Hate Watch with Devan Costa - The Theory of Every Teen

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Boomers being fools, crippled guy gets caught being a pedophile, drunk girl pisses herself in cop car, woman impersonates police officer https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end The best is over Many Americans I think feel that way Yes, yeah, yes, yay. Yes Back in action back in action yet another humiliation ritual for the boys Back in action back in action back in action yet another humiliation ritual for the boys So I just want to say really quick somebody pointed out

We like we're being dumb with this gun. I just want to say like we're gonna be more careful. Yeah Yeah, we're sorry. I mean much more careful with this That are on the patreon that were complaining and being really worried about the gun being real, they must be new fans because do they not remember the sixth month period where we did gun shit all the time? Obviously they're fake guns. They're fake guns. I kinda wanted to keep the big gun just to troll those guys,

but yeah, it's a fake gun. It doesn't matter. Even with us saying this is fake, they'll still fall for it. Yeah, they're gun guys. They're gun guys who are like, it's a fake Even with us saying this They're gun guys they're gun guys who were like don't even fuck around with shit like that Yeah, never point a gun at somebody unless you fucking fucking We have the halo gun. They're like Friend how fucking powerful a full blast but charges I have the Kingdom Hearts like some sword

How dare you dude you don't know sword etiquette at all dude. Yeah that was shocking to me how many people thought that was a real gun but hey that's what they do. It's Hollywood baby. Who knows what these people are doing they're sitting at a Waba grill five minutes before close, yelling at me about how the Patreon app doesn't work properly. Oh yeah. Look, can you just start sending me the video file personally on Google chat? Have you gotten that?

I get requests, people ask literally anything. Oh, these people, people just live to complain. And we're one to say that all we do is complain about the state of the world and people and comedy and everything. But like, it is amazing, no matter what. People go like, this spunk is stuck, can you just, can you email me the file?

They're like, they're kicking me out of Wobba Grill, I gotta find Wi-Fi, you should know ya. The types, these are the types of people I imagine they're paying for the show on like, you know when somebody has a credit card for a company you didn't know has credit cards, it's like, it's a Jersey Mike's card. It's like, oh yeah, I get extra Jersey Mike's parts.

It's like these people, who knows. $5,000 line of credit with Jersey Mike's. I'm a Mike's All-Stars fan. We have the most retarded listeners in the world. I posted a thing on Instagram like, hey, add me on chess.com, the dash T 1000, add me and we'll play. And then it's just me going like yeah the bishop goes diagonal like these idiots are so bad. Wait they don't know how to play chess at all?

They're idiots. There's like five guys that are actually better. They just want to be your friend dude they want to hang out. No they're my bros I'm mad I'm very bad too there's and there's five guys they're like I don't think you are I think you're pretty good. I'm better than like somebody who doesn't ever play. It is funny to get like our fans into like a thoughtful game like chess. It's just fun to play too because like they challenged me and now it's just like I got ten games going at all times and I can just sit there. You are always involved in a game. It's just fun. No I have ten games going at a time right now. It's sick. Yeah you're like you're gonna turn into Bobby Fischer. You haven't been saying a lot of things about Jews lately.

I'm probably Zionist. I'm the opposite of, I'm bad at chess and I'm a Zionist. I'm the complete opposite of Bobby. I'm a Zionist. Zionists hate Jews too though. They just think the new Jews are Palestinians. I'm whatever thinks Jews should be the supreme rulers of the entire planet.

And the moon. And the moon, well, they already have. They already have. They already have. They got the gold mines. Yeah. I'm kidding by the way, Jesus Christ. I'm not.

The gold mines. Jesus Christ. Well, we could talk about hollow moon theory all night. Hollow moon, we could talk about hollow moon theory all night is what you just said. You could, I don't. Yeah, you could. It's fun. It's fun. It's reptiles

Don't even get it. I don't even jump don't even don't even just pretend. He's not even there I'm just I'm bent out of shape about a humiliation rituals in Hollywood, so I can't believe What they did to John Cena John Cena do what happened makes me sick to my They made him walk out naked at the Oscars. They made a man with they made a man with a perfect body Walk it on stage naked humiliate Hanging was his dick out. He was Coming with the envelope, you know, that's crazy. Now. It's a Chinese side. I'm bit. It's funny. It was a great bit I thought it was funny too. I liked it, you know

It's funny how like, humiliation ritual does not work for white people. Like they don't know what they're talking about. White guys humiliate themselves all the time. Constantly. She could have come out and just been like, I got pranked, go to sleep over. Like we love that shit.

Yes, exactly. We love showing our balls. That doesn't work. They're braining each other. Yeah. Yeah, I had to tweet that bomb, but it was like, the idea of like a ho-tep kind of guy watching like Jack Asp, being like,

they just put Steve O in a Porta party and touched a bunch of course. Humiliation ritual continues, dude. The degradation of men is sickening. This is why Chappelle went to Africa. No, it's just white boy shit. It's just white boy shit. Yeah, we love it, dude.

It's white boy shit, and we won't stop. White boys love putting their dick and balls in between their legs and then making it look like they don't have anything. It's great shit, it's great. I love that kind of stuff. It was amazing how many people were saying, like talking about it, like just another typical

Hollywood Illuminati humiliation ritual. It's crazy. It's like, oh is it humiliating to be jacked in front of Margot Robbie? Yeah. Every single jacked person in the world is begging for an excuse to do what he did. Yeah, true.

Yeah, yeah. Like how the fuck can I get my body in front of the most people in the world without like just being a weirdo posting like a nude? Yeah. If he figured it out. He probably wrote the bit. Yeah.

What was the joke? He just comes out naked. No, no, no. It was their best costume. Yeah, best costume. It was the award, so just comes out and A's like, it was their best costume at the awards. So he's like, oh, costumes are very important. And cause he has no costume. And then everybody laughed. The Oscars were a delight.

They were a delight. Hollywood's biggest night. The stars were out in Hollywood this week. I was going, ooh, ooh, ooh. The whole night. It was so lovely to watch those people yeah, they had to squeegee under Amy Schumer's chair after All the squirt did she was there okay, I could think of like another takes off like on those Rockets with the hoses She was no they didn't have a seat big enough for She takes off like on those rockets with the hose. She steps on it. She wasn't there. She wasn't there.

They didn't have a seat big enough for her. They airlifted her in. She's like, you have to pay for two seats. Yeah, she got stuck in her seat. They had to remove her, like, Homer, when he went to the water park. They had to just undo the chair and airlift her out of there. No, she wasn't there.

She wasn't there. Maybe she was. There was a lot of Jews there. She wasn't there. I mean, there was a commercial for Jews during the Oscars, which is amazing because it's a whole ceremonies for Jews. Every commercial is a commercial. It's one giant commercial for Jews. Three out of commercial for Jews. One would think the Academy Awards. It's a three hour commercial for Jews.

Am I right? Folks, I don't like that. I'm Jewish, Joey. I can say whatever I want. I right? Folks. Folks. I don't like that. I'm Jewish Joey, I can say whatever I want. I can say whatever I want. You're like Muslim. He's Jew. I'm upset at my people right now. Ugh, you're doing bad. Oh man.

Somebody walks in and they go, what are you doing? I go, I'm pressing my own ass. Yes. Yes. You guys see Michael Imperioli in a Broadway play today, get interrupted by some environmentalist, activist guy, and he goes and kicks him out off stage. He turns into Christopher.

He stays in character. He turns into Christopher He stays in character Foley just oh, well, I didn't know realize it was up the whole time We are really mean to get a sloppy gotta get a producer and we're hammered Look at that I object what is wrong with these activists that think like hey, how do I get the word out? I'm gonna go to something that has absolutely nothing to do with my issue and bother them. Well, I don't know what this Play is about What's the issue? What's his issue? He's a well, he says I'm against the silence of like scientists, right? Is that what he says? Yeah something let's play a little bit My mother fucker Let's play a little bit

Motherfucker We got water, let's go. We got somebody? Where's that man? The ocean is our citadel. The ocean is our citadel. Our rides are our stable ships. Is that him in the hat? No, that's Imperialy walking over to him right there. He's gonna shoot him in the parking lot with Paulie. Paul, I am putting my career... He starts pushing him.

Don't these guys have medication they're to take get the fuck out of here How many Broadway will not survive Broadway will not survive all believe in science What are you talking about? It's the weirdest place to go do that. Yes He's like a big like Buddhist like peace Look, he's a great man. Yeah, he's super he's super caring and you know, probably to a fault a little bit Yeah, but like yeah super Involved and thinking you know, he's always on like what he thinks is the right side of things that guy was having an episode That was like a manic episode. He probably like stopped taking his meds

Yeah, or he's got like some serious thing and he's like probably does this like twice a year three times a year No, no, here's what's out about like any type of like entertainment is that that guy's probably not off his meds He's reaching for any type of publicity at all. He's hoping like what in the next morning? There'll be like a big news article being like per net, you know renowned Broadway actor Made a fool of himself last night and has his name attached to it. Who is this guy? being like, you know, renowned Broadway actor made a fool of himself last night and has his name attached to it.

