I think maybe sick. I don't really know. I don't feel sick, but I have like a runny nose and my nose is all hard. You ever get your nose being hard?

I have like, I have like a sensitive, like rough, hard nose. I don't know what's happening. I think I have a virus of some hard nose I don't know what's happening I think I have a virus of some sort and I don't feel normal

and John my stomach has been fucked unfortunately today once again the only thing I really felt to do was to exploit John and his awful life

and so we're gonna watch we're gonna try and watch I'm healthy as a horse I'm gonna kick it I'm healthy as a horse anyone we can call any fan right now I'll goon them right now.

I can fucking do this for four hours. Next comment, Joseph. Next comment from our first Patreon subscriber ever and the editor of a lot of our videos, JP Ryder Morgan. Lovely man. What'd JP say? Comment from JP Ryder Morgan. Always.

By the way, JP never is against us, ever. So here's what he say. Comment from JP on Morgan. Always. By the way, JP never is against us. Ever. So here's what he said. Laughing my ass off. I was right there with Connor on the Matty Rap bit. Jesus Christ. What did I even listen to? Live goon sesh. Jesus Christ.

You don't get that anywhere else. That's not negative. We're a freak show. Where else do you get that? That's not negative. Where else do you get that? We're a freak show. Where else do you get that, folks? He was shocked. It was as negative as he will get. Next question. Jack Lucci.

Matty Ratt's stuff is stale. Next question, Mr. Cecil. I get it. I'm over Matty Ratt. Another super fan. Listen, I'll stop talking about him because of this furious response, but I want to make every ep about Matty. I'm here about Matty. But I'll stop because I hear you people.

These people, they're Islamophobic. I'm pro-Matty. They're homophobic. Homophobic, Islamophobic. What are you going to do? 2023, I wish we didn't have to censor ourselves to cater to homophobes and Islamophobes. It's ridiculous.

It's hard to hard. Next comment, Johnny Malloy, Mr. Cecil, another. Our most sane fan. Our most sane fan. And when I saw him, I go, all right. He's married. We're wrong. Huge fan.

Yeah. He goes, I'm still not convinced. Matty Wright isn't Ben doing a voice. Either way, I'm beyond over it. Or I love it. Whatever triggers Joey's brain to stop doing it. It's enough already. He says he loves it. He knows the ODD.

He's playing chess with me. And then he goes and he seems like a nice guy. He's always been nice to me. So he tried to be like, hey, look, I'm not homophobic. I just don't like that. He spoke in Maddie. Yeah, that's coming up. That's coming up. So next comment, the Maddie crap almost made me quit the Patreon. I absolutely turned that gross shit Yeah, that's coming up. That's coming up. So, next comment.

The Matty Rack crap almost made me quit the Patreon. I absolutely turned that gross shit off. Oh, enough. It's $1.25 a week, retard. Okay? You buy candy bars more expensive, you fat fuck. I'm going to quit the Patreon because one week was kind of weird and bad. Anyway, I love him. He goes, I'm open-minded about sexuality.

They're all so threatened. They're all gay as hell. These guys were jacking off to our fucking, our Islam cum episode. This guy seems gay. He goes, I'm open-minded about sexuality, but I listen to this for humor.

And that was the least funny shit I've heard in a while. John needs help. That's hilarious. A lot of people are worried about John. No, most people, honestly, they're not even hateful of Matty Rat. They just are terrified of John. By the way, John's doing better. You were like.

Apparently, John literally talked him into coming. I didn't even remember anything. No, I don't remember it. Well, you know, if I can give a count, okay, listen. Let's get down to brass tacks here. Okay, so say all of our listeners out there

say you're a big fan. Instead of the Hate Watch podcast, you're a big fan of a podcast with four really hot chicks that are on it, right? No, shut the fuck up. No, shut the fuck up. No, no, no, no, no. And one of them fucking calls you,

and then they jerk you off live on the fucking... That's Matty Redd. He's gay. He's gay. You're not hot. You're not hot. To Matty, though, he is. First of all, he is.