And everyone's like, who is this guy? He's just sitting at home. He's like, you know what's really melting the ice caps is wicked on Broadway. I, Phantom of the Opera's doing horrible things to the ozone. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man was the best play ever because that guy just kept falling. The whole show was this guy falling and every show a new guy dies. Every show a new guy died, yeah. That was amazing. It's like building the Hoover Dam. Yeah, I wish Imperioli really got mobster-y there,

but he's not that guy. Well, you see his tweet the next day. What'd he say? He had a tweet the next day being like, crazy night, I stayed in character, my bad. Like like an apology being like I didn't mean to be so aggressive I was just so in character. Oh, no, you hated that guy. Yeah It wasn't even that crazy. I was shoving about he wasn't Amiganza hell yeah

He has a new blow up with a book. This was on boomers being fools Honestly, it's like every time I'm on that looking for videos a lot of them are amiganzas It's kind of like a it's it's it's kind of like an inception of boomers being fools like amiganzas a boomer No, there's one thing under like one generation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He's a business in butthead generation boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, boomer, is they go to places where filming is like technically allowed like the post office because it's a public federal institution. You can film. So you go walk into a post office and he starts like recording people very close to them with a camera. It makes them uncomfortable. He eventually like baits them into calling the cops. And then when the cops show up, he explains the first amendment to them and he goes like, please arrest me. I'll sue you.

And then eventually, like they just have to let him go because he's so good at arguing. And this is so this is a triggered Karen goes insane and attacks, attacks. What are you photographing, boys? Oh, by the way, if you don't know, Amigans that brings his seven-foot-tall Native American son everywhere with him,

who's called the Watchman. They look so, and he is, and the Watchman is armed. He's chief for one, It's one of the Cuckoos. He's got a big sink. Amiganza goes one-v-one versus the Invisible Man. ExpressD, we're in the middle of taking audio and video So we're not interested in having a conversation right now

Is that okay with you? Dude there's certain type of I guess boomer out there that just like doesn't hear anything said to them. Yeah She didn't respond she didn't hear a word he said she Yeah. Yeah. Her brain's clam-shouting. She didn't respond. She didn't hear a word he said. She just wanted to yell. She just wants to be upset. She's entitled, and she's upset. And she's like, you have to do what I say.

Conversation with you? You going to force me to? She looks like a monster from Pan's Labyrinth. You better take that mask off, a little oxygen into the brain there. I don't know. I don't know. You feeling OK? Oh. Oh, I forgot. I see this. She's going to run over. Mask off little oxygen into the brain

What are you out of your mind lady Your car are you out of your mind you see a home for nine thousand dollars In 1980 imagine trying to run someone down and then going, are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? Ha ha ha, the entitlement. It's actually brilliant. And Emma Gansett's the best troll in the world, so this is a perfect matchup for her.

I would love if she just like completely went 180 and she's like racist all of a sudden. She goes, yeah, I'm out of my mind. My mind's been plagued by the China virus. Emma Gansett, you know, she has the same. Emma Gansett. Boy, this is my whole life, Emma Gansett. Oh, God.

Do you have any idea that you can't sit there and take photos on federal property without giving? Why don't you go call the cops, and I'll show them the video of you trying to hit me with your car and we'll get you arrested. That'd be so sick of his son just pumped like six rounds of her right now. Sorry.

She has like red... Stop walking up to me. He gets away with it. She has dyed like her hair's like red and white and God knows what's going on with this lady. It's creepy. Get in your car. Back away from me. He's being really reasonable right now.

Another guy in the back's like helping him out. What they're doing is constitutionally protected. Hell yeah dude. Get in your car and leave. You can listen to me really reasonable another guy in the backs like helping him out. Oh Hell yeah, dude That's another auditor that's a fellow Auditor in the wild and begins like this is my turf man. Yeah, I'm supposed to go What she said I'll take orders from smalls like you It's a great 1930s Yellow-bellied smells. Listen, gumshoe.

At least curtain, motherfucker. Get in your car and get out of here. You cannot photograph people. I'm doing it right now. What are you going to do about it? You are in public. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it?

She got sprayed. Oh, damn it. He got maced. She just got maced. I forgot to mention he always maces people. If you walk towards him at all, he can't wait. He can't wait to season you. He just treats people like, like, like snakes.

He's got the fastest maze hand, like, it's just like, like, he's like, quick draw the girl with a maze. He's always macing me. He has those black latex chef gloves on. Yeah, like eating a Halloween. He's like rubbing it into her face, so he's seasoning a brisket.

He goes on hot ones and he sprays the wings with mace. I didn't know mace was green. And also, I didn't know it could affect this lady even though she has glasses on. Oh, it's gonna fuck her up. But hurts your breathing too. It's like it's brutal No, she's getting waterboarded with fucking face right now That's right bitch Big mistake you retarded dyke

Why don't you get back home and eat out Tignitaro, bitch? The guy in the back is like, he can call you a retarded dyke, 1A! 1A! That's kind of de-deckily constitutionally rejected! You don't assault people out in public. Yeah. Bad move. Hell yeah, dude. Bad move.

He's calling the cops. Bad move. Hell yeah dude. Bad move. He's calling the cops. You gonna stick around and be a witness buddy? Yep, no problem. Awesome. We got witnesses lady. No problem, I love you. I'm gonna have you arrested for trying to hit me with your car. So if I was you I would just leave. I'm gonna give you that chance because I'm not gonna call the cops on you.

You wanna call them? I welcome you to I Don't even know if her hair is just be blood In that with a pipe Lady, I don't want anything from you. I want you to get away from there. Motherfucker! I want you to stop photographing people without them signing your numbers. Not gonna happen. Not gonna happen. She has no idea what she's dealing with. She looks insane. She's got a big face full of green shit. You made a mess out of yourself. Before you make it worse, get in your car and go home. You look like shit, lady.

I don't make her from schmucks like you. I don't take away from people like you either. You made a mistake here today. Just all of them. Let you all to feel better about yourself. What even happens when this lady goes home? You made a mistake. What is it you're photographing, fella? I love all the schmucks and you say, shut up, Smalls.

What is it you're photographing, fella? What, fella? What are you even photographing, Johnny Peckerwood? Yeah, I'm riding on a lousy. But when she goes home, she's covered in green mace and her wife is like, honey, what happened? She goes, you'll see it on boomers getting out tomorrow. I don't have time to explain.

I have to go to Nick and nap. Well, you know boomers being fools. You'll see it on Reddit tomorrow, honey. Shirt by top, I'll be there. Mistake. What are you photographing on federal property, fellows? None of your business. You made a mistake. I would get in my car and go home if I was you. If you call 911 and the cops get here, I'm having you arrested.

She's calling the Sibian factory right now. I need to squirt. I need to squirt so bad. This calls the Sibian Factory. Can you put an order in? They know where my name is. They're like, fucking, uh, Susan, we know you're Sibian. You got maced again, Susan? It's like Chinese takeout. Susan, just get milk. We've done this before.

Susan, we told you they're chargeable. You'll have to order a new one every single time, Susan. Susan, you're the one that put a V8 attached to the damn thing. I don't want to press charge to get you. I want you to go home and think about the stupidity you just pulled and don't do it again. Hell fucking yes. Hell yeah, Amiganzit. Here's another Boomer.

This isn't Amiganzit, but just. The problem with Amiganzit is now I want to go watch Amiganzit and do nothing else. We can maybeiganzit is now I wanna go watch Amiganzit. I know, we have. And do nothing else. We can maybe... We should do that all day. Maybe we should do that.

Maybe we should do that. We should? I wonder if anybody did like a highlights of all his mazes. That'd be sick. It's probably on YouTube. We'll type in Amiganzit mazes after this. But watch, I don't know if this is good, but... It's like a J.Y. compilation of mazes.

It has the Chicago Bulls intro music playing over it. Da-doon-da-doon, da-doon-da-dun, duh-dun-dun-dun, duh-dun-dun-dun. Whoa. This guy, classic boomer clothes, like jean shorts, tucked-in shirt. The jean shorts, that's the boomer uniform. Flip-flops, knee brace, guys probably, the reeks of Ben Gay. God bless him

pacing pacing a mcdonald's keeps looking around dude in bushwick he'd be like fitted yeah yeah this would be like a cool I remember my guy, what'd you get that dude? You look fucking sick, dude. Oh damn, he's pissed. He's pacing around very aggressively right now. What is this, like a Starbucks or McDonald's? McDonald's! Jesus fucking Christ! No! I just want the drinks! I Bet it's been 45 seconds. Why does he why does he keep looking outside? Yeah? He's acting like he's being hunted

He goes grimace is coming, dude. They're after me. Hurry up with the fucking drinks. God damn it. I got these neo-Nazis on my ass. He looks like Walter White. I look like a neo-Nazi. I got a fucking machine gun in my car that I rigged to shoot back and forth. I'm gonna save the day. I'm the protagonist.

I'm gonna save the day. I'm the protagonist He kind of seems autistic Our boomers autistic that's the thing there You know what but you just I think that they are but they they were forced to adapt they were forced to like this I don't like flexing their autism down. Yeah, this guy's extreme like autistic mannerisms though I think he could just be you know, who knows how many things this guy's been through I think you ever think about how many wives these people have I learned this guy's as old as you guys think he is. He doesn't look that old I think he's like 52

No, no, he's 65 minimum. This guy's 60s, dude. I'd bet on it. 65, I'll say minimum 65. Happy to bet. I'll give you 64. He looks fit. He's in good shape for an old man, but he's clearly at least 65. No, no, no. I know like what you want to do I'm asking you to show me

It's taking too fucking long This is not gonna help Did he really just order drinks? Cause if that's the case then it is a little crazy And I'm becoming a bit Well how long has it been? We don't know Well it's been a minute and 14 seconds However long this video is, yeah too long

Yeah but they could be making like there might be a line at the drive through They could be like oh That's true but line at the drive-thru they could be But I ordered a soda give me a soda Well, they have a cue they have a system they can't be like give this old faggot his shit first That's Connor nailed it. Yeah, I nailed it. It's pissing me off. Yeah, he's very autistic.

Oh yeah. Come on. Yeah, he's autistic. Extremely. Yeah. What if all boomers are autistic? I paid the money. Please leave.

I'm being hunted by the US Marshall. Predator is after me. Well, I mean, it's not my... I have to cover myself in mud, you idiot. I need my three lasers up here on this chest. He's like, perfect. See? Great. Is that what you want? Well, I don't...

You know, it's not my place to, like, decide whether people are autistic or not. Boomers do... They do spaz, though. My dad would spaz Well, I don't like it, you know, it's not my place to like decide whether people are autistic or not Boomers do they do spaz though. My dad would spaz restaurants constantly now. He would flip the fuck out of restaurant Oh, yeah, what is he done? I? I mean, I mean the number one thing my dad did was we were at Subway when we were when I was a kid I think I've told this in the pockets before but do you guys remember like back in the day? Subway used to have like,

the kids meal was like a bun, do you remember that? Yeah. It was a turkey sandwich and like a roll. It was a roll, it was like the- It was like a Kaiser roll. Yep, I remember that. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, so my dad, we went there, we were going to like a picnic or whatever,

and he's like, can I get two foot long tuna subs and then turkey kids meal for my boy. And they're like, sir, yeah, of course, but we're out of the the the roll So it has to be on a six foot sub, but I was like, all right fine Whatever I give a shit, you know, yeah, so they gotta ring him up and they charge him for a six foot with chips And he's like, I don't understand you guys told me you were out of the roll and you said I could have a six foot sub Instead but you're charging me for the six-foot sub it is maybe fucking sense inch yeah I'm gonna just like but it's fucking bread if it

was good going but it's fucking bread you're gonna charge me two more dollars for fucking cuz you were out of fucking bread and he just ramping up and he just became a broken record being like it's fucking bread And he was like whipping like chips off of the shell We got kicked out of the subway. None of us got our sandwiches Spazzed and I've also seen my dad like call things unacceptable at restaurants and I have to go apologize like a waiter It's unacceptable black black cow and Montrose their coffee. It's unacceptable. It's unacceptable. Black Cow and Montrose, their coffee, it's shit. It's always been shit, right? This is unacceptable.

My dad gets coffee one day, he goes, it's not the same recipe, it's not the same beans as it used to be. He knows. They go, sir, I guarantee you, it is. He goes, if it is, it's an old pot, make a new pot. They make a brand new pot, they bring him the exact same coffee.

He goes, This is fucking unacceptable And I'm just like I'm so sorry like I had to go apologize the waiter after like I'm and I work next door Oh, it's horrible. They do think they're owed like explanations about the genesis of everything My dad's essentially order coffee. Yeah, my dad does that he used to do that when I was a kid with like orange juice He'd be like, is it fresh squeezed? And they'd go, that's like Minute Maid. And he'd go like, and what is that? He'd like ask like what Minute Maid is.

He always asks like, how is this, now what is the, where's the egg, what is like, what type of eggs? Are they organic, like that type of shit? He does that with like beers. I'm not kidding, I'll be like, yeah, yeah, tequila soda. My dad would be like, do you get tequila soda my dad would be like Do you guys have any what are your dark beers? And they'll be like any and then the guy we have like this and he'll go Like I know what is what is that? Where's that? Where's that from like that type of shit? Anhauser is that what is that an ingredient or?

What is a Michelo? Ultra he really they like it's amazing. What's the ultra in that? I'm like have you ever Now, what is a Michelot Ultra? He really, they like, it's amazing sometimes. What's the Ultra in that? I'm like, have you ever, we can never just order quick. He's gotta ask questions about all the, like the beginnings of the food, where it, what, what it, how it started.

I mean, I learned my lesson in Boston that one time asking about beer, so I'll just never do that again. I told my favorite story. One of my favorite stories, I tell people all the time. It wasn't even that big of a deal but I was just I was doing a show in Boston and I got a drink ticket and I'm so poor at this point so this drink ticket I'm like trying to figure out what the best like strongest beer I can get. And it's like a local bar in Boston I go to the bartender and go hey man I got a drink ticket and I go between those two IPA's which one do you prefer? It's such a gay life. It is so gay I know

that now and he looks me goes dude it's fucking B. Who gives a fuck what you get just get a fucking B. And I was like you're right sure I'll take that one right there. But it just, it made me so irate, cause I'm just like, that's your job as a bartender. I know the question's gay, but like, what the hell? The guys from the Tam just magically appeared. They're like, ha ha ha, fuck you, Danny. Fuck your mother.

And the guy's like, hey, your mother. Those guys appear wherever you are, whenever you're being gay and bombstooled. Yeah. By the way, the guy that were being like assholes too, fully vindicated dude, that guy sucks ass. Who was that guy? I don't wanna say his name, but that guy sucks ass.

Oh really? He's on Twitter, right? Popular Twitter figure, yeah. I saw some TikToks of his that were kind of amusing. Yeah? But I've also heard he's like, I don't know, lame. Yeah, whatever, doesn't matter. I don't really know. Who knows? Doesn't matter. But I've also heard he's like, I don't know, lame. I don't really know.

Who knows? Okay, real quick, before I put this on the screen, did we ever watch this guy? I saw this, somebody said this to me. Have we ever done this before? This seems like old. No, no, I would remember retargeting. This is amazing.

Don't say that. You can't say it about that guy. You can't call it actually, you know. What's wrong with you? Wait for the riff to build up to that, and then you could get away you know. What's wrong with you? Wait for the riff to build up to that and then you can get away with it. What's wrong with you, John? You can't just say it immediately.

It looks all squiggly. It looks like a question mark. John, you can't call an actual retard retarded. What's wrong with you? John, come on. He's like me, he's like Gumby. But, so this is a dis- He looks like, he does look like Gumby.

He's the leader of Fantastic Four. We're allowed to make fun of, Hold on, wait, did Sid from Toy Story get a hold of this guy? What's going on? We're allowed to make fun of this disabled guy because he's a pedophile. Oh! So now we're allowed to enjoy the fact that,

Now call him a retarded fag. We're allowed to enjoy the fact that God hated him. God hates him so much. To quote Thomas from Twitter, if you get molested by this guy, that's on you. That's on you. Great joke by Thomas. Yeah, you know, you know when God just decides

to put your eyes on your ass and give you an elbow for a nose. He looks like the monster from The Thing. God is a wacky, he's a wacky guy, whoever he is. You know? He is. I imagine God is like the cable guy. He's like Jim Carrey, the cable guy.

He's just a deranged maniac. He's a big like, Croteberg fan. Yeah. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Oh no. I came here to have a conversation with you man. We really never watch this guy? No.

Something about this, it reminds me. I would remember this. By the way buddy, stop listening to the podcast. Whenever you listen, I want you to, you're off. Quick, stop, just stop. Hey, real quick, our biggest fan, knock it off. We try and bail him out what you're doing right yeah so can we

talk about this or yeah sure we can talk about it where do you want to go? He's got a supercharged wheelchair he calls that out of there real quick He's got Nas attached to the wheelchair He breaks through the wall like the coolant man. It keeps going. It spits oil behind him. It's like a James Bond car.

Yeah, come into my den. So you can't say that I hurt you, ask you for money, anything like that, okay? You understand that I'm not the person that you invited over here tonight? You understand that yet? You're a Colin Shoemaker shoemaker. I don't I don't have the body I expected Also, also real quick as a pedophile hunter you show up to this guy's house. You just go guys. Let's go

He's not gonna do it be funny if they got already got him. Yeah, it'd be fun here They got really aggressive with them. They go fucking hate pedophiles You jackman from Prisoners. Just banging a metal pipe next to him. They build like a makeshift shower that hits him with like, scalding hot water. They prisoners him. They prisoners him, yeah. They do a Prisoners. So.