Not to Matty. He's the hottest guy in the world. We have a predominantly straight audience, and they don't want you. Sorry, bud. I'm here to help. Jacking off man on the phone. I'm here to help anyone. Next comment from Stuart.

He goes, does he jerk off in the episode? I stopped at 40 minutes, and I don't want to continue if he does. Did he? I don't think he did. Matty Rat came. He came. He didn't come on the episode. Matty Rat went, ugh.

He made a coming sound. I think he was like joking. He's like a wacky guy, that guy. So he ended up clarifying that he came after and that he was doing,

he was like gooning or edging. He just said that. Very good, Matty. No, he came after. He did come. He's a comic genius, man.

No, no. Matty Rat's a fucking saboteur. I love the comments where people were like, yeah, he's fucking hilarious. All he does, he's a fucking

packy piece of shit. I know. Turn the comment section into this is England. The robbery. I will slay you where you stand. I also get it if you don't like him on the show,

but to deny that he is a brilliant writer in a weird, funny way is just a fucking lie. Now you're just gay. One guy in the comments said something where it made me laugh on the golf course yesterday where some guy was like,

so seductive, so erotic. Shut the fuck up. He fucking sucks at writing. He's not even a good fucking writer. Thank you for listening, sir, but that is a struggling writer who is very bitter. Jealous and bitter.

He's Barton Fink over there. Next question. Next question. Another dirty eye tie. I don't want to say his full name because maybe he doesn't want us to, but his name is Anthony and then it sounds like...

Sure. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. And he goes, this is way too weird and gay, even for me.

Enough with this fucking guy. I started paying for this instead of Matt and Shane because I know you guys have less money than them. Move the fuck on from this schizophrenic weirdo. What is this? Your mom's house?

Thanks, buddy. Do they do this? I don't know what any of these podcasts do. I don't listen to other podcasts. But I understand where he's coming from. And I appreciate him for caring about the little guy. So then he double comments. He comes right next comment.

He goes, I'm not canceling my sub, but I swear to God, if you guys call this fucking guy one more time, I'm buying a plane ticket to Los Angeles, and I'm hunting you down like I'm a shitty Liam Neeson movie character about silencing retarded podcasters. I'd love to meet you. We'd love that. We'll buy you a drink. I mean, come on, buddy.

You'd love hanging out with us. That guy actually, I kind of, I like him. I love his theory. I love his theory. I love, I love his theory. I love, I love what he, his thought process where he's like, yeah, you guys, you know, Matt and Shane, they make fucking probably, I don't know. Those guys must make millions a dollar. A million every fucking three months. But like, so thank you.

And they deserve it. But I also like all bias aside, I kind of get him and i like i understand i thought i uploaded the episode uh and i didn't it was one of those episodes where i didn't i skimmed it just to know what we were talking about john was but i didn't quite listen to it because i was even like i don't know what we did this john was horny and i go i go, I know John. In my mind, I go, I know John probably ruined it as usual. John was just horny. And he had, he was I saw an opportunity and I took it. John's been

John's been, I've been driving, here's the thing, Joy, like the last couple weeks, I've been driving by, we'll pass like a woman, we'll pass by like a 4,000 pound maid and she's like coming out of a laundromat and John's like look at that fucking, John's like look at that fucking look at that fucking mommy dude I wanna fuck her so hard

dude every drive here cause he you know very graciously gives me a ride non stop with the fucking ass on the truck just in front of those fucking so he kind of got into Matty Rack cause you are like you are kind of like you're like half gay kind of no a lot of peopleack. Because you are like, you are kind of like, you're like half gay, kind of.

No. You're gayer than everyone here. I'll goon a fan. You've like made, you've goon a man and you've like, you know. I'll goon Matty Rack. You've kissed men and stuff. You're kind of gay. I'm a wildcat.

You're kind of gay. I mean, I'm out here. You're a wildcat. A wildcat. Yeah, you're a wildcat. Rawr! I'm out here. You're a wildcat. A wildcat.

Yeah, you're wild. Rawr! By the way, for people concerned about John... Rawr! Fuck off, I'm fine. You guys wouldn't last a second in my world. There are people concerned about John's mental health. They don't want to last a second in your world.