I like his smirk though. He's very boyish. He's like, I'm actually Eddie Redmayne playing a part He's been very cool. A person that you did invite over here tonight equals MC squared Because I invented Windows computer I Want to make wheelchair Pat fight this guy did Oh that would destroy it out of him Yeah, would it surprise you if I have the whole conversation drew and honestly is obviously your best policy

you don't want to talk about this no my roommates on his way here right now how can I be a pedophile if you're as fucked up as me you are a kid like I'm technically a kid that's his excuse he goes like come on look at me I'm fucked up the hunters like Interesting math That's like it's a pure thought crime if he does anything. There's no way he can ever act on anything Yeah, what I mean, I would just be like yeah, all right, you know sucked off still. What does he do? Okay, he can't convince a kid to suck him off. He looks like a monster. Well you pay Get pay

Here's the thing that's fucked up kids love like rides pay a kid or something. Here's the thing that's fucked up. Kids love rides. This guy's mad. Yeah. They put a quarter in him. He gets kids because they think it's like a merry-go-round. They just jump on his lap.

But he just rolls around the living room. You want to see my van? There's hydraulics in my van. Yeah. You get to see kids know what hydraulics are? Exhibit pimped my ride. There's a lift in my car You want to talk about this or no? No, I don't okay, so you just want me to go out and call the cops

No, you don't need to call the cops like dude. I'm in it my god put me in a prison Prison I live my body's a jake He goes you sent me to prison. I'll become a pocket pussy. Don't do that to me Would you tell him Maybe sick of his roommate was Lou frig no Body in the brain. I guess, I guess. Wait, why, why Luthor Rigna?

Why Luthor Rigna? He's a strong dude. Oh, okay. I love that one. Here's one of those things with this guy though, like I can't tell if he's disabled and he just always has this big smile and smirk on. He's high.

No, that's just it. You think he's high? He's doing drugs. You think so? At least like Xanax and pain pills probably. He's been like cuffing W smirk on. He's high. No, that's just- You think he's high? He's doing drugs. Really? At least like Sanix and pain pills probably. He's been like huffing WD-40 because he uses it on his chair and he little, little, one for me, one for you.

One for the chair. One for the wheel, one for me. One for the spokes, one for- One for the- He's sharing Nas with his chair. He's sharing Nas with his chair. He's sharing Nas with his chair. He's sharing Nas with his chair.

He's sharing Nas with his chair. He's sharing Nas with his chair. He's sharing Nas with his share Talk about this or no drew. This is a pretty serious situation Don't you guys I had to learn how to speak this week? Let's talk about this you motherfucker Yeah, I told my roommate. I thought you were trying to get me who I told my roommate I thought you were trying to get me he's like smiling I want to have a good he's so fucking I'm not how are you gonna arrest and I'm an alienware computer I'm actually I'm plugged in right now. He's like you can kill this form, but I'm in the cloud

Sure go ahead and arrest me, but you don't have the keychain password That's why he's being all gay and coy. He's gay like most pedophiles. He's being gay and sexy. I'll call the cops. No, you don't need to call the cops. He's like charging him. I'm in the wheelchair. What the f*** are you trying to say to me? I don't know. Call the cops if you don't want me here. Why the f*** do you have pictures of me? Why does Worldstar Hip Hop bleep out f***?

I already told you clearly that you were talking to my little brother Dude, you did not say anything about a little brother. What the fuck are you saying? I haven't told you anything about a little brother standing here, dude. No, you're literally so high Are you doing? You sound goofy dude. Are you doing? Like take talk you sound goofy dude. Yeah, I'm gay He goes yeah, of course. I'm goofy. I'm good because the queer I guys actually just helped me out Jonathan messes running around the background is dr. Jonathan mess. Yeah. Oh by the way real quick

Do you hear that Jonathan Van Ness is like a monster? Absolute monster. Absolute monster. Who could've thought? He's an evil guy, but that sucks because I love the Queer Eye guys. I'm a big Queer Eye fan. You are, yeah. I fucking love those queers. I think they change, they really change lives. But it's disheartening to find out

that the one guy that wears a dress and is like super nice all the time is a monster. Well, it's a tale all the time. It is. What did he do? He just treats people like shit. Screams at people. He's like Ellen.

Yeah. Yeah. Always mean to his assistants. He's really. Behind the scenes. People are afraid of him. It's a whole no eye contact with JV. Yeah.

JVA. Yeah, yeah. He's like, oh my God, honey. You're making so much noise tied to that chair. I'm gonna slice you hundreds of times with this knife and watch you bleed out slowly over the course of a week, honey You know stand up now fuck off yeah, he does it's not for years It sounds hard for the course. He should do he sells out theaters Like you should be doing bend over Sounds hard for the course. He should do he sells out theaters I said we in the pod there. Oh my god, honey

Yeah, there's one bullet in the gun, just keep putting it to your head. It's a fun little game honey. Honey, you ever see your deer hunter honey? Honey, if you don't play we send you to the tank full of rats. They're gonna eat you alive honey. Honey, honey, here's the game. I'm DeNiro, you're walking. Let's play a game honey honey. Oh my god, honey Are you saying you sound goofy as you wanted to film you wanted to film a?

Intercourse of the 14 year old boy. I can't fuck Yeah, you did I'll be here all night. I'm waiting to your you want to call the cops now, or you want to wait until your 11 o'clock Caregiver he's like a twink those grown in zero gravity or something. He got caught in a wormhole. Yeah, it's trex. He's my guy to fight Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah a black hole sucked him and he escaped Oh, yeah, I don't know your name like a twink from hell with a bet What a bet you think I gave you my real name? Anything drew I know everything about you. You're new no, I mean you're 30 name? No you don't have to give me anything, Drew. I know everything about you.

You don't even know sh** about me, bro. You're 30 years old, you're not 27. No I'm not. Tell me how you know that. Because I know your whole name. I don't really need to tell you. I feel like you're being a f*****g fool for no reason. And I also feel like you have a mental illness.

Yeah. Damn, he's sassy. I have a mental illness? Yeah, I think you do have a mental illness. Well, you're retarded and gay. What if Jonathan Van Ness is his roommate? He's like, honey, you didn't see the reports? I'm evil, I live with a paralyzed pedophile.

We have, he's a minor attracted person. We f*** kids all the time and I torture assistants in here honey. I have more money than God but it's fun for me to have a pedophile amputee living with me honey. Because I engineered this entire trap. He's like I wanted you to come baby. Baby. What is it? He's standing outside my front door while I have all this on video. Oh cool. you to come baby. Baby. What is it?

I'm standing outside my front door while I have all this on video. Cool. Hi camera. Hi. Oh it's right there. Hi camera. You better get out of here before I run you over. Why are you outside my front door? He said his address was the neighbors house. I called you guys here.

Because this guy inside is trying to meet a little boy. This guy inside is trying to meet a little boy. This guy inside. They just opened fire. Because the guy inside that house comes out strapped to a battle bot. He's got like a body over. You see the cops go in and they walk out and the guy's like, you're not going to arrest him. And they're like, he's fucked up.

Like, he's really fucked up. Like, what's wrong with you? Are you kidding me? All right. So fucking there's a there's a there's a human spider in there in a chair. Yeah, but he's a pedophile. Of course he's a fucking pedophile. Of course he's a fucking pedophile. What do you think you're doing?

Adult women wanna fuck this guy? What's wrong with you, man? The cops go, can't these people have anything? What the fuck's your problem? The cops are like, yeah, he's a pedophile. He's a pedophile, I's a pedophile, we know. He's a pedophile, I'm a pedophile, who gives a shit, man? We're all pedophiles.

I'm thinking that I was a 14 year old boy to engage in activities. Are you one of those YouTube like, uh... I pose as an underage child on the internet. I'm just gonna reach on my pocket. I don't have anything to hurt you guys. My GoPro just died. Yes, I have caught 300 and this is now 360 people trying to have this is ready. He's like I've caught 360 people this is my first crab person

He goes honestly, I really want to throw this guy in a hot pot of water Open his arms I'm trying to roll that paper Open his arms Guys I would I restrain him there's rubber bands on his hands right now These guys don't want to restrain him, there's rubber bands on his hands right now. He's molting. I've got bibs for everyone here, don't worry, situation under control. Yeah man, so this guy that just escaped an aquarium at Red Lobster is trying to fuck a kid tonight. This is Marlok from H.G. Wells' book.

He just escaped a cave and now he lives amongst us. The cops are like, so you're saying it's like a Little Mermaid situation? cops like to say it's like a little mermaid situation If you will it's like a little mermaid situation you will if you will you want to become a real boy Called you out here obviously for a reason yeah, I called you guys here, and then it sounds like the neighbor called also Yes, we haven't gotten a call from you. Yes. I have a neighbor somebody was walking around well He's obviously that's what I'm doing Ron. Are you detaining me? I'm not detaining okay. Okay, so figure out who called I already I just I just think called you know I'm not being anything. I'm not being anything. I just told you exactly what the situation was Give us some oh

Torrance My god, yeah Japanese for a few minutes inside he invited me inside thinking I was this for the first time I'm not being anything. I just with him for a few minutes inside. He invited me inside thinking I was this 14 year old boy. I was on the phone with him as I walked up in the driveway. He saw me from inside through the window. When does the conversation start? And told me to come inside. I think it was like some time yesterday.

I'm sorry, the individual, the handicapped person in the wheelchair, is that the phone? Grab your phone, I don't want you to drop it. Oh, it's all good. The individual in the wheelchair? Correct. Oh yeah, it's Orange PD going in. Damn. They're gonna cuff him to the chair, dude.