They don't understand why you willfully live in your world. Because I'm the fucking... I just... I do things. John's been doing much better, though. You've got... You had sex with a hot chick the other night.

Who'd you fuck the other night? A beautiful, very pretty woman and she has an amazing apartment and it was a great time. I love how he had to say the apartment part. I love the apartment. I was like, who am I jealous of? No, I'm not going to be.

I literally, as I've literally in my new life, have you ever heard of some hobosexual? No. Hobosexual is these guys that fuck chicks that move into their place, that use the chicks to move into their place. I'm like, dude, I cannot become one of those fuckers. Yeah. I was like, I'm making a big point.

I'm making a big point not to like, but like. You'd be living with a girlfriend. Low key, low key. I was like, I was like in the morning afterwards, I was like, I need to use your shower. Yeah. You're already on that path. No, I'm not going to be a homosexual. That's ridiculous.

I'm going to stay a homosexual. John's a homosexual. And you should become one if you're not one now. Ladies, if you're in Los Angeles and you have a shower I can use, let's go. Hit me up. John is good at sex. John Badman. I'm pretty fucking good at fucking.

It's John Badman. He does the thick flexing and his boner will stay forever and he'll make you cum. I have a big taint and I can stay hard forever. Next comment. Joseph S. Keep putting that gay packy on and the Patreon money will dry up so quick you'll be living on the floor with John. Joseph Hess? I get it.

Okay, Herman Hess's nephew? What's going on here? Grill him. I get it. I get it, Joseph Hess. I understand. Listen, I understand all your complaints. We're all jealous.

Here's my favorite comment. I understand all your complaints. We're all jealous. Here's my favorite comment. No, I understand all your complaints. They're not getting gooned. Very short, but I love this comment. A guy named Frank. He just goes, first episode I turned off. Horrible content. I get it.

A guy named Felix goes, maybe we should slow it down with the John is gay thing. It's starting to get to his big fat head. The homoeroticism was more potent than a high school football locker room on this one. Connor couldn't help but deep throw his finger the entire podcast. But what? Deep throw his finger? I don't know what that means. I think that means that Connor was like puking.

Or no, Connor was like, maybe that. Who's chewing his fingernails? I thought that meant that Connor was like gay because that. Who's chewing his fingernails? I mean, who knows? I thought that meant that Connor was like, gay because he was so grossed out.

I don't know. Either way, that was, okay, here's a guy. You gotta go with the numbers and most people hated it. Everybody.

So I agree with you. Two guys didn't hate it out of thousands. A couple people liked it. But I won't apologize for it. It was my favorite episode but I admit, I'm out of touch.

We are a fluid podcast. Who knows what we are? And you know what? We take risks here. We're willing to risk a bad episode on call. You know, listen, I didn't want to call him. You kind of did. I was blazing a train. You kind of did.

I wanted to say hi really fast because I cared about him. And then John got really gay with him. I took an opportunity I often cave to you It's your show you have to step up Your name's on the show You're responsible It's your fault fucker

If John's horny I'm a man of the people You see me I do things I will literally just Fucking shoot off. Yeah. Okay, Jevin, you got to reel me in, man. Exactly.

Okay, like, you can't just let me fucking, I'm a wildcat. No, I'm going to let you. Okay, we just said this. I'm going to let you hang yourself. No. If you let John do it. I've never hung myself ever. You're letting him hang the show.

You can't let his whoriness guide the show. You can't. Your name's on it. It's your fucking fault, dude. Your otter face is on the sign. Yes. Guys, guys, guys, guys. Guys. Guys. What, guys, guys. Guys.

Guys. What? Guys. Waiting. You're trying to cook up something to say after this. He's cooking it up right now. I got nothing. Here's a new guy who...

I love when there's a new guy. I love when we get a new member of the Patreon. He's like, this is what you do? This guy goes,il rio tardo by the way this is a patron episode this we're gonna give this to our patrons okay whatever i think this is good for the main this is great for the main rio tardo says god damn it i hate joey nobody fucking cares about maddie rat shit skin. Hercadurca. Whoa, that's actually racist. He's doing a little Team America thing. Team America thing. Shit skin.