Dude, they walked up a ramp to arrest him. And they're wheeling him down the ramp. They arrest him. And they go, they go. Play the perp walk. They go, this is... Play the perp walk, please. Do the con air music. Do the con air perp walk.

My favorite bit ever. I Favorite bit Which one is it uh Connor soundtrack OST probably just any of the soundtracks this bit will work Yeah, this is it. Yep You have to mute the go back you mute this the Cyrus the virus That's a great fit. Oh, that kicks ass. Oh man, poor guy. Poor guy. For real, poor guy.

I feel bad for him too. That's kind of cool. Oh man, poor guy. Poor guy. For real, poor guy. I feel bad for him too. That's kinda cool. I mean I got a lot of body cams. This lady was cool. She's like a completely hammered whore. Love that. That gets arrested and she like pisses herself

the whole way home. Actually? I think so. That's getting John Horny. I'm kinda horny right now. John's into this already. Let's do it. Give me your jeans She's like a Florida project, but I love her

I could save her My favorite subreddit by the way, it's the subreddit where they post mugshots of hot chicks shawty's Yeah, yeah, all the comments are like I ah, let her go. She's fine. But she like killed somebody. Like you drowned her family. Let her go, she can ruin my life. She's my boy for baby. Fuck yeah.

You drinking. Oh damn. Jesus Christ. Oh man. I can't be a cop. Like, hey my body can't stop working. Would you let her go? Yeah. Oh yeah. Be like, just suck me out. John's like, I couldn't be a cop. I wouldn't stop working. Would you let her go? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You'd be like, just suck me out. John's like, I couldn't be a cop. I wouldn't stop raping these women.

You gotta stop. Beautiful. That's what you said. Are you out drinking right now? No. I was saying, you know, check her out for lunch. I was getting dinner with Ray Ray. I just came for dinner with my trick.

Drink there. Two doubles. Two doubles of what? Patron. Okay. Oh man. So you are drunk. And I'm gonna keep it up up with you. He goes, ma'am, are you a wigger or are you drunk? I don't know. Who's dying to smell? I'm just farting. What is your name? Stay in the car. Stay in the car. OK, I understand.

Get in the car. Get your leg in the car. I need to be getting back to the studio from Hustle & Flow. Get your leg in the car. You fool. Since I played my leg. I got to get this mix tape out. Get your foot in the car.

Just stop. I got to get a rebraised record on the radio. I got to help DJ get a song on the radio. Where were you drinking? Where were you drinking? I are you drinking? Oh? My god, it's like an SPCA commercial I love when people people drunk get arrested and they always go like I'm not even from here Yeah, like I can't drive drunk and shoot at strangers in Ohio He goes well you sound exactly like Matt right so I'm trying to think you are from Ohio, ma'am

I'm just gonna do HGN Have you had an OBI before? No. I don't like talking to you between these bars. Can I talk to you in person? You are talking to me in person. No I'm not. I'm talking to you between bars right now. You want to do that?

Okay. What's your current address right now? You are getting a DUI but I gotta say you're a real one. You are real. You are real as shit. No, I'm not giving it to you. You need to give me your current address right now. And what do you want to do if I don't?

I'm going to charge you with obstructing. Constructing what? Obstructing officially. Ma'am, I understand you're sending out business, but, uh. I don't care. Unfortunately, you're going to jail. You're a bouncer that works in my club, because I'm a stripper.

Like Christie? Nice. He goes, ma'am, obviously you're a bouncer that works in my club, cause I'm a stripper. Right? Nice. He goes, man, obviously you're a stripper. What do you mean what the f*** is that? Where is it? What do you mean where is it? Okay. Wait, he asked where the club's at?

No, hold on. Hold on, don't get out of the car. I'm not getting out of the car. I'm telling you. Okay. You don't know what the f*** you're dealing with. Okay. You don't. Okay. Okay, you don't know what the you're dealing with. Okay, you don't

You know, not okay. Okay Please I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go.

I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go.

I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go.

I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let you go. I mean it's very degrading they let a person piss themselves that's kind of nuts. How are they supposed to do? They're supposed to fucking let her use the bathroom somewhere. Well take her to the station. Take her to the station. She can't hold it. You know they're dilly-dallying.

She's a drunk fucking mess. She's literally piss drunk. You can't let her piss in like a Starbucks. No, I'm not saying let her piss in a Starbucks, but you know they're fucking around and shit. Well, no, they're going to the station. You just hose the back seat down. No, yeah, the back seat will be,

it's built for piss. It's built for piss. Same as me, dude. You are the back seat. And she's sitting like, oh, it's the seat. You're the seat. Like somebody called John sitting like, oh, shit. You're the seat. Like somebody called John Nuff, we got another fucking joke. We gotta piss her. We gotta strip me, piss her. Go ahead.

Oh, no. Oh, God. You gonna let me keep pissing? She goes, I'm so wet. I'm so motherfucking wet. You just so fine. I'm so wet. You're so fine. Like, listen, let's go to Disney World. Disneyland addict.

I don't want to piss through your face. Okay. I have a bacterial infection. Okay, just stand in that blue box. Just stand in that blue box. I got a bacterial infection. my pussy makes mushrooms Leave it on Grace just stop you're about to start an outbreak a female lag here. Yeah, but she now bread

Stay there. No, I don't wanna take them all! Okay. I wanna be in my pit! You weren't trying to- This is fucking sad. Stay in the blue box. Is this an abandoned police station? Stay in the blue box.

You wanna taste me? No. Do it. Stay in the blue box. I like it. I like it kinky. Dude, this is crazy. I like it kinky.

John is bricked up. John's gonna lose his mind, dude. I'm gonna fucking do it. I'm gonna go to Taser. This is every woman at your bar. Oh yeah. God damn. She is hotter than This is every woman at your bar. Hell yeah. God damn. She is hotter than every woman at your bar, though.

There's some pretty fucking beautiful women coming to my bar every day. I have yet to see them. Blue box. Not once. Stay in the blue box. Step back. Every woman at your bar looks like George Lucas.

Goyders. Giant goyters. They have like stomachs in their face. Yeah You touch me touch me Like it rub just stay in that blue box. Look this is like assault on precinct 13. Yeah, where is everybody? blizzard is a Voodoo gang outside shooting machine guns at them Horrible in the car Why don't they have a female officer

Why is she going back in the car? Yeah, just cuz she's saying they're right. It's that they're just being cops No, why I thought they took her oh, I guess maybe there's a different like holding different holding cell Yeah, or like they're taking her to detox. They're taking her to her shift Drop her off a deja vu God this is fucked up actually I mean the cops aren't doing anything wrong just fucking sad. She's just sad. She's a sad person. Hey! Quiet! And get in the car! You're trying to put me in your Mexico! They're trying to put her into Mexico? What did she keep saying, Mexico? She says you're trying to put her into Mexico? What does she keep saying? Mexico. That kicks ass.

She says you're trying to put me into Mexico. She's like, how you see conditions like this in Mexico? How is she getting drunker? I don't know. You mean like? Yeah, she's not sobering up at all. There's like fentanyl involved here, I think. No, but Joey, she said two doubles.

She wouldn't lie. She's booping fentanyl. I love when people get pulled over for DUI and they finally admit they had something, but they're still kind of lying about the amount. And they go, all right, I had like seven. They think the cop is like, oh seven, all right. Even two doubles is an insane thing to admit.

Yeah, off rip, just being like, yeah, four shots. Yeah, you have to say you had like two drinks over the course of like three or four hours Also two doubles if you're like she looks like a small like she's small fuck her up Yeah, and if she's doing pills, which I think she is. Yeah, this is a sad one Woman tries impersonating police fails dramatically Love that love that. Let's see how this goes, folks. I love impersonators. There's a whole rabbit hole you can go down.

People impersonating the cops. Yep. A police officer. What did she do? What did she do? She's impersonating a cop. She's like holding in front of a crosswalk. She just kept saying the N-word and shit. Welcome to my world, bro is that you really just you went through two Meccal of Ultras in that?

How is that fucking possible? Why do you do that to yourself? Big fucking champion over here dude. What he said on the other. He goes. I fucking love drinking beer, dude Yeah, just love drinking beer brother, you know I love drinking. Should I do it? What What what are you guys my nurses? Give me the goddamn button. Yeah, give him a beer No, you know I was gonna say if shotgun, you know, it's very funny I was sitting at your bar for a second And and then I open on my email and it was three comments in a row on the patreon one was John fucking sucks ass

I hate I hate John so fucking much One was John fucking sucks ass. I hate I hate John so fucking much And then the other one was like usually love John, but I fucking hate him dude. No hate comes from above brother I don't know if they're being serious. I think it's a bit Everybody loves John. He's just like it's like running bit now. Yeah, be like Attacking guys fine. Well, they're sick of you whenever I go take a piss like you just like put on the worst thing of all time Well, that's also a bit that like he puts on BJ Penn highlights No, no, no, it's a bit where I've subscribed to the patreon with seven different accounts and I comment This one right hand right hand this one. Do you swear in your right hand? Right hand. Do you swear in your right hand?

Can you just tell me the whole truth? Yeah. What the fuck? I didn't know they could do that. Did they make him swear on a Bible right there? Is that maybe in this state? That's a good deal. Mississippi bullshit.

Yeah. They go, he's impersonating a cop. What'd she do? He's like, well, she shot a dog and then tackled a black teen. Doing a pretty damn good impression. Wow, they go, are you sure she's not a cop? We're hiring. Sounds like a real cop. We are hiring, so.

Hi, Sheriff's Office. Oh no. Hey, what's up? Oh yeah, that's a cop. She goes, I'm Chief Lin. Hey, what's up, how you doing? She goes, I'm Chief Lin. Hey, what's up? How you doing? She goes, my brothers. Hello.

Yeah, he was harassing me. So I don't know. So I just like, we're trying to be a cop and shit. You can call him. No, no, what'd you tell him? I didn't say anything to him. He was harassing me. Well, how was he harassing you?

He was like, oh, you're just doing this, like, no. No. What the? What do you mean he was harassing you? Again, all you said is, all he says is I'm doing something. He was like, oh, you're just doing this like no Again all you said is all he says I'm doing it is funny when you can't tell if somebody's like drunk or just genuinely Retarded yeah. Yeah, she drunk or is she the girl from Rob Dyrdek's Ma'am are you Chanel West Coast? If you don't tell me you're Chanel West Coast say you got to be right now. It's enshrapment if you don't tell me you're Chanel West Coast. Put your hand up and say you're not Chanel. What did he say? I don't know. That's the whole thing.

So how is he harassing you? I don't know. That's why I have to like... But hold on, hold on, real quick. You told me that he's harassing you. Yeah. I don't know. But then when I asked you how he's harassing you, you don't know. I don't know because why is he calling the cops? But again, so you've been saying in the same area driving around Because I do you mind if I get your ID? Yeah

You stay here, I love confident drunks in front of the cop Okay. Like he's like, he's being a fucking carol. He's pitbull and everything like that. He was yelling at me for no reason. Okay. That's a credit card. Don't have it. Well if you knew, then you would have grabbed the right one. Don't try me.

Don't try me to a cop. She just handed him a credit card as ID. I've been that drug. Where it's like, I'm like, all right, it takes me like 10 seconds to find it. You go, hold on, hold on, it's like a punch card from like a fucking coffee shop. Ha ha ha.

That's fine, I'll call Billy right now. Have you had anything to drink? Billy's everywhere, by the way. What if it's the same Billy from the patreon? It's Billy from New Jersey Hey She's named No, no, no, I'm asking you this the reason I'm asking No, I live there. That's why I okay. So did you just pull over here because why is it?

Why do you already know? No, because you were sitting there around because that guy he was there sitting harassing me Okay, but no, I'm just asking you're in the car. I got you I'm not trying to find out listen. Don't fuck it. Don't fucking try me. I'm a cop Okay, yeah under arrest Listen don't fuck it. She goes don't fucking try me. I'm a cop Okay By the way you a new wish Behind your back Listen the reason why is because you're in front of somebody's house. I didn't know when I asked you said you live here I'm back motherfucker Cuz I was driving cuz I was trying to have to you both oh and he was like

Have you ever have you ever seen him before anything? That out hi this is a bro. Just deputy Rodriguez of Blue Sheriff's House. How's it going? It's in Spanish. Okay, that's fine. It can be whatever he wants to be. Hey, can you hear me? Free country. Yeah. Hey, this is Deputy Rodriguez of Blue Sheriff's House. How's it going? Hello.

Hey, do you reside at 316 Kettering? Yes, sir. I just want to make sure. I'm doing an investigation right now and she just randomly pulled in here and it's on her ID. So we're just trying to confirm. I'm just trying to see why she was over here along with the further investigation I'm doing. She goes, I'm here. This is the police department. She goes, I'm the fucking chief of police. She goes, you don't believe me? I got like nine people locked up inside this house. He goes, you're talking to Israel Castro right now on the phone. Like we got a bunch of people locked up downstairs. They've been trying to escape and shit for years. They're sex slaves and shit.

It's for sex slaves. Media's are like fuck them and shit. Me and Israel Castro fucked them, but then we got in trouble because of that pesky black guy at McDonald's that caught us. I'm so excited. Nosey bitch, yeah.

That nosey motherfucker, that nosey black motherfucker got us. Fucking just eat your McDonald's bitch. I'm living with Israel Castro. I'm running a sex slave dungeon. She's getting more racist and admitting to more sex crimes. Then the cop's like, fuck she might be a cop, holy shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Prove that she knew somebody that lived here.

But she just stopped by. I mean, she was just checking. I mean, to see if I was home, but she actually lived there. OK, yeah. If I need to talk to you about that, we could talk a lot about it. Does this have highlights? But just give me a scan. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Oh, wow. B that, we can talk about that. Does this have highlights? Um, but just give me a scan. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Here you go. Thank you. Oh wow. Bump. There's a lot of bumps in this bitch. If you need to let me go inside your house, as you allow me to, and that's it. Even if he allows you in the house, you're not going in the house right now. You're being detained.

Why? One, because I can smell, as I saw you driving and doing an investigation, I could smell the- But you do not have keys on me! You don't need keys! Who? Where is the keys? You need it- She goes, I didn't drive, I don't have the keys! Honest defense.

She got out of a car! Yeah. Like that is literally impossible. That's like literally, technically like, basically like if I was fucking drunk driving, like I wouldn't have fucking keys keys and I don't have fucking keys So like randomly like the keys disappear You dumb motherfucker Madre motherfucker fuck you

I'm fucking chingon Being physical control the vehicle I I'm not gonna argue with you. If you want to try to walk away, I'll take you to jail. Okay? Call shit with them. I'll call whoever you want me to call. You're still in the wrong and you're on body camera right now. You're not helping yourself right now. Bitches that act up get clapped up. You want me to call Billy too? Yeah, both of them. I'll call all call all if you want to it's just a situation right now, okay? So another way on a second unit to do filter bodies right now. We're not stopped stopped Stopped you see the blue lights you see those bullets on my car means you're being detained Yes, and I saw these guys these cops do they get in in long conversations with these people because they are biding their time throughout the day?

They're like, all right, if I can make this last four hours, I only have a couple more hours. Oh yeah, for sure. They're veto when he's on the construction job. Yeah, they're taking naps. They're like, my hips hurt. Also, this is an investigation, so the more she talks, the more of a slam dunk it is.

The more of a slam dunk. Yeah, yeah like the more she talks the more of a slam dunk the more of a slam dunk yeah yeah the more she talks the more bars we can throw in front of her I love putting people in cages the more she talks I'm a policeman I love cages the harder she gets I love caging people what if that's what all the meetings like the private police meetings at the, they all get together and they're just like, I love cage. You're a cop arresting. When we start doing this, you're like,

you look good by a bar. You're beautiful in this kid. I love human aquariums. What are you doing with your hands officers? Nothing. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I just love the thought of you sitting on a shitty cot and there's a toilet in the room wide open. And that's your whole life. I hope you were shy, Blad.

Oh my God. I can't, I just get off to the thought of you getting raped, eaten out. I want to see you eaten out in a raped way. I want you to eat. Forcibly eat. I just think of you getting scissored to death in the showers. You get scissored so hard that it splits your body in half.

Like a mortal combat. Because God is so fucking hot. Like a fatality mortal combat. She flies at you with her legs open, splits you clean in half. It's so fucking hot. Throwing a lady in a cage. I love lady cages.

Because you know why I bought a dog? Just to keep him in the cage. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You got a second favorite thing to arresting women? Clipping bear twangs. You know, like, do cops, like, do they have, like, meetings every Monday where, like, the chief, like, walks in and he goes, like, all right, we're all here

because we love throwing people in cages. Let's get it out of the way. We love cages. All the cops act like dogs. They're like, woo, woo, woo. All right, obviously we're all here. We love throwing humans in kennels. We love giving people crippling amounts of debt.

I love, you know, one of my favorite things is when they didn't even really commit a crime. It's like a speeding ticket, But I ruined the whole month. Isn't that amazing? You know what's underrated? I know cages are good, but you know what's underrated? Boots on a car. You know what's underrated? A massive fine that slowly makes a man insane

who has a family and he can't keep up with the finances. And then he goes on to one day Chris Benoit his family. That's what I love. Sometimes I'll put a boot in the car and then I'll stay overnight at the guy. He wakes up, he tries to go to work, he sees the boot, and then I goon when I see his reaction. I see the look on his face and I jack off.

The chief goes long-term mental strife, that's a good one. We're mostly here for cages though. Try not to, long-term mental strife, that's a good one. We're mostly here for cages though. Try not to, long-term mental strife, it takes a little longer. You have to hope they make the right decision and ultimately suffocate the children, kill their wife, kill themselves, because they were in a lot of debt.

But, what? No, I like that, but can we focus on cages? Can we focus on the cages? Can we focus on the fucking cages? We're the fucking police! We love cages! Can we focus on the fucking cages? We're the fucking police! We love cages! Oh. Can't just let a fucking person drive with a little fucking...