Okay, let's get off Thorchan for three fucking seconds, buddy. He's saying his skin is... John texted me and goes, I'm here. And then I was like, oh, fuck. I didn't paste any of these comments together. So I was just like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Copy, paste, copy, paste. I didn't... If I would have known, he called poor Matty rat.

That's so mean. I love Matty. Because I do love Matty rat. Hold on, let's break it down. Let's break it down. I made him come. Oh, I know you do. Let's break it down.

The joke there is that because his skin is tan and dark, it's shit. That's fucked up. And that is pretty good. Riatardo. I like that name. What's his name? Phil Riatardo? Yeah. I love Phil Riatardo. I love that username. He's trying to be funny. Let him be. I love Phil. I love

Matty Ratt, though, too. That's mean. I love Matty Ratt, too. But Matty Ratt, no one's gotten more support and more attention given to him. He deserves it, in my opinion. Next question, Alex Garcia. But God bless you, man. I'm going to say it.

But we're done with you after this. We're never bringing you up ever again. Mean John Wall. Next comment, Alex Garcia. I'm going to say it. Matty Brett is a gay icon. Anyone who hates him is jealous of the attention they get. I told you it's very contentious.

It's a very polarizing issue. Oh, that was one out of 50. No! Call him right now. One out of like 90. Call him right now. We can't. We simply can't. We're not. No, retard. I want to. That was a test. That was a test to see if Devin would rank me.

I think it'd be funny. You did good. Hey, unsubscribe to the Patreon. I don't send John any money anymore. I'll never be here ever again. I know. You'll be to the Patreon. I don't send John any money anymore. I'll never be here ever again. I know. You'll be on the streets. Next comment. We're almost done.

Mr. Cecil Johnny Malloy comes back in. He goes... Johnny Malloy's a good man. He comes back. So he made that one comment. And then, like, one day later, he's, like, still stewing on it. He's still thinking about it. Like, Johnny Malloy's cooking dinner for his, like, wife.

And he's still like, God, that Matty Rat episode. It's like 30 minutes later. He's like, I'm done with the ragu. He goes, hold on. He goes into the bathroom and his wife thinks she's jacking off. He's just writing us messages. She's like, I wish you were jacking off.

This is way worse. So he goes, the Matty Ratchet has got to go. Or not every episode. Something. It's legitimately making me fast forward and I've never done that before. So he is like up there with J.P. Ryder Morgan. I get it, guys. I get it.

J.P. Ryder wasn't. That wasn't a negative comment. That was not. It was weird. It was negative for him. J.P. Ryder was like, this is shocking. I hear your concerns. And then a lot of the comments actually was people arguing with each other and just calling each other

fags and stuff. Yeah, we have two more. One more, and then Matty's response. Fuck yeah, dude. So Dexter, guy named Dexter goes, bro. What's with all these guys' names? They're internet names. They're all Cartoon Network characters.

So he goes, bros, we don't pay for John to give JOIs to an autistic, sexually repressed Middle Eastern teacher. Sounds phenomenal. Tell John to keep his horny shit for the other homeless dudes he sucks off in his gym showers. What the fuck? Jealous. I get what he's saying.

I understand where everyone's coming from. If I listened to it, I'd probably be sick of it too, but I would just be a normal consumer that goes, well, next week's probably not going to be that. But they're paying. They're paying. That's why I get it. $1.25 a week. Yeah, but they're all in poverty probably.

I get it. I've had points in my life where I've spent all my money. I do it every single paycheck, by the way, and then suddenly it's like, oh, 10 bucks. I'm like, whatever it is. Five. What is it? A month.

Five. It's fine. That will start. If I have like $30 left in my bank account and I start going like. One six of your fucking money. Exactly. I appreciate these people more than anybody on earth. I, I, I, um, I'm being serious now.