You guys, yeah, boots on cars are good. Back to cages, please. Thanks. One cop's like, you know what I like to do, I like to give such a bullshit ticket. That the perp thinks that I will never show up to the court case. And I'm always there. I'm always there. I'm always there. I'm always there to fight that curfew ticket,

I swear to God. And they go, Johnson, we know you love court, you're always there, you keep us going. The perp shows up, they're like, does he have nothing better to do? They don't know, this is my favorite thing to do. The chief goes, guys, last week, seven people shot and killed reaching for their wallet.

Listen, that's a waste's a waste of a cake Why are we out of these cages? Why are we killing people when we have all these fucking cages? They're privately owned a lot of people make a lot of fucking money off these cages. Stop killing people. They'll get killed in the cage It's like the Torrance PD guy giving a speech. Because we all like Chinese fighter fish, right? Let's do that. Let's do that here. Two people, one cage, same thing, but with humans. You know when you walk into a Chinese restaurant, you see the aquarium, there's all these tropical fish.

That's where I imagine minorities being. And we can take these minorities and we can throw them in our own tropical fish aquarium. Because how about this, why don't you walk down the construction company that built this place, you explain to them why these cages are empty that they built, huh? You keep kneeling on people's damn necks! No, the cage goes empty! The saddest thing to them is an empty cage. They hate the sight of an empty cage.

All cops are being suspended not for killing people but for leaving cages So many people whether they whether they're guilty or not that could have been in a fucking cage Johnson They go they go Derek's oven. We we agree with what you did, but someone's got to fill this cage, buddy He's like I get it. Okay, she go Derek. He's like I hate that I have to go to the kids but I I'm kinda happy that there's now, that the cage isn't empty. The chief that day after the George Floyd killing, he goes, listen, love the work, love what you do. But imagine him behind a cage.

You fucked up! When they have nightmares, it's just an empty cage. That's all they see. They wake up and they have to watch the beginning of Rambo 1. No, I mean. Oh, they wake up and they have to watch the beginning of Rambo 1. No, I didn't. But having these empty cave dreams again, man.

I'm having the same dream over and over again. It's an empty cage. I've been having that dream too. They call each other. Are they in the morning? Empty cage dream again. Empty cage dream again. Empty cage dream. They're in therapy.

They're like. Yeah, sorry, yeah, let's meet at the bar. Meet me at PJ's. Empty cage stuff. Oh. They do those ceremonies like when a cop retires in like Baltimore where they play like bagpipes and shit, the local like Irish bar, but it's for an empty cage.

They're commemorating it. They're burying a cage. They're burying a cage. Their therapist is like, okay, I've got something for you. It's a hamster in a cage. And you just carry it with you always. And therapist reaches in, grabs the hamster, goes, see that?

See how sad you feel now? The cage is empty. Do something about it. Throws the hamster back in. Chain this to your belt. Next to your gun. It's a hamster in a cage. So you always have a full cage on you.

Every weekend the zoo is just filled with cops. Oh. Driving. No you didn't. It's on camera. Okay show me. Jesus Christ. Don't touch me. Go ahead and put the phone on the car. Don't touch me. Put the phone on the car. I'm telling you not to touch me. I will remove the phone from you. You're going to be, I'm putting you in handcuffs right now. I love when people think they have rights. Yeah it's crazy. That's so silly and funny. Yeah they're being ridiculous. That's why Amigensit is- Don't touch me to like a- to a cop. Yeah, what? Should we skip to the Amigensit Mace highlights? Of course. Fuck this bitch. Cages.

Maybe- maybe we should watch the end of that just to see. Okay. Go to the biggest spike and then let's go Amigensit. What was that? It's the biggest spike- oh right here. Something happens right here. Let's see the highlight reel for the patreon. Show me. The second you resisted and you came out of that car emanating a motor vehicle or alcohol substance you're detained. Wait what? She said she's black. My color my skin has nothing to do with anything that happened today. Yeah they didn't give me opportunity oh really oh really like for

what for what I don't know you tell me it's funny like how you got blacker I don't know I just got here what happened so my bad to different guy I thought no that's black dude now but you he goes, I'm not black, I'm a cop. Say it all, cause I'm black. I'm letting them do this. Blue is the only color I see, you sugar tits. I believe blue is sugar tits. You want me to call Gilbert for you? Yes!

She goes, she goes, yeah, come 911. This is some bullshit. Grab your phone and call Gilbert. Like when the police hear about what what y'all do I can't wait for the police to show up That's the homeowner How do you unlock your phone poor Gilbert? He's now involved. Okay, then we'll tell your car Literally trying to say you totally towing us, Benson. You want to be a smart ass. No, no, no. I need you to, you have his phone number memorized?

Yeah. OK. What's his phone number? That's too many numbers. It can't be 84670. That's the last four digits. 07160. That's five numbers.

You need four. This is a weird one, because you never got to see her impersonate the cop and that kind of sticks. Yeah. Well, I mean, this is another big bump, but. Uh-oh. Now, look, they have like tinier cages before the big cages.

Yeah. It's a little appetizer. Fucking, this is like the mozzarella sticks, the cages. It's a little appetizer. They're fucking, this is like a mozzarella sticks. Cages. It's the calamari. They're mommar, and they said that I was being disrespectful, but I wasn't. They're charging me for being disrespectful. They're like, man, what are you crying for? It's one of our finest cages.

A lot of people would kill to be in that cage. You're lucky, I wish I was in that cage. Steel bars, stainless steel bars. Alright, so do you want my advice? It's a powder coated cage. I understand, but where you're at, you got some stuff you gotta do before you go home. What the fuck? Do you want my advice?

Okay, you gotta pull it together, you gotta calm down and not make things worse. Cells within cells and we're linked. That's our big innovation to go, how about this, call me crazy, a cage inside of a cage. They get crazy, put a dog kennel in there. This is a good one. This is a kid that gets caught on his dad's boat with a bunch of girls. He's a teenager and he just blames everything on his dad. He goes, no, these are all my dad's. Is this your boat?

Alright. Do you have a cleat or something we can tie up on? He goes, hey dad, like, all these women that you were trying to fuck, Alright, do you have a cleat or something we can tie up on? Okay He goes hey dad like all these women that like you were trying to fuck They're like waiting for you Who on the boat here is over 21? Okay Who's the captain of the ship why am I talking to a cabin boy?

Who's the captain of the ship? Why am I talking to a cabin boy? I highly doubt your dad was on this boat. He goes, my dad was here earlier, he's a pedophile, he'll explain everything. He goes, no officer, my dad fingered all these girls. If y'all want to do any surprises, I'm gonna have to wait for my dad to get here to do that. Are those beers empty or are those full? Those are full, but they're for my dad, I'm not drinking them. And what about all these containers right here? Everything else in here is for my dad except for the chips and salsa.

Everything's for your dad? Except for the chips and salsa. Has anyone on this vessel had anything to drink? None of us. You're operating this boat with open alcohol containers. We don't have a boat. Nobody's 21. They're consumed. There's some that aren't consumed. There's half bottles.

There's a lot of... It looks like the AT&T girl? Yeah, what the fuck you got a hot cop? If you don't think you've had anything to drink then obviously you wouldn't mind doing the breathalyzer If not, you can do the refusal each of them have penalties as well. Okay We are already gonna charge you for the possession of alcohol already Your dad couldn't well that video actually stunk You wanted to me I mean I think we nailed the app anyways you think it's a good app I think so yeah I just love I want to keep going obviously but I'm thinking about cages same Wish after after the patreon we should go I've never been in a cage I tonight I should do something that gets me behind in a kid. Yeah, let's get dressed. It's nice. They seem cages in fun. Yeah

You know cuz you're stuck Cool to be in jail with you guys Would it be cool to be in jet? Like we're all gonna find other side sitting there. We're on the same like block We've got our hard-boiled eggs and our fucking baloney sandwiches That would be there would be fun moments if we all had like a 20-year sentence on the same block I'd be so sweet. I would suck but there would be moments. We were all in prison. We were all the same block and every night We just all like sing a song John's like I call top out he drills a hole

On the bottom of the bed six is taking every single night every single night. And I'm like, goodnight, John. And I smack his dick. He starts to do a... a mouth-banging dip. Speed-bagging John's dick and balls. John, if you were in prison, would you just immediately serve fucking guys? No, I'd be the most racist guy on earth if I was in prison. You can do both. Yeah, why not? So you wouldn't change at all?

You already do both, actually. You know... You kind of want to go to prison, right? We can do both. Yeah, why not? So you wouldn't change at all? You already do both, actually. You know. You kinda wanna go to prison, right? With you guys, that'd be fun. It'd be like summer camp. No, but if you went to prison with regular guys, would you just rape? Probably not.