This is like a little serious part. I am so grateful for every single person that pays for the Patreon. It makes me... I'm going to call Matty Redd if you keep doing this. Yeah, this is gay as hell, dude. You got to cut this shit off. No, last comment. Last comment.

Matty response. Matty's big response. I love you folks. I'm sorry about these guys. Fuck off. Matty's big response. Sorry about Devin. He shouldn't be letting us do this kind of stuff.

Sorry about these guys. Matty. Howdy, Devin. Big response from Matty Rack. Okay, and this is tragic. Matty Rack goes, hello. I have just killed myself. He's talking from the afterlife.

Devin, you read this in Matty's voice, the bottom one. All right. Hello. I am very sorry if I may have ruined the episode for you. I am not accustomed to being on a podcast, so I may come across as awkward, especially when I am half awake with bad Wi-Fi. I do always love hearing about John's updates on his living situation,

and I am hopeful it will get better. Please do not unsubscribe from the podcast due to my inadequacy. Stay beautiful. What a lovely, what an amazing lovely fucking man. And that's the last that's the last we'll ever talk about.

Shut up. That's it for him. That's it for him. I've had it. We're it. That's it for him. Fuck off. That's it for him. I've had it. We're done. He's affecting our livelihood. Stop catering.

You know how many cancels we're going to get? What a great fucking guy. Solid, great fucking guy. And then I responded to him and I go, dude, I'm so sorry they're treating you like this. I'm sorry people are like this. It's like apartheid South Africa. And he's fucking Nelson Mandela out here. People were trying to spin it like we were being mean to him. And they realized, like, oh, no.

I made him cum. That's the least mean thing you could do. The nicest thing you could do for a man. The nicest thing you could do to a man. And then they're all like, oh, shit, Matty, like, we're sorry. They started being like, oh, wait. We were kind of just trying to troll the pod. We're sorry.

And we love you, Matty. So it's just like one of those things. And I guess I apologize to everybody who didn't like it. And I apologize to Maddie. To everyone who didn't like it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Devin did that on his show. Sorry I'm a wildcat.

Devin, that was Devin's show. Hate watch with. Yeah, whose dirty otter face is on the sign? Stop acting like I'm not a man of the people and that I don't give it up to my friends. Yeah. I let my friends be as much

a part of running the show as I am. You gotta take the reign. If you're gonna have your face on the sign... I'm not trying to have a problem with you. You're the guy with the drums. When you're obsessed... We're all steering. When Joey's obsessed, when you, when you, when, we're all steering. When Joey's obsessed

with wanting to call a fucking gay Patty, I'm not gonna get in the way of Joey, like, cause I, cause Joey's my best friend, so I'm like,

I'm gonna go, alright, Joey, Joey and I, Joey, by the way, by the way, real quick,

Joey and I, that would work. Yeah, that would work immediately. Sure. Let's not back, like, John,

don't, don't, don't stop with John. You don't, you don't want any, you don't want any part of this Don't act like John has anything to do with how the show is run John forgets what he did

Five minutes ago John doesn't know how to coordinate anything You and I are the only people running this show You and I are the only people I talk to you We talk about what we're going to do No I'm not mad He's all frustrated

You mad John's gay and he ruins the show We talk about what we're going to do. He's all mad. No, I'm not mad. I'm not mad. He's all frustrated. Don't side with him. You mad. You mad. Don't side with him. John's gay. He ruins the show. You know, you and I are the only people that are truly running this show.

Yeah. And there's some weeks where I go, Joey didn't say anything, so I'm just going to have some stuff. Sure. But you're the only person I talk to about how we do an episode. Right, right, right. You're the only person because you're the only sane one here. And look where it's brought us. John has syph one here. And look where it's brought us, bitch. John has syphilitic AIDS.

Look where it's brought us, retard. Why would I... We're making Pakistanis come on air and look where it's brought us. Why would I hit John up? Look at him go. Look at this great mastermind of the great show.

Let's end this. Yeah, I am a mastermind, you bitch. You're so lucky to be here, you fucking asshole. I don't give a fuck. That's why I'm so amazing. Oh, you don't give a fuck. Get back to Atlanta then and

pick up a fucking dead Rottweiler. Okay. Retard. You have no clue how lucky you are. Let's end it on this. I don't know. You don't know. I'm a retard. You forget how grateful you are. I'm not grateful. John forgets his gratefulness. I just keep living, buddy.

John forgets gratitude. That's how retarded he is. I give you gratitude constantly. When we go to the Patreon, I'm going to make Devin come. John's brain is so fucked up, he forgets to even say thank you. Yeah, exactly. Because he doesn't even remember that somebody served him. He forgot his own manners.

He doesn't even remember that somebody served him. He forgot his own manners. Oh, thank you, Devin. Oh, I get to make Pakistanis come on air. Let's end. That's good. You did it. Oh, thank you, Devin. I get to make Pakistanis come on air. You did it. You ruined last week. That was your horniness. You're tanking my Patreon. You're tanking my Patreon. Devin created

me. That's the thing. Devin is Batman and I'm the Joker. And the Joker's like, you made this. No, you're not the Joker. That woman who molested you online created you. Yeah, true. Devin's the second woman who molested me online. I think this, true. But let's go to the page. The woman who molested me online. I think this might be a Patreon. I think we can.

No, release this, man. I think the patrons would really appreciate this being for them. Here's an idea that I had. Especially after last week. Let me pitch this. I think this next episode, we could really take it. We could go to town on some stuff. Let's watch stuff.

I think we could take it. Watch stuff. We could do it. Hey, it's called Hate Watch. I think next episode, I think we could go to town on some watch stuff. I think we could take watch stuff. We could do a hate. By the way, it's called hate watch. I think next up, I think we could go to town on the club. Since this is the page,

let me pitch this to you before we end. And if this were the main, I would shut up. I don't want to waste the main airtime. But so here's an idea that I had.

Record both. No, no, no. Record both episodes not knowing which one will be which and then we flip a coin. And that's I like that.'s which one Anton Chigurh I like that but also

sometimes don't put it in your pocket now the page guys are like well this is guaranteed to be at least the same amount of effort as the main they're always the same amount of effort but there's no guarantee the Patreon is the same amount of effort. The Patreon is the same. But there's no guarantee.

No, no. Here's the thing. The Patreon is the same amount of effort as the public. There it is. It's just different. It's just a different vibe where we go. We have the shield where we're like, oh, this is like. We save John's address.

It's hidden. We dox John. But it's the same amount of effort. It's just. We just do a little crazier stuff. But that would guarantee it. That would be like, here is proof. Yeah.

It's like a blockchain. I'm just this guy. This guy right here. I mean, he is. He has. I don't think he even remembers. He doesn't even remember the mics in front of his mouth. He already forgot.

You probably remember all the cocks that have been in front of your mouth. He's literally like an MKUltra victim that only remembers he's like sentient if like he makes a gay joke. He's like a Terminator but like he needs to make a gay joke to even remember he's like what his job is. Yeah, no, it's like Blade Runner but they're like do a gay joke and he goes, yeah.

There's a turtle baking on your back and it's fucking you in the ass. He wakes up. Thank you. Perfect. Thank you Perfect Thank you Suck me off Fuck you and your podcast

We're gonna go We're gonna go By the way By the way By the way This is like The most important thing In John's life

No it's not What are you What are you So I'm good Dipshit I fucking show up You're You are furious

You are furious That's the thing He only thinks He has to show up He doesn't think about it Being furious. That's the thing. He only thinks he has to show up. He doesn't think about it being a podcast. He doesn't even know we record this. Devin Costa, you have no idea how it works. Devin. Devin, this is how it works. I don't know how a podcast works. I'm me. That's how I do my

thing. You're great. I'm great. But it's a fast track to nowhere for you. Whatever. Don't give a shit. I'll be fine. If we were making more money on Patreon, it would be great. But it's a fast track to nowhere for you. Whatever. Don't give a shit. I'll be fine. If we were making more money on Patreon, it would be great. I would not be acting any differently. But you should think about the show a little more. This is where you're failing, Devin.