But you would have gay sex. I think you'd have a lot of gay sex. I think you're disregarding the fact that like, you were talking this weekend. You were in Palm Springs having like. I was having the time of fucking life. You went to gay clubs. Yeah, and you were grinding with dudes. But why? You were like this weekend. You're in Palm Springs like having like I was having the time of fucking life You went to gay clubs. Yeah, and you were grinding with but why you really ain't going you went to public phrase and you were Free I know I loved it It was just bizarre like we were we're all happy for you, but it's not a commitment. You're having the greatest

She makes cakesems and sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I had a really good day. That day I got cast. I went to the zoo, I saw a black rhinoceros. Did you kiss any guys? Or do you? No kissing any guys that day.

That day. That day, only that day. So what, the next day? There was no kissing any guys on the trip. But I went to the zoo. That video you sent was pretty gay. I went to the zoo, I had a black rhinoceros You play it. Let's live it. Yeah, fuck it. Is it still on your Instagram?

Get me dude, but no, I don't like this I'd support you I just found it fully entertaining So I was actually very sober in this Hmm. Well, that's gayer. I thought you were really drunk. No, I was actually more incriminating actually. And I went to the zoo, I saw a black rhinoceros, and I tried to, you can like pay to feed it, but... You went to the Palm Springs Zoo?

Yeah, I didn't know they had a zoo out there. They got a zoo. Oh my god. They got a zoo with a collection of African animals, and I was like, holy shit, and a black rhino's like, kind of like, there's like 30 of them left, it's, holy shit. Now Black Rhino's like, kind of like, there's like 30 of them left. It's crazy.

You just go see, it's like Bob Hope behind it, like bars. Yeah, it's sunny. And then when he walks out, he does some old timey trick with his hat. And then I went to an air museum. I saw a bunch of planes that shot down Nazis. I saw the fucking, oh god, famous bomber,

the first bomber to ever complete 25 bombing missions over Germany. Say it again. Fuck. I saw that bomber and then I went and I grinded on a bunch of gay guys. You sure did. By the way, those gay guys looked like they were gay

for the first time ever in their entire lives. Because they're Mexican. They're the most uncoordinated gay dudes I've ever seen. So like, if you go to the veteran gay bars, there's like one little block in Palm Springs where like there's one bar where they're just playing show tunes all night and it kicked ass. And it's like where the gay guys sitting out, you know?

I just love gay bars, I don't know. Yeah, they were twerking like Bambi. Like they had stiff legs. Honestly, I was kind of disappointed. Yeah, it's like a little baby deer trying to learn how to twerk. Look at this. Honestly, I was kind of like a little baby deer trying to learn how to twerk. Yes

You know what I'm doing I'm having a fucking blast bro Sweet sweet pitman she loves gay bars. Yeah, you're with a woman. Yeah, I'm going full tilt buddy I was fine. I'm like I'm fully I'm fully locked in in that video and You know I had beef wellington for the first time which is I love you I saw I saw a black rhinoceros. I saw a fucking World War two bomber I grinded on gay dudes and had beef Wellington the same day It was like the best error had my beef Wellington Yeah, what is that like stuff so it's roast beef wrapped in like mushrooms and shit stuffed in dough It was so good and get it at

Mr.. Lyons, which is like amazing. It's an amazing fucking steak house in Palm Springs. Well honestly kid We should all go to Palm Springs. It's honestly fucking fun. Yeah, I'll get us a Airbnb or something like Joshua Tree. I think it'd be fun to do some episodes in the middle of the desert. Joshua Tree fucking sucks. I agree. Really? I've never been there.

Let's do a trip though, either way. No, no, I was agreeing with how that'd be fun. Oh yeah, I'd love to, yeah. Palm Springs is the city to go to, but Joshua Tree has all the cool UFO bullshit, but also you can just get me. Yeah, but you don't like that shit Don't you tell me what I don't and be so boy like I've been John no you'll hate it as an adult

There's nothing no Palm Springs is more fun to like go out of night into the town But I'm saying I like to do our place would be in Joshua tree because I want one of those places where there's nothing like You're in the desert And we all sit by a fire and we do mushrooms and shit Wait, this is a real gun by the way, and we have not checked if it's loaded or not There we go. Oh my god. I could have been easy the torrent my ass lucky once again blew my jaw every time It doesn't go off. I'm always so I feel so so lucky. But Palm Springs kicked ass. I feel sad. Are you and Pittman together?

Yeah, we're married now. We actually eloped. Look at that. Proud of you, buddy. Did a courtroom wedding. Yeah. It was cool. Joey, real quick.

You, last night you got drunk on your own. Oh yeah. What the fuck was that? And then hung out with a homeless guy. You took a homeless guy to dinner. Yeah, so it was like, one of those things where I was just taking a walk, and then like, you know, like when you wanna,

like you're like, I kinda wanna feel like getting hammered. And then I'm like, ah, fuck, I'll just have one Guinness. And then I walked into Spitz, and I was like, the guy came up, I'm like, yeah, could I just get a Guinness? And he's like, all right, anything else? And I was like, yeah, twist my fucking arm. I'm like, yeah.

I'm trying a whiskey too. And then that turned into me just like fully getting super hammered. And then I was walking home and there was a homeless guy wearing like a dress shirt. Like it was like a caricature of like after the financial crash of like, he just got fired from his job

and he got kicked out of his house. And he was being funny, like he just was sitting on the street covered in trash and like look, he just was doing, he was sitting in a funny way. He was sitting in a funny way. Didn't you say you pulled up, you're like, bad day? Yeah, I go, looks like somebody's having a bad day. Something.

To a homeless guy. Something along those lines. That's like driving through skin room and you're like, you guys guys having a bad day or what? Looks like you guys are down your luck. You got a little case of- Bet you daddy Debbie Danvers in Skid Row, huh? But the guy was just-

Little case of the Mondays. But the dude was just like, ah, he thought it was funny, he's like, oh, fuck you, bro. And then I was like, and then we just started talking and he explained that his mom is dying and she's trying, like his siblings want him to go live with her to like take care of her as she dies. And he's like, yeah, but she's like a fucking cunt dude.

Like I fucking hate her. She was a bad mom. And then I'm like, yeah, but you could live in a house and like get money. Like she would pay for food. She's like, I don't give a fuck. He's like, I'm pretty walking good on my tent, bro and then I was like he was like just being he was like We're just like he was a funny guy super fucking hammer. So I was like, yeah

I'm about to go get ramen like come with me. This will be funny She's like hell yeah, and then so we went there got ramen and I tried to order a Sapporo and they're like that we don't have our liquor license yet. It's a brand new restaurant It's like fuck that pulls out a giant glass bottle of whiskey Like this size like that, you know Yeah a fifth and then so I had like he ordered a coke he's like, yeah I'll make you a jacket coke or get whatever whiskey was not Jack

Whatever the homeless was kids That's the brand it's this homeless with three X's and then the whole night he kept going like I miss my fucking cat, dude And I was just like how do you have a cat you're homeless like what doesn't just run off and I was just like whatever And then so he ate and left and then he was like I gotta go see my cat And I was like alright. Let me see this cat was like I gotta go see my cat and I was like alright Let me see this cat what like I gotta see how you have a cat Yeah, and then he had a tent on the 6th Street bridge, which is right by my apartment And so he in his tent the cat is just like inside in a closed tent and he brought fucking grace

God I've ever seen I was for this this. It was really pretty. It was fucking the nicest, sweetest cat. You almost stole it, huh? I wanted to, but I was like, he loved the cat so much. You can't take it from him, dude. Oh no, but I was like, I should've. I was like, hey. And then somebody gifted him socks. Like people think they're being nice to people

by giving them socks, I guess. So he's like, hey bro, take these socks. They were like still in the package, and they're nice socks. And I was like, I can't do that. No, no, I can't do that. He's like, no, come on, take them. And I was like, this is kinda sweet.

It's the gesture, so I now have these socks. But he was my bro, he was like cool, ended up being a cool guy. Unreal. What if the whole night you realized you were hanging out with John? All right folks we love you we'll be back next week. I love you Lemon party live show on Saturday this what is it March 23rd?

Buy tickets on lemon party dot life dot com I think yeah, it's selling out pretty quick Sheehan I sent you back your 20 bucks Well, I say I say an honorable man I didn't think that would happen say you the 20 bucks back And I sent you the link to just buy the real tickets now that we actually have a link to buy tickets So also my show live life love Life, Love, 420. A lot of people say that's a better show. 420.

A lot of people have been saying a lot of fun will always be there. Yeah. Chess.com, if you play the dash T1000, add me on Chess.com. Come on. Joe, you down to do something on the Lemon Party live show with us? I might be out of town.

Are you serious? Why? I might be visiting my town. Are you serious? Why? I might be visiting my girlfriend. But if I'm here, obviously I'll- This weekend? This upcoming weekend? I think so, actually. Oh my God.

But if I'm here, obviously, yeah, I'll be there. Oh no. I might, I'll probably be there. When would you leave? Probably like Thursday or Friday. Ah, fuck. Fuck, man. My parents want to chug on Friday.

We're gonna have a schedule. Damn, damn, damn. So this weekend we're gonna be in a chug with my parents and then the love party show well next weekend Yeah, that's kind of next weekend if I if I'm here I'm obviously gonna be there chugging with your parents and at the show Damn, you gotta reschedule. Yeah, yeah, we'll figure it out God bless you all