He literally got upset at me for doxing. I see what John is saying, though, because... Yeah, because you're an asshole. But the thing is, Devin, you don't quite understand. What are you talking about? He tried to edit. I edited it out. But the thing is, Devin, you don't quite understand. He tried to edit. I edited it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the thing is, Devin doesn't quite understand. Sean didn't listen to the episode, so he doesn't even know when to tell me to edit out. I will say, if you want edits, you shouldn't give timestamps. He never listens to it. I would give timestamps. Sean literally knows. He doesn't even. Yeah, that's fair.

Point taken. Sean doesn't even know we record a podcast. But Devin doesn't quite understand. Is the second I start doing what he wants me to do, what makes me good ends. Yeah, I get that. Actually, I agree. What do you mean by that? Absolutely.

You have to understand that I'm a- So you don't think you're just generally funny? You think we need to make fun of you being a big fat retard for the rest of your life? No. I just think I'm- You're like also just very funny. You don't need to just be this character that's a big gay retard that's me no that's not you you've allowed yourself to become that no yeah yeah i'm just generally funny no you are you've created that no i have me no no no no

no you haven't you apologize for it every time you get mean with me that's the thing is evan evan always goes he does this thing where he goes you're're a big fucking retard. And then he goes like this. And he goes like this. And he goes, I love you though. On the back, I said, look at me. Devin, you gotta understand, is the way it's working now is the way it will work. It can't get better. No, but Devin.

We literally We had a conversation where Devin can't We can move on from this era. This is a great era. John, Joey, take a seat. Devin can't. We can move on from this era. This is a great era. John has talent, but John has been living his life

in a retarded way where it's impossible for me to be a broadcaster that doesn't bring up my friends. First of all, you're not broadcasting to fucking anyone.

Shut the fuck up. It's not Opie and Anthony, okay? Yes, it is, retard. What do you not understand about that? Because he literally doesn't even understand what a podcast is

Yes it is It's a radio show you dumb fuck Yes it is you syphilitic Fucking brain fucking retard The thing is it's not live Devin this is what you don't understand We're doing a show Devin

Larry King is what you should have said Like Larry King is a better example The thing is the way it's going now Why would I thinkvin, Larry King is what you should have said. What? Larry King is a better example. The thing is the way it's going now. Why would I think we're Larry King? Call yourself a broadcaster is what John was attacking. John doesn't want to say that. Life doesn't matter. He doesn't care

about what we do here. This is terrible. I'm going to call Matty Wright if we don't stop. I'm going to call Matty Wright if you don't stop. John just exists and John... I Wright if we don't stop. I'm going to call Matty Wright if you don't hit the button and stop. I'm saying John just exists. I care and I don't care. So then that's why he gets all upset at me when I don't edit out.

I don't get upset. Which I did edit out. I edited out that, but you don't listen to the show. So then you don't even know what to tell me you're upset at. You still got upset at me and I thought I edited out what you told me to edit out. I wasn't upset. I had a good conversation with you where I said I thought you meant to do the best you could possibly do, but in the future be more

careful. You were angry. I was angry. But I thought I edited out what you said. Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm not angry. But you don't listen to the show or know what's going on. But Devin, Devin, could you turn up the Bluetooth level? I'll do it on my speaker then. You know what I mean? I love you too, but you know what I mean.

I don't know what you mean, but you don't know what I mean. I do know what you mean, and I did exactly what you said. Is it not going great right now? Oh, it's always great. Then what are you worried about, buddy? I'm not worried about it. I'm just like, fuck. I'm just like, relax.

You can have a better life, and you need to get a job at a better bar. And everything needs to go better. But the second I start having a better life and get a better job at a better bar. No, no, no. You're way too good. All the things that make this good. That's not true. That's not true.

You don't need to keep being like a piece of shit for the show. You're always going to be great. But you don't understand. You were great when you got back from Atlanta. You think I'm doing it by choice. Joey, I swear to God, if you call that fucking packy piece of shit again, that fucking packy faggot. Turn the pot off.

Don't call it. Don't. How dare you? Turn it off.